#But I can't do it anymore I don't understand how people don't see this
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Here's some of the most raw and emotionally impactful lyrics I've ever heard
Ever since I found out what I am Every second I can't understand As time's ticking by, with tears in my eyes Can I feel or is sadness programmed? Do I mean the words that I say? Is the world I see really that way? From data collectors through lenses and sensors I'm living in an overlay
later on
I wonder what you'll do "I have no choice" I hear you say Well that depends on you and if you've got the guts then fire away Is this the choice you made? I hope you brought the best you've got So steady on that aim and take your best shot Did they send you out here to kill me? 'Cause I don't think that you've got the nerve Though you wear a disguise, it's there in your eyes Is this what they tell you I deserve? How do you think that we got this way? "I don't know you anymore" you say Well let me remind you of your own past all while you Pretend you've forgotten my name
and later on, the line that always destroys me
Your eyes look different... I swear they used to glow...
wanna guess where this is from? that's right! a brony song, not only that, but it's based on one of those things people did where they take footage of a show and dub over it to make comedic and nonsensical videos, so this is actually a my little pony: friendship is magic parody song
(it's called L_ST-_N-D_TA (lost in data) by PrinceWhateverer btw)
sorry for pasting half the lyrics in here but god damn holy shit fucking hell fuck
“i am a monument to all your sins” is such a fucking raw line for a villain it’s amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos
#mlp fim#friendship is witchcraft#lost in data#thanks to xidnaf for introducing me to this song in one of their second channel videos#it's one of my favorite songs ever honestly#sweetie bot
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Questioning Sentences, Vol. 39
(Questioning sentences from various sources to ask all kinds of muses. Adjust phrasing where needed)
"How long have you been here?"
"Which side of the bed would you prefer?"
"Can I ask you a personal question? How can you afford to shop here?"
"Do you ever think about your legacy?"
"You ever feel the prickly things on the back of your neck?"
"This is weird, even for you. What are you doing?"
"Are we safe here?"
"What am I to you?"
"Do you think I don't understand what it is to be different?"
"You know, it is a little bit strange that we hardly know each other, right?"
"Who hit you?"
"You know, you should really work on your party face."
"I need to borrow a car tonight. Can I take yours?"
"Are you telling me you don't love me anymore?"
"Perhaps you'd like to know my name?"
"How can you help me if you don't believe me?"
"Do you ever think what it would be like to be like other people? Normal people?"
"Is this your way of apologising?"
"Speaking plainly, what's in it for me?"
"You have an interesting accent. Where are you from exactly?"
"Have you been told anything I haven't?"
"Do your ambitions not exceed this?"
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"I'm thinking of getting a gun for protection. Is there one you would recommend?"
"Do you like birds?"
"Do you reckon I'll get one of those medals for bravery?"
"You can't stay away from me, can you?"
"Do you have to enjoy this quite so much?"
"How can I help you if you won't let me?"
"Am I having some kind of psychotic breakdown?"
"You've been hiding from me, haven't you?"
"Why is it that I surround myself with a bunch of incompetent fools?"
"Has my utility not been amply demonstrated?"
"Were you just flirting with that woman?"
"Is this it? Is this therapy?"
"Do you really believe you see demons and devils?"
"You didn't really think you were never going to see me again, did you?"
"Do you think what happened to you is a miracle?"
"When did you get so bitter?"
"Why are you talking in the past tense?"
"Aren't you supposed to be talking to me about the virtues of mercy?"
#rp meme#rp memes#roleplay meme#roleplay memes#rp prompts#roleplay prompts#sentence starters#assorted;#questioning;
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Hey
I'm not having fun creating here anymore. I can't handle the inbox threats, I can't handle the rumors and I can't handle the constant dread of being perceived incorrectly. I apologize to my audience but I'm not going to be posting here anymore. Thank you for the support from those who have been kind and understanding. Thank you to those who have criticized me fairly and maturely, and especially thank you to those who have brought it to me privately and been considerate of my symptoms during.
I will be using this inbox to do requests in my discord server only. I am safer from threats and harm there, and I can create freely out of harms way. Any commissions I've taken on this app have been moved to discord. My emotes will remain in a google drive and archived here. I will not be responding to any further public drama. If you see something insane said about me, please bring it to me privately before you believe it in full. Be your own person and have your own thoughts. Don't defend or attack blindly because those around you are. 🫶
In full admission, I've had issues in the past with
1. Aggressive lash outs towards people I've perceived as attacking me
2. Creating unoriginal art
My explanations and defenses are here, you can read through my posts if you want to see my apologies, explanations and break downs.
I've been targeted by a lot of people in this community. I joined this community around a year ago, and turned 17 last September. the leading people causing the attacks are adults I've cut contact with for my own safety. I really can't do this anymore. I get blamed for just about everything that happens involving me, and I don't have the energy to reply or defend or apologize anymore. If you don't like me, that's okay. You can even hate me if I've wronged you or if you literally just want to. All I ask is that you're careful how with how obsessed you become, and try to spread kindness in this community when you can; even if it's far away from me. There are children on this app who want to create. Make it safe for them; and I apologize when I made it unsafe too. I've gotten better, I promise you.
I'm not a perfect person. Hell, I'm probably not even a good person sometimes. But I did try, and that's what matters to me. I tried and I created and I bonded with people I now consider really close friends. I survived attacks on my mental health, and I now get to go focus on my more private community away from all this. I lived and you will too.
If i've hurt you, and you want an apology from me, dm me at k9.s_ on discord. I don't want enemies and I want to right what I've done where I can. 👋
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What IS a redemption arc to these writers, exactly?
Because the ONLY thing that Clear Sky has changed about his behavior, by A Forest Divided, is that he's not actively murdering people. He's controlling. He's a bully. He's misconstruing the words of the StarClan cats to create a justification for why he should be in power.
He's even physically abusive again when he gets upset, later. And that's not even counting his sadistic, self-absorbed behavior in sequel books.
We keep getting passages like this;
Which keeps turning his murder and abuse into "Just A Little Mistake," explicitly PART OF LIVING.
Ghosts are tumbling out of the fucking heavens to powder his ass, forcing his mom to forgive him for absolutely nonsensical reasons, saying that killing Rainswept Flower was "predestined" and "just an accident" and he had no control over it, anyway(???). And now, here is the hollowed-out shell of Storm, who was driven out of the Clan while pregnant because Clear Sky's actions were getting innocent cats MAULED AND KILLED, insisting her abusive husband's behavior never drove anyone away and they just had their own paths to walk.
So what IS a redemption arc supposed to be to these writers?
If Clear Sky was NEVER actually that bad, in the 5 books we saw where he's a controlling, power-hungry monster who constantly resorts to physical violence, that what IS the change he needs to make? If it's both a mistake he's totally learned from, YET ALSO he's never done anything wrong??
Do you SEE how these are contradictory ideas? They can't exist together. It's like the writers are just grasping at whatever insane bullshit they can think up and throwing it on the page, because at the end of the day, what they do is write Fundamentally Good and Fundamentally Evil characters.
Because Clear Sky is one of their Fundamentally Good cats, he has nothing to confront. They try to say "the guilt is the worst punishment for him!" and also "He shouldn't feel guilty for anything he did!" and it leaves us with absolutely nothing.
#Im ngl. I think if youre a clear sky defender you can't think critically.#Or you haven't actually read this arc.#This is the most BULLSHIT thing I've ever seen written#I can't believe people actually accept this. I started off trying so hard to be charitable here#But I can't do it anymore I don't understand how people don't see this#they blamed his fucking mom for his cruelty#they blamed a WOMAN FOR HER ADULT SON'S ACTIONS#Im going to have a stroke#dotc hate#bones reads dotc
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It hurts to not be trusted, to feel the need to hide an intrinsic part of yourself from everyone even in your own home but...well... It technically isn't anything new to Danny. He's been hiding his powers from everyone except his closest friends since he was fourteen and he doesn't know why four years later he expected anything to be any different.
Attending Gotham University was fine, his tuition being almost entirely covered by the Wayne STEM scholarship. Meeting Tim had been nice even if he was a little weird at times and was probably going to become a ghost way too quickly from all the caffeine he consumed but hey who was Danny to judge? So when the dorms had flooded and Tim offered to let Danny crash at his place until things were settled again he hadn't really thought too hard about accepting. It took two weeks for him to start regretting that decision. He'd thought that when Tim offered he meant his apartment but no he'd meant Wayne Manor...with the entire rest of his family popping in and out on a regular basis. Apparently it was closer to campus, Alfred's cooking was better than quick breakfast every morning, etc etc. All excuses that Danny had taken at face value because he wanted to trust Tim, he wanted to believe that his friend was being genuine in his offers and his words.
Of course things could never be that simple. At first it was small things, lingering gazes, the hushed conversations, whispers that stopped as soon as he entered a room. Which fine, he was essentially a stranger entering a family home, there was going to be things they couldn't say in front of him. He could understand that but then... it just kept getting bigger. A near oppressive silence that followed him around the house, his personal items turning up missing only to be found left out in common areas he wouldn't have left them, questions about his family and friends and life before Gotham. Even Tim didn't hang around him in a casual manner anymore and it just....all of it just hurt. The only two people who seemed to still treat him with any sense of normality was the butler and Tim's older brother Jason but seeing as Jason avoided the manner like the plaque meant he was left with Alfred. So when he couldn't find an excuse to be out of the manor he was with the older man helping wherever he was allowed to.
"I just...I like Tim or I guess I liked hanging out with him and being friends with him. I just wanna go back to that time, before everyone started acting like I'm gonna....gonna.... I don't know murder someone in their sleep!" That's where he was now in fact, helping Alfred with the laundry and lowkey ranting to him about what everyone was doing. "I mean I can't be the only one in this house with secrets, I know Tim isn't entirely honest with me about what he does that has him sneaking into this manor super early in the morning and i know he lies about his injuries and where they come from but do you see me question him? No! Cause I trust my friend." Danny huffed as he folded another pair of sweatpants. "And I thought he trusted me...Well at least the dorms will be fixed soon and I can get out of his hair. I'm sorry to dump all this on you Alfred, I know how close you are to them."
The butler simply hummed, set down the perfectly folded dress shirt that Danny honestly didn't know how he had gotten that giant stain out of, before turning his entire body to address him straight on. "Would you like me to say something, Master Danny?"
Danny fought back a cringe at the title as he always did. "Ah no you don't need to do that Alfred and I already said you don't gotta call me that either. I'm not here permanently after all." He scratched at the back of his neck absentmindedly as he spoke, not liking the full force of Alfred's attention. "Anyway, how have you been? I didn't get back in time for dinner last night but I know you tried out that new recipe you were talking about. Did it turn out alright?"
And that was that. Danny felt bad about ranting later and made up for it best he could by helping out extra around the manor but Alfred didn't bring it up again so he thought he was fine, safe even. He pushed the conversation from his mind, forgetting about it so effectively that he almost didn't even notice when the others began to act...different. Not worse, definitely not worse, but definitely different. Still, he kept with his usual tactics of staying out of the house as often as possible and when he was there, disappearing to do chores quickly. This routine continued for perhaps another week after his conversation with Alfred until his was, for all intents and purposes, ambushed by none other than Damian after getting back to the manor from his classes for the day. "Follow me...Danny." The boy had muttered before swiftly turning and his heels and walking away. Danny was shocked for a moment, faltering before hurrying to follow. Damian never called him Danny, usually Fenton or Daniel if he had to use his first name, never Danny.
Follow Damian led him to a living room with- Oh no. Here it was. They were going to confront him about being a Halfa and hand him over to the GIW. Danny froze in the entryway, eyes hopping from Dick to Bruce to Damian and finally settling on Tim. That probably hurt the most, seeing Tim sitting there and realizing that his only friend hadn't been a friend at all. This must've shown on his face because not even a minute after setting his gaze on Tim was the boy jumping up from the couch and making his way toward Danny, stopping when he flinched back and took a step away from the entry. "Wait Danny! This isn't... We aren't going to hurt you."
A hand on his shoulder stopped him from stepping any further back and he looked up to see Alfred standing behind him. "Please, allow them to explain, Danny." And later he wouldn't be able to explain why he listened, only that deep down in the depths of his very core he knew that Alfred wouldn't let them hurt him. So he did, he entered the room and sat down.
Tim, as the only was standing, was the first to speak. "I'm sorry. We- I haven't acted like a good friend to you. I brought you here under false pretenses, I questioned you, I took your stuff, I-..." He seemed to cut himself off, his fists clenching at his sides. "What I did was wrong and you have every right to want nothing to do with me. I violated your trust, I didn't respect you or your belongings and I'm sorry. If you have secrets they are yours, to share or not share whenever you're ready."
And on it continued. Damian spoke, Dick spoke, Bruce spoke. They all apologized one after another. They said the only reason why Jason wasn't there was that he hadn't participated in any of it. That the first conversation he'd had with Danny had been enough and he didn't see a reason for their suspicions. "Jason said if you don't want to be here anymore you can stay with him. I would understand if you want that Danny. I'm so sorry for how I acted." Tim was the one who took lead, it seems after being the first to speak the others were fine with letting him continue to do so.
All in all, Danny didn't know how to feel. "I trusted you." It was the first time he'd spoken to Tim in weeks now. "You were my first and only friend since moving to Gotham and I thought that was genuine. Then I come here and you and your family treat me like some....some dangerous criminal! I just..." Danny wasn't ashamed to hear tears in his voice and he could barely get out all he wanted to say. "I think I'm going to take Jason up on that offer. Maybe if I'm out of your home you won't feel inclined to search for possible skeletons in my closet."
It hurt to say and the crumpled expression on Tim's face hurt even more but Danny just wasn't ready to forgive him yet. Sure Danny had been betrayed before but this hurt on a level that he couldn't articulate. Still, when no one said anything after that he left the living room and headed up to his room to pack. If he heard Tim actually start to cry then he ignored it, just like all the times he's sure the boy ignored him crying himself to sleep.
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I tried to write fluff I swear officer, I don't know how that angst got there! I might tie this into the other WIP I wrote for Tim x Danny but I know if I do it will lead to me lowkey abandoning the Tomarry work I'm writing on Ao3.
Who knows though, I might just end up writing for both at the same time lol
Dp x dc fluff prompt
Danny, for whatever reason, is stuck with the batfam, and they're getting suspicious of him. But before there's any big reveal, before Danny feels pressured to act, Alfred steps in.
Alfred puts his foot down. He tells the bats that the boy is here to be safe, to be loved, and to be protected. Snooping on this would be a huge invasion of privacy, and other than just having powers, Danny hasn't done anything to warrant questioning. "He will come to you when he's ready"
Just a fun story of them doing their best to have Danny be comfortable, and slowly, Danny just casually starts using his powers. No one questions it. No one bothers with it. Danny has powers, so what?
Sure, they get curious sometimes, but Alfred said no snooping.
You can have the official reveal go however you want.
This prompt is very basic, but i just wanted a sweet and simple one.
#danny phantom#batfamily#dc x dp crossover#danny fenton#tim drake#bruce wayne#alfred pennyworth#angst#jason todd#dick grayson#batfam#oneshot#wip
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if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?
I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.
Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.
Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.
Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.
Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.
Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.
If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.
So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.
#asks#twdg louis#twdg minerva#twdg clementine#twdg violet#twdg marlon#twdg tenn#honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??'#then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha#also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore#like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it#not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed#for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there#it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like...#that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly#also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but#I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did#like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite#anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good#i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw#like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit#and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification#and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go#he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down#'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m#it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay#this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about#even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks#that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you
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Actually hot take today. I wish there was a way to hide posts about USA problems but for it to be possible Americans would have to tag them as American which they'll never do in any setting ever exactly because they are Americans
#say what you want but an average american treats usa as a default when in international space#'how people here not understand that there are other cultures' they are americans. they think that they don't have a culture#because they treat their own as a default#i don't want to see anything more about us presidential campaign either. i know which option is better for my country already#and I can't do anything about it so like.#please if you know any tags I can block#personal#'afraid of americans' by david bowie plays as I try to not engage with this anymore
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if kotlc book ten isn't the last kotlc book, i'm throwing hands
#kotlc#i can't do this anymore you guys#i don't understand how you veterans deal with it#i've only been here since when there were eight books out and i'm already so tired of wanting more of this series#praying to the kotlc gods (shannon messenger)#pleaseeeeeeeee don't make a kotlc 11#please#and i see people that are like 'i was here since the start of the series' like omg you all. must've been through so much.#there might be a book 11 and then when that comes out shannon'll be like 'hey guys there miiiiiiiight be a book 13 actually'#'smaaaaaaaall chance if i can't wrap up the storylines'#hhhhhhhhhh i can't do this anymore#at least there's some crumbs of content to keep us floating until book 10 (hopefully the last book)#also remember the short story book that shannon's gonna do after the conclusion of the series???#i want it so bad#mine
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#it's been a while that I put something in the tags but Im very lost atm for reasons i don't know#i don't know if Im nervous to see my friendgroup from uni again because my ex crush is going to be there and I have to pretend everything is#fine while also not getting frustrated by that toxic friend that I can't stand anymore#or if it's because im feeling so damn empty from getting on a dating app after being rejected by said ex crush#i don't know know why Im on there my friend said it was an good idea but Im already regretting but I can't just delete it or whatever#because I actually have some people I have been talking to but why do I feel so empty then??#why does it feel like my life has been sucked out of me today? it can't just me the amount of interaction im sure that's not it.#i thought ... i thought this would make me happy to try bew things to get more attention from people get more confident#but why can't I shake this depression like feeling off#because I know this feeling well but I hope it doesn't stay please don't stay#how will I get better like this? am I still healing? i know I am but I was fine just yesterday just yesterday I didn't think of him#so why can't I shake this?#i have no answers I have nothing and I can't talk to anyone about it either because I don't even know what's going on#please just let me understand so I can heal this fix this#please just make me okay again#i can't start the year like this#please
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i don't talk about this all that often, but it's damn miserable having to live with a special needs kid who isn't getting the necessary means of support knowing damn well that you can't do anything about it. it's frustrating, it's hard, it's messing up the entire family, and you have to suck it up if you want to do anything in life
i mean, i was forced to be a third parent since i was like ten, and i don't mind it as much as some people in my place would, but i can't replace that kid's deadbeat father or neurotic mother.
how many times have i bent over backwards trying to help or introduce new hobbies only to get left midway through without even an acknowledgement that we did something fun and meaningful together? it pains me because i do love spending time with kids but i have to constantly flipflop between being a cool older brother that i want to be and an authority figure that i have to be when push comes to shove (which is almost daily at this point). and god, i don't even want to think about how often i'm forced to mediate between family members screaming and hurling insults at each other
this has no great grandiose point. there is likely an ideal world in which my father stops beeing an asshole, my youngest sibling receives the necessary professional help, my mother stops trying to compete for having the world's biggest martyr complex and my sister stops wailing about being neglected to me every single day, but this isn't that kind of a world. i'm probably an asshole for thinking like this, but frankly, everyone in the house is always taking everything too personally, and always reacting too emotionally, and it's only getting worse with years
#vent#-ish#i don't know; i never even ask any of them for help or emotional support anymore#if i can't do it alone i won't do it at all#the shitty family situation is really starting to reflect on my other relationships too#and college too i guess#if i go out at all i purposefully stay out late to avoid seeing them when i get back#and i don't bring people over ever because i'm genuinely ashamed of them most of the time#like it wasn't like this before my youngest sibling started school#i actually had a rather decent childhood i think (other than being a professional menace and struggling to connect with peers)#there's such a huge dissonance between how i remember my parents as a kid and how they are now#that can't be shrugged off as “well now you're older and you understand more”
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Primink's latest video about internet sweetheart going "because it's all fake, he's creating these narratives, which makes the way he portrays certain groups seem malicious" >>>
#sorry but every time i see someone understand basic media literacy concepts i have to complain on tumblr about it#do we think all those 25-year-olds who didn't seem to get this were being serious or willfully ignorant#i have media literacy but idk how to deal with people. but they had to know right. like logically you can't... live like that. right?#willful ignorance so you don't have to acknowledge your flaws makes more sense i think.#yknow this actually makes me feel better about being on tumblr as a whole. i'm not deactivating anymore#i was like. seriously going to deactivate once my other fandom queue runs out but maybe i won't actually#they're all just being dicks on purpose! i don't have to try to fix anybody! they're loser assholes! yahoo!!#enjoy the other drafts i queued bc i thought i was deactivating :)
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#i'm fucking tired and just need to rant#this fucking month has been the fucking worst and i'm done#i'm so fucking tired#not the metion the stress#I fucking hate this#this blog was inactive for like 9 years yet here I am cause I can't talk about this with other people#no one's gonna read this anyway#shit was off to a bumpy start but eventually I got there#everything was going great#I was actually happy with my results#was also super confident I was going to well#but life had to remind me that I don't deserve to be happy#so fuck me I guess#now I need to deal with fucking everyone on my ass telling me it's not a big deal#phone keeps correcting fucking to funding#I am going to scream#but yeah anyway#how do I politely tell everyone to fuck off and that I'm so fucking stressed the only way out I see is offing myself??#I'm so fucking useless lmao#I can't do this anymore#I've got no one who actually cares lmao#there's so much shit going on and can't fucking do this anymore#I WANT OUT#being an adult is the fucking worst thing I've ever done so yeah#should have just fucking ended it at 12#I've not only wasted my own time#wasted someone's else's precious time#and a shit-ton of money#so yeah#really wish my family could understand this situation
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#this is gonna be pretty serious but I need to get it out bc I keep thinking about it and can't sleep#I could just write a note or something but idk I don't wanna do that and I don't wanna bother my friends at this hour either#so here goes.#my grandma passed away yesterday. it wasn't a surprise since she'd been slowly getting worse and worse#honestly I'm relieved she doesn't have to be in pain anymore#I wouldn't even be feeling so horrible about it all if it wasn't for the fact that she died of covid#and in horrible pain#so I'm just so fucking enraged about it all#she was in a nursing unit. but nurses weren't masking even though the place was meant for old people with poor health#ALL OF THIS could've been avoided if the nurses wore masks at work. or at least this happening would've been so much less likely#at first I was just sad. a little mad that it was covid but at least she could finally pass on#but then my mom called me today. she'd visited the day before and she told me how much pain my grandma had been in#like she hadn't even been able to talk anymore. she'd been convulsing in pain and whimpering. she'd barely even understood my mom was there#and she managed to reply to her telling she was there. maybe. my mom wasn't sure if she'd heard right#and I just can't get it out of my mind. the way she died#her hearing and eyesight were really bad by this point and I don't know if her mind was really all that present either.#she had her good and bad days on that front#so she was just in horrible pain. not being able to see or hear much at all. maybe not even fully understanding where she was#for hours in the middle of the night with no way to get better. no nurses to really help her#until she finally died#like hell she wasn't even able to open her eyes when my mom visited!! that's how much she was hurting!!#and I know she didn't have long left. I know she would've died soon anyway. from something else#but the fact that it was so painful and EASILY PREVENTABLE just makes me so fucking mad#she could've died so much more peacefully if the staff there just wore a goddamn mask#I'm just so unimaginably angry right now#I got shit to do tomorrow but idk if I'll be able to sleeo tonight with all this stuff in my head. I hope writing this helped#anyway sorry to be vulnerable on main I guess. gn#vent
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I need to vent
#i heard today AGAIN that I'm mean and evil#but today it turned out my isolation is also taken as evil and malicious and that apparently I've been doing this because i felt offended#(???)#(no i didn't btw)#I no longer have any idea how to choose words so that people don't think I'm a bad and malicious person#last half a year i just isolated from people because i know i can sound mean and malicious#so it turned out i made up all this autism thing and in fact I'm bad and malicious and i should think before i speak and do something#(as if i've been never done this before lol)#why nobody could understand I really don't do this by purpose and they should say immediately i did something wrong because I DON'T KNOW#but no I'm the evil one#i can't mention anything autism related anymore because it turns out I'm making it up#and that it's my tool to justify my evil actions#'just think before you do and speak because it looks really bad' great as I didn't know this before ;/#i really don't see any future before me if everything I've done went for nothing#this is funny that i don't even want to cry? seemdls i got used to things like this and I'm like 'well i should've known I'm not enough'#i don't mask enough and i never ever should mention anyone about autism#/vent
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if one more thing goes wrong im fucking gone this is not a joke anymore
this is mostly a joke for the record
ive been having so many problems it's literally unfair why can I not just be HAPPY
every effort I make means nothing
every effort towards mine or others happiness literally means jack fucking shit like it's literally just pointless I don't even know why I try
i always end up feeling like
nobody loves me and I'm gonna end up alone or in an early grave or both
and that maybe that's for the best
#tw suicide mention#ive had the tendency to write suicide notes and make plans in my head just in case i do go through with it for a while#because i have several mental illnesses and i am unpredictable even to myself#but like i dont think anything is going to come of it#if it does im sorry but i still dont think it will#i feel like people forget sometimes how someone can just be gone in an instant#i try to remember it because i don't want the last moments i have with someone to be terrible#there are a lot of things i want to do in my life i just feel like i cant do them#as much as im currently really upset with her i want to meet my girlfriend in person#even if we aren't partners anymore by then#i want to go abroad somewhere#i want to have my own place#i want to get a job#i want to be able to do dishes again#i want to be loved and feel loved#i want to understand how to cope with my breakdowns and episodes#i want so much but yet nothing#and somehow it all still feels so far away#where are you? why can't i reach you? don't you see how I'm hurting? can you lend me your hand?#what are you up to right now? you're so far away i cant see you#sad dogboi hourz
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Warning: Long Post No one reads long texts anymore, but despite everything I've been through with my country, my family, and recently my son, I need to get this off my chest. It's completely unbelievable to me that so many people still don't understand the background of the genocide in Palestine. What kind of journalists or influencers do we have today? Are they too afraid to report and remind their audiences about the real story behind what's happening now? No, it's not just one year of suffering! It's outrageous how the media consistently ignores what Palestinians have been enduring for decades. Have they, or you, even bothered to look at the statistics of how many Palestinians have been killed by Israel since 1948? How many children have been killed? Who holds the responsibility for what's happening now? I often wonder: what if the situation Palestinians face was applied somewhere else? For example, what if, after World War II, the West had decided that all Jews should have a state in the USA—let’s say Chicago—how would the people of Chicago have reacted? Imagine the people there being driven off the land their families had worked for generations, stripped of their rights, and harassed or persecuted if they resisted. Do international laws simply not apply when ### is involved? Do you know that people in Gaza are killed simply for fun? Yes, for fun! Israeli soldiers have been known to shoot women, children, and even animals on the spot, then walk away. Did you feel the wind when those shots were fired? Or was it too far away for you? Do you understand what death means? Good. Do you know why there are so many Palestinians living in different countries, or maybe even right next door to you, even though they smell like hummus, garlic, za'atar, and other traditional foods? Do you know why your neighbors are Palestinian and not Israeli? It's because we've been forced to flee since 1948. Our cities were erased then, and more are still being erased—through violence, through apartheid laws, through genocide, through different methods. Ilan Pappe, an Israeli historian, wrote a book about hundreds of Palestinian cities that were erased to create the Israel you know today. This isn't a war that started a few days ago or even a year ago—this has been going on since at least 1948. More than 45,000 have been killed in Gaza just in the past year alone. 17 000 of them are children, and 13 000 are women. Do you even know what that means? How it feels to lose your children or part of your family? Are you going to tell us how it feels? Do you have no empathy? Is your heart so closed that you can't see the pain around you? Are you really so blind to the suffering of others? How can you ignore these realities? Do you know that the Israeli military has cut off all electricity and completely halted the import of food, water, fuel, and other necessities? There are no hospitals and no medicines left, and 85% of people in Gaza are living in makeshift tents. Yes, tents—but not like the ones you see in movies. These are handmade from plastic scraps. Do you know that my family is suffering from all of this, and I will lose them in this cold weather if you don't act now? Please help us and donate now!
Vetted and shared by @90-ghost: Link.
Verified and shared by @el-shab-hussein: Link
Listed as number 282 in "The Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser Spreadsheet" compiled by @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi : Link
Listed on the Butterfly Effect Project, number 957: Link
Additionally, Al Jazeera News has documented apart of my family's case: Link
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#palestine#humanity#charity#gaza#donate#humanitarian aid#help gaza#free gaza#gaza genocide#pray for gaza
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