#And the last time watched hercules was when i was ~11. But like. I wanted more examples then the 2 pjo versions epic and hades

[sprucestairs]

I love being into multiple medias that are all based off Greek mythology cause it's just like. Yes of course all of these pictures are of the same person.

Wdym they're not?

[just-here-for-iolaus]

Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur

The great HTLJ/XWP/YH (re)watch continues!

Real talk, I watched this March 11 (it is now June 20) and then some things happened but I'm back now to type up my thoughts and my notes don't currently make any sense, so I'm going to have to skim through the movie again to remind myself.

Before I reorient myself, I want to highlight my favourite no-context notes I made to myself:

HORSE

Dei looks HOT tits out at dinner lmao

CLips show

Now to remind myself what the hell this movie from 3 months ago was...

OH RIGHT. Okay.

So these chuckleheads traded cows for a map to this place, and they think they're gonna get the treasure of the god or something. I immediately noticed that the door was locked from the outside, and (to his credit) one of them also realizes this halfway through trying to open it, and they have a moment of debate about opening the door, but sadly the titular Minotaur busts out!

From my notes: "That guy fainted haha" Seriously IDK why the one guy just fainting while the other runs for his life tickles me, but it does.

I think the "HORSE" note was just about the massive horse that Hercules has at home because that was my reaction on this rewatch as well haha.

Hercules's sons are fighting, and when Herc tells them the rule is no fighting they argue with him that he fights people all the time. Herc says he only does that to keep people from getting hurt, and when he asks if they understand they're just like "No" and shake their heads like "you make no sense" and honestly that's such a real scene kid reaction. "I am choosing not to accept this rule, thanks!" XD

We then get the first of many extended flashbacks to prior movies.

HILARIOUSLY, it did not occur to me the first time that this was going to be a recurring thing. I was like "huh that's weird they're referencing the last movie. I guess this will be important".... Ugh.

Zeus shows up and asks Hercules if he misses adventuring. He says he does, which I thought was interesting! He first starts off saying nobody has come to him for help in a while, but then he sort of implies that he's staying at home with his wife and kids because of an agreement he made with her? I felt a bit weird about his line delivery there because I think we're just supposed to think he misses the fun of the adventures, but it comes off as a little like "well, I love my kids, but...". (Even tho in the last movie he got distracted staring at them.)

Anyway then Zeus gives him a sea serpent scale (which I was immediately very suspicious of, because I don't trust Zeus) and then we get another flashback, which I literally fast-forwarded through, and this is where I went "oh no..."

I'm not a fan of clip shows. 😅

Then we get the tits-out dinner scene I noted before. Damn, Dei is pretty (though her hair is a bit untamed here). How do they only have 3 kids?

We then get a bunch of shots of the Minotaur's lair and a few teaser shots of the Minotaur.

Then it's back to the house, Herc is putting his kids to bed. They request a story before bed, and since the first two the boys suggest didn't happen in the movies, we instead get a flashback to the movie where Herc meets Dei.

(Fast forward...)

The kids fell asleep, but Dei was into it and she takes our man to bed.

SURPRISINGLY, Herc didn't have a flashback dream overnight! So Herc is going about his morning and BAM!

Iolaus attacks him in the barn. (Playfully.) Now, can I just say, as someone coming from having watched the beginning of Young Hercules first, how nice a callback this is? Like, I realize they were conceived out of order, so the Young Hercules episode 1 scene where Iolaus attacks Herc (playfully) is a reference to this, but what a lovely little parallel! ♥ I love them. Look at how they look at each other.

They start talking about their farms, which honestly seems like exactly what they would talk about since they're both trying to manage farms? But I guess they thought the audience would be like "this is boring" because Iolaus launches into his own "remember the time"...

They then chat fireside and there's so much like, flirtatious vibes from Iolaus? Though I thought their banter was really cute, platonic or otherwise. They kinda tease each other but they're both so happy, it's really nice. I just love when characters clearly like each other this much.

But Iolaus manages to goad Hercules into a sparring match, which leads to the best line in the movie: "Mommy, what's Daddy doing to Uncle Iolaus?" And not just because it's a hilarious line, but also the little girl's line delivery is so precious.

We then get a really sweet scene where Dei and Iolaus talk privately and she confides that Herc has been going a bit stiry crazy. I really believed the worry Dei had for her spouse and her genuine grattitude for Iolaus's friendship with Herc for Herc's sake. We then find out through Iolaus confiding his own hardships to Dei that he's struggling with losing his wife and having to raise their child (I think just the one?) alone. Dei comforts Iolaus a bit. I really liked this whole part.

Then it's ruined by the original guy (who ran) coming to get help from Herc with the Minotaur.

Hercules turns down the request for help - shocking both Dei and Iolaus. And also, understandably, disappointing the dude who came for help.

Dei convinces Herc to go - more for Herc's sake than the people he'd be helping (such a good wife!). Iolaus invites himself along. (And is cute about it, trying to get Herc to admit how helpful he is.)

Another stupid flashback about the giant Herc fought.

Brief interlude where Zeus shows up, and then it's another fucking flashback. (I was fast forwarding so much, my husband thought I didn't like the movie.)

There's a little fireside scene with the three of them where Zeus mocks them for acting like kids when they have kids, and I again got this weird vibe of like "we don't like being parents" which I honestly find really uncomfortable. I understand that parenting is hard and some people genuinely don't enjoy it, but it's kind of a weird impression to give because of how into his family Herc was in the movie before this one. You can love your kids and still like adventure, no? Anyway it's a subtle thing, they don't come right out and say "I wish I'd never had kids", it's just a weird vibe that I think is more meant to convey the desire for adventure.

Zeus then gets weird when he finds out where the boys are going, and immediately fucks off after a half-assed attempt at dissuading them. By now the audience would know this means Zeus is hiding something about his involvement/knowledge of whatever is going on there.

There's a brief bit where a couple is sneaking away from town to boink and they end up in the Minotaur's lair and he captures them. It's kinda gross as we see them put into these weird coccoon things.

The boys get to town but are told there's no monster and everything is fine.

The Minotaur is then shown to be stoked Herc has arrived, and talks about how much he wants to kill him. Zeus then shows up where the Minotaur is and it's revealed that Zeus turned him into this monster as punishment for something, and that they haven't seen each other in 100 years. Zeus says he should have killed the Minotaur before, and tries to again, but just can't bring himself to do so. The Minotaur announces that he just keeps getting bigger and stronger and he won't be satisfied until he hurts Zeus (which Zeus doesn't think he can do). We as the audience know that the Minotaur is after Hercules, but does Zeus?

Then we cut back to the boys in the pub and get the worst flashback of all!!!

Iolaus apparently tells this random woman all about the plot of Movie 1, which he absolutely should not remember, because the plot of that movie ends with Hercules going back in time to NOT let the plot pan out as it had (in order to save Iolaus's life). The memory he relays is one from the series of events that was undone by the time rewind, so Iolaus should not have been telling this story.

It's bad enough to have a clip show, but the internal logic doesn't even make sense. Not that this series of movies has been really careful with "canon" anyway, but dang!!

Anyway then there's a really long fight scene where the whole pub gets thrashed and all the patrons decide to try to fight Hercules for... saying his name is Hercules. Herc wins (Iolaus also does well but gets knocked out at the end) and then takes Iolaus to bed. No, I'm just kidding, he rents two rooms, and deposits Iolaus into one before taking the second for himself.

While Herc is sleeping, some of the losers of the bar fight decide they're gonna kill Hercules, but the Minotaur kills them and frames Hercules for it. The entire town sees Hercules standing over their dead bodies holding a sword (that he literally picked up at the scene) and they mob after him.

Hercules wakes up Iolaus and punches a hole in the wall so they can escape. The mob catches up to them anyway, though, because they head down a dead-end alley (in a rural village?). Luckily the ground swallows some guy and also Iolaus and the mob is confused enough to pause. The brother from the beginning of the movie shows up and Hercules asks if he knows where the monster lives, so off they go.

They run into Zeus on the way. Zeus tries to warn Herc not to go down there, the thing is a terrible monster, etc. He reveals that it was once a very handsome man, but eventually tried to turn a bunch of people against the gods, etc. Zeus cursed him to be "as ugly as his heart". Zeus bemoans not being able to kill him when he had the chance. Hercules knows there's something more to the story, but Zeus won't say what.

Zeus then claims to have never asked Herc to do anything for him... which... I call shenanigans on? What about the previous movies? The Circle of Fire in particular comes to mind. Anyway. Whatever. Zeus wants Herc to kill the monster.

Herc enters the lair with a couple guys from town who the Minotaur kills and it's kinda gross.

Once Herc gets to the Minotaur we finally get a full reveal, and because they seem to have used practical effects, I actually think the visuals on it aged really well! His mouth moves when he talks and he really moves in the space in a believable way (which is not always the case in these movies/shows).

The Minotaur claims that Herc's been "given" everything his whole life, like fame and glory... which Herc denies, saying he's worked for what he has. I think you could probably unpack a lot there, but I think we've seen Herc's life hasn't been easy by any stretch, demi-god abilities or not.

Eventually the Minotaur reveals that he's Hercules's brother, that he's the son of Zeus and that Zeus couldn't kill him because he couldn't kill his own son. At this point, Hercules refuses to fight him, despite the Minotaur insisting.

But the Minotaur forces his hand, saying if Herc won't fight him, he's gonna kill Iolaus. This is enough for Hercules who then kills the Minotaur in a fashion similar to a death we saw flashbacked early on.

Zeus then shows up, and it's kinda cold? The Minotaur is still dying, and Zeus is just like "Sorry son" to Hercules and they just talk like the Minotaur isn't there? DYING? Hercules says he understands why Zeus couldn't tell him, and says he's just sorry Zeus had to lose a son.

I was really surprised there was no mourning for the loss of the possiblity of getting to know his brother or change his nature or anything... which I assume was why Herc didn't want to fight him a minute earlier? But whatever, they beat the bad guy...

Zeus then is like "I loved you, son" to his dying monster kid, but like, in a "and I don't now" tone. The Minotaur begs Zeus not to let him "die this way" (I think meaning ugly?) and then dies, and then Zeus turns him back into a (dead) man, and says "You're free now" and IDK MAN, it just didn't really work for me... Did not like.

Then Hercules saves Iolaus from the pods, and they let everyone else free. They decide to go home.

On the way home, Hercules remarks that he doesn't want to go on any adventures for a while, and Iolaus agrees...

...which makes me SO CONFUSED how the show ends up starting after this movie, so I can't wait to see!!

Final thoughts:

A bit thin on plot? I clocked that the Minotaur was Zeus's son right away, and it felt like a weird reveal.

Herc and Io were soooo keen on an adventure, but then came home wanting to not do that for a while... When do they decide to go on their Legendary Journeys? I'm starting to wonder if I'm stupid and these movies take place after the show chronologically haha.

On that note, Herc still has a wife and 3 kids, and Iolaus has at least one kid (no wife tho...)

Boo to clip shows. I hope there aren't many in the show proper. I kinda forgot they were a thing.

Hercules and Iolaus are a great dynamic! I love Michael Hurst.

I trust and like Zeus less the more I see of him. I don't think he will protect my boys and I don't like that haha.

What is going to happen to Dei????? I like her... I'm scared haha. Anya got written off without even an explanation just "she's gone" kinda thing.

Overall I'd say the relationships between Herc, Dei, and Iolaus were the standout bits. 🥰

Now I get to start the show proper!!

[babygirlspurgeon]

15 People 15 Questions

thank you @giveemgreef and @girlfriendline for the tag!!! 💖

1. are you named after anyone?

no but the line “Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?” from the seminal classic animated movie Hercules is about me

2. when was the last time you cried?

i cry…… very easily to music when i’m feeling it so a few days ago with that. real crying? sometime in the last week over something very stupid (favorite tv show being stupid)

3. do you have kids?

no and the older i get the less i want any (i did help a lot my sister so i kinda already did it a bit ya know)

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

i played rec soccer from 8-15, tried gymnastics, ice skating, and volleyball as a kid too but dropped them after the first season bc I thought they were boring/was the oldest kid in the class and didn’t like that. also did a summer session of softball with people from work a decade ago (also didn’t like that)

5. do you use sarcasm?

i never use sarcasm i would never do that!!!! (said incredibly sarcastically!!! because no one can stop me!!!!)

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

idk height maybe?

7. what’s your eye color?

hazel

8. scary movies or happy endings?

i am a baby and refuse to watch anything remotely thrillery, let alone scary, so very happy endings

9. any talents?

uhhhhhh i can clap with each hand individually which is dumb but always hilarious to watch other people try to do

10. where were you born?

here in (not currently) minnesnowta

11. what are your hobbies?

photography, baking (when not exhausted from bakery job lmao), spending too much time on the internet, watching my hockey team emotionally devastate me, I do enjoy going for walks and I need to do that more for my brain, oh also can't forget them bracelets <3

12. do you have any pets?

not currently but i will share a random photo of my dog who i miss with my whole heart <3

13. how tall are you?

5’4ish

14. favorite subject in school?

math (not stats tho fuck stats) and biology!

15. dream job.

i do not dream of labor <3 my dream for my current job is to lose the customer service aspect of it so i can just make beautiful baked goods and pastries and then go home <3

i’ll tag anyone who hasn’t been tagged yet who hasn’t yet and also @amandaleveille @wildaboutmnhockey @emmowned @ninoniederreiter @letkirillfight

[pigeon-feet]

15 Questions, A Few Mutuals

Tagged by @bucephaly !

1. Are you named after anyone? 

yea, my aunt! she's the one who introduced my parents .

2. When was the last time you cried?

rrrrrecently? ish? not sure exactly when

3. Do you have kids?

nah

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

ish . not often, i'm bad at it

6. What's your eye color? 

blu

7. Scary movies or happy endings? 

i don't watch movies too much, when i do i'd say its a healthy mix of both. maybe scary more

8. Any special talents?

i'm really good at balancing on uneven terrain but dogshit w/ flat terrain . like i can jump over rocks in a river at full speed and not fall in, but i'll trip on my face walking straight down a sidewalk. there's probably something Else and Better that i could've said here but i couldn't think of anything else lmao

9. Where were you born? 

pennsylvania !

10. What are your hobbies? 

uh many . art (digital, sometimes traditional, yarnwork ((knitting, crocheting, spinning, sewing, embroidery, soon to be weaving)) model horse tack making, needle felting, etc . ), model horse collecting, miniatures, invert keeping, vulture culture, hiking, insect collecting, etc etc etc

11. Have you any pets? 

YEAH uh i got mabel m'corn snake, three shit cats (penny poky pickle), pigeon (joaquin), two adult eastern hercules beetles and their kids, small colony of madagascar hissing roaches, feeder/pet dubia colony, brazilian whiteknee tarantula, arizona blonde tarantula, and a little bold jumper i brought inside from the cold

12. What sports do you play/have played?

i hate all sports but i do ride horses if that counts

13. How tall are you?

5'7"

14. Favorite subject in school? 

science !

15. Dream job? 

museum job, preferably in entomology. literally i would do any position i do not care i just want to be back

Tagging: @theropoda @mosswoodgrove @frogpoems

[filmmakerdreamst]

How Xena: Warrior Princess Allowed Me To Accept Myself

I was living in a city all alone and these two characters showed me that it was ok for two women to love each other.

In order to understand the following story, there’s something you need to know about me. I have always loved fiction. From the age of about 5 to 11, I loved books more than I loved people. I was a shy child who found it easier to emotionally engage with fictional worlds than the real one around me.

See, fictional worlds are created for your brain’s enjoyment. Their rules make sense. Events happen for a reason. The narrator tells you why characters behave the way they do, allowing you to empathize with them on a deep emotional level. Easy to understand, easy to identify with, easy to love.

But real people are complicated. The real world is complicated. And things are seldom laid out nicely in a coherent narrative format for you. Real things are much harder to love.

This emotional disengagement continued from the age of 11 onwards, although it was no longer as pronounced. My habit of retreating into fiction would fade during good times and come back in force during difficult or stressful periods. During the stressful periods of college, the rise of Netflix allowed me to become certifiably obsessed with my favorite TV shows. And naturally, I joined Tumblr in order to more easily fangirl with people who shared my interests.

Only for some peculiar reason that I didn’t care to examine, my interests were slowly gravitating towards girl-girl couples. Soon I was shipping, reblogging, and reading fanfiction almost exclusively about female couples. But I, who had always considered myself straight despite lacking interest in the boys around me, didn’t think this meant that I was gay. I probably just found female couples more emotionally satisfying. I was friends with mostly women, I was a woman myself, so it was natural that I just understood them better. Yeah, that was probably it.

Fast-forward to nine months ago. I was living in Boston and incredibly depressed about it. My job and my boss were making my life miserable and I had very few people to socialize with. I was making the rough transition from the constant socialization of college to the isolating pressure of a city where I had few connections. My days and nights were some of the loneliest I had ever experienced. I looked for something, anything, to lift the heart-crushing emotional silence.

My solution was the same one I always chose when I was dissatisfied with the real world; obsession with a new TV show. And thanks to my femslash-focused tumblr community, I knew just what my next feel-good show was going to be.

My tumblr friends had told me this: Xena: Warrior Princess is an action-fantasy show that enjoys a cult status, much like Buffy: The Vampire Slayer (which I watched and loved). The two shows were made in the same mid-to-late 90's era, with similar bad special effects and endearing campiness. But XWP is much… MUCH… more gay.

That was about all I knew about the show going in. And amazingly, that was all I needed to know to be excited about watching it. You’d think that fact would have told me something about myself, but no. The mental walls of denial were years in the building and needed more force than that to be shattered.

For anyone unfamiliar with the show’s premise, Xena: Warrior Princess is about the title character and her quest for redemption. You see, Xena did some bad things in her previous life on another show (Hercules: The Legendary Journeys). In her storied career as a warlord, she committed such petty crimes as genocide, the slaughter of innocents, that kind of thing. But now she has seen the light and wants to atone for her crimes. Except she can never undo the terrible things she did. All Xena can do now is help people on a day-to-day basis and hope that it’s enough for someone to show her mercy.

Which is already fantastic from a character standpoint. But there is a secret mirror to Xena’s journey that is not reflected in the show’s title, and that is Gabrielle and her character arc.

Oh! Gabrielle! When I met her in the very first episode, I loved her straightaway. She is a feisty, naive, talkative small-town girl who accompanies Xena on all her adventures. Her character quickly assumes paramount importance in the narrative. Gabrielle is Xena’s only friend. She comes to know her better than anyone else and love her for who she is, all the while believing Xena can reach redemption. Yet Gabrielle is not just a support system for Xena; she goes on her own heroic journey. The two character arcs intertwine and co-develop in a way I have never seen in any show before or since.

As each episode rolled by and their relationship grew in complexity, I found myself more and more engrossed. And I came to realize: this was something I wanted. The day I accepted my own desire was the day I accepted myself. What could be more strangling than denying the existence of your own feelings? Yet I had been doing this to myself for years — cutting off the possibility of being attracted to other women — without even realizing.

Before beginning the show, I thought the fandom had read in between the lines to construct a romantic relationship between the two characters, the same way as femslash shippers do in all other TV shows. Except not this time. This one is mind-blowingly different.

Not only does the narrative place utmost importance on the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle, but the actresses bring such multi-dimensional love to their parts. When I saw Lucy Lawless (Xena) and Renee O’Connor (Gabrielle) interact, I could so easily believe that these two women loved each other beyond friendship. Xena and Gabrielle display every kind of love you can think of. They protect and sacrifice for each other. They tease and flirt. They cuddle and console. They have inside jokes with each other. They dance sexily. They play pranks and drive each other crazy. They sweetly kiss. They come back from the dead together. They bathe together. They raise each other’s children. They meet in alternate timelines and fall in love all over again.

I could have left my mental walls of denial in place. I could have said to myself “oh yes, I want this. But with a guy.” But no. Lawless and O’Connor’s incredibly attractive faces and bodies broke down the door of my mental closet. Precisely because they were fictional, I felt safe to admit my attraction to them. One of the key mental blocks I had always had towards accepting any attraction towards other women was the thought that I was being creepy. That since they could not possibly feel the same way about me, it was wrong to feel the way I did. But in my mind, that barrier didn’t exist with fictional characters. They couldn’t feel anything for me. Therefore, it was fine to feel whatever I want about them.

The walls cracked. The water came rushing in. Oh my god. I am attracted to other women. Like, every day of my life. Those flickers in my stomach when I talk to an attractive female coworker suddenly make a whole lot of sense now. I now saw my historical awkwardness when talking to beautiful girls, which I always dismissed as “me being weird”, for what it was. All those short-term girl crushes on older girls throughout high school. How was I so sure they were platonic? That heart-aching infatuation I had with my best friend that lasted for years? Yeah, add that to the ‘definitely gay’ list.

Since then I’ve realized that my feelings are valid regardless of what others feel for me. Just because feelings are unrequited doesn’t mean they aren’t real. That’s what Xena and Gabrielle taught me. Their fictional example was the final blow to my rapidly-crumbling resistance to the idea of homosexuality.

In our culture today, so many forms of media reinforce heteronormativity. How many commercials have you seen that assume attraction between a man and a woman? How many billboards tell women that they need to look sexy for the men in their lives? How many times has a movie ended with the guy getting the girl? It’s the combined action of a thousand small rocks shifting to make a cultural avalanche. You can’t move against it. All you can do is stand still and try to maintain your footing against the current, to maintain your identity in the face of a world where you and people like you are often swept away by the mainstream.

Xena: Warrior Princess is one of those rare stories that dares to go against the grain. It celebrates a romantic relationship between two women as the most natural thing in the world. And in doing so, it provides a mirror for me and people like me to recognize themselves in. There we are. Look at us fly.

This story isn’t over yet. I still have a lot of work to do to accept myself, but thanks to Xena and Gabrielle I’ve taken one huge step towards living the open life I want to live. I moved on from that horrible job and lonely city, but in the end I’m grateful. Grateful that circumstances pushed me to the depths of loneliness necessary to bring down the prison I had built in my own mind.

- How Xena: Warrior Princess Allowed Me To Accept Myself by Lyra Hall

[schrijverr]

'Till Death Do Us Part

Part 9 out of 13

When Alex has to bring Philip to work, he and Thomas discover that they both have something in common: they lost their love. They form an unexpected bond and connection about this that grows into something more.

A medium burn with parental feelings about Philip and flowers.

On AO3.

Ships: Jamilton

Warnings: very brief death mention

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 9: Ambrosia Means ‘Love Returned’

Alex woke up to Philip shaking him, he mumbled something and turned over in an attempt to get away from the waking hands. He hid against the warmth at his other side, faintly aware that the heat in question was Thomas.

“Papa,” a little voice called out.

“Wha?” he groaned groggily.

From the other side came a chuckle, then Thomas rich early morning voice came: “Hey, Pip, maybe let your Papa sleep a bit more. What do you need?”

“I’m hungry,” there was a pout in Phillips voice and Alex knew he would have to get up to feed his kid. He couldn't just ignore him if he was hungry, bored was another story, but hungry…

“Then I’ll make you some pancakes, kiddo,” Thomas voice was a savior.

“Really?” Philip asked, Alex usually didn’t make pancakes and they were a treat that Philip treasured.

“Yeah, really, I’ll be there in a sec,” Thomas promised and Alex heard Philip leave the room. He shifted and an arm came to drape over him then a kiss on his forehead. He snuggled closer to Thomas, who chuckled: “I have to go, you just sleep a bit more, okay?”

“Y’re a h’ro,” Alex mumbled, faintly hearing more laughter as he drifted away again along with the sounds of someone getting dressed.

When he awoke again, it was to Thomas gently shaking him and soft saying: “Hey, darlin’, I’m heading to Jemmy now, if you wanna get to Herc’s in time, you might need to consider getting up now.”

He blinked heavily, but opened his eyes, seeing Thomas’s crinkled eyes. He smiled back and sleepily said: “I’m up, I’m up.”

“I can see that,” Thomas grinned, pecking his nose then his lips, before getting up, “Have a good weekend and brush your teeth.”

Alex gave him a lazy thumbs up, before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Slowly he made his way through his morning routine, happy to see Philip already dressed and well fed with a few left over pancakes for himself.

As he drank his second cup of coffee he spotted the flowers. A warmth flood through his body and he fished his phone out of is pocket to look up their meaning.

‘Declaration of love’

The world paused, but the words stayed unchanged. No matter how much he checked again, they remained bold and true.

Had Thomas not realized the relevance of the flowers? He’d said he’d seen them on his way back home, but he would have checked, just to be sure.

Right?

Neither of them had spoken those word out loud. Alex certainly felt them, but God, he was so scared of messing up on this first good thing since John’s death. He didn’t want to be the one to drive Thomas away by saying it first, but-

But what if Thomas felt the same?

What if this was his confession?

Thomas of all people understood why they were both so scared to say that they hadn’t, evenafter practically moving in together and caring for Philip together. Thomashad done that with only love and care.

Zero complaints.

Alex knew there was love in those actions. Love they both had allowed to be left unsaid, because saying it meant that it could be ripped away.

Maybe Thomas was ready to tell him, but didn’t want to give him that moment of pressure or face it if Alex wasn’t at that point. Maybe this was a tentative push to take a step both were ready for, while also being woefully unprepared.

God, what was he going to do?

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Philip who tugged on his sleeve and said: “Papa, you said we were leaving when the clock was at 11:15, it’s 11:10 now.”

“Ah, yeah, yeah,” he blinked and chugged his coffee, deciding that he would just ask Herc later today or in the evening when Philip was asleep.

When they got to Herc’s apartment he gathered Philip up in his arms and threw him in the air, catching him again and giving Alex a minor heart attack even though he had seen this go right many times before.

“How is my favorite nephew doing?” Herc asked Philip with a grin, “You doing okay at school, little man?”

“Uncle Herc!” Philip cheered, hugging Hercules tightly, before telling him that he was being very smart in his class and how he had very elaborated stories with his friends.

“That’s great, dude,” Herc smiled as he put him down, then he pulled Alex into a hug and asked: “And how have you been, man? Life treating you right? Thomas too?”

“Yeah he has, Herc,” Alex smiled into the other’s shoulder, relaxation washing over him in familiar and comforting arms. God, Herc gave the best hugs.

“Good to hear, good to hear,” Hercules nodded as he let them into the apartment.

Philip was delighted to visit his Uncle Herc again after he hadn’t been able to pick him up from school for a while due to the busy days. He spend most of his time breathlessly recalling everything his Uncle had missed, before pulling him into playing a story of his own making, which Herc in turn roped Alex in too.

It was a good day and Alex’s cheeks hurt from smiling by the time Herc was making them burgers for dinner.

“Really, what have you been up these past few days?” Alex asked, beer in hand and leaning against the counter while Philip busied himself with Lego's Herc had at his house for him.

“Been great, man,” Herc replied, “Taking advantage of the bit of freedom to play some games, you know. I’ve been helping out at the youth center too.”

“That’s so cool,” Alex nodded, “You seem happy.”

“I am, ‘Lexi, I am,” Herc agreed, “Never thought I’d make it this far, but look at me now.”

“I’m proud of you, Herc,” Alex told him, “You deserve all of this so much.”

“Come on, dude, no need to make me cry in my burgers,” Herc said in teasingly, but Alex felt the hint of truth in there, so he dropped it.

It was only after Herc – special request from Philip, who bluntly informed Alex that Herc had the coolest stories – had tucked Philip into the mattress on Herc’s floor that Alex brought up the flowers to him.

“So, what do you think?” he finished recounting his analysis of the flowers.

“I think that you’re overthinking it and you just need to go with your gut,” Herc told him.

“Yeah, but what if my gut is wrong?” Alex argued, “What if he really just saw them and thought it would be nice and now I’m making a mistake by telling him how I feel.”

“You can’t really go wrong by telling him how you feel, ‘Lex.”

“Yes, it can,” Alex protested, “Maybe he doesn’t feel the same or it’s too soon and everything will fall apart around me, I can’t have that. I’m not the one ruining it.”

“And maybe you ruin it by not engaging in it, Alexander. You can’t predict every outcome, but honesty is the best road. If he isn’t in this long haul, you better find out now, rather than later when both you and Pip are in too deep.”

Alex rubbed his forehead and groaned: “This is too fucking hard. I’m not made for this. Me and John worked. With him it was easy, I can’t do this. I can’t. I need to go.”

“No, you don’t.”

“But-”

“Alexander, listen to me and listen close, okay?”

Herc look at him intently and Alex nodded.

“Every since this between you and Thomas started you’ve been happier again. We all see it, okay. Even Burr commented on it when I was last picking up Pip after he played with Theo. If even Burr is willing to admit there is something, then there is something, okay?”

“I mean, I guess,” Alex knew he was right.

“You’re not giving this up just because you’re having a hard time with your emotions. And you don’t get to say that between you and John everything was always sunshine and rainbows, okay. I know you love him and that you remember the good stuff the most – and I want you too – but I had both of you on my couch plenty of times.”

“I know that, Herc, but with John I know how it ended. It had a happy ending – well, as happy as someone dying can be – with Thomas it’s just unknown. I don’t like not knowing things.”

“And that I know, ‘Lex,” Herc agreed, “But it’s pretty clear you both love each other, so saying it can only make you stronger. I promise you, it will be fine.”

“But what if it doesn’t?”

Herc took a deep breath and fought the urge to slap Alex and call him stupid. He knew what this all meant to him, but by God, was this just the height of dumbassery.

“You said it yourself that Thomas wouldn’t just buy the flowers without checking their meaning, he knows what he gave you,” Herc said, “You also know he knows you, he’ll know you will check too. If you don’t engage, he will think you don’t love him. And you do love him, right?”

“Yeah, I do, but-”

“Alex, my man, my dude, I am not sitting here and watching you get into some soap opera, romcom miscommunication plot line. I’m just not. I love you with my whole heart, but I am not watching that plot unfold,” and with that Herc had reached his stupid limit.

At Hercules’ outburst Alex paused and thought it over without mentally wantingto refute all of Herc’s points so that he wouldn’t have to face this.

“I’m stupid, you’re right,” he groaned, “Fuck, you’re right.”

“Thank you.”

“How will I tell him though?” Alex immediately found a new problem to stress about, making Herc roll his eyes fondly.

“Maybe just say: ‘Hey, love you’, like a normal person,” Herc shrugged, knowing Alex wouldn’t take his suggestion.

“No, I need to tell him he was a dick about telling me with flowers, because it made me stress about it all,” Alex shook his head, then his eyes lit up, “I’m gonna give him flowers too, put the ball back in his court. Ha, he should know who he’s playing against.”

“Drama queen, it’s not a game, you idiot.”

“Potey-to, potah-to,” Alex shrugged, waving his hand vaguely, “I’ll acknowledge the flowers he gave me, not say it outright, but imply it and based off his reaction words may or may not be spoken.”

“God, you’re an idiot,” Herc face palmed.

“But I am a genius idiot and you will put respect to that, Herc,” Alex grinned, with a plan in mind he could allow himself to relax again.

“Whatever, man,” Herc just told him, before pulling out a deck of cards, “Let’s just play some cards, alright? I still need you to tell me how you think frat boy khaki cargo shorts were okay.”

“They have pockets!”

“Not a good excuse,” he handed Alex the cars, “You deal.”

Alex shuffled and dealt the cards, letting Thomas drift out of his mind and focused on spending time with Herc.

The next day passed in quite a similar fashion and before Alex knew it he was driving to work on Monday morning with his own bouquet in the passenger seat.

He was feeling a bit jittery, but mostly excited to see Thomas again, it was crazy how quickly he’d gotten used to seeing him every day and how much he missed him in the past weekend. He quickly parked his car and walked into the building, happily noting that Thomas was already there.

Since he had to bring Philip to school from Herc’s house– the boy had pleaded and he hadn’t been able to say no – he was slightly later than normal, but this worked in his favor.

Walking down the hall, he took a deep breath in front of Thomas’s office, before throwing the door open and stating: “You cannot confess that to me in flower language and expect me to handle that in any way shape or form.”

Thomas startled loudly and clutched his chest as he processed the words and sight in front of him. Alex was holding out a bouquet of flowersthat Thomas recognized all too well, since he had studied flowers relating to love to form his own confession: ambrosia and moss rosebud.

He relaxed at the sight.

“I never pegged you to be the type to use someone’s own tricks against them, darling,” he smirked, leaning back in his chair.

He watched as Alex relaxed too and grinned: “Well, then you’ve underestimated how much of a petty bitch I can be, Jefferson.”

At that Thomas snorted and sighed: “Sometimes I wonder why I love you.”

It was the first time the words had been spoken out loud and both smiled instantly at them, even if they were meant to be a tease.

The atmosphere shifted and Alex put down the flowers before pulling Thomas in a hug and pecking his lips as he whispered against them: “Love you too.”

After a moment of quiet Alex whispered: “I missed you this weekend.”

“Missed you too.”

“Wanna come over tonight? Me and Pip are gonna make pasta.”

“I’d love that,” Thomas told the top of Alex’s head, which he was cradling gently. He just held Alex against him, not yet willing to let him go.

They just stood there for a long moment, until there was a knock on the door and both jumped apart, while Thomas called out: “Come in.”

“There you are,” the door opened to reveal Washington, who somehow managed to look both not amused at all, while at the same time very amused at their position.

“Sir,” Alex greeted, attempting casual. They weren’t doing anything improper, but he still felt like he should be guilty.

“You two were late for the meeting,” Washington informed them with a grin, “I think I can vouch for you, but I do need to be sure that we don’t have to have a conversation about office romance protocol.”

“Sir,” Alex squeaked.

While Thomas protested, mortified: “We weren’t-”

“I joke, I joke,” Washington assured them, “Come on, I have some documents you can pretend to carry, no one will ask. I know you two well enough to feel safe leaving you by yourself in a room at work,” there was a slight warning there and both nodded quickly.

As they walked behind Washington, Thomas hissed: “That was the most awkward thing ever and I’m blaming you.”

“Me? Why me? You were the one doing the hugging.”

“And you were the one with the flowers.”

“You started it.”

“I didn’t do it at work.”

“Oh please, you would have shit your pants if I hadn’t said anything all day.”

“True. Love you.”

There was a pause, then a sigh: “Love you too.”

They entered the meeting with happy matching grins and a lot of paperwork. It was crazy how they had confessed their love moments before and they were now yelling at each other about whether or not they should start a branch in France.

Alex grinned and looked Thomas straight in the eyes as he refuted his best argument with a bit of company policy he had dug up from God knows where. He saw Thomas scowl, before rolling his eyes and smirking back.

As Thomas walked by on his way out, he stopped by to say: “You’re a fucking scoundrel and I will refute you next time, dick.”

��Love to see you try, Tommy,” Alex replied, “Wanna get lunch?”

“Hell yeah, I do.”

They ate lunch together, but after that the day moved pretty quickly and when Thomas got home to Alex and Philip in the kitchen with Alex attempting to teach Philip to make pasta, he hadn’t seen him all day.

Thomas stopped in the doorway and watched the two for a while. Alex was standing behind Philip at the counter, guiding his hand with a knife as they cut a few tomatoes.

After a few moments of watching, Alex looked up and spotted him. He raised a brow: “How long have you been lurking there, creeper?”

“Long enough to fully appreciate the view,” he smiled back.

“Uncle Thomas!” Philip called out, “Papa is teaching me how to cook!”

“I can see that, kiddo. Next time I have to cook, I know who to call to do it for me,” Thomas told him.

Philip looked incredibly proud of himself as he nodded: “I will be the best cook.”

“Well, Mr. Master Chef, don’t you think you need to watch where you put the knife?” Alex intercepted the little hand that was about to start waving the big knife around.

“Ah, yes, Papa,” Philip said apologetically.

“No problem, buddy, just be careful around the sharp objects,” Alex ruffled his hair.

In that time, Thomas had walked over and kissed both on their forehead. He told Alex: “Hey, your afternoon okay?”

“Yeah, it’s been, you know, emails and stuff.”

“God, do I know,” Thomas grimaced in sympathy, “How ‘bout you, Pip?”

“It was good, we did crafts today,” Philip informed him.

“Really?”

“Yeah, we had lots of glitter. Me and Theo made a glitter-man together,” Philip said excitedly, “We named him George and he came to life and started to chase us and I got shot, but it was okay because Theo brought me back to life with a paper confetti spell.”

“Oh wow,” Thomas said, feeling bad for Ms. Dolley, who likely had been the one to clean that up.

After dinner Philip played a bit more until bed time, not that Philip really wanted to go to bed when Alex announced it. “But Papa, I still need to charge the castle,” he pouted.

“The castle will still be there in the morning, Pip,” Alex told him, “Besides, castle sieges are best done in the morning, when then troops are well rested and the guards tired.”

Philip looked between his toys and his Papa, then protested: “But all the troops are already in place, calling it off would give away their position.”

Alex sighed and rubbed his brow. He hated having to be stern to Pip, but he had already been so lenient the weekend at Herc’s, so he really couldn't let him get away with it if he wanted to have a bit of credibility later.

“That sucks, buddy. I know you wanna keep playing, but you need to go to sleep,” he squatted next to Pip, “You have school tomorrow and it’s already late. There are a few rules and I made them with your well being in mind, so I’m sorry, but it’s bedtime now.”

It looked as if Philip was on the fence and just needed a small push, so Thomas interjected: “We can read another chapter of the Ranger Apprentice.”

At that Philip lit up and he started to put his toys away, while Alex mouthed to Thomas: “Thank you.”

Thomas got off the couch and asked: “Do you want me to tuck him in?”

“Would you do that?” Alex asked, “Sorry, the whole weekend was busy, fun but busy, and today Adams came by my office and I’m just tired.”

“Hey, no problem, love you.”

“Love you too.”

Both were so excited about saying it and Thomas couldn't help but kiss Alex, before turning to Philip and clapping his hands: “Okay, let’s get this show on the road, wanna race to the bathroom?” and with that they were off while Alex collapsed on the couch.

After an hour Thomas came back and plopped down next to Alex and said: “Your child is just as manipulative as you.”

“What did he get you to do?” Alex asked with an amused look.

“We read two chapter, because it ended on a cliffhanger and he knows I’m invested too and he has pleading eyes and I feel like he’s aware of it,” Thomas pouted.

Alex laughed and draped himself over Thomas, saying: “I will claim no responsibility for that, he has Johns eyes.” “God, then I get why you got with him,” Thomas informed him, making Alex giggle, then Thomas added, “But he definitely has your people reading skills and he knows when to use them.”

“Yeah probably,” Alex agreed, sounding proud.

“He’s also going to use that against you, you realize that, right?” Thomas asked him, when he heard the tone.

“Oh, he already does,” Alex grinned, “I just have to learn to tell him no or hope he will listen to reason and agree with me.”

“Oh my God,” Thomas snorted.

“You know you love me,” Alex singsonged.

“Sadly.”

“Rude.”

They fell quiet for a moment, then Thomas asked: “Wanna talk about Adams coming by your office, you didn’t say before, but you sounded stressed.”

“Nah, he was just being a dick, the usual,” Alex shrugged.

“I’m gonna punch him.”

“Please don’t, I’ve had enough awkward conversations with Washington about you for the rest of my life.”

“Enough?” Thomas sounded curious, “Was one enough?”

Alex blushed: “I’ve had two more.”

“Really?” there was an unnecessary amount of glee in Thomas’s voice in Alex’s opinion.

“Yeah, when I came over to you the first time, he was like ‘You and Thomas!?!?’ with a lot of suggestiveness and I had to be ‘oh, no sir, not like that,’ but then a while later it was like that and he did the eyebrow thing and said ‘I thought it wasn’t like that?’ and then I had to come back on my word. So yeah, awkward. I think he even gave me a shovel talk, but for both of us.”

Thomas laughed at him and Alex pouted: “You’re being a meanie.”

“Sorry, darlin’, still love you.”

“Yeah, love you too,” Alex said, it was quiet for a beat, then Alex asked: “What made you decide on now?”

“What?”

“I mean, why did you get the flowers now? Was there a reason?”

Thomas paused and thought about it, then said: “Uhm, picking up Philip from school, actually. The- the teacher referred to me as his parent and-”

“Oh, God, I’m sorry, I didn’t tell her that, if you’re uncomf-”

“Alex, how many times do I have to say that I don’t mind taking care of Pip. I enjoy hanging out with him, he’s a good kid and I don’t mind,” Thomas assured him.

“But-”

“No, buts,” he said sternly, “As I was going to say, after that I realized how much you two had made yourself at home in my heart and I didn’t really wanna loose that because I was too scared to tell you how much I love you.”

It was quiet for a moment and Thomas waited anxiously for Alex’s reply to his confession. Then softly Alex said: “Well, I’m glad you did.”

Relief washed over Thomas and he smiled, pulling Alex against his chest to that he could kiss him on the forehead. He replied: “Yeah, me too,” then he was reminded of his mostrecent call with his mother, which had increased after his birthday, and he added: “I did have another motivethough.”

Alex quirked a brow: “Really? Do enlighten me.”

“Well, my Ma has been nagging me a bit, she does it lovingly and embarrassingly,” Thomas said, “Since she has issued an invitation to you and Philip to come to Monticello with me over the summer and I promised her I’d ask you, but I didn’t.”

“So, telling me you loved me was your response?” Alex asked, curiously while also amused.

“I mean, based on your reaction to said declaration, it would be less scary to ask you to come,” Thomas shrugged.

“You- you want us to come?” Alex sounded insecure.

“Of course I’d want that, I just didn’t know if you would and I didn’t want to force you to come if you didn’t. My family can themselvesand there’s a fat chance at least one of my sisters, probably Mary,will be there and you’ll be interrogated by Ma, which is not only scary, but also embarrassing. Well, mostly for me, the embarrassment that is,” Thomas rambled.

“I’d love to go and I’m sure Pip would too,” Alex cut him off.

“You- you’re sure?” Thomas double checked.

“Yeah, I want to see baby pictures of you and hear embarrassing stories, that sounds great,” Alex grinned.

Thomas pushed him lightly: “Shut up. Ma is going to give you way too much food, I hope your know that.”

Alex’s eyes shone and he said: “Actually, I don’t mind, so ha, suck it.”

“Idiot,” Thomas told him fondly.

“It’s your idiot, idiot,” Alex grinned back.

After a beat Thomas said: “If you don’t wanna go or back you’ll tell me, right?”

“I will, promise,” Alex promised, “Don’t stress about it, I’ve heard you wax too much poetry about the Virginian countryside not to be curious.”

“Only if you’re sue.”

“I’ll ask Pip tomorrow, if he’s in, you can tell your mom.”

“Your not nervous at all?”

“If you want me to say no, you can.”

“No, no, no, I want you to come, but usually people find meeting parents a big deal and you are being very chill about it.”

“Ah, well, I guess it can never be as bad as when I met John’s parents, which was subsequently also the last time I eversaw them, and from what you told me about your mom, she sounds like a lovely lady and I think we can get along.”

“What happened when you met John’s parents? It sounds like there’s a story there.”

“Oef, that is a story and a half. Remember why they’re not in Pip’s life anymore?”

“Homophobic, transphobic assholes,” Thomas recalled, before going: “Ahh, I see.”

“Yeah, let’s just say that they didn’t appreciate me being the Alex John had told them about,” Alex said, “They hadn’t picked up on the gender neutral language and had decided that Alex could be a girl’s name, so that was a jikes.”

“I can’t even imagine.”

“Oh, no you can’t, my meeting them lasted twenty minutes, then me and John got a hotel,” Alex recounted, “We stayed in town just long enough for me to meet a few of his cool siblings before we left. Haven’t seen them since. It had been the last straw for John, so I respect that. I don’t even know if they’re aware of Philip’s existence.”

“Wow, that- that sure is something.”

Alex laughed at Thomas’s response: “Yeah, it is. Not really my go to party story, I gotta say,” Thomas snorted and Alex send him a pleading smile andsaid, “So, Designated Survivor? I wanna know what happens.”

Thomas looked and said: “And you say he got it all from John. But sure, I’m curious too.”

“Fuck yeah,” Alex went to set it up, “And don’t bash tested methods.”

“Dork.”

“Love you too.”

The next morning Alex was sipping coffee still in his pajamas while Philip ate his breakfast. Thomas came in, clothed for the day and freshly showered. He kissed Alex and said: “Love you, sleep well?”

“Hmm, yeah, love you too,” Alex hummed back, “You?”

“Yeah, good,” Thomas was a bit more awake, but not overly so, “How ‘bout you, kiddo? Have a good night?”

Philip studied the two of them, before he nodded: “I fought a dinosaur, but then he was nice and we were friends and explored, before we turned into eagles and became kings of a floating castle.”

“How nice.”

With Thomas there, Alex left Philip to shower and dress himself. It was relaxing how he could now do that after waking Philip up instead of having to do it way too early in the morning every day. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Philip on his own, but just to be sure.

When he came back it was rushing out the door. Thomas off to work while Alex drove Philip to school.

While they were in the car, Philip asked: “You said you love each other yesterday and this morning.”

“Astute observation,” Alex nodded, then glanced at Pip in the rear view mirror, “Means, well spotted,” he clarified, “Me and Thomas do love each other, we just started saying it now.”

“Why now?”

“Because it was all very new and now we both felt comfortable with it.”

“Didn’t you love each other before that?”

“We did, but sometimes we don’t say it yet,” Alex tried to think of an example, “Uhm, you know when you and Theo became friends, did you immediately say you were best friends?”

Philip thought about that, then shook his head: “No.”

“And why was that?”

“Because I didn’t know her long enough to be her best friend, but one day I felt I was and she was too and now were bestest friends.”

“Well, this was kind of like that for me and Thomas with saying ‘I love you,’” Alex explained.

“So you and Uncle Thomas are best friends?”

“A bit more than that buddy, think more like Auntie Eliza and Auntie Maria, but then a bit newer.” Alex said and Philip hummed thoughtfully then nodded in understanding.

They drove in silence for a bit more, then Alex said: “There was actually something I wanted to ask you, is that okay?”

“Yes, what is it, Papa?” Philip looked at him curiously.

“Well, Thomas invited us to come to Monticello in the summer break, would you like that?”

“What’s Mothello?”

“Monticello,” Alex corrected, “And it’s where he grew up, so we���ll be staying with his mother and maybe a few of his siblings. It might be more people you don’t know than you’re used to, so if you think it’s too scary we don’t have to go, alright. Just be honest with me.”

“Is his mom kind of like my grandma? Like Grandma Martha?” Philip asked.

Alex really hoped he wasn’t overstepping too much, when he answered: “In a way, I guess so, buddy,” it wasn’t as if the Schuyler parents hadn’t taken a liking to him as well. If it got too far he could fall back on that example, not pushing Thomas to be a dad.

Though, fuck ifwouldn’t thatbe amazing.

Philip seemed satisfied with his answer, because he said: “I wanna go.”

“Alright, buddy,” Alex replied, “If you’re sure, but if you want to think about it more, now is the time to say so, because otherwise I’ll tell Thomas okay and then it’ll be harder to say no later.”

“I’m sure,” Philip said with conviction, so Alex believed him.

“Then that’s a plan,” Alex smiled, before parking in front of the school and getting out to unbuckle Pip and let him go.

Once Philip was ready to go, Alex asked: “Am I getting a kiss?”

Philip gave him a kiss and Alex gave one back, before wishing Philip a good day and waving him off, making sure to keep watching until he had reached the doors of the school safely. On his way to them he saw him meet up with Theodosia and he smiled as the two kids greeted each other.

A quick scan and he saw Burr himself, he waved and the other nodded back politely, before both got in their cars and drove to work.

Burr was more an acquaintance than a friend, but it was funny how they kept running into each other. First in the army, then at college, before seeing each other at work (Burr worked in Public Relations) and finally running into each other at their kid’s school.

At work they rode the lift together, Burr getting off first, with surprisingly little fighting between them, though that was mostly due to Burr’s stoic politeness than Alex’s lack of trying.

He walked into the office and to the break room where Thomas handed him a cup of coffee as he said: “You need to stop drinking that much coffee.”

“And I love you too,” Alex loved this new way of ending a discussion, “Philip is in, by the way. He seemed excited about it.”

“That’s good to hear, I’ll call Ma tonight.”

“Cool, what are you doing today?”

“Probably not much, why?”

“Oh, just wondered if you were up for dinner at my place?” Alex asked nonchalantly.

He had been doing this more and more, Thomas noticed. At first he hadn’t paid it much mind, because Alex usually had a good reason and it wasn’t until he had spend a full week there once that he had noticed it.

Thomas was more at Alex’s place than his own.

Not that he minded, he thought it was sweet and if Alex was willing to take the lead there, he would gladly take it. He smiled: “Sure, we ended on a cliffhanger.”

“Which we?” Alex teased, “You and Pip with Ranger’s Apprenticeor us with Designated Survivor?”

“Would both be an acceptable answer?”

“Dork,” Alex said, before walking away to his office.

“That’s your dork, Mister,” Thomas called after him.

As he turned into the hall, he made a pirouette type movement, in which he blew Thomas a kiss and replied: “I know, don’t forget to call your mom.”

From the chair Angelica broke her silence: “God, you two are sickeningly sweet.”

“Jealousy isn’t a good look, Angie,” Thomas stuck out his tongue.

Angie stuck hers out in retaliation, before saying: “We need to catch up soon, okay? I’m thinking lunch and I want details, but now I have work to do. And so do you, don’t think I’ve forgotten that you still need to send me those files.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Thomas saluted and quickly sped off, not wanting to face Angelica’s wrath.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N:

I am incapable of writing a miscommunication plot lines, just because I get too much second hand embarrassment from it. So, I shall acknowledge what could have happened and not do it, bc I will hurt my own feelings, lmao

Btw: “pirouette type movement” → think ‘water tribe’ from ATLA

The bouquet was ambrosia and moss rosebud, because ambrosia alone is boring, since it doesn’t have flowers. Moss rosebud means confession of love.

[ask-villain-izuku-midoriya]

Talking about abuse and toxic families

Ace again. Kinda wanna talk about something.

A lot of people are convinced that I was lying about my family. About how bad it was there.

At first, I just thought of our relationship as unhealthy. But some people made me realize it was beyond that.

It was abusive. Physically, verbally and mentally.

Remember when I stated before that someone close to me broke my glasses and tried to kill me? That was my mom. She also lied about it to my dad, saying that I tried to attack her, and naturally he believed her.

My dad also made an attempt on my life once. I got in trouble for watching TV while wiping down the table. I still remember it all. It was on a Thursday night, and American Idol was on. It was near the finals, and Casey James’s cover of Mrs. Robinson was playing. I was 9 at the time. My dad was laying on the couch when my mom told him, and he called me over. He asked me why, and I got scared. I was stammering and shaking, and then he got up.

I remember him standing in front of me for a good 5 seconds, and it made me realize how small I was to him.

Then he grabbed me by the neck.

He picked me up and yelled, “ANSWER THE GOD DAMN QUESTION! WHY?!”

I don’t think I had ever been so scared in my life. I genuinely thought he was going to kill me.

I guess he realized that what he did was wrong(that or he realized that, y’know, when you got your hands around someone’s neck, they can’t really answer you), because he set me down and told me to go to my room(which I’m gonna talk about in a minute).

My mom came in after me, and told me to go brush my teeth, “because she sure as hell wasn’t gonna pay a dentist to do it.(also gonna talk about in a minute)”

Afterwards, she got her turn of yelling at me and wrestling me and making me feel like shit. She left for about 20 minutes, probably so that she could calm down a bit and put on a sugary sweet facade and apologize.

I forgave her. Stupid me. Only hurt me worse.

But my dad never apologized.

They’re mostly faded but I have scars on my back from when they spanked me. They experimented with everything: wooden spoons, plastic spatulas, belts, sandals, books, even a plastic hairbrush of mine.

My mom also punished me by pouring things down my throat. Tabasco sauce, Dawn soap, vinegar, you name it. I remember one time I said a bad word and my mom made my siblings pour vinegar in my mouth. I was standing there, sobbing and drooling like a rabid fucking dog, while she lounged in the pool and watched. To this day, if I even smell Dawn soap or Tabasco sauce, I start gagging. I have to have my coworkers make the hot wings at work, because I can’t fucking stand it.

One time we had this bulldog named Hercules, who was really aggressive. He attacked one of our other dogs and I tried to break up the fight. I ended up with a chunk of my arm missing, and after the incident, my mom blamed me, saying that I was stupid enough to try and break them up that it was my fault. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, and that just kinda crushed me.

By 11 I was having...thoughts. Thoughts of, would they be happier people if I just didn’t exist? I felt like I was just an ant to everyone. Nobody would be hurt or be sad if I left.

The sad part was, it wasn’t just my parents. It was my siblings too.

Things got worse as I got older. One time my mom poured Dawn soap in my mouth, and then got in my face and screamed at me. I tried to talk, but my mouth was full of soap and it got in her eye. She punched me hard, so hard that I fell over. Later I looked in the mirror and saw blood running from my nose to my collarbone.

Others have witnessed the actual abuse happening. My grandma(her mom), my grandpa(my dad’s dad), my brother’s dive coach, my sister’s boyfriend/family friend, my brother’s friends, everyone.

One time my sister was mad at me when we went to the grocery, and sent me to get some ginger root. The ginger root was massive, so I tried to pick the smallest one. When I came back, she was pissed off that the one I grabbed was still pretty big. I tried explaining to her that they were all big, she threatened to punch the shit out of me, and that she didn’t care if she got arrested for it. The bagger saw it all, and asked me if I was okay.

It’s a sign that things are not okay when you have to smile through the tears and lie through your teeth.

My room was literally a walk-in closet. There was no built-in AC so often I would have to sleep in a 104 degree room. If I even TRIED using the bathroom or getting water, I would get in trouble, causing me to develop UTIs.

I only went to the doctor once every couple of years. They were just for check-ups. That was it. One time I had a bad stomach flu, it was probably the sickest I had ever been, and I begged, PLEADED for them to take me to the doctor. And they just said that I ate too much pizza. They didn’t believe it was a stomach bug until everyone else caught it.

Basically I was the joke in the family. Everyone was so successful, and I just felt like they were comparing me to them and rubbing it in my face. After I failed out, whenever the topic of my siblings’ success came up, my mom would scoff and say, “Well, I got the first three right, dunno about the last.” Every time she said that, it hurt so much.

One time my brother told me nobody in the household loved me, just that they were forced to love me because I was family. It’s been years since he told me that, and it still hasn’t gone away.

By 15 the thoughts escalated into voices. Voices that echoed everything they said about me. They still haunt me to this day. By then I needed glasses and nobody believed me, and I felt like I was abandoned.

At sixteen I was having suicidal thoughts. I had lived out part of my life and it wasn’t enough. Nobody loved me, nobody cared for me. Living was pointless. Classmates saw what was happening but when CPS came, all they saw was the pool, the nice cars, the TV and video game setup(which I was never allowed to touch because I was always in trouble with them), all of that. They didn’t see how I procrastinated on going home. They didn’t see the scars my mom had left on my skin. They didn’t see that my anxiety had developed into a skin picking disorder, and that I had torn up my skin because of how bad it was.

I wasn’t allowed to have friends over, or go over to a friend’s house. If my classmates gave me a ride, my mom would fucking explode. I wasn’t allowed a phone. In junior year my mom saw that I was listening to YouTube while writing an essay at school and locked me out of my school email. That was part of why I failed. Didn’t have access to my own homework.

I felt alone. My mom told me that I didn’t have friends at school, that the people I called “friends” were younger kids, and they only were my friends because nobody in my grade liked me or wanted to be around me. My siblings said that nobody would want to date my ugly fat ass.

With both of my jobs, she wouldn’t let me go to work unless I finished all of my chores. Sometimes she would make do really hard stuff, like mowing the grass, so that by the time I would get to work, I was drained. Plus, they made sure I didn’t touch my paychecks.

I spent $85 on a present for my mom on Valentine’s day, and I never got a thank you, further proving that I was unappreciated there.

I’ve tried so many things to keep my family happy, sometimes going a day without food because I didn’t want to eat something of theirs and upset them. I have bought them gifts, I have tried having fun conversations, I have gotten them food, I have done almost everything.

But it was never enough. I’d just feel so cold and empty inside.

I could keep going on about what all they did to me. But the moral of the story is: don’t stick around for somebody who’s gonna treat you like shit. Because all they’re gonna do is take advantage and hurt you even more.

[daleisgreat]

Speed

Today’s entry will mark the first official 4K home video release I am writing about. I already own a few other 4K UHDs, and a couple of months ago, I watched my first 4K video at home with 2001’s The Fast and the Furious. However, I already covered that movie’s BluRay release here several years ago, so I will not be dedicating another entry for it, other than to say that the 4K upgrade pops and makes it look like a new release. Today’s entry is for 1994’s Speed (trailer). Before diving into this movie, I noticed one of the tracks from this film’s score repeatedly used throughout sounds awfully like one of the main themes I primarily associated with the Metal Gear Solid franchise. I have no idea if this was pointed out before, and I just overlooked it all these years, or maybe I am grasping at straws. Click or press here to take a listen and decide for yourself. 1994 was a hell of a year for Hollywood movies primarily transpiring from a highway with The Chase, Speed, and the OJ Simpson Bronco chase….oh wait (although I highly recommend the ESPN 30 for 30 on it, simply titled: June 17th 1994). The majority of Speed has a straightforward premise: serial bomber and local madman Howard Payne (Dennis Hopper) planted a bomb on a bus rigged to explode once the bus drops below 55 miles per hour. Police officer Jack Traven (Keanu Reeves) is alerted to this by the bomber himself to exact revenge on Traven after successfully rescuing hostages from an elevator Payne armed at the beginning of the film.

From there, for the middle hour of this nearly two-hour film, the action almost entirely takes place on the bus. Traven makes a grand entrance onto the bus by commandeering a Jaguar and having its owner (Glenn Plummer) take the wheel so Traven could heroically leap onto the bus and save the day. It would not be that easy of a rescue mission as Payne has eyes on the bus, and Traven has to play by his rules and get him his $3 million ransom to disarm the bus. Without question, the middle hour on the bus is the best part of the film. The opening half-hour is an excellent appetizer with the elevator hostage crisis that Traven and his partner, Harry (Jeff Daniels), successfully foil. However, once the action shifts to the bus is when Speed takes off. Shortly after taking control of the bus, one of the passengers freaks and inadvertently shoots the bus driver, and a fellow passenger, Annie (Sandra Bullock), takes over the wheel. Throughout the film, Annie and Traven have wonderful chemistry, and I could not help but root for the duo throughout. Every couple of minutes, there is a new potential conflict to overcome to keep the bus going over 55mph. The film wisely peppers in brief dialog exchanges to let the movie breathe just enough before the next hurdle makes itself present.

The film's standout moment is the major obstacle for the bus to overcome when it encounters a stretch of unavoidable highway under construction and missing a hearty chunk of the road. Traven’s solution is that since that stretch of a road is on an incline, they may clear that gap if they build up enough speed! That epic stunt hits all the right notes, and I got goosebumps all over again re-watching it, and odds are, I bet you did too if you have seen this movie. If you have not, then watch this scene and see for yourself by click or pressing here. A lot of the critical discussion in the aftermath of this movie was if that jump was realistically possible. The best thing I can do is to compare it to another film, Road Trip, which is likely a better indicator of what could happen when attempting such a feat. Once the middle bus portion of the film is over, there are still about 20 minutes left where Traven tracks and chases down Payne in a subway station. The movie felt over once the bus portion had such a satisfying conclusion that it almost feels wrong to keep sticking with the film by this point, but I recommend you do since there is a satisfying payoff in the form of Payne’s demise. I have to share a story now when I first saw this film at around 13 or 14 on VHS. My dad’s VCR had what seemed to me at the time was a revolutionary feature where if I kept pressing the pause button repeatedly, it would slowly, frame-by-frame, play the film in super slow-motion. At that age, I thought this was a fantastic way to get the most out of the biggest stunts in action scenes. My favorite moment exploiting this feature was seeing Traven and Payne wrestle around on the top of a subway train until Payne was not watching his field of vision, and a warning light lead to his sudden beheading. I slow-motion replayed that sequence countless times in my awkward, early teenage years. Suffice it to say, Hopper plays the out-of-his-mind bomber perfectly, going so far as to make sure he receives his appropriate cinematic comeuppance.

The director ensures the many passengers on the bus maximized their minutes to the point I where it feels like you are right there with them!

Two audio commentaries are the only extra features of the 4K disc in this 4K/BluRay combo pack. One is with the director, Jan de Bont, and the other is with producer Mark Gordon and writer Graham Yost. Props are to whoever decided to subtitle the commentary tracks. I very much appreciate it! I first started to bounce back and forth between the two commentary tracks, but Bont was way too relaxed and had too many pauses to hold my attention, and I finished up with his track within five minutes. However, Yost and Gordon are very much engaged from beginning to end and have fun cracking jokes and sharing memories throughout. Some quick takeaways I got from them were how they wanted to film a major scene outside of a sports arena, dealing with critics poking holes at how unrealistic their stunts were, and how watching the movie felt very different at the time of the commentary recording just two months after 9/11. The BluRay disc contains the remainder of the bonus features. Inside Speed is a four-part feature lasting just under an hour breaking down the visual effects, stunts, and location sequences, but half of it also contains an HBO First Look special hosted by Dennis Hopper that hits all the right kinds of cheesy mid-90s EPK nostalgia that it is worth checking out. Aside from 12 minutes of extended scenes and a Billy Idol music video that seems totally off base with the tempo of the film, there are a couple of Action Sequences mini-features breaking down some of the stunts. I highly recommend watching the one dissecting how they did the bus jump, as it shows raw footage of what really happened when they shot it, and showed footage of some of the specific safety measures they instilled to make that stunt as safe as possible and had some eye-opening interviews with the stunt driver before and after.

After watching that old VHS copy nearly a dozen times, Speed wound up being one of my favorite action films I got burnt out early on and never bothered upgrading to a DVD or standalone BluRay. Watching it again in 4K all these years later breathed new life into it for me. I am not an expert at breaking down video quality by any means, but watching the 4K disc on my 4KTV gave the impression of this having far more current production values. The editors somehow managed to remove all the old film grain defects for a smooth 4K upgrade. If you have not seen Speed yet, then it has everything you could want out of a mid-90s action movie with explosions, gripping thrills and stunts, dramatic rescues, plenty of zinger one-liners…..and a Billy Idol theme song. Pardon me while I attempt my best Dennis Hopper impression here, “Pop quiz, hotshot, which 1994 blockbuster that takes place primarily on a bus is a perfect candidate for beer and popcorn movie night at home?” Other Random Backlog Movie Blogs 3 12 Angry Men (1957) 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown 21 Jump Street The Accountant Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie Atari: Game Over The Avengers: Age of Ultron The Avengers: Endgame The Avengers: Infinity War Batman: The Dark Knight Rises Batman: The Killing Joke Batman: Mask of the Phantasm Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice Bounty Hunters Cabin in the Woods Captain America: Civil War Captain America: The First Avenger Captain America: The Winter Soldier Christmas Eve The Clapper Clash of the Titans (1981) Clint Eastwood 11-pack Special The Condemned 2 Countdown Creed I & II Deck the Halls Detroit Rock City Die Hard Dirty Work Dredd The Eliminators The Equalizer Faster Fast and Furious I-VIII Field of Dreams Fight Club The Fighter For Love of the Game Good Will Hunting Gravity Grunt: The Wrestling Movie Guardians of the Galaxy Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 Hell Comes to Frogtown Hercules: Reborn Hitman I Like to Hurt People Indiana Jones 1-4 Inglourious Basterds Ink The Interrogation Interstellar Jay and Silent Bob Reboot Jobs Joy Ride 1-3 Justice League (2017 Whedon Cut) Last Action Hero Major League Mallrats Man of Steel Man on the Moon Man vs Snake Marine 3-6 Merry Friggin Christmas Metallica: Some Kind of Monster Mortal Kombat Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpions Revenge National Treasure National Treasure: Book of Secrets Nintendo Quest Not for Resale Old Joy Payback (Director’s Cut) Pulp Fiction The Punisher (1989) The Ref The Replacements Reservoir Dogs Rocky I-VIII Running Films Part 1 Running Films Part 2 San Andreas ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery Scott Pilgrim vs the World The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Shoot em Up Slacker Skyscraper Small Town Santa Steve Jobs Source Code Star Trek I-XIII Sully Take Me Home Tonight TMNT Trauma Center The Tooth Fairy 1 & 2 UHF Veronica Mars Vision Quest The War Wild The Wizard Wonder Woman The Wrestler (2008) X-Men: Apocalypse X-Men: Days of Future Past

[fangirlovestuff]

Holding Out for a Hero- Steve Rogers x Reader Pt.11 (epilogue)

a/n-  Hey lovely people! I am so frustrated for taking like 3 weeks to upload this last one, but it was just hard to say goodbye to it I guess. Thank you so much to everyone who read, liked or reblogged - going through this journey with you was amazing! Song lyrics are in bold. Enjoy <3

part 10

"Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need!"

You and Julie sang in sync into the microphones in your hands. Well, maybe screamed would be a better word, but the guys didn't seem to care. Steve and Bucky were sitting on the couch, Bucky with a phone in his hand filming you while Steve simply laughed heartily as you and Jules sang.

You were in the compound's karaoke room, because apparently Tony Stark thinks of literally everything when he plans a building like the Avengers compound. You were thrilled when you found this place, showing it to Julia. Together, you convinced the boys to come with you on a double date to karaoke. Well, it was more like the two of you singing and them laughing and filming you, but you were having a great time.

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh from the fight"

You tossed your hair while you sang, gesturing theatrically with your body as Jules did the same next to you.

"I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light He's gotta be sure And it's gotta be soon And he's gotta be larger than life!"

You looked into Steve's eyes as you sang the cheesy song, smiling widely at him. His eyes twinkled, head tossed back in laughter, and his look reflected how you felt - perfectly happy.

Steve and you were going stronger than ever, and so were Bucky and Jules. After a year of dating, Bucky proposed to Julia. You looked over at her, the ring sparkling on her hand that clutched the microphone. She looked so free. Julie often reminded you of a lioness in the way she carried herself, her proud and cheeky personality shining through in her stunning smile. You were glad she finally found her lion. Bucky was filming with a smile on his lips. Around Julia, his laugh was getting easier and easier as time went on, and you were glad to see them make each other happy like this.

Steve was watching you and laughing so hard he looked like he was going to fall out of his seat. You winked at him as you continued your song and he smiled and shook his head playfully at your antics. You felt your love for him shining in your heart, so bright you could burst. You never wasted a chance to express your love to one another. Whether it was words – when you woke up, when you went to sleep, when you were going or returning from a mission or anything in between – or acts, Steve always made you feel loved. Little notes saying "went to train, be back soon, xo" were a common occurrence with you two, and so were hugs, kisses and cuddles. Even as a year of your relationship was close by, you couldn't get enough of each other, and you wouldn't have it any other way. Knowing Steve was a great privilege – you don’t often come by a person who's so smart, kind, funny, and emotionally supportive, and also is Captain America. But loving Steve was a gift you didn’t know if you deserved, but were thankful for every waking moment. Loving Steve was like eating ice cream in the summer, a cozy blanket when it's raining outside, and petting a cute dog all at once. Steve was your safe place, your hero really. Not a day went by that you didn't cherish him in, and the same was the other way around. You fit like two puzzle pieces finally coming together. If a year ago someone would have told you that you were going to date Captain America, you would've laughed in their face. But you were, and there was nothing that could've made you happier.

You finished the song and collapsed dramatically onto Steve's lap, laughing. "Can you get me some water please?" you pouted playfully. "That was a hell of a performance, so yeah, sure." he chuckled. "My hero," you winked as he went away to grab a glass of water, laughing.

Later that evening, you were all sitting in an Italian restaurant, the very same one where you and Steve had your first date. You were all laughing and talking over each other, enjoying the excellent food and even better company. Your dessert arrived, an absolutely delicious looking tiramisu. You were about to dig in before you noticed a sparkle between the cream layers. You prodded it with your spoon, taking in out and discovering a silver diamond ring. You gasped, turning to Steve, who was looking just as puzzled as you felt. You raised your brow at him, and he quickly shook his head. You felt a pang of disappointment. You and Steve never really talked about getting married, but based on Jules and Bucky's engagement, you anticipated a ring coming to you very soon. Apparently, Steve didn't share the sentiment, you noticed as you took in his seemingly mortified face. You swallowed your disappointment and smiled as you called for your waitress.

"There was a ring in the tiramisu that's not ours," you explained to the embarrassed waitress.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! We must have mixed it up with table 4, the poor guy must not understand what's happening. Maybe he thinks his boyfriend swallowed the ring," she chuckled nervously. "Anyway, I'm very sorry and we'll bring you another one shortly, on the house." She smiled at all of you and took away the tiramisu and the ring. Jules, Bucky and Steve were quick to laugh it off, returning to their conversation, but you just couldn't focus. The ring sent you down a very immersive train of thought, about you and Steve and how he might not want to get married, or he doesn’t want to get married to you.

You remained quiet throughout the ride back to the compound, contemplating your insecurities. No one seemed to notice.

You got back to the compound and jumped out of the car. "Good night guys, I think I'm just gonna go to bed, I'm pretty tired." You tried to smile but it came out more like a grimace.

"But we wanted to watch a movie," Jules complained. Bucky's arm was wrapped around her, a united front.

"Well you guys should go ahead, I'm gonna go as well," Steve said, taking your hand in his. He smiled and you returned his smile. Your sadness started to fade into the background, as if telling you that you could deal with it tomorrow. But right now, with Steve's hand holding yours, you felt your heart swell with love. Jules and Bucky were already ahead, but you and Steve took your time, walking slowly into the building and the elevator.

When you got to your floor, you saw a trail of rose petals from the elevator door. You sent Steve a quizzical look, but he shrugged and smiled, squeezing your hand in his. You followed the trail all the way to your room, smiling at Steve before opening the door.

In front of you was a sea of flowers, and you run to smell them, leaving Steve's hand. You noticed Jules and Bucky were also there, smiling widely. You sent them a puzzled smile before you turned around to thank Steve for the flowers, and you found him on one knee, holding a little black box in his hands. Oh.

You gasped, your eyes immediately welling up. "Steve?" you asked, a small smile forming on your lips. For the entire night, you've been thinking about how Steve's eyebrows furrowed when he saw the ring. You thought it was because he'd never thought about getting you a ring, that he hadn’t wanted to. Apparently, it was just because some random mix-up beat him to it.

Steve looked up at you, his eyes shining as well. "Hey sweetheart," he chuckled in response to your question. "You know, before I caught you that day when you jumped from the elevator, I was thinking about how the new recruits are gonna be, how are they gonna find their place around here. And then you landed right into my arms, and you were so pretty I couldn't help but think your place should be there, in my arms, all of the time." He was beaming up at you now.

"Smooth," you couldn't help but comment as you beamed back down at him.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "And then I got to see just pretty wasn't enough to describe you. You are overwhelmingly beautiful, inside and out. You're strong, and smart, and funny. And I thought I could never deserve having you in my arms. You were a shining star and all I could do was watch from the earth as you soared through the sky." Tears started to fall from your eyes as you smiled at him. "But then I jumped; I jumped and you were willing to catch me. Maybe not to be in my arms the entire time, but to hold my hand. And I have never been luckier. I love you," he took a deep breath, "more than words can describe. So, will you make me the luckiest guy in the universe once more and hold my hand forever?" he popped open the box, revealing the most beautiful ring you had ever seen, "Will you marry me?"

You nodded your head so quickly you thought your neck would snap, but fortunately, it didn't. You knelt down next to Steve, wrapping your hands around his neck. "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes," you smiled, accentuating each yes with a kiss – to his cheeks, to his nose.

He grinned at you and drew away, taking the ring out of the box and slipping it onto your finger. "I love you, Steve," you touched your forehead to his. "I love you too," he replied, kissing you gently yet passionately, making you feel so loved like only he knew how to. You put your hands on his cheeks, feeling the ring on your finger prominently. You smiled into the kiss, breaking apart but staying close to each other, breathing the same air.

"Congratulations!" you heard a shout from across the room. You turned your head, smiling. You were so focused on Steve's speech you had forgotten Jules and Bucky were still there. Jules' eyes were shining with unshed tears and Bucky was smiling from ear to ear, their phones in their hands. Bucky came forward to clap Steve on the shoulder and embrace him tightly before hugging you, whispering in your ear, "he'd get you the moon if you told him to."

"He's my sun," you whispered back. You pulled apart, smiling at each other, understanding you both love this punk more than anything. Jules hugged Steve, whispering something you couldn't make out into his ear, and then came to you, wrapping her arms around you in a crushing bear hug. "I'm so happy for you," she whispered, her voice wavering with emotion. "Thank you," you whispered back.

"Oh, the pictures!" Jules exclaimed before she reached for her phone. She opened it to reveal a stunning picture of you and Steve; your hands cupping his face, foreheads touching. "Jules," you smiled and but your lip, getting emotional over the beautiful moment she captured perfectly.

Soon Bucky and Jules left you to your own to celebrate, and you did, your night filled with declarations of love and delicate touches.

And years later, the picture was hanging off the wall of Steve's and your house, adorned in a golden frame. You were lucky enough to marry your hero, and love him more and more every day for the rest of your lives.

[baekwin]

interview tag

tagged by @sehunlyone​ @j-pping​ thank u frens! sorry i took so long to get around to this aaaah i miss u guys but work has taken over my life kjdhfjkd 

rules: answer the questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better!

name/nickname: shaye

pronouns: she/her

star sign: aries 

height: about 158cm, i am Small 

time currently: around noon

nationality: indian 

when is your birthday: in the month of march 

favourite band/groups: exo + all subgroups, nct, snsd + all subgroups, superm, i’ve said it once i’ll say it a million times i’m certified sm trash (also i luv aly&aj)

favourite solo artist: kpop - taeyeon, iu, lee hi, all exos. other - tiffany (? i think she goes here in recent years), kacey musgraves, billie eilish 

song stuck in your head: listen by aly&aj

last movie you watched: i think hercules a couple weeks ago! 

last show you binged: his dark materials season 2!!!! i’m so hyped that this series exists, i loved the books as a kid but somehow i can’t seem to find any other person who’s read them omg

when you created your blog: 2010ish, but went inactive around 2015 and came back in may 2020

last thing you googled: whether or not you can use wood stain indoors, bc i live in a v tall apartment building and am getting the quarantine urge to redo my room furniture

other blogs: none!

why I chose my url: because i love baekhyun and i love winwin! 

do you get asks: not very often, but they’re all usually very nice! ^^ i have a request sitting in there right now which i literally asKED FOR and then immediately got too busy to do it ahksdfhkj but anon if you’re reading this i will get around to it, i didn’t forget!!! 

how many people are you following: 200, a lot of them are old inactive blogs though so I should clear it out soon 

how many followers do you have: a number that i can’t believe 🥺 i’m still debating whether or not to do a ff/celebration soon bc i am very close to a milestone, but i don’t wanna get wrapped up in numbers so i might not. tbd 

average hours of sleep: most days usually 6-7, trying to sleep earlier and get to 8!! i am a tired gal 

lucky numbers: hmmm i don’t think i have one in the usual sense, but every time something good happens in my life i’m surrounded by the number 11 (idk if y’all believe in angel numbers or anything, but this has happened to me toooooo many times for me to not)

instruments: i used to play the piano, french horn, and flute, and one day i wanna play the guitar and learn how to sing but those require time which i don’t currently have

what i’m currently wearing: a lightning mcqueen sweatshirt and constellation-print sweatpants and blue fuzzy socks. yes it is as comfortable as it sounds

dream job: not quite sure, and i’m honestly happy not knowing! as recently as two years ago i thought my dream job was an entirely different thing than it is today, so as i get further in my career and learn more about my industry i assume that’ll keep happening 

dream trip: i have always wanted to visit spain and greece!!! i’ve been to japan (tokyo) once but it was for an extracurricular i did in high school, so i didn’t have much time to explore. i would love to go again and stay for a week or so. also singapore

favorite food: i’m an absolute mac and cheese hoe

favorite song: in general, oasis!!! right now according to spotify it’s fermata by oh!gg which......yeah i fkn love that song 

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: pokémon, harry potter, or atla! also gonna cheat and add his dark materials bc i just finished watching s2 and i always thought the concept of a daemon was so cool 

tagging: uhh i dont think i can tag 20 lol but @delhyun @nctsworld @kangseulqi @leemarkies @tten @taeminnomuyeppeo @dokyunqsoo @ciaozhan no obligation to do it/ignore if you already did, i’m just thinking of youuuuu ❤️

[flirting-with-psychology]

🌸✨WILDFLOWER-APOLLO’S 300 FOLLOWERS SPECIAL✨🌸

LETS GET PERSONAL!

1. what’s your full name? 

No

2. when’s your birthday? 

November 26

3. what does your URL mean? 

I like psychology and I like thinking about crushes

4. who’s your celebrity crush? T

om Hiddleston

5. are you single or taken? 

Taken

6. rant. let it all out babe. 

Fuck jobs fuck capitalism 

7. are you named after anyone? 

My grandmother

8. do you have or want children? if so, how many? 

Possibly, if so then 2

9. do you relate to any fictional characters? 

Yeah, several. The ones that come to mind are Gatsby and Queen Regina

10. do you have any plants? 

Yes

11. what are you currently wearing? 

A jumper

12. describe your aesthetic in emojis. 

I’m on my laptop lol, not gonna try to do a survey on my phone

13. do you have any bad habits? 

Oh yes. Procrasting, instant gratification, being late, eating like crap, obsessing over stuff

14. what’s your sexuality? 

Mostly straight

15. what’s the last song you sang? 

Currently singing The Rose Song from HSMTMTS

16. what are your favorite colors? 

Pink, green, blue

17. are you and introvert, ambivert, or extrovert? 

Ambivert

18. describe your current mood in emojis. 

Again, laptop

19. is there anyone you’d do anything for? 

Probably not anything

20. what fascinates you? 

Random stuff, currently chemistry, music, crafts, and space

21. favorite artists? 

Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo

22. what outfit makes you feel confident? 

Fancy dresses

23. favorite flower? 

Idk

24. favorite season? 

Fall

25. favorite tv show/movie? 

TV show: Friends. Movie: Back to the Future

26. what do you like in a person?

Sense of humor, easy to talk to, common interests, attractive

27. least favorite color?

Idk maybe like muddy yellow

28. first crush?

Aidan in kindergarten

29. how long do you usually sleep?

When I don’t set an alarm, till like 1pm

30. what celebrity do people say you look like?

None really. I think I look like Lea Michele but I’m probably not that pretty

31. favorite scent?

Citrus

32. do you have/want any pets? if so, how many?

I don’t have any currently, I have had 4 cats and I want to get another cat

33. what color is your hair naturally? if you could dye it any color, what would it be?

Brown, I want to try a red ombre

34. do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Pretty good

35. do you take a yearly vacation?

No

36. what is your biggest fear?

Spiders

37. what do you wear to bed?

PJs or a nightgown

38. best memory?

Idk

39. best feeling you’ve ever experienced?

Probably when everyone liked my video or jokes, or when a crush likes me back

40. best gift you’ve ever received?

Half of the cost of my car

41. what’s your skincare routine?

Wash it once a day, rinse face twice a day, moisturize 

42. favorite book?

Harry Potter

43. favorite song?

All Too Well by Taylor Swift

44. favorite album?

It changes a lot, currently Sour by Olivia Rodrigo

45. share your playlist or a playlist you love!

Nah

46. dream destination?

I’d like to visit Ireland

47. best subject? favorite subject, least favorite?

Best was probably math, favorites were science and arts, least favorite was english

48. do you prefer baggy, loose, or tight clothes?

Semi-loose but with some form

49. punk or pastel?

Pastel

50. search your name + core on pinterest & make a moodboard!

Nah

51. if you could travel back to any time period, what would it be & why?

Medieval because i think it’s cool

52. do you have any piercings?

Just my ears

53. do you have any tattoos?

No

54. do you have any siblings?

No

55. are your parents together or divorced?

Divorced

56. do you have any stepparents or step-siblings?

No

57. are your parents strict?

My mom was kinda

58. do you have a set bedtime?

No lol

59. what state do you live in?

Colorado

60. what are your sun, moon, & rising signs?

Idk, I just know I’m a sagittarius

61. do you share any traits with your signs?

Idk, they’re pretty generic so that everyone feels like it describes them

62. what’s a song that gets you going?

Depends on my mood

63. sweet or sour?

Sweet

64. soft or hard tacos?

Idk, I don’t eat tacos too much

65. what color are your bedroom walls?

Pink and green

66. the color/design of your bedsheets?

Turquoise

67. favorite thing to drink out of?

A glass

68. socks or bare feet around the house?

Bare feet

69. favorite board game?

Lately Dead of Winter

70. favorite video games?

Among Us, Detroit Become Human

71. do you sleep with the fan on or off?

On

72. do you sing in the shower?

Yes

73. favorite song to belt at the top of your lungs when alone?

Satisfied from Hamilton

74. last thing you cried to?

Being stressed over job hunting

75. have you tried any alcoholic beverage before?

Yes

76. gum or breath mints?

Gum

77. favorite pair of shoes you own?

The pink wedges

78. how many pairs of shoes do you own?

Way too many, probably like 30 at least

79. what is the natural state of your hair?

A little wavy

80. have you had braces? if yes, how long?

Yes, for 4 years

81. makeup or natural?

Makeup

82. are you a competitive person?

I can be 

83. favorite pasta dish?

Pasta with cheese

84. favorite kind of chips?

Ruffles cheddar and sour cream

85. talk about something your passionate about!

Idk if I’m passionate abot anything

86. what are some of your hobbies?

Crafts, DnD, shopping

87. do you drink coffee? if so, how do you like it?

No

88. favorite kind of pizza?

White pizza with pineapple

89. favorite & least favorite labels that have been put on you?

Idk what labels have been put on me

90. are you religious?

No

91. were you raise religious?

Not really

92. what shoe size do you wear?

7.5-8

93. heroes or villains?

Depends on the character

94. favorite vegetable?

Corn

95. least favorite vegetable?

Broccoli probably

96. favorite dessert?

Chocolate

97. do you play any sports?

No

98. can you swim? if so, when did you learn how to?

Yes, when I was little

99. tell a funny story!

Idk

100. what job would you be terrible at?

Doctor or politician

101. what’s your favorite compliment to give?

Compliment their clothing or accessories

102. has your opinion changed on something recently?

I’m evaluating my opinion on how cautious I need to be for covid

103. favorite physical feature about yourself?

Maybe eyes

104. what’s your favorite physical feature about someone else?

I look most at faces

105. what’s something you would rate 10/10?

Galavant

106. heels or flats?

Heels

107. what’s something you had more knowledge about?

Does this mean wish you had? If so then chemistry

108. would you want to be famous?

I’d want to maybe be known by name but not by face

109. what’s something you would get arrested for?

Pirating TV shows

110. are you a planner or spontaneous person?

A mix

111. what do you hope never changes?

Being friends with my best friends

112. what are your pronouns?

She/her

113. are you a feminist?

For the most part

114. what’s your hogwarts house?

Hufflepuff

115. myers briggs personality type?

Idk, it changes every time

116. who’s your favorite superhero?

Idk maybe Thor

117. favorite villain?

Loki

118. marvel or dc?

Marvel

119. what’s an assumption everyone makes about you that’s not 100% true?

In school people thought I was bookish and didn’t care about parties or boys or that kind of stuff, and now that I’m out of school people think I’m ditzy and probably not that smart

120. favorite bands?

Taylor Swift

121. if you could meet one celebrity, who & why?

Taylor Swift because I like her music and I think we would get along

122. have you watched porn before?

A little

123. favorite disney movie?

Hercules, Aladdin, or Tangled

124. favorite disney princess?

Rapunzel

125. favorite disney prince?

Hercules or Aladdin

126. favorite disney couple?

Rapunzel and Eugene

127. star wars or star trek?

Star Wars

128. top five movies?

Back to the Future, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Timer, The Imitation Game, Tangled

129. top five songs?

All Too Well, In a Crowd of Thousands, Traitor, Me and the Sky, Satisfied

130. top five ships?

Idk. Currently I’m enjoying Gina and EJ from HSMTMTS

131. how gay are you?

Just a little bit, I have occasional crushes on girls but I don’t think I’d want to date a girl

132. scream. just let it out.

Ok

133. do you have a best friend?

Yeah

134. call or text?

text

135. what’s a song that’s been stuck in your head recently?

A lot of Olivia Rodrigo songs

136. is there a song stuck in your head right now?

Just the songs I’m listening to

137. what song(s) will you always love?

A lot of Taylor Swift and showtunes

138. what song is your current mood?

Idk, I just feel like singing

139. recommend an artist!

The girl who plays Ashlyn from HSMTMTS

140. favorite meme song?

They’re Taking the Hobbits to Isengard

141. a song you hate that everyone loves?

I Like It by Cardi B

142. an artist you refuse to listen to?

Most rappers

143. what’s you “big gay mood” song?

Idk, I Kissed a Girl?

144. favorite lyrics?

“You call me up again just to break me like a promise / So casually cruel in the name of being honest” from All Too Well

145. what lyrics would you get tattooed on any part of your body?

I wouldn’t

146. shuffle your music & share the result!

Knowing Me, Knowing You by Abba

147. what’s your favorite love song?

In a Crowd of Thousands

148. ultimate song to clean to?

Through the Fire and the Flames by Dragonforce

149. if you could collaborate with one musician, who & why?

Taylor Swift because she gets me

150. what song makes you cry?

Soon You’ll Get Better by Taylor Swift

151. what would be your theme song?

Blank Space

152. what’s a strange phobia you have?

Spiders aren’t that strange, so fear of having accidentally shoplifted

153. did you have an emo phase?

No

154. did you have a greek mythology phase?

Just a little

155. roman or greek mythology?

Greek

156. who’s your godly parent & which god/goddess are you?

Idk

157. how do you handle your anger?

Yell, slam things

158. most attractive singer of the opposite gender?

Ramin Karimloo

159. most attractive singer of the same gender?

Hayden Panettiere

160. what time is it?

12:03am

161. do you have any nicknames?

Star

162. what’s a song that always makes you happy whenever you hear it?

In a Crowd of Thousands

163. which swear word do you use the most!

Fuck

164. five ways to win your heart?

Sense of humor, sing duets, do creative stuff, tease me, pay attention to me

165. five pet peeves?

Mouth sounds, people who think strong female characters can’t have love interests, people giving me unsolicited advice, people wearing their mask under their nose, ghosting

166. do you have trust issues?

Maybe

167. what do you pray about?

I don’t

168. most traumatic experience?

Probably braces

169. what is your dream job?

Idk

170. if you were to be in a musical, which musical, character, & other cast members would you have?

I would love to play Angelica in Hamilton

171. who would play you in a movie about your life?

Lea Michele

172. what’s your favorite thing about your significant other?

Sense of humor

173. favorite fictional character?

Kelsier from Mistborn

174. post a picture of yourself!

Nah

175. what’s your favorite pet name?

I don’t really like generic pet names that much

176. what makes you feel like a horrible person?

Not caring enough about people

177. when did you realize your sexuality?

It was always kind of assumed, but started thinking I might be a little bi a couple years ago

178. when was your first kiss?

When I was 18

179. expose your parents. that’s right. expose them. they deserve it.

My mom is overly cautious and doesn’t know how to pick her battles, my dad is a bit annoying 

180. a phrase that breaks your heart?

Depends on the context

181. when did you come out?

I didn’t

182. how did you come out?

I didn’t

183. who knows you’re out?

I’m straight

184. what’s your lucky number?

Idk

185. how tall are you?

5′6″

186. favorite word?

finnicky

187. are you right handed or left handed?

Right handed

188. do you have an accent?

American

189. first word that comes to mind when you hear ‘heart’?

Beat

190. what’s something you’re proud of?

I made a funny meme in the work group chat the other day

191. do you like where you live?

I like the area, but I don’t like living at my dad’s house

192. when you’re older, do you want to move to a different place?

Yeah

193. do you play any instruments?

Clarinet

194. how long is your hair?

To my boobs

195. what’s the meaning of your name?

Star

196. give an unpopular opinion & let your followers attack you or be salty.

People shouldn’t be cancelled for one shitty opinion, and consuming their work doesn’t mean you support all their beliefs or even like them as a person

197. do you support the lgbtq+ community?

Yes

198. who were you supporting for the 2020 election?

Biden

199. opinion on abortion?

Pro-choice

200. opinion on the death penalty?

Against it

201. opinion on reverse racism?

It’s not the same

202. post your screen time for this week.

Like all damn week lol

203. have you ever talked to a celebrity?

Yes, I met Channing Tatum and got a picture with him

204. what was your first concert?

Demi Lovato

205. how long do you keep your bra on?

All day

206. what’s your bra size?

36D last time I got one

207. give a tour of your room (video).

nah

208. how many photos are in your camera roll?

2990

209. what is the most recent movie/show you downloaded on disney+?

Phil of the Future

210. do you like documentaries?

Occasionally if it’s an interesting subject, but it’s not my favorite genre

211. what’s your favorite musical?

Wicked

212. who’s your favorite non-broadway actor/ actress?

Benjamin Bonenfant

213. who’s your favorite broadway actor/actress?

Ramin Karimloo

214. what’s the song you’re currently listening to?

A Dancer’s Heart

215. drop your most recent picture!

Nah

216. do you have a record player?

No

217. how many records do you have?

None

218. show your records!

None to show

219. do you plan on going to college? if so, where?

I went to my state school

220. talk about someone without telling who.

They used to wear light up sneakers

221. talk about something you hate.

I hate tomatoes and everything made out of them

222. have you been to therapy?

Yes

223. what color are your eyes?

Brown

224. what color are your parents’ eyes?

Hazel for my mom, Hazel-green for my dad

225. what color are you significant other’s eyes?

Hazel

226. how old were you when you had your first kiss?

18

227. do you have a favorite parent?

No, they are good in different ways

228. are your grandparents still alive?

Just my maternal grandma

229. drop 10 songs & let your followers tell you if you have taste or not.

That’s too much work

230. how many followers do you have on twitter & instagram?

Like 3 probably lol

231. are you the eldest, middle, or youngest sibling?

Only child

232. do you have a specific daytime routine?

Work

233. how often do you go to the doctor’s?

When I need to

234. have you had any surgeries?

Yes, for my canine and wisdom teeth, and to get part of my thyroid removed

235. do you wear glasses?

Yes

236. do you prefer unsweetened iced tea or sweetened iced tea?

Sweetened

237. do you have a “type”?

Yes lol. I like a lot of types but my “type” that I fall for a lot is light skin, dark hair, blue eyes, "golden boy”/big personality

238. what’s your significant other’s astrology sign?

I think Sagittarius

239. drop 5 blogs you love.

Idk

240. do you think you’re like any celebrity (personality wise)?

Maybe Taylor Swift in some ways

241. are you a “popular kid”?

No

242. what are your school’s colors?

Black and gold

243. what’s your school’s mascot?

Buffalo

244. how many irl friends do you have?

Idk

245. who was your least favorite teacher?

My camera workshop instructor

246. favorite teacher?

My 7th grade math teacher, my freshman year words and music professor, and my junior year film professor

247. drop a picture of your closet.

Nah

248. how many awards do you have?

Idk, a handful

249. what’s one award you’re proud of?

The dean’s list

250. do you take naps?

I try not to

251. what’s something people always ask you when you first meet?

What’s your name?

252. favorite fast food restaurant?

McDonalds or Wendy’s

253. favorite place to dine in?

Rueben’s

254. mexican or chinese food?

Mexican

255. chinese or japanese food?

Chinese

256. mexican or japanese food?

Mexican

257. olive garden’s breadsticks or texas roadhouse’s yeast rolls?

Breadsticks

258. garlic bread or breadsticks?

Garlic bread

259. plain garlic bread or cheesy garlic bread?

Depends on my mood

260. chicken or steak?

Chicken

261. favorite meal?

Pasta

262. drop a recipe!

I don’t really cook

263. how do you like your steak cooked?

I don’t

264. what would your last meal be?

Pasta

265. are you allergic to anything?

Beeswax I think

266. cats or dogs?

Cats but I like both

267. favorite genre of music?

Showtunes

268. favorite fan fic trope?

Fake dating probably or needing each other for survival

269. favorite tv show genre?

Sci-fi or sitcom

270. what’s your favorite cover/cover a band or artist has or should do?

Disturbed cover of The Sound of Silence

271. how often do you write songs?

I haven’t since I was a kid

272. how many finished songs do you have?

Idk like 5

273. do you write your songs in your notes or in a journal?

I just came up with them

274. how long have you been writing?

I don’t really write

275. how long have you had your account?

Since like 2013 or 14

276. what was your first URL?

shineslikestars17

277. if you could change your name, what would it be?

Star

278. what would you like to name your children?

Shane or Eric for a boy, Phoenix for a girl

279. what are your parents’ & sibling’s names?

I don’t have siblings, I don’t feel like sharing my parents names

280. are your parents democratic or republican?

Democrativ

281. do you have more in common with your mom or dad?

Both in different ways

282. are you & your siblings close?

I don’t have any

283. how close are you and your siblings in age?

I don’t have any

284. are any of your siblings married?

I dont have any

285. do you have any nieces or nephews?

No

286. do your parents have any siblings?

My mom has a sister and my dad has a brother

287. do you have any cousins?

Yes

288. do you look more like your mom or dad?

Both

289. how old were you when you started your period?

13 I think

290. have you lost your virginity?

Yes

291. who took your concert virginity?

My what? 

292. who took your musical virginity?

My what?

293. scream again. everyone needs to.

Ok

294. do you have any collections?

Kinda, lately I’ve been collecting dice

295. what’s on your nightstand?

Water, lotion, advil, phones, chapstick, purell

296. how do you usually style your hair?

Down or ponytail

297. do you play games on your phone?

Sometimes

298. are you hydrated?

Yes

299. have you breathed enough today?

I assume so since I am still conscious

300. are you thankful for anything?

I know I have a lot of privilege

[marigoldbaker]

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/42wZ51TgoyxD4xv0xPblT7?si=fOBdq5sJRjSWyGEcyvogXQ)

@angelinthefire and a very nice anon asked about my calendiles playlist, so here it is! i put some feels-specific lyrics under the cut because every song on this playlist has a very different giles/jenny vibe (except for the bay city rollers cover of i only want to be with you, which i really only put on because i take one line from one episode as rupert giles gospel).

i posted a version of this about two years ago, but. it’s been a while since then. now: thirty songs, nearly two hours, AND over the last five-ish years, i have organized this thing so that the mood loosely follows the canon trajectory of giles and jenny’s relationship!

(PLEASE talk to me about this playlist you will make my DAY. or give me song recs! that is welcome as well!)

1. friday i’m in love (the cure)

i don’t care if monday’s blue / tuesday’s grey and wednesday too / thursday i don’t care about you / it’s friday i’m in love

2. there she goes (the la’s)

there she goes / there she goes again / and i just can’t contain / this feeling that remains

3. she’s so high (tal bachman)

first class and fancy-free / she’s high society / she’s got the best of everything / what could a guy like me ever really offer?

4. would you be so kind (dodie)

oh, would you be so kind / as to fall in love with me? you see i’m trying / i know you know that i like you / but that’s not enough, so if you will / please fall in love

5. stop desire (tegan and sara)

i can’t deny, i’m begging for attention / dropping hints, hoping for some tension / getting tired of making all this racket / waiting on you to get your ass in gear

6. i won’t say i’m in love (hercules)

who’d you think you’re kidding? / he’s the earth and heaven to you / try to keep it hidden / honey, we can see right through you

7. accidentally in love (counting crows)

how much longer will it take to cure this? / just to cure it ‘cause i can’t ignore it if it’s love

8. i only want to be with you (bay city rollers)

‘cause you’ve started somethin’, can’t you see / that ever since we met, you’ve had a hold on me?

9. must have done something right (relient k)

we should get jerseys / ‘cause we make a good team / but yours would look better than mine / ‘cause you’re out of my league

10. give your heart a break (demi lovato)

the day i first met you / you told me you never fall in love / but now that i get you / i know fear is what it really was

11. jackie and wilson (hozier)

she blows outta nowhere, roman candle of the wild / laughing away through my feeble disguise / no other version of me i’d rather be tonight / and lord, she found me just in time

12. collide (howie day)

i’m open, you’re closed / where i’ll follow, you’ll go / i worry i won’t see your face / light up again

13. louisa (lord huron)

do you know what loneliness does to a man? / turn him into the walking dead / i may have died, but your lovin’ raised me

14. manchester (kishi bashi)

oh hello / will you be mine? / i haven’t felt this alive in a long time

15. love don’t come easy (the moody blues)

but then again / i don’t think i’ve ever looked / had the time to spare / the will to share with you

16. between my teeth (orla gartland)

you need me, i don’t need you / just admit it / admit it / oh, i’m too broken to fix you too / i admit it / i admit it

17. i couldn’t be your friend (tegan and sara)

now you wanna say i was a liar / led you astray, i won’t deny it / i did what they thought would be good for me

18. supercut (lorde)

and in my head / the visions never stop / these ribbons wrap me up / but when i reach for you / there’s just a supercut

19. fuel on the fire (bear’s den)

there’s a demon in the server / and histories we cannot erase / you’re so close and so far away / you’re so close now

20. s.o.s (abba)

where are those happy days / they seem so hard to find / i try to reach for you / but you have closed your mind

21. the story of us (taylor swift)

oh, a simple complication / miscommunications lead to fallout / so many things that i wish you knew / so many walls up, i can’t break through

22. she lit a fire (lord huron)

i have been trying to find her, wanna give all i’ve got / she lit a fire and now she’s in my every thought

23. agape (bear’s den)

so tell me how long, love, before you go / and leave me here on my own / i know it / i don’t wanna know who i am without you

24. i’ll be waiting (adele)

please forgive me for my sins / yes, i swam dirty waters, but you pushed me in

25. breakfast at tiffany’s (deep blue something)

i see you, the only one who knew me / but now your eyes see through me / i guess i was wrong

26. all this and heaven too (florence + the machine)

but for all my education, i can’t seem to command it / and words are all escaping and coming back all damaged / and i would put them back in poetry if i only knew how / i can’t seem to understand it

27. fidelity (regina spektor)

i never loved nobody fully / always one foot on the ground / and by protecting my heart truly / i got lost in the sounds

28. the night we met (lord huron)

i had all and then most of you / some and now none of you / take me back to the night we met

29. vanilla twilight (owl city)

i’ll watch the night turn light blue / but it’s not the same without you / because it takes two to whisper quietly

29. world spins madly on (the weepies)

and everything that i said i’d do / like make the world brand new / and take the time for you / i just got lost / and slept right through the dawn / and the world spins madly on

30. i will follow you into the dark (death cab for cutie)

no blinding light / or tunnels to gates of white / just our hands clasped so tight / waiting for the hint of a spark

[capricornus-rex]

Two Sides of the Coin (11)

Chapter 11: Innocence, Lost and Found | Jidné Sheedra x Cal Kestis

Summary: Hell-bent on exacting revenge and retrieving the Holocron, the dreaded Darth Vader is now on the hunt for the young Jedi Knight, Cal Kestis. Under the assumption that he still possessed the artifact, while fueled by the intrigue of the boy’s strength and skill with the Force, the dark lord hires the bounty hunter, Jidné Sheedra, to track him down and have him delivered alive. However, the task becomes a trial for young Jidné, as she faces a conflict that tests her beliefs of a scarred past she had hidden for so long.

A/N: The header was supposed to be a Spotify link but it looked so inconsistent with how I usually lay out my fics here that my OCD kicked in and jumped ship lmao anyway, the mood song I had in mind for this chapter was “I Won’t Say I’m in Love” from Hercules UwU Also, sorry that this chapter went a bit beyond my usual word count, I got carried away with the fluff ;;A;;

Also tagging: @berenilion @stellar-trinity @silver-is-in-too-many-fandoms @peterwandaparker @cal-jestis @justtinfoley @fallenjedii @queen-destenie @calgasm @sweeetteaa​ @calsponchoemporium​ @superwarsofthrones​ @ayamenimthiriel​

Also in AO3

Tags: Fem OC, Jidné Sheedra, Force-Sensitive! Fem OC, Bounty Hunter! Fem OC, Jedi! Fem OC

Chapters: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 | Previous: Part 10 | Next: Part 12 | Masterlist

11 of ?

Whether or not Jidné knew, Cal heard her squeals’ echoes in the distance as she sprinted away. He smiled to himself, even after her sound had died down. He could’ve sworn he felt his heart slow down and then make the biggest thump that he thought it’d burst right through his ribs. He clutched his chest where Jidné’s hand lay just mere minutes ago.

Cal let out a sigh and threw himself backwards to the soil, a bed of grass cushioned his fall and now he’s facing up at the first stars of the evening sky. He used his hands as a pillow for his head while BD-1 snuggles to his side.

“Beee, trill?”

“Yeah, BD-1… I feel great!” Cal laughed.

He stared up at the stars and counted them silently; however, the longer he stared, the more he remembered Jidné and everything the two of them did together. The faintness of her shy giggles lingered behind his ears, parts of his skin where Jidné had touched burned and tingled; he intentionally kept his eyes closed after blinking to reimagine those dark, soulful irises staring back at him accompanied by the coy smile that curled along her lips.

His free hand cupped his mouth as he remained lying on the grass, fantasizing of the kiss that almost was; more stars and fleeting comets riddled the deep blue sky, silver plumes of clouds loomed in front of the platinum moon. He exhaled nasally and closed his eyes again, his mind replayed the moments of their interactions these past few days. His mind repeated the last thing Jidné said before she said good night and left.

“You always seem to have a way of finding me,”

That sentence circled his mind the whole night and reminisced the moments where they found each other in the uncanny of timings—it all began when he followed the sound of her voice, ever since then, he always stumbles his way to her and he’ll be greeted with the same warmth from the same, kind smile. Over and over, his head replayed the image of her—in every angle, in every silhouette, and in every light; his fingers slowly curled inward upon the fantasy of feeling her tiny hands nestled between his roughened hands and the way she held his hand to use her Force Shroud on both of them when escaping the bounty hunters who chased him in Diitana.

Cal wondered if the Force had willed the two of them to meet. He wished that the Force would speak in words to tell him straight in the face—or at least send a sign, even if technically that’s not how the Force works.

His hand wandered to his chest again, feeling for his racing heartbeat and clutching the fabric of his jacket to calm down the swirling storm within his ribcage. He coaxed himself to stand up and return to the Mantis, when he did come back, he was greeted with teasing glares from the crew.

“Well, you seem to be in high spirits at such an untimely hour,”

“Is that bad?”

Cere shook her head while smiling, she mouthed “No.”

The redheaded Jedi slept through the night with butterflies in his stomach and a smile he couldn’t completely wipe off of his face even if he wanted to.

Jidné had returned to the confinement of the Scarab. ID-3 hopped out of her shoulder and hovered about, meanwhile she pressed her back against the cold metal door as she caught her breath—parched and wheezing from the panting and the in-between giggles to herself.

She patted the body of her jacket and remembered the shard she picked up back in the Mantis. She fished it out of her pocket and held the shard between her fingers.

“ID-3, can you analyze, please?”

The droid obliged, a small tray slid open from its body where Jidné gingerly dropped the shard in, ID-3 hovered to the computer along the walls of the lounge and plugged in his port connector. An image of the shard larger than its actual size appeared as a projection, inscriptions and panels of information flashed on the screen—attempting to decipher what this shard had when it was still whole was a bit of a stretch, but Jidné’s resourcefulness as a bounty hunter came into play.

“Beeep, chirp?”

“This shard could be only the shell part; but it’s sizable, it could be part of the core—then the contents would still be intact… some of them though,” Jidné thought out loud, nipping the tip of her thumb as she pondered. “But what if I could…?”

The words trailed off, but the idea remained. She debated against herself regarding the reality of her idea.

“Trill, beee?” ID-3 inquired, noticing the apparent silence from his owner.

“Would meditating even work…?”

Nonetheless, she gave it a try. ID-3 relinquished the shard out of his compartment and handed it over to Jidné. For the rest of the night, in the solace of her bedroom, she meditated deeply on that little emerald shard not bigger than Cal’s second kyber crystal. Behind her eyes, she could see a map of sorts, she recognizes the planets on them but got confused when she found two planets of two different systems near each other, tiny inscriptions grew in size until they were readable—the Aurebesh danced and flickered in her eyes until they stayed put to make the words.

The words turned into names of planets and of people, she caught a glimpse of a child using the Force—she could feel the child’s fascination with their newfound ability, despite not fully grasping their capability yet. Jidné questioned the Force in her mind why did it show her a child using the Force to play.

Her eyes shot up, unable to make of what she saw in her visions.

“What does it have to do with a kid? Unless…” Jidné pondered briefly, and then dismissed the thought. “That doesn’t help in clearing things up. I should go to bed.”

ID-3 trilled in agreement, sprinkling in some teases—pointing out how Jidné blushed fiercely when she was together with Cal.

“Can you not, you little saucer?!” Jidné screeched quite defensively.

The disc-shaped droid laughed—a robotic croaking of a single note, nonetheless a cheery one. Jidné snatched her droid into her arms and hugged him as their laughing mingled. She and ID retired to the captain’s quarters; Jidné shed off the cowl and jacket, leaving out the tank top that she wears underneath it, and pulled away the boots from her feet before bringing them up to the bed.

Jidné spaced out staring at the ceiling, absentmindedly she rubbed her hands together, feeling for Cal’s touch. She sighed and closed her eyes, remembering the sensation simply through touch.

“His hands… are so gentle,” she muttered, lightly clenching her fingers and rubbing the back of her hand until she drifted off to sleep.

Cal woke up hopeful the next morning. He was like a child again—incapable of hiding his excitement and eagerness while moving with such haste. When he joined everyone for breakfast, they watched how chipper the boy is as he scarfed down his breakfast in ten bites or less.

“Kid, kid, don’t you want a glass of water first after gobbling up your food all at once?” Greez beckoned, handing over Cal’s glass to him before the young redhead could get any farther from the table.

“Can’t have you choking on your words and breakfast at the same time when you face Jidné,” Merrin blurted, sipping on her cup of tea.

“No, I won’t choke!” Cal rebuked.

“Uh-huh,”

Regardless, Cal did take a gulp of water from the glass that Greez had offered him. He stood from his seat at the table and beckoned BD-1 to come along, the little droid hopped on over on his shoulder as he went down the stairs until he disappeared from the Mantis.

East of Diitana is a forest, a few miles away from where he and Jidné first met. He brushed his way through the shrubs. He used his climbing claws to scale the great trees to get a better view of the lay of the land, he pushed away curtains of vines that blocked his way to the next branch until he got the topmost of the tree he climbed up on.

The next thing he saw took his breath away—the expanse of Ombari from what ought to be the highest vantage point he’s ever been on. Green and orange clashed, evergreen treelines touched with the red mountain ridges of the badlands: a dramatic contrast of colors of terrain.

“Wow, would you look at that!” Cal gasped.

“Triiiiiiilll!!!”

He scanned the red plateaus, mountain ranges, and mesas that walled the continent from the next land mass beyond. On the other side continued the lushness of Ombari’s land—a meadow that stretched wide with rich green grass for the herbivores to graze on, a great lake and waterfall could be seen at the farthest end.

The wind blew in his freckled face, the cool breeze ruffled his soft locks and swayed them as if they danced along with the current. He closed his eyes and tilted his head up, savoring the fresh air while being on top of the world. His heart couldn’t take the excitement, it stormed within his chest as he panned his head from west to east of the entire planet.

“Come on, BD, let’s go around some more!”

“Beep!”

Climbing up the great tree was a challenge, but the hardest was finding his way back down. Perched upon on the thick, sturdy branches, Cal strategized how he’ll get back on the ground that’s about twenty feet below him. He spotted coiled vines dangling from the treetops.

“I sure hope this works,” Cal uttered to no one in particular.

The boy thought he could make the jump and grab a vine to slip his way down, he instantly regretted it the moment he was suspended in the air—he desperately clawed the air in the hopes of catching at least a single vine. It was too late for him to catch one using Force pull, in turn, it’s the vines and lianas that caught him! During his fall, some of the snapped from the impact, others wrapped around him in different portions of his body; they tangled and coiled around his legs as he fell.

While he was saved from an apparent fatal head and neck injury, poor Cal dangled with his head just three feet above the forest floor. The flap of his poncho flopped upside down, obscuring his entire upper body. He grumbled, flailing around helplessly as he tried to reach for the vines that snaked around his legs, unfortunately, his poncho didn’t budge.

“Well, this is just spectacular!” sighed the upside-down Jedi in great vexation.

On the other hand, BD-1 wasn’t the one who’s got their legs stuck around tree vines. He hopped down from Cal in the first few minutes he got himself suspended with his head pointed down.

“BD-1? BD, who’s coming? Who’s there?”

He craned his head and saw a pair of boots peeking under. Two hands hiked up the hem of Cal’s poncho to reveal his face.

“Hey,” Jidné greeted casually. “How’s it hangin’?”

“Hah! Ha…” Cal half-heartedly chuckled. He playfully crossed his arms. “Oh, you know, not falling far from the tree.”

They concluded the exchange of tree and hanging puns with laughs. It pained them that giggling it away felt like the best resolution for both of them.

“Alright, I’m gonna cut off the vines for you,”

Jidné lets go of the poncho while Cal repeatedly barked “No!” and “Wait!” in the same sentence. His hands blindly pawed the air in search of Jidné, but she had already stepped away to a safe distance. She lobbed her weapon at the vines, the blade fanned through the air until it severed the vines a few inches above Cal’s legs—the boy’s body anticipated a fall, instead he felt like he’s floating. He finally pushed away the poncho that obscured his face and found Jidné’s free hand directed at him, she’d caught him using the Force and gently laid him down while her sword hand caught the returning lightsaber after she threw it.

“Thanks,”

“No problem,” Jidné shrugged her shoulders and gave him her hand to bring him up to his feet.

Cal dusted off the leaves and specks of dirt that clumped on his clothes; he got flustered all of a sudden when he saw Jidné bringing her hand close to his face and was proved otherwise when she picked out a leaf that got caught in his hair.

“You okay?”

Cal nodded and then the bounty hunter tilted her head back, emphasizing on the height of the tree in which the Jedi fell from.

“What were you doing up there, anyway?”

“Oh you know, trying to get a better look of Ombari—in a certain point of view,”

“Did you find anything interesting?”

“Glad you asked!”

Instead of answering her directly, he takes her by the hand again and led her to where the meadow ought to be. Cal could feel Jidné’s grip tighten around his and even if she may not feel it—he squeezed it back; together, they followed an invisible path that perhaps only the two of them could see. Bushes and shrubs snapped and rustled when the Jedi and bounty hunter shouldered their way through, dried and withered leaves crunched and got whisked into the air by their heels, and the dewy mist cooled their pores as they dashed.

At the end of their run, their finish line was the seemingly endless vastness of the meadow. They scanned the sights as they caught their breaths. Long-stalked flowers, as well as the grass, danced pliantly in the direction of the wind. The faint crash of the waterfall in the lake echoed and mingled with the bellowing of the grazing herbivores.

“Oh my…” Jidné gasped. “I’ve never seen anything like it!”

“Over here, Jidné!”

Jidné was startled to find that Cal had run off a few meters away from her already, she raced and caught up to him. Both of them frolicked gaily, drawing attention from the grazing animals that they passed by, their droids hovered and fluttered about like mechanical butterflies while following their owners. BD-1 and ID-3 scanned the grazers for their databanks.

“What is it, BD?”

“Trill, bee!”

In translation, BD-1 told Cal about these grazing animals—the Q’aval, a docile animal that can easily be domesticated for labor such as pulling carts or serving as mounts, though in the wild, they can be quite a handful to tame and they pack a mean kick especially with their hind legs.

Cal decided it was a good idea to approach one of them amongst the herd. At first it whinnied and slightly reared when the animal saw the human boy approach it. He cooed “It’s okay” in soft whispers repeatedly while cautiously stepping towards the Q’aval, the gentle pat of Cal’s hand calmed down the majestic, hooved beast and nickered softly.

“There we go,”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Jidné warned.

“It’ll be okay,” Cal reassured her while petting the Q’aval’s long, downward muzzle.

He noticed that Jidné stood there frigidly while examining the animal, he noticed the nervousness conflicting with the fascination in her face.

“Don’t worry, it doesn’t bite,”

As much as Jidné wanted to pet the Q’aval too, her hands trembled profusely as she hoisted them to the level of the animal’s muzzle. Cal carefully took her hand and guided it towards the muzzle, his free hand then found the small of her back to comfort her. Her slender fingers came into contact with the curve of the animal’s jaw and by impulse, she petted it in a smooth pace.

The Q’aval quickly warmed up to Cal and Jidné, nudging its head closer to them to demand more pats and they gladly obliged. In the right timing, Cal quickly mounted the steed, it reared for a few moments as it was startled by the sudden weight that bore on its back; Jidné kept her distance from the Q’aval that bucked and kicked even though Cal was continuously petting its broad neck.

“Wanna hitch a ride?” Cal blurted.

Jidné scoffed a chuckle, resorting to petting the animal’s neck, “Is it safe?”

“Sure, do you trust me?”

The girl’s head jerked to Cal. There’s the child-like yet tender gaze looking back at her, the gleaming emerald eyes that always had a natural allure that she couldn’t take her own eyes off of them, and then the coy and inviting smile to top it all off.

“I do,”

She approached him, he extended his hand to which she gladly takes. With a sudden might, he hoisted her to the back of the Q’aval with him; out of instinct, she snaked her arms around his waist to keep herself balanced upon the mount. BD-1 gently perched upon the animal’s mane while ID-3 returned to Jidné’s shoulders. Cal licked his lips and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

“Don’t ever let go,”

Jidné intertwined her fingers much tighter together and buckled closer to Cal.

“I won’t.”

“Good.”

A gentle yet abrupt kick spurred the Q’aval to gallop across the meadow. The animal’s speed was breathtaking yet empowering; their hairs danced in the wind as they ran towards the never-ending horizon. Neither of the two Jedi have ever felt anything like this—it was simply astonishing!

The Q’aval made for the hills, as if in an attempt to show them the greater breadth of the planet. To their surprise, they’ve been revealed the coastline of Ombari’s main continent—black rocks framed the deep blue ocean with ivory seafoam that striped its waters, a shore of golden sand lined the beaches from one rock formation to the other. Cal felt Jidné rest her chin upon the edge of his shoulder.

“Oh wow…” she gasped, the sight of the coastline had stolen all of the air in her lungs in wonderment. She swooned. “Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?”

Cal could feel her smile at the same time their fingers intertwine.

They returned to the meadow and dismounted the Q’aval which they thanked with a lot of pats before it returned to its herd.

They refreshed their parched throats with the sweet, cool water from the lake and rested by its banks. They settled atop the peak of another small hill where they can see the whole view of the animals and the waterfall. Jidné stretched out her legs on the earth and propped herself leisurely on her elbows while Cal drew his knees close to his chest where he can rest his arms.

“I never saw myself being in a situation like this,” Jidné initiated.

“What do you mean?”

“Back then, I barely had the time to explore in the same way as this. I understood that Master Anesh just wanted to keep me within a safe distance, but I felt like I kinda missed out on how worlds really looked like.”

“Well, we managed to see how Ombari really looks like,” Cal chirped.

Jidné turned to Cal and shot him a smile, “You’re right about that.”

“Actually, it’s really nice to lay low for once,”

“Oh? You hiding from someone?”

“Well yes… but actually no,”

The uncertain n tone in Cal’s voice made him sound like he’s questioning even himself. Jidné tilted her head and shot him a look to go on and say what he meant.

“These past few days, Inquisitors and Imperials have been chasing us back and forth for a Holocron,”

“The Inquisitors, I’ve heard about them,” Jidné trailed. “What do they want with a Holocron?”

“Well, it contains the list of all the Force-sensitive children,” Cal looked at Jidné in the eye. “The next generation of Jedi.”

Jidné’s heart raced. She put two and two together. Everything that Cal just said gave light to what she discovered last night.

That explains the child I saw! In her mind, she exclaimed.

She figured the Holocron was the second thing Vader needed—she remembers their negotiation back in Modala, the calm yet demanding tone of the dark lord thundered in her mind and rumbled her heart. She zoned out, staring back at the flawless green plains, letting the two facts sink into her.

“Are you searching for the children now?” inquired a curious Jidné, there was an ulterior motive between her words that Cal may or may not have hinted.

“No,” the boy simply shook his head. “Even if we did find them, the Empire will come after them. The same way they’re after us, I think.”

Her heart sank further in, Cal’s last sentence hit her close to home. The same goes for them back when they were younger—when they were still Padawan learners—it’s unimaginable to think that these children, who have no idea what they’re capable of in the first place, be suddenly robbed of their homes and families simply because they were Force-sensitive, all for the sake of the Empire’s exploits.

“So, the only way the crew and I thought would keep them safe is…” Cal trailed off. The fact that he destroyed a Holocron felt like a sin for once, even though he seemed confident about it when he had done the deed. “Is destroying the Holocron.”

The cogs in the bounty hunter’s mind turned so relentlessly that sparks sputtered in the tiny gaps in between. She masked her surprise with a straight face and pensive eyes, on the inside, she’s already drafting her progress report should Darth Vader come in contact with her.

Cal took notice of her silence, he examined the girl’s stoic expression: eyes lost to the endless meadow, lips slightly parted with the words dripping at the edge, and the gentle rising and falling of her breast as she breathed.

“You did the right thing,”

“For a second there, you looked like you just heard me confess a crime,”

“Well, I was never told that there was a law that destroying Holocrons was a criminal offense!”

The two traded glances and ended up in giggles, returning their gazes at the meadow and counting the Q’avals that grazed the tall grass. The day was whiled away with their banters of their childhood. They may have been worlds apart, but the stories that were so alike with another had linked them.

“You know, it’s funny,” Cal began.

“What is?”

“We’ve probably never even met along the halls in the Jedi Temple, yet somehow I find it easy to talk to you about these sorts of things. It’s like I’ve known you all my life,”

Jidné reciprocated the sentiment. Her thoughtful eyes smiled back at him, she plopped her back flat against the soft earth to hide her cheeks in their blushing glory. Cal started plucking the tiny flowers that dotted the plains and surrounded them, he adorned her dark hair splayed on the grass with white and pink buds while his free hand dared to caress her cheek—the back of his fingers stroking and tracing the suppleness of her face down to her jaw.

His touch was received with the upward curl at the corner of her lip, in return, Jidné plucked out a blade of grass and drew invisible lines over his scars—tickling his neck, cheek, and the bridge of his nose, counting his freckles with the pointed end of the stalk, her thumb softly brushing against his lip to find the tiny nick on his lower lip. Her slender fingers combed away the stray locks that draped over his forehead, revealing another slit that cut through his eyebrow.

She could only imagine what kind of stories these marks have to tell her.

Evening fell upon the two youngsters, Cal promptly stood up.

“Let me take you to your ship. Is it still in the badlands?”

“Sharp memory,” she blurted.

Cal offered Jidné a ride on a Q’aval before it got any darker. By default, she wrapped her arms around him again and he welcomed her embrace, Cal spurred the animal and in obeisance to its rider, the Q’aval reared and galloped through the plains, they passed by Diitana and crossed its bridge until they’ve arrived in the badlands.

Jidné did some backseat driving, directing Cal where to go until they found the trenches and he caught a glimpse of the Scarab’s hull. Both of them dismounted the animal, Cal got a closer look of her freighter—he recalls scrapping a similar model back in Bracca.

“You could have stayed the night at the Mantis, you know,” the Jedi initiated.

Jidné pursed her lips, “It looks like a full house in there.”

“Nah, you fit right in,”

“It’s fine, Cal,” she insisted politely.

“Well, if it’s not too much to ask—let’s do this again some time?”

Even in the night, the girl could always spot the twinkle in Cal’s clear jade eyes; he didn’t need any more words, his fond puppy-eyed gaze was enough to get her heart going—though, she wondered if he was aware that he made her feel that way.

“Don’t look at me like that,”

“Why not?” he cooed back.

“Because I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to say no,”

Cal chuckled nasally. He took out a flower that he had tucked underneath the straps of his armor and wore it on Jidné’s hair, wearing it into the braid that crowned the side of her head.

“Then I can wait for that yes,”

He leaned in and planted his lips against her cheek. He found her standing there, apparently taken aback by the gesture, when he looked over his shoulder.

“Good night, Jidné.”

“Good night, Cal.”

The animal reared once more and Jidné watched the boy ride into the distance, leaving plumes of dust in his wake. Her heartbeat synchronized with the hooves of the Q’aval as he departed. Absentmindedly, her fingers fondled the petals of the flower pinned into her hair while looking into the now-empty desert.

An epiphany threw its way into her—it felt like something invisible had tackled her into submission and punched her in the gut so violently that she arched inward for a bit.

“Shit…”

“Cheep?”

“This never happened before… No… It can’t...” she turned to ID-3 for some sort of affirmation. “Can it?”

[gotmilk5101520]

Miraculous Ladybug Rewatch Episode 67 Feast

Let the feast begin!

“Super Adrien…” “Isn’t Adrien Chat Noir?” “Shh. She doesn’t know that”

“Here, a black knight”

“Or Black Cat Miraculous holder”

“Here, a lady”

“Or a Butterfly superhero”

“Now this, Hercules”

“Or Lion Miraculous holder” Alya is smart. And she still can’t figure out Marinette is Ladybug.

“Why not a Bunny Miraculous while you're at it? Oh wait”

Man i wish i could see little details like this.

“According to my old man, the statue is almost two hundred years old!” “From what I found there hasn't been any Miraculous-wearing superheroes for the last two hundred years!” But in Backwarder Marianne knew of the Miraculous and how they work. So that would mean the remaining Miraculous, that Master Fu had, were used in secret.

“Alya is an excellent journalist. Sooner or later, she would have unveiled this secret kept under wraps for centuries” Can’t wait till it’s 100 years in the future and someone puts together the pieces that Marinette and Adrien were Ladybug and Chat Noir.

“Remember when I told you I made a terrible mistake? For you to understand, I must tell you the entire story”

“I was younger than you when I was chosen to be a guardian”

“My parents told me that it was a great honor. That I couldn't turn it down. So they took me to the temple” Okay, 2 things. First what does someone have to do to get picked to become a guardian? Do you have to sense something about them? And second Fu’s parents said this is a great honor that couldn’t be turn down. So people knew the Guardians existed back then? Was there like a village around the temple and the Guardians would go down there looking for successors?

“I wasn't very happy there. I would have preferred to live with my parents and be with other children my age. I didn't want to be a guardian of anything”

“One of the test to become a guardian required me to watch over a Miracle Box. For a full twenty-four hours without any food“ Noticed he said a Miracle Box.

“All I had for support was my apprentice's staff. Soon I was hungry. With each passing hour I became hungrier”

“And it was all because of the Miraculous. Because I had to watch over them. I couldn't take it any longer”

“So I took the Peacock Miraculous and used its power”

“All I wanted was a nice little companion I could sent to the kitchen to fetch me some rice balls. But the Miraculous must never be used for the wrong reasons” All in all this series keeps reminding us the Miraculous can’t be use for selfish reasons or something bad happens.

“The anger I was feeling mingled with my intense hunger. And I created a sentimonster that was very different from the one I had envisioned”

“A ravenous sentimonster out to devour everything, but specifically the Miraculous, since they were the bane of my life at that very moment”

“In my panic I lost my staff. The very object that would have enabled me to control it. I was just a young boy. I was so afraid I didn't even think of destroying it by simply using the Peacock Miraculous”

“I tried to erase all traces of the foolish thing that I had done. A monk told me to run away with the grimoire he managed to save, and the Miraculous Box. The very last Miraculous Box”

“That's when I realized my sentimonster had devoured all the other Miraculous Boxes that were kept in the temple” Wait i wonder if the people in the village i mentioned before noticed and went to check.

“And when the monks tried to stop it—the temple, the Order of the Guardians, everything… it was destroyed” Hold up he said the monks tried to to stop Feast. Did they use some of the Miraculous? Or were they skilled fighters without them?

“I tried to run away from the sentimonster”

“But by doing so, I lost the grimoire and both the Butterfly and the Peacock Miraculous”

“I thought the sentimonster had disappeared forever” Wait so the lava didn’t burn the sentimonster or the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous?

“Nathalie sometimes gets dizzy spells. But it's nothing serious”

“Why the long face?”

“My mom used to have dizzy spells… just like Nathalie. My father said those weren't serious either” *Cries in French*

“I will help you. It comes from the region where we found our Miraculous” “Oh the place where your wife used the Peacock Miraculous, and that’s how we got ourselves in this mess”

How about a duet?

*Cries in French again*

Mayura has made it into Area 51

“Oh, but don't you worry, I'll give them back to you as soon as I'm done with them. I'll even give you the Peacock and mine as a bonus” Why would Gabriel want to get rid of the Miraculous after it’s over? Then all the Miraculous would be gone and no one would use them.

“Really? You just made it bigger?”

“What sort of fucking magic is this?”

Marinette has trained to face her biggest enemy. The Fence.

“Chat Noir? Is that you? Why a Banana? Where did you get it?”

“Well it was just laying around”

“Master, look! Ladybug and Chat Noir, despite their ridiculous costumes, okay where did they get those ridiculous costumes?”

“Hey, have a taste of this! Some exploding banana split from Bananoir!”

“Much tastier than any Miraculous!” Are you sure about that?”

Best side of the love square. Bikerbug x Bananoir.

“Hey! Leave them alone! I'm the one you have been wanting the past one hundred and seventy-two years!”

“The guardian of the Miraculous is this decrepit old man? Wait have i seen him somewhere before?”

“He’s that old man!”

“I am not scared of you anymore!”

“Okay, maybe i still am”

“There are only two places where your staff could be. Where the temple was, or…” If it was still at the temple then they would’ve been fucked.

“Hurry, my lady, this thing already swallowed my stick whole!” Yeah “Stick”

“Uh, you sure it's the right time, my lady?” The right time for what?

“Oh no, not the tongue…”

Yeah right.

“Man, look at all these things it ate. Wait are those humans?” “Pretty sure they’ll die once we defeat the sentimonster” “What if they don’t?” “Then we can show them memes”

“Don't be bemused, it's just the news! Extraordinary and inexplicable!”

“That pretty much sums up the surprising reappearance of this temple in the Tibetan mountains—”

“ —a hundred and seventy-two years after it was destroyed”

“Let's go to Clara Contard on location” Umm why were they watching? It makes sense to see Gabriel, Nathalie, and Alya. But Tomoe and Audrey? Why were they watching it? Are they planning to form some evil bad parents team?

“That's correct, Nadja. But what makes this phenomenon particularly unexplainable is that all the monks who used to live in the temple have also reappeared year 1844!” So who’s gonna show them memes?

“The monks have been freed and the temple has been restored. It’s going to be awkward for them seeing technology”

“I shall go and see them someday soon, and explain everything to them. And show them some fun cat memes”

“And the time has come for me to prepare you to become the new guardian”

“The guardian? But Master, you're the guardian! You have been for a hundred and seventy-two years! Let’s talk about this another time” “Marinette, it’s been 11 episodes since i told you. Stop delaying this”

“I was joking. Those strict traditions did no good when I was your age I mean it’s not like you’ll end up burning Paris to the ground” “Yeah... Hahahaha...”

“Now that Hawkmoth knows who I am it's too dangerous for me to live here” “Is the mustache really necessary”

“I'm not going anywhere until Hawkmoth is defeated. I'll never leave you” *Cries in Miracle Queen*

Now that was a feast to remember.

I want to play video games. No I must finish this!

[softwarmboy]

1. Museum date or aquarium date? Why?

Aquarium!!! I’ll always take the option with animals

2. Describe your favorite type of weather.

Cloudy, cool, slight cold breeze, smell of fall leaves and campfire, maybe some light fog 👌🏼👌🏼

3. Name a subject/topic you know a lot about.

Halo and TSC!!!

4. Do you have any friends or know anyone with the same name as you?

I’ve only met 2 other Baileys, one was an absolute dick and the other was just as quiet and shy as me so we never spoke 😂

5. What’s something most people love that you hate?

Avocado 😂 it’s a texture thing for me

6. Who knows the most about you personally?

That ones kinda hard to answer??? I’ve changed a lot over the last 3 years but probably @gemder and my last 2 ex’s

7. If you could create ANY mix-up or mythical animal and have it be brought to life, what would it be?

Dragons!! I was OBSESSED as a kid

8. Do you think everyone in our lives serves a purpose, or are some people just there?

I think we choose who’s in our lives! Some teach us good lessons and some teach us bad ones! But a lesson nonetheless!

9. How do you feel about getting your picture taken?

Mixed feelings ;-; candid ones are nice cuz they usually turn out better cuz I don’t have the chance to be awkward 😂

10. Any guilty pleasure/s?

Oh god so many 😂😂😂😂

11. What is your favorite Studio Ghibli film and why?

My Neighbor Totoro! Literally just cuz it was cute asf

12. Do you always make eye contact with people when you’re speaking to them?

I try to! That’s always been a struggle for me cuz I’m self conscious as fuuuuck but I’m getting better!

13. Have you ever self-harmed?

Yes, many many times ;-;

14. What’s the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given?

That I have the most beautiful eyes!!!

15. Have you felt butterflies in your stomach today?

A lil!!!

16. Did anyone/anything get on your nerves today?

My alarm 😂😂😂

17. Is there something you currently want, that you can’t have?

Not that I can think of???

18. Who was the last person to make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable?

Honestly, myself

19. Think of the last film you watched. Who was your favorite character in it?

The last movie I watched was Brother Bear and my favourite character is Tanana!!

20. What are you known for?

Being kind, gentle, quiet and patient

21. What is something you are skeptical about?

Religion, really anything like that, that I can’t see or hear, I WANT to believe in things like that but I have a hard time

22.If you have a job, do you prefer morning shifts or evening shifts?

I do, but there are no shifts 😂 but when I did work a job with shifts, I preferred morning! Left me more of my day to enjoy

23. What is something you are most confident about?

How about something you're really insecure about?

For confidence, that I don’t exist to please others, for insecurities, oh GOD so many

24. What do you think in general of girls with short hair? How about guys with long hair?

Whatever floats your boat!!!

25. With films in languages you do not speak, do you prefer a dub or a subtitle?

I’m fine with either!! Once I see it a certain way tho that’s the only way I’ll be able to watch that specific thing

26. If you wear makeup, what are your preferred brands?

I don’t!

27. What part of a person's body do you usually find the most attractive?

Eyes and lips!!

28. What/which music are you currently listening to?

Zero to Hero from Hercules 😂😂😂😂

29. Do you find smoking unattractive?

Yes and no??? I don’t really know how to explain it, I’ve lost grandparents to cancer from smoking, and watched it happen slowly but it’s your choice really 🤷‍♂️

30. What was the last thing you looked up on Google?

ADHD symptoms in adults 😂😭

31. What is the 10th picture in your phone gallery?

A screenshot of jokes about Canada 😂

32. Would you ever dye your hair an unnatural color?

Yeah! I have!! Many many times

33. What job would you be terrible at and what job would you be good at?

For terrible, being a server 😂😂😂 for being good, teaching I think!!

34. Do you think forgiveness is mandatory to move on from something?

Yes BUT not necessarily forgiving whoever messed up

35. What did you think was cool when you were younger?

Motorcycles, tattoos, piercings 😂

36. Is there a place that makes you sad to return to?

So, so many ;-;

37. What's the best advice anyone has ever given you?

Care, but don’t carry

38. Have you ever treated someone badly just because someone else treated you badly?

Not?? That I know of??? I really don’t believe in it

39. What's your favorite lyric from your favorite song right now?

Oh god uhhhhh off the top of my head I really don’t know???

40. What was the last thing that completely took your breath away?

It’s been a while but Whistler!!!

41. Is it true that if you can't love yourself, you can't love another?

I don’t think so, I’ve loved people without loving myself. Loving someone else and loving yourself are two different things

42. What's the most positive thing you could say to yourself right now?

One day at a time 💙 and one thing/problem at a time

43. What time of the day feels the most magical to you?

Night!! It’s quiet, no one expects anything of me, I have nowhere to be and nothing to do

44. Were you a cute baby?

I was SUCH a cute baby 😂😂😂

45. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for, but never did?

I don’t?? Think so??? Usually if I wanna apologize for, I will cuz it’ll literally physically bug me till I do

46. What is any creative talent you wish you had?

Painting 😂😂😂 I can’t paint artistically for shit

47. Do you think you'd make a good teacher? Why or why not?

Yes!! I’m patient and remember to teach the lil details and tricks! Teaching is actually my career goal!

48. Do you think it's possible to fix a "broken" relationship?

Hmmmm, depends what broke it

49. If you chose to get a tattoo what would it be and where would you want it?

I already have 5 😂😂😂😂 I’d want some Runes, some Halo stuff, some forest stuff, some nerd stuff

50. When was the last time you stayed up past midnight and what were you up to?

A couple weekends ago, I was gaming!!

@sagittated there ya go!!!

[taronunwin]

Can you rate everything that Taron has been in from your most fave to least fave? And giving your reasonings why for each eating. I know this might be hard to do since all of his work has been exceptional. I’m asking just because I need more Taron content to watch!

OH GOODNESS. Anon, this is a bit cruel, like making me pick my favourite children. Except I have no children. And I do not like children. I digress. I’ll do my best.

I haven’t seen most of the voice projects Taron’s done so I’ll just list what I have seen and I’ll rank it by things I love/need to watch vs. things I’m okay with watching less often, sort of thing. This is mostly spoiler free but there are a few things that dance on the line. I’m sorry, but it’s really hard not to explain what I love without getting into that territory.

Deep breath. Here goes.

1: Rocketman

When I watched Rocketman for the first time, it was one of the last of Taron’s films I had yet to see because I was the least interested in it. I wasn’t an Elton fan, I don’t care for musicals usually, and I’m not really keen on movies set in the 60′s. So there were three strikes against it and I honestly expected just to start it, click through, and move on because Taron didn’t look hot (I thought then). But by the time he got to the ‘My name is Elton Hercules John’, I was invested. Wholeheartedly. Even when Taron wasn’t on screen, I cared deeply for the young Elton. I was rooting for him, grieving with him, and feeling his pain and triumphs. That movie is an experience unlike any other and by far the best movie I have ever seen in my life. The pure joy that radiates from it… it’s hard to explain.

2: Kingsman: The Secret Service

I’m not a Bond fan myself, I’m not really an action spy genre fan, so, again, I didn’t really think I was going to love this movie. But when Lee Unwin jumped on that grenade, I sat up in my seat a bit. That wasn’t the beginning I expected. And then when his son showed up later, stuck in a life that was so miserable and far from what he wanted, my heart broke. Eggsy had so much depth and went so far beyond just a ‘kid from the wrong side of the tracks’ kind of backstory. The details about him being in gymnastics and giving it up because his mum had married a good-for-nothing creep who influenced him more than he wanted to admit, being borderline brilliant and doing so well in school, only to give that up, too, because what was the freaking point in even trying when he was stuck in a world he wanted desperately out of. And then, when that opportunity presented itself and he was able to join the Marines, the first time in his life he really felt like he had some control and could follow in his dad’s footsteps, his mum wouldn’t allow it because she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him. So Eggsy was utterly stuck. Until…

3: Robin Hood

Oh, Robin. I think we all have a very special soft spot for the first character we fell for in an actor’s filmography and Robin is it for me. I had seen Testament of Youth in early 2019 with my teary eye on Kit Harington but I loved Edward. However I had no idea that Robin was Edward when I started watching, I just like historical movies and thought Robin Hood looked interesting. When I started, I was pretty smitten by Rob right away but as the movie progressed and the story got more convoluted, I became less interested and actually turned it off. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Robin. So I started watching it again and boy did I fall hard. The movie itself? A stupid, fun, absolutely enjoyable ride. Robin? Well, that beautiful boy is the love of my life.

4: Billionaire Boys Club

I’ve seen a lot of negative things about this film, not just in regards to a certain cast members, but in general and frankly? I don’t get it. I know I’m probably watching it through rose-coloured glasses but honestly, I really, genuinely love this movie. I love Dean’s charisma and charm, how much he loved Joe and wanted the best for him—for both of them. I love Dean’s darkness and how his character gradually yet drastically changed over the course of the film; how he started as just a passionate, excited, enthusiastic young man and ended in such a different place, even willing to give up something and someone that meant so much to him because desperation drove him to do something he would have never imagined himself doing in the beginning. I loved watching the relationships fray and bonds dissolve and I especially loved watching Taron play Dean’s darkness so realistically, paying special attention to how he portrayed Dean’s growing drug addiction. Also? Dean is really hot. There’s no way of sugarcoating that.

5: Kingsman: The Golden Circle

I love Eggsy Unwin. I mean I love him. Like I-would-take-a-bullet-for-him kind of love. And though the charm of the first movie being his transformation from street kid to Kingsman isn’t really in this film, it’s still such a fun ride. My favourite parts are mostly the quieter moments, the little scenes where we see Eggsy, less as a Kingsman and more as himself. His struggles, his doubts, the times where he’s shaken and isn’t really sure of anything anymore. But what I love about Eggsy is how fiercely he gets back up every time. Doesn’t matter what is thrown at him, he will take it all and become stronger.

Also… “Let’s make this fair,” Eggsy says, tucking his right arm behind his back and effectively evening the playing field with his one-armed opponent before he engages in a to-the-death brawl with the man he trained with until snapping his neck with one. hand. still. tucked. behind. his. back.

6: Testament of Youth

I hate this movie so much. But I also love this movie so much. Edward is one of the sweetest angels there ever was and I adore him with every fiber of my body. And watching his story… well… it makes me more unhappy than I’ve ever been. Does that stop me from watching it? No. But it does limit the number of rewatches. It’s one of those movies that’s so perfect for a sad mood. Like when I need a good cry, oh my goodness, I need look no further. But looking beyond just the emotional nature of the movie, Taron’s performance is so so beautiful. Watching Edward’s boyish innocence peeling away to show the more hardened, deeply hurt and disillusioned young man as the war’s grip on him tightens? Honestly, it’s stunning.

7: The Last of the Haussmans

A play? Really? What’s that doing on this list? Well, let me tell you. Taron’s character, Daniel, affected me very deeply and I’m not even being silly. This list is already too long so I’ll spare the details but Daniel… he got me. He’s such a sweetheart, so genuine and pure and good and earnest and wonderful and the kiss scene, well, I don’t even know how many times I’ve watched it. The tenderness he displays, the sweet uncertainty and awkwardness yet visibly bolstering himself so he can do what he’s so unsure about… oh, Daniel. For it being one of his first public roles, I am consistently amazed by how good Taron is. Daniel’s awkwardness does not feel like Taron’s discomfort. Daniel is entirely his own person with his own story and struggles and watching his story unfold is a really lovely thing.

8: Eddie the Eagle

This sweet, fun, encouraging, uplifting, charming movie, oh, how I love it. Though I have to be honest, it isn’t one of those movies I just need to watch like every month or two. I love enjoying it with other people and seeing their reactions but it’s not one that I crave at any given time. Even still, Eddie is a pure sweetheart and I love him and his heart-filled, passion-fueled, wonderful story.

9: The Smoke

I’m actually kinda surprised where this landed on the list, but let me explain. Dennis Severs is so much like Eggsy in terms of being a very layered, three-dimensional, incredibly deep and fascinating character. I love him. Nay, I adore him. I loved watching his ups and downs, his gut-wrenching revelations and triumphant success as he strove hard to free himself of the bondage of his past. But the show itself? It’s, same as Eddie, not something I feel drawn to watch at any given time. It’s intense, very intense, and asides from Dennis’ story, I didn’t really connect with any character, other than Kev. So in terms of watchability and enjoyment of the project overall, this ranks lower, but in terms of Dennis and his importance to me? Well, he ranks much higher ❤

10: Legend

So the first time I checked out this movie, I skipped through, searching for Taron. Next time, I skipped through again. Then I bought the movie and actually watched it, and I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Ignoring the obviously impressive feat that was Tom Hardy playing both main characters, I loved the relationship between Reggie and Frances and found myself caring quite a lot for them. I don’t know that I’ll ever watch it in full again but I do skip through every so often for Teddy and thoroughly that little psycho.

11: Sing

I’ve mentioned that I don’t really watch much of Taron’s voice work because I find it annoying to hear him but not be able to see him. That’s my ultimate problem with Sing. While a very enjoyable movie and one I’ve watched a few times all the way through, I don’t necessary care enough about the other characters to want to watch it from start to finish. I’m happy just skipping through for Johnny’s story, but there’s always that nagging feeling of knowing Taron is back there somewhere, looking breathtaking, and I can’t see him. And for that, I must place this sweet movie at the bottom of this list.

This honestly took hours for me to write and perfect but I think I’m good with it now. Phew!

I’m so sorry, anon, I’m absolutely certain you were looking for like two sentences to explain what I liked or didn’t like about each of these but instead you got a mini review. Whoops.