#COMPETE!

[solarsyrup]

for whatever reason tumblr has flagged this post from a deleted blog as explicit so I can't even reblog it anymore which is a shame because it's one of my absolute favorites

[zytes]

this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

[gracerings]

daniel molloy character of all time once again: like imagine you’re a 20-something drug addict and a terrible journalist on account of being 20-something and a drug addict and you randomly meet a vampire at a gay bar and you think wow I might get drugs, gay sex and a story out of this and instead what you get is psychologically and physically tortured by his husband and your memories of it all erased and then 50 years later you’re DYING and those vampires show up in your life again to ask you to write the story of their happy marriage and your memory might be fucked but ON GOD you WILL ruin that marriage if it’s the last thing you do. and then not only do you succeed and walk out of it alive, but also with a bestseller, millions in your bank account AND immortality AND the knowledge that your annoying human ass was somehow the one thing that made that 500+ year old predator so mad that he broke his lifetime vow to never turn anyone. AND, on top of that, you’re out of the CLOSET.

[0ffbeatqueer]

This is my new favourite headline I've seen all year lmaooo

[ravenlilyrose]

Bruce is at a gala, okay, and he’s talking to a woman.

Random woman: “And we found out that we’re having another child!”

Bruce: *absolutely cackling inside, because this is about to be the funniest thing he’s done in weeks*

Brucie: “That’s wonderful! Where are they? Can I meet them? How old are they?”

Now Brucie is standing there, scanning the room for children with a huge grin on his face, while all of the random rich people stand around like ‘who’s going to explain to the adorable, well-meaning idiot that most people know they’re going to have children a few months before the children are born.’

And worse, who’s going to have to break the news to him that he can’t meet the kid today?

Because this man… this man has acquired all of his children with zero premeditation. Yes, he does have a bio kid, but that one showed up on his doorstep as a preteen. He did even less acquiring with that one than with the others.

Bruce has a blast acting out his disappointment, and has to turn some so that he can no longer see Tim and Cass leaning against each other and laughing, because otherwise he’s going to start laughing.

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF Pit bonnie considers himself a great dad!

[doesephs]

watch out martin blackwood, handjobmcgee just requested your location on find my friends. friendzone of a lifetime.

[fishfacedterror]

im thinking abt how anya was the one to mainly take care of curly when he became so injured.

how she likely did a lot of "invisible" work, stuff that she has to monitor around the clock. like changing his bandages, maybe washing them to reuse assuming pony express didnt have as much as curly would need in his condition. having to feed him, probably intravenously, and clean him and his bedpan up later because, you know, just because youre burned like that doesnt mean that you suddenly dont have to use the bathroom anymore. checking his vitals. maybe even talking to him to see if hes still cognizant, if not to keep him company.

the only thing she really couldnt do was the thing that reminded her too much of what jimmy did to her

[inkpotsprite]

DAMIAN

[frownyalfred]

the truth is, between the capes, broad shoulders, and armor, the Trinity really do look the most regal and dangerous out of almost all of the Justice League members. sure, there are others who look intimidating or powerful, but the three of them? they look royal.

[erebus0dora]

i am a simple person

i like when things are mirrored

i often think back to the actual acceptance & quiet one 500+ y.o. might be truly longing for

[dcxdpdabbles]

Danny holding a glowing jar: What is this? Clockwork: Oh, that's some human soul I won in a poker game with a few demons. Danny:A human soul? What the hell did you bet that was the same value as a human soul? Clockwork: Your hand in marriage Danny: I BEG YOU FINEST PARDON?! Clockwork: Relax, I won, didn't I? Now I have a neat soul in a jar. Danny: Who does this even belong to? Clockwork:A child. Danny: .....you're giving this back. Clockwork: What? Why? The child wasn't even using it. Danny: I'm taking the soul back. What's the child's name? Clockwork: *Sigh* Fine, ruin my fun. The boy is called Subject 514A. Danny: What kind of name is that? Clockwork: He's a clone of another human child that was experimented on and was never given a personal name. Hence, Subject 514A. His body is currently deteriorating as we speak. If he stays in his current dimension, Death will claim him. Danny: WHAT!? We got to do something! Clockwork: I can't in his current dimension. Death has jurisdiction there as Fate has set that child's life to end. Danny: .....you set this jar out to appeal to my Savior complex and help you get back at Death and Fate didn't you? Clockwork: I KNOW THOSE TWO CHEATED AT CARDS! So I figured stealing one of their little humans and moving him into a nearby dimension a few years ahead would drive them up a wall. They have no power there since the timeline is my jurisdiction! Danny: And I wouldn't let anything happen to Subject 514A, meaning that the world would accommodate the Ghost King and the child under his care. You're using me a pawn in your petty game. Clockwork: You're still going to take that boy and raise him. Danny: Yeah, because I have the body to be a perfect DILF, but that's beside the point! I mean if he's a clone would the orginal be in the new dimension? Clockwork: Yes, but Bruce Wayne would be a full-grown adult with multiple children of his own instead of a sixteen-year-old adolescent like Subject 514A. Danny: Great, a teenager in angst. why not. Clockwork watching Danny leave through a portal to grab his new son: All according to plan. Soon, Wayne will assume Danny is raising his unknown, ill son, and my ship will sail once they get to know each other. he ha he ha he ha.

[davidaugust]

“I invite her [Harris] to use the office the American people gave her,” -JD Vance showing he does not understand the powers and limits of the office of the Vice President, while pursuing the office of Vice President

[taxicabinmemphis]

if riz had run for class president he would have won no sweat no contest bc ain't no way a school of reckless adventurers cares abt campaign promises when hot tattoo gadget guy known for shooting guns and killing dragons is running

[thechekhov]

I have this conversation with myself at least once a month.