#COUGHS ok guys no smell posting

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

smell pickup line based on the gasoline one because i cannot get it out of my head.

you're a black sharpie and baby? I'm in my office cubicle trying to get high.

We can’t start smell posting it’s going to get out of hand.. too out of hand for a Sunday night

coughs. Anyway

Gabe is a gold sharpie.. like the one for the print signings (I am executed before I can continue)

[okcoolthanks]

Anyways guess who has Covid <3

[struwberrii]

haikyuu!! at an american highschool ⊹ ‧₊˚ ౨ৎ

pt.1 here pt.3 here

these are just some of my silly headcannons on how i think hq characters would act and what stereotypes they would be at an american highschool (as an american highschooler ☝️🤓)

characters: kuroo, kenma, bokuto, akaashi, oikawa, iwaizumi

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

kuroo

literally the biggest nerd but sm girls crush on him

the type of guy you gotta hit your friends with the “hear me out” before you say he’s cute

kind of annoying and cocky about his intelligence but ppl still like him

gets real creative about his insults towards ugly people

wears cringey dad graphic tees bc he has no style

crunchy coughs in class a lil too often….

has the oldest most beat up car on the planet like it’s a safety hazard driving that thing

always smells really weird like cigarettes or something despite not smoking a day in his life

debate club.

his note books have like water stains and the covers are like torn apart and look like they were used as a shield during a war

offers all his friends rides but is such a scary driver

makes fun of ppl “lovingly” but he’s lowkey a bully

jokingly owns a minecraft hoodie he bought from the kids section and it’s SO TIGHT it’s a crime to wear that out with his big self

kenma

wears the same clothes multiple days in a row, he don’t gaf he probably slept in ts too 😭

probably doesn’t really smell bad, just kind of…. moist? marinated?

his hair is probably really greasy sometimes

always brings some type of gaming console to school and plays during lunch and during any free time he has

sneaks his phone when he isn’t supposed to and has never been caught

for some reason he sits with cool people despite NEVER talking during class and never going out of his way to make friends (kuroo forces him to hang out with his friends)

raged at his game super loud in class one time and got so embarrassed he begged his counselor to take him out of that class

his grades are ok for someone who never studies or even really pays attention

some of his teachers have gone entire school years without ever remembering his name

has the best comebacks to everyone, he is not afraid to clock you

bokuto

drives the biggest jeep or like ford bronco ever and is actually a decent driver

his parking is TERRIBLE though and he never bothers to fix it

probably would play football (i’m sorry guys) and is constantly at risk of getting kicked off the team for his grades

akaashi helps him study to stay on the team

genuinely the biggest himbo, a bunch of the girls think he’s adorable but he never gets the hint

posts silly gym selfies on his story

book bag has like 1 notebook in it, maybe a pencil if he’s lucky

teachers secretly love him (but not enough to pass him)

i feel like he’d also try and join the swim team for some reason

i feel like he’d eat burger king for lunch :,(

girls confide in him with their drama even though he gives no helpful feedback or advice and just occasionally gasps and goes “no way”

has the most cracked iphone screen on the planet

akaashi

probably taking like half honors classes or AP (idk how it works i’m not at a regular high school sorry guys </3)

gets school iced coffee for breakfast

takes super good and detailed notes and helps bokuto despite being a lower grade

wears the funkiest outfits but girls still think he’s cute

no girls talk to him though because he’s so quiet

always has at least 1 airpod in

sells pics of his notes

sometimes goes off campus for lunch with bokuto, but refuses to eat burger king

other days he probably has salad for lunch

probably in like orchestra but never carries his instrument in the halls bc he thinks it’s embarrassing

bokuto is loud af cheering him on when they have concerts

also sneaks his phone during class but got caught one time and now he’s kind of too scared to use it

iwaizumi

wears those tight work out shirts to show off his muscles

probably drinks like protein drinks in class

has the biggest water bottle ever like bro drinks a gallon of water every period

has a SUPER old iphone or like an android he refuses to upgrade because it gets the job done

always posting about his gains

probably crashed his car and his bumper is like hanging off his car

in like a weight lifting or body building club and is probably the leader of said club

he and oikawa are a very popular duo

occasionally skips class if he ever just doesn’t feel like going

his notes are so vague and short yet he understands and remembers everything he wrote

his grades are insanely good too

literally only wears sports clothing

uses really good smelling cologne but since he’s so active there’s always a hint of must from all the sweat :,(

oikawa

man hoe

he has been in just about every girls dms at some point

his grades are like, okay? he’s not failing

does stuff for female validation, like ik if he had a cat he’d be posting it on his story constantly and like flexing his hand veins

drives a bmw

if he’s actually in a relationship, he’s super loyal tho

his teachers kinda hate him

still uses snapchat and his snap score is like 500k

has decent fashion but dresses mildly gay at the same time

people constantly make jokes abt him and iwa being gay and he gets so mad (maybe he’s projecting idk)

smells a little like vanilla

he and iwa get in n out for lunch and eat in his car

[chososcamgirl]

CLUBBING TOPS! - yeah this bitch goes partying EVERY weekend. also most weekdays bc sjap yn has a high alcohol tolerance. alcohol poisoning? never heard of her. these tops do it every. single. time. without fail. she wears any one of these slutty tops and she’s going home with a man. this girl has a mission! (and no it’s not to sleep with every dj that plays ayesha erotica for her. looks at megumi) don’t be fooled though she’s always down to share her clothes with maki or nobara bc she’s a girls girl (not rlly but she just loves her friends so much) she once caught panda trying to put her tank studio top one once and LOST IT. she started screaming at him that he already stretched it and he needs to buy her a new one… whole time the material was just stretchy she just wanted another one in a different colour (bc why would she pay $120 for a top when panda can!)

ACCESSORIES! - yn is a silver girl BY FAR. you’ll always catch her leaving with one if not all of these. she basically lives in hoops. showers in them, sleeps in them (i know that back piece is smells NASTY) she lives off the quote “the bigger the hoop the bigger the hoe”. MARC JACOBS FRIENDSHIP NECKLACE!!!! (yes i might’ve based this off me and my bff irl ok burn me) she has one on but the real question is who has the other? hint starts with p and ends in anda. but don’t be silly there’s no duos or trios cough yes cough in the group. they all have matching necklaces for eachother bc they couldn’t find a 4 friendship way necklace laugh out loud. she just prefers the marc jacobs one bc it makes her feel superior. CLIPS!!!!! yes she’s a sucker for cute hair clips arrest her. you will never see her with flyaways nah uh.

WHATS IN HER BAG! - her most prized possession… miss miu miu… she got it from the group for her 19th birthday (yes they all were broke afterwards and dine and dashed dinner but hey! can u blame them, that shit is expensive) and in so called expensive bag is ALWAYS a sonny angel. yes he does bring her good luck. the only time she forgot to put a sonny angel in her bag was when she got harassed via imsg.. sound familiar? this bitch vlogs EVERY MOMENT of her life. she has a secret youtube account where she posts her cute little city vlogs of her and her friends. she doesn’t expect it to go viral but it does shortly after she debuted man eater. one time she was at dinner and forgot her handy cam so she called her friend at home to come pick her up, drop her at home to grab her handy cam and then drop her back to dinner which she arrived shortly after her food did (wdym this isn’t a personal experience… heh… i lied sorry bff) and lastly her infamous pink hello kitty lighter. for blunts. and cigarettes occasionally. but mainly blunts.

TEES! - these are just some of the tops she would wear on air. the listeners can’t see her anyways but she loves to dress cute because it makes her feel good doing so. she was always so expressive via fashion because it’s illegal to kill somebody you hate crowd boos

BOTTOMS! - yeah so this bitch basically lives in mini skirts and booty shorts. no mind that her ass is out she refuses to wear pants. on the rare occasion she DOES wear pants it’s usually just bootcut jeans that flare at the end because it makes her ass look good.

OUTERWEAR! - she loooveesssss her jackets like she adores them. cold? putting on a jacket. being harassed? putting on a jacket legs are freezing due to said mini skirt? putting on a jacket. such a multi use piece of clothing! also comes in handy to choke out roommates when they eat your leftovers from the night before! oops!

SHOES! - this girl only wears two types of shoes. heels or knee high boots. nevermind that we are going to the beach she WILL pull up with kitten heels. but who needs the beach when clubbing is just as fun right? she does everything in heels. cook, work, griddy, kick a guy in the dick for groping her? you name it. put this bitch in 5 inch stilettos and she would still would NOT falter once not even stumble. she is a pro and actually needs to be considered for the olympics because that footwork technique is impeccable.

masterlist

taglist: @shokosbunny @luvvmae @catobsessedlady @satoryaa @prozacprinc3ss @essjujutsu @therealsatorugojo @yeehawslap @gojodickbig @dawnisatotalqueen @j2upiters @nappingnai @lalalasillybilly3000 @totallytatum @3cst4syy @lysaray @saltypuffin1040 @aozui @noodles-icetea @makeshiftproject @kurtcobaingirlie @kokoiinuts @renbittt @dashingaurries @slvttycorpse @cuupidsss @mochroialainn @tenjikusstuff4 @oroborosttheiii @ichcocat @iiwaijime @drugzforyou @sugurubabe @allthestarsarecloserrrrrrr @tyigerz @yoyo-yui @megoomies @yizmiu @jasminasblog22 @yomamablazeit @marst4rz @guitarstringed-scars @qtnfer @kalulakunundrum @lovefrominaya @beepbopzlorp @iheartlindz @itsdragonius @meguemii @chilichopsticks @7kn0wn @starantulas @1l-ynn @bonitoflakez @rcveriees @solaqes @starrysho @sukunaspillow @evry1luvssm

*if i can't tag you please change your tag settings otherwise i will remove you from the list!

[stereksimp]

*Scott has just been saved and they are all leaving the church.*

Stiles: He made me leave him to go save you. He's dead. He's really dead, and I never told him that I love him. Scott, I lost my chance.

Scott: You'll be OK buddy. I promise and hey maybe he's not dead. For as long as we have known him he has not been easy to kill.

Stiles: Yeah, because I have been the-

* A large black wolf slams it's body into Stiles knocking him onto the ground and proceeds to lick his face. Stiles squirms and pushes but this wolf is not moving.*

Stiles: What the fuck is happening! Where did this wolf come from? Who's wolf is it?

*After the wolf has licked every inch of him face and neck at least twice it flops down on Stiles and shoves his snout into his neck, and starts purring.*

Scott: *Trying his best not to laugh.* Buddy I think that might be your wolf.

Stiles: *Fingers mindlessly carding through fur.* What do you mean my wolf? I don't have a wolf. Scott the only wolf I would claim as mine...is...

Stiles: Holy SHIT! Derek?? Derek is this you big guy? How did you- When did you- Can you turn back?

*The black wolf huffs in his face before slowly shifting back until Derek is laying on top of him human and very naked.*

Derek: Hi *the biggest smile splits his face*

*Stiles mouth drops open and he just stares for a few minutes as everyone else decides to leave the 2 alone for a bit. Maybe get Derek some close?*

Derek: *He stares at Stiles, listening to his heart jackrabbit in his chest, and smell his emotions go through all the stages of grief in record time then happy then pissed then awe.* I love you too.

Stiles: *Suddenly confused and pissed.* You what? When the fuck did you learn to full shift? How dare you say that now after everything we have been through you choose post dying to tell me!

Derek: I figured it out when I was nearly dead. I saw my mom. She whacked my head and told me to get over myself and go to my mate. That I was torturing myself for no reason. I tried to tell her that my mate didn't love me but she just gave me this look she did when she was alive that said 'you are and idiot but I love you'. Then she roared at me and I snapped awake as a wolf.

*All the confused anger melted off Stiles' face after the first scentance and now he just stares up in awe and what Derek now realizes is Love.*

*Stiles reaches a tentative hand up to Derek's cheek and when his hand touched Derek's eyes close and he leans into the touch. He slides his hand back, carding his fingers through soft hair until his hand is on the back of his head. Then he slowly brings Derek's head down until their lips are just ghosting together.*

Stiles: *whispers softly* Of course I love you dumbwolf.

*Derek pushes the last distance and kisses him with all the love he can.*

*There is an awkward cough behind them that makes them pull apart.*

Scott: This is beautiful and I'm so happy for you guys but the rest of us would like to go and none of use want to see Derek's naked ass.

*He tosses clothes on top of Derek.*

Stiles: Speak for yourself Scotty-boy.

Derek gets dressed and instead of leaving with Braden he goes home with Stiles and they make a plan together to find and kill Kate Argent.

[s74rf1sh]

ROTTMNT CUDDLE HEADCANONS

Woah it’been a while since my first post…

ANYWAY, I’m in a very sleepy mood so here’s cuddle headcanons for the turtles

~LEO~

-This guy is so goofy

-Constantly grabbing at your ass or tights to massage them while teasing you about it

-He loves to lay on you or having you lay on him

-Lots of churring and snuggling (if you have a prominent chest it’s not yours anymore, it’s his)

-Muffled rambling about literally any topic

-Praises your body constantly (not in a sexual way, this guy is just head over heels about you and wants to make sure you know it)

-“I have no idea why you worry so much, you’re so damn beautiful”

-PLEASE take his mask off and gently caress his face markings, this guy will MELT

-If you’re not laying down he’s definetly resting on your lap ᵃᵗ ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵖᵒⁱⁿᵗ ⁱ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ⁱᵗˢ ᵒᵇᵛⁱᵘᵒˢ ⁱ ʰᵉᵃᵈᶜᵃⁿᵒⁿ ʰⁱᵐ ᵃˢ ᵃ ᵗⁱᵍʰᵗ ᵍᵘʸ

-He’ll play with your hair, even braid it if it’s long enough

-Even massage your face if he’s in the mood

-Will nibble on your neck playfully AND tease you about your reaction

-Will gently squeeze your hips and/or shoulders

-I guess the preferred location is his room, but the couch is comfy too

-If you’re having a movie night all together he won’t be shy and lay on your lap (ᵒʳ ˡᵉᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ˡᵃʸ ᵒⁿ ʰⁱˢ)

-Of course he will refrain from squeezing your ass or doing TOO intimate things…

-But yeah, he will cuddle with you in public if your comfortable with it

~RAPH~

-He’s baby

-Tried to be the small spoon but miserably failed

-(you got slight injuries by his shell and he never forgive himself about it)

-He likes to squeeze you to his plastron and feel your heat

-He often wraps you two in a big blanket, morphing in a big burrito

-He does chur, but it’s really really low and hardly hearable

-Snacks and hot drinks while you cuddle>>>

-If someone were ever to walk in on you two he’d be so fucking embarassed (probably hiding his face in your body)

-He doesn’t mind if you take his bandana off or not, but if you wear it yourself? Oh he’s jumping on you.

-Asks April for advice💀👍 (especially the first times you ever cuddled together)

-Overthinks a little too much about your well-being (I feel ya buddy) what if you’re uncomfortable in that position? What if you’re not hot enough? Is his smell fine? Are you bothered by his churrs?

-Please comfort this poor guy

-Is teased by his brothers (*COUGH* Leo *COUGH*) about him being so vulnerable when you’re around

-As you probably already guessed he’s kind of embarrassed around his family, but holding hands sround others is so special to him

-It makes him feel as if he’s telling the world (his family) that you’re his

~MIKEY~

-Ok let’s be real: he’s VERY touchy

-He’s basically cuddling with you 24/7

-Takes every opportunity to kiss or hug or snuggle you throughout the day

-When you two are alone he just doesn’t let go of you LIKE

-“Mike l need to use the bathroom” “OK :D” “…Le-Let me go” “wwWHY..?” “I NEED TO PEE” “I CAN COME WITH YOU”

-You’ll eventually get him to let you go for a few minutes

-He LOVES when you even slightly match his energy and also crave affection (even if you won’t admit it ;))

-Doesn’t really care where you are or what position you’re in as long as you’re both comfortable

-But if he had to choose a position he would probably like facing and spooning

-Speaking of facing—PREPARE TO BE PEPPERED IN KISSES

-Churrs happily and loudly, not giving two fucks about who hears him🫡

-Squeezes your cheeks (the puffier they are the more full this lil guy’s heart gets)

-If you’ll let him, he’ll draw small doodles on your hands or arms

-Cuddles in public couldn’t be less of a problem for him

-Just say if you’re ok with it or not and he will obey (except for a few stolen kisses in case you say no)

~DONNIE~

-Will NEVER admit how much he actually enjoys your cuddles

-Will have you sit on his lap as he works, chest to chest

-…or you laying on his chest and viceversa

-The very first times he kept everything on- battleshell included

-But after a while he allowed you to take off his mask

-The shell thing is a bit more delicate (Yk?Cause he’s a softshell turtle? God I want to hang myse-) and might take more time

-But if you play your cards right he’s throwing it out the window in a few months

-When he’s not rambling he’ll just lay there and melt in your touch

-Whether you’re running your hands through his bare shell or caressing his face and muscles he’ll just let you love him

-He finded it hard to let you cuddle him, let alone him cuddling you…

-A lot of patience is needed but will be rewarded

-Him inviting you to lay on him, rest your face on his shoulder, sometimes he will even kiss you first

-Ew I’m getting diabetes MOVING ON

-Cuddling in public is usually a big No-no, but there’s situations where you’ll get a text from him where he just—

-“Cuddles in bed later?”

-You smile at him and he acts his blush off…

[foottoe101001]

Guys umm what I reramp my post book fic about pony struggling and Darry has to work overtime bc Pony had to go the hospital a bunch for smoke inhalation and it cost a shit Tom if money bc he kept passing it/ weezing until he collapsed (Pony never wanted to go Darry was concerned af and always told him it was ok, and the honest truth is that he would rather be working overtime then having Pont dead on him.) and pony feels really bad but curly exists and is like yoo you wanna do drugs si they do and pony gets hooked and dependent and it goes on for a while and then curly gets sent to the reformatory and pony had rlly bad withdrawal to a point he would throw up his guts at even the smell of food and Darry found out and was mad and then sent him to rehab but he didn’t rlly end up getting better and he accidentally ODS on the phone with Darry and it ends Darry pov at his funeral…

I need longs thiughts about this and suggestions pls

OOO I REALLLYYY LIKE THIS SODA PROBABLY NOTICED FIRST AND WAS LIKE “Ho why u skinny and pale also smell like pot🤨”

(Ponyboys coughs sound like a dying hamburger that’s over cooked but probably still moos)

[jinlizz-dragondrama]

Here's another fanfiction I decided to make it's called The Sun's Shadowy Flame. I'll post it here and Wattpad. Let me know what you guys think 💜

Chapter 1

A Promise

*Loud heart thumping echoing*

My vision blurred, I removed my hand from my chest, warm blood dripped down my forearm, and the smell made me gag. Buddha was not pleased that Wukong decided to challenge him. I was too late to stop him from going through this crazy plan. I don't know why I follow this simian into fire but this time it would seem to be fatal.

Wukong is busy fighting Buddha until the smell of my blood hits his nostrils.

"OH no, Ai!" Jumping onto his cloud he soars down to search for me in the rubble on the ground. Finding my mangled body on the ground he falls to his knees and bites his lower lip to not show his fear.

He gently grabs me and puts my head in the crock of his elbow. Pushing the soft black, purple, and red streaks of hair that he loved so much out of my face, now sticky in crimson-red blood.

"HEY kid, you're gonna be OK! Yeah, we're getting out of this, we'll go to my temple, and eat peaches while watching the sunrise like we always do.

Chuckling softly but it was cut short by me harshly coughing up some iron-tasting blood. Breathing becomes labored as I slowly reach out to him, he places his cheek in my hand as I move it up to tenderly scratch his head, hearing his soft purrs, I smile lightly at him.

"Don't forget about me ok", my voice barely a whisper, pulling a beautiful silver comb with a purple flower jewel embellishment on it, I hand it to him.

"Wouldn't dream of it, my peach."

Memories flash through my mind of our first meeting, early morning meet-ups, baking peach desserts, coming crying to him when my parents treated me horribly, realizing that I love him but never had to courage to tell him.

My smile slowly falters as I feel myself drifting away, the hand that gave the comb to him fell to the ground. Wukong looked into my round purple eyes as my life force slowly left me, eyelids heavy and finally shutting. He pulls me into a tight hug as my last breath is carried with the rustling and twirling of leaves going up to the heavens.

"No, no, no....Noooooo!"

My eyes open once more but I'm not in heaven, blinking several times to clear my vision I see I'm staring up at the sky. The sun is rising and beautiful oranges, blues, and purples speckle the sky. Raising my hands they are chubby, small, and caramel colored. Not the red rose color I'm used to. I sit up and look at my body I'm in a simple white dress with no shoes on but my body is smaller like a toddler. There is a rustling, pans being thrown and a wooden spoon is thrown from inside of a shop. Soon a man emerges quickly and almost runs into me, a young man with a simple black haircut, glasses, and a wise aura surrounds him.

"TANG you freeloading son of a gun, when I get my hands on you I'll-"

Another spoon comes flying out and hits the man square in the face and it leaves a bump on the area. Never mind not wise at all.

"Pigsy look"

A pig in a chef uniform looks down at me and he looks shocked

Oh no, no, no, no. This isn't an orphanage I already have 2 mouths to feed and one I'm not willingly feeding. He gestures at the spectacled man, I tilt my head to the side and black and purple locks cover my field of vision. At least I have something familiar.

The man called Tang picks me up and smiles down at me. A small shock of electricity goes through me but I ignore it.

"We can't just leave her here besides MK will have someone to play with"

A little boy comes out wearing a bandana, a white shirt, and red pants. I smile and wave, he returns the wave as well.

Pigsy sighs and rubs his temples

"Fine, but she's staying with you! I have no room for her here"

"Deal, so what's your name kid?"

I was about to answer but I couldn't remember my name it's as if I drew a blank. So I shrug my shoulders Sadly.

"Hmmn that won't do let's call you Jing"

"Jing? Really Tang?

"What it kind of rhymes with my name?"

Tang puts me down while he argues with Pigsy. I walk over to MK and he smiles at me.

"Hi, I'm MK. Let's be friends, ok?"

"I'd like that"

Author's Note

Hey guys this is my second book on Wattpad. I've been obsessed with LMK and wanted to write a fanfiction with my oc. Let me know if you like it and I might continue it.

[downforthegas]

The late night hor//niness struck me again and I was given this idea out of no where:

The Welc//ome Ho//me cast of characters except they’re all farting on you

Ok byyYYYEE-

Yooooo you know what? This post gives me the perfect opportunity to reveal my fart headcanons of the characters: how they fart and their attitudes towards it (and how they would feel farting on you) (long post)

Number 1 is Wa//lly Dar//ling🍎

This little guy doesn't fart around anyone unless he's really close to them, like Ba//rn//any or Ho//me. He likes to be a gentleman about it and maybe sneak off to a quiet place to toot if he's around other company. But more often than not, Wa//lly let's it slip accidently. He's such a little guy, if he has too much gas, he can't possibly hold it in for so long, which in itself is kind of embarrassing. And what do his farts sound like, you might ask? There's no sound! Just a gentle breeze *Fffffffffffffsssssss...* that smells vaguely of rotten apples. You almost wouldn't know he farted, only his blushing face giving him away. Sometimes he'll let out a particularly smelly one that makes a noise. A tiny noise like *Blrt.* or *Prt.* That'll make you go "aww." If he was asked to fart on you, he'd be a little confused. He's been taught that farts are rude but knowing that you find them delightful makes him feel good about it. But he's more comfortable doing lap farts. Face farts (especially bare butt face farts) get him so flustered.

Number 2: Ba//rn//aby B. Be//ag//le🐶

You wanna talk CONFIDENCE? Cause that's our be//ag//le! Man will fart anywhere, but will make sure his little buddy doesn't get caught in the wind storm. He does think it's funny to fart on Fra//nk though. Sometimes he'll use his farts in his gags or jokes, like farting into his microphone (and potentially blowing out the speakers), or saying things like, "That sure was a gas!" right before ripping a loud one. He would do the fart in a jar gag, but his farts are so powerful, he just breaks the glass. Yeah, his farts are loud, and burn your nose with their potent stink (as dog farts do) and given his size, they sound a lot like *BBBRRRRRPPPBBBRRRRRRRTTTT!* You'd be lucky to not pass out. Or at least get into a coughing fit. If you wanted Ba//rn//aby to fart on you, for one, you'll be buried under a huge, furry dog butt that stinks, but you'll be hit with enough gale force winds that'll knock you unconscious on the first fart. Still, he'll do it anyway. He's not one to yuck anyone's yum.

Number 3: Fra//nk Fra//nkl//y🦋

Just the OPPOSITE of Ba//rn//aby's attitude. Knowing him, he'd be WAY TOO embarrassed about farting, way more than Wa//lly. I imagine he's not a very gassy person, but whenever he gets gas, he'd try his hardest to hold it in until he's home. Or at least sneak off to a private spot. Because of this, he ends up getting bloated, his stomach distending enough to stretch the buttons on his vest. Ed//die has to be the one to rub the farts out of him, since Ed//die's the only one he's comfortable farting around. But he does get embarrassed when he needs help. But Ed//die doesn't mind. His gas usually gets held in a lot, so it's usually very long, like *Fffppplbbblllrrrrrt!* sounding a little wet and a little airy. Sometimes he'll try to *ahem* spread his cheeks to fart quieter, but sometimes that only makes it come out more wet sounding. If you wanted him to fart on you, it's gonna require a lot of convincing. But if he knows this is your thing, he'll happily do it, but only if you don't talk about it afterwards (unless you want to fluster him).

Number 4: Ed//die De//ar💌

Such a clumsy, scatterbrained mailman, I can't imagine it's easy for him to hold in his farts. Anytime he needs to, it just happens no matter what, and leaves his face burning with shame (but Fra//nk thinks it's kind of cute). He'll be holding a huge stack of packages and a huge fart, and trust me, neither of those are gonna be held for long despite his efforts (poor guy). They're not much, just little *BRRRRT!* or *FLRRRRRBBBBTTT!* mainly from his jeans. They do stink pretty bad though. But it's ok cause he's shame free about it around Fra//nk. If you wanted him to fart on you, he'd be a little awkward about it at first, but he'd still comply. He'd be more comfy lying on his stomach with your face in his butt, since he'd be scared of crushing you.

Number 5: Pop//py Par//tri//dge🦚

Ooh, the resident worrywart. She's the kind to think she's got something deeply wrong with her when her stomach hurts, only to be relieved (in both ways) if it's just gas. Like Wa//lly's, they're quiet and airy, but have a slight sound and only last one to two seconds, like *Ffft.* and *Ppprrt.* and they gently blow the strings on her apron. They also smell a lot like bird seed, since that's what she mostly eats. She'll also often wave her wing behind her after each one, despite how little they stink. She's very close to Sa//lly and Fra//nk, but its still hard to get comfortable farting around them. When asked to fart on you, she'll need heavy convincing just like Fra//nk, but when she's comfortable enough, she'll be gentle with you. She's a big bird after all.

Number 6: How//dy Pi//ll//ar🐛

Oh jeez, it's almost like we're talking about Ba//rn//aby again, except it's not as bad (but they're still pretty bad, trust me). I feel like it's implied he's vegan (he's a caterpillar so...) so I imagine he mainly has veggie fueled farts. They're not as potent as Ba//rn//aby's but they're still very stinky and powerful, and blow his apron strings so hard, they twist together, something like *BRRRRRPPPPPPRRRTT!* He's only really comfortable farting around Ba//rn//aby (who I imagine have fart contests together). He tries to keep his farts from slipping so as to not scare off his customers, but it's hard when all you eat is leaves. But it's mainly to keep the customers around. If he wasn't in his store, he'd be a little more comfortable farting in public. When asked to fart on you, How//dy would totally go for it, even if he does think it's a little weird. He'll even make a deal with you that if you can sit through his smelly farts while standing the weight of his body, you get a 50% off discount at his bodega.

Number 7: Ju//lie Joy//ful🌺

Being a rainbow monster, I feel like she actually has lovely scented, fragrant farts. Like the smell of strawberries or lovely flowers. It just seems like something a rainbow monster would do, but I like to think certain foods (maybe eggs or dairy) can turn her farts rotten. Her fragrant farts can be used to set a pleasant aroma in the air if there's no incense to use, and if she farts on a wilted plant, it'll be revived. Because of this, she's 100% confident farting in public, it doesn't matter who it is she's around. Sometimes her farts flutter her dress, being a little forceful and not as gentle as you may think. Farts typically sound like *Ffrrrrrraaaapppp!* a little wet, a little loud, and mainly high pitched (sometimes they hurt Ba//rn's ears). If you want her to fart on you, it won't be much trouble. She's totally down to endow you with her flowery scent and leave you feeling fresh.

Finally number 8: Sa//lly Star//let☀️

Let's end this long post with a bang. Sa//lly's a star, stars are made of gases, stars are also hot, therefore, Sa//lly has some loud, hot bubblers, like *SPPLLLRRRRBBBBBRRRRTTTSH!* and she has them a lot. But you'd never notice cause she's an expert in hiding her farts. No one's ever heard her fart (except maybe Pop//py), and if anyone heard it, they would never think it would come from Sa//lly. And when I say hot, anything she sits and farts on is left feeling hot to the touch. It's pretty embarrassing for her, even in private, considering the star she is, and believes she is. She also gets some pretty bad stomach aches from holding it a lot, but she won't dare go to anyone to relieve the pain. She'd much rather do it herself, even if it takes a while. Her farts are also full of helium so she's able to inflate balloons with her farts. And if you do want her to fart on you, you better be ready to be yelled at for even requesting something so disgusting. You'd have to either piss her off enough to warrant such punishments, or hide in her dressing room and wait for her to blow off some hot steam. Just be prepared for the room to get hot and stinky, and for your voice to get higher in pitch

~

Ahh, to be with a gassy puppet! Sorry this post was so long, but your message made me so excited, so I just had to get these headcanons out. I might release more headcanons soon, but they'll be more situational based and not general like this one. Anyway, thanks for the post! Currently thinking about the neighbors all farting around me in a circle, all the different smells and sounds ringing out... it's nice hehe

[butterfrogmantis]

*COUGH*SECRETEXTRADOODLE*COUGH*

Flynn Oshkosh was born and raised in America. He was a pretty typical city boy of his young age, liked to party, didn’t take life or school too seriously, but was still intelligent enough to get good grades. He enrolled in college for mechanical engineering but dropped out when the partying and flirting became his main priority. Unsure of what to do with himself after, he decided to uproot his life on a spur of the moment decision and move country, choosing England thinking he could woo English women with his American charms 

Well, he arrives and decides to enlist in a firefighting programme as he sees an advert for it in a shop window and thinks “why not”. He’s still very much in the college boy mindset and is messing about during the course introduction. There’s another student there and she’s not taking any bullshit from the guys. Her name? Belle Riddles, and she’s focused and determined, the best of the class and by far the course leader’s favourite for her dedication To the practise of fire safety. Flynn finds her stuck up and boring. Belle finds him frat-ish and annoying … thus began a rivalry. this did somewhat kick start Flynn into taking some kind of serious stance on the course but it was more to show Belle up. Despite not being as studious, Flynn was still strong, charismatic and brave and could handle the physical aspects of the course fine, so he was getting good marks too much to her annoyance, but then going out on the town and getting drunk with the lower level recruits before stumbling back to the training halls. Well one night he comes back from a party, stumbling around, pretty disoriented and can’t find the light switch. In his drunken state he lights a candle before passing out … the problem being he was still holding on to a bottle of strong vodka, and he manages to knock over both the bottle and the candle onto the floor, where a small fire starts. If it had burnt out this might have been ok, but the fire catches onto his bed Post and spreads .. all whilst he’s sleeping. Soon enough the other recruits wake to the smell of smoke and begin to panic when they see smoke from under Flynn’s door. Most of the other lads are also still to drunk to really comprehend the situation - enter Belle. She wastes no time at all in grabbing an extinguisher and breaking into Flynn’s room to pull him out herself. He wakes up in hospital, having inhaled a lot of smoke and having some minor burns to his forearm but is otherwise going to be ok. The experience humbles him, knowing he put not only his own life but the life of others in danger had shaken him to the core, and knowing now how dangerous fire really is and that his rival Belle of all people saved him … well he admires that.

After recovering he returns to the course. The next time the other’s ask him to go out to a bar he’s initially excited … then tells them to go ahead, he’d rather stay sober and study with Belle. And they do, he thanks her for saving his life and She comments on his changed attitude. The two end up becoming best friends and completing the fire training course with first and second honours. 

Belle is offered a job immediately, she is to go to Sodor and be given a modified railway engine to fight summer fires. Of course whilst there, there’s still plenty of fires, and the Fat Controller wants to bring another fighter onto Sodor … well Belle knows who to recommend for the job  

Flynn can still be a bit full of himself of course, maybe a bit reckless but that’s who he is. He still takes his job seriously, even if he’s a bit jealous sometimes, and Belle’s there to keep him in line.

****

Idk why I can't stop thinking about these two rn tho they weren't really on my mind during my main fandom days but I've rewatching old eps + a really nice fake ep on youtube that characterises them PERFECTLY and I love them, I love their dynamic.

They're best friends, they're rivals, they're coworkers, they're married, they're signing divorce papers wait nvm, they fight and break up and kiss and make up, they'd sell the other for a corn chip, they'd sacrifice themselves for each other, they're girlbossing and malewifing, they're doing all of it and I love them for it.

Belle and Flynn (c) TTTE / Thomas The Tank Engine And Friends

Clumsy and Dopey (c) The Smurfs

[bloodenjoyer]

I posted 10,731 times in 2022

2,532 posts created (24%)

8,199 posts reblogged (76%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tidal1996

@vampirate

@holedyke

@woundthatswallows

@carfuckerlynch

I tagged 6,926 of my posts in 2022

Only 35% of my posts had no tags

#asks - 340 posts

#baz.txt - 191 posts

#fav - 190 posts

#saw - 167 posts

#art - 156 posts

#mp3 - 131 posts

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#succession - 113 posts

#mp4 - 108 posts

#spotify - 73 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#fucking insidious man…plus u know that despite any claims these guys are not happy. the ‘i don’t deserve a bedframe’ reddit guy comes 2 mind

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

saw a post that annoyed meWHAT the hell…🤨i trusted u guys …..

27,275 notes - Posted April 15, 2022

#4

"online free" is the best thing you can ever type into a search bar

32,470 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#3

33,771 notes - Posted March 30, 2022

#2

Life advise . if the bus smells like pee do not sit down never pay for anything you could get for free dont work retail if you value being seen as human always give money to homeless people when u can if youre buying a jacket never settle for fake leather just look for real leather and youll find the right thrift shop eventually make sure to have chapstick with you at all times dont use a public restroom until youve checked to make sure theres toilet paper in the stall with you dont eat out if you cant tip shoplifting from corporations is totally fine and vandalism is also ok Dont get caught always trust ur gut unless your tummy hurts in which case do not trust your gut take an antacid take benadryl when you are itchty but never more than 2 at a time dont get high on benadryl because it sucks Do not get high on any cough syrup with acetaminophen in it if you value your liver do not listen to brendon uries solo work sometimes you should eat a little treat just because youcan. Always dress extravagantly and wear platform shoes if you can. Be nice. ok thats it

36,487 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

53,308 notes - Posted June 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cosmosisfold]

post abt ur dragon pet headcanons. please. i want to see them

LETS GOOOO ok so this is just specifically ab max n bishop cause theyre all ive thought ab hermit wise

Max: Class: Boulder Fire Type: Magma Features: Has 8 leg and 2 wings!! It has layered scales that have an uncanny ability to "fluff up", showing off the pristine white fur underneath them. its scales are a brown/grey colour, allowing it to blend in with rocks and caves. it also has whiskers, allowing it to feel walls cave areas even without full night vision. Abilities: Fluffing up to ward off cold weather, climbing walls and ceilings at the same speed it can walk. incredible balance ability despite its size, due to its many legs. Size: Medium Diet: almost anything. including rocks. Habitat: Caves

notes: i think max wld be the type of guy to be so inconvenient about being able to walk on walls and ceilings. hypno walk into his house and then a paw carefully extends down from above him and bats him over the head. /silly. max is also prone to licking his fur and ends up coughing up magma balls that smell like singed hair! gross! Bishop: Class: Tidal Fire Type: Frost Breath Features: Has a set of larger front legs, and a smaller set of back ones with webbing between them and the body; and a set of wings. its face is rather smoothed and seal-shaped, with layered rounded spines gathering at the edges of its face and upper neck. a small fin goes down its head and neck. it has spotted grey skin, with a white underside and decals. it has a long tail with a large fin at the end. Abilities: diving in and out of the water for fish, creating nests of ice underwater with frost breath, holding its breath for a long time, equal swim speed and fly speed. Size: Medium Diet: fish, clams, sea birds, seals, penguins Habitat: colder sea climates and cliffs close to the ocean.

notes: Bishop :3!! i think he'd have slighty more white on his pattern than grey, with it being mostly focused on his back. also, he LOVES playing fetch. xb better get used to hanging on tight to this guy because he loves dipping in and out of the water while flying.

[thesc00p]

A dog named Cecil, a goldendoodle from Pennsylvania, ate $4,000 cash that his owners had left out for a contractor. Clayton Law and his wife, Carrie, pieced together most of the shredded bills after a smelly search of Cecil’s droppings and vomit - only $450 is still missing. Cecil’s veterinarian told the couple their greedy pet would be OK.

The Laws described Cecil as “a goofy guy” when speaking to the Washington Post. While Cecil scurried off to the couch to nap off his meal, the pair immediately called Cecil’s veterinarian to see if he would need any medical treatment. Luckily, because Cecil is a larger dog, they only had to monitor him at home. The couple then began an unexpected and laborious jigsaw puzzle: Piecing together their shredded notes.

Before they even began taping together their puzzle, however, they had to wait for Cecil to cough up the cash. After that, they scrubbed the bills thoroughly. “There we are at the utility sink,” Carrie told the City Paper. “It smelled so bad.” The couple then attempted to tape together the destroyed $50 and $100 bills bit by bit. The story of Cecil’s cash-eating antics has gone viral.

Source: https://globalnews.ca/world/

[levis-bathtub]

Some weird headcanons and vibe readings and stuff no one asked for

Lucifer:

Can't ride a bike. He says he just doesn't like riding them but he really just never learned

Can't grow a beard. Like at all.

Probably near sighted but chooses not to wear glasses or contacts

Strikes me as the type of person to just. Not go to the doctor? Like ever?

Mammon:

Colorblind

Pissed off a goose once and is now terrified of geese. Understandably.

Probably scared of horses too. They're too big. He doesn't like them.

Fucking sticks gum under the desk

Probably really likes animated movies

Really good at foosball (I think it's called table soccer in other places?)

I wanna see him wear a beanie. I think he'd look cute.

Leviathan:

Can't wink. He just kind of like blinks one eye at a time.

Looks like he can't swim. I know he's a sea monster but he just kind of has that vibe? Like the kid who cries whenever he walks too far into a pool and his feet lift off the bottom. That vibe.

Really likes those girly desserty scented lotions/hand sanitizers but is too embarrassed to ask for some so he'll just stare longingly until someone offers it to him

Satan:

Sneezes. Just. Into the open. Those big giant old man sneezes.

Writes post-it note reminders for himself, but they're super vague so he just has notes with shit like "Ask Beel about *illegible scribble*" and "Buy thing" all over his room

Because of his vague note taking skills he just does the whole "Well if I can't remember it, it must not be important" thing and just... never does anything about it. He can't even remember to take the post-it notes down.

"I don't work here but yeah I'll help you"

Asmodeus:

Collects things. From small things like candles and knickknacks, to whole ass clocks and lamps and shit

Can never figure out how much to tip so he just leaves how ever much he thinks they deserve (which is always way too much but who's complaining?)

"Hey, MC, share a locker with me 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰"

Locker is full of random decor and photos and those little white boards and has literally no room for MC's things

"Wait why are you moving back to your locker 😟"

You know why.

Beelzebub:

Type of guy to just never go to a barber. He cuts his own hair. Sometimes it's ugly but he does the whole "Well I can't see the back of my head so I don't care" thing. You should. It's a disaster.

Sunscreen who?

"Hey, can I borrow a pencil?" *chews the shit out of it*

Also the one guy in class who's pen always explodes. Like??? How does that keep happening? I've never had a pen explode on me before??? How does he do it???

Belphegor:

Unkempt eyebrows

Like. Really unkempt.

Not a headcanon or anything but he'd look super hot in glasses

Just fucking smacks things whenever they're not working as if that's helping at all

Would be really artsy if he wasn't so lazy. Same.

Diavolo:

Excessively polite to NPCs while playing video games

Just apologizing left and right and crying after hurting characters that don't even exist

(I'm projecting can you tell)

Really wants to try dyeing his hair but Barbatos keeps talking him out of it

Let the man experiment, Barbatos

Really good at bar games. Like poker and darts and billiards and stuff

I think he'd look hot with a 5 o'clock shadow but that might just be me

Barbatos:

Does the "I'm invested in this TV show but I refuse to acknowledge it so instead of sitting down I'll just stand next to the couch with my hands behind my back for an upsettingly long period of time" dad thing.

Really into trains

Gives off the vibe that he knows how to grill really well but is actually just kind of average at it.

I feel like he's really into rom-coms, but not the good ones. He just likes laughing at bad movies and thinks they're more entertaining than actually good movies.

I don't know anything about weed but I feel like Barbatos smokes weed. Probably with Solomon. Or maybe because of Solomon. Solomon can be stressful to deal with.

Solomon:

Gives me "Chaotic neutral dad chaperoning an elementary school field trip" vibe.

Probably has a lot of skills that he just... never uses? Like playing the saxophone? Knife throwing? Juggling? He's lived a long life and gets bored easily. He has a lot of time to learn a lot if things.

Just. Likes to set things on fire.

Likes the smell of gasoline.

Simeon:

I don't know if canon Simeon would be into drinking alcohol, but human AU Simeon would be super into fancy wines and champagne and stuff

Probably knows a lot about cheeses too? Both in canon and human AU.

Throws those really relaxing parties. Like Christmas parties, cocktail parties, movie nights.

Just really domestic and wholesome and relaxing to be around.

Really likes owls.

Luke:

Little kid cough

And chugging a bottle of water hella loud

As someone with ADHD, Luke has ADHD. I'm not sorry, I do make the rules.

I feel like he's really into antique stuff? Like old toys and stuffed animals and posters. Stuff that's cute and childish but with a hint of retro aesthetic.

Also into flowers. Like arranging bouquets and wreaths, flower language, stuff like that. He just likes pretty things, ok?

[titanicsimp]

Hello! If it's ok, can I please request canonverse hcs for Zeke, (post-s4) Reiner, Colt, Porco, and Erwin as new dads? S/o is also a fellow Warrior/Scout and so they encourage the dad to spend time with their newborn as their time is limited. How would they care and coddle for their respective little beans? I just want fluff amongst all the angst the current season is handing out by the bucket >< Thanks!

This is such a cute idea. Writing it made me all soft 🥺🥺

Headcanons of Zeke, Reiner, Colt, Porco, & Erwin as new dads.

CW: None

Zeke was not planning on having a child. He never saw himself as the type that could be a father, he had barely had one himself growing up. But, when his child was born, everything changed. As soon as your baby reached up it’s little hands and grabbed at his beard, he knew he could do this. He would give this child everything he missed growing up.

He’s scared to hold the baby for more than a few minutes at first. What if they start crying or he doesn’t hold them right? Only after reassuring him multiple times that he’s doing fine will he keep the baby in his arms.

The thought that he might mess up terrifies him, so he goes to his grandmother to ask for help. He wants to know all about what’s best for babies, and how he can improve so he can be a good father.

Only you and him can hold the baby, no exceptions. Others, including family, can look at the baby but he doesn’t trust anybody else with holding it.

When both of you are forced to leave the baby for warrior duties, he’s besides himself with worry. What if something happens? What if someone hurts his child? As soon as the two of you get back from your mission you go to get your baby. As you hold your child, he’ll hug you both, pressing a kiss to their little head.

Zeke takes the baby to meetings. He’ll be swaddling them softly in his arms while he discusses battle plans like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

He’s definitely teaching the baby to misbehave by tempting them to grab his hair. It’s just so cute to him to see them determinedly ball their little fist while giving him toothless smiles.

He likes watching the baby while they sleep. Their face so peaceful and their little legs kicking softly now and then. Having a child with you has changed him, and in those moments he can feel the change the best. He feels that with the two of you by his side, he could let everything else be.

Reiner is a sobbing mess from the moment you tell him you are pregnant, and when he finally gets to see his little one it just gets worse. He’s just so amazed by how he created something so beautiful and pure.

He’s a very active dad, taking the baby off your hands whenever you allow it. He loves all the time he gets to spend with his child, even if it means changing a diaper.

He wishes you both could just settle down with your little family, but he knows that isn’t realistic just yet. Your encouragements to make the most of the time that you both have makes him feel that every little moment with the baby and you is special.

Very proud dad. The two of you have created the cutest little creature, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t show them off a little. His mother and your fellow Warrios get shown off to the most. He’ll tell them all about the baby’s progress and point out even the smallest detail he is proud of.

“Do you see that? That little hair is a perfect curl.”

Many days he’ll fall asleep while rocking the baby. It’s incredible that even the baby falls asleep while Reiner’s slumped against the back of the chair, the baby resting against his shoulder. It’s the most sound sleep Reiner gets, your little one repelling his nightmares.

Buys anything the baby even points a chubby finger at. You tell him he’ll make them spoiled, but he can’t help it. He wants to give them everything he can.

When the two of you are taking care of the baby, he’ll often thank you for giving him the greatest gift.

Colt is oh so nervous, but also excited, for the birth of your baby. He doesn’t leave your side, and when the moment is finally there, he barely believes it. Seeing the baby, so tiny and crying as the doctor places them on your chest makes tears well up in his eyes. He’ll kiss your forehead, praising you for doing so well and laying a hand on the back of his child’s back.

He’s all over you and the baby, showering you in love and care. At first you think it’s just after the hospital, but no, it sticks around. When you are recovered you have to remind him that you too are a Warrior, so though you appreciate it you don’t need him to hold your hand at every step.

He’s overbearing in the sweetest way, trying so hard to do everything right for the baby. If it coughs once he’s already running to find you.

Colt knows a thing or two about kids already since he helped with Falco, but every baby is different so he still gets surprised. Like when he accidentally spilled some water in the babies face while washing them. He was sure they would cry their eyes out like Falco had done when young, but the baby had just stared at him with wide eyes. Perhaps your genes had made them a tougher breed.

He loves making the baby laugh. He’ll play peekaboo with them or dance a stuffed animal around them, booping their nose. Hearing his child laughing and babbling never fails to make him smile.

Porco sees himself as a not easily shaken guy, but the baby showed him how wrong he was. He could act tough around others all he wanted, but the sparkling eyes of your child melted him instantly. He was smitten with them since the first look.

He wants to carry the baby all the time, keeping it close to him. He’s a sucker for the classic baby scent, smelling the baby’s head and giving it kisses.

Pinches the baby’s cheeks. They are just so chubby and squeezable. He looks a bit evil while he does it, grinning widely as the baby tries to wiggle away, but he does it all in good fun.

He doesn’t just show off, he brags. Look at how beautiful his child is, how well behaved they are, bet their kid cries all the damn time huh?

“That nose? Clearly got it from me.” He’ll say, proudly putting the baby’s face next to his, looking smug. “Handsome produces handsome.”

Porco is painfully aware of what being a Warrior could cost you, having lost friends and family. What if the two of you don’t return from a mission? It keeps him up at night now and then, and when it does, he goes to get the baby, laying them down between the two of you. It comforts him to feel the baby’s warmth, it’s little hands right at his face. He’ll enjoy having you and the baby as long as he can.

It’s the funniest thing to see him scurrying about after the baby puked on him. He mumbles about them being a little bastard, but he can’t stay mad.

Erwin had been dedicated solely to his mission for years, and he had assumed a family wasn’t in the cards for him because of the life he chose. When he met you, he saw what could be, and eventually the two of you decided to have a child. Erwin was still nervous about the idea of juggling a family and his position as commander when your baby was born, but holding them for the first time convinced him he could make the change.

He reads to the baby every night. He loved the worlds he could explore through books when he was young, and he wants to pass that on to his child. You allow him to only read from an encyclopedia once a week, not wanting your child’s brain to overheat.

The way he changes diapers is a skill. His face doesn’t even twitch while he does it, and he has the technique down so well he’s done within a minute.

Erwin holds the baby close while being on a mission by keeping a family portrait of the three of you on him at all times. It helps him with missing them and motivates him to keep on fighting.

He takes the baby up the wall with you. He wraps one arm around you, the baby ogling the outside world on his other arm.

“One day you will be able to walk freely out there, I’ll make sure of it.” He promises his child.

Levi is made godfather whether he likes it or not. Erwin trusts him fully, and wants to make sure that if anything happens Levi will look after the baby. Erwin will definitely have some fun with it too, making Levi hold the baby and observing him grumpily threaten them to not even think about puking on him.

Erwin keeps a journal during all his missions. He writes down all the interesting and beautiful things he witnesses inbetween the carnage, from plants to friendships. He wants to keep track of it so that when his child is old enough they can know all about it.

He wants to stick the baby in these old and serious clothes. You can barely see your child through the frills and the dress pants are absolutely laugh worthy on their little legs. After seeing the poor thing can barely move around in them, he’ll yield.

[sapnoopy]

Second Place. ;; Dream x Reader

genre: angst, soulmate au, enemies to lover au.

Will be split into two parts! ^^

Clay and I would always compete over the smallest thing. Whether who can read a book faster, or who can eat the peas on our plate faster.

As we grew older, it mainly became academics and our athletic skills. But I was always second place. Sure, second place doesn’t sound bad, but I hated how Clay was better than me.

My friends and the girls around talks about if they’ve met their soulmates or what kind of mark was on their arm. It was great listening and all, but I had more stuff to focus.

My ear catches a familiar laugh glancing at the dirty blonde hair sitting on the table, fooling around with his friends. I didn’t get it. I knew I studied more, I practiced sports more, but how is he better than me? Natural selection at its finest I guess.

I peeked at my arm seeing the mark for the 50th time. The mark was a smiley face.

Putting my focus on my notes, The bell rings and everyone goes back to their seats. The teacher enters the class holding a pile of papers.

"Goof afternoon students! Hope you're having a wonderful day. Anyways, I have a announcement for you guys! We will be having a big test in two weeks!"

Groans and the sound of disappointment fills the room.

Sighing, I listen to the teacher explaining how this is a big part in our grades. The teacher ends explaining, and starts with the lesson. Feeling a buzz in my pocket, I check my phone seeing that I got a text from Clay.

Clay: Our parents planned to have dinner together. Its at 7pm.

Me: kk.

Since we live next to each other, our parents get along. Here comes the getting compared time.

Stomach filling with dread, I focus on class while having a familiar pair of eyes on me.

Time passes, I enter my house noticing no ones at home heading straight to my room. Throwing my bag to the corner of my room, I flop onto my bed and groaning in exhaustion.

I hear a light scratches on my window lifting my head of to see Patches, Clay's cat. Putting a smile on my face, I crawl to the window opening it letting the cat come in.

"Hey Patches! How are you doing today?"

Rubbing onto my body I get a meow as a response. A giggle comes out of my mouth patting her.

Patches comes to my room after school sometimes for us to cuddle and take a nap. She basically became my emotional support.

I lay down opening my arms indicating her lay down with me. I check the time seeing it's 4pm thinking I have enough time to take a nap and get ready. Yawning, I gave Patches pats and fell into deep slumber.

Waking up to the cold air hitting my face, I've noticed I forgot to close the window and noticed Patches was gone. Slightly disappointed, I checked my phone noticing the texts from Clay.

Clay: Is Patches at your place?

Clay: We're going to the restaurant together. come out at 6:30.

Clay: I'm coming in in 35 more min.

Checking the time, my eyes widen and I immediately pop out of bed running to the showroom starting the shower and stripping. I have 30 more minutes. Taking a quick shower and popping out wrapping my body in a towel I dash to my closet grabbing a gray dress. Getting changed, doing make up, yada yada all that shit.

I check the time noticed I have 3 more minutes. Grabbing stuff that I need I head downstairs going out making sure the door is locked.

"Nice. You had 14 more seconds." I hear a voice and a car that was started up.

"Shut up." I mutter rolling my eyes heading to his car opening the door and entering into the passenger seat.

Clay does the same, putting on his seatbelt and starts to drive.

Silence fills the car and my eyes are looking outside. I've noticed the same pair of eyes again staring at me making me sigh.

"Can you like, not? Stare at me? Do I look that bad?" I grumbled.

"No no. Quite the opposite. You look stunning as usual."

Heat covers my ears punching his arm getting a small 'ow' from him.

"What's wrong with you?? You ate something weird today?"

"Hey, am I not allowed to compliment or two?"

"It's just weird to get one from you."

"Okay, okay."

Our conversation ends and I look back at the window. The window reflects on Clay making me notice how good he looks. Gasping at the sudden thought of mine, I slapped myself getting a questioning look from him.

"You ok there?" He asks.

"Yeah just thinking of something. Don't mind me."

"Okay. We're almost there by the way."

We pull up at the restaurant, entering the place trying to find our parents who seemed to already be drinking. We head to our parents who finally sees us.

"Good evening Clay and Y/N! Very glad that you join dinner today. Sit down, it'll be rude to stand forever." My father exclaims.

Clay pulls a seat for me to sit in giving him small thanks. He sits down next to me grabbing a menu for us to see. Trying to see the menu more better, I get closer to Clay getting a smell of eucalyptus from him.

Picking a dish from the menu, I called for the waiter telling her what I'm ordering. Clay proceeds to do the same. The waiter leaves our table and my mother coughs getting our attention.

"So Y/N and Clay. How was school today? Anything exciting?" She asks.

"Not much ma'am. Our exams are getting closer so we have to start preparing for it." Clay replies, getting a smile from her. She looks at me suddenly changing of how she stares.

"I wish my daughter was smart as you. Always getting second place, at worst third place, what a shame. I wish you were my son instead." She laughs.

I chew my cheek in discomfort. Clay awkwardly laughs trying to say something but I stop him by lightly bumping my leg at him.

The atmosphere slightly gets awkward but Clay's father starts talking about the economy which really helps. Our food comes and we finish it peacefully without any commotion.

"Clay, we plan to go to a bar after this. Please bring home Y/N safely ok? Don't be up to late and I'll see you tomorrow." His mother pats his shoulder and he nods.

I give my farewell to the adults and head inside the car. Clay starts up the car driving back. Our ride back was very quiet but a nice quiet. We get there and I leave the car thanking Clay.

"Wait." he stops me.

"What's wrong?"

"I- nothing. Good night."

Slightly confused, I give a good night back entering the house heading to my room. I get changed and as soon as I was about to head to bed, I remember what my mother said. Sighing, I go to my desk pulling my notebooks studying for a bit.

going to cut off here cuz its getting too long lmao

ALSO sorry for not posting for awhile ;; will be active again!!