#But if I don't I'll die.

[voskhozhdeniye]

My mother was a teacher's assistant. After school, while waiting for her to finish her after-school responsibilities, I'd hear her and the other teachers gossip about teachers, students, news, and pop culture. The thought occurred to me the other day. I wondered what the other teachers thought of her?

I know my parent's religion is a cult, but I always find myself going it's not a "CULT" cult. I know being raised in it did some damage to me, but my days of analyzing it have thinned out.

They don't do holidays. Easter is the only holiday that gets any acknowledgment, and it's strictly viewed through a biblical lens. No Easter Bunny, no egg hunts, we are celebrating the rise of Christ.

No, they don't acknowledge Christmas, and you don't celebrate your own birthday. 30 was my first and only birthday cake.

There are many different examples of this that can come up, but I'm going to choose the one I remember the most.

Because we don't celebrate holidays or celebrate them in the same way as those who are not, "in the truth," we do not participate in "worldly" celebrations.

So, when a holiday came up, I was not allowed to do class work that used the holiday to educate. I had to be given alternative work.

Now I must be honest, part of me also enjoys this. I see the holidays as the capitalistic bullshit they are, but that's not the point.

The two exclusions I remember most were not being able to give or receive valentines on Valentine's Day and not being able to join in dancing to The Monster Mash around Halloween. I couldn't learn Christmas songs on the recorder, but I never really cared about that.

These ideas were also enforced at home, of course. I've talked on here about my fight to watch Pokemon as a kid, and so on. My parents still believe TV can infect you with demons.

I was thinking about it this morning. There's a post on the blog somewhere that talks about how cults operate. One of the main talking points is separating your followers from identifying with people outside the cult.

Did you notice how I spoke about those who aren't in it? They aren't "in the truth." They're considered, "worldly." You don't want to associate with the world. Associating with the world will bar you from reaching god's paradise.

I've talked on here for years about how I've always felt "outside."

I'm beginning to realize this is the intentional result of being raised in a cult.

My rejection of the cult has left me in no man's land. An outsider everywhere. I enjoy being an outsider of the cult, but the feeling following everywhere has taken its toll.

I've hated myself for so long. Intentionally destroyed myself for so long because of how paralyzed I've felt by this. I've hated how it feels like I'm the only person dealing with these feelings. I know it isn't true. I read y'all blogs. But I am chained to this. The white hot anger I've felt through the years when people dismissed my inability to overcome this mountain.

More and more, I feel like recovery from this is unattainable at this point in the world. There are too many external struggles occurring to truly deal with internal struggles in their full scope.

As I read this back, I realized this may come off as a suicide note. It is not! I'm just going through a reappraisal.

Thinking about how my mother couldn't stand the first noticeably gay male teacher the school got. She blocked me from being instructed by him. I doubt I knew what gay was at that time. I do remember finding the way his masculinity contrasted with the other male teachers fascinating.

Looking back, my fifth grade language arts teacher was most likely a lesbian. I loved her. She'd die before putting on makeup. Each wrinkle was hard fought for. She had to be in her late sixties or early seventies.

She was able to get me placed in an advanced reading program. They read us the first Harry Potter book in the class. She made sure my parents didn't find out what we were reading, and I had the best school attendance in my life.

I never became a Harry Potter fan beyond that class. My one high school friend took me to see Half-Blood Prince. I think I pissed him off. I guessed the "twist" five minutes in and criticized it for being juvenile. 🫠

(Looked it up, 2009, I was 20. I was already a snob by then.)

It's going on thirty years now, and that little act of indulging a child's imagination in the face of massive repression is the coolest thing anyone has ever done for me.

Love how the queer people my mother hated actually recognized my humanity.

Also, I wouldn't put a suicide note under a read more. I'm a vain bitch. I'm pinning that mother fucker.

[knifearo]

being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

[wardingshout]

Zelda goes mushroom girl

[hyperblue]

terry: i used to make really poor choices about my life, so now I'm redeeming myself by being batman

dick, who is always five seconds away from killing himself when he has to be batman: what an... interesting way of seeing things

tim, who can not EVER be allowed to be batman: huh.

[solroskajan]

:D

[arataka-reigen]

I'm trying to start a movement here

[ID: The first 3 images are edited versions of the "Let's take ibuprofen together" meme. The captions now say "Let's read shoujo together". They each show a person holding their hand out to the viewer; a character from the series Benigyokuzui, Mob from Mob Psycho 100, and Jerma. / end ID]

ID provided by @siroofington thank you so much

[bookholichany]

Photographed by Marc Brenner

All hail, Macbeth! Hail to thee, Thane of Glamis! All hail, Macbeth! Hail to thee, Thane of Cawdor! All hail, Macbeth, that shalt be king hereafter!

[zappyzlmao]

Mickey Mouse is public domain you say?

[buf309]

Hey! I see that you're a Spy Family Fan and i wanted to ask what you think would happen,

If Yor asked Loid the age old question "Would you still love me if I was a worm? "

Hi, thank you for your patience 🤗

Your ask caught the musebunny's attention so it insisted on making me draw pages of comic for this. Well, because I think depending on when Yor asked this question, the answer she got could be very different. I hope these are worth the wait. Please enjoy.

and for comparison and contrast, I also let Fiona ask her senpai this question too 🤔

[ruporas]

feast (ID in alt)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Mo Ran fails to master the art of pspsps (continuation of this)

(For @airagorncharda)

[la-pheacienne]

George Martin, 2013: "In a very basic level winter is coming for all of us. I think that’s one of the things that art is concerned with: the awareness of our own mortality. “Valar morghulis” – “All men must die”. That shadow lies over our world and will until medical science gives us all immortality… but I don’t think it makes it necessarily a pessimistic world. Not any more pessimistic than the real world we live in. We’re here for a short time and we should be conscious of our own mortality, but the important thing is that love, compassion and empathy with other human beings is still possible. Laughter is still possible! Even laughter in the face of death… The struggle to make the world a better place… We have things like war, murder and rape… horrible things that still exist, but we don’t have to accept them, we can fight the good fight. The fight to eliminate those things.There is darkness in the world, but I don’t think we necessarily need to give way to despair. One of the great things that Tolkien says in Lord of The Rings is “despair is the ultimate crime”. That’s the ultimate failing of Denethor, the Steward of Gondor, that he despairs of ever being able to defeat Sauron. We should not despair. We should not go gentle into that good night".

JRR Tolkien, 1962 : "One reviewer once said, this is a jolly jolly book, all the right boys come home [...]- this isn't true of course, he can't have read the story. [...] Human stories are practically always about one thing, really, aren't they? Death. The inevitability of death. . . . . . (He quotes Simone de Beauvoir) 'There is no such thing as a natural death. Nothing that ever happens to man is natural, since his presence calls the whole world into question. All men must die, but for every man his death is an accident, and even if he knows it he would sense to it an unjustifiable violation.' Well, you may agree with the words or not, but those are the key spring of The Lord Of The Rings".

"Lotr is all rainbows and unicorns and Asoiaf is nihilistic and grimdark". Wrong, and wrong. In all its hope and radiance, lotr often gets very dark, and despite all the death and suffering, the hopeful moments in asoiaf shine bright. The meeting point of these two is this: having hope while in despair, and even better, refusing to give up because you have to go on despite not having any hope left.

[moonlitkissing]

Today, I'm thinking about watching a movie with a boy, having his head in my lap, and gently scratching my nails over his scalp to hear his little contented sighs. Hand him snacks if he wants them and rest my free hand on his waist

And reach a little lower if his sighs turn needy until neither of us is watching the movie anymore

[scarlettroubles]

Yuta's gonna die from a heart attack before he can even step foot in that arena and finish off Sukuna at this point

[hiding-under-the-willow]

A bunch more out of context stuff from the fic I've been working on. I swear I'll actually post it so y'all can understand what any of this means at some point lmao

[sunderwight]

aziraphale's avoidance issues, though

like they're similar to but also different from crowley's. because crowley physically tries to avoid things, like let's leave the bookshop when angry, let's suggest going to alpha centauri when the world's in danger, let's drive gabriel out to dartmoor and leave him there, etc

but aziraphale mentally checks out. let's pretend like it's silly to be wary of an amnesiac archangel who has previously threatened us and could regain his memory with no warning, let's fixate on hooking up these two random humans instead of thinking about the very real threats being levied against us by heaven and hell, let's ignore a goon squad of demons right outside the door so we can have our jane austen fantasy ballroom dance, etc

aziraphale is just as prone to running away as crowley does, but like many things with them, he tends to do it internally instead of externally. like yes on the one hand he is a determined optimist, he's not naive he chooses to believe in good things and try to make them happen.

but on the other hand, his approach to a lot of bad stuff is to just sort of not think about it until it's throwing a brick through his window