#COMPLETELY ILL INFORMED AS USUAL
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flowerflamestars · 2 years ago
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Shoreless Sea snippet
Instead, she met her sister’s gaze and saw a stranger. Faelit blue eyes shot through in temper, in magic, silver flame and dancing light, more dawn that drawing fire. Opalescent. Sunrise on serene water, like she’d stolen some more magic to match that pearl smeared all over her body.   Of course she had.   “You,” Feyre swallowed, thick. “You’re been in Summer this whole time. I tried to go there, I tried”-   A gentle frown reshaped Tarquin’s handsome face. “Borders are not flexible. Not after what you took from us.”   The first humiliating, furious tear, ran down Feyre’s nose. “To find Amren. To get back my family.”   Silent, they did not need to speak to carry out the charade, Tarquin twisted and Nesta pulled her leg free. Stood in a slide of soft silk layers, fingertips dancing across Tarquin’s back as he leaned forward and away.   Hand held out between them as she moved, Nesta offered a handkerchief, soft grey fabric forming between seconds.   Feyre fought the urge to take it. To throw it back in her face.   The minute went on and one, before Nesta dropped her hand. Squared those familiar, stubborn shoulders, and went stone still.   Feyre swallowed. “What do you want? For access to the Library?”   “What do I want?” Her voice was a whip crack.   A fresh wash of tears tumbled free. “You’re my sister,” Feyre said, choking on the word, “We need the library. We need- people are dying.”   Nesta did not even blink. It was like the words could not even reach her. “The Library is open to all who do not break its rules.”   She couldn’t-   “Do you want to come home?” Feyre offered, frantic. “Money. Jewels. To be Emissary. Anything, just”-   Very slowly, Tarquin rose to his full height. No true menace in the motion, but something worse. Concern, unhidden, bleeding free, the whole of his attention on Nesta’s bone white, stone cold face. He didn’t try to protect her from Feyre’s anger, painting the air with sparks, rug ruined. Did not even bother to try and end the fight; all Tarquin did was reach for Nesta’s hand, cupped in both of his.   “You would like to be High Lady,” he said, without looking up, Nesta’s unmoving hand a dead thing between the gold adored darkness of his grip, “You only have one job. Take care of your people.”   A thousand miles away, Nesta whispered, “Are they dying? Or are they paying?”   Keir, nothing left of his body but a handful of carved bones. Morrigan’s brothers, cousins, eaten whole. It was only low fae who lived, servants and prisoners fleeing, freed. A wraith who’d spit in Feyre’s face, when she’d promised they’d find her a home.   No High Fae could live through that night.
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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year ago
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im so Normal. totally not shaking and crying rn
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puppyeared · 6 months ago
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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radiation · 7 months ago
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It's weird because this movie was panned at the time but retrospective reviews have been *extremely* kind to it to the point where I can barely find reviews that aren't glowing nowadays. I'm talking about Richard Kelly's 2007 film Southland Tales.
People praise its prescience, its cultural critiques and condemnation of the Bush administration, but despite gesturing at those themes the movie honestly feels deeply fucking reactionary to me. Every single woman is a hysterical idiot, every leftist insincere and ineffectual. The main villain is a Jewish billionaire funding the leftists to stage a false flag police shooting, among other things. Soldiers and police meanwhile are routinely portrayed as strong and sympathetic, though.
It's also over two hours long, meandering and ugly. It's really bizarre to me that it's gained the momentum it has among people I usually consider to have good taste. No clue if it was intended to be the way it is or not, I think it might have actually been trying to critique 2000s American culture and politics but just suck at it. Among post-9/11 "America is fucked" works I wouldn't consider it to be politically far removed from like, Idiocracy or Team America: World Police
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phagodyke · 18 days ago
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#told my roommate ive been depressed this weekend and she kindly offered to watch a movie but i knew shed be too tired and need to cancel#bc of the clocks changing and its ok i know how tired she gets i was the one to suggest it was okay if she cant + it was still a nice idea#but now im alone for the evening again ive been alone all weekend and weekends are the hardest for me and i thought i was feeling a little#better but im not and theres nothing to stop me from harming which is okay i keep it safe and its always a choice i make to do it or not#not anyone elses responsibility but i didnt want.to be alone tonight thats all. and offering something she knows she cant fulfil makes me#feel rejected too and i also wanted to talk abt some of her behaviour that upsets me sometimes but gently bc i dont want it to seem like#im blaming her bc its not her fault im so bad at communicating and neurotic and weird abt shit that doesnt even make sense#but its been bothering me for a really long time and it comes up again every time we meet with other people and i get really upset over it#and im the one that keeps putting off talking about it but its so hard when its been gping on so long and i find it so hard to express#anything and communicate especiallt when its shit like this but im so so so so tired of sitting on it i just want it resolved one way or#another and now i wont see her for a few days bc of this family trip and itll be on my mind the whole time and the thought is making me#feel insane already ive wasted so many hours and hours being upset by her and not being able to talk abt it i need it to stop its not even#that big a deal.it just is to me. and i dont know how to say anythign ever#and she wants to make plans with friends next weekend which feels like hoisting an anvil above my head bc if i dont go i risk having a#rejection sensitive episode bc im vulnerable rn and this is exactly what happened over the summer and it took me months to recover from but#if i do go ill get upset bc ill feel unwanted there and ill be dealing with the same issue that comes up every fucking time and either way#ill end up harming in response to it bc i cant handle how intense my emotions are and i dont have any better outlets right now#for these specific feelings and i dont want to do that i want to be a normal fucking human being who doesnt lock themself in a#stupid fucking iron maiden style repression over completely innocuous shit that no one would even know im reacting this way to#i cant do it i cant do thjs anymore i cant i want it to stop im so tired and it hurts so so much feeling so much like this#they should make a mind for me that is capable of not inflicting distress this intense on itself i need to explode#actually. maybe since i wont see her for a couple days i can write a long discord message about it instead. i know its a shitty way to#deliver information but maybe it would be easier that way rather than trying to summon the courage to say anything in person when im#usually actively upset abt it at the time and my immediate response to getting upset is to shut down and not express which doesnt help#and its so stupid but i need it to not be like this i cant keep living with her and getting so upset so regularly it has to stop now#ill think about itand maybe draft it. and then i can decide. but right now i need to eat. and pack. and then cut sorry. but its ok#ughhhhfdhf. please let this week be better ill try harder ill say something i have to im the one inflicting this on myself by not talking#about it!!!!!!!!! so. man and i think my dinner is cold now too. oh well#.vent#tw self harm
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thegoldencontracts · 5 months ago
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Jealous!Dormheads
Riddle can't help it; he seethes. He's well aware it's improper, petty, childish, and more, but can you truly blame him? Sometimes it feels as if you spend more time with those friends of yours than with him. He'll tell you directly how he feels, that he isn't upset with you, but- could you possibly spare some more time for your partner?
Leona is all too used to this feeling. The bitterness of being in second place, the resentment for the person in first. And now it's in one of the few close relationships he has. He'll bottle up his resentment for a while, but at a point, you notice how much more standoffish he's gotten recently. Even if you wish he'd been more direct in telling you, you get where he's coming from.
Azul's reaction is pointed, petty. He'll purposefully bring it up during your conversations to gauge your reaction. Oh, you want aid with classwork? He can't, you know how he is, and don't you want Riddle's help more either way? It's rather painfully obvious. And yet, once you manage to confront him about it, he can't help but soften up. An apology slips from his lips rather quickly. He simply wanted- well- Oh, look at that, he has to go. The realization of how mortifying his behavior is makes him want to crawl into an octopus pot right then and there.
Kalim is confused. Why exactly is he feeling this way? What's going on with him? He's way more upset about you spending so much time with others , and it's bad, he knows, but- he just feels like you spend way less time with him. He'll tell you everything, how he feels, how stupid he feels for feeling the way he does, just- Would you mind spending a bit more time with him?
Vil is completely aware of how immature jealousy is. He knows. You're not going to leave him for those friends of yours, that's a foolish notion. So... Why does he still feel so terrible? Envy is the one sin he's never been able to evade, it seems. He can't help but try to prove his own worth as a partner to you. Do you need tutoring? He's rather proficient with the subject you're studying.
Idia just wants to hide in his room forever at this point. Why, of all things, does he have to experience the most cliche dating sim trope all of a sudden? And the one time he managed to find IRL romance? He's not telling you anything. He's not trying to be petty, either, he just kind of... Tried to act as unaffected as he can. He's not very good at it, though, and Ortho informs you of what's going on after a bit.
Malleus is confused. What is this peculiar emotion he's experiencing? What exactly makes him feel such a pang in his chest when he sees you in close proximity with others? He spends a good chunk of time in a library, attempting to figure out if he's contracted an illness. Then he talks to Lilia about it. He's "jealous", then? And this issue can be solved by talking to you more? That's a perfect solution! The next day, you can't help but notice that Malleus is more talkative than usual.
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vampyrevogue · 2 months ago
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Illness
Cregan stark × Fem!reader
Warnings:Fluff, super sweet cregan, Illness.
This fic is definitely not me projecting because of how I'll I am currently. Short little drabble.
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It was late in the afternoon when The lord of winterfell heard the news of his dear lady-wife falling Ill. He had woken early as he usually did, though this morning he had decided to leave you sleeping soundly in your shared chambers;he spent his whole day in council meetings and in the training grounds.
When you're dearest handmaiden had burst into winterfell council chambers to inform cregan of your illness he had immediately stood up rushing through the halls of the formidable keep toward your shared chambers.
As he entered the room his eyes immediately found you, laid in bed in a delirious state drenched in sweat and sniffling heavy. Your cheeks were a bright pink and your eyes barely open and you flex your aching knees under the covers, one ofyour hands thrown over your forehead as one of your handmaidens attempted to dab your forehead with a cold damp cloth.
“out all of you” Cregan says gruffly, his gaze shifting to the other maids in the room who were running a bathfor your.
They quickly scurry out, the maid who was by your side originally handing him the damp cloth. Your heavy breathing and sniffling wasthe only noise left in the room as he approached you with a softened look on his face, taking a seat beside you and gently placing the cloth on your forhead. His hand comes up to gently caress your face, sighing softly at the hurt of seeingyou in such a state.
“how do you feel, my girl?”he asks, he tone soft yet it still had its usual northern gruffness. He knew the answerto his question already, he just wanted to know you were not completely lost in fever.
“bad”you murmur quietly, a soft cough following your voice. Your weary eyes open a little more, examining the soft look on his face.
“there is a bath drawn, should you wish to get in it. I'll have some soup brought to you” she says, wipingyour sweat drenched hair from your forehead.
You contemplate for a moment, your head turning to the large copper bathtub in the center of the room. You groan at the though of relaxing your aching limbs in the steamy water. Nodding slightly, you wearily swing your legs over the edge of the bed, taken small and shaky steps toward the tub. Cregan stands behind you his arm barely on your back as he attempts to steady your steps, quick to help you tie your hair back and strip of your nightgown;he holds his hand out assisting you in sinking yourself into the tub before leaning at the side, his hand still intertwined with yours.
You lean your head against the copper tub, sinking fully into the water with a large sigh. Cregan hands you a glass of water,and you sip it quickly as if you had not ever drank water.
“you must rest well, my love”he whispersto you, his hand running throughyour hair gently.
You looked at cregan with a gracious smile, thankful for his presence beside you more than ever. You knew this was going to be a long and aching time of sickness but you were just glad cregan was by your side as he always promised he would be.
Short and sweet as alway, hope yall enjoy it. Yknow the drill please send asks in if you have them❤.
Sincerely, V.carmen.
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aggieslittlebunny · 29 days ago
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PLEASE TALK TO ME
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MEN/MINORS DNI!!!
Pairing: University Student!Reader x Older!gf!Wanda
Summary: Reader’s life has always been hard, but as of late, it seems to be extremely harder for you. Your girlfriend, Wanda, is always ready to support you, but you push her away as your condition is getting worse and things escalate.
Trigger Warnings/Tags: angst, hurt/comfort, contain heavy/sensitive topic, mental illness, depressed reader, anxious reader, negative self-talk, self-harm, suicide attempt, suffering reader, reader have suspicion of being an ADHDer (but doesn’t get diagnosed). You have been warned, so don’t read this fic if there is a chance that you might get triggered, no matter how small the chance is. Please never hesitate to reach out to someone close to you or any professional help if you’re struggling mentally. You matter <3
Author Note: English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any gramatical and spelling errors ^^
Word Count: 3.5k
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Life has been hard for you lately, much harder than usual. You can’t exactly tell since when this has happened and the reasons behind it. Being a university student has always been a challenge. To be completely honest, despite getting A- for most of the courses you had, you always feel like you barely survived. Other students appear to be able to understand whatever topic the professors deliver right away. Besides that, it seems very easy for them to raise their hands and ask questions. Meanwhile, you? You can barely sit through three and a half hours of each lecture, let alone be focused throughout the whole thing. Being glued to the classroom chair for that long feels so horrible. Oftentimes, you think of excusing yourself to the restroom, but you are way too anxious to do that. All you can do is shift yourself in your seat every once in a while, but you can’t do that too much either because then people will notice how fidgety you are. You will attract unwanted attention.
Speaking of unwanted attention and being anxious, those are why it’s hard for you to ask questions during lectures. You don’t like having people’s eyes on you. You also keep asking yourself “what if my question is strange?” or “what if my question doesn’t make sense?” right after your brain makes a question, which gets you stuck in your head and prevents you from being an active student. That doesn’t mean you never ask questions. You pushed yourself to do that sometimes. You need to keep up with other students after all. But you truly despise it. You don’t like the feeling of your hands becoming clammy and how your heart beats very fast, making you breathe heavily.
Before you ask a question, you need to come up with one. That is also a problem for you since you believe that you have a short attention span. Your brain loves to wander, even when all you want to do is focus. You can pay attention to the professors’ voice and write down the important information you want to keep, but before you realize it, your train of thoughts are somewhere else and your hand has already stopped writing minutes ago. You have a lot of questions in your head, but you are afraid that they actually have been discussed and you just weren’t paying attention. You believe that you will look or sound ridiculous.
Your older girlfriend, Wanda, is aware of your struggles, but you haven't told her everything. You just let her know some bits without much detail. She is the most supportive girlfriend you have ever had. Well, she is your first girlfriend so that statement can’t be wrong. Seriously though, she is very supportive and sweet to you. You love her so much and will do anything to make her stay, even if that means hiding most of your problems and keeping your negative feelings bottled up.
You have been doing such a good job hiding how you feel in front of Wanda— and everyone. Thinking of people worried about you filled you with guilt, so you tend to just put on a happy or at least neutral look on your face. These past few weeks, your mask slowly cracks. Wanda started to notice the empty look in your eyes (no matter what expression you are making), the bag under your eyes, the forced cheerful tone escaping your lips, how you space out more frequently, how you seem to avoid people including her, and other behavior changes from you. Everytime she asks how you are doing, you will simply tell her that you’re fine, maybe a little tired. She knows you are not, but she doesn’t want to put pressure onto you and keep praying that you will open up soon. She keeps waiting and waiting. A couple of months passed and you seem to be getting worse. This makes her persuade you harder to tell her what is going on, but no matter how hard she tries, you never tell her the truth. You keep denying her that you are behaving really off and telling her that she is just overthinking.
“Sweetheart, you know that you can talk to me about anything at any time, right?” Wanda randomly blurts. Both of you are currently sitting on a bench in a park, eating ice cream while watching people minding their own business.
“Mmhm.”  you replied shortly with a faint positive tone. You can feel her gaze pointed at you, but you decide to keep your eyes watching a little girl laughing with her parents as they play catch with their dog.
“I’m sorry to keep bringing this up. I can’t help but be worried about you, baby. The more time passes, the more I notice how you seem to not be doing well. You don’t need to pretend that you’re okay in front of me. I want you to rely on me. I might not be able to solve all of your problems, but I will always be with you. We can face this together if you let me. You’re not alone. Please tell me what is going on.” one of her hands reaches yours. You look at Wanda the moment she holds your hand.
“I’m alright, seriously. Maybe I'm just a little bit tired. The finals week is getting near and I need to be ready for that. I don’t want to fall behind. Thank you for caring about me, but can we not talk about this right now? Maybe we can talk about it later, just… not now.”
“Okay, baby. I understand. Do you want to grab some lunch after this?”
A day after that, you suddenly stopped meeting Wanda. Most calls from her are ignored by you. The ones you picked up never last longer than five minutes. You told her that you need to focus on your study, but Wanda doubts that. She knows from one of your friends that you have been skipping a bunch of lectures. She considered visiting you in your dorm, but you always refused whenever she asked for your permission. You gave her a hard no right away, every single time, no consideration. She tries to respect your decision, but it is getting harder each day for her, and unbeknownst to her, for you either. You are getting worse and it is actually out of her expectation and imagination.
Now it has been three weeks since you stopped meeting Wanda. She always waits for any message from you that appears to be sent to her less and less as the days pass. Today she hasn’t received any. She is beyond worried, but she also knows that you are having finals this week. The semester ends soon and she hopes she will be able to hang out with you again since you will have lots of free time for a month. She gave you some space since she thought that is what you need. She tries to act chill about it, but each buzz coming from her phone never fails to make her jolt. She will check her phone right away and gets disappointed when she doesn’t see your name (or ‘my baby’ since she set your contact as that) on her notifications.
She heard from you on Friday. It is almost midnight, but she can’t sleep unless she does her daily reading before bed. Therefore, there she is. She is sitting comfortably in her bed, her back against the headboard, and there is an open book in her hand. It was peaceful until her phone buzzed. When she takes a glance at her phone, she swiftly picks it up and opens a message from you. You sent her a link. That link leads her to a letter written by you. Her eyes scan each word carefully. You are thanking her for being a wonderful girlfriend. As Wanda keeps reading, she hopes that you are just giving her a sweet letter of appreciation. Deep inside, she fears that you are breaking up with her, but she tries not to judge quickly since it is a pretty lengthy letter and she barely reaches the quarter part of it.
“When you are reading this, I have done something stupid.”
Wanda freezes for a solid ten seconds. After that, she stands up and runs to her car. She forgets her car keys so she sprints back in to grab it and then she leaves her house with her car. She left her house unlocked and she is still wearing her pajamas, but those are none of her concern right now. Her head chanting your name as well as prayers that you are safe. As she drives, she continues reading your letter. Her eyes moved from her screen to the road repeatedly until she finished reading it. After that she completely focuses on the road and might have crossed the speed limit several times. She reached your dorm room in twenty minutes, thanks to one of your close friends that is still awake and messaged her the number of your room.
She expected that she would have to break the door open, but she was wrong. The door isn’t locked. She knows right away that it was left like that by you on purpose. You told her so many times that you always lock your door twice because you’re afraid of the possibility that a stranger can get into your room easily. The sound of her footsteps echoes in your room. Your room is dark, but there is light from the sideroad lamp slipping through your window. She saw the lump of your body covered with your favorite blanket in your bed and she approached you in a hurry. She cradles your face in her palms. She noticed your irregular breathing and that you are breathing through your mouth. She also quickly noticed that there is a kind of chemical smell coming out from your mouth. Her hand reached the phone in her pocket and she dialed the emergency number, asking for an ambulance. It will take around ten minutes for it to arrive.
Just when she is about to wake you up, she accidentally knocks over a mug on your bedside table. It is now on the ground and the liquid inside it seeps into the rug. At first she thought it was tea, but after a quick sniff into the air, she realized that it is not tea or at least not just tea. The smell is exactly the same as what is coming out from your mouth. She checked the water bottle that was sitting beside the mug. She remembers how you brought the bottle with you all the time. It has such a bold pink color and there is a picture of a rabbit saying ‘life is beautiful’ on it. She opens the bottle and at first glance it looks like it’s filled with normal water, but the somewhat gray look as well as the strong chemical scent said otherwise. Shortly after that, her eyes spot a little trash can near the bed. She noticed some tissues covered with blood as well as an empty bug spray can.
“Shit.” she thought.
“Baby? Baby, wake up. Please. Can you hear me?” Wanda tries to wake you up with panic in her voice. She pulls your blanket away to take a look at your arms and wrists. She found nothing. But a second later she saw some dried blood prints on your shorts, the left thigh part to be exact. After that, she taps your cheek and shakes your body firmly which elicits a groan from you.
“I’m sorry, Wanda. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.” You replied faintly. It is clear that you are slipping in and out of consciousness.
“Shh, you will be okay. There is nothing to be sorry for; I’m not mad at you. I love you very much. Please don’t go back to sleep. Stay with me, sweetie. I’ll get you to the hospital. The ambulance is coming.”
The paramedic comes soon after that and you are brought to the hospital. The emergency room is very cold and quiet. Maybe not that quiet since you hear people’s voices, but everything is so faint and blurry to you. After you get treated, Wanda is allowed to see you. She sees you smiling a little and she smiles back as she walks closer towards you.
You start telling her what has been happening in your life. Wanda sits on the hospital bed that you occupied, holding your hand as she hears your story. You tell her that you always feel so different throughout your life. You always feel like you are always in a race to keep up with other people around you. It gets harder and harder, especially with the fact that you’re a student in a top university. You tell her that since you get into university, your life is way messier than before. Keeping up with other students almost feels impossible. You try and try and try, but it is never enough. You are never satisfied and you feel like you are the most stupid student compared to other students in the same year as you.
Your grades might say different things, but there are endless efforts to get those grades. You are a procrastinator, but it is not because you don’t want to do your responsibility. Most of the time, you just can’t. Your body and brain won’t function the way you want them to and you despise that part of yourself because that makes you feel lazy. But you also barely get any sleep to finish your assignments, prepare your part in group assignments, and sometimes you cover your friend’s part or any extra part. That caused you to sleep like three hours a day. Some days four, the other days two, and this rarely happens but you can go two or three days without sleep. You have been living with this terrible sleep schedule for three years now. All you want is to be like other students. You’re scared of falling behind. You know you will not survive by yourself so you want your classmates to be able to rely on you on group projects. You want as many classmates as possible to like you. 
“I’m so tired, Wanda. I’m exhausted.” You sighed painfully.
You proceed to tell her how your head was slowly becoming evil to you. It’s never peaceful in your head. Different things are piling up inside it. They’re messy piles and your brain seems to insist on unpacking them all at the same time. You can feel the chaos within your body and mind. The chaos streaming in your blood makes you want to curl up and disappear. Then it’s getting worse. Your brain started telling you various negative things:
“No one likes you.”
“Your friends hate you. They talk about you behind your back”
“You’re a terrible person.”
You began to believe those things. Watching your friends surrounding a table in the cafeteria leads you to think that they were talking shitty stuff about you. Especially after a friend of yours noticed that you were crying in front of the class but said nothing. After that, you started to spend lots of time hiding in the restroom stall to cry, usually before class. You were terrified by people around you and your own brain. Then you seek out some help. You reached out to a counselor provided by your university. You confessed to her about the problems you have been having as of late, and talking helps, but not much. Your brain is still very mean to you. At some point you really want to know what is going on with you. You desperately want an explanation on why you feel so different compared to others since you were a little kid. You dived into the internet, researching stuff based on your struggles. You are very sure that you’re suffering from depression, maybe even anxiety. But you believe that there is something more. After weeks of researching, you have a suspicion that you might have ADHD. You read some books, watched lots of videos, and asked some of your online friends who are ADHDer. 
“I can never be sure until I get a proper diagnosis and I can’t get a diagnosis from a counselor. But if my counselor can at least agree with my suspicion, I assume it will be easier for me to get actual diagnosis. Therefore I talked about it with her, my counselor. I didn’t explicitly say to her that I think I might have ADHD. Instead, I tell her my life experiences that relate to the symptoms. At one point she cut my story.”
“Aren’t you just lazy?” the words your counselor threw at you echo in your brain.
“Am I just lazy, Wanda? Please tell me it’s not true. I’m trying. I always try! Please believe me! I-”
Wanda instantly cups your face in her hands and rests her forehead against yours.
“Breathe, sweetie. Deep breath. I’m with you. You’re not lazy. Not at all. You have been trying your best. I know it, baby.”
“It’s so painful! It feels like she throws away my self-image I’ve been building all my life. The sleepless nights… The notes covering my dorm walls…” you take a sharp breath and continue, “Even as a kid, my parents pushed me so hard to study. In elementary school, they will make me study until midnight during test weeks. In middle school I fell behind, but managed to push myself so that I could get into a good highschool. I push myself all the time to keep up with everybody else. Maybe I also do it so my parents will keep loving me. To them, my grades define who I am. They expect so much from me. It hurts…” you cry at the last two words and Wanda embraces you in a warm hug.
“The day when my counselor said that, I walked back to my dorm room with tears streaming down my face. I sobbed as I walked, maybe some strangers saw me in that state, but I was in too much agony to care. I stopped seeking out help from anyone. I just want to know why I am the way I am. But I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t stand feeling so different than anyone else. I also throw that suspicion away. I can’t face it since then.” you pushed Wanda away gently to look at her face. You can see tenderness in her eyes. How can you be so lucky to have her?
“I guess that pushed me further to this point. I didn’t get any help. I pushed myself even harder. I carried way much more stuff than I can handle. Last week, I constantly had my nose bleeding. That keeps going for like five days. I hurt myself too several times. It’s like I’m literally sacrificing my blood, sweat, and tears to survive. Then my head started telling me harmful stuff and questioning my worth of living.”
“Why are you still trying?”
“Why are you here?”
“Why don’t you just kill yourself?”
“You should just kill yourself.”
“You should kill your family members too. They are in danger and you need to end their lives to save them.”
“I’m terrified, Wanda! I’m scared! I’m scared of myself so much. You have no idea. That’s why I ended up here. I thought this was the only way to fix this. I’m so sorry…”
“Baby…” a tear runs down Wanda’s cheek and she leaves a kiss on top of your head before speaking up again, “Thank you for telling me this, sweetheart. I know there is still so much left unsaid and I know you’re telling me as much as you can at this moment. Thank you for trusting me with this. I’m not mad at you. I’m not angry. I’m not disappointed. But may I know why you kept telling me that you’re fine on those days?”
“I’m afraid that I will become a burden and you will think that I’m too much and…”
“I will leave you?” you nod.
“I'm sorry, Wanda. I truly am sorry.”
“Stop that, baby. It’s fine now. You will get proper help after this and I will always support you. I’m not going anywhere. Let’s take it slow, yeah?” you nod once again and pull her into a tight hug.
“Thank you.”
Wanda’s hand begins to stroke your hair lovingly, “Please never hesitate to tell me anything in the future. You can stay at my place when your head is being very mean to you. In fact you can stay at my place anytime. I won’t mind seeing your little cute face every morning, I would love that. We can work on your sleep schedule together and maybe find a study method that suits you. I know it’s not easy and you’ve been struggling very hard by yourself, but you don’t have to do that anymore. You don’t have to be by yourself. You have me. I got you, sweetheart.”
“What did I do to deserve you, Wands?”
“You don’t need to do anything to be loved by me. I love you, more than you know.”
“I love you too. I love you to the moon and back.”
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thrashkink-coven · 5 months ago
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Occultists, witches and spiritualists really need to stop peddling the lie that spirituality, witchcraft, paganism, etc. isn’t a psychological phenomenon as well as a mystical one. Your psychology will in fact, fundamentally inform your experiences with spirituality.
And we also need to stop pretending that spirituality and witchcraft are somehow contrary to mental illness. Or that having a mental illness means you can’t do witchcraft.
I’ll be completely honest with you guys and say that certain people with certain afflictions are more predisposed to different “mystical” experiences than others. I don’t think it’s a great coincidence that I am so great at visualization given that I was raised in a severely neglectful household. It doesn’t surprise me that many pagans are lonely people. This doesn’t mean to say that spirituality is “filling” a hole within anyone (although if it is, that’s great for you) but more so that, well, this path is unpopular for a reason. Alternative subcultures are alternative for a reason, and outcasts and rejects usually find a home there for a reason.
This also doesn’t mean to say that people who engage in witchcraft and spiritualism are inherently mentally ill. There is still a difference between hallucinations and spiritual encounters. And there was never any rule that said that both of these things cannot happen to a single person. For the safety of yourself and others we should be aware of the warning signs of dissociation and hallucination, but that doesn’t make anyone “wrong” for experiencing those things. And experiencing those things doesn’t mean you cannot explore spirituality or do witchcraft.
I hate it when “spiritualists” who are actually just anti-vax conservatives push the narrative that people with mental health issues cannot participate in spirituality. I also despise the notion that mental health issues are inherently a sign of an energetic imbalance. We’re all walking around with a special concoction of brain soup in our heads, it doesn’t surprise me that Ares devotees tend to have BPD, that many Aphrodite devotees struggle with self harm, that many people who work with angels have paranoia or generalized anxiety.
There was never any rule that said that you cannot use your deities or magic to help you cope with your mental health. I know some people will say “the Gods aren’t here to be your friend or hold your hand through life” but I’ve seen no evidence to suggest that’s true. I see no reason why a God like Ares couldn’t help his devotee with BPD come down after a bout of rage, I see no reason why Dionysus couldn’t help his devotee with their alcoholism or substance abuse, I see no reason why Aphrodite couldn’t help a devotee with relapse or negative self talk.
Witchcraft and paganism were historically used as a tool for survival, to bring people ease, to help people feel safe and secure, blessed and protected. That applied to all people, including those with mental health issues.
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atlabeth · 5 months ago
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table thief
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader
summary: spencer's routine, thoughts, and plans are thrown off by a girl he meets at his favorite cafe --- not necessarily in that order.
a/n: i dont know where this came from but uh. enjoy this lil fluffy blurb! ill get to those 3k requests sometime. set during spence's time at caltech
wc: 1.6k
warning(s): none, all fluff
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Spencer’s mind is a whirlwind of information while he stands in line at his usual coffee shop, trying to keep everything in order as he goes over everything he needs to get done. It’s a particularly busy afternoon for him, hence his coming here directly after class instead of stopping by his dorm. 
There’s a research paper for him to finish, office hours to make for his most elusive professor to get some questions answered—why she only has them open for two hours on Wednesdays, Spencer has no idea—a thousand papers to grade for the class he’s a TA for, and naturally, a coffee to give him the energy for the rest of what is going to be a long night. 
Of course, he knows he should probably try and do it without caffeine—it’s one of the most popular drugs in the world, and most people live in ignorance of their obvious addiction to it—but Spencer has decided to forgo some caution in the name of getting all his work done. 
He doesn’t really have a choice, honestly. He’s planned out this whole day meticulously, much like every other day. He packed his bag with everything he would need for the rest of the day so he wouldn’t have to make the aforementioned stop at his dorm, he picked the line with the barista that has never gotten his order wrong—and, he’s realized over numerous trips to this shop, is the fastest in the entire cafe—and his usual table is big enough to hold all of his books and papers. 
But as Spencer finishes pouring in his last bit of sugar, he realizes his meticulous plan is foiled before he can even take the first sip. 
Because his table is taken. 
The table he sat at the first time he stopped in here before class and the table he has sat at every other time since, the table that has honestly become a part of his routine and is the only one big enough for all of the work he has to get done this afternoon, is taken by some woman wearing a Caltech sweatshirt and reading a book. You’ve got your own thermos in front of you, so at least you care about the environment, but that thought doesn’t stop the flareup of annoyance inside of him. 
You have to be a student, and you have to be his age, and you have to either be oblivious or have a whole lot of nerve because Spencer has seen you around campus and in this coffee shop before. That means you know this is his table and you still took it anyway. 
“That’s my table,” Spencer says, and after it leaves his mouth he’s able to hear how stupid he sounds. It’s a table in a public coffee shop. Of course he has no claim to it—just because it’s obvious to him doesn’t mean it’s obvious to you. You probably didn’t even know. 
You look up from your book, and the second stupid thought to hit him is how pretty you are. “I know.”
He frowns. He can’t think that table thieves are pretty, especially ones with apparent malicious and knowledgeable intent. “You— you know?”
You nod. “I’m here almost as much as you are, Mr. Reid.”
“Doctor Reid,” he corrects, almost on instinct. 
Your eyebrows rise. “Doctor?”
“I have two PhDs,” he explains, though he feels even more stupid doing so as he gets on the edge of stammering. “I’m working on a third. Chemistry.”
“And already I know more about you in a minute than I’ve gotten in the past month,” you muse. “That’s why I took your table, Doctor Reid.”
Spencer frowns even more. “You took my table so I could tell you about my PhDs?”
“So I could get an excuse to talk to you,” you correct. Your smile grows a bit and you huff a quiet laugh, more to yourself than anything. “You’re a little intimidating.”
That gets him completely, his brows furrowing deeper yet. “I— I’m intimidating?”
“Well, yeah,” you say. “You’re a gorgeous guy who always looks like he’s got something to do, so I never wanted to interrupt you. But I really wanted to ask you out, so I finally decided to take matters into my own hands.”
Spencer feels like his brain is short circuiting. He’s still stuck on the intimidating comment, and he’s still kind of annoyed that you took his table, but you specifically went out of your way to get his attention and now you’re calling him gorgeous— 
Just who the hell are you? 
“You’re not busy, are you?” He’s drawn out of his head temporarily as you speak again, dazzling smile still on display. “I would get it if you were. I mean, third PhD and all.”
“No,” he says immediately, shaking his head far too rapidly, “no— no, I’m not busy.”
He just has a whole lot of work to do, work that he came specifically to this cafe to do, but you’re throwing him off of everything in the first five seconds of knowing each other. 
“Wonderful.” Your smile grows and Spencer feels his face grow hot. He finds his annoyance quickly fading, replaced with some mix of confusion and interest and embarrassment. “If you’ve got the time, I’d love to sit down and talk some. Get to know you a bit.”
And again, Spencer hardly even knows what to say. He— he doesn’t talk to girls. Girls don’t talk to him. But here you are, stealing his table and flashing pretty smiles and wanting to get to know him— wanting to ask him out. It’s all so absurd that a part of him thinks he might just be dreaming, but he’s sure he’s fully conscious. 
“Why?” he blurts out, and he would be even more embarrassed if it wasn’t such a genuine question. 
You give him a wry look. “Why what?” 
“Wh— why would you want to get to know me?” Spencer stammers. “There’s more than 2,000 other students here. There’s almost 40 million people in California. I’m no one.”
“You are Doctor Spencer Reid,” you say, looking him right in the eye. “You drink your coffee with an absurd amount of sugar and cream, you always seem to be in a hurry, you’re one of the most beautiful guys I’ve ever seen, and I want to know more about you than passing observations. That’s why.” 
For once, Spencer finds that he’s speechless. He doesn’t think anyone has ever been this blatant, this honest with him, over a matter like this. He— he doesn’t think he’s ever been asked out. Are you asking him out?
“If you think this is totally weird and you want your table back, say the word and I’ll get out of here.” Your eyes move to the free seat across from you, and you tilt your head. “But… if you don’t think it’s totally weird, there’s room for another.” 
Spencer stands there for a second, a thousand things flitting through his mind once again. On one hand, he has a lot of work to do. This is throwing off his entire routine, and even if he just spends ten minutes talking here, he’s going to have to get all his work done, and he’ll probably end up running to his office hours to make it there in time. Part of the reason that he plans things out so meticulously is so he can avoid sprints across campus that he’s most certainly not built for. 
On the other hand, he’s known you for two minutes and he’s already enraptured. He wants nothing more than to ignore that voice in his head and sit down across from you, absorb every bit of attention you’re willing to give and every word you say, and get to know this strange table thief. 
It takes another moment, but Spencer slings his bag off and takes the seat across from you. He sets his bag on the ground and his oversugared coffee on the table, and he notices the way a weight seems to leave your shoulders. 
You were nervous. Nervous to talk to him. The thought is almost laughable, that someone feels the way about him that he usually feels in every social interaction. 
“It is a little weird,” Spencer says, and he finds a small smile tugging at his lips that he can’t fully control. “But that’s kind of my specialty.” 
Your smile grows, and Spencer thinks you’re one of the most beautiful girls he’s ever seen. He has no idea how he got lucky enough for you to intercept him like this, but he’s grateful for it. 
“Good to hear,” you nod, and you let out a soft chuckle. “Sorry for stealing your table, by the way. It was the only thing I could think of to get your attention.” 
He shakes his head as he blinks a few times. “I don’t blame you. It’s a good table.” 
“It’s not really the table,” you say wryly. “It’s you. You’re very intriguing.” 
“Well,” Spencer says, clearing his throat as he tries his hardest to calm his nerves, “I guess it’s not really my table anymore. It can be our table, going forward.” 
Your eyebrows rise, and your smile is as bright as your eyes. “I like the sound of that, Doctor Reid.” 
His face burns as he tries to act casual, and he hopes you can’t tell how much he likes the sound of that. 
You start talking, asking him questions about himself and what he does and how in the world he has two PhDs already when you’re the same age, and he finds himself attached to every word—it’s an active effort to not get lost in those bright eyes of yours. 
(Spencer never does make it to those office hours.)
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briardoll · 6 months ago
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The Obey Me! Characters react to an MC who talks to themselves!
Lucifer actually thinks it’s kind of cute, but worries you may be lonely, or quite possibly mentally ill. He may ask why you talk to yourself so much so please assure him that you’re fine!!
Mammon thinks you’re crazy, “who likes talkin’ to themselves??” Maybe it’s a weird human thing, or maybe you’re just a weird human. Either way he’s gonna bust in and ask why you’re so passionate in your hatred for modern art. (The kind of stuff where they paint a canvas entirely blue or tape a banana to a canvas and call it art. <- defo isn’t something I’M passionately hateful about (¬_¬))
Levi understands completely what it’s like to have to converse with yourself because you know nobody else understands/cares about what you’re saying. Comes in and tries his best to listen and understand your thoughts!
Satan stands outside and eavesdrops on what you’re saying, uses the information he earns to one-up his brothers by knowing what you like/dislike without ever having asked or being told directly. It creeps you out until you come out of your room unexpectedly and catch him spying.
Asmo will originally think that your live-streaming something and check all your socials, (why would you stream without telling him!? He wants to watch every second you know!) when there are no lives to be found, he comes in and asks to help film the deviltube video with you, realizing there’s no video to film either he decides to get in on the conversation and even agrees with what you’re saying! He never knew you had that much in common before!!
Beel thinks you must be hallucinating, it’s because you haven’t eaten enough of course!! He brings you your favorite meals, drinks, and snacks so that you can regain your mental stability. You tell him that you just talk to yourself to get your thoughts out somewhere and it confuses him, he’s a man of not too many words, and if it’s not about food he’s doesn’t usually pay enough attention to form an opinion. Eats snacks with you and listens to what you have to say.
Belphie thinks you talk way too much about things that aren’t important. Does laugh when he hears about the time a cicada flew in your mouth one summer as a child. “So you’ve never known how to keep your mouth shut, huh?” Whoops, gave himself away, now you know he’s there!!! (Definitely never happened to me and I’m definitely NOT speaking from experience! Actually… yes it did. I’m scared of cicadas TO. THIS. DAY.)
Diavolo thinks you talk to yourself because he doesn’t make enough time for you! He feels bad that you feel the need to talk to yourself because he’s made you so lonely! Please promise him that he did nothing wrong! He’ll still deploy a little D. To be your conversation partner when he’s busy with paperwork.
Barbatos only requests that you speak to yourself quietly, the young lord is working you know! At least now he knows your likes and dislikes better and can better cater to your needs. (him and Satan have similar mindsets in this regard)
Simeon wonders in you’re recording some kind of podcast. He’s never found it online, but it doesn’t bother him because he can listen from right outside your door. Is always excited to know what the next episode is about!
Luke comes in and asks you if you’re sick, when you tell him no, he asks if you’re lonely. You could’ve just asked him to talk! Baked some sweets and shares them with you while you talk about your common interests.
Solomon responds randomly to your rhetorical questions from outside the door. You tell him to go away and that you weren’t talking to him, just when you think he’s gone he answers you again and laughs, it’s now a fun game for him to play when he visits you.
Thirteen plays pranks on you while you do it, knocks on the door really hard and then hides so that when you open it nobody’s there! Will go to the electrical breaker in the house and switch the lights in your room on and off to hear you scream in terror.
Raphael thinks a curse might’ve been placed on you, asks if he needs to rain spears onto the person who did this to you, you tell him that no, you weren’t cursed, you’re just like this. He now thinks you are very odd and may possibly need some kind of mental help.
Mephisto will not tolerate your stupidity. If there is nobody in the room, you simply don’t speak, you aren’t filming a video, you aren’t talking on the phone, and you’re certainly not normal for acting like this! Cease it at once!
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thatfeelinwhenyou · 1 year ago
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KINDRED — yang jungwon
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It’s your final year of highschool, and your only goal is to graduate top of your cohort, as usual. Except as student council president, your advisor can’t seem to leave you alone. What happens when you take Decelis Academy’s top student, their star taekwondo athlete and put them in front of a camera?
“Kindred” a student documentary. Pilot episode airing tonight on TVN 7PM KST.
PAIRING: athlete!jungwon x stucopres!fem!reader
FEATURING: enhypen, yunjin from lesserafim, ryujin and chaeryeong from itzy, chanelle from runext, beomgyu and taehyun from txt, wonyoung from ive, gunwook and gyuvin from zb1 etc.
GENRE: high school au, enemies to lovers, nerd x athlete, forced proximity, slice of life, coming of age, he fell first and harder, fluff, ANGST, teen drama, slow burn ish?
STATUS: completed! (01/09/2023 – 18/03/2024)
WARNINGS: contains profanities, horrible attempt at humour, urban lingo, probably cringy, kys/kms jokes, depression jokes, sexual innuendos (nothing too inappropriate), depiction of violence, family drama, incorrect timestamps/information, no fixed faceclaims, not proofread etc.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: story concept is heavily inspired by the kdrama ‘our beloved summer’ other than that the storyline is completely original (or so i assume since i manifested this out from the crevices of my pea brain). chapters with ‘(hw)’ next to them indicates that they are half-written, in case y’all skip over it! as always, the content and depiction of the characters in this smau do not in anyway represent them in real life. lastly, if you do end up enjoying, please do like, comment (love reading your comments btw), and reblog so this can reach!
TAGS: #tfwy kindred #tfwy smau
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TEASER
profile. one | two | three
episode 1 - ratatouille and the underdogs
episode 2 - one way ticket to university
episode 3 - do you take constructive criticism?
episode 4 - unsolicited but appreciated
episode 5 - the art of benevolence
episode 6 - taekwondo-anti
episode 7 - beating the mentally ill allegations
episode 8 - can’t help it, i’m a libra
episode 9 - operation we-don’t-really-hate-each-other (hw)
episode 10 - she’s an oscar award winning actress
episode 11 - someone like me (hw)
episode 12 - ‘female-lead-realising-the-bad-boy-isnt-actually-that-bad’ arc
episode 13 - 5 foot 9 garfield meets avatar
episode 14 - yn the heterosexual
episode 15 - the ynwon getting closer montage :p
episode 16 - to the moon and back
episode 17 - eat 2 left toes
episode 18 - you are approved! (hw)
episode 19 - asking for a friend
episode 20 - rediscovering won’s ability to love
episode 21 - beomgyu’s 99999 eq
episode 22 - ynwon get together or else >:(
episode 23 - “hate”
episode 24 - not all problems can be solved with a formula
episode 25 - H.O.M.E.W.R.E.C.K.E.R
episode 26 - collecting facebook milfs like pokémons
episode 27 - you were brighter than the moon (hw)
episode 28 - she's studious not stupid
episode 29 - the garden is full of surprises (hw)
episode 30 - weapon of mass destruction
episode 31 - the name above me (hw)
episode 32 - no offense but she’s a cockblocker
episode 33 - the bane of my existence (hw)
episode 34 - risky risky wiggy wigi this is an emergency
episode 35 - live my life on my terms (hw)
episode 36 - separation anxiety goes crazy
episode 37 - paparizzki
episode 38 - is it too late now to say Sorry?
episode 39 - everything will work out just the way you want it to (hw)
episode 40 (finale) - her entire being is loveable (written)
epilogue - kindred, signing off part 1 | part 2
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bonus chapters!
yunjin x heeseung
i can fight
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Copyright© 2023 thatfeelinwhenyou All Rights Reserved
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fairyrcts · 23 days ago
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WHY WHY WHY , M.S.
by fairyrcts contents - (unresolved) angst , intended lowercase , pet names , 2nd person , pregnancy , cursing
warning ! - this may be triggering to some readers as this story does include pregnancy and abandonment. please read with caution.
an - i unironically love shawn mendes and i needed some dad matt stuff :P
taglist - @pvssychicken , @gothiccvnt6996 , @emely9274
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you'd woken up feeling absolutely terrible. you were sick to your stomach, throwing up every now and then.
matt sat on the bathroom floor beside you, rubbing your back in attempt to sooth you.
"this is so weird. you were just fine yesterday." he mumbled to himself.
"i fuckin' know."
you had no idea what came over you today. no one at work was sick, you hadn't eaten anything bad. you were confused as to why this was happening.
matthew knew you hadn't been in contact with anyone who was ill and you hadn't even left the house in a day or two, so he was confused himself.
he felt terrible that all this was happening to you. "do you think it might just be your period?"
his voice took you out of your thoughts. no, it wasn't your period. in fact, you were late. four days late to your period.
"uh, no. i'm pretty sure i'm late." you spoke quietly, scared of the response to what you had just admitted.
matt took a second to process the words that had left your mouth. he began racking his brain with the possibilities.
"do you think you're.. pregnant?" he could barely bring himself to say the word. he wasn't ready to be a father whatsoever.
the words hit you hard. pregnant?
"i dunno.." you managed to let out.
matt's breath audibly caught in his throat. "i- do you wanna get a test?"
you avoided the question for a moment, not knowing if you were even ready to find out.
"yeah, okay." a sigh followed your sentence.
the two of you stood up, walking out to the car in silence. he didn't bother opening your door like he usually does or ask what song you felt like playing.
he was insanely stressed. you'd only been dating 8 months but you were incredibly connected.
you'd moved in together a while back, you'd both met each others parents and to say you loved each other was an understatement.
but becoming parents? that's a completely different story.
he pulled the car into the cvs parking lot. "i'll be right back." he muttered to which you nodded.
when he exited the vehicle, you were left alone with your thoughts.
you knew you probably weren't ready for this big of a thing. having a kid together was huge and you were barely even an adult.
but deep down you knew if that test came out positive, you'd make yourself ready for the situation. and you had no doubt that you and matt could handle this within time.
right?
matthew came back with two boxes in his hand. "i got two just in case."
he gave you a tight-lipped smile to try and give you some sense of comfort. he was aware you were probably as nervous as he was.
you reciprocated that smile and drove the rest of the way home in silence.
the second you walked into your apartment you let out a deep exhale. you knew this was gonna be a heavy moment.
"uhm, okay. i'll- uh. i'll wait on the couch." matt said, finally managing to make eye contact with you for the first time in fifteen minutes, giving you some hope.
while you were in the bathroom, matt mentally lost it. he had no absolute idea how he was going to handle this if it came back positive.
he began biting his already less than short nails even farther down to the nub. he bit back his lip to keep tears from streaming down his face.
after a couple of moments, he turned his head at the sound of the bathroom door opening.
you stood in the doorway with a nervous look written all over you.
"matt, i'm pregnant." you spoke just above a whisper.
his eyes widened at the new found information.
"seriously?" he allowed himself to choke out.
you gave him a nod, a smile just barely noticeable on your face as you thought about how great this could turn out to be for the two of you.
"y/n, i'm not ready to be a dad. i'm barely 21, i can't be a fucking father." matt stood up, running a hand through his disheveled, brown hair.
your face immediately faltered. "what?"
"i'm not capable of taking care of children right now. i still have my whole life to live." he raised his voice ever so slightly, but enough to cause a few tears to leave your eyes.
"you don't have a choice. you act like this isn't partially on you too!" the words left your lips as you became more and more upset by his reaction.
this is nowhere near how you imagined this would go.
this is not the matt you knew. the matt you knew would tell you it's okay and would support you through the situation.
"it was a mistake! i can't do this!" you weren't the only one crying now as the conversation got more intense.
"that's too damn bad! you have a kid now, matthew! man up!"
matt simply shook his head, looking like he was ready to break down completely.
"i don't know what to fucking tell you, y/n." his voice came out shaky.
"tell me we're in this together! that you and i can get through this! we're a team, remember? what happened to that?!"
"what happened was you got pregnant!" he shouted, regretting what he had said instantly.
"you're telling me that all of a sudden everything between you and i has changed i'm pregnant? mind you, the person responsible for this was you!"
matt remained silent, not even knowing how to respond.
you tried your best not to lose it in front of him before he spoke up again, this time quieter.
"fucking say something, matthew!" you yelled, the words getting croaked up in your throat due to the amount of sobbing taking place.
"i'm sorry, i can't do this."
and with that, he left the apartment, leaving you alone, sobbing in your living room.
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fandomnerd9602 · 2 months ago
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Sick
Bambi!Wanda x Reader
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It was a normal day at the Sanctuary. Work was usual. You and your doe mate Wanda were getting ready for the end of the day when she started to shutter and shiver a little.
“My doe? You okay?” You tried to get close bud she gently pushed you away.
“Uh oh” she gently murmured
“What?”
“I’m getting sick” she began to hyperventilate.
“It’s okay baby,” you tried to reassure her. “It’s probably just a little bug but I’ll call Doctor Strange to come look you over”
“No doctors!” She shouted, cowering on your office couch. Your doe begins crying, you slowly approach and sit down next to her.
“It was the facility wasn’t it?” You gently inquire. She buries her face in the crook of your neck. She nods softly, affirming your fears.
“I had to hide every time I was sick” she explains, still mumbling into your neck, “it was a death sentence to admit you were ill”
“It’s okay,” you gently reassure her. “I’ll take care of you.”
“You will?”
“Yeah.” You pull her close, “and if you’re not feeling better then I’ll call Doctor Strange.”
“Last resort?” She asks hopefully.
“Last resort” you kiss her head.
“Carry me?” You chuckle and pick her up. You carry her all the way to your jeep and then all the way into your home.
Wanda woke up the next day completely and utterly sick. Her sneezing fits were terrible, running nose, headaches.
And all you could do was be at her beck and call. You made sure she had a fresh thing of water, medicine and hot soup every so often.
You brought out your humidifier and set it up in her room, moving around her stuffed animals so she could feel their presence.
Day two wasn’t much better.
Day three you finally called Doctor Strange. Wanda shuttered as memories of the doctors at the facility came flooding back. The torture. The needles. The cold calculated stares of their eyes. Would this Doctor Strange be just like them?
Doctor Strange, an old friend of yours and hybrid doctor arrived at your apartment. His tail swished beneath his red overcoat.
“It’s not every day I make house calls” he gives you a weary smile and a laugh.
“Thanks Doc,” you warned him, “just take it slow, Wanda’s-“
“I figured. Been through a lot.” He responds, “Natasha informed me”
He walked into Wanda’s room, with you behind him. “Hey there Wanda. I’m Stephen.”
“Are you the doctor?” She looked a little curious at the older fellow.
“I am,” he smiles, “a fellow hybrid.”
“What animal?”
“Well…my tail and ears are those of your standard Mellivora capensis,” he chuckled.
“Sorry?”
“Honey Badger,” he explains before pulling out his stethoscope. “If it’s alright, I’m gonna listen to your heart.”
Wanda sits up and lets Strange listen to her heart, “it’s strong. You got a good heartbeat.”
“T-thank you…Stephen”
He takes her temperature. “You know why I know I’m a honey Badger?”
“Why?”
“Cause I don’t care what others say. I take what I want” Wanda chuckles at his little saying.
“Looks like a standard flu,” Strange explains. “I’ll give you some flu medicine and you get plenty of bed rest, little doe”
You shake Strange’s hand, “thank you Doc”
“You got a good mate, Wanda,” Strange gives you a wink.
“I know I do” she smiles at you and gives you a wink.
True to the doctors orders, it took a few days but Wanda was better in no time. By the end of the week, she was back to cuddling with you in the evening hours.
“I wouldn’t have trusted Strange unless you were with me,” she murmured in your ear.
“Really?”
“I feel safe with you,” she admits, “it’s one of the many reasons I love you”
“I love you” you give her a smile. And then you sneeze. Your face goes pale and Wanda’s eyes brighten.
“Oh no” you bemoan. Your amazing doe pulls you to your feet and points to your own bedroom.
“March! It’s time I return the favor, detka”
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thehistoriccemetery · 10 months ago
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Companions reacting to Tav sleeping completely naked!!!! Please
BG3 Companions Find Out Tav Sleeps Naked (18+)
I really thought I was just gonna start writing this one real quick (I had an idea for Karlach) and three hours later here I am.
This asker was literally the only one to request this one so this is largely self-indulgent, as I do and always have slept naked, even in this -4 degree weather.
Also I’m really trying to incorporate the drow language into Minthara’s portion, but I’m like 70% sure I failed and it just sounds mildly cringy and incredibly ill-informed.
Anyway this is all our favorite ladies (Shadowheart, Lae’zel, Karlach, Minthara, and Jaheira) finding out Tav sleeps naked.
(18+ for possible sexual themes)
Shadowheart
One morning, when she’s feeling particularly mischievous, Shadowheart decides she’s going to drop by your room and wake you up herself.
You’re certainly not the last one up, but Shadowheart, Jaheira, and Minthara have all been up making breakfast for a little while now, and she’s finding their company a little stale.
She sneaks over to your bed, grabbing the blankets and pulling them off of you in one swift move.
She’s typically a lot nicer and gentler when she wakes you up, but her aforementioned mischievousness has her feeling a little playful this morning.
“What the hell?” You groan grumpily, “put it back on I’m cold.”
She stares at you aghast. She was not expecting you to be completely naked, splayed out face down on the mattress.
“Fine, but I’m coming with it,” she says. She wraps the blanket around her shoulders and crawls on top of you.
“Much better,” you smirk, joyed to have such delightful company so early in the morning.
She kisses your bare shoulder. “I suppose I should apologize, I hadn’t expected you to be… unadorned.”
You chuckle. “You gotta problem with me sleeping in the nude?”
“Not a one,” she corrects. “I actually find it oddly… charming, I think. Plus then I can do this.”
She starts to trail slow kisses down your spine. You smirk, trying to turn around and face her, but she pins your wrists down, keeping you splayed out on the mattress.
“Be still for a moment, love,” she kisses the middle of your back before sitting up, astride your hips. “I feel like I’ve never seen you like this before.”
“My back?” You question. She’s certainly seen your bare back before. But she really seems to be enamored with it now. It was nothing special, you thought. Aside from a couple scars, it was just… a back.
She dragged her nails gently up your back. “I like the view. I’d like to see you like this more often.” She bends over until her chest is flush against you and whispers softly in your ear. “Perhaps tonight?”
You feel a rush of heat between your legs, closing your eyes and audibly exhaling.
Before you can even fully enjoy the sensation, she’s off of you, standing next to the bed with her hand out. “Come on, the others will be waiting.”
You take her hand and pull yourself out of bed. She certainly was feeling some type of playful this morning.
Lae’zel
“Hmm. This choice of sleepwear feels… inadequate,” Lae’zel spits.
You nearly jump out of bed with the scare she gives you. You were sleeping and not expecting such abrupt company.
With a simple fire spell, you light the candle on your bedside and point it towards the Githyanki.
“Lae’zel?” You ask, very confused. “What are you doing in here? What time is it? It can’t be morning already.”
You sigh. You were still so tired, you really hoped she was not here to wake you up for the day.
“No,” she growled. “The animal has been scratching at your door. It seems he has tired of Karlach’s snoring and would like to stay in here instead.”
With that, Scratch jumps onto your bed and curls up at your feet. The animals usually slept in Karlach’s room.
“But, back to your choice of sleepwear,” she says. “It seems ill-advised to be covered by do little in your most vulnerable state.”
You cock your head. You had never seen sleeping naked as a safety hazard. “Lae’zel, you’re not sleeping in your armor… are you?”
“Chk, no,” she says, gesturing to her own sleep outfit.
“What more protection does that give you than this?” You gesture at her body and then your own.
“It’s sleek, form fitting, ergonomic, and, most importantly, it covers my most intimate areas.”
You stifle a laugh. The comment sounded ridiculous to you but you would accept her clothes as superior if it meant she’d let you go back to sleep.
“Okay, Lae’zel. Goodnight.” You blow out the candle and close your eyes.
Moments later you feel Lae’zel carefully crawl into bed on top of your blankets.
“What are you doing?” You ask.
“If you insist on sleeping in such a state, I must sleep here too. To ensure your safety.”
Karlach
Lets be honest: Karlach is at most sleeping in her underwear most nights.
But she puts on some trousers at least to pad over to your room and ask for a cuddle.
You wake up in your typical sleeping position: on your stomach with your hair flying all over the place.
You swipe the hair from your eyes to see a sweet little (7ft tall) tiefling holding her teddy bear and anxiously smiling.
“Hey love,” you say, groggy but still soft and sweet. “What can I do for ya?”
“I was just wondering if I could… um… maybe have a cuddle?” She requests, anxiously shifting her weight around.
You giggle, using your arm to lift up on side of the blanket. “Of course, darling. Please it is freezing in here.”
Her eyes go wide as you expose your full chest in lifting the blanket, then she smiles and crawls under.
As she makes contact with your skin, it’s immediately apparent that you truly are wearing nothing.
“Oh so you sleep naked. Like naked naked,” she remarks.
“As the day I was born,” you quip. “Any objections?”
She giggles and twists excitedly. “None at all my darling. In fact, I think I might like to join you.”
“Get those trousers out of here!” You joke. “No trousers allowed in the bed!”She removes what’s left of her clothes and settles into bed.
Karlach sleeps on her back, leaving you sort of half stacked on top of her with her arm swung lazily around your back. Your legs are semi-intertwined, alternating between yours and hers.
You prop your chin up against her chest to look her in the eyes. “I guess it’s kinda inconvenient that neither of us sleep on our side, huh? We’re just kinda stacked chest to chest.”
“I suppose I can be on top and we can try to go back to back,” she teases. “But I’d probably suffocate you, face down into the mattress.”
You laugh at the thought and teasingly mess up her hair. “You’re hilarious. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, darling,” she says, craning up to kiss your forehead.
For as awkward and sloppy as it looks, you both actually find the position quite comfortable.
Naturally, you wake up with your ass fully on display from where you both kicked off the blankets in the middle of the night.
Minthara
Minthara is awake, as usual, when you step into her room. Her red eyes almost glow in the pitch black.
“Can I help you?” She asks passively.
“Can I sleep in here? My room is frigid,” you ask from the doorway, clearly shaking under a blanket.
She sighs, but motions for you to come join her on the bed. “As you wish, ssin.”
Minthara had attempted to teach you a small bit of her language. The words came off unfamiliar and hissy on your tongue. From what you knew, the term she occasionally used for you, “ssin”, wasn’t an actual word. You assumed it was used as a pet name derived from the drow words “ssinssrigg” (passion, lust, greed, love) and “alurissin” (a deep loving connection.)
You close the door softly and crawl into her bed. You get on at the bottom and squirm your way up until your head pokes out the blankets.
She looks at you, both amused and appalled by your abnormal behavior. She supposed that was one way to “crawl” into bed. If you were taking the phrase literally.
“You are terribly odd sometimes, my dear,” she said laying her hand on your back, surprised to find no fabric under the blanket.
“Are you not wearing any clothes?” She asks. This wasn’t the first time the two of you had shared a bed, but the previous times you had fallen asleep naked after sex. She hadn’t thought you did that every night.
You shook your head against her chest.
“Straj, in that case I think I discovered the source of your temperature issue.” She rubbed her forehead, reminding herself of all the reasons she actually valued you at all.
Gods how did the sleeping races ever survive the nights? Did everyone sleep like this or was this just a you thing? She didn’t think she’d be surprised either way.
She opened her mouth to ask more questions, but you were already comfortably asleep against her chest.
She sighed and gently stroked your bare back in defeat. How in the hells had she fallen so hard for this adorable little fool.
Jaheira
After a particularly long day, you decide to skip all the extra steps of running your own bath and decide to just bathe in Jaheira’s room.
Her tub was already full, fresh with herbs and such from her own bath.
You rinse off quickly, eager to crawl into bed. “Can I just stay in here tonight?” You ask politely from the tub.
“That is fine. But don’t get disappointed if I fall asleep immediately,” Jaheira explains. “I’m no, spring chicken, as they say.”
You get out of the tub and dry yourself off. “Oh trust me, after today I could fall asleep on one of those god awful bedrolls again.”
She laughs. “Well then it sounds like we’re on the same page, yes?”
She gets in bed, careful to leave one side fully open to you. You step towards the bed, and lift the blanket to get in.
“Put on your sleeping clothes, it is too cold.” She commands.
You look around. You don’t have any sleeping clothes. You always sleep like this.
As you explain this to her she clicks her tongue. She gets out of bed and starts rooting through her wardrobe.
“This was Khalid’s. It will swallow you up, but it will keep you warm.”
You take the heavy fur robe into your hands. You didn’t know how to feel about being offered her late husband’s clothes.
She could see the weariness on your face and soothed you with a gentle hand on the cheek.
“He would be happy I have you, you know?” She says with a somber chuckle. “I think the two of you would’ve gotten on all too well.”
You rubbed your hand against the soft fur. I was jet black, like a panther. It reminded you of Jaheira. You softly thank her before putting on the robe. It was, indeed, very warm and way too big.
Jaheira made her way back to bed, and you followed shortly thereafter. She wrapped her arms around you, pressing her chest against the warm fur.
You have never felt so safe as you did in that moment: swaddled in a massive robe, wrapped in the arms of your lover.
She kisses the back of your head. “Goodnight, my cub.”
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billyloomiswhore4 · 2 years ago
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Crazy for you | Chapter Four
Chapter four is here!!! send me requests for short drabbles and ill give you my take on it. i love when you guys ask me questions about my fics or send requests!!! anyways here it is.
Warnings: billy has a weird obsession with the way you smell, poor randy never gets the girl, smut next chapter!
-
He didn’t think he’d have to see you until third period, but when he steps into the hall after first period he sees you. You’re leaning against his locker, waiting for him.
He can’t stop thinking about the way you smelled. It was like vanilla body wash and honey, but with that underlying smell of girl. The one he smells on Sidney, but yours is different. It’s sweeter, more intoxicating.  He can’t get enough of it, god how he wants to just walk up to you and pull you into a hug, just so he can smell you again. It makes his head spin.
But he doesn’t instead he walks to his locker, attempting to ignore you. But you don’t move, and you don’t say anything, so he just ends up standing there next to his locker waiting for you.
“Hey?” he sounds confused, that's the games he’s decided to play, pretend like he was completely wasted.
“Hey.” Your voice sounds nervous, but still has anger laced in it. 
“You’re uh, standing in front of my locker.” He lets out a chuckle, and pretends not to know why you’re angry. 
“Yeah, I know.” You deadpan, eyes piercing daggers on his own. He stands there awkwardly for a moment, with his hands in his pockets. You suddenly say, “What are you playing at Billy?”
He stares at you for a moment, “What?”
“The other night? What was that?”  You’re outright angry now. He decides to put on a show for you. He sighs, and runs his hands through his hair. 
“I’m sorry, I don’t exactly remember what happened. I was kind of hammered.” He pushes out an awkward chuckle. 
“Oh,” Your face drops of all anger, and you seem embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I thought you- nevermind.” You push yourself off his locker and walk away. And he stares after you, a slight smirk on his lips. He praises himself in his mind for the act, and begins getting him stuff from his locker. 
The next time he sees you is actually third period. Usually you sit right next to him so you can pick his brain about whatever topic is the day's discussion. But today you sit on the other side of the classroom, next to Randy. It makes his heart ache, he loves your little talks. You always seem so interested in  what he has to say. Sidney never listens, she just talks to him and expects him to hang on to every word, he hates it and he hates her. 
He also hates Randy, especially when he’s looking at you like that. You seem deep in conversation with him, and when you laugh Billy clenches his fist. 
How could you be so oblivious, he understands why you can’t tell he likes you, he hides it. But Randy? He’s basically making heart eyes at you, and you have no idea. Sometimes he wishes he could just take what he wants, he’s impatient. But then he remembers the plan, and with the newfound information he received from your diary he knows it’s fool proof. 
He just needs to control himself, until tonight. They made a few changes to the plan last night, and it seems perfect. He just has to wait. 
You never realized Randy was so funny, but if you're being perfectly honest it seems like he saved up all his jokes and decided to just spew them at you all in one class. 
He says something stupid about the movie Halloween and you giggle, attempting to cover it up with your palm. He smiles, and flushes red when you put your hand on his arm to push him softly. 
Your smile fades quickly, “You okay there? You're really red.”
“Yeah- yeah I'm good, just a little hot.” He sputters, and his voice cracks at the end. He laughs it off and you smile at him and continue your conversation.  
The school day passes quicker than normal, lunch was a bore and before you know it you’re sitting in your bed, watching some random horror movie. You had just finished writing in your diary, which was conveniently placed on your bed when you came home from school. At around eight pm you hear the phone start ringing downstairs. 
You get up, slip on your fluffy slippers and make your way down the stairs. The phone is on its last ring by the time you answer it. 
“Hey Sid.” You recognize the number. Billy stands in the woods right behind your house, waiting for the perfect moment. He and Stu fought for hours for who to be the one to do it, eventually Stu caved.
Sid said something over the phone, but Billy knew he’d be seeing her tonight too. 
“No, I think I'm just gonna stay home tonight, but have fun with Tate.” You smile into the phone, and for a second Billy thinks he might faint.
You hang up, and set the phone down, turning and walking back to the stairs. The phone rings again, this time you huff, turning back to the phone. You answer, and say, “I told you, Sid. I don’t wanna hang out tonight.” 
“Oooo, trouble in paradise?” the modulated voice teases. 
A smile breaks out on your face. “Well hello, mr ghostface.” You tease back.
“Hey, princess.” He grins behind the mask.He said it less sultry than before, not wanting to scare you off again. 
“What are you doing?” You ask, playing with your hair. 
“Watching you..i’ve decided i’m gonna play with you tonight.” 
“Oh yeah?” Your voice comes out light and breathless.
“Hide and seek. Go unlock the back door, and then go hide somewhere.” You unlock the door and hold the phone to your ear. 
“How do I know you won’t cheat?”
“Oh princess, Y’know I don’t play fair.”
You laugh at that, hanging up and making your way upstairs. You wiggle underneath your bed. 
You hear him making his way up the stairs, heavy footsteps booming through the house. He passes your bedroom door, and then stops. You slap a hand over your mouth to quiet your breathing. 
The footsteps track back to your door, and your bedroom door opens, light flooding in from the hall. Billy ‘tsk’s to himself, wondering how stupid you could be to hide in your own bedroom.  But maybe you want him to find you? 
The footsteps trail into your room, but then slowly make their way out of the room. You let out a sigh of relief. 
Suddenly something is wrapping around your ankles and yanking you out from underneath the bed. You find yourself turning onto your back in the struggle, and your giggles are immediately silenced. He’s holding a giant knife, and he immediately presses it to your throat.
“Found you.”
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