#But honestly I bet now that I WANT that
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what if i Entirely made up another relationship but with the express intent that they Don’t get together actually. this started out as a lol an lmao even but honestly i think i needed this. cathartically
based on the tags of my post here
👍if you ship scc go away
#like even from a non-aro perspective i think we should have more ‘friends who don’t feel the same way abt eachother’ that doesn’t nece cen#necessarily centers the one w the romantic feelings#like yeah i bet it sucks to have feelings for someone who doesn’t and won’t ever feel the same#but speaking from personal experience it is fucking Harrowing to know someoen wants ‘more’ from their relationship with you#and you don’t feel that way. and now that you know now that you’ve been told. your relationship will never go back to how it was#and for me i had a lot of doubts afterwards! i was scared!#sure he was scared to tell me he wanted to date me but i was scared to tell The Kid He Sent To Ask that I didn’t want to date him !#deltarune#the art gallery#honestly deltarune probably isn’t the story to Have this narrative considering Evrry Thing Else. especially not with these characters HDHSJ#but what can I say. I like the them#scc#vomit mention
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Learn from who? Learn from you? You are still a brat. What do you know? You're only three years older. Like you are any better than me. You're 21, and still a virgin. What are you proud of? I think you can't do it.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 06
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#userspicy#userrain#pdribs#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#*gestures at the caption* this is honestly the funniest argument they could possibly have idfk what to tell you. it's very ai di#meanwhile whatever's going through chen yi's head rn has recently been doused with 'the boss doesnt care abt me like that'#after watching cdy and zml at dinner. like chen yi already knows *before* ep9 & ai dis confession that cdy will never look at him#(the diff. between this scene & ep9's. is him failing in regards to the gang as well in cdy's eyes. he goes from feelings of disappointment#& irritability to complete despair and both times he drinks to cope. bc hes not enough in cdy's eyes in ANY of the ways he wants/hoped)#so honestly the crisis chen yi goes thru right here isnt unfounded at all hes literally dealing w an inadvertent rejection of his feelings#its chaos in his head and ai di is picking at him again and the wine is tilting in his blood and then- 'learn from who? learn from you?'#like what do YOU know about love ai di (WHILE CHEN YI'S PULLING HIM LIKE THAT-) so OF COURSE ai di goes for the deepest dig he can.#'i bet you cant get hard that explains how much of a coward you are'. its ridiculous the ways in which they push each other over the edge#but im ngl im kind of obsessed the way chen yi's tipsy line of thinking 'learn from you?' turned into the action 'fuck it learn from ME'#ANYWAY EVERYONE GO LISTEN TO 'LOSE CONTROL' BY TEDDY SWIMS RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. THe most chen yi song pre-ep9
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reblog if you support girls who are a little gnarsty ... reblog if you support weird lesbians who live in the woods <3
#for context i was like 'hehe i bet she'd be a little rusty" and then i went insanely overboard bc i love drawing rust#and now shes SO GRIMY!!!!!!#which honestly yeah good for her. She can be nasty in the woods if she wants...#i would imagine the forest is extremely damp which is why she gets so rusty. someone get this girl some WD40 I beg you#i love you kerana can we be gnarsty in the woods together pleading emoji ? <3#anywho#kerana#kerana stej#stej#spark the electric jester#pyyart
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my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled
OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY
#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it#rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf#you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something#he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing#i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience#like [i can help you if you've never done it before?]#honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that#SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY#anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels#would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it?#rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes#but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party...#maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance#at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down#rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety#because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL#yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is#i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden#eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so#but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too#eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰#i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights?#or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol#yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels#yes. yes this is the vision#yakurei#replies#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival rei
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I'm going to level with you, it feels like some kind of administrative oversight that we haven't had at least ONE F1 person on Strictly yet? Is the punditry pay THAT good??
#f1#formula 1#Honestly Jenson is the one I was SURE would have done it by now#But Mark Webber or DC are also reasonable bets#I'd have said Johnny Herbert but he seems to have taken the stewarding job#I'm guessing Jenson doesn't want to be away from his family given he's in the US now?
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Okay no one talk to me bc I haven’t watched the race yet but I just finished Nightbane by Alex Aster and am currently Losing It. I need the third book rn.
#lightlark#nightbane#spoilers for the book from this point on#OH MY GOD#WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE’S GOING TO KILL ONE OF THEM????#ALEX#ALEX PLEASE#I HATE LOVE TRIANGLES YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME#wait if it’s possible to bring people back to life in the Other World then could she theoretically bring Oro/Grim back?#also SHE’S DEAD???? WHAT?????#also are the dreks what Oro was talking about when he said Grim was protecting them all from something in the last book?#WAIT BUT-#SHE’S LIFE AND DEATH SHE’S BOTH#SHE’S BOTH ALIVE AND DEAD#YOU CAN BRING SOMETHING BACK FROM DEATH SO WHAT WILL SHE BRING BACK FROM ORO/GRIM’S DEATH?#also what are your bets kn who she kills?#atp signs are pointing to oro especially with the stuff that enya was saying#like isla is basically born to be his doom#but also i don’t think isla wants to go to the other world atp#idk I NEED THE THIRD BOOK#also if she’s going to shack up with grim now: how is he going to act knowing she isn’t only his?#how will they act together? just bc isla loves him doesn’t mean they’ll be all domestic like she and oro were#and god idk which couple i love more#they also hate each other so polyam seems unlikely#i think the only thing that makes sense here is that she dies as well#she can’t go and kill one guy and then live happily ever after with the other#she’ll be haunted by the loss of one of her great lives#and whoever guy lives wouldn’t be able to bear it#honestly in situations like this i’m always an all or nothing person#also i hit 30 tags so i can’t say more but gods. this series man
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Color swap Sun & Moon anyone? 👀
Individual drawings under the cut ‘cause why not ¯\(ツ)/¯
#d-ave-awn draws#Honestly I just really wanted to see how they’d look with each other's colors#for being one single animatronic you'd think this wouldn't feel so.... ???? but it does!#huh#one of the first few times I draw Moon and it's not really *Moon* Moon now is it---#fnaf sun#fnaf#sun fnaf#sundrop#fnaf sb#five nights at freddy's#five nights at freddy's security breach#fnaf daycare attendant#i bet this has probably been done before but i have not seen it and i'm sorta new sooooo#yup#here's my take on it i guess :D#it was fun to draw <3#fnaf moon#moon fnaf#moondrop
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in line to the bathroom just to cry!!
#random thoughts#gender dysphoria.#felt it especially this morning when some lady from this organization that worked with our school called me christine.#CHRISTINE.#do i honestly look like a christine??#(not her fault but still.)#but she kept fucking misgendering me. i bet it was the shirt i was wearing.#normally i wear more layers so as to make my body less. shaped.#BUT I RAN OUT OF NICE ONES AND SO I HAD TO WEAR ANOTHER.#it used to be my favorite shirt but now it is not. i hate it.#either it is too small for me or i am too large for it. and either way i want to fucking stab myself because of it#augh. wanted to cry earlier. but didn't.#still sort of do when i think about it. i get misgendered often but. augh.#and the comment my mother made a while ago. about. how can i be a boy if all my friends are girls?#WELL SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU HAVE NOT MET HALF THE BOYS IN MY SCHOOL. FUCKING IDIOT DUMBASS. HAVE YOU NO COMMON SENSE#TO KNOW THAT TIMES ARE CHANGING AND WE ARE NOT STUCK IN YOUR WARPED PERCEPTION OF GENDER NORMS?? HELLO??#i hate my body so much unironically. if i could fix it somehow.#i have been trying to fix it so hard for so long but it hasn't fucking worked and it's gone in the OPPOSITE WAY. and i am RUINING MY BODY.#AND I FUCKING HATE IT.#sometimes it feels as if nothing is good. i want to shave my head again and be perpertually ugly.#i need new hair.#i need to fix everything.#please.#i have no motivation to do it but i need to do it.#i know i'm a boy. i just want to be a boy for everyone else.
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I hate living in this world.
#misc#negativity tw#first off i had an argument with a colleague at work#we had to move places for the millionth time in this stupid open space#which already annoyed me#but this guy came at bargained like he always do while i said nothing because it's not like we chooae#and he always does that for actual work because and idk at first i made a snarky comment about now that he got what he wanted he better be#ready to work instead of hiding when somebody ask him to do his job#and he told me he didn't understand the remark#and my hot temper that makes me snap every five years took over#i bet he has by now complaining aboutme like he does about everything#anyway i take hours to calm down (not calm after 4 hours)#I'm also pissed at me cause i can't get emotional without shaking stupidly which makes me look like an hysterical person (i mean sadly i am)#also if there has to have an explanation once my anger is gone tomorrow i will be back on social anxiety mode which is gonna make it worse#all of this reminded me that i need to find a new job for ten thousand reasons#but unfortunately all employers are shit and actually i don't even know what i want to do#and as usual i have no energy for anything because i am still a major piece of shit#then i wanted to relax#made the mistake to open Instagram because I'm also stupid#and i know i don't often talk about politics and stuff#but it's really draining me#i barely or read news just enough to be aware#and honestly its exhausting but I dont want to complain cause Im in a privileged position where i have the chance to be able to 'shut off'#and yes my country and especially this government is sickening me#and like its people too#and also insta is full of pride posts#and i am stupid to read the homophobic and transphobic comments#and genuinely these people alongside racist and islamophobic people really scare the hell out of me#hopefully i don't engage but i shouldn't read anything at all tbh#speaking of pride im spiralling because even tho i kinda identify as aro i feel like a freak and i have nobody to tell me im not
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#@ gossip anon!#i cant post your ask cause you wrote the name and honestly i dont want any drama lol#but yeah im like ummmmh what?#everyone has their own headcanons i guess lol#the man was TENSE because he knew England was going to lose yet another competition 😭#i don’t know if you follow European football#but England is a joke at this point lol#the its coming home is a great joke now#louis was realising at the stadium#also he was sitting among Very Important People 🤡#with his England shirt 😭#for someone who likes to watch the game at the pub and sneaks a tv in glasto#it could have been an uncomfortable environment#i bet it was 😭 especially if you know there are cameras#louis is not very used to people and places like that#we don’t see him often even if he’s rich and even if he was in 1D
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how do you feel about the new tf2 leaks?
Oh it big sucks!
listen, this leak honestly makes me so mad im not even joking. not because of like, leaks like this cause so much trouble for the developers who own them (in how to combat it), or for the source licencees who are affected by the leak, but WHO it affects in this community.
say you've been working a beta recreation of 2Fort from Trailer 2 (since it's the version with the most footage), you've been working on it in your spare time for the past... 6 years lets say. you know the ins and outs of this map, you've watched footage and studied screenshots from around August 2006, and you've made an intense list of all the eras of 2Fort to ensure you have a timeline of eras so you know which to avoid and such.
so your beta 2Fort recreation is as accurate it can be from all the public media you could find from it. you've even gotten the sewers to be as low as they were in the beta combined with the higher water. there's some things left to your interpretation of the map, since the sewers have never been shown for example, and you push it out for people to play around on. this was basically your hobby for the past 6 years, and it meant so much to you to be able to create something with a love you can't put to words.
suddenly. the worst thing imaginable. a month after you post it? an entire developer repo leaks. and lets pretend it's got that version of 2Fort intact. that's a serious gut punch BUT, then you get comments from folks like "oh the actual 2fort leaked" "this is obsolete now" "oh well a recreation couldn't ever top a leak". it's demoralizing. it breaks their spirit for something they worked so hard on. the one thing you loved working on? well seemingly it doesn't matter now to the community you painstakingly made it for.
that's what hurts for me, is the people who've created content based off of things from TF2 (like the Spellcasters Witch), whom have made it from scratch, added their own personal touches like different outfits and hairstyles, to the ability to allow the user to recolour every part of that outfit. then a leak comes along and it seems everyone's ferally knashing their teeth at this leak. no leak can ever come close to the kind of love community members put into stuff.
that's why i hate this leak. and even with the 60 gigabytes of stuff that's leaked? people are still like "oh well this doesn't have everything 🙄". like sorry 60GB wasn't enough for you?
i hope we never see a TF2 leak again. this shit sucks and i hate the community around it.
#ask#catsmocha#i dont care whats in it. i dont care what maps are found. it fucking sucks#id have to imagine that any valve dev who had a slight want in working on TF2 again have quickly changed their mind from this#what do i know. im just some guy#but the whole ''cut content community'' for tf2 sucks#theyve been sitting on their hands waiting for the repo to leak. and theyre not even satisfied#now they want the SFM repo! which i bet doesnt exist. or wont exist now that this's happened#good job you idiots!#youll never see a TF2 leak after this point ill tell you that much. and good!!!! fuck 'em!!!#none of them deserve this stuff#sorry im just really mad at how people treat scrapped content for this game#theres so much stuff PUBLICLY AVAILABLE TO YOU that you can research through and find new stuff#but no 🙄💅 gotta get my hands on that repo!!! cant waste my time looking elsewhere#it makes me so mad#legit my heart goes out to the content creators who made models and maps before this leak#you put so much work into your craft. im sorry its being ignored for this shit#thank you for the ask honestly. i feel like if i didnt have an ask like this i wouldve explo💥💥💥💥💥
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nigel & alex - to be haunted by your love
henri nouwen // like minds (2006) // death - melanie martinez // pope alexander - crywank // her mother's kiss - eugene carriere // sometimes i fall asleep thinking about you - catarine hancock // the song of achilles - madeline miller // achilles lamenting the death of patroclus - gavin hamilton // lee martens
#am i happy with this? no. am i posting anyway? you bet your ass i am#another largely experimental post so take it with a grain of salt#honestly i could've just posted the achilles comparison part on its own and liked it better#cause that's really the part i wanted to get to#BUT the song lyrics are so load-bearing to this post. they started the whole thing. so it didn't feel right kicking them to the curb#so you get the whole shamozle lmao#anyway this post is more or less a take on the idea of when people say no one ever truly dies so long as your memory of them lives on#so long as you always carry your love for them in your heart#and how it's always meant to be a good thing you know? a positive thing#but what happens when it's not. what happens when their memory is a weight you drag forward? when that love is a haunting#when an absence becomes a presence in of itself#and you wish you could be rid of it. but you can't. and now they're in everything you do. they're everywhere you go#a permeation over every aspect of your life? how are you supposed to handle that kind of feeling#in the end this was more or less me scratching an itch wondering what life for alex was like after nigel was gone#and how fundamentally nigel does end up gaining immortality by living on in alex's memory#and arguably by becoming a part of him too#maybe my brain just hasn't fully recovered yet from being sick 🤡#like minds#murderous intent#nigel colbie#alex forbes#web weave#quotes
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So the other other day I went to Disney On Ice with my family and the moment I saw them, I developed one hell of a hankering for a snow cone. I knew I wanted one (despite New Zealand winter being in more-or-less full force) and I knew I had some money, so I went to scout the stalls selling them in the venue and see which one sold them for the cheapest price. If not from the Disney-themed stalls (which are always overpriced and always just for the merch inextricably tied to them), then from the stalls the venue itself had, because they actually had those and didn't completely restrict us to sacrificing our wallets to the big mouse.
Spoiler alert: THE ONLY STALLS THAT HAD THEM WERE THE DOI STALLS
AND THE SNOW CONES COST 25 NZD A PIECE
(For conversion to USD, multiply by 0.6)
I never wound up buying a snow cone ;m;
I'm still craving one to this day, three days after the event wrapped up ;m;
#rambles#ramble#overpriced disney merch my beloathed#honestly the worst part was that they didn't even sell the snow cones by themselves without merch#i'm not blaming the venue because uh snow cones might be a tough thing to accommodate#y'know with all the hot foods in the kitchens#but what i am saying is#disney is softlocking us into buying merch for the sake of the funni snack that one can take to ice skating#what else is new really it's disney after all#it's funny because as a kid i always wanted one of those snow cone cup things because duh snow cone and also funni olaf cup#but i never got to because even in the philippines they were too expensive for my parents' liking#but now i'm here wanting a snow cone but i want it *without* the merch#oh yeah and there were adult simba cups as well as the olaf cups and moana mugs and the cups that light up all flashy-like#the simba cup somehow cost 28 nzd.#WTH IS THIS#HOW IS THIS THING THREE NZD MORE EXPENSIVE#I BET THE SERVING IS THE SAME BETWEEN THE OLAF AND SIMBA ANYWAY#JUST HOW MUCH MORE PLASTIC IS BEING USED IN THERE TO MAKE DISNEY CHARGE *3 MORE DOLLARS* THAN THE STANDARD OLAF CUP#AND THE MOANA CUP IS WAY SMALLER BUT IT SOMEHOW COSTS JUST AS MUCH AS AN OLAF CUP#I BET THE SERVING IN THE MUG IS ONLY HALF THE ONE IN THE CUP#smh smh
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Major pro of just, not using facebook anymore: you don't get dragged into the drama's your parents get into on it and just become a spectator.
#for reasons i wont get into mom ended up picking fights with someone#and now that someones got all her friends involved via uploading the messages and shit#though they out here threatening mom and dad who got involved#but i honestly bet none of them will actually do those threats#unless they want jail time#its talk big until you have to do it#they also called me a munter and just#im a tumblr user i have seen worser insults lmao#(only called me it cause of dragging moms icon pic into it and me and dad are in it)
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Man oni can't do this to me I'm supposed to be preparing for artfight but all I can think abt is Them™ from the second I wake up to the moment I go to bed how am I supposed to prepare in these circumstances 😔
#rat rambles#oni posting#and dude the beta is probably still going to be going during that time klei how could you do this to me#like I will still be participating in artfight but I fear Ill be on oni lockdown for the first week or smth dhskdhkdh#Ill try to at least sketch some stuff out but god if I can get my hands onto any amount of lore its so jover#now thats not a guarantee this is a beta after all but god man. fuck.#also I need to know the new dupes name right now its important#mostly because I want confirmation that I got z on the cypher right lol#chances are theyll just have another a name or smth#who knows maybe theyll have a w name and be the second ever contender for being sent to the constant#although for all we know there could be plenty more w names in the cast that are just hidden in the full names like with nails#I am in such agony rn with seemingly every place ppl post abt oni being dead silent still hello is anyone there#I thought Id at least see some more speculative stuff on the gameplay side of things but Ive seen like 2 things where ppl even bring it up#tbf some of the new stuff seems pretty obvious to deduce to me like there's no way the new fox deers dont produce lumber#and we already know the bunny guys (or the big one at least) provides reed fiber at least#the plants are mostly more mysterious tho#we have the obvious one being our new bestie the oxylite plant and the lil puffball tree thats probably the new decor plant#and the crystal grapes are probably going to be a new muckroot equivalent and at least one of the new plants probably produces smth edible#as for what recourses they need we know that at least 2 of them need watered in some way#Im currently betting theyll need ethanol but thats not based on a lot#honestly if any of them use plain ol water or even any water variants Ill be surprised#I wouldn't be surprised if most of them take ethanol or some liquid gas or smth#I still am holding out on a plant that consumed liquid carbon dioxide but Im not too hopeful#one thing Im very curious on is just everything abt how the oxylite plant grows I wanna know how good itll be so bad#because I am a proud member of the desperately wants more viable oxygen production option in oni gang and I wanna see this baby flourish#but based on how seemingly abundant it is Im afraid itll just join the squad of early game oxygen options that become too much of a hassle#to sustain late game so you're usually just going to switch to exlectroliszers each time#I hope Im wrong but I wont be surprised if Im not#they already took one oxygen plant out back and shot it dead so this guy might just be a corpse on arival if we're unlucky#well hey thats why there's a beta ig gotta make sure things are balanced or whatever
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[cw: talking about Having A Bad TIme w the content of s.ubahibi]
halfway through ch4 -- just finished zakuro's route, now starting kimika's. i keep finding myself unconsciously wanting to go to the bathroom or walk to the kitchen -- anything to get away for a few minutes. lol.
once i finish this full thing and start browsing the tags on this site... idk how much fan reaction i actually want to see anymore hahaha. unless someone who's read s.ubahibi says the fandom Got All Of This and is Chill. bc i can image some portion of readers coming out of this with a completely warped reading of what's Happening... it's just. how MUCH of a portion is that?
to put it simply... if i find out someone cranked their hog past ch2, i will Get Them and smash their computer with my bare hands. <3
#i thought ch3 was the worst. 'oh i bet i just cursed myself' girl you did Exactly That.#genuinely the unrelenting horror of ch4 did trigger me quite a bit ;;; i cried multiple times... not out of sadness but bc it Fucking Hurt.#now it's kimika's route... and i know For A Fact that this is going to be fucking awful (emotionally).#i honestly really like kimika as a character so. i'm not. looking forward to it. esp knowing how everything happens Later in the timeline.#i'm just rambling bc i have the game up and have started her route and i don't want to click the text forward LMAOOOO.#GIRL I'M SCARED. REN SAVE ME. ETC.#046 text#blood -#eye contact -
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