#I need either an ativan or some weed right now omfg

[onisionisacanceronthisearth]

The Greg-Lainey livestream part 1

So I watched a 2015 livestream from 2015 that was linked in this post by @onisiondrama because I figured I’d watch it and provide commentary and take note of all the shitty things Greg does. This turned into what was basically a transcription of the video because literally (in the very literal sense) everything Greg said was terrible except one singular thing (but he managed to ruin that too). It was long so everything is under the cut. This is only part one of the stream (the first 21 minutes) but this was very long regardless

Starting out: -Greg looks angry yet he put in a decent amount of effort into his hair -Greg's face wrinkles look odd -Lainey has serious eyebags/wrinkles. She looks really tired -Greg does not help set anything up and is just sitting on his phone

Things Greg tells Lainey: -The first thing he actually tells Lainey is "kill yourself". I thought I misheard but he immediately said "that's funny, the first thing I say is kill yourself". He has no change in tone when he said both. He is so matter-of-fact in his acknowledgement that he told Lainey "kill yourself" in a non-joking tone. -The second thing he tells Lainey is *DRAMATIC SIGH* "apparently someone loves you" -Greg made a deal about Lainey "cussing" which is just so weird. Lainey mentions that he cusses in his videos to which he replies with "barely" (sure Greg). Plus, he's fine with graphically showing sex (and animal sex) to his audience but cussing is wrong? Exploiting his fans and calling them "Shrek" is fine but casually dropping an F-bomb isn't? -When Lainey brings up the fact that he is still on his phone much longer than the time it would have taken him to post a tweet he says "yeah because I don't want to be here". He is admitting that he's just derping around on his phone and ignoring both Lainey and the fans who are here for him. -Lainey says that he promised to be in the video for 30 minutes. He then laughs saying "Yeah! 30 minutes! (quieter) a few minutes". It's been less than five minutes at this point and he hasn't even tried. He has looked up at the camera twice

Lainey: -"Greg is finally here" turns to look at Greg all happy. Greg doesn't look away from his phone and smirks -When responding to a fan telling both of them that they're beautiful, while Greg went on about how they're actually ugly and wearing makeup and using lights Lainey said "I don't know about you but I'm a fucking ten". Good on you Lainey! Honestly, I do like that they still have some confidence here. They're not pulling a Greg saying that they are a "superior human", but they're also not pulling a Greg and berating the damn fan for complimenting them! -Lainey keeps looking to Greg when saying things but he ignores her most times just looking at his phone unless they address him directly, and even then he barely gives an answer. This was supposed to be a joint video right? -Lainey tries to keep Greg happy and encourage him to be nice. This fails every time -"Do you see me begging? No bitch". This cracked me up, not gonna lie. I mean I was just thinking that towards Greg and she actually said it to him

Greg to the fans: -"a piece of technology is broadcasting our life to the world, finally the world will see that we are in an abusive relationship. They will screencap it and post it to (rants of a list of sites)". This was completely unprompted in a totally monotone voice. Also, he knows he's on camera so obviously he won't do anything too bad. This livestream is also only an hour long so even he can keep himself calm for that bit of time. Also, if he doesn't want that to happen he could easily just not treat Lainey like shit for this hour. (note from the future, well I was wrong in expecting decency from him but I'm leaving this note in anyways) -"I'll interact with you guys in a second, I'm advertising that I'm doing this". Said in monotone, with an exagerated "I'm so done" face when he said "doing this". -"Guys, please give us more money, any change? We need change" "All this is is webcam begging". Oh I am loving this, the irony here is too great. What about Patreon Greg? Or your now paid YouTube channel? Or your current obsession with livestreams even ones given to your Patreons who already pay you? Also people can do livestreams for their fans you know. Lainey hasn't asked for likes, views, or anything so far. Also Greg's youtube videos can mostly be done on livestream given their simplicity and he expects money from them so I don't see the issue here -Ok, Greg did that "we need money" joke way too long and it became so fucking cringey with his attempt at acting with his faces and voice. -The phone has immediately been picked up again -"I hate live broadcasting" Laughs as if that is the funniest joke in the world and the audience he just shat upon will agree. Also, "haha, isn't it funny that I just put my wife down in a disgusting a degrading way that implies that they are begging for money from kids because they're famous?" -When Lainey brings up that he promised he would be here he immediately changed the subject to his face. He claims that his forehead is the size of half his face which is an obvious lie so he'll get people telling him it isn't. And I will say this, no Greg, your forehead looks of normal size, the combination of everything on your face mixed in with your shitty attitude and resting ass-face is what makes you ugly. Ok? -When a fan donates money (or uses their free likes) "Thanks for wasting your money! :D"

Ok, so I'm four fucking minutes in and the above is everything that's happened so far. I will now change this to a play-by-play because I don't feel like re-writing this and this format isn't working given how everything that is happening is another death in this trainwreck

Everything after the 4 minute mark in chronological order: -Lainey says "You litterally ruin everything I ever do". Greg laughs hysterically and says "this is why I don't have friends" and "everything you like sucks". Lainey also seems amused at first by him absolutely destroying both her fans and her livecast until he laughs at her pointing it out and he continues telling her everything about her is stupid -An argument starts after Lainey points out one of his blatant hypocrisies. Lainey tells Greg that he tells them to be more positive and he tries to backpedle and says it's different. He's "negative with a smile" apparently. Now let's hear him Greg-splain why that's different: "I'm not mad about it, that's why my  negativity is cool" -Lainey doesn't believe him and says again that he's being hypocritical. He gets all serious and in denial saying "it's not hypocritical it's all about context". So as long as you're "not mad" you can berate your wife for liking things or wanting to do a livecast as well as all the fans enjoying the livecast. You can also be like an emo 6 year old in the corner mad that he's forced to sit at the dinner table while on their phone because it's a "cool negativity". Gotcha -The analogy Greg uses is "You're gay" in a mad tone and "You're gaaaaay" in a stereotypical girl who likes gay people too much tone. "One is oh, you're cute, I like you! The other one is oh I'm a homophobe!". This makes no sense, does not apply to the scenario, and both are homophobic on top of all that. One is a school bully hating on someone who may or may not be gay and using gay as a slur, the other is someone going "oh you're gay? That's so cute!" or "you're such a cute guy, you must be gay!" -Ok Greg, enough Greg-splaining, this has nothing to do with tone and your tone is mean and condescending when you were telling Lainey everything they like is stupid as well as when berating the fan for donating to Lainey -Lainey: I've had enough of this (refering to Greg pathetically attempting to explain why he isn't being a hypocrite), Greg: Too much logic -Oh man this is hilarious, Greg talks about his book. He says the digital copy will be glitchy. Why? Because he wasn't able to edit it 11 days before the release with Amazon. And by edit it he means the spelling and gramatical errors. That's right, he submitted his book before it was done then was surprised when Amazon assumed it was done and expected to be able to edit his book during the time when they are supposed to be compiling it into the digital software. AFTER he published it!!!!!! That's not a glitch Greg, it's pure stupidity -Lainey waits until Greg is done his announcement and then starts reading a question for them to answer. Greg leans over, and starts reading another comment while she is talking in a much louder voice. The question is of course only about him -Lainey doesn't want to talk about the question because it's a silly question asking Greg if he's still dead inside. Greg then says "yes, let's ignore the issues so they never get solved". What. The. Serious. Fuck. A random question someone asked about his mental state (which is probably a troll) is not a "serious issue that needs to be addressed". And if he is feeling empty then this isn't the time or the place to help it, it's a private matter and he needs a psych for that. -Lainey says again they don't want him to talk about it because, in their own words, "I know you're going to be rude". Greg continues anyways about some bullshit that as you get older you start to become numb and him being suicidal once excellerated that. Brilliant Greg, I'm sure your many years of studying psychology has taught you that -Lainey really doesn't want him to be talking about this and he then goes on about how "SHE takes this all personal" taking it to mean that he doesn't love them. As Lainey says, how can you not take that personally? He's talking about how he was once suicidal, he feels empty and few emotions and now he's blasting this to the world in a steam I am 6 minutes in where he has already berated her and called the things she likes stupid.

-Oh this total fucking asshole fucking said to "think of it as a disability". Ok Greg, fuck off with that utter bullshit. You don't consider mental illness to be a disability and you fucking berate suicidal kids every fucking chance you get telling them that they are the source of their own depression and that they should just chose to be happy (as if you can chose to grow your leg back after an accident) and that people who enter relationships with mental disorders are the scum of this earth AND that people with mental disorders do not deserve love. FUCK OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT WISHFUL MOTHER FUCKER. WHAT'S A WISHFUL MOTHER FUCKER YOU ASK? IT'S SOMEONE WHO WISHES THEY COULD FUCK THEIR MOTHER BUT THEIR MOTHER IS TOO FUCKING GOOD FOR THEM -AND NOW THIS WISHFUL MOTHER FUCKER TELLS LAINEY THAT THEIR SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES ARE NOT A DISABILITY WITH THIS FUCKING FACIAL EXPRESSION

He's literally telling people that only some mental issues are a disability. And by some he means his alone -Lainey doesn't want to talk about her self-esteem issues on the livestream (and likely not in front of Greg either) and he says "this is why things don't bother me, it's because I talk about them". Ok 1, you just said you have an issue that can't be fixed 2, this is a fucking livestream Q&A for their fans this isn't the time or the place for this shit! -Greg makes a joke while looking at Lainey that this is a reality show where they talk about their issues in a mocking manner. Is he instantly forgetting that he's the one who wants to talk their issues publicly while Lainey is the professional one trying to get back on track? -Greg hates on Lainey again for cussing -Poor Lainey is talking about how everyone is going to take Greg's side no matter what. That's so sad, this whole stream is so sad -Greg says that Lainey's "not telling the truth so it's only helping them". Lainey is bringing up the fact that Greg swears, Greg is saying only in his videos. If anyone takes a side it will be based on the idea of "does it count if Greg only swears in character?". No one is at their house to know if either him or Lainey is telling the truth here -Greg degrades a fan for sending the message "I think you're perfect <3 <3 <3" by saying "Are you 12?" THEY VERY WELL COULD BE YOU ASS. Also laughing at your shit comments doesn't turn it into you "not being mad" -Lainey mentions that it could be them using the emojis to try and make sure their comment might get noticed to which Greg spontaneously says "Yeah, so maybe their parents might give you money!". Ok, someone sending a message to Lainey with multiple hearts doesn't have any connection to Lainey getting money out of their parents. Jesus Greg, you'd actually manage to fail basic-level statistics. You cannot related two completely unrelated statements, it doesn't work -Greg counters Lainey telling him that he's rude with "so's reality". Nope, not even close. Lainey does hilariously make fun of Greg's "Boo hoo, reality is mean guyz D:" implication followed by them saying that "reality is rude" is his response to everything. He does get annoyed with her for doing that, his face falls from the smile below after he realised what she’d done. I just included Lainey’s pic because it was funnier

-Apparently Lainey saying they're tired is them being "negative" -Lainey reads out a comment saying "Stop being mean to Lainey" to which Greg replies sarcastically "yeah, she's the victim, I'm the perpetrator". Bitch what gives you the right to claim otherwise? Are you trying to tell us that secretly Lainey's the abusive one? Because this livestream gives us no evidence of that. Oh, did she once tell you she was too tired for sex? It's the end of the world guys! Lainey is mean to Greg! (fuck there are 11 minutes left on part 1) -Lainey is rightfully upset by Greg's implication so he says "no I'm just agreeing with them, I'm a terrible person". What was that rant earlier about tone? Also when you follow it with this smile it makes it hard for us to believe you 

-The more Greg puts Lainey down the more Lainey wants physical comfort, sadly the only one in the room is Greg so Lainey is now hugging themselves against Greg

-Greg keeps trying and failing at comedy -Greg says "you think I'm insulting people but I'm not, I'm just telling it as it is". TONE, TONE, TONE! Noting that the majority of your audience here is children is fine, making fun of them for being young and acting as though they're stealing their parent's credit card is you being a total shithead. ALSO, so you admit that your audience is mostly kids now? -Greg calls his audience a bunch of idiot kids and that Youtubers should not feel proud of having large audiences because their audience is only kids. I guess Sesame Street isn't an important show that helps people learn because it focuses on the growth and development of kids. I guess Winnie the Pooh has no value because it's also for kids -"You dated me when I was 17, I was a teenager then." HOLY SHIT WHAT IS LIFE? Why is this a legit argument being used against a 30 year old man who is hating on children. How is this Onision's life? Why is this an actual valid point? -Lainey points out that some of the kids on this stream are probably 17, Greg ignores them and very seriously says "when I was 17 I was basically the same person". The only difference between then and now is that he was "negative, negative" then and now he's "smile negative". I'm not high enough for this -Greg remembers when he was 12, mentions he was into Metal Gear Solid and then conciders that maybe 12 year olds aren't stupid -"Why don't you just not call people stupid?" "Because I'm stupi-everybody's stupid. We're all stupid. We really are". Not joking, he sounds like his voice is breaking towards the end of that. It's at the -8:28 mark approximately if you're interested in hearing it -Lainey keeps trying to defend these kids but Greg just ignores them and talking over them going into a philisophical monologue about how we're all stupid. He's trying guys, he really is. Not going to lie, one could have a philisophical talk about how humans are slaves to their desires but Greg can't. It's one of the easiest arguments you can bullshit though if you only have 30 seconds to talk about it but he fails even at that -"What is intelligence except for (word vomit that means "thinking", I'm not fucking kididng you) and our desires." Intelligence does involve thinking Greg, typically more thought than you used to come up with the revelation -Greg's excuse for coming up with this is that "he's trying not to sound like a douchebag" AKA pretencious. Actually most people define pretenciousness as someone trying to pass off stupidity as high-class philosophy. Too late -Greg is doing the "if I admit that what I'm saying is bullshit, people won't think it's bullshit". Except he's just admitting that he's running around in a circle trying to explain why it is ok to call your audience, who you think are children, stupid -He failed at that too with the glorious sentence "I'm trying to talk my way into circles like oh! If I run in this circle fast enough they won't think I have sort of circular mentality" Even Greg knows this is bullshit

-Greg says that he didn't ask to be there, he was invited there, and that is why he is acting like an ass and is totally justified in doing so. Can't wait to see how you plan to act on The Andy Show! Oh wait, you're never going to be invited on -Still ironic that Greg started off this broadcast saying that this stream will show proof that he isn't an abusive ass -Apparently the reason Greg is an asshole is because he talks about the "depth and deep philosophy of life -"No, all you ever do is be rude and then try to justify it by bringing philosophy into it" - Lainey 2k15 -This feels like the Joker + Harley where Harley knows the Joker is a pure sadistic monster but stays with him because she loves him -HE FUCKING COMPARED HIMSELF TO DONALD TRUMP AND ALSO CALLED HIMSELF A YOUNG DONALD TRUMP -Lainey because incredibly uncomfortable when he says it telling him not to say that. They mention that they'll throw up and honestly, that doesn't look like an exageration. Lainey looks like they want to disapear the moment Greg said he was like Trump. He talks over and says that he's only been divorced once though -Greg starts basically pushing Lainey to throw up making puke noises and saying he's Trump. He'd be a great candidate for voice over pukes. Maybe The Emoji Movie 2 will use that emoticon and he can voice it -Greg really thinks he's funny, my god is that sad -Greg randomly starts talking to "those who want him to run in 2020" saying he's not old enough. Lainey asks how old he would need to be and he says, "I don't know, I haven't done the math but I think I'll be 34....". You'll be 35 Greg. This was filmed in 2015 and his age was a nice round number (30). He only had to subtract 20 by 15 (5) add then add 5 to 30. But yeah, his age is the only reason why he might not be able to run -A commenter is called "Caitlyn Jenner" and Greg rants that she should pay the grandchildren of the grandma she killed. I did research and holy shit, it's true, and fuck the fact that rich people can literally get away with murder and then even being able to go to court to try not to pay even a settlement for their murder! <- witness the one time I actually 100% agreed with Greg -Oh look, he ruined it by saying "if the family of that deer I killed is watching this please contact me and I'll give you money for the deer I hit while going 5 under the speed limit". Didn't he not even report it? -Greg managed to throw in a "haha, there is a serious issue within the catholic church with child molestation but I'm just going to make an off-handed joke about a bishop named Seth who molests children, aren't I funny?". There are some things off limits or have to be done with care and if you aren't actually going to tackle the issue, don't make the joke. The joke's context here is that either "all priests or bishops molest kids" or "isn't child molestation hilarious?" -Lainey did not like the joke and tried saying "that went a little far". Of course Greg didn't care -Apparently going too far would be going "dear fat people". So Greg admits he does go too far all the time then? Also context matters, if someone made a parody against the "dear fat people" bitch then it would work. Just like the previous joke would potentially work if he used it as a way to tackle the real life issue within certain communities, in this case the Catholic Church -Greg ironically goes on a rant against the Dear Fat People bitch, not about the content of her video, but the fact that she calls herself a comedian and has only a few videos on youtube. It seems if you don't have a lot of videos on youtube you can't call yourself a comedian. Really Greg? That's your takeaway from the video? -Holy projection batman! "Now I say that's [calling people fat] a joke, but I actually think that everything I'm saying right now is totally true". So practically all your jokes ever? Including ones you've said this stream? -Oh, here's Greg admiting that that's a projection! -Lainey is freaking out a bit that so many people are watching this (right before Greg came up with an example of something he passes as a joke but isn't actually). Greg goes back to berating her for the stream saying it's just for money. "Yeah guys, she's totally doing this because she loves you guys" -Lainey says that she does like broadcasting (which Greg takes it as her exposing herself???) and says how she started broadcasting even before she became a partner and could make money off of it -Lainey tells the audience that she's never doing this again while Greg chants "mama needs a new ferrari". Ok, but apparently Baby needs two Teslas! :D -"Stop hitting my leg" -Lainey -Greg talks about how him "gently patting" her leg means it's all over. As if he has't been fucking abusive already in under 20 minutes of broadcast so far -Talking about/to someone named Seth that's been brought up alot by the commenters aparently: "You've only got 40k subscribers Seth? You're not popular enough for us, my wife has 60k subscribers and she doesn't even do anything" -Ok, so the word "fuck" is off limits but Greg talking about jerking off isn't. Including a comment that he jerks off a lot. Good to know where your priorities are. -Also the context of that is him saying that "if you aren't educating yourself then what are you doing?" Followed by joking that it would be jerking off. Ironic that one of the most ignorant dumbasses on youtube would talk about the importance of educating yourself -He's quoting Sherlock acting like the world doesn't notice their surroundings when he didn't even know that the IRS requires proof (which is straight up on their website) -Lainey says that Greg is either as he is in the broadcast, playing Metal Gear, or totally silent and ignoring her. I think that's the most important thing to come out of this shitstorm -Oh, Greg made a joke that in real life they hate each other and this is all an act (if it's all an act shouldn't this mean he actually loves Lainey IRL?). Lainey makes the joke that it isn't a joke, they actually hate each other and Greg says, "I meant it as a joke but you were serious and that hurts". I'm pretty sure Lainey was implying that he hated THEM but sure, make it about you Greg -Greg compares them to the Simpsons saying he's the dumb one and they're the smart one who puts up with him and it's great. Lainey brings up the question "how is that good?". "Becaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaause we're never going to leave each other" in the whinyest voice ever. Followed by "well I'm too dumb to be in a healthy relationship and you're so smart that you're able to compensate". HOLD UP WISHFUL MOTHER FUCKER, HOLD THE FUCK! UP! ARE YOU ADMITING THAT THIS RELATIONHSIP IS UNHEALTHY AND TOXIC BUT IT'S OK BECAUSE LAINEY IS SO GOOD AND PURE THAT THEY MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP HEALTHY? THAT'S NOT HOW A RELATIONSHIP FUCKING WORKS. NO WONDER EVERY RELATIONSHIP YOU'VE EVER HAD HAS GONE TO HELL. YOU THINK THAT AS LONG AS THE PERSON YOU'RE WITH IS GOOD YOU CAN BE AS SHITTY AS YOU WANT. FUCK YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR -"This is funny coming from someone who always calls me dumb" End of part 1Ok, so this was long because literally everything Greg said was terrible and went on here so this is practically a transcript. I will look at the other parts tomorrow and do a post when I can because I really can't watch more than 20 minutes at a time. I hope this helps anyone who can't watch the broadcast and I hope my commentary didn't become too negative to read. Particularily during my rants but I had to get it out. My parting words on this will be to Lainey if they're reading this: Get out, please, you don't deserve this. You deserve to be happy, even if you never got into another relationship again after this, being without a romantic partner is so much better than being with someone who actively ruins your life.