#Bella Pov

[gooasis726twifics]

Earthshine

Paul Lahote is destined for someone else. The only thing Bella Swan is destined for... is to die.  Smutty One-shot. Eclipse divergent. Mature. FFN: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14260374/1/Earthshine

[littlemissmentallyunstable]

there’s been lots of requests and comments so here it is PART 3!!! (SHE’S HERE first anon, hope you survived this long second anon and it was not a dream third anon, I’m posting/making it now fourth and fifth anon)

some of you were going feral for part 2 so I hope this lives up the expectation 😭😭 if not I’m severely sorry

title: the dancer and the angel part 3

pairing: grayson hawthorne x reader

synopsis: grayson has just admitted to kissing lyra kane, the girl you’d been worried about, the girl that was stunning, the girl he said didn’t matter… he chose her over you so now what??

parts: part 1 part 2 part 4

warnings: swearing, SPOILERS FOR TGG

a/n: okay so I hate switching POVs but I felt it was necessary here and I know the start is the same as the part 2 but in Gray’s POV but trust me there is lot more

tag list: @tornqdowarnings @whatsamongus @wish-i-were-heather @inmyheaddd @never-enough-novels @sweetlikeanangel @midiosaamor @sweetreveriee @emelia07 @f4iry-bell @zaraaaabear @thoughtdaughter3 @benny1989fredd @elysianwayy77 @maybxlle @sheisntyou @anintellectualintellectual @aleatorio1234 @adalia-jaycee @off-to-the-r4ces @lyra-kane @reminiscentreader @lyrakanefanatic @imaseabear @elizaa31

GRAYSON’S POV

Guilt has chewed me up and spat me out the whole walk back to our shared room. There’s a pulsating lump in my throat that aches relentlessly, reminding me of what I’ve done. I am a terrible person. I never deserved her and now I’ve done the worst thing I could’ve possibly done, that anyone on this whole planet could’ve ever done. And she will never forgive me for it. I wish there was a way to turn back time and alter certain events. As soon as the time machine is invented, no doubt by my very own brother Xander, I’m coming back to moments before now to stop my idiot brain from-

I can’t even think it. Maybe it’s because it makes it more real. It’s like the last few moments of my life have been erased from my brain, it’s a blank canvas and I have no paints. I know what I did but I can’t remember exact details. Still, I can taste her on my lips, an over sweet taste that was almost too sickly has now morphed into something bitter. Her perfume lingers on my clothes and adds to my ever growing headache. I don’t want to smell her, I don’t want the reminder of the awful human I have become. The monster that now inhabits my body, lives in my skin, breathes my air and poisons the people I love. The ones I truly love.

Y/n. At one point she was the only reason I was still existing, still carrying on. She somehow managed to give me the fight to keep carrying on. I got up most days because I knew I would get to see her face. And now I’m going to throw everything away, our whole relationship. Everything we’ve been through or planned to go through together. It will reduced to nothing in a few minutes.

I’m outside the door, my feet have carried me here through muscle memory. I must go in, I must face her I’m aware but I’m afraid. I’ve never felt so pathetic. I wonder if she is still asleep. Though, I can’t work out whether I’d rather she be awake or asleep. I don’t think I could bear to look at her angelic feature either way. Those wide eyes, round lips, heavenly- I can’t bear it, I’m going to lose her, all of her.

I fiddle around with the key, hoping the door will just never unlock so I don’t have to face this. The mechanism clicks, mocking me. I step in silently and face the door to lock back up again. I don’t understand why, I know I’ll be kicked out in a matter of seconds, what good will a locked door be? And yet I’m still facing the door, fumbling with the key, my back towards her. Though I can hear her getting out of bed. She’s awake. My body’s immediate response is to go into a state of paralysis. I can’t move as the guilt ridden cement hardens over my body, creating an outer shell of the cruel creature I’ve become. Her body is behind mine. I can feel her bright presence radiating her usual tentative nature.

“Are you okay?” I hear her whisper as she touches my arm so gently it stings.

It stings so sharply because I know what I’ve done. The shameful crime I’ve committed. I jerk away suddenly.

“Are you hurt?” she asks, deep concern in her tone.

It kills me. It’s a poisoned dagger wedged deep within my heart, hitting every vital artery. Her voice is so soft, so melodic. She cares so much, too much and I’m about to destroy it all. And as much as I could not say a word I couldn’t live a lie, the guilt would eat me alive. How could I look her in the eye and tell her she’d always been the only one when I know she hadn’t? She’d already noticed earlier today my distant mood. She had always been observant, vigilant about those things concerning me and I’d always been grateful. I wouldn’t have that anymore. Lyra had been on my mind earlier and I couldn’t tell her. Now she would realise.

“No,” I reply.

My voice is unfamiliar to myself, it’s sharp and blunt. It sounds horribly harsh. I could feel it hurt her, the air ripples with a touch of dimness when I hurt her. Even with my back to her it’s obvious to me. I know her so well, too well and from this day on we might drift to perfect strangers. That thought hurts me more than anything.

“Where have you been?” she says. Her voice so sweet, so innocent, cruelly naïve.

I don’t want to break her, I don’t want to do it. It would be like smashing a glass ballerina. Something so beautiful, something so delicate should be preserved not purposely broken. I force my eyes to meet hers. I immediately regret it. The soft mellow colour all melts into one, clawing at my heartstrings and ripping the organ to shreds. She’s so beautiful. How had I ever looked at any other? How had I let myself?

Suddenly I’m drowning in guilt. I don’t know how, it just comes over me suddenly. Like a tidal wave I had my back to. I’ve been swept under by an endless ocean of shame. My lungs swollen full of my own black sin. I don’t know how but I manage to choke out two shaky words.

“I’m sorry.”

My voice cracks. My voice never cracks. She knows that. I’m sturdy, I’m strong, I’m the rock that never breaks and here I am. Here I am crumbling into dust. She’s too smart to miss the signs, she’s too clever not to immediately know something so horribly wrong, her mind is too sharp not to have worked half of it out. She’d already been suspicious of Lyra. She’d already seen what might happen between us even before I did, before it did actually happen.

“Gray?” she asks, my name sounding too sweet on her tongue. The next time she says it will taste bitter, I’m sure of it. She barely whispers the word but I hear her, it rings in my mind. It forever will.

I’m full of pure regret and guilt, it wracks my soul, shaking me relentlessly back and forth until I’m dizzy with it. Remorse’s doors suddenly burst wide open, ready for my grand entrance. My hopes and dreams snicker and smirk smugly as I walk down the runway, my head hanging in embarrassment.

I need to tell her. My heart races in my chest and there’s a lump stuck in my throat, so large it’s started to block my airways. I don’t know how to get the words out, I don’t know how to talk. I feel like I’m suffering some sort of aneurysm. She looks at me, her eyebrows pinched in and eyes narrowed and then I see it. Her eyebrows part and slowly sink. She knows already.

“Tell me,” she murmurs, her voice of an angel shaking.

I close my eyes, trying to suppress the tears. I haven’t cried in years I’ve forgotten this feeling, this heavy weighted agony that ripples through me causing water to infiltrate my eyes. I bite the inside of my cheek and still my shaking hands.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her, an uninvited raw desperation ripping through my voice, “I never wanted to hurt you, I never meant for it to happen, I-“

“Tell me,” she grits through her teeth sharply, her eyes glitter so beautifully fierce and fiery, like she wants to kill.

But I know she’s trying to steady her rising sadness by covering up with her fury. I can see through her, like she can see through me. I freeze and the pause elongates. The aching silence is deadly, it’s fatal. I wish she didn’t have to make me say it.

“I kissed her,” I murmur, the words making me feel sick as I say them.

“Who?” she asks, he tone low and ferocious, “who did you kiss? I want to hear you say it.”

I’m twisting a knife into her heart and I know it. But she wants me to cut deeper. She’s a woman of principle, I’ve already hurt her, I might as well do the job properly in her eyes. And I can’t deny her this. Not I’ve stripped her of her dignity, her trust, her love, her everything.

“I kissed Lyra,” I whisper, suddenly aware of the dampness on my cheeks.

A sour taste fills my mouth. The words send lightning sparks across my jaw, sending ribbons of agony down the sides of my face. The truth hurts. Literally. Tears are rolling the side of my face, but I don’t bring my hand to wipe them and nor do I stop them. I’ve never felt more broken.

But she doesn’t care, there is not pity in her eyes. Good. I don’t want he to pity me. She should hate me. She should want me to miserable and hope for me to have a lifetime of the torture I’ve just forced her to endure.

“Get out,” she murmurs, the anger bringing out her natural stunning features. A flicker of boldness in her eyes, the striking angles of her eyebrows, her strong thick lashes and her full lips.

“I’m sorry.” they’re the only words I remember how to say, through my internal fit of torment.

I expect her to hit me around the face, a good strong punch I know she can make or a sharp smack that’ll leave a red hand mark pressed against my cheek. I imagine she might scream at me and ask me all the questions I wish I had answers to. But she does none of that. She only looks at me darkly and utters two last words.

“Leave Grayson.”

I can hear the tears she’s trying to hold back, through the numb façade. I know her better than she’ll ever realise. But it’s not fair for me to stay, not after this. She’s only asking one thing of me when she should be doing so much more. So I do. I turn my back on her again. And I leave.

***

Tears pummel down my cheeks like never before. I can’t remember the last time I cried. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like this. I’m blinded by them as I stumble sideways. I don’t know where I’m going. I stand on the edge of the cliff and sink to my knees, letting out a loud guttural scream. I’m there until my throat is so raw I can’t feel it. I bite my lip so hard it draws blood. And then I’m up again and running, following a path my footsteps are dragging me towards. I can’t think straight, I’m dizzy with pain. Before I know it I’m outside the safe house on the island. My hands tremor on the handle and I swing open the door, falling to the floor for my sobs to take me over. My chest aches and burns and tightens. That’s when I realise I can’t breathe properly. I fumble around for my phone, a tear splashing into the illuminated screen. With uncontrollably shaking hands, I typed no words. Just three numbers.

911

***

The wait feels like years, maybe even decades. Each second taunts me, with a mocking tick. I’d crumbled into the corner of the room at some point and stayed there, curled up and choking on my own sorry sobs. What had I done? What had I done? What had I done?

The question circles around my head like the nostalgia of a distorted tune of a merry go round. I’ve never made such a big mistake and my life and deep down there’s a sinking sensation that is telling me I’m not going to be able to make this better. I sob, loud harsh sobs that hurt my lungs and knock the air out of my stomach. My whole being shakes with every strangled noise that escapes my lips. Grieving. I’m grieving over something I chose to throw away. It’s cruelly ironic. But I think part of me is also grieving the good man I once thought myself to be, that she made me believe I could be.

I turned my back on the one and only person in this world who just cared about me, took me for who I am and believed I could do anything. She only wanted the best, she only wanted happiness and she deserved so much more and here I am, stabbing her in the back and dancing in her blood like a madman. She was my everything and I managed to mess it up, just like everything else in my life. I can’t have normal relationships, I can’t do something without messing it up. I’m one big screw up the opposite of how the old man raised me to be. He’s looking down on me now and I can feel his disappointment, like an infection coursing through my bloodstream. I failed him, I failed my brothers, I’ve failed her, I’ve failed myself.

She thought I was better, she believed I could be more than his expectation. And I was stupid enough to believe it, encourage it and let her belive the lie too. We’re all idiots.

I can recite her favourite song, her favourite flower, her favourite food and favourite colour. I can tell you all about her favourite novels and how she orders her books on an endless bookshelf. I know that she tells people her favourite film is ‘it’s a wonderful life’ but it’s actually secretly ‘tangled’. I know she prefers to stay inside and cuddle under blankets rather than have a night out. I know she’d rather reason a thousand books than watch a thousand movies. I know she wanted a library in her dream house and two, maybe three children with her husband and I know she’d sometimes debate about getting a cat as well. I know how she loves brownie batter more than the actual brownies and can’t sleep with any lights on. I know she still uses the bunny rhyme to tie her shoelaces and how she fiddles with her collarbone when she’s nervous. I know exactly what diamond she wanted in her engagement ring and her favourite country. I know what people she despises and I know what people she adores. I know every inch of her face, every hair on her head, every sparkle in her eyes and every cell on her skin.

I know her.

I know her, but that can’t help me now. Pain ripples across the left side of my chest and my hand clamps over it as I grit my teeth to try and bear it. I hear the door creek open and can’t tell whether it comforts me or not.

“Grayson pookie!” Xander calls out, “we’re here.”

His cheerful voice doesn’t provide me with the cushion to this pain I thought it might.

“And we have some in incredibly strong whisky,” Jameson adds, I can here the mischievous grin in his voice, it’s been the same all of his life.

“My nose hairs are officially burnt off,” Xander agrees.

I can’t speak. I try to call out for them but the words die in my swollen throat.

“Where are you Gray?” Nash calls out, he sounds a little more worried than the other two but is concealing it well.

“Here,” my voice is hoarse and laboured, even I can’t recognise it.

The mood immediately shifts, you can feel it. The air becomes tainted with concern as their footsteps approach my cowering figure. The case of whiskey is dropped as there is an audible thunk as it hits the floor. I can feel their bodies enveloping around mine creating something of a circle of safety. I look up to worried face and shiny eyes.

“Help me,” I gasp for air, greedily trying to gulp down the oxygen that I feel so deprived of, “please.”

“We’re here to help you Gray,” Nash murmurs softly. His voice had always been something comforting, especially when I was younger. I wonder if he will be so kind when I tell him what I’ve done. He’s going to hate me, there’s nothing he despises more than a man who can’t respect a woman.

I shake my head and choke out another struggling sob, instead of the words I don’t know how to say. Jameson’s eyes flit between mine and Nash’s, the concern rippling across his features. He’s never looked this concerned for me in his life. I think to all the times as children I’d helped him settle after a nightmare and wiped his tears that he hated falling when the old man had humiliated him. Oh how the tables had turned. Now it was my little brother wiping my tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his touch so gentle it shocks me.

“I can’t-“ I barely get out, wrapping my hands around my neck.

“Gray…” he trails off, unmasked emotion hitting his face like a train.

“I can’t breathe,” I wheeze as the invisible blanket that was set out to suffocate me tightens over my nose and mouth.

“Hey, Gray, look at me,” Nash says, his voice smooth and reassuring, “in and out okay, in and out.”

“I can’t,” I pant, my limbs shaking embarrassingly uncontrollably.

Xander takes both of my hands into his and squeezes them until they still, “yes you can, follow Nash’s instructions okay?”

“Slowly, do it with me,” Nash nods, “in through your nose and out through your mouth.”

I do. In and out, a rhythmic pattern. Each time Nash reminds me how to breathe. There’s an aura of calmness about his voice that lulls my panic into a narcoleptic sleep. Once my breathing is halfway regulated I look at him, dead in the eye, with shaking sorrowful lips.

“I fucked up,” I sob, “I fucked up and I don’t know what to do.”

They all share a look, this is the worst state they’ve seen me and we all know it. I begin to pathetically sob uncontrollably once again, the feelings building up in my chest and tearing me apart from the inside out. It’s like a rabid pack of wolves had been set loose to feed on my internal organs. I don’t know how to stop the ocean of tears, I don’t know how to shut my mind off, I don’t know how to help myself. Reel myself in from this abominable mess I’ve become. I’m hyperventilating, my chest throbbing up and down unevenly. Nash nods towards Jameson, a short, soft, sharp nod of approval.

“Hey! Calm down!” Jameson snaps, giving me a hard slap around the face, “snap out of this!”

The shock shuts me up and the sting stops my tears. I’m back to reality instead of a wallowing mess. Nash must’ve been approving the slap I realise in the sudden cleared head I’d obtained

“Sorry,” Jameson mumbles at me, looking a little guilty.

I massage my jaw, “no I think I needed that.”

He grimaces and then softens his tone, “what happened Gray?”

I tense, growing very still, “I can’t say it out loud, I can’t, I’m awful, I’m horrible-“

“What happened?” Nash drawls.

I choke out yet another unnatural sound. Seems the slap didn’t snap me hard enough into reality. I exhale slowly. I have to say it, now or never.

“I kissed Lyra.”

The words hurt even more this time, that they did when I’d admitted it to y/n. Neither one of my brothers can mask their honest reaction.

“Oh fuck,” Jameson blurts out, “you cheated?”

Anger. He’s fuming with me. I can see the rage trailing through his eyes and blossoming into his expression.

“I didn’t mean to,” I reply, feeling like a small child.

Jameson’s eyes widen and fury flashes across his face, “how can you not mean-“

Nash shoots him a look and his mouth glues shut. Then he turns to me and I can’t quite read him yet. I gulp.

“No one does that kind of thing for no reason,” he says sternly, “I never thought you’d be the one of the four of us to ever do that, seems I was mistaken little brother.”

Disappointment. He’s disappointed. A horrible sinking feeling settles in my stomach. Nash is disappointed in me. It’s one of the worst feelings imaginable. There had only been few times in my life when he had been and I remember the feeling all too well. Shame has me in a chokehold an it’s succeeding in strangling me. I can‘t bring myself to meet his eyes, I don’t want to see that look I can feel is on his face, that look of pure disapproval.

“How did she find out?” Xander asks quietly.

Shock. He hadn’t said anything until now, but his lips had been slightly parted and he’d paled a little. He never thought I’d do this to anyone, he’s yet another person I’ve let down.

“I told her,” I murmur, “the guilt was consuming me.”

“As it should,” Jameson snaps, twitching with a fiery ferocity.

“Jamie,” Nash says, trying to keep some kind of diplomacy.

“No,” he growls, “you don’t do that to a girl, your girl, you can’t do that!”

“Don’t take the moral highground now,” I spit.

“When you’ve cheated on your girlfirend? Yeah I think I will,” he replies, the bitterness rolling off of his tongue like a deadly poison. He doesn’t know I’ve already poisoned myself with my own actions, his words can’t hurt me.

“I didn’t mean to,” I falter.

“Bullshit,” he grits through his teeth, in two definitive and threatening symbols.

“Careful Jamie,” Nash warns.

“All this is your fault anyway,” I continue, ignoring the warning.

“So it’s my fault, you kissed another girl, yeah, okay Gray,” he nods his head with a sarcastic smile.

“It is!” I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air, “if you hadn’t locked me in a room with her-“

“So it’s my fault you couldn’t keep up dick under control,” he quips, interrupting me.

“You could’ve locked me with my one of my sisters but of course you just had choose the only girl who isn’t related to me,” I seethe.

“Odette isnt related to you,” Xander pipes up. I’d forgotten he was there, that anyone besides me and Jameson were there.

“Odette is old enough to be my grandmother,” I scowl at him, immediately feeling bad as the words leave my lips, but don’t dwell on it as I turn back to Jameson, “why did you make me a player in your sick excuse of a game?”

“You can’t use the game as an excuse,” he laughs darkly.

“I will,” I reply sharply, “this is your fault and Avery’s fault too.”

“Avery? Don’t make me laugh,” he rolls his eyes.

“The game never should’ve been created by her,” I yell, “that’s why I’m in this mess!”

“No, you’re in this mess because of you,” he shouts back, “but don’t you dare bring Avery in to this it’s not her fault.”

I feel like I’m one of those circus acts, the ones that lay on a spinning board and get knives hurled at them. Only in my case the knives are the truth and they actually hit me.

“Why did you make me a player?” I ask quieter now, my voice hoarse, “why?”

“I didn’t know making you a player would result in this,” he says.

“It was so irreverent,” I snap becoming angrier by the second, a sudden burst of red overriding any rational sense in my head, “I never needed to play.”

“You can’t pin this on me Gray, if it didn’t happen with Lyra, who knows who else it would’ve happened with,” he hisses.

“So you think I’m just like this? You think this is me?” I ask him, prodding the hollow space where my heart used to be.

“I didn’t before….” he trails off, sighing, “but now I don’t know what the fucking think of you.”

“Jamie,” Nash repeats again, in the same warning tone as before. We both ignore him.

“Just because you and Avery are all peaches and roses-“

“Leave Avery out of your anger issues,” he roars defensively.

“No,” I counter, raising an eyebrow, mirroring his usual argument demeanour, “you think you’re so perfect now you’ve got your dream girl and the two of you are so much better off than the rest of us, because your love is undeniable or whatever bullshit people feed you about it-“

Jameson’s features twitch for a split second. He’s hurt, but won’t show it. He’ll refuse but I know that it hit a nerve that won’t heal for a long time. I stop mid-sentence.

“I am far from perfect, I think we both know that,” he says, in a low voice, “look you’re hurting, I get it, but I’m not going to mollycoddle you and tell you it’s okay when it’s not. I’m not going to stand here and lie to your face because as your brother that would be the worst possible thing for me to do to you.”

“My brother would try and understand what it’s like from my side,” I say, desperation clawing at my voice.

“You’re looking for a fight Grayson and it’s not going to end well, not with me,” he warns, shaking his head.

“Maybe I do want a fight, but you know you do too,” I growl rolling up my sleeves, “so fine, I’ll give you a fight Jamie.”

“I don’t want a fight, I want some justice for y/n,” he states simply, “she did nothing to deserve that Gray, she’s been so good to you, the sweetest soul on this earth and she’s helped you through a lot of shit and this is how you’re repaying her?”

“Jameson,” Nash says.

He ignores him for the third time and I can see his calm facade beginning to drop, “you think because you called a 911 and you’re here crying that I should feel sorry for you?”

“I thought you were going to be here for me,” I reply numbly, my tone dead, “clearly I’m mistaken.”

“I can’t be there for someone with no morals,” he replies, “you cheated and you’re the one who’s upset about it, how do you think she feels?”

“You think I don’t know her?” I fire back, my throat burning, “you think I don’t know exactly what she’s doing right now? I hate myself, I hate myself for doing what I did!”

“Good you should!” he screams back.

Before I know it I feel myself charges towards him, ready to throw a good punch but Nash and Xander launch onto me to quickly and managing to hold me back. Nash’s grip is so tight I don’t dare try and budge.

“Out. Now.” Nash says sharply to Jameson, “go and cool off.”

His tone sends a shiver down my spine that I won’t admit to. Jameson opens his mouth to argue.

“Jameson.”

He skulks away, with a sullen face. We all wait frozen until the door has been slammed shut. Nash lets my arm go, dropping it harshly and Xander follows suit.

“And you’re no better,” he turns to me, placing his cowboy hat on a nearby surface, “I’m only sending him away because you can’t be left alone in this mess and so the two of you don’t rip each other to pieces.”

Silence stills the room. His voice echoes but makes no sound all at the same time.

“Take a second, take a breath and we’re going to talk this through like adults,” he says, “if you want to carry on being a child then leave. Calm down, you’re not a toddler having a tantrum, you’re a grown man, act like it.”

Nash has a way of snapping me back to reality. I nod shakily.

“Talk.”

I begin, “I don’t even know why I kissed her, I didn’t mean to it just-“

“Happened?” he guesses, “no little brother, that doesn’t just happen.”

“The I don’t know Nash,” I say, tipping my head back and resting it on the wall behind me.

I hadn’t meant for it to happen. I didn’t want it to happen. It just did. She was there, just stood there. Her hands looped naturally around the back of my neck, warm and gentle, “someone sent me that ticket Grayson. I thought it was Avery but if it wasn’t…”

She trails off, her voice small and tentative. Her golden eyes filled with the utmost worry. I wanted her to know she’d be okay, that she’d have someone to keep her safe. Her arms get more comfortable around my neck. She’d felt it too, the electrifying spark between us. It was exhilarating but something about it was off, synthetic.

“Then who the hell was it?” I questioned, my hands magnetised to her cheek all of a sudden.

Lyra didn’t pull away and neither did I. I lower my head and she raised onto her toes and titled hers back a little. She was graceful, like a dancer. My lips brushed over hers. They were sweet like honey. For the first few moments it was bliss and the realisation hit, like a stone to my stomach. I jerked backwards suddenly, shaking my head.

“I can’t do this,” I said, my fingers trying to wipe her taste off of my lips, “I don’t- this isn’t-“

I was tongue-tied, not able to explain to her how wrong it was. The words wouldn’t work the way I wanted them to.

“Gray?” Lyra murmurs, a tender voice. Her amber eyes are widened and slightly confused.

“No,” I yell. She flinches and another wave of horribly strong emotion rushes over me, drowning me. “No I’m in love with someone else. I don’t know what that was. I can’t-“

I stumbled backward a few steps and the turned around and ran. Like the coward that I am.

“It did just happen,” I murmur, lifting my head from the wall to look my older brother in eye, “I swear to god, I didn’t intend for it to happen, I didn’t even know I had feelings for her.”

I can see he disagrees still and isn’t convinced. I don’t know how to prove it to him.

“Let’s establish one thing here, who do you like?” Xander asks me.

“I like Lyra,” I say slowly, “but I love y/n.”

Nash shakes his head, “if you loved her you wouldn’t have done that.”

“I made a mistake,” I press on.

“And you will pay for it and regret it for the rest of your life,” he shrugs, “it’s not what you wanted to hear but it’s the truth. Listen, I love Libby and loving someone means so many things. One of those things is that I don’t even look at other women, to me they don’t even really exist. Libby is my world and no one else even comes into the equation, so the fact is someone else came into the equation for you, meaning the love wasn’t there.”

“But it was, I felt it,” I say, my voice breaking as I press my chest.

“What do you feel for Lyra?” he asks plainly.

“I don’t know, she’s intriguing and smart and beautiful,” I murmur, “and I like her, but I don’t know if I have romantic feelings for her.”

“Then why did you kiss her?”

“Comfort? Lust? Greed? Selfishness? I don’t know it just happened,” I repeat for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Stop using that phrase as a get out clause,” Nash shakes his head, “you have to admit to yourself more than anyone that this didn’t just happen.”

“I leaned in and I put my lips of hers, and I didn’t stop it, it didn’t feel wrong straight away,” I admit out loud finally.

“It didn’t?” Xander says, looking wounded.

“No, it didn’t feel wrong until I realised what I’d done,” I say, looking down, suddenly finding my shoelaces to be the most interesting thing in the world.

No one replies for a long while. That’s when I realise how exhausted I truly am and how much I crave sleep.

“I vouched for you,” Xander says quietly, “I told her that you’d never do that, that you weren’t that guy.”

“I’m not,” I say, in denial at first. I take a moment to analyse his sentence and then come to a sickening realisation, “oh my god I am…”

“She was already anxious about where your loyalties were Gray,” he winces.

“I proved her right, I proved every worry she had right, I just proved to her that she shouldn’t have trusted me,” I spiral, hating that I hadn’t seen it sooner.

Xander looks to Nash for support for a reply.

“Yeah,” Nash sighs, “you did.”

“I need to fix this, there has to be a way-“

“Grayson,” the acuteness of his voice cuts through my sentence like a machete.

I freeze and clamp my mouth firmly shut.

“This isn’t a broken vase, you can’t glue it back together or buy a new one,” he tells me softly.

He was referring to a time where Jameson and I had been seven and eights years old. We’d been brawling of course, Hawthorne style and accidentally smashed a vase. Usually it wouldn’t matter, there were vases all over Hawthorne House and they were smashed frequently. But this wasn’t just any vase. It was nan’s priceless vase that had belonged to her daughter, our grandmother, Alice. We were never allowed within a five mile radius of it, but like the rebellious children we were, we didn’t listen. Through our fight we’d smashed the whole thing, it was truly destroyed. The two of us stayed up for nights on need gluing together the pieces only to realise it was never going to look like the original again. So we’d hunted to buy another, problem was, this vase was one of a kind. It turned out after four weeks or trying to ship a similar one in that nan had known the whole time. She didn’t speak to either of us for a good few months.

“This is real life, she is a real person and you hurt her,” he explains, “fixing this isn’t an option. There isn’t a way to fix it, there are no pieces to our back together, okay?”

I’m silent but it’s the loudest voice in the room. My face pinches together in agony. For the first time, a little of the disappointment fades and my brother’s face softens. He wraps a strong arm around me and I flop into him like a lifeless bag of nothingness. I bury my head into his shoulder and try to cry but there seems to be no tears left. He understands and holds me for a moment. Suddenly I’m six years old again and crying in Nash’s in my arms over Jameson hiding my favourite teddy bear at the time, then I’m eleven in his arms with pneumonia after being stupid enough to get caught in the rapids un the dead of winter wanting a good photograph of a rare fish, then I’m seventeen, crying over a redheaded girl who I thought I’d managed to murder. And now here I am, at twenty-two years old in his grasp once again, having made the greatest mistake of my life.

Suddenly I feel another set of arms wrap around the both of us.

“Group hug!” a familiar voice sings.

Leave it to Xander to make me crack a half smile in the darkest moments I’ve ever experienced. After a while I pull away and sigh.

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?” I ask, pulling away.

“Honestly?” Xander asks.

I nod

“No,” he says. I wish I could see that little glimmer of a lie in his eyes, but I can’t. And it kills me.

“Think about it like this,” he sighs, “would you forgive Eve for what she did?”

“This is not the same thing,” I reply coldly.

“Eve cheated your trust, she betrayed you,” he explains gently, “that’s exactly how she feels.”

Dread fills my every pore as I murmur lifelessly, “I’m as bad as Eve.”

“No wait,” he says, looking guilty and panicked all at the same time, “that’s not what I meant!”

“I know,” I reassure him so some of his guilt subsides, “but it’s true and now I’ve just realised.”

“Look Gray, you aren’t Eve. You’re never going to be Eve, but think of how you felt then. That’s how y/n feels,” Nash soothes, “she’s not going to just forgive you, that’s not how it works.”

“You just broke her heart Gray,” Xander adds, careful to keep his tone as light as a feather, “for a girl you just met.”

“Why am I horrible person? Why do I always find a way to mess to something good?” I groan, smacking my head on the wall behind me. There’s an audible thump as pain spreads through the back of my skull. I wonder if I can concuss myself to forget all of this, but I don’t attempt the idea.

“You don’t-“

“No I do,” I say firmly, cutting him off, “I’m not meant for love, to love or to be loved, I’m not built for it. I’m not a good enough person for it. I’m never going to find my Libby or my Max or my Avery.“

“Grayson-“ Nash begins.

“Emily knew it and now so does y/n,” I snap.

My brothers still at her name, not moving a muscle. I never bring up Emily.

“Listen to me,” Nash says sharply, getting my attention, “you are meant to be loved. You are meant to love. I love you, Xander loves you, Jameson loves you and y/n loved you too…”

The change of tense makes my soul ache.

“…but this time around, you made a mistake, a costly mistake. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love.”

I nod numbly, robotically.

“What can I do to make it up to her?” I ask, my voice beginning to tremble, “to show her I’m sorry? Something there has to be something.”

Nash gives me a grim look and Xander’s face remains blank, they’re the only answers I need. My head sinks into my hands. The door reopens and I look back up. Jameson has returned.

He meets my eyes, “Avery’s with her.”

Blood surges through my heart and I can almost smile. He checked on her. For me.

“Is she okay?” I ask quickly.

Jameson looks at me and for a split second I almost see the ghost concern is his eyes. He shakes his head softly, “no, but she will be,” he replies, it’s an attempt to comfort me and I am grateful.

“Thank you,” I mumble.

“I’m not apologising for what I said, because I still stand by it and you won’t change my mind,” Jameson says, “but I am sorry for being so angry about it.”

“You were right,” I whisper, “you were right about me. I never deserved her, so was nothing but an angel to me and I just turned around and threw it all away. I abused the luxury I had, I stabbed her in the back and then gifted another with the knife, I’m a horrible person.”

“What you did was wrong, but that’s doesn’t make you a horrible person,” he sighs, “you need time Gray, this is going to take a lot of healing. On both sides.”

“I don’t deserve to heal, I deserve to be in pain,” I murmur, the dullness in my tone echos around the empty walls.

“Oh no, we’re not going back to emo Grayson,” Xander says quickly, shaking his head.

“I agree with Xander on this one,” Nash nods, readjusting his cowboy hat.

“I don’t want to hear you blasting my chemical romance at three a.m and then denying it later again, you came out of that phase we’re not going back there,” Jameson tells me.

I bark out a laugh that thaws my icy chest. I then bite the inside of my cheek.

“I can’t fix this, can I?” I say, looking at the ground,

Nash shakes his head softly.

“But that doesn’t mean you can’t be fixed,” Xander says.

“You’ll get through this Gray,” Jamie agrees, “I know it.”

The room grows still.

“Can we drink that whiskey now?” I ask, to cut through the silence. I feel like getting drunk, I feel like I need some relief.

“Big brother,” Xander nods at Nash handing him the bottle.

“Little brother,” he tips his cowboy hat in reply before taking the bottle into his hands and cracking it open.

“Let me pour these things properly,” Nash grins, “Jamie, come help.”

“Wait me too!” Xander jumps up,

“Stay with Gray,” he shakes his head.

“I don’t need to be babysat,” I grumble, annoyance written all over my face.

“I want to watch them pour whiskey properly,” Xander explains, “so I can impress Max.”

My eyebrows fly to my forehead, “Max drinks?”

“No I want to impress her though,” he grins.

‘You’re an odd human,” I almost laugh, tilting my head to the side.

“Why ta very much!” he says, almost skipping away.

Once I know they’re all gone, I lean back on the wall, my heart feeling a tiny bit less heavy. The pain isn’t gone. I think I’ve just gone numb. I feel hollow, empty, nothingness. Guilt is still gnawing at my insides but slower. A satifying clink against the fragile rim of the glass takes me out of my own head for a split second. There are hushed voices from the kitchen, I notice. I walk over to the door that lay ajar, I lean in to listen.

“We need to tell him,” it sounds like Jameson.

“Not now,” the accent indicates Nash.

“Then when?” Xander’s voice asks, “how long can we prolong it.”

“I can hear you,” I tell them, raising my voice a little.

They turn to face me, awkwardly remaining silent. The expressions on their faces don’t offer me comfort.

“Whatever it is, spit it out,” I say, “it’s not like tonight could get any worse.”

They share a look. Apparently it can. I feel sick to my stomach.

I can barely breathe, “who died?”

“No one has died,” Xander says quickly, “yet.”

“What?” I say, my tone deadly,

Nash glares at him, then turns back to me. There’s sorrow laced delicately, deep within his hazel irises.

“Gray,” he says gently, “Gray we hate to do this but…”

“What? What is it?” I ask urgently.

“Gigi’s missing.”

The words shock me to my core. I feel my throat begin the close up as panic returns with a smirk and triumphant greeting. My whole world has collapsed in less than 24 hours.

***

YOUR POV

I don’t hate him. Call me naive or call me stupid. But I don’t. I don’t think I ever could. The kind of love I have for him is unconditional, irrevocable. Time can’t heal a wound this deep and although it is still fresh now, I can tell. But if he were to say sorry I think I would forgive him every time. And if he asked me back I’d fall into his arms into an instant. And I hate myself for it, it’s stupid and it’s a little cruel. How easily I would take him back after what he did. I know I shouldn’t but something inside of me is drawn to him. Like an invisible magnet has been planted in our hearts. I wish I didn’t love so hard, fall so deeply, maybe I wouldn’t get hurt so badly. But it’s in my nature, it’s who I am. I wonder if he knows how much pain I’m in, the rippling agony that rolls across my chest relentlessly with no hint as to when it will cease. I’m tired of being the second choice but unfortunately I wouldn’t mind being his. And I know it’s completely stupid of me to think that way, completely wrong but love makes you do stupid things so they say. I sit on the beach, by the sea in a state of numbness. Silent tears roll down my tears as the waves lap my feet. Deja vu washes over me and the memories of Grayson and I the night of the game flash through my mind.

I grip his hand and run with him as he guides me the just beyond the shore. He sits down swiftly on the sand and pulls me down to sit between his legs. I lean my back onto his chest and let him nuzzle his face into my collarbone.

“I love you,” he whispers, kissing my neck, “only you.”

Only me, huh? Only me…

The waves crash against the rocks, hurtling a salty spray towards me. I hear footsteps and turn around. Avery stands there, a mournful expression over her delicate face. She knows. I stumble towards her and collapse into her arms in a fit of uncontrollable sobs now and she holds me. Her touch is gentle and warm but it’s nothing compared to his. I realise he might never hold me in his arms again and I cry even harder.

***

I don’t hold Lyra accountable. She is not to blame. Some girls in my position might dream about different ways to brutally murder her but I can only ask what comfort would it bring me? My feelings are already dead, what good is more pain doing?

There was a choice that Grayson Hawthorne was given: his dancer or his angel. He chose his dancer and I hope he’s happy. Because angels have wings and we rise up stronger.

idk guys I think I wrote Grayson’s POV really awfully to be honest… also I feel like the 911 meet up was not like their normal ones where they try and like do something (e.g drink or dare) and then talk about the pain but that’s bc Grayson was in such a mess and then they had to drop the bomb that Gigi was missing. so anywayyyss…

I am sorry this took so long and I hope it lived up to any expectation you wanted it too (sorry if it didn’t) and I hope you enjoyed 🤍🤍 thanks for reading as always

TIG masterlist

[ecstarry]

@jegulus-microfic / football / 768 words / @bellaxisworld i love you

--- here's a little kiss cam brainrot <3

"But I hate football, you know this," Regulus reiterated to a very persistent Remus over the phone.

“I know, but Sirius can’t make it and he doesn’t want the tickets to go to waste. It’s just one game,” Remus remarked with a hint of something that Regulus couldn’t quite place. 

That’s how he ended up at a Saturday sports match, hoping the players were hot; at least he would be entertained that way. He approached his seats and yelled Remus’ name, but someone else turned around: James.

“Reg? Why are you here? I thought I was meeting Siriu-” Regulus interrupted him, only a Potter could manage to insult him as he was greeting him.

“Nice to see you too James, well I thought I was meeting Remus. So you were also not who I expected to see.”

Before James could give a proper response, they both got a notification on their phone. Regulus looked at his screen to read Remus' quick text: Sorry, can’t make it. Have fun.

“I’m going to kill him,” Regulus mumbled. 

“Sirius just canceled on me. I’m guessing you got stood up too?” James asked kindly, but only received a mean glance in response.

In silence, they took their seats. Regulus was beyond pissed. How could Remus do this to him? He thought for a second that they might’ve been set up, but he thought this ruse was a bit dramatic even for Sirius’ standards.

“Do you like football?” James asked, breaking the silence.

“Detest it,” Regulus replied tersely, still too upset to entertain James’ attempt at conversation. When his brother’s best friend asked if he wanted anything to drink, he simply declined in a polite and quick manner.

But when James returned with his favorite treats and a wide smile to his seat, he couldn’t remember what he was upset about. Regulus felt a discreet blush work its way towards his cheeks as James handed him his favorite candy.

“Sirius mentioned you liked this, so I figured that if you were stuck with me and in a place you don’t want to be, you might as well get a sweet treat, no?” James said casually, as if remembering someone’s favorite candy was nothing.

To Regulus, it was such a significant gesture, but he couldn’t help but feel a little pathetic by how such a simple token could make him feel so warm. If he was honest, maybe it had more to do with who was giving him that attention than the piece of candy itself, but that was not the time to process that.

The game continued, and to Regulus's surprise, he found himself having more fun than he had expected. While Remus would have been good company, James was captivating in his own way. Despite not being a fan of football, Regulus made an effort to stay informed about the current games. A fact that he deliberately kept from James as the other man’s eyes lit up explaining everything. He never expected to be so absorbed in James’ words or thoughts or lips or eyes or arms or smile...

 Oh god, when did James Potter become so attractive?

“Regulus?” His name coming out James’ lips took him out his trace.

“Yes?”

"Kiss cam," James said, pointing at the screen in front of them. There they were, the two of them, with a crowd surrounding them, chanting for them to just kiss. Regulus felt as if seconds extended into hours as James's hand gently cupped his chin, his eyes silently asking for permission. An inaudible yes left Regulus's lips as the distance between them evaporated.

His hand instinctively reached for James' shirt, pulling him closer as if their lips touching was still too far a distance to bridge. He allowed himself this moment, the touch of an angel on a broken man. Every crevice of doubt within him was filled with warmth as James kept asking for more with his tongue. James parted slightly, and the absence of his lips made Regulus remember himself. Embarrassed, he started to pull away, but James held him tightly, his hands not leaving Regulus' face.

Regulus bravely opened his eyes to face the regret that was sure to be all over James’ face, but instead he found something else— something sweet and soft, something only honey eyes like James’ could convey. He was still light-headed from James’ touch, he couldn’t make sense of just how long he had been given access to heaven. 

But the reality remained: he had just kissed James Potter, who seemed just as delighted to have kissed Regulus Black.

Maybe football wasn’t that bad.

more microfics here

[trashcora]

BELLA RAMSEY — Met Gala 2023

[obsessedelusional]

Touch Starved

paring ✦ Bella Ramsey x fem!Reader

summary ✦ Your costar Bella and you are busy doing a press tour for the new season of the show you work on together. What happens when people begin to notice the tension between you two?

word count ✦ 1,500ish

authors note ✦ second lil Bella oneshot y’all feel free to request for Bella they have rotted my whole brain I need ideas to write lol

masterlist

FEEDBACK AND REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!!

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

“Did you hear me, Y/N?” The kind lady conducting the interview asks, disrupting your longing gaze at your co-star Bella Ramsey. Working so closely with them for several months, you had formed a tiny crush of them. You tried your best to not make it so obvious but when they were sat next to you hair down and a suit looking so damn fine you couldn’t help it. Sneaking glances all day long. They only made it harder because you couldn’t help but notice how often their hands were on you in some way or another. Usually resting on your hands, fiddling with your fingers. Or one sat on your thighs or one hand holding your lower back. Their hands always found their way to you.

“Sorry, can you repeat it?” You awkwardly let out a laugh before the say it again. You pray that they edit that out.

“What was your favorite part of filming this season?” She smiles, waiting for a response. It happens naturally you eyes dart to Bella who’s sat next to you, her hand rests on your back under your coat. The only thing keeping them from touching your skin the thin shirt wardrobe dressed you in. Their eyes already on you, smile on their lips. You smile back before responding, giving you attention to the interviewer.

“Uh… it was definitely the whole cast. Considering they had already filmed a season before I joined season two, they were all so welcoming. Made me felt like I belonged, very quickly.”

“She fit right in.” Your male costar chimes in.

“I remember the first day I was absolutely terrified. Bella was the first to welcome me with open arms, literally open arms. She’s a hugger.” You tease, playfully shoving their shoulder.

“Don’t act like you hate it.” Bella responds, eyes narrowed.

“I never said that, I love your hugs.” You roll you eyes, only for Bella to throw their other arm over you shoulder hugging you. The feeling of their laughter brings an even bigger smile to your face. Bella gets more comfortable, half hugging you now. The PR lady, Victoria, who’s always around for for press days motions to quit it. You hadn’t noticed but Bella rolls her eyes before letting go of you. The interviewer asks the next question, that goes on for another thirty minutes. The entire time glances are shared between the two of you, filled with playful banter between the two of you and the rest of the cast.

When it finally comes to end everyone separates themselves. Someone on the team for the show ordered an car, sending the cast back to the hotel for the night. It had been a long day and tomorrow was just as long. You wasted no time, getting ready for bed immediately. You were instructed to be up at 5 am for the car to be picked up to take you to hair and makeup for another long day of press.

—

You’re sat in hair and makeup, a handful of people working on you. You’d been chugging your coffee since five and it’s yet to kick in, your yawning. Probably pissing of the woman trying to do your makeup. You look up as Bella walks in sitting down in the chair next to you, it’s seven.

“Must be nice to not have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn.” You tease, they take a small sip out of their drink before responding.

“Can’t help that I wake up beautiful.” They beam, flipping their hair dramatically.

“Must be nice.” You say sarcastically.

“You’re always looking beautiful, though.” Bella responds, shocking you.

“Thanks.” You blush, just as the lady doing your makeup tells you to look up. Giving you the perfect excuse not to have to continue the conversation, Bella was good at making you nervous. Sometimes you wondered if she did it on purpose.

—

The first press day moment is with a pretty popular news outlet. It goes smoothly, it was a lot quicker than most of the press stuff you did. Your thankful because of how quickly it went by there’s more than enough time to sit at the next studio and eat at their craft service table. The makeup lady touches you up quickly before the group sits down before the camera.

Today they dressed Bella more casually hair is curled, the slightest hint of eyeliner dawns their eyes. They always wore the least makeup, still managing to look effortlessly handsome. You on the other hand we’re forced to sit in the makeup chair for hours sometimes. You’re deep in thought, admiring Bella’s curls when you hear your name.

“Huh?” You ask.

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah.” You smile, readjusting your self.

“Ya know? You seem distracted these last few days.” Bella whispers your way, causing you to grin. Praying your face isn’t as flustered as you feel. The man conducting the interview sits down introducing himself. Each of you take turns saying who you are and who you play. They waste no time, starting in on the questions about the show. About twenty minutes of show related questions pass by before the interviewer starts in on the more personal questions.

“So Bella and Y/N, the two of you shared a lot of screen time together. What’s your relationship like off the screen? After a recent interview, you guys got people wondering.” He asks.

“Wait what?” You ask, confused. They reference the interview from yesterday, how it had been posted this morning. How fans are now wondering what’s going on between the two of you. Teasing you about how much your started at Bella or how Bella rolled her eyes before letting go of you. Almost seemed like some one had instructed Bella off camera to stop, upsetting them in the process. Before either of you can respond, the shows PR person shuts the interviewer down.

“That’s not relevant to the show. Next question.” She commands and the interviewer listens, moving along. You try your best to participate for the rest of the interview too busy spiraling on the information provided to you. You look over to Bella who just give you a reassuring smile, squeezing your hand not letting go until the interview is over.

Of course they pair Bella with you to share a car back to the hotel. The lady from PR didn’t look too pleased with you the rest of that press event. You were busy scrolling through your Twitter mentions. People saying the shipped the two of you, some people saying the opposite. A lot had wondered because it always seemed like Bella had to have their hands on you. Many nasty comments about your physical appearance. People calling your delusional for thinking you’d have a chance with Bella. Some nasty comments directed at Bella too, those ones pissing you off the most.

“Everything okay?” Bella interrupts your endless scrolling.

“Yeah I’m sorry.” You apologize.

“Is it really so crazy that people notice the chemistry between us?” They smile, disregarding your apology.

“What?”

“Have you seen the edits? All over TikTok, us staring at each other none stop. High-key flirting. I get it.” They’re tone serious but you can’t tell if they’re serious.

“You get it? You don’t exactly make it easy to not stare at you, you’re always touching me.” You respond.

“Oh my god.” They laugh, letting out a sigh before continuing.

“I don’t know how much more obvious I can make it. I had originally planned on waiting till this press tour was nearly over so if it went south I could just avoid you.”

“I like you.” They admit, nervously fidgeting with the rings they always wore.

“So I’m not delusional?” You ask, relived.

“No you’re not.” They laugh.

“Then I like you too.” A short silence falls between you two.

“So what does that mean?” You ask, the one to interrupt the quietness.

“It means I can do something I’ve been wanting to do, if that’s okay with you?” They ask, slowly closing the already short distance between you guys. All you can do is nod yes, their lips only a few inches from you. You can feel their breath on your lips. Eager to close the gap you slam your lips on theirs. You two start kissing, hands exploring each other. Forgetting about the man who’s driving the car, eyes hopefully too focused on the road to notice the two of you kissing.

Bella pulls away, only because the car comes to a stop. The driver notifying you of their arrival to the hotel. Bella opens the car, you follow closely behind. Upon entry Bella leads you to their hotel room. At their door, they stop taking a moment to look at you.

“Victorias gonna be so pissed.” She laughs.

“How so?”

“Now that I’ve gotten a taste of you, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my hands off you.” They bite their lip, pushing you into the door way opening the door so the two of you can slip inside. Kissing you again, only this time more hungry than before. Like they’ve been starved of your touch.

[petratherrock]

Maybe it's misogyny idk but I really really wish Meyers would write the rest of the series in Edward pov as in Midnight Sun's sequels but ik she's not writing them because they're so miserable to write or some such 🥲

It's so interesting and fun to read how Edward is dramatic, gentle and caring and also a little stupid wet cat over his love for Bella. This man has been so romance-starved that once he actually fell for someone he's thinking pages of monologues about his catholic guilt of his love for her

He's prowling the stage as he monologues. He's kissing the steps that Bella walks on. He thinks she's more exquisite than Rosalie and Bella is selfless and she's an angel and being with her gives him both euphoria and guilt. He says he can look at her forever, he's been looking at her, and that's all he's ever going to do. He wants to be with her, he doesn't want her to miss being a human.

I love his sense of humor

I think it's also partly my stupid sappy mind enjoying romance from the pov of a man absolutely simping over his lover

Yes it's a little toxic or a lot but why not he's fictional

Edit : i take back this statement. I was listening to MS audiobook and it's just completely unhinged, that's the only way to actually fully grasp how unhinged his monologues are; listen to his audiobook. I am thankful there's no other such brainchild coming from Stephenie Meyer

[helenofblackthorns]

is that... is that the opening scene of the wicked powers

[iheartmoons]

just wrote a quillkiller one shot instead of working so ✌️✌️✌️

[otrtbs]

hello trying smth. a bit. different under the cut?

Druella

Bellatrix is born on Halloween. On October 31st 1951, she becomes the eldest daughter of Druella and Cygnus Black, and she doesn’t cry. She just peers up at Druella with wide-round eyes and a calm, unaffected disposition. It’s eerie. It’s haunting. That’s something that always worried Druella– the Halloween birth, Bellatrix’s refusal to come into the world kicking and screaming and fighting for air like a normal child would. Druella worries that Bellatrix is cursed, born on the day of skeletons, death, evil spirits, and darkness. She tried to hold out a few more hours, she begged the mediwitches at St. Mungo’s to delay the birth somehow through grunts of pain and the sweat forming on her brow. She attempted to not push through her contractions, but it was pointless. 

“They say babies born on Halloween are immune to evil spirits,” the mediwitch whispers to Druella as Cygnus sleeps in a chair in the corner of the room, arms crossed and shoulders slumped. “The veil between the living and the dead is thinnest tonight. So she’ll probably have a strong connection with the spirit world. She might even be given the gift of second sight,” she adds sagely, attempting to calm Druella’s fears. “A blessing.”

Druella holds Bellatrix in her arms, she’s sleeping and swaddled in a soft blanket, a peaceful expression on her face, but Druella can’t escape the feeling of hesitant fear bubbling beneath the surface. A bomb waiting to explode. “She didn’t even cry,” she lets out an exhausted sigh. 

The mediwitch gives her a soft smile. “It happens. Her heart rate is stable and she is breathing normally. She’s perfectly healthy.” The witch finishes cleaning up a few things around the room and removes her gloves. “Be sure to let me know if you need anything. Someone will be here to check on you shortly.” As she turns to leave, she pauses for a moment with her hand on the handle, debating something. Then, with a quick look back and a sharp breath she says, “It’s going to be okay.” 

Druella wishes she could believe her. 

Bellatrix grows a little every day. She’s healthy, she never cries, her bones aren’t weak, her limbs aren’t mangled, her cheeks are pink and fat and not sallow. She looks nothing like a cursed child, acts nothing like a cursed child, except for the small birthmark just below her left cheek. A bad witch’s mark. 

Walburga and Orion come to the house to see the new baby. A cruel, satisfied smile overtakes Walburga’s features when she sees it’s a girl, confirming with her own eyes that the chance to have the next heir is still within her grasp, but Druella takes her own pleasure in Walburga’s still slender frame.

At least Bellatrix proves that Druella isn’t barren. She can have children, healthy children. She could provide an heir. It was only a matter of time. Walburga and Orion had been married nearly three years before Druella married Cygnus and yet their house remained empty. 

Walburga always hated Druella. Hated that Druella and Cygnus got to live in 12 Grimmauld Place with the family heirlooms the libraries, the portraits, and the tapestry detailing their lineage. She always believed it should belong to her and Orion. Druella was a Rosier by birth. It was only right that true Blacks lived in Grimmauld. She had married Orion earlier. It was only right that she reside there. The next heir to the Black family name got to reside in Grimmauld. So it wasn't just a race to bare a male child, but also a claim to the family residence.

Because Druella can't help herself, she takes Walburga to the drawing room with the tapestry for tea and revels in the looks Walburga casts at the family tree.

Druella was barely healed from her first pregnancy when Cygnus demands that they try again. One child was only enough if it was a boy. She counts the cracks in the ceiling and does her best not to shout in pain in those early days after Bellatrix’s birth. She washes too many bloody sheets before anyone else can see them. 

She tries to spend time in the nursery, but baby Bella, as the house elves had taken to calling her, hardly interests her. Cygnus never goes to the nursery to see Bellatrix, he couldn’t be bothered. Rather, he immerses himself in his work. Druella knows it is her job. It's her job to dress Bellatrix and feed her and bathe her and sing to her, but she leaves most of those tasks to the house elves. 

Bellatrix feels like a stranger in her home. A thing rather than a person. Something haunted and hard to bond with, even if she looks just like a normal child. However, there was still a sense of pride, even if Bellatrix wasn’t a boy. Druella had given birth to a child. She could be a mother. She could do what was expected of her. She just needed a boy.

More days pass. 

Druella busies herself with planning Christmas parties and elaborate dinners and pruning her winter garden of Christmas roses and Goose Grass. She attends charity meetings and plans galas for the Museum of Modernism and Moda. The mediwitches assure her that Bellatrix’s witch mark will fade as she grows older. 

Days turn into months, and just after Bellatrix is ten months old, Druella finds herself pregnant once more. Cygnus’ once stormy mood had shifted to one of gentle ease. He comes home earlier, he speaks softer, and he scowls less. All of the ladies drop by to place their hands on Druella’s growing stomach, to offer their well wishes, to bring gifts. 

This time, it was going to be a boy. Druella can feel it in her bones. All of the divination midwives say as much. She dreams about it. 

“Of course, we’ll name him Sirius. Something strong and commanding. The brightest star in our sky,” Druella was saying over tea as Walburga pursed her lips tightly. 

“I think that’s a wonderful choice,” Irma nods in approval. “Lots of Sirius’ in our family history. He’ll fit right in. Splendid.” 

Druella catches Walburga’s eye and grins wickedly. This house is hers, this life is hers, the family favour is hers. 

They decorate the nursery blue and paint constellations on the ceiling that glimmer in the dark. By the time April comes, Druella doesn’t even mind that it’s raining when she goes into labour. Torrential, thunderous skies and rolling black clouds. Another bad sign, but one she ignores happily.

Cygnus meets her at St. Mungos. He stands by her side and holds her clammy hand through the hours of painful birth. She hears the mediwitches buzz around her and whisper nervously as she screams in her potion-dulled pain. She worries about all the blood staining the sheets and feels her head heavy with Merlin knows what. 

She struggles to keep her eyes open as hospital staff swarm around her and wheel her to another room with bright, artificial lights. She tries to listen to what they’re telling her, but their voices sound gargled and warped like they’re talking underwater. It’s too hard to keep her eyes open anymore. She lets herself drift off and she dreams of her son. 

When she wakes, she’s in a new room. A quieter room. A mediwitch rushes in and places a swaddled baby in her arms. She talks in slow deliberate sentences. 

Druella barely hears her. 

Complications with the birth. Postpartum haemorrhage. Beautiful baby girl. So lucky. 

Through chapped lips and a dry throat, she asks to see her husband. 

The mediwitch informs her that he left shortly after the baby’s birth. She hands Druella some water. 

Alone in a private room at St. Mungos, she decides to name the baby Andromeda. She holds the small infant to her chest, only hours old, and she weeps. 

Cygnus barely looks at her. The days pass and Druella watches over the girls in the nursery and tiptoes around her husband as she tries to ignore the walls of the house closing in on her. She tells herself there is still time, though the doctors at St. Mungos disagree. They all tell her another pregnancy is risky. Fatal. Nearly impossibly in her state. 

Druella doesn’t breathe a word of this to Cygnus or to anyone else. She shuts herself up in Grimmauld Place and avoids everyone’s prying eyes, their disappointed looks, and Walburga’s triumphant sneers. 

As days turn into weeks that turn into months, Druella grows more and more desperate. She finds herself under the guise of heavy glamour charms, back in Knockturn Alley, begging the shopkeeper for more fertility potions. Pills that will ensure a male child. She swallows down glowing green vials of bitter liquid that smelled faintly of baby’s breath. She crushes up black beetle eyes and crunches into the red bulbs of Witch’s Ganglion with wild abandon on the smooth tiles of her bathroom floor, and she waits. 

She leaves the family Christmas dinner early as she feels the familiar trickle of warm blood run down her leg. She stays in bed for days at a time. She leaves her two daughters to the house elf. 

Her third pregnancy nearly kills her as all the doctors had promised. She tries to hide it from everyone as best as she can. Cygnus doesn’t bother showing up to the hospital with her. 

On a cold and bleak day in early January, Druella gives birth to her third daughter. The chill from outside worms its way around her heart and solidifies in a sickly, icy, frost. Narcissa takes what little Druella had left with her that day and keeps it for herself. 

Three daughters. Their little lives just beginning. Girls who will have hopes and dreams and ambitions. Druella feels all of hers dwindle as she hands her third child to the house elf once more. Their stories begin as hers ends. Druella thinks that it’s unfair, having girls. She married Cygnus to give him sons. Not to love him or to look after him in his old age. She was made to produce heirs. What use would she be to him now? 

He’ll want to keep trying, even if it kills her. Without a boy in the family, Druella was better off dead to him anyway. She was plagued by awful visions of her own mother, shut up in a room all alone after the death of her brother. Too old to produce any more male heirs, her father left her mother to claw at the walls and floorboards of her bedroom. Allowed her to be shut out and ignored by every family member who was once so warm towards her. He locked her away in a dark, stale room somewhere for failing him, and acted as if she never existed. 

She felt the frost seep in. Her daughters, her own children had damned her to the same fate. Even if they didn’t know it. How could she hold them and be happy? How could she wipe the tears from their face and act as if everything was fine? 

She’d like to swim in the ocean, or work at the ministry, or travel the world by herself. She’d like to go out at night and not worry about a home she’s obligated to come back to. She closes her eyes and lets herself dream these dreams for a while until Narcissa’s shrill cries wake her up and she feels her fate close in on her all at once.

[6dancingwithangels6]

🧸🧇🧺

[uniquezombiedestiny]

I'd like to know why you are all alone while I'm lost at sea /

Maybe we'll be there when you want

[triplehmunson]

𝑷𝑶𝑽: You are a wrestler and you belong to WWE and your husband Pedro always be worried bc he think in any match you can be hurt or injured... (you are Nikki)

[rmblythe7]

So in New Moon, Alice says werewolves are vicious, but then we find out Jacob is technically a shapeshifter and NOT a werewolf so I’m just wondering what the hell Alice knows about actual werewolves that are presumably lurking somewhere and how she found out??

There’s a story here. And I need it.

[obsessedelusional]

asleep in bella’s arms

paring ✦ Bella Ramsey x Reader

summary ✦ Bella is finally coming home to your shared apartment. The recent success of TLOU has kept them away from you. They’re so tired when they get back, you two have a chill night in.

word count ✦ 1,000ish

authors note ✦ THIS WAS A REQUEST OMG thank you I’ll link the request - here

masterlist

FEEDBACK AND REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!!

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

After years of dating, you and Bella had officially moved in together. It would of happened sooner but when Bella landed her role as Ellie in TLOU, that skyrocketed her career. Constantly flying back to America to film, sometimes when you could ask for time off you’d tag along. The two of you were extremely private about your relationship. Mostly because of your own anxieties.

Today was an extra long day at work. It would all be worth it when you get to go home to your partner. They were finally getting that well deserved break the so desperately needed. They should be there at home waiting for you when you got off. When the clock reads 5:00 you wasted absolutely no time, rushing to clock out. Making the rather short drive home felt much longer than normal.

Arriving at your apartment, you jump out you car so fast. Locking it behind you before you enter the front entrance. You debate wether or not you should take the elevator, usually it was much longer especially if someone else was trying to use it too. You end up make the trek up the four floors, a slight jog. You were so eager to get home, feel the sweet embrace of Bella. It had been nearly a month since you last got to see them.

You fumble with your keys, taking longer than it should to unlock the door. You outwardly groan before breathing for a brief moment so you can unlock the door. Expecting to see your handsome partner but instead your greeted by darkness and silence. A sudden sadness falls over you that’s until you notice their belongs thrown on the kitchen counter. They made it home.

You put you belongings up and make the short walk to the bedroom. Slowly creek the door open, it’s just as dark. The soft sound of Bella’s snores is all you can hear. It brings a smile to your face to hear that familiar noise. They must be so exhausted so you shut the door and head back into the kitchen. Turning on a few lights so you can start making dinner. They’re probably gonna be starving when they wake up.

—

You’re nearly done with dinner. The sauce and meat, nearly done. Your in the process of stirring the noodles when you feel the warm embrace of Bella’s arms wrapping around your waist, slighting lifting your the bottom of your shirt in the process. You had changed into a extra large t-shirt and a pair of underwear, your favorite pajama combo.

“What time is it?” They ask in they’re sleepy voice, still half asleep.

“Almost seven.” You explain before turning around to face your partner, their arms never leaving your waist.

“I’m sorry babe. I missed you coming home.” They pout, bringing a smile to your face. Their hands hungrily explore your skin, not so much in a sexual way. More in I missed your soft skin kind of way.

“It’s okay, you must be exhausted so I let you rest.” You say before Bella places a sweet short kiss on your lips.

“You hungry? Dinners almost done.”

“Yes please, smells delicious.” Bella smiles before letting go of you to lay on the couch. Turing on some television show the two of you enjoyed watching together. Once dinner is done, you put two bowls together of the pasta you made. Handing one to Bella as you sit next to them on the couch.

“We can eat at the table. I know how much you prefer it.” Bella goes to stand up.

“Don’t worry about, it’s a dinner on the couch kinda night.” Bella’s tired eyes smile at you before sitting back down, only closer this time. It doesn’t take long before you both finish your servings. You take the empty bowls and set them in the sink, you’d worry about that later.

“How’d I get so lucky?” Bella asks, reaching for you from the couch. They pull you down so you’re on top, you plant small kisses all over their face, causing them to let out a tired laugh. You missed their face so much.

“I dunno,” You tease before laying down on Bella’s chest. Taking this moment to breath in their smell, you missed the way they smelled. It was your favorite smell, nothing compared.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Bella asks, you nod yes head still resting on their chest. They plant a small kiss on your head before reaching for the remote. You let Bella pick out the movie, their presence more than enough for you right now. Bella’s hands rest under your shirt, feeling your soft skin.

Also well aware of the fact that you’re not gonna last all that much longer. You felt the most comfortable with them around, the safest. You were already exhausted so the combo meant you were falling asleep shortly. You try your best to keep you eyes open but when Bella starts lightly playing with you hair that what does it. You knock out laying on Bella, your legs intertwined.

Bella only notices because of the quiet snores that leave you. Something you would deny to this day that you do, the memory of her accusing you of snoring the first time met with nothing but denial caused Bella to laugh. Stopping only when you move in your sleep, grabbing onto them tighter. Bella looks down at you for a few moments, sleepy grin plastered on their face. Deciding in that moment to give up on the movie, shutting it off to join you in sleeping.

“Love you,” Bella whispers in a attempt to not wake you. Only you were awake so you whisper it back, Bella squeezes you tighter. The two of you sleep on that couch almost all night. Only for you to wake up around two, the feeling of you getting up wakes Bella too. They tiredly walk in to the bedroom, you follow closely behind. Only to assume the position you two shared on the couch but now in the bed.

[cabeswaterdrowned]

genuinely the funniest thing about writing the twilight au is that Adam’s reactions to Edward! Gansey (so far at a point that’s going to shift) really aren’t too different from canon. like, canon Adam would be in that biology lab scene and instead of thinking ‘what if Gansey is a vampire and I smell good to him’ he Would immediately be like ‘oh my god Gansey can Smell the poverty on me and is disgusted by me I do not care about this at all except I will break down in my car (in canon bike that’s the one aspect that would change) about it later—

[helenofblackthorns]

Cohf is so good. Its better than the rest of tmi, its one of if not the best overall book, its the best finale book (i know people really like the tid one but for me there are some drawbacks). It ties up things from the previous books and manages the many storylines so well. Like with setting up tda and bringing in tid elements, its a miracle that it actually worked. But Emma is the best pov in Alicante after the gang leaves and her pov has the war is chaos and terrifying we havent really seen yet. And jem is in the background you dont need to pay attention to him and when tessa comes at the end its nice, but its done in a way people dont feel they are missing something if they havent read tid.

I'm so so sorry I forgot about this ask 😭 but yes you're so right!! Emma's pov in cohf is so refreshing because it gives you insight into the effects of Sebastian's actions outside of those close to him. Her pov is basically the antithesis of Clary's in cols and it's so interesting while also serving the purpose of setting the wheels of tda into motion.

The way Jem & Tessa are handled in cohf is also really well done, like theyre there but only in the background like you said. on top of that it never outright spoils what happens in tid like you have no idea from just reading tmi that Jem is Brother Zachariah which is also pretty cool.