#Bug Man Pest Control

[joshthebugguy]

Entire Pest Management Services In North Las Vegas And Las Vegas | Josh The Bug Guy

Las Vegas is known for its dazzling lights, world-class entertainment, and sunny weather. But beneath all the excitement lies a more unwelcome reality—pest infestations. Whether you're in the bustling heart of Las Vegas or the quiet suburbs of North Las Vegas, pests such as roaches, ants, and rodents are common problems. Fortunately, expert pest control services are available to protect your home and business. Here's why choosing the right pest control service matters and how to find the perfect solution for your needs.

Why You Need Professional Pest Control in Las Vegas

Las Vegas’s hot and dry climate creates the perfect environment for pests to thrive. Roaches, ants, scorpions, and other insects can easily invade homes and businesses, causing property damage and posing health risks. DIY solutions may provide temporary relief, but professional pest control ensures long-lasting protection.

Whether you're dealing with a sudden infestation or want to prevent future problems, Pest Control In Las Vegas is essential for peace of mind. These services not only eliminate pests but also provide customized treatment plans to prevent future infestations.

Expert Pest Control in North Las Vegas

North Las Vegas, a fast-growing region with numerous residential and commercial developments, is no stranger to pest issues. With more properties being built, pest control in North Las Vegas is more important than ever. Pests like termites, roaches, and rodents can invade homes and destroy structures if left untreated.

By working with trusted pest control professionals in the area, you’ll ensure your property stays pest-free. A professional pest control team will assess your property, identify any problem areas, and create a tailored treatment plan to keep your home or business protected year-round.

Finding Pest Control Near Me for Roaches

If you're specifically struggling with a roach problem, you're not alone. Roaches are among the most common pests found in Las Vegas homes and businesses. Known for their resilience, these pests are difficult to eliminate without professional intervention.

When searching for pest control near me for roaches, it's essential to choose a service that specializes in roach extermination. Roaches carry diseases and can contaminate food, making them a serious health risk. A professional pest control provider will not only eliminate the current infestation but also prevent roaches from returning by treating the hidden areas where they thrive.

Meet the Bug Man Pest Control Experts

In a city with so many pest control options, choosing a reliable provider is key. One trusted name in the industry is Bug Man Pest Control, known for its expertise and commitment to customer satisfaction. The Bug Man team understands the unique pest problems faced by Las Vegas residents and offers solutions tailored to your specific needs.

From routine pest prevention to emergency extermination, Bug Man Pest Control has you covered. Their services include treating for roaches, scorpions, ants, and other common pests found in the area. With years of experience, they are well-equipped to handle even the most stubborn infestations.

The Bug Guy: Your Local Pest Control Hero

Another local favorite is The Bug Guy Pest Control, a service dedicated to protecting homes and businesses from pests. The Bug Guy offers comprehensive pest control services, including one-time treatments and ongoing prevention plans. With a deep understanding of the Las Vegas climate and pest behavior, they know exactly how to tackle even the most challenging infestations.

Whether you're dealing with a minor pest issue or a full-blown invasion, The Bug Guy Pest Control provides expert solutions to keep your property safe and pest-free. Their customized approach ensures that every job is handled with care, and your pest problems are resolved for good.

Why Choose Professional Pest Control?

Pest control is about more than just getting rid of annoying insects; it's about protecting your property and your health. Professional pest control services like Bug Man Pest Control and The Bug Guy Pest Control use state-of-the-art techniques and environmentally friendly products to ensure that pests are eliminated without harming your home or the environment.

Here’s why choosing a professional pest control service is your best bet:

Comprehensive treatment plans: From initial inspection to ongoing maintenance, professionals provide a full-service approach.

Expert knowledge: Pest control experts understand the habits and life cycles of pests, allowing them to treat infestations more effectively.

Safe and effective solutions: Professional services use products that are safe for humans and pets but deadly for pests.

Preventative measures: In addition to eliminating pests, professional services offer preventative treatments to ensure pests don’t come back.

Conclusion: Protect Your Home with Trusted Pest Control

Whether you're searching for pest control in Las Vegas, pest control in North Las Vegas, or specifically pest control near me for roaches, it’s important to choose a reliable and experienced provider. Companies like Bug Man Pest Control and The Bug Guy Pest Control offer top-notch services designed to keep your home and business pest-free. Don’t let pests take over your property—take action today by contacting a trusted pest control expert.

By choosing professional pest control, you're not only eliminating current infestations but also safeguarding your property against future pest problems. From routine inspections to targeted treatments, Las Vegas pest control experts have the solutions you need to enjoy a pest-free home.

[localbugguy]

Achieving Peaceful Coexistence with LOCAL Bug Guy: Temecula's Premier Pest Control Experts

In the tranquil landscapes of Temecula, California, where vineyards stretch as far as the eye can see, another reality often lurks beneath the surface – pests. These unwelcome guests can disrupt the idyllic harmony of this enchanting city. But fear not, for LOCAL Bug Guy stands as a beacon of hope, ready to control pest invasions and restore the tranquility that defines Temecula. Our mission extends beyond just pest control; we are your partners in creating a haven of serenity in Temecula and the neighboring areas of Murrieta, Winchester, Menifee, and Wildomar.

Beyond Pest Control: Protecting Temecula's Beauty

Imagine strolling through the charming streets of Temecula without the constant worry of pests ruining your peaceful moments. Envision picnicking in your garden, basking in the warm sun without the continual intrusion of ants and mosquitoes. At LOCAL Bug Guy, we understand that the beauty of Temecula should be experienced fully without compromise. Our commitment goes beyond controlling pest measures; it's about preserving the essence of this picturesque city.

Extending Our Shield to Neighboring Communities

Our dedication doesn't stop at Temecula's borders. We recognize that the challenges posed by pests are not confined to specific areas. From the suburban charm of Murrieta to the historic allure of Winchester, the welcoming embrace of Menifee, and the serene landscapes of Wildomar, we're here to extend our expertise to create pest-free environments that resonate with the essence of each community.

Empowering You Through Effective Pest Control

When you partner with LOCAL Bug Guy, the phrase "control pest" takes on a deeper meaning. Our team of experts is equipped with the knowledge and experience to address various pest challenges. From everyday annoyances to more complex infestations, we're here to provide effective solutions that bring peace to your surroundings. With meticulous attention to detail and a commitment to innovation, we strive to exceed your expectations.

A Comprehensive Approach to Pest Management

At LOCAL Bug Guy, we believe that accurate pest management is about more than just extermination – it's about understanding the intricate behaviors of pests and addressing the underlying causes of infestations. Our range of services reflects this philosophy. Thorough inspections, targeted treatments, and proactive prevention plans are the cornerstones of our approach to creating lasting pest-free environments.

Unveiling the LOCAL Bug Guy Difference

Our journey towards pest-free living encompasses more than just immediate solutions. Our Pest Control Prevention Services page shows our commitment to holistic pest management. Delve into the proactive measures we provide to fortify your space against potential invasions. By learning to seal entry points, eliminate attractants, and maintain a pest-resistant environment, you're taking control of your surroundings and ensuring a future free from pest worries.

Your Invitation to a Pest-Free Lifestyle

Imagine coming home to a space where you can relax without constantly checking for unwelcome guests. Envision hosting gatherings, confident that pests won't disrupt your celebrations. As you explore the beauty of Temecula, the charm of Murrieta, the history of Winchester, the community spirit of Menifee, and the tranquility of Wildomar, let LOCAL Bug Guy be the shield that preserves your vision of a pest-free existence.

Elevating Your Quality of Life Through Pest-Free Living

At LOCAL Bug Guy, we're not just providing a service; we're enhancing your quality of life. Our commitment to pest control goes beyond eradicating pests; it's about empowering you to reclaim your spaces and enjoy them to the fullest. We understand the frustration and disruption that problems can bring, and that's why we're here to offer comprehensive solutions that restore your peace of mind.

Your search for "control pest" is not just about finding a quick solution; it's about finding a partner that understands the unique challenges of your environment and is dedicated to resolving them. Our experts not only have the knowledge to address current pest issues but also the insight to prevent future infestations. We take pride in being the bridge between you and a pest-free haven.

Commitment to Lasting Results

LOCAL Bug Guy is synonymous with results that stand the test of time. Our Pest Control Prevention Services [link] page encapsulates our commitment to proactive, comprehensive pest management. Dive into a world where preventive measures are the key to sustaining a pest-free environment. You're aggressively against potential invasions by implementing strategies that disrupt pests' lifecycles.

Suggested Post: LOCAL Bug Guy: Your Partners in Pest-Free Serenity in Temecula and Beyond

Your Peaceful Coexistence Starts Today

Imagine opening your windows to let in the fresh air without worrying about pests infiltrating your home. Envision gathering with friends and family in your backyard, knowing your space is free from pest distractions. As you explore the beauty of Temecula, the welcoming neighborhoods of Murrieta, the historic corners of Winchester, the community spirit of Menifee, and the serene landscapes of Wildomar, let LOCAL Bug Guy be your partner in safeguarding your vision of a harmonious, pest-free life.

Creating Your Haven: Local Bug Guy's Pledge

At LOCAL Bug Guy, we believe in more than just eradicating pests – creating havens of serenity where you can thrive. Our dedication to pest control is fueled by a passion for ensuring that you can enjoy your spaces without the interruption of unwanted intruders. We understand that pests can disrupt your daily life, and we're here to offer solutions that not only address the issue at hand but also prevent future problems.

When you search for "control pest," you're not just looking for a service; you're searching for a partner that understands the nuances of your surroundings and the challenges they present. We pride ourselves on being that partner, offering expertise that transcends pest control.

Restoring Balance Through Effective Pest Control

At LOCAL Bug Guy, we recognize that effective pest control is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Our team of experts is equipped to tackle a wide range of pest challenges, from everyday annoyances to more complex infestations. With attention to detail and a commitment to innovation, we approach each situation holistically.

Our approach to pest management goes beyond immediate extermination. Our Pest Control Prevention Services [link] page unveils our dedication to proactive pest management. Dive into the strategies that empower you to take charge of your environment, from sealing entry points to cultivating an atmosphere that deters pests. By adopting preventive measures, you're not just managing problems; you're cultivating a space that's inhospitable to them.

Your Sanctuary, Our Promise

Imagine coming home to a haven where you can relax without the constant worry of pests invading your personal space. Envision hosting gatherings confidently, knowing that problems won't overshadow your celebrations. Whether you're exploring the charm of Temecula, the suburban allure of Murrieta, the historic elegance of Winchester, the warmth of Menifee's neighborhoods, or the tranquility of Wildomar, LOCAL Bug Guy is here to be the shield that preserves your vision of a harmonious, pest-free life.

Take the First Step: Embrace Pest-Free Living

The journey towards a pest-free existence begins with your decision to take action. Contact LOCAL Bug Guy, and our team of experts will be by your side, guiding you through every step. From addressing your queries to scheduling comprehensive property assessments, we're here to offer unwavering support and guidance.

Contact us to begin the journey to a life without pest disturbances. Experience the joy of living in harmony with your environment. With LOCAL Bug Guy, your dream of a pest-free sanctuary is only a message away.

Elevate your surroundings in Temecula and beyond from the clutches of pests. Embrace the promise of pest-free living with LOCAL Bug Guy – your dedicated allies in creating a harmonious coexistence with your environment.

LOCAL Bug Guy

27570 Commerce Center Dr Suit 225, Temecula, CA 92590

(951)-330-7400

[thingsifoundongeoguessr]

'BEN' the Bug Man

[imwritesometimes]

will never understand this mentality like? nature gave us these adorable lil critter friends and they can make your backyard a home and your (indoor!) cats can enjoy many hours watching them out the window and you can hear the cute little noises they make! better do everything in your power to make sure to keep them the fuck outta your yard!

[telospestcontrol]

Did you know there are different types of cockroaches that could be invading your home? Each species requires a unique approach to control them effectively. Don’t let these resilient pests take over your space! Partner with Telos Pest Control to tackle every kind of cockroach problem. Let’s keep your home cockroach-free together! Visit now: https://telospestcontrol.com/

#toronto #telospestcontrolcanada #torontorestaurant #torontopestproblems #pestcontroltoronto #cockroaches #cockroachcontrol #torontobugs #cockroaches #pestfreekitchen #pestfreeliving #cockroachcontroltreatment #cockroachcontroltips #torontopestproblems #torontoexterminator #cockroachcontrol #CockroachPrevention

[prokopetz]

I have no problem with slice-of-life AUs, but it bugs me when they don't try hard enough to adapt the characters' whole deal to the new milieu. "Samus Aran would be a gym instructor" nah, man – think pest control. She used to work for one of the big outfits in town, but she was forced to go freelance after that one lady's house burned to the ground during a routine bedbug fumigation. Officially it wasn't her fault – the client didn't properly disclose what kind of chemicals she was keeping in her basement – but word gets around, you know?

[geeckos]

Wes was my partner’s idea, and now he’s all I can think about

[localbugguysp]

Pest Prevention: How to Safeguard Your Home Before It's Too Late 

In the serene neighborhoods of Spanish Fork and its surrounding areas, the specter of unwanted pests can cast a shadow on the comfort of your home. However, with the proactive guidance of LOCAL Bug Guy, your trusted Pest Control Service operating from Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM, you can fortify your living space against potential invaders. Join us as we explore effective strategies to prevent pest infestations and secure your home in Spanish Fork, Mapleton, Springville, Salem, Payson, and Santaquin.

Understanding the Local Challenge: Pests in Spanish Fork and Beyond

Spanish Fork, nestled in the heart of Utah, is home to picturesque landscapes that unfortunately attract a variety of pests. From the buzzing streets of Mapleton to the tranquil corners of Santaquin, residents in these areas face unique challenges when it comes to pest control. LOCAL Bug Guy has emerged as a beacon of expertise, offering tailored solutions to address the specific pest problems prevalent in Spanish Fork and its neighboring communities.

Mapping Your Defense: LOCAL Bug Guy's Reach Beyond "Pest Control Near Me"

When you search for "pest control near me" you're not just seeking a service; you're seeking a partner in safeguarding your home. LOCAL Bug Guy extends its services beyond the conventional, covering Spanish Fork and the surrounding areas of Mapleton, Springville, Salem, Payson, and Santaquin. Our team is dedicated to providing a comprehensive shield against pests, ensuring that your living space remains pest-free and comfortable.

Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM: Your Strategic Pest Control Window

At LOCAL Bug Guy, we understand that effective pest prevention requires a proactive approach. Operating from Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM, we offer a strategic window for our services, aligning with your schedule and ensuring that your pest prevention needs are met promptly. Whether you reside in Spanish Fork or any of the nearby communities, our team is here to assist you in fortifying your home against potential invaders.

The LOCAL Bug Guy Advantage: Proactive Pest Prevention Strategies

Our pest prevention strategies go beyond the ordinary, emphasizing a proactive approach to keep your home secure. LOCAL Bug Guy leverages cutting-edge techniques and environmentally friendly solutions to safeguard your living space. From identifying potential entry points to implementing preventive measures, our team is committed to ensuring that your home remains a pest-free haven.

Take Action Today: Fortify Your Home Against Unwanted Guests

Don't wait until pests become a problem; take action today with LOCAL Bug Guy, your dedicated Pest Control Service. Operating Monday to Friday, 9 AM to 5 PM, we stand ready to assist you in implementing effective pest prevention strategies. Safeguard your home in Spanish Fork and surrounding areas with our expert guidance, and enjoy the peace of mind that comes with a pest-free living environment. Your comfort and satisfaction are our top priorities.

LOCAL Bug Guy

212 S Main St Suite 104, Spanish Fork, UT 84660, United States

(385)-393-6737https://www.localbug-guy.com/?utm_source=gmb&utm_medium=button&utm_campaign=gmbbuttonclick

[snowstormarts]

hiii can u write more hcs or whatever about cam… there’s literally nothing for him and i want that stinky man >:3

Holding your hand as we spin in a circle with Cam who's not impressed. All to say is I love this trash man, the only reason I didnt get his romance route is because of the Empathy Block...But enough of that and more to headcanons for him! [If anyone else has Cam stuff please let me know, I need this man on such a deep level]

Reblogs & Likes are appreciated and feel free to send Requests, Questions, ect to my Inbox ^^

🗑 Cam Headcanons 🗑

[Divider Credit]

- He can't & won't stand for anyone bullying someone for something they can't control. He had his own experiences with bullying for being born as a trashcan so he will often step in and scare the bullies away before leaving [he has to keep his reputation as the silent guy who hates everyone]

- He has a opossum plushy that he keeps hidden away, it's his support & vent buddy when days are especially hard and he just needs to let it out somehow

- Don't let his clothes trick you, he might not look the strongest but underneath it all he has some muscles. Carrying trash around and creating a home with it is going to take some strength, it's like a free work out for him

- If you're dating him get ready for him to be the sweetest guy ever, you can literally walk into a room and see him make someone cower in fear only to turn around and face you with a smile and a huff. Before walking like nothing happened up to you, cupping your cheek and letting your foreheads touch as he asks if you were looking for him. ["Did I keep you waiting my little opossum? Yeah? Then let's get out of here and I will make it up to you, how does cuddling and snacking sound while we bitch about your ex-boss?"]

- Knows a ton about "pest-animals" like pigeons, raccoons, opossums & different kinds of bugs, you ever need some background noises or need to be grounded? This man has your back!

- If you ever propose to him/ask when he's gonna tie the knot he will be shocked, he never expected to date anyone let alone get married to someone who truly loves him for who he is.

"Is this some kind of cruel joke, maybe one of those challenges online? Or are you serious about this? Just in case you've forgotten I'm a trashcan, you sure you can handle that? That also means having to deal with me and my shit dai-huh? Y-You're serious, you even got the ring...Well then, I guess I might have a ring here somewhere for you just let me go find it... Oh, and doll? I love you, I really do. Thanks for choosing to stick with me even when I have my shitty moments, you're the best future spouse anyone could have wished for."

[rip-headphones-users]

2 Point Perspective Ch3: Let Yourself Feel Weak

AN: Hey guys whats up whats good. So for some fucking reason Ao3 HATES me and wants me to DIE and has not been letting me post 2point for some unknown reason. So I’m posting it here on tumblr dot com my favorite website instead because it’s pride month and I need people to read it. I need people to peep the horrors. Also yes the chapter title IS another fragment of a GILT lyric. I probably should be posting this in 2 parts. Idk man. Happy Pride month or something.

A deadline was approaching. Kasper was sitting at his computer scouring the regretevator’s files, looking for any inconsistencies that stood out to him. He knew he needed a certain amount of bug fixes by the end of the week. His father made that abundantly clear as he had been continuously grilling him on his lack of progress every time he did see him. He would go out and streamline things for enhancing performance, but that would require he actually go out and test floors for himself, and he really did not have the money to spend on that many floor tickets just to test and retest to make sure it was running the simulation correctly as he repeatedly died. Granted, Builderman preferred the term “Forcing a Reset”- but Kasper figured it best that he call it as is. It’s just dying, over and over.

Of everything he was in control over, Kasper wasn’t allowed to touch the behavior of other NPCs, including himself. He had to wonder then, if there was a bug in his own code that gave him this call of the void. Not even that, there was probably something wrong with him in there that made him outright suicidal. The other possibility that he was just sort of hard-wired to be this way and forced to cope with it unsettled him, and genuinely he hated thinking about it. He resented that his dad didn’t have the time or resources to go fix it himself.

Though seeing as he had long since moved on to other projects, it was more so that Builderman straight up couldn’t go in there and do it anymore. Understandably though, doing something like that on his own would probably give Kasper some weird messed up crisis. Outright deleting himself would more than likely have dire consequences on the games function as a whole, and he wasn’t about going in and fucking up the lives of literally everyone he’s technically in charge of. Would it be fair to refer to Kasper as a demigod? … maybe.

Kasper’s hands dug into his hair, absentmindedly tugging at his outgrown roots. Every drag on the scroll wheel felt as if he were trying to run through a nightmare, horribly slow as a singular beast approached from seemingly every direction he turned, the dread only consuming him further. A few rapid notification pings drew his attention quickly, allowing himself to get distracted.

PartyHardy111: Haiiiii

PartyHardy111: Kassssssss

PartyHardy111: Kaspurrrrrrrrrrr

PartyHardy111: U Awak???

FriendlyGhost: POOB!!! :D

PartyHardy111: AKSPWER HI HI HI HAI HAIIII <:DDDDD

FriendlyGhost: Wutz up bru??? OuO

PartyHardy111: IIIII Hav a questn for uuuuuu <:3

FriendlyGhost: Shoot! ^-^

PartyHardy111: APPARENTLY

PartyHardy111: Da lite ov ur life stepped on tha ‘vator absolutey GLOWING.

PartyHardy111: mah pestest friend in tha whoooolllle wide world tolddd meh <;p

FriendlyGhost: Pest told u??? ,’:0

PartyHardy111: YUPPPPP

PartyHardy111: But he said itt more like a (imagine big meen meanie pest voice <>:() “That stupid lampshade wouldn’t turn his brightness down the entire ride here, that idiot was smiling so bright I thought I was gonna get a migraine. What’s he so happy for? He never does that.” an den sum stuff in his beetle language that idk what it wuz lol prolly swear wordzzzz <xD

FriendlyGhost: 0///0?!

PartyHardy111: I gotsta kno!!! Wai is he so fulla da whimsy!!!??? <:3

Of course this would come back to bite him in the ass. Kasper let out a long, drawn out sigh before standing up, and slamming his forehead against the wall a few times. What The Hell. He growled to himself under his breath, “Thanks, Lampert, for the fucking subtlety.” He might as well delete himself right now. Well, no use lying to Poob, their ability wasn’t exactly derived from the meta like his was. Kasper made a search, ‘Is it possible to fully delete characters that have already been implemented into a game?’

FriendlyGhost: k so ofc u kno how Lampert likeeeeeee

FriendlyGhost: LIKE likes me???

PartyHardy111: Neva hear da end of it wen I c himmmm LMAOOO!

That was news to him. Results on his search bar were… inconclusive. Nothing about deletion, which made sense, he wasn’t even allowed. But maybe… he could find a workaround…

FriendlyGhost: So, he came over 2 check on me n shit, yea?

FriendlyGhost: Cause ya know he b worried 4 nothin.

PartyHardy111: <:0 o u good bud???

FriendlyGhost: yea yea dw dw ^^”

FriendlyGhost: He helped me with a tunnn of stuff n like?

PartyHardy111: okokok caus I don’t wantt u 2 b a friendlyyy ghostttttt <XDDDD

FriendlyGhost: ISRHBFEIHRFBYEIRBBSKDJBCKJ LITERALLY STFU!!! XD

FriendlyGhost: N-E-WAY. -_-

Kasper made a search, ‘accidentally overwriting preexisting characters in a game?’

FriendlyGhost: I took him out for icecream and we had a really good time. -u-

PartyHardy111: is dat it??? <‘,:3

FriendlyGhost: I… totally kissed him. By accident.

PartyHardy111: DOOD???

Kasper made a search, ‘most common file corruptions’. Now this? This was a little more conclusive. Ways to fix files, different kinds of corruptions, and different ways files can get corrupted. His eyes led him to something interesting… chainmail viruses… Ransomware. If he could perhaps isolate a virus to his own file…

PartyHardy111: literally y don u 2 jus start dating???

FriendlyGhost: cause idk if that’ll be good 4 either of us… :(

PartyHardy111: u are in top 10 biggest denial EVARRR!!!

FriendlyGhost: but he has like

FriendlyGhost: SOOOOO much goin 4 him

FriendlyGhost: and like I just…

FriendlyGhost: idk. I’d drag him down.

PartyHardy111: <:,[ I feel dat

FriendlyGhost: I’m sorry 4 bein all venty n shi but like

FriendlyGhost: idk I just don’t think I’m worth that effort?

FriendlyGhost: idk what he sees in me.

PartyHardy111: Kas…

FriendlyGhost: Lampert is my best friend, yk? Idk if I would be able to live with myself if I fucked it up.

Kasper made a search, ‘What happens to someone if their file gets overwritten?’.

FriendlyGhost: that being said, the second time wus on purpose B)

PartyHardy: WATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT ??? <:000000000

Kasper found something. A new website had been added to his bookmarks.

Poptart laid curled up and purring on Kasper’s lap as he sat quietly on the floor in the darkness of his bedroom. His ceiling fan hummed idly above him, tussling his bangs just enough to make him aware of the airflow. His phone rang for probably the seventh time that night, letting each call go straight to voicemail. He knew at least one had to be from Poob, which he would normally pick up but didn’t feel like getting his ear talked off for the next hour (especially at the information he just dropped on them). Another from Builderman, who more than likely called him by mistake, at best Kasper would usually get an email from him, anyway. The rest… he hoped weren’t from Lampert. They probably were if he had to hazard a guess.

Doing his best not to disturb the cat, Kasper reached for his phone and flipped it open. Three new messages. Well, at least only two of them were from Lampert. He listened to Poob’s voicemail first.

There was some rustling behind the speaker before he heard them yell “Hey! Gimme mah phone back!!!” Followed by the blow of a party horn. The gravel of Pest’s voice came out of the other end.

“You. Kasper. You need to be aware that what you said caused this freak to elbow me hard in the ribs with their excitement. Expect the favor to be returned.” More rustling, and a chittering growl as what he could only assume was the sound of Poob reclaiming their phone could be heard through several bumps against the speaker.

“Sorry!!!” They squeaked, “Pest- do NOT elbow Kaspe-” and… that’s when that line went dead. Kasper stifled a laugh, fully unexpecting to have Pest say something to him, of all people. Even if that was a threat.

Kasper then readied himself, mentally preparing for Lampert’s voicemails. The first began, and Lampert sounded… nervous of all things. “Hey Kasper, uh- it’s me. I was wondering if you’d like to hang out again some more tomorrow? You don’t have to call it a date if you really don’t wanna, I mean- not that I’m asking you out on a date, or that I’m calling it a date. But… yesterday was really nice, and I can’t stop thinking about- hah, I’m sorry, I sound like a moron right now. Hold on.”

The first voicemail ended, and the second one started up. “Hey Kasper, It’s me. I think we should probably hang out again tomorrow. I know you’re probably nervous about whether or not I’d see it as a date, but if you don’t want it to be, that’s fine! I just wanna hang with you, and we can take it at your pace. If something’s bothering you, you know you can always talk to me. I…I really care about you, ya know? And I want to be there for you as best I can… Kasper, I uhh…” The second voicemail ended. And seconds later, a third voicemail from Lampert popped up.

“Hey Kasper, sorry- hopefully you’re listening to this one first, uhh- ignore those last two. Delete them, actually. Or I don’t know- call me back when you get this and I’ll delete them myself, hahah… Anyway, I wanted to ask- but like, whatever since you aren’t picking up… but I’m gonna come over tomorrow and we’re gonna hang out. I don’t care if you’re embarrassed about what happened earlier, cause like… obviously I’ve been losing sleep over it too, just thinking about it. I know you’re scared of this sort of thing, and I get it, but… I really want to be there for you Kasper.”

There was an intermission of silence as the dread began to stir within his chest again, it was almost as if Lampert was waiting for a response from him on his end, despite the message being pre-recorded over the course of listening to the last few minutes. It sounded as if there was a pen scratching against paper on the other end, Lampert either live-journaling or scripting himself for this voicemail… he wouldn’t be surprised if he had a list of bullet points, actually.

“I know you’ve been shouldering a lot, dude. And… I want you to not have to be alone through that. I want you to talk- uh, I want you to be able to talk to me about this. I… I really don’t care if it’s supposed to be confidential- you’re clearly suffering and it’s… it’s really hard to watch. I hate feeling like I’m just on the sidelines not able to do anything while you go through all this, Kas.”

Another pause.

“I just… I want to tell you… that you mean a lot to me. Genuinely. I love you, Kasper.”

He snapped his phone shut, that- no matter the sentiment- was genuinely hard for him to hear. It was a real question that he had, as much as he hated thinking about it. That he might actually mean something to other people. Well, at least his room was clean for Lampert’s visit… not that he actually put in the effort behind that.

Poptart rubbed her face against his, getting his attention with a “mmrp” before jumping off his lap and rubbing her body against the door. Kasper stands, following her outside of his room as she trots into the kitchen, looking behind her to see if he was following. He sighs, and looks into the living room where Unpleasant now lounged on the floor, playing its DS.

“UG- you fed Poptart while I was out, right?” Kasper asks, knowing he’s not gonna get a useful answer.

It huffs, morphing in a way that would appear to have it kicking its legs in the air. “The fuck do ya think I am? That's your job to feed your fatass cat, idiot.”

Kasper groans in annoyance as he takes a can of wet food out of the fridge, and steps around Poptart as she curls around his legs. “She is NOT fat,” He chimes back, “and I don’t know- maybe you could stand to help out around here. No wonder dad sent you here to live with me, you’re insufferable”

“Kinda in the name, don’t you think?” It shrugs, and rapidly opens and closes the DS as Mario repeatedly goes ‘buh-bye!’

Wet food falls into the dish, and Poptart immediately starts scarfing it down. “Gah- why do I even bother talking to you.”

There's a brief moment of silence before Unpleasant says something.

“Yo, who do you think dad hates more, me or yo-“

“Shut the hell up.”

Lampert fidgets with a tiny keychain of bottled hand-sanitizer, anxious to make his way onto Kasper’s floor. He debates getting a floor ticket as he takes a wipe from his bag, dabs it in sanitizer, and begins wiping down the floor buttons. He wouldn’t be opposed to just accidentally pressing the ticket button… and while the menu flashes onto the screen, he wouldn’t be opposed to just looking at the feed from just outside Kasper’s door… and checking to see if there is a change in the price… okay he might as well just buy a floor ticket while nobody else is in here. Not that he’s gonna bother anyone with an extra stop… and… oh- that’s the door closing the entrance to Kasper’s apartment.

Lampert rushes to slap the elevator’s open door button, and practically topples inside. Well, at least he didn’t have to buy a floor ticket, he figures, as he enters the apartment. He can’t help but wonder to himself, ‘Does Kas ever lock this place?’ As he moves through the apartment, he practically dodges Unpleasant Gradient, opting to find Kasper on his own instead of making the mistake of asking.

The lamp opens the bedroom door gently, illuminating the dark room around him with the warm glow of his bulb. There is Kasper, once again sleeping soundly having shoved himself into a corner of his bed. The sight makes his bulb grow brighter for just a moment, before he represses it entirely. He walks silently over to the corner and just watches Kasper sleep, placing his bag next to him, filled with wipes, plasticware, and two containers of takeout he had picked up from Rokea before leaving. He watches as Kasper’s chest rises and falls, the cool surrounding air becoming warmed just from the pass through his lungs.

He can’t help but wonder how it would feel, to breathe like that. Or perhaps even to be something so fleeting as a breath as it is taken. Simply just to exist as air, inhaled and exhaled. What would it be like to be drawn into a pair of lungs? To have your very essence be warmed? To provide such sustenance that allows someone to continue living off of the oxygen you hold? It must be as exhausting as it is comforting. A routine as key to a continued survival as it is thankless. Nearly every breath taken is taken for granted, provided that someone isn’t in a state of asphyxiation.

Lampert shoves the train of thought out of his mind- placing a large dab of the clear sanitizer and rubbing it between his hands, wiping the excess onto his lampshade while thinking to himself ‘No, stop that’.

It’s absurd, almost- the amount of restraint Lampert held when it came to Kasper. Normal people didn’t think about their friends like that… and yet.

He grazed his hand along where Kasper had kissed him.

No- no… that would be asking for too much. He’s just a lamp. He’s just a lamp.

He couldn’t tell how long it had been until Kasper had begun to stir awake again, but he found himself waking up as well when Kasper reached over and yanked the pull chain of the lamp on his bedside table. Kasper gasped at Lampert with a startled look, eyes wide- though this was a common enough circumstance for Lampert to just be standing there in his room as Kasper slept.

“Dude-” Kasper inhaled sharply “you could have at least called me to let me know you were here!” He spoke through a raspy morning voice. “I’da woke up!”

Lampert smiled, “yeah whatever man, I brought breakfast. Or lunch. Or whatever you want to call it.” He lifted up his bag, “It’s just some meatballs and stuff from Rokea, nothing special.”

“Yo momma meatball.” Kasper grumbled (knowing full well he was talking to the guy who had two dads made out of completely inanimate material) as he flung the blanket off of himself.

Lampert quickly averted his eyes the moment they made contact with Kasper’s bare chest, his lightbulb flickering as soon as he realized he didn’t have a shirt. He heard Kasper stifle a laugh as he got up, opening a drawer to pull on a layered shirt. Long sleeves as usual. “Shut up” Lampert hissed, crossing his arms as he faced the other way, more drawers opening and shutting as Kasper presumably continued to get changed behind him.

Kasper tapped Lampert’s shoulder when he finished, “you done being nervous?” He asked teasingly, waiting for Lampert to turn back around.

“Oh?! Says the guy who kissed me and ran away about it- what was that about?” Lampert huffed, watching as Kasper’s face turned red.

“L-listen…”

“Nah dude, we’re gonna sit, we are gonna eat, and we are gonna talk about your problems because I am tired of you just dancing around your issues.” His tone comes off more confrontational than it's intended to be, watching as Kasper backs up from his intimidation. Lampert promptly sits on the middle of the floor, opening his bag to reveal the two (slightly cold) takeout containers and setting them in front of him. “Get down here.”

Kasper blinks rapidly, “can I at least get a drink…?” To which Lampert pulls out a bottle of water and a can of bloxy cola. He sighs, and takes a seat across from Lampert.

Lampert looks Kasper in the eyes, his gaze a little harsh. “Look Kas, you wanna get better, right?” To which he nods sheepishly. “Then you have to talk to me.” Lampert explains. “I don’t care if you love me like that- well… obviously I do care, but you are my best friend, first and foremost.”

“Lampert I…”

“Hey- let me finish, just focus on eating.” Lampert pauses him. “I don’t think you know how hard it is, having to watch you not take care of yourself, Kas. When I offer to help you, and I can help you- it’s hardly an issue, then you deny me at every turn until I basically force you to let me help you. Not talking about it isn’t going to make this go away, you know that?”

Kasper nods, swallowing his food before speaking up again. “Lampert, I legitimately do not know if I am allowed to talk about it.” He says, watching as Lampert’s gaze barely shifts away from his face, only reading a twinge of frustration. “Plus, I genuinely don’t know if you can handle the information.”

“Well I want to know!” Lampert shouts unintentionally before catching himself.

Kasper looks up at him with surprise, craning his neck as he sits hunched over his food, almost guarding it with his arms. “It’s… about my job.” He finally admits.

“I didn’t know you had a job?”

“… well you’re not supposed to.”

Contemplative silence hangs between the two of them, lingering for a few minutes as the two of them eat. Lampert looks up at him from his meal, wondering “Is there anyone who’s supposed to know?”

“Only unpleasant.” He shrugs, twirling the fork between his fingers. “But uh- if I tell you, like. Just the basics of this. You promise you won’t freak out on me, right? Or uh. Go around telling anyone else?”

“I swear.”

Kasper sighs, pushing away the weight of his cosmic insignificance. “Let me… phrase this as a bunch of questions, okay?”

“Sure thing.” Lampert leans forward intently, his tail flickering with intrigue.

“Have you noticed anything… weird, about Rokea? Like you swear certain displays looked just slightly different last you saw them, or that for some reason the legs of a chair seem to be uneven, so as you pick it up to fix it, you could pull the chair out of the floor… without leaving a hole in the ground? Or leaned back onto a wall just a little too hard and without realizing you’ve ended up on the floor?”

Lampert nods, eyes flickering with subtle small realizations of things that he thought was supposed to be normal, but never openly spoke of.

“Or you’re on the regretevator, and you’re about to fall to your death but you manage to cling to the wall and suddenly… you’re standing with your feet firmly planted? Or you get impaled by a spike and instead of dying you seem to be completely unharmed? Or you’re forced to play one of those game floors and you phase partially through the solid floor instead of falling as it disappears? Or that suddenly you see so much more detail in the environment around you that you never noticed before?”

“I thought… that I was going insane…”

“No, you aren’t.” Kasper says quietly, reaching out and taking Lampert’s hand in his. His brow furrows as he averts his gaze. “I’m the one who is in charge of fixing all of that.”

“Wow… so you’re like… in charge of everyone’s life then?” Lampert asks, his motor whirring as he tries to process the implications.

Kasper clicks his tongue, sighing before telling him “no- well… yes, But it’s more like I’m in charge of making sure everyone dies correctly.” He says. “And walks correctly, and talks with the right people in the right way, and makes everything look the way it should…” he trails off. “It… doesn’t feel right having people even try to know. It’s…”

“It’s a burden, isn’t it?” Lampert sits silently again, squeezing his hand a little tighter. Now he understood why Kasper struggled with this underlying sense of futility in everything he did. “Have… you ever had to fix me? Like in the way you would fix something else like that?”

Kasper looks at him, and closes his takeout box, placing the fork inside and moving it away from himself. “Well, things involving you.” He says, “I’m not really allowed to fix you directly.” When Lampert does the same, Kasper moves in closer to Lampert. “Besides… I wouldn’t wanna fix you anyway.”

Lampert’s face lights up as Kasper grabs his other hand and just holds it. Kasper moves quickly to shut off the smaller lamp on his dresser, allowing Lampert to illuminate the room himself.

Kasper continues, “I’m scared cause like… what if I make a mistake and end up hurting so many people? Not even a what if- I have by accident. Several times… and none of them remember or even realize that it’s my fault… I’m scared it’ll all suddenly be permanent.”

“Have you hurt me before?” Lampert asks.

Kasper doesn’t want to answer.

Lampert wraps his arms around Kasper’s chest, pulling him in and resting his head on his shoulder. “I’m not gonna be mad, Kas.”

“I care about you Lampert, but…”

“So you feel guilty, then?”

Kasper nods, sniffling as he buries his face into Lampert’s sweater.

“You’re just doing your job, listen to me. I’m here… I’m here and I’m fine.”

“I just… it’s so scary and I’m scared I’m gonna keep fucking up, and I’d… I’d rather just…” Kasper’s voice begins to tremble, and Lampert quietly strokes his hair with one hand, using the other to grab a wipe from his bag to place between himself and Kasper’s nose, preemptively holding it to his face before snot begins to rain down onto his sweater. Kasper takes the tissue and rubs it against his face, discarding it off to the side.

“…Is it bad that I want to remove myself from this entirely?” He asks, almost as if he was trying to get some kind of permission from Lampert as he lifted his face, looking into the warm light emanating from his lampshade.

Lampert frowns, “Like- quitting your job?”

Silence from Kasper.

“Like… like quitting your job, right?” He asks again, more panic seeping into his voice. Kasper just slumps against him now, digging his fingers into the knit of the sweater. “Kasper- Kasper please I need you to elaborate, I need you to explain, I need you to tell me. Just…”

Lampert pauses, wrapping his arms even tighter around Kasper now. His own metal fingers pushing into Kasper’s sides. “…Don’t remove yourself from me.” he begs, pulling him even closer still, letting his lampshade rest on top of Kasper’s head. Hoping with everything in him that through the glow he surrounded him with, he would be able to feel even just a fraction of the comfort that he wanted Kasper to experience. Hoping that his hope alone could somehow manifest physically, and make him feel just a little more okay. Hoping that maybe… he could absorb that pain into himself, and hold that burden, splitting between themselves, so that Kasper’s life would hurt a little less. He could handle it, his body isn’t living- his body could just be discarded if it couldn’t handle the pain. Kasper’s wasn’t. Kasper-

“I don’t think you understand the implications of what I mean, Lampert.” Kasper sighed, just allowing Lampert to move him as he continued to rest against him, at this point no longer caring about the fact that Lampert was holding him like this- he just needed to be held. He could literally feel Lampert getting warmer the second he used his name. If Lampert wasn’t so hopelessly in love with Kasper, he figured that this information would have certainly come to his lips so much easier.

“I want to.” said Lampert, who was resolute in his desire to help him.

Kasper felt as his throat squeezed closed with anxiety, a tear trickling down his face as he tried to muster his voice to speak once more.

What the fuck, it’s not like Lampert was going to remember this anyway. At least for as long as Kasper had a say about it.

He’ll worry about that later.

Lampert wiped away the tear from Kasper’s cheek, gently allowing his hand to rest on the side of the young man’s face. His soft squishy skin melted into the touch, holding still as Lampert leaned in and kissed the opposite cheek. (The best he could, anyway, he did have a lampshade for a face after all.) Kasper sobbed even harder, now, attempting to choke up the words.

Lampert should never have to remember things like this. It’s for his own good.

“This isn’t real.” Kasper whispers between sobbing gasps for air. “None of this will ever be real.” It’s vague, but honest. Lampert might as well have never kissed him, or even be here with him right now, but that’s not the notion he’s trying to drive home currently. “It’s… it’s all this stupid fucking elevator. That’s all it’ll ever be.”

He waits for Lampert’s question of ‘what do you mean?’, but it never comes. Instead he shifts slightly, giving himself room to look Kasper in the eye. He seems more contemplative, casting his gaze a way for a few seconds before telling him “I know what you’re talking about.”

Kasper feels his heart drop in his chest when Lampert says this, twisting, aching, wondering- how long could he have known? How long has he been failing for? Why didn’t Lampert tell him sooner? Lampert clearly notices his expression trembling with guilt and fear, and moves him back into his arms, motor whirring as he realized he had to explain something as well.

“There’s this thing I do,” he starts, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “You know when I choose a new lamp to inhabit It just looks like a flash of light? And how that light is uh… that’s my ‘me’?” He states, feeling awkward in his wording. “Well sometimes I just… walk around like that. Usually when I feel overwhelmed by everything surrounding me and having to feel things, or when I… I want to be close to something, but am too scared to touch it...”

“…Then I can move through walls, and the floor, and just… I keep walking. Sometimes I go, and I go, and inevitably the world loops back round before you even know it. Except obviously it’s not the world, all it is, is just a single set of a few rooms with a bunch of random objects sitting around outside of it. That's all it is...”

“…Is that what you mean?”

Kasper nods. “Yeah. Yeah that’s what I mean.” Close enough to it, anyway.

The silence between them is more comfortable now at least, as Lampert leans against the side of Kasper’s bed, stroking his hair gently as Kasper lay against Lampert’s chest, still crying- but not fighting it anymore at the very least. Kasper would occasionally move to blow his nose, Lampert not necessarily bothered by the building pile of tissue at their side. This was more important. He feels Kasper’s body relax in his arms, and kisses him again on the top of his head. It just… held right to do, he supposed. Only to be surprised when Kasper moved upwards, kissing Lampert on the lampshade for a few seconds before handing Lampert a hand wipe, just in case, but still making Lampert smile and glow bashfully. Kasper then returned to his resting spot right on Lampert’s chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

He keeps his head firmly planted where it currently is, and doesn't move as he speaks. “I- umm… I just want you to know… that I didn’t want to tell you cause I thought you’d be worried, or that it would upset you.”

“Yeah?”

“…And that I do love you? Right? It’s just that… ya know- with the position I’m in…”

“It’s hard to justify?”

“Yeah, like… Like ethically.”

“…”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know… I just… hate how that’s the answer.

For a long time, the two of them just stayed sitting there like that, Kasper unsure if he would, or even could ever get to kiss him again.

It was midnight, and Kasper sat on the edge of the bed as Lampert slept soundly. It had taken hours of back and forth conversation between the two of them to get Kasper to calm down, but those hours were long enough to prevent Lampert from returning to Rokea. Kasper suggested what he knew to do best, and offered that Lampert might as well stay the night- to which he almost immediately got to work changing and washing Kasper’s bedsheets completely unprompted.

Kasper sat there, watching him briefly as he lay on his side in complete stillness, the only indication of life being the occasional dull flickering of his bulb accompanying brief bouts of mumbling in his dreams. He thought about all the times that Lampert would just stand there, doing this to him as well. There was something to be said about that amount of focus that Kasper simply did not possess for himself. It’s not that he wasn’t comfortable sleeping next to Lampert. In fact, it was really the opposite. It just felt right, as he laid there having the most peaceful sleep he felt he had in weeks. Unfortunately for him, what felt good and right wasn’t necessarily what he felt was deserved in many cases. So he stood up, leaving the room and Lampert. There was work that needed to be done tonight.

It’s another night spent sitting at that stupid, slow ass, ancient hunk of junk that was his PC. Though tonight it’s not necessarily combined with thoughts of self destruction as was typical. It seemed tonight that Kasper would trail away from his work, consumed by thoughts of Lampert. He wanted to go back to bed, and nudge Lampert awake until he was just conscious enough to shift into a position where Kasper could hold onto him, and let the heat from his robotic frame seep into his chest. That wouldn’t be fair for either of them, though.

A new email notification popped up about five minutes after Kasper booted up his computer, headliner reading “0p3n Mii : D!!!”

Yeah, no. He deleted that. He didn’t need some stupid junkmail clogging up his inbox right now. Much like Lampert was clogging up his stupid brain. He had to wonder, why hadn’t Lampert told him he could traverse through no-bounds before? That idea alone made him heavily consider not just going into the game’s autosave and just… deleting the last few hours worth of safe data from the entire world, leaving the only evidence to be his own memory that he had done it. Obviously he’d never tell Lampert that he could even do something like that, and if he did, he’d delete that too.

But this no-bounds thing… that would actually help Kasper with his job, funnily enough. Assuming Lampert wanted to help, that is. That would save Kasper having to “force a reset” on himself more than he would ever usually need to, especially having someone who could look beyond the confines of their small world and tell him exactly what he needed to fix. He could get so much done- maybe his dad would finally…

… would Builderman even care?

Kasper sat as he blankly stared at the unopened files, another pop-up for an email titled “0p3n Mii!!! :)” which he once again promptly deleted fifteen minutes after the first one.

Sighing, Kasper thought to himself that no- it couldn’t just be as simple as having Lampert do all that. After all, Lampert didn’t even know he had a job prior to today. Not only that- Lampert had work, and responsibilities of his own to take care of back in Rokea.

Kasper opened his browser the second after a third email showed up in his inbox, taking a sticky note and jotting down the web domain of the website he found earlier: “ScarieztPrankzNHaxxerz.com” figuring that might have been the source of those stupid emails, and promptly blocking it. He’d investigate further, in his own free time tomorrow probably, if he didn’t forget.

Whatever, man. Trying to delete himself was probably a idiotic thing to do, anyway.

Kasper reopened his email, figuring that he might as well just check and see if he had received any bug reports since last he checked. Feeling his stomach lurch when he saw over 50 new notifications.

“0p3n Mii!!! XD”

[joshthebugguy]

Bug Man Pest Controls: Home | Josh The Bug Guy

Bug Man Pest Control is a family owned and operated family business with over 40 years of technical expertise in pest management.

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[localbugguy]

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Suggested Post: Preserving Harmony: LOCAL Bug Guy's Quest for Pest-Free Living in Temecula and Beyond

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[blorbocedes]

BROCEDES! ROOMMATE AU + UNEXPECTED VIRGIN!

‘Take a shot if your body count is more than 5!’

Most of the crowd drinks, even those with obviously shifty eyes and guilty demeanours. Lewis drinks.

He was coursemates with Adrian the previous semester and had to hear his bitching and moaning about the bitches he gets – the lack thereof, spots him drinking too. Nico’s standing at the end of the couch, expensive loafers careful to step around the sticky spilled beer.

He nurses his red solo cup, untouched. Lewis frowns.

‘Take a shot if your body count is double digits!’

Fewer people drink this time. The crowd goes ‘ooh’ at the ones who do. Technically, Lewis’ is 7 – 8 if you count the blowjob and her getting her period at the last second, opting out. But college athletes have a reputation to maintain, so Lewis finishes off his cup.

This time, Nico is watching him. Smiles when their eyes meet and does a mock salute, lips still not grazing his drink.

What the fuck? What could it be? It bothers Lewis that Nico’s not being honest. He's seen Nico half-lidded hanging off some guy’s arm at a party or cuddled into some girl to know better. Although, since Nico has access to all the population instead of 50%, it would make sense if his count is twice as high.

A pretty girl in a low cut top and blonde highlights taps Lewis on the arm to dance with her, and all thoughts of his roommate and how many people he fucks are forgotten.

A few hours later, the party has died down. Cold pizza and the music is less in-your-face, more indie. A small group gather on the floor playing the laziest truth or dare with a half empty bottle of Bacardi. The guy beside Nico is in an obnoxious leather jacket and tight pants, and his hand rests on Nico’s thigh.

It falls on Lewis.

“So… Lew-iss,” Natalie? maybe asks, voice slurring a little. “Do you remember when you first met Nico?”

Nico raises an interested eyebrow. Of course he remembers. However, Lewis is aware they asked the question because people think him and Nico are secretly hooking up because they live together, and since Nico’s seen with everyone. His teammate Felipe and his girlfriend are within earshot.

“Nah, man. I don't remember shit like that. I remember when I like, lost my virginity.” Lewis offers as bait.

Nico frowns, it's cute on him. Brows wrinkled up.

Naomi(!) bites. “Tell us about how you lost your virginity.”

“That's two questions.” Lewis leans back, flashing his most charming gap-toothed smile. Everyone's too drunk to keep track of whose turn it is.

Nico disappears off with Mr. Skinny Jeans.

It's a little while later when Lewis has smoked a spliff to clear his head, rejecting the blonde highlights girl’s offer back to her dorms which is on the other side of campus, when Nico returns, hair mussed and shirt buttoned more than it was when he left.

“Home?” He asks. Lewis follows.

Nico’s a pretty chill roommate. He grew up with a silver spoon and an only child, so he has no concept of sharing. Instead, when he orders Thai, he makes sure to order for two so that Lewis doesn't try to eat any of his dumplings. Lewis gets to have the flat to himself a lot since Nico disappears for the night, returns at early hours of the night with glitter on his cheek or bite marks on his neck and a cheeky smile before collapsing on the couch. Lewis can't complain, it makes bringing girls over easier. And when Nico is studying, he keeps to himself. Lewis will know, because there will be an extra coffee for him. In turn, Lewis gets rids of the bugs in the flat – the first time Nico seeing a cockroach asking if they should call pest control or sue their landlord for unhygienic living conditions.

“Why didn't you drink? At the body count question?” Lewis asks, breaking the amiable silence of their walk home, and the lack of filter signalling he was drunker than he thought.

Nico hums thoughtfully. “Cause that would be a lie?”

Lewis tries to make sense of that, doing math in his head. “No…? It wasn't about the exact number, just if it's more than.”

“Yeah,” Nico smiles, unlocking the door and stepping side. “That would be a lie.”

Lewis rolls his eyes. Nico and his riddles and his games. “It would only be a lie if you're a virgin. Which you're not.” He snorts at the thought.

Nico’s eyes flash dangerously. “Yeah?” Nico turns around, effectively trapping Lewis between the door. “You think about who gets in my pants a lot, Hamilton?”

Lewis feels a flush rise in his neck. Thank god for melanin, if he were Nico he'd have two giant red spots on his cheek right now.

“I don't care who you sleep with. Or don't sleep with.” Lewis tries to go for gruff, chill, but it doesn't quite land. He gets out of Nico’s cornering, going to the couch. “It's just weird you’d lie considering Jenson–”

“Oh if Jenson said it, it must be true.” Nico’s sarcasm is shrill and annoyed, betraying how drunk he is.

It does make Lewis pause. Jenson has a habit of embellishing stories of his conquests. The fated twins threesome never happened, he had separately hooked up with twins. Lewis remembers Jenson bragging in the locker room how he rocked Britney’s world and Lewis had worn his his shin guards with a little more force than necessary.

“Rock my world?” Nico rolls his eyes, leaning against the wall. “Hardly. We made out for forty minutes until he came in his pants.”

TMI because now Lewis is inundated of images of Nico, mouth swollen and bodies entangled while fully clothed.

“So you're actually a virgin? What about all those people?” Lewis is still trying to wrap his head around it. Nico is the most sexual person he knows. He eats yoghurt off the spoon distractingly, and has no shame walking around the apartment naked. Very sexual liberation chic, and Lewis had to draw up boxers boundaries.

Nico wrinkles his nose. “So you get with the easiest lay on campus and you're the only person he won't fuck. Do you want to admit something's weird and wrong with you, or do you just go about inferring you had sex? It's not like I'm going to correct them.” He must see something on Lewis’ face because he interjects, defensively offensive, “Don't ask why it's better to have a reputation. I know your tells. You drank twice.”

Lewis chooses his words carefully, gentle like he's not trying to spook a wild cat. “I'm not judging. I'm just surprised. Nobody figured it out?”

Nico softens at the tone. He sinks on the couch beside Lewis. “Honestly, you're the first person to notice.”

Lewis finds that sad. “Hey, we don't need to talk about this if it's a sensitive topic. I'm sorry I –”

“Jeez, Lewis. I don't have trauma, I'm just frigid. A pricktease. Nothing bad ever happens to a Rosberg.” Nico works on the complicated laces of his boots. He hates being pitied.

Lewis leans over. “It's really not all that cracked up to be. The first time, at least. Cause you're bad at it and you don't know how to pace yourself. Lots of people wait until they're ready. My first time, it was this girl I was seeing after GCSEs. We couldn't find a place so we got in my dad’s old Subaru. Lasted like 30 seconds. Wiped the whole place down but I was convinced he would know somehow. Come Sunday, I went and told him. He hadn’t the slightest clue. So that was an awkward drive to church.”

Nico gawks him, crumpling into himself laughing. Lewis regrets being a vulnerable and oversharer of a drunk. Nico’s gelled hair has come undone from hours of partying and falls over his eyes. Lewis is never going to open up to anyone ever again.

“On God's day, Lewis?! And you think I should save myself until marriage? Find myself a nice, righteous wife?”

“Someone you trust. Someone you're into.” The room spins a little. Nico Rosberg is a virgin.

“Someone who’d remember when we first met?” Nico challenges. "That's not very nice, is it? I can't believe you forgot--"

“You were checking out an encyclopaedia on space at the library. I wanted the Senna autobiography. We were 12.”

Nico’s eyes go wide. Lewis holds his gaze.

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

JOHN: why do they always show cranberries in those big pits and it's implied it's wet and possibly swimmable. do cranberries really grow like that. what.

ROSE: You've never heard of The Bog?

JOHN: th. the what?

ROSE: Hm. I forget some people don't understand New England.

JOHN: each additional comment you add makes my blood run cold.

ROSE: Well, then, yes, cranberries grow in large clumps called bogs. Once they're ripe, the bog is flooded and the cranberries are harvested, basically by using big floating nets to round them all up and scooping them out of the water.

JOHN: ok thank you. i hate it a little less. the horrible little man in my head is still screaming "BOG BODY BOG BODY BOG BODY", but i appreciate the education.

ROSE: Additionally, you don't just flood the bog and then go around it in a boat, or whatever. No, you use hip waders to get in there and put the big floating nets where they go and get all the berries and such.

ROSE: And many cranberry farms opt for organic or sustainable pest control methods, one of which is encouraging wolf spiders to live in the cranberry field and eat the bugs to keep insect damage down.

JOHN: wait.

ROSE: And, well, when you're in the bog in hip waders, that makes you the tallest thing. Wolf spiders can swim a bit, but they don't like it, so they are, quite understandably, looking to climb out of the water onto a tall thing. So you will probably have, like, a hundred wolf spiders trying to climb your eyebrows. You have to be chill, though, because the spiders are also employees.

ROSE: If you ever want to go wading in a cranberry bog, just make sure you're cool with spiders.

JOHN: ...i want you to know, really truly know, that "make sure you're cool with spiders" is not a specific enough statement for that situation.

[aoioozora]

Sharing an umbrella with the Ghosts

I shared an umbrella with my boyfriend the other day and I can't help but wonder what the Ghosts would do if you told them you forgot your umbrella and had to share one with them.

Logan Walker:

He owns only one umbrella, and it's a small one, but he shows up anyway

When you get under it, he makes sure to tilt the umbrella more to your side so that your shoulder wouldn't get wet

He eventually gets his shoulder so wet that he goes, "Fuck it we ball," and hands you the umbrella and just begins frolicking in the rain like he's in a Bollywood movie

"Aren't you cold?" "Hell no! I love this!"

Comes back home sneezing and drenched, but not regretting it.

David 'Hesh' Walker:

He takes the only one he has (which is also Logan's) and comes to get you.

When you get under the umbrella, he puts his arm around you and pulls you close to him to keep both of you from getting wet.

"It's so cold, isn't it?" he quips, chuckling. He's definitely not holding you close because he feels cold.

Both of you chat while you walk and it's smooth sailing; both of you are mostly dry when you reach.

He secretly hopes you'll forget your umbrella the next time so he can do this again.

Elias 'Scarecrow' Walker:

He shows up in a CAR.

And he's annoyed that you forgot to take an umbrella with you.

"I told you countless times to take an umbrella when you go out. It's been raining cats and dogs lately!" he scolds you and shakes his head as soon as you sit in the car and strap on the seatbelt.

And when you apologise, he sighs and then proceeds to pat your head and your face to see if you're cold, and when he does, he turns up the car heater and begins driving.

A car is technically an umbrella, right?

Thomas Merrick:

He smartly owns more than one umbrella and brings one along for you to use.

He gives you a very girly looking umbrella, which you are not sure why such a manly man like him owns, but umbrella is umbrella so you use it anyway

Until you find that there's a small hole in the fabric. You inform him of it and he frowns, realising that it could've been gnawed off by pesky bugs after being inside the storeroom for too long. "Need to call pest control," he mutters under his breath.

When you tell him you can manage with the hole since it's just a minor thing, he refuses point blank. "Come here," he gruffly beckons you under his umbrella.

He takes the girly umbrella and holds it for you, not wanting you to carry a burden in addition to your bag.

He lets you hold on to his arm while you walk so you can keep up with him and not stumble (he may or may not have flexed his bicep as you did)

It's a comfortable and quiet walk back.

Keegan Russ:

He also owns only one umbrella, but it's a big one

When you get under the umbrella, he shakes his head and gives you a playful knock on your forehead with his knuckles.

"I'm not doing this again, you hear me?" he chides.

He then shoves his hand in his pocket as both of you walk. When he sees that you're getting a little wet, he holds the umbrella in his other hand and then proceeds to put his arm around your shoulder, keeping you close to his side.

"Getting wet even under the umbrella, just what I would expect of you," he complains, but his voice is affectionate. You roll your eyes. "That's not my fault. You're not holding the umbrella properly." It becomes a bicker-banter fest from there.

He'd do this again. A hundred times.

Kick:

He has more than one umbrella, but deliberately comes with only one.

"I can't believe you forgot your umbrella. Is this a ploy to share one with me?" he asks jokingly. "Yes." you answer. "Oh." He didn't expect that.

Both of you begin walking together, and he appears to be a bit jumpy.

"What's wrong?" you ask. "I kinda want to play in the rain." he replies.

And just like Logan, he hands you the umbrella and goes frolicking while you walk alongside him, watching and smiling.

Your smiles are short-lived when he does the opposite of keeping you dry by kicking water at you from the puddles.

By the time both of you are back home, both of you are far from dry and just cold, wet, and miserable.

"That was fun. We should do it again!" "NO!"

You enjoyed it anyway.

Alex 'Ajax' Johnson:

He's got a variety of umbrellas, but he brings a big one.

"Let me carry those for you," he says, pointing to your bags. "Oh no, it's alright, you don't have to," you say, but he insists and you give him some of your bags. "Come on, give me all of them," he presses. "Why?" "My mama raised a gentleman and I'm not letting a lady carry heavy bags in my presence." You relent, but question him, "But then how are you gonna hold the umbrella?" "Oh." He then gives you a sheepish grin. "Will you hold it?"

You end up holding the umbrella up for both of you, but you don't mind it at all. He is happily carrying the heavier burdens for you.

The walk back has you secretly admiring his strength.

Riley:

The sweet little boy comes dressed in a cute yellow raincoat, holding an umbrella in his mouth.

He's a smart dog! He knows his way around and is well-trained enough to be focused on his mission.

When he delivers the umbrella to you, he happily trots by your side while you hold his leash, offering you his scary dog privileges.

[monstersdownthepath]

Monster Spotlight: Thin Men

CR 4

Chaotic Neutral Medium Fey

The Inner Sea Bestiary, pg. 52

These uncanny Fey stalk through the cane fields of the Island of Nuat off the coast of Rahadoum, so good at masking their own presence that they’re widely believed to be myths... up until a farmer goes missing with no explanation. Though capable of subsisting on a diet of root vegetables, insect grubs, and whatever vermin they can catch, Thin Men sometimes hunger for a grander fare, stalking and killing livestock, pets... and even whole humans for sustenance. Despite this horrid habit and their ghoulish appearance, though, they do not perform these acts with any malevolence, and in most cases avoid killing humans unless they’re starving. Many of the fatalities owed to them are because of an unfortunate fairy quirk: Thin Men, like many Fey who’ve grown alongside mankind, seem to have an irresistible compulsion to try and remain hidden and out of sight, though unlike kinder House Spirits and Brownies who simply abandon their homes if acknowledged too much, Thin Men respond to people looking at them for too long with startling hostility.

And, well, when the deed is already done, it’d be a waste to just leave this meat laying around, wouldn’t it?

For most citizens living alongside Thin Men, though, they do not have to worry about accidentally offending their homicidal neighbors. These fey are very, very good at staying hidden, spending hours of their days underground hunting for the bugs, roots, and vermin they normally subsist on, their intimidating claws actually for burrowing rather than attacking, and they can tunnel easily through 20ft of earth a round. They’re actually almost entirely boneless, their skeleton formed of sections of incredibly flexible cartilage and further aided by a surplus of joints throughout their body, allowing them to cram themselves into spaces that would normally only allow rabbits (which are likely rare and prized treats for them). They’re not dedicated subterranean hunters, though, lacking any senses which would allow them to track prey through the soil and instead relying on above-ground evidence of food and then digging downwards.

Even when not slithering underground Thin Men are hard to see. They have a +17 to Stealth and move stealthily at every opportunity, but in their natural habitat among the cane fields, they’re effectively impossible to spot as their Stealth shoots all the way up to +25, their instincts causing them to unconsciously sway their bodies with the cane as it moves and dart into the shadows cast by the plants. Even in cane farms this instinct carries them well, with many farmers unknowingly harboring entire colonies of Thin Men among their crops, never quite realizing why they feel watched every time they’re out and about. Since they were on the isle of Nuat first, most farmers can shrug off the feeling and learn to silently thank the fey for their work in keeping pests from nibbling at their crops, but ‘silently’ is the operative word here. Never acknowledge them, lest you draw their wrath.

An offended or starving Thin Man, or one who was caught out of their stealth, attacks swiftly and violently with a Claw-Claw-Bite. Their bite deals 1d6+4 damage, and their dirt-crusted claws 1d4+4, but those claws leave gaping wounds in their wake which deal 1d4 bleed damage a round every round until the victim receives some healing. Despite being Medium, a Thin Man’s extreme flexibility allows it a 10ft reach with its claw attacks, allowing them to control wider swaths of their home fields and attack viciously without harming the plants they hide among. Though the prospect of them appearing from seemingly nowhere to attack is scary enough, the idea of one simply lashing out with a claw in retribution before returning to hiding is just as bad; a victim might not even realize what they saw, thinking it some sharpened branch or similar which stuck them, stumbling helplessly through endless fields of cane as they slowly succumb to bloodloss, never knowing if they’re going to be found as the wind blows through the cane again and reveals a half-dozen stalks that don’t bend in any direction but towards their body as they slowly lose consciousness.

Spooky stuff! And it’s easy to make players paranoid of these creatures with one simple trick: Their ability to Vanish into thin air once per day. As a move action while benefiting from any level of concealment, a Thin Man can seemingly fade from sight by contorting its body into the blind spots of any creature looking towards them. This isn’t invisibility, it’s better, as the Thin Men gain a flat +20 to Stealth checks (for a total of +37 outside cane fields and +45 within them) and can hide in plain sight for up to seven rounds. Whereas normal invisibility can be thwarted by solutions magical and mundane, the Thin Man’s Vanish cannot be beaten by anything but an astronomical Perception check, the effect only breaking if the fey directly attacks another creature. Otherwise, the Thin Man is essentially gone, an effect which may trick players into believing the creatures can teleport as soon as they’re out of sight.

With their burrowing prowess, high Stealth, and ability to simply choose not to be seen once a day, the Thin Men are excellent tools for instilling paranoia on players venturing out into the wilderness to get rid of what they believe may be a simple quest objective. Though Thin Men go down easily once cornered (their sole immunity is to poison, and their AC and HP are merely okay), just killing one doesn’t mean their threat is over. There is, after all, a non-insignificant chance that the Thin Men presented here represent the least skilled and most reckless of their kind, while the rest sit invisibly in the old cane fields, impossible to ever see. There’s a very real possibility that the Thin Men of Nuat are the only ones that have been conclusively proven to exist, that there may be others adapted to different conditions and imitating different plants--reeds, wheat, corn, even the thin saplings in the forests around every settlement--that have gone undiscovered. 

There’s a chance that Thin Men might be everywhere.

You can read more about them here.