#But I am one person in a house of me and I am physically incapable of drinking all that tea in a timely manner

[rubeau-art]

Sudden urge to sort my tea collection bc some of that has to be funky town all these years later

Wtf happened, how did this happen?!

Bonus:

Funky town (derogatory) vs Funky town (affectionate)

[mars-ipan]

i’m hungry and want a snack but we have no food in this damn house

[doberbutts]

Anyway yes, people who can X should be accomodating to people who can't X. People who can walk should accomodate people who can't. People who can hear should accomodate people who can't. People who can see should accomodate people who can't. And on and on. When that doesn't happen, it's a problem that deserves to be talked about.

But the problem is not and has never been "physical disabilities are more important and deserve more accomodations than mental disabilities"- nor the other way around either.

People love to dunk on folks with ADD/ADHD but you know? As someone with ADD raised by diabetic parents I gotta say there's a lot of similarities here. People with ADD, myself included, often forget to eat and when they do eat they often load themselves up with carbs and sugars because those foods make their brains feel good. People with diabetes have to closely monitor their meals and often crave sugars and need a blend of sugary and protein-rich snacks on hand. This is not to say ADD and diabetes are exact one-to-one disabilities.

But having grown up watching my parents manage their diabetes, I too am very aware of meal times and blood sugar and constructing meals that will tide you over and having a blend of sugary and protein-rich snacks on hand Just In Case. I am able to manage my ADD better in this way because I have experience from watching my parents. I also need access to snacks and to be able to say to my boss "I need to go eat something real fast" without being punished.

I had a training client who was the image of "able bodied mentally ill" outside of the usual creaks and squeaks associated with age, her body worked just fine. But after a series of incidents in her youth- a car accident that left her with a serious brain injury, coming home from the hospital afterwards to immediately have her house broken into and herself raped by an intruder, and assorted medical malpractice while she was healing from both- she has a serious and extreme case of agoraphobia and spent the next 40 years completely unable to leave the house. She would hide and wail and scream when deliveries of groceries and other goods would come, because it meant a stranger (and usually a man) would be at her door. She could not go more than a couple steps outside to get her mail and especially not if other people were outside.

At some point her therapist suggested getting a pet, one that *had* to go outside, to help her. So she got a dog and contacted a trainer (me) and we got to work. And she did improve! The dog has been a huge help to managing her symptoms! But you cannot seriously expect me to have worked with this woman for years and then belittle mental illnesses as being lesser when this woman also shares the inability to even leave her house let alone go inside a grocery store. Even today there are times when she simply cannot, she cannot will her body to move out of her door and into transportation let alone into the building.

When she first started coming to me she thanked me for not belittling her or making her feel bad for classes she had to cancel because she couldn't force herself to take the first step over the threshold. That is when she told me what happened to her and that while it sounds terrible she was really happy to have found a trainer who knew something personal about trauma and brain injuries. She is also a case where I feel her ESA should be considered service dog not because of training or tasking but because her need is so high and she is just completely incapable of doing anything without the dog in her arms.

Anyway I think of her any time someone says "but you can walk through the door". There's nothing wrong with her legs so in theory sure she could. But often she *can't*, not because of anything physical, but because she is very severely mentally ill.

[vigilskeep]

I just started playing a Crow Rook and literally WHAT is going on between Rook & Viago. Why is he so worried about them, why does he care?? It’s not like they’re actually his kid or something…? Rook could probably even be his same age. & we know it’s not a romantic thing! Would love to know your thoughts on it. It’s giving me Hawke & Meeran for some reason lmao

i think they left this open to player headcanon in a way that i personally find delightful and entertaining. the incontrovertible canon facts are that he worries about them, that he is distinctly less bearable when they’re not around, that he has so much faith in them that he puts all their failures down to them being thoughtless or acting out on purpose, and that he expresses all of this via frustration when it’s clearly love. why and how we got to this point is up to you!

so i can only really talk about how i’ve been interpreting that. to Me, viago is so uptight and distrustful that i would struggle to believe in this dynamic if he hadn’t known rook for a really long time. which makes sense, because crows who belong to a house grow up together. i mentioned this way back when we first saw footage of him with rook de riva, but to me he talks to you a lot like an older family member who still kind of thinks of you as a kid. i read into it as him acting sort of like the equivalent of an older brother with a big like 5 or 10 year age gap, but that is obviously dependent on your rook’s age and feelings

i am going to delve into closely-canon-based headcanon territory for a moment but show my workings as i do it. viago is not from a crow family like lucanis. he is not related to whoever was his predecessor as house de riva’s guildmaster. he is a royal bastard who elected to join the crows rather than be exiled, because that is, for some fucking reason, the system they have in place. since his memories prior to the crows are distant boyhood ones, and the crows typically start training early, i think we can guess that he was at most a teenager when he joined the house

please take a moment to picture lanky teenage viago de riva, with all his distrust and temper, accustomed until now to certain noble comforts, terrible at making friends, inclined less towards physical strength and more towards poisons and the fantasy equivalent of excel spreedsheets. does anyone honestly think for a second that when this kid arrived, all house de riva’s scrappy cutthroat embittered crow recruits didn’t immediately smell blood in the water? does anyone honestly think he would have had a good fun time or been well-liked? that he eventually rose to talon by asking nicely or indeed anything other than his ability to cultivate fear as the foremost poisoner in the entire antivan crows? does anyone, for that matter, believe that every crow knows how good at poisoning viago de riva is because his afaik unmentioned predecessor died of super 100% natural causes?

and if rook de riva grew up with viago—which as i said, makes sense!—that would mean they were there. if they’re close enough now to, despite everything they did, have no fear of their talon and for him to be completely incapable of anything harsher than calling them an idiot, isn’t it reasonable to assume they must have been, then, the one person he had? the person who chose and kept choosing to stand by him during all that, when he was the easiest target in the house and it was still a very foolish gamble to make. young and impulsive, sure, but who else would have backed him? young and impulsive, but also so brilliant and determined that he firmly believes there’s no dragon they couldn’t chase away. if we accept all those workings, isn’t the question less why does he love them, and more: how could he not?

[starry-bi-sky]

i have been unmedicated for the entirety of spring break and thus have had little interest in writing this down, but i have been thinking about this for the entire week (as well as a dpdc clone danny au that resulted in it becoming its entirely separate batman au that includes a teenage vigilante bruce wayne, an ocarina, and me entirely incapable of making a batman au without making bruce dirt poor but we're not talking about that) and so i've finally went 'fuck it' and forcibly grabbed my laptop. I will get this done in one sitting even if it kills me.

BUT. This is about neither clone^2 danny nor about who i am calling Ocarina Batman. This is about my Danyal Al Ghul Au and more SPECIFICALLY it's me thinking about his relationship with Sam and Tucker specifically.

Tucker and Sam? Adore this asshole (affectionate) with every fiber of their being. And it is very much a reciprocated feeling, but Danny's thoughts will not be delved into much other than he would kill for them.

Tucker? The only person currently capable of getting a deep, loud, belly laugh out of Danny. Sam can get him to smile and to laugh, but it's the kind that's a chuckle-under-the-breath. The quiet, looks-down-while-huffing laughter. Snorts once with laughter and then grins stupidly.

But Tucker? Tucker can crack a slew of stupid jokes and Danny will be incapacitated for the next five minutes because he's laughing so hard that he can't breath. He lands one well-timed pun or quip and Danny will be close to tears. His laughter is their favorite sound in the whole world.

Sam is lowkey jealous of this ability, and she's gotten a belly laugh out of Danny a few times. But alas, it is Tucker who wields this power and has gotten it the most times out of the two of them.

-

They're also both physically affectionate with Danny as much as possible. It started roughly around when they were 12-ish, a year since they befriended Danny, and they noticed that he sought after touch but never seemed to initiate (and was in some ways repulsed by it). They started slowly being more touchy with him. Hooking a finger around his to lead him somewhere, tapping his wrist, looping arms. Little touches, grabs, etc, to get him used to it, and once he started doing it back they started increasing it.

It's gotten to a point where he will now just. Lay on them. Like a lizard sunbathing on a rock. Leaning on their backs when they're sitting in class before the bell rings, his chin on their heads. He'll talk about anything with his arms looped around their shoulders.

If they're sitting on a couch at either of their houses, he'll lay his legs on theirs. Him and Tucker will press their feet against the other's and try and push against them (newsflash: Danny always wins, Tucker claims its the ghost strength but Danny's been winning since before his accident)

-

Naturally, both Sam and Tucker know where Danny keeps his weapons on his person, and are allowed to grab them off of him if they need it. His only requirement is that they don't lose his weapons if they take it and forget to return it immediately.

They both understand how big of a thing this is from Danny, and so they do their best to treat his weapons with a lot of respect and care because they know its his way of saying he trusts them.

-

Sam and Tucker are so fond of Danny it's insane. Like fr. That's their goddamn best friend, and they are so protective of him. Emotionally, physically, you name it. They will tear the head off a grown man if they need to, Danny's had scars since he arrived in Amity Park and Sam and Tucker both are going to find the person who put them there and make them pay for it.

One time, Tucker overheard a bunch of upperclass girls speaking nastily about Danny and about the rumors surrounding him, calling him names like 'freak', 'monster', etc. Danny was with him and heard it, and seemingly appeared unbothered by it, even telling Tucker that he was used to such rumors.

Tucker was so furious that hacked into the school system later that night and tanked those girls grades. They were kicked out of their clubs and had to go to mandatory tutoring for the rest of the year. He made sure to leave some way of letting them know it was him who did it.

And Sam doesn't like using her money for things, doesn't like abusing that wealth. So instead, whenever her parents talk bad about Danny, she causes a media incident that has her parents scrambling to deal with. She does something wild, outrageous by her parents' standards.

She heard some boys on the basketball team making fun of Danny once, similar to those girls had. She kicks up a fuss about something eco-unfriendly at school and forcibly holds a protest on the same day of the big home basketball game, forcing them to cancel the event and reschedule to a visiting school.

She anonymously donates money so that there's new uniforms for the team but oops! Looks like she "forgot" to donate enough money for them to get uniforms for all the team members, and strangely enough those boys in particular didn't get them! Looks like they'll have to wait until more money gets donated for the basketball team to get their new, nice uniforms. The old ones look so ratty in comparison, right?

And since the football team gets most of the sport money, that might just take awhile. And if (and when) they kick up a fuss? oops! Off the basketball team you go, :) such unsportsman-like behavior is unfit for the team.

(The only good thing about how corrupt the school system is is that she can use it to her advantage too.)

The both of them know that Danny suspects them for the sudden misfortune falling on these people, but he doesn't call them out on it. He's kinder than he used to be, but not kind enough to vouch for people who speak badly of him. Sometimes, he might just congratulate them on not getting caught.

Because Danny is their wonderful, hurt friend with a "slightly" Blue and Orange Moral code, and enough scars that people have been calling him a criminal (and worse) since he arrived in Amity Park when he was ten. And they'll be damned if he gets hurt anymore.

[raptorish]

On Sapience, Longing, and the Lack Thereof

Written by Max on August 12th, 2024.

So I was at Othercon 2024 this past weekend - and like many who attended, I came out the other side with a new piece of my identity to chew over. This essay is me chewing over my thoughts on archaeosapience, as it connects to my velociraptor paleotheriotype, and why I genuinely don’t feel like I fit the label.

One of the panels I attended and thoroughly enjoyed was “Not Humans, Still People: How Inhumanity Interacts with Personhood,” by Goratrix bani Tremere of the Draconic Wizard Workshop and Chaiya Askari-Vykos of the Treehouse System. During the panel, Goratrix and Chaiya argue that personhood is different from humanity, defining personhood as, essentially, sapience - the ability to understand oneself, to make rational choices, to comprehend the world in not only physical ways, but also the abstract and symbolic. All humans are people, but not all people are humans - nonhuman personhood is experienced by many, many alterhumans, and this is an important distinction to keep in mind.

Another panel I adored, presented by Sivaan of Candlekeep, was “Archaeosapience: To Awaken as Ancient in a Modern Age,” in which he discusses the label and the intricacies of his own experience as an archaeosapien. Once again, nonhuman sapience is a key feature here - as Sivaan writes in xyr coining essay, “[t]he “sapience” in archaeosapience exclusively refers to our awareness of our existence as ancient beings,” as opposed to an inherent connection with the species Homo sapiens. Archaeosapience does not require one to be human.

An archaeosapien is defined as “an individual whose alterhuman or nonhuman identity is intrinsically rooted in prehistory, antiquity or mythic accounts of history.” And funnily enough, here lies my personal disconnect with the term, even though I identify as a velociraptor - a prehistoric animal well known to be extinct. To experience archaeosapience requires personhood, requires sapience, an understanding of oneself as an ancient being. And this is one thing that my theriotype utterly lacks.

Now, I’m not saying that I lack sapience. I am a person, one who reads and writes and learns about the world around me. I also identify as human, separate but intertwined with my personhood, and my humanity is as important to me as my animality. Both of these core parts of myself contribute to where I stand today - as a prehistoric animal person who is, somehow, completely at home in modernity.

Throughout this essay, I’m going to refer to my raptor self in the third person - it thinks this, it wants that. I separate myself from my theriotype in this way because I do not feel like I’m myself in a mental shift. My raptorial mind is not a person, but an animal. It is incapable of understanding abstract concepts or philosophical thought, living in the physical world where it gets food, water, rest, shelter, and enrichment. This does not make it any lesser than my sapient mind - it does mean that it has a different way of understanding the world.

My raptor brain, the instinctual animal side, does not feel like it’s an animal from another era. It doesn’t even know what time is, beyond the regular cycles of day and night. It doesn’t understand common features of modern human society, like computers or elevators or money - not because those things didn’t exist back in prehistoric Asia, 75 million years ago, but because it’s an animal. I could be a gecko from the modern day and still feel the same mentally shifted apathy and confusion about the things I need to live day to day as a human being. The raptor doesn’t know or care about its status as a long-extinct relic, because as far as it’s concerned, it is alive and well, healthy and fed and comfortable in a house with people it knows.

In fact, my raptor brain doesn’t even feel attached to a habitat. Early on in my awakening, as someone who knows where velociraptors used to live in the spacetime continuum, I felt a sort of connection with deserts - I’d look at them and think, that’s like the place my species lived! This was the part of me who’s a person, putting a label to a place that I’ve never been, thinking fondly of it despite never having lived there.

The part of me that’s not a person, that knows nothing but pavement and grass and many-walled shelters keeping out the wind, looks at the desert and bristles with distaste. It doesn’t like the idea of being somewhere it doesn’t know, with sand and scorching sun and no food it knows how to catch. It knows its home territory, a place with cooling wooden floorboards and a comfortable nest of mattress and blankets and a cache of good food that never runs out, and it likes its territory. It doesn’t like the desert or understand the significance of it. It can’t comprehend the idea of wilderness enough to miss it. It doesn’t want to be wild and free, it wants to live in a building with air conditioning and clean freshwater from the sink.

As you can see, my raptor self is perfectly content to be a modern animal. How about my human self, the part of me that can think about my theriotype and know that it’s a prehistoric animal? Do I long for ancient deserts, grieve and yearn for a world I never experienced because I know it might have once been home?

Well… no. I don’t. For better or worse, my humanity feels inexorably linked to modernity, to cities, to technology. I can’t go anywhere or do anything without running into electronics. I use the internet every day of my life to learn, entertain, engage with the world around me. I couldn’t imagine living a life where I didn’t have it. There’s no disconnect from the modern day for me, no longing for the past - only the sense that I’m right where I want to be.

As a person, I’m content with where I am today. As an animal, a raptor can’t yearn for a time it has never lived.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Thoughts on Last Twilight Ep. 5

Okay so a tell tale sign of a really good show for me is when I am rendered incapable of talking about it, which is why you’ve never seen a single analysis of I Told Sunset About You or I Promised You the Moon out of me, because if I think about that show too hard the bees return to my brain. And I’m having that problem with Last Twilight too where my chest feels absolutely bursting with feelings but I do not know that I am capable of writing anything about this show that is structured or coherent without prompting. So, here’s some incoherent ramblings I guess. 

First off, Aof is fucking brilliant and I am really desperately in love with the way that Mhok and Day just so beautifully complement each other/round each other out. I love that they have two completely disparate backgrounds and yet they can relate to one another so well. 

Mhok was literally imprisoned, and with the ankle monitor and very likely under some form of house arrest or curfew. Mhok walked through the world after his release from prison completely branded as a criminal, and unable to maintain his career because people always took him at face value. Day lost his career because of his blindness, and then willfully imprisoned himself in his own room because of how heavily he was grieving. 

Mhok knows what it is like to be looked at and judged, and I really loved earlier on in the show how confused he was at why Day would be bothered by that, presumably because he got used to being stared at himself. And I love that Mhok learned his lesson about that by trying to understand Day in a way no one has really taken the time to do for Mhok himself. I love that Mhok is able to take his own experiences of being stared at as a comparison for what it is like to not know if you are being looked at and judged. 

Rung lost her life, and that has fundamentally impacted Mhok and Mhok’s relationship to his sister. Similarly, Day lost (or at least thought he lost) the life he had which has fundamentally impacted himself and his relationship to Night. I don’t know that I have enough information yet to definitively declare how Rung’s death has impacted Mhok’s behavior and approach to life, but I do like to think that Mhok’s experience around Rung’s death, the fact he wasn’t there for her, the fact that he had to go through his first year of life without her imprisoned, may have been a contributing factor to how and why Mhok is so determined to get Day to live his life again. 

I don’t know, I was just thinking about Mhok’s suggestion that Day does his normal thing and goes to Gee’s game immediately following a conversation about Rung’s death and how he thought he would be able to make her False Rice again some day, just felt so clarifying to me as to how and why Mhok approaches Day the way he does. Because Day and Mhok both understand the meaning of “I thought I had more time” so well, for such fundamentally different reasons. 

gif by @casualavocados

I love that Mhok is starting to open up more to Day. Which, when you think about it, Mhok has been pretty private about his life despite knowing so much about Day’s life right out of the gate. I personally read this as a strong indicator for Mhok’s feelings for Day and how he is making a concerted effort to move from caretaker to lover. And there are so many fun layers to that relationship because their current relationship is not balanced. There is a bidirectional imbalance in the caretaker and client relationship. Mhok has power over Day’s daily life and if he wanted to he could have radically more control over Day’s autonomy. As Day’s caregiver, Mhok inherently has access to much more personal information about Day than Day would have for Mhok. Yet Day is still his employer, still his boss, working for Day is still what pays Mhok’s bills. So in order to sort of bridge that divide, Mhok needs to start working to shift their balance. Mhok already balances the physical caretaking elements of his relationship to Day rather well, and has let Day determine what he can do on his own and what he needs help with, so he isn’t stripping Day of his autonomy. 

If Mhok really wants a chance with Day, then the needs to reciprocate the personal information, and I love how smoothly everyone handled the scene. I think Sea did a phenomenal job with how he had Day react to Mhok’s story, as if some things started clicking in to place for him. Day and Mhok have never talked about Mhok’s background, at most Day has brushed aside the information about Mhok having assault charges. I don’t know yet that Day understands just how much Mhok is capable of relating to Day’s feelings and experiences, because he’s been so busy in the past few episodes focusing on how much Mhok is incapable of relating to Day’s feelings and experiences. 

I am not the first, nor will I be the last person to say that I loved the allusions to Day and Mhok’s relationships to their siblings. Once again there is some commonality between them there, in that their relationships are complex. We currently have a very limited view of Rung. As far as we know she was ambitious and hopeful, and then she hit a really bad low after her nail salon failed and ultimately completed suicide. We haven’t seen any indication from flashbacks or the like of Rung’s flaws, we haven’t actually seen her fail Mhok, or be heartless to Mhok. Yet Mhok agrees with Day’s initial comment that the hydrangeas means heartless. Because Mhok is still mad at Rung for leaving him, he is still stuck in his grief. We haven’t seen him put in any time or effort to process his own pain, instead Mhok is doing what grieving people do, and helping someone else instead. 

I am sure Rung was not a perfect person, I am hoping we get more flashbacks of her and get to see more of her flaws, more of the relationship she and Mhok actually had. I am hoping we get a change for Day to help Mhok navigate his own pain, just like Mhok has been helping Day. But it was certainly interesting to see the parallels between Day saying that Mhok has fallen for Night’s act, thinking him nice while Mhok has associated his sister with heartlessness. 

gif by @casualavocados

And I don’t know that I have the energy to get in to it right now in any further detail (hey look at me, trying to keep things short), but I do just want to acknowledge the fact that Mhok has really committed to giving Day as much of a sensory experience as he can. When Mhok took Day out on the practice date, he wore perfume so Day could smell him (and as an aside I love that Mhok puts effort in to making himself look good even though Day can’t see him). When Mhok took Day out on the walk to cheer him up, he brought him to a bridge on a public road, where there are sounds, and there is a fence that Day can feel; he brought him to a flower shop where Day can smell and feel the flowers and where there are bright colors that might register within Day’s limited vision. 

Mhok was constantly touching Day in so many different ways. Casual/platonic touch when he’s performing his duties as caregiver; quickly and playfully when he’s trying to get Day to chase him; heavily and intentionally when he’s both comforting Day and when he’s turning up the charm. One of my favorites is honestly the moment that Day lets his fingers curl around Mhok’s hand when Day switches to using August as a guide. 

Anyway, I love this show so much, it is quickly climbing the ranks to become one of my favorites of 2023.

[honey-floret]

Log X06272554 Journal of Dr. Beatrice "Honey" Lewis

*A picture of a woman with long dark brown hair with grey streaks, wearing a set of glasses a bit too big for her face and red sweater comes on screen*

Hello, this is Dr. Beatrice Lewis signing on for the first time. It's been about a month since the Terran Accord dissolved with the signing of the Human Domestication Treaty with the Affini Compact. In that time, I've thankfully been left alone, just like before the treaty, to work on my research in peace and quiet in my cozy office at the university.

The books and other physical research material there allowed me to continue my research, even after those damn affini changed the structure of the internet, making my search for the centuries old articles even more difficult. While the old Accord internet might have just been full of spam, ads and dead links, it still held onto the information I needed on prior near ecosystem collapses and subsequent development of terraforming. As well as other things but no need to get into that.

Anyways, the reason for this journal, the reason that I was trying to say. I was finally noticed in my cozy nook of an office. Yes, I know that the financial and government systems of the Accord fell in the treaty, but I didn't do my research for the sake of the Megacorps, or for the sake of the Cosmic Navy. (Unlike some of my colleagues, and former students). I did it for myself and my own interest, which is probably why I'm describing my office as cozy and not really what it was, a shoebox in the basement of the university's botany department.

Where was I, oh yes, I was finally noticed as an Affini was going through the building making sure everyone had left. (They probably sent a message out about it, but I hardly ever check those). Something about dangerous, unsafe conditions and the building needing to be updated to current Affini standards. I guess I looked more disheveled that I thought I was. It might have also been 5 am, and I might have been collapsed over my computer asleep. This was apparently enough to cause alarm.

That alarm caused my housing situation to be looked into, and it was deemed unsafe as well. I'm also apparently "asocial, and incapable of living by myself". And a wellness check was called on me.

So, that's why I'm writing this journal, as a way of quelling any concern those damn weeds have for me. They said if I write in my journal and do a better job looking after myself they'll leave me to be the independent person that I am. But... *shudders* if I'm don't I'm to become a floret. A pet. I'd prefer not to become one of those glassy eyed, blissed out fools.

I think that's enough sharing for now.

Dr. Beatrice Lewis signing off

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

List of Chapters >> Next

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

New House Rules:

By interacting with me, you are signing a binding contract stating that you agree with these statements and they will be taken as a given in any conversation we have.

Every human being is a person and has inalienable human rights, no matter who they are, where they come from, what they believe or what they've done.

Everyone?

Yes.

Even that person?

YES

But what if they did X, Y, or Z?

Ḑ̸̳̺̝̔ì̷͎͙̮̲d̵̰̼͔̂̽͂ ̴̘̑͛̈I̶̺̮͕̋̒̈́͂ ̶͔̩͌ͅf̵̟̞̭̠͑̐̀̐͝ͅǘ̶͓̿c̴̨̦̙̠͎̊k̸̻͎̃͋̃͛͜ͅi̷̳̔n̸̛̹̙̍̔̈́̇ĝ̷͈͙̀ ̵͕͐ṥ̵̮̬̋͠t̴̯̝͋ư̸̹͔̥̩̏̏̄̕t̶͈̠̾́̅͝͝ț̴͒e̸̡̖̠͛ṙ̶̘̯͗̈́̋?̵̜̈́?̴̧̘̥̆

Ok, fine. People are people. Got it. What else?

Facts matter. History matters. Context matters. Truth matters. You cannot divorce political positions from truth without winding up on a very, very bad road. Mistakes are one thing. Intentional lies and vibes-based politics are another.

If you deny Jewish history, you are antisemitic, period.

If you deny the Holocaust or any other historically factual atrocities committed against Jews, you are antisemitic and also a bad person.

Holocaust inversion is a form of Holocaust denial.

Every serious allegation must be supported with serious evidence and analysis. The more serious the allegation, the higher the burden of proof. If you make the allegation, YOU have the burden of proof.

This means checking your sources.

This also means reconsidering your positions in light of new evidence.

This means correcting misinformation if you unintentionally spread it.

You must be willing to consider whether you are being antisemitic and listen to Jews if we tell you that you are being antisemitic.

We can disagree about ideas and options, but no productive conversation can happen if we disagree on the basic facts on the ground and/or if you don't see all of the people involved as human.

Some of you seem to be physically incapable of recognizing the systemic and brutal ongoing history of antisemitism, understanding how you fit into it, understanding why it is important in any serious discussion about Jews and Jewish safety, and just empathizing with Jews at the most basic level.

Anyone who grew up in a Christian or Muslim dominated society grew up on a steady diet of supercessionism. This 1000% colors your viewpoint on Jews and Judaism whether you are aware of it or not. Trust, though, that Jews are painfully aware of it every time you open your mouth, even if you are not.

If you have not been actively unlearning antisemitism and relearning who Jews actually are from a Jewish perspective, you have a lot of work to do and it shows.

Western goyische leftists in particular seem to think they are immune from antisemitism. They are wrong. In fact, some of the most dangerous antisemites right now are Western leftists. This has a long and storied history; read up on the history of Jews in the USSR to understand more.

If I say you need to read [X] thing before we continue the conversation, I am dead fucking serious. You don't have to do the homework, but then we are not going to continue the conversation.

This is an incomplete list and subject to modification at any time without notice.

[99liners]

I missed you a lot here 💜 good to see you back!

I've been struggling with insomnia for a while now and I keep searching for soft ASMR or drabbles to fall asleep.

I have a soft taetaeme req (☠️) yeah I'll choose the most unusual genre of man to make you write fluffy drabble for me.

Kaiho!Jungkook (oops 🥹)

I want this inhuman to be like a human even if it's for a short span of time.

maybe could you write a fluffy drabble of him being all soft for her, back hugging her in the shower while she brushes her teeth half asleep with closed eyes but she woke up just to cook for him (even tho it's a sunday)

and he kisses her and maybe rewards her with sum intense oral uwu. You obviously do add and enhance according to your ideas.

Much love

Evie 🧚🏻‍♀️

opus kaiho, drabble number 3 / tatemae series 建前:

pairing: detective!jeon jeongguk x trophy!wife reader genre: fluff, smut, marriage!au, age-gap!au (7 years). words: 3.375. (cmon guys, it's been long established that i am incapable of understanding the meaning of the word 'drabble'.) warnings: i suck at fluff so brace yourselves for the second-hand embarrassment lmao, showering together, smexy times, eating out, fingering, pussy licking, orgasm (f), kaiho!jjk accidentally walks through a portal and becomes soft for a night ahaha, js. original one-shot: kaiho part of: tatemae; 建前 — a bts series a/n: i am sorry love that you are having sleeping issues. i have had insomnia since middle school now and at this point i have just given up on having a sleeping routine. i really hope you can return back to your rhythm very soon! i had to physically restrain myself from writing angst ahahah xD also, if it feels like jk is not that great at pleasuring his wife, it's intentional because although i wanted to make it super fluffy for you but kaiho!jk gotta stay true to his character to some degree uwu. hope you enjoy! <3

jeongguk unlocked the front door with the personal key attached to his car keys and his desk-locker key from work. his head coming in contact with the material of the door briefly while his hands manoeuvred the lock to finally open the door as he let out a soft sigh.

he hates summers, it is brutal. while the world is enjoying summer breaks, he is working double shifts due to the sheer number of officers submitting requests for vacations.

bam greeted his owner at the doorway, sniffing jeongguk's pant legs while his tail wagged. he can always smell the faint traces of the police labrador retriever dog from his owner's work clothes.

"there's my good boy," a smile appeared on jeongguk's otherwise tired face as he scratched bam's head affectionately.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.  

the detective made his way inside the house, with bam on his tail, taking off his jacket and discarding it on the kitchen countertop. he was expecting to see you in the kitchen, given you usually are arranging dinner at this time. finding the space empty, he meant to walk away to the bedroom but noticed two boxes of chocolate wrapped in a ribbon. they looked like they were about to melt so jeongguk stored them in the refrigerator before finally making his way to the bedroom.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.  

taking off his department badge, he kept it away on the nightstand but owing to his carelessness, the badge fell to the floor in the narrow space between the bed and the nightstand. he would have picked it up but his mind was preoccupied with the sound of the shower running. barely unbuttoning his shirt, jeongguk pushed open the bathroom door with a soft nudge of his feet.

there you were, taking a cold shower to fight the summer. you were facing the shower, just letting it wash away the heat while some pop song blasted through your mobile that you had propped somehow to prevent it from touching the water.

jeongguk walked in through the crack in the shower curtains with his work trousers still on, "hey baby," his hands slowly wrapped around your waist, closing in a wrap with one hand on top of the other right above your belly button.

you wringed the water from your hair, which trailed down jeongguk's chest, before turning to him, "hi," a lump in your throat from the inactivity. it has been way too hot these days and you refuse to go out anywhere, only ever stepping out if it is an utmost necessity.

(the game of 'do i absolutely need this?' 'is it absolutely necessary for survival?' playing way too often on your mind)

earlier in the afternoon you noticed that bam's dog food had finished so you made a trip to the local supermarket with bam. you love shopping with him, because although he is a ray of sunshine but a doberman still scares the shit out of people so the annoying salesmen stationed at almost every other aisle these days with their free samples never approach you; an all-in-all peaceful shopping trip.

while you were checking out the items, at the cashier counter there were boxes of chocolates stacked with the tag 'buy 1 get 1!'. you cannot recall seeing your husband eating sugary food as much, he mostly eats meals at home and you do not really keep track of what he eats while he is at work. you would not necessarily call him a dessert person. so the debate went on for a while before you finally got one box and checked it out too. you are not sure why you bought them but you just wanted to get your husband some chocolates? what is so wrong with it? why can't you just get your husband some chocolates? :/

"you are taking an early shower today," your husband mentioned from behind you, his chin coming to rest on your shoulder, letting the shower water run over him.

"gguk, it's 1am," you mumbled, your hands coming down to rest atop his. unspoken, your bodies started swaying slightly to the tune of the song blasting through your phone as a slow song came on the shuffle.

for a brief moment he stopped moving but then continued the motion, "right. i am sorry, it's been so tiring these days. i've lost track of time. did you have dinner?"

"no." you replied with bated breath, a part of you was waiting for him to initiate something. i mean given his past nature, isn't it a given that this is going to lead to sex?

but your husband lives to surprise you. his hands never unclasped from your waist, but instead stayed firmly in place.

"you don't need to wait for me if i'm late," his face nuzzled in the crook of your neck, inhaling the scent of your body wash.

"it's not fun eating alone," you finally released the tension, letting your figure slump back on his.

"mhm," humming, jeongguk closed his eyes.

"hey hey hey," your sprinkled some water on his face watching him scrunch his nose up which made you chuckle, "i know you are going to fall asleep. let's go eat."

"noooo," there was a whiny tone in his voice, as he only tightened his grip when you tried to break free.

"you need to eat, don't you have duty in the morning?"

"i am going to set fire to that precinct, every time i finish some paperwork, another pile of files just get dumped on my desk."

"wow, any other pyromaniac tendencies that i should know of?"

"please let's just stay like this, just for a while," jeongguk turned you around to face him this time, to stare into your eyes as intently as he had on your wedding day while reciting his vows.

"you'll catch a cold, sick gguk is a whiny little complaining brat," you chuckled, wrapping your arms around his neck, your bare chest coming in contact with his.

"i don't care," he kept swaying with you, his hold around you comforting as his arms enveloped you whole like a warm shawl.

"we shouldn't waste water," you suggested once more.

"i don't care," he reiterated again. there was not a single ounce of annoyance in his voice, he seemed at peace with his face nuzzling into your neck again.

a few moments passed before you reached your hand behind your back to turn the knob off, "i got you chocolates."

"huh? why?" again, he was not annoyed, just genuinely surprised.

"what do you mean why? i can't get my husband some chocolates?!" you pulled away from the embrace, your hands propped on his chest, the vein in your forehead pulsing; ready to throw hands.

"whoa whoa whoa, baby, calm down."

"no tell me why! why can't i just get you chocolates? what's so wrong in that?" you glared daggers at him.

"you..." jeongguk let a soft chuckle, "you are so tiny and cute."

"i got you chocolates and you are going to eat them."

"won't say i'm much fond of them but i guess it won't hurt to try."

"yes, you're going to eat them and smile and say 'thank you my dear wife, you're the best. what would i possibly do without you'"

"is that so?"

"yes and then-"

he cut you off this time, "and then i will return the favour and maybe eat you out for the dessert after dessert."

you hit his chest laughing before finally breaking free of the embrace this time, "wash up, i will get dinner ready."

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.  

"where are the chocolates?" you asked as you walked into the bedroom after warming up the dinner.

jeongguk was sprawled across the bed, his eyelids drooping down with sleep, the water from his semi-wet hair being soaked by the pillow cover, "i put them in the fridge," he yawned mid-sentence.

"well, the food's ready. let's go."

"you take out the chocolates and i will be there."

humming, you walked out to the kitchen and opened the fridge door but did not find the box anywhere. rummaging around the vegetables tray and behind the other tupperware boxes, you opened the freezer door just to be sure and lo and behold, he had put it in the freezer over the ice tray and now the packet was frozen and sticking to the ice tray.

"jeon jeongguk!" you speed-walked to the bedroom only to find him fast asleep, soft snores filling the silence in the room.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

next morning:

pressing on the volume up button, you quieted down the alarm blaring like a war horn on a beautiful sunday morning at 05:00. your husband gets early day offs on sundays but he has to clock into work early too.

putting on a headband to keep your hair away from the face, you walked to the washroom by muscle memory as your eyes were half-lidded from sleep. you reckoned if you had fallen asleep again, you might not be able to wake up on time so you pushed yourself off the bed. you squeezed the toothpaste tube on the bristles of your toothbrush, unsure if it indeed was the toothpaste or your facewash, you started brushing. your rhythm faltered every now and then as you kept falling asleep doing the mundane routine.

most mornings you wake up about half an hour before jeongguk has to leave for work. he is not a picky eater and eats whatever you put on a plate in front of him. actually, most mornings he is done making sandwiches by the time you wake up to make him something. you both then enjoy the sandwich he made as you see him off to work.

since he went to sleep last night on an empty stomach (and so did you, missy), you wanted to make him a heavy breakfast, something more than just two pieces of bread.

halfway through, you heard your alarm again and your eyes shot open. you must have snoozed your alarm instead of dismissing it and five minutes later it blared again. your brain must have lagged from the sleep because by the time you finally decided that 'oh hey i should turn off the alarm before jeongguk wakes up,' jeongguk already had woken up and appeared behind you.

"morning," he mumbled before walking inside to use the toilet.

you finally finished washing up and pat dry your face with the towel by the time your husband walked out, his eyes all scrunched up, his hand scratching an itch on his belly.

"why are you up so early?"

"to make breakfast for you," you said walking into the bedroom.

"i don't leave for like more than two hours, let's go back to sleep."

"i know," you hummed, fixing your hair.

before he could protest further and albeit successfully convince you to come back to bed, you walked to the kitchen and got the breakfast started.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

you served two bowls of naengmyeon and galbitang before returning to the cooking station to finish the last dish which you mean to pack for his lunch at work.

by the time you turned the stove off after giving it a last stir, the bibimbap was perfectly cooked. still standing there meaning to clean up, you felt jeongguk sneaking up behind you, hugging you close. this movement and position are slowly feeling so familiar to you; you can get used to this.

"who is going to eat all this?" he asked softly, placing soft kisses along the side of your neckline.

"you are," you asserted, wiping away the spills from the stovetop.

"but then what about my dessert?"

"the chocolates?"

"no, you."

your head had a whiplash with the way you turned to him.

"what? you thought i was rambling last night? i remember everything i say, baby."

"you have to go to work," shrugging, you casually mentioned the time restraint.

"it's worth to be late 'cause of that."

"get ready," elbowing him in the belly, you tried to pus him away but jeongguk was unrelenting today.

his lips were already on your soft spot, his tongue darting out to allow soft kittenish licks — you held your place but what definitely pushed you over the edge was his hand, wrapped around your lower stomach, slowly creeping down, his palm taking shape to sculpt your mound. the moment his hand came in touch with the sensitive bundle of nerves down there, your spine bent over — almost in routinely motion to such ministrations — giving way for your ass to attach snuggly and poke into his crotch area.

"your body is so soft and sensitive to my touch," your husband mentioned from behind you. he took a step back and helped guide you to the kitchen countertop on the other side of the cooking station, urging you — with soft touches and gestures of his hands to get on top of the counter. you did as he bid, getting on your knees on the counter, your ankles slightly falling off the edge but were firmly supported by jeongguk's hands which crept up the satin slip dress. it already barely covered your asscheeks, all he had to do was push it up by a few inches and he had a clear view of your panties.

"so delicious," he hummed, more to himself, as he lowered himself to come face to face with your heat. his hands which crept up to your hips moved towards the hem of your panties — hooking his fingers on either side, he slid the material down to your bent knees. a single string of arousal connected to the crotch of your panties stretched, extended to its limit and broke into thin air following that movement. jeongguk licked his lips, the corners of his mouth watering at the sight in front of him — he is hungry, both literally and figuratively.

he let his fingers massage your clitoral hood, the thin flap of skin moving in a rhythmic motion, sending incomplete jolts throughout your body. feeling the bit of arousal now on the pad of his fingers, jeongguk used his index fingers to hold the flaps open to expose the tiny nub of flesh full of nerve endings to the open air. it felt both cold and hot at the same time, making your toes twitch.

it felt like eternity but in reality it had been only mere seconds before jeongguk's tongue protruded out and flicked against your little nub, slowly at first before picking up a steady tempo — stimulating that tight bundle of nerves as they let out tension, becoming putty at your husband's expense. all this time, you held your lips tautly together, only letting escape soft hums of affirmation; 'nnngh' 'mmhm'. one of your palms was connected flat out to the marble top while the other was curled at the edge, holding on to the cold surface to maintain your balance.

jeongguk touched your vulva with the base of his tongue and slowly moved his head upwards from the bottom of your vagina to the top till the tip of his tongue passed over your clitoris. he repeated the motion a few times, breaking contact every time he reached the top and then starting over from the bottom till he started feeling the arousal now leak out on his tongue. to cover as much of your vagina, he kept his tongue relaxed, wide and flat, letting his head and neck muscles do the work while his tongue stayed unmoving. (the secret to that killer jawline.) he was able to maintain the pace for a few moments before speeding up his ministrations.

a soft 'ah' left your lips, finally verbalizing your moaning but much like female masturbation, speed only takes you over to the edge but does not bring about that much needed final release. looking forward, you glanced at the clock in the dining hall which read 06:59 and your husband has to leave by 07:30 for duty. letting your upper body lower down to the cold marble — your nipples becoming hard and sticking out in a painful stance — you let your dominant hand reach down to that little bundle of nerves and started massaging it, accompanying jeongguk's movements.

"yes, just like that," you almost regretted moaning that out because your husband quickened up his pace. you made a mental note to tell him later that just like that does not mean speed up, it always means keep that steady motion.

bursting away those thought bubbles, you let yourself drown in the overstimulation, feeling yourself reaching that edge.

"let it go baby, let me taste it all," he lapped his tongue at the arousal, making sinful noises echo throughout the walls. this time when he started over, you did not feel his tongue on your vagina next but his lips as he sucked up your clit — sucking and releasing.

"fuck," your toes curled up, eyes closed shut as your fingers picked up speed as well.

"mine mine mine, yes," he let a slap on your right asscheek.

just a bit more of his growing unsteady ministrations along with your fingers working that coiled nub and you came undone on his tongue, finally letting your upper body completely flat on the countertop, your lungs taking in the air.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

jeongguk took a quick shower and got dressed, trying to hurry up as he was going to be late.

"well what about the breakfast? i made all that for you!"

"pack it all, i will eat in the precinct."

"no you wont, i know your team will eat the most of it."

"i promise i will eat it."

"well you better, i am your wife and i made that food for you." you pointed your index finger and tapped at his chest.

"well of course you are my wife and yes that food is for me. now hurry up, baby," he gently spanked your left asscheek this time, making it even from earlier, after finishing buttoning up his shirt. you rolled your eyes walking out to the kitchen to pack the food.

jam-packing all of the food into bento boxes, you finished with keeping the box of chocolates on top of the insulated carry-on lunch bag.

jeongguk, now completely clad in his uniform, came out and took the bag from you in a hurry. well, it was 07:47 already so he was late, "bye," pecking your lips, he walked out.

after the door closed behind him, you took out last night's dinner and put it in the oven to warm it up since you still haven't eaten anything and just packed away all of the breakfast.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

it hadn't even been ten minutes when you heard your phone ringing.

"hey, what's up?"

"i left my badge at home."

"where is it?"

"i think i put it on the nightstand."

you were already in the bedroom looking for the badge by the time he mentioned it, "nope, it's not here."

"then i don't know woman, i need it."

"men," you rolled your eyes before cutting the call.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

after finishing your breakfast and retrieving the badge with the help of bam, you walked into your husband's precinct with the badge in your hand when you noticed the team gathered around jeongguk's table.

making your way over, the smell of food wafted your nostrils and you watched as the team relished the breakfast while your husband had maybe bit of it.

minjun turned after swallowing the last spoonful of the bibimbap, "oh mrs jeon, thank you so much for the breakfast. it's great!"

you gave him a close-lipped smile, blinking a few too many times before turning to your husband who took a visible gulp.

after the crowd in front of your dispersed you slammed the badge down on his table and meant to walk away, but jeongguk got a hold of your wrist.

"look i saved the chocolates for myself."

"ahha? you mean the one that i see in yoona's hand?"

jeongguk stared down at his desk in panic, his eyes searching for the box of chocolates that he had kept aside to eat later, "those sneaky bastards."

"i am never cooking for you again, jeon jeongguk."

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

feedback is deeply appreciated. ✨

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© 𝟫𝟫𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓇𝓈, 𝟤𝟢𝟤𝟥. 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃.

[frogofalltime]

Hi, could I ask you if you have any tips or advice for transmascs in the closet to friends and family??? Thanks :0

hello ! thank you for the question. this is going to be super long because i have lots to say about this and i'm incapable of being concise so i'm sorry about that :') i hope this helps even a little bit and please feel free to send more asks if you need anything else, clarification on what i mean, etc !! remember your identity is valid and important whether or not you are closeted. but i know it's extremely hard when you can't talk to anyone in your life or be yourself. you can always talk to me about it. and one day, i hope, you will be free to be whatever you want to be, without limits or restraints. for me personally, moving out from my parents' house has helped me discover who and what i am, and accept myself as trans instead of trying to fight it. i have so much freedom to dress and present the way i want, and i'm even on the waiting list for gender affirming care. i know it's not accessible for everyone to move out and live independently and gender clinics don't exist in a lot of places so i'm extremely privileged and lucky to have this option. i honestly expected to stay in the closet my whole life, and it was a pleasant surprise to finally be able to come out at least to some people. but no matter what, there is hope for your future, and i promise it gets better. hang in there <3

anyway, here's my advice !!

if it's safe to do so, if there's even one person in your life you are comfortable to come out to, it helps a lot. do you have any trans / queer friends you can talk to ? or someone you know would be an ally ? of course you absolutely Do Not need to come out to anyone ever, your safety is the most important thing, and it is entirely up to you. i didn't come out to my friends until i was entirely sure of What to come out as — i spent many years knowing i wasn't cisgender or heterosexual but i was afraid to accept it because of religious reasons and i was never sure how to tell people until i figured it out for myself. but it helped a lot to have one or two trans guys / nonbinary friends i could talk to even many years before i came out. i learned a lot from them. and the same with asexual and / or aromantic friends. knowing other people with similar experiences helps you to understand what you are and having their support helps a lot when you are closeted to everyone else.

in the UK and probably a lot of other countries it is being enforced that if children tell teachers or medical professionals about things like their gender identity it has to be reported back to their parents. so if you're under 18, please please please be extra careful about who you tell. when i had therapy the fact that a lot of my mental and physical issues were related to gender dysphoria was not even mentioned, even though it was so obvious. this is probably because my mother was always in the room during therapy sessions and they knew my family is religious so they didn't want to cause any problems. but i do kind of wish it had been discussed back then because i could have saved me a lot of mental illness and physical health problems that i still struggle with now. i wish i could have had some support and acceptance growing up, but unfortunately i didn't know anything about lgbtqia+ until i moved to england aged 14, and it took me a long time to accept myself as queer because of religious and cultural prejudice. i hope you're able to access more support and kindness than i was.

the fact that you're in my inbox means you're already in a queer space on the internet and that's really cool and important especially if you don't have that in real life !! of course be careful and exercise internet safety, but it's good to have an online safe place to be yourself and engage with the community. me and robin (@etherealspacejelly) are both transmasc with experience of unsupportive families and being closeted, and there are many more people like us on tumblr or elsewhere on the internet who are happy to share our experiences and help other people. community is so important and we have to look out for each other.

i also find it helps a lot if you refer to yourself using your pronouns and chosen name (if you have one) in your head and when talking to any trusted people. my brain can be really mean to me but i have become stronger at fighting it because of this. whenever the voices in my head are being unkind, they often use my birth name and call me a girl. but i know that i am not, i have so much evidence to the contrary, so it can help to shut them up. something i find really gender affirming is to tell myself "binya, stop procrastinating", "come on binya you need to eat", "binyameen get himself in the shower challenge", "guess who still hasn't done his homework", etc. when i am with my family, if i do this in my head it helps a lot, because they are always calling me by my birth name and she / her pronouns which doesn't feel right at all.

you can also tell people your chosen name is a nickname / username, or go by a shortened version of your name that sounds more gender neutral. i chose a boy name that is actually pretty similar to my birth name, so it's plausible that it would be a nickname that my friends call me. i used this method with my brother because in the summer i changed my name to binyameen on snapchat and didn't feel comfortable to come out entirely to him (i'm working up to it, and i know he will be accepting, i just don't feel ready). on instagram i kept my username as my birth name (to prevent people from asking questions / not being able to find me when they search my name) but i put my chosen name in the name box. so when i am messaging my friends it comes up as binya. an alternative option is to have your username as a hybrid of both names, or something random that doesn't involve your name at all, like how on tumblr i'm frogofalltime. but if i changed my instagram username now i feel like i would have to put my birth name in the name box otherwise people would say something, so i haven't done that.

idk if your family is religious or not, but if they are, that tends to make it a lot harder, so i'm sorry. if you also are religious, it helps a lot to find even one person or group online that is queer and of faith, and to remind yourself that God created everything to be fluid and evolving and not confined to boxes. we cannot categorise things that are inherently complex, and why would a loving Creator create something only to hate it and force it to conform or be punished ? i'm muslim, my faith is still very important to me, but i'm also a scientist and i believe in my own version of islam that is very personal and different to the mainstream. if something makes me uncomfortable i consider why that is and reconsider my beliefs. because i am not sure of anything but i know a lot of what i was raised to believe is not compatible with how the world and the divine feels to me. it helps to find my own way to practice my religion and worship God.

also, idk if you have this struggle, but my parents expect me to wear the hijab. i compromise this by wearing it as loosely as i can, or putting a hat or hoodie over my head (which feels a lot more masc). whenever i go to the masjid or any islamic gathering or event i dress appropriately and sit in the women's section but it does make me uncomfortable. in fact one of my flatmates is muslim and she has made multiple comments about how she's glad we have an "all girls" flat because she doesn't have to worry about covering up to go to the kitchen. this makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty because i don't know if she would be comfortable living with me / walking around in her pyjamas / with her hair out if she knew i was a guy. personally i didn't mind people seeing my hair when i wore hijab because i didn't actually want to wear it anyway. but i know my flatmate feels more strongly about it as she has mentioned this a few times, and i don't know what her opinions on trans people are, so i feel bad whenever i see her. i also had this issue a lot growing up when getting changed for PE at school. i would avert my eyes and try not to look at anyone because i didn't want to invade their privacy. so my advice is to find a compromise that meets your parents' expectations but also helps you to feel less dysphoric, and avoid looking at people's bodies if you can help it, in case that would make them uncomfortable.

use gender neutral toilets / changing rooms if they're available but don't feel bad if you have to use the women's. i certainly don't pass well enough to use the men's and i haven't been in a men's bathroom or changing room for like ten years so i don't feel safe going in there, especially because i'm closeted to most people. it's a lot easier to just go to the women's and try not to think about it. i think every place should have gender neutral toilets and individual changing rooms and showers, as this would be better for privacy as well.

if your parents want you to have long hair maybe you can look at images of men with long hair to make the dysphoria go away. lots of men have had long hair especially in other cultures and time periods. my brother (who is two years younger than me) had beautiful long black curls that he kept for four years before cutting it in september and he looked extremely handsome. if you have pinterest, maybe make a board and fill it with pictures of guys that you share traits with, it helps a lot in my experience.

talking about hair, if it bothers you a lot and you're allowed to without making anyone suspicious, i do recommend cutting it. having short hair has given me so much confidence in my identity and whenever i look in the mirror i see a boy much more often than i used to (although i did used to think i looked like howl pendragon or a prince from the olden days when i had longer hair, especially if i tied it back). i had to keep my hair long as a kid but from the age of 12 i cut it to chin length and kept it as short as possible although it was still a "girly" enough hairstyle to not upset my parents too much. then last year i shaved my hair off and donated it to charity because i moved out and my parents can't control me anymore. i explained why i did it later, but my mother got really upset and asked if i was lesbian, so i did have to partially come out to her even though i was absolutely not ready for that conversation. but i didn't tell her everything. so yea do be cautious and probably don't do something that extreme without permission. if you do want to cut all your hair off, you could explain beforehand that you want to donate your hair to a charity that makes wigs for kids with cancer, and maybe even start a fundraiser for it. if its for a good cause they might be more supportive; my father actually said it was a beautiful gesture that i donated my hair, and he wasn't upset / angry with me like my mother was.

as for clothes, if you live in the west or a country with less enforcement of gender norms, we are lucky to live in a society where it's relatively normal for women to wear men's clothes. i grew up in saudi arabia where there are strict rules about clothing — in fact everything is super gendered. or at least it was when i lived there, i know some things have changed in the past few years. anyway, women had to wear black robes and were encouraged to cover their heads and even their faces, while men wore white robes and if they covered their heads it was using a traditional cloth in a different style to women's hijab. we had to wear skirts or dresses at school too. i live in england now and it's a lot more relaxed here, and there's usually an option to wear trousers at school. i was sent to a girls school where almost everyone wore the skirt uniform so i wore one to fit in, but we were allowed to wear trousers if we wanted to. and in fact it's probably even more normal to see girls wearing jeans and baggy sweaters than to see them wearing skirts and dresses in everyday life. idk where you live, maybe you're in a country like saudi arabia, or maybe you have strict parents, in which case you may have to compromise for your safety. for example when i lived in saudi arabia i would wear trousers / shorts and a t shirt underneath my robes — i even went through a phase where i wore dungarees every day, which was a bit inconvenient when i needed the bathroom lol. you can also wear masc shoes with the excuse that they are comfortable, because they tend to be wider and a more practical shape.

for special events i do tend to wear a dress or traditional clothes from my culture just to avoid any conflict with my family. however it does make me feel very uncomfortable and i would prefer to wear a suit or even just my normal clothes if i could. i remember crying profusely before prom because i felt so dysphoric in the dress i was wearing, and having so many meltdowns about eid gatherings and weddings i had to attend for the same reasons. if your family is more accepting than mine maybe you can wear a smart shirt and trousers if you don't want to wear a dress, or if there's a traditional outfit in your culture maybe you can find a version that feels more comfortable and gender neutral. for example the pakistani traditional dress is shalwar kameez (a tunic and wide pants) for all genders but they come in different styles. i prefer to wear shalwar kameez that is loose fitting and a more plain design so it looks kind of like men's rather than women's.

on the subject of clothes, this can be difficult because it's not really possible to bind when you're closeted as people will probably notice and ask questions. one good thing about wearing hijab is that it covers your body and chest, so i was able to combat a lot of dysphoria without raising any issues because my parents wanted me to dress that way anyway. i had a very feminine phase when i was trying to "fix" myself and "be a girl" because i thought if i tried hard enough i would "be normal". of course it doesn't work that way but i did my best even though it made me super dysphoric, because i thought this was the only option i had. i don't recommend doing this if you can, but it's a very normal experience for trans people, so don't feel like it invalidates your identity "because you used to be so girly". of course anyone can wear skirts and dresses and pink and feminine clothes, it should not be restricted to women ! in fact i still like wearing certain dresses sometimes, they make me feel really cool ! but if it makes you uncomfortable, then don't force it.

experimenting with clothes until you find your style is very helpful. definitely get your clothes second hand if you can to avoid spending much money or damaging the environment during this process btw !! at my university we have a clothes swap where you can leave your old clothes and take new clothes that other people have donated. i've been swapping a lot of my feminine clothes for masculine clothes that way. since coming out i've been dressing in a way that feels a lot more like myself, but even before then, even in my feminine phase, i always wore clothes that hid the parts of my body that made me dysphoric. baggy trousers help a lot with dysphoria about your hips and thighs because they hide a lot; the same goes for loose-fitting shirts, sweaters, hoodies etc for hiding your chest, waist and hips. using a satchel can be better than a backpack if you feel like backpacks accentuate your body shape too much, but the right clothes and backpack can be very gender affirming too ! i wear mostly men's shirts, coats, and sweaters, though i do tend to get women's trousers because they fit more comfortably around my waist, but i choose a shape that is loose and masculine.

again, if you feel confident in your body and you like wearing clothes that don't hide it, that's really good !! and i'm very happy for you and proud of you if that's the case !! i just am listing some things that help me personally with dysphoria which also don't bring me judgement from people i'm not out to, because like i said it's normalised for anyone to wear this style of clothes in this part of the world. idk about things like makeup because i've never worn it in my life, and i've only painted my nails like three times ever, but if you like these things go for it ! i know plenty of guys (cis and trans) who wear makeup and nail polish sometimes and they look really cool !

as for underwear i like to wear the kind of men's / boys' underpants that are like little shorts. i get them in size small / medium or age 13-14 years. i find them very comfortable in general, especially in summer when a lot of women worry about a "visible pants line" showing through their clothes, you don't get this problem. i also don't wear bras, only sports bras / compression vests that cover everything and just look like a binder that doesn't make you flat. i have no idea what my bust size is because i've never been measured. i refused to wear anything on my chest until i was 11, then my mother made me wear crop tops underneath my shirts "for modesty", but i didn't actually develop breasts at all until i was 16 and i only tried to wear bras for like one year before i gave up and went back to vests and sports bras.

however, i would say to be careful around underwear if you live at home and someone else does the laundry. my mother gets very weird about me wearing this type of underwear. she thinks it's bad for you not to wear a proper bra (but this is scientifically incorrect !) and she says she can never tell which underpants are mine and which are my brother's. i also get the feeling that she doesn't approve of me wearing men's underwear because of religious reasons ?? and she definitely wouldn't approve of a binder. so when i'm at home i sort the laundry myself and take my things to dry in my bedroom so she doesn't notice. i also used to wear big plain white or black women's briefs and i still have them although i don't wear them much; they help too if you aren't able to wear boxer shorts, because they cover a lot and are just more comfortable in general.

idk how old you are or what your transition goals are, if any, but if you are considering things like hormones and top surgery, i know it can be very difficult to figure out how you will do this without your family and friends finding out, or even if it's an option for you at all. i'm very lucky to live in england and i am over 18 so i can access gender services without my parents knowing. the waiting list is around 5 years long which gives me plenty of time to think about what i want and how i will balance this with my family etc. i really want top surgery but i know it's something my family will notice and also the amount of money it costs and the recovery time afterwards makes it into a big thing that i can't really do in secret. however, that's a problem for future me, and i imagine it's the same for you too. stay strong, and i hope you'll be able to find a way to transition without having to deal with a lot of issues with your family.

my mother is also really weird about my body hair and facial hair, so be careful with that too. i'm naturally very hairy, it is probably because i'm half pakistani, but i also might have PCOS or endometriosis because my periods are very irregular and intense, i need to get that checked out. anyway, when i was younger my mother encouraged me to shave my armpits and legs, and to pluck out my moustache, chin hairs, and monobrow. it's sad because i used to like my moustache and eyebrows as a kid, and i liked seeing myself as a guy in the mirror, but i was also bullied about these things at school, which made me so self conscious that i couldn't leave the house without sorting all of this out, and i used to shave my arms as well. it got to the point where i got really bad eczema in my armpits because shaving them was irritating the skin, so i decided to stop, and now i just trim the hairs occasionally (because if my underarms are too hairy this also makes my eczema worse and harder to treat). i also stopped shaving my arms and legs, and i don't pluck out my facial hair at all. this saves me so much time and pain and effort, i look really cool, and very androgynous. but my parents and other family members make comments about it all the time, they say i look unkempt and i've let myself go, i'm giving them a bad reputation, etc. so i guess you have to find the balance between gender euphoria and safety from your family and friends getting suspicious or judgmental. if your family aren't too conservative maybe you can talk about feminism and how body hair is natural for every mammal and the culture of women being hairless is really toxic etc ? but again, please be safe, sometimes it's better to compromise and conform until you are able to be more independent, even though it really sucks.

getting your period can be extremely challenging when you're transmasc so you're not alone if it's difficult for you too. my mother never understood why i was so distressed by it, because she was excited to get it when she was growing up, and she always wanted breasts too, but i was very afraid of puberty. a nonbinary person i know takes birth control pills to stop their periods because they make them so dysphoric, but please be aware these pills have oestrogen in them so they can have a feminising effect, so they're not for everyone. other trans people i know use tampons or menstrual cups so they don't have to see the blood like you do with pads. however i know this can also cause dysphoria because you have to interact with a body part that feels like it should not be there. i personally have never used tampons or menstrual cups because i don't want to touch that area of my body if i can help it and i also have a lot of sensory issues. i try to use reusable pads when my flow is not too heavy, because you can wash them and use them again so it's better for the environment. i also use big disposable pads when it's too heavy for the reusable ones. funnily enough if you're wearing a thick sanitary pad in your underwear it makes a bulge that can kind of look like you have male genitals lol. idk if that's something you want — i definitely don't want bottom surgery myself — but it's pretty cool either way. also please take care of yourself if / when you menstruate, it's a hard time, take painkillers if you need to, and do your best to ignore all the gendered language around this stuff. a lot of men, boys, and nonbinary people menstruate, including myself, and it should be more normalised.

swimming and exercise are understandably big issues for a lot of trans people. i recommend wearing breathable fabric so you don't overheat. i am lucky because as a muslim i'm expected to cover my body, so i have an excuse for how i dress at the pool or the gym. i usually wear a men's shirt that is designed for sports or surfing, sports leggings (or joggers if i'm not swimming), and a compression vest / sports bra and underpants underneath. if i go swimming i make sure everything is made from that fabric that they make swimming costumes from, and it's all black because that hides your shape better. i actually want to get some long swimming trunks like my dad has, they're very comfortable and much more gender affirming than leggings. i don't go swimming much tbh, i wish i could but it makes me dysphoric, and showering afterwards is annoying, especially because i have sensory issues and eczema. normally i take off the shirt and leggings and shower in my compression vest and underpants. that way i can get most of the chlorine off my skin but i don't have to be exposed in the public showers / changing rooms. if you can't get away with wearing so many layers like that maybe you can wear a compression vest and cycling shorts, you can even get women's swimming shorts, so people don't question it.

as you're closeted maybe this doesn't apply to you but i do like being slightly open with my identity when i can. i have some subtle indicators that i'm trans that i wear sometimes. please please only do this if it is safe !! i never did it in the past at all, not until i came out to my friends, and i know that transphobia and homophobia are getting worse and worse, so i am very cautious about being visible in public. but for example i made a bead lizard in the trans flag colours and i hang it on my bag, and i have some pride badges that aren't super obvious. it's like "if you know, you know", but if people ask anything you can play it off as just an accessory with colours you like, etc. it makes me feel affirmed in my identity and also i feel like i am showing other trans people they're not alone. personally i love seeing someone wearing a pride pin or seeing stickers on lamp posts and walls around the city expressing support of queer people, trans rights, etc, so i recommend looking out for those or even creating your own if it's safe to do so.

on social media like instagram where there's an option to put your pronouns in your bio, i recommend not putting anything in that box if you're not comfortable with it, because putting she / her would feel wrong, but putting he / him or even they / them or a mixture could make people ask questions. for a long time i had she / they in my bio because i felt like it was safe. but then it made me uncomfortable, because i really hate being called she or her but i didn't feel like i could put they / them without people saying things, so i removed it. after a few years i became braver and put they / them instead, and then i changed it to he / they when i felt more confident in my identity. however i am still worried that my family and people i'm not out to might notice and say something, but nobody has done so yet. but yea please take care. your safety is more important and you don't owe anyone an explanation of who you are.

overall, i hope these tips are helpful for you, but please let me know if you need anything else. i have no idea how old you are, where you live, what your family and friends are like, what your feelings about your body are, how you like to dress, what gives you gender euphoria and dysphoria etc, so i'm just saying my own experiences, if you feel differently that's fine and it does not make you any less trans :)

you are loved and your identity is beautiful and i am so proud of you for coming to me for advice. you're doing so well <3

[goodluckclove]

Actual Hot Take: Ramble Incoming

I'm in a mood, less than a week out from my hysterectomy, and I have some thoughts. Rough thoughts. Medium spicy.

They're about world-building and critiques and readers and writers. It turned into a big ramble as I processed some feelings - you'll note the subject change partway through - so I'm throwing a read more.

I would say here that this is my own personal opinion but essentially I realized that my real issue here was how sick I am of cynicism in lit spaces and like...yeah I don't think that's a crazy hot take. I feel at this point that I am incapable of hot takes.

I am deeply intimidated by the kinds of writers and readers who eviscerate logistical world-building choices in genre fiction. I usually only see it in sci-fi and fantasy communities but I have to imagine it happens in every genre.

Maybe an unrealistic fabric is used in a historical fiction novel. Or a poor choice of saddle in a western. Or a medical inaccuracy in a horror scene. It has to happen all the time because certain people have expertise that research might miss, or a writer's research could be wrong, or they could've just not researched at all. But for some reason specifically the Speculative Fiction crowd are the most likely, in my experience, to lose their goddamned minds.

Has anyone read Greg Egan's Schild's Ladder? It's about the hardest sci-fi out there. So esoteric and thorough in its scientific accuracy that when I tried to read it it circled back around and sounded like fantasy. Listen to this excerpt from the plot summary:

Huh? Huh???

I don't know about you, but this is virtually indistinguishable to me from the schizophrenic rambling of Philip K Dick. I did not hate the book. I couldn't finish it because I had no fucking clue what anyone was talking about, but I enjoy it's existence. The prose was pretty retro. It's like a pulp novel from an alternate universe where everyone has a PhD in Quantum Physics.

It's just a weird spectrum, the questions you're supposed to answer and the ones you're allowed to leave a mystery. What mysteries will the reader use against you as proof that you didn't think it through? People say write for yourself, and you should, but some of those same people are quick to produce massive think pieces on why your choices make you a bad writer. That's just a thing some writers choose to do. And there's really no way to predict what someone might get unreasonably rant-y about. As I put my writing more out there I have no idea what people will use to claim I put no thought into the most emotionally vulnerable writing I've ever created.

And they say that's not supposed to bother you. But like. Of course it does? There's a level of thick skin you're supposed to develop about writing, but I don't think that applies to all aspects of writing or all the time. If someone disregards my entire novel that I gave myself tendonitis over because my depiction of back of house food service wasn't realistic or my magic system didn't go in a direction they thought it should, I'm going to be upset. It won't ruin my life or get me to give up writing - I don't see anything doing that at that point. But I'll get sad. I'll probably get pretty sad and it's weird that I feel like it's bad for writers to admit that.

My hot take, nestled within this hot take, is that I think this applies to every writer. Even the ones that react with ego and anger to massive critiques on their books - right before we cringe and scoff and laugh online - are probably also just sad that we didn't like their writing. Unless they specifically didn't try, or posed a scam in the form of a book, they're likely sad they offered something born out of creative effort and got rejected. Nobody likes that.

It's one thing if the writer themselves has some trash beliefs. I am fine with people eviscerating JK Rowling or any of the writers who feel like the best way to get a book deal is to bring down other writers or pretend to be a different race online. But it's just crazy to be a writer in an age where you might publish a book someone hates so much that they release a three hour-long video essay roasting entire segments for a potentially incalculable audience.

I used to be into that kind of stuff, but after being here for so long relishing in that rage-bait feels weird. Because a lot of the people here, even if they write themes I'm not interested in, seem like nice enough people actually trying to do something. I had strangers on here send me their writing and someone sent me what was clearly a fetish thing and even though I wasn't into the kink I talked to the person about it and they were perfectly civil and courteous. I'm almost 30 and I'm learning that while some artists are using their medium to push unhealthy beliefs or hateful ideologies, a lot more people just want to tell a story that feels important to them. Even if other people don't like it.

I don't know. I was angry at first when I started this but by now I'm just sentimental and I think people should stop treating complaining as their primary hobby. I think critiques are important, but there comes a line in which I'm forced to think you'd just like hearing yourself talk. And if you like to talk why not talk about something you enjoy?

If you've read this far (you're very odd), I'm going to go ahead and list a few books that inspired my writing and say why I like them a lot.

Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut: Love my man Vonnegut. His prose is so warm and easy to read and his stories are so wild and interesting to think about. Everyone should read Vonnegut he's great and he seemed like a pretty nice guy.

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison: This book wrecked me hard. Some of the descriptions were so beautiful I put the book down and let out a sigh. When I finished I walked out of whatever classroom I was in without asking for permission from the teacher and spent the rest of class wandering campus in the rain and weeping openly.

Griffin and Sabine by Nick Bantock: it's a trilogy told through postcards and letters you can physically open and remove the pages. Has some of the most beautiful romantic intimacy between two people who never meet. There's one particular letter I read and reread a lot when I was younger because it was exactly what I wanted in life.

[dollsonmain]

Long meandering blather

So, in Yakuza LaDIW (which is really pushing the younger women for older men thing hard, now.... eh) a new playable character who's name I haven't memorized, yet, (it's Seonhee) asked old man Kiryu what his favorite food was, and he couldn't answer. She said he's spent so much of his time and energy on others that he's never developed a sense of self, basically.

Of course that got me thinking. I don't have favorite anything. I don't think that's from.... well I have never existed for myself and no one else has ever prioritized me, either, but I think it's more that I like too many different kinds of things and am incapable of making decisions due to so many of my decisions turning out horribly, live-ruiningly wrong.

But I've been feeling really shitty lately and was thinking again about John talking about how wearing what you like will make you feel better in general and how I wear nothing but pajamas, lately.

Lately being the past couple years since Son doesn't want me at the bus stop anymore. I don't see any point in putting clothes on and putting wear on them if I'm not even leaving the house.

Anyway, I don't like a lot of my pajamas. I like two sets out of many. So most days I'm feeling pretty unhappy even though I'm comfortable.

I'd been thinking about how I USED to get up, put on workout clothes, do the yoga DVD, and then get dressed (or shower and put on new pajamas) but don't do that anymore because I was trying to let myself recover from nearly dying before stressing my body out again (but then That Guy decided to push the GET A JOB issue so I'm in pain from stress tension anyway, god it fucking hurts).

But really, I don't like any of my clothes either.

I don't feel like I look good in anything, feel physically uncomfortable in EVERYTHING because nothing fits (too small here, too big there, sagging over here, bunching up there, all the same garment, tug tug tug scratch scratch tug), and never cared bout fashion or trends.

When I try to think about what would I like to wear, what would I be excited or happy to put on every day, what would make me WANT to get dressed every morning, I come up a blank.

I really do not have a personal sense of style at all. I like too many things, but don't like any of them on me.

How am I supposed to break through this slump with no personality? The fuck, brain.

[dross-the-fish]

I saw your LO post and something stuck out to me. Most people focus on Hades as a love interest but you made the case that Persephone isn't wife material and I wondered if you could elaborate on that.

I presume you're talking about this post.

I stand by what I said.

This pink teenager isn't wife material, no adult over the age of 25 should look twice at her. This is because this character is functionally a child.

She's technically the physical equivalent of 19 but feels alarmingly younger than that because of her background and upbringing. Hades is supposedly in his 40's and has a full time job and his own assets. At my age and current life stage I'm actually a lot closer to where he's at than I am where she is and I cannot fathom what her appeal would be to anyone outside of her age group.

What is the allure? Is it the way adding her as a household driver would skyrocket someone's car insurance? Is it the way they'd pretty much be guaranteed to have to finish raising her? Instead of coming home after busting your ass at work and having another grown-up to talk to, you'd have to go through the emotional labor of having to play parent/teacher to this child who probably doesn't know how to write a resume and has never had to experience the mental, physical and financial burden of running a household. If you were to date someone like Persephone you'd have to be ok with never getting any kind of mental, emotional, or financial reciprocity because she's not equipped to function in an adult relationship as an equal partner.

That's a HUGE thing and when you get to be my age you will care about these things a lot more than you care about the frivolous "dating" elements that tend to be the focus of younger people's relationships.

Persephone would be incapable of relating to a character like Hades in any meaningful way and while it's cute, I guess, that she's "nice", nice isn't enough of a foundation to build a long term relationship. Due to her lack of age and experience she's not capable of giving advice or even actual comfort if someone had to come to her with typical adult concerns. At best she'd maybe be able to give empty sympathy and, I'll tell you right now, empty sympathy gets old fast.

A very long time ago I dated someone who was my age but at a totally different phase of life and it was a huge mistake. I'd try to talk to her about my job or an apartment I was considering renting and she'd just give me this glazed look like I was speaking another language. The only things I could talk to her about were media or college so when I needed to talk to another grown-up about the very real things I was going through (feelings of inadequacy at my job, concern over financial stability, finding affordable housing) I had NO ONE, because she had never had to worry about any of those things and couldn't comprehend how serious these concerns were. I think the last straw was when I wanted to go do something and she had to ask her parents for money and permission first.

We were both 22 and I had already had a job and my own car for 3 years and the idea of asking my parents for money or permission to do anything seemed ludicrous.

To be clear I don't blame her for that, everyone grows at a different rate and some people get to certain stages later than others, but it did really highlight that this wasn't a person I should continue to date and not someone I could ever feel like I was on equal footing with because she still lived and behaved like a teenager. We were the same age, but sometimes I felt like I was taking on a role that should have been filled by her parents and nothing kills a romantic mood like feeling like the only adult in the room is you.

So yeah, someone like Persephone shouldn't even be trying to start serious relationships, she should be learning how to navigate through life with her peers, people who are also still learning crucial life lessons. But that's not what's going to happen. There's something incredibly gross about the fact that the one who's going to have to teach her how to be a functional adult is the 40 year old man who's eventually going to marry her.

[eggyboyoart]

LMK Red Son Headcanons

Bulls grunt and snort when they're happy and Red Son does the same.

His grunts are more like short, rough rumbly purrs though

he definitely huffs fire/smoke from his nose

his scent is smoke, metal and spices

they has a BOTTOMLESS PIT for a stomach

He also really likes spicy foods (obvs)

DADDY ISSUES

whenever anyone compliments him, hes giggling and kicking his feet like a little girl

like, tucking their hair behind their ears, fiddling with their necklaces-

They're agender (genderless/lack of gender)

He'd probably say some corny shit too like

"I DO NOT CONFORM TO YOUR MORTAL CONCEPT OF GENDER-"

He wears skirts I DON'T MAKE THE RULES-

they only wear skirts when its a special event, like a dinner or a date-

he makes me so mentally ill OMGG-

every other sentence they say is yelling or screaming

they really like dressing up, even if they're just going out of their room to get a snack

like, he'll put on the most badass gorgeous outfit and then just, get a book from the library

HE HAS A BULL FORM

just imagine a shorter, more red version of the Demon Bull King and you have Red Son :D

her hair is still fire in this form

also, they don't need to style their hair because its fire

like, its constantly moving anyway so theres basically no point

Red Son has a strict schedule

Its like, ‘At exactly 7am, I am to be OUT OF MY ROOM and having breakfast and then at 7:30am I need to be IN THE LABORATORY-‘

Like, every second of their day is scheduled and they hate interruptions

He is physically incapable of going with the flow

I HC that demons don't need as much sleep as humans/mortals do so his sleep schedule is probably like, go to bed at 1am and wake up at 6am (thats like 5hrs of sleep, right-?)

They also have really high standards

Like, only the best for the SPAWN OF THE DEMON BULL KING

Goes to really high-end tailors or the Demon Bull King Family Personal Tailor (because of course, why wouldn’t they probably have one of those, the bunch of divas-)

I’m torn between saying that Red Son listens to either exclusively classical music or the most perverted, sexual songs ever (Like WAP-)

It depends on his mood that day

Is incapable of sitting still

Bestie HAS to be moving, whether that’s bouncing their leg, tapping their fingers, fiddling with some little machine

He HAS to move or be doing something

They don’t sleep with blankets because of their fire

Hes just so warm all the time, he doesn’t need it tbh

They sleep with a singular pillow under his head

they fall asleep flat on their back with their hands on their stomach, but will wake up with half the room on fire and only their legs on the bed

They cannot FATHOM people being rude to their parents, she is unable to comprehend that kind of disrespect

he has a brutal side eye, paired with a judgemental sneer and you’ll never want to leave your house again

[katyspersonal]

K A T y

2, 9, 18, 24, 29, 32 for Ranni!

( Asks from this ( x ) meme)

2) Did you always like this character?

It actually took me some time! I am physically incapable of 'not caring' about any character, but at first I was as close to that state as I could be! Just that 'one of the main characters' deal with whom I had to patiently wait when something would click with me about her! And, well, it did, when I learned the full extent of her story and motivations!

9) Does this character remind you of anyone you know? Does that affect how you see them?

When I was 13, I had a close female friend who was closely tsundere-ish, secretive, extremely shrewd and even machiavellian! She had quite the reasonable takes on how the world and society worked, and cherished the dreams of somehow dismantling it. She even had cold and winter theme as her aesthetic (before we started to use this term)! She was so good at reading people that she could instantly guess my house situation despite me never even dropping hints online, let alone just sharing with anyone! And tried to find my step dad irl contacts to ruin him, in secrecy for me... How I wish her plan worked. x) The thing is, whereas that friend indeed was similar (excluding war crimes! .....as far as I know fhhfds), we haven't spoken in decade, and she is not occupying my mind space anymore. Forgotten until prompted. It is only right now, as I am typing this response, that I realise Ranni is similar to that person! So, whereas that friend doesn't effect how I vision Ranni, she might start to from this moment. :^)

18) Do you prefer to see this character suffer or know peace? Angst or comfort? Both?

Imagining her happy and peaceful is actually hard for me! She is just TOO far up the dark path. Machiavellism and weight of crimes she learned to accept feels like her very being. She is suffering, it is clear to see, but she is very cold and stoic against it. I prefer the angst for the character, but it feels like just proceeding with the canon than inflicting it. But on a smaller scale, I do enjoy peaceful moments with her depicted, like being silly with Blaidd, or, again, her younger years with family, especially Rykard!

24) Do you ever dream about this character? If so, describe a dream you once had about them.

No! She only appeared in a dream very briefly, once, without bearing on the plot besides giving me some sort of a very big key (like half of my height fsdh). I don't remember the context!

29) Do you affectionately bully this character?

I enjoy the "war criminal" joke here and there, of course XD And a few times I joke about her being 'edgy kid' or 'tsundere gf'! It is not something I dwell on often, because I do keep in mind the complexity of the situation and the gravity of the things she understood! I don't bully her more than say, Aldrich or Fauxsefka: it lasts for exactly 5 seconds before I remind myself and all 2 people that enjoy my posts that 'well aktyaly' these are very complex and their actions are strangely justified within their own setting and context, and it is so much about The Whole Thing and them having the spine to take up the quest against morality as they know it for greater thing, than about their own history. Basically the jokes are to lighten the mood for otherwise very serious character!

32) If you could make this character a meal, what would you make them?

I feel like she is used to most of the 'exquisite' meals, especially seafood ones living near Liurnia (so sorry, Boggart, no need for your help with this one :( ). I would opt for something that combines meat and fruit/berries!

It is hard to explain, I just feel like she'd appreciate the combination! (Also searching images was a mistake... now I feel so hungry that it makes me dizzy ;-;)