#Because I didnt live in that town | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

twitchyglitchy · 3 months ago

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What do I have to do to get out of here? Who do I have to beg on my knees to so I can leave?

Get me out of my house

P@yPal: twitchyjayson

Current Goal: $55/$800

#twitchy talks #commissions #donations #emergency commissions #I'm broke now with my main savings that was seperated from this #Main savings was for food and bills and essentials and since I just paid my phone bill Im now broke #Every month now that this goes on I might have to pull money towards moving out just so I can keep living here #Which sucks ass and I refuse to do but have no choice #Im so tired man I'm sorry #Didnt mean to vent in the tags #Also within this and the last post I was rejected another job #It was FOR people on the spectrum who struggle with jobs and you know why I didnt qualify?#Because I didnt live in that town #Which they didnt say that when applying #I had a whole interview and it took maybe a month before they got back to me because of two emails asking to tell me no #Devastating #Theyll at least keep me on record in case closer locations are added but????#how long would that me for even a chance of it being in my town? years?#I dont have years to wait sorry

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sparklehoard · 2 months ago

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Aaah. So it's neverending huh.

#my dad had been bugging me about getting a raise for months #it took me a while to actually find who to email to ask and how to go about it too.#but i did it! and i went from 19$ to 20.72$#and i was happy with that #and originally i wasnt going to tell my dad but he wasnt letting up about it and when i told him the numbers #he was dissappointed.he told me he spoke to people working from another company and they make 25 #this was while i was stuck out on the supposed to be a hike but was actually hunting trip #now i just feel bad about it again. and i cant get my good feeling back goddamnit #i know its out of love/concern because hes very financially very successful and its tough seeing your kids work so hard and still be poor #but hey im now technically making 40 cents less than your daughter whos a doctor.#you graduated during a time where universities had skip days and they were less focused on proper essay formats #you also had living accommodations where apparently you could make your whole rent in a week of work #you also didnt need to pay for internet the way we do #you also had rrsp matching and Christmas bonuses and health insurance and company retirement funds #you had days off. you ask if i get a certain holiday off. like i havent worked full days christmas eve and boxing day the previous 5 years #also gas probably wasnt 80$/week just to go to and from work #and thats if you work and live in town #we had a phone call and he brought up my wage again this morning

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penisbilt · 7 months ago

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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

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hiveswap · 7 months ago

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Parents will treat you like expensive vermin that theyre keeping around due to being mercyful but the moment you wanna kill yourself it's suddenly bad

#NOBODY!!! WANTS!!!ME!!!!!#my mother thinks im soulless or something and always want to hurt them #my stepfather and i hate each other thats fair i hate him too #my grandmother lied that her and her partner are attending a funeral in a different town on my graduation day #(my mother called the cemetary. there were no funerals that day)#my father and his girlfriend claim to want me around but theyve got a baby now and lmao he didnt want me as a kid either #and they were like. noo sorry cant come to your graduation we'll be out selling karate merch at an event #mfers are doing this self employed. like damn who is going to fire you of youre not both there..........#i just moved out from the dorm im still going back for exams but after that i'll no longer live there #i'll probably drift apart with the roommates i had for 3 years sooner or later. i feel like i cant prevent that #maybe just my abandonment issues though #then theres the guy who just started introducting me to his family as his gf. i love him but i cannot rely on this guy with my emotions #not because of him but because im not throwing my baggage at people out of nowhere like it's a basketball it's a cruel thing to do #thats everyone in my life rn i have two other friends but theyve been out of the picture for about half a year due doing young adult stuff #tw suicide joke

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asfdhgsdkjhgb · 26 days ago

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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.

#just me rambling again #web weaving #(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that #group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife #who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of #us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and #they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have #seemingly dropped off the face of the earth #anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back #towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an #intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my #ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so #i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house #not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried #a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path #and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify #after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself #soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree #(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel #our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art #could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing #something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind #something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars #sigh #i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref

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danketsuround · 1 month ago

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i'm going to the dentist tomorrow and being really brave about it. extremely. because i need to get my wisdom teeth out very soon but i have to do a consultation first. i'm being brave. i promise. i'm brave...... :(

#wish me luck.....im actually going to cry #soooooo like i have a blood phobia which makes me really afraid to go to the doctor #also i didnt have insurance until i moved to japan LOL.#so there's a bunch of weird stuff and associations i have with going to get my Health Checked #we have mandatory yearly health checkups and in my town everyone signs up for a day/time and goes to a big gym #and you wait in line with all these doctors who test your hearing and pee and lungs etc #but also your blood #last year i had only lived in fukushima for two months or so #and i was really dreading the checkup but i was being brave because it's MANDATORY i have no choice #(also free yay)#but when they drew my blood i literally fainted in front of everyone #i didnt realize i was going to do that because i haven't in a really long time #even though i was crying while waiting my turn because i was so scared 😭😭😭😭#anyways it was actually so terrifying because people were saying things that i couldnt understand while i was basically on the ground #the doctor later told me my heart rate was so fast he thought i was going to have a heart attack and almost called an ambulance #but i was like no lol i just have a phobia. and he was like umm can you tell us next time?#my bad #anyways he told me to stay home for the rest of the day so i did #it also happened to be the day before the school festival #so when i came the next day everyone rushed up to me and was like ARE YOU OKAY #and i was confused like yeahhhh im fine i just got a little sick haha #but it turns out there was a rumor that i was carried away in an ambulance from fainting lmfao #like nah one of my coworkers just drove me back home lol #very long story just to say....#im going to faint again probably. even though it's just a consolation.#text

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theood · 2 months ago

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It might just be a lot of things. I really don't know. I don't like not having any energy after work but it staves off a lot of our thought processes but at the same time I don't love it. It's tolerable but I want to be doing something else. I wanna be in the dirt and I want to feel the earth under my feet and I want to know she's listening to me and telling me it's ok and I want to take care of her like she's taken care of me. I want to plant trees and cut back weeds and learn to identify our native plants and I just can't do any of that and make a living. It's not even a volunteer opportunity for me. I'm just some random citizen who didn't even go to school for any of it. And I'm so lonely. I'm the loneliest I've been. I love all my friends online I do. Truly and wholly but it doesn't help the fact that I have no one around me irl. And it hurts. And I'm scared. And I am so small all the time. And I just want it to change.

#elias.zip #i think. that dreamis affecting me a little more than I thought it did. it really exemplified that I feel like everyone sees me as not tryin #g to make connections in my adult life but im in a dead town with an aging population i didnt grow up in or around. i can't find public even #ts that would get me around people my age. I can't drive still to go places anyways and I struggle so fucking with the entire process anyway #s that even with the stars aligned I fuck myself over anyways. I'm too weird. too quiet. too loud. not assertive. weird. weird. weird. werid #. just some fucking crybaby.#everyone's moved on from being anxious but not me. I can't do it. i try and try and try and try and push myself out of my comfort zone but n #obody wants new friends. and my interests are too niche. and i dont fit in and nobody wants to be friends with the baby because all he does #is cry and god I've felt worse moving here than i ever did back at the old house and it feels like I'm never going to get to see what cou #ldve been I'm stuck like this!!#sometimes i really wish i could just leave. leave it all. vanlife or backpack or something and learn why i was made to live as a human. i ju #st want to go back home. I wanna see my packmates again. I'll do better this time. Please. I'm sorry

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vampyroteuthid · 2 months ago

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i wish trying to do things with groups of people was not the most horrible time wasting activity on earth

#just went to local palestine action group meeting because i wanted to figure out if i could carpool to protest this weekend and the answer #was yes but then i spent the next hour and 15 minutes standing in a circle with people repeating the same things back to each other #like ok we are all here because we know it's bad. can we not talk endlessly in circles PLEASE #they did have other things planned but their speaker couldn't make it or whatever but like a bunch of people turned up anyway and i feel #like we could have accomplished something besides talking about how bad genocide is and what documentary they're wanting to show later #i should have known better and just emailed but whatever.....i did connect with someone i can get a ride with who lives in my town but then #they did not offer me a ride back when they left and i wasnt sure if it was socially acceptable to ask so i didnt so then i had to walk 20 #minutes to the bus stop and supposedly the bus is coming in a couple minutes but of course. it won't #i'm so annoyed lmao i'm not going to get home until almost 9 and its going to be pitch black and there are no streetlights and i already #barely know where i'm going #not usually one to experience hanger but i definitely have barely eaten anything today and am angry but maybe for separate reasons #i can't even decide what i want for dinner!!!! goddammit #if i didn't have tomorrow off i might get lost in the ocean fr #me

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selamat-linting · 1 year ago

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#yknow i tried therapy once #didnt really work on the first session since the psychiatrist asked me to bring my fucking mom next time #wanna try again but i started to think that plenty of my problems are external #and it can only be permanently solved with a change in my life that seems impossible #like transitioning and living with someone else and going into a career i actually love and living without the threat of #climate change and wars and everything else. and also i have religious trauma while most psych doctors here are religious #like im sure they can help me work through the effects of parental neglect and maybe even give me adderall but #i dont think the hassle of trying to find a queer and non-religious therapist is worth it for the moment #especially with since i cant just find therapists willy nilly because the psychiatrists in this town i can access with my national insurance #is like... only a handful of people #textposts

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star-ocean-peahen · 7 months ago

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im watching atla with my grandma and it is very much up her alley which is very cute. i think her favorite part is whenever momo does something funny because she smiles the most.

#i did have the passing thought #that maybe the show depicting chinese-inspired villages being invaded by a japanese-inspired army might be. not the greatest choice for us.#but honestly it wouldnt bother her shes a veeeeeeery tough and easygoing person #it did make me upset again at the remake though #because the original show feels like everyone else matters too #they meet so many refugees on the run and towns that are occupied and villages being menaced #the war isnt just a good backdrop for cool fights between the heroes and villains. its a blight on the lives of everyone who lives in this #world.#and the remake seems to be very much “everyone not in the main cast is an npc” (see: watching the genocide of the air nomads happen in the #first twenty minutes of the first episode)#and that feels. personal now.#bc my grandma hid from japanese soldiers. my great grandma risked her life transporting materials for explosives so she #could feed her family #they are people with personhood and individuality who didnt fight in wwii but their stories still matter #and atla feels like its validating that because it says that war affects everyone and the people who suffer from it the most are the ones #who need to have their voices heard #not just the people with the biggest capacity to cause change #so the remake throwing that away just to have more cool action scenes. leaves a bad taste in my mouth.#atla #atla remake salt #atla live action salt #atla salt

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mrgaretcarter · 2 years ago

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I seasoned some wings and I have doritos and leftover guac and sour cream, ted lasso night is looking lit

#And its a municipal holiday tomorrow which i didnt know until this morning #Because i work in a different town than i live #whole day free for insanity #So I better have a reason to go insane #Dude im serious ted and rebecca look alive im begging #personal

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synthesizedremains · 1 year ago

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getting emotional over a character that was only supposed to appear for one side comic and then never get mentioned again

#SIIIIIGH. BUT I HAD TO TIE STORY THINGS TOGETHER DIDNT I. going back in time to tell myself dont kill synths mom you'll like her too much #absolute dogshit life... lived in inaccessible work until you die town for her whole life #and then her son ran away and she couldnt mourn it because she died an hour later. I FUCKING HATE IT HEREEEEE I HATE WRITING #ughhghhhhhgh and he ran away for a reason she couldnt work anymore in WORK UNTIL YOU DIE TOWN. love and guilt I HATE LOVE AND GUILT!!!#only time ill yell about things i didnt explicitly cover yet i dont like doing that but UUUUUUUUGH. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.

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narutomaki · 1 year ago

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people will tell me it doesn't matter what people think about me and then turn around and go home/online to the people that love and care about them unconditionally