#CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?? I got to do this for school!! Which is great bc im not self-motivated enough to finish artworks like this xD

[willczek-art]

NPMD Tarot - The Hierophant

Others from the series: The Devil, The Lovers, The Star, Strength, The World

Symbolism + some WIP/alternatives are under the cut C:

My intuition put Grace as the High Priestess, but from what I've read it's more about spirituality and intuition, while the Hierophant is all about strong traditional beliefs and ruling/leading, so it fits her way better! :D

Left side/Beginning has the dance cancellation sign, since that was her mission and Max was her first victim, while on the right/Ending is Jason and the Black Book, her mission and source of power has changed.

Halo= superiority, holy mission, Red as a sign of danger/death to come (which is why the light it's only on the boys)

She's sitting on what's supposed to be the bleachers C:

Doodles:

[zoekrystall]

Zero idea if it'll help or fade into the background but I downloaded stuff to track things and smacked widgets onto my homescreen to not forget. Initially searched for pain ones (where I downloaded two just for good measure ig) but saw that one is customizable for like anything you want and no purchase stuff for me bc included in that one pass and said sure fuck it. I think at the min I need to track pain bc by my memory do I go mental thinking if it just feels frequent n all or if it actually is and mind goes blank when at the doc (will just be fun translating to ger OTL I learn sm to describe stuff in eng but then it lacks in first language). Alas for whatever reason lil me never thought abt actually writing these things down (prob bc every adult anyways dismissed them to the point of not being sure if the pain was actually there so what was the point. but now. now I'm the adult in my life who calls the shots for their own life even if anxiety makes it hard).

[giantkillerjack]

Not a problem just say it anyway but preface it with some variation of "so I know this was like 5 conversation topics ago, but I'm gonna say it anyway so I can get it out of my brain"

#AutismWinsYetAgain

Or, "Okay I know I'm late saying this, but sometimes I take longer to speak, and so I'm gonna say it anyway."

#AnotherPointForTeamTism

Or, "If it's okay, I just thought of something I wanted to say about the previous topic, and then once I've said it, my brain will move on."

#AllismFansCryingInTheStands

Or, "Ah. I finally figured out what I was going to say in response to what Alisha said. I was gonna say, '______'. Thank you for bearing with me even when I take longer to talk sometimes."

#NoApologiesJustAutismBaby

Or, "Real quick, not ignoring what Brody just said, but I wanted to say _____ in response to what Alisha said. Okay, thank you now I can focus. Here's what I think about what Brody said:"

[NOTE: If Brody just shared something deeply vulnerable and personal, then this response might come off as dismissive to him. In which case you might need to hold on to your comment.]

#AutismCleanSweep

Or, "Hey, allistic social rules are frequently arbitrary and needlessly complicated, and if my interjection here seems a little awkward, then I trust you guys to understand that sometimes I will communicate in a way you are not used to because I trust that you really want me to be able to communicate too because you are good kind people that I appreciate. I also would like to point out that if I am not hurting anyone by being kind of awkward, then treating me like I'm doing real harm is a real judgmental asshole thing to do. - Anyway, here's what I think about that shit Alisha said like 5 minutes ago because I am an unstoppable being of light who cares naught for the needless trappings of precise social protocol that serves no one, and I intend to reroute the conversation back to Brody's point afterwards so he feels included too."

#OkayDontSayThatOneButYouGetTheIdea

----

P.S. If the people you are talking to are acting like dicks to you, that this is not your fault as awkwardness is not inherently harmful, but shaming and excluding people for harmless awkwardness very much is a harmful thing to do.

It isn't your fault when other people choose to be unkind to you, and it isn't your fault if finding a group of kind and non-judgmental people is actually really hard or is just not possible for you right now.

You are still allowed to mourn the loneliness, RSD, fear, and pain that social anxiety due to autism can cause. You are valid for feeling those things because your feelings are important.

You are also valid if none of the stuff I said appeals to you at all. Since every person and every social interaction are in some way unique, there are very few pieces of social advice that are actually universally applicable. What I have said simply may not fit for your circumstances, and that is okay.

I just saw "autism won today", and I started thinking about all the ways a more autistic approach to that situation might actually "win." So I drew on all the times this has happened to me and the responses I've used that people seem to like and accept.

It is genuinely stunning to me how much allistic people's typical way of interacting can cause both them and us enormous stress and confusion for the sake of completely smooth social interactions. (Just look at the social protocols for dating! You're not supposed to say anything out loud, and it's terrible! Which is one reason I mainly end up dating autistics who just SAY THE THING THEY WANT.)

"Smooth" is so overrated. Some people need to learn what a little texture looks like!!

#AutismForeverBabyyyyy

i think its so awesome when you were gonna say somethin in a conversation but you took too long to speak up & someone else says somethin first that renders your unspoken contribution obsolete but your brain wont recalibrate so instead of moving on like a normal person you just get all sad about it #autismwontoday

[ecrivainalene]

Leviathan Panel at Otakon 2024

I was OVERJOYED to be at the Leviathan panel during Otakon 2024! I'll do my best to recap it below, but if you want a more coherent play by play, this Twitter user did an excellent job.

I've got a handful of photos, recap of Sharp Gender Discussion, plus misc. things I remember.

Not everyone was up for the entire time, but I snapped this photo near the end when everyone was on stage! From left to right: Waki Kiyotaka (Studio Orange), Yoshihiro Watanabe (Studio Orange), Scott Westerfeld, Christophe Ferreira (Quibic Pictures), Justin Leach (Quibic Pictures), Katrina Minett (Quibic Pictures), and Diana Garnet (ending theme vocalist).

New concept art! Looks like Dr. Barlow, Klopp, Alek, and Sharp, right before the Germans attack the Leviathan.

More under the cut!

Alternative shot of that art bc I couldn't get my lighting right:

Clanker and Darwinist technology designs. Watanave explained that Studio Orange's early days were spent doing contract work on Gundam anime, so I can't wait to see how that translates to the Clanker machines.

Some more concept art:

By the way, the entire series is being adapted at once - so we'll get the complete story at once! That in mind, the second image here makes me think of that maneuver near the beginning of Goliath to pick up the cargo.

Sharp!!! Look at them!!!

I don't have much to say about these but I'm fairly sure I hadn't seen them before. I am wondering if they downsized Alek's crew for the sake of the story, or perhaps we just haven't seem Bauer and Hoffman yet.

We got some new character art! The panel was very cryptic about who the character designer is. Apparently they're pretty well known, but they can't share it yet!

Volger I am so sorry your photo was unfocused. Forgive me.

The panel jokingly described him as "Alek's dad," which feels accurate. And maybe I misunderstood, but it sounds like he plays an even more important role in the anime than he does in the books. I've always considered Volger to be a pretty important character, so I wonder what else he'll do in this new series.

Klopp looks exactly like how I pictured him in my mind!! They said if Volger is Alek's dad, then Klopp is like his mom. Which is very fair but also made me laugh a lot.

Dr. Barlow!! She looks amazing. There was a lot of talk about the dynamic between her and Volger and how they're often playing mental chess games with each other. I'm really glad they're leaning into that dynamic.

And one more concept art:

This looks like the visit to Istanbul, which I'm desperately hoping means we'll see my favorite chaotic bisexual, Lilit.

That's all of the photos I have! They also showed us a preview of the show plus a live performance of the ending song with Diana Garnet. No video recording was allowed and I don't break rules, but believe me when I tell you it was stunning. The world feels so full of life and adventure and I can't wait to see the final show.

Tbh I was too busy holding back tears of joy but one thing I remember distinctly is there's a shot of Sharp getting ready for the day, and we see a sheet of paper with a bunch of names written and crossed out before finally (I think) "Dylan" is circled.

Which actually brings me to the Q&A part. TLDR, between the use of "Sharp" for Deryn's name, Scott referring to Sharp as "she/he/they" during the panel, and the scene I mentioned earlier, I feel really hopeful about how they're approaching Deryn's gender and identity in this adaptation.

I asked a question about this at the Q&A and voice recorded it, so I'll try to transcribe it here as best I can because the audio is not great lol. I stumbled through my question so I trimmed it down here but I'll transcribe the response as clearly as I can!

Me: I just finished re-reading [the series] for the first time since I was probably in high school, and one of the things that interests me about this adaptation is the approach to Sharp's character... I guess I'm just interested, like, was there a lot of thought put behind, or what kind of thought was put behind how to approach their character in the anime, I guess as a chance to re-approach the story however many years after it was originally written.

Scott Westerfeld: Yeah, there's a lot to that. The "girl dressing as a boy" as a trope was something completely different in 2007 when I started writing this than it is now. And so we really approached Deryn's identity as what was at stake rather than just... rather than just her being in disguise, it's about their recreating themselves and becoming a different person and transitioning and, and so... but it's always been interesting to me that the words that I wrote back in 2009, 10, 11, y'know, as an old guy who grew up in Texas in the 70s - who was David Bowie fan! - but otherwise didn't have a lot of access into issues of gender, I'm amazed at how many people have been [able to?] adopt Deryn/Dylan as one of their own. I just got an email a week ago from a trans boy whose chosen name is Dylan. So it is amazing to me how whatever imperfections or whatever problematics there are in the text, people still find their way into what they need from a character. And as a writer, I can say that I always respected that character, I always respected their choices, I always respected who they were. I never tried to stick them into a dress and have everyone go "Ooh now you're pretty 'because 'cause you're in dress!" We didn't do that, and I think that what may be important for people and I think that's why it's still what's gonna work here, but it's been fun to be able to update it and everybody on the team's been really great about understanding that.

TLDR I don't want to get anyone's hopes up too high, but I'm really appreciative of the care that's being taken with Sharp's story and identity in this adaptation. It seems like Scott and the others on the team are taking that into account, and I'm excited to see how it plays out.

Other random things I remember:

THERE WAS AN ALEK COSPLAYER. I took a photo with them but I won't post it without their consent. Just trust that they looked fantastic.

Scott said one of the first things he was told was that Alek can't actually kill Nikola Tesla because he's too well loved by people in Japan, which I think is the funniest possible reason for a change to be made in an adaptation.

Diana Garnet (they/any) mentioned how much they love Sharp (don't we all) and also how they used to work at a Barnes and Noble and remembers selling lots of Westerfeld books!

Scott said his approach in writing Leviathan was taking everything he'd always wanted to write about and basically throwing it together, because he was just coming off of the success of Uglies and figured he could get away with it.

If I remember anything else I'll add on to this post! Overall, it was a wonderful panel and I'm incredibly excited for this project.

[midnight-mourning]

*Taps mic* Heard y'all like Moon around here, you're in luck, this one's for you

massive, MASSIVE thank you to @lunarmoves for beta-reading this chapter!!

She put a lot of time and effort into making my BS readable for y'all and it's greatly appreciated <3 <3 <3

Shay also makes really good dca stuff (also sebastian solace but I know very little about the fish tbh) and you should check her out!

Also, happy 200k+!!! We're only 297k from truly becoming the 500k enemies to lovers slowburn of our dreams lmaoooo

But for real I apologize for such a delay with this one. If you'd like to hear my excuses/reasoning they're below the cut, or you can just go read the chapter whatever suits ya ^-^

Tag list (if you would like added please see this post for more info):

@scarletcowboy @beemyhuneybee @fishm0ther @deviouscrackers @elsajoyagent8

@luckyyyduckyyy @zenkaiankoku @jogimote @local-shrub @amarynthian-chronicles

@robinette-green @everlightreader @sinister-sincerely @starredeclipse @dangerva

CW: medical stuff & additionally a bit of unreality mentions

Okay going to try and keep this simple bc I've said parts of it before

So as most of you know, I've been sick for 3 months now

I've now been on two rounds of steroids, and currently on my third round of antibiotics, which are basically keep me fucntional, not improving

besides general discomfort and pain, my memory has been pretty shot at times, I will go through the day and barely remember what I did/what I'm doing/what I need to do

as someone who had brain fog caused by covid a few years ago, this was genuinely a scary experience because ultimately, this has been worse

i've felt out of control of my body, having times where I'm mid thought and then instantly lose it

this is not my normal, I usually pride myself on my memory, so losing it has been incredibly devastating and scary

this was not helped by the fact that the quick care I went to (THREE TIMES for this) basically kind of sort of tried to gaslight me into believing nothing could be done and that it's not an infection

so not only has this entire thing has gotten dragged out so much more, which makes me sad tbh, but I've also felt like I've been going crazy bc it felt like no one was believing me when i said I was sick and not getting any better (including friends, family, coworkers etc, though unintentional on their parts to be fair)

I feel like I've lost three months of my life and coming to terms with that has been, yeah

on top of all that, I'm still in school AND doing grad stuff, and while the school side of things has been okay (thank god), grad's had it's moments, won't get into it but have had multiple issues with my advisor that have been at times just really tough to deal with

Confused spirit got pushed to the back burner, because i quite literally at times could not think, and when it comes to this fic, where there's multiple ongoing plot threads, characterizations, lore, and so on to keep track of, it was just, impossible to me to even consider writing for it

having shorter stuff like promptober, the oneshots and such was great to keep me writing, and also still interact with everyone in the community, plus i had a lot of fun with them so that helped too

this is all to say that I do sincerly apologize for the delay, and at the very least I should've clearly communicated about there being a hiatus, when this all started I thought i'd be down for two weeks max, then as that time kept increasing I just kept putting it off and putting it off because i thought i was going to get better, and then I didn't

I do this for fun and for nothing else, fic writing isn't content (it's engaging with fandom) and i have to remind myself of that sometimes but given that I've been around in some capacity on and off I feel I should've said something in some regard

Having said all that, I'm doing okay now! Still sick, but as long as I'm on meds I'm functional, stuff is getting managable with grad, and hopefully have some fun things coming up irl! Point is, the last three months haven't been the best, but they've been alright, due in part to all the support you all have given me, so thank you for that, can't say it enough :)

Okay, I think that just about covers it, thank you for taking the time to read all of this if you did <3

[mayoshifts]

how i manifested the greatest academic comeback

tldr: nerd starts tweaking over the possibility of failing a class and starts trying to manifest it away. it worked

alright guys it’s the end of the grading period and let me say, i CLUTCHED 💪🏽💪🏽

so for my grades, 3 weeks ago my geometry grade was a 28. NOW BEFORE YOU JUDGE, lemmie explain how it got that way ☺️

last december i got into a car accident and injured my right shoulder. bcs of that i’ve had procedures done and physical therapy every tuesday and thursday (sometimes friday). so i always leave school in the middle of my geometry class to make it to my appointments.

i can’t skip phys therapy bcs there’s a whole legal case and all that stuff (i’ll tell that story once everything is settled 🤫) but basically if i skip too many times, then it can be used against me legally so i literally gotta go.

anyways considering i always leave early in geometry, my grade was COOKED bcs i was missing dols (demonstration of learning, basically a 5 question quiz where you answer questions pertaining to what we learned) and i missed a test.

i was real stressed out bcs i’m an honor roll student. like the only time ive ever gotten a failing grade was freshman year in PE. if that doesn’t show the extent of my nerdiness idk what will. and y’all, i genuinely could not live in a world where i failed MATH, that would have been my 13th reason on top of everything else going on rn.

so because of that, i used my little trick (affirming and persisting) in order to fix my grade. i affirmed that i would not fail, and i wouldn’t get anything less than an 80 on my report card. i’ve also been using that distraction method with the void and stuff.

fast forward to about 3 weeks of trying to fix my grade and make everything up, i was still sitting at a 68 (around 3-4 days ago). at that point i had started saying that i would have around a 70 if i made everything up. i was literally calculating what i had to get on the next 2 grading cycles and final in order to have an 80 for the semester.

then, out of nowhere, my teacher put in some random assignments that i had done and a binder check, with a high weight on the grade since it was categorized as a test. for the binder check and random assignments i got 100%. i also had a quiz yesterday that i got an 83 on, which was also a test grade.

so my 68 turned into an 85. i was content with having an 85 but i still had a few dols to make up so i stayed afterschool today and finished them.

now i have a 90🎉🎉🎉 i’m so happy, id like to thank my peers on this beautiful app for showing me my true potential and myself for being open minded and willing to explore. guys i swear, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PERSIST AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. if your conscious mind and 3d starts telling you differently from your desires, correct it. you write your story, not anything else. towards the end i was losing hope of my gpa being so high but my constant work in writing my story and has led me to be great

once again😄

[spitblaze]

Mouthwashing spoilers below cut, played through it again today bc i accidentally nullified all of my achievements through the dev console. oops

Okay so the first time I played through it I was high and it was very late at night. Already a great start but it means I missed some shit my first time through and I'm already not exactly stellar at more abstract literary analysis. LUCKILY this site is full of people who are way better at that than I am (and im convincing my partners who are also way better at it than I am to play it soon too).

Luckily I'm better at lit analysis than whoever the weirdo on the Steam forum saying this game is bad because it 'doesn't punish Jimmy for his actions enough' as if this isnt a horror game primarily about his guilt-induced mental breakdown and if i have to see anyone else say that anya is a poorly written character im going to poorly write them out of existence because I'm inclined to believe that if you think that you either weren't fucking paying attention or have subscribed to the Joss Whedon school of feminist writing which is 'good writing of women is when they are girlboss'. like sorry shes too much of a depressed traumatized Fawn Response rape victim for your liking. jesus christ

Anyway the game being short DOES lend itself well to multiple playthroughs, which honestly is for the best because its really one of those stories that reveals a lot more on a second viewing. There's a Lot going on here but as far as I can tell, the biggest themes here are what it means to 'take responsibility' as well as autonomy and the loss thereof. The responsibility one is for sure the most obvious one, how many times in the game does it directly say 'take responsibility'? How many times does Curly say 'I'll fix this', how many times does Jimmy say he'll 'fix this'? And ultimately, how successful are either of them?

Curly's a good leader, sure, but how much does he just let slide for the sake of 'the big picture'? Daiske was a last minute addition. He's a good kid, but he didn't make a stink about it. Gotta think about the big picture. Anya has told him about what Jimmy did to her. Nothing. 'What would you do?' 'Anything.' But nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm not gonna sit here and say that Curly is 100% every bit as evil as Jimmy, if someone is raped the blame falls squarely on the rapist- but it's completely on Curly for not taking action against Jimmy for the sake of the big picture. He really could've done anything. Fucking anything. It's not necessarily on Curly to foresee that Jimmy's stress response would be to end it and take everyone else with him. But it was on him to do something about a known violent assault and its perpetrator before anyone else got hurt. He's not a perpetrator, but he's an accessory. He may not have deserved the punishment he got. But he's nothing if not agonizingly aware of the consequences for not taking responsibility for the actions of his crew.

Jimmy, meanwhile, is obsessed with responsibility despite the fact that he's incapable of actually handling it, from the very start. It's not clear when exactly he assaulted Anya, but I assume it was after Curly broke the news to the crew. The moment even a shred of consequences emerge, the minute Anya tells him that she's pregnant, his first course of action is to deliberately sabotage the ship. Murder-suicide. He says he's sorry. That he made a mistake. As if there were not multiple, deliberate steps at which he could've stopped and realized what he was doing. After everything, he tells the crew it was Curly's fault so he could have more of that responsibility he desired so much. Not that anyone respects it except maybe Daisuke.

But he can't handle even the most basic of responsibilities there, either. A handful of menial tasks and he fucking snaps at the woman he hurt to begin with, even when she only ever acts the way she does around him to avoid further hurt. 'Take responsibility'. But he can't. Over and over he'll tell the vision of Curly he's made in his heads that he's sorry, that he'll fix things, that they'll all make it. And then he just keeps making things worse. And worse. And worse. Anya's going to hurt Curly, she's suspect and violent. Swanson won't let them into Utility. That's suspect, he's going to get out of here and leave everyone else behind. They both have to be stopped. Don't you trust me, Daisuke? Don't you trust your captain? That's why YOU have to go through the vent. He cannot fucking take responsibility, only goad others into doing things and handling things as underhandedly as possible. No wonder Curly laughs when he takes the gun. Anya spent all this time trying to keep it from him. And he got it anyway, because that'll all Jimmy knows how to do. Take and resent and hurt. His own twisted version of 'responsibility'.

It genuinely pisses me off how many people write off Anya as being 'badly written' or write her off altogether, especially considering the VERY OBVIOUS character she's based off of, being Wendy Torrance in The Shining (Yes I'm aware there's baggage around that particular character's strength of writing too, but I'm not about to go off on a rant about a movie ive only absorbed through cultural osmosis). Like...she's not a perfectly written character, no- her arc is less about her as a character and more about the things that have been done to her. Sexual assault used as a narrative device, nothing new there- it's at least less egregious in a horror story, where fear and trauma and terrible things happening to good people is kinda the whole thing. My big issue with Anya's writing is that we didn't get more of her- more exploration of how Jimmy's actions affected her, more exploration of how her and Curly are that much more alike after the crash- it's not a very long game to start, and given her character and the situation I don't necessarily disagree with her going out the way she did at the time she did. It just would've been nice if they'd utilized the nonlinear structure of the whole thing to explore her more, y'know?

Given Jimmy's PoV it makes sense that he's more fixated on the consequences of raping her than on the woman herself, but from the Doylist perspective, like...c'mon, give us SOMETHING more to work with. And like I said before, it pisses me off that people see a woman who doesn't immediately fall into the 'girlboss' role when shit hits the fan and then write it off, as if the premise of the story isn't about everyone's reaction to a hopeless situation spearheaded by a violent, manipulative, self-centered shithead. Swansea's the most capable person here outside of Jimmy and Anya, and I've yet to see anyone saying his character was weak because he spends most of his time drinking and raging instead of taking action. I'm mostly just upset that I don't have much more to say about her outside of her relationship to the rest of the crew. One could argue that most of what we are is defined by our relationships to others, and the nature of the game means that we don't really get a deep peek into anyone's psyche besides Curly and Jimmy.

I like how she invokes the metaphor of that dead pixel, the detail that sticks out like a sore thumb to her, always in the back of her mind, ever-present, that Curly can't see and never will because he's too busy looking at the big picture. I like how they establish the nature of Jimmy and Anya's relationship without being too direct, putting up that brave fawn act while he's there- she has to, the ship is only so big and they're so off course that rescue seems impossible- but she doesn't sleep in the same room as everyone else, she won't confide in Jimmy, and his mistreatment of her was what finally drove her over the edge. Jimmy's more concerned about what she might do to Curly that what she might do to herself, and he KNOWS that she's prone to mental breakdowns- often caused by himself, if not by Curly's state. The whole thing is tragic, but Anya's case is particularly saddening. Even after her death, she's paraded around like a puppet so that Jimmy can have his macabre little party. He doesn't care about her. He never did. And yet he's haunted by her, the 'sexual thoughts of cartoon horses' intermingling with his strange psychosexual hatred of the nurse just trying to do her job, haunted by the consequences of his actions because he's too much of a fucking coward to really, honestly and truly, take responsibility.

Swansea and Daisuke I have less to say about, ultimately. They feel a lot more straightforward in their narratives, at least from my perspective. Daisuke's a dumb kid with a shitty internship and he's so upbeat and positive that it genuinely pisses Swanson off, which means that he does ultimately care about the kid. A+ dynamic. Seems like a prick on an initial playthrough, but on the second run through I get it. He's old enough, he's seen enough, he knows exactly what Jimmy is and doesn't buy his responsible act for a second. He's not a captain. He's just some shithead who acts like he can handle it but flees in the most destructive way possible the second the consequences rear their head. He's a man that, even in the throes of substance abuse, does a better job of taking responsibility than Jimmy ever could, and arguably better than Curly ever did. Instead of just shrugging his shoulders at a last minute intern, he took him under his wing and started training him. When shit hits the fan, his instinct is to protect Daisuke- the one person who IS his responsibility. When he really, truly does not believe there is anything else that can be done, he puts him out of his misery. Maybe he was saving that cryo pod for him, too. It's hard to say, but the fact that he's the only one who stood up to Jimmy and saw him for what he was makes him that much more likable.

Daisuke...oh, Daisuke. He couldn't have known this was coming. He was doing his best, he just did what he could, he tried to be helpful and kind and be a good person. And for that, Jimmy used him and got him killed because he was too much of a goddamn coward to apologize to Anya, to see her as anything besides a nuisance at best. I get why Jimmy is so fixated on his death- as far as he's concerned, his first real failure, since Anya was such a non-issue that he didn't even have anything to say about her lifeless body. It wasn't just his inaction that got this kid killed, it was his actions. He had every opportunity to use even a single ounce of his brain and recognize that there are other people on the ship besides him and Anya, to recognize that these psych evals aren't just for the sake of the individual. And for that, Daisuke died. Way to go, hero.

The autonomy shit...god. Psychological trauma can be just as incapacitating as physical harm, can't it? Anya completely changing her demeanor after being assaulted, her body no longer just her own. I want to see the horror of that from her perspective, the invasion and the terror and revulsion of having something like that growing inside you. How sickening it must feel, how just the knowledge of its existence makes living that much worse. How the man who did it is still nothing but despotic. Curly, finally seeing Jimmy for who he truly is firsthand. It's all well and good to believe in someone, to trust them and want to help them overcome their struggles. But being choked and beaten and abused by them, day after day after day, because you had the audacity to sit a little higher on the totem pole than they did, because you had what they wanted, because they couldn't stand seeing someone better off then they were.

It's kind of mind-boggling, honestly. I've...kinda been there, with people who I know are still there, they're fully in there and aware and the same person they've always been, but their means to communicate with the outside world is cut off. I was fortunate enough to have been listening to a lot of disability activists around the time my aunt started losing her speech. It seemed a lot of times that the only people who really recognized that she was still there were me and my uncle. Even my mom, her older sister, inseparable for life, started treating her like she was suddenly a different person, not capable of really understanding her or wanting or doing things for herself.

So, like- not trying to be selfish or anything, just doing the autistic 'oh i can relate to this' bit, particularly about Jimmy projecting all of this shit onto the captain when he barely has the capacity to laugh or cry, let alone speak. His savior. His best friend. His bitter enemy. Beating him relentlessly while giving him his medicine for having the audacity to be an inconvenience. Let's eat some cake. I want to go home. Curly is just a man, and Jimmy regards him as helpless, antagonistic, and a god all at once. He'll thank me for this one day.

So uh. Many thoughts, head full. After the end of the bizarro sequence with Curly heading to the cockpit, the door is very small. A black pixel, the one stuck in the back of Anya's mind. A graveyard full of mausoleums, every one of them with the same epitaph as the bizarro one for Daigo in ch 14, and the one you can enter with his face on it. Not a single one for Anya. The Polle at the end having the same blue text as Anya, haunting the narrative just as much as Curly, just less overt. I'll fix this. I'll take responsibility. God. God jesus fuck damn hell christ son of a bitch. Fuck capitalism for putting their employees on such tight strings and skeleton crews that a collective pink slip can send people into this kind of spiral (or rather can give Jimmy a good reason to convince everyone else that all of them are completely fucked except for the captain and Daisukle) and fuck Jimmy. Fuck him. My one other complaint besides the feminist critique above is that theres some sequences that go on a bit longer than they really should (ch. 14 getting the mouthwash, most of the vent segments).

Fuck you, Jimmy.

I hope that gunshot hurt.

[blues824]

WAIT since its Sebek month rn, I'm requesting smth for Sebek as well‼️ its prompt #8 and #26~ 💚✨ (26 lowkey perfect for him bcs he cant handle the cold lol same sebek- ajdjs)

I love this man with my whole heart, and then some.

You requested: Snowball Fight + Cuddling Next to the Fire

Sebek Zigvolt

Sebek did not know how to have fun, and you were convinced of that.

He took no breaks when it came to being a knight or when it came to his school work. Even his extracurriculars were not something he took lightly, which made it really frustrating whenever you wanted to spend quality time with the one you loved.

Your relationship wasn’t doing super well… to say the least. This was his first relationship, so you gave him some leeway, but it eventually had to come to an end. It felt like you were romantically involved with a brick wall.

Because you didn’t want to end the relationship, you went straight to Lilia for advice, and he immediately said that Sebek would have the weekend off. Malleus walked in and heard everything, and he agreed with the bat fae, and he would even make it an official order for him to go with you for the remainder of the day. Well, it was a foolproof plan, and it worked.

Now, you both can be seen trudging through the snow as Sebek is yelling about how you had the audacity to go to the great Waka-sama just to get to hang out with him. If you heard one more word about Malleus when you two were supposed to be on a date, you swear you were gonna end everything.

So, you stooped down, gathered some snow in your hands, patted it into a ball, and immediately chucked it at the half-fae’s head. He turned with the most angry look on his face, but you were too busy laughing to see it.

Oh, so that’s how you wanna play?

With a smirk taking the place of the anger, he, too, stooped down, gathered snow in his hands, formed it into a ball, and threw it at you, hitting you right in the face. Your laughing, obviously, ceased, and a battle had begun.

For a whole hour, you both were throwing snowballs at each other, laughing at the other's misfortune the whole time. However, you both knew it was time to go inside when you let out a sneeze as well as a few coughs.

~~~~~~~~

Sebek grabbed the firewood that you had stocked up and started to build a fire in your fireplace. He was shivering as well as you, and you remembered that he typically liked warmer and more humid climates. Once the fire got going, he brought you one of your many blankets so that you might try and warm up.

However, as his arm extended to give you the blanket, you grabbed it and pulled him down beside you. It took him by surprise, but when he noticed the close proximity, he immediately froze up.

“H-Human, what do you think you’re doing?” He asked.

“I don’t believe it would be very fair if I were to be warm and you were to remain cold,” You answered, making sure that he got some of the blanket as well.

Upon seeing that he was still shivering, however, you decided to just lay on him. You put your hands on his shoulders to push him back into the couch, and you just plopped yourself right on top of him, bringing the blanket over you two.

“Y/N THIS IS ENTIRELY INAPPRO-” You covered his mouth, starting to get sleepy, and with how flustered he was getting, his body temperature was rising to a comfortable level. In a few moments, you were asleep.

The dedicated knight had no idea what to do in this situation… This was never a part of his training, so he just laid there like a plank until he eventually fell asleep as well.

[ancient-qveen]

EMPEROR in Transylvanian Damnation issue no. 1, 1992

^ Emperor era Mortiis c. Nov 1992 bc I can't find the zine cover

Mortiis interviewed (transcription below)

[ancient-qveen: I linked this interview before but I wanted to make a dedicated post about it because its not that easy to find. Credit to AEon]

Emperor formed about Sept of ’91, with the following line-up: Steingrimm – guitar and vocal, Samot /Lord of Silence/ - guitar/ex-drums and Emperor Mortiis – bass /on the photo L to R/. They recorded the debut demo in May, on a 4-tracker. Euronymous offered them a record-deal, and a few months later Samot left the band to join BURZUM. Let’s see...

Well, you formed about one year ago and released a demo... How do you see this time, are you staisfied with your work?

Mortiis: Yeah! We are satisfied with our work. As for what we created during Oct-May, we are not really sounding so much like that any longer. As well as his lyrics are a lot more in depth of total Evil! Our music is still /of course/ blacker than bottomless lakes, and even more errie, depressive and deep! The lyrics for the demo was about Vampirism, Witchism, Black Magic etc. this is still our subject, but it’s all in one dark world. All the lyrics belong to teach other, and his lyrics always will. They are of a thousand years to come. Forgotten by time itself!

Did or do you play in other bands besides EMPEROR? And what about Samot, you know, strange to hear that he joins BURZUM, because as Grev said, his band is and will be only a one-piece band... 

Mortiis: Yes, he did play in a couple band before. But they are nothing to talk about! Fuck them! Although for one of them the lyrics for “Forgotten Centuries” and “Moon over Karashehr” were written. But for luck never used. All those people, the lowlife human life form, deserve torture! He believes that the Samot/BURZUM thing is because the Count wanted BURZUM to be a live band! Something like that... Anyway, people should be aware that Samot is still in EMPEROR, and hopefully forever will be...

Let’s see your demo... How can you describe your music, and which bands helped to develop it?

Mortiis: Witching Black Metal! No bands helped us create that cursed demo. We are not saying that we are totally original at that time but now we are! Yeah!, but no bands really influenced us so much. Better ask Samot and Steingrimm this question instead! Probably that band that “develop” us must be VENOM, for creating Black Metal itself!

After the BURZUM, MAYHEM, and ABRUPTUM LPs Euro offered a record-deal to you, too. Which trax will be on it, and what do you think, when will you be able to release it?

Mortiis: The LP will come in the past darkness. We don’t know yet. We’ve got 4 songs mainly worked out, plus he and Ygg are working on two other one. There will be 10 trax all in all! Besides of two guitars, bass and drums /session, but we haven’t found any yet!. There will be constant synth, piano parts, female vocals, cello etc... The studio will be filled up with several instruments... It will be massive for sure! Some titled: “The Stargate”, “Emperor of a Dimension Unknown”, “Chronicles”..., “Reflections of Horizons Dark”, “In the October Frost”, “Gathering Ancient Wisdom /and a New Soul/”, and more!

Something has happened in North-Europe, especially in Norway. Just see, The BURZUM LPs, the second DARKTHRONE LP, and bands with great demos, like ENSLAVED or EMPEROR. Can we speak about a new Black Metal generation or reborn? How do you see the true scene in 2-3 years?

Mortiis: The true and evil Black Metal generation is born! In 2-3 years there will be alot less goodness around! Hopefully he will get to move out of his parents’ house and do some pain to humanity!

Let’s see your life... Do the members live together? Do you have time besides the band for your hobbies /if you have/? And what about the financial side, are you working or going to school?

Mortiis: He is not of this earth. It took him almost 17 years to realize the essence of his soul is not of earth! no, the members do not live together. Samot is at some place in cold Norway. Steingrim is living with his father and other times his mother. Mortiis /Him/ lives with his earthly “guardians” right now. We have no hobby. Our lifes are dark. Our band rehearses seldom these days. But we seem to be getting things together taking the situation into consideration! Both him and Ygg is still doing the school. So financially our lifes are not such interesting...

You inspired by the events of Adolf Hitler. What do you think, is Nazism still alive and will it rise again?

Mortiis: As for today’s Nazism, he doesn’t care about it. If some extreme violence is caused by them, it will be shown on TV. And he will get to see it eventually anyway... Those nazi leaders of today are probably intelligent and all that, but none of them could ever stand up to the genive status that Hitler had. He read a couple of books about Hitler about 2 years ago. And few people know that Hitler drove his sister’s daughter to suicide. And if it hadn’t been for some people who guarded him day and night, he would have killed himself, too. And then there wouldn’t have been any World War II. If the new Nazism rises or not it’s unimportant to him. At least, they are causing lots of pain and fear...

Sooner or later the world will have end... What do you prefer, a new and final World War or natural disasters?

Mortiis: They both sound tempting. Though a war would mean a modern day elimination.

[pilkypills]

Do you have any favorite headcanons for the RI brothers?

Oooh good question! As a matter of fact, I do!

Dori-

-I think he’s the kind of guy whose word is his bond. If he says he’ll do something, he’ll do it.

-He redoes his braids as often as he can, even out on the road. He hates having them be messy. Nori’s hair gets on his nerves because it’s never in its proper place and Nori won’t sit still long enough for him to fix it. Also, he can put up and take down his braids extremely fast due to years of having the same hairstyle.

-Also also, about his hair: I think he and Nori tie for having the longest hair in the company, and before his hair turned silver (which I think it did very quickly due to the stress of raising his brothers and providing for them) it was titian, as red and dark as a garnet.

-He keeps a spotless house and holds a grudge forever, even by dwarf standards.

-And of course I love the popular headcanon (half-canon?? I’m not sure) that he has a passion for tailoring and brewing tea, and if he didn’t have to worry about making a living in the Blue Mountains he would’ve made a career out of either of them.

-(I read somewhere that Dori and Gloin don’t get along) Part of his dislike for Gloin is a leftover rivalry from Ori and Gimli’s school days over who’s kid was smarter/cuter/etc. PTA night was like a war zone. Another part of his dislike is from what he sees as Gloin trying to be a big brother to Nori, maybe taking his place a little bit. (According to Chronicles, Gloin is trying to get Nori to care about dwarf history and culture)

Nori

-He's actually kind of rubbish at pickpocketing. BUT he’s an excellent survivalist and a great tracker. He also has a great head for subterfuge.

-He's just as much of a dandy as his brother. He likes expensive things, especially nice clothes. And he would never admit it to Dori’s face, but thinks his brother’s skill at sewing and tailoring are unmatched.

-Out of all of the members of the company, he’s changed his hairstyle the most over the years. He knows perfectly well his current style is impossible to upkeep but he’s too stubborn to admit it.

-Since he’s canonically had dealings with elves, I think he knows a little Sindarin. When Ori learns it himself later, it’s something they get to bond over. (I don’t think Ori knew Sindarin at the time of the quest bc nobody asked him to read the names of Thorin and Gandalf’s swords)

-Has a very, very hard time being sincere. He’s incredibly used to interacting with people who are only out for themselves.

-Nori didn’t really trust or respect Thorin as a leader until pretty late in the quest. After Bofur, he's perhaps the one who gets along with him the least. Nori isn’t the kind of guy to yield to authority and I don't think he'd have a lot in common with him to begin with.

-He often avoided Ori out of guilt when he came back home. He has a hard time connecting with him at first on the quest.

-He started smoking as an adolescent just because he knew Dori wouldn’t approve. Dori still forbids smoking in the house and he still does it anyway. He let Ori try some at one point during the quest and Dori was furious.

Ori

-Taking a little inspiration from some of the very cute bts clips I’ve seen, I think Ori is very snarky and deadpan when he isn’t being polite and mannerly. Fíli, Kíli, and Gimli (and later, Bilbo) have seen just how dry his sense of humor is. He’s a witty guy, just kind of nervous around his elders.

-He was an absolute schemer as a little kid. Rarely got in trouble because he was just so darn cute and angelic looking that no one would believe Fili and Kili when they’d say he helped them with something.

-Has exceptional eyesight for a dwarf, similar to Kili. This one might just be canon, seeing as he was able to hit a warg square in the head with his slingshot. Not his fault the rock was too small to do any damage lol.

-I know opinions on this vary quite a lot, but I’d really like to think he’s got a lot of natural body strength, similar to Dori. He just doesn’t have the self-assuredness to utilize it properly. I don’t know if I’d say he’s as strong as his brother, but I do think if he punched you you’d be in for a nasty surprise.

-Once Dori stops meddling with his hair, Ori lets it grow long. He never really takes to elaborate hairstyles, keeping just enough braids for it to stay out of his eyes while he works.

In general

-If Bilbo had stayed in Erebor, they really would have tried to adopt him officially. And if Bilbo had stayed, he would’ve probably let them.

-Ori’s death shakes Nori and Dori very badly. Dori cuts his beard, becomes withdrawn, and dies a few short years later. Nori takes a turn for the worse and becomes prone to reckless behavior. Ori was the glue that held them together. They blamed themselves for letting him go to Moria.

-They may be dysfunctional, but the love they have for each other is real and unshakeable. Deep down, Nori and Ori are just as protective of the big brother that raised them. Definitely not as mother hen-ish, but protective all the same.

-And of course, I GOTTA go with the popular one: The Ri brothers are absolutely gorgeous by dwarf standards. It’s an oldie but a goodie and you can pry it out of my cold, dead hands.

Thanks for the question!

[cloudcountry]

Ahhh i dont really know how Tumblr works (this is my first time requesting someone) but i see that ur request was open

i want to request an academic rivalry trope hcs with riddle or Azul or both (bcs i absolutely LOVE the way u write them 😞 it makes me giggle)

Thank u in advance and have a great day or night (⁠´⁠∩⁠｡⁠•⁠ ⁠ᵕ⁠ ⁠•⁠｡⁠∩⁠`⁠)

SUMMARY: Riddle & Azul with an academic rival!!

WARNINGS: None!!

COMMENTS: omg i love you for this!!! this is one of my favorite tropes ever and these two are so emotionally constipated they wouldn't know what to do with themselves. i hope you have a lovely day too anon <33 and im so glad you like how i write them hehe azul is the loml so it means a lot when people say that!!

Riddle doesn’t know what to do about you. He feels so incredibly frustrated every single time you score higher than him on a test because he should be better. How can he pride himself in being Heartslabyul’s Housewarden if he can’t even be at the top of his class?

So what does he do with that frustration? He studies harder and harder because clearly he isn’t trying hard enough. His health deteriorated, and if it wasn’t for Trey, Riddle would be even more of a wreck.

Then he finally does it. All of that work culminates into Riddle finally scoring a point higher than you on his Magical History exam. He stares at the board smugly, really admiring his name above yours (which is how it should be, in his mind.)

You approach the board too, and he expects you to say something about how you’ll score higher than him next time or how you can’t believe he’s finally beaten you, but instead, you nod cheerfully and walk away.

You just walk away. You don't even look at him. You’re satisfied with yourself?! Riddle feels rage bubbling up in his chest, and he almost screams at you right there and then in the hallway. What is wrong with you?!

It doesn’t help matters when Crewel assigns a huge project that's to be completed by two people, and places you and Riddle together. He’s so hell-bent on avoiding you the entire time, even when your face grows annoyed at his inability to cooperate.

“This project is a long one, you know.” you tell him one day, staring daggers into the side of his skull, “It takes six months to complete. If you want to get a good grade you’ve got to lay down your pride and talk to me. I’m not put up with this for half a year.”

Riddle hates that you’re right. He hates it so much because he’s always supposed to be the sensible one. He’s studied the rules over and over and yet you stump him. You make him wrong.

Is he wrong to resent you for that? Is it wrong to want to destroy your pride? Is it wrong to hate that you seemingly get everything you’ve ever wanted so easily while he’s worked hard for it?

Is it wrong that he wants to cooperate so hard and so efficiently with you that you take back everything you said to him?

Azul wants to get you in his debt so BADLY. He isn’t at the very top of his class, no. That title belongs to Riddle, who has refused his offers for a contract time and time again. Maybe there’s something you want, though.

He will find it. He will examine you every day and pick apart every insecurity and moment of sadness. That smart little brain of yours may be good for tests, but when it comes to manipulation, you have nothing on Azul.

It’s a small comfort if nothing else. You may have the entire school wrapped around your finger and the Leech twins might be fascinated with you, but that doesn’t matter.

Well, it doesn’t matter until you show up at the Lounge of your own volition. Azul is shocked when he hears the twins call your name, and you enter his VIP Room looking far too calm.

Floyd almost hacks up a laugh from laughing too hard when you ask for tutoring. Azul is baffled as Jade snickers, wondering why the person who outscores Azul continuously would ask him for tutoring.

But this is his chance. And so he writes up a contract, asking for something vague because he doesn’t know what he’ll need from you yet but he’s certain you’ll come in handy in the future and suddenly—

You wrinkle your nose and hand the contract back to him, pointing at one of the conditions. “I don’t like that one. Change it.” you say, and Floyd starts cackling again because no one has ever read them that closely.

It’s a condition that states you will come to the Lounge whenever Azul summons you. It’s vague enough that the signer may not realize he truly means whenever, but outlined enough to make them assume that it only applies to the time frame in which the main part of the contract is in effect.

It’s sneaky, and you caught it. Azul’s eyebrow twitches as he stares at you, forcing a smile on his features. Why, of course he can change that for you! What would you like it to say instead? You should know that he’s on home turf right now, and he never loses in the comfort of his VIP Room.

[tbhimnoteasyonmyself]

15 Day BL Challenge - DAY 16

We're doing overtime, guys dksjkdjksdjskd

What Show Has Taken You by Surprise This Year?

Have I been disappointed this year? Yeah, sure. But, tbh, this has been a good year, I think. Many series have been pretty good and it seems like we're heading towards a future with more quality, which is always nice, right?

This being said, here are my best surprises this year:

Jack&Joker & Wandee Goodday

Can you believe me? I saw the trailer for Jack&Joker and I was like: "ah... okay, whatever..." WHAT A JOKE, WHAT A MOTHERFUCKING JOKE! sdjskdjskdjkj This turned out to be one of my all-time favourite series, I was hooked on it from the 1st episode. Not a boring time in this universe, not an episode I didn't absolutely love, what a great fucking series! From the satire to the romance to the found family, everything was on point. Truly buzzing for February!

I watched Wandee Goodday bc I thought it could be "cool". BUT WAS IT FUCKING COOL??? NAH, IT WAS COOL AF!!! We need more working gays as opposed to high school or uni gays. Give me adults with established lives. It's so nice to watch a bunch of freaks who know who they are, actually. And still have so much to learn and discover tho! It's also way better to watch ppl in their 30s be single and still figuring it out, like, it's a good reminder your life doesn't end at 29, like they be saying. I had so much fun with this series, I want 20 of these.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS: Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding & Caged Again

Not even gonna lie, I did start watching MMPF bc of Sakai Taisei bc, get this, I knew him from Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger. Yes. This is another tokusatsu to BL pipeline. Can't lie, I mean, I was curious. And boy, was I not disappointed. This series is so cute and heartwarming and actually well-written. My only complaint is that it should've been 2x hornier but that's okay.

PS: Ya boy over here is the creator of Mr. Mitsuya's tag on AO3, so if you wanna check out the only work in it (mine) here's your hyperlink xdkjdkjdksjdk.

Caged Again was probably the biggest surprise bc... Wdym he was a penguin and the other guy was a panther and they both escaped the zoo and are now students at a boarding school and 2 ppl from the zoo are after the human penguin to traffic him with his brother and then they got lost in a forest and older gays tried to help them and now they're being rescued by a spirit all while falling in love and trying to get a hold of the panther's predator instincts??? This is PitBabe 2. This is exactly the same level of brainfuck. And just like I was here for the furry men with a traffic plotline, I'm here for the furry teenagers with a traffic plotline. Nothing changed. dsksjdksjd Curious to see where it's gonna go!

[charmedreincarnation]

My Boujee wealthy dark academia shifting story

Before I started manifesting money in this reality, I was super obsessed with the old money aesthetic, gossip girl, nepotism babies, and just anything money tbh, because obscene wealth has always been fascinating to me. I was honestly bored and feeling materistlic when I intended to go here solely for the purpose of ending this exploration crave lol. I’ll just list some of the thing I had fun doing and my experiences. I won’t get into specific stories because they’re probably just as you presume.

I’m going to first run through some of the most fascinating things I experienced and before I tell personal stories.

-Going to luxury rooftop bars and having drinks with my friends! This is one of my first realities where I was of age and had an extroverted personality so that was fun

-I Joined a super cool and high class sorority at my college. I always thought the concept of a sorority was cringe but we did a lot of volunteer work, and the communal family you have access to is beyond what I expected.

-Going on fancy night outs and renting the most expensive hotel room to have a relaxing night with friends and/ or throwing a giant high class party was the weekend norm. My ambivert self here is shocked that this is how some people live everyday haha.

- getting to be be a mysterious rich person, and legacy student at my university had its perk.

-my parents owned vacation homes in the aesthetic countrysides of Switzerland and France. Here I didn’t get the reasoning of having multiple homes,but when you travel often, it’s not as impractical as it seems.

-getting used to flying private. Not having to go through tsa and having a corsage of people to have travel be as easy as possible was so fun. I don’t travel often here and when I do it spikes my anxiety. Being surrounded by people and having to do all those checks stresses me out, and not dealing with that made traveling so much more fun.

-my parents created a huge scholarship fund to help low-income families. With a certain amounts of students winning every month. This scholarship covers all fees for college from boarding to school supplies to tuition costs to meal plans. I got to also sponsor an endangered animals. My choice was pandas :)

-getting to go to go to the met gala!

-Buying expensive rare and ancient plants! My dad bought a $20,000 olive tree for my mom to plant on our property, and it’s worth the price. Nature to me will always be priceless

The first thing that I think of when I reflect on what it is like being in the top .01% is the access to resources. Having access to a sizable personal fortune gives me the freedom to purchase anything I want and to travel anywhere in the world. I can indulge in luxuries that some people can only dream about.

It also brings with it a considerable amount of responsibility. As part of this elite group I have an obligation to use my resources to better the lives of those around me. For example, I have been able to make donations to charities and invest in causes that are important to me. I believe this is a great way to use my wealth to make a difference in the world.At times being in the top .01% was overwhelming. There is a certain level of pressure to make sure that my money is invested in responsible and rewarding ways. As well, many people view the wealthy with suspicion and resentment, which can be intimidating at times.

Anyways I want to expand on my experience attending the mega gala, bc that was easily my favorite night.My experience attending the Met gala was super cool, and a night to remember no matter what reality I’m in. I was so honored to be there for the first time ever. I vividly remember I was wearing a gorgeous navy blue satin dress with glittering jewels around the edges. The glittering jewels were a perfect complement to the gold sequins that adorn my dress as I made my way to the main event.inside, I was amazed by the opulence of the venue and how much effort has gone into creating such a beautiful spectacle. Everywhere I look I see incredible art installations, shimmering lights, and luxurious furnishings that all make me feel like I'm in a wonderland. To top it off, there's was incredible live music playing and the electrifying atmosphere that is enough to make anyone want to get up and dance.Of course, it wouldn't be a true Met Gala experience without some of the amazing food and drinks. From delicious hors d'oeuvres to exquisite sweet treats, everything was artfully prepared and presented, definitely making it a night to remember.

As the evening progresses, there was so much more to take in. Celebrities were mingling, taking pictures and making speeches; even just getting a chance to be in the same room with them was an incredible experience.My favorite moment was meeting a person I’m both of fan of here in this reality and that reality as well. I vividly remember Lily-Rose Depp gracefully walking through the hall, meeting people one by one and graciously talking to each of them.finally, it was my turn to meet her. She warmly shook my hand and asked me how I was doing. We began talking, and I found myself instantly at ease around her. We spoke about roles we've taken on in the past, our respective passions in life, and our favorite movies.

I was completely swept away by her enthusiasm for life and her willingness to connect on a deeper level with those around her. As we talked, I noticed that she kept casting glances around the hall- which I later found out was because she wanted to make sure that everyone present was enjoying themselves and feeling welcome. At the end of our conversation, she thanked me for taking the time to talk to her and added that if I ever needed anything, she'd be there to help out. I was holding back my giddy smile, trying to be as normal as possible, as I thanked her for her kindness.

I also vividly remember my upbringing and just how crazy wealthy people live.

Growing up, much of my time was spent attending events and dinners with other businesspeople. Although these were often overwhelming and boring at first, I gradually became more comfortable in such social settings and gained connections of my own.

Meanwhile, I also had access to mentors and peers from well-connected families. This allowed me to gain invaluable advice and knowledge on how to succeed in the professional world. In addition, to no surprise there were times when I was given advantages in certain situations due to my family ties. Doors that may have been closed to others opened up easily for me. This made it easier for me to take advantage of certain opportunities and advance my career. While this is true, it can often be a double-edged sword. Being a nepotism baby can make it hard to prove yourself, as there's always a nagging feeling that you got ahead because of a lucky birthright, but that of course in no ways compares to being born without connections. I think that’s something wealthy people tell their kids so they don’t feel like they didn’t work for anything because even if it’s true you don’t want the people you love to feel that way. Also, there's sometimes an element of guilt present due to knowing that others may not get the same opportunities as you. It can be difficult to separate what you've earned from what was given because of your family ties.

I was also lucky enough to have grown up in a huge mansion in the heart of Los Angeles, with all the bells and whistles that come with it. From the grand entrance walls adorned with family portraits and art to the private screening theaters and sprawling gardens, I'd say it's one of a kind.

The perks of living in a mansion come tenfold; I was on Tik tok the other day and saw people complaining (humble bragging) about the hardships of having a huge home. Growing up in one and having the experience now, it’s actually very common for rich people to portray their life as harder than it is to seem more human. It’s something we’re taught to do when we’re young so when I see it happen now, I’m like eye roll… I know exactly what you’re doing

Anyways I loved my house ! For starters, I loved my sunset pool that overlooks the city. It's the perfect place to enjoy a summer day in California with great views and a built-in Jacuzzi. Of course there's also my personal chef who helps whip up amazing meals for me and my family.

Having house help has made growing up here a breeze. Everyday necessities like laundry, chores and even grocery shopping are taken care of for me, leaving me more time to focus on things that really matter. I could write a list of things I needed, and the next morning everything I wrote would show up just like that, it was actually pretty dope. Not to mention the immense amount of help I get from my parents—they are both incredibly successful, so I'm always surrounded by people who, like them, have achieved incredible success.

More than anything, the best part of living here is that I get whatever I want. Shopping sprees, spa days and extravagant getaways are just a few of the indulgences that come with my lifestyle. I'm truly fortunate to have experienced a life of luxury and opulence—it's definitely given me a greater appreciation for all that I have been blessed with.

Lastly, I’m a big foodie no matter where I go so I’m also going to list some of my fav 5 star restaurants! I’m sure most if not all exist here as well so, if possible I would try them out!

-For seafood lovers, Manresa in Los Gatos, California is sure to tantalize your taste buds. With its commitment to local and sustainable ingredients, the restaurant offers an ever-changing menu that highlights delicious seafood dishes with a Californian flair. From the tantalizing tuna tartare and exquisite abalone dishes to the poached white sturgeon and Dungeness crab preparations, Manresa showcases its tasteful and creative cuisine that people rave about.

-If French cuisine is more to your liking, Alain Ducasse in Paris is sure to transport you to another world of classic French cuisine with a modern twist. During your visit, you'll enjoy dishes such as the butter-poached lobster tail, roasted poultry with Malavallee mushrooms, and crispy duck with crispy crimini mushrooms and creamy potato puree. And be sure to finish your meal with the magnificent desserts like the signature Mont Blanc cake.

-For a top-notch Italian experience, check out Osteria Francescana in Modena, Italy. Here you'll find an unforgettable Italian culinary experience with traditional dishes like beef cheek in Barolo wine, ravioli stuffed with prawns, zucchini flowers and stracciatella, and risotto with king crab. The family-run restaurant has come a long way since it first opened in 1995, achieving true worldwide fame for its simple yet lavish dishes.

-If you're planning a trip to Tokyo, you'll definitely want to make a stop at Sushi Saito. Not only is this two Michelin-starred restaurant applauded for its exquisite sushi and sashimi platters, but it's also home to the world's finest sushi chefs. From the uni and scallop nigiri to the tuna sashimi, each bite here is sure to delight your palate.

-Lastly, don't miss the opportunity to visit Geranium in Copenhagen and sample a unique take on modern Nordic cuisine. Chef Rasmus Kofoed delights guests with dishes that feature locally sourced, seasonal ingredients such as skyr ice cream, geoduck clams, and trout roe. With its innovative approach and bold flavors, Geranium has truly become one of the world’s finest restaurants.

No matter which five-star Michelin restaurant you choose, you can be sure that you'll experience exceptional food and service and leave with lasting memories of your sumptuous meal… but these were the most memorable to me.

Other than that I don’t really know what else to say unless you guys wanna hear specific things. It was a normal life, at least normal to me there because that’s just how I was raised 🥰🥰

[strawberryseeded]

thinking abt bllk (no surprise there) and how (at least until now) all (well, most of?) the characters backstories aka basically the reason for their most prominent issues are, instead of extremely tragic and complex events, simply children's logic applied to recurrent situations in their daily lives (and especially the sport they love):

bachira feels lonely: bachira was a weird and lonely kid who was also extremely passionate abt (and talented in) football, more than any other kid, making bachira feel isolated even when he was playing with others. this got even worse when the kids he played with started to resent him, calling him a "monster" and bullying him. while talking with his mom, she told him to keep believing in his inner voice and ignore those who dont understand him, resulting in bachira giving that voice the form of a "monster" that can play football with him to feel less lonely. which, obviously, made him even more lonely, even if it was an imaginary friend created to aliviate that feeling. because bachira still felt lonely, even after many years and even after playing with other people in school who werent any fun for him, he kept the monster by his side. believing no one could ever beat this monster (thank GODNESS he did 🎉!!! HE is the monster no one can beat!!!! his arc is one of my favs hes literally unstoppable now, i love him dude i love h)

isagi holds himself back too much: isagi (i read the light novel abt him hehe) was a timid and mild mannered kid until he discovered football, which he fell in love with. while playing the sport he could let go of his shyness and actually be selfish and go all out. uuuntil... he entered his high school's reputable football club, where the motto was to play as a team above everything else (a very anti-blue lock logic lol). isagi then, in an effort to accomodate to the social norms of the club (bc hes isagi, and off the field hes calmer and timider), had to simmer down in the field as well. supress himself. at times it seems like his on and off switch is kind of stuck.

barou has main character syndrome: barou was a very, on top of talented, meticulous kid and therefore the best in football out of every other kid he knew, who didnt take it as seriously and were more than happy to let him score all the goals. he didnt understand why they were satisfied with letting other people take all the glory, so he secluded himself, convinced that he was the only player that actually mattered on the field. the best. the Main Character. everyone else was completely worthless, their only use being to serve HIM. (until he got his ass kicked by isagi and became the villan instead of the main character, bc oh, shit, barou's not actually the main character???? then he'll hunt down & DESTROY the main character).

rin (god, rin) has a brother complex (i used to hate when ppl oversimplify whats wrong w him w this term but tbh it does boil down to this lol ToT): rin idolized his older brother like crazy and wanted to be just like him. bc he was also blessed with talent and also had a great relationship w sae, he had everything he needed to fulfill his dream of being the 2nd best striker, the 1st obviously being his older brother, who rin viewed as the best, most talented player in the world. when sae comes back from spain and tells him 'the world is big and im not actually the best, you go and be the best striker by yourself' (basically: our (your) dream is over), rin has a fucking breakdown. its not really a tragic, despair-inducing event, objectively speaking. but in the manga its framed as such bc for rin, in his childish logic, it is. bc his brother IS the BEST player, what the fuck do you mean hes not number 1 outside of japan?? ....then what about rin? if his brother cant be the best, rin cant be the 2nd best either, let alone the best. he feels like sae ruined everything, gave up, broke their (rin's) dream!!!! after sae humilliates him, rin directs all of his frustrations at him and bows to defeat him. as long as rin sees himself as sae's little brother, he's never gonna be able to surpass him, bc in rin's mind, sae is still the best, his talented big brother.

ness believes kaiser, not him, is the magician: ness's case is more serious bc his family was (is?) emotionally abusive towards him. basically, like every other kid, ness believed in magic. the concept of magic is exciting for children and gives them, in the form of play, the opportunity to express their creativity and exercise their imagination; work out a way to make the impossible come true. bc this is so important for their development, usually its the parents role to, at least to a certain degree, keep alive the belief that magic is real. ness's parents, on the contrary, shut down this belief bc it didnt match with their own views. they saw his interests as a waste of time, even letting his sibilings bully him and treat him badly to make him give up on them. ness, however, didnt, and instead found a more socially acceptable way to 'do magic' and express his creativity: football. he feared greatly, however, that football would be taken away from him, so in that faithful match in which he met kaiser he decided to put all of his trust and hard work on him, bc ness believed kaiser was the person who would be able to make the impossible, the magic that ness wanted to create, happen. i think the key to unlock his full potential is stop relying on kaiser so much and start believing in his own magic (kind of like what happened in hiori's arc). we have yet to know kaiser's backstory but i have a feeling those two enable each other's worst traits...

ETC !!!! sorry i got tired of writing lol

anyways these r just my interpretations of the characters feel free 2 b like "was is she ON about"

[lokilysolbitch]

literally the least educated ppl on DID/OSDD1/PDID i've ever seen are fake claimers

these are inspired by tiktok comments i see on other systems videos:

"too many j names,,,,,,you must be faking" so true babes they actually have "can't have too many j names" in the diagnostic criteria great work you got it

"too many alters" pls open google

"me when i make up friends bc im lonely" so what if you used your brain and considered why a disorder caused by trauma....and unstable attachment to caregivers.............could correlate to someone being lonely. :D. next you should tell someone with eczema "me when my skin is just itchy🙄"

"DID is caused by trauma so why are you posting silly videos on tiktok" so actually you can be traumatized and use tiktok. funnily enough. especially in the disorder with amnesia that can make you forget you are traumatized hope this helps but maybe you can try thinking on your own next time tho okay?

"DID is only in 1% of the global population" yes babes. so in a school of 1000, 10 people will have DID. so in the millions of fucking tiktok users guess how many will have DID please learn your fucking percentages also pretty sure that statistic is outdated and doesn't count OSDD1, PDID, and undiagnosed folks

"but you're not diagnosed" yes DID only kicks in after diagnosis good catch

"they probably made up their diagnosis" that's just a theory you made up. do you want them to post their psychiatrist saying they have DID for a tiktok to prove themselves to some randos on the internet. you're not entitled to proof of diagnosis in the first place because remember. you are a rando on the internet

"whoever diagnosed you is wrong" THANK YOU SO MUCH RANDO ON THE INTERNET FOR YOUR VALID RESEARCHED UNDIAGNOSIS VIA TIKTOK COMMENT. you've truly convinced us all

"but you're young" okay so when do you think DID starts. google that. hope that helps

"but you're too old" okay so when do you think DID stops.

"these are oc's" well yes ! so if your brain makes up people to cope. that would make them original. if those people can control your body and hold different parts of your memories and you can't control them. that would likely be alters.

"faking hurts actual systems" which part of faking hurts systems. the part where hoards of people harass someone they decided was faking? the part where hoards of people don't do any research say someone is faking for reasons they pulled out of their ass? what specifically hurts systems. when people don't fucking believe them and are assholes about it for no reason?? okay so then it's not the faking that hurts systems then. it's you! go take a nap and stop having temper tantrums in peoples comment sections. people trying to find themselves actually won't hurt you or systems nearly as much as your blatant harassment and ignorance. hope this helps xoxoxo❤️❤️❤️

istg y'all really lose it when someone with dyed hair and eyeliner is a little weird or confusing. you are no better than a boomer. pls get it together people are staring

[oracleact]

You can totally choose to look past this cuz it might be a lot (Tw trauma?) I just got Carried, you know when Carrie (from the movie) she gets a bucked full of blood over her head on prom? A guy asked me out and to my surprise, I was blessed with ketchup, eggs and flour by him and his friends, the subway didn’t let me in and no Uber would accept me getting in a car, so I had to walk home. No one asked me what was wrong

I’m still processing that actually happened,. I’m assuming it’s bc of my weight, I’m tall and overweight, I mainly keeps things to myself, am a introvert, idk what other thing could be a reason besides my body. Could you please write a comfort scenario with the tmnt boys? Or one of them, you can choose, Could be platonic, romantic, idk, just reader (who’s usually friendly but don’t talk much about their romantic life cuz they don’t feel like it’s worth investing time, and when they finally decide to change that, thst happens) crying as a mess in front of them for the first time, saying they are tired of living in a body that feels more of a curse than anything,

It’s a lot, I know, you can delete this if you aren’t comfortable doing it (I’m 100% serious)

Thank you Eitherway and hope you have a good day

first of all, I’m so sorry that happened to you. back in high school, I was doused after classes so I can definitely understand your pain here. they are absolutely pathetic for even thinking about doing that to someone; they are total assholes because they acted on it too and I wish for it to haunt them one day when (or if) they mature. you did amazing on your way home that day - I hope that, with time, things will get better for you. you deserve great things. I haven’t written anything with all of the boys before but I wanted to give it a try for you to cheer you up. I wish you well, and I hope you can find comfort in our wonderful turtles!

« got your back »

tmnt x reader / angst + fluff

notes: 1.6k words, all turtles included, platonic relationship, gender neutral reader (no pronouns used,) first person pov, I was thinking of 2012 tmnt while writing this but it probably fits with most iterations.

I can’t believe I’m walking home in the dark, completely covered in miscellaneous goop. I’m glad I didn’t tell anyone about the date that was supposed to happen tonight because, if someone saw me right now, I don’t know what I would do. no public transport let me on covered in eggs and flour, the same for taxis, so now I’m stuck dragging myself home by my own two feet. they are awfully heavy despite my hurry to get back which doesn’t seem fair at all - it’s like my body is laughing at me in equal measure to the rest of the crowd back there.

put your head down and keep walking, put your head down and keep walking, put your—

“hey guys, look!” I stop in my tracks as soon as I hear that voice echo through the night sky. it sounded too much like mikey to simply ignore it.

“mikey, for the last time, shh! ninjas, remember?” that was definitely leo. they all must be up on a roof somewhere but I don’t dare to look up. my feet won’t move anymore regardless, they’re refusing to pick up and run. my body really does hate me tonight huh?

“mikey is right though, look down - hey there!” I slowly crane my neck towards the sound of their chatters and am met with possibly the worst sight I could see at this exact moment: all four of my mutant friends standing on a nearby roof, just as I suspected.

“hi everyone,” I give an awkward wave as they stare down at me.

“want to meet up at the entrance to the lair to hang? we’re just heading back,” raph calls out.

I need a plan, and fast.

thankfully, they can’t see that I’m covered in mush from where they are, but if I go to the lair then that will change. however, if I say ‘no’ to hanging out with them then they’ll get suspicious anyway and follow after me. they’re my best friends, my favourite thing in the whole world is hanging out with them. even if I genuinely can’t hang out we still find a loophole to be together.

either of these choices leaves me doomed to talk about this disaster of a night eventually so…

“sure, you go ahead and I’ll be there in a second.”

…I go with option one.

I knew the boys would get there first so I’ve had more time to come up with some lame lie before I face them: one point to me. I slap on a brave face and a ridiculously wide smile in the hopes that it would distract them from what I have going on all over my clothes. taking a deep breath, I turn the final corner to enter the lair.

“hey bud!” mikey bursts through the rest of the guys and comes skipping towards me. I freeze and simply wait for him to see me in the light. “woah, what happened to you?”

after hearing mikey’s question, everyone starts to crowd in around me, thinking I had been hurt or something on the way here. to their surprise, I have no cuts or scrapes…just a bunch of different types of produce in my hair. they begin to mutter more questions but my mind is too hazy to hear them clearly, opting to stand there and stare into the space behind them. leo notices me zoning out pretty quickly and leads me to the seating area in the middle of the lair by my arm, the rest of the boys following with worry in their eyes.

I sit down on the couch; raph bends down in front of me, donnie sits on my right, mikey hangs over the back of the couch to lean on my left, and leo rests his hands on my shoulders from behind me.

“who did this to you? I’ll kill them, I’ll punch them into the ground I swear to god—“

“raph, calm down. we need to know what happened first before we start going haywire.” I’ve never seen donnie look so aggravated before. it looks like he secretly wants to join in with raph’s immediate anger instead of acting ‘rationally’ this time.

“no need for punching anyone or anything ha! I— uh— tripped while I was walking home and fell straight into a pile of garbage surrounding a dumpster. how clumsy of me ha! I’m so silly. I wasn’t watching where I was going and it was dark so…” my words trail off as I finally look directly at my friends. none of them are believing this story at all.

“tell us the truth, it’s alright. you’re safe here.” leo speaks with such a warm tone, it makes holding back my tears even harder than it already was.

“I’m fine! I promise I’m fine, really I just tripped!” I force my lips into a thin line, trying to twist them into some kind of smile, until mikey pokes at my cheek. I turn to him.

“please tell us what’s wrong.” is he giving me puppy eyes? damn it mikey…

I couldn’t push back my tears any longer and the flood gates exploded. I was in hysterics, sobbing so loudly it bounced off the walls of the lair. I couldn’t stop, each sob rippled through me and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. the boys cooed at me, all of them placing a hand somewhere on my body to ground me and to let me know that I’m not alone as I cried. they tried still asking me questions but I couldn’t get out any words, only heartbreaking whimpers left my mouth. they accepted their fate of silent sobs though and simply stayed beside me.

after a while, I’ve calmed down slightly, and I see the boys look at each other and nod in the corner of my blurry eyes. then, all of a sudden, raph and leo run off. they come back not long after with a basin of water, towels and some other things that I can’t quite see cradled in their large hands. my curiosity is answered in a split second though as the four begin to wipe away the dirt that covers me, still allowing me to ride out my cries in the meantime.

raph gets back into his bent position to gently clean my face, donnie and mikey clean down my arms, and leo starts to brush my hair the best that he can. it must be a brush that april keeps here at the lair, since I don’t think I’ve left one here before.

they continued like this - softly wiping and rinsing - until they were sure that they had done all they can do to rid me of this sticky mess, and until I was able to stabilise my breathing and speak somewhat clearly again.

“april is going to be mad that you got ketchup on her hairbrush,” I say lowly between hiccups. leo laughs and assures me that the brush is perfectly fine; no need to worry.

it is silent (apart from the sound of my sniffling) while they put down their tools and clear them away from the couch, until donnie speaks, “we don’t want to push you to talk but we are here to listen if you want to.”

maybe it is finally time to talk about it. as much as I don’t want to, I think I need to. I’m always the one with a bright smile and cheery attitude but I need to let that go for now. I need comfort, and I need to admit that to myself - even if it’s for this singular moment.

I begin to explain the story of the date and how it went terribly wrong - just the vital details to build the story rather than adding my feelings about it. being vulnerable like this isn’t my strong point so I need to prepare myself to talk about that part with truth and from the heart.

I can see the pure rage in raph’s eyes as he sits in front of me, his teeth grinding together and a low growl coming out of him. he goes to say something but donnie stops him with a hand on his shoulder. he gives red a pat and he seems to understand what he is signalling, inhaling and exhaling with his eyes closed before fixing his posture to listen to me again.

“you know, I don’t know if I want raph to rough up him or rough up me at this point,” I let out a laugh to try and soften the atmosphere but the expressions of the boys tell me that it didn’t work. they look confused; sad. “a good rough up might fix whatever is wrong with me, because it’s obviously me. look at me! why else would he have made plans to humiliate me like that? what do I need to punch into shape - the way I look? the way I act?” I laugh again with the same intent as earlier despite knowing that it is going to do nothing to lessen the impact of my words.

“did he specifically make you feel like that?” raph says through gritted teeth, “that you’re not good enough?”

“no, I guess I’ve been feeling that way for a while. he just made it worse - a lot worse.” my eyes start to burn again with more tears. I’m surprised I’m not dehydrated yet.

mikey grabs my face in his hands, his eyes also look clouded with tears, “you are so beautiful. really, you are. I remember when I first saw you I was like ‘woah, they’re even prettier than the humans I see on tv!’ you don’t need to change anything about the way you look, I can tell you that for sure.”

“nor do you need to change anything about your personality or how you act,” donnie chimes in. “why do you think we like you so much? you’re awesome! you’re smart, kind, caring, plus you treat us like we’re golden and we’re literally in the sewers right now,” we all giggle at the last statement he makes.

leo pats me on the head, signally me to look up towards him, “you are the greatest friend we could have ever asked for, and if we need to remind you of that more then we will. you deserve to feel that you’re worthy and loved and I can tell you with certainty that you are when you’re here with us. there’s no need to hide from us, we’ve got you’re back.”

raph grabs my hand, “and seriously, if you want us to go and talk to that guy we will.”

“raph!” the others shout. I laugh at the slight panic hiding in their voices - it’s fully directed at their brother and his fists.

“what?! I said talk not bash into the ground so what do you want from me?!”