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chiaraswritings · 7 months ago

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Batman Vs Bruce Wayne Headcanons: Date Night with fem!Reader

Disclaimer: I do not own DC or their settings. This is certainly not canon.

Warnings & Topics: Smut, comfort. 18+.

Important Note: 18+ suggestive headcanons begin after the stars (✶ ✶ ✶), and will have a star (✶) in their intro.

Author's Note: Don't come for me, it's been awhile! For everything. This is my first time posting headcanons so I'm sorry if I didn't do them right. Nonetheless, I hope you're all having an incredible summer, and I hope you enjoy.

Listen on Spotify while you read…

☽ Batman

☽ Batman not wanting to take off the Batsuit until you have to physically take it off him. And then physically put the matching hoodie you got on him.

☽ Batman not being anywhere near finished with the case he's working on.

☽ Batman letting you sit on his lap while he "finishes up real quick".

☽ Batman grumbling because you saw him rubbing his eyes, and now you're worried about the blue light from the Batcomputer affecting him. "The computer is not the enemy, (y/n)."

☽ Batman looking over your shoulder to see who you're texting and rolling his eyes that you're actually playing a merging game.

☽ Batman letting you fall asleep on his lap, and when you wake up, he still has his arms in the exact same position around you as he did an hour ago. The only thing that's changed is the screen.

☽ Batman rolling his eyes fondly when you get bored by his research on the screen. "Technically, this is classified information. You're not even supposed to be reading this."

☽ Batman letting you order Chinese food to the manor from his phone. You abandon his lap only to run up and get it, coming back with the plastic bag. He only eats when you hold the chopsticks up for him (both of his hands are on the keyboard).

☽ Batman allowing you to steal kisses every so often, then complaining you taste like beef and broccoli.

☽ Batman giving you gentle squeezes to check in. He'll run his hand down to yours and squeeze, and you'll capture his hand with your fingers.

☽ Batman finishing his work and turning you in his lap to give you his full attention.

☽ Batman scoffing when you ask if you can watch a Disney movie on the Batcomputer, but it only takes a few moments of convincing before he grumbles and relents.

☽ Batman breathing in the smell of your shampoo as he half-watches the movie with you. You glare at him, subtly telling him to pay attention to the plot, and he finally does. "What, are you quizzing me on it later?"

✶ ✶ ✶ (18+ content ahead) ✶ ✶ ✶

☽ ✶ Batman totally not getting distracted when you take off your shirt and go right back to cuddling in your sports bra. Because he's Batman, of course he doesn't get distracted.

☽ ✶ Batman forgetting all about the movie and starting research on you instead. Our ADHD king. ✨

☽ ✶ Batman making out with you in the middle of the Batcave, his hands unashamedly memorizing your curves. Your waist, your thighs, up to cup your breasts in calloused hands, then back down to your thighs again.

☽ ✶ Batman pulling you into the Batmobile of all places for privacy. "What? It's the closest place with a lock." So now you are destined to have sex in his car. Though the darkened windows do give a certain... aura to the tight space.

☽ ✶ Batman pulling you on top of him in the driver's seat, secretly grateful you made him take off the Batsuit earlier. You're soon locked in a kiss again, his lips eager and his hands running over your thighs.

☽ ✶ Batman gruffly apologizing when you bump your head on the roof of the car as he peels off your leggings unceremoniously. "Careful. It's cramped in here." He keeps his hand near your hand after that.

☽ ✶ Batman's hands supporting your hips as you grind against him, you can feel his growing erection through those goddamn sweatpants you made him wear. The only noise he makes is low grunts and deep exhales through his nose, clear signs to your trained ear that he's enjoying this.

☽ ✶ Batman keeping his hands on your thighs the entire time you ride him. His fingers roughly dig into your skin, keeping your legs parted, helping you move up and down. His lips find yours, muffling your shrill moans.

☼ Bruce Wayne

☼ Bruce Wayne not really having a preference between going out and staying in.

☼ Bruce Wayne loving the way you dress up when you try a new restaurant together. You have the best smear-proof lipstick, so he can kiss you as often as he wants.

☼ Bruce Wayne keeping you close when he sees a camera lens pointing at them. If the picture's going to hit the news, he wants everyone to know you're his girl.

☼ Bruce Wayne not really paying attention to anything but you. He mumbles absently to the waiter, his eyes trained on yours. It could be the completely wrong dish that comes out, one he despises, and he wouldn't really care. He's too happy being with you.

☼ Bruce Wayne not minding your requests to stay in instead of go out. He'll take off his jacket and shoes without a second thought, handing you one of his hoodies to stay warm in. "Here. You're going to steal it later anyways."

☼ Bruce Wayne putting on your favorite Netflix show as you curl up into his sheets. Word on the street is he wanted to buy the whole show just for you, and when the company turned him down, you had to stop him from punching the representative.

☼ Bruce Wayne binging a pack of Oreos with you, and then kissing you even with cookie in your teeth.

☼ Bruce Wayne keeping you close when you fall asleep, but even then he doesn't turn off the show. By this time he's way too invested in the plot he once rolled his eyes at.

☼ Bruce Wayne waking up in the middle of the night to see you re-watching the episodes you slept through, and gladly watching them again. He's so bad at not spoiling the ending. You'd think he could keep a secret, with all the secrets he already keeps.

☼ Bruce Wayne falling asleep right at the climax (he's already seen), and you low-key getting pissed off at him because you're so invested and on edge.

☼ Bruce Wayne drifting in and out of sleep until you finally fall asleep with him, the show playing in the background. You'll have to finish it another day.

☼ Bruce Wayne waking up before you do and brushing his teeth so he won't have morning breath when he kisses you.

☼ Bruce Wayne insisting you can't just eat Oreos for breakfast, though you argue it has the same nutrients as a muffin would.

✶ ✶ ✶ (18+ content ahead) ✶ ✶ ✶

☼ ✶ Bruce Wayne insisting he only joined you in the bathroom so he can shave, and nicking himself more than once because he was sneaking peeks at you in the shower.

☼ ✶ Bruce Wayne finally giving up on shaving and watching you in the shower without shame. His eyes follow the lather that runs over the curve of your hips and down your legs.

☼ ✶ Bruce Wayne staring for so long, you finally open the shower door as an invitation. He strips in record time and steps in, quickly turning the water to a hotter temperature.

☼ ✶ Bruce Wayne being fully aroused from the moment he steps in the shower, but taking the time for foreplay. His hands move from your waist, to your stomach, then between your legs, his fingers doing nimble, skilled work there.

☼ ✶ Bruce Wayne wrapping one of your legs around his waist, his lips doing their duty on your neck, his fingers working between your legs where you need them the most. He usually takes the lead in foreplay, reducing you to a mess in his arms.

☼ ✶ Bruce Wayne keeping his hand between your legs as he thrusts into you, fingertips pressing against your bundle of nerves. He knows exactly how to please you, and how to not overstimulate you.

☼ ✶ Bruce Wayne murmuring sweet (sexy) nothings into your ear as he fucks you. All you can do is open your mouth in a silent moan, your breath coming out in a long sigh.

☼ ✶ Bruce Wayne resting his forehead against yours, the water running over your lips, making them look so inviting. He's not so lost in pleasure that he can't notice this, and he pauses his thrusts to kiss you like you're an addiction. Your hips buck, the lack of movement annoying you slightly. He grins and resumes, his fingers moving in between your bodies, fucking you in all the right ways.

✧ Masterlist

✧ Similar Fanfiction

✧ Spotify

✧ Pinterest (Coming soon)

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thecordelialetters · 6 months ago

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I’ll love you in every multiverse Pt. 2 I Five Hargreeves x Reader

Post Apocalypse Au! WC: 1.8k Pt. 1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4

Summary: The Umbrella’s can understand jumping through time and all its rules, yeah fuck with the timeline and it’ll fuck you right back. But what happens when a portal opens up in the middle of the academy and outfalls a girl who claims to be Five’s wife from a different universe.

It had been four hours since you and Five arrived at the library. Piles and piles of books surrounded the two of you, none of which seemed to have the answers you needed. Equations were littered across the table and papers were strewn about. Five spoke up a few feet away from where you were sitting. "Im getting nowhere. I think we need to start from square one with my formula for time travel and superimpose that on the multiversal possibility." You looked at him ready to ask for a simpler explanation but when you saw his eyes focused on the paper ahead of him, you couldn't help but feel a throb in your chest. You missed your Five. The feel of his skin, the look of love in his eyes, the tone of his voice when he said he loved you. Five noticed your silence and looked up. "Are you okay?" You looked away blinking back tears. "Yeah I'm fine, let's just keep looking." But Five sensed you were no longer in the mood to research, so he got up and held his hand to you.

"Come on, staring at these pages too long will fry your brain, let's get some food." You grabbed his hand and savored the warmth it held. Each callous represented the number of missions he went through, though it was clean of the blood he shed it felt like home. If this was home, if this was before the fight, you and Five might be sitting together, not 5 feet apart, reading books. Perhaps the two of you would be in comfortable silence, your feet in his lap and his hand massaging your ankle every once in a while. Maybe he would look over, and you would glance back, peaking over the words of little women, one of your faves. Possibly he would put his book down and climb over to you . He would kiss your cheek, then your neck, and then settle in a comfortable spot beside you.

A cough from this universe's Five pulled you out of your reverie. The two of you ended up in a small Chinese takeout place that was decorated to the brim with gaudy oriental lanterns and curtains. It wasn't too busy, the noise mostly consisted of the cooking in the back and the occasional ring of the phone. Five brought over two containers, pork and white rice with steamed vegetables for himself and beef broccoli lo main for you. Surprisingly even this Five subconsciously knew what you wanted.

“How,” he looked uncomfortable, as if he didn’t know how to talk anymore. “How have you uh been so far?” He put a big spoonful of rice in his mouth as if it were to stop him from asking another bland question.

Awkwardly you looked to the side, “I’ve been fine, missing home, worried about how my husbands doing, worried how I'll be able to get back, if I could get back.” You paused for a second, pursing your lips at the thought. “Wondering what I’ll do if I can’t get back.”

The sentence brought tears to your eyes, as if saying it out loud only solidified the possibility of it.

Despite thinking you’d flinch back, Five hesitantly reached over to touch your hand. But you didn’t, it was an action he had done a million times over. "I will do everything I can to help you." His eyes held so much sincerity at that moment. Behind the relief you felt at that statement, you felt a question poke your subconscious. Maybe it was the fact that he was another version of your husband, but he looked so handsome and sweet in that moment, that you actually thought about leaning over to kiss him. Five looked at you deeply after promising to help you get home, but he wasn't sure if he even meant what he said. Some part of him enjoyed having you around. You already knew him and he was still shocked that in another world he was able to have you. The two of you finished up your food while making some small talk about your old life, and what his previous plans were. Walking back home was a comfortable silence, two hands occasionally brushed up against one another without the confidence to fully connect.

It was late when you arrived at the academy, a tired look adorning your face with sleepy yawns escaping your mouth. Five gingerly led you through the entrance to his room. He left you sitting on the bed and brought back an assortment of things. "I grabbed you a towel, toothbrush, and an extra set of pajamas. There is a bathroom right outside to your left and if you need anything I'll be sleeping in Vanya's old room." You peeked up at him through thick lashes, "Thanks Five." He closed the door and left the room to clean up for bed. As he was changing he imagined yourself helping him get ready, maybe playfully joking while the two of you brushed your teeth. What were you like in bed, not in that way, but how did you sleep? Did you cuddle him? Did you prefer to be big spoon or little spoon, did you snore? It was 2 hours and he was still imagining the life the two of you would have, did have. His wife. He had Delores and his family, but settling down with a real woman and being able to live a peaceful domestic life was something he thought was a farfetched dream in this world.

Meanwhile, as you got ready for bed you started to look around Five’s room. Everything from his childhood was here. He definitely had a knack for math seeing the equations everywhere and the toy trains on his dresser. You couldn’t imagine young Five being too different from older Five, probably a smart ass. Lifting the covers you slid into the bed engulfed by his scent. Closing your eyes you swore you felt a ghost of an arm reaching around you.

The lights from the window hitting your eyes woke you up. You laid under the covers relishing the warmth, your hand moved over to your left, a cold spot where Five would have been. Your heart yearned for him like crazy, and wondered what he was doing right now and if he was okay. Getting up you got ready for the day, brushed your teeth washed your face before digging through Allison's closet for more normal clothes. Deciding on a pair of jeans and a tank top you made your way down the stairs where you were greeted by Five accompanied by an all-American breakfast, bacon eggs, and toast. "There's some coffee in the pot, creamer in the fridge, and sugar here." He gestured to the counter with a cup in his hand. "Thank you Five, this smells delicious." You let your hair fall over your face to hide your smile. Sweet. That was sweet of him. "Where uh is everyone else?" You hadn't seen anyone at the estate since you arrived. "Im not sure they usually like to go off on their own." Short and sweet, Okay probably wouldn't be getting much help from them. You made yourself a cup and sat down at the counter across from him. He stood there staring at his notebook and occasionally sipped his drink. You probably stared at him longer than necessary because he looked up at you. Green eyes met brown until yours flickered away. "Sorry It's just, you," you paused to think of the right words. "You're him, I can't stop thinking about him."

It looked like Five was having an inner conflict before one side eventually won. He swiftly rounded the corner, face hovering just above your head. "I'm not him...but I hope this helps." He wrapped his arms around your body. Your nose buried in his shirt, the feel, the smell it was all so overwhelming. You brought your hands around him and clung back, eyes clenched so tight as if he would disappear the minute they opened. "Please don't go" you whispered. "I would never." He replied. An outsider, upon looking at the two, would never guess they were strangers. This was a lover's embrace. Surprisingly you were the first to let go while Five continued to squish you. Slowly he loosened his grip, but not before pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. "Do... Do you think I'll find her? My (y/n)?" He pulled away to look at you. You bite your lip, you didn't want to give him false hope nor want to crush him. "I don't know, there's no way to tell for sure. Maybe one day you'll cross paths. But know this." You grabbed his hand and put it over your wedding ring. "You'll make her the happiest girl in the world. And she will love you, all of you, for everything you are." It took everything in him to not kiss you, you weren't really his. The walk back to the library was quiet. Not a comfortable silence like before but there felt like there was an elephant in the room. The tension between the two of you was like a thick block of concrete. You pulled out 4 books from across the library and brought it over to the table the two of you sat at. "Here this one deals with multiversal theories, this one deals with the quantum realm, and this one is about space-time and math." The last book unbeknownst to Five was actually Viktor's memoir. You had seen it discarded in a "free book!" bin and was curious about what information it contained. While your study partner was busy with equations, you silently skimmed the book under the table. You read about the pain Reginald Hargreeves inflicted on the children, how Viktor felt like an outsider in his own home, how the children struggled with the lack of love at home, and the day Five jumped. There wasn't much about the actual day but what happened after, and Viktor's grief coming to terms with it. It was heartbreaking to read, even more so when you read about Ben's death.

Before you could read any further a cough snapped you out of your concentration. "So from what I gathered...we are going to need a lot of equipment. Now there's a lot of inheritance money left from my father but it's going to take a while." He grimaced, Five felt bad. He felt bad that you were probably suffering. “Don’t worry I’m going to help you, we’ll work day and night to get this thing going. It'll take having to use our powers and though, are you okay with that?” He knew that using your powers siphoned your life force and he didn’t want to risk that. “If that's what it'll take for me to get home then so be it.” You nodded comfortably. “I’ll try as much as I can to make sure you don’t use too much, but nothing's certain.”

He would make it certain. In the few days he'd spent with you, it wasn't hard to imagine eternity. No matter what he would make sure you could get home safely.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆⋆｡‧˚

Author's note: I know I haven't posted in forever but I have like so many chapters in my draft sooooo... be on the look out for She's my angel as well ! She's my Angel Pt1. Shes my Angel Pt2.

Taglist : @cialovesklopp , @lovehatekill

#fanfic #five hargreeves #five hargreaves #five hargreeves x reader #number five #five x reader #tua fanfic #tua x reader #tua five #the umbrella academy #umbrella acedmy #five x you #commonplace #five x y/n #five hargreaves x reader #five hargreaves x you

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nayziiz · 10 months ago

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Fortune Cookies | CS55

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x reader (you)

Author's note: I'm trying something a little bit different with shorter form fics, so please send through any requests or feedback. These one shots will likely not have a second part unless it really speaks to me to continue with it. Thank you!

Masterlist

Carlos and Chinese food became synonymous with comfort and joy for you. No matter how hectic or exhausting the day had been, the mere thought of those savoury aromas wafting from the takeout containers lifted your spirits. It wasn't just about the food; it was about the ritual, the shared moments of relaxation and indulgence after the daily grind.

You'd often find yourself craving the familiar flavours of General Tso's chicken, beef and broccoli, or shrimp fried rice. It was your guilty pleasure, your ultimate comfort food wrapped up in those neatly packed cartons. And even on those rare occasions when everything seemed to go smoothly, when the world felt like it was on your side, you still found yourself yearning for that unmistakable taste of Chinese cuisine.

But for Carlos, it was a bit of a dilemma. His dedication to his strict diet clashed with your unwavering love for Chinese food. While he meticulously monitored his calorie intake and adhered to his fitness regimen, you were more than happy to indulge in your favourite dishes without a second thought. Yet, despite the disparity in your dietary habits, Carlos never once complained. Instead, he embraced your love for Chinese food with unwavering support and a touch of humour.

He'd jokingly remark about how he'd need to cycle a few extra kilometres to burn off the excess calories from the sweet and sour chicken or the tempting spring rolls. His commitment to both his health and your happiness was evident in his willingness to compromise, to go the extra mile—quite literally—to accommodate your cravings.

And so, evenings became a ritual of unwrapping those familiar containers, the aroma of soy sauce and spices filling the air as you settled in for a cosy meal together. It wasn't just about the food anymore; it was about the laughter, the conversations, and the shared moments that made those Chinese takeout nights so special.

As you stepped out of the shower, enveloped in a cloud of steam, the enticing aroma of Chinese cuisine greeted you like an unexpected embrace. Confusion flickered across your face as you entered the kitchen to find Carlos unpacking an array of dishes, his expression carrying a mischievous glint you couldn't quite decipher.

Your eyebrows knitted together in bewilderment as you took in the spread before you. It was the familiar feast of Chinese delicacies you adored, laid out invitingly on the kitchen counter. But something about the way Carlos was beaming at you hinted that this was no ordinary takeout night.

“What's all this?” you asked, a puzzled expression creasing your brow as you stepped into the kitchen, the scent of Chinese food mingling with the steam from your recent shower. “I thought we were making pasta for dinner?”

Carlos chuckled softly, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he turned to face you, the corner of his lips curling into a playful smile.

“Well, I may have had a change of plans,” he admitted, a hint of mystery dancing in his gaze.

Your curiosity piqued, you watched as he gestured towards the array of Chinese delicacies spread out on the counter, the colourful containers beckoning enticingly.

“I couldn't resist surprising you,” he confessed, his tone infused with excitement.

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you took in the unexpected feast before you, the tantalising aromas tempting your taste buds.

“You sneaky devil,” you teased, a flicker of amusement glinting in your eyes as you realised the extent of Carlos's surprise.

But beneath the playful banter, you felt a swell of gratitude wash over you, touched by his thoughtfulness and the effort he'd gone to make this night special. It didn't matter that your dinner plans had taken an unexpected turn; what mattered was the gesture—the spontaneous act of love that had turned an ordinary evening into something extraordinary.

As you surveyed the assortment of Chinese dishes laid out before you, your gaze fell upon a pair of fortune cookies nestled among the containers—a surprising addition to the usual fare. You couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in bemusement, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you realised that Carlos had orchestrated this evening down to the smallest detail, including an unexpected twist.

"Fortune cookies?" you remarked, a hint of laughter lacing your words as you picked up one of the crisp, golden cookies, its edges delicately folded like a secret waiting to be revealed. "You really went all out, didn't you?"

Carlos grinned in response, his eyes alight with mischief as he reached for the other cookie, the anticipation palpable in the air. "I thought it might be something fun for a change," he admitted, his voice tinged with excitement.

With a shared glance brimming with anticipation, you cracked open the cookies simultaneously, the brittle shells yielding to reveal the tiny slips of paper hidden within.

As you read the message from your fortune cookie, a playful grin tugging at your lips, Carlos watched you with a mixture of anticipation and excitement, his heart pounding in his chest.

“What does it say?” he asked eagerly, his voice tinged with a hint of nervousness. You couldn't help but chuckle at the absurdity of the message, the words dancing across the slip of paper in your hand.

“You are destined to marry the person across from you,” you replied, amusement colouring your tone as you set the paper down on the counter.

Carlos's laughter echoed yours, relief washing over him as he reached for his own fortune cookie, fingers trembling slightly with anticipation.

"That's so weird," he remarked, his eyes sparkling with a mixture of humour and affection.

With a shared glance filled with curiosity, you watched as he cracked open the cookie, the brittle shell yielding to reveal the message hidden within. Your breath caught in your throat as he handed you the slip of paper, your eyes scanning the words in disbelief.

“Will you marry me?” you read aloud, your heart skipping a beat as you looked up to find Carlos on one knee before you, a small box cradled in his hand, the glint of a simple ring nestled within.

Time seemed to stand still as you gazed into his eyes, the warmth of his love enveloping you like a comforting embrace. In that moment, surrounded by the remnants of your Chinese takeout feast and the echoes of laughter that filled the air, you knew that this was the beginning of a new chapter—a story written in the stars and sealed with a fortune cookie.

With tears glistening in your eyes and a smile spreading across your face, you reached out to him, your heart overflowing with joy.

“Yes,” you whispered, your voice trembling with emotion as you accepted the ring and his outstretched hand, knowing that this moment would be etched in your memory forever—a testament to the unexpected magic of fortune and the unwavering love that had brought you together.

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nomsfaultau · 2 months ago

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Philza Malewife Competition Round 2

Previous round: Cleaning. Current points: The Lambs Wolves Wear (1), everyone else (0)

For a quick synopsis for the fics I’m referencing- those are here

(Zoom in below cut) Where do babies come from?: Philza reheated a slice of pepperoni pizza. It’s on a paper towel so he doesn’t have to wash dishes after. Slightly rubbery and very greasy. But it must be good, since Philza’s leftovers are what lured a bunch of homeless kids to raid his fridge.

Lighting Lanterns to Bring You Home: Fried noodles with beef and roasted mushrooms and broccoli, and a side of dumplings. Comes with a blessing of plenty from the Harvest god Technoblade. Made in the style of his homeland, and it brings him comfort in a foreign country. The spices are from his far reaching travels when petitioning the gods of every people he could find, and leads to a very unique blend.

Golden Apples (Gilded Atrophy): A dish heavily featuring golden apples! Enjoy Philza’s apple pie, apple cider, and an enchanted god apple. Slight problem….it is magically addictive/mind controlling, will trigger a body horror furry transformation sequence, and Philza will try to kill you if you eat any of his golden apples……

The Lambs Wolves Wear: This Philza is poor and notably starving to death, but he strives to feed his family as well he can. So, have some fluffy biscuits! The wheat was threshed and ground by hand, and all the butter and milk came from his own cows. Or, what’s left of them. Also maple syrup candies that he got from town that he rations out for special occasions. Let’s just hope none of this is secretly one of “Wilbur’s” illusions designed to stop Philza from noticing he’s starving…

Fault: It’s tough getting ingredients while on the run, but in Fault we see Philza is rather resourceful! Here he has roasted wild rabbit haunch, a rabbit, acorn, and foraged herbs stew, and dandelion tea. Everything was either hunted or foraged himself. It’s cooked to perfection thanks to his mastery of fire. Plates are admittedly a luxury, but oak leaves work fine, right? The tea pot is a luxury he insists upon though, this one round up from one of his vaults and likely to get cracked in a fight, much to the chagrin of historians.

Mandatory Family Reunion: The lovely spread of crown roast pork, potatoes, and grapes was of course prepared by one of his master chefs. But he claims to have prepared the pork himself. Techno is worried it’s not pig they’re eating, but the Piglins.

Worth far more than your weight in gold: [Philza] brought home food for his picky chicks! He doesn’t understand what people eat, and is very stressed about Gold Chick [translator’s note: Tommy] not eating the dead squirrels he’s been bringing. Maybe a live Technoblade will taste better?

Lord, what fools these mortals be!: With a grin and a puff of smoke, Philza conjures a cake out of thin air. Featuring a wintry chocolate tree that would make Amaury Guichon weep, delicate floating wisps of clouds and mist made of spun sugar, and flying chocolate candles. The frosting crows even fly across the cake. What? What do you mean you want a PB&J? He still doesn’t know what that is!!

Close ups below

Man this was really good art practice

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leiascully · 4 months ago

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X-Files OctoberFicFest Day 24: Decompress

Here you go @calimanc 💞

She's had a long fucking day. She couldn't even begin to detail what's been so exhausting about it. She's too worn out. It was all the things she did and all the people she dealt with and the disappointing sandwich at lunch she only ate a few bites of and the pebble that nearly turned her ankle and the weird smell in her car from some fast food remnant that had gotten lodged under the seat somehow. Just one damn thing after the other from the moment her alarm went off. The coffee filter overflowed and she got a mouthful of grounds. Her favorite pen disappeared. Her coat pocket has a hole in it and there are miscellaneous little objects inside the lining that bump against her as she walks.

Scully just wants to lie down and hope sleep overtakes her before hunger does.

She opens her apartment door and recoils, her hand going to the grip of her pistol. Someone's been here. Someone is here, or at least she hopes so, because there are lit candles on her table. Artfully arranged around them is a tasteful display of takeout boxes. She sniffs: steamed rice, General Tso's chicken, beef with broccoli, and the off-menu garlic eggplant she can't resist. All her favorites. There's a container of egg drop soup, too, and a greasy bag that surely contains egg rolls. The tv is on, the opening scene of The Exorcist frozen on the screen.

Mulder emerges from her bathroom. "I couldn't find napkins," he says, brandishing a couple of washcloths.

She steps into the apartment and takes the washcloths from him. "Napkins are in the kitchen."

"I didn't want to go through all your drawers," he says with a cheeky little wink.

She tosses the washcloths onto the little table with the answering machine and goes to get cloth napkins out of the drawer in which she keeps them, as if she throws a lot of dinner parties. As if she's thrown any since her father passed away. But she still has the napkins. They're aspirational. She hands a couple to Mulder and he puts them on the table, silverware arrayed on top. He puts the cutlery down correctly next to the plates, which doesn't really surprise her; he has those old-money manners.

She's too tired to even ask him why he's here. She looks at him mutely, one eyebrow ghosting higher.

"You skipped lunch, Scully," he says, answering her unspoken question as he helps her out of her jacket and hangs it up.

"I had a sandwich," she says in a doubtful voice.

"You had two bites of a sandwich." He pats the back of a chair. "Sit down."

She sits. He spoons portions of the various dishes onto her plate, adds an egg roll with a flourish. He brings her a glass of water with just the right amount of ice. He sits and serves himself, and they eat. He talks, but he doesn't ask her questions. It's what she thinks of as Mulderchatter, an endless patter of interesting facts and outlandish theories. It washes over her like a warm bath.

When they've eaten, he maneuvers her to the couch and washes the dishes. The leftovers are stored tidily in the fridge. The candles are snuffed. When he's done, he joins her. She's just staring into space. He picks up her remote, presses play, pulls her feet into his lap, and takes off her shoes. He squeezes her feet gently with his big hands. It feels nice. She's too tender to want the pressure of a real massage, either emotional or physical.

They watch the movie. She's seen it a number of times, can mouth some of the dialogue. He flinches at the scary moments, which is satisfying, because she doesn't. She lets herself drift, anchored by the weight of his hands still cupped over her feet. By the time the movie's over, she's half-asleep.

Mulder wiggles out from under her feet and scoops her up, helping her stand. He slips one arm around her and walks her to her bedroom. There's a pair of clean pajamas lying on her comforter, so he did go through some of her drawers. Somehow that's comforting too, even though she's absolutely certain he's now seen her underwear. He's seen it before. She's got nothing to hide from him.

"Don't go yet," she says. "Please."

"You got me," he promises.

He turns his back while she changes. When she's done, he helps her into the bed. She stares up at him until he sits on the edge of her mattress. He toes off his shoes. She scoots over to make room for him and he lies down on top of the covers. He puts his arm over her.

She shouldn't be soothed by this, probably, but she is. She accepts that about herself at this point. She tries to be superhuman, but everyone needs touch. She's not a wire monkey. She needs Mulder: the bulk of his body next to hers, the even rhythm of his breathing, the faint whiff of cologne from his skin.

She knows he'll be gone when she wakes up, but he'll stay until she's at peace. That's what matters. He did this for her: saw her aching inarticulate need and brought her gifts to nourish her, body and soul.

"Mulder," she mumbles.

"I'm here," he assures her, and she thinks she feels his lips brush her forehead, but she's already sliding into sleep. It's all right. He knows.

#xfiles octoberficfest #my fic #leiascully fic

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wackbitstudios · 9 days ago

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Whats your favourite food? Personally my comfort food is beef and broccoli, but im also partial to chicken noodle soup or indomie hot and spicy

#8bit #pixel aesthetic #pixel art #2d art #digital art #food art #aseprite #art #artists on tumblr #illustration

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like-apollo · 1 year ago

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A Funky Friendsgiving

[I thought it would be fun to include some characters from my last story]

You were laying on your back in Anthony's king size bed, as his tan bubble butt was spread across your face. “Don’t be shy babe, eat it up” he said as he was grinding on you, rocking up and down your face causing his hole to move from your nose to your mouth, back and forth. It smelled so bitter yet sweet. “I mean it is Thanksgiving after all.”

The movement was building pressure around his puckered ass and you knew you were trapped. Not that you minded

BBbbbrrRrRAaaaaPppptt

“Ahhhh there you go, baby” he sighed as your tongue pressed against his hole and penetrated deep into his anal canal, causing him to realase more heavy gas down your throat.

PhhFfrttPtt.

“Kiss it for me, babe?” He kept ripping ass while grinding on your open mouth and up your nose. You knew it was the only air you would be breathing tonight but you didn’t care. It was coming from Anthony’s beautiful buttocks and you had no plans to stop…

Earlier that night, you arrived at your friend Christina’s house for a friendsgiving. You had been looking forward to catching up with some good friends that you’ve known since high school. It’s tough to get everyone together being in your 30s now, but you always made it work and it was always worth it.

Even your friend Dante who you hadn’t seen in several months showed up, which was a nice surprise. He brought his father David. His dad was extremely fit and good looking for his age and you couldn’t help but to admire him. Even though he was older, he fit in with everyone and made good company. You happened to notice that Dante and David seemed very close for a father and son. Their energy threw you off at first, but you tried not to read into it too much. Everyone was having a good time, after all.

With such a diverse group of friends, there was an exceptional mix of cuisine: Dante and David brought their delicious Macaroni and Cheese; Noel brought a large platter of brown rice and beans along with a side of cheesy beef empenadas; Anthony brought his home made stuffed shells; Tia made mashed potatoes and a side of brussel sprouts; you brought a broccoli and cheddar fondu; and Christina, being the host, prepared a delicious turkey with a side of gravy and stuffing. There was way more than enough food for the 7 of you.

Everyone was catching up and having a good time. You stepped away to get a beer when suddenly you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“Yo man! Long time no see.” You tunred around to see your friend Anthony. Anthony was tall, handsome guy and he always had your back, even in your earlier school days. Being an extrovert, Anthony now worked in sales and introduced you to a lot of people throughout the years, both friends and colleagues. He was charismatic and always made people feel comfortable, but he was also a great friend. You couldn't help but admire his charm.

“Hey Tony! I was just grabbing a drink.” Tony walked with you to the kitchen as you caught up with each other. You've always had a crush on Anthony, but your friendship never went beyond that. He knew you were gay from the beginning which helped him open up to you when he began exploring his own sexual identity and thoughts about other men, but it was more platonic. Plus he had been living with his boyfriend Alex for over a year now and you cared about his happiness more than anything.

Still, you felt more of an attraction to him tonight and noticed he was talking to you more than any of your friends. Not that you minded, but it was hard to keep your feelings down - literally as your cock jumped in your pants every time he spoke.

After a few drinks, it was time for dinner. You looked in awe at the abundance of a delcious dinner in front of you. Anthony grabbed 2 plates and handed one to you. “Look, so there’s something I wanted to tell you. After my promotion, I was actually able to move out and get a place of my own. It was rough at first, but I’m making it work.”

You didn’t really understand what he meant. Last time you checked, him and Alex were doing well together. “Oh wow. I mean that’s great Tone, but you and Alex already had your own place, no?”

“Yeah, so about that...” Anthony was loading his plate up now. He started with the Mac and Cheese and then added rice and beans. “As you know, me and Alex have gone through our ups and downs in the past.” He was piling up his plate now with turkey, brussel sprouts, 2 empanadas, stuffed shells and mashed potatoes. “We were always able to work through them, but we got into a big argument and there’s just no going back.”

You honestly didn’t know what to say. On one hand, you were shocked. I mean, you cared about your friend, but it also low key made you excited knowing that he was single again. But you also wanted to be there for him. “Wow Tony, wait so back up, everything was going good between you and Alex, so what happened?”

“I don’t really know how to tell you man, but“

“Sheesh Tony, the food isn’t going anywhere” he was interrupted by your other good frined Noel, noticing the mountain of dinner on his plate. “I can’t even see the plate underneath!”

“Relax Noel, there’s definitely more than enough food here.” Christina chimed in.

“Yeah, but we all know what happens to Tony’s stomach when he eats too much.” Noel said grinning.

Noel was great guy and he was part of your inner circle back in the day. What he was referring to was Anthony’s lactose intolerance, which you all were familiar with. Even when he took his digestive enzymes, Tony’s gas was heavy and lethal. And dairy just added fuel to the flames. Tonight his plate was full of different cheesy foods in addition to the turkey.

Tony walked over to Noel: “Life’s too short, man.” he turned his back to Noel. “Sometimes you just gotta let loose-”

BbbbBBrrRRppPPttt

“…and live a little” he said as he ripped a booming 7 second fart right on Noel’s plate.

“Come on Tone, that was right on my food!” Noel said frustrated as he walked to the living room. Anthony just gave an evil smirk as he followed behind Noel. Everyone was laughing about it as they went to the living room – well, everyone except for you.

Aside from the potent stench, his fart didn't really phase you. You stood in the kitchen for a moment contemplating what to do. You really wanted to tell Anthony about your feelings tonight, and he just disclosed that he was single now, so you had the freedom to speak on it. Still, as his friend, you wanted to know what happened with Alex. You wanted to talk to him, alone.

Back in the living room, everyone was eating and chatting. Anthony was enjoying his massive plate while chatting with Dante and David. You walked over and sat with them, trying to join in the conversation.

“Man that was a pretty gnarly fart earlier” Dante said with a laugh. “Can’t imagine how bad it’s going to get after dinner.”

“Trust me, it’s gonna keep me up all night.” Dante and David gave each other an interesting look, which you never understood to this day. But your mind was occupied about Anthony to think too much about it.

Anthony finished his plate without saying a word to you. You felt a shift in the energy, as he got up and walked to the bathroom. As the night went on, you caught up with your other friends. You tried to talk to Anthony again but it was as if he ignored you. He was showing you so much attention at the start of the party, so what was going on?

By the end of the night, everyone was saying their goodbyes until it was just you and Anthony. You both decided to leave together and after saying goodbye to Christina, you walked outside in silence.

“I’ve been trying to talk to you all night Tony” you said breaking the silence. “You okay?”

“I’m good man, it was just a little bit uncomfortable earlier” he was finally opening up to you.

“Look, Tony, I’m not sure what happened but you can talk to me about anything.”

He looked at you and took a deep breath, then closed his eyes forcefully as he leaned forward.

BBBbbBBBRrrrRRPPPbbBBUUuuUUUMMMPpppPPPFFfffFTttTTt

He let out a loud, chunky 23-second fart that shook the whole street and set off the neighbor’s car alarm. Even being outside, the smell hit burned the inside of your nostrils as you began coughing.

“Damn Tony, you might wanna check your pants. I was just-“

He interrupted you. “Look I don’t know how to say this, but here it goes: yes, I have some powerful gas. But it’s not for everyone. Alex wasn’t a fan of it. We ended up getting into a huge fight over it. The reason I left is because he couldn’t take it and he wasn’t open to it.” he was looking at the ground now. “He told me it was disgusting…”

“Wow, Tony, I’m so sorry man, I had no idea. I mean it seems a little extreme to break up over farting.” You wanted to tell him more about your feelings, but you were just trying to be there for your friend at this point.

“Well it’s not just about the gas. The thing of it is, I have a kink for farting on other men. I haven't been able to explore that yet. And I wanted to with Alex. He seemed so open minded when we first met and I thought that after so much time he’d be willing to try it” Anthony said, now looking up at you. “And the other thing is, seeing you tonight just made me feel good again. But I didn’t want this to weird you out. I mean I saw how Alex reacted…” It was all making sense now as to why he was ignoring you.

Somehow through the gas, you were extremely turned on. You had never really tried anything with farts before but just the idea of Anthony being so vulnerable in this moment about his deepest desire was turning you on. You didn't understand it but you were open to it.

“Look Tony I gotta be honest with you man. It’s always been you. I’ve always liked you. Yes, your gas is powerful, but that never really bothered me. Actually, if you want, we could try it out sometime…”

He grabbed your hand. “Well hopefully Christina doesn’t mind keeping your car overnight. And we can just tell her you drank too much or something” He said with a laugh. Now Tony was the one getting hard at the thought of farting in your face all night. “Would you wanna come back to my place?”

You couldn’t say no to him. The thought of being with Anthony, who you've known for years, and the thought of taking his beautiful ass just felt right. His stomach was rumbling at this point and he was ready to give you all of his built up gas, and you had no choice but to be there for him.

You made it back to his car. As he puilled out of the driveway, he locked all of the windows.

BrrRRrRRMmpppffffFffFt. The first of many deadly farts erupted and he moaned in relief, hand on his stomach. The smell was intoxicating and you felt your eyes water being trapped in his car. You honestly weren’t sure if you could take it but that was just turning you on more. Not to mention that it was giving Anthony so much pleasure and fulfilling his desires. Your dick was growing in your pants.

You started giving him a belly rub as he drove back to his place. You could feel the bubbling in his guts as he was driving quicker. The combination of all the food he ate was really messing with his stomach.

PffFfFFFFrRUrrrtT His farts kept coming out and shaking his seat. “Ugh babe I have so much gas tonight. I hope you’re ready for it.” The smell was overpowering your mind. You moved your hand down from his stomach and felt his throbbing cock through his pants, which turned you on even more. Good thing Anthony’s house was only a few minutes away.

Tthe smell was overpowering, but you were so turned on being inside in Anthony’s fart cloud and breathing in his gas. It’s like he was conditioning you to fall in love with his funk. He quickly parked and you looked at each other as he kissed you passionately in the midst of his stink. You were both precumming now, as he licked your lips and you felt his tongue inside your mouth. You both made it inside to his room, while he ripped as with each step up the stairs.

You walked in first and he followed, closing the door behind him. You walked over to his bed and he followed. “Baby, you know you’re gonna take all of this ass tonight, right?” he says taking his pants off.

He turned around and you saw his bubble butt busting out of his slacks as he threw them to the wall. He turned around to reveal his 8 inch rock hard cock poking through his underwear. You were staring in awe, dick throbbing as you began to unbutton your own pants when he pushed you back on the bed. He turned around and stood above you.

You saw his beautiful ass pointed out getting closer to your face as his legs straddled each side of your torso. He finished taking your pants off as his ass rested on your face like two firm pillows until he was pressing full weight on your warm face.

Anthony pulled out your dick and jerked you off as he leaned forward . You gripped his waist and pushed his butt farther down onto your face as his cheeks spread further apart in his underwear.

BbBbBBrRRrRoOommMmpppFffttt.

This was the first of his farts that you ever took directly to the face and the smell hit you instantly. You had no choice but to breathe it in and smell his toxic fumes. “Ahhhh fuck baby, having your face on my ass is what I've been waiting for.” Even through his thin briefs, you could still taste the bitter aroma of the enormous plate he ate earlier.

He ascended up giving you a moment of semi-fresh air with the smell of his farts still lingering and pulled down his underwear to reveal his glorious, tan bubble butt. It was slightly hairy and his raw, unwashed crack looked delicious.

You were laying on your back in his king size bed as he spread his bare, tan ass across your face, feeling the rim of his smooth asshole brush up against your mouth. “Don’t be shy babe, eat it up” he said as he was grinding on you, rocking up and down. It smelled so bitter yet sweet. bBBBbruuppPppFfT “I mean it is Thanksgiving after all.”

He was moving his butt up and down your face while your tongue was going in and out of his dirty hole.

BBbbbrrRrRAaaaaPppptt

“Ahhhh there you go, baby” he sighed as your tongue pressed against his hole and penetrated deep into his anal canal, causing him to realase more gas down your throat.

PhhFfrttPtt.

“Kiss it for me, babe?” He kept ripping ass while still grinding on your open mouth and up your nose. You knew it was the only air you would be breathing tonight but you didn’t care. You were in heaven with Anthony, enjoying all his gas.

“Fuuuucckkkkk babe, I hope you weren’t tired tonight, because I have no plans of stopping.” You opened your mouth and planted it around his ass, pushing deeper as he pressed harder on your smothered face.

BRRRrrRrooOommFfrRRooUUmppttTT

“Mmmhhhhh-ugh” Anthony was moaning in pleasure as your entire mouth surrounded his throbbing hole. He ripped more and more ass. You could feel the pressure release from his body as he moaned in relief.

Even though you could barely breathe, you kept licking Anthony’s hole and taking all of his bitter farts, as you felt his warm mouth surround your throbbing cock. You released loads of thick cum down his throat until it overflowed from his mouth. “Nngghhh” You heard a faint strain from above before

BBBBBBBbBBbbbrRRruuUuUMUmNnnNNNMMPPPpPpFfftTTTtttTTsss

The strong pressure from his hole released a violent, meaty eruption of farts that lasted more than 60 seconds, with his toxic fumes releasing directly into your face, forcing you to breathe pure gas. Your vision became blurry until you were unconscious, knocked out by Anthony’s dirty farts.

#gay fart #eproctophilia #fart kink #male farts #gay gas

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toshio · 7 months ago

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I wanna get even half the chest and body that you have. I know you said you basically just did push ups so I was wondering if you had any specifics. How often? How many?

Gonna use you as inspiration lmao

hey anon! i know it sounds CRAZY simple but yeah. literally just push ups at home on your carpet or hard wood floor will DO IT. whatever you find comfortable. i think pecs are SURPRISINGLY easy to get, and gay men and straight women love a nice set of boobies on a man, they really give you that "macho" look LOL so definitely try for it. you can probably get some smol but fierce tiddies in about a year.

gonna do a [read more] so i can yap to you in full detail:

if you're a complete beginner, start with like 10 push ups, if you think that's nothing and you're not fatigued yet, do more than that, like 20. keep doing that until you can do an insane amount of push ups and then stop when you start getting tired/failure. do that daily. the more the better. you can take some rest days, on those days you can like walk or jog or something to get more lean. if you consider yourself slightly overweight, definitely walk/jog daily.

and when you do push ups, make sure they're not half assed. like, when you see that skinny guy in your gym class going REALLY fast but stupidly out of form, that's probably doing nothing but injuring him LOL. go on youtube or look up an article about push ups, there are lots of evidence that prove you can get boobies with them. i learned pretty much everything from online btw, go on youtube and just look up how to get pecs at home if you're too cheap for a gym membership (like me. i don't have a gym membership)

here's a random image i found on google, don't worry about any of this other stuff in the picture for now. just do regular push ups for now and you should have results. but another thing i'm leaving out is obviously you need to eat right. try to eat like 0.7-0.8 grams of protein per pound of body weight. some protein rich foods you can eat are stuff like chicken/beef/pork/fish daily (with rice) or low fat greek yogurt, beef jerky, and buy some protein shakes at the store. almost anything protein tastes nasty to me btw but beauty is pain.

also some life hacks because my fat ass (and lazy ass) loves fast food/eating out in general, go to panda express and just get a bunch of chicken and broccoli LOL that shit has so much protein and it tastes good. goddamn. basically just consume meat daily for gains.

also ONE more thing in terms of eating [moderately] healthy (i still don't eat healthy but i try) stop drinking soda, stop drinking alcohol, stop doing drugs, just drink nothing but water, green tea, any tea you want, just make sure it has no sugar. if you crave sugar, get diet soda like diet coke (it's 0 calories) but avoid drinking too much of that because aspartame.

THIS IS A LOT OF INFORMATION but i get asked about stuff like this a lot so hopefully this is enough. LOL. i'll get asked again probably haha but oh well. and again i'm not a fitness expert, just an enthusiast. good luck. remember anon, BEAUTY IS PAIN. and youth is only temporary, so you might as well look sexy before you get old.

#HERE COMES THE YAPPER #enjoy my unsolicited fitness advice #i'm not even a bodybuilder btw but i'm glad you guys keep coming to me for advice #definitely take everything i say with a grain of salt. i'm not claiming to be an expert #do your own research but most of this stuff is just me swallowing my own knowledge back at you and i double checked everything haha #SO YEAH

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