#Breaking someone's heart again

[laurrelise]

my card declined in therapy so they reminded me that delores probably has qualities of each of five’s siblings because he imagined her entire personality out of desperation for human contact and all he ever knew before he disappeared was the academy

delores has luther’s loyalty. she absolutely has diego’s stubbornness. she’s definitely got allison’s determination and klaus’ spontaneity. she has ben’s kind-heartedness and viktor’s passion.

i can’t imagine seeing each of his siblings again and being reminded of the only soul he had through the hardest part of his life in each and every way they act.

[s30620]

Chapter 113: Wreck 'Em

I loved seeing all the memories flooding Okarun's mind as Momo got swiped and disappeared. So many sweet, silly, heart-pounding moments they have shared together 🥹

I also loved that Momo's observance and recall to what she learned previously helped her know exactly what to do. The theory that Momo is an alien or some special being is making more sense every day. I wonder what other dimensions Momo can reach?

[lostreverb]

SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS / HEADCANONS ABOUT MAX COOPERMAN

just realized that aside from jake, most of max's relationships with people were either superficial or transactional which he probably just thought was normal growing up as a rich kid who was a "loser" learning that ppl only liked him when he had something to give them.

of course, when he was younger everyone loved to go to his birthday parties b/c his parents were loaded and they always planned something extravagant to try and make up for the fact they were never really around but, as he got older his parents stopped really caring to put on those parties. after that, no one bothered to give max any attention or befriend him unless they saw his wealth as something useful, or just brought him around so he could be the butt of the joke. and the second they got what they wanted from him they discarded him. being the kind-hearted and naive boy he is, he doesn't really fully grasp it until after ryan beats him to a pulp. he brushes off what happens but it honestly profoundly affects him from then on.

he thought ryan was a friend but turns out he was just being taken advantage of, his parents didn't care to come see him in the hospital despite how serious his condition was, and jake, the only genuine friend he ever had, ends up leaving (prolly bc college) and max later refers to him in passing as "a guy i brought up back in the day" which hints that they likely don't talk anymore.

so college starts. a fresh slate. max guards himself with this macho (with a very small hint of being an asshole) persona. he's got a leadership position as the RA of his floor, got two nerdy "friends" that are very reminiscent of ryan and his guys (remember when they snicker along with him at mike?), and a semi-famous reputation online. he loses weight the summer before college and decides to stop fighting (probably caused by the trauma from ryan) but we see he uses hand grips so even he definitely wants to keep himself strong for his physique and to protect himself. though max is still fairly lean which is likely an insecurity for him. the last thing he ever wants to be seen as is a dork.

let's not even talk about how being conditioned like this affects his views on women and relationships. first off in highschool he only gets attention from baja's friends b/c of his association with jake, then in college he gets all this attention because he's "attractive" now and has this cool car, dorm and fame due to the fighting videos + promotions. he's (mostly) only ever made out with drunk women at parties or events that just throw themselves at him but it never goes further than that.

he likely has made himself believe that he should think of women as prizes (again as awful as ryan was max kind of molds his new self with his influences subconsciously. he had the kind of attention, the girls, the intimidation factor max aspires to have), but if a girl were to ever genuinely like him it would fry his brain. he wouldn't understand the idea of someone wanting to spend time with him, even if he wasn't really doing anything. to intently listen to him and partake in his interests. or how much happier you'd look after just going on a walk around campus with him vs. when he bought you jewelry or flowers.

it left him with a feeling he only experienced once before when jake saved him, and went after ryan.

it just clicks for him like-

oh. this is how it feels to be genuinely cared for.

it's not soon after he realizes that you tell him you love him for the first time, while cuddling in bed (he's sure his mother used to say it to him when he was younger but he honestly can't really remember anymore-- the most communication he has with his parents now is the deposits into his bank account).

once the door closes, and you've left for your classes.. he feels the lingering heat of your lips, your words echoing in his head and the way you looked at him...

and he cries.

[aq2003]

like the important thing you must keep in mind about ten when you see him do literally anything is that he's soooooooooo so so so bad at actually isolating himself from other people. so TERMINALLY bad at it. he thinks to himself "i don't need human connection because everything i do causes pain and destruction to those around me :(" but then he experiences a crumb of human connection and his heart starts to spill out of his chest

[5a-alf]

I fear Kevin Day is the type of person whose struggle always came second. He funcioned enough that while everyone knew he wasn't alright, it was also nobody's problem, as someone else was actively having a harder time and they took precedence. He internalises all his problems and keeps going and going but he is fueled by alchool and sheer desperation a 100% of the time. If he were to stop for even a second he wouldn't know how to start again.

Did he ever, at somepoint in his life -away from the ex foxes, a pro player, married to Thea- wish he had it worse, just so that maybe it would have been his turn being saved? Being first? How badly would he feel, just one second after thinking it, because he knows damn well he has enough trauma to fill a stadium and he isn't actually jealous of his friends that had it worse, he isn't . That's a fucked up thing to think, stop it, stop it.

Would he still drink himself into a stupor to shoote the ache, to banish the thought? That's the help he got, when he was at his worst, a drink, and then two, and then a thousand. And it worked, it made him go, it picked him up when he was down, and now he can't get down without crashing.

Did he wish to be saved? Did he hope somebody, anybody, took the time and put in the effort to help him, just because they saw him down, not because he begged, but because they noticed he could use a hand. Or two, actually. Was it torment, to always be under the spotlight, yet never been seen? Did he run toward fame hoping the more eyes on him meant it would be easier to be noticed?

[blitzythefanvergentpitsterthings]

Ok but when She-Ra said

and The Owl House said

AND RWBY SAID

[fishareglorious]

i do a light chuckle once i remember hofmann and semmelweis are friends but then i remember semmelweis and marcus' suitcase interaction where they talk about her and i am once again inconsolable about this old woman's death

[queenerdloser]

i just finished dark heir

[borgialucrezia]

peaky blinders — 6x04 created by steven knight

[angelmush]

starting to feel my enjoyment of cooking seeping back in after a long period of intense burnout that had me really slogging along preparing meals with gritted teeth for a good month there. i credit the return of this spark to the much needed break i took on our 3 day vacation that resulted in us eating solely theme park food. while delicious, in all its greasy overpriced glory, i found myself missing the kitchen. so last night for dinner i made heavily spiced chicken wings with crushed peppercorns and garam masala that rendered slowly in its own fat while roasting in the oven, resulting in flavorful charred crisp skin and a really juicy bite. we picked them clean over steamed rice with lime and scallions. i also baked a loaf of marbled pumpkin and dark chocolate bread yesterday for my neighbor as a thank you for doing me a favor last week. it looked delicious. the crumb was tender and plush and velvety, the spiced ginger molasses pumpkin batter swirling alongside the bitter dark chocolate espresso batter, with puddles of dark chocolate bubbling across its top. it looked so lovely i whipped up a second one for us to have for ourselves that's in the oven now, i think it could be a really good breakfast pastry for us this week.

[marshmellowtea]

i'm a jonathan apologist in a "he was absolutely an asshole during ppgw but tbf hearing another guy say he's in love with your girlfriend live onstage in front of an audience who are also seeing you get constantly humiliated and injured would be kind of a lot so i get it and i don't think he's that bad most of the time" way. he absolutely deserved that slap from sandra though <3

[lucy-moderatz]

[starlight-artbby]

"Sugah... I-Ican't feel you"

[the-meme-monarch]

something i see a lot in books is like. capitalizing a word where it really doesn’t need to be? like for an example in Who Censored Roger Rabbit they spell toons as Toons. and i understand it’s probably supposed to make it clear that this is a deliberate Word For Something That The Author Kinda Made Up but like. to me it stands out too much. humans are just humans. a cat would still be a cat and a dog a dog. but toons are Toons. idk i think it just feels unnatural and unnecessary. if toons are natural to the world here why do you need to capitalize the T

[funkylilomen]

He was mad.

"Mad." Such a flat word to describe how he felt.

Sure. On a surface level, yes. He was mad. They had an argument. He blew up. He was definitely "mad."

But that word is so limiting. So devoid of depth. It's what Mind used to justify his cruelty. It's what Soul refused to see past. Just Heart and his little tantrums again. As if he weren't to be much more than just a nuisance to them. Something to be dismissed, swept under the rug when he got to be too undesirable for them—too far past the wanted or expected complexity they sought from him. Forced into this box, this simplified version of himself for the others' appeasement, just so he could be a catalyst for their suffering. A point to prove them to be in the right. A scapegoat.

He was mad.

It's insulting, really. He was so much more than that. His feelings were always so much deeper than that, because he is feeling. He was a cascading cacophony of pent up emotions. Not emotion. Emotions. Plural. Not singular, never singular. He could never be reduced to something as simple as one word. And yet, they had the gall to go further than that, to reduce him to nothing more than three small letters.

He was mad.

Not Mind, though. He never gets mad, does he? He only smiles and laughs. He mocks everything that Heart is, because he is the one thing that he "can't" understand. That he refuses to understand.

Oh, poor Mind. The culprit now framed the victim because he held the proof of the blue tinted stains on the carpet. Because he has the physical evidence of the scars across his body and the lead lodged in his chest to claim abuse.

Heart never got that mercy. There weren't many scars on his body—just don't mind the self-inflicted ones. None of those really "count" in their eyes. They're just a product of Heart behaving as he usually does. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing to spark concern.

He was mad.

Furious. Frustrated. Devastated. Simultaneously near tears and completely beyond them. Exhausted. So, so fucking exhausted.

How many words were cut off, cries dismissed, blood and scars ignored and brushed past, acts of self-defense twisted into unprompted hostility, all because no one else would dare to understand him past this stupid little word? He knew, even then, as he took his aim, that this would be no more than another senseless act of violence from him. Another outburst. Another argument blown out of proportion. It was to be expected from him. Because that's all he is, isn't it? Just the violent one. Just the mad one.

He was mad.

No one would question why it had gotten so bad this time, why he had been pushed to this point, why it was now, of all times, that he crossed the line. Out of every argument that they've ever had, out of every fight, why had this one—another fight just as pointless and miniscule as the rest of them—been the one to do him in?

Of course, no one would think about that. No one cared. They already had it in their heads that this is just how Heart acts, no rhyme or reason to his actions. Just pure violence for the sake of violence. Nothing would come of this. Nothing would change.

He was mad.

He knew he'd been had.

So he shot at the Sun with a gun.