#But this guy was watching his friend destroy his relationships because he sucks at addressing the actual problems

[pureconancommentary]

I actually feel really bad for this guy. The plot the audience is gonna be focused on is the murder and who-dun-it, but we don't learn the actual tragedy until the end of the case. But this guy already knows the tragedy is going on even before there's a death involved.

Like, because he's an old friend and not in the industry anymore, he's the only one Tatsuya confided in about the current situation with the band. About him being pressured to go solo and break away from the band, and he knows that Tatsuya doesn't actually mean any of the hurtful words he's constantly throwing around right now. He knows Tatsuya's being a jerk to make his friends hate him so that they won't feel bad about him not being in the band anymore. (Or, in general, he knows why Tatsuya is a jerk to the manager even outside of leaving the band, and probably wishes he were more direct about his feelings with her.)

[backtothestart02]

Just Best Friends - 1/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: My mind exploded when I saw a tweet that implied Iris may as well have stuck her finger into Barry’s mouth when she swiped away the ketchup in 1x15. And I thought...what if? This will prob have roughly 3-5 chaps. We shall see. Enjoy!

...

Synopsis:  1x15 - Canon Divergent - For being in relationships with other people, Barry and Iris show an awful lot of PDA...with each other.

...

Chapter 1 -

Barry was ecstatic.

The atmosphere enveloped him. From the bright colors to the sound of bowling balls hitting pins and the smell of concessions on the far end of the bowling alley, this place felt like home. It was his favorite place in the city. As kids, he and Iris used to come here on the regular. In fact –

He shook his head, ridding himself of the memories. He was with Linda now, and he was happy to be with her. Tonight he’d be making new memories with her. This was the first place he’d chosen of all of their recent dates, and he was going to make a point to make them more memorable than any he’d had with Iris.

Especially if he wanted this relationship to go anywhere at all, which he did. Linda was special and they’d really hit it off. Tonight would be great.

“I never would’ve pegged you as someone who likes to bowl,” Linda was saying. It pulled him right out of his Iris thoughts. It was one of his favorite topics.

“Oh, this is one of my favorite places in the world.” His enthusiasm peaked. “And I’m guessing one of the only sports I can destroy you at.”

Her mouth fell open.

“Oh, okay. You think so, huh?”

His cockiness was at an all-time high.

“I’m pretty sure, yeah.”

“Okay.”

She stopped walking, and so did he. He leaned in for a kiss. It was sweet, fun, much like this moment and the memories they were about to make.

“Hi, guys.”

Iris’ voice broke through the moment. He thought he’d imagined it, but when he turned around there she was, sitting on a bench tying her bowling shoes. And beside her…stood Eddie. Great.

He forced himself to be polite.

“Iris, Eddie…hey.”

“What are you guys doing here?” Linda asked, and he could hear the forced politeness in her voice as well.

This was just…fantastic. Not.

Iris stood up.

“We…thought it would be fun! Barry and I’ve been bowling here since we were kids.”

Barry nodded silently. There was no point in denying it.

“Why don’t you guys join us?” she suggested, and all Barry’s hopes for a solo night with Linda went out the window.

“Uh…” Linda tried. She looked to Barry who raised his eyebrows despite himself. It had been a long time since he’d been bowling with Iris. It could be fun, the four of them. He’d have Linda to distract him from watching Iris and Eddie from afar.

But it was her call.

“We don’t want to interrupt your date,” Eddie was quick to put in, but Linda was just as quick to retort.

“Not, it’s…it’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” Barry asked. Even he had been looking forward to time alone with her.

“Of course.” She looked back at Iris and Eddie. “It would be fun.”

Barry could hear the lilt in her voice, but he’d resigned himself to the inevitable. As long as he still got to bowl, what wasn’t there to love about a double date with the past love of his life.

Right?

The next several minutes went by in a blur as Barry and Linda got their bowling shoes and picked out their bowling balls. By the time they were at the lane with Eddie and Iris, Iris had just rolled a spare, and was gloating like the competitive player she was. In his face.

“Do you smell that, Barry? That’s defeat.”

Barry scrunched up his face. He might’ve been confident about beating Linda at bowling, but Iris was a whole different story. He’d have to really focus to beat her and remain on top of his game.

“You never told me you were such a big fan of bowling,” Barry overheard Eddie commenting to Iris.

“Sure I have,” she insisted. “This is one of my favorite places in the world.”

Linda smiled…reluctantly, the jealous fever overcoming her for just a second. Another thing Barry and Iris had in common.

Meanwhile, Barry rolled a strike, his arms shooting up as he scored that victory, unfortunately while Iris has been MIA.

“Oh!” he cheered, then walking over to Linda to gloat.

“I am impressed, Allen,” she flattered him.

“The owner is thinking of selling,” he said. “Maybe you could write a piece on the place.”

“Um, I’m still of the feeling of whether bowling is an actual sport.”

Barry’s reaction was priceless. As was Eddie’s. Though he was more in agreement with her.

“I’ve wondered the same.”

“Well, sport or hobby, I am still…” Iris returned to them. “Better than you.”

And what she did then surprised Linda and Eddie both. She walked right up to Barry and swiped the bit of ketchup that had made it onto his face and into his mouth, giggling a little when he sucked a bit on her finger before she pulled it out of his eager mouth. She could not stop smiling.

Linda felt more than just the jealous monster cropping up inside her again. She felt predatory, which was so unlike her, but Iris made it easy.

“All right, well I’m serious,” Barry continued, undeterred, “A little bit of press, the lanes could be designated as like…a landmark or something.”

“Yeah,” Iris agreed.

Of course, Linda thought.

“Eddie, you’re up, man,” Barry said, taking a seat by Linda.

“Oh,” he said, unenthused at leaving his girlfriend alone with her best friend. “Right.”

He got up though, allowing Iris to excitedly squeeze his shoulders and push him towards the lane.

“Go get ‘em, babe!”

“I think I’m gonna go get something to drink. Anyone want anything?” Linda asked, eager to escape any PDA Barry and Iris might engage in with Eddie absent. Though part of her told her she might be able to prevent it if she stayed put.

“No,” Barry and Iris both said. “Thanks though,” Barry added.

Then, in another unexpected move, Iris deposited herself across Barry’s spread legs and wrapped her arm around his shoulders, smiling widely.

Barry could hardly contain himself. Unconsciously, his hand landed on her thigh and squeezed gently. Iris started to lean in unknowingly and was almost nearing what looked to be a kiss when Eddie called out to her after his two unsuccessful rolls down the lane.

She turned around at the sound of her name.

“It’s your turn,” he said.

“Oh.” She lowered her voice so only Barry could hear. “I guess that’s me. Time to beat you again!” She hopped up off his lap and approached the tray of bowling balls again, searching for hers.

“Oh, you think so, huh?” Barry teased, and Iris looked at him over her shoulder, her eyes twinkling flirtatiously.

Linda approached slowly, having seen the whole interaction and kicking herself for not staying put.

“Did I miss anything?” she asked, taking a seat on the other side of Barry.

Iris was already at the lane, throwing a strike that had her cheering and interrupting whatever Barry had to say.

“Ha! Told you!” she rejoiced, then came over to Barry again and poked her finger into his chest multiple times. “Told. You.”

He held up his hands in surrender.

“Hey, it’s not my fault you keep disappearing every time I make a strike!”

Iris rolled her eyes.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Barry glanced over at Linda.

“Weren’t you bringing drinks back?”

“I thought you said you didn’t want anything.”

“Well, we could’ve shared,” he tried to tease.

She didn’t find it funny.

“I’ll get a pitcher.”

She got up, squeezing Barry’s knee as she did and then propelling herself towards the concessions.

“I’ll come too,” Eddie said, leaving the two alone.

“Did we do something?” Iris wondered aloud for the first time.

“No way!” Barry said easily. “They’re just being poor sports because we’re winning.”

She nudged her elbow against his arm.

“Yeah, we are.”

Just then, Eddie returned to them, and he looked serious, but he didn’t look at Iris. He glanced at Linda of all people who was trailing behind him.

“I gotta go. Emergency at the morgue.”

Iris approached him, leaning in for a kiss.

“Bye.”

Eddie sidestepped her, muttering something about seeing her at home, leaving her dumbfounded.

“Hey, Linda, sorry, I should go too,” Barry said, addressing his girlfriend. “They’re gonna need someone from the crime lab.” He pressed a quick kiss to her lips before turning to leave. “I’ll see ya.”

She nodded, okay with it obviously. Duty calls.

But that left her alone with Iris.

“Well, um…that was fun,” she forced.

“Yeah.”

Iris held up her bowling shoes that she’d been in the process of returning and turned away to do exactly that. Linda didn’t wait long at all to take her leave.

In fact, she couldn’t get away fast enough.

She could already forsee the future of her discussing tonight’s events with either Barry or Iris or both.

Unless of course this was a fluke and the two just got caught up in the moment and old memories.

But she doubted it.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Hi! As someone who’s literary opinion I really trust, I was surprised that you’re a twilight fan? I know almost nothing except commen knowledge things about that series, and I always assumed it was actually bad/un-feminist. What is it that you like so much that others seem to miss? I’m just genuinely curious about your take on the hate it always seems to get vs. it’s actual quality. I’m not gonna judge bc animorphs is also one of those books where you see it and assume it’s bad.

In over 14 years of loving this series, I’m not sure anyone has ever asked me why I enjoy it instead of simply trying to convince me that I’m wrong to do so.  So thank you for that.

First and foremost, I love the Twilight saga because of the vivid detail in Stephenie Meyer’s writing style.  The descriptions are so lush and dense with sensory information that you can practically bite down on them as you read.  Bella and Jacob aren’t just sitting on the beach; they’re sitting on a gnarled log of driftwood, worn smooth at the top from where so many Quileute teens have sat upon it during bonfires but still uneven enough to rock on its branches when Bella suddenly stands to rage at her own mortality.  Meyer describes that log in Twilight, so tangibly and with such economy of detail, that we recognize it immediately when Bella and Jacob return to that spot in Eclipse.  I’ve always disliked the movies, because I’ve always felt that the best part of Meyer’s writing simply did not translate well to the screen.

Secondly, I love the feminism.

Okay, let’s take a quick pause to let everyone gasp and clutch their pearls over me calling Twilight a feminist work.  I will address the criticisms later.  For now, please just hear me out.

Twilight strikes me as a premier example of what Hélène Cixous means when she calls for “women’s writing,” or writing for women, about women, by women, with a strong focus on the concerns and strengths and desires of womanhood.  This is a series about building and maintaining close relationships, both romantic and platonic.  It celebrates beauty, and love, and care.  Bella moves to Forks because she recognizes that her dad is lonely while her mom is quite the opposite, torn between family priorities.  She doesn’t simply subsume her interests to those of other people, but instead actively chooses how and when and where to express her love for her birth family and her found families.  Most of the other major decisions throughout the story — Alice “adopting” Bella, Carlisle moving the family to Alaska, Jacob becoming werewolf beta, the Cullens going up against the Volturi, etc. — are motivated by care and devotion for one’s family and friends.  Even the selfish or morally ambiguous character choices are shown to be motivated by love.  Rosalie tells Edward that Bella died because she genuinely thinks it’ll help him move on.  Victoria creates an army that nearly destroys Forks because she’s avenging James.  Alice abandons Bella and the others before the final battle because if she can’t save her entire family, then she’ll settle for saving her lover before letting him die in vain.

Not only is there a striking concern with love and care, but there’s also a strong commitment to avoiding violence.  Bella’s eventual vamp-superpower proves to be preventing violence and protecting others, an awesome character decision that I’d argue gets set up as early as the first book.  She lives in a violent world — this is a YA SF story, after all — but she has the power to suppress violence and create peace, both in herself and others.  I was already sick of “power = ability to inflict damage” in YA stories well before I knew the word “patriarchy.”  Twilight was one of the first books to convey to me that power could be refusing to do harm in spite of hunger or anger, that power could be shielding ones’ family, that power could be about building enough friendships and alliances to have an army at one’s back when facing an enemy too strong to take on alone.

Closely connected to all of that love and care, I love how much Twilight is about navigating teenage girlhood.  Is it empowering, intersectional, or all-inclusive?  Hell no.  Does it still dare to suggest that a completely ordinary teenage girl could have valid concerns about the world?  Yep.  The main conflict of the story, as Stephen King so derisively explained, is about the romantic entanglements of a teenage girl, and the book therefore has no literary merit.  (To quote my dad’s response: “Bold words from the guy who inflicted Firestarter on the world.”)

There is, indeed, a lot of romance in Twilight.  There are a lot of clothes.  Alice and Rosalie especially spend a lot of time on makeup, and hair, and choosing the prettiest cars and houses.  Twilight embraces all the stereotypically “girly” concerns of adolescence, and makes no effort to apologize for or condemn them.  Bella isn’t particularly good at performing them — she likes but doesn’t excel at shopping, fiercely defends her ugly car as ugly, hobbles through prom on crutches — but she can still enjoy the feeling of being pretty in a sparkly dress while dancing with her sparkly boyfriend.  And Twilight, like Animorphs with Cassie, takes the daring step of treating that feeling as valid.

Speaking of sparkles, I love the commitment to the fantasy concept in Twilight, including the myriad mundanities that Meyer brings with that commitment.  If you have super-speed, why not use it to play extreme baseball?  If you’re a mindreader with a clairvoyant sister, why wouldn’t you two play mental chess games?  I couldn’t tell you, after seven seasons of Buffy or eight of Vampire Diaries, what Spike or Damien or Angel or Stefan does all day when not brooding or lurking in the bushes to creep on human women.  I can tell you what the Cullens get up to.  Emmett and Rosalie work on their cars, usually by holding them overhead one-handed.  Carlisle and Alice read plays, and sometimes talk the whole family into home Shakespeare productions.  Edward and Carlisle debate theology, Emmett and Jasper have dumb athletic competitions, Edward and Esme play music, Alice manipulates stock markets, the twins go shopping online, etcetera.  The Cullens feel real, feel like the vampires next door, in a way that Louis and Lestat simply do not.

To get to the elephant in the room — I just described Twilight as a feminist text! — let’s talk about the other thing the Cullens do for fun: they have sex.  Weird sex.  Kinky furniture-breaking sex.  Sex that Emmett (who would know) compares to bear-wrestling.  These books suck with regards to queer representation, but they are sex-positive.  They feature an old-school Anglican protagonist offering his daughter-in-law a medical abortion.  They treat Edward’s desire for sex only within marriage and Alice’s desire for sex outside of marriage as both being valid.  Like I said, not groundbreaking, even by the standards of 2005, but still more than most teen novels do even today.

There’s a passage from Breaking Dawn that people love to pull out of context as “everything wrong with Twilight in two paragraphs” because it describes Bella waking up the morning after sex with bruises on her arms.  That moment is shocking out of context, to be sure — but in context, it’s the end result of an in-depth consent negotiation that lasts four books.  Bella says that she’d like to become a vampire.  Edward says okay, but only if she spends a few more years living as a human and considering that choice.  Bella says okay, but only if Edward, not Carlisle, becomes the one to turn her.  Edward says they can use his venom, but that Carlisle, who’s an MD, really needs to supervise the process.  Bella doesn’t love the idea of Edward’s stepdad cockblocking what’s supposed to be an intimate moment, and so agrees only on the grounds that she gets to have sex with Edward as a human first.  Edward’s hella Catholic, so he requests that they get married first.  Bella’s super horny, so she demands that the wedding happen within six months.  Edward says that he might hurt her during sex, and Bella says that she wants a little hurt during sex.  They marry.  They bang.  During the banging, Edward makes every effort to be controlled and courteous and gentile, while Bella goes wild and crazy.  The next morning, she has bruises and he does not.  Edward apologizes, but Bella’s actually really into it.  She spends a while admiring her sexy vamp-marked self in the mirror, touches the bruises many times, and reminds us yet again that Bella Swan’s whole M.O. is being a monsterfucker.  Her kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.

To be clear, I think there are other aspects of the romance that get criticized for good reason.  Edward does not negotiate with Bella before sneaking into her room to watch her sleep, and he does make unacceptable use of their power differences when he thinks she’s in danger of being mauled by werewolves.  The text condemns Jacob’s “don’t wanna die a virgin” ploy to manipulate a kiss out of Bella, but not the wider conceit of all the male characters as possessing uncontrollable urges.  Bella’s struggles to adjust to a new town feel very feminine and realistic; her amused tolerance of Jacob’s and Mike’s sexual harassment as the price for their friendship does not.  Werewolf imprinting might be mostly platonic, but that doesn’t make it okay for Meyer to depict it as a form of soulmate bonding that happens with child characters. Those are good points, all around.  I just wish that most of them didn’t come up in the context of post-hoc rationalizations for loathing the femininity of a feminine text.

I’m not calling Twilight an unproblematic series.  I’m saying that it gets (rightly!) criticized for appropriating Quileute culture, while Buffy’s total absence of main characters of color and blatant anti-Romani racism are (wrongly!) not remarked upon. I'm saying that I’ve been told I’m a misogynist for liking Twilight but not for liking James Bond.  I’m saying that there’s a reason people tend to go “oh, that makes so much sense!” when I let them in on the fact that reactive hatred for “Twitards” started and spread on 4Chan, later home of Gamergate and incel culture.  I’m saying that Twilight depicts problematic relationship dynamics as sexy — but then so do Vampire Academy, Blue Bloods, Supernatural, Vladimir Tod, and Vampire Diaries.  All of which take the time to stop and thumb their noses at Twilight, smug in the superiority of having vampires that fly rather than vampires that sparkle, and for thoroughly condemning teenage girls for being girly while continuing to show men inflicting violence on them.

After all, as Erin May Kelly puts it: “we live in a world taught to hate everything to do with little girls.  We hate the books they read and the bands they like.  Is there anything the world makes fun of more than One Direction and Twilight?”  No one has ever called me a misogynist for liking the MCU, in spite of less than a third of its movies even managing to clear the low-low bar of the Bechdel test.  Because people are still allowed to like Harry Potter in spite of its racism, or Lord of the Rings despite its imperialism.  Because hatred for Twilight was never about its very real sexism, or the genuinely silly sparkle-vampires, until it had to justify itself as something other than hate for everything that teenage girls have ever dared openly love.

I enjoy the novels, and I enjoy the fan fiction that tries to fix some of the problems with the novels.  I appreciate the extent to which Meyer has elevated fan culture, and made an effort to acknowledge her own past mistakes.  I would love to be able to talk about my love for the series as a flawed but beautiful work of literature, but for now I’ll settle for asking that the world just let me enjoy it in peace.

[uncloseted]

Hey! I’m the anon (and also Gay!Bama anon) who sent the asks about BPD and being rejected by that closeted guy. I guess the reason I think I have BPD is because I’m in my 20’s now, and I just have issues with perceived rejection for whatever reason. Anytime someone rejects me or something, I get really depressed and question myself a lot, or I question my worth, and it’s over things that should not be a big deal, but to me they feel like the end of the world. It’s like I have no emotional skin, if that makes sense, so everything hurts more than it would someone who is normal. It’s just so hard sometimes. I get so emotional or upset over things that there’s no need in being that upset over. I just wish I could change it, but I can’t. I feel like I’ve destroyed a lot of potential relationships and also friendships by overreacting and it makes me feel so crazy. (1/2)

(2/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I think it might be because my Dad and me always had a difficult relationship, and now that he’s gone things are really more difficult than before. I started going back to therapy and I’m about to go back to school to finish up my degree, but I just wish I could manage these feelings better. The only way I have been able to deal with them is by either numbing them with alcohol, drugs, or fulfilling them with anonymous encounters, or just cutting myself off from other people, so that way I have nothing to react to. It just really sucks because I’m so lonely all the time, but I don’t know what else to do about it other than that. I used to self harm to help me cope with my feelings, because then I could hurt myself and not hurt the people in my life by lashing out over trivial things, like irrelevant rejection or changing plans. It feels like every small thing is a seed, from which sprouts a tree of paranoia and depression.

(3/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I also have had such a hard time trying to figure out my plans for a career and goals because I’m always switching them up, because one personality trait might take the forefront, but then that could change and that influences how I feel about something or what I want to do. I just wish I could turn all of these feelings off for a while, or something, and just be like calm or something.

Hi Gay!Bama anon!  Always happy to see you in my inbox, although I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. The fact that I know it’s you and I know you’re in your 20s changes my answer slightly.  

There are a number of symptoms that need to be present to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder; rejection sensitivity is definitely one of them, but not the only one.  The DSM-5 requires five or more of the following symptoms for a BPD diagnosis:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days. Generally, these are out of proportion to the event that triggered them)

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (e.g., calling a friend/partner/family member several times a day during working hours and getting upset when they don’t answer)

Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self (e.g., frequently and suddenly changing goals, beliefs, vocational aspirations, and sexual identity, or assuming the identity of people they’re close to)

Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, gambling, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating, committing crimes)

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting"- basically, thinking a person is the best person ever, the love of your life, your best friend, someone with no faults, and then switching to thinking the person is the worst person ever, who has never cared about you, who has no redeeming qualities.  This typically results in alternating between over-involvement with the person and withdrawal from the person)

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms (typically only lasting hours or days, and triggered by an external stressor.  Dissociative symptoms may include feeling like your body is unreal or altered in a strange way, feeling that the outside world is unreal, and illusions).

People with BPD will also typically have a compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of other people, and have intense, unstable, and conflicted relationships that are marked by mistrust and neediness.  It’s also important that these symptoms have persisted over time and across different situations.

If that doesn’t resonate with you, there are a number of other different conditions that result in being particularly sensitive to rejection, including social anxiety, depression, generalized anxiety, ADD/ADHD, eating disorders, and childhood trauma are just a few things that could cause a fear of rejection.  I would talk to your therapist about this symptom and ask for help coming up with some coping mechanisms.

If all of that does sound like you, I would talk to your therapist about a possible BPD diagnosis and potentially a referral to a therapist who specializes in dialectical behavioral therapy.  DBT is the most studied and effective treatment for BPD, so it’s a good place to start if that is what you’re struggling with.  In the meantime, you can learn the principles of DBT on your own and try to begin applying them to your life.

DBT combines mindfulness with techniques for distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.  Having a therapist and attend group therapy sessions are an important part of a full course DBT.  However, there are several exercises you can try at home:

Keeping a Diary

One of the easiest things you can do at home is to start tracking your behaviors.  Note any self-injurious or life threatening behaviors, behaviors which indirectly cause harm to yourself or others, and quality of life issues.  Write down any triggers you’ve noticed.

Mindfulness

There are a few different types of mindfulness exercises you can try.  Since you mentioned that you want to be able to turn your feelings off, trying meditation might be a good place to start.  There are some good apps, like Headspace and Calm, that can help you learn how to meditate and encourage you to practice meditation, and there are also a ton of videos on YouTube that do the same.

DBT encourages the concept of “radical acceptance”- the idea that one should face situations, both positive and negative, without any judgement.  Try to let go of fighting reality and accept a situation for what it is.  When you’ve accepted a situation, then you can figure out how to change it.

You can also try using “what” skills when practicing mindfulness; these are observe, describe, and participate.  They’re “what” you do when you’re practicing mindfulness. Nonjudgementally paying attention to the present moment is an important component of DBT, so the first thing you can do is observe.  Try to nonjudgementally observe your environment within and outside of yourself.  Notice the feelings you’re experiencing, and then try to let slide off of your mind.  Next, describe: express what you observed, either to someone around you or to yourself.  Try to use your five senses to put words to what you’re observing.  What can you see? Hear? Smell? Taste? Feel?  Finally, participate: try your best to be fully focused on and involved in any activity that you’re doing.  When your mind wanders, gently pull it back to the task you’re currently doing.

Distress Tolerance

One of the goals of DBT is to help people develop the ability to calmly recognize negative situations and decide if and how to address them.  It’s important to learn how to be distressed without becoming overwhelmed or hiding from that feeling.

TIPP is one of the fastest and most popular distress tolerance skills, since it alleviates distress quickly.  Tip the temperature of your face by splashing it with very cold water, intensely exercise for 20 minutes, do paced breathing- breathe in for four seconds and our for six to eight seconds, and then do progressive muscle relaxation- starting from the top of your body, tense and relax each muscle group until you get to your toes.

You can also distract yourself from unpleasant emotions using ACCEPTS.  Engage in activities that you enjoy, contribute by helping others, compare yourself to people who are less fortunate or how you used to be when you were in a worse state, evoke a different emotion by putting on a happy song or watching a comedy special, push away your situation in your mind, and put something else first by thinking about something else, and finally, create sensations that are intense, such as holding an ice cube or eating spicy food.

Another thing you can try when you’re in distress is to IMPROVE the moment.  Imagine relaxing scenes, things going well, or other pleasing scenarios, find meaning in what you’re feeling, pray, if you’re religious, relax your muscles using the progressive muscle relaxation we talked about above, do one thing at a time, and focus all your attention on it, vacation��if you can (by taking a break from the situation), and encourage yourself.  Tell yourself it’s possible to make it through your current situation and cope with it.  You can be your own best cheerleader.

Emotional Regulation

Since people who have BPD frequently have intense emotions, it can be helpful to learn how to regulate those emotions.

First, try identifying and labeling your emotions.  Tune in with yourself and ask yourself what you’re feeling.  Is it anger? Fear? Sadness?  Then, you can try to change unwanted emotions using opposite-reactions.  With opposite-reactions, you do the opposite of the urge you’re feeling in the moment.  For example, if you want to isolate yourself, instead, reach out to a friend.  

Fact-checking is also an important technique- ask yourself, “do the facts warrant the intensity of the response I’m feeling?”  Then ask yourself, “what is the event prompting my emotion,” “what are my interpretations and assumptions about the event, and are those true?”, “am I assuming a threat? How likely is it to actually occur?”, “what’s the disaster? How can I cope well with it?”, and “does my emotion or intensity fit the facts?”  There’s a sample fact-checking worksheet that you can find here: http://edencounseling.com/resources/dbt-emotional-regulation-group-4-handouts.pdf

If your facts are correct and the situation is the problem, then you can problem solve.  First, identify your goal in solving the problem- what needs to happen for you to be okay, and what’s reasonable?  Then, brainstorm as many solutions as you can come up with, without being critical of your ideas. Choose a solution that fits your goal and is likely to work, using a pro/con list to decide if necessary. Act on your decision, and then evaluate if it worked.  If it didn’t work, go back to the “choose” stage and pick a different solution to try.

Interpersonal Effectiveness

Interpersonal relationships can be difficult for people with DBT, so it’s important to learn how to ask for what you need, how to say no, and how to cope with interpersonal conflicts.  There are three techniques in this module: DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST.

The DEAR MAN technique focuses on conveying your needs to someone else. Start by describing your situation using specific, fact-based statements about a recent situation.  Then express the emotions experienced when the situation occurred, why the situation was a problem, and how you feel about it. Assert yourself by clearly and specifically requesting the behavior change you would like. Reinforce your position by explaining to the person what the positive impacts of changing their behavior might be for them. Mindfully focus on the situation, without seeking validation, and redirect the conversation back to your main point when it seems to be diverting. Appear confident and assertive, even if you’re not feeling confident or assertive. Finally, negotiate with the person to come to a compromise that both parties are happy with.

The GIVE tool focuses on relationship maintenance, whether that’s with friends, family, co-workers, or romantic partners.  It is used in conversations. Use gentle language, free of put-downs, sarcasm, or judgement, even as a joke. Be as interested as you can in what the other person is saying.  Give them your undivided attention by making eye contact and asking questions.  Really listen to them, don’t just wait your turn to talk. Validate their situation, either through words, body language, or facial expressions.  Often, people just want to be heard and for someone to understand what they’re going through. Finally, try to adopt an easy manner: do your best to appear calm and comfortable during the conversation.  Use friendly humor and smile.

The FAST skill focuses on maintaining your self-respect.  Be fair to yourself and to the person you’re talking to. Don’t apologize more than once, and only apologize for things that are your fault.  Stick to your values- determine what you believe and stand by it, without letting other people sway your decisions. Lastly, be truthful. Lying can only damage relationships and reduce the respect you have for yourself.

I know that’s a ton of stuff I’ve just thrown at you, so if you’re still with me, thank you!  You don’t have to adopt all of these skills at once or even at all.  Getting good at just one or two of them will improve your life.  A therapist will be able to help you practice these different skills so that when you need them, they’re already in your mind.  Good luck!  I hope you get the support you need and that things start looking up for you soon.

[joy1579]

Zen cheated on MC. She finds out and instead of crying her eyes out is getting drunk and calling Seven (which is madly in love with her but never told her because of her relationship with Zen).

so first I’m so sorry this took sooooooooo long but i hope you get it and i hope you like it. i had a ton of fun writing drunk MC. also i didn't want MC to use seven as a rebound so they don’t get together right away but seven does take care of her and they probably get together after a couple of months. she has time to move on and their romantic relationship has a real foundation to grow on.

so without further ado

zen cheats and seven gets the girl

You normally didn’t pay any attention to the gossip that circled around Zen constantly. after all every week they claimed there was some new lover or budding cast romance and every week without fail, Zen would come home to you, loyal as a knight. lately though the rumors had become more focused more realistic somehow. Zen’s rehearsals had run later, started earlier, things simply seemed off no matter how much you tried to deny it. so when the news story broke and plastered TV, magazines, and websites with numerous pictures of Zen wrapped around some pretty little blonde with big blue eyes, you hated to admit how much you had braced yourself for the blow.

the RFA chatroom was going haywire and your phone was ringing off the hook as you packed a single small bag. you supposed you should have been crying, grieving the loss of nearly two and a half years of “love” washed away by little more than some passing fancy. yet you couldn’t quite find it in yourself. Instead you felt an icy ball of hard anger settle in the pit of your stomach.

so it was that you now stood in some no name nightclub sipping a drink you couldn’t pronounce bought for you by some guy that had since given up on your affections. You had shut off your phone to stop all the notifications that had been flooding in since the pictures of Zen and THAT woman were released. You didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of that bomb dropping right now, didn’t want to explain things to the RFA or have to see Zen trying to defend himself. Right now all you wanted was to find some sort of catharsis in the loud music, alcohol and dancing. Downing the last of the far too sweet drink, you made your way toward were the band took requests. you shoved a ten towards the man and half shouted over the music.

“something fast, angry, and loud” he nodded and you decided to grab another drink while you waited for your request. you opted for strength over taste and grimaced as you chugged the drink. the icy anger you felt slowly dulled with your 3rd drink of the night and in the back of your mind you knew it was more the effects of alcohol than any real emotional progress. Four more drinks and several songs later had you ready to turn your phone back on if only to find a place to stay. confusion struck you however when your lock screen showed only black with green text moving at lightning speed.

“grrrrl that’s crazy you gotta show me how you got it to do that!” said one of the girls you had found yourself dancing with earlier.

“I didn’t do this girl.” you said slurring your speech only the slightest bit “oh no! what if this isn’t my phone!” you gasped “no nah it’s my case false alarm it’s mine. see the purple that’s, that’s my color so it’s got to be my pho-.” you were cut off by the ringing and answered it quickly fumbling the phone just a bit your drunken haste “phone?”

“mc?!?” cried the voice on the other end

“seven!! lucy, lucy- yell, lu- luceal? how do you, how do you say your name seven? not seven the other name you know the L one the bible name.”

“what? MC? are you drunk? never mind. listen I’m on my way to get you I got your location from your phone already so I’ll be there soon”

“I made friends, seven listen, listen” you pointed your phone towards the group of girls you’d been dancing with “grrl! grrl! you gotta come here my friends on the phone! you know the guy I told you

“fuck that guy!” one of them yelled prompting another to cheer an agreement.

you tried to stifle the laugh that fell from you lips before you replied. “nooooo the other, the other guy the good one remember? oh she’s dancing now.” you held the phone back to your ear to explain “she’s dancing now seven but, she’s so nice and she said, listen she said hyun is” what had she said? the memory was fuzzy now but you did know one thing “hyun is so stupid you know that?”

“MC I’m so sorry about what happened”

“where does he get off pulling that crap?” you broke into a fit of giggles suddenly “wait no I know where he gets off don’t I. Do you think she knows? seven do you think she knew?”

“mc please I’m almost there okay just 3 minutes’ tops can you come outside for me I’ll meet you outside”

“seven I think, I think I need a place to stay cuz, I think I need a place to stay because I lost my key or I gave it away? I don’t know”

“mc come outside please I’m pulling in”

“seven thank you so much oh, oh just a sec” you held the phone to your chest “grrl I gotta go!” you yelled waving at the dancing girls.

one waved back at you quickly before another shouted “you do you girl! YOU do YOU!”

you laugh at that and yell back “Imma do ME” before stumbling towards the door. just as you reached for the handles though the world lurched to one side and you stumbled directly into someone’s chest.

“mc? are you okay? you don’t look good! come on let’s get you out of here.” it took you several long moments before you recognized the car and voice of the man you had run into.

“sev! your here!” seven flinched at your loud voice before raising an eyebrow at you

“MC how drunk are you? like on a scale of 1 to 10”

you looked at your fingers for a moment as if you were trying to count but when your eyes focused back on sevens face your only answer was simply “which one is drunk?”

“okay. That answers that”

“I hate him you know?”

“huh? oh yeah”

“and I, I think he, sev? seven how long do you think?” you asked pulling your knees up to your chest and leaving your heels on the car’s floorboard.

“I don’t know” he admitted solemnly eyes locked on the road and hands in a white knuckle grip on the wheel. the momentary silence in the car was broken by the ringer on your phone playing the telltale love song you had set as Zen’s ringtone. you grimaced and rolled down the window before dropping your phone out of the speeding car.

“what the?!? MC! did you just - “

 “shhhhhh I don’t want to talk about it.” You slurred moving your hand in his vague direction trying to put your fingers to his lips in the classic shushing style but failing miserably.

“I um I’m pretty sure the phones destroyed anyway so I guess that’s that” he mumbled drifting off as you sunk lower in your seat curling in on yourself even more.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this sleepy seven” you mumble before yawning and hugging yourself tight “Hyun may suck but he was always warm ya know? like, like a god damn space heater”

“if your cold I can turn on the heater” seven suggested gently one hand moving to adjust the air conditioner for you

“nooo” you whine grabbing his hand. you gasped the second your skin met his and exclaimed “your hands so cold”. bringing his hand to your face and pressing his icy finger gently against your eyes you mumble “they’re perfect”. after a moment you sigh enjoying the soothing chill against your skin. you didn’t notice sevens blush as he focused resolutely on the road.

 waking the next morning was hell. the blinking red lights of all the electronics in the room were way to bright and none of them went off at the right times. you buried your head into a dark red pillow before slowly things clicked into place. had your head not ached with every movement you would have sat bolt upright in the bed, but considering the angry throbbing in your skull and slight nausea in your stomach you opted to simply bury yourself farther into the bedding around you. the sheets smelled familiar, a semi sweet honey kissed scent that brought to mind cheeky smiles and mischievous winks. between the signature scent and the deep maroon color you knew exactly who’s bed you’d ended up in. sevens. at some point you would have to address all the implications of that fact but first you figured you should start with hangover management. first things first after all. head still buried in the bedding you used one hand to feel around you and get your bearings. when your finger met with a bedside table you searched it for anything to sooth your headache only to hear a quiet chuckle. you groaned shamefully before deciding to simply flip off the man watching you struggle before pulling you hand back into your make shift blanket sanctuary. After a moment you heard the door open and shut before the sound of a glass being set down on the bedside table told you it was okay to reach out again.

“I shouldn’t drink. I never drink? why did I drink? who let me make such a terrible decision.” you grumble to yourself sipping on the water seven had brought you praying to ease your headache.

“we couldn’t reach you to stop you. you turned your phone off.”

“sorry” you said shamefully “I know you don’t like alcohol picking me up probably wasn’t fun was it”

“don’t worry i was too worried about you to be angry” you buried yourself back in the blankets to shield yourself from light again. he was sat facing the bed with his laptop angled to shine away from you, a gesture you were extremely thankful for even if the light still felt blinding.

“thank you for letting me stay here seven. I guess I’ll have to look for someplace new to stay huh? I don’t really want to continue living with, him” you mused

“I uh, I have a guest room. just till you get back on your feet if you want.”

“you sure you and Saeran wouldn’t mind? I don’t want to impose”

“I’ll ask him but I doubt he’ll mind he practically thinks of you as a sister”

“thanks.” you said letting yourself peek out of the blankets just a little “um where’s my phone?” you didn’t like the mischievous smirk that lit sevens face at that question. Your drunk self-had a lot of explaining to do.

 the following weeks where long. putting your life back together seemed to highlight just how much of it you had built around Zen but seven helped the whole way. you had seven send him the info to take over the fan page that you had managed for him. he even helped you replace your phone and block Zen’s number. you and Saeran spent several evenings listening to angry music before eventually you had raged enough to be sad about everything that had happened and then seven was there to cheer you up. he joked around and sent you cute cat pics, one time he even took you to see Ellie while Jumin was at work. after a while you returned to the RFA chat determined to face whatever drama was awaiting you but seven had already handled it. He had banned Zen that first day and let the other members know what was going on so you didn’t have to relive every detail; and for the first time you thought maybe when one door closes, another one opens.

[disaster-by-chance]

Okay, okay, I think I'm finally going to address Clover's death.

I know a lot of people had mixed feelings towards Clover and that a lot of people had upset feelings about his death, but I just wanna put my own opinions on it out here for all y'all.

Clover Thoughts:

At first, I wasn't too sure what to think about Clover. I wanted to like him and his team, I really did. I always get excited when cool new characters are introduced and these guys were no exception. However, since I didn't know them well and they all seemed really cocky, I couldn't help but think that they were going to be traitors or something. I bought into the Clover is a traitor theories, despite me being really interested in his character.

For me,, when someone like Clover comes along, big, confident, strong, I immediately latch onto them. There's just something so intriguing about those kinds of people that just draws me in. So I couldn't resist him. But I also didn't trust him.

Time went on and slowly I began to trust him. He really hadn't shown any warning signs or hinted at betrayal, so I started to step away from the traitor theories. I did have a nightmare in where Clover did turn and it destroyed some of the trust I had built up,, but we don't talk about that.

Okay, I liked Clover. I genuinely did. I know some fans didn't care too much for him or they just didn't like him at all, but I did. I thought he was an interesting character and I was excited to see how he and Qrow's relationship (not necessarily romantically) would play out. I just wanted luck puns

I think part of me liking Clover is just that he was nice to Qrow. He was different in his actions to him and that kinda helped Qrow with his journey to recovery. If it wasn't obvious, Qrow is my favorite character from RWBY. I'm just naturally drawn to characters who have problems and then just suddenly turn into dad figures.

So since he was nice to Qrow, I liked him. And that's just me, that's how I am. If someone's nice to me,, I just fall for them instantly. You have my never ending loyalty. Clover had my loyalty.

Soon Clover played a bigger part in how I lived life. I started to want to be more like him, more positive, more uplifting, and all that crap. I spent a week giving my siblings compliments and it freaked them out. Clover's character made me want to be better. Hell, we don't know how much Clover knew about Qrow before James paired them up. He was just nice for the sake of being nice. What was he going to get out of it? He just saw that Qrow needed a friend, Qrow needed to get better, and so he helped. And gods,, that really did motivate me.

His clover became a helpful symbol for me. I made a little paper cut out to put in my phone case for some good luck. Then I made a wallpaper of the pin for my digital watch face as a reminder to be better. And last Saturday I made a keychain to have with me at all times. A reminder to be better about things. More positive.

I guess you could say he was something of a role model to me? And I know that's ridiculous after what he did and seeing as he wasn't here for long,, but damn...I really did like him.

I don't know. I just really liked him and wish I knew more about his past and semblance. I wish his story could've been explored more and stuff but...Things didn't quite work out that way.

The Fight:

I was,, disappointed to say the least. And at this point, I don't even know why I expect anything from any creator.

Look, I'm in the Marvel and Star Wars fandoms so I've had my fair (haha) share of bad characterization, bad arcs, and bad writing. But I thought RWBY was different and better than that.

I spent most of the scenes when they were fighting in anger. Tyrian was their target. He was more of a priority. They should've acted like civilized huntsman. But no.

And I get it, Clover had to do his job. They were all under stress and the atmosphere was really tense, I understand. But really?

I'm glad Qrow attempted to talk things out, but then, y'know...That didn't work out well in the end.

After the plane crash, I was devastated. I hated seeing the two fight against each other after seeing them work so well together in capturing Tyrian, and it just sucked.

I kept telling them to just talk it out, and in between the fighting they kinda did, but it just hurt. The hurt in Qrow's voice? Ugh. So good.

The teamup?? I get it. Qrow doesn't want to fight both of them, but why not turn into a bird and fly away? Or would that not work? I don't know..Anything else would've been nice.

Still hated these fight scenes. Even if the choreography was really good.

His Death Thoughts:

If you didn't buy into the traitor theory, then you had the death theory. That either him or someone from the Ace Ops was going to kick the bucket. And if you were like me, you believed both were possible.

When I was unsure about Clover, I also bought into the death theories. I didn't really want him to die, but I knew that it could happen, but I thought it would be later on. Other times I found it very possible that both would happen. And they fucking did.

At this point, I had totally forgotten about the death theories. I loved Clover too much to believe in that kind of shit. So when it happened, it hit me like a bus.

I was in utter shock and I don't think I started crying till later. After the video ended,, I just slammed my laptop shut and sobbed for a good ten minutes.

It was probably the most brutal thing I'd ever seen and just,, it hurt so much. Emotionally and physically. It just sucked..

I was upset because I knew he wasn't coming back from this. It was a huge wound. I was upset because I loved Clover. Stop killing my favorites. I was upset because it could've been avoided. And I was upset because what was the point other than for Qrangst?

I'm going to be honest, the scene did make me a little sick. And for the rest of the day I just had a terrible feeling in my stomach and that night I had a nightmare because of all the stress and pain I was feeling over the death.

So, yeah. It really did affect me and I hated the whole thing a lot. Not from a shipping point of view or anything, but because I liked Clover and because I want just a little more Qrangst, not a lot.

Throughout the week though, my brain has tried to both hurt and try to comfort me over my loss. Constantly the scene of him being stabbed replays in my mind and then everything goes greyscale before a kazoo verison of "Piano Man" starts to play. It's ridiculous and I hate my brain for thinking about it.

But the death did make me feel a lot of things. None that which were positive emotions.

Fan Response:

Okay, I love being in a fandom. I do. But with every fandom comes toxicity and RWBY is no exception. We probably have some of the worst cases of toxic fans, right next to Star Wars and Marvel.

I acknowledge that it feels like queerbaiting and BYGs,, but I just,, I don't know.

I think death threats are terrible. There's no reason for this. It's a fucking ship. Representation is great, I know. I'm a biracial bisexual, I live for representation. Nothing was explicitly said (i.e Clover flat out saying that he was gay or bi or pan,, ect)

Were they flirting? Maybe. Did things happen off screen that we didn't get to see? Likely. Yeah, they had their gay moments but Clover's trying to get Qrow to loosen up. He wants him to crack jokes with him and stuff. Y'all gotta be friends first before any sort of romantic relationships blossom.

Yes, shame on CRWBY for hyping Fairgame up and then literally killing it, but the need for death threats?? Quitting the show?? Ridiculous! They're real life humans who enjoy working on this show! Leave them be!

Look, every fandom has a moment in where their fans are left disappointed. They can't please everyone but they try their best and I think CRWBY is one example.

I'm a multishipper. I don't care who ends up with who, so long as they're happy. And so since one guy is dead and the other is probably broken by it,, you can say I'm upset too.

Am I sending death threats? No. Do I feel for Fairgame shippers. Yes. Will I quit watching the show? Of course fucking not. Am I hoping Clover comes back? 🤡 It's not that complicated.

So yeah. Those are my thoughts on the major controversies that came out of the last episode. Let me know what y'all thought.

And please. Be respectful.

It's what Monty would want.

[tacosandtomcos]

Me Going Through Star Vs Tv Tropes

So while Tv tropes is a fan thing similar to the Star vs Wiki and is imperfect in many ways. i was curious to check it out and see what had been put there for some aspects i was interested in in terms of the show.

And boy, is it interesting.

I checked out cleaved first because i heard so much about how this page was outright going on about how much the finale messed up, and they weren’t wrong, it actually feels like whoever wrote this was pretty mad themselves.

There’s discussion about the implied genocide, the implied dangers of merging worlds, heck, this entire page went over obvious plot holes.

It is the most salty thing i have seen in awhile, and it’s kinda funny in a way, this one got to me man:

it hits on mos of the critisim towards the episode and some more that some people may of missed upon first glance, so for all it’s faults i give it credit for finding new ways of disscussing everything wrong with the finale in ways that make it easier to understand where things went wrong for others.

I will admit though, the page does try to jusitify star’s actions despite also pointing out how bad they are with the “Saving of the monsters”, and it feels like someone should add the fact that there were other solutions available as pointed out by previous episodes and star’s actions aren’t easily forgivable considering the damage her actions caused outweigh the good intentions.

I think people are happy she wanted to save the monsters and wouldn’t let them die but the magic destroying thing would have massive consequences and the ideas behind it are not fleshed out enough to justify this was the best course of action for mewni and it’s future.

The monsters are saved, but will the destruction of a vital source for the universe mean better for everyone across all dimensions, including the monsters?.

After i wanted to check out tom’s family junk, see what they had, and at least someone added the fact eclipsa’s family and tom’s family almost seem to be parallels because even though people picked up on it, and me myself wanted more done with that....clearly nothing came of it, so i’m glad they have a section on that.

 though someone did forget to add wrathmelior having wings to her section.

Honestly this little tidbit stings considering the ending: 

Honestly what they have for dave is the weirder section cause since his character got shoved to the wayside and little was done with him, most of his section is a lot more guesswork about his relation with tom then anything

Like some of the tropes with him and wrath are funny because well, they fall into some fun couple troupes, all his stuff with tom are more...like putting his original abusive persona mixed with what he’s like now: 

Honestly in show where tom got his anger from relationship wise is not made clear since his parents were in 2 episodes.

like THIS was a detail that was a thing when tom’s dad was still an abusive demon, but i really don’t know how much this applies now. Dave seems to maybe have anger issues (I mean the dude threw a chair out of a window), but how tom feels about it or how big they are is put into question now.

Not to mention the “Big Guy” thing also seems like an abandoned part of OG dad and it feels like the show was going to make him a major character but abandoned it.

Like again, i wonder if these details should even be there because their canoncity is put into question since this stuff is coming from the original design of tom’s dad and not this current iteration. And i’m not sure if we have enough to even imply that dave is oblivious or has a serious temper since his anger has been shown once in the series.

i mean this is interesting cause i get to see what they put as far as minor characters and yeah it makes me wish the characters were used more because then the show could’ve done something with dave to actually give him a more clear character then having people base his personality and relationships off probably outdated info?

or at least, daron should’ve actively disbanded that info herself at one point or another if it’s untrue. It just feels like dave is supposed to be a wildly different character now but his og character is leaking in cause the show refused to give him anything to make people think of him differently.

tv tropes even mentions this was the original pitch, the abusive demon thing, so it’s weird they kept these elements while knowing they were adabonded

most of the rest of his page is pretty fine i was mostly curious about his page because i wanted to see how this thing would handle a minor character who was changed so drastically

Moved on to tom’s section, it’s decent at showing his flaws but reminding the people reading of his arc and improvement.

I love at least it addresses a lot of stuff i’ve been saying for years though

as someone who is used to people downplaying tom as a character, it’s neat here they do indeed consider tom is basically be almost the 3rd most important character in later seasons.

though concept alone did not gather him such a prominent fanbase, tom was just a good and interesting character in general and even the crew knew it, which is why even after the show ended how it did so many fans still consider tom a bright spot in it.

Tom still has a bunch of haters who refuse to like him no matter what and will probably never like him no matter what.

But most can agree he had a proper arc and his character remained likable and enjoyable at a time where a lot of characters were becoming increasingly hard to watch.

Tom didn’t just have a cool design, he was just a good character, and he and eclipsa have similar reasons for still being beloved even despite everything, the show never really ruined them for anyone, if anything, people cared about them WAY more then most of the other characters because they never got butchered like moon, star, or marco felt like they did.

Then i moved on to stuff about after the finale, and yes, the page remains salty.

I mean, i knew the show was being screwed bit by bit because as a fan i was keeping a close eye on this stuff, commercials, time, dates, ect. It hurts to see it though cause at the time people thought moving to Disney channel was gonna mean GOOD things for the series.

which sucks because THIS was also very true:

they did so much on their twitter to boost star, heck, it was designed to look like star, they showed star fanart, had star livestreams. Like Disney used to push this show hard till it slowly seemed to stop caring.

The Ama is also addressed briefly, especially Daron’s reaction, and yeah....

Still makes me pretty mad tbh.

Here’s some interesting stuff i found as well

From Friend-enemies 

apparently this was gonna be a thing.

Also from tom’s section, which makes me wish we got stomco instead of what we got cause it’s so clear that finale had those implications and sad to see where it ended up.

Oh, and my favorite one:

Me too Rider, me too.

I hope someday you get better treatment for your character, especially since it was clear you loved playing him so much, i would’ve been mad too.

Yeah, so i checked out Tv Tropes under star to look at some things, it’s not perfect but kinda interesting, and hopefully i find time to go into stuff like this more in the future on this blog.

[ramblian]

Jericho Thoughts

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh

okay so. i’m rewatching jericho. i first watched it sometime around 8th-9th grade, I think maybe somewhere in the first half of 2014. I basically remembered this: the main character was the black sheep of the family, he came back to town, and atomic bombs destroyed most of the US, and the show was about the town dealing with the aftermath. the guy from continuum and one ep of flashpoint played a character i liked named dale (eric knudsen) who liked a popular girl who ended up befriending him, and the asking-for-flowers flashpoint ep guy was the responsible brother. Someone used to be a teacher. The main character looked like Skeet Ulrich, but i didn’t know who that was, just the name.

turns out the main character WAS Skeet Ulrich, and 2 characters (heather and emily) used to be teachers, and i apparently forgot almost all of the major characters. I’ve been rewatching it with the knowledge of which characters die, so that’s good. the show is really good, and it’s really intense. I’m almost done, and it’s tough to keep watching both because it’s so intense and because i know a character i like is about to die tragically. 

watching this show makes me so TENSE. i think it really got bad when goetz showed up and i knew bonnie’s death was coming up. i’ve been watching the same episode for like an hour and i started 6 minutes in from another viewing. i don’t know why i’m so stressed. well actually i do it’s because things in this show are AWFUL but i know that no one dies after bonnie.

i also really like that the plot is very much what drives the show. romantic relationships somewhat matter (eric/april/mary, dale/skylar, and stanley/mimi in particular get screentime, while jake’s relationships with emily and heather are there and meaningful but not something that drives the story or gets a lot of attention. dale and eric’s relationships have also been less important in season 2) but they are regularly sidelined while the character deal with the latest crisis. characters have backstories that aren’t always super expanded on, like johnston’s chaotic neutral dad or stanley and bonnie’s parents, because they don’t have a meaningful impact on the plot- how mimi grew up isn’t going to change how the Greens deal with food shortages. 

also, i love that it’s a post-apocalyptic show where there’s a lot of fighting and lawlessness and not once have they used rape as a plot device. the closest it ever came to being mentioned was when maggie, a survivor pretending to be military to get towns’ supplies, said that ‘out there, men only want women for one thing’ and that’s IT. i respect that so much. way too many shows and books and movies are like ‘things are bad... and we can only express that through rape’ but this show never does

also the grey morality is very well done in season 1 (the bad guys are clearer in season 2). characters fight and do shitty things because everyone is just trying to survive. Constantino was wrong to start a war with Jericho, but i also understand where he was coming from. Ravenwood ransacked New Bern and left them with almost nothing, and Jericho never bothered to warn them. There were some people considering not honoring the deal to repay the windmills in food. New Bern was on the brink of destruction and Constantino tried to get the resources for survival where he could, by force. The thing with the refugees too. There isn’t really enough food for everyone, and it’s true that Jericho’s been getting a lot of refugees when it’s barely managing to sustain its own population. Some of the refugees have been stealing from them, and sometimes you have to make tricky decisions to survive. But the refugees are also probably going to die if they get sent away, and understandably they cannot accept that. they’ve been stealing food to prepare for this possibility, and they are willing to be violent to secure their place because jericho is much better off than just about anywhere else and they don’t want to die. Roger gets in a fight with Gray and accidentally shoots him, but then actively chooses to hold him at gunpoint and refuse him medical help unless he guarantees the safety of the other refugees. That’s obviously awful- but he’s also trying to protect the lives of the 50 innocent people he brought here. In the end, the refugees get to stay because some Jericho residents volunteer to share their rations, but Roger does not because he obviously committed a terrible crime. He’s not a bad person, but of course he can’t just be forgiven and integrated back into Jericho like nothing happened, and he accepts that and leaves with only a gun from Jake to protect himself because at least the others and emily will be safe. 

also that emily and roger’s relationship wasn’t made meaningless in order to further her relationship with jake even despite their history as high school sweethearts.

oh god i just watched the scene where stanley’s talking to bonnie in the morgue and it’s so well done and i’m just in bed crying- not sobbing or anything, but plenty of tears. i don’t know what the last show to make me cry like this was; i’ve been watching so much youtube that i haven’t been watching a lot of hard hitting shows lately i guess. Barry was extremely Fucked Up, that might have made me cry, but it might not have- it had me fucked up for weeks, but i don’t know if i cried.

anyway the scene with stanley and bonnie in the morgue is so good. Stanley talking to her like she’s still alive the way they always did for their parents, and talking to her sign language bc that’s her language. Telling her to say hi to their parents. Letting her know that mimi is still alive, that she succeeded in protecting her, and thanking her for it. Still joking around a little even though he’s obviously heartbroken and just being so genuine with her. Neither of them deserved this. 

wow can’t believe heather is a fuckin bootlicker, knowing that the government is extremely corrupt and that she and beck are destroying new bern and choosing to continue to work for that government.

oh beck just has to be some sort of a stupid son of a bitch. absolute goddamn buffoon. siding with the govt, arresting jake in the shadiest way possible in the middle of a crowd, choosing to torture jake (which if he knew a goddamn thing like hawkins did he would know was ineffective), and then thinking that after everything this town and those rangers have done to protect themselves and their loved ones that it was just going to work out for him like the others aren’t going to come for jake immediately and efficiently. i liked beck well enough before but any fondness or respect for him is fucking absolutely gone.

at least eric is really getting to show off his leadership skills now. johnston’s dead, jake’s been arrested/kidnapped, hawkins is busy with other shit. eric’s always one of the second-in-commands but this is one of the few times he’s just plain in command.

“your friends have escalated this to a level i will not tolerate” right but you dragging jake to a fuckin blacksite to torture him was fine???? YOU ESCALATED THIS YOU DUMB STUPID SON OF A BITCH. you have really been given so many chances this season to not serve an evil government and try to protect these people and you’ve failed almost every time, huh? he’d also have to be some sort of an idiot to think that a clearly faked note with jake’s signature saying ‘this bad’ would stop anyone. god i haven’t escalated to hating someone this much so quickly in a long fuckin time.

love how beck is leveraging the entire town of jericho and choosing to oppress them in order to get the rangers to turn themselves in <3 i love punishing innocent people to use them against others just like goetz did last episode <3 what a good guy

i dont know why there are so many beck fics on ao3 because this man fucking sucks. like, can you imagine refusing a whole town food, power, and lights as a bargaining chip, blaming someone else (”don’t forget, you caused this”) and then still thinking you have the moral high ground? incredible mental gymnastics when will beck be in the olympics

heather: your actions are so blatantly terrible that i am just now beginning to consider not defending you to everyone. take responsibility for what you do

beck: hmm. no. my choices are jake’s fault

i know beck is probably going to ‘redeem’ himself by the end of the episode but i don’t fuckin care. too late for him now he can’t just say ‘oops’ and pretend he hasn’t done all of this shit. wild how his actions are now literally being compared to those of nazis during wwii and people still like this guy.

hey do you think beck is an idiot asshole or just pretending to be one for fun

commanding officer: go ahead and destroy everything in the area

beck:  🤔 is killing all those people wrong?

oof rip eric sure is rough when you have to ally with the guy who tortured you and killed your dad to protect ur city but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. also where the hell has dale been? i’ll let it go bc the show isn’t consistent on when he shows up and is a major part of town but in universe it sure is fuckin weird, and you know beck would have dragged him in for questioning too

oh wow beck finally decided to actually try thinking critically and addressing the obvious evidence about cheyenne’s corruption. that makes up for everything and i can stan now /s

‘i’m no longer taking orders from the cheyenne government. i believe it’s corrupt at its core. its actions are criminal’ oh so like everyone’s been telling you this whole time? the actions like the ones you’ve taken, not even at anyone’s command? idiot.

lmao i’m not as opposed to constantino’s methods as the show thinks i’m supposed to be. a revolution against a corrupt, oppressive government is not peaceful. it cannot be. the only good fascist is a dead one.

[x0401x]

Okay already.

Y’all are really damn eager for it, so here you have it: the infamous List of Erased Gay, AKA a glimpse of how we could be having it all if KyoAni weren’t doing us so dirty this year, Tsurune edition. The Violet Evergarden edition seems to have left a big impression, so maybe this listing will become a thing.

Then again, along with the canon gay that we lost, we gained a lot of anime-only shippy service that is not only weirdly fixated on Minato alone but also ruins the nature of many characters. KyoAni has been outright baffling this year in how little it understands the novels that it has been adapting, and even more in how proficient it has become in destroying the main relationships of each title. All in all, the personalities and purposes of the main characters have been severely altered, and there has been a disturbing trend (not only in Tsurune, but also in Violet Evergarden and Liz to Aoi Tori) of making the protagonists obsess with someone who apparently does only the minimum for them and being lukewarm with the people that seemingly care more for their wellbeing.

That’s not what any of these novels are about.

But since this post is centered on Tsurune, I’ll only talk about how the aforementioned major flaws apply to it. That boils down to KyoAni erasing most of what Masaki did for Minato and about 85% of the scenes they had together, replacing it with additional scenes without much purpose involving other characters. For whatever incomprehensible reason, KyoAni is hellbent on enhancing Minato’s relationship with everyone except the person he has the strongest bond with in the books, and a lot of you guys seemed to notice this. So, in order to address the cringeworthy disaster that the Tsurune anime has become, I’m naming this one as the List of Erased and Misplaced Gay.

Had to put it under a cut because of how long it got. While we’re at it, please consider reading the novel translations.

I gotta apologize to the Anons for stalling so much with this post. It took me a while to write it down since I had to skim the novel to take notes. By the way, to the people who haven’t finished the anime or don’t plan to read the novel: none of what’s cited here are things that will happen; they’re things that already happened in the canon timeline and didn’t make it into the screen. I’ve put them under a cut because it’s too much stuff. It feels like I just wrote a fanfiction but this is actually how canon goes.

I’m going to sort out the list by character relationship, from the mildest to the most blatant (y’all know which one it is).

Noa and Rika

Noa’s anime counterpart seems pretty meager, but her canon self is far more active, and if her saying “there’s no one in this world greater than Seo” isn’t an indication that she ain’t as straight as her arrows, then maybe her shouting at Nanao to “shut up and go burn in the fires of hell” after his advances might be an indication of it. Telling him that he “should be quiet because Seo’s feelings matter” when he flirts with her might also be one. Or not. Sadly, there’s not enough material in this aspect for the girls in the first volume.

Ryouhei and Nanao

These two are the straightest characters out of the group, but their interactions are always full of implications regarding the other club members. The two of them are often used as a means to translate the exchanges between the boys in a way that sounds suggestive as hell, and Nanao is oddly smug about it, which really doesn’t help.

Here’s a compilation of these dialogues, for convenience’s sake:

Nanao: Seiya doesn’t seem like himself today. Ryouhei: Minato probably turned him down. I already got rejected too. Nanao: I understand he wants everyone to join the the tournament, but aren’t those two too stubborn? That Minato guy is such a calamity, being popular with both boys and girls. I’m only popular with girls on that point.

(Try to convince me that Minato isn’t bi after this one. You shall not succeed.)

Kaito: You guys, don’t just stand there and chat; practice! Nanao: Geez, Kacchan, don’t take your anger out on us just because Seiya left. Kaito: Hah? What’re you saying? Nanao: Don’t you watch Seiya a lot? Kaito: Of course. Archery is about practicing while watching each other’s shooting forms.

Nanao: Kacchan, you really suck at endgames. Kaito: Shut up. I got what I needed, so it’s fine.

Kaito: I don’t wanna do team competitions with half-hearted feelings. Didn’t it seem like that guy had been practicing secretly? And I can’t understand the fact that he knows Masa-san. Since when have they known each other? Nanao: Aren’t you Masa-san’s favorite among his acquaintances? Minato’s a genuine bow geek, so I think he’ll unexpectedly be on the same wavelength as you, Kacchan. Kaito: We’re definitely not the same! And anyways, I don’t like that guy. There’s nothing decent about guys with nice faces, including you.

Seiya and Masaki

This one is in the misplaced gay list. In this case, implying Seiya’s non-existent co-dependency towards Minato. In the novel, Seiya isn’t jealous of Masaki and Minato’s relationship. He’s polite with Masaki all the way and starts calling him “Masa-san” from day one. Seiya also never says that he hates Masaki. Because he doesn’t.

Kaito and Masaki

Another example of misplaced gay. Kaito is very obedient around Masaki and obviously stans him as a good example of successful archer, but not in the exaggerated way that the anime tries to sell. In fact, it feels like the anime tries to get him to Minato’s level of fanboying, but although the two of them are equal when it comes to fawning over archery, they have a different vibe when it comes to Masaki. That’s probably because Minato is much closer to Masaki than Kaito is, and Kaito canonically sees Masaki as the brother he never had, while it’s unclear what exactly Minato sees Masaki as in his life.

For starters, Kaito never tried to keep Masaki for himself. He is jealous of Minato for also knowing Masaki and apparently monopolizing him, and he’s mad as hell that Masaki decided to start teaching archery because of Minato, but he never tried to keep Masaki’s existence itself a secret. The only one who did that was Minato. Kaito never refrained from talking to Nanao about Masaki at all. He also talked to Masaki about Nanao, enough for Masaki to be able to recognize Nanao at first sight.

Masaki jokes around Kaito like he does with everyone else, but Kaito responds to it right away with threats that he doesn’t really mean. Whenever Masaki dares him to actually do it, he meekly recoils. They’re found family through and through.

Daigo and Hiroki

The anime has been doing a piss-poor job at showcasing this ridiculously married duo. There isn’t much about them in the first volume, to be fair, but the little we had was enough to deliver that they’re old friends who complete each other. Hiroki is also the only person who listens to Daigo nerding out embarrassedly about idols without judging him, and the two of them are considered “special goods” of Kirisaki for being so inseparable and well-balanced.

Shuu, Sen and Man

These three aren’t nearly as close in the anime as in the original work. The twins absolutely love Shuu and admit to worshipping him. They’re clearly very jealous of Minato for holding Shuu’s attention, and physically attempt to drag Shuu away from him when they’re talking to each other. They’re also openly aggressive with Minato more than to any other team member of Kazemai.

In Kirisaki, their interactions are also different. The twins normally follow Shuu around and monopolize him, which he doesn’t seem to mind. The author describes Shuu sandwiched on both sides by the twins as “charming in some aspects”.

Shuu gives advice to them when asked, which the twins do often, not only because his shooting is their ideal, but also because they find his explanations easier than the teacher’s. He also defends the twins from the more hot-headed senpais when they’re called out for their rudeness.

Also, the twins’ admiration for Shuu isn’t equal. Senichi is way more serious about it than Manji is. The way this trio is depicted, it feels like Senichi is Shuu’s arranged fiancé who happens to be madly in love with him and has to deal with Shuu being in love with someone else.

Delicious.

Kaito and Minato

The anime keeps trying hella hard to maintain that Kaito and Minato have some sort of hero crush on Masaki and that this is the main connection between the two of them, but the novel begs to differ. It also keeps trying to pretend that Minato is the kind of spineless idiot who would act like Kaito is right in trying not to let him into the club because of his target panic, and who would attempt to gain Kaito’s friendship by catering to his unfair treatment. The novel also begs to differ.

Minato is a serious and assertive character. He acknowledges that he’s in bad condition and tries his best to prove his resolve, but only within realistic standards. He tells Kaito right to his face that entering the club is his own decision and warns that Kaito should back off from speaking on Seiya’s behalf, arguing that Seiya would be displeased with it. He also lectures Kaito on being a little shit to everyone, especially to Nanao, simply because he’s insecure.

After Minato joins, Kaito immediately bares his fangs at him. Albeit not putting up with his shit, Minato asks what he could do to be acknowledged as a comrade because you sort of need camaraderie in a team, and Kaito spits out that such a day would never come.

Kaito is outright displeased having to work together with Minato as kaizoe. Minato also isn’t in high spirits. The two of them comically have the same reaction when finding out they’d have to do it.

Minato decides to strike a conversation after the yawatashi, when he and Kaito are getting changed, mainly because he had noticed that Seiya and Kaito’s relationship wasn’t going well because of him. Kaito barks at Minato that there’s no honor in working with him, and Minato reasons that they should reach a mutual understanding, since they’d be in a team competition. Kaito retorts that he didn’t even want to be in them, but he had to after Minato joined. It only becomes clearer that Minato is ruining Kaito’s prospects one by one.

Despite all the clashing, Minato notices that Kaito’s passion for archery is genuine. Still, there’s a lot of misplaced gay in the anime during the training camp. Minato doesn’t desperately try to win Kaito’s favor, isn’t saved by Kaito from falling into the river, and doesn’t ogle at Kaito’s back when he shoots as the oomae for the first time.

Kaito finally shows a slight sign of warming up to Minato by thanking him for saving Nanao’s hat, which had been a present from him and his sisters. This is destroyed by him finding out that Minato and Seiya had attended Kirisaki for middle school.

After the whole accident with Masaki, Kaito assures Minato that it wasn’t his fault, and then he emphasizes it the next day, saying that Minato wasn’t worth being saved by Masaki if he was still twitching with guilt.

When Minato gets a ganglion on his hand, he tries to hide it from everyone, but Kaito notices something wrong. He forces Minato to have it examined by Tomio. And after Seiya performs first-aid on Minato, the following dialogue goes on:

“Shit, you’re seriously so…” “Sorry that this happened right before an important competition… It was because I was careless that I got hurt.” “Aah, you’re so freaking annoying. It doesn’t look like you get why I’m pissed off.” “You’re angry because I messed up?” “Wrong! This is why I said I wanted to focus on only the individual competitions. You tried to hide that injury from us earlier. You think you can compete in a team like that? In the end, you just don’t acknowledge us. All you do is keep secrets!” “I just didn’t want to worry everyone! What, don’t you have a secret too, Onogi!? You said you want to focus on the individual competitions, even though you actually couldn’t help but want to be in team competitions!” “Wha--no way that’d be true!” “I heard it from Nanao!”

Kaito almost gets back at Nanao for opening his mouth, but Minato put himself nose-to-nose in front of Kaito. This is one more example of closure that the anime doesn’t show.

“Onogi, didn’t you say that I was using target panic as an excuse to run away from archery? But aren’t you running away too? You run, run, and you’re still running away even now.” “What do you say that I’m running away from?” “From your ‘comrades’.” “What the hell are you talking about…” “You’re scared of making comrades. You’re scared that your thoughts and desires won’t be followed by other people. Even though you really longed for it, you didn’t want to disappoint others or yourself, so you decided to seal away that wish and not look at it. You’re the weakest kind of archer with that cowardice of yours.” “What did you saaaaaaaay——?!!”

This is how we get to the fight right before their face-off against Kirisaki, which was showed in the anime, but in a wholly different way. The fight itself is different as well. Kaito grabs Minato by the lapels of his gi, but Minato steps forward without any hesitation, unlike in the anime, where he seemed pretty terrified and just stood in place like a rock.

“Kaito.” “Don’t call me Kaito!” “Then, Kacchan.” “That’s even worse!” “Kaito, call me by my name. Call me Minato. Then we’ll be comrades.” “Haaa!?” “Besides, in the Kazemai High School Archery Club’s male division, everyone is calling each other by their first names, but we’re the only ones calling each other by our last names. It’s embarrassing to feel special, right?” “There’s no special feeling——! It’s normal, average. You’re such an airhead.” “When I learned that you wanted to be in a team competition, Kaito, I was really happy. I felt the same way.” “So what?” “Tommy-sensei didn’t make me the ochi for the evetuality of my target panic starting up. It was to make me feel like I had four comrades in front of my eyes. So, Kaito, you must feel the four of us at your back, right? You aren’t alone. I’ll protect the end of the line so that everyone can follow behind you. I’ll go with you to the very top.” “You were just babbling on. I’m gonna trample you.” “Why would you trample me? We’re going together.”

Yes, they didn’t get to this point by Kaito being hysterical about following Masaki’s teachings or by Minato telling everyone to forget them, because that’s just fucking dumb. If teachings weren’t necessary, there would be no need for taking classes in the first place.

It’s only here that Tomio hands them the headbands. They all put them on and Minato doesn’t need a pep talk from Seiya in order to tie his own. Kaito then finally calls Minato (and only Minato, as he’d already been on a first-name basis with Seiya since the beginning) by his first name for the first time.

Kaito and Seiya

To quote myself from an earlier post:

One of the things I noticed is that not just their relationship but their personalities are different in the anime, and this in turn affects the rest. What I find so good about them is the irony that Seiya is a dog person who acts cat-like and Kaito is a cat person who acts dog-like and you can feel this shit in their exchanges.

There are many details to this relationship that could be considered gems. When Kaito meets Seiya and Minato at Kazemai, he recognizes Seiya right away from their tournament in middle school, but not Minato. As I said before, the two of them refer to themselves by their first names off the bat and Kaito is quick to try to get Seiya into individual competitions with him. He insists that the two of them can “aim for the top together”, and gets extremely frustrated when Seiya refuses. He’s also pretty offended when Seiya claims that Minato is above him when it comes to natural ability.

The day after Seiya and Minato fight in the rain, Seiya catches a cold and is overall very distracted, enough to mistake Kaito’s bow for his own and use it instead. Kaito asks him how he managed the feat because one would normally be able to tell the difference, to which Seiya responds that he “did think it felt sort of tougher”.

I will not turn this into innuendo. I shan’t.

Kaito then notices Seiya looks red and places a hand on his forehead, confirming that he has a fever, like any good shoujo protagonist would do with the heroine. And this is where the author begins to hint that Kaito treats Seiya differently from the other club members. Kaito is overall gentler with him for no given motive. Even though he’s the type to care for everyone, he normally scolds those he looks after and makes clear that they should be able to look after themselves, but he doesn’t do this with Seiya at all. And the best of it is that Seiya responds to his awkward kindness.

When he realizes that Seiya is sick, the first thing he does is tell him that he should take a break because he’s busy with other matters aside from club activities and Seiya brushes him off, but then closes his eyes and says that Kaito’s cold hand feels good against his hot face and goddamn. What a low sweep. Goddamn.

Basically, all Kaito can do is frown and he doesn’t manage to come up with much of a response. By the time Seiya leaves, Kaito is still staring at him, and he gets visibly annoyed when Seiya isn’t there anymore. Again, for no given reason.

Kaito confronts Minato two days later about joining the club, acting as Seiya’s spokesperson on his own accord and telling Minato that he shouldn’t upset Seiya or raise his hopes fruitlessly. He gets angry when Minato argues that Seiya wouldn’t forgive him for butting into their affairs, and maintains that Seiya would be going to the individual competitions with him, not to the team competitions.

Right before the training camp, when Kaito and Seiya are cleaning up the targets together, Kaito finally confronts Seiya about his stance regarding Minato. He calls Seiya out for being like an overprotective father around Minato, and makes observations that even Seiya himself admits to be right:

“About your good point of nicely taking care of everyone, it seems that it’s because you’re following the rules. Like, you go forward at the green light and stop at the red light ‘cause you were taught to do so. Still, you’re different around Narumiya. You do with him what you really wanna do. But I’m not saying that you’re black-hearted. Your good quality is fairness ‘cause you have enough brains and ability to take action to properly make use of what you’ve learned. Many people are relying on you. Your guiding principles were misled ‘cause you, the club president, got too engrossed with one person. I mean, you shouldn’t have forced everyone to go for team competitions this time.”

Seiya is predictably displeased that Kaito hit bull’s-eye, and tells him that he should be focusing more into practice if he has time to be observing him. And sure, I get that he would want to tell Kaito to hop off his shit because this little fucker has a lot of secrets............ but he certainly didn’t have to hold Kaito’s hand while doing it. And he most certainly didn’t have to hold it so tight that the arrow on Kaito’s hand creaked a little.

Kaito says to Seiya’s face that a lot of what he spouts sounds fishy, and Seiya changes the subject by claiming that all he wants is for Minato to draw the bow like he used to once again. Kaito can tell that there’s more to his motives than this, but as Seiya leaves as fast as he can, he’s unable to ask. The arrow that remained on his hand was Seiya’s, and the emphasis on the fact that it was a wornout one probably stems from the long-standing burdens that Seiya has been carrying.

Yeah, this debunkes the anime’s stupid excuse that Seiya is in the archery club because of Minato. He’s depicted in the novel as being his own person and having his own will, so he does have a mind outside of Minato. Even if Minato had never joined the club, Seiya would have stayed in it.

Anyway, fast forward to the day before the training camp, Kaito confronts Seiya about not signing up for the individuals. Seiya ignores him, which pisses him off.

Once Kaito finds out that Seiya and Minato went to Kirisaki in middle school, he bitches to Seiya about keeping it a secret. Seiya argues that he hadn’t told anyone because he didn’t want everybody digging up on them and retorts that Kaito could have simply looked them up if he’d really wanted to know, but after Kaio leaves, Seiya admits that he should have properly talked about it when Kaito had asked. He resigns to the fact that finding out about it way after people of other clubs probably made Kaito feel awful and says he has no right to be the club president. Yet he’s cheered up by Ryouhei and decides to discuss the subject properly with Kaito when he gets a chance.

Kaito is so thrown-off by the fresh frustrations that he loses the improvement he had acquired during the training camp on the spot (no, he didn’t fail because of a stupid obsession with making his bow turn, KyoAni). He actually made it through the first round, but fell short in the second, together with Nanao (yes, he participated), Yuuna and Noa (yes, the girls didn’t fuck up right from the get-go and none of them had zero hits).

Kaito continues acting off during club activities and gets into an argument with the girls and Minato, but he’s immediately shut down by Seiya because this bitch weak.

Later on, in order to help the boys enhance their teamwork and to distract them from the stress of having to face Kirisaki, Tomio bought them sports fishing passes and sent them to a fishing spot. Since fishing alone was forbidden, the five boys split into two groups. Ryouhei and Nanao went with Minato, leaving Kaito to work together with Seiya, who had brought Kuma along. The two of them caught river bugs to serve as bait together and sat at opposite sides of the shore.

I think it’s worth mentioning that Kaito was being his usual sharp self with the others, but with Seiya, he acted completely tame. There wasn’t any trace of his frustration in his attitude.

Seiya went back to Kaito after having caught one salmon, and found that Kaito’s fishing line had become entangled on a tree. After Seiya sent a picture of what he had gotten to Minato and the others, he and Kaito sat down...... really close together under a shaded area. Seiya took a tomato curry bread out of his backpack and shared half of it with Kaito, and after they were done, they chatted idly, with Seiya commenting that Kuma seemed to be showing respect for Kaito. Kaito then stroked him and Kuma sat down next to Kaito as if to nestle close to him.

Once Kaito gets the Kuma Seal of Approval, he and Seiya have the following conversation:

“About the whole deal with Kirisaki’s Shuu, it was wrong of me to keep it all a secret; I’m sorry. I’ll discuss things properly from now on.” “Ah, no, you don’t have to talk about it. There’s nothing you have to apologize for. You had something you didn’t want anyone else to know about, and it was wrong of me to get curious over it. Even if I knew, it doesn’t really mean I could be of help to you guys, either.” “That’s not true. I’m counting on you, Kacchan.” “You…even though I was talking seriously… Can I punch you?” “Well, the competition is over, after all. I think Tommy-sensei gave us this mission not to acquire stamina and patience through fishing, but to make us step away from the bow once in a while and relax. Minato seems to be conscious of Shuu and getting flustered by him too.” “Rather than him, I’m a little worried about you.” “Me? Why?” “Aren’t you fretting over Narumiya’s target panic more than he is? Other than that, how can I put it? Uh… Anyways, you’re also a disappointment.” “I don’t quite get it, but well, I’m thankful that you’re worried about me.” “You’re nice to everyone, and yet you act sassy with me.”

Kaito had actually wanted to ask Seiya if he felt some sort of guilt regarding Minato, but the question was too insensitive even for him. He also acknowledged that he might not be able to find the right words to reply with if Seiya said yes, and didn’t want to seem like he was criticizing Seiya for it. So, instead, he goes with this:

“Seiya, when I first saw you at the information session, I thought that you were a guy who was well-composed and really good at archery. I’d been watching you for a while, and I thought maybe you were similar to me in some way. You have passion, some kind of conviction, don’t you? I want to respect it. I respect you for working hard to earn a calm and collected self.” “You praising me feels unpleasant. Should I say that you should go practice if you have the time to observe me?” “I want to win the prefectural tournament - with all five of us.” “Yeah… that’s right.”

The author then describes the maple trees overhead, and just to put it out there, maple stands for reserve, which might be an allusion to Kaito holding back from digging further into the matter (even though he was right, like he always is about Seiya). They also mean strength and endurance, and that matches Kaito’s comments on Seiya.

A few days later, during a softball tournament of their school, Minato and Seiya’s class was playing against Kaito’s. Seiya teases Kaito when they spot each other about how the soccer field is somewhere else, since Kaito was being recurrently summoned to be part of the soccer team by the school’s soccer club at the beginning of the semester, to which Kaito responds with, “Seiyaaa, not you too”.

When the game begins, Kaito is the first batter and Seiya is the baseman. Kaito gets a hit in the second try, and gives Seiya a “how’s that” look when passing him by.

On the first day of club activities after Masaki was hospitalized, Kaito was the one to announce that everyone should continue practice like normal in order not to waste what they’d been taught. Before doing so, he gazes at Seiya for a brief moment as if to ask for permission to speak on his behalf.

After Kazemai’s tiebreaking match with Kubo high school, while everyone was having lunch, Seiya and Kaito were checking the competition’s program and discussing the formalities for the exiting of the next round, which would be slightly different from the others.

At the tournament, when Seiya diagnoses and treats Minato’s ganglion, Kaito is visibly impressed by the fact he carries first-aid items around with him, and Seiya merely responds that he shouldn’t underestimate a son of orthopedic surgeons who used to play with medical tape instead of building blocks.

Keep on roasting him with care, you four-eyed witch.

In other words, Seiya and Kaito interact a lot. Onogi “hands off my man” Kaito is often on the role of looking out for Seiya, who in turn looks out for everyone. Just like Masaki with Minato, Kaito is always spot-on about Seiya and gets really damn close to finding out his heaviest secret, and prods into Seiya’s business enough to shake even a careful planner like him. Meanwhile, Seiya is sharp as a knife with him, but recognizes he shouldn’t be, and resorts to sassing Kaito when he gets too sappy. He also acts somewhat tsun when Kaito is too gentle, and not-so-subtly starts hanging around Kaito most of the time after he starts acting like a normal best friend to Minato once again.

Seiya and Minato

It all obviously starts right on the first part of the first chapter, because Ayano Kotoko wastes no time. When Minato and Seiya meet during the morning of their high school entrance ceremony, Minato hinted that he might have been getting sick, and Seiya teases him about it. Then he says that if this did end up happening, he would offer to “faithfully nurse” Minato in the special hospital room of his parents’ clinic, to which Minato retorts that he would turn Seiya down because “who knows what you’d do”. Seiya claims he wouldn’t do anything, but the feigned innocence is so evident here that you don’t even have to guess what kind of face he’s making.

When Minato, Seiya and Ryouhei are approached by Tomio, Seiya bluffs that he knows Minato is “carrying his treasure around” and smirks when he falls for it. After Minato fails magnificently at the demonstration shooting and scurries to leave, Seiya says he’d be waiting for him to join the club, holding Minato’s place in the boys’ team for as long as it was necessary.

When Minato comes back home late in his third night visiting Yata no Mori, he finds Seiya waiting for him in front of his house. Seiya already knew that Minato had sneaked out somewhere the previous night, and as he questions Minato about it, he finds one of Fuu’s feathers on his hair. Minato does nothing but give roundabout answers, and then straight-up lies that he was just wandering around on his bike, which Seiya is far from believing but lets slide. This whole moment sort of feels like a father questioning his teenage daughter about sneaking out of home to see her boyfriend.

Seiya then confronts Minato about joining the club, competitions and target panic. He reveals that he doesn’t feel their loss in middle school was only Minato’s fault, since he got caught up with the whole situation and lost control of himself as well. Minato happens to hate this whole talk, and ends up saying he doesn’t want to do archery with Seiya, which isn’t true. He simply doesn’t want to keep causing trouble, but doesn’t know how to convey it. Although Seiya does understand what Minato means, he’s still hurt by his words because Minato being able to rely on him is his anchor. He then responds in the way he always does when he’s upset.

By being a stone-cold bitch.

The anime is trying to paint Seiya as meek and passive, but he’s an icy little fucker when his mood swings for the worse. He stares at Minato as if looking down on him, and this is when he throws the “Actually, would you be able to endure it if I did blame you? Or not? It’s easy to make you cry.” bomb on Minato’s lap. And instead of leaving it as that like he did in the anime, Minato grabs Seiya by the collar and pushes him to the ground, then Seiya pushes him onto a tree.

The following day at school, Minato found himself looking for Seiya during his absence, even though he had been avoiding him before they fought. A day later, Minato leaves a box of Pucky in Seiya’s mailbox as a sign of apology. No, he doesn’t write that he would be waiting for Seiya. He didn’t have to, since novel!Seiya never once doubted his love for archery. What he did was draw a dog on the box, which is something that Seiya used to do to display an intent of reconciliation. Seiya also leaves a box of (premium) Pucky for him as reply.

The next morning, Minato contacts Seiya, who welcomes him to the archery club, and he almost tears up at it.

Misplaced gay ensues in a non-canon scene of the five boys bathing together at the training camp. Nanao’s comment about Seiya’s “love” for Minato never happened in the novel. Seiya also wasn’t around when Minato retrieved Nanao’s hat from the river, so he wasn’t even there to help, although he was worried when he saw Minato coming back all soaked.

During the softball game, Seiya yet again shows exaggerated worry as the pitcher aims at Minato’s left flank. He attempts to get someone else to be the batter even though Minato had dodged the ball and was unharmed.

Even as the game ends, Seiya asks if Minato hadn’t been grazed even a little, and despite being reassured that he hadn’t, Seiya asks if Minato had been going to his yearly check-ups. When Minato answers that he hadn’t, as already four years had passed since the accident, Seiya yells that he shouldn’t neglet his check-ups because his wound still throbs from time to time, loud enough for Minato to flinch. Seiya then comes up with suggestions to motivate Minato to go, like asking his parents to drive Minato there (no, he doesn’t do check-ups with Seiya’s father) or offering to tag along in case Minato feels bored while waiting. Minato feels extremely uncomfortable and declines it all, asking Seiya why he worries so much. Seiya responds that he has the “responsibility to worry for Minato’s health”, and Minato jokes that he sounds like he feels guilty for something. Seiya says nothing back, and when Minato prods for an answer, he replies that it’s part of his responsibility as club president. That isn’t the whole truth and Minato can tell as much. In fact, he had only joked because he had been hoping to hear Seiya ask back “what are you even talking about”.

Minato had felt for a while that Seiya seemed to wish for his improvement at archery even more than his own, as if he were trying to compensate for something. He recognizes that some aspects of Seiya’s worry are unnatural and can’t be explained with the word “meddling”. As Seiya’s sense of guilt became gradually clearer, Minato grew scared.

At this point, in the anime, all of this was replaced with flashbacks from Minato and Seiya’s childhood that never happened in the novel, like the day Minato’s family went to greet Seiya’s, their multiple discussions about entering the archery club when they become middle scholars, Minato saying that he asked Saionji to include Seiya in their class but was denied (yes, he kept it a secret even from Seiya in canon), Minato introducing Seiya to Shuu, Minato saying he didn’t want to do archery anymore after he got hit, and Seiya convincing him to do it.

The next day, when Minato and Seiya come home from school, Minato asks to talk and the two of them go under a nearby tree. He starts off reporting that he booked a check-up, and announces that what he has to discuss is serious talk and that he was bracing himself for it and that he wanted Seiya to answer without teasing him. Seiya asks if he has to talk about it right away, and Minato says that things might end up just like the last tournament of middle school if he doesn’t. Basically, his built-up anxiety over their unresolved matter might cause his target panic to act up again. It’s finally then that Minato asks Seiya why he didn’t go to Kirisaki even though his parents could pay for it and why he kept trying so hard to get Minato back into archery.

This entire conversation was replaced in the anime with the scene of them on the street, and although some things are similar, most of it is wholly different:

“I swore that I would protect you on behalf of your mother. Creating an environment where you can draw a bow is my duty.” “Could it be that you spoke with Mom at the hospital she was transported to? Did you make that promise there?” “No. It was my fault that your mother died. That you suffered a wound that won’t disappear for the rest of your life.” “What are you talking about? That was an accident. An accident where a runaway vehicle ran over people walking on the sidewalk. The police took this conclusion too, and there were lots of witnesses so there was no doubt about it. Why are you saying something like that? Didn’t you just happen to be at the scene by chance?” “Don’t you remember? On that day, you were walking with your mother. I stopped you two to talk on that road. I said goodbye and left, heading in the opposite direction. And then, an awfully fast car passed by me… If I had turned around, if I had turned around… ‘If’…It’s all suppositions now. If, at that time, I hadn’t stopped you, the two of you would have passed that place sooner, and then you wouldn’t have been involved in the accident. I was the one who injured you and snatched your mother away from you. So I swore that I’d fully atone for the sin of hurting you. I will protect you…”

It’s kind of impossible to tell that Seiya sounds exactly like a mom at this point, just like in everything he does for Minato. Minato resents not realizing that Seiya had burdened himself with something so heavy and had been in pain ever since the accident which I think says a lot about the fact that Kaito noticed something was wrong with Seiya in the way he acted around Minato and in the things he would say from the very beginning. Minato feels like the problems resolving around his target panic are dust next to what Seiya was dealing with and that he wants to accept Seiya’s troubles. Seiya had always been protecting him, and now he thinks he wants to protect Seiya in return.

Yeah, he never really said that he had managed to get back into archery because Seiya waited for him, or that it was his turn to wait for Seiya. That’s misplaced gay, and unsurprisingly, it’s watered-down. Their exchange in the novel is actually pretty calm in spite of all the tension that had built up until then:

“I’ve always thought that you were smart, Seiya, but you’re actually surprisingly dumb.” “Huh?” “Am I wrong? It was you who kept me on the earth. Because you stopped us at that time, I only got injured. I’m here thanks to you. Thank you, Seiya. I think I really am a lucky guy.” “Minato… I’m a sneaky person. Maybe I said all that because I knew that you would forgive me, y’know?” “Uh-huh, that’s fine. Even if you become a vicious criminal who shakes up the world, or even if you get a contagious disease without cure that leads to death, I don’t plan on ever stopping to be your friend. Even if it’s at a prison at the farthest ends of the north, even if it’s at an isolation ward, I’ll go see you.” “What’s with all that…? Were you planning on putting up a cool façade by saying all that?” “Of course.”

Seiya then smiles and places his head on Minato’s shoulder without any lame excuses, while Minato thinks about how Seiya can lean on him sometimes, for he won’t collapse. About how he wanted to stand firm on the ground, not too stiffly or too limply, but flexibly. And then Seiya throws in the golden line that the anime shouldn’t have cut out, because doing so ruined his character and painted his obsession as something positive and justified:

“Minato, I just want you to believe this. I love archery too. I’m not drawing the bow for someone else’s sake, but because I love it.”

Catch me stanning this eternal friendship until I die. Yeah, that’s as far as the “gay” goes for them. Of course, they’re still shown together in as many scenes as possible, but the ambiguousness is no longer present as soon as Seiya stops treating Minato like his own child and actually gives him the space any normal friend would. Literally everything that happened in the anime between them beyond this point (and I do mean everything, even just their conversations) is KyoAni’s original content.

Long live these unapologetically healthy best friends. Fuck KyoAni’s fanservicey ass.

Shuu and Minato

The way Shuu is being depicted in the anime is underwhelming at best. He might be quiet and calm on the outside, but on the inside, he’s extremely passionate about archery and about Minato, though not in this clichéd and overused way that the anime is portraying.

Even though Seiya also used to be on their team, Shuu considers Minato his only rival and bow friend. The two of them know each other well and are actually pretty close, since they literally attended the same middle school.

None of this actually shows in the anime at all. One may argue that it’s easy to notice he’s interested in Minato more than anyone else, and it really is, but their rivalry isn’t nearly as fiery and there seems to be no trace of their friendship. Shuu simply keeps spouting been-there-done-that catchphrases that any rival of any sports animanga has said to the protagonist, and that’s it.

In the novel, Shuu is rather obsessed with Minato in different ways. He doesn’t only crave for Minato in competitions, he also craves for him outside of the dojo. He misses him since they’re attending different schools, but ever since they were little, he had always wanted to spend way more time with Minato than he actually had in his hands. He hates having to part ways with Minato when business is over and is unforgiving of anyone who might “steal” Minato from him. KyoAni for some reason has made Seiya hostile towards Masaki, but Shuu is the one who resents Masaki for becoming Minato’s goal rather than himself.

The flashbacks also aren’t helping. When they were kids, they acted... well, like kids, and not like mini versions of how they are now. They were loud, openly competitive, and would fight for Saionji’s side because he had bad hearing, so they had to talk close to his ears. They were also like older brothers to Saionji’s grandson, which the anime didn’t show.

Their first meeting was different. Minato usually came around the dojo to peek at practice, and Saionji took him as pupil along with Shuu because he believed that teaching the two of them was his fate.

Minato had always annoyed Shuu and was always the only one capable of instigating fiery emotions in him, starting with the fact that he made Shuu realize that someone else his age was as talented as himself. Shuu was extremely irritated when Minato suddenly stopped coming to their practice, having no idea that the motive had been the car accident. He was irritated yet again when they met by chance in middle school, and all the while, he keeps thinking, “who do you think you are to irritate me”.

When Hiroki comments that Shuu must be so elegant and skilled with his shooting because he was taught by a former imperial guard, Shuu responds that he’s actually like that because there’s someone whose heart he wants to shoot through. He credits Minato for his own prowess because his desire to be better than Minato is what got him so far. The twins ask if there was someone who managed to charm him that much and if the saying “the greatest hate springs from the greatest love” has anything to do with it. Shuu responds with nothing but a daring smile and an “I wonder”.

Other interactions between them that the anime watered down are their greetings during the beginning of the tournament and Shuu’s words before he left. In the novel, Minato froze at the sight of him and held his breath when he got close. Shuu reminisces to memories of when they were kids, which is why he goes to Minato’s side and whispers into his ear. Then he puts a hand over Minato’s scar and asks if it still hurts, and Minato answers that it doesn’t.

Just a heads-up: everyone is watching this unfold. Kazemai and the twins are staring at this bullshit but everyone feels they can’t get close because the gay atmosphere around them is too intense.

Minato says that he knows Shuu turned his back on him for getting target panic while he got a full score during the individual competitions at the middle school championship (because of the “cold look” that Shuu had given him in after their loss), and claims that he can’t face Shuu at all. Shuu responds that he hadn’t turned his back on Minato even once, and that he had only not comforted or admonished Minato at that time because he didn’t think there were words for Minato’s situation.

He reveals that he had no idea Minato had suddenly stopped coming to their secret practice because of a serious injury, and that he had realized just how eagerly he had been waiting for Minato when they met again in middle school. He had believed that Minato would definitely come back in high school as well, and asked Minato to “show his archery again”. Minato seems a little touched by it, and Shuu comments that Saionji actually never taught anyone personally, and that Saionji apparently believed Shuu and Minato to be the last duty entrusted to him. Shuu believes that their meeting was a “gift from the God of the bow”, and after saying so, he leaves.

Many things didn’t happen, though. Like the two of them meeting after the tournament and at the shrine. Shuu never asks Minato to take responsibility for changing his life, never acts like a total dick with Seiya and never tells Minato that one can’t do archery for someone else’s sake.

The day before the first team competitions, Minato had barely slept because of his meeting with Shuu. He was glad that Shuu hadn’t given up on him and felt strongly that he didn’t want to lose face in front of him. He was extremely impatient after seeing Shuu’s shooting, and their difference in skill was ever so present even in the next days, as he wanted to become the kind of archer who could be a match for Shuu as fast as possible.

During the second phase of the tournament, Minato and Shuu meet again, and the dialogue they have is way different from the anime:

“Minato, it’s been a while. How are you feeling today?” “Not bad at all, Shuu. A lot of cheering squads came for us today, so I’m fired-up.” “I’m surprised to hear you say such a thing. You said before that you weren’t drawing for the sake of other people watching you. You thought spectators were annoying.” “I’m honestly happy to be supported now. Besides, I’ve just always loved doing archery, be it before or now. So why is someone like you drawing a bow, Shuu? Aren’t you doing it for the same reasons as me?”

Instead of replying, Shuu just smiled brightly, and this ticked off the twins, who started attacking Minato and had to be stopped by Shuu. He apologized on their behalf, which yet again spiked jealousy, and left with them.

Right before the tiebreaking match, Minato wondered if Shuu was watching from somewhere. Minato had never participated in one of them before, and it was all thanks to Shuu. Having someone as skilled as him to be the ochi was reassuring, and Minato entrusted him and Seiya with his back in their middle school days. However, unlike how the anime goes, the novel explicitly states that Minato’s state of mind being at ease during competitions was Shuu’s merit, specifically. He knew that Shuu would always hit, and so he could remain calm, knowing that someone could cover up for him if he made any mistakes.

Similar to this scene, right before the final match between Kazemai and Kirisaki, Shuu yet again comes to talk to Minato as he was being bothered by the twins:

“I’m deeply moved to face you in competition again, Minato. Did you hurt your wrist?” “No, it’s already fine. I can’t help but feel happy to take on the strongest member.” “I’m looking forward to it.”

During the duo’s last shot, the clouds opened up, and the grains of dust illuminated by the sunlight formed the shape of wings on their backs. As Shuu misses his last shot, he mouths the word, “congratulations” to Minato while the Kazemai boys are hugging him.

In short, Shuu and Minato’s relationship is originally complex and tridimensional, and the anime is reducing it to something dry, commonplace and boring.

Masaki and Minato

Here comes the bible that you asked for, you heathens.

First off, this duo is ridiculous. Their relationship literally has absolutely no business being as good as it is. You just know that it’s the most important one of the story from the fact that it begins when chapter one ends and appears on the very first illustration (other than the one in the cover).

I’m gonna start from the start: the character relationship chart from the official site. It says that what Minato borders for Masaki is “reverence”. That’s pretty heavy for a high school student.

A number of things ensue right before Masaki and Minato’s first meeting, which the anime didn’t show:

When Minato hears Masaki’s tsurune for the first time, his heart starts racing.

While he’s approaching the dojo, he’s praying in his head for Masaki not to disappear until he gets there. He was already thinking that maybe Masaki might be a ghost that haunted the shrine, but he didn’t care if this was the case.

Minato watched Masaki’s shooting for waaay longer in the novel. He stood hidden behind a fence as Masaki fired six shots and then did the finishing formalities.

While Masaki was collecting the arrows, Minato was sighing heavily, rubbing his sweaty palms against his uniform and wondering if he should go talk to him. But it’s totally not a crush. Totally not.

I hate these two so much.

Just to put it out there, it feels like Yamamura Takuya (the anime’s director) is fanboying over Masaki. Or more like over an ideal version of him. In canon, Masaki is an absolute dork and not nearly as composed and mature as the anime tries to sell him. He’s usually clumsy and vulgar, and jokes around a lot.

That being said, he gets friendly with Minato overly quickly. Although he’s confused as to why a random kid would be in the woods watching him, their first conversation is about anything but that, and suddenly Fuu is the topic. It escalates from Masaki offering to nurse the scratch on Minato’s hand to Minato volunteering to replace the lamps of the shrine’s waiting room, and then to the two of them drinking canned coffee together at the shajo. In-between this, we have Masaki joking about Minato being suspicious of him and that he wouldn’t charge for the medicine, knocking over a drawer and sending the contents flying, throwing unnoticed sarcasm at Minato while he changes the lamps and Minato mistaking the can of coffee for alcohol. Masaki then resumes shooting the rest of the arrows after that and Minato stays as audience. Once he’s done, Minato questions him about his shooting routine, and Masaki answers every question even though they literally just met.

All of this in just one night.

To add up, the novel has a veil of supernatural in it, and Minato and Masaki’s encounters in the shrine are portrayed with an atmosphere of mystery. They feel somewhat fantasious since there’s a lot of symbolism and ellusive language involved, like the shrine is a separate world that belongs just to the two of them, where both Minato and Masaki find not only each other but also themselves, renewing their love for the bow. And this is where I myself started becoming inspired while reading this novel. I, too, felt like praticing archery for once, so that I could point the bow at my head and shoot an arrow right into my face because I can’t take this bullshit.

But I digress.

Minato goes home without asking Masaki’s name, then proceeds to search for information regarding him on the internet like some stalkerish middle school girl. He finds nothing and berates himself for not asking, but also wouldn’t know what to do if he had really asked. 100% not a high school chick flick.

The next evening, Minato visits the shrine again. It’s raining, and when he finds Masaki shooting just like in the previous night, he notices that it feels like Masaki is performing a prayer when he does so. Minato watches hidden behind the fence yet again and wonders what Masaki could be wishing for in a night where the stars aren’t visible, because apparently Masaki’s presence increases Minato’s poetic tendencies by a hundred.

When Masaki spots him, he gives a peace sign and beckons him, but Minato’s brain has bluescreened at that point, so being the little shit he is, Masaki crouches and gestures to Minato as if he’s calling over a dog or a cat. This predictably has Minato flustered, and Masaki jokes that seeing him under the rain in a dark spot is scary. Minato comes to the shajo dripping wet and Masaki lends him a beginner’s uniform, telling him that he doesn’t have to be so formal.

By the time Minato returns, the floor that he had dirtied is completely clean, even though Masaki had asked Minato to mop it once he finished changing. The two of them have canned coffee together again, this time with oyaki. Fuu hadn’t showed up because of the rain, and that’s when Masaki jokes that Minato’s shoulder is the perfect perch for him. While arguing that he isn’t an ornament, Minato asks about the hours of activity in the dojo, and finds out that it was supposed to be used until 9pm but is currently only used during daytime, so the only one who is there at night is Masaki, except for couples that sneak inside occasionally. Minato is taken aback at the fact that couple come to a sacred place to make out and whatnot, and for some godforsaken reason, the author seemed to think it was a good idea for Masaki to retort with, “You don’t seem to have much experience in that area. Shall I teach you the basics?”

*high-pitched screaming*

One might argue that this isn’t as suggestive as it seems, but Minato responds with, “You perverted old man” and Masaki just... freaking grins. And then this bitch hits jackpot when he tries to get Minato to fire an arrow because he can tell that Minato has experience with archery and that he wants to shoot. Minato is exasperated and wants to run away from it, but Masaki coaxes him into opening up, assuring him that not even telephone lines pass through the dojo, so whatever Minato would say would be heard by no one but him. This is when he throws the infamous “I’m not someone who exists in your reality” line, and Minato ends up squeezing out everything that had been burdening him. It’s then that they finally introduce themselves to each other and Minato finds out that Masaki used to have target panic.

The next day, Minato doesn’t attend club activities despite Seiya and Ryouhei’s insistence to get him to join, and goes to visit the shrine again. He finds Masaki dressed in formal hakama instead of kyuudougi for the first time and stops on his tracks unintentionally at the sight of Masaki’s muscles glowing in the evening lights.

This is not homoerotic fanfiction. This is not homoerotic fanfiction. This is n

You kind of can’t ignore at this point that Masaki grins every time he sees Minato. Meanwhile, Minato shudders at the sound of Masaki’s arrows piercing the air, which is unlike any he had heard before, and thinks about how he never gets tired of seeing Masaki shoot. There is joy in the fact that such ideal shots are being executed right in front of him, and cheesy as it may be, this makes him happy to have been born. And since Minato already knows about Masaki’s goal of scoring ten thousand shots, this thirsty motherfucker is already wondering if he’ll ever see him shooting again after he accomplishes it.

Minato is, in fact, just as much of a sports nerd as any sports animanga protagonist. It just so happens that he’s less showy about it, and basically the only one who gets it out of him is Masaki.

Masaki carried out proper practice with Minato, unlike in the anime, where Minato only shoots once. They start with practice at close range, and it’s then that Masaki starts using his ridiculously improper tips, like “push your hips forwards more, like you’re peeing standing up” and “look at my armpit hair”. For better or worse, his advice is easy to grasp and Minato makes the most out of it.

By that point, he’s also already grasped Masaki’s personality. When they’re done, Masaki calls Fuu over while they’re having coffee. He also shares with Minato all the material he had about archery, which ranged from students’ books to exclusive publications to old magazines, and the two of them have a priceless dialogue that the anime cut out:

“It’s amazing that you collected all of these books so thoroughly.” “I didn’t; they were a gift.” “I knew it.” “What do you mean by ‘I knew it’?” “It’s because that kind of detailed work doesn’t suit you, Masa-san.” “Don’t you feel like treating your seniors with even a bit of respect?” “Not at all.” “Good grief, does that mean I have to teach you by praising you?”

Masaki then hands him a rubber mascot and recommends him the muscle training that he learned from his grandfather. The two of them speculate on the reasons why Minato might have gotten target panic and discuss methods to cure it. Then Minato finds out about Masaki’s powder container and the bikini pattern on it, and they have yet another beautiful exchange that KyoAni has ruined:

“What kind of drawing is that?” “Oh, Minato is a healthy young man too, eh?” “No way, this is…” “Yep, it’s a bikini.” “You have some rare items here, old man.” “I’m honored to receive a compliment from you.” “It wasn’t a compliment—!”

Harold, they’re bi.

The following evening, Minato goes to the shrine not realizing that his back had been injured when he and Seiya fought, but Masaki notices it and insists on treating it. This results in Minato taking off his shirt so that Masaki could stick a bandage to it, and honestly, Minato could have been thinking about anything at that moment and I would have been okay with it. He could have thought about Seiya, about the club, about what to have for dinner that night even. Any crap would have sufficed. But nah.

Nah.

He’s thinking about the cold touch of Masaki’s hands on his skin and shivering at it. Because. You know. That’s what straight boys do.

Minato’s shooting is horrible that night and he’s sullen because of the lack of the smell of coffee, since Masaki had brought tea instead. He asks to see Fuu, but Masaki reveals that Fuu had only been with him because he was feeding it and healing its wound, and after it got better, it left his hands. This leads to an exchange that somewhat feels like foreshadowing:

“So it dumped you after you healed it?” “Any problem with that?” “Noooope.”

And it causes Masaki to notice that Minato is feeling anxious, so he tries to confort him, and Minato confides to him about the whole issue with the club and Seiya. Masaki tells him that he’s probably conveying to Seiya he has lingering attachments, and suggests that he takes upon Seiya’s offer. Minato counter-argues that he has no confidence for it, and Masaki asks if he’d be just drawing a bow all alone from that point onward. Minato questions what he means by “all alone”, and it’s only then that Masaki says, “Don’t think that I’ll be here forever. You shouldn’t keep coming to this place.” Minato is confused by his words but doesn’t ask for clarification because they sound like Masaki had grown tired of him. He compares it to something like what a child would say to a stray animal that they’d picked out of pity but then grew bored of.

Masaki is completely unaware of the effect this had on Minato and casually asks him to put away his powder container, tossing it to him. And my God, my sweet lordly goodness gracious, there’s a really odd emphasis on the bikini pattern when Minato catches it. THE DOUBLE ENTENDREE IS TOO STRONG, KIDS. Minato is clearly scared of being dumped by him like he was dumped by Fuu, but it's almost like the author tries to hint that Masaki being into women has something to do with Minato’s insecurity. Y’all may think Minato was actually not that affected by it, but after he left the dojo, he did everything robotically and had a restless night, with the mascot that Masaki gave him appearing in his dreams all the while.

The next afternoon, Minato goes to the shrine to return Masaki’s powder container, which he had accidentally brought home with him, and then the whole misunderstanding about Masaki being dead happens. When Minato returns in the evening, Masaki’s tsurune sounds like a funeral march to him. He finds Masaki in nousha clothing and two shots short of achieving ten thousand, and thinks that the scene as a whole looks just like a skillful stage production. He’s also oddly fixated on Masaki’s “exposed skin” and “fascinating profile”.

It’s here that Minato shows the first signs of selfishness towards Masaki. One would think that being excessively cared for by Seiya would mean that he’d be more of a free-spirited person, and his discomfort at Seiya’s meddling might seem like a sign of that. And indeed, Minato is like that with everyone else, except Masaki.

With Masaki, he’s the greediest little bitch.

He starts begging that the night would never end. He literally wishes that time would stop so that he could be there with Masaki forever. Like, screw his dad, screw Seiya, screw the entire rest of his life; he just wants Masaki to remain there.

Masaki was, of course, oblivious to this. He decides to recreate a scene from Zen in the Art of Archery that he had once mentioned to Minato with his last two shots. He lights up sage and positions it at the target bank, and after he shoots, he thanks Minato and says he has no more regrets. This makes Minato feel like he might disappear at any moment, and that’s when we get the iconic “don’t pass on” scene.

I must point out that one of the things I find really interesting in character dynamics is when a character has set rules of conduct and ideals for themselves but they break all of them willingly for the sake of only one other character, and that’s exactly what happens between these two. This trope is used by the author in a very obviously intentional way, which is even better.

Before Minato runs to Masaki and begs him not to leave, there’s a series of ironies to consider:

Minato dislikes being clingy with people on default.

He doesn’t do things like wishing upon stars, but if he were to, he’d wish for Masaki to stay with him.

The night before, Masaki had told him: “In the future, if you find someone that you like very much and you have to part ways with that person, will you give up without doing anything when that time comes just because you have no confidence? There are things people can’t beat no matter how much they wish to be strong. But if you do meet something that you truly don’t want to lose, it should be able to make you cling to it and shout.” Of course, Masaki had absolutely no idea that this “person” could be himself. Since he was talking about the future, he probably meant a lover.

Minato’s response is that he’d never so something so embarrassing in his life.

Yeah, boi played himself.

When Minato holds onto Masaki and shouts at him not to go anywhere, a lot is different from the anime version. For starters, since Masaki had his sleeve down, Minato basically shoved himself onto his bare chest. He also grabbed Masaki roughly with both hands, only, it’s not said where he grabbed. I............ kinda hope he didn’t grab the same spot as he did in the anime. ‘Cause. Well. Titty out.

Anyway. Minato was half-crying back there, and his words to Masaki during this moment are an absolute treasure and I have no idea why KyoAni would cut so much of it out, so here go his original lines:

“Are you a ghost? No, wait, a zombie? You’re so cold… But I’m never letting you go! You’re still my master, after all. Until the master passes on all his skills to the disciple, he has the responsibility to watch over him. No, wait, you don’t have to be my master. I just want you to stay here, Masa-san. If you’re a ghost, you can possess me; if you’re a vampire, I’ll give you my blood; and if you’re a zombie, huum, well… I’ll try to not mind even if you stink a little!”

Read this again. Digest it. Or at least try, because there’s just too much going on. Sure it’s all really damn funny, but Minato’s possessiveness is peaking here. He’s basically declaring that, supposing Masaki were actually a ghost, Minato wouldn’t let him rest and wouldn’t hand him over to even death itself. At first, Minato tries to argue that there should be still something chaining Masaki to the world of the living, since he hasn’t fulfilled his role as mentor yet. But then he thinks it over and decides that he wouldn’t want Masaki to leave him even after having taught him everything he knows. And the solutions that he comes up with are not only over-the-top but also risky.

“If you’re a ghost, you can possess me.” What the fuck, kid? “If you’re a vampire, I’ll give you my blood.” What the actual everloving fuck, kid?

So, yeah, he’s known Masaki for less than a week and is already willing to give his flesh and blood and overall control of his life for the sake of keeping him at a reachable distance. Bonus for actually picturing Masaki taking possession of his physical form and biting his neck to suck the life out of him.

How very straight.

The fact that Masaki’s jaw drops and he lets his bow fall to the floor is an icing on the cake. After he laughs his ass off once the misunderstanding is solved, he comments how “it’s really true that the sillier the kid is, the cuter” and then teases by asking if Minato was relieved that he wasn’t a ghost. This chapter section is just glorious.

Masaki then asks if Minato hadn’t been showing up because he thought he was a ghost, and Minato answers that he was merely doing as told after Masaki said that he shouldn’t come to the place. As if him being a ghost would stop this relentless little fucker. Masaki reveals that since Fuu had returned to the forest, he believed Minato should return to where he belonged as well. However, Minato had immediately come back to him, and he couldn’t do anything about that.

The two of them then went to collect the arrows and sat next to each other for their usual coffee time. Masaki explains that the powder container was a present from his grandfather, who was also his former master, and tells him the meaning behind his ten thousand shots. Yes, the one he opens up to about his grandfather being a good archer but a shitty teacher is Minato, not Tommy-sensei.

The thing is: his grandfather never asked if he liked archery. He simply thought that Masaki was fooling around because his form was messed up, so Masaki was cast away by him as someone who should be ignored due to apparently not taking archery seriously enough. The truth was that Masaki was actually trying his best, which is why he was so deeply hurt by his grandfather’s attitude that he quit archery and didn’t join the archery club in college. However, he undoubtedly loved it, and had always been thinking of ways of reconciling with his grandfather, but to no avail.

His grandfather was still estranged from him when he passed away, so Masaki came up with the idea of shooting ten thousand arrows in order to communicate with him from the other side. After he overcame target panic and fixed his form, he was able to become the exemplary archer that his grandfather wished he would be, so he set the task upon himself to get rid of his burdens and send his grandfather’s soul to rest.

No, KyoAni, it wasn’t for petty revenge against a dead person, omg.

It’s also clear by this point that Masaki and Minato are parallels of each other. Masaki, too, ended up returning to the forest, to his family’s shrine and to its dojo, and troublesome as it could be, he found himself unable to stop drawing the bow. While he talks about this to Minato, there’s a quick emphasis on the azaleas blooming nearby, and their flower language surely has something to do with the scene. Amongst other things, they mean “remembering your home with fondness or wishing to return to it”, “caring for yourself and your family”, “temperance and emotional evenness”, and “delicate passion”. All of this emphasizes how awesome a character Masaki is, and the way the anime ignores every single one of his best points is just appalling.

When Masaki finishes speaking, Minato decides to shoot at the targets instead of the close-range practice he had been doing until that point. Masaki lets him, and he goes as far as getting dressed up in the uniform in order to do it. He hits for the first time ever since his target panic started acting up, at the edge of the target. Overcome with nostalgia and feeling so happy that he could die, Minato shoots again and manages to hit the center. Minato then realizes how hungry he had been for the bow and realizes that there’s actually still hope for him as an archer. Masaki asks if he had also recovered, and he declares he’ll join the archery club.

After he joins and Masaki comes in as the coach, Seiya sees his reaction and asks Masaki if he owned a pet bird. Masaki is confused and answers no, because he really doesn’t. Minato, on the other hand, wants to run the fuck away because shit, Dad found out who he’d been with all those nights.

Training camp starts shortly after this, and it’s wildly different from the anime. Starting from the fact that the whole servant thing never happened. Masaki never made the boys serve the girls, never tried to coax them into doing his priest work, never wakes them up at 4am, never barges in on them taking a bath and never keeps them from practicing. I’m trying to figure out why KyoAni made him do all of this, not just because it wasn’t in the books, but also because literally none of that made any sense and served no purpose other than for painting Masaki as an irresponsible asshole.

In the novel’s training camp, the boys and the girls share the load. They all do the chores and are made to help around the shrine alongside practicing because they were staying there. They would cook their own meals, and Masaki and Tommy-sensei did them the favor of taking them to hot springs at some point. There was training aside from practice, and the kids would gather in the boys’ room right before sleep time simply to hang out.

Masaki had also done thorough research on the tournament results and tried to get the kids to reach them with a cautious and slow start. All the way up to this point, through the training camp and until the tournament, Masaki coaches the kids properly, giving really helpful tips, fixing their quirks and being overall a good observation example, never casting pressure on them and never poking his nose where he shouldn’t.

This is all very important to everyone, but above them, it is to Minato. He’s by far the one who benefits the most off the training, and Masaki’s careful supervision is everything he needs while his target panic isn’t cured.

There is some misplaced gay in the anime for the two of them in the training camp, though, as the scene of Masaki helping Minato get dressed doesn’t happen. But in the novel, the clothes Minato wore were Masaki’s, not his grandfather’s. And after the yawatashi, Minato comments on how it was an honor to serve as Masaki’s kaizoe.

Ren was introduced differently in the novel as well. In it, he went straight for Minato at first sight, played a prank on him, and then asked if he was “Minato-kun”. Meaning that Masaki gushed so much about Minato to his brother that he already knew exactly who Minato was and what he looked like. Minato almost doesn’t believe that Ren and Masaki are related because Ren seemed like he was mischievous in his younger years.

After Minato falls in the river getting back Nanao’s hat, Masaki lends him his jacket and takes him back to the shrine for a bath. Not because he was “stinking of river”, but because he wanted Minato to warm himself up as fast as possible. Minato argues that Seiya might worry if he doesn’t return soon, and Masaki tells him not to fret about it as he should prioritize his own health.

Once Minato is done, he meets with Masaki in the dining room and Masaki pours him hot coffee. Since he usually only ever saw Masaki in a hakama, Minato thinks it’s refreshing to have a glimpse on his everyday life.

Not just the warm drink but being there with Masaki makes Minato feel relieved and relaxed, and he opens up about maybe being a bother to everyone. Masaki brushes it off, and so, he ends up also venting about Seiya and how he acts like a meddlesome family member. He reveals that Seiya unintentionally pressures him into meeting his expectations, but what Minato thinks wouldn’t worry him often has the opposite effect. Masaki asks when he’d started acting that way, and Minato tells him about his car accident and that Seiya had witnessed it. Masaki suggests that Seiya might have earned his protectiveness from the event, but Minato feels like Seiya harbors some sort of guilt towards him. When he says he feels like repenting for it, and this leads to the two of them being little shits like they usually are around each other:

“‘Repenting’? I’m a Shinto priest, not Christian. I can perform exorcism rites and blessings, though.” “Eeeh, you don’t seem very holy, Masa-san.” “What did you say? Well, then do you want to ask Ren? Unlike me, he has some kind of ability to sense the supernatural, and he has a priest certificate anyway. But there may be surprises, so people with weak hearts should take caution.”

And then these two bastards just look at each other and start laughing.

Minato takes the opportunity to ask about what Masaki had been teaching Kaito and Masaki explains it.......... sort of differently than how he had done with Kaito:

Masa-san held Minato’s arm so lightly that he almost wasn’t touching him at all. His faintly transmitted body temperature was warm. And then, he let go of his arm just as gently as when he touched it. Minato desperately chased after the feeling left on his skin so he wouldn’t forget it.

The last sentence fucks me up immensely, fam. The rest goes on unlike in the anime too:

“Why do you think you’re the ochi for this time’s shooting order?” “To watch over my teammates’ backs?” “You’re on the right track; that’s half-correct. You have to protect Seiya’s back in particular.” “Me, protect Seiya?” “It’s a role that only you can take. I’m also happy to pass on the teachings that my master left to me. I can’t express the feeling of his palm with things like words and pictures. Thank you, Minato.”

This renders Minato speechless, and makes him think that he also can’t help but long for the day to come when he would pass the warmth of Masaki’s hand on to people who will share their wishes and ambitions with him.

After the sports tournament in which Seiya’s protective dad vibes started getting more serious, Minato went to the shrine to pray, wishing to be able to laugh the whole thing off but having no idea who to talk to about the topic. Masaki shows up as if on cue, just in time to also warn him not to lean too much to look into the shrine’s pond, or else he might fall down.

Turns out that Masaki had been taking lessons to improve his knowledge so that he’d be able to coach the kids better, and as he came back from it, he decided to review what he had learned in order not to forget it, and allowed Minato to stay and watch. Some of the material had to do with target panic, and he let Minato in on it as he shot.

Once he’s done, they have their usual canned coffee, since Masaki always has enough for himself and Minato for some reason. While drinking, Minato stares at Masaki’s hand because he’s just as straight as his arrows. He analyzes Masaki’s shooting as something like a forest in a tree, combining strength and generosity, and becomes disheartened at his own lack of skill.

Masaki offers to call Fuu upon hearing Minato sigh, and Minato dismisses it since he had been able to hear Fuu’s cry, and then comments to Masaki that he had seen a karp with an injured eye at the pond. Before Masaki had arrived, Minato had met Ren there and Ren had told him about a creepy legend involving the fish. Minato had heard from Masaki that Ren had more disposition than him to feel the supernatural, so he’s successfully freaked out, but Masaki reveals that the legend is Ren’s own invention as Ren is a writer of children’s literature in addition to being a photographer and illustrator.

Masaki laughs his ass off at the fact Minato actually believed in a scary story made up for little kids, and although Minato is utterly embarrassed, he’s also happy, since it feels like Masaki is laughing his worries away. After Masaki unknowingly serves as emotional support for Minato as always, Minato earns some determination and decides to properly question Seiya on the matter.

Even when he’s facing Seiya and his issues finally come to light, Minato is thinking about Masaki. When Minato opened up to Masaki for the first time, Masaki had commented on how painful it must have been for him. They weren’t words of pity or consolation, but they resonated with Minato because they were truthful which means Shuu has to step up his game and get on that level. To Minato, truthful things were good, and good things were beautiful, just like the tsurune that had captivated him in the forest. Therefore, Minato wanted to convey honest feelings with his own words to Seiya as well.

So, yeah, Masaki grows to be an ideal for Minato even outside of archery.

Along the course of all this, there’s a fair amount of hints of latent bisexuality other things about Minato that the anime hasn’t displayed, which come mostly in the form of narration, thoughts and silent actions. And unsurprisingly, they’re always related to Masaki:

Minato thinks Masaki’s eyes are bewitching.

He’s weak to Masaki’s smile.

He has mixed feelings when Masaki treats him like a child and when he sees Kaito acting familiar with Masaki.

He hates not being able to see Masaki. Above that, he really hates not having alone time with Masaki, specifically.

He often stares at Masaki and observes details in him, like how long his fingers are and how well-built his body is. The moment he started thinking that “those fingers had the ability to produce a beautiful tsurune”, I cry-laughed because this is just too much bullshit.

He actually, non-ironically sees sensuality in older men when they look suspicious of something, and he notices this in Ren. But the first thing he does is compare him to Masaki in that aspect and conclude that Masaki still has some childishness in him and that he’s gentler than Ren.

God help this boy. Ayano Kotoko is merciless.

I don’t even care if he’s never confirmed as bi, but I refuse to believe that Minato is heterosexual. But of course KyoAni isn’t making any of this clear. Of course.

Anyway, moving on. Episode 11 was a disgrace. Literally none of it happens in the novel.

What goes on after Minato settles things up with Seiya is that Masaki takes the boys to an equipment store to buy stuff for the club. There, Masaki and Minato have a talk about Masaki’s grandfather, and Minato finds out that he was actually a famous archer. Minato then becomes convinced of why Masaki was so into archery, as anyone would want to draw a bow having a master that great so near them, but Masaki retorts that he’d been holding a bow before even knowing anything very well (which brings us back to the fact he started archery when he was a toddler). As a matter of course, Masaki asks why Minato started archery, and Minato answers it was because he once watched a competition ten years before with his mother and never forgot it. He also comments that the tsurune of the archer that won and Masaki’s were exactly alike. And that’s where we get the second obvious hint that fate is one of this duo’s main elements.

After they’re done, Seiya and Masaki stay behind at a café to do accounting work and the other four left first. Minato remained outside while the others decided to go into a bookstore, and after a creepy encounter with an injured cat that reminded him of the injured fish, Minato was almost killed in a truck accident. A truck driver lost control of the wheel and the timbers that the truck was carrying flew out. Minato was almost fatally hit but Masaki saved him at the cost of a head injury that sent him straight to the hospital.

Minato and Seiya went with Masaki in the ambulance and waited outside the surgery room for him. Seiya was used to it after having gone through the same thing during Minato’s accident, so he remained calm, but Minato was a ball of nerves. His sense of reality was impaired, and he was asking himself what would happen if Masaki never woke up.

When Ren arrives, Minato apologizes for being the reason why Masaki was in such condition, but Ren dismisses him and tells the boys that they’re free to go home. Minato insists he'd stay, and the boys end up staying as well. Masaki regains consciousness not much after that, and asks about Minato immediately after finding out where he is.

Ren leaves to call a nurse, Seiya leaves to contact Tomio and Minato stays by Masaki’s bedside. Minato doesn’t know what to say; neither how to apologize nor how to thank Masaki. He had gotten nine stitches and seeing the bandage on his head caused Minato to feel pained.

Read this one more time, and then read the in-betweens. Masaki has earned himself a scar. Minato wasn’t taken away by the gods, but now the two of them are “separated from everyone else”.

While Minato is hanging his head in guilt and gripping the bedsheets, this dialogue ensues:

“What’s wrong, Minato? You’re making such an ugly face. I’m perfectly alive.” “Masa-san, if you had died, I’d have followed after you.” “Hey, hey, don’t say such disturbing things.” “I really mean it.” “Good grief.”

And what I love about this is that Minato says the literal most drastic shit that he’s thinking, out of fucking nowhere, for no goddamn reason. Neither thanking nor apologizing was quite right; he just had to declare that not even death can do them part, again.

Because fuck you, that’s why.

Masaki then stretched out his hand (which had an IV in it because why not add more pain to this clusterfuck) and ruffled Minato’s hair. Minato started crying, unable to stop even if he willed it, thinking to himself that he knew the weight of Masaki’s hand, and that it was still warm. He wanted to thank everyone who had helped Masaki survive, but could only keep crying until Ren and Seiya came back.

Next day at school, Minato was approached by a classmate who had heard rumors about the accident. When the boy mentions that Masaki would be publicly acknowledged for his deed and that he became a local hero, Minato glares daggers at him because he hates the idea of Masaki being treated as a martyr at the cost of almost throwing his life away to protect him.

Minato and Seiya were consoled by Tomio when he saw them, and Minato once again felt like crying his eyes out. He knew that Masaki would have laughed at him if he were there, but the tears were welling up in his eyes all the same.

When they all go visit Masaki after school, Masaki wastes no time to give the boys advice. He finishes by giving Minato a pep talk: “Enjoy the state of the draw. If you keep stretching to open left and right from the center line of your body, your arrow will naturally be let go of along with the triggering of your spirit. That’s what the ‘release’ is about. Drive target panic and delayed hold away.”

After that, Masaki told them that they didn’t have to visit him anymore, but Minato refused it and went to visit him every single day.

The day before the tournament, Minato went to the shrine. He saw the surrounding cherry trees without any flowers and thought about how different they were in comparison to when he and Masaki had first met. He then prayed for everyone in the club to to their best at the tournament and for Masaki to get better as fast as possible.

After lunch, Minato went to the lobby of the building by himself, still plagued by his anxiety over not knowing when his target panic could start up again. He then sees coffee in a vending machine and walks towards it “as if drawn to it”. He buys a can, drinks the contents, and when he’s throwng it away, he notices someone standing under the shadow of the pillar behind the vending machine. The person was drinking the same brand of coffee as Minato had drunk, and he got a deja-vu from the sight, so he peeked into the man’s face.

Really feeling the Red String of Fate vibes in this Chili’s once more, and it was, of course, all on purpose. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg in this chapter. As Minato’s eyes met with Masaki’s, they have their usual comedy routine:

“Masa-san!?” “S’up, Minato.” “Don’t you ‘s’up’ me!? Why are you here? Today’s not the day you’ll be discharged from the hospital, right?” “I escaped from the hospital. It’d be a bother if Tommy-sensei and the others hear about this, so keep quiet.” “‘Keep quiet’, you say…” “Yeah, yeah, you hide too, Minato.”

Masaki pulls Minato into the shadow of the pillar and explains that Ren helped him flee from the hospital by pretending to be him. On top of that, he was wearing a cap to hide the bandage around his head.

When Masaki expresses his wish to watch his students, Minato argues that they were recording the matches for him, but Masaki shoots back that he can’t see the details on camera and comments that Minato had forgotten to tighten his left pinky during the draw. He clarifies that the rubber dormouse was meant to train his muscles of the hand and help him control them, and asks if Minato had been worrying over something. As always, he hits jackpot, and also as always, Minato doesn’t hide it from him. Masaki then assures him that he’d shot well either way, that it was fine to be nervous and that it was okay not to hit. His attitude is too easygoing for Minato, who asks himself how Masaki can afford to be drinking coffee so carefreely at such a timing. It all makes his worries seem foolish, and he soon starts feeling better. Masaki informs him that he’d leave as soon as the last round ended and leaves Minato to fight back a smile before he goes back to the venue.

This scene is probably the one that makes most obvious how Masaki is always there for Minato, almost like it’s a rule. He’s conveniently placed at a distance where Minato can find him, is able to realize that Minato is distressed, and easily makes him feel better. It’s undebatably intentional from the author’s part.

Fast forward to right before the final round, Tomio gives the boys their headbands. They’re yellowish green, which is Minato’s assigned color, and that’s obviously intentional as well. Tomio calls them “treasure items” and reveals that they’d been “blessed by a certain priest”.

While the boys take on Kirisaki, Masaki is in the audience, wondering if Minato realizes how much he attracts those around him. He reminisces to his 10,000 shots, and how he had decided on that absurd number because he intended to let go of the bow permanently after he was done with them. He found extreme joy in archery, but he was tired of pursuing abstract goals with it, so he had decided to give it up. But on the night he completed the 10,000 shots, Minato had extended his hands to him, and his eyes had told Masaki that he could still draw his bow. Minato is described as the one who sent his smouldering soul into the wind, his “fire-starter”.

This is also valid for Minato, who is, at the very same moment, reflecting on how he wouldn’t have arrived at that place if he hadn’t heard Masaki’s tsurune on that night. He then has a long monologue about life and meetings, both between people and between humans and gods, all related to archery one way or another.

Right upon finishing the formalities, Minato looked at the audience, and found Masaki standing in the wind. As always, his eyes are drawn to him, and also as always, Masaki grins at him when spotted.

Later on, while Kazemai prepared for the regional tournament, Masaki was discharged from the hospital, and the first thing he and Minato do after meeting again is check on each other’s codition. Then, Minato reveals to Masaki that he and the boys had contacted an acquaintace of his grandfather’s and learned the words he had expressed about Masaki before dying. Masaki is confused, and Minato says that his grandfather had regretted becoming estranged from him. When Masaki argues that his grandfather would never say something so admirable, Minato tells him the words directly: “I look forward to Masaki becoming a fine archer”. Masaki almost cried right then, and so, the boys’ practice started. Masaki joined them, and I think it’s very obvious that he was going to shoot the target next to Minato’s.

There were also these sentences in the narration as Masaki holds back tears: “‘Fortune’ might have been a word that referred to all meetings. A gift named coincidence, as though someone had devised it.”

Of course someone fucking deviced it, Ayano. It was fucking fate. We fucking get it, Ayano. Fucking thank you. Unironically.

[powerwordsleep]

naruto!DnD au

the team 7!DnD verse that nobody @baasama asked for

and because there’s already some stuff out there that’s completely terrible not only for team 7, but also DnD, so i felt the need to do right by both.

Three travelers stand alone on a vast cliff, a smoke-darkened sky above and an endless drop to death below. Blood, dirt, and weeks worth of grime litters their skin and clothes. Their journey has been long, perilous, unrelenting, but they finally made it to the end. Victory beckons them. The promise of peace, happiness, and a not ungenerous sum of gold is only one more fight away. One more dance of kill or be killed.

The horizon dances red with the flames of the nearby villages burning below them. They had managed to evacuate most of the civilians before the attack began, but they had passed by more than a few charred, burned beyond recognition bodies on their trek up the mountain. Each fallen they passed only hardened their resolve.

The sound of an earth-shaking roar escapes from the mouth of the cave in front of them. The ground quakes as the footsteps of something giant stalks forward to meet its challengers. A large red snout appears first, shining like the blood running in the streets below, and the lips spread in a bloodthirsty grimace, revealing a row of sharp, glistening fangs. The creature growls in what is meant to be a chuckle, a plume of smoke shooting out of its nostrils and into the faces of the three tiny figures before it.

“So, you’ve arrived at last.”

One figure steps forward, seemingly unafraid even in the face a would-be god. “Yeah, we’ve come to put an end to your stupid reign of violence and bloodshed and… stupidness!” The man puffs out his chest in bravado. “Believe it!”

“Idiot,” his companion scoffs from behind. “It’s not a great idea to threaten a dragon right to its face.”

“Shut up, Lucien!” the first man whips around to glare. “What are you, scared of some lizard action?”

The man called Lucien seethes. “No, Markus, I just don’t have a death wish!”

Markus turns to face Lucien completely, the large, foreboding, capable of ending the world as they know it enemy front of them forgotten.

“How many times do I have to tell you, my name is Markus Ultimate!”

“As if I would use that ridiculous name -”

“Do you wanna fucking go? Do you wanna fucking brawl right here Lucien because I swear to god-”

“Will the two of you shut up!” the third member of the party interrupts. “We do not have time for petty squabbles when there’s a dragon to fight!”

“Aww, but Nila, Lucien is being a dick again!” Markus Ultimate whines.

The woman called Nila sighs, having heard this song many times before. “Sorry, Markus Ultimate, but Lucien kind of has a point. We should have gone with his idea and tried to find a back entrance and sneak in, rather than face this thing head on.”

Lucien raises his chin in triumph and Markus Ultimate, eyes daring him to make another snarky remark. Markus Ultimate pouts and mutters, “You’re just siding with Lucien because you’re sleeping with him in real life.”

A cacophony of groans, sighs, and indignant shouts ruin whatever slim illusion of in-game fantasy they had managed to immerse themselves in. Kakashi sighs and rubs at his exposed eyebrow, his headache sure to make a reappearance.

“Naruto, that was completely uncalled for! You know what we said about breaking character like that, and besides, I do not give special preference to Sasuke just because-”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Naruto cuts of Sakura’s rant. “You boning Sasuke on the regular isn’t affecting Nila and Lucien’s relationship at all.”

“Why are you so fixated on our sex life, deadlast?” Sasuke accuses, one eyebrow twitching in both anger and disgust. “Stay out of our business.”

Naruto turns red and ignores Sasuke’s comment in favor of shouting at Kakashi, as if all of this was somehow his fault, “Let’s get back to the game already, Kakashi-sensei! We got a dragon to fight!”

“Everyone roll initiative,” Kakashi says before the argument can get any worse. Like addressing whatever weird tension that last comment had triggered.

Kakashi is getting too old for this.

“14,” Sakura says.

“Aww, man, I got a 12,” Naruto groans.

“It’s not a competition, Naruto,” Kakashi reminds him. For the 100th time.

“But if it was I would kick your ass. 21.” Sasuke just has to so unhelpfully egg him on.

Naruto predictably takes the bait. “Hey that’s unfair! Sasuke is cheating!”

Sakura rolls her eyes and gestures to the dice. “No, he’s not. He rolled an 17 and gets a +4 to initiative because he has high Dex as a Rogue.”

Sasuke smirks across the table. “Maybe you shouldn’t have chosen to be a Bard if you’re so upset about it.”

“Alright, Sasuke you’re up first.”

Sasuke peers over the map set up on the table and considers his position. “Do I have enough movement to get to those clusters of rocks over there?”

“Yes, but if you want to try and hide you have to roll with disadvantage because the dragon is right there -”

“23.”

Kakashi sighs. “Alright, you’ve somehow successfully hidden behind the rocks, because the dragon was distracted by Markus Ultimate making a scene.”

Naruto slaps the table in glee. “Ha! You’re welcome, Lucien.”

Kakashi politely coughs to reign in their attention. “Next is the dragon’s turn.”

His three former students lean in, eager to see what the first move will be. “The dragon steps fully out of the cave, his full height towering 20 feet above you. He makes two claw attacks at you, Markus Ultimate, and swipes his tail at you, Nila.”

Kakashi rolls his die behind the privacy screen. “18 and 16 to hit for you Markus -”

“It’s Markus Ultimate!”

“- and 21 for you, Nila.”

Sakura grimaces as she checks her character sheet. “Hits.”

“You take 14 points of slashing damage as the dragon swings his tail over the cliff and slams into your torso.”

Sakura marks down the damage on her sheet and Kakashi looks expectantly at Naruto.

He’s smirking. Never a good sign.

“I cast Vicious Mockery on the dragon and say, ‘Get wrecked, you gecko!’”

Kakashi rolls his D20 and audibly groans when the dice comes to a stop.

“The dragon fails the save.” Naruto whoops in celebration. “As his claws race towards you, you say your, um, chant, and it disturbs the dragon enough that you are able to evade and reduce some of the damage.”

“Your turn, Nila.”

Sakura grins and rubs her hands together in anticipation. “Watch how it’s done, boys! I move to the dragon and take two swipes at it with my sword.”

“Roll for both attacks.”

They watch as Sakura rolls the die. “10 and 17!” Sakura says, and in sync all three head turn towards the DM, eagerly awaiting the result.

“The first one misses,” he begins and they nod, having expected that,”and the second one…” Kakashi swears they’re about to fall out of their seats. “Hits.”

“Yes!” Sakura pumps her fist up in the air. “And I cast Divine Smite!”

“Roll the extra d8s of damage.”

Sasuke passes her the extra die and Naruto gives a, “Hell yeah, Nila!” of encouragement.

After the damage is calculated Kakashi addresses Naruto. “Your turn, Markus Ultimate.”

Naruto is silent for a few moments, which is probably a new record for him. When he speaks, is low and serious.

“I walk forward in front of the dragon.”

“Don’t you dare, Naruto,” Sasuke warns. An impending sense of doom begins to overtake Kakashi.

“I say, ‘Hey dude, this here, this thing you’re doing, it’s like not very cool. In fact, it sucks. Cause people are cool, you know? You could be friends with people, instead of burning them and shit. It’s actually a lot more fun! Do you have any friends? I could be your friend! I understand the pain of loneliness. You’re just like me -’”

“You can’t be serious.” Sasuke says.

“Naruto, please,” Sakura begs.

Naruto doesn’t take his eyes off Kakashi.

“Roll a persuasion check.”

Naruto grabs his dice. Sasuke turns aways, muttering, “I can’t freaking watch this,” while Sakura holds his hand in a deathgrip. Kakashi can feel his hairline receding.

He dice leaves Naruto’s hand, falls to the table, bounces, once, twice, then rolls, swaying on one of its edges, before it falls to one side and comes to a stop.

Their eyes lock onto the number displayed.

“No, it can’t be,” Sakura whispers, horrified.

“I’m fucking done,” Sasuke says and leaves his seat.

“HELL YEAH!” Naruto yells, jumping out of his seat.

Kakashi blinks, rubs are his eye, and leans forward. Just to check. To really make sure this is happening.

20.

Naruto managed to roll a natural 20.

“Add your Charisma modifier.” Kakashi reminds Naruto mid victory dance.

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” Naruto grabs his crumpled and ripped character sheet and scans for the correct number. “Umm so the total is a 25!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Sakura plops her head on the table, defeated.

“I haven’t even made an attack!” Sasuke yells from the other room.

Kakashi can’t blame them for their reactions. After all the weeks of careful planning he had done, after all the character building and development of the story, leading up to the final, epic battle and…

Naruto talks their way out of it.

Again.

“The dragon is… touched by your eloquent speech. He decides he’d like to be friends even though he was trying to destroy you and your world a second ago. I guess.”

“Whoooo!” Naruto cheers. “Great fight guys, yeah? That was so much fun.”

Sakura glares at Naruto. There’s a crash from the other room, presumably from Sasuke throwing a fit.

Kakashi gathers his myriad of campaign note papers in front of him, then in a blur of hand signs sets them ablaze in a quick fire jutsu.

Time to start preparing for the next campaign.

[dailyaudiobible]

04/07/2021 DAB Transcript

Deuteronomy 31:1-32:27, Luke 12:8-34, Psalms 78:32-55, Proverbs 12:21-23

Today is the 7th day of April welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is awesome to be here with you today ready to take that next step forward as we move through the center of the week. And we are rounding the corner on the book of Deuteronomy as well. A few more days and we will conclude the Torah, Deuteronomy being the last sayings of Moses, the last three discourses of Moses. And, so, we’re…we’re kind of reaching the conclusion and then we'll be saying goodbye to Moses. So, let's dive in. We’re reading from the Christian Standard Bible this week. Deuteronomy chapter 31 verse one through 32 verse 27.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the gospel of Luke today Jesus is addressing a specific topic, essentially like…like the antidote for anxiety, the cure for worry. And we should like perk up right there and say, “yup. I'm listening. You’ve got my attention. I deal with that.” And we all do to some degree or another and I’ve got my hand raised as well. So, we should perk up. And actually, the way that He speaks about it, it's a very, very famous passage that kinda concludes, “seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you.” And, so, we've heard this before likely. But let’s kinda look at the story here. Let's look at the context and walk through it and see if we can't get this close enough to home that we can carry it with us, that it can become part of the soil of our hearts. So, at first Jesus is talking about not worrying about how you should defend yourself or what you should say if you’re hauled before the synagogue leaders or the authorities. He's having a conversation about acknowledging Him. If we acknowledge him before people, then He will acknowledge us but if we will deny Him before people then…then He will deny us before the angels of God. This is what He's talking about. And then He’s saying don't worry if this leads basically to your arrest or to your interrogation of some sort. The Holy Spirit will tell you what to say. So, that's where this whole thing begins. This is the lesson that He's teaching. And then as the narrative in the gospel of Luke goes somebody interrupts that. Somebody interrupts that conversation and yells out from the crowd, “teacher tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” So, this person, this unnamed person is like trying to hijack the whole thing that Jesus is teaching, trying to hijack this and get his…his wish accomplished from the Lord. The reason that he's a part of the crowd, which is a self-serving thing. And that leads Jesus to say, “who appointed me a judge or arbitrator over you?” Ironically, this guy's request to the Lord Jesus, it sounds kinda like our prayers, right? “Can you tell my brother to do this…can you tell my sister to do this thing? Can you move this obstacle out of my way? Can you move this person out of my way? Can you flood me with this and take that away?” It's these kinds of issues that seem to have become huge things in our lives, but they are also essentially divorced from our posture toward God, like the posture of God in all things, His kingdom in all things. This request is a very, very pointed request about something this guy wants done but isn't necessarily the will of the Lord or that the Lord even wants to be involved in it. Because the Lord said, “friend, who appointed me a judge or arbitrator over you?” And then Jesus continued on, like He always does and exposed what's really going on. “Watch out”, and I'm quoting Jesus, “watch out and be on guard against all greed because one's life is not in the abundance of his possessions.” Now the lay of the land is starting to pave its way toward what Jesus said.  Jesus got interrupted from a teaching to be hauled into a domestic issue that was an attempt to hijack the whole situation. And he said, “no. That's not what we’re doing here.” And then He calls out the greed that's motivating this and then He exposes the greed by saying, “life isn't just about what you have, about your stuff.” And then as the narrative goals He told a story to illustrate what He was trying to say. And in this story a person who was wealthy had a productive piece of land and he didn't have…actually his abundance was so great that he didn't know where to store everything. And, so, he decided he’s gonna tear down his barns and build new barns and store his grain and then after that, after he gets that project done then he’ll say to himself, “I have many goods stored up for many years. I'll take it easy. I’ll eat, I’ll drink and enjoy myself.” Can we just say that that’s generally the way we live too? Like, “okay. I’m gonna do my best in my working years. I’m gonna try to save up and try to build into retirement and try to work toward that place. There’s gonna come a day that I'm gonna have enough and then I’m gonna be able to stop working and then I’ll…then I’ll stop and enjoy myself and enjoy life and take it easy.” That might sound like a decent plan, but in Jesus story He continues on, “God looks at that person and says, you fool, This very night your life is demanded of you. And the things you prepared whose will they be? Then Jesus says that's how it is with the one who stores up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.” So, in other words in Jesus’ story this rich man decides he’s gotta make more room for more stuff. And, once he has all his stuff in order than he's going to enjoy life. The thing that the rich person who's made these plans doesn't know is that he won't make it that far. He’s…his life is required of him now. He should've probably lived it while he could have instead of spending his whole life preparing to finally live his life. You see how this stuff starts sounding familiar. It's like were reading of very very relevant current story even though it's a couple thousand years old because people have been motivated in the same ways for a very very long time. We just have different customs and clothes, but our motive are the same. So, one of the things that begins to emerge here is that all of the frantic activity that we expend on trying to arrange for certain securities. And it's not that securities…like that's not the point. The point is that we have lost our tethering to what God is speaking and then the collaboration that we have in life with God, the collaboration and the relationship that will bring us all that we ever will need physically, mentally or spiritually. And rather we focus on one thing, trying to care for what is most near around us, trying to protect ourselves. And the more that we accumulate then the more that we have to manage and maintain. And as that expands, and we’re sort of like looking more and more prosperous than what we have is just more and more work that brings more and more anxiety and then that idea of actually getting to live someday gets pushed further and further away until we push life away and reach the end of life and all we did was arrange for life but never lived it. We simply lived with the worry and anxiety. We were just only ever preparing for things. That's the context for how we get to Jesus's famous words. And now I want to quote Jesus famous words. I just want Jesus words to be Jesus words instead of me trying to say them in different way. I just want them to be what they are because they're clear. And now that we have this context, we should be able to locate ourselves in the story. And, so, we need to hear from Jesus. And this is what He says to that kind of scenario. “I'm telling you, don't worry about your life, what you will eat, or about the body, what you will wear. Life is more than food and the body is more than clothing. Look at the ravens. They don't sow, they don’t reap. They don't have a storeroom or a barn. Yet, God feeds them. Aren't you worth much more than birds? Can any of you add a single moment to his life by worrying? If then you're not able to do, even a little thing why are you worrying about the rest? Consider how the wildflowers grow. They don't labor. They don't spin thread. And yet I'm telling you, even Solomon in all his splendor wasn't adorned like one of these. If that's how God clothes the grass, which is in the field today and gets thrown into the furnace tomorrow, how much more do you think He'll do for you? You of little faith. Don't strive for what you should eat and for what you should drink. Don't be anxious. For the Gentile world eagerly seeks all these things. But your father knows that you need them. Seek His kingdom and these things will be provided for you. Don't be afraid little flock. Your Father delights to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Make money bags for yourselves that won't grow old an inexhaustible treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is there your heart will be also.” I don't feel like I need to say that in different words. I think we just leave it there. I experience anxiety just like the rest of everybody else and worry and all of the things that are human on this planet. I get sucked into all the different vortexes like everybody else. Like it’s so easy to get hijacked all the time when everything is demanding our attention, and everything is telling us there's a problem and we need to spend money to solve it. Like at some point maybe Jesus is telling the truth, you don't have to be involved in all of that. Your Father already knows. You can seek first the kingdom and everything you need will be given to you. Which begs the question, then how do we seek the kingdom? How do we seek a kingdom that is apparently in and among us but is invisible? Like I think that that journey begins in the same way that Jesus has been telling us since we cracked open the book on January 1st - open your eyes, open your ears. Make that a priority, that you begin to cultivate the ways to see God's kingdom at work. Then we realize, O it's not invisible at all. It's everywhere if I'm looking for tr. See, we need to remember the concepts that we've learned in the Old Testament. There is clean and there is unclean. And what is clean is godly. There is darkness and there is light and that which is of the light is of God. There is love and there is indifference and God is love. We can see if we will open our eyes. And once we begin see…even if it’s just one thing, that's where the kingdom is then that's where we head. This kingdom is all over the place and it is within us and it is our job to reveal it by living it. We are the example. And when all we do is live our lives from crisis to crisis and anxiety attack to anxiety attack, and worry to worry, are we living? Is the abundant life of the gospel? Maybe we need to realize that letting go of all of the things that keep consuming us and opening our eyes and ears to seek God's kingdom first gives us a completely different perspective and a completely different way to be. Let's think about that. Let's meditate upon that. This is important. Like, this isn’t like some nice metaphor or some nice sweet Christian concept. These are the words of the Savior. This is His advice on how to be here. This is how it's supposed to look. What downside…I say this so often…what's the downside here? Because we’re already full of anxiety and worry and we’re already considerably distracted. So, what's the downside? If it doesn't work, we’re just no worse off. If it does work, then we have eyes to see perspective and clarity on the path.

Prayer:

Jesus…O Jesus we need You in this. We see how You are in the world. Like we see this in the narrative of the Gospels and it's so intriguing and so compelling and yet even when we claim we’re trying to be Christlike, if we’re honest we are consumed by the things of the world. And You’re just saying, “open Your eyes. There’s another way to see. There’s a real way to see. Help us. Help us God to open our eyes and ears that we might see and seek first Your kingdom. We pray this in Your mighty name. Amen.

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And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello, my Daily Audio Bible family this is Joy Bubble from Washington. I want to call and give Mattie who called in the other day a little bit of encouragement. First of all, that is amazing. Great job at being at your last semester of grad school. That is an incredible accomplishment. I'm a student myself so I totally understand the feeling of being spread thin and kind of having a lot going on and feeling overwhelmed and I just wanted to encourage you. Philippians 1:6. I pray for you being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. And just wanted to pray for you. Lord I pray for Mattie and I thank You for all that she's worked so hard to accomplish. I pray that You will just fill of her cup and give her joy, the joy of her Salvation, and I pray that You’ll renew her spirit and give her the strength to carry on and to finish strong. And I pray that You will just be with her and give her the community that she so deeply longs for that has been difficult to come by during these times Father God. I pray that You will just touch her heart and that You will be with her and we love You and we praise You and we’re thankful…we're so thankful for Your faithfulness and everything that You do for us and I pray that You'll just continue walking with each and every one of us and show us Your faithfulness today. We love You and we praise You in Your name Jesus Christ, Yeshua the Messiah. Amen.

Hi DABbers this is Emily of Jim and Emily formerly of Texas of and of Adabe of LA of Texas and currently of Cardiff and first I want to thank China for what she said the other day when she spoke because that was right when she talked about transfiguration and showing God's glory and that was right before I was going to my stepfather's funeral. A lot of you have been praying for my mom Jane and for Dudley her partner. And he passed away on March 10th of cancer in the hospital peacefully. And now my sister Sarah and my nephew Garreth who don't know the Lord, in fact who are very anti-Christian, are out here to help my mother pack up and go back to California and she leaves the end of this month. And this is very hard for me because we've tried to show her Jesus over the past year, especially in this pandemic this past year and a half and she still is so stubborn and she's 89 years old. And, so, I'm asking you. I heard Victoria soldier pray and I thought please, please pray, please pray for my mom. Please pray for me Emily. I have ADHD and my rejection sensitive dysphoria just gets in the way. So, pray for my family guys. Pray for me to shine that trans figurative love of Jesus to my family. Thank you.

Good afternoon DAB family it is so wonderful to…just to listen to everyone. I'm Roxanne from Greenville NC. It's probably my third time calling in. I just want to say thank you to all of you who I get to hear encourage and pray for others. And I'm just so thankful to God for this new family. Father God I thank you for each one that calls in. Even though I don't know everyone Lord, I haven't met them Lord, I thank you that this is my family, that we can encourage and be there for each other, that we would just continue to love on one another, continue to encourage one another. We thank you Lord that you brought us together as a family. Lord it's Saturday April 3rd and we are in between as Brian has discussed. And Lord we're just so grateful to be able to celebrate the risen King on Sunday. Happy Easter to everyone. Lord I just continue to just thank you so much. Just…all I have is gratitude. And I'm continuing to pray for Victor, for the man who called in for his friend Victor on the ventilator. We just continue to pray for God to be his lungs and to be his expectorant to remove the pneumonia and for Mattie. God is going to continue to do a marvelous thing in you and just surrender your heart and everything will be OK. Thank you all. I love you guys. Have a happy Easter. In Jesus’ name I pray for everything. Amen.

Hey guys this is Sunny in Florida. It's been a while since I called. Just wanted to give an update on my wife’s situation. She was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. We went through two cycles or types of treatments of chemotherapy and didn't really completely work. So, we're looking at another option. And, yeah, it's a big decision. And, so, I would just ask for prayer for our marriage for this decision of what to do next and that we would trust God through it all, that we would continue to, yeah, lean on Him and try not to fix it ourselves, especially me. Pray that I would lean or if you guys could pray that I would lean on to God in this season and not my own strength that would be…that would be very appreciated. Love you guys. Have not stop listening. Listen every day. I've been on Daily Audio Bible app for about a year and some change and really appreciate the community. But yeah, if you could just please lift us up in prayer. We have to make a decision soon as to what to do next. It's a long couple months ahead of us as we do this new treatment and pray that we would persevere in the Lord. Thanks guys. Bye.

Hi DAB family this is Caitlin. I was calling it to ask for prayer because on Wednesday this week my husband of seven years, we've been together 10 years, he asked me for a divorce, and I am more devastated than I can even put into words for it. I've been praying for over 2 years that God would do a miracle in our marriage, but my husband just is not willing to let God work in it. And we have 4 kids. We have two five-year-old’s a 3-year-old and a s7-month-old and this is going to be really hard for them. So, I just ask for prayer for my babies and prayer for me as I'm grieving this tremendous loss and that I would just be able to cling to Jesus moving forward and know that the God of comfort is with me and close to the broken hearted. And I just pray He guards the hearts of my children and makes this be as smooth and peaceful as possible. I can already see Him working in it but also, I'm so sad. Yeah, I would just really appreciate your prayers.

[dontshootmespence]

Without a Hitch

A/N: A request from @milkandcookies528 for a piece where Luke and Spencer are single dads with daughters that go to the same high school. The daughters form a friendship and decide to have some fun. Very AU. Luke is a local detective and Spencer is a professor.

“Oh, this is going to suck.” 

“What’s going to suck?” Apparently, I’d said that out loud, because the girl assigned to the locker next to me spoke without me addressing her. When I turned to face her, she seemed nice - a shining smile, warm brown eyes and beautiful brown skin coming together to practically beg me to introduce myself. However, much like my father, I never introduced myself first.

But I decided to answer her anyway. “Just...you know, starting high school. My dad got made fun of relentlessly in high school, and so did my mother to an extent, so I’m definitely not looking forward to this.”

“My dad got made fun of a little,” she replied. “When he was a teenager, he was really thin for a while, so he got picked on a lot, but it stopped once he went through a growth spurt. I can’t vouch for anyone else in this school, but I won’t make fun of you, and if you stick with me, and I see anyone making fun of you, I’ll kick their asses. My dad’s taught me some stuff.” 

She extended her hand outward and gave my hand a firm shake. “My name’s Sati Alvez.”

“Sati,” I said, “I like that. My name’s Rosalind Reid.”

I was right about walking into my first day of high school. It did suck - for the most part. The only exception was Sati. Through all the teasing, the insane amount of homework and the anxiety of getting into a good college and living up to my parents’ legacy, Sati was there through it all. Thank fuck. Without her, I don’t think I’d make it. 

Freshman year consisted of both of us trying to figure shit out, and by the end, we’d gotten closer than either of us had ever imagined. We were both the daughters of single dads. Her mom was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer a few years back, and mine was taken from me when I was just four years old. One day, my dad came up to me and said that someone had been drinking a “bad drink” and then got behind the wheel of a car. He hit my mother head on and she died on impact. Since that day, I’ve felt guilty about my mom’s death; she’d been going out to grab a new teddy bear for me. The next door neighbor and destroyed my “Bearby” after I’d left him on the lawn for a moment to help a turtle up the curb of the sidewalk. Maybe if I’d paid attention, my bear wouldn’t have been destroyed, my mother wouldn’t have gone out that night and she’d still be alive. All of this I confided in Sati.

Despite both losing our moms, we were close with our dads. 

“My dad needs to go on a date again. He’s miserable,” Sati said, as she closed the lock on her locker two weeks into the start of our sophomore year.

So did Dad. After Mom died, it took nearly five years for him to date again. I was nine when he went out with another woman. It didn’t last long. Everything about her reminded him of Mom and it was too hard. “Mine too. He’s been single for two long. After his last relationship ended two years ago, he hasn’t dated.”

“My dad had a couple of dates with this one guy a while back. Maybe just before we met, but it didn’t last.”

“Your dad’s bi too?”

“Yup!”

All of a sudden I had an idea, and when I looked at Sati, she seemed to have the same one. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” She asked.

“If you’re thinking about trying to set our dads up with each other then yes, I am thinking what you’re thinking. We’d be like...super best friends. Sisters!”

Sati’s devious grin always made me happy. She wasn’t Sati if she wasn’t planning something epic. That’s why I loved her so much. “Okay, so how are we going to do this?”

“The dance!”  

Every year there was a father/daughter, basically a parent/child for whoever wasn’t close with their dads. That’s how they’d meet. 

While they both knew of each other (Sati and I had been friends for over a year after all), they’d never been able to meet. Their jobs never allowed it. “Dad, you’re coming with me to the dance this year, right?” I asked later that night, clasping my hands in front of my face and giving him my best pouty lip. “I really wanna go and I don’t blame you for the night classes last year getting in the way, but I’m excited.”

“I’m in. No classes this year,” he said, his eyes softening. “I can’t wait. I’ve got my best tux ready.”

Score. Sati’s dad, Luke, was already committed to taking her, so they were officially going to meet. 

Two weeks later, it was the night of the dance. I was wearing one of my mom’s old dresses. My dad cried. He had a corsage for me. It was a little cheesy, but he was so happy with it that I wore it anyway. Turned out Sati got one from her dad too. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” Luke said, extending his hand toward my dad. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“You too,” Dad replied. “I’m sorry it took us so long to finally meet. Our girls have been attached at the hip for more than a year.”

Although it was a dance for parents and their children, Sati and I did our best to be absent from the room for various reasons so they could get to know each other. “They’re talking,” I whispered. 

Sati clapped excitedly. “Can you read lips? What are they saying?”

“I have no fucking clue, but they look happy. They’re both smiling.”

Apparently, they’d both had a good time because a week later Luke approached Sati and my dad approached me asking if we were comfortable if they went on a date. Both of us tried to play it off like this wasn’t the plan all along, but I sensed my dad wasn’t fooled. Whatever. It didn’t matter. He was smiling at the prospect of a date. That’s all I cared about. 

“I haven’t been on a date in years,” Dad said. “What do I wear? What do I do? Rosalind, you have to help me.”

“Can I pick out your clothes?! Where are you going?”

“That Italian place on Eighth Street. And yes, please, you know I can’t dress myself if I’m not going to work.” It was true. He looked like a giant man-child when he wasn’t at work. I needed to put together an outfit that reflected his personality while still making a good impression. “When’s the date?”

“Tomorrow.”

Clapping excitedly, I ran into his bedroom and opened the closet. “Okay. Here’s what you’re going to wear.” I had a knack for clothes. I was considering going to design school. “Bad science pun t-shirt, navy blue blazer, a pair of dark wash jeans, and your converse. It’s perfect. Put together, yet casual, and still showing Sati’s dad that you are an enormous nerd.”

“Right back at you,” he said, pointing at my shirt. 

It was a Star Wars Christmas shirt that said ‘I find your lack of cheer disturbing,’ so he had me there. “Touché.” I could just picture how Sati was reacting to being asked about her dad going on a date with mine.

“No freakin way! Really? Oh my god, dad, that would be more than cool. You deserve to be happy and her dad has to be amazing because Ros is amazing, so...win-win.”

Luke’s dimples perfectly framed his face as he smiled. “Okay, good. He seems like a good guy and I haven’t been on a date in a while.”

“Almost a year and a half dad,” she laughed. “Where are you going? When is the date? What are you wearing?”

“The Italian place on Eighth, tomorrow, and oh shit, I don’t know.” With a panicked look in his eyes, he turned towards his bedroom and Sati followed closely behind. 

Opening the closet, she stood there in awe. “Dad, you’re closet is a fucking mess.”

“Do you kiss your father with that mouth?”

“Yes,” she said, smiling as she stood up on her tip toes to place a kiss on his cheek. “Here we go.” Sati walked into the closet, which was a considerable size given he was the only one using it, and searched around for a pair of relaxed yet stylish jeans. “These jeans. Red t-shirt. Black blazer. And...what are your most comfortable shoes?”

“My flip flops.”

“No.”

“Why not?” He asked.

Sati turned around and smiled. “You may be wearing it but it’s my outfit and you’re not ruining it with those nasty flip flops. Here,” she said, leaning down to the floor to grab a pair of black shoes that were somewhere between casual sneakers and dress shoes, “Wear these. And your watch. My outfit is complete. And you and Rosalind’s dad are gonna have a great time. He’s really shy and sweet. Super smart too. He seems like a nice guy.”

“This feels backward,” he said, glancing between the clothes and his daughter. “I feel like I’m the one who’s supposed to be preparing you for a date.”

“I’m gonna focus on school for a while,” she said. Boys and girls were the furthest things from her mind right now. 

“That makes me feel better,” Luke laughed. “Alright, this seems like a good outfit. Thanks, sweetheart.”

“Anytime dad.”

Date day came quickly.

“Dad, you ready to go? You’re going to be late. You wanna make a good impression right?” I laughed.

He stumbled out of his room dressed in the outfit I picked out. Good old paranoid dad was smoothing the wrinkles out of shirt; he must’ve asked me 18 times if he looked alright. “Dad, you look great. Luke is going to love you, but you have to make it to the date.”

“What about your homework?”

“I did it.”

“And dinner?”

“I ordered myself a pizza.” As if on cue, the pizza guy arrived with my food, which was a good thing because I’m positive the next thing out of his mouth was going to be that he didn’t want me answering the door for a grown man when I was home alone. “Thanks so much,” I said, turning around. “All set. Now go.”

As he walked out, I not-so-sneakily peeked out the window to watch him drive away. He smiled at his reflection in the review mirror.

R: Dad just left. He looked exited. 

S: Mine left a few minutes ago. I said he was going to be early but he didn’t seem to care. I think he was a little excited too.

R: I think our plan worked perfectly if I do say so myself.

S: It went off without a hitch.

@unstoppableangel8 @coveofmemories @jamiemelyn @sexualemobitch @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @rmmalta @lukeassmanalvez @reddie-for-mileven

[thewillowbends]

If you don’t mind the question, how/(in what way(kind of dynamic)) do you ship Obikin? I ship it too but find myself surprisingly picky when it comes to fanfiction.

In general: I ship Obikin.

Caveat: I only ship it in VERY specific ways that most writers can’t accomplish to my satisfaction.

Second caveat: Obianidala > Obikin for me.  There are only certain circumstances I accept it without her because I feel Padme gets written out enough of her own story as is and, well, it’s a lot more interesting if she and Obi Wan have to quarrel constantly with what they think is the right way to handle Anakin.

Anakin and Obi Wan love each other, but they have a pretty fucked up relationship, no getting around that.  There’s codependence and there’s abuse and there’s role confusion and emotional repression and serious communication issues, and it’s a giant mess, as canon has well indicated.  Inserting sexual attraction and romantic feelings is not going to fix that.  It is, in fact, going to make it even more fucked up because Anakin has enough issues with self-esteem and empowerment around authority that going down on his former superior and vaguely paternalistic figure is not going to be healthy for him.  It’s not as if Obi Wan is going to be able to turn that off automatically, either, since fuck knows he’ll never pass up a chance to be a sarcastic, patronizing asshole (which I love about him, don’t get me wrong).

For me, the ideal Obikin/OTP3 fanfiction acknowledges ALL of these issues and does something interesting with it.  It should acknowledge that things will never be perfect.  Anakin is a mess.  Sans Vader, he would have still been a mess.  The chance for him to be perfectly well adjusted was destroyed by merit of his birth.  The chance for him to be BETTER adjusted was denied by the repressive and toxic environment of the Jedi Order.  (I honestly don’t care if it worked for other Jedi, NOT acknowledging the comparatively traumatic differences of Anakin’s childhood and failing to deal with it accordingly was problematic, if not arguably abusive.)

At the same time, for the relationship to have any real grounding that doesn’t fill Anakin with persistent anxiety, Obi Wan would have to admit how he feels in a way that is overt and blunt and responsive to Anakin’s intense fears of abandonment.  That means overcoming literally a lifetime of psychological conditioning that tells him such attachments are dangerous and unfit for a proper Jedi.  It’s going to take one hell of an incentive for him to do that, not only because being a Jedi is literally all Obi Wan has ever known, but because it took the literal destruction of the Jedi Order and fall of the Republic at the hand of his best friend for Obi Wan to have an impetus to examine his beliefs. Obi Wan and Anakin are very much in love with the idea of each other than they are the reality.  A marriage, so to speak, would require them to face those delusions and idealistic views of one another and start to address the real problems in their relationship.  There’d be anger.  There’d be resentment.  There’d be the realization that they really were failing each other in different ways and it needed to be addressed.  The best outcome for them still involves some level of fuckery that just happens to work for all of them in a way that manages to stabilize Anakin but isn’t messed up enough that it wouldn’t inevitably implode down the line.  

Also: notice how a lot of this is about Anakin, yeah?  The guy is a black hole of need sucking everyone in and forcing them to provide the emotional and moral stability in his life.  In a world where Anakin never falls, I see Obi Wan and/or Padme going through a period where they realize they’re seriously struggling maintain their own personal lives and identities without being subsumed by Anakin’s many issues.  Eventually, counseling just really wouldn’t be an option without the relationship falling apart.

Also: there’s going to be a potentially serious problem when Anakin is living and loving two people to whom he’s a junior and falling into the trap of letting them run his life because he has a naturally passive personality.  Being passive is not a terrible thing, but for Anakin it’s linked to a whole host of psychological issues in terms of how he’s been taught to frame the world since childhood between “masters” and “slaves” “subordinates,” so I could definitely see that becoming an issue with Padme and/or Obi Wan being more assertive and bringing out the passive aggression in Anakin as he struggles to rebel against their authority while fearing alienating them.

So now that I’ve vomited lots of words about how I like to watch two fictional men fuck, let me give you the tiny list of authors who write it the way I like it:

1.) @cadesama - Burnt Edges is like my gold standard ObiAniDala.  Like, all of the problems and issues I’ve listed above get explored and then some, and it doesn’t pretend to end on a perfectly agreed note, either.  The Bones of What You Believe is also excellent and an example of how I can deal with Obikin if Amidala isn’t in the picture but is still part of the picture.  Read them here.

2.)  Calicokat (who is sadly off tumblr now) wrote it really well, though her stories were written before TCW came out and softened some of how fandom perceived Anakin, so there’s a decidedly bitterer tone to them.  You can find her older stuff here and here.

3.) @xpityx (I think this tumblr is the same as the ao3 author, apologies if I improperly tagged!) - She’s only written two, but I really, really like the curious interplay of ObiAniDala where it’s essentially Obikin and Anidala coexisting peacefully within an arrangement.  It’s perhaps the most optimistic take I’m willing to accept on it.  Read it here.

As a final note, I want to assure you that while I’m picky about it (these three are really the only ones I’ve read thus far that deeply resonate with me and how I like it written), I read plenty of Obikin and ObiAniDala that isn’t perfect.  I mean, I’m a queer woman.  I’ll take my gay romance where I can find that, but that’s what they are to me: gay romance novels.  The characters may share their looks and names with the SW characters, but they aren’t really the same characters and I just generally read it thinking of it as an original novel.

[onisionisacanceronthisearth]

The Greg-Lainey livestream part 1

So I watched a 2015 livestream from 2015 that was linked in this post by @onisiondrama because I figured I’d watch it and provide commentary and take note of all the shitty things Greg does. This turned into what was basically a transcription of the video because literally (in the very literal sense) everything Greg said was terrible except one singular thing (but he managed to ruin that too). It was long so everything is under the cut. This is only part one of the stream (the first 21 minutes) but this was very long regardless

Starting out: -Greg looks angry yet he put in a decent amount of effort into his hair -Greg's face wrinkles look odd -Lainey has serious eyebags/wrinkles. She looks really tired -Greg does not help set anything up and is just sitting on his phone

Things Greg tells Lainey: -The first thing he actually tells Lainey is "kill yourself". I thought I misheard but he immediately said "that's funny, the first thing I say is kill yourself". He has no change in tone when he said both. He is so matter-of-fact in his acknowledgement that he told Lainey "kill yourself" in a non-joking tone. -The second thing he tells Lainey is *DRAMATIC SIGH* "apparently someone loves you" -Greg made a deal about Lainey "cussing" which is just so weird. Lainey mentions that he cusses in his videos to which he replies with "barely" (sure Greg). Plus, he's fine with graphically showing sex (and animal sex) to his audience but cussing is wrong? Exploiting his fans and calling them "Shrek" is fine but casually dropping an F-bomb isn't? -When Lainey brings up the fact that he is still on his phone much longer than the time it would have taken him to post a tweet he says "yeah because I don't want to be here". He is admitting that he's just derping around on his phone and ignoring both Lainey and the fans who are here for him. -Lainey says that he promised to be in the video for 30 minutes. He then laughs saying "Yeah! 30 minutes! (quieter) a few minutes". It's been less than five minutes at this point and he hasn't even tried. He has looked up at the camera twice

Lainey: -"Greg is finally here" turns to look at Greg all happy. Greg doesn't look away from his phone and smirks -When responding to a fan telling both of them that they're beautiful, while Greg went on about how they're actually ugly and wearing makeup and using lights Lainey said "I don't know about you but I'm a fucking ten". Good on you Lainey! Honestly, I do like that they still have some confidence here. They're not pulling a Greg saying that they are a "superior human", but they're also not pulling a Greg and berating the damn fan for complimenting them! -Lainey keeps looking to Greg when saying things but he ignores her most times just looking at his phone unless they address him directly, and even then he barely gives an answer. This was supposed to be a joint video right? -Lainey tries to keep Greg happy and encourage him to be nice. This fails every time -"Do you see me begging? No bitch". This cracked me up, not gonna lie. I mean I was just thinking that towards Greg and she actually said it to him

Greg to the fans: -"a piece of technology is broadcasting our life to the world, finally the world will see that we are in an abusive relationship. They will screencap it and post it to (rants of a list of sites)". This was completely unprompted in a totally monotone voice. Also, he knows he's on camera so obviously he won't do anything too bad. This livestream is also only an hour long so even he can keep himself calm for that bit of time. Also, if he doesn't want that to happen he could easily just not treat Lainey like shit for this hour. (note from the future, well I was wrong in expecting decency from him but I'm leaving this note in anyways) -"I'll interact with you guys in a second, I'm advertising that I'm doing this". Said in monotone, with an exagerated "I'm so done" face when he said "doing this". -"Guys, please give us more money, any change? We need change" "All this is is webcam begging". Oh I am loving this, the irony here is too great. What about Patreon Greg? Or your now paid YouTube channel? Or your current obsession with livestreams even ones given to your Patreons who already pay you? Also people can do livestreams for their fans you know. Lainey hasn't asked for likes, views, or anything so far. Also Greg's youtube videos can mostly be done on livestream given their simplicity and he expects money from them so I don't see the issue here -Ok, Greg did that "we need money" joke way too long and it became so fucking cringey with his attempt at acting with his faces and voice. -The phone has immediately been picked up again -"I hate live broadcasting" Laughs as if that is the funniest joke in the world and the audience he just shat upon will agree. Also, "haha, isn't it funny that I just put my wife down in a disgusting a degrading way that implies that they are begging for money from kids because they're famous?" -When Lainey brings up that he promised he would be here he immediately changed the subject to his face. He claims that his forehead is the size of half his face which is an obvious lie so he'll get people telling him it isn't. And I will say this, no Greg, your forehead looks of normal size, the combination of everything on your face mixed in with your shitty attitude and resting ass-face is what makes you ugly. Ok? -When a fan donates money (or uses their free likes) "Thanks for wasting your money! :D"

Ok, so I'm four fucking minutes in and the above is everything that's happened so far. I will now change this to a play-by-play because I don't feel like re-writing this and this format isn't working given how everything that is happening is another death in this trainwreck

Everything after the 4 minute mark in chronological order: -Lainey says "You litterally ruin everything I ever do". Greg laughs hysterically and says "this is why I don't have friends" and "everything you like sucks". Lainey also seems amused at first by him absolutely destroying both her fans and her livecast until he laughs at her pointing it out and he continues telling her everything about her is stupid -An argument starts after Lainey points out one of his blatant hypocrisies. Lainey tells Greg that he tells them to be more positive and he tries to backpedle and says it's different. He's "negative with a smile" apparently. Now let's hear him Greg-splain why that's different: "I'm not mad about it, that's why my  negativity is cool" -Lainey doesn't believe him and says again that he's being hypocritical. He gets all serious and in denial saying "it's not hypocritical it's all about context". So as long as you're "not mad" you can berate your wife for liking things or wanting to do a livecast as well as all the fans enjoying the livecast. You can also be like an emo 6 year old in the corner mad that he's forced to sit at the dinner table while on their phone because it's a "cool negativity". Gotcha -The analogy Greg uses is "You're gay" in a mad tone and "You're gaaaaay" in a stereotypical girl who likes gay people too much tone. "One is oh, you're cute, I like you! The other one is oh I'm a homophobe!". This makes no sense, does not apply to the scenario, and both are homophobic on top of all that. One is a school bully hating on someone who may or may not be gay and using gay as a slur, the other is someone going "oh you're gay? That's so cute!" or "you're such a cute guy, you must be gay!" -Ok Greg, enough Greg-splaining, this has nothing to do with tone and your tone is mean and condescending when you were telling Lainey everything they like is stupid as well as when berating the fan for donating to Lainey -Lainey: I've had enough of this (refering to Greg pathetically attempting to explain why he isn't being a hypocrite), Greg: Too much logic -Oh man this is hilarious, Greg talks about his book. He says the digital copy will be glitchy. Why? Because he wasn't able to edit it 11 days before the release with Amazon. And by edit it he means the spelling and gramatical errors. That's right, he submitted his book before it was done then was surprised when Amazon assumed it was done and expected to be able to edit his book during the time when they are supposed to be compiling it into the digital software. AFTER he published it!!!!!! That's not a glitch Greg, it's pure stupidity -Lainey waits until Greg is done his announcement and then starts reading a question for them to answer. Greg leans over, and starts reading another comment while she is talking in a much louder voice. The question is of course only about him -Lainey doesn't want to talk about the question because it's a silly question asking Greg if he's still dead inside. Greg then says "yes, let's ignore the issues so they never get solved". What. The. Serious. Fuck. A random question someone asked about his mental state (which is probably a troll) is not a "serious issue that needs to be addressed". And if he is feeling empty then this isn't the time or the place to help it, it's a private matter and he needs a psych for that. -Lainey says again they don't want him to talk about it because, in their own words, "I know you're going to be rude". Greg continues anyways about some bullshit that as you get older you start to become numb and him being suicidal once excellerated that. Brilliant Greg, I'm sure your many years of studying psychology has taught you that -Lainey really doesn't want him to be talking about this and he then goes on about how "SHE takes this all personal" taking it to mean that he doesn't love them. As Lainey says, how can you not take that personally? He's talking about how he was once suicidal, he feels empty and few emotions and now he's blasting this to the world in a steam I am 6 minutes in where he has already berated her and called the things she likes stupid.

-Oh this total fucking asshole fucking said to "think of it as a disability". Ok Greg, fuck off with that utter bullshit. You don't consider mental illness to be a disability and you fucking berate suicidal kids every fucking chance you get telling them that they are the source of their own depression and that they should just chose to be happy (as if you can chose to grow your leg back after an accident) and that people who enter relationships with mental disorders are the scum of this earth AND that people with mental disorders do not deserve love. FUCK OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT WISHFUL MOTHER FUCKER. WHAT'S A WISHFUL MOTHER FUCKER YOU ASK? IT'S SOMEONE WHO WISHES THEY COULD FUCK THEIR MOTHER BUT THEIR MOTHER IS TOO FUCKING GOOD FOR THEM -AND NOW THIS WISHFUL MOTHER FUCKER TELLS LAINEY THAT THEIR SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES ARE NOT A DISABILITY WITH THIS FUCKING FACIAL EXPRESSION

He's literally telling people that only some mental issues are a disability. And by some he means his alone -Lainey doesn't want to talk about her self-esteem issues on the livestream (and likely not in front of Greg either) and he says "this is why things don't bother me, it's because I talk about them". Ok 1, you just said you have an issue that can't be fixed 2, this is a fucking livestream Q&A for their fans this isn't the time or the place for this shit! -Greg makes a joke while looking at Lainey that this is a reality show where they talk about their issues in a mocking manner. Is he instantly forgetting that he's the one who wants to talk their issues publicly while Lainey is the professional one trying to get back on track? -Greg hates on Lainey again for cussing -Poor Lainey is talking about how everyone is going to take Greg's side no matter what. That's so sad, this whole stream is so sad -Greg says that Lainey's "not telling the truth so it's only helping them". Lainey is bringing up the fact that Greg swears, Greg is saying only in his videos. If anyone takes a side it will be based on the idea of "does it count if Greg only swears in character?". No one is at their house to know if either him or Lainey is telling the truth here -Greg degrades a fan for sending the message "I think you're perfect <3 <3 <3" by saying "Are you 12?" THEY VERY WELL COULD BE YOU ASS. Also laughing at your shit comments doesn't turn it into you "not being mad" -Lainey mentions that it could be them using the emojis to try and make sure their comment might get noticed to which Greg spontaneously says "Yeah, so maybe their parents might give you money!". Ok, someone sending a message to Lainey with multiple hearts doesn't have any connection to Lainey getting money out of their parents. Jesus Greg, you'd actually manage to fail basic-level statistics. You cannot related two completely unrelated statements, it doesn't work -Greg counters Lainey telling him that he's rude with "so's reality". Nope, not even close. Lainey does hilariously make fun of Greg's "Boo hoo, reality is mean guyz D:" implication followed by them saying that "reality is rude" is his response to everything. He does get annoyed with her for doing that, his face falls from the smile below after he realised what she’d done. I just included Lainey’s pic because it was funnier

-Apparently Lainey saying they're tired is them being "negative" -Lainey reads out a comment saying "Stop being mean to Lainey" to which Greg replies sarcastically "yeah, she's the victim, I'm the perpetrator". Bitch what gives you the right to claim otherwise? Are you trying to tell us that secretly Lainey's the abusive one? Because this livestream gives us no evidence of that. Oh, did she once tell you she was too tired for sex? It's the end of the world guys! Lainey is mean to Greg! (fuck there are 11 minutes left on part 1) -Lainey is rightfully upset by Greg's implication so he says "no I'm just agreeing with them, I'm a terrible person". What was that rant earlier about tone? Also when you follow it with this smile it makes it hard for us to believe you 

-The more Greg puts Lainey down the more Lainey wants physical comfort, sadly the only one in the room is Greg so Lainey is now hugging themselves against Greg

-Greg keeps trying and failing at comedy -Greg says "you think I'm insulting people but I'm not, I'm just telling it as it is". TONE, TONE, TONE! Noting that the majority of your audience here is children is fine, making fun of them for being young and acting as though they're stealing their parent's credit card is you being a total shithead. ALSO, so you admit that your audience is mostly kids now? -Greg calls his audience a bunch of idiot kids and that Youtubers should not feel proud of having large audiences because their audience is only kids. I guess Sesame Street isn't an important show that helps people learn because it focuses on the growth and development of kids. I guess Winnie the Pooh has no value because it's also for kids -"You dated me when I was 17, I was a teenager then." HOLY SHIT WHAT IS LIFE? Why is this a legit argument being used against a 30 year old man who is hating on children. How is this Onision's life? Why is this an actual valid point? -Lainey points out that some of the kids on this stream are probably 17, Greg ignores them and very seriously says "when I was 17 I was basically the same person". The only difference between then and now is that he was "negative, negative" then and now he's "smile negative". I'm not high enough for this -Greg remembers when he was 12, mentions he was into Metal Gear Solid and then conciders that maybe 12 year olds aren't stupid -"Why don't you just not call people stupid?" "Because I'm stupi-everybody's stupid. We're all stupid. We really are". Not joking, he sounds like his voice is breaking towards the end of that. It's at the -8:28 mark approximately if you're interested in hearing it -Lainey keeps trying to defend these kids but Greg just ignores them and talking over them going into a philisophical monologue about how we're all stupid. He's trying guys, he really is. Not going to lie, one could have a philisophical talk about how humans are slaves to their desires but Greg can't. It's one of the easiest arguments you can bullshit though if you only have 30 seconds to talk about it but he fails even at that -"What is intelligence except for (word vomit that means "thinking", I'm not fucking kididng you) and our desires." Intelligence does involve thinking Greg, typically more thought than you used to come up with the revelation -Greg's excuse for coming up with this is that "he's trying not to sound like a douchebag" AKA pretencious. Actually most people define pretenciousness as someone trying to pass off stupidity as high-class philosophy. Too late -Greg is doing the "if I admit that what I'm saying is bullshit, people won't think it's bullshit". Except he's just admitting that he's running around in a circle trying to explain why it is ok to call your audience, who you think are children, stupid -He failed at that too with the glorious sentence "I'm trying to talk my way into circles like oh! If I run in this circle fast enough they won't think I have sort of circular mentality" Even Greg knows this is bullshit

-Greg says that he didn't ask to be there, he was invited there, and that is why he is acting like an ass and is totally justified in doing so. Can't wait to see how you plan to act on The Andy Show! Oh wait, you're never going to be invited on -Still ironic that Greg started off this broadcast saying that this stream will show proof that he isn't an abusive ass -Apparently the reason Greg is an asshole is because he talks about the "depth and deep philosophy of life -"No, all you ever do is be rude and then try to justify it by bringing philosophy into it" - Lainey 2k15 -This feels like the Joker + Harley where Harley knows the Joker is a pure sadistic monster but stays with him because she loves him -HE FUCKING COMPARED HIMSELF TO DONALD TRUMP AND ALSO CALLED HIMSELF A YOUNG DONALD TRUMP -Lainey because incredibly uncomfortable when he says it telling him not to say that. They mention that they'll throw up and honestly, that doesn't look like an exageration. Lainey looks like they want to disapear the moment Greg said he was like Trump. He talks over and says that he's only been divorced once though -Greg starts basically pushing Lainey to throw up making puke noises and saying he's Trump. He'd be a great candidate for voice over pukes. Maybe The Emoji Movie 2 will use that emoticon and he can voice it -Greg really thinks he's funny, my god is that sad -Greg randomly starts talking to "those who want him to run in 2020" saying he's not old enough. Lainey asks how old he would need to be and he says, "I don't know, I haven't done the math but I think I'll be 34....". You'll be 35 Greg. This was filmed in 2015 and his age was a nice round number (30). He only had to subtract 20 by 15 (5) add then add 5 to 30. But yeah, his age is the only reason why he might not be able to run -A commenter is called "Caitlyn Jenner" and Greg rants that she should pay the grandchildren of the grandma she killed. I did research and holy shit, it's true, and fuck the fact that rich people can literally get away with murder and then even being able to go to court to try not to pay even a settlement for their murder! <- witness the one time I actually 100% agreed with Greg -Oh look, he ruined it by saying "if the family of that deer I killed is watching this please contact me and I'll give you money for the deer I hit while going 5 under the speed limit". Didn't he not even report it? -Greg managed to throw in a "haha, there is a serious issue within the catholic church with child molestation but I'm just going to make an off-handed joke about a bishop named Seth who molests children, aren't I funny?". There are some things off limits or have to be done with care and if you aren't actually going to tackle the issue, don't make the joke. The joke's context here is that either "all priests or bishops molest kids" or "isn't child molestation hilarious?" -Lainey did not like the joke and tried saying "that went a little far". Of course Greg didn't care -Apparently going too far would be going "dear fat people". So Greg admits he does go too far all the time then? Also context matters, if someone made a parody against the "dear fat people" bitch then it would work. Just like the previous joke would potentially work if he used it as a way to tackle the real life issue within certain communities, in this case the Catholic Church -Greg ironically goes on a rant against the Dear Fat People bitch, not about the content of her video, but the fact that she calls herself a comedian and has only a few videos on youtube. It seems if you don't have a lot of videos on youtube you can't call yourself a comedian. Really Greg? That's your takeaway from the video? -Holy projection batman! "Now I say that's [calling people fat] a joke, but I actually think that everything I'm saying right now is totally true". So practically all your jokes ever? Including ones you've said this stream? -Oh, here's Greg admiting that that's a projection! -Lainey is freaking out a bit that so many people are watching this (right before Greg came up with an example of something he passes as a joke but isn't actually). Greg goes back to berating her for the stream saying it's just for money. "Yeah guys, she's totally doing this because she loves you guys" -Lainey says that she does like broadcasting (which Greg takes it as her exposing herself???) and says how she started broadcasting even before she became a partner and could make money off of it -Lainey tells the audience that she's never doing this again while Greg chants "mama needs a new ferrari". Ok, but apparently Baby needs two Teslas! :D -"Stop hitting my leg" -Lainey -Greg talks about how him "gently patting" her leg means it's all over. As if he has't been fucking abusive already in under 20 minutes of broadcast so far -Talking about/to someone named Seth that's been brought up alot by the commenters aparently: "You've only got 40k subscribers Seth? You're not popular enough for us, my wife has 60k subscribers and she doesn't even do anything" -Ok, so the word "fuck" is off limits but Greg talking about jerking off isn't. Including a comment that he jerks off a lot. Good to know where your priorities are. -Also the context of that is him saying that "if you aren't educating yourself then what are you doing?" Followed by joking that it would be jerking off. Ironic that one of the most ignorant dumbasses on youtube would talk about the importance of educating yourself -He's quoting Sherlock acting like the world doesn't notice their surroundings when he didn't even know that the IRS requires proof (which is straight up on their website) -Lainey says that Greg is either as he is in the broadcast, playing Metal Gear, or totally silent and ignoring her. I think that's the most important thing to come out of this shitstorm -Oh, Greg made a joke that in real life they hate each other and this is all an act (if it's all an act shouldn't this mean he actually loves Lainey IRL?). Lainey makes the joke that it isn't a joke, they actually hate each other and Greg says, "I meant it as a joke but you were serious and that hurts". I'm pretty sure Lainey was implying that he hated THEM but sure, make it about you Greg -Greg compares them to the Simpsons saying he's the dumb one and they're the smart one who puts up with him and it's great. Lainey brings up the question "how is that good?". "Becaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaause we're never going to leave each other" in the whinyest voice ever. Followed by "well I'm too dumb to be in a healthy relationship and you're so smart that you're able to compensate". HOLD UP WISHFUL MOTHER FUCKER, HOLD THE FUCK! UP! ARE YOU ADMITING THAT THIS RELATIONHSIP IS UNHEALTHY AND TOXIC BUT IT'S OK BECAUSE LAINEY IS SO GOOD AND PURE THAT THEY MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP HEALTHY? THAT'S NOT HOW A RELATIONSHIP FUCKING WORKS. NO WONDER EVERY RELATIONSHIP YOU'VE EVER HAD HAS GONE TO HELL. YOU THINK THAT AS LONG AS THE PERSON YOU'RE WITH IS GOOD YOU CAN BE AS SHITTY AS YOU WANT. FUCK YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR -"This is funny coming from someone who always calls me dumb" End of part 1Ok, so this was long because literally everything Greg said was terrible and went on here so this is practically a transcript. I will look at the other parts tomorrow and do a post when I can because I really can't watch more than 20 minutes at a time. I hope this helps anyone who can't watch the broadcast and I hope my commentary didn't become too negative to read. Particularily during my rants but I had to get it out. My parting words on this will be to Lainey if they're reading this: Get out, please, you don't deserve this. You deserve to be happy, even if you never got into another relationship again after this, being without a romantic partner is so much better than being with someone who actively ruins your life.

[sending-the-message]

Why I stopped hacking. For good. Part 2. by Menmaro

Allow me to preface this second part by thanking those who read my first part and enjoyed it. I would like to apologise for any poor grammar/spelling or formatting as I am writing this on my on my phone so formatting is extremely difficult. My laptop is in another country at the moment so when I return home I will format these stories and future ones properly. Please bear with me and enjoy part 2.

I would also like to add that this tale is of an encounter of a friend of mine. I did not experience this first hand and thus I have to make up what his thoughts were (some are his exact thoughts) to what I would have expected him to feel from knowing him. This story is how he told me so as far as I know it is true. He has stopped hacking and spends most of his time gaming and working.

Continued.

I stood frozen in horror. Panic swept over my body and thoughts flooded my mind. What happened to my mother? Is she OK? What is this son of a bitch doing with her phone? I knew I had to calm down, something didn't seem right. I picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID. It just said mum, no number. Fuck, how could I be so stupid, he was just masking his caller ID, must be to throw me off balance. I'll play along, there must be something I'm missing.

"Wh.. What are you doing with my mum's phone? Where is she? Is she OK?"

A laugh came from the other end, a deep, disgusting laugh. I decided to record the call, maybe I can play around with the recording and find this caller’s real voice. It may not be much, but this asshole knows where I live and probably who my parents are. He starts talking.

"Danni, Danni, Danni. The safety of your mother depends on the outcome of our little game. I told you one's life is on the line but, I should have elaborated and said it shouldn't necessarily be the player's life. So, are you ready to play?"

At this point I had a thought; How can James see me? I have no cameras connected to the WiFi, my desktop camera is disconnected and I ripped out my laptop camera when I got the damn thing. Another option would be he broke into my apartment and installed cameras when I was out. But why would he risk getting caught like that. I may have cameras at home and catch him doing it. No he must be using one of my devices.

“Doesn't seem like I have a choice James. Let's fucking play.”

I braced myself for what he would say. We’ve all watched those horror movies, these games weren’t exactly Mario Kart sort of level. Suddenly I knew, I wanted to throw myself from my apartment for how stupid I'd been. In my hand I held the single device that had a camera and was connected to my WiFi. My fucking phone. I didn't want to jump to the conclusion that that was the only camera that was being used, so I decided to test it. Before I do anything though, he begins to speak.

“Well well Danni, I must say, you’ve got balls. Most guys would have started to cry or beg me to stop. This will most certainly be fun.”

I've had enough of this shit. I start to test my theory. I started googling shit like “how to track a phone call”, and “how to find cameras in a house”. I wanted to see if he could see my screen and sure enough the confirmation came through.

“Oh Danni, it’s cute you’re still trying to fight back. But I can assure you, you will not be able to track this call and you will not find out how I can see you.”

Challenge accepted dickhead. I angle my phone away from my bag and take out a USB dongle. If this asshole is on my WiFi I'm gonna make him think he's controlling all of my devices. I look for my laptop whilst trying to make as little noise as possible and again, angling the phone away from what I am doing. I find my laptop, boot it up and plug my dongle into it.

“Yeah well, I'm one tough son of a bitch… so when we playing James? And do go over the rules properly yeah? I'd like to whoop your ass playing by your rules dipshit.”

My strategy was to show no fear. In truth, I was terrified. But I knew the instant he smelled fear, he would have total control over me, and I'd fuck up and forget basic stuff like I had when this shit show first started. My laptop finished booting up. Excellent. I knew this fucker was using my network somehow. So I decided to hack my own network and see how he got in. Maybe he left something behind.

“The rules are simple Danni. You wanted to play judge, jury and executioner. We are going to go through your history of white knight justice, and see just how much of a hero you really are.”

Hero… huh… there was a time when I thought I was a hero… maybe it was when I made that child molestor end his own life. I told myself I was a hero because he wouldn't hurt another child. In truth, was I a murderer? Was this my past coming to haunt me? No time to think about this. It isn't just my life on the line here, everyone I care about is in danger and there's no time to be selfish.

“Ha… hero… that’s cute James, but I’ve always known I was the devil. A necessary evil. But sure, let's take a walk down memory lane. Maybe that will remind you who the fuck you’re dealing with.”

My attempts were bringing up nothing. I managed to break into my own network many times but I couldn't find a trace of another device, not a trace of information transfer. Wait… information transfer. Outgoing and incoming traffic. Fuck I'm stupid. He can see a stream of my screen which means I have outgoing traffic somewhere right? I start monitoring my outgoing traffic. Encrypted of course but there was still an address. A server that this information was going through. I find the address of the server and decide to do something extremely stupid and might sentence myself to prison or worse, no access to a computer. But I decide that is a small price to pay for the safety of my family.

“Well well Danni, watch your screen as the images pop up. Leeeeets roll the tape ladies and gentlemen.”

What a fucking psycho, I don't pay much attention to the tone of his voice as I set up my botnet for a distributed denial of service attack. My hope is that if I bring down the server for a bit, I'll be able to see where the requests are coming from and track it from there. It is a long shot but it might work. As I'm doing this I also stop recording the call and send the recording over to my laptop. All the while I’m angling my phone away from my laptop, and since he hasn't spoken of it, my theory that the only camera being my phone turns out to be correct. I finally feel like I'm making the right moves in this twisted game of chess, I'm just hoping I'll be the one to say checkmate at the end though.

“Victim number one; Brock. 16 years old. You destroyed his relationship and got him kicked out of his home. He spent 3 years on the streets before overdosing on heroine. That wasn’t a nice thing to do Danni.”

A picture of 16 year old Brock pops up. He died? Fuck, he was an asshole but didn't deserve to die. I went to far… I went to far… but I couldn't admit it. Not to this psycho. I had to show him that I had no heart.

“Well life sucks, survival of the fittest and all that shit. Maybe he should have been careful with whom he messed with.”

Another disgusting laugh. James is enjoying himself… should I be? No time for that right now. I put the phone on loudspeaker and placed it on my desk, weary that the front camera may be used I kept it well out of my sight and put an earphone into my left ear. Time to tweak around with this recording and “unmodulate” this voice.

“Danni, this isn't gonna end up well if you show no remorse. Now the fun begins. Remember his girlfriend? It’s confession time Danniiiii.”

As if it were alive, my PC opened up Skype and auto signed in. Fuck I'm so stupid, was I really that lazy? A number is entered into it and it starts dialling. Ring ring…

“What do you want me to do James? Tell her the online babe was me and Brock wasn't a cheating dickhead? What's that going to change?”

My botnet was ready and I started my attack on the server address instantly. I then watched my incoming and outgoing traffic closely. All I needed was a hiccup, something that will lead me to James. In that moment it was like the entire world grinded to a halt. In that moment, it wouldn't matter to me if the moon was crashing down onto the Earth to end all life as we knew it. All that mattered was this stream of information. Tick tock tick tock tick tock. I could hear the second hand on my watch ticking…

There! A clue… phew, was starting to lose hope. I start work on it, did James notice? I'd imagine his connection to my network might have dropped since I saw a request ping but nothing going back. Was he too busy trying to guilt trip me that he got too cocky and didn't notice? My Skype was still ringing was she going to pick up?

“Hello?” A girl's voice. She sounds kinda cute actually, is James hooking us up? Wrong time for jokes there.

James speaks to me “Go on Danni, answer her. Tell her your name and what you did to Brock.”

I decide to play along, true he didn't call me from my mum’s number, but that doesn't mean he still can't hurt her.

“Liz? It’s Daniel Kurt. We went to school together with Brock.”

There was a pause, I can't imagine how awkward this must be for her. I didn't have time to care though, I ran a search on the address and whilst that was going on, I continued tweaking with the recording.

“Danni? That loony kid that used to get beaten up all the time?”

Ahhh what a bitch. Hooking us up my ass. I had to fight back the urge to shout and educate her ignorant ass on what autism was. Whatever though, not my concern. At least breaking this news to here won't be as painful to me as I thought.

“Yeah that's me, the loony kid.” I laughed and I could swear I heard James laughing too. Asshole. “So listen, don't suppose you remember Brock Leland? You kinda slept with him at that time.” Maybe not the best choice of words.

“Yeah I remember him, I heard he died from drug overdose, makes me feel horrible breaking up with him…” another pause, “why?”

Fuck. How do I say this? This is a confession, if she takes this to the police I'm fucking screwed. Fuck any chance I have of getting away with this. I was 16 though, does it matter? I read somewhere that crimes committed before 18 aren't dealt with anymore. I was just a kid? Damn it. To hell with this, I need to stop this madness before he makes me call a victim of an attack I committed after 18.

“Yeah well, it’s my fault he did this. He made my life shit for when I was at school. So I decided to fight back. He never cheated on you, I made it look like he was.”

A really long pause. Gives me time to work on this recording. Nothing remotely human yet. Still searching that address, why is it taking forever?

“Danni.” Her voice was extremely soft. I was expecting something else. An angrier tone would have made more sense.

“Yeah...?”

“I know.”

[himbowelsh]

What if the whole time Webster's trying to figure out who the thief is, he's starting a relationship with the infuriating man that usually sits outside the bakery that's next to synagogue Webster passes every day in his way to work. Bonus if Joe didn't know Webster was the detective assigned to his case until he was into deep.

Anonymous asked: Would you like to write a prompt for Webgott in Police/Criminals AU? I’m really curious how it would end for them.

AN: I couldn’t resist turning this into a prompt. I’m literally in love with this idea and it makes the whole scenario so much more interesting!

David trips over the curb.

It's the last straw, the cherry on top of what is already a terrible, terrible morning. He makes a furious sputtering noise, kicks a nearby flowerpot, and almost sends his coffee flying across the street.

It's an overreaction. He knows this, as much as he knows he must look like an idiot -- in his business suit and tie, red faced and furious. He doesn't really have any excuse: been a hard week, and an even worse month. He gets what's coming to him a second later, when his foot connects with the clay flower pot, sending a spike of pain through his ankle.

He draws his foot back to him, cursing under his breath. As a taxi speeds sat him, he shrinks into his too-large suit and wishes he could be invisible.

"Jesus, breathe a little."

The unexpected voice startles him. He jumps, nearly dropping his coffee again, and reels around to face the speaker. It takes him a second of scanning the sidewalk before his eyes land on him; a thin, lanky man balancing a coffee in one hand, sitting outside the coffee shop and lazily reclining with his feet up on the nearest table. Dark eyes regard David from beneath full eyelids, lips pulled up in a mean smirk.

He can't explain it, but something about the man makes him want to kick him. David huffs, drawing himself up with all the dignity he can muster, and scowls at the man. "You try breathing when your coffee's too hot, your bagel's too cold, and you're already fifteen minutes late for work."The guy considers this for a moment before shrugging. "First world problems."

He doesn't know why he's bothering. Clearly this guy doesn't have any job or responsibilities, considering he's sitting outside of a coffee shop in the middle of the morning instead of going anywhere. David needs to get to work, and fast, because David is a responsible adult.

He scans the traffic-packed road again, looking for a place to cross. Cars crowd the streets wherever he looks, beeping and stalling around each other. His lips curl in frustration. "I should have just called a cab, dammit...""You can probably make it in half the time if you sprint,” chimes Slothful Smirking Man, who’s apparently still not done. “I mean, if you can run in that monkey suit."David shoots a harassed glance over his shoulder. "Some people like to look nice for work.""Some people need a Xanax and a vacation,” the man fires back. His feet make a dull thud against the ground as he abruptly sits up straight. “Calm down, fuck. Being late for work one day isn't gonna destroy your career. Just take a breath, and eat your stupid bagel."David stares at the man; he stares back, impassive. For a moment, no one speaks. David hardly dares to breathe over the pulse he can hear pounding in his head, but he forces a few deep breaths into his lungs anyway.

The guy isn’t wrong. It’s a new day. He’s healthy, he’s alive, and he’s got his second-favorite bagel in his hands. Sobel isn’t their commander anymore, so he isn’t going to be crucified for being a few minutes late for work. Everything is alright, all things considered.

He finally exhales, and gives the belligerent man what he hopes passes for a smile. “You've got a point,” he says. “Thanks. Have a nice day."The man nods, leaning back in his seat. "You too, guy," he says, and that’s all David hears before he’s sprinting across the crosswalk.

He’s got a job to do. There’s no need to stress himself out, but he also doesn’t have time for distractions.

When he gets to the station, everything is about the same as expected. Guarnere and Toye are lounging in chairs on opposite sides of the room, tossing a tennis ball back and forth. Each throw barely clears the head of Lipton, who is hunched over his desk in the middle of an impressive pile of paperwork. Welch is texting someone on his phone; by the tiny grin on his face, it’s probably not work-related. Babe looks hungover, and is drooling into his palm like a middle schooler asleep in math class.

David sighs and settle down at his desk. Back to work as usual. He wasn’t sure why he thought taking a day off would help clear his head, but it’s only making it harder to get back in the game. He’s not viewing anything with fresh eyes. There are still no new leads in his museum theft investigation, and if the crook’s pattern holds up, he can expect another caper tonight.

He just doesn’t know where, or what, or -- most importantly -- how.

“Hey, Web,” Babe calls. David, mouth wide open and full of bagel, turns to look at him, and barely manages to catch a letter tossed at his head. Past the bags under his eyes, Babe offers him a mischievous grin. “Letter came for you this morning.”

“Thanks.” David takes a sip of his (cold) coffee and carefully examines the envelope. There’s an address handwritten in big, blocky print. He immediately knows that this isn’t a bill or some kind of notice. Who actually sends letters anymore?

His frown deepens when he opens the letter to reveal a folded piece of paper. He recognizes the same handwriting as on the front, and blinks down at the scrawled message in dumb shock before his eyes widen.

WEB --

   YOU THINK YOU CAN CATCH ME? YOU’RE NOT EVEN TRYING. IT’S FUN TO WATCH YOU SCRAMBLE AFTER ME. BETTER LUCK TONIGHT.

                -- EIN FREUND AUS DER HÖLLE

Webster grits his teeth and slams it on the table. The bastard has done it again, and now he has one more piece of evidence to add to the growing case file that’s getting him nowhere.

Whoever this crook is, the only thing he knows about him for sure is that he hates him.

The fact is that he doesn’t know another way. As soon as they’ve become conscious of each other’s existence, the strange guy -- who, it occurs to David, must have sat outside the same coffee shop every morning without David even noticing -- is impossible to ignore. He’s loud, he’s sarcastic, and always has a passing comment for David whenever he sees him.

After a few weeks, David finds himself looking forward to the guy’s Words of the Day. He starts looking for him. When he goes into the shop for coffee, he’ll say hello; when he walks out, he’ll wish him a good day. He still kind of wants to kick the guy’s teeth in, but his mornings wouldn’t be the same without him.

Only after he realizes the guy is actually on his mind at work does he decide that something needs to be done. He confides in Lipton, and his friend’s advice is simple: start by having a real conversation.

So, one morning, after a sleepless night spent pouring over his evidence file for the museum burglaries, David drags himself out of bed half an hour early and sets off for the coffee shop.

The stranger does him a favor. David doesn’t have to approach him first, because he speaks up as soon as he sees David approaching the shop. "You're here early,” he calls, and David offers a nervous smile."Wasn't sure if you'd be too, but I figured taking a chance never hurt anyone.""It’s Saturday. I’m waiting for the Shabbat service. It’ll be a while before it starts.” The guy inclines his head across the street, towards the synagogue David has never taken much notice of. Then his eyes scan over the man before him, and he sucks on his lower lip. “I guess ‘taking a chance’ explains the look, though.”

David tries not to blush, and probably fails. He was in such a rush to get out of the house that he hadn’t found the time to slip into his usual shirt. He’s just in a white shirt and tie today, a belt holding up pants that are too small anyway. He didn’t even shave; stubble lines his jaw. He looks like a mess, and standing in front of this man now, he feels like it.

Still, he steels himself and takes a deep breath. "My name's David."The guy stares at him for a second that feels like an eternity. David can’t hear anything over the roaring of his pulse in his ears. His heart is in his throat. There’s no reason for him to be this nervous, but he feels like it’s his first day in the field and he’s just come face to face with a suspect. It’s torture, and he hangs off every second of silence before the man opens his mouth.

"Joe,” he says. His lips curl up into that same infuriating smirk. “You feel like grabbing a coffee?"David doesn’t know if he’s heard right; and when he realizes he has, he can hardly believe it. His face breaks into a blinding grin, and his cheeks ache from the force. "Yeah,” he says, offering the guy a hand to help him up. “Coffee would be fantastic, actually."

His hand grasps Joe’s, and he lifts him to his feet. David doesn’t know what this is, but he knows it’s the start of something. He can’t wait to find out more about the mysterious man who’s so unexpectedly become a part of his life.