#BlackRage Writing

[blackraged]

I can't help but think about what the men's bathroom at the VP would look like early in the morning.

Like, think about it; a multitude of different personalities, clashing at the importance of their needs in hygiene.

Wouldn't that be fun to watch?

Those who take barely any to no time up in the bathroom: KAY/O, Omen and Cypher

I mean, it's pretty obvious why. KAY/O is a machine.

Omen is.....a ghost...in one way or another.

And Cypher, well, he is Cypher. He wouldn't risk being seen, not even for the sake of proper hygiene. It's not like they can smell his breath under his mask anyway. Otherwise, I would say he showers frequently with his mask on, but I don't think he waterboards himself willingly.

Agents who take a fairly decent amount of time up in the bathroom: Yoru, Chamber and Brimstone

Yoru takes 3 minute showers, so there is no problem with that. It's the fact that he stays almost half an hour in front of the mirror, fixing himself. He needs at least 3 cans of hairspray to get his hair stand up like an onion's end. He also plucks his eyebrows. (Sorry Yoru, but I ain't buying your eyebrow split.)

Chamber canonically drowns himself in expensive perfume and colognes. Dang, who would have thought? I'm pretty sure he waxes too, but only in his free time. Chamber is as smooth as a baby's butt, and he is weirdly proud of that.

Brimstone's an old dog. He takes a little bit longer to get ready, but he still manages to keep up with the younger ones. While I would like to say he shaves, I honestly do not think he does. He is past that age line, and he even only trims his beard maybe once or twice a month. Honestly though? Out of all the male agents, he smells the best. Like, you won't be smacked in the face by Dior Sauvage Eau de Toilette as you walk by. (Looking at you, Chamber) He just smells really nice.

The one who could be done within 10 minutes, but decides not to: Phoenix

He sings in the shower. I don't know what more you want me to say.

The ones who take fOREVER: Breach and Sova

Ship aside, I had to think a lot about these two. Like, A LOT. As someone, who has a long military line in the family, and also really fucking long hair, I had to sort all pros and cons for these two on why they would be either the first ones ready in the morning, or the last ones. Oh well...

Breach is a Viking. Most of you might know that back in the middle ages, Vikings took pretty good care of themselves hygiene wise, compared to everyone else at the time. So, I do have to say that, while Breach is the most homeless looking out of all Agents (Twitter's words, not mine. I'd marry his ass any time), he is definitely the cleanest in all of VP. Yeah, you heard me. That man smells nice, he takes showers regularly, he washes and brushes his hair, shaves, and keeps himself generally clean. As soon as he is done with his work out, or has returned from a mission, the first thing he does is hit the showers. He doesn't even use any expensive scented products. It's just soap and water, man. Also he puts his hair in a clean braid every day. (I've got really long hair, and let me tell you, even if I sold my soul, I could never keep my hair in a braid for more than 4 hours. Hair strands always manage to escape somehow and I end up looking like a feral witch.)

I strongly believe Sova shaves every morning. This is evident through his shadow beard. (You know, the grey shadow around his chin that comes from shaving) Just like Chamber, Sova has a military background, therefore spending enough time on getting ready in the morning wasn’t exactly an option. I genuinely think, that he can finish in 2 minutes or even less, and be battle ready in under 4. But this is where it got confusing, right, because Sova has long hair. And taking care, every morning, of said long hair, isn’t exactly easy. Even worse is, that the boy just puts a fucking clip in it and calls it a day. 

He is possibly one of the best, if not the best Agent at VP. But as a soldier AND marksman, do you really want your long hair dangling in front of you, blocking your vision?

Like, yeah sure, he takes good care of it, and if anyone were to smell or touch his hair, they’d feel heaven on earth because it is just that soft. Yet, I still think he should at least keep his hair better together.

I’m not saying he should have kept it in a braid instead, but, he should have kept it in a braid instead. (I love his long hair, and you could try to pry it from my cold dead hands, but substance over style, okay? Look at Breach, he got the memo) Other than that, Sova definitely sweats a bit more than the other Agents, so he uses a lot of deodorant. Also, big fan of face creams.

Bonus: All other Agents complain about Sova's and Breach's hair being on the ground and sink, and just... everywhere. Oh, the curse of luscious, strong, long hair.

Good day.

Them Ladies are next 👉👉

[blackraged]

What if Cypher somehow managed to develop narcolepsy?

Now hear me out. That man rarely ever sleeps, since he's on surveillance like 24/7. But no amount of self-loathing and coffee can keep anyone awake for that long.

So, he had to settle for power naps to regain mental fitness, right? But that developed somehow further into a form of hypersomnia until it got really bad, and boom, narcolepsy.

I can imagine, that he was already plagued by nightmares and sleep paralysis, so it was natural to, in some way or another, developed narcolepsy.

The agents at VP probably started noticing, when Cypher began falling asleep during Mission Briefings. (The younger agents thought, he was making fun of Brimstone's boring speech). However, it truly started to worry everyone, when he fell asleep mid sentence.

Cypher: "Alright, I'm in their network... Oho, what do we have here? Looks like-"

Brimstone and Chamber just share a look, with Chamber then snapping his fingers in front of the Moroccan's face. Killjoy even tried to shake him awake, until suddenly, Cypher's back to normal and continued like nothing happened.

Cypher: "- they have files on every incident, within the last two years! That is perfect. We could-"

Yeah, definitely not the shape you would want to find an agent in. Especially when you depend on said agent with his cameras and hacking skills.

Watch out, Viper. You're practically next in line.

[blackraged]

Bitemark headcanons

...because holy shit, I didn't expect the updated voice lines to hit the way they did

They’re both the more vicious variant of Mr. & Mrs. Smith

These two make violence look so good, and they both know that. It’s one of the reasons why they work so well together.

Chamber first saw it as a ‘chase me’ game, when Viper ignored him and gave him the cold shoulder, tho this developed into something more once he saw what Viper was actually capable of.

Chamber has probably mommy issues. Yeah, shocking, I know. (I actually have a whole list on Chamber headcanons, involving this one, cuz it would explain a lot about his personality.)

“You want my approval, Chamber? Do that again.“ Now, I know this can be interpreted in two ways, but I’m choosing the second interpretation rn for this ship. She likes his intensity, and he likes her relentlessness. If Chamber wants to get on Viper’s good side, he needs to show her that he is more than just a over scented, walking suit of money. Viper wants all that what is beneath his charmer façade. 

Viper definitely finds him attractive, but annoying.

It took a few spilled vials of acid and a highly vexatious Chamber, for Viper to finally say yes to a date. Of course, she wasn’t entirely enthusiastic about it, when the day finally came, but Viper still tried to look decent and applied just enough makeup to cover the dark circles under her eyes.

Chamber’s early presents and bribes, to get Viper interested were custom guns. He designed them specifically only for her. They’re light in her hands, and fit custom bullets too. (I can see Phoenix’s mouth water already, sorry lad.)

Unfortunately, Chamber is the one to grow emotionally attached first. But not in a lovey dovey way. He sees Viper’s worth and wants nothing more than to elevate her. He knows exactly, when Viper overworks herself to the extent, where she can’t even think straight anymore. So he magically manages to convince her to take a break, and when she listens, he spoils her rotten. Massages, gifts, compliments. Anything for the lady. If he could, he would have already put a ring on her finger.

They’re relationship evolves naturally. They didn’t have the need to talk about what they are or could be. It’s like an unspoken thing. That way, in case anything happened to the other, they’d have a easier time to mourn over their loss.

Later, down their relationship, Chamber and Viper are the VP’s married couple without being actually married to each other. Nobody questions it anymore, when Viper leaves his room, or when they overhear Chamber making dinner plans for Friday night. That’s just how it is now.

Viper definitely enjoys Chamber’s affections, since he isn’t exactly clingy and knows when to let her work. She would be lying though, if she said she didn’t enjoy Chamber’s craving for her attention.

These two work literally so well together. They don’t stand in each others ways, and at some point, even know the others thoughts, and don’t need words anymore to express what they need or want. Nobody interrupts or bothers the other while working, they give each other enough space but don’t grow distant, and they also go to the other for advice, when they’re stuck with something.

God, these two could aim for world domination if they wanted to, and even succeed at it.

Viper wouldn’t be caught dead using pet names, Chamber on the other hand...he definitely doesn’t shy away from calling her “mon chéri “or “mon coeur”.

Cutesy or belittling names are not on the list tho. Instead, he comes up with the most elegant and creative names you could imagine. However, his go to name is calling Viper his lady (madame in french). Like, hell yeah. See that blood covered scientist over there, shooting down the enemies one after another? That’s his lady!

It takes A LOT of time, and work, for Viper to call Chamber anything endearing. If he’s lucky, he will hear Viper refer to him as “my love”, but that’s about it. Don’t maker her repeat herself.

Viper finds Chamber to be a good listener and an exceptional conversation partner. On those rare occasions, when she feels a little lonely in her lab, and doesn’t exactly work on something highly destructive, she’d invite Chamber to stay and just keep her company. 

Chamber, in return, memorized the time Viper would always run out of coffee, so he’d use it as an excuse to visit her in her lab, with two cups in his hands.

Once in a while, Chamber will kidnap (affectionate) Viper on a vacation somewhere overseas, or take her shopping, or to a restaurant without telling her. He figured out, that asking her if she felt like spending time somewhere outside of the VP was 98% of the time answered with a “No”. So he had to turn to other methods.

Viper claims, that his charming words and romantic gestures don’t work on her, yet she is still the one to stand by his side, whenever Chamber attends some fancy event.

All in all, these two would make a great power couple.

[blackraged]

I can't help but think that the statue holding the sphere is the new agent teaser.

Now listen, the Statue might be a reference to Atlas, the Titan who held up the sky on his shoulders.

So the new Agent might not only be from Greece, but is also based on strength and endurance. Which might as well mean that Breach is getting a new gym buddy.

I'm also gonna assume, - in case I'm right -, that the agent's call sign will be Atlas. It'd just make sense, y'know???

[blackraged]

Me, trying to explain to my friends why Sova is designed after/based on the Rus Vikings in Valorant

[blackraged]

Imagine if Breach shaved off his beard and nobody at VP recognized him.

He would look for Sova, to ask for a face cream, or something similar, but as soon as he had found him, you'd see Sova frowning and yell an alarm code into his intercom. Before Breach could even react, he's already on the ground, face kissing the cold floor.

Chamber rushed out of his room, Viper popped out from around the corner, Omen jumped from the vents and Fade appeared from god knows where. All of them point their loaded guns at Breach, who is still being grappled by Sova on the ground.

Sova would start demanding answers, for who he was, how he managed to get into the HQ, how he found them and what his motives were. Breach desperately tried to tell them that it's him, but because Sova's foot was practically on his neck, it was hard for him to speak.

Raze, who heard the commotion, passed by, and asked in the most chill voice "What happened? And why are you holding down Breach?"

Everyone just looked at her, then to Breach, and only after two seconds of staring at the very familiar red hair and iconic metal arms, did they realized it's their loud mouth viking. Somewhere in the back, you just hear someone say 'oh shit', and Sova immediately lets go of Breach, helping him up and dusting him.

That day, Breach decided to NEVER shave his beard off again, and if he did, he'd make sure to tell everyone in advance.

[blackraged]

[Theory time:]

What if Sova's babushka used to be a badass, butt kicking Agent in her prime time, who later settled down and had a family?

She probably worked for a secret organization in Russia, similar to modern VP, and eventually climbed the ranks and became Lieutenant. There she met a fellow Officer/Agent who she fell in love with, then married and had Sova's father with.

Years later, when her son got married and little Sasha was barely a year old, the parents got into a horrible accident, which only Sova left unscathed (mostly).

Naturally, Babushka Novikov took her grandson in, and raised him to become a strong and capable young man. She taught him how to hunt and track, and how to survive in the wild. She trained him in close combat as well, so he could defend himself whenever he needed it. Up until a certain age, Babushka Novikov had a strict routine that Sova followed too. For example, early morning workouts before Sova left for school and a 3km run every afternoon and evening. Not to neglect actual school material during all this training, his Babushka did push him to study hard, which only resulted in Sova acing Biology, Geography, Math, History and Literature.

I honestly don't think, Babushka Novikov was strict with him though. She was rather encouraging and positive towards him. So what if Sova wanted to skate on the frozen lake with his buddies in winter? She taught him how to swim, and how to check when the ice is too thin to stand on. (Plus, the lake wasn't that deep) Besides, she was a dumb kid once too.

However, while I don't think she ever told her own son about her past, only that she was in the military, she did in fact tell and explain it to Sova. I like to think, she was also the one to get some of her old contacts to help Sova out when he joined the military. I mean, who wouldn't want Lieutenant Novikov's very capable grandson in their military?

[blackraged]

I really need Breach to like....rip a dress off of Sova

[blackraged]

LDR's Kill Team Kill is literally just Brim's strike team on crack.

Not only do Sarge and Brim look alike, but they also emit the same.fucking.energy.

Macy would be Breach. Deadass. And I love both of them.

Folen and Erwin remind me of Phoenix and Yoru cuz of their behavior, being little shits.

I would compare Coutts to KAY/O, if he was human, but I'm not exactly sure on that one tbh?? Breach could have fit, but I'm putting him to Macy cuz of the interactions he and Sarge have.

Lastly, I wanna say Morris would be Sova, but honestly that just seems cruel...Chamber would be an alternative fit, but there is just this one scene where Morris reminded me of Sova so I had to switch it.

-

Folen/Phoenix: It's a honey Badger! Honey Badgers don't give a shit!

Macy/Breach: That's it. We've all gone crazy. Time to kill each other.

Coutts/KAY/O: Oh, thank god. I'm so tired of carrying all this fucking ammo around.

Sarge/Brim: You assholes don't have my permission to die.

-

Sarge/Brim, calm: We're gonna get through this, soldier. Together.

Erwin/Yoru: ...

Erwin/Yoru, panic in his voice: "Together"?? I bet that'll look great on a poster with some puppies...

-

Folen/Phoenix: Brim, we got permission to die now?

Sarge/Brim: Getting there, Phoenix. Getting there...

-

[entering gory secret base]

Sarge/Brim: Guessing it wasn't like this when you left.

Morris/Sova: No. It fucking wasn't.

Folen/Phoenix: Well, personally, I love what they've done with the place!

-

Morris/Sova: Alright. Let's get some proper fucking ordnance, and kill the shit out of this fucking thing!

Morris/Sova: [deep breath]

Morris/Sova: Sorry for all the cursing...

-

Macy/Breach, at pet bot: Well, it's kinda cute...

Pet bot: [happy noises]

Macy/Breach: Oh, don't you look at me like that with them little puppy dog eyes.

Sarge/Brim, sighing: Jesus fucking Christ, Breach...

-

What makes this even funnier to me is that Steve Blum (Brim's VA) actually voiced Coutts and Macy. Thinking now of Brim saying "Yup, right in the dick." in a disappointed tone lmao

Sorry, not sorry, my humor is fucked,, but this ep was great. 10/10 would recommend. The humor was absolutely delicious and animation was 👌👌👌

[blackraged]

Sage, visibly exhausted: Do you seriously think, I enjoy being mother hen to you all??!

Phoenix: ...

Yoru: ...

Jett: ...

Sage: Okay, fine, it's like crack to me...

[blackraged]

@gunsforarms text didnt fit into a comment so I'm replying with a reblog,, hope you don't mind

Now, from a geographical point of view speaking; The further you go to the east, the more Russians with darker hair and Asian traits you will find. If you go north, you will find more blondes and people of taller statue. This is because of the genetics pool. The norther parts obviously mix with the Scandinavian and Baltic genes, while the east and south, mix with their Eurasian and Byzantine brothers. I would need to draw out a whole map to explain this genetics game, but I hope the point I’m trying to explain is clear.

Vikings were generally widespread, travelled almost everywhere where their boats and interests took them. It’s known for them to have reached out as far as Asia and Africa, and even sailing all the way to the middle east. There is quite a lot of evidence found in the northern parts of Russia of Viking culture and traces, that reach all along the arctic ocean (from the Norwegian sea, to the Barents and Kara sea).

Also, the Russia we know today, pretty much started out from the Kievan Rus region. Give or take brother nations/tribes forming an alliance, and therefore growing and becoming mother Russia that we have today. The Rus were Norse people who were originally from Sweden if I’m not mistaken, and have migrated all the way down to eastern Europe, where they settled and spread. They even kept their language for some time, before the majority forgot and Russian took over.

He might as well have Sami relations if you think about it… even Sami had ties to Vikings so it checks out. (They reached from Norway, Sweden, Finland, to all the way of Russia) Also, Sova is from Severomorsk in Murmansk Oblast, which, by the way, is also one of the regions the Sami have inhabited. Can’t say too much about the Sami as of right now though, due to them being nomadic tribal people, rather than warriors and such. They herd reindeer. Ain’t too much fighting on their sides happening. Their culture did reach into viking culture however.

Vikings, like most other people, were proficient in several different types of weapons. But if you’re walking along the tundra of the northern part of the land, where harsh winter barely lets you plant crops and such, you resolve to hunting. Bow and arrow were generally pretty popular for hunting and fighting, as expected, but if we take the whole “hunter” concept in consideration with how Sova is dressed and wears his hair, we see he shares striking similarities to high north Vikings. You could literally put Breach into Sova’s clothes and give him his weapon, and you’d still go “Ah yes, a Viking.”

Plus, Sova was in the military. Soldiers don’t keep their hair long since it’s very, vERY inconvenient for fighting (unless you braid it, so it stays out of your face,, Breach got the memo), especially when you’re a marksman… Yet Sova still has his long hair, and it’s a vital part of his design. Long hair has always been a symbol of connection to your gods, no matter the religion. (Except Christians, those fuckers shaved their heads.)

Sova’s design isn’t coincidental. Riot designed him, knowing exactly what history the norther part of Russia holds and what cultural relations it has with its neighboring nations and tribes. They could have made his design and character closer to a basic elite Russian soldier, and place him somewhere in the middle, western or even southern part of Russia. BUT, they went with Severomorsk, Murmansk Oblast. Knowing Riot does proper research on history and cultural traits for their lore, there is no way Sova’s design was accidental. Riot themselves did say, they are very careful with character designs and take extra steps. They knew what they were doing, and delivered.

[And those who favor the headcanon of Sova not being a natural blonde; Vikings liked bleaching their hair lighter. Blonde was attractive, and lighter hair represented wisdom.]

God, I hope I got everything I wanted to say and didn't cut the information too short sdfghujihugyft i could literally go on and on and on and on and never shut up

Me, trying to explain to my friends why Sova is designed after/based on the Rus Vikings in Valorant

[blackraged]

Aight so, while I wasn't entirely right about the agent teaser part, I DID GUESS THE REFERENCE TO THE GREEK TITAN ATLAS CORRECTLY THOUGH.

I can't help but think that the statue holding the sphere is the new agent teaser.

Now listen, the Statue might be a reference to Atlas, the Titan who held up the sky on his shoulders.

So the new Agent might not only be from Greece, but is also based on strength and endurance. Which might as well mean that Breach is getting a new gym buddy.

I'm also gonna assume, - in case I'm right -, that the agent's call sign will be Atlas. It'd just make sense, y'know???