#But I see people have so much fun with hobby or creation blogs

[satari-raine]

Sometimes I wonder about starting a writing blog. It feels silly to imagine it since I don't write as much as I'd like (although having something dedicated to it might change that.) For a while now, easily over a year but probably a lot longer, it's been tempting to change my handle or just go full anonymous with what I write? I mean, I'm kind of anonymous now - I try to keep away most connections to offline stuff, as far as that goes, and I don't have a large presence anywhere - but I don't know.

Sometimes I feel trapped by my handle or any semblance of my identity being attached to what I do even though I probably shouldn't, and I don't know if I could even articulate that thought well enough at the moment. I know there's something freeing almost with a fresh start. I do it enough in video games to know it's an addictive feeling, so sometimes I wonder if I did so with my writing - if I dropped the satariraine handle, changed it up, made another blog, whatever - that maybe I could do more or feel braver, or try new things.

Not sure where I'm going with this. Just a thought.

[bunnwich]

It's Supposed to Be Fun

(a letter to my friends in the twst fandom)

I've been wanting to make this post for a while and these thoughts may seem scattered but I’m gonna try to express them. 

Lately, I have seen many friends and moots that either are leaving the fandom or feel guilty over not having posted in a while or losing interest in twst. On the other side, I also have friends being harassed.

This a reminder to remember why you joined this community to begin with. I know that keeping up with the fast-moving pace of fandom and comparing ourselves to others, can skew our perspective on these things.

It’s supposed to be fun. 

Why do we post art or write? Sure, partly for recognition, there's no denying that. But, why do we create, I mean really? For enjoyment. Not for others, not to be “popular” FOR JOY.

So, whether you’re dealing with people critiquing you or feeling guilty about not creating. My question is this: Why waste so much of your time on something that makes you miserable?

Did it stop being fun? Why? Haters? Loss of interest?

To my friends who feel guilty for not creating and not sure if they lost interest in twst: 

Don’t feel guilty. At one time, the creation of your twst content was natural. It's what you did for fun with friends or for yourself. Revisit that mindset and think - if creating twst content now will bring that same joy it did before.

If the answer is no, then maybe it’s time to pivot. It’s okay for interests to fade. It doesn’t mean that time, memories, or the friends you made are lost. Connect with your friends, we will understand! We still love you! It's not a race there's no time limit, just pick up were you want to. Draw fanart of old events or OCs.

To my friends who have been harassed: 

I say this with sincerity…. People who harass others over fictional characters are fucking losers.

Like… There’s no other eloquent way to encapsulate it. I’m starting to not care for the reason anymore - If you harass or be shady to others over a ship or fictional character. CONGRATS! YOU ARE A LOSER.

We all join fandoms as a hobby, for fun. We’re all just kids in the sandbox playing pretend again… and if you are the type of person to go up just to “kick the doll out of someone’s hand" or make commentary on how “their way of playing is wrong." You’re a loser. I have a life outside of twst, we all do. Someone saying my ship is wrong or cringe is just so laughable to me. We have to make fun of these people more for being so goddamn lame.

Imagine being so unhappy that when you see someone having fun you HAVE to comment on it. By all means, if it gets you through the day...talk shit to close friends or even post about it on your own blog. (THAT WAS ALWAYS ALLOWED.) Don't bother creators directly. Don't be a loser. I sure see tolerance leave people’s bodies when they see a fandom opinion they don't like. (And this is coming from someone who has lots of opinions on these things! But that's why I always put the disclaimers that, hey this is just MY opinion.)

Discussion is one thing, unhelpful comments are another. We shouldn’t give these people the time of day. Curate your online space. Yes, when you post things online you are subjecting yourself to scrutiny. But, we as creators need to stop letting these people have power over us. Period. We do this for free!! FOR FUN. The best thing you can do is create shamelessly.

Delete weird replies, block whoever you need to do to rid yourself of these people who have nothing better to do. Keep your peace. It’s supposed to be for fun. You don’t owe anyone a response.

The twst fandom is like a little family to me and I guess I feel protective over the people in it?  I have made many friends and memories because I joined it. And even dispite a handful of the negative experiences (AKA: A couple of “losers" that I’ve had to deal with.) I’ll always look fondly back on this time.

The key for me has always been to just…create for myself. I originally made bunnwich for me and one friend to make fun little arts about our Yuu’s and now I get to have lots of friends to share it with! I’ve transitioned from an OC blog to probably more of an Oc x Canon blog…but I don’t care tbh. I just…draw what I feel like. I know there are people who probably dislike me for that or feel strange about my content and that’s fine. I’m still gonna keep drawing it, loser.  

And I just want you guys to do the same, twst or not.

I can’t forget that all my followers and friends are a bonus, if I had never joined tumblr I’d still be drawing the silly shit I draw in peace. And while yes, I do want to grow as an artist and sell more merch and keep growing... I can’t forget my initial excitement for this silly little game. I like to talk about it. I like to write about it. It inspires me.

It’s supposed to be fun. Please remember that. I know it can be discouraging to have others being shitty to you. Or going through a creative drought. But, try not to let this stop you from creating what you love.

[starwrittenfates]

🔥 my hot take about the roleplaying community⭐️ my roleplay pet peeves🌸 the blog/s that most inspires me🍄 my favorite original character blog

MY EXPERIENCE IN THE ROLEPLAYING COMMUNITY

🔥 my hot take about the roleplaying community

I mostly stick to the fandoms I'm most comfortable with, but I find everyone I've come across so far to be most welcoming. However, I wish I could understand the whole aesthetics thing better. Everyone makes such great and fancy promos and my photoshop skills aren't there yet.

I've been around the community since 2013 and seen so much. While the community has come to be a little more accepting to OCs then they were back then, I still think it's a WIP.

At the end of the day we're all little humans popping online to escape the real world and write out our favorite characters to our hearts content and have fun. This isn't a job, it's a hobby. That's what it's all about <3

⭐️ my roleplay pet peeves

I'm usually a pretty chill person, so I actually have to think heavily on this one.

Rushing me for replies, especially in a timely manner ---In the past, I've had some people snap at me for getting to others replies, but not theirs. Sometimes you have the muse for certain characters, and then other times you don't. It could take days, weeks, or even months, who knows?! But especially since I developed my nerve problem and deal with chronic pain now, that's even more of a battle to fight. Luckily I haven't had anyone do this to me on here though. <3

Being strict about OCs, or at least saying that if you're an OC to not interact --- This is mostly referring to how things were here in the past with OCs. It made me not even want to write my own OCs before. However, there are sadly some people who still aren't so welcoming to OCs and it's sad because they are missing out on great creations ----Cue the: you can't expect OCs to have fully completed biographies post and especially how OCs need engagement in order to develop!

🌸 the blog/s that most inspires me

Okay, literally ALL MY MUTUALS!!!

But if I really gotta pick a few....

@maestrs --- Danny with their portrayal of all the Master's! *chief's kiss* Just have the crown already! 👑

@mysteriouself --- Someone I enjoy interacting with both in and ooc and inspires me with so many ideas!

Literally every other fellow Astarion roleplayer out there! --- He's a character that's grown so dear to me and seeing everyone else's different portrayal's and writing of him is unique and always so great to see. It inspires me <3 Keep at it!

🍄 my favorite original character blog(s)

Do I just have to pick ONE? Can I pick more? I'm gonna pick more.

@dulcetfanged --- I'm enjoying our interactions with Almond's original character, Meladi.

@albinoxherbalist --- Rose is a wonderful OC and I enjoy all our interactions!

[nectar-cellar]

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other sim-blogs to do the same 💕

i love this question, thank you for spreading the positivity!!

i really love my vlad and bella one shot. i make story posts so rarely because i struggle with writer's block and writing is a skill i don't often practice. i cant even name the last book/story i read... i've really neglected my hobby of reading and writing. but i just love the photography and mini story i came up with for that.

here's the link for those who want to read it from start to finish.

i kind of cringe at the writing tbh. but it's ok. i give myself permission to write imperfectly.

obviously, my count vlad sim is one of my favourite sims i've ever made. sometimes i change up his beard and his outfit, but his face has stayed the same, that's how perfect he is to me. 💘

for my cc, i can't believe i've actually created so much stuff when you browse through the tag on my blog. i love the sportswear set i came up with. at first i just wanted to make a tight compression shirt. then my ideas kept expanding until it ended up as a whole set. also, i got a few people to test it out for me and i loved seeing their sims wearing it. i think that download sums up my blog and sense of humour pretty well. i can't believe how many downloads it got and i often see it in other people's screenshots. i just love it. show me all your pixel beefcake.

i am also really proud of the beard packs i made. first, because figuring How To Make A Beard was such a journey. second, because i use those beards sooo much on my own sims and they just make them look so good UGH! third, because they're also the items that get downloaded the most which i never expected. at first i only planned to make one beard pack, i never thought i'd end up getting so many ideas or that i would be able to actually execute them. i see those beards in so many ts3 screenshots here, on twitter, and on youtube, it just makes me feel like wow i really contributed something to this community that everyone can enjoy over and over again.

and i can't even take full credit for making them because they wouldn't have been possible without the textures by @/imamiii , simple life, omega starr, etc. so it almost feels like a tribute to the creators who came before me and whose stuff i loved before i ever was a cc creator. that is how i feel about making cc, like it's my way of giving back and continuing the tradition of making and sharing cc for fun, creativity, and community above everything. 💗

[shiny-miltank]

A leche hobbies update:

Update on knitting adventures: almost done with a scarf I started 🤔 dropped stitches everywhere but it really helps with my adhd to have something in my hands to play with while feeling like I’m working towards something! Don’t think I’ll show it off though LMAO, it’s ugly as a scarf but I like it as a “baby’s first scarf” to look back on when I get better. And it’s warm :)!

Other thing: picked up a sewing machine from the good will and still in really great shape and working! Its old and has character and I love it HAH. I’m learning from my abuelita on her own machine. It’d be great to combine this and knitting to make essentials and to repair clothes that really need it.

Drawing/not really a hobby it’s my “Jobby”: sorry for being a lil slow on updates! I got a little bit of burnout and I really want to finish summers commissions so I can clear my schedule more. I’m just about done so I’m no longer chipping on three projects at a time between my full time job oof-but do know they are being worked on. I’ve got adoptables on the way and sketching the next ask-n update! I’ve also been keeping an eye on other places to post like insta and bluesky but I feel like I need to like…observe? Some more? Before committing and learning whole new platforms and posting schedules bleh.

I got other projects in the pipeline, one including a pmd thing, more Paldea headcanons and what not and some certain purple psychic cat things returning. But all in due time! Can’t overwhelm myself : 0

And a little bit of a rant or ramble about perhaps dropping a longtime hobby I’ve had and feeling sad about it beneath the cut ;( but if you’ve read this far thanks! Love ya’ll for supporting me!

I think a handful of you? Know I roleplay on this platform and have for a good seven? Eight? Years. It’s fun, a lot of my ideas and headcanons and art I’m known for were actually jump started by some random thread or idea from between my rp partners and what not. The Mewtwo blog, ask-n, scarlet turo and etc etc were old muses or ideas that turned into their own thing. It’s always been so easy to write and collaborate your ideas with the rp community you’re in and it becomes it’s whole big thing!

But I know it hasn’t always been the healthiest hobby for me after awhile but esp when I want to focus on content creation as a job that I’m really into. I no longer have the time to maintain plots and characters despite being so determined to stick to it. It’s becoming more of a distraction of just scrolling down the rp dashboard out of FOMO more then anything and heck I can’t even see most of it as a lot of events and verses and etc I blacklist to attempt to curb anxiety and distractions which haven’t been working lately 🤔 I still get lots of anxiety.

That and the community’s changed really. I know every old rper has typed their piece on “back in the good old days-“, leaves their blog and doesn’t give any useful advice or attempt to change the narrative lol. I don’t want to do that.

And it’s not the communities fault either. It’s natural for spaces to change to help new ideas and new people come in. It just means maybe it’s no longer meant for me and that’s okay. If anything it’s more how my friends I’ve been with for all my time there have left or are leaving. There’s a disconnect I can’t seem to get over no matter what new muse or idea I promote esp when I’m no longer comfortable in the space I enjoyed for so long. I never had to block so many things before and again not the communities fault and none of the things I’m blocking are unsavory, it’s more like my tastes and likes and dislikes and what I have spoons for have just become different over so long. It’s totally a me thing.

It’s in my mind that maybe it’s okay to let it go since I’m getting so hyped for my newer hobbies and the ideas I have for my art/comics. I don’t have the time anymore to dedicate so much energy on it like I use to esp when even over all my work Im still figuring out my adhd after getting diagnosed officially, new meds, the other mental diagnosis that makes the mental soup in my head alongside other life stuff.

I owe rp in general for helping me get that creative spark and through a lot of tough, long dark times. It’s provided me with the escapism and outlet since like, forever. I started rping in ye old Neopet neomail days and haven’t stopped since besides the occasional period that didn’t last long. Who knows maybe this is just a rut and I’ll feel better tomorrow or next week or something. Could be the change of seasons where my seasonal depression kicks in but I’m not quitting yet but it’s somewhere in the funky mind palace as I navigate this weird patch.

Thanks if you’ve read my ramblings this far! I wish there was a way to reward peeps who read through my long jargon? It just feels good to know I can scream into the void and sometimes I’ll have one or two people nod at me in understanding. Idk, I’ll think of something—

[ravensim]

hey I’ve been following you for so long since my old blog and i just wanna say seeing your growth as a creator is amazing to watch. you’ve really got a natural talent for cc creation. please remember that your cc is yours, and you sharing it with us is a privilege and not a right and thus, make whatever you want however you want whenever you want! my old blog was flooded with messages asking me to make this or that or tweak this or change that and i eventually made a new blog bc of all the entitled ppl in my ask box. anyway what i’m trying to say is, you’re great and don’t let overbearing folk take away enjoyment from something you’re very talented at 💖

Hello! Thank you so much for your kind words. I love it when people have been around for such a long time so see me from making shit cc to actually figuring out how blender works and making better cc haha. I sometimes do get proud of myself for not giving up years ago. I'm sorry you felt like you had to make a new blog to get away from all the asks and messages. I don't know why people think it's ok to do? I have no issues with people who ask politely, but a lot of people just think we are cc creating machines who make whatever they want when all we want is to have fun making cc. For me it's still a hobby and not a job & that's the only reason I'm still going. Again, thank you so so much for your kind words. They really do mean a lot. <3

[giggly-squiggily]

Do you have any advice for someone who wanna start writing but is too scared and don't know where to start

you seem really cool and your writing is truly amazing and I wish you a good day or night!

Hey anon! Firstly- thank you so much for the kind words! I appreciate them immensely, and I wish the same to you :) I'm not the best with advice, but I'll share what I've learned from my time here on Tumblr :3

Under the cut for length :3

Being scared is a completely valid feeling, especially when we're first starting out. Hell- it's still scary some days, and I've been doing this since October 2019 😅

I will say though- that fear gets easier to manage the longer you're doing it. What starts off as anxiety on whether or not people are gonna like your work turns into a feeling of excitement as you get ready to share your creation.

Does it make hitting the post button any easier? Sometimes. Are they're days where I wanna launch myself out a window after I press the post button and run Charlotte from Black Clover style?

You betcha! :D But when you love doing something, and you wanna do it bad enough, it's so worth it :) I think everyone here has felt those nervous jitters to some degree when we first started out in our little community (or whatever community you ultimately find yourself in), so you're never alone, anon :)

All that being said- there's never any pressure or time frame for when you're ready. Hobbies like writing are meant to be fun and relaxing, so if you know you're not ready to make your debut on Tumblr, you don't have to. When you are ready, you'll know- and you'll be able to hit that post button! All and all- I'm rooting for you, anon! I hope when you are ready to start writing here, you'll have only good times and an absolute blast! (And of course- if you ultimately choose to write for yourself alone and not post it- I hope that your writing journey is a fun one full of things you wanna write and see with your favorite characters and settings! :D)

As for where to start- that's ultimately up to you. I can't tell you how to start it, but I can give you some quick tips (And also- if anyone wants to hop into the replies and share their advice, please feel free to do so!)

1.) Formatting is key. It doesn't have to be anything fancy-shmancy; just be sure to space out paragraphs and use proper punctuation so your work is readable. Don't sweat over the occasional typo- I know my work is always littered with them ajejrajer; and if you ever need help with your writing- don't be afraid to reach out and ask :) There are plenty of us here who'll gladly help you out if you need it!

2.) Don't be afraid to interact with people. I've seen a lot of really cool peeps here in the community, and I can say for the most part we're pretty chill klerjkajkrjk I myself am fairly awkward in DMs but I don't bite unless you want me to (Jokes!...Unless 👀 karkekjlarkjlerkj) Okay but really- the best part about being in a community is having people around you who like similar things you do and to share ideas with. It can be a bit intimidating at times (especially if you're like me and have social anxiety plus you've been a fan of a lot of people prior to making a blog) but it's worth it. I'm truly grateful for the people I've met here in this community- both those who I talk to on a daily basis and those who I might only interact with on occasion :) It's a lot less scary once you get to know everyone here jkaekrjajkr :3

3.)The golden rule: Have fun with it. Highlight it, circle it, put Patrick Star in fishnets on it- this is the golden rule!!! Tumblr is a hellsite that can fall off the face of the planet at any given moment, so we might as well make our time here as fun as possible! :D

Going back to the whole writing for you thing- if there's fandoms you love and want to write for, do it! Is it niche? Write it anyway! Has anyone heard of it? Well, now they have, haven't they? Is there literally no demand for this fandom/character/setting? Well- if you want it, then there's your demand. Don't be afraid to change it up and make your blog/writing whatever feels best. Crack fics, serious fics, a combination of everything in between- whatever you feel like making, I say do it! :D As long as your having fun, that's all that matters!

Ultimately- how you go about your writing journey is your call, anon. I don't know if anything I said today helped, but I'm rooting for you and all the things you'll make. If you ever decide to make your writings public here on Tumblr, let me know- I'll gladly check them out! :D Take your time, have fun, curate your experience and kick some butt, friend!

[norirosewrites]

Horror Film Review: May

Subgenre: Psychological horror

Gore Level: Moderate. (CN: Animal lovers may be upset by some of the scenes.)

Confession time: I love horror movies.

Unfortunately, for most of my life, I haven’t had as much opportunity to engage with the genre as I would have liked to, for a number of reasons. But circumstances have changed recently, and I am now a happy Shudder subscriber ready to get caught up on all the screaming good fun I’ve been missing out on!

I also used to write book and film reviews on one of my old college blogs as a hobby back in Ye Olde 2010s. Writing and engaging with stories is kind of my thing, if you didn’t already get that vibe, and I missed doing that. So I’ve decided to take it up again with the genre I love so much and am finally getting to explore without restrictions.

The first film I watched with my new Shudder subscription was May, a 2002 psychological horror film written and directed by Lucky McKee and starring Angela Bettis, Jeremy Sisto, Anna Faris, and James Duval. The minute the credits started rolling after the final scene, I knew it was also going to be the first review on my list.

In a Nutshell (Spoilers): May is a veterinary assistant who was born with a lazy eye which caused her to be ostracized in childhood, resulting in extremely poor socialization. As an adult, her only “friend” is a handmade doll named Soozy gifted to her as a child by her narcissistic mother, with the adage “if you can’t find a friend, make one.” May makes an effort to form friendships and connections with the people in her life, but each attempt has disastrous and eventually dangerous consequences. She befriends and briefly dates a local mechanic and aspiring filmmaker named Adam, but the relationship ends abruptly when she bites his lip hard enough to draw blood during a would-be sexual encounter – and smears his blood over her face. She takes up a short affair with Polly, a lesbian colleague who works at the same animal hospital who expresses interest in her, only to be cast aside for another woman almost immediately. Polly gives her a pet cat, Loopy, who May kills in a fit of rage when the cat hisses and refuses to come near her while she is depressed and crying alone in her apartment. (Don’t worry, no animals were harmed in the making of the film – all deceased or injured critters were created through taxidermy or prosthetics.) She begins volunteering at a daycare center for blind children and builds a rapport with a lonely young girl named Petey, who makes May an ashtray with her name carved into it, but things take a nosedive when she brings Soozy to the school in her case and inadvertently injures the children and herself when the glass breaks. Despondent, she meets a punk at a bus stop and invites him back to her apartment. When he discovers Loopy’s preserved corpse in the freezer and calls her a freak, May snaps and fatally stabs him in the head with a pair of scissors. After taking time to contemplate her actions, she declares that she needs “more parts.”

On Halloween night, she sews herself a dress and shows up at Polly’s unannounced. She slits Polly’s carotid arteries with a pair of scalpels and murders Polly’s girlfriend Ambrosia before going to Adam’s, where she kills him along with his new girlfriend. She then returns to her apartment and sews together a life-sized doll with Polly’s neck, the punk’s arms, Ambrosia’s legs, Adam’s hands, his girlfriend’s ears, and Loopy’s fur for hair. She names the doll “Amy” with the broken pieces of Petey’s ashtray. Distraught that the doll cannot “see” her, she gauges out her lazy eye and places it on the doll’s face, hysterically begging her creation to “see” her. The doll silently comes to life and comforts May by stroking her hair with Adam’s hands.

The WOW:

– The film has a really unique and creative build-up, especially for a horror film. The beginning almost feels more like a rom-com, complete with a classic meet-cute for May and Adam (awkward weird girl falling for rough-around-the-edges but charming boy). This made the dark turn that the film takes feel more surprising and startling – in a good, refreshing way. It’s a bit of a slow burn for a horror film, but it felt very organic and realistic for the characters and set the overall tone of the story very well. If you love jump scares and a lot of action, May might not be to your taste, but if you enjoy a more character-driven horror story, it’s an excellent choice.

– Each cast member delivered a fantastic performance. I could tell that the actors studied their roles thoroughly, and each character in the film felt so real. I think it’s easy to fall into the trap of relying on stock characters in a genre like horror, where there are so many well-established tropes and plot patterns, but I didn’t get that vibe at all with this movie.

– The cinematography impressed me from the beginning. There aren’t a lot of macro shots in this film; instead, the camera is focused on smaller details that may seem insignificant at first, but that add up over the course of the film to create a tightly woven, well put-together story. I thought it was an interesting choice since May frequently makes remarks throughout the film that people have different “parts” to them – and later gathers up various people-parts to create a whole person of her own. Stylistically I felt like the camera angles and focus on small details and shots also reflected the smallness of May’s very limited inner and outer world in a way that almost felt claustrophobic at certain moments.

– There’s enough blood and body parts to satisfy gore fans, but the violent scenes aren’t over the top. I was personally a fan of the shot of Ambrosia’s blood mixing with spilled milk on the kitchen floor.

– I loved how the ending was a bit of the reversal of the Frakenstein’s monster trope; instead of the creation begging to be seen by its creator, it’s the creator who begs to be seen by the creation. It was a nice twist and it got me ruminating on the intrinsic need that humans have to create: we want our creations to be seen by others – and for others to see us through the things we make – but our creative work is also an extension of ourselves, even when projects take on a “life” of their own, so to speak. (It is only after May sacrifices her own eye that the patchwork zombie doll comes to life, after all.) Maybe there’s a part of us on an unconscious level that wants to be seen by our creations, too? There’s probably a philosopher out there somewhere who can answer that question better than I can, but it was an interesting mental rabbit hole to tumble down.

The Meh:

– When we see flashbacks of May’s childhood at the beginning of the film, we see her mother insisting that the doctor will fix her lazy eye and make her look “perfect.” She later tells May to wear her hair over her eye patch to fit in with her schoolmates. She chastises May for ripping the paper off of her birthday present (lamenting that it’s now “ruined”) and instructs her not to take Soozy out of her glass case because she’s “special.” I expected that these early interactions would set May up to be something of a perfectionist, or at least for the unattainable search for perfectionism to be a stronger element in the film. I’m not necessarily disappointed that it was not – I think that it is somewhat of an overused theme in fiction – but it did feel like there was going to be a build-up to something that didn’t actually happen. I thought that this could have been tightened up a bit to flow better with the rest of the story.

– There’s an undercurrent of the supernatural in this film: May imagines Soozy speaking to her in whispers and has visions of the glass case cracking each time her connection with someone is broken. The voices and cracked glass are products of May’s fractured psyche (it’s telling that there is only one crack on Soozy’s case when May presents her to the children at show and tell, and that was from when she physically pounded on the top of the box in anger). However, it’s unclear at the end of the film if May’s creation is actually “alive” – insofar as a doll stitched together from amputated body parts can be, at any rate – or if the spontaneous animation is just psychosis. It can be interpreted either way, but all of these somewhat-supernatural-but-quite-so elements felt a little disjointed at times. But then again, that could have also been a deliberate choice on the part of the filmmakers, as we are watching the story of a very, um…troubled young woman, to say the least.

– I could have done with a little less rampant flirtatiousness from Polly’s character, but I’m generally annoyed by people (fictional or real) who make being flirty the cornerstone of their personality. And Anna Faris certainly delivered on her performance. 

Final Thoughts:

May is definitely one of the most creative and well-written films I’ve seen in a long time – within the horror genre or without – but there’s also a more personal reason why I loved this film: May’s character deeply resonated with me as an autistic person. There were so many moments in the film where I felt my heart crack at her desperate attempts to connect with the people around her, only to be misunderstood, rebuffed, shoved off or ignored (even if some of her behavior was understandably off putting). I know what it feels like to want to make friends and connect with the people around you, but sometimes simply not knowing how, and the awful loneliness that comes with that. As an adult, social interactions are easier for me than they were when I was a child, but even now there are moments where I feel stuck on what to do or say around people. It is scary to feel like all your relationships are fragile and that eventually you’re going to say or do the wrong thing and push the people you care about away from you. That you will, ultimately, be left all alone. Humans are a social species; we have an innate biological need to belong, to feel seen and loved and cared for and to return those feelings to the people around us. The scene where May gauges out her own eye reminded me of the many ways we hurt ourselves just to get someone, anyone, to see and acknowledge us. I think that’s the real horror of May: on a primal level, nothing truly frightens us more than loneliness – not ghosties or serial killers or evil clowns or zombies or monsters – because we cannot survive in isolation from each other.

As May tells Soozy at the beginning of the film, “I need a real friend – one I can hold.” We all do. Let’s hope that we all are able to find one.

(On a lighter note: as a personal aside, I found it hilarious that Adam was dressed in a Roman toga for Halloween since Jeremy Sisto went on to play Julius Caesar the following year in a two-part television movie, which happened to be the first role I ever saw him in when we watched the film in my high school Latin class. 😂)

[nikonyako]

New Year new Niko! (art by intern_bomb on twt)

Taps microphone... HELLO am I doing this Tumblr thing right?

In the new year one of the activities I want to start is blogging! I think it could be an incredible way to document my thoughts and also reflect on how I am feeling. This is going to be for MYSELF. If you want to read it, or ask questions- go right ahead! But what I post here is for me and not to impress anyone else.

But besides that, first thing's first-

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2022 was an incredible year in so many ways. Incredible doesn't have to mean good necessarily, either. Everyone says a year can change their life but for me especially, my whole life has been turned upside-down. Below is some of the major points of my year

-I graduated University with a Bachelor of Arts in May -I worked 3 part time jobs (if you count content creation) -We adopted our cute puppy, Antonio! -Spent over a month visiting my grandfather in the hospital while taking care of my grandma who undergoing chemo for breast cancer

The fact I was able to celebrate the holidays with my grandparents this year is a complete miracle, and I am so grateful for it. The end of 2022 felt somewhat normal compared to earlier this fall.

Nobody talks about the existential crisis you have after graduating university. Since the age of three, I have been in the routine of going to school. I wake up, go to class, learn, do homework and clubs, rinse and repeat.

For the first time in my life that isn't Summer vacation, that routine is broken, and as someone who actually enjoyed going to school, I heartbreakingly miss it! I was absolutely the band nerd in school, so I spent so much time in high school and uni taking part in marching band, orchestras, and other clubs. But nobody talks about how difficult it is to continue your hobbies outside of a school setting! It isn't like any company I work for will have a club band I can play in and I am afraid to join any community ensemble because I am not sure where I am going to settle down yet!

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON FRIENDSHIPS It was so easy to see people at school; be with your friends. Your life and my life were on the same path therefore that was 90% of the social activity I needed. Now when I want to meet high school friends, it is an effort to actually plan and execute meetups, work with work schedules, etc. And don't get me started about college friends, where not a SINGLE ONE lives in the same state as me.

And despite all this free time since I wasn't fortunate enough to graduate with a full time job, I found it really difficult to do things without a schedule. I spent a lot of time alone in my room, with difficulty finding motivation to apply to dozens of full time positions, just to get rejected or not be selected after a few interviews. My mom always told me it wasn't what you know, but who you know. And very much to my dismay (because how could my mom be right??!?) she was very much correct. I networked with someone during one of my jobs and what would you know! I have a full time position starting this month. I am so nervous but also really optimistic and excited to get back into the schedule, make money, and blossom a career. Life never goes the way you expect it to, so the same can go for your career path as well! I still plan on staying connected with the part time jobs I have now, and of course my streaming isn't going anywhere.

SO LET'S TALK ABOUT STREAMING

At the start of 2022, I made a video outlining my goals for the year and what I accomplished so far. Unfortunately my goals for the year weren't met quite to what I hoped it would be, but progress is still progress and the main point of streaming is to have fun and share my passions, so I am still very happy!

In December of 2022, I also passed my 2 year anniversary of streaming! I am so grateful for the nearly 1.7k of you who follow my twitch! So many people have come and gone but I am so grateful for everyone who has taken the time, even if just for a second, to check me out. As the Beatles say, "in my life, I've loved them all~"

But the term streamer has also not sat right with me recently. SO... I need to fix that! I want to take content beyond streaming this year and become a *cue sparkles* CONTENT CREATOR! Which means... -I will make edited videos on YT and TikTok -More blogs like this and content where I can express myself in a different medium -More discord events and community interaction

I also really want to spend my 2023 making new friendships and strengthening the friendships I already have, and network and collab more! Especially in the second half of 2022, I have admittedly felt a bit lonely and isolated (though I am MEGA grateful for the friends who I do talk with and you know who you are). But I miss the amount of people I knew and saw in early 2021, when my streaming journey was just starting.

2023 is the year of..

-NETWORKING -Expressing myself in different ways -Challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone -Doing what makes ME happy That's my goals and my outlook on the future. To my future self- if you feel sad, or lost, or lonely.. take a break! Reach out to someone! Try something in a new way! Don't trap yourself in an imaginary box that you made, and don't be afraid to step out of that shell you locked yourself in once and for all. Take a deep breath and think to yourself- "Is this something that will be impacting my life in a month from now?" If the answer is no, take a deep breath, go on a walk, and reassess. But know it's ok to have your feelings. Future Niko is validated (and so are you readers!)

So my essay is over. 2023 starts NOW so push off strong and pace yourself! Make this year yours!

[pineappleciders]

ayoo matchups are open!!

I don't want to like, flood you with requests and all kjfhdsfkdsfhd so sorry if you've got a lot in your inbox. But I just couldn't pass up the opportunity for a fun little matchup! Anyways, here's a little bit about me!

-> I'm mspec, so I'm fine with being matched up with anyone in the OMOgang (however I lean towards men/masc-alined genders)

-> I use she/her/hers, they/them/their, it/it/its, li/lil/lilas, and sometimes voi/void/voids pronouns

-> I'm genderdoe/genderfae (well really a subset of that gender, but people know genderfae better)

-> As for my personality, I start off pretty quiet around most people. I'm neurodivergent, and don't want to risk saying something 'stupid.' So, I keep my mouth shut. But once I learn someone isn't going to judge, I can go on for hours about my special interest, which happens to be character/OC creation. I'm pretty damn creative if I do say so myself!

-> I can get really loud and say some really stupid stuff, and I love it when others can do the same. By stupid, I don't mean 'hot takes' or anything, more so that I forgot the word for grey and called it dark white.

-> I have a very strong sense of right and wrong, even if to some people it's a little skewed (AKA 'murder is okay in some situations'). However, I struggle to actually stand up for myself when people go against me due to an intense fear of getting yelled at. Yippee!

-> Right. Fears. I'm scared of worms. :)

-> I do actually run a few headcanon/writing blogs for different fandoms. I won't be sharing them because they ~suck~ but oh well. I actually really, really love writing and have an Ao3 account for it.

Now for some fun facts that I couldn't flesh out into paragraphs!

-> I love giving and receiving physical touch as a love language

-> I'm about 168 cm (5'5")

-> I'm on my laptop 24/7 (mainly Tumblr)

-> I love space. And Saturn... :))))

-> OLD BALLGOWNS AND NIGHTGOWNS 11/10

-> I have a bob cut, but I'm hoping to get it that hair that curls up at the end. Y'know that old fashioned stuff? Yeah, that.

-> KEL AND HERO BEST CHARACTERS

Okay I'm gonna stop info-dumping on you now haha. Sorry if this was too much information! Lol.

-🪐

A/N: dont worry i dont mind one bit!! i love hearing people talk about whatever. i honestly couldn't decide who i saw you with better, so i did two characters separately!!

I MATCH YOU WITH...

RW AUBREY and RW KEL!!!!

as for AUBREY, she's also kind of quiet around people she doesn't know well, so it'll take some time for you two to get to know each other

as you get closer, though, she starts caring for you more and goes lengths to protect you

you two both have strong opinions on what's right and wrong, and she really likes that about you

she's sure to not raise her voice around you, and if she slips up or gets angry then she apologizes deeply and feels awful about it

she chuckles in amusement if you say some stupid shit like dark white, that's one of the many things she likes about you

AUBREY relates to the fear of being scared of blurting something out or saying dumb things. but the two of you slowly try to overcome it, one step at a time

if you bring up a blog or your writing hobby she wants to know more about it and potentially read some stuff, but she doesn't pressure you or anything

i like to think AUBREY also really likes space so u guys will just like. stargaze together a lot on the picnic blanket by the lake

likes seeing your characters and hearing about them,, i think she's the type to memorize everything you said and start doodling the character on her schoolwork or something as if it's her own

i personally headcanon AUBREY as about 5'9", and sometimes she uses you as a personal armrest (KEL also does the same, more often on your head than your shoulder cuz he's like 6'0" or something)

as for KEL, i think you two click very well

he's kinda scared to push your or cross your boundaries, so don't be surprised if he kind of separates himself from you for awhile

he's used to being called stupid or pushy, so it'll help if you reassure him (and he'll do the same for you!!)

KEL is similar to you in the way that he has a very strong sense of justice, and what's right and wrong. but, different to you, he's the first one to step up and defend himself/you and state what he thinks is right

you mention anything about your OCs or writing or anything that interests you at all?? he wants to hear everything about it

he might get a lil distracted and space out but he really does want to listen, he thinks ur creativity is incredibly awesome and he's always in awe of it

you two come up with chaotic ideas sometimes together like ur,,, conspiring like evil scientists or some shit. sometimes you both blurt out the same thing on accident like ur on the same wavelength

KEL's love language is also physical touch, so he'll always be leaning on you, holding your wrist, wrapped his arm around you, etc. if you two are cuddling or something he probably has to get up and move around a lot

he's gotten a lot better with staying still (when he was 12 he had to be moving and doing something constantly), but he still needs to get the wiggles out every now and then

[kickindev]

Greetings, how are ya? I was wondering how you went about Aggroha's creation and what her personality is like.. She clearly enjoys fighting, but is it her great obsession or does she have room for any hobbies?

Woah, an ask! I'm doing great, thank you for asking and for paying my blog a visit! Okay, so to explain Aggroha's inception I'll need to explain a couple of things, because it's hard to talk about how I came up with creating Aggroha without also talking about Paahul. This is gonna probably be a longer read than you were expecting with these questions, but it's a fun thing to talk about! So here goes. Firstly, the setting that this game takes place in started as a personal setting I run tabletop games in. While I'm not a programmer by trade, I'm an avid tabletop GM and homebrewer, so using my pre-existing setting also as the setting for this game made sense to me, so that did a lot to limit species selection. You wouldn't be able to find any information on my setting without a lot of digging, so I've included the general species lineup for it here. I didn't want to have the player occupy any of the super tall or super short races because that would create gameplay problems and would limit opponent diversity because it'd be really hard to make a boxing game where an Eolian fights a Fonin (the unlabelled, tiny otter race on the far left of the screen) The three races I singled out for the player character ended up being Tor'cha, Chortin, and Bahaa as a result. Of the three, Chortin and Bahaa presented the most interesting possibilities for gameplay, particularly Bahaa, because in-universe every member of that species has some sort of capability to see the dead. I didn't end up going with that though! This may seem like kind of a basic thing to get stuck up on, but I had trouble deciding between two character ideas that were swirling around in my head. The first was for an aggressive Chortin fighter who fights primarily for money/the survival of their family and the second was for kinda a lovable loser of a Bahaa who fights more for fun, to make friends, and to better themself. Both of these seemed like compelling directions to take a player character in, with different strong motivations to stick around in a fighting league. In the end, I couldn't decide upon two things: The first were the sexes of the two characters, and the second was which one of them should actually be the player character. I ended up settling it with two coin flips. The result was that the Bahaa would be male and the Chortin female... And that the Chortin would be the player character and the Bahaa would be their rival. At first, I actually got a lot of anxiety about this result because I wasn't sure if people would enjoy playing a fighting game with a female main character, but as I worked more on the project and solidified the design of both characters that anxiety sort of melted away. It also helped when I realized that no matter what the result was going to be the player would spend most of the game seeing them from behind, so even if players didn't like the idea of a female fighting character they'd be seeing them from a fixed perspective where there wouldn't be much of a difference if you swapped their sex anyway. So that's where not only Aggroha, but also Paahul's general design comes from- I had two vague ideas about broad character archetypes to go with and I left it to coinflips to settle the particulars I got stuck on. Now, as for Aggroha herself: Aggroha's personality is, unsurprisingly, very direct and somewhat aggressive. She's very to-the-point, prefers simple solutions to problems, and generally she's not very patient. That being said, she isn't short-tempered, and while she isn't the smartest around, she does have a quick wit that lends her to occasionally try to make wisecracks that don't quite make sense. Socially, she's willing to lock horns with or fight others about things she's passionate with, and while she doesn't intentionally try to create drama she will absolutely get in verbal (and physical) brawls to defend things she has an interest in. As a general rule, she's confident and confrontational, although not particularly charismatic.

The funny thing though is that her relationship with fighting is more of a business relationship than anything else-- She's a single parent with at least one other mouth she has to feed. That takes up most of her time outside of the ring, so unfortunately aside from being able to whoop some serious ass she doesn't have that many marketable skills or hobbies, and she comes from a lower-class background. That's not to say she doesn't have potential- She's a quick-learner and is amazing at pattern recognition, but she just doesn't have the spare time to dedicate to other things. She takes more pride in the fact that she's good at what she does moreso than the actual occupation, if that makes sense. She does care about her legacy in the sense that she would like to take her run in the ring as far as she can push it because it would make for a good story, but actually having and keeping the champion's title isn't what drives her to fight.

[spirallingmoths]

I posted 727 times in 2022

That's 727 more posts than 2021!

120 posts created (17%)

607 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@idkjustgowithitok

@doomsdayradio

@crimmycram

@tinypaint

@sysboxes

I tagged 727 of my posts in 2022

#🌊.txt - 355 posts

#💥.txt - 167 posts

#🦀.txt - 120 posts

#art - 105 posts

#comfort tag - 49 posts

#[🐀] - 48 posts

#[ℹ️] - 48 posts

#[📝] - 46 posts

#🦇.txt - 43 posts

#positivity - 42 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#osdd protectors will be like oh shit so im actually not evil for being mentally ill and my anger at the world is because i love myself and

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Made myself in several picrews. This was fun

See the full post

4 notes - Posted December 3, 2022

#4

[stimboard]

See the full post

7 notes - Posted November 26, 2022

#3

We played Undertale for the first thanks to our boyfriend and our little has really been resonating with Frisk so she got her hair cut (in the innerworld) to match them. They also have been getting into heart imagery as a result. Even if they're not a Frisk fictive, they still really resonate with the game and the imagery of it

It kind of reminded me that alters don't have to stick to one thing their whole life. I don't know about other systems but in ours, I feel like a lot of us are too scared to change aesthetic or things we like or even change as people because we're scared of not being able to recognise ourselves anymore

So to any other systems seeing this, let yourself grow and change. You're allowed to change aesthetic or change what you like or develop as a person. You're allowed to be a person. You're allowed to like or resonate with media without being an introject from it. It's okay. You're still you. You're not betraying who you are or what your role is by letting yourself grow. Let yourself live and have fun a bit

19 notes - Posted November 25, 2022

#2

Humanity is not inherently bad. It is not inherently evil. It was not doomed from the start. Humanity is wonderful. Humanity is love. It is creation. It is looking at something insignificant and making it your own. It is counting the pepples on the ground as you wait for a traffic light to turn green. It is making mistakes and learning from them. It is neighbours helping eachother with small tasks. It is classmates lending pens to eachothers. It is looking at the clouds above and going "Hey that reminds me of something :)". It is creating art out of nothing. It is laughing with your friends. It is strangers exchanging friendly looks. It is children feeding pigeons. Humanity is good :)

86 notes - Posted October 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Friendly reminder to all protectors that you're a person too and you're allowed to just exist. You're allowed to front when something non stressful is happening. You're allowed to have hobbies or interests that aren't tied to being a protector. You're allowed to chill and relax a little, you're not stealing time from anyone I promise. You're allowed to cry or be sad or upset, you're not weak or a "bad protector" for doing so. You're a person too. It's great that you protect them but remember, you're not a shield, you're a person. You matter as much as the rest. The world won't end if you let yourself relax and live a little, I promise. You don't have to be strong all the time and I'm sorry if that is your current circumstance though, I promise it gets better. Just let yourself live and be a person. You've already done so much for them. You deserve some breaks and affection too

137 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[t00thpasteface]

someone loudly announced they're unfollowing me over this post + my reblog tags, so i'd just like to go on record saying (1) i'm not?? bashing artfight??? this was a jab at myself for having trouble with art motivation/consistency and (2) the other side of the coin of encouraging artists doing stuff for fun and for free on their own time is acknowledging that artists are under no obligation to do stuff for fun and for free on their own time. as much as i would like to participate in challenges such as these, i do not have the energy or time for it, plain and simple.

i am immensely grateful for all my followers and all the wonderful tags and comments i get on my stuff, and it is a genuine pleasure to share my creations with everyone. however, although i enjoy drawing what people want to see regardless of how they support me or whether they can afford to contribute monetarily, i have a duty to those who help me pay for food and rent, and part of that duty means my patrons and commission buyers get to tell me exactly what to draw, and my followers do not. i am sorry if that seems unfair but my time is very precious, art is a hobby i use to de-stress and express myself, and drawing on-demand for free literally made me suicidal in 2016, which is why i left my old blog behind.

so yeah, i stand by my tag. if other artists want to do stuff for free to build and enrich their community, i'm right there with you supporting you, and i think it's a wonderful way to spend your time. but not every artist should be expected to make the same decision. i, personally, in my own opinion and making the decision for myself, do not have the time and energy for it.

please spare me the passive-aggression and just unfollow me if you're going to put words in my mouth and claim that i, a starving artist trying to put herself through school and keep her faltering mental health afloat, am some sort of money-grubbing capitalist fuckwit who hates fun. because i'm not. thanks for reading.

what's so special about artfight? every time i do art i'm already fighting for my fucking life

[arcadejohn127-9]

Heyyy, I hope you’re doing ok! I love ur blog and I know we’re strangers who will possibly never meet but Recently, the little things have pushed me over the edge and close to an anxiety attack I presume but I’ve been using knitting and crochet to cope. It sounds weird Ik, but may u do the brothers and Undateables with an MC who does that and MC just ends up making so much stuff in one day that she gives it away to them. I’m so sorry if it’s weird, pls feel free to choose whether to do it or not but this blog has made me a little happier than before, thank you for reading and being here!

I actually use to do knitting, never finished anything and lost interest but it was really calming and fun. Couldn't keep my attention for long as it was very repetitive and got boring quickly but I always just genuinely enjoyed it despite that?

Stress knitting seems like the most wholesome way to handle anxiety and stress, it helps you focus on something else, you're being productive and having fun aswell as being safe! Though do be careful with the needles

And thank you for being here and supporting me, I'm glad I could make you feel even a little bit happier, a small amount of happiness is better than none! So thank you for making my night with how kind you are! Your habit and anxiety relief isn't weird at all, I don't see how it could be weird tbh

Sorry this took so long, I feel stupid now but I got really stumped on some of them on what to make but now I'm laughing at myself due to how obvious they were

Lucifer:

You made him mug holders and now it's all he uses

"It's very useful, I'll take extra care of it - no need to worry."

He can handle the heat but he must use what you've made

You even made a massive sweater and socks for Cerberus

How you got his dogs measurements is beyond him but it was the most prominent things he uses from your biggest pile

But he was no fool, he knew you

He knew your habits and how you've grown more anxious

He isn't always the most available person with his emotions and with his schedule

But he was always willing to listen to your issues

Mammon:

You made him a money pouch - how could he not be happy??!!

He loves jingling it to hear all his latest 'finds'

What was even better you made him a sweater he got to wear for his modeling job and show off to Everyone

That article was an interesting find

"CHECK IT! everyone loved your sweater! I say we can make a bussiness with this."

But when you come handing him a large bag full of your latest projects he can't help but raise a brow

He's greedy, he loves being showered in gifts

But he knew you, he took note on your emotional

He got pouty but he hugged your shoulders

Reminding you that you can always come to him and he'll make you feel better

Levithan:

You made him knitted wrist support, for his long gaming sessions

He wears them pretty much everyday at this point

Not only are they comfortable and helpful

But you made them! Specifically for him! For him to use! YOU MADE IT!

Has bragged to his gaming friends about it one too many times

"My player 2 is obviously better than yours, does yours knit cute things for you? I thought so."

Also you made him a crotchet plush of his favourite animal crossing chatacter, he prefers the Devildom version of the game but he's a sucker for bright cute things

Anything he could he'd either put in on his desk or on his figure cupboards

But when you come in with a massive pile, strained smile he felt himself panic

You both have anxiety, you were comrades in it! So of course he knew how knitting was part of your coping mechanism

He felt annoyed and worried on why you weren't coming to him but quickly calmed himself down, when he saw he patted your head

Explaining you can always come to him because you're in this together

He definitely stole a line or two from his latest favourite media

Satan:

Crotchet chair cat paw socks was his favourite out of the pile

"They're little paws..... I need these for all my furniture!"

His second favourite is the baggy sweater you knitted for him

He's going to cherish these gifts until he dies

Which could be never

Though even in death he'd be keeping what you've made him

Worried about the massive increase as he knows it's coping for your anxiety

He's read books about anxiety so he has a fair amount of knowledge on it

Insists you can always come to him when you're worried

Asmodeus:

He adored everything you made!

The sweater had little holes in them? He doesn't care and even smirks at the holes

"wanting to expose my beautiful skin~? I don't blame you."

Made a scarf? He'll wear that instead of his usual black one

Just knitted squares or unwearable things? Proudly shows off your work

Is concerned you've been so ridden with anxiety

He wants to help as much as he can, he has teas and bath scents for these kind of things

Just say the word and he'll bring all of it out

Beezlebub:

A crotchet layered burger he can take apart because it's velcro-ed together??!

It's like a real burger!

He tries not to bite or chew on it but it has happened before

Would feel awful if he accidentally ripped it

"I love it, are you going to make more?"

Didn't expect for you to actually make more

As time went on he learned that it helps you calm down from anxiety

So he especially didn't expect you to come in with a massive bag full of your latest creation's

He immediately got worried

You wanted to show them off to distract your mind but he just grabbed your head

Gently moving it so you looked at him

He told you he wants to help and he'll be there for you, no matter what and no matter when

Belphegor:

You made him w blanket - you know how young children are normally seen with baby blankets? Just always carrying them around

Yeah that's him

"You can't make me take it off Lucifer-! This is MY gift from (Y/N) and I'm going to make sure everyone sees it!"

Always showing off the blanket you made him by carrying it around or having it wrapped around him

He loves it! He also loves the pillow covers you made! It helps spice up his pillow collection

But you can't hide your anxiety from him, he goes out of his way to give people it

And soon he found out how kitting was a coping mechanism

He felt a little special you were making him things because it calmed you down but also worried about your mental health

The concern RISED when you were in the attic, placing and organising the big pile you had

He hugged you and flopped onto the bed

Telling you that he'll look after you and you can tell him what's wrong, stress naps are always welcomed with him

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

Didn't expect to find such a huge pile of new stuff in his room

He saw mug holders and mits

Horn warmers

And his favourite- a shawl with tassels, he immediately wrapped it around him and refused to take it off

He's going to wear this everywhere no matter his outfit

"Barbatos can be strict but I'll wear this no matter what, if I even see a spec of dirty on it I'll make sure to get it cleaned with delicate care."

But then it hit him, you become more active with your hobby when you become anxious

He immediately got to you, asking you if you're okay

He's ready to charge your whole class schedule if he has to

Barbatos:

You crocheted desserts and he never felt so much warmth and love in his heart

Almost collapsed from sweetness when he found a knitted pair of gloves in the big pile of your creation's

Appreciates the gifts alot

"these are marvelous, I look forward to see what else you make."

Brings you calming teas as a thank you, understanding your anxiety must be high

Offers a shoulder to cry on and happy to take time out of his schedule to listen to your worries

He asks you to teach him so he can make things like you

He wants to repay you for all the things you've given him

Solomon:

Has a whole room dedicated to everything you've ever made and given him

Whenever he has guests he likes to take them to check out your creations

"Come and admire my collection, My apprentice made these, aren't they neat?"

The potion sacks you've made are extremely useful

Aswell as the coldrain mat

Can sense your anxious energy in the newest creation's and gets concerned

He'll invite you over to talk about what's wrong

Let's you to take your time incase you're comfortable to talk

Simeon:

His favourite amongst the massive pile was a cute crotchet octopus

It was nicely stuffed and felt so nice to rest his head on

Others that peaked his fancy were the long wrist warmers you made, the way you made it made it look like lace

Aswell as a shawl and the very well made bag to store his books in

"You're so thoughtful, I'll treasure them all."

But he noticed just how worked up you've been and knew your anxious habits

Sat you down for tea to ask what how you're feeling and if could help

Also offers to be a guardian angel and make sure you don't get so anxious

If he can he'll wear an entire outfit made out of your knitting

Luke:

Is in awe how much you gave him

Almost died with Happiest when you knitted him a new hat

The crotchet wings you made just made him bounce with joy

He loves everything!!!

"I'm going to wear everything you've made and carry the little crochet puppy with me everywhere! I promise I'll take good care of him!"

Though will always check in on you

Once he's learned you do it more or only when you're really anxious he'll want to do everything he can to help

Has looked up guides on how to help people with their anxiety and panic attacks

He's going to be your guardian angel!

[thefirsttree]

A personal update + my next game

OK, time to do this. I’ve been meaning to do a big DAVID WEHLE™ update for a while now and explain why I haven’t released a new game yet, but you know how life gets in the way. Especially when life is a quarantine hellscape, you have three beautiful, amazing, exhausting kids to raise, a spouse’s job you support, a viral YouTube channel that turns your brain to mush, a thousand emails waiting in your inbox since your game is free on the Epic Games Store (with an impressive number of redemptions too! … meaning lots of emails and customer support issues), etc., etc. What also contributes to my lack of updates is because… I just don’t really like posting online. Fascinating correlation, I know!

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a venting/ranting blog post (well, maybe a bit), because my life is seriously AMAZING and INSANELY BLESSED and LUCKY. I can’t believe how many dreams keep coming true, so much so that I feel I don’t deserve it and I really pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes… but I did want to at least be honest, because I owe that to myself.

Wow, where do I even begin? Well, how about we start with the reason I’m even a full-time indie game dev now: The First Tree. This small hobby project I worked on at night morphed into this gargantuan beast (or fox) that took over my life the past 5 years. Which is great! I’m living the dream! And yet, I really didn’t expect it to do as well as it did. At its core, my game is a slow-paced, sad walking simulator (ahem, I prefer the term “exploration game,” but you know what I mean) that somehow seemed to launch at the right time to the right audience. It resonated deeply with some of you, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I still get emails almost daily how my game changed their lives in some formative way. I’m beyond honored.

However, with that spotlight came criticism and demands from the ever-present, insatiable internet. I would randomly be surfing the gamedev subreddit trying to decompress, and I would see a comment by some rando saying how much I didn’t deserve my success, and how it was all one huge lucky fluke. And I believed them!

And to add to it, some devs considered me an indie marketing “guru”, which I was uncomfortable with. I worked hard to market my game every week, and after my GDC talk, people assumed marketing was my passion; the reason I got up every morning. Just to clarify… NO, I don’t like marketing, and I hate being the center of attention. I don’t like asking people for money and wishlists. But I did what was necessary because I was passionate about telling stories, and I wanted to give my story a fighting chance to be seen on the crowded pages of Steam.

So now, you’re probably wondering “well then David, why did you make fancy YouTube videos showing off your success? Not very modest if you ask me.” This honestly could be a long blog post all on its own, because my experience of putting myself in the spotlight and becoming a “content creator” is… complicated. It was an unusual step for me, especially since I never even showed my face online (as a game developer) until my GDC talk.

First off, I always wanted to teach and start a YouTube channel. I love video editing, especially since I’ve been doing it longer than making games! It’s a huge passion of mine. And teaching people who didn’t know they could make and finish games was a huge motivator (and it’s been so rewarding already). But the second reason is, I was scared. I was self-employed, and I was riding the success of a “huge lucky fluke” that would probably not happen again. I wanted to make sure I could provide for my amazing family, and give them food and health insurance and security in these tumultuous times. I was turning my lifelong passions and hobbies into a business, and it wasn’t as simple of a mental transition as I thought.

So, I went all in on YouTube and the accompanying online course called Game Dev Unlocked. I spent years editing the scripts and videos, and polishing them to a shine. At first, no one watched my videos, no one was buying… and in the blink of an eye, the YouTube algorithm picked up my main autobiographical video (“How Making Indie Games Changed My Life”), and I started getting 5,000 subscribers a day. Right now, I’m at 150,000 subs, which is still hard for me to believe. I always had a dream of earning 100k subs on YouTube, so I was pretty happy with the whole thing. Sales were OK, but mostly people didn’t want to buy the course. Then the emails came in…

Something you should know about me: I am a textbook “people pleaser,” and if someone asks for my help, I take it very seriously. If someone is mad at me, even if I didn’t do anything wrong, it’s all I can think about, and it ruins my day. So, taking an onslaught of people begging for help and multiplying that by an impossible amount of people for my brain to truly comprehend thanks to the internet… and let’s just say it wasn’t a healthy mix.

I received thousands of emails from people who were begging me for some kind of reassurance that everything would be OK. That their dreams would come true too. And I wanted to help every single one of them. I went from a nobody working on a game for fun to becoming a spokesperson for the indie game dream. I couldn’t even get a shake from the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru without someone recognizing me and asking for game dev advice. And it didn’t stop there… I would get emails from suicidal kids asking for help, teenagers from Afghanistan asking me to get them out of their country, and on one occasion I received an email from a hopeful game developer in a war-torn country who had just experienced a bomb blowing up their neighboring village. His friends were dead, and he was hoping he could finish a game before he died too, and he needed my help. How do you say no to something like that? Didn’t I owe it to everyone because I was lucky with my hit game and I needed to “pay it forward”? (Something people constantly reminded me of)

And then to top it off, after you’ve given everything you’ve got to other people in need… you get hate mail in your inbox. You spend the whole day serving your children and strangers on the internet, then when the kids are finally asleep, you hit the bed to relax and take a look at your phone to decompress, and you randomly come across an angry gamer in your Twitter mentions telling you your game they got for free sucks, and that you took away a potentially great game from them and that your apology isn’t good enough.

Long story short, I went to a mental therapist for the first time in my life. I was broken trying to care for two toddlers and a new baby in a pandemic (which is very, very hard), taking care of my course students who gave me their hard-earned money and demanded results, and the countless people begging for help on the internet. I was this introverted, internet-lurker trying to take on the weight of the world. I was so tired and hurt that no one cared about me and my needs… only what I could do for them.

Quitting my day job and making this hobby my full-time job has stirred up… mixed emotions. This statement may disturb some of you, but I was definitely 100% happier when I had a full-time job and I was working on my game at night. I missed working with the amazing team at The VOID, working on Star Wars… back when the success of my game was this abstract thing I could only daydream about. Mostly, I was making my game for me with no outside expectations to pay the bills or satisfy the ever-demanding internet, and that brought me a lot of joy.

It’s not all doom and gloom though! I’m actually very happy now and in the best shape I’ve been since the pandemic started. I’ve had to confront my weaknesses and personality quirks, but I’m a better person for it (and I’m sure these issues would’ve come out eventually). I hired an awesome community manager for Game Dev Unlocked who is helping SO MUCH with the emails, I can’t even tell you the mental burden it alleviates. I even leased a co-working office to help separate work from my home, and that’s been a huge help too. I’ve decided to work with my old friends from The VOID on a cool, new VR experience. It will take me away from my projects a bit, but I’m ecstatic to work with a great team again (and not manage anything, whew).

These are all things I would’ve never guessed I needed, because I thought I knew myself pretty well… turns out I didn’t.

The reality is: running a business is HARD. Running it solo is even harder. You have to remember, I was burnt out on The First Tree well into the Steam release in 2017, but I kept working on it for 4 more years due to my fears of failing again and not earning enough money for my family.

So, I was wrestling with the age-old concept of commercialism and art. There was this dichotomy of doing whatever I wanted and being true to my vision (what most people assume the indie dev dream is like), and doing only what customers wanted to buy. This is something that has killed me with YouTube… in one specific instance, I was super excited to make the exact video I wanted to make. I loved every part of its creation, and I thought it had a message that would inspire everyone. I lovingly edited it over several weeks, posted it, and excitedly waited for the stats… and it was by far my worst performing video.

This is not a new problem. Even the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo was a commission forced upon him by the very violent Pope Julius II. My wife and I regularly talk about the fine balance between artistic integrity and commercialism, a problem she is very familiar with as an artist who constantly needs to balance what she wants to make with what the customer wants to hang up in their home.

For The First Tree, I was lucky. It was pretty much what I wanted to make (I had to compromise a lot of things of course), and it turned out millions of people wanted it too. Recently, I thought the safe business decision would be to do it all over again, so I started work on a spiritual successor to The First Tree (an idea that I may revisit one day since I do love the story idea). But that isn’t happening anytime soon. Trust me when I say I am now currently burnt out on animal exploration games.

So that realization left me with a question: what do I do next?

I’ve decided I need to make a game that I want to make, for me. It will be a bit different and I’m almost certain most fans of The First Tree will not love it… but it’s an idea that gets me super excited. It’s an idea that could help me fall in love with game development again.

A few more details: this game will be story-driven, first-person, and will use the Unreal Engine. That means development is gonna be slow going, because I have to learn a whole new tool. The “smart business” decision would be to make something quickly in Unity which I’m already familiar with… but I want to do this for me, and UE5 looks like a lot of fun. I’m also shooting for an early-ish release date so I avoid burn out and I keep the game short: I want to release it in Fall 2022, but knowing game development, it will probably take longer.

With the help of my therapist, I’ve also concluded that I’ve been too accessible on the internet and that my self-worth isn’t determined by the amount of people I try to help online. Of course, I love helping people and seeing them succeed, but I need to step back and focus on my family and myself. I will delete my social media apps on my phone (I will still post big updates occasionally) and stop responding to most emails, tweets, DMs, etc. It’s not that I’m ungrateful… in fact, if I don’t say thank you or at least acknowledge the incredibly nice people who share a sweet message about my game or want to tell me how I inspire them (still hard for me to believe, lol), I feel a ton of guilt… but I need to let that go. Please know I’m extremely grateful to all the fans who follow my work, so even if I don’t thank you directly, I truly mean it: thank you.

I will still post and stream occasionally on YouTube when I want to (and I still do live Q&A’s for my GDU students). The online course sales will help support my family as I work on a potentially risky game idea (and my new job will help alleviate the risk too). I’m gonna try one more marketing experiment and sell a mini-course soon (and add an Unreal section), and after that I’m done working on it. A gigantic thank you to the people who bought my course and are part of the amazing community, it has helped me and my family tremendously, and it’s inspiring seeing the games you make!

I’m a bit worried about the whole thing since this new game idea could flop, which could definitely affect my family. But a sappy, high-school yearbook quote is coming to mind…  I think it applies here: “A ship in harbor is safe—but that is not what ships are built for.”

Thanks for reading,

David

[the-himawari]

A3! Takato Tasuku - Translation [SR] Brilliance of Blooming (1/2)

Special thanks to twt: @/dnll_ltr for sharing this backstage story with me! 🖐️💚

*Please read disclaimer on blog; default name set as Izumi

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<Please note: the beginning part of the story for this set of cards is the same, so I have reused my own tl>

Izumi: Kazunari-kun is also joining in on today’s leader’s meeting.

Kazunari: Let’s do this piko~!

Banri: Have you come up with somethin’ again?

Kazunari: That’s right, Setzer! There’s a lil something I wanted to try. So you see… we held a project survey for the fans to find out what they’d like us to do!

Sakuya: A project survey?

Izumi: Yep. We did it for our fans as per Kazunari-kun’s suggestion.

Kazunari: Thankfully, MANKAI Company’s popularity is soaring through the roof right now!

Tenma: That’s true. We got a lot of new fans too.

Kazunari: ‘Cept some of the folks who have been supporting us for a while also voiced that they’re a bit lonely since it feels like there’s been more distance between us. But, like, we wanna be a Theatre troupe that’s close to our fans no matter how much our popularity rises, right?

Banri: I see. So that explains the project survey, eh?

Tsumugi: How were the results?

Kazunari: The most common answer was, “I wanna see more InsteLives and selfies from all the troupe members!”

Tenma: Well, the frequency of InsteLive streams varies from person to person.

Tsumugi: It’s the same for our selfies. We basically leave it to the members who are good at SNS.

Kazunari: Yep, and so! As a special project this time, I propose we hold a solo InsteLive and selfie festival for 24 consecutive days!

Banri: A selfie festival?

Kazunari: It’d be even more hype if we took selfies during the live and upped the pics to Inste later, wouldn’t it!

Izumi: We’ve also discussed it with Sakyo-san, and he said we can do it as long as I keep watch to make sure no trouble occurs during the streams.

Kazunari: And so, the rest depends on you guys… How about it?

Sakuya: I’d love to do it! Of course I want to make everyone happy… But I’m happy for the chance to talk with all the fans through the screen too!

Tsumugi: I’d like to give it a try too. I feel like I’m getting more used to InsteLives, little by little.

Tenma: Hey, but, we can’t just idly chat, right?

Kazunari: On that topic, I thought it might be great to send out another survey to hear what they’d like each troupe member to do.

Banri: Seems like it’ll be a lot easier to handle in that case.

Izumi: Every InsteLive will turn out differently. That sounds interesting.

Kazunari: ‘Kay then, it’s settled! Leave the form creation and tallying up to me!

Sakuya: Thank you very much, Kazunari-san!

Izumi: Alright then, leaders. Please share the InsteLive and selfie plan with all your members.

Leaders: Got it!

-pause-

Tsumugi: Here, Tasuku. Kazu-kun gave these to me to hand to you.

Tasuku: Ahh. The InsteLive requests, huh? Thanks. That being said… there’s a huge amount.

Tsumugi: It’s amazing, right? It makes me happy to think our fans are watching us this much.

Tasuku: That’s true. There’s also people who have been supporting me ever since my GODza days within these. I’m really grateful.

Tsumugi: On the other hand, there are also people who have written they want to know what you were like back then. How do those requests sound?

Tasuku: I don’t particularly mind talking about it, myself… But there’s a possibility it could cause trouble for GODza. I’m not affiliated with them now, after all. The fans read our blogs this much too, huh… I'm surprised there are comments about the things I wrote a long time ago and their reactions to all the fine details.

Tsumugi: You don’t normally show much of your daily life or pastimes, so maybe they’re checking every little thing in your blogs.

Tasuku: Is it fun to see my daily life and hobbies?

Tsumugi: Requests about it have come in since they think it’s fun, right? Look. Like this one or this one here too.

Tasuku: … I got it. Since I’m also getting questions like this, I’ll talk about that hobby of mine in my upcoming stream.

Tsumugi: That one…?

Tasuku: It’s probably the one you’re thinking of.

Tsumugi: I see. …Say, Tasuku. If you’re going to talk about that, then why don’t you invite that person to help you out?

Tasuku: That person… are they the type of person who would come if they’re invited?

Tsumugi: If you’re the one asking, then I’m sure they won’t refuse.

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