#idk im rambling at this point just read the main text

[todayisafridaynight]

What do you think drove Daigo to go legit and open his security business?

well, one big reason was prob cause he realized that trying to live as yakuza under the current laws was more akin to being a 'slave' to the government than just. doing what they do

[saviourkingslut]

not to be about opera again but to be about opera again. as an art form it has the reputation of being super stuffy and something for snobs who don't know how to have fun only but honestly this was one of, perhaps even THE main theatrical entertainment for centuries. i wish people knew how hard these things can go and how engaging they can be. like characters kill and die and fight wars and (almost) commit human sacrifice left and right. characters fall in love they mourn they're ecstatic they cry they're furious it's an extremely dramatic and emotional art form! and i understand that opera does not appear approachable bc of the general conventions of the art form but i promise old works can be fun and engaging if you go watch them with some preparation beforehand (reading the libretto helps) - not to mention not all operas are old bc there are so many modern operas which engage with topical events! also the music slaps.

[contraryclock]

Limbus rambling Don Quixote edition number #2 the second

SO!!! that new canto huh Part 1 is out, im avoiding leaks to the best of my ability, and i am CAUGHT UP! still havent read La Mancha or Don Quixote though but i dont think that matters right now OBVIOUS disclaimer about my lack of knowledge with the source material once again point is i have a crackpot theory that just might not be that uncommon or unlikely? idk we'll see

Also sorry for no ALT text, this uses a lot of images and my fingers are very cold

spoilers under the cut obviously, catch up before you click and otherwise beware

oh yeah baby welcome to the cool people zone im going to be using a mixture of my own screenshots and the Limbus Main Story Library for this, so buckle up

I propose that there are in fact, two Don Quixote's! Our Don, the sinner of limbus company! and a much older, original Don Quixote, the possible Founder / Lord of La Manchaland!

To start, almost all of this theory is based on those flashback bits we get with the colored text, and is running under the assumption that the Yellow text is, reasonably, supposed to be our Don.

... which brings up the question of why they are acting so uncharacteristically in what is supposedly their own story.

Now, onto those flashbacks!

First up we have the instance at 7-9.

This one doesnt tell us much but it gives us some initial context.

The grey text is clearly Vergillius, you can just tell that from the delivery. The blue text is an unknown femenine voice, The yellow text feels somewhat familiar to that deeper voice that Don quixote will have on occasion. Ironically its more clear in her scream there at the end. ... and then we have the masculine voice in the red text.

But we'll get to that later! our next instance is in 7-13, on the inside of the Shooting Rage attraction. (( although i personally think it says Shooting Bagel. ))

okok but actually heres the text

Only the red voice this time, clearly the same person given the delivery too and with the added context of this node and the last one, it can be assumed that this is either the person who dreampt up La Manchaland, or straight up founded it.

And thanks to the Barber's Narration, we can also come to assume that this voice is also a Fixer, if these things are to be true.

Next, in 7-16, is NOT a flashback, but rather the reaction of The Barber.

The Barber recognizes the name to some degree, "THAT name" feels incredibly deliberate. But she is otherwise completely indifferent to Don.

and now we get to talk about this blue fuck

Sanson, Knight of the white Moon, Knight of Mirrors, ect ect, the BASTARD quick unrelated tangent but i think its cool that they made the arguable* main antagonist of Don Quixote possibly also be apart of Demian's Cool Blue Crew™ (( DCBC )) (( i say this because he shares his dialogue background with the other members of the blue crew we've met )) anyways basically the ENTIRE SEQUENCE he causes is the main reasoning behind my theory here *arguable ok again i havent read the book so i have no idea if this is an accurate assessment of his character i saw an article say that he was "arguably" the antagonist once and i haven't talked to anyone who has actually read the book to yap at about before i make these posts. addendum over

The fact of the matter is, Don Quixote does a right shit job of recounting her own story. She gets lines wrong, minor details, and this becomes readily apparent as soon as she implies that her own fucking shoes are who she was talking to, and that they are given proper reply. (( My thoughts are that instead of Rocinante, the role is in fact Sancho, but we have no evidence of that being the case ))

We also get the most telling flashback lines in this segment!

...The voice we've come to associate with Don Quixote is shown to NOT say her own line, but rather that of the line in red. And in both of these incidents, ellipsis are used to blank out a word, my bets are all on that word being "Knight" baybee

THATS A WRAP FOLKS we've established all the evidence for my epic theory that uhhh the Red voice in don's flashbacks are an Older, Original Don Quixote and that its possible that our Don is a 2'st Don instead of a real Don

As for why this is happening??? I have no fuckin idea its the first part of the canto i just wanted to get my thoughts out

i hope this wasnt too incomprehensible! as is usual dont follow me ect ect and reply or something if you have anything to add, as said im not very knowledgeable on the source material. or do that thing where you reblog with an additional comment because i will reblog that. free reblog ok goodbye now i will be stabbed to death momentarily

[cl0wntwn]

I HAVE BEEN INSPIRED TO TALK ABOUT MY CATHAL INTERP

ok hi wow i'm posting something that isn't what i usually do but i want to share because. idk i'm autistic abt cathal and my personal interp could be taken as a mischaracterization(?) of the character so i want to ramble. it's a mix of projections, my interpretations of things cathal says/does, and headcanons. this is just gonna be a glorified bulletpoint list with little to no organization im so sorry. this obviously be inspired by this post cause i love it so much i'm rotating it in my mind please go check it out. this whole ramble was supposed to go into the tags of that post but i think i can organize it better in a text post. i can also share it easier. but please go read that post if u haven't :D

first things first, cathal is depressed.

ain't that a shocker? he's been depressed for a while, but it never really got to "i don't want to do anything ever" until he was hired at C.O.G.S. inc., and even then it's not really the main reason. it does make it hard for him to do things that he's asked of. he's not incapable of doing things though, unless he's like. super unmotivated or sad.

cathal is a papa's boy.

he loves his dad. ever since he was a kid, he's loved his dad. he appreciates the patience he has with him, he appreciates that his dad is willing to take hit for him not doing his work, his dad is first and foremost in his mind. his dad comes before his own wellbeing. which goes into my next point well...

seeing his dad being destroyed every day hurts cathal bad.

it is the main reason he hates working at C.O.G.S. inc.. yeah, the work sucks, it leaves him drained most of the time (which i will hit later), but the fact that he has to watch his own father basically fall to his death every day makes it all so much worse. not to mention he has a clear view of it from his office.

how does cathal cope with this stuff?

by distracting himself. and not doing his work at all. the work he has to do already drains him and what little energy his depression gives him, but i don't think seeing your dad dying every day helps with motivation. he distracts himself by watching tv and ignoring what he needs to do.

this is not to say that he is unaware of the work he has to do, he knows all the work he puts off piles up on him. but piles of work doesn't seem like the most easy thing to do... so he just keeps putting it off and putting it off, and his dad lets him get away with it by making excuses for him. it stresses him out, which makes him not want to do it more, and the cycle continues...

also believe it or not, cathal actually thinks about the future and is very stressed about it.

he knows that when his dad either retires or... can't work anymore, cathal's going to be the new department lead. and because he has literally no experience working where he is now. he's scared he's gonna get thrown into work he doesn't know how to do or doesn't want to do.

so why did cathal apply at C.O.G.S. inc. in the first place?

short answer, he wanted to make his dad proud and didn't process the gravity of applying to C.O.G.S. inc.. he didn't think it would take so much effort and energy to work a full time job. but now that he's been in it for a while, he's afraid to quit. he doesn't want to upset his dad or make the lack of work he's done worse by throwing it on others.

aaaand that's all i can think of. if i can think of anything else i'll edit this post and reblog it or smth. thank u for reading <3

[mickmundy]

okay so i half-answered this on cc itself, but i wanted to further elaborate and upload pictures to talk about what i mean and to give more of an "in depth" answer/advice so here i am! gonna stick this under a cut since it's a little lengthy BUT i hope this helps! ;__;!! also obvious and necessary but irritating disclaimer i'm not a professional writer (or even among the best out there lol) so this is just what works for me and how i write and how i Enjoy writing (as opposed to it feeling like you're "hitting a wall")!

my writing style is just writing the way I would want to read a fic, if that makes sense? i wanted to read a bushmed fic that read more like a novel and less like a movie or a comic book script (if that makes sense!) that focuses on symbolism, setting and the character progression of each person involved (in this case, medic and sniper) as well as their progression as a couple. i think ship stuff often suffers greatly because one character often ends up diluted down to “Love Interest For Character A” and not portrayed as someone who is Also an important part of the series as, you know, the second main character!

that’s not to say my writing Flawlessly Executes This (or even does it at all! but i hope it does sobs) but that’s a huge goal of my own personal writing. i want medic and sniper to feel "Strong" on their own (because they are!), but not without their own sets of flaws and vulnerabilities that are talked about and dealt with as they fall in love and "become a couple" (... hopefully! >:) heh!). i think doing "character studies" for the characters you want to write about is really helpful! for me, that encompasses a LOT of things so if you were curious about that too, just lmk and i'll happily make that a separate post! ^u^

for Structuring fics themselves and delving into "actual writing advice", i'm someone who LOVES making really formal "essay-like" outlines/charts/etc for my fics, but it's ultimately not something i do until much later as a post-writing notation function (Remembering important plot points/devices as opposed to Fleshing Them Out).

idk if literally anyone else does it this way but i have a discord channel in which i just ramble (to myself and my gf if she wants to weigh in!) and blab just to Chunk Stuff Out. i'll be using some examples from the planning of my completed fic Malus as examples! while Sometimes i can just "sit down and write" my fics (as in just hopping into the doc and Writing Very Formally), a lot of my fic's Key Moments (except for the apricot dream in Fever. that i wrote in under an hour almost exactly as you read it on ao3!) are done very casually! this is quite literally how i plan/"write" my fics:

like just a fucking. MASSIVE series of run on sentences (often because im just Literally typing what my mind is thinking), emoji use and just. as fucking sloppity slapdash as you can possibly imagine. and that's alright! it's the first draft after all! what's most important is that you're getting your thoughts down. so you can read (and be appalled SDFKSFD) at this Extremely Massive wall of text, but i will let you into the Enigma That Is My Mind (that one patrick meme but its a picture of medic and sniper kissing in the thought bubble):

first of all the most essential part of my writing process is having a beautiful femme wife who gives commentary and encourages you to write the butchfemme bushmed romance of your dreams ☝️u__u! so i recommend beautiful crazy-enthusiastic femmes to inspire you as they have inspired Me (both bee and medic of course)! HEHEH

but also, i've notated some parts of that run on mess that Sticks Out (without getting wrapped up in bullet notes, highlighting etc which can feel a bit Too analytical for your first draft imo!):

in red, i'm conveying the "tone" or "emotional pull" i want to have in this scene and in yellow i'm just Notating things that are Significant to the series. the flour print on sniper that medic would eventually catch sight of at the end of the fic and envy, how medic and sniper See and Observe each other, which is obviously important to how i write them because my fics put emphasis on how they see each other and their respective differences (imagined or real)!

so then i usually take these Massive Walls Of Text (this is a short one! LOL) and dissect them and space them out, get a better visual on what i'm trying to say, and then fill things in accordingly. i find it works a lot better than trying to "bullet point" them since i just write how i think, and that's a lot less "stuffy" than trying to work off of a really Formal/"Academic-feeling" outline.

i think it's important to play around with different styles and what kind of method makes sense for you personally and to spend time honing that! even if i just write run on stuff like this ^ it helps get my brain in an easy, "rolling out writing" mode that thoughts just kinda come more naturally!

i also heavily advocate for how i post my fics (ie writing them to completion and treating them as "seasons"/parts and posting one chapter per week) becuase it allows you SOO much time to continue to write and to continue your story while preventing burnout! again i can elaborate on this in a whole other post if you wanted, but i've already prattled on so much i don't want to Ramble! ;-;

as far as keeping writing fun (or keeping it from feeling miserable at least), i sincerely advise just writing about what you like. put aspects of yourself or things you like into the characters you're writing, make your story interesting to YOU! would You want to read your own writing? i think you should!! ^v^ write the writing you want to read, and skill and technique and everything/anything else will come.

in the wake of people literally feeding fics to those stupid chatbots i emphasize even more to please put your heart into what you write and it will show and be wonderful, whether its Epic Novelizations or One Shot Smut or Whatever... it was made by you! and that's awesome! i'm so happy you're here and writing and posting, it's very brave!! <333

I LOVE YOUUUU YOU ARE EPIC AND I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! I know what you write will be amazing and i really appreciate you asking me something like this, i hope i can hear from you (anonymously or not!) sometime soon and that this might have been at least a little helpful? ;_; ILYYYYY <3333

[actualbird]

Hello, Zak. I just want to say thank you for your content, it makes me super happy and your analyses have become a solid part of how I perceive the NXX.

Non-ToT related ask: what do you recommend for beginner fanfic writers and content creators (for ToT and fics in general)? I'm thinking of posting more on my blog but I'm not experienced in using Tumblr or writing. (please do not misinterpret this as self-promotion!!! i just need advice owo.)

hullo!! thank u so much for the kind words, waaahhh, im glad u enjoyed my works :DDD

and no worries, i dont see this as a self-promo and also oooohhh!!

i'll cut ur main ask up into parts, hehe!!!

the only writing advice i'll ever give: read a BUNCH

i think this is important for all kinds of writing, fanfic or not. the bedrock for writing is reading.

go to fics other ppl have written that you personally really love and enjoy. go through it again, this time taking note of the bits that struck you in any way.

like, if theres a line that hit hard or a fic thats structured in a way that you found interesting or a certain kind of characterization that you cant get enough or anything that piques your interest, take note of it

and then look deeper and pick it apart. try and figure out how the author pulled that off in the writing. look at the things you yourself enjoy reading and study how they managed to do the things that impressed you

to word it differently: study, HAHAJKJADBFKSD but it's a fun kind of studying, since ur sources are texts you like!!

the "pick it apart" method is a more active kind of way to "study" but in general, even reading without that active mindset still enriches the writer brain. subconsciously, you'll gravitate towards doing things in writing that you enjoyed reading from other stories. reading is fuel for a writer

like, in my opinion, no writer at all can grow by just staying inside our own head. we grow by looking around and learning from things that resonate with us

-

in terms of what u wanna write, just go wild, write what you want

idk if this is something that resonates with you, but when i was starting out writing for tot i was HELLA ANXIOUS cuz the stuff i wanted to write (found fam shenanigans, shipping uncommon ships, several thousands of words of character analyses) wassssnnnttt exactly the stuff i saw everybody else in the fandom writing. if this is something u arent worried/anxious about then hell yea! skip to next part! but if it is, then i tell u this:

write it anyway. even if it feels like something nobody else wants. if you want it, write it anyway

because fandom surprises you. it surprised me! turns out theres a whole lotta people who like the stuff i thought nobody would be interested in

additionally, write what makes you happy and what youre interested in cuz it really shows in the writing itself. i cant rlly explain it in words, haha, but like...i can tell when somebody is super passionate about their piece in the words of the piece. enthusiasm brings life into writing and enjoyment in general is, in my opinion, the whole point of fandom anyway :D

-

tumblr is a mess tbh, do you want an ao3 invite?

tumblr. is a mess. however, among the social media websites right now, it's actually the best for written fanworks thanks to the lack of word limits and the blog focused structure of the whole site. that being said, it's a niGHTMARE keeping things organized on tumblr. my masterlist of totworks doesnt work anymore on desktop cuz i broke thru the link limit kjbkHBSKF IT ONLY WORKS ON MOBILE NOW and i had to move the whole masterlist to a gdoc for desktop accessibility kabfskafa.

so if youre writing fanfic, i VERY MUCH recommend getting an ao3, if you dont already have one. and if you need an ao3 invite to register for an account, send me a DM! cuz ive still got three invites in my account, im very willing to send you one :DDD

buuuuuut, i do also make a lot of fanwork thats not technically a full fanfiction piece (hcs, analyses, minific rambles, etc.) and those do seem better just staying on tumblr. so for posting writing on tumblr, use tags!!!

some main tags for tot that i think would be useful to totwriters are:

#tears of themis

#tears of themis fanfic

#tears of themis headcanons

#[character's full ENG name]

#tot [character's ENG first name]

#[character's full CN name]

#[character's full ENG name] x rosa

#[character's full ENG name] x reader

tho if ur blog is new and has just be created recently, keep in mind that theres a tendency that your posts wont show up in these tags until tumblr has "ensured" that youre not a bot akjbfkjsfas. tumblr whack like that. how to make tumblr realize ur not a bot is by following a some other people and reblogging a bunch of posts. interacting with other blogs, basically. this is non-bot behavior and will pull ur posts out of the nether and into the tags eventually

other stuff that might be helpful would be adding a wordcount at the top of the post (apparently ppl like this? akbfkjfksa i had no idea until i joined this fandom) aaaand a title and/or short description of the post that gives an idea on what the post is about

i see other totwriters on tumb doing cool stuff with like, banners and formatting. those seem nice!! i dont do them personally because im not great at visual aesthetics KBAJSFKSAJFSA but if it interests u, go for it!!!

OH ALSO, if ur gonna be posting a lot of fanworks on tumblr, making a masterlist with links of every post is a great idea!!!

i think thats all ive got? kjKABKJFAS forgive me, i just clocked out of work, so my brain might be a little scrambled.

i hope this helps!! and i send best wishes to you and your writing :DDD

[reservedfort231]

My problem with Bloodline's ending:

(And the conclusion on the Wrench-Rempart conflict in general)

WARNING: Its just my stupid ass rambling about Bloodline so pls if you not interested in it rn skip it. Also my english is still kinda shit. :'(

I would use that read more thing but idk how to do it on the Mobile App so Iam sorry.

When i first played Bloodline i really liked it and i still do but i think there is a pattern when it comes to Ubisoft game writing.

I watched a review by a youtuber. I dont agree with him about a lot of things. He dislikes the whole Wd series and for me Watch Dogs 2 is still my favorite game and i also like Legion to a lesser extent.

BUT, he made an interesting point about how companies selling rebellion back to us. They use punk imaginery then they chicken out at the ending of the game. And this also true about the ending of Bloodline.( also for Far Cry 6 but lets focus on wd now)

I want to focus on Wrench's story now because i think thats the "political" part. Aiden's story is more a personal journey about making connection with others and thats fine with me.

Now Bloodline has two Act. One thats setts up the story, and the Act 2 resolves it.

The first one is very good in my opinion. The setting is that Reggie left Dedsec to case his dream to engineer things. Rempart found him and with his "help" he kinda hit it big but then he fell from grace when Rempart took advantage of him, stole his work, used him to gain even more money and now Reggie lost everything and cant look in his friends eyes because his guilt and shame.

Now i understand that some people didnt like it but i think you can do great things with a story like this.

Wrench experienced the effect of capitalism and the way the rich handles the people working under them on his own skin.

I have two favorie moments from him:

1. When he brings up that you cant just send the rich to prison. Like they are in a position where the police cant really touch them even if they want to. There are so many CEOs that known to harrass workers and nobody really does anything about them.

2. The "im tired of crimnals conmen runing the world" line, because it implies that its not just a personal thing to him. If you read the text files it is clear that Reg isnt the only person Tommy stole from. So its pretty "Dedsec bussiness" so all good. Wrench is back on track i was very interested how will he resolve it.

Act 2 comes and the answer is he...doesnt.

Like things kinda resolve themselfes. Turns out Thomas was just a rogue element of the Rempart corporation and it wasnt really a systemic problem and Daddy CEO is out for him now. All Wrench have to do to smash his equipment and all is fine, Rempart is done even tho he is the son of the one of the richest asshole around.

And it brings us to the last scene. The scene is okay on a surface level. Which means the actors are good. But the conclusion is that...

...killing is bad?? Or something? Idk!

Like the whole thing was weird and i didnt know why the first time i played it.

I noticed its because they chickened out(like Ubi always do when it comes to political stories) somewhere near when we switch to Wrench. Daddy ceo stepped in, Albion took away Rempart at the end which leaves the player with the feeling the conclusion is that the system...kinda...works??

Wrench and Aiden speak about the conflict between Reginald and Tommy like its only just a personal thing between two expartners and not a Wrench vs Rempart as the system thing if you know what i mean.

And it brings us to the problem. Corporate writing. They make good points but if you noticed they never offer a solution, an alternative because that would be counter productive to them. Like im not saying that the writing is horrible but its kinda half assed.

One could argue that its also probably because Aiden is the main character and the main story is about his character and Wrench is more like a supportive character so his story stayed in the background.

I really hope Wrench will get a novel like Aiden where he really reconcile with Marcus and the others bc i feel like his story stayed incomplete unlike Aiden. (Maybe Rempart could come after them like he promised. Its Ubisoft so its unlikely but one can hope.)

[glitchbirds]

tmi/transitioning related things (mostly centered around surgery in this specific post), mildly nsfw at points. also this is very long

ok why do i find it easier to talk about these things on here, a public account where strangers and vague acquaintances follow me, than on my private twitter where only friends (mostly v close ones) follow me. idk. it just feels less embarrassing (IE: humiliating) if i picture the intended audience as more neutral/mixed and not consisting of multiple people who have met me in person and/or who have known me since middle/high school

also this is very rambly and maybe not coherent. apologies. this has been swirling in the back of my head since last night and im just throwing it into text post form and proceeding to pretend to forget it exists.

i feel like for most of my life i was extremely ambivalent about top/bottom surgery personally because i had such a detached sense of self (let alone attachment to my physical body) that i just didnt care. and as i got older i at least reached a point of like, ok, top surgery is definitely in the cards because i dont like my chest and its more of an inconvenience than anything, but i never really thought of it as like, overtly dysphoria-inducing to have breasts? my main issue was (and still is) always just how other people view their presence on my body. ive tried wearing a binder a grand total of two times, but it was uncomfortable (esp since i am Fat) and just drew my attention MORE to their presence. and this year it finally hit me that a lot of my current issues w/ my chest are resolved if i just… dont wear bras anymore. because just like a binder, bras mean im constantly thinking about the pressure on my chest. so i dont and im significantly better off for it, even though i Am constantly worried by the possibility of people staring. like. i have a big chest unfortunately and (sorry) the nipples are constantly making their presence known. but like. even when i wore bras the nipples constantly showed and i hated THAT too but at least now i dont think about them as much when im in public unless im speaking to someone directly, but then i can at least cross my arms or something.

ftr. the knowledge that just Deleting The Nipples Outright is even an Option with top surgery was a game changer and ive been set on that for years. i honestly think if you forced me to chose between removing the breasts and keeping the nipples, or removing the nipples and keeping the breasts, id have to think about it for a long time before deciding, because i think the latter option would solve way more of my remaining dysphoria than the former. having a chest does not bother me tremendously because again I Am Fat and fat cis men can have large chests too, so it doesnt feel like it automatically makes me read as A Woman to strangers... just in combination with other factors.

(in the end i would probably settle on top surgery and keeping the nipples if i HAD to, if only because i suspect the breasts to have some connection to chronic pain, but it wouldnt be ideal for me. i want these bitches gone.)

as for bottom surgery… WELL. no one on this god damn website(or twt) likes talking about bottom surgery seriously, or at least no one i know, which is unfortunate because it makes me feel like im alone here in caring about it in any capacity. i feel like a lot of my transmasc/trans guy friends only want(ed) top surgery and dont care about bottom surgery, which is absolutely fine and i support that and love that, but it does make it feel very difficult to even acknowledge the possibility that i might want it for myself because its like theres no precedent. (and ofc theres also the possibility that out of my friends there are others who are in the same boat as me and just dont want to talk about it publicly, which. Very Fair because clearly i am also having issues just Talking About It.)

ive also gone back and forth over wanting it for years, and then back and forth about what Kind i’d want, though ive learned over time that phallo is preferred for fat transmasc ppl and its probably what i would lean more towards getting for myself regardless of that. though the fact that its more expensive/can have more complications/requires more surgical procedures and longer recovery time, Does Scare Me A Bit, and that circles back into the aforementioned "i feel like a freak talking about this at all in the first place" feeling... like i dont even know how to talk about having these concerns in the first place because i feel like nearly everyone i know has simply decided to not bother with this and will somehow judge me for wanting it for myself. even though im aware thats nonsense. idk. just the fact that its literally Dick Surgery combined with my usual aggressively high levels of self-isolation = This Is The Most Humiliating Topic In The World To Me. how dare i acknowledge to others that i possess genitalia or that i may wish to alter them in some fashion to feel more comfortable. i feel like if i DID go through w/ getting phallo i would just go radio silent online throughout the whole process for months on end because id be too nervous to even acknowledge its happening.

which, in general is also something i wish i could fix in myself. :/ i have spent the majority of my life becoming more and more private and for the most part i dont think thats a bad thing but it unfortunately is/was combined with a lot of repression and trauma and im just barely beginning to fully untangle some of that and now im in a place where i dont WANT to be as reticent as i am but it feels impossible to really stop; and/or i feel like people ive known for years will be shocked and appalled if i suddenly acknowledge the fact that i am a human being capable of carnal thought. like, man, fucking look at the way im talking about this and dancing around the subjects. look at it. i am twenty five years old. i am a mess.

i think my other major concern w/ phallo that i didnt already note above is connected to this- i dont mind the idea of having skin graft scars, but i DO mind the possibility of someone looking at a scar on my arm and being able to tell. you know? like idk, someone knowing im trans and seeing that scar and suddenly Knowing the state of my genitalia without me even acknowledging it. which is probably. me being extremely paranoid for no good reason, because phallo isnt the only procedure in the world that requires skin grafts, most people in the world are not super well versed in Transmasc Surgery details, i could chose less obvious sites for skin grafts like the thigh, etc. but the thought just makes me deeply uncomfortable. though not AS uncomfortable as it used to make me? testosterone has done a LOT for me the past few months to make some of these things matter less to me and get me over some of these hangups i have had for the majority of my life and i am deeply deeply grateful for that. like i can guarantee i would not be making this post if i was not on T because i would just be too freaked out by the vague possibility of anyone actually reading this fucking Manifesto im crafting here.

idkkkk. it wouldnt be the end of the world if i decide against getting bottom surgery in the near-ish future- or ever- but like. GRIMACING ok let me rip THIS bandaid off, i have never in my entire life been comfortable with penetration . it is either uncomfortable or outright painful. i suspect i have vaginismus or something similar, and i know there are treatments for that and i could eventually reach a point where i Am comfortable with it, but frankly i do not Care. while there are times where i may wish that this was not a problem i have, i am mostly content with allowing a significant portion of my equipment to remain in relative disuse.

so like. idk. frankly it would probably be better for me to go through the whole process of bottom surgery so i actually have Fully Functional Genitals for the first time ever. ftr even typing that sentence makes me want to die i am like at war with myself and my own prudishness even when i am as vague as possible. i am also cutting out a LOT of other details rn because i would probably just keel over from a heart attack if i Did include them.

Ok Well. i have talked for like 1500 words about my problems disorders and publicly humiliated myself enough for one day. if youve read through this whole thing you have nothing but my apologies. and also my gratitude. but mostly the apologies.

[lol-q]

There’s so many things I love about the show that I haven’t seen people give enough credit for and I want to go on a little ramble because people are focusing so much on what they don’t like vs. what they do. So here’s my list. Sorry for the grammatical errors 😬

I love that the lesbian main character is this sweet, innocent, big hearted young woman and not portrayed as a overly sexual fuckboi that hits on every woman. I love that Fatou is soft and gentle. More lesbian rep like that please

I love the soundtrack. It’s exactly the type of stuff I imagine Fatou would listen to and it’s not just the top 100 hit songs.

I love that they use the soundtrack as a way to connect to the plot line, like the lyrics to the song Fatou was listening to when she was on the rooftop said “And I hate to leave you feeling all alone.But your story cannot start until you've grown. You can find how to be OK on your own. I just can't be the one that makes you feel at home” which was a hint as to where the plot was going

^^ also the song playing during Kieu My and Fatou’s museum date

I love the little mannerisms Nhungi chooses to show as Kieu My. The happy little bounce she did in ep 1 when she called out Fatou’s name and when she subtly checked Fatou out by looking her up and down.

I love how their rooms show their individual personality so well. Like Fatou’s room in the beginning of the season was normal and then it became increasingly messy as the episodes moved forward, showing her stress and chaos in her life

I love the height difference between Fatou and her brother lol

I love when her brother and her were thinking of what to get their parents so they split the bill on a gift - a very subtle way of showing siblings interacting

I love when Fatou and Ismail interact cuz it’s so funny

I love the physics teachers speaking voice, he sounds like kermit the frog

I love fatou’s eyebrows. Idk it’s just so perfect. Give me tips plz

I love that the characters rewear clothing. And it’s not a show where every episode is a new outfit with new clothes. Very realistic and it always bothered me when teens on highschool on tv have new clothes every episode

I love that Fatou’s original bio on tinder was “wanna cuddle?”. I feel like that girl would rather cuddle with someone than win the lottery. She’s so soft (also why did it say she was 24 in ep 2 when she was on tinder lol)

I love that the show showed the struggles of coming from a bilingual family and being the only one that struggles to speak it. When fatou was talking to her grandparents with her brother and her brother had to translate for her and it was awkward af, I felt that. I’m the youngest in my family and I struggle to speak Tagalog so people have to translate for me sometimes and it sucks.

^^ I relate to fatou so much in that scene cuz the dynamic in my family is the same as Fatou’s. My parents lay off and let me and my brother do our thing unless there’s an indication we need their help. The only time I ever spoke about school with my family was when report cards would come and they would see my grades weren’t that good. I remember my mom seeing I had a D in middle school and automatically jumping to conclusiosn without letting me speak. My brother is academically successful and he would also try and get me to do more school stuff when I was younger. Like he would make me do math problems to help with my grades. So it’s all very relatable for me

I love when Fatou sings, her voice is so soft and smooth.

I love whenever Kieu My and fatou are flirting both so blatantly and yet so subtly. Like the tension is there but it’s still awkward despite how smooth they both try to be it’s so adorable

I love how Fatou and Kieu My are so confident flirting and talking to eachother through texting but when it’s irl it’s still awkward and new. It shows the reality of an actual relationship in the making. It’s not just a full head dive into “I love you”.

I love when they were at the table tennis bar place and Fatou was hyping up Ava when there were dudes looking at them and Ava did a fancy ass turn and smile. She’s so pretty

I love that Fatou’s problems were shown in subtle ways in the beginning with money. Counting money at her job and when she wa trying to pay for the drink at the bar. It was a small interaction but in real life it would cause a lot of stress and anxiety if money counting problems kept happening over and over again

I love Yara and Josh’s friendship. More platonic friendship between a male and a female please. Also more Yara in general please.

I love that Zoe owned up to her actions last year to the entire group (minus Ismail Constantine and Kieu my) on New Years. I see her owning up to the role as Nora’s big sister.

I love when Josh was drinking a lot during New Years and Fatou was trying to get him to slow down. It shows how big her heart is for her friends. Also I think Josh and Fatou could be great friends

I love that Kieu My looks at Fatou like she hung the stars. When Fatou mentioned she knew Kieu My was a Scorpio, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen that girl smiled so big (before episode 5 of course)

I love that whenever they kiss Kieu my is smiling.

I love Sira’s side profile. There I said it. Girl has the jawline of a Greek goddess.

I love that they change Fatou’s hair. She looks good in every hair style but it’s always nice to see her in different styles.

I love that they showed the struggles of being a passive and gentle person. Because we’re not assertive in regular everyday life we are easily looked over. And it’s hard for us to muster the gusto to be assertive and take what we need because we prefer shying away from conflict and just letting things flow. I relate to fatou’s character so much in that sense. I lowkey think this is the universe’s way of telling me to stop being so passive about life and to take charge idk.

I love that the topic of white savior and performative activism was touched on. And I love that it was between two friends because it’s very realistic to how dynamics work between young people these days. The way they handle it differs in opinion but the fact that they even spoke about it was great.

I love that moment when Kieu My wrapped the vietnamese pancake in the lettuce snd handed it to Fatou. Its so sweet. If I was Fatou I would have forgiven her right then and there lol

I LOVE THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWo. YES MORE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

Episode 6. Just all of it. Even the angsty part. I want more of that. Episode 6 yes. I’ll marry episode 6

Kieu My wearing Fatou’s cardigan. 💕💕💕💕💕💕✨✨✨✨✨😫😫💕✨✨🥺

^^ but also as a person that tried bangs before, you can’t tell me that girl woke up with her bangs perfectly in place lol. This girl probably bought a mini straightener or something too

Fatou telling Kieu My it doesn’t matter if she wears make up or not rather than going off on how she looks prettier without it. She’s just like “it doesn’t matter. You’re pretty no matter what, my little space nerd”

Pissed off fatou is a hot fatou. Js

I love Sira’s acting in general. But the way she shows Fatou’s sadness is great. It’s not just tears and that’s it. When she got fired it was a build up of tears but she wasn’t sobbing, same thing with the cashqueens argument. But she broke when her and Kieu My got in a fight.

Finn being socially awkward. It’s so funny cuz Zoe is this bubbly party girl and her boyfriend is so awkward. Nice balance.

^^also his hair makes me laugh idk why

Ismail opening up to Fatou shows how so many people feel at ease with her. Girl has a calming presence for everybody, she doesn’t even realize how much she’s helped others.

I love that Constantine wears the same jacket over and over again. Idk it seems to fit his character.

^^also kudos to the actor who plays him, he’s doing an amazing job

Love Fatou. Love her dimples and her soft voice. She gets all high pitched when she’s normally speaking but when she was fighting with Kieu My her voice became lower. Just love the way Sira’s voice sounds. Also Nhungi’s speaking voice.

Love the shaky camera movements. The fast pans and the slow motion dance scenes.

Love the aesthetic of Kieu My smoking but PLEASE DONT SMOKE, CHILDREN. ITS BAD FOR YOU.

Love the different aesthetics of the cashqueens

Love maike. Great actress. Give this turtle an Oscar.

Love Kieu My climbing the roof to help her Fatou. Softie to her girlfriend but an ice queen to the world lol.

Love the actors. Love the characters. It just makes me so happy.

This is so well written, i might actually cry no but really it was really nice to read your positive and cuteee facts after the tag check :/ and it really helped because i get mad and sad when i see bad takes. Everything you said was so true and i think im fangirling over this essay. And it made me emotional 👉👈.  Represantation does really matter.

This season is so important for so many people and i don’t think some people realize that when they’re ‘’criticizing’’ some things. Not only we have a lesbian main, we have a black lesbian main who is the softest person in the world and she has LD and/or ADHD. I sometimes can’t believe we got to the point of skamverse where we get rep instead of hurtful,problematic seasons and plots, some might interpret that as shade but it really isn’t, careless storylines really does hurt ppl and why would you want to hurt people when you can give 8 min of sapphic museum date instead 👭🌌 :)

i love this season, i love this gen and i love this essay

[stray-tori]

An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP 

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS 

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS 

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE 

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

No

NO

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :((( 

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more 

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message 

why 

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

[kuroopaisen]

@kacchand (i couldn't tag your main but i wanted to make sure you saw this fdlkjfdlkj) 

hello dear! i’m sorry it took me so long to respond to this dflskjfdlkfdj i decided to answer your ask in a text post so i can link my thoughts to yours more easily! also, i know i'm going to Ramble, so i wanted to be able to keep it under a cut sdlkfjd

Hi rowan!! I've just finished the final chapter of aot and I just wanted to ask your opinion on it!

(SPOILERS THAT DEPICT MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE STORY'S MEANING AHEAD. READ ONLY IF YOU'VE FINISHED THE CHAPTER)

(FR )

(THERE'S STILL TIME TO BACK OUT)

(DO IT NOW. SPOILER ALERT)

I'd also like to ask a follow up question about it, because it seems that I've come to a different concl. from many of my friends and I'm feeling dumb abt how i feel w it.

first of all (and i say this as sincerely as possible, and if i'm coming off as condesending please let me know hh), please don't feel dumb because you've come to a different conclusion :(

we all read media at different levels (i’ve been told it’s ‘not that deep’ before fdljkfsdlkj) and identify different aspects in it, so the fact that you've had a different experience to some of your friends is absolutely not a reflection on your intelligence. and if anyone's making you feel that way, drop their @. i just want to talk :) furthermore, you’re not wrong for responding to something emotionally, especially if it really... makes you uncomfortable, you know? 

i'm from the PH & I've put off determining whether i'm comfy w the manga til the last chap,,,, but is it wrong that I can't shake the feeling that it's a justification of japanese expansionism and genocide? ik this manga has always been in the grey area, and that's what I love abt it! It often shows that no choice they make is absolutely good or bad, and does such a good job at showing you how each complex character came to that understanding (role of environment, etc...) but this last chapter felt too positive abt the rumbling? Like it was justified because paradis was able to advance and there wasn't much choice? idk.

that's totally valid! some of the best think pieces on the show i read mentioned that the concern with the narrative is less "is isayama a nazi sympathiser?" (he most likely isn't), but if he's a imperial japan apologist. and...

well, let's just say that my father is british, and when i was trying to say that colonisation was bad, using british india as an example, he said "well, we gave them railroads." it's... it's uncomfortable and gross and i think it encapsulates how countries with imperial pasts tend to talk about them; even if they don't officially endorse it, there's often a lot of talk about how "well colonialism was good for this country, actually--"

and if the manga felt like it was justifying japanese expansionism, then chances are it had elements that very much did point towards that. i've had a lot of trouble grappling with reiner, annie and bertolt, because they've existed in this grey area of 'victim of oppression' and 'war criminal'; and their existence raises the question of "do people who commit war crimes simply do what needs to be done?" and by victimising them it... it plays into the whole nuremberg defense of "i was just following orders". it's making you feel bad for the people committing said war crimes (and similarly with eren, and all the awful things he's done). but i'll get more into this point later dsfkjfd

i haven't read the last chapter yet (and don't worry about spoilers! i've been approaching aot from a very... specific perspective anyway, so i actually don't mind spoilers -- i read a bunch of analyses of the series before i'd even watched it hh), but... i think if it came off as too positive about, you know... an awful thing that happened, then it absolutely makes sense that you'd feel uncomfortable?

the modernisation narrative in general is one that always skeeves me out. it's one japanese imperialists use to justify the invasion of korea (and even those infamous tweets from the one account purported to be isayama talk about how the population of korea boomed under japanese imperial occupation, which... stop.)

it's also commonly invoked in cases of development. certain members of society (usually the poor), just 'had' to die for the good of the future. who gives a damn if they consent to that? they have to.

similarly, the 'we had no choice' narrative. that's... a concerning one that crops up time and again with history apologists, the argument that "oh if x country hadn't done y, then someone else would've!" or that acts of aggression were done as pre-emptive self-defence, which is so... ugh. i just. i just hate it.

It also feels really weird w the ymir and the whole loving fritz thing. i wish we got to see more of her thought process and what conclusion she came to that led her to destroying the power of the titans.

i... hate this so much. i get that abuse is complicated and victims often have multifaceted feelings towards their abusers, but... most people would focus on that in their story? the story would be about that? but instead, it's just... a thing in the history of the world and that's... icky.

also having the genesis of the titans come from a slave girl in love with her captor... there's many levels of ick to it and i highly doubt it was handled with the appropriate level of grace and sensitivity.

honestly, this might be one of the things that pissed me off the most because of how... contradictory her backstory was with That One Chapter (you know, instead of ymir crying because she wants to be free or because she’s been trapped she........ wants to see mikasa kiss eren’s decapitated head? i guess? what the fuck?) 

idk...I just think that context is sometimes everything. and i understand that media can portray incorrect things,,,, and that isayama likely didn't intend for it to become a global sensation, but i guess i'm just uncomfortable w the right wing nazis getting a comfort book ahaha.

i totally get that! even if attack on titan is meant to be anti-fascists, the fact of the matter is... a lot of fascists love it. and relate to it. which is... alarming. especially given just how popular aot is worldwide.

it’s hard because before the ending, attack on titan did feel like it was more grey; i remember saying that i wouldn’t know how to feel about it until the ending because the story was either saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell”, or it was saying “the military is corrupt and war is hell, but it is necessary.” 

still sorting out my thoughts, but yeah. I think i'm having a hard time understanding what they really accomplished with the rumbling and how they gave eren a sudden lelouch role and a lot of how they made it out to be a happy thing? perhaps I'm too biased to see it fully but to me it gives a "woah. eren was a hero. he saved us from destruction. those people needed to die for us to achieve this temporary peace and new start". i suppose the rumbling gave them a levelled playing ground?

OH MY GOOOOOD okay. i haven't finished code geass. but i really don't like lelouch. i mean... i think i just don't like characters that sacrifice other people for a purported 'greater good' (i could write an Essay about how much i hate erwin smith looking at him is enough to send me into an unhinged rage), but where i'm up to in the anime, i don't like the direction they're going with eren? i mean, i've never liked eren, but... that whole "martyr for the eldians" is just. ew. especially when you see several eldian characters disagree and resist him. 

why does this one guy get to make choices for everyone else? because he’s sPeCiAL? fuck off 

sorry for not being coherent. maybe i'm basing this too much on feelings ahaha. trust aot to finish it's scandalous run with a scandalous end.

no omg you're being perfectly coherent :( also, if anyone's making you feel bad or stupid for how you experience media, they’re... definitely not as smart as they think they are fdslskjfdlk. 

i'm of that mind that, while media consumption is in part an intellectual exercise, it is inherently very emotional; narrative media tries to make us feel as much as it makes us think. that’s what stories are for, you know? intellectual analysis is well and good but what’s the point of a story if it doesn’t make you feel anything?

that's to say, i don't believe there's such thing as basing your opinion too much on feelings :') especially since it's your personal experience with a piece of media; you don't owe anyone 'objectivity' (which is always a farce when it comes to this sort of thing) or 'logical analysis', because nobody's got any right to criticise you for engaging with media the 'wrong way'.

tl;dr I feel like the mood was too celebratory abt the rumbling, and didn't entail enough on the tragedy so much that it felt like a justification for genocide and expansionism. how do you feel abt it's ending and the message it leaves? is isayama responsible to give a morally correct answer to the cycle of hatred? you're not obligated to answer! and sorry for the rambling.

hhh yeah i guess that’s the thing at the end of the day... is isayama responsible for giving a “morally correct” answer? no, but the way the ending plays out is very telling. 

like armin thanking eren? mikasa’s e n t i r e character boiling down to being in love with a mass murderer no matter how poorly he’s treated her? and one could argue that kind of ending is supposed to be unsettling, supposed to hint that the cycle will just continue, but...

framing is everything. and it’s framed like a Good, Emotional Thing, Aren’t We So Grateful Eren Did All Those Awful Things 

YI think I would've been fine if we got to see more of Eren's or Yif you have a different perspective on how eren is being portrayed please do share! I just felt really yucky watching armin say "thanks for murdering all those people for us" with love,,, I suppose he was trying to make eren feel better. ach maybe I'm just overreacting. idk. im dumb ahaha . i'll send this in anyway cuz I'd love to hear your take!

HHHHHHH i just hate eren and i never got him. i felt bad for him in the beginning, but he's always been too... violent for me. there was a very short period of time in season 2 where i felt bad for him, but otherwise it’s just been... ugh. the main three have always been the weakest part of the series imo, so it’s really not surprising they’re part of the reason the ending was so. bad. 

and... well, that one infamous quote pretty much sums up my issue with armin. he's supposed to be the 'intelligent' one, but he's hopelessly devoted to a homicidal maniac with whom he has a very artificial, unbelievable bond with.

at the end of the day, the "thank you for becoming our monster" thing just makes it seem like attack on titan's core message is "war is horrible, but it is necessary." it feels like it's justifying massacre. and while fiction is fiction, and sometimes it's as simple as that, i think something as politically loaded as attack on titan needs to be looked at with a critical lens when discussing what it’s trying to say or what it means. 

do i think it makes someone a Bad Person for liking aot or being attached to it in some way? no, because that’s dumb, and what media someone likes =/= their Moral Goodness TM. ofc trends are a thing and certain pieces of media appeal to certain types of people, but it’s a false equivalency that misses the point. 

but by that same breath, nobody is wrong or stupid or has Less Valid Opinions just because what they took away from it makes them uncomfortable. 

i’m sorry this is So Long i have so many thoughts about this dskljfslkj 

but at the end of the day, 

levi sexy

[madisonrooney]

hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?

sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!

first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!

im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)

- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit.  ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.

- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.

- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.

- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.

for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.

the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.

- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.

i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.

even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.

- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.

[acadieum]

What exactly does "safe blog" mean?

lmaO honestly im kind of surprised it took this long to get a question about it 

but i’ll put it under a read more bc… yoinks..! it’s nothing bad though! 

it’s just a really long ramble about my blog’s origin story lol

but anyways, when i started this blog, it was actually a secondary blog for me! as in, it wasn’t the main blog i was using

at the time, my main blog was constantly stressing me out. i felt pressured to post constant “top-quality” art at a high frequency and of only one fandom in particular - that of which i was really losing interest in. 

like, i felt if i posted anything else (from a different fandom or a lower-quality doodle) or if i stopped posting in general, id be condemned or something- and that feeling was absolutely SUFFOCATING 

i always felt that i was being compared to other artists and that really fucked up my self-worth and my attitude towards my art. 

it didn’t help that people often didn’t respect me as an artist and would constantly repost my work without credit or permission. 

so i made a new blog to get away from it all, and that’s this blog!

i wanted a blog where i could just post about my interests and create art without feeling pressured to post or do art of a specific interest all the time. 

bc back then, id get so many asks saying “i didnt follow you for ___ content so stop posting it or im going to unfollow >:(” and younger me took it to heart and was incredibly vulnerable to it so i couldn’t POSSIBLY post other content

but on my new blog (aka this one!), i could! but at the early stage of this blog, sometimes, i would forget that i have the freedom to do so also.

so, as a reminder to myself, i put in my description that this was a “safe blog” to emphasize in my mind that there’s no need to feel pressure here. that i’m okay. that everything is okay! and that i can grow at my own pace. 

there’s no need to stress about posting art on a schedule or to post within a specific fandom. i could freely just be me, unlike my other blog, and thats why i deemed it a “safe” blog.

now, keep in mind, when i started this blog, i never knew it was going to blow up and i never intended for this blog to be a full-time thing!

it was SUPPOSED to be just another blog, a small one that i could go to just to have fun and to be myself. but i enjoyed it so much here that i never wanted to leave and this became my main!

this blog truly helped me become independent as an artist. i stopped worrying about what people wanted me to post and i posted about content that i liked and i drew things i enjoyed and i was happy!

this may seem like a simple thing, but it took me a long while to achieve this sort of free-spirited happiness with my blog content and my art

which is why i get so happy when you all enjoy the stuff that i post! whether it be the stuff i reblog, the art i create, or the silly text posts i put out! the welcome here was so heart-warming, i couldn’t bear to go back. 

the term “safe blog” is no longer necessary in my description, since i’m here all the time now and i’ve learned to love myself and the work i put out - but i just never brought myself to delete it honestly. maybe i will at some point in the future but i haven’t yet! so, yeah!

nowadays, i like to think that “safe blog” means kind of like a “only good vibes here bro!” kind of deal bc ill usually try to post things that makes me happy or things that would be helpful to others or cheer them up if they had a rough day! 

idk i just want ppl to have a good experience here ig- i just want them happy vibes from here on out bc i spent so long being depressed about my surroundings, my art, and myself so- 

it came to be sort of like a supportive circle thing? where we can share that good loving support and thats why i love supporting my mutuals whenever i possibly can! (im kind of rambling again. but did i mention i love my mutuals? anyways anyways anyways)

that being said, while i am very welcoming of others, i will not hesitate to block and report disgusting people off my blog bc i do not want to be associated with them in any way, shape, or form. 

—————————————————————————————————–

BUT YEAH ANYWAYS TLDR; the term “safe blog” was a reminder to myself that it’s okay to be me and to enjoy life and have fun w my art blog! 

it was on my blog since the beginning and it sort of means something different now, bc i love the good vibes but i can and will absolutely destroy any disgusting person that even THINKS about looking at my blog. that’s all! thank you! :)

[eyes-like-coal]

i finished the fever king

and the fandom on here is so tiny it's such a shame :(((

i am very cross and sad and im gonna rant here because i have no one to talk to about this

spoiler warning I guess. Also warning that I'm about to disregard most rules of the English language and just ramble incoherently for 5 minutes

*ahem* let me just start by saying what a fucking bullshit ending that was. Dara is literally fucking dying, noam finally dropped the 'ily' bomb and now they??? Are??? separated??? After fucking ages of together->argument->together->argument they end up fucking apart I'm a CRYING I just want them to be happy together come on they both deserve to be happyyyy.

Speaking of the damn arguments if noam just shut up and listened half the time then everything would have probs been a lot better ??? Like use your brain dumbass how tf can you not tell that dara and lehrer's relationship is literally so bad. Bitch is you blind???

oh also i kinda think that noam and dara went from enemies to friends to lovers like way to quickly ?? But I mean whatever I don't care about that too much compared to other things lmao

Idk how I'm gonna get through the next book, even the mention of lehrer's name towards the end had me so fucking mad. And noam is still with him joy of joys. I mean I figured he was gonna be the bad guy (he just had that vibe y'know? And the way he kept lowkey touching noam, like that was always creepy to me) but even so the 'reveal' I guess had me so PISSED. the 'go kill this guy who was basically family to you' bull shit had me fuming. Like lehrer literally does not care about fucking anyone does he

When he actually did it I was physically shaking lmao, it was horrible and I hated it. The escape segment literally had my heart racing it was written so well I was like actually irl worried. Still don't know wtf sashas deal even was but like who cares at this point???

Another nitpick though, was it just me or was the powers thing really confusing? Like, the presenting power yeah I get, and the fact that you have to learn like actual science to use it was a really cool idea. But I dont understand how you can just learn more powers. I think the switch of noam just being able seeing peoples texts to noam being fully telekinetic and being able to move objects around was too fast and ??? what ???

I have never actually angry cried at a book before so congrats on that I guess achievement unlocked. This story fucked me up more than i expected it to for sure, but I guess that's a good thing at the end of the day. If a book makes you feel thinga as strongly as this one did for me, then you know it's good

The diversity and inclusion of real life issues was amazing btw, made everything feel a whole lot more real than other dystopians I have read (also this book made me realize that I'm not actually over my dystopian phase lmao). The supporting characters were fine just fine. the main 3 had a lot of layers to them which was great, but the others seemed very lacking. I liked them well enough but I couldn't really tell you any personality traits ?

that's all I can think of to talk about right now so

tl;dr: this book was fucking sick and I loved it but it also made me want to chuck my kindle across the room and scream into the abyss. 4 out of 5 stars.

[neopoint]

i really wish that some of the only people who make posts being critical of makeup and influencer culture and porn n such weren’t like vehement terfs and biological essentialists and transphobes :/

i also wish we could stop referring to females as women because not all females are women and not all women are female and having to clarify with ~biologically female~ or ~uterus havers~ when ur talking about sex specific issues like reproductive rights just sounds weird to me. just say women or girls when you’re using the term generally man. same with men and boys. 

i guess this is also just because in biology when we say ‘male’ or ‘female’ we’re referring exclusively to genetic sex categories but people usually just conflate those terms with binary genders? that’s probably why the profs in classes for earlier years put in a little slide at the beginning of the semester explaining that when we say to male and female for animals (including humans) in ecology we mean genetic sex, since not everyone understands that differentiation when it comes to common vernacular. i was actually really happy when they acknowledged that not everyone’s gender identity and genetic sex are the same, they even emphasized that intersex people exist and don’t fall into the two main genetic categories! i took a picture i was going to share but i forgot u.u

also lately idk how i feel about the whole gender thing. definitely don’t feel like a man but also not sure if i fit what people think of as a woman apparently. i guess that’s more of an outside perception and stereotype issue though? it’s not something i think about too much its just passing thoughts. i’m feminine presenting anywho so please just continue to use she or they for me sjsdgfgjhsdf im just rambling now im sure nobody is even reading at this point. anyways this has been long i just dont wanna bother inbi by texting her all this :’)

[keebzcoolmailbox]

hi im mun pink and im gonna ramble about this funky au keebz and shu-chan is in

tfw this au and an oc is all you’ve been thinking about that you have to write it down in words :)))

part 1 of ??? - intro to the au and going into angie’s and kaede’s story

Okay! I’m deciding to call this the Flipped!AU. Why? I’ll tell ya why! All of the NDRV3 characters (except ONE theywhowillnotbenamed >:( ) have this fabricated backstory, right? Well, what if A) this was the character’s actual backstories and B) in some point of this backstory something changed that caused them to go to a whole different career path. A... flip of a switch so to say... Heh, heh, heh. 

I ain’t gonna talk about the two characters on this blog cause their backstories and what makes them different from their OG counterparts is something that ya’ll gotta ask yourself. So, I’ll just stick to characters that probably aren’t going to show up on this blog. 

Probably.

Being the person who watched someone online play NDRV3, I really don’t know as much as other people! So, what is a girl to do? She looks in the Wiki. Looking into the DR Wiki for that good old fabricated past lore brought some interesting things up. Things like that fact that Angie’s home island has plants that are known to attack people. Um, WHAT? 

I never knew that, and I feel like those goddamn plants need to be in the spotlight! So, let’s weave them into Angie’s backstory, eh? But hooooow? Well, Atua is really important to Angie, so let’s rip Him away from her via the power of attacking plants!

In the Flipped!AU, lil’ Angie, the prophet of the island god Atua, is attacked by one of these plants and forgets EVERYTHING. Her name, her status, and the main man Atua Himself! The islanders see this as Atua rejecting Angie and shun her to the wild jungle because if their God doesn’t see her as suitable then why should they?

Now Angie is like less than ten years old in this wild ass jungle. Kind of a big yikes. Don’t worry, she totes survives. And with that survival comes the total hatred. People who she doesn’t even remember just discard her like just because their stupid (every time she disgraces Atua, she flinches but she doesn’t really understand why) god said so? Fuck them, and FUCK THOSE PLANTS.

Yea, that’s right. She hates those things, especially now she’s in the jungle where they live. It was because of those plants that she’s in this mess! Grrrr!! And with hatred comes the desire to wipe them off of the planet! She sets up a hut and via her childhood friend who tries to help she studies her little brain off to eradicate these plants. But it’s hard to do when these things when the plants you're dealing with might not even be plants, so hell why not study all the plants and how to kill them to see if something works.

Studying all the plants? Whoop, whoop, we got ourselves a SHSL Botanist! After using her friend to send a letter to a scientific journal about a correction, Hope’s Peak Academy sends her a letter and a free ride to their academy (because killing games don’t exist in this universe. a weird little game about them does tho OWO). Boom! This feral botanist is on her way to becoming a true Ultimate!

If I were to make a sprite edit for her character (which isn’t saying a lot because I don’t change their clothes at all sksksk), then I’d just dirty the swim top, make her jacket white, exchange the paintbrushes for vials, and make all the clothes look like its been through a tornado. Oh and have her hair more shaggy and long as she really wasn’t able to get proper hair cuts (if I could even achieve that with my basic sprite edit skillz)! I’m not sure what else though. Tbh, I’m more of a backstory person than a costume design person.

Personality wise, she’d be insanely bitter with some serious walls around her heart. But at the same time, she just wants human connection so she does a total Gundham and makes excuses for a classmate to be “useful” and be around her. Standing next to a person (god forbid someone she finds slightly attractive) gives her a high, I swear. Her speech would be blunt and short to the point with a possible stutter because I’d imagine an incident that gave her amnesia might mess with some language things.

Hgggggh, god it feels so good to put this on paper! Or online text? I don’t know. You know what doesn’t feel good? Me, Mr. Stark. Not doing the thing you love to do! Bad segways are bad, but Kaede’s situation isn’t that good too.

Lemme read you something straight from the wiki. “Since she was a child, Kaede has been playing the piano so much so that she would forget to eat and sleep at times.” Forgetting to eat and sleep. Forgetting to eat and sleep. Hmmm, I can use that!

I like when there are consequences for actions, and this time the action is that Kaede goes too far. She really immerses herself in the piano and gets hospitalized as a result. This has been like the fifth time this has happened, so the doctor says NO MORE PIANO. 

Did you hear that? 

That’s the sound of 9-year-old Kaede Akamatsu’s heart breaking.

Kaede feels empty without her beloved piano. It’s been her whole life up into this point, so she tries to fill that void. A little bit of art? How about some writing? Gardening? Cooking? Building? Studying? Acting? She does it all. And, honestly, she’s only decent at all of the skills above and she still feels as empty as ever. 

Apparently, that’s enough for Hope’s Peak Academy as they invited the supposed girl who can do everything. And thus, the SHSL Jack of All Trades came to the school. Or maybe something shorter. Eh, I’ll figure it out.

Sprite edit would be to make her clothes into dull tones. Erase every reference of music and piano if possible. If not maybe draw x’s over these? Anyway, in place of these have a bunch of badges all over her clothes, one for each talent she’s half-assed in. Lowkey just realized her talent is the shitty version of Izuru’s sjafksdflkj

Like her clothes, her personality would be like her OG self if some pulled back on the reins a lot. Dull, bland. Not very fun to be around tbh. However, being in Hope’s Peak and away from parental supervision would probably make her personality slowly (and I mean slowly it’d be pretty unrealistic if she snaps back to her ndrv3 self immediately) go back to original, especially when her class surprises her with a cheap piano from the Japanese equivalent of Craigslist. She’d cry so much seeing that thing.

tldr; Different backstories make for this Flipped!AU. Angie is feral and angry SHSL Botanist, and Kaede is a piano-less and empty (but slowly recovering) SHSL Jack of All Trades.

Okay that’s it for the rambling. It’s like midnight, and I have to be up at 7:00! If you got to this point without relying on the tldr, thank you for reading!!! Ahhh, it makes me feel fuzzy that someone was willing to read all of my verbal vomit. Maybe one day I’ll make an addition to this idk! Have a good day!