#But seriously I won't pay
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People actually pay their debt? Couldn't be me.
"its so hard being a dan fan in this fandom😭" girl trying being a dan hater everyday you get hit with THIS
#Dan hater till the end of my days#I love him I swear#Good thing that Dan hate jars don't apply on Tumblr too#But seriously I won't pay#What could possibly happen
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do y'all think Macaque is falling back into the role that Azure and the others put on him by remaining on the outskirts of the group because he thinks his input/presence is unwanted (and yeah his presence isn't really wanted by MK and the others BUT. something about the fact Macaque is placing himself at the edge of the group, the edge that Azure and the others pushed him to, doesn't really sit well)
#Monkie Kid#lego monkie kid#monkie kid spoilers#lmk spoilers#im gonna be completely honest: i think the only reason Mac HASN'T apologized is cause he thinks they wont listen to it#so he's trying to do things WAY more subtly and it's NOT working out#and when i say ''he thinks they won't listen'' i dont mean he thinks they won't forgive him#honestly the group would be split 50/50 between ''forgives him'' and ''suspicious but willing to let him try''#i FULL OUT mean he thinks they won't listen. that they won't even hear his apology and will just talk over/ignore him#or completely misinterpret what he's saying#THAT'S what he thinks#when he was being the villain he was putting on a show. it's HILARIOUS how obvious his actions are a front when you rewatch s1 and s2#but like?? being actually him?? he does NOT expect them to listen to him when he's just himself#sort of like a. ''if you want people to listen you have to anger/frighten them into paying attention'' kind of mentality#not a good mentality to have#it DOES explain why he reacts Like That whenever someone does something that indicates they DID pay attention though#like. listen hear me out. i do NOT think Macaque expected MK to remember the Warrior thing.#so when MK brought it up it hit him like a truck#also why he reacts like that when Wukong somewhat seriously answers his ''you know this is just the calm before the storm'' question#+ when Wukong says ''we''#cause he does not consider himself part of the group. hence staying on the outskirts#GOD this guy is such a delicious pack of trauma to dissect. thank you lego for giving me not one#not two#but THREE traumatized monkeys to analyze
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I'm very optimistic about Buck and Tommy getting back together but you should also know that I'm still waiting for Schmico to get back together 😂.
#bucktommy#writing wise it would make sense to have them reunite I just hope it won't take too long#911 spoilers#schmico#911 abc#also I have never been in a fandom that took cast and crew interviews seriously as much as the 911 fandom does... usually the other fandoms#don't pay that much attention to the interviews or just ignore it#It's not bad at all btw just an interesting phenomenon I have noticed over the year#years#I'm hoping for a big reveal and a love confession
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re: tpac ch 10 -- few keen-eyed + canon-familiar readers caught a reference to something something math :)
while it's not a direct "thing" they're dealing with, it does have wider repercussions for the mainline phd-verse fics (tpac -> hlwi -> tpil), in which you'll only get hints of from everyone's pov bc limited perspectives
but yeah it's on purpose
and for those that don't mind a bit of spoiling, a little morsel from the plot isn't lost, we're just expanding it (or tpil) + @rozaceous and me tearing that fucking shit ass lore to shreds since may lmao (i think every time we brought it up one of us is always a bit tipsy whoops)
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bonus:
#folie a deux#verm bits#phd-verse#on tpac#on tpil#i don't mind sharing a bit bc it's so far off but i've already got a lot written#so it's like driving me bonkers to stay quiet lol#someone called it the thing a 'cognitohazard' and normally true#but even in fanfiction you couldn't pay me enough to take that damn thing seriously#i literally cannot. my neural pathways won't let me
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might be a little quiet for a bit, i'm alright! but i need to work on improving my mental health in the long run so that's what i'm doing :]
#as i say this i'll probably be posting like. tomorrow. just watch /silly#i need to unleash my queue at some point#when i do it won't mean i'm back i just have a lot i wanna rb lmao#tbf i haven't really been “back” - i don't post like i used to but that's okay#posting here isn't a commitment it's for fun and i'm trying to get my fun back yknow#so ya :]#seriously tho i'm okay i just haven't been paying enough attention to myself#i need to make commitments and i haven't so that's what i'm doing#after that i'll be back! and hopefully better than ever#for the mutuals that see this ily guys :] /gen & pos#ur always there for me and understand <33#anyways i'll shut up now#and focus on the task at hand#YIPPEE FOR TAKING CARE OF MYSELF#spinny rambles#spinny stuff
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My thing is that I just do not trust a single person who was involved in the show. It just seems like a lot of PR to fix their image and foster sympathy/goodwill/interest.
#i haven't seen compelling evidence that anybody actually tried to fight for canon (and reciprocated) destiel#just admissions that they played into the subtext#(which we already knew - that's why spn's been considered a prime example of queerbaiting since like 2011)#and non-committal statements about the pairing being compelling#edlund seemed to specifically say he wasn't censored/forced to rework due to the gay#yeah misha said the cw's homophobic and suggested the network was the barrier#but at least half of what comes out of misha's mouth is bullshit#like he also said they tried to pay him to stay bisexual#and as a result there's now a bunch of support being tossed out to the writers and some fans are talking about them like they're heroes#who valliantly fought against a homophobic network and were totally going to make dean and cas a couple#but were foiled by said network which is why the show ended with the gays being buried yet again#you see in the secret unreleased version...#and if we just let jensen make another season he won't let us down because of xyz vague statements#nevermind that he made a new show where cas was also never mentioned - cw censorship#nevermind the straightwashed version of soldier boy he's playing - that's kripke's fault#nevermind the statements he's made in the past about destiel and dean's sexuality - he's changed his mind#you can tell because he's said it's okay for fans to have their own interpretations about the series#idk maybe i'm too cynical and i'm being unfair#there's just too much vagueness from pretty much everybody for me to put faith in their intentions#especially if they are seriously considering attempting to revive the series - this sort of thing is great for drumming up interest#the writers being censored by homophobic execs is a familiar narrative ofc - but i don't see anything solid to suggest this is what happened#and it's not like there weren't queer relationships on tv when spn was airing - the show ended in 2020#it isn't even like there weren't queer relationships shown on the cw during spn's run - there were more than a few#i just have so many questions#spn#destiel
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my talents are wasted on being a student I should be doing video essays
#I have so many thoughts. all the time. and scholarship won't take me seriously#I need to write an essay about mascot horror and particularly the resurgence post-fnaf about poppy playtime and amanda the adventurer#and how it's connected to a cultural consciousness of consumption and childhood nostalgia exploitation#and is a masterful subgenre of horror that is key to understanding the millenial and gen z experience#but no. I would be flogged if I did that#i also have many many video essays I want to do just on the terror#on the subgenre of horror comedy and the interplay between the two genres separately#(and how especially edgar allan poe is foundational to all of these because literally he was coming up with all this shit before anybody#else and it continues to amaze me how much the man's work is in conversation with the darkness of the american experiment that continues to#haunt the stories that we produce to this day) AND I AM!!!!!! SO MAD!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANNA DO THAT. LET ME DO THAT. AND PAY ME FOR IT#if I get good equipment as a graduation present it is all over for u hoes
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2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)
#ctxt#i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70%#i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections#to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh#going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long#while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time#but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed#to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach#and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me#and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually#i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op)#but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever#i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it#money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out#but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now#genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year#and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough#to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last#in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was#bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive#and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there#but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety#it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself'#and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time?#and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it#i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults#i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed#instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things#and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need#chronic blogging
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Why did my bra size go up again
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Ok, so I'm just thinking about Young Justice (cartoon) and how season two would have been improved if there hadn't been the time skip. There is a lot about the time skip that lost people but the emotional impact that certain things could have had was just gone.
I re-watched it recently and there was a scene in the first episode that would have been so impactful if it had happen several seasons in with knowledge of these characters. It happens between Nightwing and Robin when Nightwing is assigning missions.
Nightwing: Tim, you'll be running Gamma. Robin: Me? Dick, I've never led a squad before. Nightwing: Making this a good opportunity to get your feet wet as a field leader. Robin: Because it's Gamma and you're not expecting trouble, or because we're stretched thin and you have no choice? Nightwing looks away before sighing and turning back to face Robin. Nightwing: Just don't die, ok? Robin's eyes widen as he stiffens slightly. Nightwing: And no unnecessary risks to the squad. That's an order. Robin nods.
The reason that this would have been impactful emotionally speaking is because of the death of Jason Todd. If this had happened a few seasons in we could have met Jason Todd, the second Robin. In Young Justice no one was sure if he had been a character until a hologram of him was shown in the grotto of fallen heroes.
As is, it just seems like Nightwing has been a bit protective of Tim. There's no reason for this scene to stand out. But on a re-watch my only thought was 'Oh this would have been impactful if I had actually known Jason. If there had been a arc of Tim trying to prove that he could watch out for himself and he didn't need Dick protecting him. Just don't die would have been really impactful if the death of the second Robin was known.' Which um, isn't what you want a person thinking when watching your show. It shouldn't be here is this missed chance. It should have been that emotional gut punch.
And I feel like that is part of the problem that parts of season 2 had. It expects that audience to come in with some knowledge already. I know of Jason Todd from cultural osmosis but that isn't enough to make me care about him in the context of the show that I watched. Batman the Animated Series didn't have him so he can be left out of Batman related material. My jump from 'Just don't die' isn't going to be 'oh Jason Todd must of died in this universe' its Nightwing seems a bit protective of Robin but that's probably because Robin doesn't have that much experience crime fighting either in general or in a group. Maybe he's been reckless? Maybe he's like Nightwing was when he was younger and isn't good at letting the group know the plan? But it isn't the second Robin died.
The fact that Robin doesn't really have many parts focused on him after that makes it feel like that should be a conclusion to an arc. A point where he steps out from being one of the focus characters and makes room for Blue Beetle to take over as one of the focus characters.
#Young Justice#Young Justice cartoon#YJ Cartoon#I don't know what the general tags are for the cartoon#Nightwing#Robin#Jason Todd#seriously the emotional impact of a lot of things in season 2 is just lost because we don't know the characters#the reason that season 1 worked was because we got to know the characters#we cared about their struggles because they gave us the information needed to know what was going on#what wasn't told right away was built up#I heard that there was a time skip between season 2 and 3 so I haven't watched other seasons#because season 2 did not pay off the mystery that they were trying to go for#at least I think they were going for a mystery#but just yes I am here for the plot#but I am also here for the characters moreso#and if you lost me on the characters then it won't matter what the plot is like#this was a show that was built on making you care about the characters in season 1#why is Nightwing even Nightwing now#Why did he stop being Robin?#did he have a falling out with Batman because the show doesn't make that feel like the case#Did he decide that he needed a new name like Speedy did at the start of the series?#did he give it up so that Jason could take the mantle when Batman took him in?#who knows
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oh and, I'm pretty sure I either got scammed or DHL lost my package - it's just a Rainbow High doll, it wasn't very expensive or anything. but it's the one that first got me into these dolls and I had finally found it for a decent price. but it's been a month and it hasn't arrived yet. 🤷
#maybe that'll teach me to always pay for insured shipping (it definitely won't)#it's really not a lot of money but. it still hurts! especially now that I'm very seriously working on not buying so much crap anymore (once#again...)#really I'm just sad about not getting the doll 😔 it's not rare or anything but it's not sold new anymore so it's a bit more annoying#and they tend to get expensive after a while#plus now I feel like I can't buy it again for a while because what if the package magically shows up 🤷#personal
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unfortunately it's still so fucking over 😔
#did not have a restful night's sleep at all#only slept for 5 hours and woke up with swollen eyes and the headache still isn't gone#my mom keeps saying that i have to pull through and that it's always difficult being the new one but i refuse being treated this way#the problem is i can't just quit bc i received a scholarship from them & agreed to work full time for a year in return#i could pay back the scholarship with interest charges but i don't want to spend my entire savings on that#i found a really good job offer from another pharmacy but it doesn't really make sense to apply there since i'm still tied to my current..#pharmacy for 11 months#but i'm scared that once those 11 months are up i won't be able to find such a good job offer again#tbh it sounds too good to be true bc it claims you only have to work 4 days a week and no saturdays that would be ideal#but i doubt there will still be such an offer in a year... i really don't know what to do i'm so indecisive :(#i uses to really enjoy working in my pharmacy despite the long working hours and even having to work full saturdays..#but it's just getting worse every week and i can't stand to work with one of my colleagues anymore she's just insufferable#my concerns are not taken seriously and i'm clearly taken advantage of and treated poorly bc i'm the new one#☁️
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I honestly wish my birthday wasn't in 2 weeks. I always get really depressed around my birthday.
#october 23rd everybody mark your calendars!#it's a monday and I have sweeney todd rehearsal that night so I probably won't even get to have my birthday on my birthday#I'm gonna be 24 years old it really shouldn't matter so much to me anymore but it does#but I'm not a kid anymore. my birthday isn't special to anyone but me anymore. to everyone else it's just another day.#well it's all I've got it's the only time I ever feel seen and like people care enough to pay even the slightest attention to me#i just recently realized that receiving gifts is a love language for me too and i honestly hate that i feel like such an asshole#it feels worse because I haven't been able to get even a shitty job since i graduated college and my family is fucking broke too#so when my sister said she already had my birthday present my mom just jokingly says 'at least someone's getting you something' !#i seriously almost started crying when she said that. i did not find that funny at all. she said the exact same thing about christmas#which i feel the same way about. I've just been having a horrible last like 2 years and now it's almost my birthday again and I'm still#exactly where I was last year. I'm trying so hard and I just can't make any progress.#I'm stuck and it just feels like there's nothing I can do about it at this point.#anyway sorry to be such a downer I'm gonna at least try to go to sleep#abby's self deprication hour#abby's insomia thoughts
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A random rant on how unlucky I was when getting my Miles Kane album. I had ordered a bundle with the yellow vinyl, the 7 inch, the signed print and the CD.
So first, it took FOREVER to get to my country. Like literally, i received the message that it had gotten here almost 3 weeks after the release.
Then, i had to pay 16 extra euros in customs taxes, even after paying for shipping and taxes when i first bought it.
Then today it got here and guess what??? The CD and the signed print... were not here???
BUT WAIT it gets worse, because when i play the 7 inch, it stops near the end of See You On The Water, leaving me without the last 20 seconds or so...
I'm just... HOW AM I THIS UNLUCKY WTF???
#no seriously#had to make 2 complaints today and i'm scared they think i'm lying or something lol#it just makes me so upset because i know however this situation gets solved#it won't be 100% favourable for me#because i am SURE#i will have to pay MORE TAXES on the missing/broken items#send help#miles kane#one man band#random rant#me.txt
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I saw Jay's playthrough of Sally Face today and it made me remember how much I love this game, so I drew Sal :))!!
#seriously I just ahafgz I'm going to be so annoying about this game now I'm sorry (lying)#(everytime I say/read/etc the word seriously I read it in Ocean's voice when she's singing What The World Needs omfg)#his hair looks like that because........uhmm#cute :33 but also I just..can't draw straight hair ://#in pigtails specifically. idk why it just two ponytails so I don't know WHY I can't...#my dad is saying I HAVE to go to school or he won't pay the wifi bill uhmm apparently it 2 months behind?? uhh yeah...? oof guess I'll#fucking kms instead because if I have to be at that DAMN HIGHSCHOOL AGAIN#I am only a freshman and I already wanna bash my head into the desk#MY GYM TEACHER DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MY FUCKING NAME#AND I have to deal w/ shitty fucking allergies on top of that because my mom SUCKS and I didn't think to grad the medicine when I was#leaving yesterday morning mostly cause her BITCH ASS EX WAS THERE IN THE LIVING ROOM (that's connected to the kitchen; where the medicine#was) because she can't kick him out and she has work so she need him there anyway because free babysitting because she had this stupid#fucking kid with him 4 years ago ://#what am I talking about???#sorry for ranting babe hehe <3 back to being a silly little guy ^^!!#so my friend wants me to play D&D with her and her other friend (idk who they are?? she never told me their name)#so that's cool :)#anyway I listened to Sanity Falls again I fucking love those songs god Idk y I stopped listening to these what was wrong w/ me damn :DDD!!!#gonna queue a few post so they go up while I'm either asleep or at school#probably school cause my dad said if I'm asleep he'll beat me awake :/ so yeah...not new whatever :/#can't even complain; cause according to my parents it isn't abuse to hit you're CHILD and they had it worse so stfu and I hate you' like#WTF WAS THAT? BRO?? ughh like okay yeha I get it I've been out for a bit but like...really? has Hitting use worked EVER? no? THEN WHY ARE#THEY STILL DOING IT??........ugghhh fuck#night dude :p#omfg I ranted to much I forgot to tag#sally face#sal fisher#sally face sal
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What is it with American online shit always assuming everyone has a credit card Jesus fucking Christ
#I am TRYING TO SPEND MONEY WHY WON'T YOU LET ME SPEND MONEY#why is it so hard to pay for a YouTube channel membership???#what? why can't I just what#trying to figure out what the fault is#keeps bringing me back to this Google Pay/Google Wallet thing#which is just Absolutely Accursed and keeps asking me for credit card info#dear Google even if I HAD a credit card I would absolutely NOT give YOU that info#but seriously I've encountered this a bunch now#American sellers and websites and shops#not giving you other payment methods aside from credit cards#what the actual fuck is that why would I have a credit card#Credit Cards#shit that I thought sounded shady af even when I was a child#and am very very very wary of still as a adult. not happening. def not happening
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