Love Me, or Not?
Satan sat alone, in a forest far, far away from the House of Lamentation. He sat slouching, his back against an oak tree for support, surrounded by ripped and torn roses. Hissed, aggressive, angry mutters left his lips.
“Love… Not… Love… Not…”
A small crowd of cats also sat on and around Satan’s lap. They peered up at what the Avatar of Wrath was doing; at his fingers, bloodied and cut from the roses’ thorns. With their feline stare immoveable, their eyes judged.
“They love me… Love me not. Love me… then love me not.” Satan continued to mutter, with increasing desperation. “Loves me… Not?! Not?!?!” He roared as the penultimate petal was plucked off, shifting into his demon form and clawing at the de-petaled rose until it was nothing but tatters of stem and leaves hidden amongst the blades of grass under him. The cats continued to stare, and judge, and stare.
“Are there really no other words in this stupid ritual?!” He growled, violently whipping his head around to find the book he had brought with him. ‘A Woman’s Guide to Romance’, written by a human in the 1800s. He frantically flicked to the relevant page, scanning the walls and fences of text to find something - anything - he had missed about how to do the ritual. Maybe a loophole to add on a petal? Maybe this book was too old? But in Satan’s mind, two-hundred years wasn’t all that long - so the writing inside must still hold up.
Or, at least, that’s what he had thought before he had gotten ‘loves me not’ on two-hundred of these stupid roses.
He hadn’t even heard of this game before you, even with all his reading up on the three realms. He had walked in on you gently picking off the petals of a daisy in the RAD courtyard and had approached you, inquiring as to what you were doing. His eyesight still got slightly blurry at the sight of you and his pact mark on foreign skin, the power of the pact still very fresh. It had only been a few weeks, after all. If anything, it was better for you to stay far away from him with such power - such wrath - under your control and yet… You had stayed. Calmly, as if teaching a child, you had explained the premise of the ritual, with Satan doing what he did best: learning. He had learned about how to do the ritual; that some do it for closure, and others for self-assurance; that you did it every time you had a crush.
He also had learned what your favourite flower was, and had briefly imagined him presenting you a bouquet. He had learned that your laughter reminded him of bell chimes, that your scent reminded him of his favourite tea and that your giggles reminded him of a cat’s purr.
And, after what seemed like hours of you talking and him listening, he hadlearned that he loved the way it felt to hear you talk with your head on his shoulder. He had learned he loved to look at your face when you talked. He had learned that he loved to look at your lips talking, pursed and pretty and so soft-looking -
… He had learned a lot that day.
He had learned you had a crush and had relished in your smile when, on your first try, your final petal had been ‘he loves me.’ Then he texted you later that day; and learned that your crush had five letters in his name.
Quickly, he had researched forests with an abundance of flowers and went to the one that would be the furthest away from the prying eyes of his brothers. If he could replicate your result, he’d have definite proof. Proof that it was okay to act on these feelings that have been eating away at him for so long.
But now, two-hundred destroyed flowers later, things were looking bleak.
As he looked down at the mess around him, Satan thought of you. As pretty and as delicate as a rose; as kind, strong and persevering as the flowers too beautiful to deserve a life in the Devildom, but continued to thrive regardless. You: the flower too beautiful to deserve the fate of being torn to shreds by the Avatar of Wrath, like the roses around him.
… Suddenly, a buzzing in his pocket.
He took a deep breath, seeing the message on his D.D.D was from you.
> heyyyyyyyyy, Satan <3
> hehe this cat looks like you hehe
A picture popped up of you snuggling up to a demon cat, not minding the its tiny horns pressing into your cheek. Instinctively, he reached up to lightly touch his own horns. His breath hitched. If you were alright with horns - with the monstrous side of him - then maybe…
Resolute, Satan stood up and dusted himself free of flower bits with one hand; using the other to type out a response.
> It looks adorable. Where are you? I’ll come see it in person.
He paused, before adding:
> I have something I need to tell you.
Why should he let the flowers decide whether you loved him not?
He could get the answer from you himself.
(another attempt at romance, and sappy romantic satan is always fun. there’s a brief reference to that chat where he asks who you would date and i was chortling because man that was bold asf, actual props to him. he strikes me as someone who would research and prep for all scenarios beforehand, then kick his feet like a teenager under the covers of his bed when mc responded.)
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there is something to be said for how much the Metatrons' offer of restoring Crowley to an angel changed things for Aziraphale, even beyond the face value of the offer
Azirphale eventually (and reluctantly) accepts the promotion under the presumption that he will be able to change heaven - "if I'm in charge, I can make a difference."
and obviously, Muriel and Jim/Gabriel are two key narrative players to show us why Aziraphale would think heaven can still be reformed - Muriel who was unbelievably lonely in heaven and, despite all their ineptitude, is so excited to experience earth for the first time (the fondness in Aziraphale's face during their scene together in the bookshop is so touching) - and Jim/Gabriel who Aziraphle once knew to be cold, unsympathetic, and remorseless but after having the memories and influences of heaven stripped away turns out to be helpful, curious, and self-sacrificing (we see Aziraphale come to terms with this change over the season, telling Jim in e2 that he's really not sure if he's still terrible but when Crowley is questioning Jim in e5, Aziraphale's sure he's just being silly)
but even after witnessing this, Azirphale isn't jumping at the offer to run heaven. He says so point blank, "I don't want to go back to heaven," but everything changes when he gets the offer to restore Crowley as an angel
and clearly, Aziraphale is so excited by the face-value offer, he and Crowley would be safe and they'd be together, and Crowley would never be punished for doing good again. Just look at his happy little hands when he's asking Crowley to pause his confession so he can share his own great news. He's beyond thrilled to be able to offer this to Crowley, to live this life with Crowley (before he realizes it's not a life that Crowley wants - those happy hands are devastating in hindsight)
so if bringing Crowley to heaven with him was the selling point, why is he still going after Crowley says no? Because in Aziraphale's eyes, the power to restore Crowley is the power to correct heaven's mistakes. So heaven can make mistakes - Aziraphale thinks the Metatron just admitted that heaven is fallible
that is HUGE
(this is also not what the Metatron was saying - but in this context what Metatron said doesn't matter, only what Aziraphale heard)
and this isn't just coming from some angel - the Metatron is the voice of God. The closest thing to speaking to God we have witnessed since 2500 BCE in the Job minisode (the most recent evidence of God speaking directly to a character). Regardless of where God actually is during this story, Azirphale would be taking the Metatron's word as the word of God
Aziraphale has been acting against what heaven says God wants since the beginning: giving away his sword in Eden to protect Adam and Eve from their punishment (which he then lies to God about but is still allowed to stay on Earth), lying to save Job's children and openly question God's role in the plan ("I… I don’t think… that is what God wants"), and of course stopping Armageddon with his Great Plan vs Ineffible Plan pedantry (and before this, his plan for most of s1 is to get in contact with someone higher than Gabriel because of course, God wouldn't actually want this) - and when he is finally found out, Gabriel and Michael cut his ties with heaven
but now might-as-well-be-God is walking into his bookshop and scolding the middle managers and saying they've been fucking up. And he tells Aziraphale that they were wrong about him and they were wrong about Crowley and Aziraphale's the one that's been in the right
(keep in mind that Aziraphale does not know that the Metatron has been on the same subcommittees as the archangels - after Michael and Uriel don't recognize him, he's probably assuming they have very little contact)
if Corwley falling was a mistake maybe everything else Aziraphale has been internally questioning is too. If heaven can make mistakes than something has been going wrong in heaven - a fault in operations not in design - there must something to fix
Aziraphale is a being of faith and he carries such guilt for questioning that faith. The idea that the Metraton is acknowledging a mistake must be such a balm to him
It's really no wonder he thinks he can change heaven after that offer
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as much as the binary boyfriends drama is my favorite part of season 6, the logistics of it baffle me to no end. First of all, I have absolutely no idea why Eli would not simply submit an EA application if he was already planning to. EA (early action), unlike ED (early decision) is NOT legally binding, meaning if you are accepted EA, you do not have to attend that school. While the application deadline is earlier, it seems that by September/October of his senior year, he was still planning to apply EA, which means that most likely, his applications were already done bc that’s what you do if you plan for EA. Like, I agree with demetri, not applying EA does significantly lower your chances and there’s no reason to decide last minute not to submit your application. Application fee maybe, but it’s $75 and you cannot convince me that Mr. Eli “new ugly color coordinated athleisure set every day” Moskowitz cannot afford that. MIT doesn’t even have ED so you can’t convince me that’s what the writers meant. Even if you want to keep your options open, but still have even the slightest inkling you want to go to MIT you should apply early action. People apply EA to schools they don’t want to go to all the time.
AND FURTHERMORE, the drama is so silly to me because there’s like so many colleges in Boston alone, let alone Massachusetts as a whole, Eli does not need to be at MIT specifically for them to stay close. (However demetri alexopolous has the right to be upset about truly anything, I think he’s earned it)
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I just completed Pasqal's personal quest, and I have... THOUGHTS. Spoilers below!
It turns out all the Haneumanns are his mentor, and they created Nomos, the ship spirit. Suspicious of its nature as a tech blight, they researched a way to kill machine spirits as the ultimate precaution. The choices presented was to let him become the circle again, or to assimilate the 6 members and let go of their epiphany, or just be Pasqal while letting go of the epiphany.
I could not choose, because on one hand, I hope that Pasqal could be himself, for I have grown very fond of the tech-priest. On the other hand, the knowledge, albeit dangerous, should not be lost. So I told him that I want him to say while preserving the knowledge, but he explained it wasn't possible. In the end he chose the second path, and when I talked to him, it was... Well, he had changed a lot. Part of him was still there, but I wonder whether that part would persist.
The problem is, I do not hate the circle. In fact I love the concept/entity, but I also love Pasqal. Not letting Pasqal ascend feels like I am limiting his potential, and this is something I could never do. And yet once he ascended, he would lose part of himself that I have come to love dearly. The angst... The angst is too much.
I should probably look at alternative outcomes later before making judgement, but for now I shall stick to my choice and see how it will end. However I have an inkling that no ending will truly please me, and that is ok- because I recognise the layers and the beauty of them, even if they are all, to some degree, tragedies.
And I thank Owlcat for creating such an fascinating character and an interesting quest. As someone who has always loved the Adeptus Mechanicus faction, the portrayal of Pasqal and other tech priests are very on point and incredibly nuanced.
Edit: I finished the game, and I got the ending that his circle went after the Dark Mechanicus. I am... 60% sure that Pasqal might be no more, but Amarnat Collective is back. I don't know what to feel about this... I am sad that the rogue trader has lost his friend, but on the other hand, the rogue trader doesn't want to be the one who prevents Amarnat from forming- it will be akin to murder. So yeah, I am really conflicted.
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