#bg3 kanon

[graysparrowao3]

What if Kanon Lived

If you didn't know, I've got a serious soft spot for Kanon. People may have thought I was unhinged for starting 'What if Rolan was a Companion' but then the fandom blossomed and I now know that with the power of fanfic anything is possible.

So prepare yourselves for the story Larian was too afraid to tell, the story of how the entire fate of Faerûn was changed in one fateful moment, the story of one tiefling brother who is part of a trio of refugees you meet in the Grove that I am mildly obsessed with and want more content for (hey wait a second, that sounds familiar...)... ✨ What if Kanon Lived ✨

I think it'll end a little something like this...

            “Imagine if this had all worked out differently,” he mused, momentarily placing a clip in his mouth before folding the fabric and securing it, “if I’d have died back at that druid grove or something.”

            “Really?” Arka grimaced and stared over at her brother, “not exactly a topic of light conversation.”

            “I’m just saying,” he focused on the pleat of material in his hand, “wonder if we made a difference. If things wouldn’t have turned out this way without me. Us. If perhaps, in some small way, we’re all heroes of Baldur’s Gate.”

            Arka couldn’t help a scoff.

            “Kanon,” She placed her hands on her hips. Her eyes softened and looked over her brother, skillfully moving the needle to create the shape he’d envisioned. Gods if he wasn’t talented. But they weren’t fighters. And that’s what the people of Faerûn had needed. Not refugees, certainly not a tailor, much as she adored him for it. No, they weren’t anyone really. What difference could they have possibly made? A ridiculous thought. She shook her head affectionately, “no.”

[aviatorasharak]

TW: the picture below is bloody.

[rainyssafespace]

[yeetmeoutthewindowdaddy]

Love is an open wound

Zevlor x Rolan, past Zevlor x Kanon.

Inspired by this post, which I misread. 🤦‍♀️

Warnings: Angst, hurt/comfort, spoilers, mild canon divergence for Act 1, panic attack, nightmares, horror, body horror, semi-graphic depictions of violence, PTSD symptoms, nonconsensual enthrallment, nonconsensual use of the Calm Emotions spell (consent is given after), survivors guilt, (minor) character deaths, canon character deaths (more like Kanon character death).

______________________________________________________________

The Absolute had been defeated and peace, or as much peace that a city such as Baldur's Gate could hope to have, had been restored. Ravenguard had managed to purge the worst of the corruption which had infested the highest reaches of government, and the city had been rebuilt.

The tiefling refugees were thriving in the port-city. Alfira had almost a dozen music students. Dammon's forge had months worth of commissions lined up, with more coming in everyday. Rolan had become the Master of Ramazith's Tower and business was booming at Sorcerers Sundries. He had also recently opened a free public library that anyone was welcome to use— so long as they treated the books and scrolls with due care. Bex and Danis had recently adopted a cat. Zevlor had refound his faith and was a paladin once more.

Zevlor was also in a committed relationship with Rolan. To say he was shocked when the mage had approached him after the elder brain had been defeated and asked him on a date would be an understatement. Zevlor was dubious anent the younger man's desires; why would a powerful, young, handsome man like Rolan want an old, washed up, soldier such as him? But Rolan was nothing if not determined, and after much reassurance Zevlor allowed himself to give into his "selfish" desires, and now (just over a year and a half later) they were living together in Ramazith's Tower.

Zevlor had fretted about how Rolan's protective siblings would react to their brother dating an older man, but Cal and Lia welcomed him with open arms (after giving him a shovel talk). "He's had a crush on you since he hit puberty." Lia had told the old Hellrider, much to Rolan's chagrin.

Zevlor was elated to find that he got on well with the mage's siblings. Cal was delighted to have another level-headed person to diffuse Lia and Rolan's constant bickering. While Lia was eager to train with the old Hellrider. She had even privately thanked Zevlor for being a calming influence on her bristly brother.

"Rolan isn't as pissy now that the stick that was shoved up his ass has been replaced with your great sword."

(Zevlor couldn't look her in the eyes for 2 tendays.)

The commander had also befriended the local population of stray cats. Zevlor was fairly certain that most of them only saw him as a meal ticket, but there were a few who seemed to genuinely enjoy his company.

Life was good and Zevlor was content, most of the time. But sometimes he'd catch a glimpse of Rolan out of the corner of his eye, or he'd see the younger tiefling approaching with the evening sun brightly blazing behind him, and for a split second he'd swear that he'd seen Kanon.

The two young men were very different people, in both their looks and their personalities— but both of them sported shoulder length hair, and their horn structures were almost identical; making them look just similar enough that, in the right light, Zevlor would see brief glimpses of Kanon when he looked at Rolan.

These bittersweet moments made Zevlor's heart ache. Guilt and anxiety made his stomach churn. Zevlor was worried that he was somehow cheating on Rolan in his wistful reminiscing on his prior swain. He worried that he was trying to replace Kanon with Rolan. He worried that his previous feelings for Kanon were preventing him from fully loving Rolan in the way that the man deserved to be loved— wholly and without question.

Compounding his guilt, Zevlor hadn't told Rolan about Kanon— but there wasn't really anything to tell. He hadn't been in a romantic relationship Kanon. In truth they were nothing more than friendly acquaintances... But there was an undeniable mutual attraction between them, and they'd been getting closer. Their relationship had just begun to blossom into something more when Kanon was killed.

Unfathomable remorse filled the old Hellrider. Kanon should have never been on the ramparts with him, but he was because he and Zevlor were flirting. Gods damn it, the man didn't even have any armor on! How could Zevlor have allowed himself to be so negligent in his duties!? If Zevlor was even half the paladin that he thought he was in Elturel, then Kanon wouldn't have died on that wall.

Despite his best efforts, Zevlor often found himself ruminating over his actions on that fateful day.

As soon as Zevlor had spotted the goblins nearing the Grove he yelled out an order to open the gate— he had directed the order to Akra, who had armor on, but Kanon was closer to the windlass— and so he took it upon himself to try to save Aradin's sorry backside from certain demise.

Zevlor saw the goblins nocking their arrows, he should've realized that a man who was a tailor by trade wouldn't have the reaction time of a trained soldier. But instead of diving on top of Kanon to shield him from the incoming volley of arrows, Zevlor had crouched down and covered his own hide because he (incorrectly) assumed that Kanon would also duck for cover.

Helm's unsleeping eyes, he remembered Kanon's death in perfect, agonizing, detail. The horrid sound the young man had made when the first arrow struck him. The sickening squelch as it effortlessly pierced his unarmored flesh.

Kanon may have been able to survive the initial arrow, had the second arrow not struck true by slotting between his ribs and piercing his heart.

The anguished wail that Kanon's sister, Akra, emitted upon seeing her brother's demise haunted Zevlor in his dreams.

Zevlor's night terrors had been intensifying as of late. His nightmares had started to combine the horrors he experienced in Avernus with how he had failed his kinsfolk in the Shadowlands.

In his dreams the refugee tieflings were being slaughtered by demons while he dispassionately stood by, watching as their souls were dammed to perdition in the hells.

The felled tieflings surrounded him, and the only thing louder than their wails of pain and terror were their loathsome screeches of blame and anger. They demanded to know why he had let them die when he had promised to protect them. They castigated him for his cowardice. They lambasted him for his audacity in thinking that he deserved happiness. He didn't.

Other nightmares solely featured Kanon. His bloated and decaying corpse loomed over Zevlor as blood poured from his mouth while he stared accusingly at him with his dead, hate filled eyes. Kanon didn't need to say anything for Zevlor to know that he was angry with him for idlily standing by as his sister was murdered, to know that the young man (correctly) blamed him for their deaths.

And then a familiar sneer would twist Kanon's reddening face until it morphed into Rolan's unmarred visage.

"How long until you cause my death?" Rolan pointedly asked Zevlor as his face began to decay, sloughing off in grotesque chunks as 10,000 tormented voices emanated all at once from Rolan's rotting mouth when he accusingly screamed at Zevlor. "ł'₥ ₲Øł₦₲ ₮Ø ĐłɆ ฿Ɇ₵₳Ʉ₴Ɇ Ø₣ ɎØɄ!"

"NO!" Zevlor yelled as he shot up from bed. He couldn't breath, he couldn't seen anything other than the static that filled his vision. His ears were ringing so loudly that he couldn't hear anything else.

He was dead. He was dead and he was dammed to relive his failures over and over again for the rest of eternity. He had never actually escaped the hells. Tav hadn't rescued him from the mind flayer pod at Moonrise Towers. He was dead. He was-

A gentle wave of calm washed over the old Hellrider. He could suddenly breath again as the ringing in his ears quieted and the world around him came into focus. Rolan was in front of him, saying soothing words to him.

"He looks worried." Zevlor distantly thought.

"Just focus on my voice Zevlor. Good. We're going to breath together now, follow my lead." Rolan instructed him.

"Breath in." Rolan inhaled as Zevlor copied him. "And breath out."

They repeated the breathing exercise several times until Zevlor had fully returned to his body.

The former commander was drenched in sweat, his skin was clammy and cold. Zevlor's whole body was shaking from the aftershocks of his night terror.

It wasn't until Rolan carefully wiped the tears from his face that Zevlor realized he was silently crying.

A sudden, wretched sob erupted from the very depths of Zevlor's soul. Years of repressed emotions spilled forth from, unfettered by shame or pride.

Rolan held him tight. It felt as though his love was the only thing holding Zevlor together as he was soothingly rocked in the mages arms.

Zevlor must have fallen asleep— as an indeterminate amount of time later he was gently roused from his slumber by Rolan, who handed him some water and softly ordered the old soldier "Drink."

Zevlor nodded in both acquiescence and a gesture of gratitude as he silently accepted the cool glass of water from the other man. He hadn't realized how parched he was until he started drinking. It took more restraint than he'd like to admit to swallow the refreshing liquid at a moderate pace instead of desperately chugging it.

When Zevlor was done drinking he handed the glass back to Rolan, who put it on the nightstand.

"You didn't put a coaster under it." He told Rolan.

"What?" Rolan asked.

"The glass," Zevlor said as he pointed to the offending object "you didn't put it on a coaster, it'll leave a mark if you leave it like that."

Rolan's face skewed in... confusion? Incredulity? Bewilderment?

"I know that you don't like water rings on the furniture, that's why I pointed it out." Zevlor lamely added, fearing he had offended his romantic partner.

"Zevlor, dear," Rolan said slowly, as though he was speaking to Minsc someone whose mental faculties were chronically understaffed. "I don't give a cranium rat's ass about potential condensation rings right now, I am worried about you." Rolan replied in baffled, albeit fond, exasperation.

"You are?" Zevlor asked.

"Yes." Rolan answered while looking at Zevlor as though he'd grown another horn. "I woke to you thrashing around in your sleep from terrible night terrors, I tried to wake you but I was unable rouse you. Then you suddenly bolted upright while screaming in a terror-stricken, anguished voice."

Rolan took a deep, steadying breath before he continued.

"You were nonsensical, saying that you were dead and being tormented in the hells or that you were still trapped in a mind flayer pod. Your eyes were open but they weren't seeing." Rolan shakily told him.

"Oh." Was all Zevlor could think to respond.

"I couldn't get though to you, so I used Calm Emotions on you in the hopes that it would free you from wherever your mind had you trapped. I'm sorry I used my magic to to control your emotions, but I didn't know how else to help you." Rolan said.

It was Zevlor's turn to look at Rolan as though he had grown another horn.

"Why are you apologizing?" Zevlor asked, but continued to talk before Rolan could reply.

"You pulled me out of a very unpleasant place. You shouldn't be apologizing, I should be thanking you." He said as he gently thumbed Rolan's bottom lip, stopping him from worrying it between his teeth.

"I..." Rolan started, uncharacteristically hesitant. "I used a spell to control you, to control your emotions, without your consent." He said.

"I was hardly in a place where I could consent Rolan." Zevlor dismissively replied, then, upon seeing guilt fill Rolan's eyes, quickly added "But I am glad that you did! Your spell helped me immensely!"

When Rolan responded it was with carefully chosen words, though whether they were purely for Zevlor's benefit, or if they were a byproduct of Rolan working though his own emotions, was hard to say.

"You've told me some of what happened in the Shadowlands. I was... concerned that my actions may have been similar to, or reminded you of... the time when you were nonconsensually controlled by the elder brain."

Zevlor blinked in surprise, and even as the familiar feelings of guilt and remorse bubbled up from the pit of his stomach, the warmth that filled him from the younger man's tender concern caused Zevlor to softly smile.

"I promise you, the circumstances here are very different from... that instance." Zevlor said, causing a small grimace to flash across both of their faces.

"I don't feel as though you violated my autonomy." Zevlor resolutely told Rolan, as he leaned forward and placed a tender kiss between his pinched brows.

Rolan sighed with palpable relief, his face smoothing.

"Do you want to talk about your night terrors?" Rolan asked.

Zevlor sighed as he responded, "Not particularly, but I probably should."

Rolan kissed the old Hellrider's forehead and then told him "Take all the time you need love." as he intertwined his and Zevlor's tails together.

After a few minutes of gathering his thoughts, and his courage, Zevlor began to tell Rolan about his nightmares. The younger man listened attentively, holding Zevlor's hand all the while.

"Before I continue relaying the contents of my nightmare, there is something you should know. Someone that I haven't told you about yet." Zevlor cautiously said.

After Rolan nodded in acknowledgment, Zevlor began to tell him of his and Kanon's not-quite-relationship.

"You remember Kanon, yes?" Zevlor asked, continuing after Rolan nodded, "Well he and I... We... We weren't together, but..."

Zevlor trailed off, his courage leaving him as his self doubt began to overwhelm him.

"Zevlor, are you trying to tell me about how you and Kanon danced around each other as you both obliviously, and obviously, pined for one another?" Rolan asked with a bit of amusement slipping into his voice despite his efforts to rein it in.

Zevlor's eyes were as wide saucers when he asked "You already knew!?"

Rolan let his smile slip as he answered "Zevlor, everyone knew. It was painfully obvious that you two had alchemy with each other. I'm fairly certain that Mol's gang were running a betting ring on when you two would finally start dating."

Embarrassed, Zevlor indignantly asked "And no one said anything!?"

"No." Rolan shrugged. "There wasn't much entertainment to be had on the road. Of course I didn't partake in such jejune activities. But I knew of your feelings for him, and his for you. I think everyone except you two knew."

Zevlor stared at Rolan as though he had just told him that the sky was lime green.

"You knew that I had romantic feelings for Kanon?" He asked, needing to clarify what he had just heard.

Rolan looked at Zevlor with a mixture of sympathy and tenderness. "Yes Zevlor, I knew."

"It... it doesn't bother you?" Zevlor hesitantly asked.

"No, Zevlor. It doesn't bother me." Rolan reassured him.

The floodgates opened once more as Zevlor began sobbing.

He told Rolan of what had happened that day. How he blamed himself for Kanon's death. How he was worried that he was using Rolan as a replacement. How he sometimes saw Kanon when he looked at Rolan.

Zevlor came clean about everything. His fears, his doubts, his regrets. How he didn't think he deserved to be happy when he was the reason so many had died.

And Rolan listened without judgement. At times he looked shocked, or angry at the circumstances life had put Zevlor in, or sadness for what he had lost— but he was never resentful.

Eventually Zevlor had confessed everything he'd been hiding from Rolan to him. Despite feeling exhausted Zevlor felt lighter than he had in a very long time.

But of course the reprieve from his self-flagellation only lasted for a few moments.

As Zevlor's senses returned to him so too did his shame. He was a commander of the Hellriders, damnit. How could he be so weak?

HIs self-loathing was unceremoniously interrupted when Rolan none-too-gently flicked his forehead.

"Stop that." Rolan firmly told him.

Zevlor did not pout as he snuggled closer, embarrassed at having been called out for his self-denigration— causing the mage to quietly chuckle and kiss Zevlor's forehead in apology.

"I've covered you with my snot and tears." Zevlor pointed out.

Rolan's voice betrayed his disgust, "I am aware."

Zevlor snickered at Rolan's disgruntled tone.

And by the next morning all traces of Zevlor's bodily secretions had been magicked away.

Zevlor woke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

"About time you've woken up, you slugabed." Rolan lovingly teased.

Zevlor hid his smile underneath the blanket as he replied "You young people these days, so disrespectful to your elders."

Rolan made a noncommittal noise as he drank his coffee.

"Mmm, I am very disrespectful— so disrespectful that I graciously brought you a fresh cup of coffee to lazily enjoy in bed." he said good naturedly.

The promise of caffeine inspired Zevlor to fully wake up.

Rolan tittered as he handed the now awake Hellrider his coffee.

Their eyes locked as Zevlor accepted the warm cup from him. The adoring look Rolan gave him soothed his soul in a way that words could not.

He knew that they were okay. They'd probably discuss what he'd revealed the night before, but they would be okay.

They were more than okay. They were good.

Life was good, and it was going to get even better.

[turquoiseoverthesea]

[theycallmeratt]

"My trousers split down the center last tenday, right in front of Mattis. I'll never live it down," Memnos said, touching the bottom of his coat to confirm things were covered. "If we had a needle, Kanon could fix it."

"I think you should let me turn it into lacing," Kanon said. "A cheeky little eyehole."

"I do not want open laces over my rear."

"But think of how much more efficient it would be!" Arka said. "You'd finally leave the latrine in less than an hour!"

Kanon said, "Arka, we don't take forever in the latrine because of our trousers."

"Gods, don't tell me about your bathroom habits."

"We take hours because all there is to eat at night is a gruel that runs right through you—"

"That Okta makes!" Memnos said, glancing at Ikaron.

"—and she is so kind for that! Pity the cauldron broke."

"Dammon is repairing it," Ikaron said.

"Pit—yippee."

[vault-of-lore]

Memnos: We did it. We actually did it!

Arka: We did. For Kanon.

Memnos: He'd be proud of you. I know he would. I'm... I'm sorry I wasn't there to help. That will change from now on, I promise.

[crimsoncrocuta]

Worgs seem like the result of a goblin and a wolf "EnjOyiNg tHe FrEedom of NaTuRe's GiFts". 😏

and is it just me, or does Kanon use Dammon's head model?

[lolliputian]

I think you are the most qualified person to ask this question since you write the tieflings so well: what Olympic sport would the tiefs complete in?

High praise indeed, Anon! Thank you so much!

Going through the list of events, I'm going to go through the adult Tieflings we see in the Grove. I'm also sticking to the summer events.

Zevlor is, of course, Equestrian, and more specifically eventing (which, I discovered, is basically a triathlon). Tilses would also take place in Equestrian, but she'd be focused on jumping. If the Hellriders aren't taking place in the equestrian events, it's a crime. Nuff said.

Rolan would be a swimmer. I think he'd would find swimming for exercise cathartic--the water resistance, the controlled breathing, engaging all your muscle groups to move through the water.

Lia would be a rower for a similar reason, engaging all the upper body muscles. I think she would do really well with a team, as well, and find a lot of fulfillment in it. Cal, in perhaps a surprising choice, would take part in gymnastics. His high strength score lends itself to strength based events. Imagine Cal taking on the pommel horse or the rings, holy shit.

Dammon, surprising absolutely no one, would take part in the hammer throw. But, before I remembered that existed, I also figured he would do well with shot put. Short bursts of power suit him.

Along a similar vein, Alfira would really excel at rhythm gymnastics as a form of artistic expression. Lakrissa, on the other hand, is a natural for archery, and in a modern AU would absolutely be that person doing trick shots on TikTok.

In canon, we know Bex is a great runner and that she was able to outrun the cultists. Thus, I can see her taking part in the sprinting events. Danis, meanwhile, I think would get the most enjoyment out of golf out of any of the events available. Outside of competition, I think he'd like the social aspect of it.

Komira is absolutely a Taekwondo girl--she was ready to throw down with the druids and strikes me as the type who wouldn't hesitate to fight for what she believes in. Locke's temperament, in contrast, reminds me more of a distance runner. He's much calmer than his wife.

So I debated between Asharak and Guex whom I thought would be a better fit for fencing--we see Asharak training the kids in fighting, and Guex using Main Hand Attack against Makeshift Training Dummy. Ultimately, I felt Asharak's temperament was a lot better for it and, frankly, that he would do well enough to compete on an Olympic level. Guex's event? Javelin Throw. We see him use potentially any weapon you sell Dammon against the Training Dummy if you defeat the druids (off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone who uses a javelin canonically otherwise minus maybe Cal). But I also think he'd like the challenge and feeling powerful without having to get into close quarters.

If we've talked Tiefling headcanon, you'll know I carry a headcanon that Okta is/was a monk and actively adventured until her pregnancy. Thus, she's a natural fit for Judo. Ikaron, too, does a physical event that requires a lot of control and precision: Boxing. Like Rolan with swimming, I think he'd find it cathartic.

Cerys would take part in the modern pentathlon. We don't know much about her backstory from the game besides her being a scout and the third leader option if both Zevlor and Asharak are killed in Act 1. Thus, IMO, she has to be extremely impressive in her own right. The pentathlon presently includes fencing, swimming, equestrian jumping, laser pistol shooting, and distance running.

Zorru and Yul are other canonical scouts. We know Zorru was able to make it Baldur's Gate presumably by himself, which means not only is he a good runner, but he has to be skilled at dodging obstacles, too. He's a natural choice for hurdles. Yul, we don't know enough about, but for the endurance required for scouting, let's slot him into cycling.

Kaldani and Rikka get to be our beach volleyball pair! I really wanted a duo that's seen a lot together in game, and they seem to get along well. I can see them working amazingly well at a team and being unafraid to work hard to win.

Damays and Nymessa were a little hard for me--I very much wanted Nymessa to be in breakdancing just to make Damays's head explode (at least the way I characterize them). But, in the end, I thought pole vault would be a good fit for her. Damays seems a fit for discus throwing.

Kanon strikes me as someone who would be really good at diving. We know he was a tailor in Elturel, and I think he'd appreciate the precision and artistry. Arka and Memnos? They get to be our tennis duos team. I think they'd balance each other well in the sport.

Pandirna absolutely has to be in weightlifting, all things considered. Let's hope she doesn't get in trouble for doping with Ethel's potions... Toron I think would be wrestling because wrestling cattle or something. Nadira would be sport climbing, because that seems to fit in well with her sneaking around devils and the like. (I can't remember at the moment how much of that is canon and how much of it was headcanon we came up with on the camp server.)

Eramis and Elegis I slotted into long jump and high jump respectively. At the time of writing this, this is based off vibes from each of them rather than anything in game that lent itself to this. Finally, Xeph, Rechel, and Amek get to be our synchronized swimmers, because we gotta have synchronized swimmers, and also I don't know where else to put them.

Hope you enjoyed the post!

[jellyfitzjelly]

Can me get kanon thirst thoughts?

oh my dear anon, OF COURSE!!!!!

Ok so from what you can gather from his speak with dead dialog, i think he's a sweet young man attached to his sister and his family. He admires Zevlor and has a crush on him. He's had many suitors in the past, with reason! He's handsome. I don't think he's a player but he has a few serious relationships under his belt. He knows how to pleasure you. He'll make you moan his name. He's insatiable when he's in rut. Can't help himself but pump you full of his seed.

[dearratroi]

Upgrade to a post I made back during Early Access.

[graysparrowao3]

Last Six Lines

A hearty welcome to the space and thanks to writer @thylyre for the tag! Check out their BG3 Astarion writing here!

Some no pressure tags @beesht @lizziemajestic @kimberbohwrites @wakacreations @tealfling

Here's the thing.

I was working on my beloved Kanon AU (my heart to @reverieblondie for the encouragement, and consider yourself tagged also should you wish), but then, you know *gestures vaguely*, and I really needed some happy outcomes in life asap. I couldn't make them happen in the real world as I wanted, but I could escape for a little bit and make them happen in fanfic.

What I'm saying is, you win. The Northern Bastards finally getting a happily ever after. Only took 13 installments and half a year.

Last Six Lines of Northern Bastards happily ever after WIP:

“I can’t promise this is going to work out like.” “Did I say you had to?” “Nor that I’m not going to make a right pig’s ear of it.” “Again, don’t recall that being a stipulation.” “Or that it's not going to be the worst decision of your damn life.” “Gods you’re an effort. Anything else you can’t say that I never asked of ya?”

Last Six Lines of Kanon alternative universe WIP:

He sniffed loudly, a vibrating snort that didn’t help the tickling in his nostrils or the pressure behind his eyes. “I don’t need it.” Kanon called out immediately. Behind him, Arka was already reaching to her side and instead let a frustrated hand rest on her hip. “Kanon.” He waved vaguely in the air. He used to wave like that during fittings when someone was distracting him from his measurements. Now he used it to dismiss his sister every time she tried to give him that damn handkerchief.

[ramavoite]

I mean, I would be also extra sad about my brother dying if I found his corpse looking like that

[rainyssafespace]

[lemonina00]

Fanfic time: Zevlor X Allandra (OC/Tav) - I'm not gonna say goodbye

AN: Hello and welcome to this little fanfic snippet I teased in my Zevlor Chibi post. I have finally found the courage to post it. I am from Germany, so English is not my native language. I hope you all don’t mind too much. I’ve tried to make as little typos and errors as possible, but hey,…I have no beta, I die like Kanon. Actually, I have written fanfiction since I can remember, but I normally don’t publish my writing. Yet, with the BG3 community, I feel like being brave and sharing my stuff for a change.

This is really only a short snippet. Mostly a dialogue, I imagined my Tav Allandra and Zevlor having after freeing him in the Mindflayer colony. I was so disappointed and sad when he wouldn’t come with me, I had to let it out some way.

I have more little snippets for Zevlor and Allandra saved on my phone. If people are interested, I could post them. As well as snippets and scenes for many other BG cuties. In my headcanon, Allandra confessed to Zev at the camp celebration, that she spared Minthara. This is another snippet I wrote. Also, I imagined her and some of the Tieflings who did not condemn Zev to hold a little ceremony at Last Light Inn. Please let me know what you think! :) Now without further ado… here we go!

XOXO Cary  

I'm not gonna say goodbye

“Is that-?” Zevlor asked, his brows raised in question as he looked past Allandra at the female Drow, caught in conversation with Astarion.

“Minthara, yes!” Allandra confirmed his suspicion.

“After our raid of the camp, she was brought to Moonrise Towers, where Ketheric Thorm himself sentenced her to death for her alleged failure!" she explained the Drow’s presence.

“And you saved her anew?” Something akin to surprise crossed Zevlor’s features, but it lasted only a second, before his face turned solemn once more.

“I had to! It was I who brought about her failure in the first place!” The human woman raised her hands in a helpless gesture.

“You did not owe her anything!” Zevlor insisted. And he was right, of course, but Allandra still had her reasons as for why she’d helped Minthara a second time.

“I know, but after I freed her of the Absolute! Of their mind control, I saw that it was worth it! I know that she has committed heinous acts and that her people are despised by most...and I do not plan on fixing her or anything! I am not that naïve! All I know is that she is fighting for the right thing now! She's on our side!”

Her voice shook with emotion as she spoke. That little spark of hope she’d felt, when Minthara had accompanied her back to her camp, however small it might be, flickering within her heart. For a short moment, a heavy silence fell over the Tiefling commander and the human woman. Allandra’s gaze travelled back and forth between Zevlor’s burning infernal eyes and his bloodied armour.

“She is a paladin?!” the man in question suddenly asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Yes! And one hell of a fighter!” Allandra didn’t even try and conceal the admiration she felt for the former Drow commander. There was no denying, that Minthara was a force to be reckoned with.

“Then I hope that she will make use of the second chance you have granted her!” Zevlor let out a heavy sigh, redirecting his gaze to Allandra’s face. “I hope she will keep you safe!”

The moment, his words set in with her, Allandra’s smile faltered. Unease welled up within her gut.

“Wait!....wait...Zevlor...are you not coming with us?” she inquired, looking at him closely.

Zevlor shook his head.

“I can't!” he breathed out, his eyes focusing on the ground in front of his feet, for he could no longer hold Allandra’s searching gaze.

“What?!” her voice rose and her eyes widened. “Then....okay....of course you do not have to!” A nervous laugh left her lips “This is not your fight after all!-“

“It is!” he cut her off, much more harshly than he’d intended to. A little softer, he tried anew. “It is, but I already lost it!”

“Nonsense!” Allandra shook her head, sending her messy brown hair flying. “You're alive!”

“Thanks to you!”

Ignoring his last words, the human woman tried reasoning with him. Maybe he would see reason? He had to! “If you cannot come with us, then...at least head back to our camp! It's just outside the towers. On the outskirts of Reithwin!”

“I can't!”

“Just....you won't miss it! It's not much, but you can rest there! And Gale will be there to heal you!”

Her words were all but tumbling from her lips, her heart growing heavy within her chest. Why was Zevlor being so stubborn?

“Allandra, I can't! I am sorry to... disappoint you any further! You must think me so ungrateful! Hells, I am truly sorry, but this is how it must be!”

“But....where will you go? What will you do now?” Allandra demanded to know, for she simply had to know. She’d spent way too many hours worrying about him. Wondering, grieving. Not again!

“I.... honestly, I don't know!” Zevlor confessed, dropping his arms down to his sides. “But...one thing I can promise you ...I will not do anything stupid...if that is what you're worried about!”

“You.... you're not making much sense, Zevlor! Yes, I am worried! Maybe we should...let me take you back to camp! Gale will give you a quick check up, just to be safe and if you still want to leave afterwards...well then I cannot hold you back, can I?”

Allandra tried but failed to convince him. The more he refused, the more inclined she felt to change his mind. He clearly was not being himself right now. And though she would not blame him, with what he’d been through, his reluctance to accept her help was slowly but surely wearing her down.

“Do not waste your resources on me! Go! I bet your companions are already waiting for you! I have no right to steal any more of your time!”

“You're not! And I'm not letting you leave when you're like this!”

If he could be stubborn und unreasonable, the so could she!

“Like what?” he asked. As if he had no idea of how much she cared.

“Like....like... you're so full of self-loathing!” There! She’d said it. Because what was the point in beating around the bush?

“Warranted!” Zevlor just shrugged.

“What happened to you was not your fault!”

“Oh yes it was! I wish it wasn't!” His eyes flew up to her face and he looked right at her, right into her soul with his blazing infernal eyes. And it caused Allandra’s heart to skip a beat.

“I wish,” he carried on, “I could be like you! That I could forgive so easily! That I had a heart full of mercy! But the crime I committed! The betrayal! The lives I destroyed! There is no redemption for that!”

“Not if you fight it! If you refuse it!”

“You really should go now!”

“Just.....just look at Minthara! We both know of the things that she did. She was not herself when under the absolute's spell!” Maybe comparing the two was a stupid idea, but Allandra was grasping at straws now.

“I do! And I dearly hope that she will honour your mercy!” Zevlor’s gaze remained as unwavering as his resolve. His face was a blank mask at this point and Allandra felt that close to bursting into helpless tears.

“That's not!...I do not want her...or you...or anybody else to honour me...like I'm some kind of saint! Because I ain't nothing like that!" she whined with her voice becoming embarrassingly thin.

For the second time, they both fell silent. And the silence felt suffocating and deafening. Eventually, Allandra had to accept defeat. Zevlor would not be coming with her! He would not join her in the fights to come! Her heart gave a painful tug inside her chest before it sunk to the bottom of her stomach. Once again, somebody would be leaving her. For the umpteenth time in her life, somebody was going to walk out on her. And there was apparently nothing that she could do, to prevent it from happening.

“So... that's it then? You're just gonna...vanish?” she asked, her big blue eyes searching his tired face for any signs that he might yet change his mind. “I really don't wanna weigh you down any further, but... it's not fair, you know?! I mourned for you! Back in the Shadow-Cursed Lands! We...we held a fucking service in your memory! And with 'we', I mean the people you think no longer care about you! Bex, Dannis, Alfira, the ...the kids! But... alright, if that is what you want then....so be it!”

Oh, she really was being unfair and she knew it, but once she’d let him in on her hurt feelings, she felt somewhat lighter.

“Forgive me!” Finally, Zevlor’s blank mask slipped.

“I do not need to! It is you who needs to do that!” Maybe this kind reminder would help him see reason. But it did not!

“Take care Allandra! May the gods be with you!” Zevlor spoke, crushing her remaining hopes.

“I'm not gonna say goodbye!” she shook her head, “Instead....I guess I wish you well and...here...at least, take this!”

Reaching into one of her coat pockets, she pulled out a small bottle, filled with a healing potion.

“Allandra, I-“ Zevlor wanted to refuse, but she wouldn’t accept any further contradictions.

“Take it! Please!”

Hesitantly, Zevlor took a step forward, closing the gap between them. Once he was within arm’s reach, Allandra held out the bottle. He wrapped his fingers around it. For a second, Allandra refused to let go. She held on to the bottle and she reached out with her other hand, to grab his wrist. Even through the thick material of her leather gloves, she could feel the heat radiating off of him. A strong reminder of his infernal blood. Her heart was racing once again, as she looked up into his eyes.

“If we live to see another day, we will be heading for Baldur's Gate next! There is a tavern there...the Elfsong! I used to go there often before this whole tadpole madness! I shall hope it still stands! Maybe...one day you wanna find me there?” Oh, she hated how much her voice shook and how needy she sounded in that very moment.

“I will keep it in mind!” Zevlor nodded and though it was no promise, it sparked a tiny flicker of hope within the human woman’s heart.

Reluctantly, she let go of his hand, just as Minthara returned to her side, to inquire what was taking her so long.

“Allandra! What in the hells is taking you so long? Does the Tiefling need a special invitation?”

“He's not coming with us!” she informed her Drow companion with a rueful expression.

“He's not?”

“No, Minthara... please...” Allandra hoped that Minthara would just drop the subject as to not hurt her any further. It was a surprise really that she had not yet started to cry.

“I see! ...Come now! Ketheric Thorm is not going to kill himself!” Minthara stated so matter-of-factly, that under different circumstances, this would’ve caused Allandra to chuckle. But with her emotions so on edge right now, it was not a soft chuckle that left her mouth. Allandra let out an incredulous laugh, before following Minthara towards the next chamber. Looking over her shoulder, she threw Zevlor one last sincere smile.

I'm not gonna say goodbye!

[rottenbrainstuff]

BG3 playthrough - what I found on the road of the shadow-cursed lands

Spoilers under the cut.

Sigh, here’s the stuff I was dreading: the first dead tiefling refugee found on the road: Elegis. She was in charge of opening and closing the gate after Kanon was killed. She was always so nervous. During the siege, she was very frightened but she fought well. She was apparently killed by an ox that was possessed by the shadow curse.

Then farther along in a big group I found:

Rechel, Amek, Xeph. These three were the most angry at the druids, back at the grove. They ran away from the grove on their own the night before the siege and left everyone else to their fate. Looks like it didn’t save them. I wonder if they reunited with the other refugees on the road, or if they died first and their bodies were found later by the group.

Asharak. Zevlor’s second in command. He was teaching the kids their sword lessons. He seemed like a nice guy.

Ikaron. Okta’s son and the guard posted inside the hollow. He was gruff and stiff in the grove, with the air (to me) of a kid taking his new job too seriously, or perhaps a kid who had to grow up too fast and doesn’t know how to relax anymore. During the siege he was furious about the group that left and was arguing with his mother. He mentioned since him and his mother had no ox, he’d be pulling a cart himself! At the party I finally got him to relax and enjoy a pint. I liked him.

Memnos. He tried to talk Arka down from her anger after Kanon died. During the siege I found him in the ritual grove praying to the god of death, because he was convinced they were all going to die. Even though he was scared, he still went and stood at his post.

Kaldani. She was a guard at the gate. Cried over Kanon’s body when he died. During the siege she was building barricades. She always seemed more tired of this shit than frightened.

Toron. He was tending the oxen at the grove. Probably he would have been the most scared when their ox fell to the shadow curse, he would have known first that something was very wrong.

I took all their bodies and laid them to rest on one of the cliffs in the monastery, the cliff with that other grave already on it. It’s a beautiful view overlooking the valley, with the sunrise dappling the rocks, and some little white flowers growing out of the grass. Left wine for an offering. This spot is peaceful and bathed in sunshine so they’ll never be afraid in the dark again.

I wish I could have talked to even just one of the corpses. Maybe I couldn’t save any of them, but I wish I could at least know what happened.