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omfgtrump · 5 years ago

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The Butt Of All Jokes

The drum beat for impeachment ramps up and the world of unreality follows. Up is down and there is no “quid pro quo,” even though there is. And people are talking out of their assess instead of their mouths. (More on this at the end.)

Sir William ‘Lower the Barr’, has opened up a criminal investigation of an investigation (Remember the Russia thing?) that found that a bunch of The Don’s cronies were criminals and that Russia interfered in our election.

A bipartisan report by the Senate Intelligence Committee confirmed this finding; so did 19 other agencies. The Don’s response was “meh” as he defended Putin’s denial of it all.

Barr, who is supposed to be a defender of the F.B.I. and working for the people, is a tool of The Don and is investigating the investigators! And Putin smiles as Giuliani and his feckless shadow ministry try to blame Ukraine for the election interference. As Groucho Marx famously said: “This is a travesty of a mockery of a sham.”

Credible witnesses come before the House committees, verifying The Don’s quid pro quo with Ukraine, and Republican members of the committees (along with a cadre of other stooges) decide to crash the event. Umm?

Foul play, they decry. We need more transparency. The process is a travesty. (These same whiners weren’t saying much during the closed door and bogus Benghazi investigation of Hillary Clinton!)

Have you ever heard of someone crashing a party they were already invited to? Imagine bursting in to a party yelling: “Hey man, I am crashing your party” and the befuddled host saying “but you have been here all night long. WTF? Are you that drunk that you didn’t know you were here? I warned you to stay clear of those mushrooms. Are you in some dissociative state from some trauma you experienced?”

How about this take by Democrat Congressmen Tom Malinowski: “It’s a bunch of Freedom Caucus members having pizza around a conference table pretending to be brave. All they basically did here was to storm a castle that they already occupied.”

Rumor has it that one of the outraged congressmen was queried about the storming of the Bastille action. Sheepishly, he whispered to the reporter that he was really just there for the Pizza and Chick-Fil-A. He was overheard saying: “You know with all the budget cuts in the government you don’t get much free food anymore! Got to love Chick-fil-A as the guy who owns it is a right- winger. Get it? Chicken wing. Right Wing!”

Cluck, cluck, cluck!

If the protest was the equivalent of Theater of the Absurd, the fact that these “declared Freedom Riders” brought their cell phones in to the SCIF (Sensitive Department Information Facility) was Theater of the Buffoons.

Here’s what a high-level intelligence committee member had to say:

“Republicans bringing in their phones was a “major security breach. The SCIF itself is a secure facility designed to prevent electronic eavesdropping so members of Congress can receive highly classified information about how the nation collects information on its adversaries, and on *very* sensitive intelligence operations,” “Foreign adversaries are constantly trying to figure out what goes on inside those rooms to figure out what the US knows about them, to out US high-level sources in their governments, to know what the US government knows and use it against us.”

“Russia, if you are listening”…

Rumor has it that the Chinese were broadcasting the event on national TV with the title: This is why America is no longer great and China has become the number one world power.

One rowdy member named Gowdy was thought to have been seen taking selfies and sending them to his mother with the tag: “Hey momma, look at me, your Trey is an American hero!”

And did you know that Mike Pence’s brother Greg is in congress and a sits on one of the committees? If you think the Vice President is bland, he’s a jalapeno pepper, compared to Greg. He is so vanilla that no one even knows he is in the meeting, which works out well as he probably is transmitting the proceedings to his VP brother and unbeknownst to him, to China and Russia as well.

Now, as promised, let’s get to the talking out of the ass part. I’m talking about Rudy Giuliani, who famously said: “The truth isn’t the truth.”

The former Mayor of New York, who was heralded after the tragedy of 9/11 and referred to as “America’s Mayor.” The man who months ago stated out loud that he was off to the Ukraine to get dirt on Joe Biden and then changed his mind because people said: WTF? You are going where, to do what?

The man, despite the protestations, proceeded to do just that and is now under criminal investigation for being involved in the quid pro quo that will lead to The Don’s impeachment.

The man, who on CNN, first denied there was a quid-pro-quo, and said, “So what if there was?”.

The man who on Fox News looks and sounds like a dog years shy of a rabies shot?

The man, who like William ‘Lower the Barr’, has lost all credibility and become a sinister operator in The Don’s attempt to break norms and flaunt the rule of law.

The man who has become so ridiculous that he has become the butt of endless jokes.

Well, now that man also has another distinction. He has become America’s most famous butt caller!

In a muffled recording — left on Oct. 16 with the NBC reporter Rich Schapiro — Giuliani can be heard discussing business in Turkey and Bahrain. At one point, speaking with a pair of unidentified men, Mr. Giuliani declares: “The problem is we need some money.”

Nearly 10 seconds of silence tick by before Mr. Giuliani clarifies: “We need a few hundred thousand.”

Umm?

It was not the first time that Mr. Giuliani had left remnants of a conversation on Mr. Schapiro’s phone. In a voice mail message left in September, he can be heard railing against the family of Joseph R. Biden Jr., suggesting with no evidence that he knows of corrupt activities by the former vice president.

After railing against Biden, here is what comes out of his ass, well, from this butt call.

“I expected it would happen,” Giuliani says at the start of the recording. “The minute you touch on one of the protected people, they go crazy. They come after you.”

“You got the truth on your side,” an unidentified man says.

“It’s very powerful,” Giuliani replies.

“And the Ukraine, they’re investigating him and they blocked it twice. So what the president was [unintelligible word], ‘You can’t keep doing this. You have to investigate this.’ And they say it will affect the 2020 election.”

The man who said the “Truth is not the Truth” has told the truth. It is about trying to impact the outcome of the 2020 election. Out of the mouth of babes, but in this case, out of the butt of Giuliani.

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bastionkeeper · 8 years ago

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*finger guns* A fic about Jack and Johnny's first kiss (or them confessing their love for each other?) :D

*finger guns* anything for a fellow Star Vs/Samurai Bravo fan babe carnival one

Johnny woke up facing a bear.

A giant stuffed panda bear, with a big red bow tied around its neck, that took up a corner of his room.

“....mornin’” he greeted the bear.

The events of the night prior were playing endlessly on repeat in his head. Jack had been fascinated by everything. Johnny only sort of understood the whole past-time-travel thing, but he figured wherever Jack came from they didn’t have cotton candy. He’d been delighted when the spun sugar melted in his mouth and turned his tongue blue.

The whole night had been sort of like....a date?

Johnny flushed remembering how Jack had won him a bear and called him pretty.

Most people assumed Johnny had never felt that way about a man before, but he was familiar with his fluid sexuality. Just because he didn’t like to bring it up didn’t mean he didn’t know it was there. He was supposed to be a ladies man, a chick magnet, a stud. If people knew he wanted to kiss a man...to kiss Jack...

“This is bogus,” he said to himself. “You’re not in high school anymore, and I’d like to see anyone shove this in a locker just for bein’ a bit gay.” he flexed several times. With that problem unsteadily solved he decided to go and find Jack. Spending some more time with him would help him figure out if it had just been the cotton candy talking or if he really wanted to...

After getting dressed and spending ten minutes on his hair, Johnny left to go find Jack at one of his usual spots. Since the living fossil didn’t have a cell phone, he was nearly impossible to reach, but Johnny knew where Jack usually hung out.

“Hey, I was hoping you’d be here,” Johnny shot Jack a pair of finger guns as he entered the park. Jack looked to be in the middle of practicing, punching at the air and performing stunts Johnny had only seen in karate movies. He was dressed only in a pair of shorts Johnny had bought for him, so his glistening muscles were quite visible.

“I am usually here,” Jack said. “It is where I have been sleeping since my arrival in this time.”

“Whoa, whoa, wait, you’ve been sleeping in the park?” Johnny asked.

“Yes?” Jack looked confused as to why Johnny was concerned by this.

“Like...you’re homeless?” Johnny asked.

“I am very far from home, Johnny,” Jack gave a sad smile and finished his workout with a final stretch. “I am no stranger to wandering and outdoor living, do not worry.”

“Well....okay...” Johnny said. “Um...say, you wanna like grab some breakfast or something?”

“That sounds nice.” Jack grabbed a nearby backpack and pulled a shirt from it. Johnny almost started crying when he pulled it on over his bare torso.

Johnny insisted on paying for breakfast, though Jack did fight him on it quite a bit.

“At least let me pay for half,” Jack said, digging around in his backpack. “Oh...” he slapped a palm to his forehead as he pulled a bundle of Aku-bucks from within. “I suppose...this will not do.”

“Just let me pay for it, I got this.” Johnny grinned.

“No, I will just find an alternative method of payment,” Jack was smirking, and Johnny felt his insides twist at the sight of it.

“Oh?” he asked nervously.

“Perhaps a kiss?” Jack asked. “Unless, I have been misreading your body language.”

Johnny tried to take a mental inventory of everything his body had done that day, wondering where it had betrayed him.

“You’ve been flexing,” Jack explained with a chuckle. “Everytime you reach for something or point, or just in general.”

“I can’t help it, the guns just automatically target babes!” Johnny groaned, trying to hide his blush behind his hand. Jack took Johnny’s hand and pulled it away from his face. He looked at him, his eyes almost asking permission. Johnny gulped and leaned in, ready for the kiss.

#samurai bravo #blatantbalderdash #star-pines20

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