#Boa is so fuckin good go listen

[randomcollection-o-stuff]

Bisexual win! Megan Thee Stallion and Orville Peck both drop music videos on the same day

[ryverbind]

Faceless Fixation (Sal Fisher): Consonance of a Tragic Villain [20]

I swallow down the panic that sears the inside of my body, flames edging closer to the corner that once protected me-- or so I thought.

But I'm none the wiser. Just when I thought I was free of today's bullshit, more slapped itself onto my figurative plate. But I can handle this, definitely. I'm a strong, independent woman and my borderline insane, naive cousin is not going to ruin everything for me.

The only person allowed to tear me down is myself.

I take a breath-- a deep, shuddering breath as an ache builds in my chest for the umpteenth time today. I'm going to be okay. And besides, me and the man before me are close enough. He'll do what I say, no questions asked. Especially if I stress how important this is to me.

I nudge the door of my apartment shut, finally completely separating myself and my cousin from The Faces. I'm alone to speak my mind in the comfort of a familiar presence without worrying about the group of people who don't know that I'm hiding huge, relationship-altering secrets from them.

Seeing my cousin again after a couple years is refreshing. It's a good distraction from all the perturbance that ails me on this hellish day.

He looks so familiar and so different all at the same time. After ditching his parents just last year, it seems my dear cousin has been working on fixing himself up. He's wearing a navy blue NYU sweater, white collar peeking out of the top. Dark khaki pants to match the whole prospective college jock thing he has going on. His dark eyes seem a bit brighter, the mocha color lightened to a sunkissed gold that reflects the excitement in his wide smile. His once horribly dyed, mustard-colored hair is now a dirty blonde that suits him terrifically. I'm happy to see that he's taking care of himself. Working and going to a top-notch college has to be hard on him, but it looks like he's prevailing. I'm incredibly proud of him.

And dammit, he's grown since I last saw him too. Maybe Larry's height, actually. I have to tilt my head back to look up at him.

"Am I getting a hug after three years or fuckin' what?" He squeaks, eye twitching lightly to exemplify his impatience.

I narrow my eyes at him. Is he for real? "First, you address me as bitch. Then you vaguely threaten me. Don't I get a 'hi' after two years?" I counteract his reasoning with some of my own.

He pinches his lips together and puts his hands on his hips, switching his weight to his left foot. "C'mon. Every time I greet you, it's with 'bitch."

I chew on the inside of my cheek, gaze trailing over him again. He's not wrong. Even on phone calls, the first word out of his mouth is 'bitch.' "Fair enough," I settle on. "You get a hug after I tell you this, okay?" I tilt my head, showing that I mean business. That I'm serious. Because if he doesn't get this, everything I've built up could fall apart before I'm ready for it to.

His brows furrow in wariness and concern. "Okay..." he murmurs, voice trailing off as he waits for me to continue.

"You absolutely, under any circumstances, must not call me by my name. I am Vi to you from here on out. Once you enter this apartment, you call me nothing else but Vi." Monotonous, serious, and straight to the point is exactly how I portray these words. I watch as my cousin nods subtly the entire time I speak, his expression adopting a look that shows his sincerity as he listens.

"Got it. No questions about the sudden name change. You're Vi," he gives me a strong nod before shutting his eyes and grinning brightly.

"Good," I sigh. I shake my head to rid myself of the agonizing fear that has gripped me like a boa constrictor for a large part of the day. "Thanks, Trav. It really means the world."

Travis snorts, standing to an upright position. "Don't mention it. You've done a lot for me, bending to your will is the least I could do."

With a simple shrug in my direction, I take that as my cue to twist the doorknob, opening it so that no one is separated any longer.

But then Travis does his Travis thing and comes barreling toward me, his arms latching around my waist and smacking the both of us into the door. The hunk of wood flies open with our weight, slamming into the wall and damn, this time I don't think I'll get away with no damage.

I hiss, giving in and just allowing Travis to wrap me up in one of his big, aggressive bear hugs that he always greets me with without fail. I pat his back with a little smile as he flings me around like a doll, the bastard.

My eyes glance over to The Faces behind Travis. They are all wide eyed and silent. Every single one of them.

Heat envelops me. Travis lived in Nockfell for a while too. I'm sure they all know each other. Ash, at least, knows that Travis and I are related. I've told her about him many times. Maybe she just... didn't know I was referring to the Travis Phelps who used to live in Nockfell.

Travis finally sets me on my feet, a big, infectious grin on his face as he instinctively walks over to my kitchen. I hope he doesn't say anything bad... he clearly has not seen the rest of the people populating my small household yet.

"So what's with the mask? You into some kinky business?" Travis asks as I follow him into the kitchen, keen on watching where he travels to.

I sigh. "Trav, can we not? Come on, give me your bags." It's a wonder how he managed to keep hold of them while body slamming me through the door.

"What?" He scoffs, a little grin taking over his face. "I haven't seen you in years because you're a fucking recluse. I need to catch up on your life and if part of your life is being some kind of BDSM mistress, then I'd like to know."

I swallow thickly. I can't believe my friends have to watch this. I turn to look at Travis who's watching me over his shoulder. "Yea?" I ask humorlessly. "And what about you? It's been years and you still always have some kind of wound." It's true. His bottom lip is busted. "What the hell happened to you?"

He shrugs, narrowing his eyes at me in a playful way. "I've been boxing the last couple months. Really helps with the anger issues."

My lips part and I stare at him like he's stupid. It's like he's addicted to pain at this point. "Well," I decide to say. "I'll be cheering for you when you join WWE I guess."

"You better," Travis chirps, dropping to his haunches and grazing through my refrigerator like he owns the place. Which, he's family. He knows he's welcome to do or take whatever. Dad and I have never minded, especially given his upbringing. "You can root for me on the sidelines. I'll just be fucking hot buff guys behind the scenes. It's a win-win."

A song suddenly comes on, one by Bullet For My Valentine. It's a heavy hitter and Travis immediately flinches at the instrumentals. I guess someone managed to figure out how to turn on the speakers my dad spent a fortune on.

"Still listening to your nasty metal music, I see," he murmurs, grabbing a container of sliced strawberries. He pulls the top off and picks up a fruit, throwing it into his mouth before his eyes meet mine. "You still making it?"

I raise an eyebrow. "No," I tell him. "Ever since dad and I moved out here, I haven't had the space or the time to do so." And not being able to play my drums hurts, even the mention of it is painful.

I guess Travis can see the change in what little of my expression he can see with the mask, that or he already knows well enough. He frowns a little, wincing. "Sorry," he says gently. "I know you liked making music. Sucks that you can't now."

I offer him a little smile. Travis had his asshole phase years ago, but he's been so kind ever since he grew up. "Thanks," I respond, chewing on my bottom lip. "It's fine. I'll figure something out."

Travis winks at me then pushes himself into a standing position. He walks out of the kitchen and past me, heading toward The Faces who are sitting in my living room. Right in front of me.

"So do you still have that hot neighbor?" My cousin asks, stopping in front of me. He pulls a strawberry out of the container and holds it up to my face, raising his eyebrows.

"Why don't you go knock on his door and find out?" I murmur, crossing my arms over my chest as I watch my... dear cousin. He always hits me with a million and one questions but he must be majorly jet-lagged to still miss the four extra heads in the room.

"Mmm, maybe later," he murmurs, shoving a strawberry into my partially opened mouth. My brows furrow in shock, but I close my lips over the fruit anyway. "Remember my high school crush though? He's, like, super famous now."

I chew on the strawberry, nearly drowning over the sweet juice that coats my tongue. I push through the ocean in my mouth and answer him though, interested by this news. "Yea," I manage, swallowing a bit of the strawberry. "The one you bullied like the cunt you are? He's famous? Good for him."

Travis scoffs and rolls his eyes dramatically. "Take the 'c' word back, hoe." He sends me a mean glare then shuts his eyes. "But yes, he does deserve it. You know," one of his dark eyes pops open, narrowed in my direction. "I made out with him."

My stomach tightens in excitement. Travis told me he'd kissed some guy years ago and he was really happy about it, but I didn't know it was the crush.

"Really?" I push out, finally finishing off the fruit he'd forced upon me. "When was this?"

"Oh," Trav waves me off. "A while back. In high school. It's actually all thanks to you-- you told me if I didn't shape up, apologize to him, and confess that I would be alone forever and you would banish me from the family. What the hell else was I supposed to do? Of course I did what you said. It was so worth it." He gives me a roguish, exhilarated grin that says the night he shared with his crush will go down in his mental history book and stay there forever. "I owe you a cake, lovely," he continues

I smile, my cheeks warming at the prospect. I'm happy Travis had his time with his crush.

"We haven't talked in God knows how long though," Travis sighs, looking off behind me like he's reminiscing. "Which it's better that way." He chews the inside of his cheek contemplatively, thick brows bunching together softly. "I still think about Bluey every once in a while, though..."

Now it's my turn to narrow my eyes at him as Bluey claws its way through my mind. "I'm sorry," I choke out, "Bluey, like the dog show, or Bluey as in blue, like a Smurf?"

Travis turns his head to me quickly and I know I hit the mark. His eyes are wide as he says, "Perfect analogy. Blue as in a Smurf." A little impressed smile works its way onto his lips. "He may as well have been a Smurf actually. Short as hell, blue hair."

This time, my stomach tightens in a different way as my brain slaps me in the face. Trying to open my damn eyes because... I only know a select few people with blue hair. I only know one famous person who has blue hair.

My eyes snap over to Sal. And, my God, he looks like he's about to explode. His neck is painted a deep scarlet and he's nervously playing with his fingers. Azure eyes saucer-sized.

I sit on that one. I sit and really contemplate it while Travis goes on and on about, fuck, about how he tasted. And how his skin felt. And his voice. He goes on like the man he's talking about isn't in the room-- because he doesn't know he's in the room. He keeps talking like he doesn't know I nearly fucked the guy who gave him his first make out sesh.

"I'm going to throw up," I murmur to myself, but Travis catches the words and frowns at me.

"Girl, I have told you worse. You've heard my NSFW stories and this makes you fold? Very ableist of you." Travis tuts at me, disappointed after probably saying something about Sal that I don't know about, especially because the ableism accusation came out of nowhere.

"No," my voice quivers as I force the words out. I've committed the ultimate betrayal. I feel sick. It doesn't matter if I never knew that Sal and Travis had a moment, I nearly had sex with him. This is.... this is bad. Really bad.

"Are you okay?" Travis asks, suddenly concerned. He walks over, rubs my arm comfortingly but it doesn't make me feel any better.

I don't have to answer him because, thankfully, Larry has broken the barrier between us all and said what I had been thinking.

"Sal!?" He coughs out, the deep baritone of his voice making Travis flinch. "What the fuck! You swapped spit with the enemy!?"

I watch Travis spin on his heels and then he jumps like a startled cat would. I can practically see all of his body hairs stand on end.

Travis turns back to me, his face the epitome of shock and betrayal. "You bitch!" He squeaks out, glancing back at Sally. "You betrayer!"

How come I never made the connection before? I had this bullshit coming. This sketchy plan was bound to blow up in my face at some point. I knew Sal was a bad idea.

"I didn't know!" I splutter out, eyes flitting back and forth between my cousin and the bluenette. Sal looks alert— eyes wide and never blinking. He's struck silent, that sad excuse of an asshole.

"You weren't supposed to invite my first kiss over," Travis yells, voice cracking while gesturing his hand to Sally behind him. "I only told you about it— how did you find him?"

My stomach drops out of my ass. Everyone's silent as confirmation of what we all feared rings throughout my living room. The only person who has any kind of reaction is Sal who slaps his hands onto his prosthetic, leaning his head onto the back of the sofa.

It's quiet for a little while longer, bile searing the back of my throat. Travis still has wide eyes, his gaze directed at Sal and an embarrassed blush flushing his cheeks.

I watch as Ash blinks, her expression beginning to morph into something both predatory and unreadable. This entire day got so much worse, right when I thought it was over too.

Have I ever said that Todd is quite literally the best at reading rooms, and the best at being the best? I owe him a lot of credit because he saves mine and everyone else's asses, even if only for a moment, by saying, "Dark Autumn Complex released a new song a couple hours ago."

My head tilts, my focus suddenly zeroed in on my friend who watches us blankly, no emotion or real reaction to the silent standoff in my living room.

But no one else cares. Larry, Ash, and Sal are having a staring contest with Travis who look beyond overwhelmed.

Todd sighs. "Travis and Sal are old news. It's not something any of you should be surprised about. Plus they clearly have been over for ages. Take the information and cry about it in bed tonight if it ails you so." I stand corrected when Travis drops that load of reality on us. If anything, he seems a little agitated. How can he be so... nonchalant with the prospect of Travis and Sal floating around us like a melody? I'm, personally, petrified to the core.

Travis shrugs nervously beside me. "He's not wrong," he murmurs bashfully, sniffing to hide his awkwardness. "I made out with him once and that was it. Gay awakening?"

Larry snorts, his eyes squeezed shut and tears building at the corners. I can't quite tell if he's laughing or wailing.

I crack a little smile. Larry's comedic relief, whether his tears are positive or negative, and Todd's direct approach make the situation not as serious as it originally seemed. Sal is still sitting pin straight on my couch like a scarecrow hung up in a corn field. He couldn't be more displaced with this turn of events. I bet he's cursing me and my family in his head right now. If anyone dies, I know it's due to his vexation, at least.

Todd is nice enough to follow up on his first statement by snatching my TV remote from under Larry's ass and loading up Youtube. He doesn't even have to search, the new-- holy shit-- the new music video is the first in my recommended section.

DAC has never made a music video. Ever. And it's a new song in general, I'm about to combust. I never thought I'd see the day. And why the hell didn't I get a notification?

I briefly travel through my memories, picking out the moment I watched North playing his guitar on stage. His eyes, shadowed by his mask but looking straight at me. His hand shaking mine, cold leather beneath my skin.

It takes every fiber of my being to not smile over the thought of him. He was just so nice, and hot, and talented... I can't help myself.

Travis and I jump forward whenever Todd clicks on the video, flocking in front of my television to watch what's about to unfold. Travis has heard more than enough about this band to know that I love them, so his accompaniment is merely moral support. He knows damn well I'm about to fall apart so he'll be there to pick up my pieces.

"They're metal, right?" Trav tuts, tone dispassionate due to lowered expectations. He's such a metal hater. "Hot members though..." he tacks on, trailing off as the song opens up.

"They're mine," I proclaim, drowning in adoration for DAC. They're literally just standing with their instruments right now for the intro, no words no music. Just a blank slate. But I'm enraptured, eyes glued to the screen as I thrum with energy.

"Our castle was built in Spring; We longed for books and bricks. To fantasies we did cling, So our castle was made of sticks.

Of worn and cracked logs-- Papier-mâché, our key, Of fragile and brittle walls Our castle came to be."

I shiver over the string of lyrics invading and possessing my soul. Oh, how I obsess over North's voice and the sweet symphony of Dark Autumn Complex's instruments.

"You can't lay claim," Travis scoffs, elbow knocking into mine when North stops singing to play his guitar. "Suppose they're gay, huh? I get to fuck them and you don't." He pridefully tilts his head up, small grin playing on his lips as he continues, gaze drifting toward me. "And you better believe I wouldn't spare you a damn thought during doggy."

I damn near break my neck to glare over at my cousin. I can hear Ash wheezing behind me and Larry's suspiciously quiet-- my only guess is that he's laughing so hard that not even a single noise can be heard. Todd simply sighs.

"I guess it's a good thing the lead singer probably thinks I'm hot, then," I boldly state, even though I know it's a really long shot. I'm putting words into poor North's mouth and the fucker doesn't even speak. But, hey, all is fair in sex and war. Travis can suck it so long as 'it' is not North.

"You yearned for an out of reach jewel; Opulence, luxury, and solace. All this greed made you cruel, Made you break your promise.

You readied your match and flame-- Cursed our castle and thought it trash. Without warning the fire came And reduced our memories to ash.

My romance of choice is Death Where you don't reside. By silence I abide, And keep you-- I tried. Alone at last, I take my final breath."

The living room is dead silent as North sings again, his gloved hand wrapped around the microphone in front of him while East and South dominate the sound, taking over in place of the guitar for a moment.

Listening to cathartic music, so much emotion filling my entire being, is better than therapy ever proved to be. Good sound and touching lyrics are all I will ever need to heal. To feel less alone.

My thoughts turn to Sal who's watching the video, seemingly disinterested. He looks so calm regardless of Travis and my presence. I want to slap guilt into him. I want to make him hurt the way I did the night he hurt me.

"Delusions were a precious fairytale; Tender was the slow fester. Expectations in minute detail, But failure greeted the jester.

You placed me in the guillotine-- Bound, blind, and confined. My blood's your nicotine, So pull the lever, love, be kind.

I laid myself out for you to walk on So the castle sticks couldn't pierce your skin. I was the throne you sat upon From whence we became potent sin."

Larry interrupts my internal solace when the lyrics stop again. It seems to be a longer song-- I guess DAC took a chapter out of Avenged Sevenfold's book.

"I'm not the one who said it, but," Larry's mischievous chuckle sets off the danger alarms in my mind. Emo Buff Daddy likes to slap me with things I refuse to comprehend. "North totally has some kind of Joe Goldberg infatuation with you."

My mouth goes dry, my heart stammering with flutters and quick beats, like little fairies hammering away at my organ in an attempt to keep it together. He's joking. He has to be. But my tingling fingertips and empty lungs say otherwise-- they want this to be true. But then there's Sal, and somehow I'm concerned over the validity of Larry's statement. Why is Sal even a factor here? I'll never know.

I smile at Trav-- a smile that I really don't feel, but one that comes easy. "See?" I taunt. Travis scrunches up his nose in faux jealousy. "Thanks for the backup, Lar," I tell my friend with a little wink his way. I'm just going to assume he's trying to help me out with the spaced out, friendly family altercation happening between me and Travis.

"My romance of choice is Death Where you don't reside. By silence I abide, And keep you-- I tried. My essence in Macbeth.

Eat my thoughts; Drink my soul. Exchange silence that haunts For the the peace you stole.

I am a fiend, a monster, a disgrace-- All the things you crave. I am a lover, a believer, a warm embrace; All of which led me to my grave."

"No problem, Vi," Larry chirps during another break in the song. I blink, heart falling a bit. With the deep lyrics resonating within me like this, the knowledge that Larry was just trying to help me out is disappointing. As much as I want North's affections, it wouldn't work out. Wouldn't be right. I have to accept that-- it's not like I'll ever get a chance to talk to the guy again anyway.

"Just spreading the truth," Larry says in a sing-song voice. Just like that, my soul is alight yet again. Is he still fucking with me or is this for real? My only notice is when Ash smacks Larry in the back of the head, her lips pinched together and eyes piercing into his soul.

What in the hell is with those two?

"I rot in this cage of reminiscence, Watch our connection burn. Sob in the name of innocence And for what was lost I still yearn.

This was never self-love-- Hypocrisy residing in my longing. Of my naivety thereof, To my own soul I'm desperately calling.

My romance of choice is Death-- Where I don't exist, So my thoughts can't persist. Extinguish what demolition kissed; I sink into abysmal depths."

I don't know who wrote this song, but they're hurt as hell. And I relate. I feel like this song popped up at the perfect time. Dark Autumn Complex understands me like no other and I resonate so deeply that I feel like I've known each member all my life. There's this ridiculous, false connection between me and them that I wouldn't admit to a single person.

My lips part as I watch the video zoom in on all the members, slowly centering on North who harshly whispers,

"It was never an alias, Nothing spontaneous. This is the half of me I have always wanted to be."

He repeats the words over and over again, voice slowly fading out until the screen goes black. I feel like I'm in a trance, like North just hypnotized me and I willingly went with the entire bit.

Travis clicks his tongue disappointedly beside me, stealing my attention away from the song that I'm going to play on repeat later tonight.

"Damn you for always pulling the pretty people," he grumbles, turning to face me. "I take back your cake. You have the hot male lead, you owe me food now."

"I'm so glad you've accepted reality," I chirp, patting Travis on his broad shoulder.

This entire spiel is something I have to ignore. North isn't crushing on me, he isn't interested. He never will be. And I can live with that! I've shaken his hand and gotten to see him play live. Totally don't need his tongue in my mouth or anything.

I walk toward my kitchen pulling my phone out and opening up Twitter. I'll do exactly what I've done every single time DAC's put out new music.

"Everyone okay with eggs and bacon?" I murmur distractedly, uploading the link to the new song, Consonance of a Tragic Villain. I tweet the link then turn my head over my shoulder to look at my friends. Sal's head is trained down to his phone since the TV has been turned off, replaced with Breaking Benjamin, courtesy of Ash. Is he embarrassed or something? He can't even hang out with the people around him. Even Todd is standing up to go and converse with Travis.

"Just hurry up and cook, woman!" Larry exclaims, grinning at me with that handsome face of his. And the tattoos littering his toned arms. And the... yellow stain... on the front of his shirt. But it's fine, even the most beautiful people can't be perfect.

I narrow my eyes at him as I turn into my kitchen, feeling my phone vibrate in my hand. "Watch yourself, Lartholomew," I bite out, flicking off the metalhead. Larry has to be short for Lartholomew.

"Lartholomew?" He stumbles over the word. "Stupidest shit I've ever heard. You could've done so much better than Sal's middle name."

I was about to check my notifications, but my head snaps up before I can see. I nearly choke on air as my gaze falls onto Larry. "Sal's middle name is Lartholomew?" I ask, disbelief and amusement bubbling up in my body. I have to agree with Larry, that's fucking hilarious.

"No, no, it's Bartholomew!" Larry cackles, pointing a finger at me. "Isn't that hilarious?"

Sal sighs exasperatedly, throwing his head back. "I'm going to castrate you Larry," He grumbles, frustrated and on his last mental leg as he lunges toward Larry, throwing an arm out to slap. With Ash between them though, the altercation is broken up very quickly.

"Fuck. Off." Sal bites out at his step-brother who really gets a kick out of the scenario.

I turn my attention away from the brothers, taking out ingredients and utensils that I need to cook with. While the bacon is sizzling on the stove, I finally check on the notification on my phone.

It's from Twitter.

dacnorthxx: 🖤

My eyes go wide. The comment is under my tweet of their new song and I'm really going to fall apart right here. Does this mean he remembers me? Or is this mere coincidence? My thoughts are running rampant, tummy bubbling with excitement. I can't breathe, all the oxygen is trapped in my throat under lock and key.

I comment back, my thumbs moving a mile a minute as I gulp. My entire body is a carnival of pins and needles. I feel faint.

violetviolence: @ dacnorthxx OMG?????

Someone get me a diaper because I think I'm going to pee myself.

dacnorthxx: @ violetviolence OMG!!! my idol

Is this real life? Can't be. Nope. No way. I'm about to throw up and the bacon is burning-- oh shit, the bacon is burning.

I throw my phone onto the kitchen counter and quickly pull the food off the stove, setting each strip of bacon onto a separate plate so they don't burn even more.

"Food's done," I say as loud as I possibly can considering the heavy amount of excited stress I'm undergoing. My voice comes out trembling, so I cough to cover it up as best as I can.

Dark Autumn Complex is quickly becoming my favorite band, North most prevalent out of all the members. I swear I'm not delusional-- well, maybe.

I type out something in response to his comment.

violetviolence: @ dacnorthxx STOP UR JOKING

Then I tuck my phone into my pocket. I'm being crazy. He's just being kind and he might like my comment after this but that's it-- that's as far as the exchange will go. I'm not stupid, I'm not delusional, I'm not insane.

Each of my friends, including Travis, files into my kitchen, grabs a plate of food, and then walks back into my living room like a train of preschoolers. It's a little humorous until the straggler comes in, it's not hard to tell who that is at this point anymore either.

Sal grabs a plate of food, comes to a stop behind me. The counter that peers into my living room separates us from the rest of our friends and having this kind of partial privacy with him smoothes out the wrinkles in my brain. This is horrifying when throwing in the context of our last meeting into the situation.

My heart skips a beat upon noticing his presence beside me. I glance up at him, noting the way he peers down at me with lidded eyes. Speculating, curious, leering. There's something hidden there, something he's locked away in a little mental box.

But I'm mid-chew and staring over at him like a deer caught in headlights, so I couldn't care less about whatever the hell he's hiding.

He watches me a moment longer, then drops his plate onto the counter beside mine. My eye twitches in pure amazement and agitation as he moves to stand beside me, leaning his elbows on the surface of the counter. As soon as he's settled though, he turns his head forward to watch the rest of The Faces and Travis who are all, surprisingly, catching up rather than being awkward.

The unspoken question of why he's standing beside me never gets spoken, the unknown simply percolates in the energy we somehow seem to share. I can't explain how I simultaneously wake up and lose brain cells when he's near, but it's definitely something I can't deny.

I watch him, wait. He wouldn't stand here to bask in my presence, I'm not that naive. That still doesn't answer why he's here though.

That dagger tattoo of his is on display right before me, just inches away from my eyes. He's that close-- so close that I can pick out every point of the ink on his skin. The soft waves in his layered, cerulean hair. The piercings in his ears. The sharpness of his jawline, edges of scars peeking past his expressionless prosthetic. And I can smell him. Something good, something masculine, something so him.

"Your bacon's shit," he rasps in that infuriatingly pretty voice of his. He never looks at me.

My wary expression turns into a glare. See? What did I just say?

But before I can bitch him out, something cool gently brushes along the top of my bare thigh.

I flinch in surprise, gasping as I glance down to see what the hell touched me because that's not normal. I've never bumped into anything while standing here, and this is my prime eating spot.

And as I frantically turn my attention to assess my mental commotion, I notice Sal's hand near me, his index finger just a centimeter away from my skin. I swallow against the realization-- it was him. He touched me.

I look up at him, eyes narrowed in question. What is he getting at? What is this game he's playing? I don't want him to string me along just so he can say he doesn't want me anymore when he inevitably leaves LA again. When he leaves me again.

He tilts his head inconspicuously as if to ask if he can continue, and I stare at him. I don't move, hell, I don't even breathe. I don't know what I should do. Because I do want him to touch me, but I know I shouldn't let him. Both for myself, but also because of him and Travis. I really shouldn't.

And Sal looks like he's about to apologize, this regretful look enveloping his eyes-- a look that makes my chest ache because there's such strong emotion, so much guilt. Guilt that he doesn't need to feel regarding this because... because he always double checks. He always asks for consent. That's something I've never had to worry about with him.

And maybe it's just the hurt in his eyes, something I haven't seen before and something I don't want to see again, but I nod at him. I nod to tell him he's okay. He can touch me.

He blinks, the emotion that was building ever so slowly slipping away from his gaze in a flash. I feel like what I saw was a hoax, a hallucination. It leaves his cerulean gaze that quickly.

And I can't watch myself fall back into this again. I know I've made a mistake, but it's one that I can't find myself regretting. Whether I like it or not, I have this insatiable attachment to-- obsession with-- Sal.

I turn away from his eyes that bore into mine, gaze at my living room again and bite down on a piece of bacon. Wait for the inevitable, which happens the minute my eyes aren't on him anymore.

Cold fingers crawl across the back of my thigh that's closest to Sal. The feeling of his fingertips dancing across such sensitive skin, slow and purposeful. Meaningful in that frustrating way of his. Just fingertips up until he's gotten across enough skin to grip my flesh in his hand and squeeze.

We're in a bad position. We probably look so suspicious right now-- if anyone were to glance over here and see us, they would be wondering what the hell was going on. Because the two of us? Willingly standing beside each other and not bickering? Preposterous.

I don't look at him. He doesn't look at me. Just runs his hand over and squeezes the back of my thigh to his heart's content. But I see him out of the corner of my eye, my heart fluttering all the while as goosebumps rise all over my body. Just barely seeing the way his chest rises and falls calmly, his hair brushed aside to show off his tattooed neck, the feeling of his skin on mine.

I lick my dry lips, start drumming my fingers against the counter beside my plate because I can't take this.

Maybe Sal saw my nerves getting to me, whether he was able to hear my pounding heart, see the way I nearly started hyperventilating, or just from my hands unable to stay still. But his touch is gone instantly, very suddenly.

I swallow thickly, blinking at my friends. Larry... has Travis in a headlock. Things might be bad! But in the moment, that's not my concern. Sal's phantom touch still lingers on my skin, the delicate brush of his fingers along my thigh much like a whisper now, but still there. My brain is still living in the fresh memory of what happened thirty seconds ago.

He doesn't speak. Neither do I. There's nothing to say-- this was random, unprepared. So what the fuck has just transpired? Figment of my imagination? Is the psychotic breakdown happening? I've been awaiting its arrival.

I'm not quite sure what kind of reaction I'm having, especially when Sal slides his phone out of his pocket and starts scrolling like nothing just happen. An unwanted lump forms in my throat, my palms sweat. I feel used. Again. And I knew I would feel like this because Sal is Sal-- he's not kind, he isn't gentle. He just gets what he wants. I'm at fault too because I've fed into that behavior, reinforced it by giving him what he wants.

"Sal!--" Ash bellows. I snap my head up, eyes wide. Why is there yelling? "I swear, guys, he's a literary genius." Ash's eyes are alight with mirth and pride. She trusts Sal to back up her statement, but I don't think he's going to. Sal Fisher is anything but a literary genius-- he is not a book boy. A misogynistic, old ass man wrote his patriarchal Smurf ass. God, I can't stand him. But, here I am, standing...

"Recite Poe!" Ash yells again, gesturing to Sal with her hand like she's the Phantom of the Opera. That's quite an image.

Edgar Allan Poe is a recurring and foreboding theme in my chapter today. Literally, not breaking the fourth wall.

I side-eye Sal who has no reaction. He doesn't even look up to acknowledge Ash, simply cocks his head to the side with his eyes still glued to the phone, typing something out.

And then his voice. His stupid, stupid voice. Monotonous, uncaring. But the feeling-- the emotion-- embedded in his words makes me want to topple over. And he didn't even write them.

"For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling--my darling--my life and my bride, In her sepulchre there by the sea-- In her tomb by the sounding sea."

That's what he says. Completely recites the last stanza of Annabel Lee by Edgar Allan Poe. The same poem that the poet used to capture the hearts of so many women at his public readings.

He's not Poe though. Sal is not Poe. And the raspy, unfeeling tone of his eclectic voice will not capture me. Not when he's been two migraines and a stroke. Never.

Is it wrong of me to appreciate the tender way he pronounced 'Annabel Lee?' His voice danced around her name as if it were a waltz, something precious and rich with his affection. And his voice grew with passion when mentioning the moon and stars, dying off into something gentle and warm once he repeated 'my darling.'

Envious isn't the word. Ravenous, on the other hand, is. In every word, in every recollection, in every universe.

I turn my head to him, chest hot with esurient rage because how dare he be so...

Sal turns his head to me, emptiness reflected in his cobalt gaze. A darkness so ever-present, one that never disappears. And I forget all the strife in my mind.

My phone buzzes in my back pocket, but I ignore it, holding eye contact with Sal while Ash's excited screams of praise fade into the background.

Before angry thoughts can filter into my head again, Sal turns away like he was never even looking at me in the first place. He grabs his plate, hair swaying slightly with his every movement, and he walks away. Meets with everyone gathered in my living room.

I chew the inside of my cheek, watching Sal come to a stop beside Travis and I loathe the way some kind of abhorrent, negative, spiteful feeling rips me in two. Those two men want nothing to do with each other and the last thing I need to be worried about is Sal to begin with. He's bad, awful, terrible.

I'm going to have to socialize soon before Travis starts batting me about being a recluse, but I need just a moment to push aside whatever ancient Transylvanian spell Sal casted over me with his recitation first. So, to distract myself, I pick up my phone to see what caused the buzz.

My jaw instinctively clenches shut, an uncomfortable chill crawling up my spine when seeing the discord notification followed by Sal's username.

I click on it.

SALLYFʌCɜ: i'm sorry. SALLYFʌCɜ:and you'll never hear it from me again, but you deserve it this time. the way i broke things off was insensitive, it was sudden with no warning. and i promised i'd fuck you. and i want to. if you don't want that anymore, perfectly understandable. figured i'd give you the offer instead of silently regretting what i did.

I blink at my phone screen, nauseating butterflies kicking and screaming inside my belly. Begging me and peer-pressuring me, telling me I better not skip out on this.

I won't skip out on it, but this is the last time. From what I've gathered in the short time I've known Sal is that he's careless and unkind. He'll attack you given whatever means necessary. And when he goes overboard, he apologizes with the assumption that everything will go back to normal and all is forgiven. I mean, kudos to him for even apologizing to begin with, but repetition makes all the sorry's meaningless.

I shut my eyes and let my head droop a bit. I shouldn't. I really, really shouldn't.

I swallow down the bile working its way up my throat and start typing.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: had i not been here today, would you have ever apologized and extended the offer?

My gaze travels upward until I'm looking at everyone again. Sal isn't involved in the conversation. In fact, he's on his phone. And I suddenly feel like I'm going to collapse again.

Remember the first time I met him? When I assumed he would be the type to avoid confrontation? Fuck me for being wrong because he's the one who brings confrontation.

My phone buzzes in my hand.

SALLYFʌCɜ: no. SALLYFʌCɜ: i'm taking these circumstances as a sign. i've been thinking about it

I run my palm over my forehead. He's being honest with me, I respect that. Maybe this is a sign then, like he said. He's been bugging me for weeks, picking at me and being aggressive. Maybe that was a result of how torn up he was over internal guilt? I'm not sure but I'm not one to turn away from something this obvious sitting right in front of me.

VIOLETVIOLENCE:okay. when are you leaving?

The reply is instant.

SALLYFʌCɜ:6am tmr. that problem's solved though. ash is going to invite you to come with us SALLYFʌCɜ:i would be pissed and angsty like usual at the idea, but if you accompany us, that just opens up more time and opportunities.

To go with them? Ash? Where the hell are we going?

My eyebrows scrunch together in both confusion and intrigue as I start typing back.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: how do you know ash is even going to invite me to go with you guys?

SALLYFʌCɜ:it's ash. use your fucking head.

It takes everything in me to bite down the snort that so desperately wants to be released. He's right. And my ignorance aggravated him. This is everything I've grown used to, everything I want.

VIOLETVIOLENCE: typical of you to assume. suppose she doesn't invite me, then we both lose out, prick.

I hear a soft, quiet, and distinctly Sal-sounding chuckle from a few feet in front of me. Damn him and damn the way a smile starts growing on my lips at the audacity, the familiarity, the chaos of it all.

SALLYFʌCɜ: i wouldn't have made the promise if i didn't intend on keeping it. watch what you say and give ash five minutes to remember that you're in the room. actually, give her brain a boost. SALLYFʌCɜ: come here.

No questions asked. I shut my phone off and slip it into my pocket, looking up to assess my surroundings.

Everyone is in a huddle. Wherever I surface, someone will move over to make room for me. Given that Sal and I were so close a couple minutes ago, I should probably stand away from him now. I'll just scoot in on the other side of Larry. That feels safe, he's standing beside Sal so it's a simple excuse too.

I walk over to everyone, my feet feel heavy like they're covered in 15 snuggly kittens each. I'm weighed down, reluctantly making my way over to them. My cheeks feel hot. I'm second guessing everything.

I don't like hiding from my friends, it makes me nervous and I feel terribly guilty. Like, if Sal and I are fucking around, they should know. But something about their group, about The Faces, says they do not date within the circle.

Date? What the hell am I talking about? I meant fuck.

I come to a stop right behind Sal and instinctually pinch my lips together. This was not the plan-- I meant to curve to someone else. But I got distracted by my own anxiety, which, this wouldn't be the first time. I just wish it wouldn't furl my plans like this.

Upon assessing the small group gathered in my living room though, I can tell that Sal would be the only one to allow me access into the circle. Ash is dramatically talking with Todd who seems zoned in and solely focused on the conversation, shockingly. Todd's not one to be very engaged in conversation often, so my guess is that they're talking about business or science. Given Ash's infatuation for the arts though, I'd bank on business as the topic.

On the other end of the small circle, Travis is grinning awkwardly at Larry who's deep into an explanation about Dragon Ball Z lore. Throwing up his hands, nodding his head vigorously, and leaning into Travis's personal space. They squashed beef rather quickly.

And Sal, he's just present. Not involved, simply there like he was when he walked over here.

He's also the only person expecting me.

He turns his head over his shoulder, glancing down at me with his emotionless but bright eyes. I gulp down the nervousness crawling inside me like poisoned bugs; it's hard though. Every time we make eye contact today, I feel stuck. It's almost unbearable. Did I miss him or something? Or-- oh, yuck. Do I have a crush on him?

I hate to even think it, but I find him attractive. That's the roots to the plant. Just because there's a sprout doesn't mean it has to grow into anything-- and I surely won't grow with this ass. Nope, major pass.

Meh, it's not a crush. He's just pretty and mean. I'm flustered is all. Who doesn't like a handsome man with an attitude?

Sal takes a step toward Larry, making a tiny little spot of space for me beside him. The move is so inconspicuous that it's impressive. It makes me wonder how many things he's tried to get away with in his lifetime, to be able to know what, how, and when to move so others don't notice his unfolding plans.

I start moving forward, eyes still on him. And his eyes are on mine too when Larry's elbow whacks him in the back of the head.

There's a hiss, a resounding pained yell, and a clatter. I simply blink, watching Sal grab onto the back of his head in pain and Larry with tears in his eyes, snuggling his elbow close to his chest.

There's something wrong. Something wrong with Sal's messier-than-it-was-moments-ago hair and the expression of unadulterated fear that strikes Larry's face. He looks as though he's stabbed Sal, betrayed his step brother in the worst way possible.

And Sal. Sal.

His eyebrows nearly match his hair. And they're furrowed, signaling the contempt in his soul. He tilts his head up, eyes glued to the floor before they flit up to me. I watch him with wide eyes, unable to fight off the shock plaguing me.

Half of Sal's face is emaciated, the other is almost completely untouched. It's a wonder to look at-- out of everything, I didn't expect to ever see his face. I didn't expect it to look like this either. His left cheek is sunken in, a scar running up the middle, the shape and placement reminding me of a Glasgow smile. His cheek bone is ragged, uneven with sharper points and parts that are sunken in, much like his jaw. And part of his nose is missing too, making the half that's still there more prominent with the way the scar healed. Other little scars litter the wounded side of his face-- plenty through his eyebrows, over his lips.

And the scars on his lips stretch up to the middle of his cheek, his chin, all in various place. A lightening strike permanently etched onto his face. A beautiful work of art that he lives with every single day.

The other half of his face, the one that seems nearly untouched, gives me a glimpse of what he'd look like had he never been scarred. Little, light freckles are splattered across his nose and the apple of his cheek. His lips are full, pink, soft-looking aside from the cracks here and there-- undoubtedly a result of constant biting. Sharp jawline, like I'd assumed.

He turns away from me, his expression slackened a bit. Then he starts yelling at Larry and I have to process the unfortunate truth that I couldn't look at him longer.

Maybe it's a crush now.

I take a breath as Ash suddenly flinches in my peripheral vision upon noticing Sal's bare face. In the meantime, I lean down and brush my fingers over his prosthetic that landed on the floor. It feels surreal to touch something that is so impactful in mine and Sal's life. I find myself hating it a bit because, as much as I loathe admitting it, Sal is pretty. I knew he would be. And the added confirmation sucks me into a dissociative state. I don't feel real, this is just some immaculately designed psychological horror and I'm the spectator, watching as everything falls apart. Forgetting that I'm a main character, falling apart with everyone else.

I swallow the internal panic and revelations and close my fingers over his prosthetic, lifting it into my subtly shaking hands. I need a nap and an edible or something.

I stare down at it for a moment, hesitating to look up when the yelling pauses for a moment.

When I do lift my gaze, Sal has turned back to me, his lips pressed into a thin line and brows still furrowed. And this time, it's not impenetrable and never-ending anger in his sapphire eyes. It's fear. Disgust. Regret. A lot of negativity and I think it's directed toward himself.

I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, chewing on it incessantly in an attempt to stomp down the immense number of emotions suddenly awakened within me. I'm feeling way too much. Feeling blissful over his beauty, but broken over his reaction to himself. I can't imagine how long he's gone feeling so disgusted about himself-- I can't say anything to make him feel better because it wouldn't matter. My view of him doesn't come close to comparing to his view of himself. I can see it in his eyes.

My hands move toward him, silently offering the prosthetic back. Sal's gaze drops down, seeing his lifeline in my hands and his nostrils flare like he's on his last leg before he absolutely breaks. I know that feeling.

His hand clasps onto the mask, not gently but not aggressively. Just grabs it like I'm a completely normal person and not someone he both despises and craves.

His fingertips brush over the back of my hand, and he's suddenly ripping the prosthetic away like I've murdered his pet in cold blood.

I watch in dissociative shock as he turns back to Larry, prosthetic still in his hand.

"Sal, man, I'm really sorry," Larry rasps out, that terror and worry still on his face. He's not scared of Sal, just scared for him. "I didn't mean to."

Sal doesn't utter a word. He lifts the prosthetic and smacks Larry upside the head with it. A resounding, hollow thunk echoes through the room as Larry yelps in pain. My eyes widen a little more and Travis breaks out into cackling laughter, slapping a hand over his mouth to unsuccessfully hide his reaction.

And Sal doesn't react to the abuse of his brother, just walks over to my couch and situates his prosthetic onto his face again.

I can't get the image of him out of my head. His doe eyes and exotic face tattooed into my temporal lobe for life. My eyes follow him, watch as he opens up his phone again to escape reality. Clearly, the device is a crutch for him. It's a getaway from present events.

A nudge on my waist makes me slowly peel my gaze away from Sal, who I seem to be viewing in a new light. I've gone through fresh hell today, this was the bittersweet cherry on top.

I switch my focus to Ash, who's now standing beside me and, I would guess, the person who nudged me. She gives me a hesitant, rueful smile.

"We're going back to Nockfell tomorrow," she says softly, hand lifting to graze over my cheek affectionately. Her crimson nails clash with the ethereal color of her foresty eyes, but it works. They clash wonderfully. "Do you want to come with us? Reminisce a bit?"

"Why did you guys come, by the way?" I ask in a small voice, eyes flitting between hers curiously. I'm still in a state of shock too, so her comfort is appreciated.

Ash's features change, an excited grin slowly building on her lips. She's holding back something big. "We found an apartment a few buildings down. I've been researching for a while, trying to find a place near you ever since we built up the money to move."

My expression falls. They're moving? Here?

My very essence is filled with immense joy, contentment, and happiness. I don't know how to correctly portray how wonderful it feels to know that Ash is going to be near me every single day again. I can walk to her now, I don't have to fly. I can hug her, I don't have to watch her through a phone screen.

I blink at Ash as she swipes her thumb under my eye, grabbing onto my cheeks and pulling me foreward until our foreheads touch. It takes me a moment to realize that where her finger rubbed over my skin left a wet residue.

And so begins the break down.

I swallow the lump in my throat, trying to gather myself and to stop the tears before I start full on sobbing in my best friend's arms.

"So will you come? To Nockfell?" She asks softly, tilting her head to kiss the tip of my mask's nose. "If I tell you we need help packing, will that be an an acceptable excuse?"

I sniffle, unable to stop myself as I nod my head vigorously. I can't find the right words or think the right thoughts to use my voice to answer her. I can't even quite understand my own emotions.

Ash nods against me, an elated smile building on her lips.

"And so the prodigal daughter returns to her hometown."

~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N::::: NORTH FANS RAISE YOUR FUCKIN HANDSSSSSS!!!!!!

okay soooo yayyyy!! after twenty chapters we finally have half a face reveal *cue really shitty white girl dancing* my babies in the comments have been asking for a y/n face reveal but, hehe, you know i'm a little shit >.<

anywayyssss, sorry this chap is a little late! i left a comment to someone saying i would post yesterday LMAO but it's here now and i hope you guys like it <3 please, feel free to leave some constructive criticism because i would like to publish a book someday and can't do that if i don't make progress and improve!!!

task for everyone: TELL ME SOMETHING I CAN IMPROVE IN MY WRITING!! and be nice please or you'll break my heart :3

as always, sending you guys all my love! have a wonderful morning/day/evening/night and remember to eat well, drink water, and go out in the sun for a bit! FUCK VITAMIN D DEFECENCIES!!

[sanstropfremir]

hi! swf anon here

i agree w ur points. i don’t think the mission was very fitting? mnet had them essentially do an individual mission but mix matched the crews together and do a Group performance… in the episode, no one really cared to work together. instead they were more focused on wanting to stand out. i thought all the performances were v lackluster so i’m hoping for more? but my expectations are VERY low because the preview dance performances for the next ep looked v bad. each crew has more dancers to fill space and do fun formations but like, also? it seemed v poorly produced (stage design is literally them in a big ass empty stage). and that more doesn’t mean better because some stages looked v disorganized.

also, it seems like the show is more focused on ‘idol dancing’ if that makes sense? and that’s why it’s shot and edited that way. because chaeyeon is on it, there has been a lot of discussion of what counts as dancing vs idol dancing. also if idols can be considered as dancers. (the same argument that idol rappers are not rappers, etc.) taeyong was thrown in the mix because he’s one of the judges and people don’t think he’s Valid to be one.

also, what is unique to street battle dancing? i’m not familiar w it. and honestly i feel like boa is the only one making sense on the show. i like her comments and why she chose a crew as the better performance.

(this is a jumble of thoughts! sorry. i’m not on my laptop.)

no worries at all! your jumble makes perfect sense to me. i''m sorry this got very long and is mostly me rambling, i guess it's tit for tat at least!

honestly i would rather them doing big groups on an empty stage than whatever those massive quarry sets were, because at least we'll be able to see the choreo a little better. and you're absolutely correct more does not at all mean better. i am definitely a little confused on the priorities of the show, since they seem to be trying to incite the dance vs kpop dance conversation but don't actually seem to be doing it in a constructive way? i haven't watched the full episodes so i can't confirm, obviously, but from what i've seen they mostly just seem to be fueling the division between the two. i talked about this with the idol rapper thing during the collab kingdom stages but idol dance serves exactly the same function as idol rap; it's a part of the form of idol performance. it is a type of dance, and there are certainly idols who are very good at dance, but idol dancers and idol dance is not pushing or innovating the art of dance as a field. it's simply a different set of skills that serve a different function in a different form of art. it's kind of like trying to ask a fashion designer to be a performance costume designer. yea, ostensibly it's the same skills that came from the same place, and yes there are people that can do both, but they are specialized for their specific fields.

personally, of any current popular idol they could have picked, i think taeyong is a better choice than most. he's got a very well known face, he's a leader so he's used to being variety show material, and although he does dance like an action figure animated by suspicious mystical forces, he does actually care a lot about learning and acquiring new skills (see the fish surgeon incident), so he's not about to go onto the show wholly unprepared. not saying he's going to provide the most helpful feedback, but he's probably gonna be better than some other idols they could have picked, at least. and honestly? from what i've seen so far, i don't actually think there's a lot of dance happening that i would consider not idol dance, so i think it's probably fine that 2/3 judges are idols.

like i said in the tags of my previous post, battle dancing + street dance in general are much more focused on technique than idol dancing is. also most of it is freestyle. it's about arranging moves in combination to music in a fresh and interesting way that has a good structure and strong musicality. i linked the final from battle pro 2019 in my first post, but it's a little hard to explain what's going on, so instead i'm going to use mostly battle examples from street dance china here, because it's also a show about street dance that uses idols/celebrities as a way to bring in viewers, but they are also bringing in judges and dancers active in the global street dance scene.

this is one of my favourite battles from season 3, it's one round from a 4v4 where each dancer is trying to garner points for their team to avoid an elimination. the great thing about this battle is that it shows the strengths and weakness of different styles in battle dancing. this particular music works very well for two of these dancers, chunlin (second) and bouboo (fourth), but it doesn't work that well for klash (third), who is a bboy. you can also see how the editors of sdc actually put in post all the different moves that each dancer is doing, which i think is great and shows all the bits of technique that come together for each freestyle.

this is a 3v3 from the fourth season, where the first round is hiphop, second round is bboy, and third round is waacking (there are two other rounds after, but they cut rochka v bouboo from this edit and only showed c lil v qiao zhi, the bboys). the first round is VERY close to a draw, and rochka (long dreads) actually beats bouboo in the second round (bouboo is rochka's teacher, they're both french hiphop champions). qiao zhi beats c lil in the bboy rounds because he focuses more on technique and listening to the music, as opposed to doing just showy and experimental moves (you can see qiao zhi gesturing at his ears in the second round at the end, saying that c lil isn't listening). and in the waacking round, ac goes a little more for showmanship than technique, and that's why ibuki beats him in the end. tony gogo does a short explanation that says basically this, who is one of the judges and is a founder of the first locking group in the 70s, and also one of michael jackson's choreographers.

if you want to watch something that's a bit more showy and actually uses the idols, this is the first round of the captain's battle between wang yibo (uniq) and jackson wang (got7) from sdc3, where they have like 15min to come up with a short choreo to the same piece of music and then have to battle each other with it. and this is basically the same thing from sdc4, but the captains had to pick a dancer to dance with. the rules were slightly different for this one so the captain could chose to have another dancer sub, which is what han geng did for his second round. if you have 20 min and are curious, this is the full captain's cypher also from sdc4, which is han geng (ex-suju m) v zhang yixing (exo) v wang yibo v henry lau (ex-suju m). they're battling for extra towels (long story, it's the point system, basically) to save dancers that have already been eliminated. each of them pick a style they want to dance, and they have to do four rounds and all dance to each style's music.

basically what i'm using all these examples to explain is that battle dancing is about having a really strong understanding of basic dance skills and being able to do good freestyle. that's the biggest difference between idol dancers and street dancers. and this also extends beyond battles as well; here's another example because i can and because it's extremely funny. this is from the first elimination round in sdc4, where half the dancers were able to pre-choreograph performances and were only able to challenge them in a call out, but the caveat was that they HAD to dance to the other dancer's music without listening to it again. so basically if you wanted to call out someone, you had to listen and memorize while watching their routine, and then freestyle a routine on the spot. which meant that everyone who pre-choreographed routines did it to the most batshit music they could possibly think of, to prevent people from challenging them. xiao ji calls out welllai because he's a dumbass and wants to go to the bathroom, so you can actually see his thinking process in trying to freestyle to this weirdass fuckin beat she used. and he ultimately wins the call out because he shows good ingenuity and character as well as technique and ability. he even says at the end that it was only because of many years of practice that he was able to pull that off.

[commajade]

If you like last dance by wjsn and last waltz by twice, then you might enjoy these songs:

- clockwork by boa

- cantabile by wjsn

- masquerade by wjsn

- obliviate by lovelyz

EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY TY ANON these r all going on a playlist immediately

already fuckin love clockwork by boa it's a genius piece from a genius artist

cantabile is nice!! i love that there's a genre of kpop song titles thats like spells. tarantallegra surisuri abracadabra and lots of others. isn't obliviate a spell too. i rly enjoy making playlists with storylines maybe i'll make a fairy tale girl group song playlist with knock on wood by reve and stuff and it's a story

MASQUERADE!!!! man wjsn makes some amazing music i've only been listening to unnatural cuz it's already so good.

obliviate is good! i haven't listened to a lot of lovelyz this is rly classic but with those more modern bass heavy punchy sounds.

[harrysgloves]

Let Your Hair Down (chapter xxvi)

Get caught up with the Let Your Hair Down Masterlist!

word count: 2,983

story summary: Harry gets more than he bargains for when he falls not only for you but your little girl as well.

chapter summary: Thea’s birthday party.

warnings: Language // violence // mentions of past sexual assault // attempted sexual assault... it’s a lot. It’s heavy so read with caution.

a/n: Please don’t murder me... you should have seen it coming. xx

>>><<<

It was finally Saturday. Your long crazy week of work and trying to plan a birthday party was finally over and you couldn't have been more thankful.

You had spent the whole week going absolutely insane over every small detail. All the thank you bags had to have handwritten glitter name cards on them, obviously. Which meant you sitting up in your kitchen at 2 am trying to figure out how to write faux calligraphy while Harry stood over top of you eating popcorn, telling you when you messed up.

Which resulted in you putting him on hot glue gun duty for all the little plastic jewels that had to be glued on one by one onto every tiara… for 25 kids' placemats.

Needless to say, he didn't criticize your handwriting again.

The only time he really started to throw a bitch fit was when you tried to figure out how to make macaroons at 3 in the morning. Both of you quickly decided to scrap that idea when you tasted your first batch.

"Pinterest fucking lied! These taste terrible!" You cried as you spit out the repulsive cookie that definitely should not have been considered a cookie.

"Fuckin' hell, love. I think ya tryin' t'poison me." Harry laughed at the glare you shot him but you had to admit that was the worst thing you'd ever tasted in your whole life.

He ended up buying the damn demon cookies from a local bakery and saved you a lot of tears.

They definitely tasted better which made you want to strangle Harry when he laughed at your face lighting up from the first bite you took.

"Told y'the recipe wasn't bad. Ya jus' can't bake." He smiled, placing a kiss on your cheek and jerking the box of treats away from you when you tried to go back for seconds.

All of that was over though and after this afternoon there would be no more meltdowns about placemats, place cards, or balloon arches. No more trying your weird baking at 4 am. Which you were sure Harry was very thankful for.

No, today was finally the day and as you dragged Harry to the hotel to set up one of the meeting rooms you'd gotten for the party you were glad it was almost over. You couldn't handle much more of this stress. She was turning 5 and you definitely went a bit overboard, you started to dread what party you'd have to plan for her sweet 16.

"The balloon arch is supposed to go over by the door." You said as you fanned out the pastel pink table cloth over the round 8 count table. Harry huffed and rolled his eyes but didn't say anything as he moved the arch for the 3rd time.

"Ya know they only care 'bout goin' to the pool." He mumbled out like he didn't want you to hear him.

"Keep it up and you're going to be sleeping on the couch tonight." You smiled when Harry turned around to look at you. The look on his face, priceless.

"Ya can't put me on the couch." He pouted big lip and all, making you bite your lip as you shrugged.

He was right, you wouldn't put him on the couch, especially not with a sleepover of 12 kindergarten girls that was going to be at your apartment tonight. But he didn't have to know that.

"Gotta go get tape from the desk for this banner." You sighed as you looked at the amount of work you still had left to do and not much time left to do it.

"Can you please go play bad guy and get Thea out of the pool? She needs to get her outfit on. I didn't wait 6 weeks for that princess dress to be shipped to us for her to not wear it when people get here." You asked as sweetly as possible when you walked pass him, stopping to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Why can't Sarah do it? Y'know I can't say no to her if she asks t'stay in longer." He followed you down the hallway stopping in front of the pool room door. His big puppy eyes staring you down as you walked away from him.

"This is exactly why you have to do it. Gotta get good at telling her no." You smiled when you heard him groan. Throwing the door to the pool room open as you made your way down the hallway and eventually to the front desk.

"Hey Ellie, can I have the tape, please?" You asked, leaning on the desk, nails tapping on the counter.

"Yeah, here you go." She smiled, her bright white teeth looking so great against the ruby red lipstick she wore all the time. Making you a bit jealous that someone could pull off that color so effortlessly.

"Oh, God." She groaned, eyes darting to the front door.

"Looks like we got a drunk stumbling in. I should go get Mack. He's better at dealing with this shit." She sighed, hands rubbing her forehead. Drunk guests were the worst, especially if they were drunk at 11 am.

You turned around to look at the damage, eyes widening the second you saw who it was.

The fucking bastard.

"Don't get Mack. I got this." Your voice laced with anger as you started right for him. You'd be damned if he ruined her party like this.

"Get the fuck outside." You growled, tugging on his arm. Nails digging into his flesh as you pulled him out the door and to the side of the building, doing to him what he'd done to you so many times before.

"What is wrong with you?" You yelled as you let go of him. He stumbled back against the brick exterior of the wall, his eyes immediately filling with rage but you could care less.

You were so sick and tired of being pushed around by him. Tired of being degraded and controlled but the one thing you absolutely wouldn’t put up with was him purposefully hurting Thea like this. She didn’t deserve a dad who would embarrass her in front of everyone by being blasted at her party, she deserved so much more than him.

And you were tired of letting him do this to the both of you.

"No, actually, don't answer that. Only a real piece of shit would show up to their daughter's birthday party completely hammered. I mean really, Ryan? This is a new low, even for you.” You stood your ground in front of him. Arms crossed tightly over your chest as you told him off. Told him exactly what you thought about him.

You were done holding back. This was the last straw.

“Oh, so now that you got your little bodyguard you think you can talk to me however you want?”

His inability to keep himself from stumbling around seemed to have totally disappeared as the visible anger ran through him. His jaw twitching from how hard he was clenching his teeth. Face flushed, eyebrows pulled together tightly when he gripped your arm so violently you whimpered in pain, trying your best to keep quiet, not wanting to show him any weakness.

You were so fucking done. You were done being pushed and pulled around by him. Done being controlled. Done with everything he’d ever put you through.

Your destroyed self-esteem.

Your inability to let people into your life.

Your constant fear of him lurking around every corner.

It was all his fault.

Your mind already made up that you weren’t going to take this lying down anymore. You weren’t going to wait for it to get better or for him to move on from him torturing you.

You were going to be your own goddamn hero.

Your hand connecting with his cheek with so much force behind it hurt your palm. His head snapping to the side from the impact, staying there momentarily before turning to face you. The deafening sound of your flesh slamming against his rung around you. The moment dripping with tension when he rubbed the side of his stubbled face. His jaw moving back and forth as his blue eyes darkened.

Any confidence you had seconds ago was quickly replaced with fear. The hand on your arm tightening like a boa constrictor. Pain shooting through your arm making you cry out. Your free hand desperately scratching at his, trying with everything in you to pry it off.

Your boots scuffing the ground trying to pull away from him, throwing all your body weight backward but it was pointless. He was twice your size and height. He was able to throw you so effortlessly against the brick wall.

You hit the exterior of the building face first. Your nose smashing against the brick so hard you heard a crunch. Yelling in pain as your eyes started watering. Blood pouring down your chin onto your white shirt.

You'd barely had time to register the fact your nose was broken when you felt Ryan's body pushed against your back, pinning you to the wall.

Panic, terror, regret- all running rampant through your brain as you screamed as loud as you could for help. Your hands hitting the wall you were pressed up against so hard you could feel your skin break open. Trying with everything in you to push hard enough to get him off you.

"You really don't know when to stop do you Y/N?" He sniggered from behind you. His hand brushing through your hair as he pressed his hips harder into you to stop your frantic attempt to escape him.

"Get the fuck off me!" You screamed as loud as you could. Your throat burning from how much you were yelling but it didn't seem to matter.

You really fucked up pulling him around the side of the building to tell him off and all you could think about was Harry was right.

You should have listened. You should have taken it more seriously, and now you're here with this fucking maniac and have no idea how to get away from him.

"Remember when you used to be such a good girl? Hmm?" He whispered behind you, lips touching your ear making you cringe away from him. Eyes closed, tears running down your face.

"I actually got bored with you for a while. You just listened so well, but this? No, this is great. We can go through all our little lessons again. You remember those, baby?"

Your eyes instantly snapped open. Mind reeling with all the things he'd done to you when you were married. That you let him do to you because you were married, justifying it in your mind as your "wifely duties".

"Ryan, stop!" You screamed louder than you thought was possible. Hands bleeding from how hard you were hitting the side of the building, legs trying to bend any way possible to kick him.

"Don't fucking move." He pressed his hand into the middle of your back, hard. Your shoulders aching from the position you were in.

You were starting to realize there was no way out of this. Your mind filled with anxiety and dread.

"When are you going to figure out that I own you? Hmm? You're mine and I'll do whatever I want to you." His voice sounded so pleased with himself. Like he was so happy to finally have you back in his complete control.

You wanted to puke. Tears rolling down your face as you sobbed. You wanted to get him off you. Wanted to go back into the party and hug your baby girl. Forget Ryan ever existed.

When his hand snaked around to the front of your jeans you lost it. Not ever wanting to go through this again.

"Stop! Stop!" You sobbed, trying to push his hands off you. Trying to crouch down to get away from him.

"I said don't fucking move." He grunted hand laced through your hair as he slammed your face into the wall again.

Your eyebrow splitting open from the impact. Vision darken for a second before flashes of tiny white fluttered through your line of sight. You groaned the second you felt more blood run down your face. Your hand coming up to wipe it away. Not even registering what else was going on around you. Feeling in a fog, your brain not seeming to put together things that were happening.

Until you heard it.

Heard her.

"Momma?" Her sweet voice rang out from the other side of the alleyway. Your head whipping around to her. Hoping it was some sort of hallucination but when you saw her running towards you, you knew you weren't that lucky.

"Thea, no! Run!" You screamed trying to push away from him and the wall. Trying to get to her and get her away from this.

She didn't listen, her tiny hands clasping around Ryan's arm, pulling with everything in her to get him away from you. Her cries for him to leave you alone broke your heart but when you felt the pressure off your back lift you really started to panic.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion.

His hand lifting off you.

Her pulling on him.

Ryan's hand swinging around him to push her away.

The sound of your baby hitting the ground is what snapped you out of it. Her hand covering her face. As her crying shrieks of pain pierced your soul.

You never want to hear that sound again.

It was only a second later when someone pushed Ryan off you. You heard them both hit the ground but you didn't pay any attention to what the hell was going on. Scrambling to pick Thea up and get her the hell away from him.

You scooped her up in your arms as she continued to cry. Her head buried in your blood covered shirt. Your arms tightening around her as you turned to run. Only glancing back once to see Harry on top of Ryan.

You couldn't stop to think about that though. Not right now. Not with Thea hurt.

"Call the police!" You snapped at Ellie as you ran past the desk. Her eyes widening as she saw the state of your face. Frantically picking up the phone and dialing 911 as fast as she could.

You bolted down the hallway, towards the meeting room where the party was supposed to be at. Grabbing your keys and purse. Leaving the meeting room only to run straight into Mitch's chest.

"What the fuck happened?" His arms clasping onto your arms, stopping you from running but you jerked away from him. Your eyes filling with tears, not wanting to be touched.

"Ryan." You breathed out. "Harry. Go get Harry."

"Where is he?" Mitch asked eyebrows pulled together, looking at Thea who had still not calmed down.

"What's going on?" Sarah asked, walking down the hallway with Mack following shortly behind her.

"With Ryan. Fuck, go get Harry. Out the side door. The police are coming." You started down the hallway, moving past everyone who kept trying to touch you, to stop you from leaving. Cringing away from all of them.

"Wait, Y/N, where are you going?" Mack tried to stop you, reaching out to touch your arm softly, making you swing around in your tracks.

"Don't fucking touch me!" You yelled, running down the hallway away from them. You didn't have time for this shit. You needed to get Thea out of here.

"Wait!" Sarah shouted after you. Trying her best to catch up to you as you ran out the front doors.

"Y/N, wait!" Mitch called out to you when the police cars started to pull up to the hotel. Harry rounding the corner to see you running with Thea to your car.

It didn't take him long to catch up to all of you. Sarah and Mitch trailing behind as Harry stood in front of your car.

"Don't do this." He said as you threw open your door. Pushing Thea inside from the driver seat. You chose to ignore him as you climbed into your car. Shutting and locking your door.

You had to get out of here. You had to make sure she was okay.

Your tear-filled eyes meeting his before starting your car. Hoping that maybe one day he'd forgive you for doing this.

But running was in your nature.

"Stop!" He yelled, hands hitting your car hood as you backed out of your parking spot. Flooring it down the road.

Tears and blood blurred your vision. You could feel your left eye throbbing, trying to close shut but you pushed through it. You had to get to a hospital to have her checked out.

She hadn't calmed down the whole time. Her cries and gasps for air were the only things you could hear anymore. You were hardly paying any attention to the road, constantly turning to see if she was okay.

Your mind ran with possibilities of things that could be wrong with her. She could have a broken bone, a concussion, any number of things wrong with her.

And you knew it'd be your fault.

"Baby?" You asked softly, eyes glancing over to Thea who had her knees pulled up to her chest, head buried in her hands.

"Thea?" You tried to be patient but you needed her to answer you. You needed to know she was okay.

"Theadora Skye. You answer me right now." You slammed on your breaks in the middle of the road. Turning to look at her, chest heaving, fearing the worst.

"Why'd he hit me?" She sobbed into her hands. Your heart breaking as you listened to her cry uncontrollably.

"I don't know." You sighed, staring off at the road. "But he'll never do it again."

[radramblog]

And you don’t seem to understand

A shame, you seemed an honest man.

Duvet, by bôa (the British band, not BoA, the Korean pop artist) was my song of the year in 2020. According to Spotify, at least.

Most people who have heard Duvet know it as the opening to the cult classic anime Serial Experiments Lain. Like many things about Lain, the opening is iconic, matching Duvet’s acoustic meandering and haunting vocals with the mysterious and a e s t h e t i c visuals to create something unique that looks nothing like most anime openings these days. The average anime opening is energetic, introduces all the characters, has shenanigans and funny animation, and Lain is out here just giving nothing away. She’s on the TV and then walking down the street and then time stops and huh????

As a show, Lain is esoteric and confusing and doesn’t answer nearly as many questions as it sets up but manages to maintain interest through these mysteries somehow, through a combination of a slow build and sheer fuckery. Lain herself being a surprisingly endearing protagonist helps a lot; as a fish out of water with the computer systems the series centres around, her curiosity helps drive much of the early developments and worldbuilding. While the largest mysteries about the show surround her personally, by the time the audience is exposed to them they are likely comfortable enough with her to feel as unsettled by the implications as is intended. As comfortable as anything in the show could be, anyway- the show’s limited budget was used masterfully to create a stark, harsh atmosphere, with scenes where you’d expect that one anime cicada loop instead carrying the drone of power lines, and backgrounds painted alternately with sheer white and an excess of shadow, making the city feel as unnatural as the events taking place in it.

The show is also incredibly predictive about the nature of the internet and what online culture would look like for an anime released in the late 90s- the themes of online cliquing and personae are more relevant than ever in an age of social media and its role in modern politics.

Serial Experiments Lain happens to be available for free on funimation’s website in some countries (and Youtube where it isn’t), so there’s no excuse not to watch it! Unless its not your thing, which I could understand. Frustratingly, the Youtube version doesn’t appear to have the opening or ending attached, let alone the little bit before the opening (haha look it up its so great), so I wasn’t exposed to Duvet for much longer than I would have liked in retrospect. Because this song and album fuck so hard.

I suppose part of having a less than ideal budget meant using a song from an obscure alternative band than commissioning a new one for the opening, but I’m certainly not complaining about the result. Following the anime’s release, the album Duvet was sourced from, The Race of a Thousand Camels, would end up being reorganised and rereleased internationally as Twilight with a few bonus tracks on the end (I’m still hunting down a CD of either of them, but they had a pretty low run and such are hard as hell to get).

I’m not sure what the best comparison would be to get an idea of what Twilight sounds like- spotify’s recommended artists appear largely to be other composers associated with anime soundtracks (as well as the artist behind the VA-11 Hall-A soundtrack, you go mate) so that hasn’t been much help. If I’m honest, its not too out of the ordinary- while a very very solid album, I don’t think it strays too far from what would be considered late 90s British alt-rock, which makes sense considering that’s where they originate from. The Cranberries but less folky and less Irish? I dunno.

Particular songs on the list do resonate more with me than others. Perhaps it is a little presumptuous to say that Fool is relatable, as my experience does not quite line up to that of the lyrics, but there are connections I can draw there so it works pretty well on me. Bonus tracks Drinking and Little Miss both do it for me (wow, really?) with Little Miss’s unexpected aggression and emotion underlying the abusiveness of the second person protagonist of the lyrics and that little unexpected breakdown at the end reminds me of some of my other favourite tunes (Twelve Foot Ninja, of all bands, comes to mind). Drinking, on the other hand, mirrors Little Miss as an acoustic closer that could be from the titular woman’s perspective, mirroring the lyrical relationship between the two. It’s a great way to finish an album with as much emotion as Twilight does, and considering the latter half of The Race of a Thousand Camels was its weaker one, a good addition to the record overall.

I don’t really have much more to add, other than go consume these underrated pieces of media. It’s free content mother fucker (edit: was listening to the Lain soundtrack while writing this and its fuckin wiiild. Theme of Lain? Hella. Theme of a Hilly Road? Is that a didge mate?)

[callmethehunter]

Thanks to @brownskinsugarplum76 and @firethatgrewsolow for being so incredibly helpful, willing to listen and give advice when I had a question or needed to regroup. Finally, here's Chapter 5 of Maggie and Robert which I hope you enjoy.💕check out the post I tried to make with links to previous chapters.

As they were leaving the restaurant, Steve turned away from the main doors and headed for the pay phones that were tucked away in a corner. He mumbled that he had to call about the boat.

Maggie stood a few feet away, casually looking over the plethora of flyers that advertised the perfect Florida vacation destinations. She usually wouldn’t eavesdrop on Steve’s conversations, but since the boat was central to her plan for seeing Robert play at Tugboat Annies, she was compelled to listen. What if the deal fell through?!

She overheard Steve say through gritted teeth “You’re still wanting the $5,500 for the boat...but you don’t have the cash for what I fronted you?! For the weed and acid?”

She stole a glance and saw him furiously rubbing the stubble on his chin and pacing back and forth in front of the phone.

There was a long pause as Steve listened and, raising his voice, asked, “What are you saying, Carlos, ‘For most of it? Where’s the shit you didn’t sell? Where’s my money!”

Steve paused, red in the face, then spat out “No. Let me tell you something Carlos” His tone was menacing. “ It’s always been my fuckin’ weed, not yours. Mine. So now you owe me the fucking boat. That’s how we’re gonna settle this shit.”

Her eyes came to rest on Steve’s as he tried to intimidate and exert his will, seeming to enjoy throwing out threats...It was at that instant that she saw him clearly for who he really was: a low level drug dealer, a wanna-be Mafioso, with delusions of grandeur...Mr. Tough Guy….He could be such an asshole! It sickened her, at the pit of her stomach and made her want to puke.

With that, he slammed the phone down on it’s cradle, kicked the bottom of the booth, and walked over to Maggie, who pretended to be engrossed in the Disney World brochures.

As he yanked on Maggie’s elbow, she turned and followed him. She couldn’t help but feel off-kilter from that whole exchange. She was honestly unsettled by his explosive anger and the way he belittled the man. And enjoyed it...His bad vibe hung over them like a dark cloud as they exited the restaurant.

They walked at a quickened pace back to the Camaro and were soon back on A1A, headed home. In total silence. Until Maggie asked “Where are we going? To get the boat?”

“Nah, I’ll deal with that later...without you”, he trailed off “It may not be…. too friendly”.

Maggie shrugged. She had her foot up on the dashboard, window down, her hair dancing with the wind. She felt traces of the acid from the night before...a flashback...and those pleasant feelings led naturally to thoughts of Robert. God almighty, he was exquisite- that long blond hair, the tautness of his body, his scent and his touch still lingered on her skin..She shifted in her seat to ease the slight soreness between her legs, a reminder of his massive manhood. She wanted to feel him pressed against her, again and again; feel him getting harder as they embraced...Her body ached with longing. Snap out of it, Maggie!... No use. Her mind was fixated on Robert, her body craved him like a drug...his golden curls so soft to the touch, his muscular arms around her, his throbbing cock in her mouth, then deep inside her... she longed for the feelings that Robert evoked in her, for the visceral reaction he inspired. But that wasn’t all, he was so kind and gentle with her, he was so funny and easy to be with... She couldn’t stop thinking about him. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough...then she would see him again.

Steve and Maggie continued down AIA, each preoccupied with their own thoughts. He with the boat, his wheeling and dealing; and she with Robert and the way he made her feel. Steve was in some parallel universe, she realized, he was physically present, yet mentally and emotionally miles away.

She came out of her reverie as they turned onto their street. Exhaustion was settling on each of them. After their sleepless nights, they wanted nothing better than to lay down and rest. Steve soon dozed off on the couch, in front of the TV, mouth agape and snoring loudly. Maggie went to the bedroom, fell on the bed and slept until the next morning.

---------------------------

Maggie woke up on Saturday, the day of the concert, to the sound of the telephone ringing. It was her best friend, Kathy, calling to tell her she’d run into most of Steve’s crowd last night and they were stopping by Tugboat Annies. Maggie smiled. Her plan to keep Steve distracted was unfolding nicely.

Steve came into the room to say he was going to get the boat and then get supplies.

“Make sure to get the life jackets...and the beer.” Maggie called after him. She waited until the Mustang pulled away from the driveway to call Kathy.

“Come over!”, Maggie blurted out excitedly, “You’ve got to help me pick out an outfit before Steve gets home”. “Oh, and don’t forget to bring the platforms”.

Maggie felt giddy, filled with anticipation about seeing Robert again. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this happy and excited. She danced around to the music of Jimi Hendrix as she tidied up the apartment, grimacing as she picked up yet another one of Steve’s dirty socks from off the floor.

As Kathy walked through the front door, Maggie aimed one of the filthy rags at her friend like a projectile.

“That’s gross!” Kathy said as she batted the sock away. With long, silky blond hair and blue eyes as well as a feisty personality, Kathy drew the eye of everyone in a room. She had been Maggie’s best friend and confidant since 8th grade. She couldn’t wait to lay eyes on this “Robert” person that Maggie was gushing about…

“I brought everything that I thought would make you look hot”, Kathy said with a sly grin as she pulled out Maggie’s favorite platform sandals. It was a good thing they wore the same size!

The morning passed quickly as Maggie and Kathy tried on different outfits. Some were outlandish, like the beaded skirt and silky camisole over which Maggie draped a fluffy white boa around her neck and shoulders. They giggled like school girls as they twirled in front of the mirror. Most of their outfits were a combination of items from each of their closets, but finally after narrowing down their choices Kathy settled on a tight pair of bell bottom jeans, low on the hips, a suede halter top that laced up the front. Maggie looked radiant in her off-white, embroidered mini-dress that criss-crossed and tied in the front The pale leather platforms blended with her tanned legs, making her appear much taller than her true 5’2” height. They rummaged through Maggie’s jewelry box and picked out silver and turquoise earrings and bangle bracelets. Maggie completed her look with a dainty anklet bracelet made of tiny multicolored beads.

Once Kathy had packed her duffel bag and left, Maggie busied herself by reading The Great Gatsby on the balcony, her skin bronzing under the mid-day sun. The heat made her drowsy, and before she knew it, her eyes felt heavy and she dozed off. Time seemed to pass swiftly. She saw a joint Steve left on the coffee table. She lit it and inhaled slowly, filling her lungs with the pungent essence of sinsemilla...She heard faint sounds, it was music actually, the notes were vibrant as they traveled unseen with the tropical air...and suddenly she found herself at the threshold of the entrance to Tugboat Annies looking into the dim interior. The place was packed. Bodies moving past her through the darkened corridors until she stood outside under the light of a full moon.

Her eyes adjusted and it was then she saw him….a head taller than the rest, his golden curls caught under the silvery moonbeams and the spotlights, so that he glowed...She stood immobilized as her eyes took in all of him. Robert floated through the crowd toward her, his eyes fixed on her. He stopped in front of her, clasped the back of her head in his large hands, and pulled her toward him. As his fingers fondled her hair she melted into his kiss, her lips parting as she tasted his tongue. Heat traveled like quickfire through her entire body, her senses were lit up by his electric touch. His pants swelled as his erection grew, pushing the fabric to the limit. Maggie could feel his manhood growing erect against her as they embraced, making her ache for him. Wait!!.. What was that obnoxious pounding noise? An incessant banging that pulled her out of the kiss with a jolt. She found herself still on the balcony, laying on the chaise lounge where she now realized she had fallen asleep. It was just a dream. But the kiss had felt so real. More loud knocking and curse words as Steve pounded on the front door, which she had inadvertently locked after letting Kathy out. "What the fuck, Maggie? ” Steve shouted, punctuating each word with a bang on the door.”Open the door!” Bang Bang Bang.

And with that, the last vestiges of her dream disappeared like a misty fog that hovers over a darkened ocean. She sighed, disappointed by her reality. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and walked wearily to open the door.

----------------------------------------

[narcis-the-monk]

FC5 GFH Tag

tagged by @chyrstis​ thank you soooooooo much!!!!!!!! This was a hell of a lot of fun, and I’m going to eventually do my other deputy as well. I went with Val the first time because I’ve been writing her for a minute now. ^^;; But this honestly helped me figure her out a little more, so thank you again <3

Deputy Valya Vitale

With Fangs for Hire:

     • Boomer: “Hey boy, you’re being a real good dog. I’m sure your folks know that.” / *patting her legs* “Who’s the best boy? Who’s the best dog that rips out peggie throats? That’s right!” *sound of laughter* “It’s you!” / “I fuckin’ love this dog.”      • Peaches: “Never been a cat person, but I’ll make an exception for you.” / “You think catnip works on cougars? I’m looking for some every place we check now.” / “Yes ma’am. You will absolutely get that treat I have for you when we stop next. I know you smell it.”      • Cheeseburger: “This is the best fuckin’ day of my life. I’m fighting with a bear. I think we’ll win.” / “I never knew what I needed in life was to pet a big ol’ grizzly bear. I mean, I’ve been hugged by bears before. Just not this kind. And I love it just as much, if not more.” / “Next time we stop to fish, I’m catching you so much food. Just for being you.”

With other Guns for Hire: Sharky      • “Hey Shark, remember when we got trashed down by the river? Pretty sure this is the spot. Cause I remember you puking there. And there. And me over there. And that’s where I lost my shoe. Hey! There’s my shoe! Small mysteries are solved each day.”      • “Hey buddy, how about if the enemy is say…whatever you’d rank a 3 out of 5 or higher…we don’t set it on fire?”      • “You won’t hear me say this one a lot, so appreciate it. But you were right. Fire was the answer.”      • “You are an absolute mad man and I love the shit out of you, but I need to fight upwind of you from now on. Smoke in my eyes and throat when I’m trying to scream in the face of some asshole that punched me in the tit isn’t what I’d call fantastic. Your aim is so much better now though.”

Grace      • “I’ll give you 20 bucks and my last good beer if you can shoot three peggies in the dick at the next outpost.” *when she’s met with silence* “Guessin’ that’s a no, then.”      • “You have the patience of a saint. I can’t wait even 30 seconds to let my food cool, let alone wait for some asshole to walk out from behind a pole. Fuckin’ amazin’.”

Hurk      • “Watch where you point that thing! And stop laughing, you know I’m not talking about your dick. That’s not an actual threat and we both know it.” *eventually starts laughing with him*      • “I ever tell you how much I love your stories? I never know how they’ll end. I love a good plot twist.”      • “Remember when you, me, and Shark got that moose drunk and we all spent the night in a tree? I’m pretty sure that moose remembers us. He is not a fan.”

Adelaide      • “You keep wonderin’ how they fuck—and that is a point of interest we can revisit later—but I’m wonderin’ how they do every day shit. Like, Jacob’s—does he hunt or does he fish? If he prefers hunting, that tells me big facts about him. They’re both about sittin’ and waiting, right? Schemin’ the right moment to move. One just makes you feel like a big boy, cause you get to hold a gun.  Hey, look at that. This time I left you speechless.”      • “Been considerin’ this for a minute, and if anyone ever asks I’ll deny it up and down and throw you under the bus all in one but…fuck Faith, marry Jacob, and kill Joseph. Last one was hard as fuck.”      • “I need you to just…stop talking for a while. Let’s say 30 minutes. 30 minutes of silence so my brain can finish bleaching itself. Thanks.”

Nick      • “You’re lucky you’ve got guns on that thing, or I’d be giving you a lot more shit about never putting your feet on the ground. I got literally nothin’ else to pick on you with that’s fair.”      • “So how different are planes from cars on a scale of one to ten? I’m just figurin’ out if some shit went wrong and you aren’t near…how fucked are we? Things to think about.”      • “You know, never really liked flyin’. My head’s in the clouds too much for my feet to be too. But I gotta say…you are damn good at it. Almost makes me wanna try. Almost.”

Jess      • “I mean, sure, its satisfying to line up the perfect shot from a mile away and nail it. I’ve been hunting, Jess. I’m just saying, for me personally, I’m a bigger fan of an oar or a baseball bat to the face when I can get it. Makes it personal, and all of this is very fuckin’ personal now.”      • “Look, I don’t like talkin’ about my feelings either, so I’m just gonna hug you.” *stalls after getting the evil eye but hugs quickly* “You are two feet tall and maybe ninety pounds. Like I’m scared of you this close up.”      • “If you were a part of breakfast, you’d be the coffee Jess. Dark and harsh, but great for a wakeup call.”

In Combat      • Seeing an enemy: “I’m on ‘em like flies on shit.” / “You got that one?”      • Sneaking: *mumbled string of ‘fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck’ whenever she moves a long distance* / “Man, fuck this sneaking shit right in the skull.”      • Killing an enemy: “Boo-fuckin-YAH bitch!” / *if you make your shot* “Hellyeah! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”      • Reviving: “Nope. Not today. Gotta keep you on your feet.” / “Get the fuck up, it’s not the time for a lie down!”      • Hurt: “Well fuck me sideways. I’m alright, keep moving.” / “That’s definitely leavin’ a mark!” / “Oh go fuck yourself!”      • Downed: “Just need a minute here.” / “I think I need a hand up here!” / “Keep goin’, don’t waste time if you don’t got it.” Driving      • If asked to drive: “This may be the best decision you’ve made all day. Buckle up tight.” / “Alright, but seatbelts on or we don’t go anywhere at all.”      • Driving recklessly: “See, this is why I insist on seatbelts!” / “Slow the fuck down or you’ll fuck this car up! I ain’t seen another available ride in a minute!”      • Changing radio stations: “Will you settle on something? Oh, sorry, forgot where I was. Thought everything was normal and Shark was fiddlin’ with the radio again.” / “Cult’s fucked…but I’m okay with their music for the most part.”

Idle      • “Used to have a snake. He was a huge boa constrictor. He liked to kinda just wrap around me like I was a tree. It felt like the best hug there ever was.”      • “Did you know I grew up in Vegas? That place really is a constant party, even away from the strip if you know where to look. It’s not a great thing when you’ve got an addictive personality and prone to efforts of escapism. That’s why I moved out here. It’s pretty, its quiet, and the cost of gas to get anywhere is enough to deter the acquisition of drugs. So did working with Whitehorse. Man’s a saint. Reminds me of my Grandpa Conner—don’t tell him I said that. He’ll think I mean old.”      • “I taught myself how to be a mechanic. Books and experience, and it all started when my old truck broke down when I was 16. Couldn’t afford a mechanic, so I got my grandpa and some tools and learned a lesson that day. Then I had to learn the rest. I still have that old truck. Musta rebuilt that motherfucker from the ground up three times. Only a few things left of the original. But I’m a sentimental fool, and it was a gift.”      • “Callie says an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Well, she didn’t say it but she quotes it a lot. But I’m thinking…maybe this time, we all just need to be blind. We need a reason to step back and reassess and neither side is gonna be the first to do it. So I’m skeptically hopeful of our win, but still down with the blind thing.”

Location Specific      • In the Henbane region: “Hey, if we could avoid bliss as often as possible…that would be great. Shit makes me feel like I dropped acid non-consensually.” / “Hmmm…there’s the tinglies in my spine again. Where is that little bitch of a plant? I’m gonna rip it apart.”      • In the Whitetails: “If we get a chance, I'd like to swing by my place. Make sure things are fine. Grab some tools. Get Reggie's ashes, since these fucks don't have respect for dead people, they definitely won’t have respect for dead pets.” / “Man, I miss hiking. Well I mean, technically we’re hiking right now. I mean I miss hiking without the sounds of an actual war. Birds and wind and shit. I miss that. But this is good exercise too.”      • Near any body of water: “Please say maybe this time we’re just out to fish. No? Worth a shot. One of these days.” / “This county has the best fishin’ spots in the world, but the best one’s require a hike and some camping gear to really enjoy.” / “If they hadn’t started dumping bliss in everything, I’d say let’s go for a quick swim. The water here is never as cold as you think it is.”      • Fall’s End: “Mary May runs a tight ship, but she can throw a hell of a party.” / “Pastor Jerome set me up with AA when I first moved to the county. He’s a damn good man, and a great listener.” / “As stupid as it is, I look forward to the Testy Festy every year. Love a good tradition. Sometimes you just need something to look forward to, you know?”

I’m going to tag @deathvalleyqueen​ because I’d like to learn more about your characters, but you may have been tagged before. ^^;;;

Thank you so so much! I don’t think I have many people I can tag that haven’t already been, but consider it an open tag if you see it on your dash. <3 

[sodalitefully]

Cliches, Part 3

As promised, Steven’s annual holiday party!  More of the reptile store/bakery AU, Sluff with just a hint of Izzal, lots of fluff and drunken shenanigans.  

(Cliches part one, two, check out my masterlist for more!)

🎄🌟🎄🌟🎄🌟🎄

11:30AM, The Friday Before Christmas:

There was always a lull in customers between the breakfast and lunch rushes, but instead of taking a well-deserved break, Duff was used to finding ways to keep himself busy, starting by wiping down the few tables he managed to fit inside his tiny store. Damp rag in hand, he paused at one of the tables to check on the napkin dispenser and of course it was that moment, bent over to reach the dispenser by the wall, his ass in the air and his back to the door, when the bell over the entrance jingled. He spun around at the sound, whacking a table leg with his shin, and instinctively braced himself against the chair behind him when he saw Slash standing in the doorway.

Slash had… a presence, you could say, an aura about him that always seemed to hit Duff like a freight train. It must be the hair and the bulky black leathers, Duff decided, making Slash seem bigger than he really is and absorbing all the light in a room so that Duff’s eyes were always drawn straight to him. Sunglasses hid his eyes (did he really need them just to cross the street to Duff’s bakery?) and his lips were pressed together, but they softened into a tiny smile when he looked at Duff.

“Slash! Hi!” Duff squeaked, then cleared his throat and hoped he wasn't visibly blushing as he scrambled back to safety behind the cash register. Slash followed right behind him, stopping in front of the register with his fingers resting on the edge of the counter. Duff couldn’t stand watching his own reflection in Slash’s glasses, so his eyes wandered as he continued.

“Uh, what can I do for you?” he stammered, staring down at Slash’s silver rings.

“Mm, I just thought I’d drop by and check that you're still planning to come to Steven's Christmas party tonight."

“Oh! Yeah, of course. I am. Uh, I’m looking forward to it."

“Good.” Slash shuffled his feet, a gesture that would have seemed more nervous if not for the pleased little smirk on his lips. “I’ll see you there, then.” Slash took a step back as if to leave, then paused and leaned back in.

“Duff?” The baker froze in mortification when Slash pointed a finger up at the red and green elf hat that Duff completely forgot he was wearing. “Bring that."

*****

6:00PM, Steven Should Really Be Decorating The Bar Right Now:

“Nah, I’m not going to go as hard this year."

Steven snorted in disbelief.

“Yeah right, Slash. Like how last year you said you were gonna take it easy but you ended up jumping off the roof? Or the year before, when you had a flight to catch the next morning but you still challenged Axl to a drinking contest, and then as soon as you beat him you turned around and challenged Izzy?"

Slash grimaced. Steven always tended bar for the first couple hours of the party and was therefore the last one to get drunk, which meant that he had dirt on everybody. Slash resisted the urge to argue that the roof was only seven feet high, and he’d landed on his feet without even spraining anything – it was nothing Steven hadn’t heard before.

“No, seriously…” Slash lowered his voice a little and leaned across the bar, even though absolutely nobody was listening in on their conversation. “…I really don’t want to embarrass myself in front of Duff. It’s his first party with us, you know? He hasn’t seen me drunk off my ass yet and I don’t want to, well, scare him off."

Steven nodded sympathetically, but mentally he was weighing the odds. It was true that Duff was a timid sort, and Steven knew all about Slash’s massive crush on his neighbor. But he also knew that Slash had been going steady with Jack Daniels for way longer than he’s been hung up on Duff. Could Slash make it through a holiday party without getting wasted? Not a fuckin’ chance.

*****

9:30PM, Time (And Liquor) Makes Fools Of Us All:

Duff stepped foot in the building all of two seconds ago and already Slash was latched onto his arm and dragging him to the bar.

“Stevie, Duff’s here!” The party officially started at nine, but Duff suspected that Slash may have gotten a head start on the bottle of whiskey clenched in his fist, if his uncharacteristically cheery demeanor was anything to go by.

“Pick your poison, buddy,” Steven invited with a knowing smirk.

“Uh, I don’t know, something with vodka…?” Duff was very preoccupied by the warm leather of Slash’s sleeve pressing against his side and the barest brush of his frizzy hair against Duff’s neck, but Steven sure got his attention when he slid an unopened bottle of Smirnoff across the bar.

*****

10:30PM, Santa’s Helpers Are Bringing Down The Neighborhood’s Property Value:

Every year, Axl and Izzy responded to their invitation with humming and hawing, as if they just might not be able to make it to the party this time, and every year (fashionably late, of course), Axl strutted into the bar like he owned it and Izzy slunk in behind him like a party crasher trying not to get caught.

Axl was more than ready to get his hands on a stiff drink, but the scene in front of him stopped him in his tracks: Slash and Duff, wearing an antler headband and an elf hat (respectively), equipped with window markers that Axl could only assume Steven had provided, were well on their way to turning the front window into a mural of lewd and filthy and sometimes festive doodles. When they finished, it would surely be a masterpiece to rival the Sistine Chapel, or maybe an issue of Hustler.

“Jesus Christ.”

It was only 10:30, did they really have to get such an early start on the shenanigans? Duff blushed red at Axl’s resigned exasperation, but it didn’t stop him from completing a crude drawing of a dick. The tiny bells on Slash’s headband jingled as he just laughed and added nipples to an (actually quite impressive) portrait of a shirtless woman. Fucking hell. At least they weren’t breaking anything… Yet.

*****

12:00PM, Good Fucking Luck Getting A Turn At The Karaoke Machine:

"Oh, Nikita, you will never know, never know anything about my home. I'll never know how good it feels to hold you... Nikita, I need you so."

As he sang the last words of the song, Axl spotted Izzy slipping away from the karaoke stage, ducking his head to hide the pink flush on his cheeks as he hurried back to the bar. Axl just smirked; Izzy always got embarrassed when Axl serenaded him in public, but he’d be back for more soon enough. Axl thought about following him, thought about getting Izzy even more flustered then dragging him to the restroom for a little fun like they did last year… But there’d be time for that later. For now, Axl wasn’t about to give up his reign as the undisputed Karaoke King.

Duff was sitting at the edge of a booth next to the karaoke machine, absentmindedly sucking on a cigarette and watching Axl pace the tiny stage like a caged animal ready to snap at anyone who tries to stick their hand through the bars, when Slash snuck up behind him with three beers balanced precariously in his hands.

“Watch this,” Slash stage whispered conspiringly as he handed one beer to Duff and then slid the second over to Axl. “Taking requests tonight, Ax?"

Axl sipped his drink and quirked his eyebrow at Slash. “Maybe."

“Well, Duff says he wants to hear some Nazareth."

“I said what?” Duff spluttered, narrowly avoiding choking on his beer, but Slash just elbowed him in the ribs.

“Shut up dude, it’s about to get good!"

Axl rolled his eyes at Slash’s bullshit but he jabbed a song into the karaoke machine and twisted the dial on the speaker.

“Gonna need some volume on this one…"

As the intro to a familiar song started to play, Slash wrapped an arm around Duff’s shoulders in apology. Duff leaned into the touch, and any remaining indignation he might have felt vanished as soon as Axl opened his mouth and started to scream.

“You’re a heart-breaking soul shaker, I’ve been told about you…"

“Shit, Axl can fuckin’ sing!” Duff whisper-shouted into Slash’s hair. Slash laughed, a sound that Duff had been graced with more times in this one night than all the rest of their acquaintance. He leaned up to put his lips by Duff’s ear.

“I dare you to request All I Want For Christmas Is You next!"

*****

1:00PM, O Tannenbaum:

“Hey, what are you guys doing to my – OH. Oh my god!”

A patch of branches on Steven’s Christmas tree was stripped bare of it’s dressings, but Steven couldn’t bring himself to stay angry about the vandalism when he saw how the decorations had been repurposed.

Slash sat cross-legged in front of the tree, very patiently doing his best to keep any drunken swaying to a minimum as Duff carefully wound a popcorn garland around his shoulders like a feather boa. Slash’s hair was sprinkled in gold tinsel, a pair of glass baubles dangled from his hoop earrings, and at least a half dozen more glass and paper ornaments were lovingly nestled in his voluminous curls.

Steven sprinted for the camera.

*****

3:00AM, Come Here Often?:

Slash couldn’t actually remember where he and Duff were trying to get, but it was clear that Duff was having a hard time getting there without swaying and stumbling. Duff was leaning heavily on Slash’s shoulder to stay upright – even though Slash wasn’t doing much better himself.

“Oof!” Duff tripped on something (likely as not his own feet) and tumbled to the side, where he was fortunate enough to land on a sticky leather couch instead of falling all the way to the floor. His arm was still wrapped around Slash’s shoulders, which meant that Slash was also yanked off his feet and dragged by the neck onto the couch where he landed gracelessly on top of Duff.

“Shit, sorry –“ Duff wheezed, sounding like he might have had the breath knocked out of him.

“S’fine, fine… You ok sweetheart?” Slash’s pet-name filter had disengaged completely a couple hours ago.

“Yeah, lemme just… hold on…”

Getting up from the couch seemed like too tall an order, but after some squirming and fumbling they managed a more comfortable position: Duff lay on his back with his knees hooked over the armrest and his hair splayed around his head like a wreath on the cracked seat cushion. Slash was draped on top of him, his forearms on either side of Duff’s head and his thigh conspicuously dipping between Duff’s legs.

Duff suddenly felt a lot more sober as he stared straight up at Slash’s dark eyes. Slash’s hair fell like a curtain around their faces, and the slivers of light that pierced the veil left a gleam in Slash’s eyes that Duff couldn’t quite read. He was nervous as hell, but for once he relished the feeling, that intoxicating cocktail of terror, anticipation, and arousal.

“Duff?” Slash’s fingertips wove into Duff’s hair, the gentlest touch but still enough to hold Duff’s head in place, not that he ever wanted to move.

“Yeah?” Duff was surprised by the thickness of the want in his voice, a low, heavy tone that resonated in the small space between them.

One moment Duff could feel Slash’s warm breath on his cheeks, the next he could feel his hot lips, then his tongue when Duff’s mouth fell open, in surprise or invitation he didn’t know or care.

Duff couldn’t say how long they lay tangled together, Slash’s body pinning him down, his hands buried in Slash’s curls, gasping for air when Slash finally broke their heated first kiss. They each caught their breath and stared at each other’s wet lips, neither sure what to say except:

“Again."

❄️❄️❄️

Steven has a secret box with a secret compartment full of embarrassing pictures of his friends at the Christmas party!

Axl’s karaoke songs are Nikita by Elton John, Hair Of The Dog by Nazareth (also on The Spaghetti Incident) and All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey.

Also, I’d like to formally request a drawing of Slash with ornaments in his hair. (Edit: here!!)

[ujuro]

as it is halfway through the year i have decided to do my  fave songs so far (i wanted ten but ehhhhhhhhh fuck that)

in no particular order:

Apink-Eung Eung: i was wondering if their concept change followup would be as strong as im so sick and wouldya look at that this song is good AND hella interesting. im still not down with the disrespect ifans give apinks past songs but im becoming more and more happy that a 2nd gen gg is successfully creating a new life for itself

Dreamcatcher-Piri: every new dreamcatcher title track has dethroned the last one as my fave so even though rn im like THIS IS AMAZING AND NOTHING WILL EVER TOP IT EVER ill probably eat my words pretty soon. Anyway this is amazing and nothing will top it ever. shout out to diamond and atwnol as well duh

(g)i-dle- Senorita: while i was originally pretty pissed at this song for the drawn-out end section that doesnt use the great chorus, this song is still greatly replayable and has wormed its way into my heart. i listen to it all the time

dia-woowa: the fact that this song wasnt a massive hit is a CRIME. an x-treme gameshow bop, and who knows how many times ive played it. i dont even know how to explain my love for this song other than it just bangs REAL hard

clc- no and me: i dont think i can really rank these two songs apart from each other. just two really solid hard-hitting songs that work with the ideas of “girl crush” and “empowerment” without falling into the annoying and grating parts that those songs often have. the styling, choreography, and execution is way above groups that are much bigger, and i just love clc

wjsn- 12 o’clock: it is blasphemous to say that i like this song more than cantabile and you got? maybe. Does not change my opinion tho. its just so...bouncy. i love it. this entire mini is amazing though.

Monsta x: stealer: ITS SO DRAMATIC. shout out to mx for being the only bg that is consistently wack and interesting i love them so much.

everglow- bon bon chocolat: this song still goes just as hard as it did when it came out. the truest banger released this year. with this and moon (also a fave), i cant wait for more.

im-scent: admittedly i do not listen to horizon pretty much at all but scent is just so good. a perfect melancholy little creation. and NO im not just saying that cause im biased i just really like this song

oh my girl: the fifth season: like many others, during the first verse of this song i was like this is it? really? but then that bomb of a chorus drops and this song becomes next level. it speaks for itself really. this album is also really good, though ive been in the mood for hype songs lately so checkmate speaks to me the most of the b-sides lol

bund-i mean bvndit- dramatic: i really liked hocus pocus as well but this song has a slight edge to it that made me really interested in the group. despite being a pretty standard trop house-style song, it just flows so well

favorite-loca: for me, the spanish trend is pretty hit-or-miss (as in i mean i only like it when ggs do it lol). but this song also has an amazing chorus that carries it

momoland- im so hot: this song is fun as hell fite me. sucks that momoland is in such a load of shit with members not appearing tho cause i love and would die for my girls. mld ent and the wack brigade of stan twitter momoland haters can fite me too. 

fromis_9- love rum pum pum: im so predictable. retro pop sound=i love it. fun is nice but its a bit much ya know.

cherry bullet’s entire love adventure single: i really like really really despite it being kinda generic and something that i should scoff at, but ruddy and ping pong are even better? i didnt expect to like this groups music so much but their songs so far are charming i love my girls. 

wjsn- lets dance: IM PREDICTABLE AND LOVE BANGERS’

hong jinyoung-rain of tears: SHUT UP I LOVE THIS SAD TROT BALLAD

twice- hot and breakthrough: new concept twice can kill me and id say thank you

yunho and boa- swing: im so glad that i force myself to listen to as many releases as possible because i probably woulda skipped over yunhos solo album but then i woulda missed this song and holy fuckin shit yall its another banger i love

red velvet-sunny side up: well duh

also the entire fuckin mini i made mini by idle and no1 by clc cause this is long but i just realized id have to list all of the bsides on them too fuck

shout out to my sexy girls girl crush and camila. In fact shout out in general to every sexy dance team and gg that gets more fancam views than your faves. Ive grown way attached to all of them honestly lmao

i feel bad not listing songs by them as like a TOP fave because theyre both my ult groups but despite being good overall the only standouts i really like from loona and izones minis are colors and highlight. butterfly really grew on me, but i often wake up at night in a cold sweat thinking about how loona as a group may never put out a song i like more than egoist or eclipse or love cherry motion or oecs mini

also shout out to moonlight by geegu because im just shocked they came back at all and only lost 3/9 members too. same with leggo by wannab though that song isnt as good. tmi by hot place as well for eurodance wack. 

if you have made it this far you can now know the real song i have been listening to the most over the past week or so and that is time bomb by icia. i could go into detail and try to explain myself but i shall not. i love this fuckin song. in fact ive been more into ultra nugus than my faves lately. thank god for ultra nugus. 

the end

[eggscelsior]

Tag Game

I was tagged by @allforandreil <3

last?

drink: Tap water phone call: My dad text message: My mom song you listened to: Choke by I Don’t Know How But They Found Me (it’s my “drugged Andrew censoring Neil and himself in Exites” song) time you cried: idk prolly yesterday, I cry a lot over happy and sad things

ever?

dated someone twice: Like, two dates? Yes. Broke up and took em back? I’m not masochistic. kissed someone and regretted it: Yes been cheated on: Nah  lost someone special: Yes gotten drunk and thrown up: I was that drunk precisely once and I made myself throw up because it was an uncomfortable sensation and I didn’t want to digest any more of the alcohol. I don’t understand Kevin and the Monsters that get wasted, okay, it’s not fun??? fave colors?: Any dark shade of purple (plums, wines), royal blue, deep green, sunny yellow

in the last year have you?

made new friends: Yes :) fallen out of love: Nah the ace awakening happened like five years ago laughed until you cried: Lots :) found out someone was talking about you: Not in a bad way met someone who changed you: Yep! Very recent friends who have made me more comfortable and confident <3 found out who your friends are: I accumulate them slowly and keep them forever, it’s not a sudden discovery kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: Nope!

general

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Facebook is for people who actually know my face, so all of em. do you have any pets: Rosie is my gorgeous Dumerils boa <3333333 do you want to change your name: Yep! Amelia Rae ...and some last name that ends in a T. Because Ameliorate is my favorite English word. I am that nerd.  what did you do for your last birthday: My best friend/fake twin (same birthday) and her fiance and I went out for dinner and homemade cake what time did you wake up today: 7am what were you doing last night at midnight: I will be perfectly honest I was reading my tagger’s delicious smut and I am not ashamed. what is something you can’t wait for:  To have a place of my own without family or roommates. what are you listening to right now: My fish tank have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yeah something that gets on your nerves: People who pretend everything is fine to your face and complain to others about you, instead of simply telling you their problem and letting you change and grow accordingly. most visited website: Tumblr hair colour: Dishwater blonde. Can’t be assed to put in effort and color it but if I did I’d go auburn like my mother (WHY didn’t I get her hair genes TnT) long or short hair: Shoulder length, needs to be cut short again what do you like about yourself: My empathy. Also my tits want any piercings: Maybe an industrial? But it would look weird with my preference for dangly earrings over studs in the lobes. blood type: O+ nicknames: Not sure I have one, aside from things my brothers called me as a child that didn’t stick relationship status: Single and satisfied with this zodiac sign: Cancer (Gemini with the Ophiuchus shift, which works well with having a fake twin and all) fave tv show: B99, Father Brown, Endeavour, NCIS (till Abby left), uh...basically if it’s detective or procedural cop, but especially if it’s British, I’m guaranteed to love it tattoos: none yet, I’ve got a spot in mind once I have a meaningful design right or left handed: Right-handed ever had surgery: Wisdom teeth extraction piercings: Ears, nips sports: Does calligraphy count? No? Well, the gym. trainers: Ryka eating: Salmon and Kale Quinoa Salad from Bubba’s 33 (@nurplenurple go eat this holy shit) drinking: Tap water, perpetually. I crave that mineral i’m about to watch: Got an odd hankering for Season 1 (the only good season) of that Tokyo Drift anime with the odd lips, you know the one...Initial D, that’s the name waiting for: Aforementioned anime to buffer want: My job to pay twice as much get married: PFFFFT NAH career: I love working in my water lab, just y’know...twice as much money pls hugs or kisses: hugsssssssss lips or eyes: Eyes (specifically the combination of dark hair/lashes and light irises, hnnnnng good aesthetic material right there) shorter or taller: I’ve never dated a guy taller than me and I’m related to no men shorter than me, not sure if there’s a psychological connection there older or younger: Well I have a kink for older but not for ME, y’know. Just to look at. nice arms or stomach: Mmmmmmmmng biceps hookup or relationship: Neh troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant

have you ever?

kissed a stranger: No drank hard liquor: Yes lost glasses: Spare contacts in the purse for when I lose the glasses, otherwise can’t be assed to put in contacts turned someone down: No sex on the first date: Never broken someone’s heart: ...yes but didn’t mean to had your heart broken: By my own fuckin asexuality, maybe been arrested: Nope cried when someone died: Yes fallen for a friend: No

do you believe in

yourself: Sometimes miracles: Yes love at first sight:  No kiss on the first date:  Not frenching lol angels: Yes

other?

best friend’s name: The irl ones? Liliana and Maddie <3 The online ones? DK and Misha and getting to know a few others too <3 eye colour: Hazel fave movie: The Emperor’s New Groove favourite actor: Tyler Hoechlin favourite food: Vegetables, is that weird to say? I snack on frozen bagged veggies instead of popcorn extrovert or introvert: Introvert favourite flower: Rose for the scent, Lily of the Valley for appearance favourite hello kitty character? We’re just going to replace this with “Homestuck” and the answer is Karkat

I’m tagging @dkafterdark, @nurplenurple, @still-waiting-for-godot, and @yeollie-bells ^u^

[felicityb-reviews]

Review Roundup - Week 4 January 2018

Hello, my lovely baby boos!! My name is Jace (aka Felicity B), and welcome to your Weekly Roundup for Week 4 of January 2018!! This week was something else, sis. I must have listened to 40 or 50 different songs for this week's list. It was cray!! For these kinds of lists, the last thing I wanna do is leave off songs because I don't like them, but that's what I ended up having to do. This week's list was getting excessively long (is still excessively long), but the last thing we need here is an RRU with 20 ballads.

That being said, there's a lot of songs here with "I liked it, it was good" reviews. There's not much I can do about that. A lot of the music that came out this week was very middle of the road. They're good songs, don't get me wrong; I'd throw very few of them into the Shuffle Bait. But there's just not much to say about them.

Turn It Up (RAINZ)

*sigh*

I really wanted to like this song, you guys. That chorus is Rave Excellence™ (if EDM tracks from rookie boy bands sounded like this, I wouldn't hate them so much). It's fucking everything, sis. And you know, I can excuse RAINZ for conjuring the spirit of 4minute with that New and Improved™ Hate breakdown. Everything leading up to it was bomb af, so I can get over myself with how annoyed I was by it.

But what I refuse to get over is DUBSTEP IN 2018!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

NO MA'AM!!

I don't know what makes Turn It Up pop so much more than tracks we've heard from groups like UP10TION or SF9 or ViCTON, because like I mentioned before, it's all in the same lane. Sure, that chorus makes my inner gay wanna come charging out and kiss five boys before rolling around in body paint (and then proceed to kiss five more boys), but this isn't anything we haven't heard before, musically. There's nothing inherently fun about this song (just extremely gay, which... RAINZ is a Broduce 101 project group, so of course), I just really freaking like it.

I just can't get over dubstep in 2018. If I had the means to cut it out of the track, I would be featuring that version in the official playlist.

#PettyBitch

Rating - Conditional Rotation

NO MORE (LIMZY featuring Huckleberry P)

No More is an exercise in RnB influenced Trip Hop/EDM that I wasn't sure I was gonna like, at first. This weirdly disjointed flavor of electroRnB is really not my taste, and the fact that LIMZY pushed it more left field than I've heard before really didn't help matters.

But No More is charming in its own way. The more I listened to it, the more it grew on me. LIMZY's smooth vocals are a nice foil to the weirdness of the beat, and Huckleberry P's rap didn't irritate me as much as I thought it would. I gotta be in a certain mood to really enjoy a song like this, but when I'm in said mood, catch me dissociating to No More.

Rating - Conditional Rotation

A luminous cat (Evolution of Sound)

A luminous cat is kind of basic, but it's also kind of fun. It's hella catchy, too.

Would you say that the luminous cat is also a lucky cat?!?!?!

I've always found it interesting how the farther away from K-Pop you get, the lower everyone's voices get. Ballad singers live in the low baritone/mezzo soprano range (although some of them think they live in soprano/tenor land, and they need to Stop Stop It™), and EoS's vocalist is the same. He's got a voice on him like WINNER's Kang Seung Yoon, but not quite as raspy. It's really nice to listen to.

A luminous cat is a synth driven pop/rock song. The first time I listened to it, I was bored as fuck all. The teaser had a lil somethin' somethin' goin' on, but the song fell flat in full. Upon repeat listens, A luminous cat hooks you in, but this is not a track I really wanna play all of the time. Which is a shame, cause I don't hear this type of sound a lot in Korean music.

Rating - Shuffle Bait

Ttongkku (Park Jongchul)

This is the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. And I stan Kim Jongin, okay?!?!? Do y'all know how cute my mans is?!!? But this video is even cuter than him!!!

#Shook

Ttongkku is a very whimsical acoustic ballad (for lack of a better descriptor). With the way Ttongkku is written, I'd expect this to be from something for children. The majority of the song follows the same strum pattern, just with different chord progressions swapped in, so Ttongkku is perhaps one of the most simple songs I've reviewed. That doesn't take away from how great this song is, tho. It's a really nice break from all the flashiness of K-Pop, which can easily wear on the ears.

Rating - Conditional Rotation

To Heart (fromis_9)

To Heart sounds like the theme song from a 2008 shoujo anime. I shouldn't be surprised considering their pre-release track, Glass Shoes, also sounded like that, and the inspiration behind Idol School is definitely Japanese idol groups. It's just not a sound you hear a lot in K-Pop.

fromis_9 (pronounced Promise 9, even though I still pronounce it like it's written without meaning to) is the group that resulted from last year's survival show Idol School. You know, when everyone was suddenly concerned about the ethnics of all these survival shows, because it wasn't under the Produce banner.

#ShadyBitch

While I liked Glass Shoes (and appreciated K-Pop's modern production techniques being applied to a song like it), it was definitely nothing to write home about. It was easy to lose it in the craziness that is end of the shows and what not. To Heart is, unfortunately, more of the same, but it definitely holds its own.

To Heart is an upbeat, happy go lucky pop/rock track with a really catchy violin riff layered on top of the intro and chorus bits. The verses are rather lowkey, but the chorus puts the pedal to the metal with the energy. You don't really hear a lot of lighter pop/rock tracks in K-Pop, so this is definitely a sound I'd like for fromis_9 to explore more, because it could easily give them a leg up on all the other cutesy girl groups. Tis a good comeback, but that's literally it for me, sis.

Rating - Conditional Rotation

Jazzclub (BoA)

Current Dancing Queen of K-Pop, Kwon BoA, has set her sights on Japan with a new album, set to release in February of 2018 (and it was about fuckin' time, because Who's Back was an abominable Mess™)!! Jazzclub is a song that's been floating around since December, but I'm including it in today's list per request since the single actually dropped last week.

Um... Whom tf just calls their ex out of the blue to tell them they got married?! Every time I watch the video for Jazzclub, I'm so confused by why this bit is included (they literally could've just started with BoA in the club with the song playing).

To the surprise of quite a few people (myself included), Jazzclub is an electroswing track with one of the catchiest horn riffs I've heard in K-Pop. If you're over horn riffs in K-Pop, you'll be happy to know that while it is played at the intro and after every chorus, those sections don't last for long. The most surprising bit about this song is definitely when BoA starts scat singing. Never in my life would I ever expect Kwon Boah to start scat singing in one of her songs, but I guess that just goes to show why she's the Queen.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about Jazzclub, babies. I obviously don't hate it, but there's just something keeping me from falling in love with this song completely. I definitely enjoy the chorus, that horn riff doesn't really bother me (I been listening to all kinds of horns in my music since I was a baby), and I was scalpedt by BoA's scat singing. But this song just doesn't come together the way I need it to, sis. BoA seems like she's phoning it in here, and that's the opposite of what someone in her stature should be doing.

Rating - Conditional Rotation

Don't Stop (TheEastLight.)

TheFetusLight. TheEastLight. weren't content with shaving our edges off with the Funky Fresh™ A Real Man last week, so they decided to drop a lyric video for their song Don't Stop to finish the job.

Of shaving us baldt, that is.

Don't Stop is a pop/punk number that I immediately latched onto. It simply suits TheFetusLight. TheEastLight. far more than A Real Man did. Not to say that they did MJ wrong with A Real Man, but Don't Stop feels more like their style. TheFetusLight. TheEastLight. do more youthful n fun tracks like this (and I Got You) far better than they do songs like A Real Man and You're My Love, because these types of songs suit their voices more.

Rating - Heavy Rotation

Winter Sleep (Lee Junhoe of 2PM)

Two questions -

How many of these 2PM fools can rap?!?!

What is up with these 2PM boys having whack ass vocal production on their songs!?!?!

Junhoe's Winter Sleep sounds like he got Day6's Young K to write him a song and then pulled in some random producer to arrange it into an RnB track. While I am cross about the weird effects on Junhoe's voice (they contrast very Wrongly™ with the sample that sounds like a digital clock ticking), he sounds leagues better than Wooyoung did on two of the four songs I reviewed for in previous Review Roundups, so I'm not too mad.

I don't like this song. It's not a Trash Bomb like Wooyoung's Party Shots, but I wouldn't even download this for Shuffle Bait. The weird beeping contrasting with the vocal effects is one thing, but the entire song just sounds way too loud. None of the elements meld together in a pretty manner, and if I were Young K, I'd demand reparations for Junhoe doin' my song like this.

Rating - Trash Bomb

Radio 199.3 (SBGB)

SBGB decided to go left field with their acoustic midtempo, and the results are a very pleasing aural experience.

Radio 199.3 is your typical acoustic midtempo, but with some very creative chord choices to make the song stand out above all the other acoustic midtempos we've heard this month. I'm typical a sucker for these types of songs (and their RnB cousins), so even if SBGB didn't include the ear catching chord progressions, I'd still be a fan of this song.

This is a song for soft days. For rainy afternoons that make you wanna curl up in bed with someone special. Or those days when things are just kind of blue, and you wanna listen to something simple.

Rating - Conditional Rotation

Thank You, Goodbye (BoA)

BoA, once again proving that she is indeed That Bitch™ (as in, That Bitch™ who loves to spread ha'self too thin), has released the the title track from her new Japanese album two days before she drops her new Korean album.

Because why scalp ya fandom once, when you can do it twice?!?! IN TWO DIFFERENT COUNTRIES!!

Thank You, Goodbye is a Japanese Ballad. If you've been a J-Pop fan for any period of time, you've decided if you like these types of songs or hate them (song quality notwithstanding). I happen to really like the way they sound, and I absolutely adore Thank You, Goodbye. BoA has a very shrill, nasal voice, so anytime she records a song like this, it's a risk that it could turn out Very Bad™. But the production in Thank You, Goodbye compliments BoA's voice well. And speaking of her voice, whomstever was on vocal production duties was on their A game, cause these arrangements are A1. You deserve a raise, babe!!

BoA's Thank You, Goodbye album is due for release in Japan on February 14, while Nega Dola is due for release in Korea on January 31.

Rating - Heavy Rotation

Shall We Dance (SBGB)

Shall We Dance is a very different song than what I was expecting. I thought she was gonna be an upbeat acoustic number, but what I got was a melancholy piano driven midtempo.

I'm not upset, tho. On the contrary, I'm very content.

Shall We Dance sees SBGB sprinkling in unusual sonic choices (including an uptick in tempo at the end of the track) to make their acoustic midtempos pop just like in Radio 199.3. This is all tied together with the very bright (but restrained) soprano of their vocalist.

I like Shall We Dance more than I do Radio 199.3, simply because I like piano driven tracks more than acoustic guitar ones, but I don't see myself listening to it as much as Radio 199.3. Radio 199.3 is a song for a specific mood, but the mood of Shall We Dance is quite darker than the one in Radio 199.3, That's not something I really want in my space all the time. Still, this song makes my Musician Brain™ very happy.

Rating - Conditional Rotation

Cherry On Top (10:45 from The Unit G)

Y'all, I was so so S O sure that Cherry On Top was gonna make the Fabulous Five for this week!! I don't know what name I'd put on songs with this kind of synth bass that also acts like a melodic element and a percussive one, but I fucking L O V E them. I loved it in SNSD's All Night (All Night should have been all the chorus bits, imo), and I loved it in the Cherry On Top preview.

But Cherry On Top is Como se dice... Not Good™.

Now, I listen to Cherry On Top like crazy, because I'm a fan of all of the different elements. But I listen to a lot of songs that I'd rate very poorly, because a) my taste in music is trash and b) I like fun music. If you're song isn't made well, but is a fun aural experience, I can excuse that.

I'm not gonna put you in a top faves list, because I have *some* integrity. But I mean...

The problem with Cherry On Top is that the verses and the choruses are too different, and the transition from the verse to the chorus is whack af. I mean, they *tried* (once), but it's still too jarring of a change. And I don't understand why they jumped right from the verse to the chorus after the rap in the second verse. That always throws me off. This bridge is also trash. It's literally just the prechorus, copy and pasted after the second refrain section. Blegh.

Today's video of Cherry On Top is brought to you by the ladies of The UNIT G's 10:45 unit winning second place in the digital single challenge. There is also a performance version of the video (that I wish was the original) that you can view here. And be sure to watch the ladies of 10:45 making your fave boy band look redundant on Music Bank here!!

Rating - Heavy Rotation

Always (Blooming of The Unit G)

I'm not gonna lie, the first time I heard Always, I turned my tv off because I couldn't find my phone to change the video. I really had that visceral of a reaction to the song.

Always is every cutesy K-Pop song you've ever heard. And I usually love these kinds of songs; they're fun, even if they aren't the most imaginative thing in the world. But Always is just ridiculously saccharine. It's a little too much, sis. It did end of growing on me, but this is not a song I want in my face all the time.

Today's video of Always is brought to you by the ladies of The UNIT G's Blooming unit winning first place in the digital single challenge. There is also a performance version of the video that you can view here. And be sure to check out Blooming perform Always on Music Bank here!!

Rating - Shuffle Bait

I Wanna Become a Celeb (Celeb Five)

Whoever said trot music was boring has clearly never heard of Celeb 5.

Granted, I'm pretty sure this is a project group, because *I've* never heard of them before this song. Either way, I Wanna Become a Celeb is a really fun trot song that's perfect if you need something over the top to jam to.

The best part of I Wanna Become a Celeb is how it refuses to take itself seriously. There's a random ass break in the middle of the track where it totally changes vibes twice, and then goes back to the original. The vocals are done in a tongue in cheek manner. The entire thing is just a really fun mess, and I love everything about it.

Rating - Heavy Rotation

The Perks Of Breaking Up (Cho Jung Chi featuring Fromm)

The Perks of Breaking Up is a sad song. But not too sad, if that makes sense.

The Perks of Breaking Up is a soft synthrock ballad. I really like the way it builds from a simple acoustic guitar all the way up to a rousing orchestration of guitars and synths. A song like this could have easily turn dreary and overly sad, but the arrangement and composition uplifts it. Yes, this is a song about a breakup, but it isn't the end of the world. Take what you need to be sad, and live. That's the feeling I get from this song. Tis nice.

Rating - Conditional Rotation

Propose (Younha)

Miss Younha, not content with the pile of wigs she procurred with last month's Hello and Parade, has blessed us with an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo in the form of Propose.

We love a benevolent queen, babies.

Propose, like I mentioned above, is an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo. Ms Younha's voice is complimented well by a soft guitar and electric keyboard, which are all laid over a soft n simple drum machine. A song like this is Shuffle Bait in the best of ways, imo. I'd put this on on my own accord, mind you, but this is the kind of song I'd look forward to playing if I put my phone on shuffle.

Rating - Heavy Rotation

Always Find You (Kwon Yuri x RAIDEN)

I see Future Bass is the mood of #TwentyGayTeen. Not sure how I feel about that, but considering how much I like Always Find You (and how I can't wait for Seventeen to ruin my life with Thank You), I guess I don't mind.

The problem that I have with most Future Bass songs is that they lack any type of punch or originality. And I mean, most styles of EDM really do not have any room for originality, but Future Bass just seems to have this problem where producers and DJs just churn out the most generic sounding beats they can. Always Find You, thankfully, doesn't have that issue.

Always Find You has a breakdown that washes over you and makes you feel like you're floating. There's a depth of sound/feeling here that I don't get with most Future Bass tracks. Yuri isn't the best vocalist, but she does her best to stand head and shoulders above the instrumentation (and has a producer that wants those Big Man Monies™). There are also vocoded bits that serve as a hook interjected into the prechorus that make it pop, and it's just... *clenches fist* So Good!!

Always find you is a collaboration between Yuri and English based producer/DJ Raiden for SMSTATION. There is an English version that features on Protocol Records' Youtube channel that you can watch here.

Rating - Heavy Rotation

Hometown (Ryan)

Ryan's Hometown sounds like someone decided to take acid, and turn the experience into a song. It's... I'm not quite sure if I like the way it turned out.

Hometown starts out nice and easy, folks. She's not gonna hurt you. Yet. Ryan creates a beautifully tranquil atmosphere with just his voice and a piano, but it doesn't stay that way for long. Hometown very quickly builds and crests into a drop that I would lovingly describe as Dissociation At It's Finest™.

Cause a bitch feels like she's flying!! YEEHAW, MOTHERFUCKERS!!

After the second verse is when Hometown takes a turn into Bad Trip™ land. This section takes the gentle and almost euphoric feeling of the first drop, and inverts them into something nightmareish. If you're not prepared for this section, it can scare the absolute shit outta you. I don't know why Ryan decided to add it, because the lazy bitch couldn't be fucked to properly transition out of it when he goes into the second prechorus. Either way, if you can get past how odd that shit is, Hometown is pretty great.

Rating - Conditional Rotation

Beautiful Life (Six Bomb)

Six Bomb is a group that keeps cropping up out of nowhere and surprising my ass, and you'd think I'd be used to this shit by now. At least they left the gimmicky concepts at home, and decided to just deliver a nice song this time around.

Beautiful Life is really not much to write home around. It's just a really simple pop song, accented by a sax riff that honestly makes the song. If you're sick to the back of ya teef of sax riffs in your pop music, then skip to the next song, this one is not for you. But if you don't mind them, Beautiful Life is nice.

Rating - Shuffle Bait

Baby Boo (High Soul featuring KissN and Mint)

You know that feeling when you stan a rookie from a small company that you aren't sure is gonna make it?!!?! That's me with High Soul. She showed up last year on a random episode of Music Core with a song I couldn't find a video for, and besides a few more sporadic daily music show appearances, I haven't heard from her since.

Baby Boo is a very cutesy swing song that I have to be in a cutesy mood to listen to. If the entire track was just KissN (except for Lime's rap break), I'd probably like this way more, but High Soul's nasally tone is a bit too much with the brightness of the instrumentation. I'm glad that she's still making music, but sis... This ain't the move.

Rating - Conditional Rotation

Miss You (Jang Sooa)

Miss You is a very smooth and straight forward RnB song. This is the type of song I wanna play after listening to a song like CHASY's Memories:Snow, because it helps me anchor my soul back to reality.

Cause shit, a bitch really be visitin' four dimensions in the Higher Realm™ while listening to tracks like Memories:Snow.

Miss You is your typical Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo to the T. But that's okay, sis!! We love those around these parts!! People these days are really scared to do shit that's considered ~typical~, but sometimes it's just best to stay in your lane. And that's what Ms Sooa does with Miss You.

Ms Sooa has a really pretty voice that compliments the instrumentation of Miss You very well. More intricate vocal production/arrangement would've been appreciated, tho. And mayhaps a rap break?!?! I feel like this needs a rap break. Nonetheless, a really nice song.

Rating - Shuffle Bait

vague (Ha Un)

Vague is a song you'd hear playing in an upscale bar. Pleasantly funky, but in a manner you can ignore if you wanted to.

There's not really much for me to say about vague other than "I liked it, it was good". A song like this is a textbook Shuffle Bait track, sis. I like the funkiness of the guitars and bass, and the way Ha Un's voice sis on top of the track is Very Nice™, but everything from the arrangement to the chord progressions used here are things I've heard in other songs. And not only that, but used more creatively.

Vague isn't a bad song, it just isn't that creative. And honestly, while I did just say that sometimes it's better to just stay in your lane, sometimes you stay a little *too* far in your lane.

Rating - Shuffle Bait

FLY (Heera featuring PDAY)

FLY is a song I was looking forward to, because the teasers gave me a nice instrumental. But sis... Heera's vocals were whack. They did the thing where they had the hook play out over silence, and... It wasn't cute. BUT!! I've been fooled by teasers before, so I figured I should hear FLY in full before condemning it.

My initial reaction was correct. This instrumentation is amazing, but Miss Heera's voice gets hella screechy. It's not pleasant. And while I like that this is an experimental electroRnB track that isn't too left field, I don't like it enough to purposefully play the song more than twice.

Rating - Shuffle Bait

6 (Six) (MDSZ)

6 sounds like it should be the opener for a Shounen Jump anime. That extended intro at the beginning would lend itself very well to a Bleach or Black Cat type of show.

6 is a synth driven pop/punk track. I wasn't sure what to make of this song at first, but it grew on me. Like, a fuckin' weed. This type of track would be great to work out to. I mean, I don't really work out, but I'd assume the energy here would hype you up like you're the baddest bitch in that gym.

If I ever find myself in Korea, I'd love to hear this song live. The studio version packs quite the punch, but it feels a little restrained. And that's very common with songs like these, because mixing them requires you to EQ a lot of the different elements quite aggressively to get them to sound nice together in a recording. But still, live show. I wanna be there.

Rating - Heavy Rotation

The Fabulous Five

5. NIRVANA (Ravi)

Can someone please find me what that melody being played by the xylophone at the beginning of this song is from?!?!! It sounds so annoying familiar, but I can't place it and it's gonna drive me nuts.

Not as nuts as Ravi's Sik-k imitations, but close.

Nirvana starts out sounding very on trend for a K-HipHop song. I'm not gonna lie, I was debating if I should leave Nirvana off the list, because Ravi's intro was just... So Bad™. But since we're being better people in 2018, I decided to give the whole song a chance, and I was very surprised. The verse had me boppin' a lil, cause Ravi ditches the autotune and starts rapping like he means it.

But nothing could have prepared for the Rave Realness™ of the chorus, ladies.

The autotune is back with a vengeance, but it fits the Rave backdrop better, so I'm not mad. And I will admit (grudgingly), that the hook is catchy as fuck all. This combination, lowkey, reminds me of Azealia Banks' Ice Princess (the verse bits on Nirvana are more RnB than trap, but same concept). This kind of combo really shouldn't work, but the transition into the Rave sections from the verses is clean af.

Jimin's bits are a nice break from Ravi (he's learned to stop embellishing his voice, but he can still be annoying at times), but I feel like they could have utilized her more in the track. The brightness of her voice contrasts the depth of Ravi's, plus she elevates the Rave sections very nicely. But we literally hear her for 10 seconds twice and dassit, boo!!

For whatever reason, Nirvana gets mixed into one of the b-sides on Ravi's mixtape called Alcohol in the official video. You can listen to both tracks separately here.

Rating - Heavy Rotation

4. Sunset Dream (Kriesha Chu)

Miss Kriesha Chu got bored with that Future Bass mess Hui (of Pentagon) gave her and decided to take a swipe at Ariana's ponytail. Turn up!!

Sunset Dream swaggerjacks Problem down to the horn riffs and trap breakdowns, sis. Fortunately, it does so in a way that improves upon the original, and isn't reductive. Kriesha Chu doesn't particularly care that we know she stole Problem out from underneath Ariana Grande's nose. She just wants us to know that she's a better dancer.

And has more stage presence, but let's not get *too shady*.

I don't really understand why Like Paradise was chosen to be the title track from Kriesha Chu's first glorified single album mini album when Sunset Dream was right there. This song makes Like Paradise look dusty af, and I'm salty as hell now. Either way, I'm glad she decided to perform it on MCD One Good Time™. If you'd like to hear the studio version, you may do so here.

Rating - Heavy Rotation

3. Memories:Snow (CHASY featuring Yeonhee)

If I ever lucked out and got cast in a movie, I'd want this song to play during the first makeout scene with my character's boyfriend. These types of really intense breakdowns are perfect for those types of scenes, sis.

CHASY's Memories:Snow is what I wanted from Ryan's Hometown - a straightforward EDM track to dissociate to. There are no surprise breakdowns or beat switches here, baby. Memories:Snow is 100% chillstep. And I fucking love it. These types of songs are great for bad days, because they either make me cry or feel like I'm floating.

Obviously, I like the floaty feel feels better, because that doesn't make physically exhausted, but sometimes a bitch just has to cry.

Rating - Heavy Rotation

2. Glue (Planetarium Records)

Last we saw the boys of Planetarium Records, they were ruining my life with tropical flavored RnB. Glue sees them trading in the tropical synths and drum beats for more conventional, Gospel inspired RnB sounds and hip hop beats.

And to the utter surprise and shock of absolutely no one, I fucking loved it.

While Blah was a "winin' on the beach, dancin' by the sand castles" type of track that would make any misc. group of niggas party go crazy, Glue is slow n sultry. Glue is a "slow dancing with bae" type track. Glue is a "I'm gon' romance you if it's the L A S T thing I do" track. Glue is the type of song you sing to bae when you wanna get in dem guts (or have bae blunder yours #InclusivityInOurSexJams). Glue is a song of many moods, sis.

Glue is brought to us today via a special showcase live video. The Planetarium boys were kind enough to also post their performance of Blah, which you may view here.

Rating - Heavy Rotation

1. On or Off (Nick & Sammy)

So like... Y'all just gon' snatch up Eric Nam like that!?!? Y'all really gon' steal my mans' song, and do it better than him!?!?!? I'm not mad (#SorryBae :3), I'm just curious, sis!!

On or Off is 90% a funky ass bassline, and y'all K N O W how I feel about Funk in my K-Pop!! It's also 90% Sammy rapping (and a lil singing), but I'm absolutely not mad at that, either. Nick comes in with his smooth n bright tenor just enough that it doesn't feel like On or Off is Sammy featuring Nick (in fact, I probably wouldn't like this song as much if it was just Sammy), so it's all good.

On or Off, like I mentioned above, is Funky af. Nick & Sammy have snatched their own little slice of the '90s with track, and it works so ridiculously well. On or Off is also lowkey af; this is a song you play when the party's winding down, sis. It's a lil hype, but you not trynna have nobody be buckwild.

Btw, am I just imagining things or does it sound like the na na na's were quoted from Will Smith's Gettin' Jiggy Wit It?!?!?! They didn't lift the actual audio from the song, but it sounds like they recorded their own version of that bit.

1theK continues to do the Lord's work by providing a Special Clip of On or Off (it's basically a live studio recording with) that you can watch here. Nick & Sammy also posted a dance practice video to their channel that you can view here. And be sure to check out the other videos on their Youtube channel; their covers and mashups are fucking amazing.

Rating - Heavy Rotation

Alright guys, that's it for today's list!! Be sure to tune in this time next for my next Review Roundup featuring songs from this week (I'll try to keep it under 20 songs this time, but no promises)!! And don't forget to keep your eyes open on Friday for the next entry in my SHINee Feature Spotlight series, where we're gonna be looking at some of SHINee's more contemporary tracks!!

I'm also starting up full length reviews again, pending my work schedule. I've got two lined up for next Monday, one at 12pm EST and the other at 6pm EST. Be sure to show them some love, guys!!

Love you all.

[werewolfmagic]

So, here's my playlist of my life as it has been so far. I may update it, but this is what every song on it means to me as of what was on it 30 June 2020.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9_zyjXfClT3ymeEbJNz-a3oWHgs_isWM

1. Lalasweet- So, this first area of the playlist is themed to be my foreign songs. This first one I first heard in college at Radford University. I spent a lot of my time in college walking around listening to music. This one means a lot to me because I can still feel myself walking around campus when I hear it. I see myself very clearly walking in front of the gym, heading to my sociology class in the morning with my fruity tea from Starbucks. I felt so calm back then, the pain from high school just evaporated as I listened to this song.

2. PEEP SHOW- So, this song took a lot of effort for me to find after I first heard it in college. It was written in characters and I couldnt for the life of me get it translated so I could find it on YouTube. But hey, here it is. I sang this song and the previous song to myself a lot as I walked around campus. The same image appears in my head whenever I listen to it.

3. Crossing Field- This one is a trip for me. So, Sword Art Online was my first anime way back when in high school. This is the first opening song to it. This song also got me into listening to japanese music! Sword Art still holds a special place in my heart. I actually read nearly all the books that have been published, and I've seen so much of it. Another sword art song is actually later in the playlist, and it captures more of how the anime makes me feel. This song and this anime mean so much to me. A lot of good came from anime for me.

4. Kakumei Dualism- I've never seen what this is from. But, in high school while I had to wait on my dad to pick me up, this was the first song I learned how to sing in Japanese. So, I couldnt ride the bus because people were dicks to me. I wouldnt get a seat, people would push me around and generally be assholes. So I waited in the lobby for my dad to pick me up after work every day. He got off around 5 usually, and school ended around 3:30, so I had time to kill. This song got me into trying to learn Japanese and learning how to sing!

5. Bye Bye Yesterday- Ahhhh this anime omg! The ending made me cry so hard I would highly recommend watching it. I used to listen to all of the songs from it on my way to therapy in college, so I learned how to sing this as I walked the 1 and a half mile walk I believe it was once every week after I got out of the hospital. This song and this anime give me so many good feelings and good memories.

6.Masayume Chasing- Again, great Japanese song from an amazing anime I love! I listened to this in my room a lot after my dad picked me up. I remember crying a lot while this song was on, I felt so isolated and alone. This song was beautiful to me though, and it got me into listening to BoA. I spent so many hours listening to her music in high school and college!

7. RE:make- This band was just epic to listen to. I forgot I ever found them, I just remember like jamming out to their music once I found them, and when I lost spotify premium, I sorta stopped listening to a great band.

8. Bloody Mary: I got into two bands because if Noragami. Helli Sleepwalkers was one. I used to sing Bloody Mary so often I still think I have it memorized. I sang it to myself in high school and in college, it's practically a mantra now. More on Noragami in a bit.

9. Let me hear- This is from another anime, Parasyte. Great anime, but I honestly like the band more than the anime. Two of my closest friends in high school, Rachael and Maria, I showed this song to them. I still remember sitting in Rachael's room with them, showing them this song. More on both of them when we get to some association songs, there's a lot.

10.Wagakkiband- Great band, I discovered them in high school. I actually dont know what my favourite song by them is, I cant read kanji so I could never find it. I just cried a lot to their music in high school. I would turn it up so my dad couldn't hear my cry, and I would just sob for hours.

11. History Maker- I'm not sure why, but this has always been a hopeful more lovey song to me.

12. Everything- This song means a lot to me. I discovered this band through Noragami too, I loved that anime I read so much of the manga too because season 3 still isnt out. The oral cigarettes got me through a lot, and I mean a lot. I've always actually wanted someone to sing this song to. It's a love song, I've memorized it so I can sing with the song. I've always dreamed of one day singing this to someone who means everything to me. If you ever get the chance to translate it, this song defined how I viewed love for a while. I still hope one day i can sing this song to that special someone,I just hope I get the chance to.

13. Anohona- This is a real cry song for me. Whenever I felt worthless, i would listen to this. The anime is a real tearjerker too. The line "Something must be wrong with me" resonates with me to this day. People who love each other drifting apart, and blaming yourself for it. I cried to this song for countless hours, I really feel like it defined me for so long. I'm actually listening to it as I write this and I'm already crying because of it. It just always makes me feel like there truly is something wrong with me.

14. God knows- This is a song like Everything. I really want to sing this for someone who means the world to me one day, I've practiced it so much! I hope one day I get the opportunity to sing this to who I truly love. Honestly, this feels like a song for someone who is struggling. I wish i could sing it to my love when she truly needs it most. Because yeah, "I will follow you, no matter what we go through." If you listen to this song love, please know that I feel it could mean something to you too.

15. Catch the moment- this is the other sword art song. I got to watch the movie this came from with my dad. It's one of the last things we did together before we drifted apart when I came out. We went to a super fancy restaurant that night, i had vietnamese food for the first time, and i watched an amazing movie with my dad. I really treasure that memory, and I always will. More on my dad later on.

16. Bebe- Time to change themes. These songs relate to my music career in highschool. I was in marching band, jazz band, and concert band. I played Alto Sax. I always worked towards playing this song. I got the Jimmy Dorsey Sax guide as a Christmas gift from my aunt. And I used it to get better. I never could make it to this level though. I always worked towards it but I fell short. My best in this song was the first few lines of music with no mistakes.

17. String of Pearls- My sophomore year in high school, I played the sax solo from this. It's the performance I'm most proud of. It took a lot of effort, and I fucked up when I finally did it, but I'm really proud of myself for accomplishing what I did. It made me really happy to get to do this solo.

18. Law and Order- I learned to play this on sax too! I actually wanted to perform it in concert, but I was never allowed to. This show means a lot to me. Growing up, I used to sit with my dad and watch it with him. This was way back in elementary school when we did this, and I have a lot of fond memories of watching this show with him and talking with him. It felt like we never really spent enough time together.

19. Pink Panther- I would say this song is what I'm most proud of learning on my own. I never performed it, but I did show off with it during jazz band. I was so proud of myself when I managed to growl with the song! I feel like I really nailed the style of this song.

20. Your latest trick- This is another solo I'm really proud of teaching myself! I never played it, but damnnnn I fuckin nailed it when I played it.

21. Deacon Blues- I would always suggest this song to my band director for us to play in concert. We never did do it though. I love the solo, and I spent so many hours learning how to play this song and just vibing listening to it.

22. Zoor Suit Riot- This is the song I listened to a lot during band camp one year. Band camp was always an experience, I have a lot of stories from it, but this one hurt me, and this song I associate with that pain. My dog, Jake, he was an Autralian Shepherd. He was attacked by a pit bull. He died while I was at band camp. I knew he was sick before I left, and I wanted to stay with him, but my dad convinced me I should go because if I didnt I wouldnt have been in marching band that year. I regret going. I wish I spent my dog's last day with him. He was the best dog I ever had, I raised him. My family didnt even tell me he died until a month later, they just kept saying he was with my grandfather. I really miss my dog, and this is the song that reminds me I shouldve stayed home with him.

23. Centerfold- This is the song I associate with the good side of marching band! This was a stand tune we played during football games, and I really could like dance and jump around while playing it! It was a super fun experience!

24. Radioactive- Heres the bad side of band. My junior year, there was a solo in this song in marching band. We were allowed to audition for it. I tried so hard to get an audition with my band director. He kept saying to ask him tomorrow during pre camp. I said I could come in early, or I could stay late any day, but he kept blowing it off. He said I could do it first day of band camp. I asked when I got there, he said wait until tomorrow. The next day, he gave away the solo to his favourite person, and nobody even got to audition. He just chose his favourite. That really fucked with me. My senior year of highschool, the band director picked on me a lot too. There were so many problems in band, and he always blamed me. I was yelled at because I told the drum major we had to move because the susophones would run into a car if we didnt. I was yelled at for reporting drug use. I was going to kill myself because what was my life at that point was making me miserable. This is the first time i ever cut, this was the first time i wanted to die and i was going to act on it. Maria saved me, and i quit band. More on maria below. This song just reminds me of how fucked up the whole situation was.

25. Honeybee- This is the first of my people association songs! This one is for Maria, my sister. You aren't the first person I made a list of songs for and got one from love. Maria and I had the idea first. I felt it would help us get closer as sisters! This was when we were house sitting for rachael that we did this. The first time I didnt have nightmares was when we shared a bed and snuggled together. Honeybee was one of her songs. She saved me from band. She saved me from myself. She never really understood my depression, but she always helped. Shes also who I came out to first when I came out as trans. She helped me learn how to pass as a girl, and she accepted me for me. I've always loved talking to her, she'll always be one of the people I'm closest to. Shes family. Emily is too, that's my other sister. I dont have a song for Emily sadly, but she means the world to me too. Hell, if you want to know more about any of what I'm saying or more about these people, just ask me love and I'll tell you everything. You still have my number, and you can always message me on here.

26. Mona Lisa- This is my first of two for Rachael's songs. Rachael is the second person I came out to, and she helped me along with maria. I actually ran away from home on Christmas 3 years ago. My dad's girlfriend started yelling at me and I just ran away. I texted Rachael on Christmas Eve and she came and picked me up on the side of the road. I spent Christmas that year with her family and her. I spent next christmas there too. Rachael has always helped me through a lot. She also never really understood my depression, but shes always been a good friend.

27. Fox on the run- This is Rachael's other song. She used to pick me up every morning and take me to school. We would listen to music and chill together on the car ride, and this was one of the songs. I always treasured my time with her, and I often think back on those car rides.

28.Tattered Banners- This song is for Kris. I played dnd at a shop called Mishap Games while I was in high school. Kris was one of my friends there. One of the times I ran away, she got me. I spent the night at her apartment, and she introduced me to her dad, lastweektonight, and amon amarth. When I came out to her, we traded clothes. I gave her my old boy clothes cause she liked plaid, and she gave me the clothes that were too femme for her, and it's because of her I was able to dress the way I wanted to when I came out in high school. I'll always appreciate her for that.

29. Peace of Mind- These next 4 songs are associated with my dad. This one is a positive song. I would vibe with my dad and listen to his albums when we moved out. My mom cheated on my dad while I was in high school, and I chose to stay with him. He introduced me to so much rock music. Boston was one of my favourite bands of what he showed me. I still listen to them to this day and smile and think of the time I spent with my dad. It will always make me happy knowing he chose to spend so much time with me to make sure I was taking the divorce okay.

30. Paperback writer- my dad introduced me to the Beatles too. This song struck a chord with me because I wanna write books one day lmao. I love so many more of their songs too, i had a saxophone book of their music so i can actually play a lot of Beatles on sax too!

31. Pinball wizard- Yet another good memory with my dad. He got me hooked on music from the British invasion, so the who, the stones, the animals, the kinks, so many good bands he showed me! I love the time we spent together.

32. Cats in the cradle- Heres the negative of my relationship with my dad. I feel like he never really had time for me once he met deana and before the divorce. He spent more time with me when he and my mom split up,but then he just stopped. I really hope I didnt do anything wrong. Dad, if you ever read this, I'm sorry if me resembling my mom ever hurt or anything. I'll always love you dad, please pick up and call me back dad, please? I miss talking to you, I miss my dad. I know you're busy, but please? Just 5 minutes dad, please just call me if you ever see this I miss you. I love you dad. I learned a lot from you dad. I hope I'll make you proud of me, I hope I get to see you one last time before August 14th. It might be my last chance to see you. I love you dad, I hope you're proud of me.

33. Fireflies- This is my Gillian song. She fucked me up for years. She changed me. She wanted me to be her Ashe, and Ashe wasn't me. I didnt want to be Ashe but I loved Gillian. I let her change me as a person so that I could be good enough for her, but all she ever did was block me over and over, and unblock me and insult me. I dont know why I loved her so much but I did. She just tried to change me and I didnt want to change but I did for her. There's still a part of me that struggles to remember who I was before Gillian. I hate Ashe, I hope I never become Ashe ever ever again. I really never want to struggle like that again.

34. Imitation of Life- New theme! Let's talk about periods in my life. This was the song I listened to on an up. It gave me hope surprisingly. It taught me a lot about how to approach life. If you watch the video love, it keeps focusing on different scenes going on in a clusterfuck that is life. It just looks like a normal party at first, but there's so many little stories going on as the camera focuses on different parts. This song taught me theres a lot going on I cant see, and I should approach life assuming I dont know all the details. I need to focus on different parts, and then I'll see all the little things that make life beautiful.

35. Mr. Brightside- This is another up song for me! This song really helped me learn to smile and bear it. Like, this song helped me figure out how to smile again, and that if I smile more, life gets better and better the more I smile. It was just hard sometimes. I still struggle to smile, ya know love? You made me smile again though. You really helped me love!

36. Toxic- Fuck me sideways this song. I never have been in a good relationship, and this song kinda defines that. Everyone I've been with is toxic, and I shouldn't have loved them, but I did. I just was under their control. If any of the people that hurt me read this, I forgive you. You fucked me up, but I cant hold a grudge against anyone.

37. Monster- I truly believe I am a horrible person. A monster. I have never been able to do enough for anyone. I have never been able to make everyone happy. I have never been able to help everyone. I'm a disappointment. I'm a disaster who let's down her friends. I've never done enough for people and i can never go back and fix it. I can never save everyone. I can never help everyone. I wish i could help the world, but i feel incapable of doing that.

38. Kiri- This is another cry song. I spent hours in my room after school just with this blaring and crying my eyes out. I wished someone would save me. You have saved me though, love. You saved me from myself.

39. Bad Day- Lmao this song. Every time I had a shitty day I listened to this. I listened to this song every day for at least a year straight. Every day felt like a shitty day. Every single one. I just wanted to kill myself. I'm surprised I didnt. I still dont understand how I'm alive to this day. I dont know if I'll ever know how I kept going.

40. 11 minutes- This is one of the songs I associate with being ghosted. It feels like it always happened. I would make a friend, then a week later they just left me. I felt like I would always be alone. This was my college ghosting song. I made so many friends in classes, swapped numbers, then just nothing. I never heard from any of them ever again. I really felt worthless.

41. Telephone Line- My high school ghosting song. I had so many people promise me they would stay in touch. The only people from high school that talk to me are Maria and Rachael. Everyone else just doesnt care about me. And I get it. I'm worthless. It just hurts still. One person promised we would get together next summer, then when I texted her she ignored it, and posted not even a week later how happy she was to be back with everyone from high school.

42. In love with a killer- My first of 2 link songs. It's because of him I might go to jail, but more on that below. This song I associate with the abuse from him. He held me down, and cut his name into my back. He threw me on the floor and pissed on me and made me clean it with my tongue. He beat me. He stole my phone and texted people pretending to be me and made what few friends I had hate me. I lost everyone because of him. He just beat me and belittled me. He made me use my area even though I was uncomfortable. He made me give him head on his period, this he posted on his Facebook calling me a sissy. He only referred to me as his f*gg*t or his sissy or his fairy, he never let me have friends, and he cheated on me. He told me he only married me so he could own me. I fell for him though and I dont know why. He always said if I didnt mess up he wouldnt have to hit me and it made sense. If only I was better he wouldnt hit me.

43.Designed to Kill- my second link song. I tried to leave him once before we finally ended things. He had hickies on his neck. Since I tried to escape him, he said those hickies were strangle marks. I never hurt him. Hes a fucking bodybuilder and I cant open a pickle jar. I spent a week in jail and they put me with the men because of my area. Now I'm facing felony charges even though I didnt do anything to him. I was the one being beaten. If I go to jail, I'll be going to one where the guards dont patrol. I'll be killed. I'm so scared hes going to take my life from me.

44. Because of you- This is my rape song. When I was 5 or 6 (I cant remember what age) I was molested by a high school boy named Ryan. I never understood what he did to me and I still cant unpack it emotionally. When I went to college, I was raped in my ass with a toy by a trans guy, and I was raped by a nonbinary girl. When I went to the police, they called me the rapist since a penis cant be raped, it can only rape. Someone I was with threatened to post my nudes online. This song is about all of them, and about link too. This is the song I associate with all the pain I've felt because of it, and the fear I have whenever I walk anywhere alone.

45. Call me- this is my treatment song. When I was in college, I planned to kill myself on December 15th, at 3 am, exactly 3 hours after my birthday. I planned to jump out of the window of the 5th floor of muse hall on radford campus. I told my friend mary one day and she reported me to the police. I was put under EDO and sent to a residential home. There I met some really great friends I have since lost touch with. There was a Wii with just dance there,and this was the song we did most often when we played it. That treatment place was horrible. They held me for so long, promised one on one therapy sessions every day but we never got it, and I started the worst medication. It was supposed to help me with my eating disorder by giving me an appetite. Well, I never felt full. I ate until I puked because of it. But my friends helped me, and eventually I left. I'm not sure if that place really helped me or not, but the people did. After treatment, I spent a month at Rachael's house, then a month at Maria's, then I went back to school and moved dorms. It was after I went here I was raped.

46. Bo peep- fuck this animation just made me laugh. I love creepypasta so much, and the scp foundation. Seeing my fav creepypastas made me laugh so much when I needed it. I discovered this video and song and the next one while i was with link, and this made me smile at least for a bit.

47. Bad end- the other creepypasta song. This one actually inspired a book idea! I really hope I get the chance to finish it one day, but I'm not sure if I ever will. We'll see though, right love?

48. Intergalactic- This song I just really vibed with in college. Honestly this song and the next one are grouped together. I have a hard time thinking of why i like it or what it means to me, but it does mean something to me.

49. Echo- I love this band, they wrote my all time favourite song. This is just another song I felt needed to be on my playlist but there isnt any other reason for it.

50. Drake and Josh- omg this show. I grew up loving this show! It really helped define some of my childhood and listening to this song really makes me smile a lot!

51. Take a hint- Victorious was another of those shows for me. Honestly though I included this for another reason. So, you know I'm trans. This show sorta helped me realize it when I was growing up, but I never came out or rationalized it until I talked to maria my senior year of high school. Fuck, one time growing up I was on a fashion site looking at dresses because I really loved them and thought they were super pretty and I wanted them! My brother saw and told my parents I was looking at porn. I said I was because I was embarrassed I wanted to wear a dress. I remember in kindergarten being jealous of Jaycee for wearing this really pretty purple dress. I remember growing my hair out so maybe a girl would braid my hair randomly like they did to other girls. I remember playing dress up with Samantha in kindergarten and my grandmother walking in on it and I felt so embarrassed for enjoying it. I remember wishing I could he a Disney princess. I remember taking scissors to my area and wishing if I cut it off I would be a girl instead. I remember coming out to my sister and being so afraid she would hate me for it. I felt so ashamed for how I felt. I remember being bullied when I came out. I remember being cornered in the bathroom by a group of guys and they said they would make me inti a real girl. I remember screaming and fighting until a student came in and gave me the opportunity to run. I remember going to prom and leaving in tears as people were getting dared to kiss me. I remember being driven to therapy by my friend's husband. I remember him telling me I should go back to his place cause he knows what's tr*nn**s like me like. I remember being chased to my dorm from dnd one night. I remember everyone who's ever grabbed my ass or my chest. I remember being outed to so many people by a psycho old woman and I couldnt even go pee because of her. I wish life was easier, but so many people hate me because I'm a freak.

52. Cantina- New theme! This is how nerdy I am lmao. I've always loved stuff like star wars and dnd and star trek. Honestly this song hits weird. I remember watching the original trilogy with my dad and loving it. And my best friend, colton, could play this song on clarinet. He, Andrew, and I were really close. I kinda associate this song with them. Their mom died and colton walked in on her body. They moved away and I just felt so useless to them. I could never be there for them the way they needed me, I could never help them.

53. Doctor who- I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCHHHHHH. OMG I GREW UP SO MUCH WITH THIS SHOW. This was my escape in high school. I learned how to play the theme on sax too! I just always resonated with this show and it means so much to me.

54. Moonquest- This is my nerdy theme still, but now with youtubers. I've loved the yogscast all through college. Watching their videos really helped me after I was raped. It helped me take my mind off of things. This song really makes me smile to this day because of what the yogs did for me.

55. Diggy diggy hole- this song did the same for me what moonquest did, but this group is just so important to me. I love their content and they really did help me a lot. I got to escape through their videos.

56. All the way- I grew up watching jacksepticeye, he helped me get through highschool. My Irish accent is because of him too, I still like to try and do an impression. I loved growing up watching his stuff.

57. I'm back, baby-markiplier, omg markiplier. This was my first youtuber. I subbed to him I think when I was in 6th or 7th grade, and I didnt miss a video until I lost internet after I moved to the apartment with my dad. I still watch nearly all of his videos. Hes an escape that I really appreciate. He really helps me every day, and I really wish I could meet him so I could tell him his videos helped save me.

58. Fly like a butterfly- Markiplier also inspired me a lot. He made me believe in myself, and his message really makes me want to be the best I can be. I want to accomplish my dreams, and his videos made me feel like he believed in me. I really hope I can keep striving to be the best I can be. If you've never seen his videos love, I hella recommend them, same to his other channel unus annus.

59. Everybody wants to rule the world- NSP. Ninja Sex Party. Lmao this band. It's a rock comedy group. This song means a lot to me. It felt really inspirational when I heard it. NSP also has a really wholesome message behind them, and I believe in myself because of them too.

60. Party of 3- another amazing song by them. After I was raped, I really escaped into their music. And when I had a rough go of it in high school, I escaped to their music. They've always been a sort of relaxation band for me.

61. Baby, NYC- I actually got to see TWRP, Starbomb. And NSP perform in silver spring Maryland. It was one of the last things my dad and I did together, the other being watch thr sword art movie together. This band just means so much to me. I could've only used one song from them and gotten the same message across, but they're so important I felt like I needed more than one. I hope that makes sense love.

62. Smash- starbomb also means a lot to me. I remember the mornings my dad drove me to school I would listen to them on the way there with him. Their music was always really funny to me too, and I love the games they parodied.

63. Rivers in the desert- time for my nerdy videogame theme! Persona 5 royal is my favourite game of all time. The story is really moving, the characters are really well written (yusuke is bae), and it was just such a great experience to play. If you ever get the chance to play it love, I highly recommend it. Fuck I cried so much while playing it, it just means so much to me it's so good, in my opinion it's the perfect game for me.

64. Fairest one of all- This song I heard from SCGMD4! It's a rhythm game, and I've always wanted to show this song to someone I love.

65. Hollywise- this song is from Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe either 2 or 3. It also means a lot to me. This game series got me into rhythm games, and I spent so many hours on Kongregate just playing games like this. Before steam, this was my gaming website.

66. Cat- minecraft. Oh minecraft. I have so many fond memories of doing a LAN party at a friend's house or just playing modded with my lil friend group in high school. It's such a relaxing game, I can just mine for hours and just chill talking to someone. I love building villages too!

67. Zelda theme- I can play this on sax too! I loved watching the game grumps play the legend of zelda games, and I've always had a soft spot for them. I just kinda grew up with this series.

68. Evil woman- This song I remember from GTA IV. That game got me through some shit too, I honestly loved the story in it and it made me feel really good going through the story. It felt so real in a way. I played through it so many times.

69. Top secret- I watched patrckstatic play Maize. It's a really funny game and it made me laugh so hard! I still think of it whenever I listen to this song.

70. Skyrim theme- I sunk so many hours into skyrim. It felt a little samish after awhile, but it was still a great game!

71. Halo theme- Halo 3 was one of my first ever games after the gamecube. Now, why did I include so many short blurbs from video games? I didnt exactly write paragraphs about these like my previous songs. Well, gaming was and still is how I connect with a lot of people. I made friends in Britain, Lousiana, Portland, New York, I still keep in touch with some people through games, gaming has just always been a social thing for me and I grew up playing video games with friends. This music helps me remember that.

72. Wolf blood- this is my dnd song. In high school, I ran dnd club. I taught so many people how to play! I also went to a store I mentioned earlier, Mishap Games, and I played all day, every Saturday, for about 3 years. I played online and I ran groups. I played in college at radford. Dnd was my escape from life, where i could pretend to be some hero or villain character. I didnt have to be eden, I could just play a game with friends. I felt really good playing with people! If you ever wanna learn how to play love, or play together or anything, definitely let me know! I'd love to share a game I'm in love with with you!

73. Finally, Jump Up, Super Star- This is my favourite song. I've always wanted to show this song to someone and tell them how much I loved them. I've always wanted to show this song to someone who's more important to me than anyone else in the world. I've always wanted to show this song to someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and make them happy. I want to show this song to someone I'll always be there for. I wanted to show this song to someone I wanted to jump up with, without a care, someone I wanted to go on the odyssey of life with! My first ever post was me dancing to this song. This song means the world to me love. I really want you to know I'll always be there for you for as long as I'm alive. You mean the world to me. Come on, jump up in the air. Jump up because you know I'll be there for you. Everything will always be okay. I'm here for you. I know you're going through a rough patch love, but I'm here for you.

EDIT: 74. The Last Unicorn- This is the song from the movie the last unicorn. It's my favourite book of all time, it made me cry so hard! It's an amazing fantasy book that turns some tropes on it's head. It is a fantastic read I would 100% recommend so I dont want to spoil anything it's just amazing.

Now, why did I decide to post all of this today? Well I want you to know more about who I am, and what defines me. I hope I can get some explanations on the songs from your playlist too if you're ever up for it. I just wanted to share with you who I am. And I wanted a record of how I've felt to live on after I'm gone, if I do go away in August. Maybe you'll look back on my playlist and smile and remember me? Maybe Jump up will give you hope like it gives me. Maybe you can smile and jump up and just not have a care in the world. I really hope that songs has some meaning to you like it has for me, love.

Love always,

Eden ♥️♥️♥️♥️

[luckystarchild]

NEED to know why a fortune teller chased you away!!

(*cracks knuckles*) I’m so VERY glad you asked.

Short version: I’m a skeptical asshole who likes to show off.

Long version (which you should imagine being recounted in a thick Texan drawl):

In high school I took psych classes. My teacher was HIGHLY overqualified. She could do impressive “cold readings”: using psychology and plain ol’ observation to trick people into thinking she could read minds or divine hidden details about a person. All it took was cryptic, leading questions and an eye for detail.

Not only was she overqualified, she was also highly irresponsible and taught some of us her sordid skills, plus tricks to deceiving people using tarot and whatnot. I can’t believe in mind reading, tarot, or similar anymore after seeing the chicanery this glorious, glorious woman was capable of. I was already skeptical of the supernatural, but being shown how to fake it made me a full-on nonbeliever.

Fast forward a few years; my best friend wants to get her fortune told one night (despite my raving that it was all lies and tricks). Pretty sure it was palm reading? Anyway, we went to this little shack on an acre of land that had a nice porch out front, where a fortune teller apparently read palms. We got there just as a bachelorette party showed up.

Just as we started climbing the porch steps, the fortune teller came out of the shack—wearing the most cliched, offensive Romani get-up you’ve ever seen. I was immediately suppressing eye-rolls and “ughs,” but she just looked us over and gravely said (in a terrible, terrible fake eastern-European accent of no recognizable origin) the most cliche thing I could imagine: “I have been expecting you.”

The bachelorettes all freaked out, of course. My friend went inside first, but I wasn’t allowed in with her (”We must have solitude!”) and had to sit with the ladies in their tiaras and feather boas outside in the sticky August heat. I’m the type to strike up conversation (especially whilst drunk, and incidentally that night I had a flask of moonshine in my pocket) and got to talking with the ladies to pass the time.

Soon I learned one of them was INCREDIBLY scared of fortune telling (it’s the south; superstition and religion are inescapable). She thought it might summon demons, and she was only there to be with her friends. To ease her worries because I’m a sucker for women in distress, sue me, I started telling her ALL ABOUT my psychology teacher who’d taught me to cold-read and fake-read tarot, and you see, all fortune telling is is a charlatan’s game engineered to part you from your money, miss lady ma’am; I could make it seem like I read fortunes right now if I had the mind to do it, and I wouldn’t charge you like the fake in the shack, that’s for sure.

“Prove it,” they asked.

This is the part where I out myself as an asshole and a show-off.

One by one around the perimeter of the porch I started cold-reading. Not perfectly, mind you, because it had been years since I’d tried this, but most of them were as drunk as me (making them easy marks) and they weren’t tight-lipped when I asked leading questions. They basically did my work for me, all truth told, and as I read their fortunes and explained just exactly how I’d managed to trick all of them, they listened with rapt attention.

As did the fortune teller inside, it turns out.

The shack’s walls were really, really thin, it turns out.

I did a good enough job cold-reading these women that they decided they no longer needed to have their palms read. Off they tottered in heels and tiaras, thanking me for the good time and for saving them some money, and for showing them that fortune tellers are all just cheating fakes.

And that’s when the shack’s door burst open.

It was like summoning a banshee from hell. Out flew the fortune teller, in a tangle of beaded shawls and draped necklaces. Her eyes blazing, teeth grit and bared, she stalked onto the porch and stood over me, glaring hard enough to set me on fire—

—she was holding a silver letter-opener.

I’d been sitting down, but somehow through the haze of triumph and moonshine I realized...oh. That’s basically a knife. Let’s maybe freak out a little, yeah? With cartoonish delay I shot to my feet and commenced a staring contest with this furious person who had just heard every last derisive word come out of my stupid mouth. The cicadas around us were screaming, probably with laughter, but otherwise it was as silent as a grave.

My friend edged out the door behind the woman, sidled up to me, and grabbed my arm.

“Uh, Lucky?” my friend said. “We need to go.”

“Fuck righ’, yew dew,” said the woman with the thickest Texan drawl I’d ever heard. She lifted the letter opener and pointed at our car, the last one left since the bachelorettes had left. “Get the fuckin’ heck off m’ porch, bitch.”

Now, I was pretty drunk that night, but I wasn’t too drunk to realize the wisdom of that plan. My friend and I booked it out of there like the the fortune teller had actually managed to summon the demon that bachelorette feared, and needless to say, we’ve never gone back.

AND THAT’S THE WHOLE SORDID STORY

(Sidebar: I take no issue with and of course respect people who love tarot and similar. You do you, friend. It’s just not for me and like I said: I’m a show-off and an asshole, especially when in the shine.)

[littlestvvitch]

Home

What if, instead of Civil War ending the way it did, Tony won by reversing the Captain America serum? What if Steve Rogers was just a 5′4″ 90 lbs man again? 

A/N: Excessive use of pet names from the 1940s. Bucky and Steve also have Brooklyn accents and no one can take that away from me.

Takes place after the big Stark vs. Rogers battle at the end.

“I’m about one second away from rippin out Stark’s jugular with my fuckin teeth, Pepper, just let me in the god damn room!”

Pepper had been yelled at constantly for the majority of her life, she knew how to handle that. And she’d been screamed at by supersoldiers and supervillians and gods for a good portion of the past decade, she wasn’t even phased by that anymore. 

But maybe it was the way Bucky pulled out chunks of his own hair while shouting. Or maybe it was the desperate, broken, tortured look in his eyes. Or maybe it was the metal arm that could crush her skull in mere seconds attached to the unstable man in front of her. 

Whichever it was, his hand or his eyes, Pepper was, admittedly, mildly concerned for her wellbeing. 

But most importantly, she was petrified for the man laying on the slab right now, and even she knew the only thing that would make him feel better was his Bucky.

“James,” she used her Tony-you-god-damn-fucked-up-again voice to ensure the ex-soldier was listening. He was. “You need to calm down, right now, before you go in there. He’s under duress, you understand that, and he can’t handle anymore stress right now.”

Bucky’s left eye twitched as he gritted out thrown clenched teeth, “Ms. Potts, I am one hundred percent aware of what his heart can and cannot handle; I lived with his murmurin heart and his boa constrictor lungs for nearly all my life. Now let. Me. In.”

Sighing heavily, Pepper stepped aside and opened the lab door for Bucky. Let it be noted Pepper Potts never forgets her manners. Even when faced with a lovesick, mother hen of a deadly assassin.

Bucky’s mind had been every place and no place all at once when he’d been fighting to see Steve, going from “I will decapitate anyone who touches him in seconds” to “Dear God, it’s me, Bucky; let him live and take me instead” in the blink of an eye. But once he actually got into the lab, everything stopped. Nothing else mattered anymore because there, on the cold slab of metal vaguely reminiscent of what happened in Germany, was a little chest weakly but steadily moving up and down. He was alive.

“God Stevie,” Bucky whispered weepily as he grabbed the thin fingered hand, “you can’t just do that to me anymore. I’m gettin old, babydoll, my heart can’t take that kinda shock.” He pressed his lips to the pale bony knuckles as the tears started to fall freely. He’s alive.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn’t notice a pair of blue eyes blinking open slowly next to him.

“You’re gettin sappy in your old age, Buck. Who’da guessed it, huh? Lady killer Barnes cryin over skinny little Steve Rogers’ body? The girls at the bar would have a fit if they could see ya now.”

Steve smiled weakly but meaningfully as Bucky glared halfheartedly. “Are you fuckin kiddin me, Rogers? Everyone in New York City, could’ve guessed this. I can’t count how many times I must’ve cried over your unconscious body, and not just ‘cause my memory’s shit. Hell, Stevie, I had Father Murphy come give you last rites at least three times. He started callin you Lazarus when we saw him on the street. This is something you should be very used to wakin up to at this point, you mook.” Bucky’d kept Steve’s hand on his mouth the whole time, comforted by the feeling of it against his lips, even if it was colder than it probably should’ve been. Steve’d always ran cold.

They didn’t say much after that, just sat there staring at each other, basking in the miracle that was the other’s life.

“Alright, Cap, you should be awake at this point so it’s time to chat now–oh. Am I interrupting something? Maybe the next plan of attack on my existence?” Playboy, billionaire, genius, philanthropist though he may have been, Tony Stark was not a people person. Clearly.

In a matter of moments, Tony’s head thumped against the wall behind him, the metal hand around his windpipe making breathing just a tad difficult, with the man who killed his dad looking like he wouldn’t mind ending the family tree right then and there.

“Stark. Help him. Or die. But don’t fuckin interrogate him while he’s relearnin’ how to work his god damn lungs. Kapisch?”

Tony nodded his head as much as he could and suddenly he was on the ground with blessed oxygen flooding his (perfectly functional) lungs again. “Fuck, Barnes,” he wheezed, “if I’d known you’d pull that stunt, I would’ve removed the arm when I had a chance. Shit.”

Bucky wasn’t even paying attention to Tony though, he was back at Steve’s side, lightly brushing the hair out of Steve’s face as the pint sized captain look impassively at Tony.

At least someone noticed him.

Steve sighed as heavily as his lungs would let him, and started to heave himself into sitting position, against Bucky’s insistence that he “stay the fuck down Rogers, what the hell?”

He turned his head towards Tony and made direct unbreaking eye contact. “You did this. It’s over. You won. Fix me.”

Bucky looked at him like he was crazy. He felt a little crazy too but that was probably cause he wasn’t getting as much oxygen as his brain was used to.

“Stevie, no, what are you-”

“No Buck. It’s done. I can’t fight anyone like this, in the battle field or the courtroom or, hell, even the playground. He fuckin de-serumed me. I’m not even a “superhero” at this point. I just–Bucky, I just wanna go home.” His voice cracked on “home,” and tears pricked his eyes.

As Bucky pulled Steve’s head to his chest and ran his fingers softly through his hair, Tony noticed for the first time the toll all this had taken on the captain. His eyes had huge, almost blackened, circles under them like he hadn’t slept in years. He moved like he was actually physically 90 years old, rather than the 30 Tony knew him to be. And oddly enough, he was letting someone touch him. 

No one touched the captain. Not unless they were punching him or pulling him from the jaws of death (literally). Tony’d always thought he just had a big personal bubble, or maybe people just hadn’t touched back in the 40s. But as he watched the men out of time on that metal table, he knew he’d been wrong.

“Hey, lovebirds. I–I was wrong about you. The world was wrong about you. It’s…not always men like you the world needs protection from; it’s men like me and Dr. Banner and Alex Pierce. I know that. But I firmly believe we have to give up some of our freedom, and I know you hate that Cap trust me I do, but we need to do so in order to gain protection from the government. That’s the way it’s always been and that’s the way it’s going to stay.

I can’t fix you, Cap, I don’t have enough of the notes to recreate the serum perfectly; I only had the basics and that was enough to break it down. I can’t build it back up again. But I can offer you some killer health insurance and a great letter of recommendation to an art school if you want?”

Steve didn’t even lift his head or open his eyes, he just nodded slightly against Bucky’s chest. The same Bucky who was still glaring at Tony murderously.

“Stark. Ya need to stab him a few more times and run some more tests, or can we go now?”

“Somehow Barnes, I don’t think that was a question.”

Bucky gently moved Steve so he could carry him bridal style out the door. “You’re damn right it wasn’t a question. And Stark?”

Tony raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t fucking come near us again.”

The door rattled on its hinges as Bucky kicked the door shut behind him. Shit.

“Jarvis?”

“Yes, sir?”

Tony took a shaky breath before sliding to the floor. “G-get Pepper, please?”

“She’s already on her way, sir.”

He closed his eyes as his head thumped against the wall. “Thanks, buddy.”

Shit.

“Buck, you can put me down, I’m tiny but not an invalid yet.”

“Keyword there, baby, is ‘yet.’ I’m not takin any chances right now. You’re goin to a doctor first thing tomorrow, we’re gonna get you an inhaler, we’re gonna pinpoint all your allergies, we’re gonna see what we can do about the scoliosis, and do you need braces? We can get you braces now, if you want.”

“Hey,” Steve said sharply, “Bucky. It’s okay. I’m gonna be okay this time; stop worrying about my possible health issues and start worrying about how much a new closet of clothes is gonna cost ‘cause I fit in jack-shit right now.”

“I dunno, babydoll, you’d probably look really great in one of my shirts around now, don’t ya think?”

Those baby blues glowed. “Nah Buck, that shirt would look its best on the floor next to our bed, huh?”

Steve was nearly dumped out of Bucky’s arms from how hard they started cackling. Tears were streaming down Bucky’s face and his shoulders were shaking so hard he finally had to put Steve down, just so he could lean on him. Not that that helped much, as Steve was nearly doubled over from laughter anyway, and down the street like that they went, laughing and stumbling over themselves like it was St. Patty’s day 1941 all over again.

Bucky nearly tripped over Steve as he opened the door to their apartment, causing them to laugh even louder, their hyena like screams echoing off the grossly bare walls.

“Home, sweet, home! Glad we made it back in one piece, eh Stevie?” Bucky choked out as he made his way to the kitchen.

“Aw, I dunno baby, I’m pretty sure home’s just wherever you are.” The shattering of glass made Steve jump and sprint as fast as his shitty lungs would let him.

“Bucky? Are you alright? What-”

“God, doll, you can’t just say those things willy nilly, you’ll kill me.”

When Steve looked up from the mess of shards on the floor, he audibly gasped. He hadn’t been looked at with so much emotion since…since the night before Bucky shipped out.

Steve didn’t know what to do anymore. ‘Cause they weren’t actually together right? That…that’d all been a joke…right?

“Buck…?”

“Yeah, doll?”

Steve licked his lips and tried to ignore the way his heart soared when Bucky called him “doll” and “baby”; that’s just what they did. They’d always been like that. Right?

“You uhhh, you okay? You just kinda had a stroke there. Wanted to be sure you hadn’t died on me yet. No one else laughs at my jokes, ya know?” His attempts at alleviating the tension were failing miserably, it was honestly pitiful at this point. Thank god Natasha wasn’t there to witness this butcher.

Bucky bit his lip and pulled his shoulders in as his metal fingers ran nervously through his hair. “Uh, so ya know how I don’t remember a lot of stuff, most stuff, from the war?”

Steve nodded, a little confused with the topic change, but not complaining. War was less awkward than….whatever that had been.

“Well what I do remember–we’d just been taken as prisoners and were being transported in these covered trucks ya know? And the boys and I, we were just chattin, tryin to keep the morale up and shit. And we started talkin about home, where it was, what it looked like, what it smelled like, just something positive to look forward to if we made it out. So this guy talks about, I dunno, somewhere in Montana, and this other guy talks about some French food or whatever, that parts a little hazy still.”

Bucky straightened his shoulders and looked Steve dead in the eyes, as if he was afraid Steve would run away if he couldn’t see him. He took a deep breath.

“But I remember…God, Stevie, they got to me and I didn’t talk about our shitty apartment, I didn’t mention Ma or Becca or Coney Island or anything from the old neighborhood; I talked about you. 

I talked about how I knew someone with the brightest blue eyes, with too much fight in ‘em, with a heart four sizes too big for their own good, with shit ass lungs and even shittier ideas. 

I rambled on about how bad a dance you were, how I missed when you’d step on my toes even though I was leadin. I missed watchin you sketch on the fire escape, I missed the crappy coffee you’d make me on my odd days off, I ached for the feeling of your body in my arms. 

I talked until we’d made it to the Hydra base, Stevie. I talked for hours, just about you, before I even noticed that I hadn’t been talking about places or foods, I’d been talkin about you. 

And right before they dragged us out of those trucks, I remember someone sayin that if I ever made it back stateside again, I had to ask you to marry me. I hadn’t even mentioned how we, we weren’t together.”

He sniffed a bit and shook his head quickly before continuing.

“I fucked up back then, doll, I know that now. And I wasn’t gonna do anything now ‘cause I thought you didn’t need me like you did before. But after what just happened out there, I don’t fuckin care whether you need me or not ‘cause, baby, I need you. 

Big or small, Captain America or struggling art student, I need you. All of you.

 You’re the one thing that brought me back, you’re my home. And you can say no, and–and I’ll leave ya alone, I promise, baby, but…I just wanted to tell you.

 So now you know. I’ve kinda loved you forever, Steve Rogers. Umm…yeah. I’ll uh. I’ll just go. Now.”

Bucky wasn’t even looking at Steve anymore, he was just trying to make it to the door without falling the fuck over in pain. So of course he didn’t notice the tears falling down Steve’s face, or the way his eyes shone with hope, but he definitely knew when Steve reached out and yanked Bucky back with all the force he could muster.

He jumped up on his tip toes and placed his hands on either side of Bucky’s face, pulling him down to his level.

“Listen up, you stupid fuckin piece of shit. I have loved you since the moment I met you. You are my entire god damn world; when I thought you’d died back in the war, I tried to kill myself by crashing a plane into the Arctic. 

There is no point living in a world where you don’t exist. So you are gonna stay right here until the day we die because this? Sure as fuck ain’t the end of the line.”

And with that, Steve pushed up hard on his toes, crashing his lips into Bucky’s.  

Captain America was dead, the Winter Soldier was dead, and yet so were the Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes from the 1940s. It was their turn to figure out who they were, but there was one thing they were both sure of: they were going to take on their new lives together. 

They were free. 

No. 

They were home.

[p101recaps]

Broduce 101: Episode 11 (Livestream Recap)

I removed the ‘quick’ in the recap title for the last episode because I saw a comment shading me for that since these are anything but quick lol

This post contains spoilers.

We start off with some old trainee videos from school performances and company auditions (hello lil Samuel!) then move into the first intro vids and interviews. 

This is where we cry about their hardships like Mnet isn’t making billions of won off their dreams and haven’t axed more than half of them on the way here.

Special shoutout to chubby cheeked baby Sewoon!

BoA starts us off with a prelude to the season finale. I’ll miss seeing her on a weekly basis and we’re told to vote for our favourite trainee before last week’s ranks

The live broadcast has the first ever Nayana stage set up too, its beautiful

Last season’s winners, the IOI girls are attending (for the reaction shots ofc) but they all look so pretty!! Look at my girl, solo artist Chungha.

Yes NAYANA LIVE LETS GET HYPE look at these cuties grinning away

Whoa its centre Daniel! He has his babiest baby smile on

Samuel has purple hair for the finale, its a better look than the blond

That hall is full kids. This season has raked in that cash. The CEO can probably buy a small country.

IT’S MY ELIMINATED BOYS! The stage is cramped af 

The group name is Wanna.One 

NOOO RIP BOI

Cut to pre-recorded content for the stage prep, starting off with vocal check in for Super Hot. 

Seokhoon praises Hyungseob’s improvement, Daehwi’s consistency, Byeongari Seonho’s progress.

Centre battle time with the contenders all singing the ‘killing part’. Seonho is unexpectedly not bad, and he says grew taller as his vocal skills did too. Dead.

Sungwoon and Baekho are good, Daehwi takes the key down to hit the notes. Samuel is shaky but fine. Youngmin is also good, and Shin Yumi says he sounds like Jaehwan, prompting Jaehwan to emit a soulless, scornful HA HA before getting up to sing the other team’s song just to show him up

Sewoon is made to sing the line too and he makes up for the little crack in his voice with a funny hand dance

Hands On Me does their check in and then centre competition.

Ong-ssi’s voice wobbles and Jaehwan literally slits his throat because ‘killing part’. Daniel tickles his own chin lol 

Bae Jinyoung is the most surprising because of how clear he is

Jihoon is Centre Jihoon as always (Auntie Jisung is impressed)

Dance check in next! They’ve done their own choreos for the songs for this mission.

Super Hot goes first, and Kahi applauds their effort because its hard to devise formations and choreo 

They all perform the choreo as centre one by one. This looks exhausting, btw but they all do their own little bits to stand out

Hands On Me goes next and their choreo passes muster too.

Next they all try centre choreo. Honestly, all of them have distinct appeals, how do you even pick.

Kahi tells them that centre will be picked based on the vids that were uploaded recently, with every trainee in both groups performing as centre one by one 

They go to pick the centre in the same room that the coaches used for their level evals w/ Nayana performances

Super Hot team goes first, watching every vid. Youngmin’s voice cracks in his vid and Samuel’s eyes widen in response in the background lol

I just realised all of Nu’est but Minhyun is in this group. Baekho falls into a natural leader like role just because he seems to have a lot to say 

They then do an emotional verbal appeal for the centre position, all of them feel like they need it for this last leg of the journey, and then vote.

It comes down to Sungwoon and Samuel, and the live performance reveals who won

IT WAS HA SUNGWOON! Get it, boy!

The actual performance was fine, all of them dressed in red and white. This song is a bit iffy (seriously), but they all perform well. Megaton bomb is the obvious highlight. The choreo is enjoyable, very energetic and gimmicky, the kind that leaves plenty of room for the trainees to insert personal gestures

Lol Cube Chicks do another Troublemaker reference. Jonghyun and Sam do a bit of a dance in between

There’a a bit of choreo that looks vaguely like a Seventeen stage. It’s like a revolving door? I remember seeing it elsewhere. 

Very cute, all in all. The total effect is similar to Oh Little Girl from last mission

They have a lot of cuts to the eliminated kids as the coaches talk to BoA

Sung Hyunwoo’s there, his eyes are glazed over when the camera pans to him lol 

Kwon Hyunbin has dark hair again while Kim Sanggyun has his deep blond slicked back. 

Oh! Kim Taemin is in the stands! He’s lost so much weight!

First reveals are for trainees currently at 11-14. 

This anticipation is the pits. It just drags on and on endlessly. Kenta’s almost crying again

Sewoon, Jisung, Bae Jinyoung, Daehwi are potential trainees. 

I’m losing hope for Auntie.

And then cut to Hands on Me team in the viewing room for centre voting.

Yoon Jisung is jealous of Park Jihoon’s face and expressions lol 

Bae Jinyoung is at peak Sasuke Uchiha levels, coolly and sharply flipping his jacket around. 

Everyone is amazed at how handsome Ong is on screen while Jisung pulls out every bit of his trainee experience in his video. Ong says Jisung’s clever with expressions but expressed it weird lol

Cuts of them working hard and talking about the need to be centre before they vote. It’s down to Ong-ssi and Bae Jinyoung for centre. 

Live performance reveals it to be Bae Jinyoung!

The boys are dressed in sharp suits, which is how you know which one is the stacked team. They all look good, and scrounge up every bit of their charisma for the performance. This song is a lot more enjoyable, and has a choreo that’s more smooth rather than gimmicky, with a lot of jacket flapping. I can hear Minhyun, Ong and Jaehwan’s voices a lot although they all perform well.

There’s a bit of breakdown in between for the rappers’ benefit

Ong-ssi is wearing a pretty choker while Sewoon looks like a boy at his first prom. Bae Jin does the now patent Yoo Hwiseung lip swipe.

There’s a lot of loud yelling for Park Jihoon. It’s so distinct.

THIS ANTICIPATION IS THE FUCKIN WORST

Cut to a large thank you letter the trainees wrote BoA. She’s moved by their sincerity and laughs at the cuteness. It’s really rather sweet, even if it is filler content. She was a phenomenal representative - I watched this season for her, and she was so much more invested in actual training than Jang Keonsuk. That guy annoyed me the most last season.

The trainees also send a video letters to their other coaches, thanking them for their help and for teaching them over the last few months.

Cut to the trainees recording with the composers of the token ballad song this season, called Always 

Check it out if you’re keen, it’s meant to be this season’s Downpour I reckon. The boys perform it under soft white and pink lighting. Minki looks like he’s crying at one point, so does Seonho. Sungwoon, Baekho and Jaehwan hard carry the vocals.

BoA closes live voting. 

That’s of the Seventeen members in the crowd! The leader kid! I might have to confirm this later.

Cut to pre-recorded footage of the trainees all gathering together to talk. 

Ahhh it’s product placement for Naver’s streaming service. They listen to their concept eval songs.

Then they talk about their first appearances on the show, and they play their P101 countdown intro videos to all their embarrassments. Guanlin sings All of Me loudly and increasingly out of tune while Sewoon dances Pick Me. Jaehwan dances Seventeen′s Boom Boom lol. 

...I don’t even know what Emperor Hwang is doing.

Then sad video messages to their families for the tears, with that mournful Nayana intro in the background. Then footage of their families watching the video letters and sending one back.

Yoon Jisung has his mum’s eyes, and Samuel has his mum’s mouth exactly. Youngmin looks startlingly like his dad.

My heart aches, ugh. Mnet, you bastards. 

OH IT’S DAEHWI’S MUM FROM AMERICA! IN PERSON! THEY FLEW HER DOWN!

I wish I could fly down to see my mum too :(

All the ugly tears. Seonho is bawling straight up. 

Haknyeon’s mum is there too! And Guanlin’s dad and sister! 

Aw, his sister knows Ong-slate and Yoonjhumma’s clapping. 

Back at live stage, popular model Kwon Hyunbin gets coerced into filling some air time by BoA, so does Kim Taemin, who had to leave because of his sudden illness. Lee Euiwoong gets some screentime to himself to thank everyone for their support and help.

Dorm footage from their last stay with the kids imitating Hyunbin singing Downpour lol

More of that Nayana piano instrumental as they reminisce about their last few weeks in the dorm with the other trainees. A neat little shot of the set with the chairs, then shots of them practicing. 

Back to live for final rankings.

My heart can’t take this. The eliminated kids are all praying too.

Seriously, how can they waste airtime like this.

Trainee at number 10 is C9 Bae Jinyoung. He looks pale and relieved, thanking his fans, parents, and the Mnet staff. 

Number 9 is Pledis Hwang Minhyun!! 

Pristin Nayoung is thrilled while the Pledis CEO looks unimpressed. Why do they even invite these old bastards. 

It takes Minhyun a bit to start speaking to thank people, his words less smooth than normal because of how overcome (lol) he is. His mum cries constantly, I hope he can buy her something nice soon! 

BoA’s making a lot of tiny mistakes off her script because of the live broadcast burden. It’s cute.

MMO YOON JISUNG MAKES IT AT NUMBER 8 AND I FINALLY START CRYING AS HE WADDLES TO THE CHAIRS

Weird clapping forever! Oh, his dad calls up his family to tell them the good news while the eliminated MMO trainees cry in relief. 

He says in his thank you that he really had given up hope, but he’s so appreciative of all the support he received. It’s so cute that all the trainees are so excited, clapping his weird clap and laughing at him. He starts ugly crying again when he sees his dad, and same tbh. 

Everyone loves him so much!! I love him too! My Auntie! He made it! Yoonjhumma! I’ll actually follow this Wanna.One mess because of you Auntie Jisung! 

CUBE Lai Guanlin makes the final group at number 7!

He and Seonho are going to be able to help Hyuna keep Cube from the shredder!

Sweet Byeongari Lai Guanlin first thanks people in Mandarin (a lot of shots of the Chinese Yuehua kids+Kenta), then in English (it’s so terrible but so cute), and then he thanks everyone in Korean. He keeps saying ‘jinjja’ a lot, and his accented slurring gets worse because of how excited and nervous he is. BoA prompts him to thank his dad, which he does in Mandarin. He also gets to do his awkward audition dance. 

Trainee number 6 is Brand New Music Park Woojin! Good on you my wolf boy! You deserve it!

He starts his thank you with a full waist bow, then thanks his voters, BNM family, Rhymer, the P101 PD-nim (the audience protests this - dead but same tbh) and staff, the teachers and his family. He apologizes for worrying people when he was sick - pls. Like people need to feel more entitled. 

Woojin and Guanlin give each other massive bear hugs when they meet at the chairs. 

Trainee number 5 is Fantagio Ong Sungwoo!!

He’s immediately smothered by hugs, his mum is sobbing and his CEO looks happy. Doyeon gets a solo shot as she claps too.

His voice wavers when he starts his thanks, to the staff, Fantagio people, his parents. He does his really, very hyperbole, dramatic and earnest and promises to work hard before ending it with a waist bow. BoA asks him what position he would like (besides the slate) and he says he’ll try to maintain team balance and spirit and then does his Get Ugly meme face. He’s so excited!!

Ah, with him and Yoonjhumma in, you know the group will do well in variety.

You can see the hope leave Daehwi and Sungwoon’s faces as resignation sinks in :((

Trainee number 4 is Kim Jaehwan!!

He gets body slammed by the trainees and his mum looks visibly relieved. Chaeyeon looks shocked as she claps in genuine appreciation, so clearly surprised that the camera pans to her twice.

Jaehwan mentions that he didn’t have much hope as an independent trainee and thanks his parents for supporting him as he rehearsed alone. He promises to be a hardworking vocal and thanks everyone for their support so he can improve.

At number 3 is Brand New Music Lee Daehwi! 

He instantly collapses in shock, his trainees crowd him. His mum begins to sob, so does Jeon Somi. He jumps up and waves at her as she cries in relief.

Obviously grateful, he thanks his BNM crew, the p101 staff, and the usual, as well as everyone who voted him in as Nayana centre to start with. His mum, who flew in from the USA, gets a personal thank you telling her to not worry and thanking her for his support. 

Sat in his chair, he cries a little. I’m so relieved for him too, he’s so incredibly well rounded and talented for a sixteen year old.

Spots for number 2 and the main centre number 1 are between MMO Kang Daniel and Maroo Park Jihoon.

We’re all surprised, I’m certain. I’m more shook by Nation’s Leader Angel Wartortle GodJonghyun not appearing so far. The vote reset must have shaken his ranking up. 

They walk to centre stage for the announcement, the two issue makers of the season. 

Dead at how SM bought NCT a promo ad slot during P101 airtime

The truly expected yet unknown battle of votes between these two leads brings us MMO Kang Daniel at number 1, with Maroo Park Jihoon behind him at 2.

Daniel takes a while to speak, his throat dry from nervousness, saying he was grateful to be able to be in the top 11, much less be centre . Yoonjhumma is rubbing his arms at the revelation, while Daniel’s mum cries. Little Lee Woojin gets a shot. Daniel can barely speak, satoori slipping out as BoA teases him for becoming GodDaniel. He says he loves his voters in satoori, and even BoA giggles.

Park Jihoon speaks next, poised and polished as ever as he rattles off his list of people to thank. He doesn’t mind losing the spot to Daniel at all, and rounds off by doing his adorable Shugo Chara aegyo with the crowd. 

Daniel does a few full waist bows standing at his number one crown chair before sinking into it, finally.

I suddenly remember the MMO kids sitting on the chair like it was the family couch first episode, just so they could know what it was like. It’s been a whirlwind journey.

Time for final spot number 11, between Baekho, Sungwoon, Sewoon and Jonghyun. 

Sungwoon has no expectations. Baekho isn’t sure what to think. Sewoon is nervous too (not as much as Gwanghyun in the crowds though). Jonghyun thanks everyone and anticipates the results.

BoA looks pained being made to draw this out too. 

Nation’s Leader Angel Wartortle GodJonghyun is 14. Resetting the votes and spooking Pledis voters with Minhyun’s rank probably unsettled him. What a shame, I’d have put my money on him as a sure debut bet what with the edits and his general manga boy personality.

Sungwoon looks like his soul has left his body.

Sexy Bandit Pledis Kang Dongho is number 13. What a shame. The crowd screams in support for him anyway.

Gwanghyun and Taehyun are both increasingly worried in their seats. 

How crazy would it be if it turns out to be Sewoon. It was the same for Yeonjung last season, and they’re both Starship vocal kids.

ARDOR AND ABLE HA SUNGWOON IS NUMBER 11

I cannot believe it but I’M SO HAPPY MY BOYS!! Taehyun is fully ugly sobbing in his seat, the trainees around him are trying to comfort him but he’s truly a softie, poor Scratching Ajhusshi.

Sungwoon thanks everyone after running to the stage in excitement, emotional and grateful for everyone who believed in him, and promising to work hard. 

Sewoon, who was close, gives a very well worded and neat speech at the end, put together even through his disappointment. I look forward to seeing him debut as an idol. He’s going to be great.

Kang Daniel leads the last greeting to the viewers and BoA bows out for the season finale.

Well. This has been emotionally draining and completely unexpected. I never thought I’d have so many of my faves in the final line up, I’m going to have to keep following this group even if they put out crap music because there are so many reliable singers too! They sure showed my pessimism, but I’m not complaining. 

For the final time, below is a comprehensive list of the final ranking for Produce 101 Season’s 2 group, Wanna.One:

Kang Daniel

Park Jihoon 

Lee Daehwi

Kim Jaehwan 

Ong Sungwoo 

Park Woojin

Lai Guan Lin 

Yoon Jisung

Hwang Minhyun 

Bae Jinyoung 

Ha Sungwoon 

It’s been wonderful on this blog with you guys! As always, please let me know you spot in any errors!