#Bex's book corner

[klausysworld]

Can you make a smut like just pure smut klaus x reader (preferably black/mixed reader)reader is hope Mikealson’s best friend and reader is finally meeting hopes family and she is all hot and bothered by klaus and klaus can tell

“Hii how are you could you maybe make a smut klaus x fem reader hopes best friend (reader)finally meet hope’s family and reader is drawn to klaus and can’t take her eyes off of him and he notices and something happens between them :)”

this was also requested and i wasn’t sure if you could respond to two at once??

Hope and i had been best friends for a while now and i was so nervous about meeting her family. I’ve seen pictures and been told all about them so hopefully everything will be fine but i sort of already have crush on her dad even though i haven’t actually met him?

Hope knows i find him attractive and always makes jokes about it, thankfully she finds it funny instead of making it weird

“i know they’re all gonna love you! You, y/n y/l/n, are gonna become an honorary Mikaelson… or maybe an actual Mikaelson if you marry my dad… will that make me your daughter? should i start calling you Mommy?” i shoved her as we laughed and got out of her car to start walking to to her house, i ended up chasing her most of the way to the door as she fake screamed and ran

“i call maid of honour!” she called as we got to the entrance

“who’s getting married?” was said from behind me making me jump forward towards Hope, she had a big smile on her face as she grabbed my arm

“Dad!! this is y/n remember i told you all about her!?” my face heated up as i ran a hand down my face and glanced at Klaus who looked somehow even better in person than in the photos

“oh god what did you say?” i mumbled shaking my head and both she and her father laughed

“nothing bad love, in fact she said many wonderful things, you enjoy art?” i side eyed a very smiley Hope who was practically buzzing

“she does, she paints too, she’s really good, i think you should show her your art room cuz i know for a fact that she would just looove it, i showed her some of your pieces and her mouth was hanging open like a fish she looked adorable” she rambled but i don’t think Klaus was listening much, he was looking straight into my eyes as his pupil dilated as he licked his bottom lip and hummed

“well them we’ll take her up yes?” he cut hopes rant off and she nodded excitedly

“sure well im gonna see aunt Bex so if you take her to see that- the art! i’ll see you both in a moment” she literally slid out of the room as she slipped and skidded round the corner

“you don’t have to, i think Hopes in a…funny mood” i explained and began walking after her but his large hand took ahold of mine and he spun me back to his chest

“we should go see the art, if she thinks we should see the art then it’s what we should do” i whispered an “okay” in response and he led me up the stairs.

He showed me many paintings and sketches letting me touch the different textures and flip through his books. All the way through he kept a hand on my waist, his face was practically sat in the crook of my neck and he whispered stories of why painted different things. One sketch book had paintings of naked women, or hands touching intimate parts of someone, i felt my panties dampen at the thought of him painting my body, his hands cupping my breasts. He inhaled deeply through his nose and let out a little grunt

“which is your favourite?” he muttered as he bushed himself against me letting me feel his hard on against my ass

“probably that one…” i said quietly pointing to the painting of the women lead on the bed with her back arched and her head thrown back

“mm that was actually a very interesting person, she had very lovely hands you see?” he moved my hand to where hers were, she was squeezing her own breasts, i realised that was the main focus of his drawing, her hands

“you’re very talented Mr Mikaelson” he smirked and rubbed my hip with his thumb

“1000 years of practice can do that, perhaps…you’ll let me do you?” i gulped and slowly turned around so our chests were touching, i was breathing pretty heavily and could feel my breasts brushed against him, i locked eyes with his sapphire ones as i tilted my head up. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine which i immediately reciprocated, they were plump and soft making me push my tongue through them and taste his. He tasted rich and intoxicating making me moan into his mouth and moved my hands to hold the back of his head while his held onto my waist pulling me tightly against him. He moved a hand down and lightly squeezed my ass under my skirt. He pushed his leg in between my thighs and moved me along his jeans, the fabric quickly darkened with my wetness as it went through my underwear onto him. I panted when he moved his mouth down to suck along my jaw and then down and back up my neck finding my sweet spot just below my ear and paying it extra attention. I moaned again louder and i began grinding against him harder. He brought his hands down to lift me up by my thighs, i wrapped my legs around him as he connected our mouths again.

Our tongues entwined and the sound of pages scattering the floor filled the room, i was put into the now empty table, i was pushed flat on my back and my legs were pulled to the edge

“you look so bloody beautiful spread our like this, suck a lovely dress” he told me and kissed down my neck to my cleavage, he ran his tongue along the swell of my breasts. I arched my back and moved my hands up to undo some of the buttons going down so he had better access to them. Klaus gently cupped them both and then attached his lips to my left one making me gasp. He tugged on it and swirled his tongue around it before giving the same affection to the other one. He undid the rest of the buttons and pushed it off my arms leaving me completely bare for him.

Nervousness flooded through me and i brought my knees up to my chest so i was covered

“i want to see you y/n, all of you” he whispered and pulled my knees apart to look at my most private area. The vulnerability of being so open for him while he was still fully clothed had me avoiding any eye contact as he studied me.

“you are magnificent you know that? absolutely divine” he announced moved so he was off the table and pulling me to the edge, he went down onto his knees and held my legs open

“do you want this, love?” he whispered locking eyes with me

“i- i do” he smirked in response and his tongue darted out. His hot tongue kitten licked at my clit, my hands flew to his hair and pulled him towards me breathing out his name as though it were a prayer

“lay back love” he instructed before his actions became more. He was now sucking harshly at my clit and his tongue teased my entrance making me gasp a moan. I opened my legs as wide as they would go when his skilful tongue entered me, he expertly plunged it within me and i called out for him desperately. The dreams i had were no where near as brilliant as the real thing. I could feel myself fluttering around his tongue, his thumb went to my clit and drew figures of eight upon it, he gradually got faster and i pulled at his sandy locks. The burning sensation pulsed through me, my nails scratched his scalp, his groan adding to the pure pleasure coursing inside while my toes curled and i came into his mouth. His thumb slowed and gently tapped my clit as he licked up every last drop that escaped me.

“You taste fantastic y/n” he whispered and kissed me again letting me see how sweet i was in his mouth.

“can you take your clothes off now” i asked shyly still playing with his curls. He smirked and kissed my lips again

“i suppose it’s only fair” he said while removing his shirt. I gaped at his toned body and couldn’t help but run my fingertips down his torso as he undid his belt, when i glanced down to his underwear i audibly swallowed

“i know you’re going to be so good for me” he uttered stroking my cheek with his palm while palming himself

“how…how do you want me?” i hesitated before asking still eyeing his thickness, almost drooling when he twitched

“Let’s get you on the floor” he pulled me down from the table and onto the floor

“hands and knees love” he whispered and i did as told. He disappeared for a second before returning with a pillow, he stretch my arms and and told me to rest my head on the pillow. I arched my back for him and shivered at the thoughts running through my mind

“you’re sure?”

“i’m positive” i replied

A moment later his tongue was in my folds again gathering my juices and sliding into my centre before exiting again and shifting himself forward, his hands rubbed my ass and down my back, he gripped onto my hips and guided me onto his dick. My tight walls swallowed him as soon as he entered his thick length and we both moaned.

“oh god” i mumbled and stretched myself further

“not god love, just me” he slowly removed himself until just is tip remained inside me before thrusting back in forcefully and building a rhythm from there

“i don’t think ‘just me’ is a fair answer there, you’re basically a god” he gave a breathy laugh and continued moving, i had never felt so full in my life, his cock buried far inside me hitting my g-spot just right making me cry out for him to continue. He gave guttural moans from behind me. His hands moved up my back and got ahold of the area between my neck and shoulders, he pulled me back into him to meet his forceful jolts. I tightened around him and i could feel my clit screaming to be touched, almost as if he could read my mind one hand left my shoulder and went to his mouth before down against my bundle of nerves.

“you going to cum for me sweet y/n?” he asked as he twitched inside me and his thrusts became slightly sloppy. I nodded rapidly and my body shook with the force he used to fuck me. i squeezed the pillow between my hands and cried out a moan of his name as i clamped around him and let him fill me with his hot fluid.

He rocked into me for a while longer before slipping out of me and letting out a sigh of contentment. My body relaxed and my face pressed into the pillow, my ass was still propped in the air and i groaned at the ache in my core pushed myself up on my arms and then my hands and rolled over to sit down

“did i do okay?”

“you did perfectly, come here” i crawled over to him and he tilted my head to kiss my lips slowly and softly

“Hope’s waiting for us and you need to meet everyone else but next time i’ll take you out for a romantic dinner, i’ll get you another pretty dress, your favourite flowers which i already know because Hope has told me everything i could need to know and then if you want something like this again ill have you in my bed” i blushed dark and nodded smiling

“i’d like that very much”

[strange-and-off-putting]

Smegtober Prompt 17: Derelict

“You find anything?”  He calls over the two-way radio.  He steps carefully across the debris strewn floor, and picks gingerly through the piles of decaying trash.  The radio beeps in his hand, the voice on the other end speaking in an eerily similar cadence.

“No,” it says, crackling intermittently.  “But we thought as much, aye?  They’d have been up there in years in the best case scenario, and that’s not even accounting for God only knows what other sort smeg they might’ve gotten into.” “Yeah, true enough.”  Bexley sighs, carefully lifting the edge of a decrepit old comic books from the corner of the bottom bunk.  The paper crackles and practically falls apart in his hands.  He shakes his head and turns to start scavenging through the lockers. “Hey,” his brother pops his head around the doorway, now permanently propped open, the pneumatic compressors having burned out long ago.  “You looking for anything in particular, Bex?” “I dunno,” he says.  He fumbles with the padlock on the locker nearest him, and gives it a swift yank.  The shackle pops open with satisfying "tchk."

“Guess I’m just curious,” he says, discarding the lock, “what they were like.” He pulls open the door and pulls back in surprise before bursting out in laughter.  “Jim, man, get over here,” he says, pulling the door wide open and gesturing inside with a grin as his brother sidles up to him.  “Who’s locker do you think this is?” Jim grins broadly. “Well, what’d you expect,” Jim sighs fondly, reaching out to finger the cuffs of one of the dozen pairs of identical, starched, ship-issued uniform slacks.  “Remember what mum always told us about parallel universes, yeah?  They were basically the same people.” “Yeah, but they weren’t though, were they?” Bexley murmurs, slamming the locker and opening the adjacent one.  His eyes light up at the familiar hodgepodge of ratty t-shirts and old biker jackets.  His eyes fall onto a picture stuck on the inside of the locker; a familiar young man, holding two fussing babies, wrapped in thermal mylar.    He plucks it down, the photo yellowing with age, it’s edges brittle.  He thumbs over the still glossy surface thoughtfully. “They weren’t the same,” he says, “because of us.  We were the wildcard, see?  A variable in play in our universe, but not theirs.”  He leans heavily against an old, slanting desk, the surface warped and bowing with age. “What if we’re the reason they’re gone?” he murmurs.  “If they got into whatever smeg they got into, because we weren’t here, 'cause the didn't have tend to us?” Jim plucks the photo from his brother’s hand, examining it closely. “Well, then by that same logic, maybe we’re the reason mum and Arlene are still around,” he says, looking up and smirking.  “Tottering and bickering and belligerent, but still smegging kicking.  He stands hip to hip with his twin, resting his weight equally against the desk and his brother’s side.  They bow their heads instinctively together, practically temple to temple, and gaze at the photo. “It’s not like we had a choice,” Jim says at last.  “But isn’t it something...?  To know that you made a difference to someone, somewhere.”

“Mmm,” Bexley hums.  “Just wish it could have worked out for the both of them. For all of them." “Mmm.  Yeah.  But that’s just not how the universe works, Bex.  Someone somewhere gets the short end of the cosmic stick.”

“Yeah.”  A beat.  “Like you.  Smeg, look at you.  Sweet Christ, you were an ugly ass baby.” Jim slaps his brother roughly on the back of the head, standing with a groan.   “Shut up.”  He twists left and right, bones popping and cracking.  Bexley checks his watch.

“Guess if there’s no one here, it doesn’t make sense to stay,” he sighs.  “Not good for our health.”

“Yeah, I don’t need anymore grey hairs,”  Jim says, casting his eyes around the room.  He pauses at the doorway, eyeing the bunks; the empty top bunk sans bedding, the bottom one fully made up, two mismatched sets of blankets enveloping one another.  He turns to his brother.

“You think they ever figured it out?”

“Figured what out?”

“You know,” he says, eyes darting about, color rising to his checks.  “Like mum and Arlene.”

Bexley wrinkles his nose.

“Smeg, man, I don’t wanna think about that,” he shudders, mostly performatively.  He puts a hand on his brother’s back and guides him out of the room, pulling the quantum skipper out of his pocket.  He casts one last glance behind him, and breathes out, long and deep.

“But I hope they did,” he murmurs.  “They deserved that much, at least.”

[yeetmeoutthewindowdaddy]

Love is an open wound

Zevlor x Rolan, past Zevlor x Kanon.

Inspired by this post, which I misread. 🤦‍♀️

Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, spoilers, mild canon divergence for Act 1, panic attack, nightmares, horror, body horror, semi-graphic depictions of violence, PTSD symptoms, nonconsensual enthrallment, nonconsensual use of the Calm Emotions spell (consent is given after), survivors guilt, (minor) character deaths, canon character deaths (more like Kanon character death).

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The Absolute had been defeated and peace, or as much peace that a city such as Baldur's Gate could hope to have, had been restored. Ravenguard had managed to purge the worst of the corruption which had infested the highest reaches of government, and the city had been rebuilt.

The tiefling refugees were thriving in the port-city. Alfira had almost a dozen music students. Dammon's forge had months worth of commissions lined up, with more coming in everyday. Rolan had become the Master of Ramazith's Tower and business was booming at Sorcerers Sundries. He had also recently opened a free public library that anyone was welcome to use— so long as they treated the books and scrolls with due care. Bex and Danis had recently adopted a cat. Zevlor had refound his faith and was a paladin once more.

Zevlor was also in a committed relationship with Rolan. To say he was shocked when the mage had approached him after the elder brain had been defeated and asked him on a date would be an understatement. Zevlor was dubious anent the younger man's desires; why would a powerful, young, handsome man like Rolan want an old, washed up, soldier such as him? But Rolan was nothing if not determined, and after much reassurance Zevlor allowed himself to give into his "selfish" desires, and now (just over a year and a half later) they were living together in Ramazith's Tower.

Zevlor had fretted about how Rolan's protective siblings would react to their brother dating an older man, but Cal and Lia welcomed him with open arms (after giving him a shovel talk). "He's had a crush on you since he hit puberty." Lia had told the old Hellrider, much to Rolan's chagrin.

Zevlor was elated to find that he got on well with the mage's siblings. Cal was delighted to have another level-headed person to diffuse Lia and Rolan's constant bickering. While Lia was eager to train with the old Hellrider. She had even privately thanked Zevlor for being a calming influence on her bristly brother.

"Rolan isn't as pissy now that the stick that was shoved up his ass has been replaced with your great sword."

(Zevlor couldn't look her in the eyes for 2 tendays.)

The commander had also befriended the local population of stray cats. Zevlor was fairly certain that most of them only saw him as a meal ticket, but there were a few who seemed to genuinely enjoy his company.

Life was good and Zevlor was content, most of the time. But sometimes he'd catch a glimpse of Rolan out of the corner of his eye, or he'd see the younger tiefling approaching with the evening sun brightly blazing behind him, and for a split second he'd swear that he'd seen Kanon.

The two young men were very different people, in both their looks and their personalities— but both of them sported shoulder length hair, and their horn structures were almost identical; making them look just similar enough that, in the right light, Zevlor would see brief glimpses of Kanon when he looked at Rolan.

These bittersweet moments made Zevlor's heart ache. Guilt and anxiety made his stomach churn. Zevlor was worried that he was somehow cheating on Rolan in his wistful reminiscing on his prior swain. He worried that he was trying to replace Kanon with Rolan. He worried that his previous feelings for Kanon were preventing him from fully loving Rolan in the way that the man deserved to be loved— wholly and without question.

Compounding his guilt, Zevlor hadn't told Rolan about Kanon— but there wasn't really anything to tell. He hadn't been in a romantic relationship Kanon. In truth they were nothing more than friendly acquaintances... But there was an undeniable mutual attraction between them, and they'd been getting closer. Their relationship had just begun to blossom into something more when Kanon was killed.

Unfathomable remorse filled the old Hellrider. Kanon should have never been on the ramparts with him, but he was because he and Zevlor were flirting. Gods damn it, the man didn't even have any armor on! How could Zevlor have allowed himself to be so negligent in his duties!? If Zevlor was even half the paladin that he thought he was in Elturel, then Kanon wouldn't have died on that wall.

Despite his best efforts, Zevlor often found himself ruminating over his actions on that fateful day.

As soon as Zevlor had spotted the goblins nearing the Grove he yelled out an order to open the gate— he had directed the order to Akra, who had armor on, but Kanon was closer to the windlass— and so he took it upon himself to try to save Aradin's sorry backside from certain demise.

Zevlor saw the goblins nocking their arrows, he should've realized that a man who was a tailor by trade wouldn't have the reaction time of a trained soldier. But instead of diving on top of Kanon to shield him from the incoming volley of arrows, Zevlor had crouched down and covered his own hide because he (incorrectly) assumed that Kanon would also duck for cover.

Helm's unsleeping eyes, he remembered Kanon's death in perfect, agonizing, detail. The horrid sound the young man had made when the first arrow struck him. The sickening squelch as it effortlessly pierced his unarmored flesh.

Kanon may have been able to survive the initial arrow, had the second arrow not struck true by slotting between his ribs and piercing his heart.

The anguished wail that Kanon's sister, Akra, emitted upon seeing her brother's demise haunted Zevlor in his dreams.

Zevlor's night terrors had been intensifying as of late. His nightmares had started to combine the horrors he experienced in Avernus with how he had failed his kinsfolk in the Shadowlands.

In his dreams the refugee tieflings were being slaughtered by demons while he dispassionately stood by, watching as their souls were dammed to perdition in the hells.

The felled tieflings surrounded him, and the only thing louder than their wails of pain and terror were their loathsome screeches of blame and anger. They demanded to know why he had let them die when he had promised to protect them. They castigated him for his cowardice. They lambasted him for his audacity in thinking that he deserved happiness. He didn't.

Other nightmares solely featured Kanon. His bloated and decaying corpse loomed over Zevlor as blood poured from his mouth while he stared accusingly at him with his dead, hate filled eyes. Kanon didn't need to say anything for Zevlor to know that he was angry with him for idlily standing by as his sister was murdered, to know that the young man (correctly) blamed him for their deaths.

And then a familiar sneer would twist Kanon's reddening face until it morphed into Rolan's unmarred visage.

"How long until you cause my death?" Rolan pointedly asked Zevlor as his face began to decay, sloughing off in grotesque chunks as 10,000 tormented voices emanated all at once from Rolan's rotting mouth when he accusingly screamed at Zevlor. "ł'₥ ₲Øł₦₲ ₮Ø ĐłɆ ฿Ɇ₵₳Ʉ₴Ɇ Ø₣ ɎØɄ!"

"NO!" Zevlor yelled as he shot up from bed. He couldn't breath, he couldn't seen anything other than the static that filled his vision. His ears were ringing so loudly that he couldn't hear anything else.

He was dead. He was dead and he was dammed to relive his failures over and over again for the rest of eternity. He had never actually escaped the hells. Tav hadn't rescued him from the mind flayer pod at Moonrise Towers. He was dead. He was-

A gentle wave of calm washed over the old Hellrider. He could suddenly breath again as the ringing in his ears quieted and the world around him came into focus. Rolan was in front of him, saying soothing words to him.

"He looks worried." Zevlor distantly thought.

"Just focus on my voice Zevlor. Good. We're going to breath together now, follow my lead." Rolan instructed him.

"Breath in." Rolan inhaled as Zevlor copied him. "And breath out."

They repeated the breathing exercise several times until Zevlor had fully returned to his body.

The former commander was drenched in sweat, his skin was clammy and cold. Zevlor's whole body was shaking from the aftershocks of his night terror.

It wasn't until Rolan carefully wiped the tears from his face that Zevlor realized he was silently crying.

A sudden, wretched sob erupted from the very depths of Zevlor's soul. Years of repressed emotions spilled forth from, unfettered by shame or pride.

Rolan held him tight. It felt as though his love was the only thing holding Zevlor together as he was soothingly rocked in the mages arms.

Zevlor must have fallen asleep— as an indeterminate amount of time later he was gently roused from his slumber by Rolan, who handed him some water and softly ordered the old soldier "Drink."

Zevlor nodded in both acquiescence and a gesture of gratitude as he silently accepted the cool glass of water from the other man. He hadn't realized how parched he was until he started drinking. It took more restraint than he'd like to admit to swallow the refreshing liquid at a moderate pace instead of desperately chugging it.

When Zevlor was done drinking he handed the glass back to Rolan, who put it on the nightstand.

"You didn't put a coaster under it." He told Rolan.

"What?" Rolan asked.

"The glass," Zevlor said as he pointed to the offending object "you didn't put it on a coaster, it'll leave a mark if you leave it like that."

Rolan's face skewed in... confusion? Incredulity? Bewilderment?

"I know that you don't like water rings on the furniture, that's why I pointed it out." Zevlor lamely added, fearing he had offended his romantic partner.

"Zevlor, dear," Rolan said slowly, as though he was speaking to Minsc someone whose mental faculties were chronically understaffed. "I don't give a cranium rat's ass about potential condensation rings right now, I am worried about you." Rolan replied in baffled, albeit fond, exasperation.

"You are?" Zevlor asked.

"Yes." Rolan answered while looking at Zevlor as though he'd grown another horn. "I woke to you thrashing around in your sleep from terrible night terrors, I tried to wake you but I was unable rouse you. Then you suddenly bolted upright while screaming in a terror-stricken, anguished voice."

Rolan took a deep, steadying breath before he continued.

"You were nonsensical, saying that you were dead and being tormented in the hells or that you were still trapped in a mind flayer pod. Your eyes were open but they weren't seeing." Rolan shakily told him.

"Oh." Was all Zevlor could think to respond.

"I couldn't get though to you, so I used Calm Emotions on you in the hopes that it would free you from wherever your mind had you trapped. I'm sorry I used my magic to to control your emotions, but I didn't know how else to help you." Rolan said.

It was Zevlor's turn to look at Rolan as though he had grown another horn.

"Why are you apologizing?" Zevlor asked, but continued to talk before Rolan could reply.

"You pulled me out of a very unpleasant place. You shouldn't be apologizing, I should be thanking you." He said as he gently thumbed Rolan's bottom lip, stopping him from worrying it between his teeth.

"I..." Rolan started, uncharacteristically hesitant. "I used a spell to control you, to control your emotions, without your consent." He said.

"I was hardly in a place where I could consent Rolan." Zevlor dismissively replied, then, upon seeing guilt fill Rolan's eyes, quickly added "But I am glad that you did! Your spell helped me immensely!"

When Rolan responded it was with carefully chosen words, though whether they were purely for Zevlor's benefit, or if they were a byproduct of Rolan working though his own emotions, was hard to say.

"You've told me some of what happened in the Shadowlands. I was... concerned that my actions may have been similar to, or reminded you of... the time when you were nonconsensually controlled by the elder brain."

Zevlor blinked in surprise, and even as the familiar feelings of guilt and remorse bubbled up from the pit of his stomach, the warmth that filled him from the younger man's tender concern caused Zevlor to softly smile.

"I promise you, the circumstances here are very different from... that instance." Zevlor said, causing a small grimace to flash across both of their faces.

"I don't feel as though you violated my autonomy." Zevlor resolutely told Rolan, as he leaned forward and placed a tender kiss between his pinched brows.

Rolan sighed with palpable relief, his face smoothing.

"Do you want to talk about your night terrors?" Rolan asked.

Zevlor sighed as he responded, "Not particularly, but I probably should."

Rolan kissed the old Hellrider's forehead and then told him "Take all the time you need love." as he intertwined his and Zevlor's tails together.

After a few minutes of gathering his thoughts, and his courage, Zevlor began to tell Rolan about his nightmares. The younger man listened attentively, holding Zevlor's hand all the while.

"Before I continue relaying the contents of my nightmare, there is something you should know. Someone that I haven't told you about yet." Zevlor cautiously said.

After Rolan nodded in acknowledgment, Zevlor began to tell him of his and Kanon's not-quite-relationship.

"You remember Kanon, yes?" Zevlor asked, continuing after Rolan nodded, "Well he and I... We... We weren't together, but..."

Zevlor trailed off, his courage leaving him as his self doubt began to overwhelm him.

"Zevlor, are you trying to tell me about how you and Kanon danced around each other as you both obliviously, and obviously, pined for one another?" Rolan asked with a bit of amusement slipping into his voice despite his efforts to rein it in.

Zevlor's eyes were as wide saucers when he asked "You already knew!?"

Rolan let his smile slip as he answered "Zevlor, everyone knew. It was painfully obvious that you two had alchemy with each other. I'm fairly certain that Mol's gang were running a betting ring on when you two would finally start dating."

Embarrassed, Zevlor indignantly asked "And no one said anything!?"

"No." Rolan shrugged. "There wasn't much entertainment to be had on the road. Of course I didn't partake in such jejune activities. But I knew of your feelings for him, and his for you. I think everyone except you two knew."

Zevlor stared at Rolan as though he had just told him that the sky was lime green.

"You knew that I had romantic feelings for Kanon?" He asked, needing to clarify what he had just heard.

Rolan looked at Zevlor with a mixture of sympathy and tenderness. "Yes Zevlor, I knew."

"It... it doesn't bother you?" Zevlor hesitantly asked.

"No, Zevlor. It doesn't bother me." Rolan reassured him.

The floodgates opened once more as Zevlor began sobbing.

He told Rolan of what had happened that day. How he blamed himself for Kanon's death. How he was worried that he was using Rolan as a replacement. How he sometimes saw Kanon when he looked at Rolan.

Zevlor came clean about everything. His fears, his doubts, his regrets. How he didn't think he deserved to be happy when he was the reason so many had died.

And Rolan listened without judgement. At times he looked shocked, or angry at the circumstances life had put Zevlor in, or sadness for what he had lost— but he was never resentful.

Eventually Zevlor had confessed everything he'd been hiding from Rolan to him. Despite feeling exhausted Zevlor felt lighter than he had in a very long time.

But of course the reprieve from his self-flagellation only lasted for a few moments.

As Zevlor's senses returned to him so too did his shame. He was a commander of the Hellriders, damnit. How could he be so weak?

HIs self-loathing was unceremoniously interrupted when Rolan none-too-gently flicked his forehead.

"Stop that." Rolan firmly told him.

Zevlor did not pout as he snuggled closer, embarrassed at having been called out for his self-denigration— causing the mage to quietly chuckle and kiss Zevlor's forehead in apology.

"I've covered you with my snot and tears." Zevlor pointed out.

Rolan's voice betrayed his disgust, "I am aware."

Zevlor snickered at Rolan's disgruntled tone.

And by the next morning all traces of Zevlor's bodily secretions had been magicked away.

Zevlor woke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

"About time you've woken up, you slugabed." Rolan lovingly teased.

Zevlor hid his smile underneath the blanket as he replied "You young people these days, so disrespectful to your elders."

Rolan made a noncommittal noise as he drank his coffee.

"Mmm, I am very disrespectful— so disrespectful that I graciously brought you a fresh cup of coffee to lazily enjoy in bed." he said good naturedly.

The promise of caffeine inspired Zevlor to fully wake up.

Rolan tittered as he handed the now awake Hellrider his coffee.

Their eyes locked as Zevlor accepted the warm cup from him. The adoring look Rolan gave him soothed his soul in a way that words could not.

He knew that they were okay. They'd probably discuss what he'd revealed the night before, but they would be okay.

They were more than okay. They were good.

Life was good, and it was going to get even better.

[countrymusiclover]

54 - Start Thinking With Your Head

Part 55

Family is More than Blood

@melvia-ito @vavafaure1994

Alina’s pov

Sitting in the corner of the living room coach in the school building. I set down on the furniture with my arms crossed over my chest in a huff. “Lina, please talk to me. Say something to me.”

“What do you want me to say, dad?” 

He stood across the room from me staring at me. We hadn’t talked since the incident between my mother and what she nearly did to me and Jackson. “Anything is better than this dreadful silence.” 

“You want to say something about the fact that you let someone else take over my mothers body and allowed her to nearly torture me and my husband.” 

He slumped his shoulders. “It wasn’t on purpose, sweetheart.” 

“No it just means you were letting your cock think instead of your heart!” I snapped back at him, flashing my werewolf eyes. 

He pointed his index finger at me. “Don’t use that tone with me!”

“Are you afraid that someone else is going to challenge you? That someone finally has the guts to tell you that you let your own children be hurt specifically by their own mother.” 

My father vamped forward but I didn’t get out of the chair I was sitting in. “I am your father. You will not speak to me in that way.” 

“One of us needs to be clearly because you aren’t seeing the signs right in front of you. Our mother is being suffocated by her own dark side.” 

Covering my face with my hands I grumbled. “I have no clue how we can fix this.” 

Footsteps came down the staircase where we turned our heads seeing Lizzie holding the crystal prism that would show a subconscious version of yourself. “This isn't anything like defeating the Hollow, Uncle Klaus.” 

“I'm aware, Elizabeth. So give me a solution to bring her back.” 

Pushing myself up from the chair stomping past my father. “Actually dad I think it’s best if you remain out of this unless we absolutely need you.” 

“What!” He flashed his wolf eyes at me. 

“Dad, I know you're upset but it makes the most sense. You are emotionally attracted and you already let this dark magic twist her mind. You were supposed to be the stronger one and be there for her. Help her fight her demons, but that isn’t the case. If we want our real mother back we have to refuse your help.” 

“Alina! You can't do this-”

“Ossox.” My father attempted to move forward, clearly angry about what I was saying to him but I cut him off, flicking my wrist conjuring a spell to knock him out on the floor. 

His body collapsed onto the wooden floor at our feet seconds before we heard someone else coming up behind us. “Okay I found Andrea, Hope and Missy.” 

“What do we do about him?” Lizzie tilted her head to my fathers body.  

Josie answered, holding a spell book underneath her left arm. “Dad said he’d watch him and make sure he doesn’t do anything if he wakes up.” 

“Okay then let’s get this thing started before we lose my mother to her dark self.” I declared knowing we would soon run out of time to save my mothers life for the second time. 

The three of us returned back to the mansion seeing that aunt Freya standing in the middle of the empty living room. My mothers unconscious body was laying at her feet. Her arms, legs and hair all sprawled out in different directions. “There you three are. We are just waiting for the others to get here.” 

“What about the rest of my aunts and uncles? Are they still in town until we sort this out?” I questioned seeing it was just her there which was odd since dad had mentioned that the rest of his family had come out of concern for her. 

She responded simply. “I told them that there wasn’t much they could do. But your auntie Bex informed me that they were all just a phone call away.” 

Lizzie and Josie moved away from me forming a circle of candles around my mother. Josie laid the book she carried in down on the nearest table. “Did she text back that she was on her way?” 

“She?” I knitted my brows together hearing the front door handle rattling until it opened and some black heels stepped inside the mansion. 

“Long time no see, little Alina.” 

I grinned walking over to the blonde vampire and she hugged me back with the same enjoyment. “Caroline. Ohh I didn't know you were coming to help.” 

“You're mother is one of my best friend’s. I'll do anything to bring her back.” 

Lizzie pressed her hand on the book whispering and lighting the circle of candles. “Incendia. We should be ready to go. Freya will be the look out so that if we need to end the spell we can.” 

“I think we're ready.” Josie replied, flipping through some pages holding her sister’s hand. Caroline and I stepped in the circle around my mothers unconscious body and the pair joined us leaving Freya on the outside. 

Caroline glanced at me, squeezing my hand in hers. “I'll do a head dive on her. You kids just need to keep her dark consciousness away from her normal consciousness.” 

“We understand.” I close my eyes, chanting softly under my breath. “Pontem praesidio. Anchora-” 

“Pontem praesidio. Anchora immortalibus. Per mental mi heavy for anmina. Pontem praesidio. Anchora immortalibus.” The signal vampire watched the three witches beside her chanting before the candles shot up into the air and everyone inside the circle suddenly collapsed onto the floor. 

The next time I flicker my eyes open I see a room full of mirrors and all of us standing in the center of them where they surround our group. Slowly glancing around I heard footsteps coming towards us where I saw my mother come around the corner. “Mom, is it really you?” I asked, searching her gaze that met mine. 

Her familiar eyes locked onto mine with zero darkness visible in them. “Alina, it’s okay. It’s me. But she won’t stay down for long.” 

“Aunt Rae, we are here to bring you back.” Josie sent her a half smile. 

My mother’s whole body shook before the glass room turned into full black darkness and we saw another figure appear behind her. “Did you really think that your family could do anything to stop me? I will always be a part of you.” Dark Rae stands in front of my mother grabbing her by her hair holding her against her chest. 

“Mom!” I cried out in fear. 

“Agh!” She winced at the grip she held on the heretic. 

Caroline glared at the dark witch. “She is nothing like you. She’s good and loving. She’s stronger than you think she is.” 

“Ha! She gave up her magic because she was too afraid of it. I would never do such a thing. She has been hiding behind a fake mask, pretending to be tough and purely good.” Dark Rae chuckles dryly at the four of us. 

Lizzie glanced at her sister. “Can we blast her now?” 

“It’s not that way, Lizzie. This is like how I was with Dark Josie. It’s a mental game.” She explained to her. 

Dark Rae gripped my mother’s shoulder with her fingers turning red where she siphoned off of her and lowered her down onto her knees. My mother winced glaring up at her darker self. “I already gave you control. So what more can you want from me?” 

“You foolish heretic. I want you to be completely gone. Giving me control isn’t enough when I know this side of you still exists.” Her dark side smirked. 

Caroline stepped in front of me grabbing my mothers attention. “Raelyn, listen to me. When I turned off my humanity I was terrified of disappointing my moms legacy and disappointing myself most of all. So I know that you are terrified that this side of you is the stronger side. But you have always been the strongest person I have known with or without your secret dark personalities.” 

“She’s not smart enough to believe what you’re saying. She was afraid of her own magic, afraid of herself with no humanity and now the darker part of her witch side.” Dark Raelyn chuckles, finding the blonde vampire's words to be ridiculous. 

Josie steps away from her sister getting the closest to the dark witches body. “You’re right she was afraid of her darker selves. But she doesn’t have to be anymore.” 

“Josie - she’s too powerful.” My mother sniffed through tears. 

The siphon witch bent down to be eye level with her, reaching her hand out for her to take. “That’s what I thought when I let my darker self take over my body too. I thought that being strong meant being like Kai and I also thought I would hurt Lizzie. Until I realized that I can be more powerful and be good.” 

“But what if she takes over. What if I let my other side on and only make things worse?” Mom asked her with a nervous breath. 

Caroline vamped beside her daughter. “That won’t happen.” 

“We are never going to let that happen, mom.” I joined the pair grasping my mothers freehand in my own. 

Josie locked eyes with her. “Because we are your family, always and forever. You have shown all of us that you can be powerful and have light and darkness inside of you. Both sides are a part of you Aunt Raelyn.” 

“You’ll fail. You aren’t able to defeat me.” Dark Raelyn declares in my mothers ear before my mother spun around and grabbed her in a choke hold by her neck facing her darker half. 

My mother glared up at her, throwing her down onto the ground and hovering above her dark self. “Actually I can defeat you. Because you are a part of me.”

“I am the stronger version of you!” Dark Rae growled. 

My mother dug her fingers into the dark witches neck showing her fangs to her snapping her neck. “I’m the stronger one of us!” She rose to her feet facing us before darkness surrounded us.

Shooting upright in a sitting position on the wooden floor I glanced around to see everyone else was waking up. “Mom?” I noticed that she was still laying on the floor unconscious causing me to rush over to her on my knees. 

“Alina?” Suddenly her fingernails gripped onto my closet wrist when she finally opened her eyes. 

I sighed in relief helping her sit up so we threw our arms around each other. “You’re okay - you’re okay.” 

“Alina!” We barely separated from the embrace hearing my father’s familiar angry voice coming throughout the boarding house. 

Aunt Freya turned her head in that direction slumping her shoulders. “At least your father will be happy she’s back safely.” Rolling my eyes I just hoped he wouldn’t let the dark side of her control him. 

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[faerunsbest]

1st trimester

chapter 2

what to expect when you're expecting

available on ao3

Dinner

the day went along with Rolan for once doing very little to mind the store and running all over the place, seemingly just out of reach of his siblings. They would reach out while he was hurrying by with a stack of something or another and then rushing away to bring dwylla tea.

It was close to closing when they watched Rolan hustle in from a side door, arms loaded with grocery. Lia continued to run the front counter, she huffed moving as quick as she could the now impatient line of customers. Cal ran around helping people grab items off the high shelves, showing them where things were. He paused and huffed as he looked around, unexpectedly tired when he caught the tail of Rolans robes whipping behind a corner.

Enough was enough! The shop was so busy they could hardly keep up and where the heck was the owner of this very popular establishment.

Not wanting to miss a chance Cal chased after his brother, surprised to find himself in the kitchens.

“Hey! Where have you been all day?!”

Rolan looked over his shoulder while he set down several sacks of ingredients. He gave a strangely perky smile to his brother, whose eyes narrowed at him.

“Sorry I've been getting things ready for tonight.”

“  Dinner? We're overrun out there and you're making dinner?”

Cal took a deep breath, pushed his frazzled hair back and crossed his arms before going on.

“That's great but we could really use some help.”

“I'm busy, close the store then.”

Cals eyes went wide in shock as he stared at Rolan, now incredulous.

“What's important about dinner?”

“Danis and Bex will be over, they'll be bringing the children and Bex said she may bring a few friends.”

Cal raised his arms in front of his chest near defending himself. He looked around the room as if searching for proof it might be a trick.

“W-why did you invite so many people for dinner!?”

Rolan, still feeling a bit light and fluttery from this morning's news, grinned at Cal who stood quite on edge.

“Because the books are almost useless and they have experience.”

 He said  it offhandedly as he leaned against the edge of the counter, watching the gears turn in Cals head. 

“...what experience do they have, that… that you need to know about?”

They stared at each other in silence for a moment, Rolan beside himself as he watched anxiety bloom on Cals face.

“Dwyllas Pregnant.”

The words dropped like an anchor in a glass lake. Cal stared wide eyes for a while

“What?”

Rolan just nodded,feeling pride bubble up as he finally got to say it out loud.

“WHAT!?”

Cal started laughing, one hand on the side of his head, the other on his stomach.

“Are you sure, positive!?”

“We did three tests, all positive. It's why she's been so lethargic.”

Cal rushed over pulling Rolan into a hug so firm he was lifted up off the ground.

“OH SHIT! YOU'RE GONNA BE A DAD!”

 Cal set him back down, Rolan puffing to get breath back in lightly condensed lungs.

“Oh gods, I'm gonna be an uncle, lia- can I tell Lia!?”

Rolan nodded as he patted out the wrinkles of his robe.

“Yea, do you still need help-”

Cal was already at the kitchen entry pointing at him sternly.

“NO! We got it handled, you do this and we'll take care of upstairs.” 

He would have saluted if he knew how funny it might have been, instead Cal could be heard thundering back up the stairs and across the sales floor. He kept running, hopped over one counter and skidded to a halt beside Lia.

“Is he coming?”

She looked at him with tired eyes as she made change for someone, bundled their items and set them on their way.

“He's busy, we're fine, we don't need help.”

Lia squinted at the excitement radiating off him, before he leaned down to whisper in her ear.

Every customer line heard the gasp,  they stared in bewilderment as it appeared a second wind had hit Lia. She punched Cals shoulder and pushed him out from behind the counter. 

Upstairs Dwylla sat in the window watching a flock of birds go by. She didn't know about the chaos rolling on loose tracks downstairs, she was quite content as she sipped her tea. 

The shop closed in a hurry, Cal and Lia hurried downstairs to the kitchen. Rolan now wearing a more casual attire of tunic and trousers covered by an apron. She didn't slow down, she just jumped up and threw her arms around him in a giant hug.

“WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US!?”

Rolan coughed as a large cloud of flour puffed up between them, knocked up from the top of his apron. She didn't wait for an answer, just hugged him tighter.

Together the three of them finished cooking the large meal and all its components, finally they could use the actual dining room and its massive table. 

Dwylla sat with a light frown creasing her brow whole she stared at all the food then her empty plate. She didn't care about the room that all the guests in the other room were admiring. The vaulted ceiling, the tall arched windows with tinted glass. She didn't care about the gold inlay on her perfect ceramic plate, not the embellished twining of vines on the handles of all the silverware. 

She cared about the tray across from her, all covered with a red cloth napkin. The fresh soft milk rolls beneath leaving tufts of steam rising up. Dwylla knew she knew these people, most of them but it was difficult to recall when her stomach was nibbling at her ribs. Sitting there in front of the biggest meal Rolan had ever cooked was torture when she couldn't touch it. 

She was allowed to, in fact Rolan had said she didn't have to wait for anyone. But that was rude, she always remembered how glum karlach would get when they started without her. Wyll always waited and she supposed she could too. So she stood from her place at the table and went to the end of the room to climb up into the window sill. 

She looked down then glowered. The food vendors were out. When the crowd began filing in they walked in to see her there in the window leering out at the city. She sat In a black dress, its sides slit high to accommodate her wide hips and long thick tail. Bex froze when she saw her there, long black hair rolling over her shoulder and down her back. 

This is not as she remembered her but it would be strange for her to still be in bloodied battle armor. However even the red marks on her face were gone, she and everyone else had thought those were tattoos. 

The only thing that never changed was a scar across her face and the parts they'd never seen before. A scattering of scars, down her legs and parts of her tail with deep divots, places where axes stopped and failed. 

“It's been awhile, you look so lovely without the bloodstains!”

Bex laughed, falling short when Dwylla turned to look back out the window. Rolan didn't seem to pay any mind as he and Cal pulled out chairs for the guests,  scooting them in once they've seated.

When everyone was settled, Rolan pulled back Dwyllas chair, her ear twitched at the sound. Danis found himself surprised at the way she sauntered over without him calling her name. She sat down quietly, letting him brush her hair behind her ear. 

A strange plump woman, mephistoles ancestry by appearance sat beside Bex smiling at Dwylla.

“You're not as loud as everyone said you'd be. Of course that was time ago hmm? Ah yes, I'm Vera by the way.”

Dwylla looked at her tired and bored…and extremely nervous thought it appeared only Rolan noticed as he sat down beside her. Dwylla looked around the table, brow still pointed downward.

“I don’t want to work…Vera.”

Rolan simply motioned across the table to the array of food on display, Cal standing up to reach out and pick up a knife for the golden brown bird steaming at the table center.

“I suppose the kids want the little legs then?”

He was evidently correct as the two toddlers immediately cheered while he began slicing into the bird, divvying up the various parts across the plate. Lia began taking a plate plopping a wide spoon of fluffy potato down and passing the plates around the table, like a little train they circled about until plates were heavy and full. In the spirit of the evening there was not a single wine bottle at the table, instead glasses of tea were poured and passed about.

The sound of chatter and tinkling glasses filled the air, knives and forks scraping across the porcelain plates, children and their heavy breathing open mouthed chewing. Rolan winced when he felt Dwyllas tail tighten around his ankle. He looked at with veiled worry, though Vera spoke up

“Well then miss Dwylla, how are you feeling about it all? Excited-”

Dwylla’s glare was loud, but not as loud as her tail suddenly unfurling and slamming against the tile with a thunderous clap. As soon as it happened, her face fell, her shoulders curled inward and her tail coiled up around the legs of her chair. Quickly Rolan stood, placing a hand between her shoulder blades. Wordless she stood up and let herself be led away.

Vera looked across the now quiet table, barring Cal and Lia who seemed unbothered.

“What- I’m so sorry I didn't mean to offend her.”

Danis watched her being led away with slumped shoulders, he recalled her face from before the one recalled in the middle of nightmares that woke up on closet late nights. As he sat there thinking about it, he tapped his fork against the dinner plate… and remembered the distant sound coming up from the bowels of moon rise. The distant thudding from somewhere unseen, chains tinkling as servants worked and prisoners struggled. Sometimes those sounds bothered him too. He wondered… he wondered how many times she had to hear those things and how much it bothered her.

“I don’t think you did offend her, you guys don’t have guests often to do you?”

Cal paused to think about, Lia thinking out loud.

“Pretty sure we do, Dammon comes to visit… sometimes Alfira will swing by… and Rolan is friends with the facemaker.. Figaro. He visits sometimes.”

“All at once?”

“Oh, no…”

Rolan could be heard coming back down the hall and sitting back down, Dwylla nowhere in sight. He waved a hand at her plate, a small ring flickered around it before it blinked off the table.

“We do apologize about that, she’s got some nerve damage to her tail and it does rather react on its own sometimes.”

“Is she alright?”

Danis asked, inquiry laced with worry. Rolan waved it off.

“She’s fine, she just got a little overstimulated is all, she’ll come down when she feels up to it.”

Bex pointed with her fork at Rolan. 

“I can’t believe you found someone less sociable than you and married her. You’ll be great hermits”

He placed a hand on his chest in mock offense.

“To my understanding, that’s not an option anymore.”

A small voice interrupted them 

“What did she mean by work?”

Cal and Lia both looked over curiously, suddenly Rolan felt his face flush with warmth unsure of how to answer for the child. He set his fork back down, now his own face set in a frown.

“Ah… well before my wife came to our rescue… she used to live in a…”

Bex glanced at Danis while Rolan muddled through his next words.

“A very unhappy type of… castle I suppose-”

“Did it have big towers like this”

“Yes, it had four.”

“Was it fun!”

“No, in that castle she had to fight- a lot of people every day- that was her job. And when she was doing her job she had to be big and scary and loud-”

“Why?”

“Because people were watching and they wanted her to put on a big show.”

The kid looked at him rather sad, smooshing their food around.

“That’s not nice.”

“No it’s not, that’s why she doesn’t like doing it anymore.”

“Cause she’s nice?”

“Indeed.”

After a while dinner went on, Danis,Cal and Lia took the children to the courtyard to play, Rolan, Bex and Vera went to a smaller lounge, where he pointed out the books he’d been given. Vera raised an eyebrow at the entries and looked up at him.

“You didn’t, this is not reliable, it's all hearsay. It sounds like things that my mum would tell nobles so they’d leave her alone. Don’t remember when your mum had your siblings?”

“I’m adopted”

“Well then”

She slapped her knee and looked away, Bex giggling with a hand over her mouth.

“Anyone left to offend dear?”

“I’m not offended at all actually- I was adopted before they were born but there were other concerns at the time, every time, so I don’t recall it much.”

Bex waved off Vera’s retort before they could go completely off course.

“So what made you call the cleric- how did you suspect she might be pregnant?”

Rolan crossed a leg over his knee and leaned back as he thought.

“She was cold, then there was a smell I didn’t recognize and then she started getting sick in the morning.”

“Okay- that’s mostly normal” Vera nodded in approval before adding 

“When you say cold, you like she can’t get warm and it’s bothering her or you just noticed her temp dropping?”

“Both I suppose. She has poor circulation to begin with so she’s usually a bit chilled but lately she’s verging on shivering at random times in the day.” 

Vera frowned at him, as she did his stomach dropped.

“Vera, if it isn’t too forward may I ask how many children you have?”

“15 though I was pregnant 23 times.”

Immediately Rolan sat up straighter, looking at her in shock.

“Bex I’m afraid you are not the expert as I thought.”

Bex shrugged her shoulders before patting Veras shoulder.

“I thought you’d want all the information you could get.” Vera ignored this as she seemed to be thinking deeply.

“She's cold and has poor circulation… I'm assuming that it has something to do with all her scars? Some went deep?”

Rolan took a deep breath before nodding, they watched him weigh his words before answering.

“Yes.. some went quite far and as we understood it she… should not be able to get pregnant.”

Both of them went silent before Vera swallowed loudly.

“I don’t mean to be crude but I need to ask what happened- what made you think it wasn't possible. There can be complications from whatever that might have been.”

He nodded and sat up straight, placing his hand under his naval ,circling area with a long pointed black nail.

“She has scars here, several- it's not from any surgery. They’re from stabbings. Much of her internal organs don’t function the way they probably should.” 

“Alright, well then you sir- have a ton of work ahead of you. You’re not making sure just the babe will be okay, you want to make sure she lives too.”

She slapped a hand on her knee again and leaned forward to look at him seriously. Her square jaw clenched and worked as she looked to him.

“That woman may wind up needing round the clock care at the end- for now you need to pay attention to everything and keep track of it. We don't get nursemaids and midwives. There's no one to help us, it's just us,that poor woman has done so much and she's still givvin more just for you.”

Rolan flinched at the tone, and the sharpness of her eyes as she focused on him.

“I see you, you better mean it when you tell yourself how you’d do anything for her. Cause right now it's just starting and you know what?”

He swallowed loudly as he returned her gaze.

“We’re not like the others, it's not no 9 months and done- it's not even definitive. It depends on you and lineage, the care and keeping. She could carry that child for a year. Did you know that?”

Bex pushed forward the blank notebook he had settled beside the other books as he had planned to take notes. He worked his jaw and took a deep breath as he absorbed it all. He scooted to the edge of his seat to grab the quill and open his bright red inkwell, suddenly unhappy with the color choice.

“What should I be looking out for and what should I be expecting first?”

It was near three hours later that Danis burst into the lounge room panicked.

“I can’t find her- we were playing hide and seek and now I can’t find Gemma!”

Bex looked at him only moderately concerned, Vera stood up stretching, twisting about til her back popped. 

“I suppose that’s enough for tonight. We can come back to check in.”

Rolan blew across the page, drying the ink before shutting the book. He stood and tucked it under his arm.

“Yes, that’s a good idea. For now the courtyard is closed off so Gemma could only come back inside.”

He let the women step out first, Danis feeling deeply confused and upset as they went by in less than a hurry. Rolan paused to acknowledge his fear

“I thought this might happen, so there are wards up everywhere- she's safe wherever it is she’s wandered to.” 

They wandered about, Cal and Lia shouting her name  before Danis got smacked in the head with a walnut shell. As it happened all of them looked up, to find Dwylla up high in an arched window sill, laying on her side looking out. It appeared she had curled herself around Gemma, who waved at everyone from her place in the loose coil of Dwylla’s body. She seemed to chewing as she settled back down to stare out the window with her strange new friend.

“GEMMA! HOW DID YOU GET UP THERE!? WHY DID YOU GO UP THERE HOW DO I GET YOU DOWN!?”

Rolan looked over to see Danic with his hands gripping his hair while he panicked, Cal stood with the other toddler, Lia squinted up, Vera and Bex both more interested in how the hell they got up there.

“My love-”

He didn’t finish what he was saying before Dwylla stood up grabbing Gemma by the back of her jumper and planting her on her back. Gemma dropped her walnut and held on tight  as Dwylla crouched down to crawl down the bricks, hopping off, landing in an outstretched tree branch and hopping down. As she came down her tail coiled around Gemma’s small body to lift her up and set her down on the ground. Danis held out his arms for her to run to like she always did, instead Gemma reached up and held Dwylla’s hand wanting to be walked over.

Bex laughed as Danis plucked her up and held her tight, kissing all over the top of her head.

“You scared me! Don’t wander off like that!”

He looked over to a very amused Rolan.

“This has been fun and all but I think we should get going.”

Vera watched Dwylla, her mouth with its corners tilted up as she went to loop her arm though Rolans. The small herd trotted along all the way to the tower’s front door, Bex reaching out to take her child back from Cal as they headed out. 

Dwylla waved smiling as Gemma flailed her arm in a frantic bye bye while they shut the door.

“Did I ruin your dinner?”

“No, I’m sorry I decided to have that so last minute. I didn’t even tell you I was going to do it. It’s not your fault. Are you still hungry?”

Cal snorted at them before waving his own goodbye, heading out for the night. Lia, already gone. Rolan walked with her back to the kitchen where all that was left was tucked away. He went and fixed another plate for her while she hopped up to sit on the counter.

“I tried to make your favorites but I'm not sure they’ll stay your favorites. Vera said you might start wanting eat strange things soon”

Dwylla looked up at him smiling with a spoon sticking out of her mouth.

“Well, it's still my favorite for now.”

For a moment he found himself strangely pleased with her sitting up there happily munching away, short legs swaying off the edge of the counter. She looked at him and pointed with her spoon.

“But you don’t have to worry really- because you're my favorite and that won't change.”

Caught so off guard Rolan couldn't help but laugh before leaning over and placing a kiss on the space between her horns.

[codename-mallorygrace]

Some fun easter eggs in the ending newspapers and magazines from Ted Lasso 3x12!

Picture of Ms. Kakes with text:

PLUS! Lust Conqueers All

Welcomes West Ham Whistleblower

Picture of Bex with text:

BEST FEEDING: Mannion’s Ex-Bex Inks Book Deal on Placenta Recipes

Picture of Rupert pushing George with text:

SHOVE OFF! Mannion Out After Nutty Pitchside Push by Ernie Lounds

Picture of Rebecca with text:

RICHMOND FOR ALL! Welton Sells 49% Of Club To Fans by Marcus Adebayo

Left Magazine:

Small text in upper left corner:

Zoreaux Summer Job

Keeper to Star in Jean-Claude van Damme Remake of “Escape To Victory”

Small text in underneath Zoreaux text/before it gets blocked by Ted’s arm:

Pep In Your Step

Guardiola Unveil Clothing Line for Men with Perfect Silhouettes

Gaint picture of Zava with text:

ZAVA RETURNS

Striker Heads to LAFC

“They love avocado toast here.”

[List of names to the right of Zava which include McAdoo but unclear why]

Right Magazine:

Big picture of Shandy with text:

A Star is Born

Shandy Fine

The Brains Behind the Hottest New Dating App

Small text in lower left corner:

Jack Danvers is No Longer Daddy’s Little Girl

[salvatoraes-moved]

3 - 5 things your muse can be identified by

emotions / feelings. 

 guilt.

melancholy.

hunger.

altruism.

calmness.

colors. 

maroon.

grey.

forest green.

tan.

royal blue.

scents. 

pine wood.

faint hints of bourbon.

wood burning from the fireplace.

blood ( as a ripper )

musk.

 fashion.

plaid shirts.

scuffed up boots.

leather jackets.

plain blue jeans.

solid grey or black t-shirts.

objects.

journals.

daylight ring.

books.

his porche.

katherine's photo from 1864.

body language.

pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

crossing his arms over his chest.

furrowing his brow while in thought.

wiping the corner of his mouth after feeding.

jaw clenching when angry, trying to stay calm or irritated.

aesthetics. 

walking through the forest at sunset / after it rains.

an old library full of dusty but valuable books.

an empty graveyard at night.

a new journal with empty pages to fill.

rabbits hopping around in a meadow or the forest.

tagged by : @wiredsmile <3 tagging : @forbaes , @klaeus , @crest4 , @malka-lisitsa , @hcllchesters ( del ) , @appleyed , @saralans , @snnydcys , @hellsurvivr , @unbearablyindifferent , @brknghrts ( stiles ) , @untales ( steve ) , @conamorde ( enzo ) , @neverafters ( elena or bex ) , @loetise , @sarcasticsnackpack , @aigonakru ( val ) , @birdrule & you, tag me !

[incorrectgallaghergirlsquotes]

Number one, number one, number one!!

Song #1 on my Spotify Wrapped: Where do we go now? by Gracie Abrams

(This story is gonna take place during a few different scenes throughout books 3-6. It's a little different from my usual style I think so I hope you like it)

Sometimes the most interesting things in life come from not fighting magnetic pulls. That feeling you get urging you either towards or away. The inevitable moment when you meet someone's eyes across a crowded room.

Cammie had one of those moments on an election night, when she was a high school junior, in a crowded ballroom. The boy made his way over to her and his hand found its way into hers. And then she found herself outside, in an alleyway off 24th street. The heat of Zach's hand and arm pressed against her was all she wanted to focus on. That magnetic pull that told her she was okay there. At least that's what she tried to tell herself. The magnetic pull had to be towards something good for her, right?

She tried not to think about how the weight and warmth of Zach's embrace may have actually been triggering a mental fire alarm. Because a lot of their interactions that semester had felt wrong. She just wanted it to feel right. He was there, looking at her like he had when he had kissed her, not the way he looked at her when he didn't. And she missed him. Maybe she should have done it. Maybe it would have been worth it for Cammie to bite the bullet and lean forward and kiss him for a change.

But she didn't. If she had it would have been a lie. And there were too many lies between the two of them to add one more. Not when Cammie was already juggling too much, trying to hard to keep everyone and herself together.

It was already so fake, the front she was putting on while trying to help Macey. And then it wasn't about Macey. It was actually about her. And she'd have to fake it for the longest time following that.

Where do we go now?

Maybe running away wasn't the best decision. Maybe Cammie would be able to admit that eventually. It was always up for debate what was harder: running away, being left, or coming back. For a while it felt like the hardest thing about coming back was how different everything was. All of the trust that had been built between Cammie and her friends was gone. She'd have to find a way to get it back.

And then she was with Zach. And it was the most they had interacted since she had come back.

They were alone and she had expected it to feel good once Zach started talking to her again. The return of his warmth against her was welcomed and he even kissed her. Maybe that's where it went wrong. She remembered that. What kissing Zach had felt like before and it felt the same now. But she couldn't shake the circumstances, the demons that lurked around every corner. So, when Zach kissed her it was fine. It was when he pulled back and looked at her that she felt a pang in her gut.

Zach's hand was cupping the side of her face, keeping her held close to him. He looked into her eyes, his thumb swiping over her cheek and he studied her.

His expression lingered and Cammie read it immediately. He looked hopeful, she realized. Like he and her were supposed to work somehow. Like maybe they still could. 

Cammie slinked away from him and she heard herself ask if he was afraid of her. Zach said no and Cammie heard herself admit that she was afraid of herself. Couldn't Zach tell that? Couldn't he see that whatever had been between them had burned out with the part of her that had burned up over the summer. Sure, he was standing in front of her in that moment and kissing her in that moment, but she couldn't shake the moments she knew he'd shared with Bex. Whether they were real or in her imagination they sat in the back of her throat, adding to all she already felt she wanted or needed to cry about.

Still. She'd try. She'd go to the Grand Hall, she'd hold hands with her boyfriend, she'd talk to her friends.

But it was different. Zach sat a little closer to her than he ever had before in what could be an endearing gesture or could be to keep her in place. Instead of talking about class or boys her friends were talking about her; her hair, her weight, her eating. There was a level of hand holding happening that Cammie hadn't felt since childhood. As she looked around at everything that looked the same but was so different she was startled by the unshakeable feeling that there was nothing left for her there.

The idea rocked her, the Gallagher Academy had always felt like home to her. But the thought was there, that there was nothing left there for her and all of her and her friends best years were behind them.

What a brutal way to die.

As Cammie spent most of senior year outside the walls of the Academy she reflected over her last three years there.

"Do you ever think," she asked Zach. "Do you ever wish you had done things differently?"

They had been sitting shoulder to shoulder with Zach's head on top of hers. She felt him turn and cast his eyes down towards her. "That tells me you're thinking about it."

Cammie sighed, not entirely pleased with how Zach could see straight through her. "I don't know," she said. "I can't think of any specific instance where I would chose anything different than what I did."

"You wouldn't turn around and just not meet me?" He teased.

Cammie fought the urge to roll her eyes. She wasn't entirely sure how Zach could still joke so effortlessly. "No. I don't think I would."

Zach smiled and tilted his head so his mouth was closer to her ear. "I know," he whispered.

"You know?"

"Yeah," he said, quietly. "I know you. You'd chose this every time."

So, where do we go now?

All of Cammie's graduating class had such great and fantastical plans following the day they got their diplomas. It was a day they had been planning and prepping for, for years, if not their entire lives. There was an excitement buzzing amongst them. But Cammie's group was different. There was still excitement, but the overwhelming question hanging over their heads was-

"Where do we go now?" Bex asked.

The four girls exchanged glances before Cammie finally spoke. "I guess our separate ways." The sentence came out with a sigh. Like it was tough to say, but necessary. She could see her own expression reflected in Bex's. Whereas Macey had a familiar clench in her jaw back, a tell other people might have missed. And Liz, well, Liz looked like she might cry.

"Come on, Lizzie," Bex said. "Don't do that. We'll all be back together again before you know it."

Liz nodded, but it did little for the way she was trying to swallow back her tears.

"We'll meet down the line," Cammie said. "After all of this time, we've been through too much. We'll come back together again."

Finally, Liz nodded, Cammie's statement getting through to her. She glanced over at Bex. "Give it an actual try," she said, quietly.

Bex flashed her a quick wink before resuming her previous expression while Cammie and Macey looked at each other. "I can't promise you'll like it."

"When has that stopped you?" Macey asked. "Stopped any of us."

"It's true," Cammie said. "We've been through changes before. We can do it again."

"Changes this big?" Liz asked. "I mean we've been together for years now. All of that is about to change overnight."

The group fell silent at that. Eventually, Cammie shrugged. "I know I changed overnight. Not that I blame you for fighting it," Cammie added, turning to her. "But you can't always. And I mean, you read my reports, living in that... I wanted to fight it. I was losing my mind."

"We all were," Macey added. Everyone turned to her. "But we got through it!"

Where do we go now?

Cammie looked down at the postcard she had just received in her dorm mailbox. It had a beautiful image on the front. The back had familiar handwriting on it, saying, 'Half of myself here without you'. There was no signature, but Cammie would always know her best friends handwriting. She returned to her room and placed that post card with the others. One in Liz's handwriting and another in Macey's. She let her fingertips linger on the card as she set it down before leaving her room again and heading across campus. 

Her time at the Gallagher Academy had brought her the best people in her life. The girlhood and sisterhood that was founded in those walls was still there in the absence, but it was hard not to feel as though it was something she had lost sometimes. She thought back to her conversation with Zach, about if they would do anything differently. In hindsight, so much of their lives had actually been more out of their control than they had really thought. When things fell through and her friends were hurt, they were doing the best they could while playing by someone else's rules. In that way, it was one sided, still, she hated how she had hurt them.

Maybe space was the thing that she needed. The thing they all needed.

She purchased four postcards from the on campus store, quickly scrawling the same message on all of them. She dropped three off to be sent out before heading to an apartment just a few minutes away.

When Zach opened his apartment door he found a card taped to it. He pulled it off, reading the short message- just four words- that would reach the other three recipients within the next few weeks. Despite immediately recognizing the handwriting, he turned the card over, seeing the image of Georgetown University. Finally, he looked up at the girl who was now standing in front of his door.

"Hey, Gallagher Girl," he greeted, before inviting her in. The two went inside, the card left on the dining table with the message face up.

'But I miss you'

Where do we go now?

[killyourrdarlingss]

🌹go gothie go!!!!

for every "🌹" received in my inbox i'll post one random sentence of a random WIP i'm currently writing

-

Oh Bex this is so exciting I get to post some of my DBD stuff finally 🥰!

DBD// wip // Vittorio/Tarhos // idk where it's going but ... Currently it's over 2.5k ! Got a lot of inspiration for Tarhos and Vittorio traveling before everything 😭 so this is set during that time... 💕💕

-

-

Vittorio thumbs at a dog eared page, his hair catching the lights of the lantern, Tarhos thinks him intriguing, he thinks him endearing,

It's simply too much, he looks away.

"take that off."

He hadn't known he was even being spoken to, head swimming with the thought of the other man, "My Lord, but I–"

"And then sit." He pats beside him and meets his eyes,

He's smiling so sweet, Tarhos sighs. The crinkle at the corners of his eyes, Tarhos can't look upon him too long, he equates the Lord to the sun, beautiful, loved, suffocates him by just being.

"How many guards do you have on patrol, Tarhos?"

Expressing the entire number would be nothing besides embarrassing, so, Tarhos simply nods,

"Enough." It's muffled as he slips the helmet off, his hair spilling over his shoulders, exhaling a breath as he sits, relaxes beside Vittorio.

His most trusted men patrol the perimeter, Tarhos by Vittorio's side, safe. His sword rests near him at the entrance of the tent.

Tarhos clenches and unclenches his fists, urging his body to relax, simply to relax and ease the uneasy fear of another attack. He knows as a soldier it should never lay dormant for too long but as he hears Vittorio flip another page he reminds himself to try.

"How many of your men am I worth?" He doesn't pull his eyes up from his page, lovingly stroking a finger against the side of the book, light scratching along the indented cursive. Tarhos looks to the word he muses over,

Loyalty

Tarhos leans over, shadowing Vittorio's light, the Lord lifts his head slow, let's the book in his lap fall with a thud and stares, stares deep into his pale eyes, slides a callused hand along the scars over his Knights cheek,

"How many, Tarhos?" A whisper, the rooms gone dark, his chest aches, Vittorio's hands slip firm to the back of his head and play at his nape,

Tarhos shuts his eyes, feeling too warm, feels Vittorio's breath on his neck, body heat as he leans in closer, his fingers press firm into his spine, tracing his fingertips between his shoulder blades. He has to suppress a noise in his throat, the motions feel amazing even if it's only light touches – he fears for if he opens his eyes he'll be swallowed by the other, he takes in a breath of air.

[daydreamgoddess14]

My bad habits lead to you pt. 2

MASTERLIST

Sequel to We lie awake in love and fear

From a prompt by @lilacmermaid25:

5 times Ted returns from Kansas for a wedding, one time he returns 'just because'.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Nate and Jade - April 2024

Nate had insisted on a small, intimate wedding with only their closest friends and family. They decided on the registry office on Wandsworth high street followed by a reception at Le Gothique. Jade's family had travelled from Poland for the occasion and everyone was in high spirits. Rebecca was grateful to be able to get ready in her own home. She'd opened the house up to the Higgins', Trent, Beard, Jane and baby Teddy, Roy and Keeley to meet up for brunch before making the journey into South London. Ted was booked in at Mae’s b&b and was also planning to join them and she'd extended the invitation to any of the team and staff. She’d arranged catering from the little bakery in paved court - bagels, smoked salmon, pastries, fruit platters. She made bucks fizz and alperol spritz en mass, happily pottering around in a simple spring dress. Her dress for the wedding itself hung on the back of the bathroom door, but everyone else had arrived dressed up and ready to go. It was mornings like this which had her questioning how she'd allowed Rupert to ever turn her into such a cold, anti social, heartless woman. She hadn't been like that before him, and she was definitely glad to be rid of those traits now she was rid of him. From the depths of the fridge (looking for avocados), she heard a happy cheer go up in her sitting room. Ted. She guessed with a happy smile. As nice as he was,  Matt didn't invoke that reaction from any of the group. 

"Hey Rebecca! What did the mayo say when you opened the fridge?"

"Close the door, I'm dressing." Came the distant reply. 

"God, I wish you were."

"That's not the punchline, Ted." She emerged successfully. 

"You're never the punchline, beautiful."

"You should stop flirting."

"Why, your boyfriend around?"

"Not today, he's in Amsterdam for a few days."

"Well then consider me flirtin' with you for the rest of the day then. Maybe tomorrow as well. Actually, heck just whenever we're alone. And sometimes when we're not."

"At this rate Ted you'll be flirting 24/7."

"How 'bout a blanket 'whenever I'm in the UK'?" She shook her head, throwing an indulgent smile his way. 

"It's lovely to see you. You're looking very handsome." She moved away from the fridge to step into his arms. He held her tightly.

"You look gorgeous."

"Thank you. I'm just going to have a snuggle with baby Teddy and then I'm going to get changed for the wedding."

"I'm sure there's a dirty joke there but I'm not gonna take the bait."

"Wise move, Lasso."

"Ohh. You last naming me now?"

"I seem to recall you doing the same thing a couple of times."

"Slightly different circumstances."

"Just very slightly." She said with a knowing grin, leaving him to pick some brunch. When he joined her a few minutes later with a plate, he perched on the arm of the sofa next to Leslie. Rebecca had squeezed in next to Keeley to cuddle Teddy. 

3 months old and all cheeks, he was a calm and placid baby. It had been the hardest task, welcoming a baby into her life. She hadn't been close to a baby since Nora, she met Phoebe, Henry and Jelka as precocious pre-teens. She'd had the occasional coffee with Bex, who usually brought Diane, but Teddy was the first baby. Babies were harder for her, she'd realised quite quickly. The smell and weight of them in her arms had moved her more than she expected. She'd cut her first visit short, unable to maintain her facade for long. She'd spent many late nights on the phone to Ted, taking a while to open up about the full reason for the calls but once she'd come clean he'd spend hours helping her unpick how she felt and things she should do to open up a corner of her heart for Teddy. She hadn't considered how freeing it would be to let him in on her hardest secret. How much it would help. He watched her so intently as she balanced little Teddy on her knees, giving him wide smiles and making patterns in the air with her fingers for him to marvel at. He knew how she struggled with missing out on having a baby of her own, but he was also mesmerised with the way she managed those feelings and allowed herself to love her friends children. 

"We should think about getting over to Wandsworth." Leslie said, checking his watch. 

"I need to change, and Ted needs to meet Teddy." Rebecca shared a look with Jane who seemed quite happy to have the use of both of her hands for a change and nodded for Rebecca to pass Teddy to his uncle Ted. Rebecca moved away quite quickly, she knew she couldn't avoid it forever but she also wasn't ready to see Ted holding a tiny baby. He watched her hurry upstairs, desperate to follow and check in with her, but equally desperate to love his new nephew-of-sorts. In the scrimmage of getting coats, shoes, finishing drinks etc, Teddy took the time to initiate his uncle Teddy by spitting up on the shoulder of his shirt. Ted gratefully let Keeley clean it up as much as she could, thankfully his suit jacket hid the worst of it. 

"I'll go see if Rebecca is ready to go." He volunteered, handing Teddy over to Beard. He took the stairs two at a time, reminded of the layout from his previous visit. The room he'd stayed in had been decorated with rainbow colours he noted on his way past. Jelka, he reasoned. They didn't talk much about Matt and Jelka, preferring to exist in a bubble which consisted of their shared found family only. Ted didn't want to consider a time when that found family might have to extend. "Hey Becca, you ready?" He knocked softly at her door, she was across the room putting in earrings and trying to step into her shoes at the same time. "You could do one thing at a time?"

"I don't want to be late, are we still OK for time?"

"We got plenty, don't worry. You ok?"

"Yeah, how was Teddy?"

"Threw up on me."

"Badge of honour. Also, you probably deserved it."

"I'm hurt, how'd you figure that?"

"Because a little birdy tells me that you're dating someone in Kansas." 

"Ah."

"Hmm. You weren't going to tell me?"

"I was, I just wasn't sure when. Or how. And there's something I needed to do first." He crowded her in her bedroom doorway as she went to leave, the bustle and laughter from downstairs filtering up to them. 

"What's that then?" She queried, feeling her chest tighten at his sudden proximity. His hand moved to the hip of her wrap dress, where the split skirt opened up. He flicked his wrist to get underneath the fold of the skirt, catching her eye for the briefest second to seek permission. She nodded, putting a hand on his shoulder to steady herself just in time - his fingers slipped her underwear to one side and he pushed two inside her, curling them just so. She gasped and he leaned in to kiss her. 

"Shhh baby, don't want the rabble to hear ya. You gonna keep quiet for me?" She nodded, resting her head in the crook of his neck. His hand rocked against her clit, his fingers fucking her as she moaned quietly into his collar. 

"Fuck, Ted I-"

"I know baby, I've got you. I needed to see you like this again, I always need to see you like this. Sometimes, thinking of you like this is the only thing that gets me through the day." 

"Come on, you two!" Keeley's voice shouted out. Rebecca froze, but Ted didn't stop. He pressed his palm harder into her clit and kept his fingers moving inside her.

"Just coming Keeley, Rebecca had to switch shoes." Rebecca was just coming, she wobbled against him, moaning into his ear. He held her hip a little tighter, "Come on, baby, you got it."

"She's got too many pairs! If only I didn't have such teeny feet!" 

"She's chosen some now, it's like Sarah Jessica Parker's closet up here!" He called out with a smile as Rebecca came down from her earth shattering high. She hit his bicep, barely any true strength behind it. He took his hand away, going to lick his fingers, but she grabbed his wrist and licked them herself while holding his gaze. She straightened her dress and steadied herself in her shoes. 

"Do I look OK?" She asked, concerned that she'd be caught out as soon as she got downstairs. He reached out to brush her hair from her forehead and placed a warm kiss on her lips."You look beautiful." She breezed down the stairs, sweeping her coat from the coatstand as she hustled her gathered friends through the front door to the waiting selection of cars. If Leslie noticed her hands shaking in the car, he didn't say anything. She was grateful when Ted jumped in the car behind with Keeley and Roy. 

Nate's family were incredibly warm and welcoming considering they received three cars and ten people all at once. Once they made it through to the ceremony room, the reason became clear - they'd just received 22 footballers, their plus ones and a selection of support staff. A group of ten was nothing. At the front of the room, Nate stood alongside Will. Keeley and Rebecca blew him kisses as they made their way down the aisle to their seats. They exchanged hushed greetings with the team and all sat, except Ted, who went to shake Nate’s hand warmly. They shared a quick moment before Ted was encouraged into the empty seat next to Rebecca just in time for the ceremony. Rebecca brushed a stray tear or two from her face as the couple exchanged rings, Ted squeezed her hand. The functional service was short, and they were soon driving ten minutes down the road to the reception venue. 

"I want to hear about her you know?" Rebecca told him once they were settled with a drink in the spring sunshine. 

"Who?"

"Who," she scoffed, "your mystery woman. I cannot believe you didn't tell me. I had to find out from Keeley. You can’t distract me here, so you might as well tell me."

"I'm sorry 'bout that, I really am."

"The distraction? Don't be."

"Oh no, I'm never gonna be sorry for that. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. We don't talk about Matt, and that's fine - I don't really want to, I wasn't sure if you'd feel the same way. I know you've struggled with what happened between us the last time I was here, and I've probably made it worse with what happened earlier-"

"I know it's… wrong. I do. And I care very much for Matt, I just can’t help but think of the night before your last match. I can't help it." She stole a glance around the gardens, hoping they weren't being overheard. "I feel so guilty, but then when you're here, I just feel relief. I'm not sure how long I can carry the guilt around with me." 

"Do you love him?"

"You're really asking me that?"

"No. I don't want to know the answer." She rolled her eyes. 

"And yet here's me, asking to hear about the woman you're dating."

"Her name is Marie. She works in Sports Science."

"Where did you meet?"

"At one of Hen's matches. She's a parent of one of the other kids in the team."

"Is she nice to you?"

"She is. She's fun, smart."

"Pretty?" Rebecca chanced.

"Very."

"Do you love her?".

"It's early days." Rebecca stared at him. 

"So earlier was…? For old times sake? You ask if I love Matt, but you're awfully cagey when I ask the same question."

"No, no, I wanted you, Rebecca."

"Wanted? Hmm. I think I've heard enough. I'm going to find Keeley." Rebecca turned to leave.

"Now hold on, you can't get mad that I'm dating. You've been with Matt for nearly a year. You're not mad at me, you're mad at yourself for cheating on him."

"Don't tell me what you think you know about me, Ted. This isn't biscuits with the fucking boss anymore." She looked away, too angry to look directly at him. "You know exactly what you do to me, exactly what effect you have on me. This isn't a game, I'm fed up of you fucking me one day and being over 4000 miles away the next. One night, I said. A weird parting gift for myself, so I'd always know how you'd feel against me, inside me. One night and then never again." She shook her head. "I mean it this time, never again."

She spent the rest of the night ignoring him as much as possible. She danced with Keeley for the majority of the night, some of the players too, Roy - as usual. Despite the angry words with Ted, she did have a good night. Nate and Jade were gloriously happy, Trent kept her topped up with gin as if he knew she was trying to keep her thoughts at bay. She hadn't felt this grateful for her family since Ted had left them nearly a year before, when they'd rallied around each other and pulled each other along until they could all stand upright again. 

"He has no idea what he's doing to us all, coming back and reminding us all of how much we love him and then he leaves again like it's nothing! Like we don't even fucking matter to him!" She said to Trent, beginning to regret the last drink she knocked back. 

"Do you want me to get him, so you can talk?"

"Absolutely not, I've had far too much to drink. I think I need to go home, Trent. Thank you."

"Anytime. Come, I'll walk you out, have you called your driver?"

"Yes, he should be here. I just need to say goodbye to Nate and Jade." Rebecca gratefully took Trent’s arm, she wasn't embarrassingly drunk, but she felt ever so slightly beyond her limit given that she was a fairly prominent public figure. The last thing she needed now was photos of 'Wrecked Rebecca' splashed across the front pages. She put on her game face and let Trent escort her around the room, saying her goodbyes to the team and their partners, who all stopped whatever they were doing to sling an arm around her, or offer her a kiss. She spent slightly longer with Colin and Michael and Sam and Simi, she was enveloped in a group hug by Keeley, Roy and Jamie. Keeley had made plans with Simi for a team meal after the match on Sunday while they had Ted visiting. From the edge of it all, with baby Teddy asleep on his shoulder, Ted watched as the team surrounded their 'soccer mom' with love. The very reason she could never leave, the very reason he'd never ask her to. Richmond had gained reputation as a team who (after the Jamie Tartt to Man City and Zava debacles) seldom moved players on without good reason, a team where players were vocal about not wanting to leave. They weren't a pitstop team, they valued consistency and loyalty, and the loyalty went both ways. He loved watching her like this, her guard down as she made sure her boys were all ok, had they organised cars home? Had they got house keys? Had they eaten? Forever taking care of everyone else ahead of herself. He watched as she made her way to the new Mr & Mrs Shelley, complimenting Nate on his wonderful bride who suited him so brilliantly. She came over to say goodbye to Beard and Jane, gently stroking Teddy's head where it rested on Ted’s shoulder. She murmured a quiet goodnight in his direction and left. Trent returned moments later.

"How is she?" Ted asked, warily. 

"She finds it difficult to see you. We all do, Ted. Events like this, where you're here, remind us of the missing piece in our day to day lives. When you're here, it's like we're a complete unit again. By Monday morning, we'll all be one card short of a full deck again."

"Come on now Trent, I already told you - it was never about me."

"And that may well be true, it's about everyone. Everyone, including you."

"He's right, Coach." Beard offered. "You're the Yorkshire pudding to our roast dinner, the lime slice in our gin, the salt to our tequila. It all works fine without you, but it's a lot better with you."

"I miss you guys too. There's a lot more of you, feels like I'm missing more pieces if I'm honest. It's like I've got a person for every situation here. Back in Kansas, it's just not the same."

The hangovers were fortunately in short supply the next morning. It was a short training day - a Saturday before a Sunday lunchtime match kick off. Ted was staying until the Monday morning flight out of Heathrow. He'd planned to spend the Saturday watching training and then with whoever else had made plans to pull him into their busy Saturday. In this instance, it was Roy, Keeley and Jamie who'd insisted that he join them at Phoebe's school fayre for the afternoon. 

"Bring your wallet, the school will fuckin' rinse you for every penny." Roy suggested.

"I tell you what, two quid on the bouncy castle, a fiver for a hotdog, ice creams, tombolas, hook a duck… I spent £50 last time! I'm sure between us we paid for that new school library!" Keeley laughed with him in the stands while the lads ran drills on the pitch. "Roy donated three signed footballs to the raffle, and I'm sure he bunged them a couple of grand as well."

"He's a good benefactor for them."

"It's a lovely afternoon, Rebecca said she might join us for an ice cream as well. Phoebe's properly taken a shine to her recently. I think as she's getting older, seeing her mum, me and Rebecca being boss ass bitches is really helping her find her place in the world."

"Well that's great news, it's good for kids to have such strong role models."

"And Henry, he's got you. And he's got all of us here."

"Not sure I'm the best role model for him right now, but thanks Keels."

"You're one of the best men I know, Ted. I mean, you do make some odd decisions but then so do those lot." She shrugged, pointing down to the pitch. 

The school playground was packed, there was no shade and it was a hot day. There were craft stalls, cakes, sweets, a dance troop, and a community band. Ted walked with Jamie a few steps behind Roy and Keeley, with Phoebe leading them all though the maze of people, occasionally sticking her hand out for more cash. They were stood in the longest line for the ice cream van when the crowd seemed to part like the red sea for Rebecca who breezed through in a beautiful sundress, wide brimmed hat and large glasses. Keeley whistled at the sight. 

"Holy shi-..rts Rebecca!"

"Afternoon all. Are you in the queue?"

"Yeah, what do you want?"

"99 please, Roy. Here, I'll get these. I bet Phoebe's fleeced you already." She handed him some cash and leaned down to look at the glittery face paint Phoebe had chosen which was rapidly sweating off her face. "You look like a mermaid! It's beautiful!"

"You should have yours done too!"

"Maybe next time. Have you been on the trampolines yet?" Phoebe shook her head. "Hmm, maybe a bit later. You both having fun?" She asked Ted and Jamie. 

"Yeah, they've roped me into doing a penalty shootout later." Jamie faux complained. 

"Ya didn't seem too put out by that, Jamie. Mind those kids don't beat you though, you might get bumped from the team." Ted teased. He handed Rebecca her ice cream and gestured towards a space which had opened up in the shade of the building. She led Phoebe to claim the spot and the others followed. They enjoyed the sun all afternoon before decamping to the Crown and Anchor for the evening. Keeley in particular, it seemed, was out to remind Ted of what he was missing out on. 

"Where are you watching the match tomorrow, Ted? You're coming up to the box aren't you? You've never sat with us for a game."

"Was thinking I might sit in the stands."

"You can't do that! You're a super special guest, you should have the best seat in the house. Isn't that right, Rebecca?" Rebecca felt a sharp jab to her ribs, 

"Ouch, fuck, Keeley! Of course Ted can sit with us, he can sit wherever he likes! I'm the owner, I can sit wherever I like."

"Ohhh I know where you'd like to sit." Keeley replied under her breath. She didn't think the rest of the table had heard the sunstruck, slightly drunk Keeley, until Ted spluttered into his pint. 

The next day dawned cooler, thankfully. Nelson Road was in good spirits, the team were 5th in the table with 4 games still to go so another chance in the Champions League was looking within grasp. It was the oddest feeling sitting with Ted next to her. They hadn't spoken alone since Nate's wedding reception, Rebecca reverting back to her default protection method of keeping a buffer person around them at all times. She, Keeley and Leslie were their usual boisterous selves during the game, jumping up and screaming bloody murder when Colin had a shot on target which was saved by the keeper. When Richmond were awarded a penalty late in the game, she found herself holding Ted's hands in hers while Keeley buried her face into Leslie’s shoulder. Jamie passed the ball to Dani to take the shot. When the goal went in, the roof nearly came off the stadium. Rebecca was on her feet instantly  throwing her arms around Ted's neck. 

The win meant a  jubilant atmosphere at Ola's that evening. Simi had outdone herself, the food and wine were perfect. Rebecca smiled fondly as Simi put Sam to work, he looked so enamoured with the young chef. Across the room, Keeley and Roy were talking privately, heads together. Rebecca could see that Ted was on the phone. 

"Yeah OK, we'll catch up when I get back in a few days. OK, you take care. Bye." He hung up as she took the seat next to him at the huge table set out for everyone. 

"The wonderful Marie?"

"Just checking in with her. I missed her call earlier."

"Sounds pretty serious between you both."

"Says you coming up on nearly a year with Matt." Rebecca tapped the stem of her wine glass.

"I wouldn't place bets on my meeting any upcoming milestones."

"That so?" She didn't reply. 

"I'd get another flight booked soon if I were you." She said instead. Ted looked confused, she nodded towards Roy and Keeley. "That'll be the next one."

"You think?" 

"Just a feeling. I could be wrong."

"Not in my lifetime." 

"Oh, I don't know. I've made some terrible mistakes."

"So you've said."

"None of them involving you, though."

"Not even everything we talked about on Friday?"

"Nothing about you - hiring you, sleeping with you, loving you, none of it will ever be a mistake." This time, he didn't reply. "I hope she knows how lucky she is, this Marie. I hope she loves you for exactly who you are. I hope she's worthy of you. Because I'm yet to find anyone who is." She smiled softly at him and walked away to catch up with Julie Higgins. They had a wonderful night, they always did when everyone was together. Late into the evening,  Keeley and Roy pulled Rebecca to one side. 

"Can you keep a straight face?" Roy demanded. 

"I was married to Rupert. Of course I can. What's happened?"

"Nothing bad," Keeley started, "Roy and I have decided to get married." Rebecca squealed quietly but kept a total poker face. "In 10 weeks."

"Why the rush?"

"We wanted to have a surprise wedding in the summer break before the new season starts. We're going to get everyone there by disguising it as Roy's 40th."

"So why do I have to know?"

"Because neither of us can keep a secret from you! Also, we want you to officiate?"

"You want what?!" Rebecca shouted, eyes swiveled to see what the fuss was. She smiled and waved their looks away, "Sorry, Roy wants us to ermm… do a ermmm…"

"Nude charity calendar for next year! All of you and Rebecca as well." Keeley supplied. Rebecca agreed with a tight smile. 

"Yep. Yep, that's it." A handful of cheers and whoops went up around the room and everyone went back to business. Ted raised his eyebrows and went back to talking to Leslie. "You want me to do what?" She hissed. 

"You wouldn't be a maid of honour, you'll tell me you're too old."

"You won't be my best woman, you'll fob me off with one of these knobs instead."

"So we wanted a role for you which shows exactly what you mean to us. We want you to marry us. Also we want you to sing our wedding dance song, but I felt like I should lead with the legal bit. You have to apply for the license so we needed to tell you straight away." Keeley beamed adoringly at her best friend. 

"Will you do it, blondie?" She sighed.

"Of course I will you fucking idiots. I'd be honoured." Her bottom lip wobbled slightly. 

"Keep it together, big secret remember." Roy hugged her gratefully. She nodded. 

"I guess I'll see you in my office in the morning?" Keeley nodded,

"Oh, looks like Ted is off." He made his way over, poised for a goodbye. "Time to go already, Ted?"

"Sure is. At least I got to see y'all for a bit longer this time."

"You'll be back again before you know it." Keeley said with a twinkle.

"I'm sure I will. Bye guys, you take care." He made his way round with hugs and kisses, reaching Rebecca last. "See you soon," he started before holding her tightly and whispering into her ear, "I swear it gets harder to leave you. Goodnight Becca." He kissed under her earlobe, warmth spread through her body like wildfire and before he could move away, he heard her wimper. He gave her a last look before calling out and waving to everyone else. 

She lasted 10 minutes before she left as we'll, passing it off as being a late night and expecting a busy Monday. She caught Mae just as the front of the pub was getting locked up. 

"You can go up through the bar, love. He's not long got back. You'll have to leave out the back though - that's the out of hours b&b door. Room 6."

"Thanks, Mae."

"Good result today."

"It was indeed. Shame you can't come to a match, you'll have to leave this place in safe hands and come spend a day in the owners box with me."

"I'd love to darlin', but I don't trust none of those wankers with my pub on match day!" The elder woman replied with a laugh. Rebecca crept upstairs, not wanting to disturb other guests. If he was surprised to see her, he didn't show it. He just held the door open and stepped behind her to close it quietly again. She pushed him back against the door, pressing her body against him. 

"I thought you said-" she silenced him with a kiss, biting his bottom lip, requesting access. He granted it, letting her deepen the kiss as her hands trailed to the bottom of his t-shirt. She slipped her hands underneath and tickled her fingertips across his stomach. 

"If you don't want this, say so now and I'll leave." She could feel him hardening against her and palmed him over his khakis, making him groan into her mouth. "This ok?" She asked, pulling back a little. He nodded and she raised an eyebrow. 

"Yes, don't stop." He understood the silent request. She pulled his t-shirt off first before moving to undo his belt. She got to her knees in front of him, pulling the khakis and his boxers down as she went. She took his hard length in hand, running her thumb over the tip. He bucked against her and she grinned up at him. "Jesus, fuck Rebecca."

"Something wrong?" She stroked him slowly, taking her time. 

"Seeing you like this, I ain't gonna last long baby-"  She ignored him and carried on before running her tongue along the underside of his cock. His head fell back against the door, hands clenched at his sides. Once she'd taken him fully into her mouth and found her rhythm, she moved her hands from the front of his thighs to hold his hands, unclenching the fists and giving him a reassuring squeeze. She guided his hands to her head, moaning around him in response to his pleasure. It didn't take long for him to run a hand through her hair and give it a gentle pull. She pulled off, the sound an obscene pop. "Please, Becca, I want you." He offered her a hand so she could get up. He went to undo the buttons of her dress but she batted his hands away, shaking her head. Instead she guided him to the sofa and pushed him to sit down. She took a step back and unhooked the buttons herself, pulling the dress over her head and leaving her only in lingerie before him. She straddled his lap, moving her underwear to one side. 

"I thought of you when I brought this set." She admitted, sliding down onto him. He held her hips, letting her set the pace. "Everytime I come, I think about you." She ground her hips down, moaning with the relief of finally having him inside her again. His hands roamed her back, unclipping her bra and then pulling her closer. Her hands dragged up his chest, winding around his neck and up to pull his hair. "I thought I had my feelings for you locked away enough so that they'd never get out." He couldn't take his eyes off her as she rocked down into him, inviting him deeper and deeper. "You've fucking wrecked me, Ted-" she continued with a groan "I just need you. I only ever need you."

"You got me baby, fuck Becca you feel so good." He bit into the soft flesh of her shoulder and roughly palmed her nipple as she increased her pace but held him tighter, the friction and angle turning her confessions into babbling expletives until his name over and over was the only coherent sound. 

"Ted-" she whined frantically, begging him to save her, release her. 

"Come on now sweetheart, come for me." He caught her mouth in a filthy kiss, wrapped an arm around her waist and met her thrusts, holding her in place and helping her stuttering hips get her through to her peak. She came with a sob, returning his kiss and continued riding his cock until he came into her moments later. She came to a gradual stop and fell against him. They sat still for a few minutes, her forehead on his shoulder, breathing steadying. She felt him soften inside her and brought herself up onto her knees to move off the sofa. He held her hands until she settled on her shaky legs. "Will you stay?" He asked quietly. 

"No, Ted. Not this time." She cleared up quickly and left him at the top of the stairs, "I'll see you in a few months." He looked confused, "Roy and Keeley are getting married. Don't tell anyone. I'm not supposed to tell anyone but apparently I can't keep secrets from you any more." She rolled her eyes and snuck out the back as Mae had requested. 

Ted didn't sleep before his 6am flight back to Kansas.

[3katanas]

"Right." That made sense. Especially if they were people like....well like half their crew. Nami specifically never left her maps or books out in the open unattended after one of Luffy and Usopp's playful arguments over who was the captain caused one to get ruined by food.

Sliding his gaze to the corner of his eye to look at Bex he hummed in response to his words. It was indeed a sight to get used to. Returning his gaze to the sea, the sight of her calming something within, he took another sip of his beer.

"Well, you're not supposed to have liquid and food in a library," Bex explained. He sat back in the sat, one foot up against the mantle of the table between them. "But I'm sure I could find a way where it could be allowed, especially if the company is trusted."

He looked to the window in between them. Not a cloud in the sky; all he could see were the waves, the stars across a dusty sky. "The sort of view one could get used to."

[bex-pendragon]

Bex's Book Corner #14

And we're back!

I am once again doing monthly roundups of the books I've read in 2022. I've set a higher goal for myself this year: 58 books. I got off to a good start in January by reading a total of 6 books. I'm also doing the Popsugar Reading Challenge again because hey, why not?

Here's what I read in January:

1. On Top of Glass by Karina Manta

Karina Manta made history back in 2019 when her essay “I Can’t Hate My Body if I Love Hers” was published in the New York Times. Karina was the first female Team USA figure skater to come out as bisexual back in 2018.

Her memoir, On Top of Glass, follows up on her essay with the full story of her coming of age as a figure skater and her struggle to find acceptance in a sport that hasn’t always been welcoming. As a lifelong figure skating fan, I found this to be a fascinating read. I loved learning more about skating culture, training, and everything else. Manta’s writing style is lively and engaging. Even when she was struggling with anxiety and body image, she found her way to make a mark on the sport with her partner, Joe Johnson. Together, they became the first known ice dancers where both members of the team were LGBT and both came out while they were still competing. Fun fact: she also went to the prom with Jason Brown!

You can see their final free dance, choreographed by Christopher Dean, on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCugp67NNmU

Popsugar Reading Challenge: A sapphic book (Manta is bisexual) or a book by a Latinx author (Manta’s father is Uruguyan)

Similar Books: Tessa and Scott: Our Journey from Childhood Dream to Gold by Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, One Life by Megan Rapinoe.

Content Warnings: discussion of anxiety, body dysmorphia, and disordered eating.

2. The Excalibur Curse by Kiersten White

This book is the conclusion of the Camelot Rising trilogy. And what a ride it’s been! I read the first instalment, The Guinevere Deception, way back in 2020. I’m a fan of Arthurian retellings and I’ve been very keen to see how the series would end.

In this retelling, Guinevere is a changeling: an unknown entity sent to Camelot by Merlin to protect Arthur with her forbidden magic. Guinevere faces many challenges over the course of the series - most of all, struggling to find a place in a world that would not accept her if they knew who she truly was. Many key figures from Arthurian legend are reimagined here, including Mordred, Morgana, Isolde, and a genderbent version of Lancelot. Just as Arthur has his knights, Guinevere has spent the series cultivating her own group of loyal and extraordinary women. Seeing them take matters into their own hands was extremely satisfying.

Popsugar Reading Challenge: A book about someone leading a double life.

Similar Books: The Queen’s Rising duology by Rebecca Ross and Seven Endless Forests by April Genevieve Tucholke.

Content Warnings: Kidnapping, stabbing, drowning.

3. Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid

My first audiobook of the year and my second TJR book. I finally gave into the hype last year and read The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, which I loved. There’s an interconnectedness between the two books: Mick Riva, the father of the Riva children at the centre of Malibu Rising, was one of the infamous seven husbands. Celia St. James also gets a shoutout.

The story is told in two timelines. It’s 1983, and the grownup Riva children are about to host the party of the year in their beachfront mansion. Between the hours of the day leading up to the party, we get flashbacks of the early years to set the scene. Their parents had a turbulent relationship. One of the kids has a different mother. Their dad was never there. But through it all, the kids had each other. Back in the present, the party starts and drama ensues: the siblings all have secrets. By the end of the party, all their dirty laundry will be aired.

TJR is the master of dual timelines. I was glued to this audio from start to finish.

Popsugar Reading Challenge: A book set in the 1980’s.

Similar Books: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid, Concrete Rose by Angie Thomas.

Content Warnings: alcoholism, drowning, parental abandonment, fire.

4. People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry

This was one of those books I meant to read last year and didn’t get to. It’s also my third Emily Henry book. Like Malibu Rising before it, People We Meet on Vacation is told in dual timelines. In the present day, it’s been two years since the friendship breakup of Poppy and Alex: a pair of millennials who have been friends since college. They’ve gone on vacation together every year since they met. But two years ago, something happened. Chronological snippets of their past vacations are interspersed between the chapters and eventually a pattern begins to emerge. I kind of guessed what it was that broke them up, but let me tell you: the eventual reconciliation was excellent. Emily Henry nailed the best friends to lovers trope. And lucky for me, she has another book coming out this year!

Popsugar Reading Challenge: A book set during a holiday.

Similar Books: Beach Read by Emily Henry, The Ex-Talk by Rachel Lynn Solomon, and Much Ado About You by Suzanne Young.

Content Warnings: sexual content, brief mention of drug usage.

5. Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

One of those classics I’ve been meaning to read for a long time. I watched the movie adaptation a couple of years ago and I loved it. I find that when I watch the movie first, I often like it better than the book - if I ever get around to reading the book at all. But this is one of those instances where I liked both equally. The movie is gorgeous and heartfelt. The book has a slightly different vibe, but it’s also enjoyable.

There are some subplots that were cut from the film and because we get to spend more time with the characters, we really get to see them develop. I loved Sophie in both iterations. She’s a young woman turned into an old lady by a witch’s spell and she gives zero forks. She’s finally able to express herself. Howl is more rakish than he was in the movie, but I enjoyed him too. There were several subplots from the book that got cut from the movie, so it was nice to get more backstory about Sophie and Howl’s families as well. This ended up being one of those instances where I enjoyed the book and the movie equally.

Popsugar Reading Challenge: A book with an onomatopoeia in the title

Similar Books: Stardust by Neil Gaiman, A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. LeGuin

Content Warnings: death of a parent (off page)

6. Six Crimson Cranes by Elizabeth Lim

I’m always here for retellings - especially fairytale retellings. Elizabeth Lim’s Six Crimson Cranes is loosely inspired by Hans Christian Andersen’s Wild Swans, infused with East Asian folklore. It also takes place in the same fictional universe as her earlier Spin the Dawn duology, but you don’t need to read one to understand the other. The heroine of the story is Princess Shiori, the only sister in a family of royal brothers. She possesses magic in a land where magic has been forbidden. Her stepmother also has magic, and when she finds out about Shiori’s powers, she curses her and her brothers. But not everything is what it seems.

Shiori goes on a journey reminiscent of a Disney princess. I’ve always loved some of Hans Christian Andersen’s lesser known stories - The Snow Queen was a favourite of mine before Frozen came along. The Wild Swans is another story I’ve hoped to see a retelling of and I finally got it with Six Crimson Cranes. It preserves just enough of the original story while also being its own thing. Elizabeth Lim nailed it. Now I’m impatiently awaiting the sequel!

Popsugar Reading Challenge: A book about a secret

Similar Books: Spin the Dawn by Elizabeth Lim, Jade Fire Gold by June C.L. Tan, The Swan Kingdom by Zoe Marriott.

Content Warnings: death of a parent (off page), animal death, blood, fire.

That's it for January! I'm two books ahead of my goal for this year, so we'll see how it goes.

[im-keefe-now]

I want a series that’s literally just about the Dizznees

[genevievemd]

Teaser Tuesday

I’m borrowing @jamespotterthefirst’s idea and giving you guys a look at upcoming fics because why not.

So take a peek if you want to see what’s coming up next in the trash corner

The Year Between, chapters 20-22

The final three chapters of our au series, but don’t worry, we won’t let this universe go… because it’s my canon now and I only write in this, also cause I have lots of ideas still

Exes Series

Bree inspired this and said I could “copy” her and do a series on G’s exes like she’s doing for Lilac’s. So here we are. And yes, I named every chapter after the Taylor Swift song that fits each relationship best.

Alone Together

I’ve had this wip in the back for awhile, because while I’d like to get back to my book 2 rewrite I’d also like to write book 2 fics that take place in Saraland (aka pre 101 smiles and the year between). So this is my take on Ethan and Gen at the gallery in book 2, during the reset. It’s got all the pining.

Also peep Gen with her “Amazon” hair.

I have a lot more ideas, but for now I’ll tease you with these! Just know I’m not going anywhere any time soon. Y’all are stuck with me and my nonsense

Tagging anyone who might also want to tease things 😏: @jerzwriter @bex-la-get @a-crepusculo @coffeeheartaddict2 @lucy-268 @potionsprefect @liaromancewriter

[changxlingfae]

"It was a fictional novel, Zoro. I doubt letting chicken simmer in rose petals would actually make people fall in love," Bex laughed lightly. He shook his head with the movement of his giggles, hair in his eyes. "Of course... it wasn't actually love, but that's the polite version. It's just a story set around the recipes."

It was nice to just read with someone. Really, it was one of his favorite activities. He could see Zoro in the corner of his eye, just as engrossed in the pages of his own book as Bex was. A shared moment - it was really nice.

He paused in his reading, gaze lifting from the book in his lap to look at Bex, slightly horrified at the concept of Sanji getting his hand on that kind of recipe. "Please don't ever give him a love recipe."

Knowing the cook he'd use it just to get a kick out of it and make him fall in love with a rock.

Returning his gaze to the book in his lap he flipped to the next page, eyes flicking over the words before examining the pictures that depicted the move that was being described. The style was fascinating and he could already see how some of the techniques could be worked into his own style to improve speed and agility.

[jerzwriter]

When the Bough Breaks - Part 2

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Casey MacTavish)

Series: Part 2

Rating: Teen +

Summary: Casey traded one dream for another when she accepted Ethan’s proposal. Even within their magical life, there were still times she mourned the loss of the child she’d never have. When Ethan learns he unknowingly fathered a child with a former lover, how will she cope? Will their marriage survive?

Category: Angst

Warnings: Decisions to have children, long-lost children, language

A/N: Thank you for reading part 2 of this journey. It's still a WIP, but I expect it to be 4 parts, I don't want to torture us too long. ⁠💕⁠

Thank you for your lovely feedback on part 1, I truly hope you enjoy this segment.

Big thank you to Bex-la-Get and kachrisberry for pre-reading this :) You are the best!

When the Bough Breaks Part 1

Original Anon Prompt

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

Casey cleared the dining room table, desperately wishing she could turn the clock back to earlier in the day before her world turned upside down. She stacked Emma’s still unwrapped gifts in the corner. Choosing to adorn her presents with yellow or purple ribbons didn’t seem to take on the importance that it did just 8 hours ago.

Ethan walked in with two cups of coffee and placed one before Casey. The silence in the room was overwhelming. After a ride home without a single word spoken, he could not take another moment.

“Casey, just tell me what you’re thinking, right now, at this very second.”

“Right now? Approximately how many hours of therapy it will take to get through this. I’m starting to think we may want to just keep a psychologist on retainer.”

Ethan half chuckled, “That might not be a bad idea. It’s good to see that your defense mechanism of utilizing sarcastic wit hasn’t been obliterated by these events.”

“Yeah, well, if you should ever see that go, it will be a definitive signal that the end is near. Of course, we find ourselves in a rather rare situation right now. The two of us at a loss for words isn’t all that common. Especially when there is so much that needs to be said.”

“Well, shock and emotional exhaustion will do that to a person.”

He made a pale attempt to produce a slight smile; Casey tried to reciprocate, but her effort could be deemed an even greater failure.

“Well, since I am woefully unprepared to deal with the emotional fallout of today’s events, perhaps we should start with the practical and take it from there. You mentioned there would be a paternity test?”

“Yes. I put a call into a friend at Yale/New Haven. I would prefer to have the test conducted in a hospital setting. The location is near Amanda’s home, and it is far enough from ours. We’d be able to have the test expedited so we could have the results the same day. I thought this would be the best choice. Do you agree?”

Casey stared blankly into her coffee. “Whatever you feel most comfortable with. So, tell me about your conversation with Amanda. I didn’t really stick around for specifics earlier.”

“I can’t say I blame you.”

“That’s irrelevant…it has to be dealt with. While I don’t agree with her reasons for not telling you when she found out she was pregnant, I do understand them, but what changed? What made her decide to tell you now?”

“Well, she’s been raising him….”

“Wait, who is he?”

Ethan looked at her, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“He has a name, I assume. He is a real child, most likely your s…” she paused when her voice cracked. Clearing her throat, she continued, “your child… I’d prefer to refer to him as more than the generic “him.”

“His name is Daniel. Daniel Sawyer Pierce.”

“That’s a nice name,” Casey said softly, biting her lip.

“She named him Daniel after her father, and Sawy….”

“And Sawyer?”

“Because it was the name of the coffee shop where she and I met.”

Casey closed her eyes and swallowed. “I see.”

“I’m sorry….”

“Don’t be,” she said blankly, “continue.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Casey.”

“Ethan, that ship has already sailed. Continue.”

“Amanda’s parents helped raise Daniel from the time he was born. He was particularly close with her dad, who was the father figure in his life. Six months ago, he left home to pick Daniel up from kindergarten, he was killed in a car accident on his way."

“Oh, how awful!”

“Yes. Daniel has taken it very hard; he’s had depression and began having anxiety attacks ever since. He’s in therapy, and, well, this is the first time he has asked about… well…anyway. Amanda said losing her own father and watching her son suffer made her realize that she was wrong to have kept this from me, and that’s what brought us here.”

“Poor Daniel. That is a lot for a little boy to shoulder.”

Ethan lowered his eyes and remained silent.

“As I said earlier,” Casey said with a sad smirk, “we’d be wise to keep a therapist on retainer.”

She pushed her chair back and walked over to the window seat overlooking Commonwealth Avenue.

“This won’t be easy, you know.”

“What won’t?”

“Any of it. Sharing DNA alone does not a parent make. As much as he needs … you … you can’t just replace what he’s lost. Plus, do you even know what Amanda has told him about you? Confusion is guaranteed, resentment is possible… it won’t necessarily be an easy transition.”

“All true, but….”

“But?”

“But that’s assuming that I… that we… elect to have a relationship at all.”

Casey’s head flung in his direction, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I haven’t had time to think about this, much less discuss it with you. Frankly, I don’t know what role I should take in….”

“Are you freaking kidding me? Ethan, if this child is in fact… your son … don’t you want to be a part of his life?”

Ethan stalled, struggling for the right words to say.

“You have to understand… in the past… there were definitive reasons why I never wanted children, Casey, and they… even if I had wanted a child, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted it to be in this way….”

“Well, I’m sure Daniel really would have preferred to come into the world under different circumstances as well! But he didn’t get much of a say now, did he?”

Casey was trembling, horrified by Ethan’s aloof reaction, and shocked at the intensity of her own visceral need to protect this little boy.

“I’m not saying I won’t, but there is much to consider. Not the least of which is you. Casey, don’t think I am not painfully aware of what I have asked you to give up. I know what a difficult choice that was to make and, you have to understand, you are a priority to me and if this is too much for you… then…”

“Ethan, uuughhh” she was flabbergasted. “I appreciate you thinking about me in this, but my God! If this is your son, your own flesh and blood, you would just be like … well, it makes my wife uncomfortable so have a nice life without me? Ethan, for real?”

His silence inflamed Casey’s already unstable emotions.

“My God!! You know I always doubted but… perhaps you were right all along. Maybe it’s for the best that we never had a child.”

“Casey! How could you say that? That’s not fair! It would have been completely different if it were you and me. I love you; we love each other. It would have been an entirely different situation.”

Her body clenched and her eyes darkened. If it would have been so goddamn different, why did I have to take an oath to remain childless in order to marry him?

“Yeah, I’m sure it would have been dream-worthy. You know what, let’s stick to the situation at hand and not entertain the would-be fairy tales or nightmares about our own what-ifs.”

“Casey!”

“Casey, nothing. For all intents and purposes, it appears that you have a very real, very living child who needs you whether you can see that or not, and, right now, that’s all that matters. Daniel wasn’t responsible for bringing himself into this world, you know!”

Her mind raced as silence once again overtook the room. It was all too much for her. She wanted nothing more than to be a supportive partner, to be an adult voice. She wanted to do and say the right thing, but what was the right thing? How could she possibly meet her husband’s needs, her own beliefs, and honor her own grief in this as well? It seemed an impossible task.

“Well, what if I do? What if I take an active role? Are you… are you willing to share in that with me?”

She felt her blood rushing, she could see her skin turning red, yet she was shivering from the cold simultaneously. It was a logical question, right? She was his wife. It was a fair question. But how fucking dare he! Nothing made sense right now. The emotional roller coaster that Casey boarded this afternoon had not stopped jolting her from one direction to the next, and the bruises were beginning to show. One thought contradicted the next before it even escaped her mind. Were there even any correct answers? For a physician who was used to having tight control over her emotions, Casey was freefalling, and she felt like she was going mad.

“You can’t ask me that!” she shot back instantly. “You can’t ask me that right now! Do you know how that makes me feel?”

She stood up and rushed away as if being near Ethan caused her pain. Her chest clenched, her body trembled, and the heavy tears in her eyes could no longer cling to her lids. She didn’t want to become hysterical, but she was beginning to lose control.

“I know if I say I can’t, then I’m automatically a horrible person….”

“Casey, no one would say….”

“I WOULD!” she screamed. “I would, Ethan. I would think I’m a horrible person. Because I’m your wife, and this is a marriage, we are supposed to share everything together. And he… he’s an innocent child… it’s not his fault that… it’s not his fault that he… that he would represent everything I ever dreamed of having with you, but he is not mine. That he’d be a constant reminder that you have the one thing I wanted to share with you more than anything, with another woman. That Amanda, someone you barely know, will forever have a part of you that you denied me! And now my only options are accepting it or, or….”

“Or what, Casey? Or what?”

“I don’t… I don’t know, Ethan! This would have been difficult enough under normal circumstances, in a normal marriage, but what’s normal about ours? I had to determine if I was willing to sign off on one dream for another before I even accepted your proposal. We needed the assistance of a therapist before we could set a date for our freaking wedding and look at where it brought us. I just, I just can’t do this tonight. It’s too much. I’m smart enough to know that this is not something I can handle on my own. We are going to need help to get through this and … I don’t want to say or do anything that will make things worse.”

She walked over to Ethan and took his hands in hers, but never raising her eyes from the floor.

“Ethan. I know this is hell on both of us, for different reasons, in different ways. I promised to always be here for you, I want to be your peaceful space in this world, and it’s killing me that I can’t be that to you right now, but this is just, it’s almost too much. I’m exhausted. I want to try to get some sleep, maybe start fresh tomorrow. Is that OK?”

Ethan leaned over, placing his head on top of hers, he gently kissed her as he ran his fingers through her blonde locks.

“Yes. It’s OK. It has been a very difficult day. Why don’t you go lay down? I’ll stay in the guest room tonight to give you some space.”

Hearing those words struck Casey, sending her jolting back from his embrace. He could see the look of horror on her face.

“Ethan, no!” she cried, pulling him back into a tight embrace, “God, no. I need you to stay by me. I’m so sorry, I know I’m all over the place, I don’t mean to…” her words trailed as sobs overtook her.

“Casey, it’s OK. You have nothing to apologize for,” he said while caressing her back.

“I don’t want you to think I don’t want you. My God, Ethan, I need you. We need each other. I just, I just don’t know how to do this,” she half-smiled, “I guess it’s fair to say we’ve never dealt with anything like this before.”

Ethan chuckled sadly, “Yeah, that’s fair.”

She took his hand and led him to the sofa. “Ethan, this is such a difficult situation, but please, even when I’m bouncing all over the place, please remember how much I love you. I don’t want us to lose sight of the love we share. We need to hold onto that if we’re going to make it through this.”

Ethan let out a shuddering breath as he pulled Casey into an unyielding embrace. In the six years since she had walked into his life, Ethan had lost track of how many times he believed he could not possibly love her more than he did at that moment, but right now, he knew this one outshone every other that came before.

“Casey, you are my world. I cannot begin to tell you what you and what your love means to me.”

He pulled back and gazed into her eyes, caressing his cheek with his hand, “I promise you; I will do whatever it takes for us to see this through. Casey, I have been so afraid of so many things since this afternoon. But, but the greatest of all was that I might have to watch you walk out of my life. That is the one thing I don't think I could survive.”

“Ethan. I know this isn’t going to be easy. But I'm here for the long haul. I am so terribly frightened right now.”

“As am I, my love. As am I. Casey, for tonight, please… can we just fall asleep together in each other’s arms. No more words. A million things are waiting for us, but we can deal with that world tomorrow. Tonight, let’s just… be… can we do that?”

Casey gazed up at him through tear-stained eyes that were filled with pain but also radiated such genuine love.

“Yes, please,” she said tenderly before reaching up to kiss his cheek. “I love you, Ethan.”

“And I love you,” he said as he let out a sob he did not realize he had been holding.

Once again, they found in each other the calm in the center of a tumultuous storm. They collapsed into each other’s warm embrace, each fantasizing about a world where they could forever remain in this state of reverie, just the two of them where the noise of the world could not touch them. Of course, they knew that the tempest swirling outside would not remain silent. It would be waiting for them in the morning, and charting these unknown waters would require a level of love and understanding unlike anything they had experienced before. But as they drifted into sleep, they found respite in each other's arms. The journey ahead would be treacherous, but they knew that their love would give them the fortitude they needed to move forward together.

____________________

The following morning, Casey woke to an intoxicating aroma. Is he making??? She put on her robe and made her way downstairs to the kitchen.

“Ethan! You didn’t.”

Startled by her voice, he looked up from the Nutella French toast he was preparing and met Casey’s loving gaze. If the gesture alone didn’t warm her heart, the look of adoration radiating from his eyes most certainly did.

“You made my favorite!” she beamed, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“You deserve this and a million times more,” he placed the spatula on a holder and turned around to take her in his arms, “Promise me, if a day should ever pass where I make you believe that I am anything short of the luckiest man in the world to have you by my side, that you will do whatever you need to in order to correct me.”

She smiled, “Well, fortunately, I haven’t encountered that yet, but what exactly should I do if the situation arises? Side with Tobias every time there is a disagreement on the team? Encourage Naveen to tease you about hiding me for three years, even though he knew it all along? I mean, I would say hold out on you, but there is no way I’m torturing myself like that so, that’s a no.”

“Well, all of those sound absolutely hellish and would likely straighten me out fast, but I agree, please, don’t ever do the third. I might die.”

“You wouldn’t die,” she laughed.

He leaned over and kissed her nose. “I always love your smile, but it's even more beautiful today. I just, I didn’t expect to see it again so soon.”

She hugged him, “I could say the same about yours. I think there is a lesson in this.”

“Do you think we’ll learn from it?”

“Chances are 50/50,” she grinned.

“Go sit down,” he laughed, “I’ll bring breakfast into you.”

When they went to bed last night, they knew they were deliberately putting off the very real issues that would be waiting in the morning. Now that morning was here, it was evident that neither wanted to be the first to break the blissful bubble they created. At times, it almost felt as if it had all been a bad dream, but there was no way to evade things forever.

Ethan’s phone rang.

“Let me take this,” he said, stepping away.

Casey diverted her eyes and sat quietly before she rose to clear the table, sad that the reprieve was over but also happy to end the procrastination. Ethan entered the kitchen and took her hand.

“I got the call from Yale/New Haven. The test is scheduled for tomorrow. I thought we could drive down today, stay overnight so we can be there first thing in the morning. We would be able to concentrate much anyway. I spoke with Tobias and told him we had an emergency; he and Harper can cover our cases. What do you say?”

She nodded quietly. “Why don’t you arrange for us to get a room? I’ll go throw some things in a bag for us.”

“What aren’t you saying, Casey?”

She smiled, “You know me too well. I’m just thinking, I’m glad we called for a reprieve last night. We desperately needed it. But it's today and we have so much to face… I guess I’m still petrified, that’s all.”

“So am I,” he said, pulling her into his arms.

“I know. It’s just, it’s not going to be easy,” she whispered.

“Nothing worthwhile ever is, my love. But we have no choice. We have to face it, all of it. But we’ll figure it out together. OK?”

“OK,” she smiled while biting back tears.

Casey was not a religious person, but she found herself praying for the strength she needed. She wanted to have the resilience necessary to sustain and see this thorough; she even believed she did. But, deep down inside, she knew there were no guarantees, and it terrified her.

When she would look back on this day, she would remember it in slow motion. Going upstairs to pack their bags, walking beside Ethan as he carried them to the car, taking his hand as he sat beside her in the driver’s seat, every action bringing them a step closer to an uncertain future.

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