#quickly reviewing chapters in between writing reports and like. lewin is so fascinating | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

happyk44 · 19 hours ago

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Chewing on my thoughts like a feral dog because I'm running on like three hours of sleep and the brain be tornadoing, but like!!! Lewin and Renzou being opposite sides of the same coin or whatever. So similar in their inability to relate to other people, and yet Lewin being incapable of disliking himself over it because, despite everything Osceola taught him and knowing there's something wrong and different about him, he is unbothered by it. He accepts his deficits for what they are, violence and all. He knows he's off compared to everyone else, but that's just how it is. It's not a big deal. He makes due.

And then there's Renzou who grew up loved and isn't violent, doesn't really have those urges or curiosities, but he knows something's wrong with him, something that separates him from everyone else around him and it makes him hate himself and he gets mad about that too because it's not like he's hurting anyone so why is he so mad about it? Why does he care so much? Why does he want to fit in with his family? They fucking suck! But they love and care about each other and he doesn't and it drives him up the wall because their lives are the same, so why is he the only one who's broken?

#lewin who knows he's heartless and is fine with it versus renzou who knows he's heartless and wants to smash his head into a wall about it #renzou shima #aspd!shima #lewin light #happy talks blue exorcist #lewin who does not perceive himself as broken and renzou who can do nothing else but perceive himself as broken #like lewin is ares. viciousness and bloodlust. renzou is hermes. quick and sneaky.#im biting them both and screaming like come on come on come on #quickly reviewing chapters in between writing reports and like. lewin is so fascinating #because he clearly relies on other people to help make up for what he lacks. he has a strong sense of morality but is indifferent to ethics #and so osceola provided that (re: telling him to value life) and ryuuji also steps in when he goes too far (re: the whole thing with misumi #but renzou can't rely on people. everyone he grew up with is bound by a sense of duty that he does not understand and despises #so he cannot connect with them and cannot rely on them to provide moral or ethical structure #he gets away with it because unlike lewin he is not overtly violent. lewin is like a classic example of aspd. the stereotype #but renzou isn't. he doesnt start fights hes not aggressive hes not cruel. but hes a manipulative little shit #homare even says he has a sharp tongue #i guess its funny because lewin's lack of social skills protects him from any sense of internal despite #but for renzou understanding theze things just further exposes how different he is from everyone else which only fuels his distress #rereading his little talks with ryuuji and koneko very much stand out to me when viewing it through this kinda lens #because he is trying to open up to them. possibly for the first time. but both fail to understand #ryuuji is too focused on the lingering betrayal of renzou being a spy behind his back and koneko is too focused on his potential #sort of in the same way his family is. no one treats him with any seriousness as they all joke that he's bad at it and is going to die #he tried to open up and connect but they are so used to the mask he wears they can't not see it on him even if he's not wearing it #they don't see that he's good at it. he was successful for months. he was still successful even after they found out!#for all they complain that they can't truly trust him anymore it's the final battle and they all do anyway 😂#ahhhh i love this hc so much im gonna think about it for weeks until i move onto the next thing that tornadoes my brain lol

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