#Been living life nowadays
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I've received a few messages asking for my thoughts about the latest OnK chapters, but I'm sorry guys, to be honest, I'm giving this manga as little thought as possible for the time being 😂
It seems to me that this handful of chapters will best be read as an ensemble. Right now the pacing is all about Aka misleading the readers just to create cliffhangers and shock value (Aqua wants to kill Kamiki! No actually, Ai wants to save him so Aqua won't kill him! Kamiki is evil! No actually, he's just misguided, Nino is evil! ACTUALLY, Nino is just misguided and Kamiki is evil! Aqua may have finally chosen to live! No actually, Aqua is still planning to die!), and personally, I feel like thinking too hard about any of it before Aka gets to the point isn't really worth it.
He will stop his shenanigans and get somewhere eventually, likely (hopefully) by the end of the volume. So in the meantime, I'm going to take it easy and just let the man get there.
#this gif is truly the most accurate to my reaction to every onk chapter nowadays lmao#writing for cliffhangers and shock value rather than organically is one of the biggest flaws of aka's writing#this latest chapter was entertaining sure I'll give him that but at what cost lmao#I'll probably just make a post about this batch of chapters once aka wraps up the call backs to mephisto#so I can discuss all of it in one go#particularly because this last chapter is clearly meant to be the spiritual successor to chapter 150#but let it be known that if in the next few chapters aqua doesn't realize and accept that he wants to live#then everything he has gone through will have been meaningless and a waste of our time as readers#so I'm expecting crowli to intervene and help him out if he chooses to live#probably at the expense of her own life if aka feels like being dramatic lol#fandom: onk
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my coworker was telling me she learned that if she jsut keeps her rice in the rice cooker on the keep warm function it stays good for a while and i went what the fuck have you been doing with the rice if not that
#chatterye#what is with white people and their fear of leftover rice????????#they said they put it into the fridge but my brother in christ#what did you think the keep warm function was for on your rice cooker???? decor??????#this sounds incredibly mean and judgmental but you have to understand#i am mean and judgmental it's who i am#also she was explaining rice cooker meals to me like it was a new concept and i was like#you need to stop talking you just discovered one of the basic functions of a rice cooker#so obviously i asked them if they freeze rice and they looked at me like i grew another head or something#in their defense both of them are rural country people so like sure BUT#why would you take the rice outta the rice cooker???#it's like those people who take everything outta the packaging to repackage in plastic#why would you do that?? it's literally ruining the shelf life#but but but the bacteria but the illness#i am going to tell you right now. i have the weakest stomach in all of non immunocompromised man#i have had 4 day old rice and been fine I PROMISE you'll live#<- not my finest moment but i just freeze my rice immediately like a sane person nowadays but regardless
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what grade level do you want to teach? if i decide to go into education it will be college level full stop
High school and eventually college!! Most colleges won't hire you without a doctorate, though, and most public schools will pay for your master's degree if you promise to teach at their school for a certain number of years, so I'm choosing kindness and less debt. Also I don't mind teenagers that much and think teaching high school for a bit will be fulfilling and a good stepping stone. Plus with the teaching shortage a lot of places are ditching the praxis exam and opting for an optional exam that if you take, increases ur starting salary by a lot, and I need money for my eventual PhD soooo
#asks#mutuwuals#my dad is a school counselor and previous special ed teacher#and apparently the starting salary for a certified teacher who passed the optional thingy is like $68k?? and he teaches in a poor county#and he said in the nicer areas the starting salary is $75k per year#which. uhm. need that. to live nowadays so.#i literally come from a family of teachers also so#i have been in these trenches for so long i cant imagine doing anything else with my life
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my POTS diagnosis makes me so mad if i think about it even for a second because how did 13 year old me call it almost a decade before i was actually diagnosed…
#when i first got sick my heart rate would regularly get to 130 standing and that felt high but nowadays im lucky if it doesn’t hit 160/170#and this is while on literal heart meds#it’s almost like living with an uncontrolled chronic condition for nearly half your life has some ill effects…#and surprise! it’s been at its worst even when i have the most minimal anxiety#doctors really see a female-presenting teenager and wholeheartedly believe that ANY physical problem is mental lol
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i need to ramble hold on. spawns in a cut so that people dont get blasted by unfiltered posting on their dash. i feel the need to disclaim that im only like 50% lucid right now so this might be disorganized or complete word salad i can't really tell right now
i love him so much it feels like it's consuming me from the inside out. i don't want to do anything that isn't for him. the only reason i haven't quit my job is because i want to make him proud of me. even playing games makes me guilty, because i know it's not with him. i married harvey in stardew. i ate the stardrop for getting 12 hearts as i kissed him. the taste reminded me of hinata. it's a strange irony.
this false body feels like it's trapping me, keeping me from achieving my true metamorphosis. there are streetlights glimmering in the distance. as i try to move towards them they always fade away. the morning will come in 7 hours and 43 minutes and the sun will rise and it won't blind me awake. i'm not reverent enough.
i should pray. not to jesus, not to any other false prophet. i should pray to Him. maybe that will bring me salvation? maybe that will free me from this hell? maybe it happened because i was unworthy of being one of his trusted apostles. if i was as holy as he was it would have been different, i would still have been beneath him but i would have served my divine purpose as his servant.
but that's not important. i dont think. im jor sure. i hate it. i hate Him. i feel like i should Worship him. there's a certain something i still havent fixed a glitch in my code i need ocean breeze summer sun beach sand shining brilliance he's perfect i need him i need warm sun and dry land i need to be with him on the floor i need to hold him i need need need need need need need.
more than air more than food more than clean clothes more than water more than anything else more than i need this terrible mortal life i need to become worthy for him of his love of his care of his touch i wont deny that i selfishly want him to hold me and touch me even though im unworthy even though im no more than dirt beneath him i desire him so deeply
#... servant's song ♪#🍊 ☆ beloved .ᐟ#i find that when im speaking more like... me. i use much more periods and much less exclamation points.#i wonder sometimes if i absorbed stanley at least in part. he very rarely fronts anymore and he talks like “me.”#but that's always how he spoke. before i came back in full. we never fully let go of being me but there was a period of time last year#from december of 2022 to at least november of last year#that i wasnt hosting. which was strange to say the least. it was stanley‚ and then jules. i think our body just couldnt take it anymore#but jules especially inherited all of the worst parts of me. the panic attacks. the delusional episodes. the delirium#he nearly wandered into the road once because he thought elim was calling him back home‚ that he needed to return to cardassia#slowly i came back. his similarities certainly helped me re-assert myself much more seamlessly.#it's almost like i never left. i don't know how to describe it. it's odd.#i feel almost like a parasite. like i'm not living a life that was built for me.#even though i've done all of the work. even though this world was quite literally built for me. even though it speaks to me through the cod#recently‚ the universe has been telling me about my future. and about storms‚ big ones that i'm in the center of.#it worries me. am i just in the eye of a hurricane? where i am i'm still dry. is that only temporary? another storm is coming#im on the end of the 6th loop of the roller coaster. there's another coming up. i worry it'll kill me. i hope i can survive and return home#maybe stanley will re-take the body. or jules. i havent seen him since i returned. even his source can't front trigger him anymore.#maybe he returned to his home. i hope he has. i hope his life on cardassia is beautiful despite all the terror#i see myself in him. i hope i can follow his example. return to my destroyed home and work to build a better future. l#hinata always talked about building the future. he knew there was a path we could carve out for ourselves. i#i want to do the same for myself. here. i want to carve a way back home.#simulated daydreams#<- i think#that tag started as a tag to scream about our ex when we were sobering up but its much more catchall nowadays
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Fuck my life I'm sitting here and try not to cry bc Zoro's duel with Mihawk hit me so hard. And I don't even know why. It's not as if I've seen it for the first time but damn. Holy damn. Mackenyu gave such a great and convincing performance. Zoro had his time to shine, albeit a tragic one. And he made it clear that no one is allowed to get in his way to fulfil his dream, his promise, even if it means to be an asshole towards his friends. This episode hits so hard ashdjakdlal. Everyone put so much love and dedication into making this show and the actors are utterly fantastic. The accuracy of this scene. I'm so glad they kept it, it's such a crucial and important scene of Zoro, adds so much to his character, his motivation, that he's not afraid to sacrifice his life to achieve his goal, that he's stubborn, courageous, but also Kuina's death still hurts him, it always will, and he'll always be tied to that promise, one that both drives him further and weighs him down, and while Luffy's dream is connected to an epic future, the stuff of myths and legends, Zoro's is connected to death, because not only will he never be able to meet that person again he made that promise with, unlike luffy who at least has the possibility to meet Shanks, but if Zoro will lose that one last duel, should a rematch against Mihawk be in the picture, Zoro WILL die. Zoro will demand that last, fatal cut, and Mihawk will deliver it to him. Mihawk will acknowledge him as a true, proper swordsman by then, one who's worthy of dying by the way of the sword.
And his crew, his friends, have seen how serious he is about his goal and how serious Zoro takes bushido. That he not only uses swords as his weapons of choice, but that he lives by that code. And that Zoro's dream is difficult and life-threatening to achieve. They've been introduced to the possibility of Zoro dying in front of their eyes, because yes, he's good, but he's not the greatest just yet. And what they've also been introduced to is Zoro's sheer lust and thrill for battle, that battle is what Zoro lives for, that he's not afraid of dying, that it changes him into a completely different person once he's found a worthy opponent he can improve his skills with, that snarky, reserved, quiet Zoro will smile and lick his lips once he's enjoying a fight, it's a personality that doesn't make it easy to befriend him, although he's really an okay guy, but being friends with that bloodthirsty maniac simply isn't easy. His friends have to endure quite much with him and he rewards them with his loyalty and protection, but Zoro's always been a lone wolf for a reason, not only for above mentioned reasons, but also because he doesn't want to have friends, he can't take to lose another one, like he lost Kuina. And he's happy to go wherever his found family is, but there is ALWAYS the possibility that he'll leave them, should he get an opportunity to achieve his dream.
This episode just awakened so many thoughts and feels about Zoro within me, although I've been in love with One Piece and Zoro for so many years now (20, to be precisely) and this episode still managed to hit me right in the feels - that's how good this live action adaptation is. And holy shit Zoro's and Nami's relationship? I simply love it. Two outsiders talking and they get an understanding from each other no one else in the crew is able to understand.
Sorry for rambling but like I said. It stirred up so much stuff.
#Also... And I didn't wanna put this in my actual post....i somewhat have this eerie feeling that Zoro won't make it out alive.#Death has been kinda his background theme ever since#He's getting called king of hell nowadays for a reason#He's gonna face an unexpected turn towards the end. I bet he doesn't even have plans for his life after having become WSS#roronoa zoro#one piece live action#opla spoilers#one piece spoilers
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does anyone else have that feeling sometimes when youre saying goodbye to someone that you wont see them again lol
#i have this feeling very rarely but nowadays every time my brother and his wife leave after they come to visit us i stand in the garden on#the driveway or whatever its called and im waving atfer them as they drive out the gates and im suddenly grabbed by the feeling that#this is the last time im seeing them#which is stupid because i always see them later — but to be fair they WILL move to america at the end of september or so... and the next#time theyll come back will be at christmas probably#also my twinie went back to budapest yesterday after she spent a whole week here with me and as i was standing at the gates with my mom and#we were waving after her as she was walking down the road towards the train station i thought again that this is the last time i'll see her#and. again. to be fair i won't be seeing her again for a long time now only on the 21st of sept.. or whenever my uncle's wedding will be...#so. idk. yeah maybe im just sentimental or whatever.#idk there has been a time when my siblings and i were kids and we spent most of our days together — and now one moves to america and the#other is living in budapest and i myself (in my thoughts) am halfway out of life#oh maybe its that! how i think about killing myself more and more nowadays. huh maybe thats it#anyways lol. dear diary ass post#zsófi rambles
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im also frustrated with people not really caring about what's happening to trans people here but i do understand why (especially now) it isn't the most pressing news story of the day. but it is also annoying that people seem to be completely unaware of how bad it is here and how difficult it is to medically transition.
#um.txt#earlier this year an american was on my post talking about how much easier people have it nowadays#because when THEY got hormones they had to see a psychiatrist and have proof of living in their gender for 6 months#and it was like. lol. lmfao.#when i went to the gic i was asked about my sex life and what section i bought my clothes from#i had to bring bank statements and my deed poll as proof id transitioned. if i hadnt been out to my entire family#(including extended family) they wouldn't have prescribed hormones or recommend me for surgery#and ofc all that happens AFTER you go through the waiting list which is like 5+ years now#and ofc that's just medical. the actual atmosphere for us here gets worse every day
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I wish we were all love and peace exploring the outer stars together loving each other all so much amongst the euphoria of discovery and the never ending adventure of planets and cosmos full of special and meaningful moments shared and there is nothing wrong we are going to chart every corner of the universe together and enjoy being together so much that we will have no time or memory for problems, but only love and exploration ✌️
i cant today lets do it tomorrow
#listen to cloud 9 by chouchou i like that song and the lyrics are kind of like thisss#one time i had an lsd thing where i thought my time on this earth was now over like im waking up from a dream and my realer form was some#sort of entity that was in perpetual conversation wit another entity and we both kept diving into living a life as a dream and then telling#the other about our time we had. that was like charting something too#this was when i was more pressed abt not feeling real and stuff i had panic attacks abt it but nowadays i dont stress it cuz it dont matterr#tw unreality#hehe#thanks for the message dear today has been unpleasant for me this doesnt cure it but its cute
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Are we really calling 2.4k words a "ficlet" these days?? What do we call 100 word fics now???
You may have misunderstood that post of mine :)
The original snippet was posted as a WIP / teaser on a ficlet friday.
The fully finished, full-length fic was linked in the reblog for those interested in reading the full fic.
the snipped I shared was not a full 2.4k, I was just saying where I was in the WIP status.
afaik the old standard is 100 words exactly is a drabble. I mean, I've been writing since the ff.net days and am still not 100% on the "lines" between drabbles, ficlets, and fics. But in all honesty I chose "ficlet friday" 'cause I like the alliteration and all other days I've posted have been shorter, I just wanted to share this particular WIP on that particular Friday
#the energy in your ask is very strong. I get the frustration over feeling like fandom is pressuring writers to make 'ficlets' longer nowaday#but please take a momentary breath#I'm personally of the school of thought that fics / ficlets/ drabbles whatever are very fluid definitions#and are defined by the writer themselves only#I personally struggle to write very long fics and have been called not-so-nice things because I don't post ''real slowburns'' or 'real fics#fandom is a weird place sometimes but it can be lovely if you do what is best for *you* and try not to let ''''definitions''''#tell you how to live your best fandom life
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my 2023 highlights are becoming a D&D player, getting my special temple blessings done and developing a pepsi addiction
#the temple thing. its a mormon thing. it's beautiful and very special [hand waves] feels like so long ago now#the pepsi thing isn't a good thing. i like pepsi but i think im using it to self medicate severe depression#like. its keeping me going nowadays. i keep it secret from my mum because This Is Bad#like for my heart and nerves. so its a joking highlight#fuck 2023. fuck it so hard. its blown 2021 and 2016 out of the water for being my worst year#2024 will eventually become the new winner of course because. like. my mum is dying. so. yeah#haha i don't look forward to waking up in the mornings. life is a living nightmare#annnyways.... started D&D in october i think. and that has been genuinely fun. i do that once a week for a few hours
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i don’t care how many people on the internet say it, low rise jeans are not back. they’re back for influencers and models doing 2000s nostalgia fashion and that’s it. for us normal people living in harmony, a-free of passing clothing trends if we wish to settle for the more comfortable, practical, and frankly more timeless side of dress, our belly buttons are safe and secure under our reasonably-high waists. your buttcrack thanks you.
#text post#i say this but two weeks ago i did buy FLARE jeans at old navy#though they were not low rise#listen. i have my 2000s nostalgia too. it was my childhood.#i used to think skinny jeans were fugly! anything that brought out the natural shape of the leg was unflattering to me then#obviously ive embraced that for over a decade but i used to think skirts and flared pants were the only way to go#it was a different time. different fashion. different beauty standards.#there had to be loose obscuring fabric somewhere on your bottoms or you weren't cool you looked dorky#but that being said obviously low-rise =/= flared bottom in any way#and ill be living my best bratz doll life w my mid-rise flare jeans from now on. thank you#also old navy is the best place to buy jeans. i wish that weren't true but it really is.#they're the only place you can get a simple style of plain jeans in one color nowadays. w a simple button and zipper#everything's tryna be quirky but w jeans. i like a few fancy or colorful or just STATEMENT pairs of jeans but#ive been tryna replace my oldest plainest most reliable jeans lately bc ive had them all for like a decade#and theyre really wearing out. some of them straight up have holes all over the place. i only wear em to do chores and stuff#i cant get good new jeans for every occasion anywhere but old navy. smh#good thing they were having a sale
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YEAH FROM ONE RED STATE GAY TO ANOTHER. THIS SHIT ANNOYS ME SO BAD. even though ive lived in the south pretty much my whole life, my extended family all lives up north, so we go there sometimes. i have never fucking seen such bullshit as when liberals say "the south is bigoted the north is safe!!!". ever been to new hampshire? everywhere i went i was the only damn brown person in the room. but higher white population aside, the north is just as bigoted as the damn south, and the only difference is that southerners are LOUD about it. down here if someone's a trumpie, you know immediately. up there though? you have no idea til youre at their table and they ask you about your thoughts on the latest left vs right debate.
its also just ironic all of it. the north is full of cities with gays living in their apartments with gay roomates and whatnot, having the money to live in a welcome area grabbin starbucks every day, but theyre so blind about the black and hispanic people segregated to the corners of their happy leftist city... the disregard for poc is insane. especially when they say us being a red state is our fault, like brown people's voting rights aren't limited by the whites in power. something to think about...
sorry for this rant i have such strong feelings about this. im sick of being told to "just leave" or worse, being blamed for and grouped with the trumpies
ppl love to point to the south and say "look at the worst of them" and assume the entire place is like that and everyone agrees with all the hate crimes going on, but when you try to talk about anything like violent racism in cities suddenly it's "an institutional problem" and has nothing to do with cultural attitudes...
#i can only speak from the pov of fellow gay person but yeah#when ppl say ''bigotry'' nowadays they pretty much only mean homophobia...#god forbid you point out that racism is extremely prevalent through the entire country#northern cities are a safe haven for gay people! awesome that's so cool for you. what about the other bigotries#is there religious safety? will people face violence for the color of their skin or what they are wearing?#no??? congrats you still live in an area that is unsafe#(which is most places. you should work to make progress in your own community)#asks#windy-wonko#making this nonrebloggable just bc i dont wanna get yelled at 😭 im not having it today so much has been going on#been ducking my head around pro-life protestors all day. it's been A Time.
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was cleaning up yesterday and found my old notebooks just chocked FULL of cute little emo drawing from when i was like 13 😭😭😭 i was even more miniscule back then. it's all so fucking cute. zero cringe! cringe is dead! i was having so much fun and it made me happy when i was at my most suicidal so i think it was worth it even if most of it objectively sucks.
i am a transgender man since this post got liked by a transphobe ! i block and report transphobes !
#myevilposts#honestly surprised at how much i kept bc i thought i threw most of it out. but no! i actually kept a considerable amount of it.#i got rid of some of it to save space and burn a few unpleasant memories yesterday but i am keeping most of it for reference later on.#bc it makes me smile so big. i was getting silly with it even when i was at my worst.#arguably 2020-2023 (day of fabba concert fixed me) was one of the worst most suicidal periods of my life#but 2015-2018 was soooo much worse.#haven't been as actively suicidal as i was when i was 11 but man.#you know how i would talk about being passively suicidal these past couple years?#yeah all that was horrible. i didn't want to kill myself but i did want to die sooooo bad. the suicidal ideation was crazy#even though i moved past the point of actually wanting to kms when i was like. 12.#suicide tw#suicidal ideation tw#i'm doing great nowadays for the most part.#i no longer want to die ! i want to live !#mental illness is manageable and i am taking care of myself nowadays and everything!#in a way both times (2015-2018 and 2020-2023) i was saved by emo bands so like thank you fabba boys you are my world.
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What do you think drove Daigo to go legit and open his security business?
well, one big reason was prob cause he realized that trying to live as yakuza under the current laws was more akin to being a 'slave' to the government than just. doing what they do
#snap chats#like he was p open about that so it's fair to make that connection i think#because daigo and watase and masumi still wanted all the displaced yakuza to have someplace to go when they dissolved#like they wanted the people they cared about- members of the yakuza- to be able to live life comfortably#and again trying to be yakuza nowadays is incredibly difficult so. best way to do it is to go legit#even beyond that though- if i may postulate- prob had a bit of kiryu being 'dead'#kiryu's approval meant a lot to daigo and now with him gone he probably felt less inclined to keep the yakuza running#masumi tells ichi that daigo and watase had been considering dissolving the yakuza long before aoki became governor so#the whole 'slaves under the government' bit was prob just another affirmation for them to shut down shop#it can be both of these factors yk. like daigo's always had some trouble running the tojo through /mostly/ no fault of his own#like he kept things running fairly smoothly for a shoddy organization held together by popsicle sticks and glue#and again with the laws becoming stricter and kiryu's presence no longer there it was just like. This Probably Won't Be Bad#and i reinforce kiryu's importance because kiryu was an important figure in daigo's life and his approval to daigo meant a lot#if kiryu were alive daigo might have felt inclined to keep it going so as not to disappoint him#esp since kiryu kinda kicked his ass for being so messy with the tojo in Y4 ☠️#but again now that hes gone that pressure's also gone#idk im rambling at this point just read the main text
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nooooo no it’s great no personally i LOVE when things just stop fucking working -__-
#in neg city#it’s literally like one thing after another with me nowadays#like first i have to bend over backwards to get a suit#which ends up being something that i don’t even think my sister LIKES bc i facetimed her abt it today and she sound so unenthusiastic#it made me wanna hang up the phone and just not go to the fucking wedding#but it’s like yay don’t have to worry about spending money on that now right?#WRONG bc now my computer isn’t charger and w how bad it’s been acting up lately it’s either one of two things:#either it’s the charger (which i’ve already ordered a new one which i won’t get until friday) OR the computer won’t take a charge anymore#either way that’s money i’m spending and if it’s the second one then i’m really fucked bc i was hoping to have another money of income#or cushion making that purchase bc like. i need a computer to get through my days it’s necessary#so if it just craps out now then it’s like i gotta get a new one NOW instead of waiting until long after the wedding#not to mention there’s the hair stylist and makeup artist for the wedding itself#plus my haircut#plus my ebt hasnt been filled yet AT ALL THIS MONTH#so really i’m just constantly stressing myself out with money and rlly it just never fucking ends does jt#i’m so tired i just wanna be done with life if i’m being completely honest#the way i’m living now is kinda hell on earth#ugh. whatever. need to sleep
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