#Because DAMN did it make me mentally unwell

[to-dance-beneath-the-diamond-sky]

You ever read a book or watch a movie and relate to a character so hard that it scares the crap out of you and then proceeds to trigger a full on mental breakdown? because that was Brian Lackey from Mysterious Skin for me

[lovelivision]

NEW JOB

pairing: gojo satoru/reader

wc: 7.1k

summary: starting a new job is always hard, especially when you're tasked with a glorified babysitting role for the most powerful sorcerer and his antics, but what happens when you somehow find yourself growing oddly attached to his weird behaviours and teasing nature

a/n; i am obsessing over this 2d man and i cannot be stopped, come near me and i'm infecting you with thoughts of him. anyways! new blog so i can write for jjk hehehhohoh (i wrote this in a single sitting because i'm mentally unwell)

warnings: 18+ only, smut, making out, dry humping, hickeys, dirty talk, fingering, cunnilingus, p in v sex, big dick gojo (duh), creampie, afab!reader, she/her pronouns used, no use of y/n, nicknames

MDNI | SMUT UNDER CUT

Why you were here, you had no clue… well you did, you just wish you didn’t have to be here but being forced to do this was putting it lightly. It’s frustrating because they act like you don’t have your own jobs to handle but now you’re being forced to be Gojo Satoru’s handler as well. This is going to be a much more taxing job than exorcising any curse, why he insisted on pissing off the higher ups is beyond you. Not that you’re completely innocent in those regards, mind you.

You’re sat waiting in Yaga’s office, waiting for a certain someone who treats showing up on time as optional. Looking at the clock behind Yaga, you see it’s bordering on 15 minutes since he was supposed to be here.

You deflate slightly with your quiet sigh, “Do I really need to be h–”

“–Yes,” is the only reply you get out of the man in front of you, eyes unreadable but based on the aura of the room, he’s beyond pissed.

Sinking further into your seat, you murmur about how annoying all of this is, it’s meant for Yaga to hear but he ignores you. Seeing Gojo is going to take years off your life, you’ve crossed paths with him many times in the past few years, he has a bad habit of interrupting your exorcisms, finishing them, and then getting on your nerves.

The door behind you slides open and shut loudly, making your heart lurch inside your chest, while you outwardly fight the urge to flinch. Gojo moves in behind you and leans down, “Didn’t scare you, did I?” There’s an annoying mirth in his tone as he carelessly rounds the seat and sits far too close to you.  

You don’t spare him a glance, “No.”

He smiles at you knowingly but says nothing more, finally addressing Yaga, “What’s up?”

“You’re late,” Yaga takes in a deep breath, fighting the urge to yell at him.

Gojo’s smile grows, his words picked carefully to piss the pair of you off more, “Well, I know that part, I meant why am I being summoned here.”

You close your eyes and pinch the bridge of your nose, “Why is he only being informed of this now?” You ask, irritated with not only Gojo but the whole damn system. You were told nearly two weeks ago that this was happening, how hadn’t he been told until now.

Yaga looks at you like it should be fairly obvious why they waited and you guess it is, he’s blind-sided this way, he doesn’t have a chance to wriggle out of it when today is the official first day of your new job babysitting Gojo Satoru and his first-year students. Oh, this is just perfect for you and not foreboding at all.

Before you have a chance to speak again, Yaga says, almost like he’s delighting in how inconveniencing this will be for Gojo, that, “You now have a teaching assistant, Gojo. You will be monitored as well as your students and everything will be reported back to me.”

“Ah, a glorified babysitter, how lovely,” Gojo’s smile doesn’t drop but it does look more strained.

Yaga doesn’t take kindly to his tone, “Watch it, this is fully deserved and you know it.”

“I’ve done nothing,” he defends himself.

You scoff slightly at that and Gojo side eyes you, you make an active effort to avoid his gaze though and instead focus on what Yaga is saying, “After that stunt you pulled with faking Itadori’s death recently, you’re lucky to be getting off so easy.”

Gojo jabs his thumb in your direction, “So what’s her punishment for then?”

You finally look at him, “Excuse me?”

“Well, I don’t imagine this is something one signs up for, so what did you do to piss off the higher ups,” his smile is teasing and so is his tone.

You squint at his stupid blindfold before looking back at Yaga, “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Yaga coughs at your statement but doesn’t let Gojo’s endless amusement at your suffering continue, “What may or may not have happened is none of your business Gojo–”

“–Ah, so something did happen then,” he elbows at your shoulder and you grumble at him.

Yaga completely ignores Gojo’s antics, “Your only concern is to be accommodating and keep her in the loop.”

He waves a hand easily, “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” he brushes off the conversation with a sceptical nonchalance. His palms hit his knees as he pulls himself off the seat, “Is that all?”

Yaga pauses, watching him carefully for a moment before acquiescing, “Yes, that’s all, get out.”

“Come on, troublemaker, you have three adorable first years to meet!” his tone is too chipper and you don’t take kindly to his nickname for you but you stand from the seat and bow at Yaga before following behind him.

⸝⸝⸝

You are… uncomfortable, to say the least. The three first years sit in front of you, confused and waiting for some kind of explanation but Gojo just leans against the lectern, amused smile plastered on his face. You’re nervous, children can be so… scary, they were scary when you were their age and now you’re getting stage fright, in front of three people.

Gojo giggles behind you, granting some mercy… his version of mercy anyways, “We have a new addition to the class!”

“She’s… a student?” The one you recognise as Itadori tilts his head in question.

You can hear the glee drip from Gojo’s voice, “Well in some ways–”

“–No.” You cut him off abruptly, “I am… uhm, a teaching assistant… of sorts…”

The girl, very clearly unamused, questions further, “And what are you gonna be doing?”

You freeze up, you do know what you’re meant to be doing but you’re getting shy, you’ve never been good at being put on the spot.

Gojo finally moves from behind the lectern and places a hand on your shoulder, “She’s basically… my babysitter!” He announces, large smile on his face.

The students look… completely not shocked, like they expected something like this to happen at some point.

“I am here to help though! So, if you have questions or want someone to spar against or if Gojo is unavailable and you need help on a mission, I am here to be of service,” you smile lightly, trying to be kind. If you’re going to be here, you want to be of some use.

Itadori nods in thought, “So, are you strong?”

You feel warm in the face at the question, it’s not something you’ve ever been asked really. You think you are, you’re definitely capable but you’re nowhere near Gojo.

While deep in thought, Gojo replies for you, “Yes.” His reply is simple and leaves them all with more questions.

You throw a glance at Gojo before answering for yourself, “I am capable and willing to help.”

⸝⸝⸝

Your first introductions went better than you expected, you quite like them all, even the quiet one who’s always in a bad mood. Things would’ve gone better if Gojo didn’t delight in teasing you in front of them all, it’s embarrassing to be poked and prodded at for some kind of a reaction, you mean, isn’t he meant to be an adult for crying out loud.

It’s only been about a week and a bit into you ‘babysitting’ Gojo and you think he might be attempting to annoying you into quitting but that isn’t an option for you. The kids are sparring on the open field and Gojo is at your side, poking the side of your face with a mischievous smirk plastered on his. He’s been trying and failing to get a reaction out of you for the past 10 minutes.

“Gojo, is there something you want from me, or are you just waiting for me to try and smack you,” Turning your body, you face him completely, your hands on your hips.

He shoves his hand behind his back quickly, trying to play it off like he wasn’t just poking your cheek, “I don’t know what you mean.”

Sighing you continue, “If you’re trying to annoy me into quitting, you’re going to find that awful difficult, I have to be here.”

“Quite the contrary, I like having you here, troublemaker,” he smiles, leaning against the tree behind him.

“It doesn’t feel like it,” you grit out.

He hums lightly, “That’s just cause you’re not used to my love language.”

Raising a brow at him, you ask, “Your love language is being absurdly annoying?”

“Now you’re getting it,” he pokes you directly on your nose and you exhale sharply, twisting your lips to hide any hint of amusement. Turning back to the students you resume ignoring him, which he huffs dejectedly at, “If you’re gonna be watching over me for a while, you may as well get used to talking to me, I think I’m quite enjoyable.”

“Of course you would think that,” you retort.

“Ouch,” he grabs his chest, pretending to be wounded, he pushes off the tree and hangs an arm over both your shoulders, his weight pressing into you, “So… seriously, what did you do?” His head is turned to the side of yours, watching for your reactions.

You’re starting to feel uncomfortable at his proximity but apparently so are the others because Kugisaki turns and points at Gojo, yelling, “Don’t hang off her like that, perv!”

You stifle a laugh at her accusation, as Fushiguro rolls his eyes and grimaces.

Gojo calls out, “Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?” He wraps both his arms around you and pokes his tongue out at them all.

You’re squished against him and it’s making you hot, “Gojo, if you don’t peel yourself off of me in the next few seconds I’m going to rip out your tongue.”

“I don’t think you would be able to, is the thing though,” he snickers down at you, he does release you though, taking a step back.

You feel beyond annoyed and as much as you know your fist won’t connect, you go to throw a powerful punch at him anyways. It predictably gets stopped by his infinity, never even making it close to his face.

“Oh wow, you tried to punch me!” He exclaims in faux hurt, his hand reaches up to yours and unfurls your fist, instead interlacing your fingers, “I was wondering how long it would take for you to crack and try and hit me.”

You sigh in defeat, “Gojo, please let go of my hand.”

“Tell me what you did and I just might,” he propositions.

The kids are yelling at Gojo from the field, cursing him out for being weird, which of course, he only finds hilarious.

“Gojo,” he hums at you in acknowledgement, “Do you think if I tried really hard, and willed it to happen, that me kicking you in the balls would connect?”

He pouts at your words, apparently holding out for a different response, “Oh, how you wound me.” He drops your hand with a sigh, “Can’t be that bad, tell meeeee,” he whinges slightly, attempting a new way of annoying you, clearly.

“You’re right, it’s not that bad, but it’s way more fun not to tell you at this point,” you smile brightly at him and his eyes widen in slight shock at the display.

He continues pouting, “Cruel…”

You just shrug at him in response.

⸝⸝⸝

Every time Gojo is around, he is trying to get you to tell him why you were assigned to be his handler. You don’t tell him, you just shrug or smile like you have no idea why, you understand why he likes to tease a bit now, seeing him so upset over something so small does brighten your day just a little bit.

As much as you hate to admit it, you’ve grown fond of his company, as well as the three kids. You thought this would be more hellish, and while on some occasions it is, you quite enjoy your day to days now. Filled with his teasing tone and stupid smile, you’re feeling comfortable with them all.

Your only complaint is that, while this is what you’re expected to be doing most of the time, the fact that sorcerers are hard to come by hangs true and you are still sent on solo missions on a whim. It’s only annoying because you’re expected to come and go easily, like fighting off first-grade or high-grade curses isn’t completely taxing.

Today you enter the classroom slightly later than usual, having been absent since the middle of yesterday, you didn’t even have time to sleep, you showered and came straight here. You mumble an offhanded good morning before collapsing into a chair in the corner of the front of the class.

“Look who decided to show back up,” Gojo chirps.

“Mmm, too loud… too much… so early,” you grumble back.

Itadori asks what no one else does, “Where did you go?”

You sigh into the air, “Ah, I had a job, it’s fine though, here now,” you smile lazily.

Gojo scrutinises you from behind his blindfold, he can tell you’re tired, hell, everyone could tell you’re tired. Your head is barely staying up, almost lolling to the side, looking for somewhere to rest so you can sleep.

“Maybe you should go home,” he comments, uncharacteristically serious.

You peek an eye open at him, they had fallen closed, when did they close? “Can’t.” you mutter out, “I’m needed here, so you don’t do anything stupid.”

“You aren’t going to be able to stop me if you’re asleep,” he retorts.

“No but it won’t look as bad if I am at least here,” you cover your mouth as you yawn.

He moves over to your corner and bends down, “If I promise to behave will you go home?”

“Probably not,” you smirk up at him, “I don’t think I’d believe you.”

Kugisaki groans, “Flirt on your own time!”

You bark a laugh at that, the back and forth you have with Gojo is not how you flirt and you imagine it’s not how he does either, “Yeah, Gojo. Go away.” You say, playing into it.

His smile is light as he turns away from you, “Fine but if you complain about a backache later from sleeping in that chair it’s not my fault.”

“I’m not gonna fall asleep,” you counter.

⸝⸝⸝

You fell asleep.

You don’t know when exactly it happened, you just know it did… and that you’re embarrassed. When you startle awake in your seat, you can hear the distant noises of the students sparring and the breeze flowing through the – previously – closed windows.

“Hey, you’re up,” Gojo notices from his spot, lazing in the students desks.

You sit up a bit more, “How long–”

“–How long were you asleep?” He finishes for you, “A couple hours.”

“Why are you in here?” You ask, “Why aren’t you with the first-years?”

“The first-years are sparring with the second-years, they’re fine,” he too, sits up more, “I stayed cause I didn’t wanna leave you alone in here.”

You raise a brow at him, “That or you just didn’t wanna actually do your job today.”

“Ah, you caught me,” he laughs easily.

“Mhm, thought so,” standing up completely, you stretch out your limbs, joints aching from sleeping in the chair.

“I didn’t think you would also be doing solo missions while being here,” he comments from behind you.

“Well… you know how shorthanded we are,” you walk over to where he’s sitting, “Plus, me being here is almost as much as a punishment for me as it is for you,” you remind.

“That’s funny, I wouldn’t say I feel punished,” he says it like it means nothing, like his feelings aren’t lingering right under the surface.

Thinking on it, you agree, “I don’t much either, I’ve been having quite a bit of fun actually,” you laugh lightly.

Gojo’s world stands still for a moment, he’s been growing addicted to how you smile, the sound of your laugh. He’s lucky for the blindfold because nearly every time he looks at you he has hearts in his eyes.

Noticing his silent staring, you grow shy, rubbing the back of your neck, “Sorry for falling asleep, it won’t happen again.”

He recovers quickly, “No it won’t… because next time, you’re going to go home to sleep properly before showing back up here.”

“Whatever you say, Gojo,” you play it off, not taking him seriously.

“Call me Satoru.”

You’re a little shocked, feeling like you misheard him, you clarify, “I’m sorry, what?”

He gets up from where he’s sitting, “We’ve known each other for years now, call me Satoru.”

You don’t know if you should, it feels weird, like letting him into your life more than he already is and that’s a little much for post nap you, “Maybe…”

He chuckles, “Don’t force yourself, just know, you can if you want to…”

You nod at him, suddenly feeling incredibly bashful.

⸝⸝⸝

You’re cleaning… why are you cleaning? Because you somehow got conned into having Gojo over. Its honestly impressive of him, you have no idea how he convinced you to let him into your home. You barely can even recall the conversation, something about movies, he’s somehow got your favourite movie before the DVD or streaming release.

Anyways, now you’re scrabbling around your meagre apartment, attempting to clean it up to a high standard before you have a guest over. You have time, you have enough time to clean the main areas, yourself, your bedroom… wait, your bedroom (?). Brushing off the thought, you continue your tirade, it ends with just enough time for you to make yourself look presentable.

Knocks in the form of a carefree tune are thumped into your door and you know who it is instantly, even his knocking is distinctly him. Tugging your shirt on, you call out, “Just a sec!”

Pausing in front of the door, you smooth yourself out, like you weren’t just running around like an insane person a few minutes ago, and then you open the door. The sight of Gojo is shocking, it wasn’t what you were expecting… you’ve seen him in casual clothes before, but you think you’ve gotten too used to seeing him at the school.

You mumble out, “You look nice.”

His eyes light up behind his glasses, “Why thank you, you look nice as well.” He speaks lowly on his way past you.

You stand stunned for a little, not expecting his compliment to affect you so much. He’s already walked down the hall while you stood staring at where he once was. Closing the door, you start after him, meeting him in the lounge room.

“You ready?” He asks.

You nod your head, waiting for him to show how he accrued the movie.

“Ta da!” He shows the usb stick, presumedly holding the movie.

You sigh at his jovial display of piracy and grab the thumb drive off him. Gojo makes himself comfortable on the couch while you plug it into the tv.

“You have a cute apartment,” he hums, looking around from where he’s sitting.

Grabbing the remote, you switch through the tv’s sources and search for the content on the stick, “Thank you… I think.”

“It’s a compliment,” he affirms.

You flop down next to him on the couch, “We good to start? Or do you have more to say?”

“I always have more to say,” he grins.

“I’ve noticed,” you snark back, beginning the movie anyways.

It starts off good, the movie’s quality isn’t great but it’s good enough to enjoy the content of the film. That is… until the halfway mark and then the quality drops significantly and you can’t even tell what’s happening on screen anymore, everything fuzzy and words mumbled, almost robotic.

You suppress a smile, “Gojo… where did you get the movie?”

“…Online somewhere… I watched the first few minutes and it looked fiiine,” he’s whinging slightly, disappointed in the sudden quality drop.

You can’t help but laugh at his complete dismay, “It’s fine, Gojo, at least I got to see some of it?” You try looking on the bright side, “You’ll just have to buy me a real copy when it comes out.”

“Is that another invitation?” He teases.

You look over to him, “Another? I barely remember giving out this one.”

“That hurts, you know?” He pouts at you.

You can’t help the way your face breaks out in a smile, “It is.” He looks at you confused, “An invitation,” you finish.

His pout breaks into a large smile, “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you liked me.”

“Ah, you’re beginning to grow on me,” you torment lightly.

He nods his head solemnly, “Knew I would.”

You scoff at him, only now realising how close he’s gotten to you, your knees touching, his face so close to your own. You go to look away from him, feeling self-conscious, but his hand reaches up and pulls your face back to continue the intense eye contact.

“If I kiss you right now, will you try and punch me again?” He jokes, trying to relieve the tension.

You find a place inside you that outweighs your anxiety, “Only one way for you to find out.”

He leans in that tiny bit more and captures your lips in his, the kiss tender and gentle, he’s searching, learning. He doesn’t want to scare you away, wanting to kiss you for so long and not willing to ruin it by spooking you now. It took him so long just to work up the courage to get inside your apartment, he doesn’t want you to pull back when you’ve finally stepped towards him.

He parts first, hesitant, if he keeps kissing you, it won’t stay innocent because he really wants to kiss you until you cry.

You repress a whine at the loss of him, “Wait…” You trail off, embarrassed by how badly you want him to keep kissing you.

“Yeah?” He presses, wanting to hear you ask him for it.

“Can… you kiss me again,” you ask, before adding, “please?”

It’s too good to be true, he’s dreaming… but even if that’s the case, he’s sure as hell not wasting this moment, “Anything for you~”

Leaning back in, he kisses you with more fervour, his lips more insistent, desperate. His one hand stays on your face, angling you so he can kiss you deeper, he wants more, more. The other hand reaches for your hip, tugging and pulling at the fat there, groping your skin greedily.

Your moans and whimpers muffle into his mouth, he swallows them down, licking into your mouth, silently asking for more. Which, you give, you think you’d give him the world right now if you could. His kisses are dizzying and full. You’ve not been kissed like this… ever and it’s overwhelming you in an embarrassing way.

Pulling back, you rush out, “Wait wait…”

Gojo freaks a little, “Shit– sorry, was it too much?”

You shake your head, “No, well…maybe, I’ve just… never been kissed like that before, I was feeling dizzy.”

He breathes a sigh of relief before targeting you with a teasing smile, an evil glint in his eyes, “I’m kissing you dumb, huh?”

You feel hot, everywhere, “I–”

Your defence is cut off with this lips back on yours, he’s drunk on your kisses and he’s not going to stop. Knowing that he’s overwhelming you with them only spurs him on, he wants you to be so stupid because of his lips, he thinks he couldn’t want anything more than that right now.

Your arms wrap around his neck and pull him closer; he lets it happen and falls into you, pressing your back into the couch. On instinct, your legs wrap around his waist, tugging him down into you more, desiring the proximity. His front presses into yours and you both moan into each other.

He trails kisses from your lips to the side of your face, down to your neck, his teeth nipping lightly, sucking into your skin, leaving marks behind, not really caring about how you’ll struggle to cover them tomorrow. You gasp into him and raise your hips, grinding into him without meaning to. The friction has him groaning into the skin of your neck.

His large hand grabs at the thickest part of your thigh, grabbing and pulling your covered cunt closer to his clothed dick. His hips dig down into yours, humping into you and trying to fight off the urge to cum in his pants at the minimal amount of stimulation.

He huffs against your sensitive skin, “Bet you’re so fucking wet, fuck–”

“Gojo–”

He cuts you off, “­–Lemme… lemme touch you more, please.”

You nod at him, eyes glassy from how he kissed you, “Uh huh, do– do whatever you want~”

His hand is immediately leaving your thigh and reaching into the front of your pants, under your panties and through your dripping folds, a shiver running down his back as he groans deeply. He had a feeling you were wet but fuck– he wasn’t expecting this.

You sob a moan into the collar of his shirt where you’ve tucked your head, his fingers glide through your slick, teasing you, lightly grazing your clit.

His tone is light, “So eager~”

“Don’t t–tease, it’s unkind,” you try to chastise him.

He smiles at you, it’s dark but full, as a single finger probes at your entrance, slipping in carefully, aided fully by the amount of slick that gushes from your pussy, “So messy,” he hums, nosing the side of your face, giggling at the whimper you let out.

“Gojo–”

“–I think…” his finger slips to the hilt, pulling back before fucking back in, wet squelching sounding through your small apartment, “…I’ve earned Satoru, when I’m knuckles deep in your pretty, little cunt.”

If you thought you were hot before, you definitely were now, “Satoru, please.”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that,” his cock jerks in his pants at the sound of you finally calling him by his name.

Your small gasps and sighs are setting his skin on fire, a light flush dusting his features, he still wants more from you, he wants to hear it all, he wants to feel it all, he wants to see it all. Deciding he’s had enough of your clothes, he slips his finger from deep in your cunt, which results in the prettiest, wrecked sound coming from you.

“Just a sec, need these off…” he tugs your pants down and off, leaving you in your panties, he hums in thought at you, “…These are cute,” he points out, looking at to the lacy garment decorating your lower half, “Expecting something to happen?”

You shake your head no, not loving the accusation that you planned this, “No, I just… didn’t have anything else…”

“Convenient,” he comments, taking notice of how completely ruined they are, wet from your arousal pooling in them. He pulls the side of them away from your skin, only to let it slap back against you, enjoying the way you squirm under him, “I think I’ll leave these on.”

He continues undressing you though, tugging off your shirt, your bra following along soon after. You feel so exposed compared to his fully dressed form. His cock strains against his pants though, sitting heavy against the zipper of his jeans. The sight makes you salivate but he takes no notice.

“I gotta get my mouth on you, pretty thing,” he murmurs more to himself than you, since you’re not really thinking at this point, only squirming under him and trying to rub your thighs together.

He shuffles down between your legs, spreading them apart further and tossing them over his shoulder. Drawing your panties to the side, he presses his face into your cunt, inhaling deeply, the act makes you jump and whinge out his name, shocked by the completely debauched display.

“Satoru~”

He doesn’t reply, not with words, he mumbles into your pussy and licks a long stipe from your hole to your clit before licking back down. His tongue pushing into your cunt with the desperation of a starved man. His nose presses against your clit and he moves his head side to side slightly, stimulating it.

You moan and whimper into the air, fingers finding purchase in his hair, needing something to tug onto while he eats you out in the messiest way possible. There is no finesse, he’s sloppily making out with your cunt, drinking down all the arousal that leaks from you eagerly.

Your thighs begin shaking beside his head and he holds you tighter, his head moving back and forth quickly, shaking it, trying to force your orgasm from you. The feeling of his blunt nails digging into your soft skin and the way he groans so unrestrained into your pussy has you cumming on his face very suddenly.

Your stomach twists as your cunt clenches around Gojo’s tongue, your mind lost in how good you feel. Not registering the sound of your moans or the sounds of his mouth lapping at you in the most lewd manner, it should be embarrassing how wet you are for him but you can’t seem to care when it feels this good.

He’s unrelenting, licking and mouthing at your sensitive pussy until you start twitching away from him and pulling on his hair harshly, wordlessly tell him it’s too much.

“Perfect,” he turns his face to the side and mumbles into your thigh, nipping at the skin, delighting in the way your body jerks, “Got an absolutely perfect cunt.” He says shamelessly.

“Gojo!”

He looks up at you through his lashes, “Ah, back to Gojo now?” he leans up and back onto his knees, tugging his shirt over his head and discarding it with the rest of your clothes, “No worries, I’ll fix that real soon.”

The sound of his belt clinking and zipper undoing brings you out of your thoughts, temporarily disarmed by the sudden exposure of his skin. He doesn’t bother taking them off completely, just shirking them down enough to free his painfully erect cock.

Your gaze gets lost in the sight of his dick, leaking thick globs of precum from the tip down his shaft. His hand tugging lazily at it, spreading his own mess everywhere, slicking it up for you. Wet sounds of his hand languidly fucking his cock makes your skin prick. How he’s going to fit you aren’t sure, the size of him is daunting.

He smiles when you look back in his eyes, “There she is.” He leans down over you, “I know I have a really nice dick but let’s try and stay focused, pretty, hmm?”

It’s condescending and egotistical of him to say but you can’t fight the shiver that runs down your spine at his words, “Gojo, you have a massive–”

“–Dick? Yeah I know,” he smiles cheekily at you.

You finish your previous interrupted statement, “I was gonna say ego.”

“Two things can be true at once,” he presses a kiss to your forehead, “You ready for this?”

“I don’t think I could ever be ready for this,” you retort.

“Way to boost a guys ego,” he chuckles at your comment.

You grab the side of his face, “Not that you need it.” You murmur before pulling him down for another kiss, missing the feel of his lips on yours.

He licks into your mouth straight away; you can taste yourself on his tongue. You feel like you could float away, not knowing how you’ve gone your whole life without being kissed like this. Your thighs are back on either side of his hips again, your need to be filled growing by the second.

Pulling back, he sits up so he can watch himself enter your tight pussy. He’s not denying himself this view, not when he’s imagined it so many times before. He rubs his cock through your folds a few times, relishing in your small jumps and moans. He needs it wet; it needs to be so fucking wet if he even dreams of fucking his cock all the way inside you.

“I’m gonna need you to relax for me and remember to breathe if you wanna take it all,” he says it so seriously, and if you hadn’t seen his dick you would’ve assumed he was just stroking his own ego for the sake of it.

You nod at him, “Got it, now please,” your hips wiggle slightly, enticing him.

“I got ya,” he smirks, pushing forward slightly.

The tip of him is a lot, your cunt stretching to take it, the ache dulled by the absolute messy state of your pussy and the thumb Gojo is pressing into your clit. He intakes a sharp breath at the snug fit of your cunt, his hips jerking forward mindlessly, a groan pulled from deep in him, while you whimper pathetically.

Your breath stutters and you’re struggling, grip on his cock impossibly tight, through gritted teeth, he reminds, “Hey, hey… breathe yeah? You gotta –fuck– you gotta breathe for me, pretty.”

Collecting yourself, you attempt to take deep breaths, they come out stuttered but the punishing grip you had on him eases, “Almost had me fucking cumming, geez…” he laughs lightly at it but he would’ve been beyond embarrassed if he came with only his tip inside of you, he’d never live it down.

“You can –hah– you can move,” you stammer out.

He double checks, “You sure?”

Your eyes are so wet and your voice is wrecked when you add, “Please.”

An evil smile takes its place on his face, “Why were you assigned to work with me?”

“Gojo, not now,” your words break off into a whine, you sound so pathetic, you do not have the upper hand here.

“Mmm? You want me to stuff you full? Tell me the reason,” he leans down slightly, cock slipping just that tiny bit more into you.

Ignoring him, your wrap your legs tighter around his waist and try fucking up onto him, it works for the one second that he lets it and then one of his large hands is reaching down and slamming your hips back into the couch cushions.

“Come on, pretty,” his breath wafts against the side of your face, his lips tickling your ear, “You really gonna waste time being stubborn?”

“You’re the stubborn one,” you argue.

He hums noncommittally, almost like you proved his point for him, “Come on, I can feel you fucking pulsing around me, just tell me what you did~”

“I– I… I didn’t listen to an order on a mission and almost got myself killed,” you pout out, breathing laboured.

He tsks at you, disapproving of your actions, “You really should be more careful,” he kisses beside your ear, “And listen to your seniors more.” It goes without saying that, that includes him. You suspect he’s mostly talking about himself; he has no respect for the current hierarchy.

“Gojo, you said you would–”

He tilts his head at you, “–I did but now knowing how reckless you were, I can’t help but want to punish you a bit more…”

Your waterline fills with tears at the frustration, your pussy fluttering on the barely two inches he has sat inside you, how he’s holding out so well you have no idea because you’re about to fucking cry.

Your voice is embarrassing to even your own ears, “Satoru, please, more.”

“Ah, well when you ask like that, how can I say no?” He’s acting as if he’s taking mercy on you and not like his dick didn’t twitch violently at you using his name again.

Slowly, he pushes into you, stopping every now and again to let you adjust and reminding you to just breathe through it. Something Gojo has realised is, your cunt is so reactive to him, the words he speaks, the hand he has on your hip, the kisses he presses into the side of your head, all of it has you spasming around him and every time you do, it feels like a gut punch to him.

It’s addictive and also world shattering, he doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to last when he actually starts fucking into you. The little noises you make don’t help either, how on earth is he meant to last more than a minute inside you?

Eventually, he bottoms out, the both of you moaning at the relief, your legs nearly kick at the sensation of how deep inside you he is, “Satoru, move?”

He bites out, “Give me a second.” He’s fighting the primal urge to cum inside you right now.

You whine under him, hips twitching, using the minimal amount of space to grind your pelvis into his. Your pussy stutters around him at the stimulation on your clit and he groans loudly at it, his orgasm on the tip of his tongue.

He forces your hips down and still again, pinning you to the couch with his own, “You’re so impatient. Do you want this to be over now? You want me to cum after only being fully inside you for a minute?”

You shake your head at him, the feral look in his eyes making your stomach do flips, your pussy gushing around him.

He laughs dryly, “Fuck, I can’t do a single thing without turning you on more, huh?”

You look away from him, embarrassment reaching a new pique with that comment, “Not nice, Satoru.”

“Not a bad thing, pretty,” he noses your cheek, realising how he said it harshly without meaning it that way, “Huge compliment, knowing you react this way to me is fucking perfect but it also has me on the edge of finishing prematurely.”

Turning your head back to him, you look him in the eyes and he swears he sees heaven because you have tears trailing down your cheeks and your eyes are blown and wet and he’s gonna finish if he keeps looking at you. So, instead, he leans in and kisses you deep, getting lost in the taste and feel of your mouth.

The small reprieve helps and he begins thrusting his hips back and forth, his cock leaving and entering you with the most obscene noises he’s ever heard. It’s such a fucking mess, leaking out of you, down your thighs and onto your nice couch. And even if he really tried, he couldn’t give a fuck, not when your cunt is so slick and warm and wrapping around him like it was made for him.

The sounds you let out are cute but muffled against his mouth, he settles for swallowing them down but he’d really rather hear them loud and clear. You flutter around him so beautifully, everything you do is perfect to him and you laying here while he shoves you full of his fat cock is no different.

He pulls away from your lips to hear the noises you make for him, “Cute,” he comments offhandedly, not even sure if you hear the contents of his words. He only knows you hear his voice because your cunt clenches down on him at the sound.

You cry out to him, “S’toru~”

“Ah, you’re so fucking close aren’t you,” the smile on his face is huge and wolfish, excited to feel you cum all over him, looking forward to literally nothing else.

You try to verbalise it, “I– mm –mmph–”

“Go on, let yourself gush all over me, wanna fucking feel it, pretty,” his words are sharp against your ear.

His hips increase their pace, slamming down into you more forcefully, his pelvis grinding into your clit harshly. Your eyes cross into the back of your head, neck lolling back bonelessly, choppy, whimpered sounds leave you. Your fingers claw at his biceps, leaving behind angry marks. Gojo’s hands have a death grip on your hips, bruised marks will definitely be left behind in their wake.

A particularly sharp thrust and loud whine from Gojo has you cumming under him, your pussy gripping him tight as your cum leaks from you sloppily, his cock coated in it. Creamy ring left at the base of his cock as he continues thrusting mercilessly.

His abs pull taut, his resolve finally breaking now that he’d finally felt you finish on him, “Where you want it?”

“Inside, please Satoru,” your words are mumbled and breathy.

“Fuuuuuck.”

He’s lucky you said that because your words have him cumming on the spot, thick ropes of his cum being forced deep inside your little cunt. It leaks out around the base of him, even as he presses deep into you, his pelvis tight against yours, riding out his high by grinding into you slightly. The stimulation making your cunt jump around him as he hisses at the slight overstimulation he’s forcing himself into.

You both huff, gasping greedily for air after your intense highs, the room filled with nothing but silence and your haste breaths. Eventually, you both even out and lay there quietly, Gojo pressed against you with his cock still snug inside your pussy.

“Gojo, you’re heavy,” you tell him.

He laughs, “Right, sorry.”

Leaning back, he slowly pulls his dick from you, both hissing at it. His eyes are fixated on the way his cum slips from your hole, his heart hammering in his chest at the sight, obsessing over how hot it is that you took so much of him. He slips your panties back into place, letting them keep his cum inside you.

“You did so good,” he praises you suddenly.

It makes you feel bashful, “So did you…” you mumble out.

A loud laugh results from him, “Thank you,” he says, his eyes crinkled in a large smile.

Gojo cleans the pair of you up, tucking you carefully into your bed and holding you close as you fight to keep your eyes open, “Will you still be here when I wake up?”

“Do you want me to be?” He questions lightly, trying not to expect anything from you.

“…Yes, I’d like it a lot if you stayed, I think.” You admit shyly.

“Then I’ll be here,” he presses himself into you closer, enjoying the warmth radiating off of you.

You don’t think this was in your job description…

PLAGIARISM NOT CONDONED | REPOSTS NOT AUTHORISED

[dr-spectre]

I saw this really great thread on twitter by Grungygrim and it definitely highlights my thoughts and frustrations with the story of these games and the Splatoon fandom as a whole. (be forewarned, i get really tilted in this blog post fyi.)

I made a blog post about 2 weeks ago where i said that i was happy that the narrative online that "Callie is an idiot who got kidnapped and then brainwashed/mind controlled against her consent" is going away. (Here's the link: https://www.tumblr.com/dr-spectre/749710338672525312/im-so-happy-that-the-narrative-online-that?source=share)

Unfortunately I'm gonna have to retract a lot of the stuff i said. I'm still seeing, TILL THIS DAY THAT NARRATIVE ONLINE! IM STILL SEEING SO MUCH MISINFORMATION AND IT MAKES ME REALLYYYY ANGRYYYY!!! As a big fan of Callie, people completely outright ignoring her character arc THAT WAS SET UP SINCE SPLATOON 1 BY THE WAY!!! and not even bothering to look at outside sources for more information and lore genuinely pisses me the fuck off to no end.

No, hypnosis is NOT MIND CONTROL/BRAINWASHING! I DONT WANNA KEEP REPEATING IT! YOU CAN LOOK IT UP! if a person is genuinely uncomfortable and doesn't wish to take the suggestions to heart while hypnotized, THEY WONT DO SO! THEY STILL HAVE CONTROL! Yes, Marie did say "kidnapped" in some of her dialogue, but from her perspective, OF COURSE SHE'S GONNA THINK CALLIE GOT KIDNAPPED! She's known to worry about Callie all the time and ruminate about her, of course she's gonna think of the worst case scenario, doesn't mean she's right though. Was Octavio still in the wrong for hypnotizing Callie in the first place and allowing her to bring out her darker traits more easily? YEAH! NO SHIT! HE'S A BAD DUDE! Not a totally evil person but he has made some awful decisions out of desperation for his people. Why do you think he was so quick to help out the New Squidbeak Splatoon in the finale of Splatoon 3? His people got turned into fluffy monsters by a giant bear, he's all about helping his people.

Hell look at how Callie acts while under the Hypnoshades, she decorates Octo Canyon and her peppy and energetic self is still in tact even during the final boss, she's just more mean and violent. Callie was in an emotional and mentally unwell situation due to her overworking herself and being incredibly lonely as her relationship with Marie was damaged overtime. Callie accepted the suggestions of DJ Octavio and heard him out, AS SAID BY HER FROM THE RELATIONSHIP CHART! She wasn't forced into anything. She didn't suffer "sexual abuse" from Octavio by being forced into skippy clothing as some psychos say online, if she didn't want to wear that outfit she wouldn't cause hypnosis is NOT MIND CONTROL!! I hate having to repeat this over and over again, i hate how the developers basically rushed and ruined this interesting villain arc with stupid shades, only to try and hastily fix it later with an obscure post about A GOD DAMN RELATIONSHIP CHART THAT PEOPLE EITHER DONT KNOW ABOUT OR DONT CARE TO LOOK AT BECAUSE THEY SEE SPLATOON AS SOMETHING FOR KIDS AND TO NOT GIVE ANY CARE TOWARDS!!!!!!!!

I made a god damn giant blog explaining Callie in Splatoon 2 because i felt so frustrated about how my favorite character in the series was being treated and i tried to salvage the story that the writers tried to make. The way that people made her situation worse by saying she got kidnapped and forcibly ""mind controlled/brainwashed"" actually gave me chest pain, thinking about that kind of scenario for Callie actually hurts me... Heck i cant even listen to the Splatoon 2 stage music or final boss music because hearing her reversed vocals makes me feel uncomfortable due to the misinformation online. I hated all the misinformation and i wanted it to stop. HELL EVEN IN GIANT TIMELINE VIDEOS WHERE PEOPLE DO TONS OF RESEARCH THEY STILL GET IT WRONG!! UGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! i guess it'll still be the common and popular notion that Callie is an idiot that got kidnapped and then ""mind controlled"" by some shades... oh well... ugh...

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as really angry, i am. It's just, my brain is really hyperfixated on this squid and she means a lot to me. Seeing the way the fandom as well as the writers treat her makes me really mad. I hope i can find some peeps who feel the same way as i do. Misinformation is so frustrating man... i dont even wanna get into the Octarians because that's a whole other can of worms... anyways im done ranting. have a good night or good morning wherever you live y'all.

[tsukimefuku]

unwell ❖ nanami kento

summary: you had a terrible day, but at least, you’ve got a helping hand.

cw: soft nanami x reader, implied past higuruma x reader, reader is having a mental breakdown but in a kind of funny way, hurt and comfort, a lot of fluff, i want this man to pat my hair dry as i have a meltdown and drink wine straight from a bottle.

wc: 1.1k

notes etc.: the inspo song is in the title, unwell (matchbox twenty). i will reuse this scene in another fic with another turn of events.

❖ collection of stories: "jujutsu partners au" → masterlist

❖ hold me in your clarity ❖

As Nanami closed the door while entering your apartment holding groceries, he heard the water in the bathroom being turned on. Figuring you must be taking a shower, he calmly went in the to leave the bags over the counter and began to make his way into the bedroom to see if you had left plates or anything of the sort. However, upon walking by the bathroom, Nanami realized the door was open, stepping back immediately.

You didn't fail to notice that out of your peripheral vision.

"It's okay, I'm fully clothed," you yelled through the thundering water, while you held your second bottle of wine of the night a little outside from the water's range.

"... What?"

You sighed.

"You can come in, Kento."

He stepped inside the bathroom to witness a rather… unexpected scene. You still had the usual clothes you wore for missions on, and was barefoot inside the shower, while holding a bottle of wine. 

"Did you know the first time I encountered Hiromi, he was fully clothed inside a bathtub?" you asked Nanami, while still looking straight ahead to the wall in front of you.

He seemed slightly worried under his collected expression.

"I didn't."

"Yeah…" you ensued, taking a gulp of wine, "he had a suit on. I mean, it seemed fun, but maybe it just looked that way because he was in a bathtub. Taking a shower with your clothes on is just… sad."

He knew you enough to realize something must've happened for you to be in that state, but wondered if this would be the best moment to probe at it. 

You gave him no options, though.

"Three people died on my mission today. And another yesterday. I… I just need one win, you know? To have at least one single thing in my life that isn’t buried in deep shit."

You were clearly in the middle of an astrological hell, getting thrown around like a penny inside a washing machine. Every little damn thing in your life was going wrong ever since Higuruma left Tokyo, and you were doing your best to keep your sanity as intact as it could be.

Even if it meant trying weird shit like this.

"I see," Nanami replied, not having much to say beyond that. He knew the hardships that came with this life, and thought that maybe having a little mental breakdown taking a shower fully clothed was one of the most harmless things you could do right now.

However, it was also cold, and you would for a fact catch a cold if you kept going.

He walked towards the shower, and you wondered what exactly he was about to do. Opening it, he turned off the water, while pulling the towel from its support.

"Hey!" you protested.

"Come, you need to dry yourself," he noted, offering a hand to help you out.

With a pout, you walked outside and sat on the sink, still mindlessly holding onto your bottle.

He enveloped you in the towel he had pulled, and grabbed another nearby to pat your hair as dry as possible.

"You should avoid leaving the bathroom right now, you're drenched," he said, no chide intended.

You scoffed.

"Yeah, perhaps."

"I can get some clothes for you to change, if you'd like."

Reluctantly, you nodded.

"Later."

He acquiesced, and kept patting your hair dry.

"Nanami, how do you not go crazy with this fucking job? How are you so stable?" you inquired, taking another gulp of wine and looking at him, "I need some encouragement words."

He pondered for a moment before sighing.

"I don't have any. It's a hard and most times unrewarding work that needs to be done."

You grunted.

"Guess you're right. We just hold the string of sanity for dear life and hope it doesn't snap, right?"

He nodded softly.

"You could say that."

"What a nightmare," you replied, taking another sip, "I want to talk about something else, this is depressing me even further, let's chat."

Nanami sighed, yet again, now chiding, "you should get dry, eat something and rest."

"Oh, we can talk about anything, come on!" you encouraged, half in jest, "I'm a bottle and a half in, won't remember a thing tomorrow."

"That's even more of a reason for you to sleep. I'll leave some food for you in your fridge."

You were both silent for a little while until you began speaking again.

"Do you know what this is remembering me of? You patting my head down with a towel? That night."

"What night?" he asked.

"Our night, Kento. The one you so tenderly referred to as 'the events of' on the note you left me before leaving the next morning for a mission." 

You said tenderly in the mockiest voice he'd ever heard.

"... Oh."

Nanami's body had noticeably stiffened up, and you could swear he was slightly blushing.

"Yeah, not one of your greatest moments. I mean, the note. Not the night. The night was great. Amazing, really."

Nanami cleared his throat, feeling deeply embarrassed, to say the least.

"I apologize."

"No worries, I forgave you, remember?" you replied, chuckling softly. 'The events of last night', Jesus… "So… You already told me why you pushed me away, but did we have a shot at it?"

And he had told you how he was frightened of the losses the both of you could endure if you had in fact entered a relationship, how it reminded him of his past losses, past failures and the whole story.

But you never got to discuss the what if.

Nanami had a bated breath faltering as he opened his mouth to speak, and seemed to actually think out his answer carefully, before finally speaking up again.

"I believe so."

A deep sigh got pulled from your lungs as you put your wine bottle away.

"Yeah… me too. I loved you," you mumbled, defeated. The next part came inaudibly, and you weren't sure if you were actually saying it or thinking it.

Still do.

His hands seemed to stop patting you dry for the briefest moment before he continued to do so, completely silent. You were unsure if this had been your imagination, and if he had heard that or not.

A few moments later, he put the small towel on the sink by your side and stepped behind.

"I'll get you some clean clothes for you to change into."

"Okay," you mumbled.

As he was about to step out of the bathroom, you called out, "hey, Kento…"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

He smiled and bowed his head towards you, saying, "you're welcome," finally walking out of the bathroom.

Did I say it out loud? 

[starry-bi-sky]

Stillborn? No, still born au -- Dani Phantom! Clone girl herself. :]

She can't exist in this au. And it's not that I don't want to add her -- although I'll be blunt, I don't, I'll be the first to admit that I think she's more often than not nothing more than a narrative deadweight used to prop up Danny and I don't like adding characters as props -- but her existence quite literally goes against and muddies the Vlad and Danny dynamic I have for this au. Ellie's existence in canon itself states that she was created -- and Danny's other clones too -- because Vlad gave up on trying to convert him to his side and decided to just make a son instead.

Something that just, doesn't happen in the stillborn-still born au. See, for folks who are only just hearing about this au or didn't see my post about Vlad in this au, he and Danny have a complicated love-hate relationship where they mutually want to adopt each other, but their morals and way of doing things -- mainly Vlad's insistence on getting revenge against the Fentons -- gets in the way of them being able to do that in full.

Vlad knows Danny wants him to adopt him, and is only fighting him on it because he refuses to let Vlad kill the Fentons for essentially killing the both of them. He's succeed in 50% of his goal. Canon Vlad never even made it to 1%. With that in mind, stillborn Vlad has no reason and sees no reason to clone Danny, he has his son. He just needs to convince him to let him avenge them both.

Dani simply has no place in the stillborn-still born au. And in fact, if Vlad did decide to clone Danny -- for whatever reason, -- it would damage his relationship with Danny damn near beyond repair. That's because Danny would view it the same way he views Damian's existence; as a replacement for himself. He would become beyond furious and hurt, and not for the typical 'I can't believe you cloned me, you creep!' reason, but for a 'I can't believe you cloned me, you said I was your son!' reason.

I am not pulling any punches here when I say Danny wants Vlad to be his dad just as much as Vlad wants Danny to be his son, there's just a lot of factors getting in the way. They are, as the french say, ✨mentally unwell.✨ Danny has a ton of abandonment and trust issues due to his experiences in foster care. He would immediately become jealous, insecure, and incredibly furious and hurt. He'd despise her on principal and want nothing to do with her, or Vlad for that matter. He'd just fucking haaate her. It's not her fault she was made but Danny doesn't really care, he's lashing out and pushing people away because he's been betrayed yet again.

The only way they could get along or for Danny to actually like her in any capacity would be if it was his idea to clone himself. Which is like, kinda obvious but considering most clone plots tend to be non-consensual it's kinda gotta be said. He has to have a hand in creating her, that's the only way I can see him liking her in any way. Or if someone other than Vlad created her. If Vlad clones him though, all bets are off the table and he'll despise her.

TL;DR: Dani can't exist in this au because she goes against the narrative I've got for the two most fucked up half-dead could-be-father-son duo in existence, but if she did exist Danny would despise her.

[renthony]

🏳️‍🌈 (queer media rec please !)

(Drop a 🏳️‍🌈 in my inbox and I’ll respond with a queer media recommendation!)

I've been sticking to indie or less-popular works for these recommendations, but the most recent Interview With the Vampire episode destroyed me and I need to get more people in on this sweet, sweet suffering.

AMC's television adaptation of Anne Rice's Interview With the Vampire is phenomenal. The season 2 finale airs next week, and I'm hoping very much for more. It's officially available via AMC+, and if you're at all into queer gothic horror, you have to check it out.

The basic premise is that an immortal Vampire named Louis tells his tragic story to a human reporter named Daniel. We learn all about Louis' life as a human, how he was turned into a vampire by his vampire lover Lestat, and how the two created a child vampire named Claudia to be their daughter. It's a messy domestic drama where every single narrator is unreliable, it's a horror show, it's tragic, it's queer as hell, and it's perfect for people who want to see mean, petty, mentally unwell, horny queer characters waging psychological warfare on each other.

Here's the trailer for season 1:

I was very, very nervous when the adaptation was first announced. I'm a huge Vampire Chronicles fan, I was absolutely obsessed with Lestat as a teenager (...and also now...), and I was pretty firmly on the side of folks who were thinking, "we did this already, Queen of the Damned was a horrible (albeit still pretty fun) movie, we can just let the books stand on their own after that one."

When the casting announcements for Lestat (Sam Reid) and Louis (Jacob Anderson) were made, I got even more nervous. In the book, Louis is a white slave owner born in the late 1700s, and I was worried that the showrunners would just make Louis a Black character without examining or unpacking any of the anti-Blackness in the source material. I'd enjoyed Jacob Anderson's performance in Game of Thrones, and I didn't have any ill will against him, but I was genuinely worried a Black Louis was going to be in poor taste at best.

Instead of presenting Louis as a Black slave owner, though, the show reworked his backstory to make him a Black businessman in 1910s New Orleans. We get to know his family and his situation, and the dynamics of a queer interracial romance in turn-of-the-Century New Orleans add quite a lot of new depth to the story. Jacob Anderson deserves basically every award ever, because his performance as Louis is just...goddamn. He is the definitive Louis for me.

The show feels like a love letter to both the book series and the 1994 film. In the show, the interview takes place in 2022, and is framed as a second, "do-over" interview. It makes meta-commentary on the film and the books, and it's a real treat as a fan of the prior works. The constant little book references and hints for future plots are fantastic. The show loves the source material just as much as the audience does, and it never tries to say, "the old version sucks, we're doing it better." It's a loving tribute to my favorite messy queer vampires, and I need everybody to go lavish attention on it so it gets more seasons.

Edit 6/27/24:

Season 3 has been confirmed, babes!!!

[generalsdiary]

is this enough for a love confession?

Dr. Ratio x Aventurine

warnings: none

word count: 2k

a/n: idk if this is wht ppl call tsundere, this attacked me at 1am last night and held me in a chokehold until i wrote every single thing veritas had to confess, help? not beta read, aventurine came home guys

description: a small argument tips Ratio over to confess his feelings to Aventurine

„should I apologize?” beat. he tilts his head, annoyment fills the sound of his voice, “should I fucking apologize? for being… what?... capable! of-“ vague gesticulation, “actual conversation, for being ‘smart enough to keep up with you’ and not disappoint?” his tone of voice suggests he is getting agitated by the second while trying to remain calm, “for being a competent conversationalist?” Aventurine scoffs, he takes the black gloves off of his hands along with the jewelry. “you will look at me while I talk to you- or, I’m sorry, is the view of a gambler- below one such as yourself?” he steps forward, taking Veritas’ chin in his hand making the taller man face him. Ratio’s expression appears tired, defeated almost.

Veritas’ eyes turn to meet his. there’s a certain silence, stillness… he knows he set him off by being insensitive or saying something that is triggering to a tired Aventurine. the apology is already dancing on his lips, ready to spill over the soft hills of the plush pink. Veritas hums, “I apologize, I must’ve been careless, although you seem a tad unwell in this moment- perhaps a cold shower would help? furthermore, no, you needn’t apologize.”

“I’m tired of this. I feel like you just don’t care.” Aventurine hisses with disappointment dripping from his words, he lets go of Ratio’s chin and looks away. “I… do not care?” Veritas calmly asks. “Aventurine, is this truly about that or did you have a difficult day?” “can it not be both? and, perhaps, do not undermine me, Doctor.” Aventurine snaps back like a whip.

Veritas sighs, pinching the skin between his brows in thought for a couple of moments. after sorting his thoughts he stands straight and looks at Aventurine who isn’t even turned towards him anymore. his words start low, calm, and slowly crescendo into a louder tone, more confidently, “I care. of course I care. not even a fool would be able to miss how much I care. I stand beside you at this moment and my heart and mind is yours, my body-“ he gives a dry chuckle, “is yours the stomp on. and if you’re expecting some warm, romantic words you’re asking the wrong man, I am a lot of things but I am no romantic.” he looks to the ground, gathering his thoughts once more. “if something happened to you I would never be the same. if anything, I think I’d turn for worse, seeking knowledge that is forbidden for a damn reason just to... bring you back. and, I’d- I’d take you reborn in any shape you’d come.” he takes a deep breath, “I cannot imagine starting my day without embracing you first thing in the morning, smelling your shampoo on the pillows, your hair falling through my fingers like melting gold… I cannot imagine my baths without you annoyingly popping in asking if you can join- or my breakfast without you reading me the day’s news while I complain about the insignificance of it. maybe I’m a creature of habit, and I simply grew used to you and you may argue that.” he falls silent, speaking the next words a tad louder than a whisper, “I yearn to be near you. I gravitate to you like a metal to a magnet; uncontrollably and eagerly. my day feels incomplete when I do not get to share it with you and everything that happened. the weight of your body on top of mine feels comforting at night and I cannot sleep without the pressure on my chest and your scent around me. mentally I feel like I crawl on my knees to get home to see you, like an insect bent over and staying low to the ground. just to get to you and my heart begs to kiss you when I do get home. to taste your lips like drinking mint tea with honey, the freshness because it feels every time like it is the first time, and honey because I cannot resist the sugar the same as any other human. I feel like a parched man without your touch, I can barely breathe when I don’t see you and that damn plaster head doesn’t help to tune it out when I’m sick and you’re my only remedy. and on the days you cannot handle physical contact, I pray that the next day I could be blessed with that exhilarating feeling of kissing your lips. like now… you took off your gloves and I’m weak in my knees like a little boy over how pretty they are- like I’ve never held them before, how delicate they look, how I get to see them, and how I wish to kiss every pretty vein while telling you its name in Latin and its function. what a blessing it would be to hear you giggle at my funny words and gentle touch, and then I’d kiss your knuckles and talk even more; about your bones and joints, naming them and talking all the time like I’m a teenager trying to impress my crush when all I’m doing is rambling as an excuse to look into your beautiful eyes and get your attention on me. you could hate me and I’d be happy you’d use your time on a strong emotion while thinking of me. you are my sun, I circle around you, a moth to the shiniest flame. and perhaps I can now understand believers of religions and sinners because I’d pray for your time and your gaze, and, oh Aeons, I’d sin for you, for your presence, your body, your voice, your everything. so please, please… do not say I don’t care when I would rip the skin off of my own body to keep you warm. I’m yours… Kakavasha, even if it burns me and destroys me from the inside out.” a stumbling love confession, portraying a man lost and needy. with his ending words he steps closer, and rests his forehead on Aventurine’s.

Aventurine feels speechless, he has a full monologue surely ready to give to Veritas if the need arises but for now he looks at him with shaky eyes and a trembling bottom lip, itching to meet his. he outstretches his arm, taking Ratio’s hand in his and the taller man exhales deeply.

“you do care,” Aventurine whispers the only thing that comes to mind. Veritas opens his eyes and stands straight once more. he nods. “perhaps I ought to care less”

“marry me” Aventurine raises his chin, meeting Veritas’ gaze with a sweet smile. “absolutely not. the concept of marriage is idiotic, moreover, I do not require a piece of paper to tell me I am loyal to another” he scoffs, rolling his eyes at the thought of it, making Aventurine chuckle. “hm.. of course not…”

“dinner?” Veritas suggests in a normal tone. “sure, official?” Aventurine suspects this might not be a casual outing. “sadly. we must show up for a dinner event, organized by your employer and mine.” he observes the smaller hand in his, thumb caressing Aventurine’s knuckles. “maybe I’ll find a way for us to leave early.” Aventurine flashes him a smile, “music to my ears, Doc.”

a/n: yes I even sneaked in a Kafka reference in there (the writer not the hsr character), also in case you didn't read it - I wrote a dinner event fluff thingy about them hehe here legato*

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

Here's my fma 2003 (featuring Conqueror of Shambala) character tierlist. If I had to sum up my perception of the 03 cast vs the bhood one, it would be 1) 03 is focused and interwoven, and 2) quality >>>>>>>> quantity.

To be clear: because I feel that the 03 adaptation does not labour under a desperate need to pity and empathize with its war criminals and antagonists (though it does make sure its core antagonists are more than stock-standard villains), there aren't really any characters I vehemently reject the way I did for the Brotherhood tier list. Even the characters that don't particularly catch my interest or are fairly mundane in the grand scheme of the show I see more favourably than the characters in a similar tier level in Brotherhood. Where I find the 09 anime's character lows are abysmally low, 03 highs are imho astronomical.

There are some very, very minor characters that I didn't feel the need to include (my Broho tier list similarly eschewed equally highly minor faces too). I didn't feel like such inclusions would really be in the spirit of a tierlist.

Anyway, here we go:

Lengthy breakdown below the cut [not spoiler free]:

First tier: The SSS-tier. What do I even say about these two that I haven't already repeatedly expressed on this blog? These are the characters I can't stop thinking about. Whose stories, personalities, character arcs, and tragedies I've been mentally unwell about for over a decade+. They're my obsession and they're the highlight of every rewatch for me. Whenever they're onscreen I am rendered into a rabid howling ape (joyful).

Me @ 03 Scar and 03 Lust 5ever:

Scar: My sweetie-pie honeybear sugar-muffin sillymittens babygirl. Look at my damn username. Do you think I'm normal about Scar, especially THIS version of him? A character like him, handled the way the 03 team wrote him, is not only a rarity but a fucking achievement. In a media landscape that relies on regurgitated, jagged strawmen of the violent resistance of the oppressed, of revolutionaries/radicals who exist solely for the writers to strike down with great punitivity, 03 Scar breaks the mould. He manages to subvert every derogatory caricature that a character like him should have fully fallen into, and come out a nuanced, three dimensional character who never truly relents in the fight against the state military. Where Arakawa writes Scar to be yet another in a long line of fictional radicals made to heel at the boots of the military, the fma 03 writers wrote Scar to show why the people who are targets of imperial violence fight back to the bitter end. And, man, the sensitivity they imbue him with on top of that! They allow him to be vulnerable, to struggle with his place in a world that wants everyone like him fully eradicated while also experiencing what it's like to be a pariah amongst his own people; to grapple with his past and also have the capacity to feel for those who have suffered similarly as well. He grasps that there is no half-freedoms. If Ishbal isn't free than Liore isn't free and neither will anyone else be free. He witnesses numerous times that without direct violent action the system carries on its project of wanton human misery. And it often goes unacknowledged, but this Scar does attempt the route of (relative) peace. He renounces his homicide of state alchemists, he joins a group of Ishbalan refugees and follows his master. Yet without fail they are beset by tremendous violence: state-hired mercenaries enact a slaughter of Ishbalans and destabilizing the camp, they're accosted by a racist biker gang solely because the Ishbalans stepped out of their state-designated grounds, and Yoki rats the now-nomadic Ishbalans to the state, resulting in the feds rounding them up and carting them off to a concentration camp. At that point he can no longer stomach this ineffectual path. If the victims of this systemic oppression fail to bite the hand that beats them, then the perpetuation of their suffering never ends. If he must renounce any future he could have had, if it means he must suffer and relinquish his own life, if he must turn away from Ishbala, then he will. "My sympathy will not be spent on soldiers. Neither should yours," SIR. SIR YOU DROPPED YOUR CROWN. SIR. This line alone makes me INSANE.

We get glimpses of his adolescence, the loss he and his brother suffered, and we really get to understand what solidifies Scar's hatred of alchemy early on in his life. It's not just a cultural and religious dictate against the practice (seriously, can we blame the Ishbalan religion for being anti-alchemy), and it's not just the fact that alchemy is a lethal tool of mass destruction that can be used to wipe out an entire country: it's the fact that he witnessed a writhing mass made from the corpse of someone he and his brother cared for, and the loss of his brother's sanity as he pursued the philosopher's stone to undo this travesty he committed. And yet Scar is gifted that same detested alchemy by the brother he rejects, and he has to find some greater purpose that somehow straddles his previous beliefs. He's a resistance fighter struck down, aimless since barely escaping the massacre years ago. He would have died if he stayed back, should have died when Kimbly tracked down their particular group of fleeing Ishbalans, and in a sense [name unknown] has indeed long since perished. And for so long he was unable to face the pockets of Ishbalan refugees with any confidence due to the indelible taboo that is his right arm. He's displaced and homeless, wandering the streets of his oppressors, trying to find answers to the insignia of his sibling's arm, and finally he's snapped back into action upon encountering yet one more soul perverted into an agonized form by alchemy and the state. He's principled to the core, yet not as a flawless messianic figure. His final victory, his moment of reclaiming personal love alongside obliterating an armada, is also the endpoint of his tragedy. His triumph is his grave, and god. fucking. damn it. that is so---- !!! The way he connects, reflects, and contrasts with other core characters and the overall themes of the narrative too, I-!!!

Listen, I love the mangahood Scars even with the reformist liberal bullcrap tacked onto their arc, but when I say I simp for fma Scar, THIS is the fictional man I simp the hardest for. When I say Scar is right? All versions of Scar were right to kill state alchemists, but it's 03 Scar who was never once wrong. Accept no substitutes, because no one is doin' it like him.

Lust: My darling WIFE. I would make a Philosopher's Stone just for her and no one would be able to stop me. She was one of the earliest characters I latched onto during my first watch of this show 100 years ago. No matter who I introduce to fma 03, they all walk away having fallen in love with her. She's a treasure, my sopping wet meow meow who's also more than capable of tearing anyone to ribbons. Yet more than that, I wish she could have had the tranquil human life she deserved. She's everything to me. And no matter how many times I rewatch this adaptation, Lust and her arc, her internal struggles, and the philosophical dilemma of what constitutes humanity and what are the consequences of creating a dehumanized class of people leaves me on knees. And god, the way the writers very slowly develop this growing dilemma and her individuality is astonishing. From one of the first shadows we see stalking the Elric's journey, a mysterious and malevolent femme fatale pulling the strings, a woman whose face Scar can't shake, to her assuredness in her humanity and her goal to reclaim as such, a being whose patchwork memories of who she once was slowly upending her allegiances, her having a strong knowledge in alchemy even when she literally cannot perform it because she will stop at nothing to shed her shackles, to her rebellion against Dante and the other homunculi, and- ok, you know how we watch Lust gaze at human beings and ponder at their futile existence? Seeing them as alien, and to an extent lesser? And how she can no longer deny wanting to return to humanity as her memories continue to gnaw at her? To the point that she embraces people as people? How she counters Sloth's disparaging, dehumanizing remarks against Tucker's mindless Nina clones and states "She's his daughter"? She defends the humanity even in those that the world would write off as subhumans or objects? She was an Ishbalan woman repurposed into a tool by the very people who destroyed her homeland and she will no longer be their puppet. She was never just a femme fatal, she was never just a humanoid monster, she is never treated like just another villain to be annihilated for the benefit of the protags. Like. Do you understand? Do you understand the finesse with which the 03 team wrote this character? Do you understand why people go crazy for her? Do you understand why she's a platinum-tier baddie? God, Lust is just incredible and I weep just thinking about her! Her despair causing her to desire mortality, and connection to the one remaining person from a past that many could debate was never entirely her own? UGHHHH, my HEART. Is obtaining mortality a drawn-out suicide of its own? If for a homunculus the only way to become human is to die, then was that locket Scar dredged from the grave that never possessed her body his unintentional way of making her human after all? I wonder, as her consciousness faded away once more, if she felt relief. If she felt peace. I always hope that she did.

Second tier: S-tier. Our protagonists, and a worthy centrefold for this adaptation. They're phenomenally written: their journeys and inner demons are so compelling. The way love is the fount of their hopes and traumas, what keeps them clawing through the horrors of the world, to hang tight to each other. All the while this codependence being a self-imposed punishment. Shunting out everyone else and hurting themselves and others as a result. They so desperately want to do right, but their self-destructiveness and alliance with the military leaves pain in their wake. There is no comforting and morally convenient writing contrivances to shield them from the repercussions of their beliefs and actions. These boys grow and part of that growth into adulthood is understanding that the flow of everything, that inherent and unshakable interconnectivity of life and lives, of systemic violence via state and alchemy, means they cannot live as though in a vacuum, doing as they wish and remaining ignorant and, as a result, becoming wretched. If they want to rise above destroying others, they must take responsibility, and how that differs between them is fine-tuned to their idiosyncrasies. How each brother partook in committing alchemy's greatest taboo informs how they view violence and sacrifice.

Like the entire cast, Ed and Al are so human. It's both beautiful and heartbreaking, and one of the many reasons why I always come back to this anime. I couldn't ask for better versions of the Elric brothers and I'm glad that this version of them are the ones permanently embedded in my mind as THE Edward and Alphonse Elrics.

Note: I place the CoS versions in this tier not because I see them as different characters but rather to highlight that I do love what is shown of their outcomes, and that I appreciate the way it ties well with where we last see them in the show.

Ed: A boy steeped in the dogma of his father's science. His hubris and his love tears apart what remains of his dying idyllic life, and it's something he truly never returns to. And yet, it's not all his fault. He's an orphaned child alongside his little brother, with a mind too sheltered from the true ugliness of the world yet brimming with the capacity to perform feats that few can master. His circumstances and choices lead him down a rabbit hole he can only escape by moving forward and changing. He can't flee to the past, he can't remake the present into whatever he wishes, the world carries on despite what he and his brother go through, and if he wants to be more than the monstrous humans he encounters than he has to actually fucking reflect and reconsider his perspective constantly. And he's not perfect at changing either! Some part of him still clings to what could have been, that maybe it could be possible to at least restore Al's body. He's one of the most dogmatic characters in this entire show, and the narrative does not allow him to simply remain as such and parade it around like hot shit. It's not science vs religion, it's scientism and the hegemony of the state (which can include religious institutions and beliefs) vs those seen as subjects or material for the whims of those in power. Ed actually has to contend with his bigotry too! He shoulders a sisyphean grief and guilt, and you know deep down that he will never truly be rid of that curse. Yet he shows signs in the end that he understands that he can't eternally stagnate in it; returning to a world he struggled to see as real and getting on that caravan at the end with Al and Noah felt like he could at least adapt to the task of living, even if that dream of perfect redemption remains elusive. I could babble on and on, but this all to say: I love fma 03 Ed and no bog standard shonen-ass racist is ever gonna usurp his spot for me.

Al: This version of Al is not stuck as a yes-man to his brother, and he isn't sidelined until it's convenient to wheel him back into the plot. Al's perspective on nearly everything tends to differ from Ed's. Whether it's on more inconsequential matters to, in time, major issues, Al often sees things differently from his older sibling. The 03 writers leaned heavily on the solitude and confinement of being the final vestige of a human's existence tethered to an inanimate object, and they explore this existential crisis and dysmorphia not just in the one arc everyone fails to empathize with (you know the one), but all throughout the show. There's a reason Al has an easier time understanding the perspectives of his fellows who have been literally and figuratively dehumanized. He's compassionate and sweet, and this trips people up. So many see him as a nothing more than a cinnamon roll when he's got a much harder edge than that. Far more so. Al suffers a waking nightmare 24/7, without break since he can't sleep. Though he doesn't allow that to destroy his capacity for kindness, it doesn't mean he handles every problem and obstacle with unceasing grace. He sees the utility in violence, he gets why people lash out, he wants to be fully human again and he still wants to preserve lives when he can. Al wants to think of others, but his memory is chipped in places, and his lack of bodily functions, flesh, and nervous system means he feels that others have lost sight of him too. It's a struggle to feel real when your current circumstances have you caged and alienated. You end up wanting Al's body back as badly as he and Ed do, that finally seeing him physically restored to the 10 year old body he last occupied is both a relief and utterly surreal. And without his memories, he was doomed to repeat the self-centered actions that he and his brother had to learn from over those many years. I can't see him regaining his memories being a wholly jubilous outcome for him, but having the one person who mattered more than everyone else back in his life is a trade I'm sure he would make time and again.

Third tier: The A tier. Love 'em to the bone, and even love to hate one in particular here (it's Dante. Of course). This anime has no shortage of excellent characters, and I love 'em to bits.

Rose: One of the bravest characters in this entire show's roster. An orphaned teenage girl who adheres to Letoism in the hopes that her faith and work for the church will lead to the miracle of her partner returning from the dead. After the curtain gets pulled back on Cornello, Rose has to learn to rise above the pain and live. All with the dawning riots and military invasion that will challenge her in ways most hope never befalls themselves but is a reality for the targets of imperial aggression. She doesn't back down to armed soldiers and generals, she helps plan a massive retaliation against the invading forces, and she goes on to care for Liore's orphans while working to restore a liberated Liore. (Unfortunately CoS does flanderize her. I know in my heart she would never accept the military or the Armstrong family colonizing Liore, and she wouldn't see Armstrong's alchemy as preferable to the plan she herself was a pivotal part of executing to stop Amestris.) For as feminist as everyone claims to be, post-2010 fma fans sure love writing 03 Rose off because of the horrific rape she suffers. This is not the be-all end-all of this character, and it's sus af that someone being a victim of this specific type of war crime means there is nothing else to her, and that the writers are simply racist misogynists. The story never reduces her to a "pitiable" victim, nor does it salivate at the very real sexual violence that militaries routinely employ. Fuck you if you look down on Rose. Rose is everything.

Noah: I will defend Noah to the death, and I'm taking her haters down with me. Her pain from a lifetime of being an outcast, used for her gifts and tossed into the clutches of fascists breaks me everytime. Her desperation to escape a racist hell to a fantasy world (that would have ultimately been no less cruel to her) makes sense. She gets confirmation of the impossible, of something that should have been nothing more than speculative fiction. Like the Elrics and so many others in this series, she learns the hard way that paradise doesn't lie behind fantasies. She's sullen and introverted, and this is no doubt an armour for having seen the most hidden secrets, darkness, and fragile dreams of everyone who pays the going price for her skill. How can she connect with others consciously and mutually when people pull away/avoid her once they learn she can peer into their truths? Facing the scorn of anti-Roma racism as well as the scorn for being a seer would tear anyone down. She's perpetually alienated from everyone, and she just wants to be free to exist in peace. Man, I just love her so much and want endless happiness for her. I've said it before and I'll say it forever: I love you, Noah fma!

Winry: Now this is my Winry! I never understood why the fandom pre-09 hated her so much (besides bog standard misogyny) but I was always in her corner. She has a great, balanced personality: physically and mentally strong, capable of being soft and caring, boisterous and contemplative, absolutely willing to shirk rules and laws, with a mischievous streak too. She's not a moralizing package deal to the Elrics, she's not reduced to ship fodder for Ed nor a future doting wife, she's an automail freak and she's damn proud of it. Her having her childhood friends pull away until they're no longer reachable is sad, but she has so many people in her life that she'll be able to carry on into the future. Whether the Elrics are in her life has nothing to do with the quality of her characterization here, and I stand by that forever. Also, her consistent gentle kindness towards Wrath? Providing him with automail and remaining calm even when it falls to disrepair? 03 Winry best Winry.

Sciezka: 03 Sciezka is a gift. This bookworm becoming close friends with Winry, the two of them teaming up to do some sleuthing for state secrets was some grade A stuff. She's bubbly, intelligent while still believing in the paranormal (can you blame her). I love how she stays in contact with Gracia and Elicia, and how she uses her photographic memory to continually help others. She'll trespass into a military facility, go on the run from the feds, crawl into an underground city all with Winry because damn it all, she might be terrified but she ain't spineless. Cheers, girlie. Cheers

Envy: The 03 homunculi and the necropolitics between them and the human beings who make them was the og hook for me the first time I watched Fullmetal Alchemist. And listen, who hasn't been entranced by Envy at least to some extent one time or another? Yeah, he/they/she is so gender, and we gotta recognize that. But what really gives 03 Envy their staying power imho is his far more intimate reason for being dubbed 'Envy' by his horrible mother. For 400 years they have been made a pawn, transmuted by scientist parents who likely never showed him the care and love one would want from their progenitors even when he was alive as a human being. For 400 years they helped sow misery and chaos, grew to reflect Dante's misanthropy and delight in seeing themself as superior to those who can die, those who are not banished to the underbelly of society, those who aren't seen as fundamental sins like he is. All the same, they desperately want revenge against a father who not only mistreated and abandoned them, but who then goes on to form a family he more obviously loves and humanizes. To be discarded when you wanted that love after all, and learn that the person who did this to you was indeed very capable of treating others with affection and respect, just not you! It was you who 'had' to be your father's roadbump to his own self-improvement. And that stings. Envy's anger issues make so much sense. And what I appreciate so much is that the 03 writers don't insult your intelligence here. They are not desperately trying to get the audience to forgive or excuse Envy for their hand in untold slaughter and atrocities. They present his tragedy without demanding you empathize with them at the cost of dehumanizing the victims of genocide. (I hate you forever Brotherhood). And bless the 03 crew for not making Envy a cackling, bumbling buffoon either (seriously, wtf was all of that???) Envy isn't an idiot, but they are barely able to withhold the fury that bubbles under the surface. Also leviathan-dragon Envy's design absolutely fucks and I will not entertain any argument to the contrary.

Sloth: Sho Aikawa et al, thank you. Thank you for taking the snippets of manga Ed's nightmare and making it so, SO real. And thank you, 03 team, for not settling on a one-dimensional interpretation of the definition of sloth. You gave us the perfect antithesis of the fridged mother, of the perfect martyred madonna who is nothing more than fuel for the boy/man characters and their pain. Sloth reveals the lack of autonomy and consent that comes with human transmutation. Creating a homunculus may often be done out of a despairing love due to death, but it is an act of exceptional hubris that disregards not only the pitfalls in that ritual itself but also in the desecration inherent to transmuting a being who can never be the one who died. Sloth's memories do not goad her into racing to reclaim herself, they are a toxin driving her resentment. If her previous self's love and flaws as a person led her children to pervert the rhythms of life and death, to defy the cycle of one is all and all is one and eject her from that belonging, and now she has to exist as a quiet abomination embedded in a racist fascist dictatorship? Then why should she ever accept and forgive her creators? She's one of the homunculi I grew to be utterly fascinated and awed by with each rewatch. And as a bonus, she's a solid reminder that fma 03 was doing it's own thing right from the very beginning: because we see her by Bradley's side. And we see Ed recognize what he has done the moment he spots her. Sloth's final words are some of the most haunting in this entire anime, and I will never be able to land on a solid interpretation of her intent. Her words take on just the right form to slip from your grasp, denying the Elric boys and the audience any ease of mind.

Izumi: Izumiiiiiiiiiiiii! Buddy, listen. If I can fawn over Scar who almost murders Ed and Al, I can fawn over Izumi even despite her having (non-lethally) beaten Ed and Al's asses. She has two solid reasons for being incensed by their actions since they parted ways, after finding out that the Elrics 1) joined a fascist militia, and 2) performed the one thing she hoped, taught, and demanded they never do. I'm not arguing that beating them to the extent she does is necessarily justified, but damn man, I get where she's coming from. And she treats them more sternly because, although she does see them as her children, she also understands that they have entered an adult world. If they're going to shoulder such power and responsibility, they must expect to be addressed as such. She's my imperfect acab queen. And that's another thing I love about Izumi! She repeatedly fights head-on against the state and shows them no deference whatsoever. She'll barge into a hospital and demand info from Mustang, she'll barge into the facility that kidnapped her homunculus child, hell she'll kidnap a state alchemist (Ed), and she'll partake in a coup too. All the while she never stops badmouthing the military. Izumi having performed human transmutation, training kids who go on to do the same, and having been trained by one of the alchemists who pioneered this horrid practice is *chef's kiss* storytelling. Her mangled viscera and its disabling effect on her life is never played for laughs, and we're not constantly encouraged to giggle at the "crazy strong & violent housewife". Watching her fight is also just so enjoyable, her moves are so fluid and succinct. She's a badass without feeling like a flat character. She deserved far better than to be die offscreen, but her embrace of her baby at the Gate gut punches me without fail.

Dante: Our absolutely rancid antagonist, inside and out, literally and figuratively. One of the world's most formidable alchemists who, in spite of that potential title, wishes to live a rather hermetic life. And why wouldn't she? She cannot stand her fellow humans, she believes herself to be above them while no less saddled with their qualities. Even when she can see the truth about alchemy and how it functions, she still lived a grotesque life of treating everything and everyone like pawns to be played. Lives are material and souls are fuel. Why shouldn't she get to do as she pleases when surely the human existence is too putrid to consider worthy of regard. If one is all, and people are a part of this equation, and they're so foolish and malleable, then what part of this world should she see as off limits? And the way the dead religion of Christianity becomes a decorative set-piece for her: how she views homunculi as sins of their creators, the mangled adams and eves of careless non-gods; they have the comparatively effortless immortality that she wants but she has the skeleton key to manipulating matter and energy that homunculi cannot possess. So she's their ring leader, the one who plants the seeds to ensure they continue to be birthed from The Gate. Surely she must have found in her studies of this extinct theology that apocalypses are a means of reconstituting flawed, sinful people and places. And surely she was behind the Mother Mary, Baby Jesus, and Joseph imagery that she manipulates from the 'holy' Lioran girl and her child, and the man who wasn't responsible for said child but arrives in time with a fury that can be made useful to her, who can act as a rallying zealot for the Liorans and play to a culturally religious predisposition. It's all one big, twisted morality play only she can see. Dante is obsessed with symbolism and oozes it herself. She isn't interested in the things that a woman seeking immortality normally would by your average hack writers either, and I love that! This is what makes her both so interesting to analyze and so fun to despise. And her main theme alongside songs that use her theme's motif are so fucking good! She deserves the demise she gets, a thousand-fold, but I'm glad she's the major villain this anime gives us.

Maria Ross: The one military officer I actually like with little to no reservations in this entire franchise. She takes the safety of Ed and Al so seriously that Ed, in his red water alchemic-surge state, mistakes her for Trisha when she embraces him. She goes to bat for Winry and Sciezka by helping them escape Sloth, she busts out Russell and Fletcher when they're arrested and sentenced to death, and she teams up with Izumi to fight her fellow military personnel and Archer. This Maria Ross is why I was losing my mind when Brotherhood sikes the audience out about Mustang "killing" her (though yhe Broho Maria Ross is. Eh. Nothing special). I really l love this character and her kindness. Now leave the military, girl.

Fourth tier: Yet more characters I love. These first four tiers are really for the characters that make me feel "Oh hell yeah, so-and-so is onscreen!"

Paninya: Fuck yeah, Paninya! I always want more of her, but what we see of her makes her memorable even beyond her single episode. Her appreciation for Dominic providing her with the automail that brought her back from rotting away in alleyways, and how she tries to prove the quality of his work to others makes me love her. As I mentioned in the Broho tierlist, I appreciate Paninya's mischievousness, agility, softness, and brazenness. Seeing her in the aftermath of the accident that killed her parents, with all but one of her limbs destroyed will always put my heart into a blender. There'll be times when I haven't touched fma for awhile, and she'll just spring to mind unprompted. If there's a Paninya-centric spinoff or light novel, then lemme know so I can get more of her! Thankfully in this adaptation Winry isn't some white chick berating her to follow the law, but instead a partner in crime and fast friend. If I got just a liiiiittle bit more of her in this anime, she would easily be one tier up.

Greed: Straight up the coolest homunculus. He doesn't get nearly enough time in the spotlight, but god does he leave a lasting impression. His care for the rejects of society will never not make his particular style of objectification of others oddly charming. I love how each of the English VAs for both fma anime play him, but 03's is the one I associate most with this character across continuities. I feel like Chris Patton best captures some of the skeeviness that clings to Greed's personality without making him an outright asshole. He comes across as just a bit more grimy, a bit sketchy, and it works so well with his contrasting earnestness. You can definitely feel that although Greed was never intended to be around until the end of the show, there must have been some time cut from his arc. If only his human self's romantic involvement with Dante had been a bit more expounded upon in the show, rather than being moderately hinted at and more outright stated in additional materials. But hey, what we get is so tasty that he still sits high on the list for me. Also, major shoutout to that legendary final fight between Ed and Greed. The animation, choreography, and artistry are magnificent and deserves a spotlight for being so downright addictive to watch. His death is a crater in Ed's psyche, and his melting form unforgettable to me.

Wrath: Man, I'll absolutely defend Wrath from the naysayers. Poor feral kid wanted to return to a mother, any mother, but most of all Izumi. The slim potential for Izumi, Sig, and Wrath to have lived peacefully together was there, so tantalizingly close to being realized. Then Envy and Dante catch up to him. His corruption via the red stones subtly points to what may potentially allow Dante to keep the minds of homunculi so malleable to her desires, and why she can lock and unlock their attributes and autonomy. Furthermore, Wrath highlights that to exist inside the Gate with a human(-adjacent) mind is a horrifying, inexplicable experience. He fears returning to it, he wants a mother, he has no malice until he's taught it, and he has the rare gift of alchemy he obtained from the same boys ready to tear it back from him. His propensity to wail given everything he went through and everything he lacks, with the mind of a child, isn't some "annoying" character flaw, it's an understandable reaction to a bizarre set of circumstances from one raised in hell and who escapes into the Yock Island woods for years. Wrath, you're cute as a button and I support you.

Hohenheim: Wow, this dude is mega fucked up. And I genuinely love that about Hohenheim of Light. He's an enigma, and unlike a lot of other characters whose time is brief in this anime, I rather like that he remains as such. We get hints towards the monstrous person he was for the majority of his 400+ years of existence, and the numerous atrocities and lives he extinguished in order to keep himself and Dante perpetually living. His original appearance being, as it turns out, that of the future design for Father has an interesting meta-textual crunch to it, but back before the manga even got to its own big bad, it seemed as though Hohenheim sought men who looked most like his original physical form to inhabit. Which has intriguing implications on his view of bodysnatching and what he wants of himself versus Dante's more flexible choice in new bodies. His heel turn towards trying to live as a normal person and raise a family, only to have to (poorly) come to terms that his newfound outlook means he has to accept his rapidly rotting flesh and his soul's depleting capacity to maintain a body. So he abandons his family, which sends his wife and two new children down the path of ruin. He's no angel even with this change of heart, as he sees no issue with working alongside fascist occultists on Earth to return to Amestris. We only get so much out of him regarding his acknowledgement of how he destroyed Envy's life/unlife, but the fact that he willingly forces Envy's fangs through himself as both an apology to a dying son of old, and in an attempt to reunite his two living sons makes me crazy. I love what a mess this scumbag of a man is.

Russell: The Tringham brothers are defo faves. I do have to place Russell above his little brother since I find his flaws and smarmy characterization quite enjoyable, especially as it bounces off of Ed's abrasive, equally smarmy ass. His struggle with the ethics of his studies crashing against his goals very nicely mirror the Elric's, just at a smaller scale. Love the fact that he continues to steal Ed's identity even long after moving on from Xenotime, and that it nearly lands him and his little brother the death penalty. If we could have somehow gotten more of him and his bro, they'd both be higher on the list, but hey. His plant alchemy and what that infers for all bio alchemies (chimeric vs human transmutation vs plants vs what little we get hinted at regarding non-human resurrection) makes my brain whir in the best way possible. As a plant lover myself, I gotta give props to Russell for his expertise in the area.

The Slicer Brothers: Where this homicidal pair fall flat for me in Brotherhood, they hit so much harder in fma 03. The entire Lab 5 arc shakes me to my core, no matter how many times I watch it. The quandaries on the prison industrial complex, on mass murder and the humanity of its perpetrators (which never reaches levels of maddening preachiness in favour of perpetrators ala mangahood), and the power states hold over those it incarcerates and what science is in the hands of the state were formative for me. Or rather, growing up as a teen already questioning why this world and its societies can wield so much power over people, even in circumstances where we're taught to see criminals (let alone accept such a classification) as worthy sites of state-backed torture, this arc in an anime of all things would be one of the many grains that would eventually lead me to understand why states must be opposed and prisons abolished. This pair of brothers are not ethical souls. They have done so much harm, and all the same they should never have been sentenced to an eternity of enslavement by the state. And how does their predicament mirror and contrast Al's purgatory? How does their predicament mirror Ed and Al's contribution to the deaths and suffering of others, especially as dog's of (and in Al's case, an affiliate of) the state? The suicide of the younger brother, and the murder of the eldest manage to evoke sympathy and heartache, even where they are certainly unsympathetic otherwise.

Nina: When it comes to Nina and the entire tragedy of the Tucker family arc, I am no contrarian. This poor girl, her dog, and her murdered mother, and what this does to the Elrics is a permanent point of sorrow. The memetic treatment of her story has some fma fans shrugging at her impact, but I was there when this was the version that people (outside of Japan) were introduced to her story for the first time. Her story fucking hurts. Nina was like a little sister to the Elrics, and they got to spend some time growing up with her. She was family! She was the only person in the entire world, in the entire series, nay, in the entire franchise, who could get away with calling Ed 'little' (Al was 'big brother', and Ed was 'little big brother'). The scene of the Elrics walking into Tucker's lab... The way the 03 team executes this hellish revelation is without compare. The manga's version is nothing, and Brotherhood's is a pale version to 03's. Ed, without recourse to the state's recuperation of chimera Nina, desperately releases her from the military van, only to have granted her a freedom that leads her into Scar's palm (and thereby setting him on his path to avenge the forsaken by killing those who destroy lives via the state and it's weaponized alchemy). She is liberated quickly and painlessly, yet the almost-sacred splatter of her long-gone body will forever haunt me. This story is pivotal in ways that I feel I cannot do justice describing. And her innumerable chimeric clones derived from a chimera-Tucker's pathetic attempts to undo the transmutation of his daughter, and how her philsopher's stone-rejuvenated body is truly, genuinely soulless and unmoving, unthinking, destined to rot- unlike the homunculi, unlike Al and other soul-transmuted people- speaks volumes on how the ideologies of alchemists is what actually informs their perspective on who possesses a soul and who doesn't. Nina (and the Elrics) being present to help Gracia deliver Elicia was also very sweet; she could have been Elicia's friend or even big sister, damn it! 😭 I hope that Nina, her mom, and Alexander get to coalesce into some existence of joy and peace.

Earth!Scar & Earth!Lust: Yeah that's right, a pair of cameo characters we see at the end of CoS, who have no names, no lines, and who we know nothing about beyond seeing them heading a caravan together are placed on par with major characters. Why? Because I am forever overjoyed that, in their own way, Lust and Scar aren't forgotten. Seeing alt versions who get to live together is so satisfying (especially if you're ScarLust-brained like I am). I certainly can't reasonably place them higher on the list, and any lower would betray how giddy I get when they cap off this fma continuity. So fuck it, it's my tierlist and I'll slap my 3 second fanservice characters wherever the hell I want lol.

Hughes: A character who, over the years, I have grown to have quite complicated opinions on. Long before even learning about the overtly-genocidal version of this character in the mangahood canon, I would eventually understand that even military bureaucrats and desk jockeys are required for states and their militaries to carry out their heinous projects. Regardless of his position Hughes, like all members of the state and the military, do not have clean records in the grand scheme of things. 03 Hughes never directly bloodies his hands, and thankfully we're spared from that noxious, insulting sob story about "[committing genocide] so he can live" ala mangahood. But that isn't enough to abdicate his class position against the subjects of Amestris' imperial rule. But where my bias lies, and where 03 succeeds in characterizing him, is that he manages to be interesting and lovable without being as detestable as those who were directly involved in the "Eastern Rebellion" (genocide). All the same, he is a bastard. But we get more time to cook with him, we don't get gags with this dude going cop-mode on fucking toddlers, and avenging his death is hardly a core priority to any of the central cast members when there are far, far bigger issues going down. Unfortunately I do like 03 Amestrian Hughes. But he is a fascist like all the military characters here. As mixed as I am on this dude, I can't completely hate him. Depending on the day I might bump him at least two tiers down, but that would belie my having been more positive about him for most of the time I have loved this show. The man is fun and charming! Sigh. My opinion here is a mess in part from nostalgia. At least he's fictional, but unfortunately the real world is run by millions of this exact person.

Martel: Pretty much the only true war criminal in any version of fma I just can't help but like. I can appreciate that she had no idea what it was that the state was cooking by lying to her and her cohorts about why they sent them all to Ishbal (to incite the 'right' conditions in order to manufacture consent and legal recourse to invade the country). And after realizing that they had been set-up, that they're the useful scapegoats for the state to clear itself of its political sabotage, thus earning a lifelong enemy of Amestris from her and her former colleagues-turned-chimeras is a quality use of her and the former military members of The Devil's Nest. Martel of course gets the lion's share of the spotlight compared to Roa and Dolcetto, let alone the other denizens of The Devil's Nest, and that gives the audience a chance to grow attached to her before she gets killed. I really love the friendship that grows between Al and Marta, as well as her and The Devil's Nest gang's dedication towards Greed. And the fact that she respects Greed's choice to return to the person who created him, and to accept that Ed having murdered Greed was also a choice in part made by her liberator is so mature and honourable. She's complex and fearsome, and I love her. Plain and simple.

Fifth tier: Like it says on the package, these are the people who are long gone, whose impact on numerous characters leads the living into so much suffering. What we make of those we've lost, our sense of ownership to those memories and that love, and what becomes of us in the march of time- if we could remake those we miss, they truly would not be our dearly departed. Even with alchemy death is final. And how do we respond to the agony of a death drenched in bad blood? Can we forgive them? Can we forgive ourselves? Can they ever forgive us?

I can't really slot these three higher up but without any of them this entire story would be nothing. Much like my appreciation for Hohenheim of Light being an enigma, these three remaining as such lends them a force that we have to experience through the characters left behind and the characters transmuted in the vain wish to create those you never owned. I'm compelled to want more of them, but the haze that cloaks them is an integral feature here.

The greatest lesson with these three is that alchemy does not make you a god in a sandbox world, it makes you a fool.

Scar Bro: I really respect the decision to widen the age difference between Scar and his older brother. Having him be the sole adult guardian to a young adolescent who relies on him to do right means that Scar Bro's foray into human alchemy is one of deep selfishness. It's a betrayal that irrevocably sends him into spiralling isolation, exiled yet without care for the world beyond his studies. This singular mindset and his taboo act obliterates his little brother's trust in him, their relationship basically shredded down to a single frayed thread that, only once a genocide is enacted, does Scar try to tug at to rescue him. Scar Bro is smart enough to decipher the Grand Arcanum, and his hubris so deep that he inscribes it upon his flesh. His despair that, perhaps on a grander scale, Ishbal's fall was his own doing for going against the order of the world and seeking the philosopher's stone speaks to how far he has sunk. A portend for what becomes of alchemists who seek the legend and lose perspective on the world around them. But no matter how deranged by his pursuit he had become, he still tried to save Scar. Sacrificing himself was his final apology, his right arm was both his final gift and slight against his little brother. Scar Bro is everything Scar never wants to be, the very figure of all that he rejects, and much of it for good reason. This man is intriguing as hell to me. I'm glad that Scar's final moments, his time with Lust, and what he experienced around the Elrics, ultimately helps him to reclaim his love for his older brother.

The mysterious, alluring woman whose body Lust is constructed from. She haunted Scar Bro, she haunts Lust, and she haunts Scar. We are forever left wondering what we the audience would make of her if we got to experience her beyond the perception of a pair of brothers, and the dappled perception of her undying doppleganger who would become her, or closer to being her, if she could. Would Lust have become 1:1 with this woman if she could be reconstituted into a 'True' human? Can anyone ever inhabit the outline of a progenitor, an ideal, a corpse? All we know is that she was loved. If you step into the shoes of those who knew her, it's hard not to somehow feel a little bit of that love too.

Trisha: The beloved mother of the Elric boys. She's almost angelic when we look into their recollection of her. And still, we can pick out the subtle ways that she was human all along. She is stuck in her heartache for Hohenheim, forever wishing for his return and rewarding her children for emulating his prowess in alchemy. Trisha was a young woman who had to balance raising a pair of younglings while nursing a broken heart. I don't want to see her as merely the perfect mother archetype nor the "abusive" mother simply for failing to restrain her own humanity from intermingling with how she tended to her children. She was wholly human, with all the attending layers that constitute our beings. Like Scar Bro's fiancee, she was dearly loved. And for that she is desecrated. Her homunculus wants nothing to do with her and those who would create her to become this dead woman. Her boys gave her so much happiness but that didn't save her from languishing in her own solitude. Her dying words are a testament to that perpetual depression. The gorgeous track, Bratja, is just as much about her as it is about the sins of her sons.

Sixth tier: Not much preamble for this tier. Let's get into it:

Pinako: All around cool-ass granny. I dig her design, I dig her no-nonsense demeanour, and I dig the tiny peak into the bombastic mechanic babe she was in her youth (younger Pinako was cool in mangahood too but 03's funky light hair is such an eye-catching design choice). She too hates the military to some extent, and I respect that. She opens her home to the extended family Winry brings in, and it warms my shriveled soul that Rose, her little boy, and the Lioran orphans she tends to are a part of that family too.

Psiren: Okokok, listen. Here me out. I know a lot of people shit on the Aquoroia ep (I like it, dammit) for being "meaningless filler" (it's not, it allows the Elric's journey some levity before things deepen, and it also explores grey morality and how the law cannot save people from impending disaster, AND that illegal actions can provide more relief than lying down and quietly suffering in denial). And Psiren gets hate for being a fanservicey character. People accuse her of hitting on Ed and like- yes, she does. But she's a conwoman! She manipulates cops, investigators, and little state alchemists who are actively trying to get in her way. She can see plain as day that her appearance, with a played up sexuality, can trip up the men pursuing her for her crimes. It's no less effective against a pipsqueak teen boy. Personally I never took her actions at face value; it never felt like she actually intended to do shit with Ed, she just wanted to prevent him from thinking clearly. (I don't fault anyone for still not liking that part of the ep tho, but I see this get flattened to "Psiren is a pedo" which imo is silly.) I love her conning and thievery, her design is great especially her cat burglar fit, and that she's a not-quite Robinhood figure (she steals from the rich, but she's not really giving it back to anyone more destitute). I appreciate that despite some of the good she has done for the city itself, she's quite inscrutable in her motivation. Cheers to her for evading the cops to the end. Hope she robbed the police force's coffers repeatedly too.

Rick & Leo: Love these two kids. Having them pop up throughout the show to weave in more Ishbalan perspectives into the story, while serving as yet another thematic exploration of familial dedication and forgiveness was a smart call. Contrasting their ableism with Ed's racism was also interesting, and I appreciate that it's not done as a way to neutralize Ed contending with his own bigotry at all. (This isn't mangahood; we're not playing that ridiculous fucking game where Ed wins a conversation by going "You guys suffer racism? Well my village was affected by the racism you suffer, which is your people's fault actually. Checkmate, Ishvalans.") It's sad when they learn to reject Ishbalans who partake in alchemy, thereby telling Scar to fuck off from the camp. But seeing them help the elderly Exiled Ishbalan at the end of the show was a nice way to show their growth.

Fletcher: Just such a sweet little kid. He has a good heart, and he desperately wants to save his brother from Mugear's corruption. He can't pretend like Russell wasn't poisoning an entire town so he reaches out to the alchemists they had been impersonating. I'm tickled that the Tringham brothers are inverse heights to Ed and Al. Fletcher's just a little guy!

Sig: Top tier husband material. He never blames Izumi for what she had done to the remains of their baby and he won't ever leave her simply because she can no longer bare children. This man loves her so much. Soft spoken, doting without being overbearing, what's not to love? And hell, Meat Day wouldn't be the same without Sig's spectacular form.

Armstrong: A war criminal who, mercifully, does not have some bullshit arc about needing to learn how to be a more obedient genocider. If we focus only on the anime and not CoS, we're shown a character who does regret his involvement in the Ishbal Massacre, but we're not drowning in some perpetual self-aggrandizing pity. Unfortunately how he's written in CoS, "helping to restore" Liore (read: colonize Liore via philanthropy) is a massive backslide on his character. They thought this showed some sort of atonement and reparation, but given his visage getting plastered all over the new city, ignoring the input of the Liorans, and his continued involvement in the military, this is anything but. At least I like him well enough in the show only (CoS Armstrong would be firmly situated in the final tier). Also, of all the military officers in fma, Hughes, Ross, and Armstrong are the only ones I can reasonably buy as caring for the Elrics. The others being far less friendly/'familial' makes sense, and Armstrong having this nosey gentleman's disposition maps better with his time escorting the brothers. Still wish Scar managed to turn his brain into slush when he got the chance, but whaddaya gonna do.

Fritz Lang: This was a pretty funny move on Studio Bones' part. Make an actual well-known real man a mirror to one of the fictional characters in another universe takes some gall. I can understand why some critique Bradley's Earth version being a Jewish man as being in poor taste (that it can be read as antisemitic to imply that a fascist non-human would be Jewish in another dimension), but, for what little it's worth, I interpreted this to be an attempt to contrast class and political positions rather than imply that Jewish people are non-humans in a convincing human disguise (which, ironically, mangahood stumbles assbackwards into playing that trope straight). Earth!Bradley's portrayal managed to feel grounded enough, and given the movie's condemnation of antisemitism and Nazism, it does appear to have been done with good intentions. (This doesn't quite eliminate the bigoted trope being both present and worth acknowledging.) Where Bradley is transmuted into a homunculus (let's recall that whoever Bradley was when he was alive was, in fact, a human and not a "humanoid pretending to be a person" all along) and used to help run Amestris as a fascist dictatorship, it feels as though the writers wanted to show that this isn't some inherent characteristic of every version of this person. I won't dictate how anyone else, let alone how a Jewish person, interprets and feels about this choice. As for myself, I enjoyed his discussions with Ed, and seeing the more introspective, softer, and more artistic representation of someone who looks like Bradley. Hope Ed checks out one of his films someday.

Alfons Heidrich: Unlike a lot of the fandom I never latched onto Heidrich, but I like him well enough. He's so blinded by his passion for rocketry that he doesn't care about working for fascist benefactors. Picture perfect example of the 'apolitical' citizenry who treat their lives and goals as without consequence in the schemes of their society's exploitative machinations. What a great example of what Ed and Roy discuss in the end of the show! The themes of the sciences as institutions that reimburse societal ills and military hegemony are crucial here. As Ed had learned in the show, an apolitical scientific lens only serves to oppress the downtrodden and treat people as obstacles or mere resources for 'progress'. Heidrich is yet another exploration of this issue. The fact that Ed finds someone who looks eerily like Al to latch onto in his Earthly purgatory is some solid mindfuckery for the severely depressed young man and the audience alike. Their dynamic is interesting for that reason. Also he's friendly towards Noah and shows her hospitality when she has nowhere to turn to. Rip, you foolish German boy.

Gluttony: This homunculus gets the least character development of all the homunculi, despite being the longest lasting member of the Seven Sins. We see him from the very start all the way to the midpoint of CoS. Just before Dante lobotomizes him she reveals that she transmuted him specifically to serve as a philosopher's stone refinery; was his human self someone she felt would be useful for such a thing? If we're to believe Dante, it's unlikely that Gluttony had been a wayward homunculus ala Lust, who escapes/is abandoned by their creator and eventually found by Dante. Because then she wouldn't have made him for that express purpose, she would have merely aligned him to be so. And that doesn't seem likely, given that the philosopher's stone is her key to an unnaturally long life, so she would indeed learn to craft a homunculus who can properly act as a factory for stones once fed the real deal. So, was she running experiments across societal derelicts, people who were either already on death's door, or those no one would miss if they disappeared, until she was satisfied at her success? Or did she know his human-self and found something she could exploit to that end? Gluttony appears to have a simpler capacity for understanding the world: is this Dante's doing, or was his human-self a person with a cognitive disabilities that Dante preyed upon? Unless there's supplemental material or interviews I'm unaware of, we will never know and can only infer what skeletons are in his past. I do really love his friendship with Lust tho. That she almost always had him by her side, that she feels hurt that Gluttony was too scared to join her in helping Scar and disobeying Dante, how much he hates Scar for paralyzing Lust with the blue locket, and how distraught he is when Lust is missing- god, when he's told that she's dead? My heart actually aches at his pain. Dante wiping his capacity for conscious thought (disturbing Envy in turn) being the misstep that finally ends her life? Perfect. Also Stone Refinery Gluttony's design in CoS is SO GOOD. It's both fucking terrifying and manages to make me feel even worse for Gluttony (and Wrath, holy shit that fight was rough). And all along, Dante had indeed succeeded in her experiment. Good thing she wasn't able to reap the benefits.

Gracia & Elicia: Not much to say about these two. I appreciate that Ed, Al, and Nina help Gracia deliver Elicia when she goes into labour while at her house. She has an open door for the Elrics, Nina, Sciezka, and Winry, which is delightful. You can understand a little bit of Hughes' enthusiasm for her. And Elicia's an adorable toddler. Can't go wrong with that.

Barry the Chopper: I for one prefer the fact that Barry terrorizes Ed and Winry as a flesh-and-blood human before getting detained, given the death penalty, and used as a soul-tethered guard for Lab 5. That episode is intense, dark, and highlights just how dangerous Ed's journey will be. Without the use of his right arm and thus alchemy itself, Ed is completely helpless: which is excellent foreshadowing for the future. Surviving Barry is when Ed really closes himself off from everyone except Al, and pushes Winry away as well as anyone else he feels is endangered by his quest. And then of course armour-Barry plucking at Al's dysmorphia, which almost tears the brothers apart, means he's managed to traumatize these boys in ways particular to each's darkest fears. However we really didn't need the transmisogynist bullcrap ala the "deranged serial killer who feigns being a woman to lure in his victims" that the writers threw in there. That's a serious blunder on the part of the showrunners. Fuck that noise. But I love how he gets offed: after helping to kidnap Rick and unwittingly leading to the Elric's reuniting and making amends with one another, Barry runs in to kill Ed. Al steps forward to protect his brother, and in swoops Scar to end the fight altogether. Having someone who nearly murders the Elrics but who has sworn off pursuing them after seeing their potential to resist the Amestrian regime, step in to murder a different serial killer who has repeatedly attempted to murder those same boys? Ooh that's good.

Denny: Maria Ross' kinda-simping sidekick lol. He's friendly enough, if not a little innocuous compared to Ross. He's goofy, which is fun. Thankfully it's not overdone either. Poor guy gets cucked by Hohenheim though lol

Lujon: This man's bargain with, and deluded love for, the devil only bought the village doomed by her master's foul play some time and nothing more. The story of his village is one of fma 03's gems. Lust herself never once entertains the sexual desires of others, and in Lujon's case, his attachment to her reads both as too familiar ala her scant memories of Scar Bro, and perhaps insincere on his part. He would abandon his own fiancee and almost-wife at the alter for someone who has been manipulating him into creating a philosopher's stone. Killing him is Lust's way of severing what others project onto her, now that she is growing closer to reclaiming herself. It may even be argued: this is her rejection of Scar Bro and what he did to her. Lujon could not save his village, he could not cure Dante's utterly horrific contagion, and so he becomes a symbol for the limitations of alchemy in most people's hands. And he could never have cared for Lust for reasons outside of himself. That's why I find him so interesting.

The Exiled Ishbalan: The man who tears open the Elric's unexamined racism. I wish he was given a proper name, but in this case, where he is rejected by his fellow Ishbalans for practicing a forbidden science, it thematically fits that he is simply known for being a pariah. He reveals to Scar the Grand Arcanum, its Ishbalan history, and its use in creating a philosopher's stone. I'm glad he gets re-integrated with the Ishbalan refugees as they're all freed to rebuild Ishbal.

Claus: I have a soft-spot for this one-off character. She's a brash little butch kid who leads the local gaggle of boys, how could I not like her? She's trying to figure out why girls and young women are going missing, and what's behind the strange sightings of ghostly women around town. Motivated by her desire to find her older sister, her bravery and cocksure attitude are a treat. It's the rare instance of familial sisterly love in this show, which slots nicely with the focus on sibling bonds overall. Though Claus must live with the terrible revelation that her sister had indeed been murdered, unlike the Elrics she will not drown in grief forever. She moves forward, at least with the knowledge that there won't be any further losses for the other villagers. Really wish her arc wasn't concluded by having her adopt a "properly" feminine presentation thanks to Ed's goading (stfu Ed, your effeminate ass does not get to lecture others about conforming to gendered expectations). Claus, get that crew cut, don that paperboy cap, vest, and pants again, and don't let anyone shame you for living the way you want.

Belsio: I like his design. And he's a pretty chill dude all around too. Smart of him to not embrace Xenotime's philosopher's stone mania as a plague sweeps through the town. He's willing to provide shelter to travellers even when they may be frauds (they're not, but he doesn't turn away the Tringhams either once he learns who they are). Solid guy all around. But woe! Lemon stealing whores upon thy.

Seventh tier: Once again, critters! And although these pups certainly aren't characters comparable to the entire human and homunculus roster, they still get to rep the middle tier. A more lateral tier to the tierlist than anything else, but they'll sit here. Den is the goodest girl, Alexander is our tragic best boy, and Black Hayate is the cutest almost-meal.

Eighth tier: Ok so. Mustang. He's in a category of his own due to my very, very mixed feelings about him. I forever want to punt this man into the sun, but where mangahood makes me want to do so with exceptional viciousness, I can actually appreciate 03 Mustang's character and where the narrative takes him. I don't think he's a crap-quality character in this anime at all (this is not the same as arguing whether he's moral or not; he's not). Where mangahood Mustang feels so performative, plastic and convenient for gaining the approval of an audience despite his prowess in ethnic cleansing and rewarding himself for feeling """sufficiently""" sad about it, this Mustang isn't depicted as the Golden Boy Colonel who gets his government leadership dreams granted. He isn't the "doting father figure" many want of him based on their perception of the mangahood version. He's cold, calculating, a conniving ladder climbing fascist who can't square his dreams of power with what power actually does to its subjects. I can actually believe that this guy is actually internally hounded by being one of the most effective individual genociders amongst genociders. And this doesn't absolve him either. Within the 2003 anime we get no false promises about Mustang doing 'right' once he sits as the head of the nation. He also never leads Amestris, period. By his own hands he wipes away this possibility, rejecting the system altogether. His smaller scale, more clandestine coup actually does help loosen the military's grip on the state (though let's remember, a state is inherently oppressive and is not cleared of its ability to wage war and violence simply because the military is not officially running it). Of course, for reasons I can only speculate about, Conqueror of Shambala retcons this ending and tries to shove Roy back into the still-functional military. It's a shit decision, even where it's left to interpretation just how far he's willing to go back within the military ranks. One of CoS' big negatives. Setting that aside, I appreciate his final convo with Ed. It's a fantastic thesis statement on both Ed and Roy's arcs, as well as tying a bow on fma 2003's themes. Best thing I can do with this guy is to imagine he forever avoids the military and state after he renounces it all post-killing Bradley.

Ninth tier: Hey, they work as villains. I wouldn't change them since we need them as is. What more can I say?

Bradley/Pride: If the 03 team had been allotted more funds and time to continue the anime, I have no doubt they would have given Bradley more time to cook with a firmer backstory. As is though, he works well as the dictator trained in juggling the affairs of a ruthless state while aiding his creator's goals. His seemingly easy and affable demeanour always felt suspect, making himself seem approachable to his subordinates while keeping an eye on useful alchemists. The subtle evidence of the iron hand he wields under that facade kept me intrigued all those years ago. So once we finally get to the revelation of what he is, and when we hear him espouse his fascist beliefs during his showdown with Mustang, it hits! Bradley highlights the hideous ideology underpinning Amestrian governance and its society. And he's not the only character who is shown to believe in their "superiority" over those they deem lesser. Fascism doesn't begin and end with Bradley, or Dante for that matter. I much prefer that we get the reveal of him being a homunculus in the latter half of the show and, imho, him being granted the title of Pride makes a bit more sense given his dictatorship and nationalism. Also, I'm glad we don't have this Bradley characterized as a wife-guy. I'm sorry but I don't need yet another example of the 'redeeming' qualities of normative cishetero nuclear coupling. He strangles his (very human) adopted son to conceal himself and would burn his mansion down around his wife without a second thought if it meant he could settle a match and keep his hold over Amestris.

Cornello: So Cornello isn't some big shot villain but his place in kick-starting the show and the fantastic execution of those first two eps really lays the groundwork for the political and philosophical tensions 03 works with. The start of the show, and the payoffs in plot, character, and world development absolutely would not have hit as well if we didn't begin this odyssey with a white Amestrian theocratic puppet installed to lead Liore. And bless the writers for not having injected 56 different fucking gags smack in the middle of the serious moments and the standoff between Ed and Cornello (or that stupid Hulk Cornello that got tossed into Brotherhood). The chimeric avian abomination he makes and then looses on Rose left a lasting impression. He was well utilized, and his story harkens towards the real life actions of major empires like the USA and its global sabotage in supplanting American-backed leaders into target nations. So I really appreciate the role this colonizer conman (a redundancy in terms but hey) has for all of fma 03.

Tenth tier: There are interesting bits to these characters, but not enough to really propel them into the higher ranks.

Lyra: A hardcore state bootlicker who dreams of becoming an enforcer someday. She never improves as a person, but that's in some ways the point. I would have loved to get a little bit more out of her, but what could be more fitting for someone who gleefully wears her patriotism and love of mass oppression on her sleeve than to have her life snuffed out by a rotting body-snatcher who plays a role in maintaining that very systemic oppression? Also her character design slaps.

Havoc: Like most of the Amestrian soldiers in this adaptation, we aren't fed some version of Havoc who is noble, nor doting or kind to the Elrics. He's (say it with me now) a dog of the military and we accept that as his role. His personality is amusing, as is his eternal failures in getting laid. There really wouldn't have been much point in developing his character tbh, even if the show got a few more episodes to cook. He works as is. And thankfully he isn't injected into Lust's story whatsoever (she is infinitely better than him and would never fail to actually kill his ass <3333).

Riza: Tbh I just don't have much to say about 03 Riza. I could easily compare and contrast her to her mangahood counterparts (as I've done with many characters so far), but I'd rather convey that she (like 90% of Mustang's entourage) never stood out to me. Her actions in rounding up the Ishbalans so that the state can maintain them again in its refugee (concentration) camps is the most despicable thing we see her do. Despite what a lot of 03's promo art may lead some to believe, she doesn't have much of a role within this adaptation at all. Her biggest moment was helping Mustang infiltrate Bradley's mansion and killing Archer. And after finally seeing the absolute Royai-obsessed genocidal angsty-romance shit that is apparently the lifeblood of the mangahood canon (and much of the fma fandom too), I'll take this less relevant, less detestable use of Riza instead. I don't hate her, I don't like her, but she's juuuust interesting enough for me to plop her (slightly) above the neutral tier.

Eleventh tier: Don't take this as a "hate" tier. I don't dislike these characters. This is a collection of characters that are either too brief and simple to gain my attention beyond what they serve in the story, or they serve their role well and are memorable for that particular episode but lack the staying power or charisma to make me think more highly of 'em.

It's a bit of a grab-bag tier since I could make a sub-tier of everyone pictured:

I prefer Rick and Leo's mom, Lujon's fiancee, the mining town dad and his son, Mason, Dominic, the Devil's Nest crew above -> Scar's master and human!Selim, who in turn are above -> Majahal's "long lost" sweetheart, the remainder of Mustang's underlings, Grumman, and Bald.

For the characters I simply didn't even put on this entire tierlist you can feasibly toss them into the neutral pile as well.

Twelfth tier: Characters I would gladly shank to death if given the opportunity. Not because there aren't others in the above tiers who I wouldn't want to stab, but this lot don't click for me as standalone characters. However, I don't begrudge their existence in the show and their utility for the tone, themes, and progression of the show/movie. Thankfully we're never berated over the head to somehow sympathize with these guys, let alone feel for them on par with or above the genuinely more sympathetic characters. We aren't made to eat the military's shit and call it gourmet here, and that's why I still appreciate what these characters bring to the table. I wouldn't remove them from the story, but I'm glad they all get theirs eventually.

Yoki: A perfect example of the class benefits of statesmen and their enforcers, and how the bureaucracy of the state is itself oppressive. It will exploit resource-rich locales, extracting wealth from a captured labour force. Ed knocking him down from his cushy position, and Lust puncturing his cranium were some quality moments. Of course, fuck Yoki for alerting the state to round up the Ishbalans. At least it made his death that much more satisfying.

Majahal: The episode we encounter this acquaintance of Hohenheim's was one of the very, very few I would agree to call a mess, but it foreshadowed some very important truths about alchemy and alchemists through the vehicle of this aging serial killer. Although he does not perform human transmutation, he does kill young women and girls to tether them to mannequins sculpted after his 'lost' love. Despite the ep's problems with pacing and wonky storytelling (it really feels like the writers were still getting a hang of things), I like how awful this alchemist was. Majahal's actions and his beliefs helps cast some serious doubts on alchemists as a class and alchemy as a practice, on Hohenheim's connections, on what seeing people as objects for you to mold to your exact liking leads to, and that the scientism of alchemy should indeed be questioned. And hey, he gets the dubious honour of being Ed's first manslaughter! Woo!

Mugear: A piece of shit mayor who willingly poisons the populace of his town in order to create red stones at the behest of the homunculi. He wants more power than what he gets from his station, and has no qualms with how many people suffer and die. That he wants to use the placentas from the increased miscarriages that are occurring because of the red water is some next level evil. Yet another example of science wielded by power in order to exploit the masses.

Marco: A war criminal who defected from the military here too, but one who isn't given the opportunity to aid a future Fuhrer with yet another war crime. He was better off quietly living as a doctor for a small town who had no other medical professionals to tend to the townsfolk. Even though he reveals the truth to the Elrics about what the "Eastern Rebellion" really was (an invasion and a massacre), there's a certain poetry to Dr.Marco having been party to the Rockbells' murders. This version of him doesn't infuriate me the same way mangahood Marcoh does, but I'm not mad about him ending up as a solid meal for Gluttony either.

Shou Tucker: To reiterate what I said in my Broho tierlist: He's a monster (in this anime, figuratively and eventually literally too), everyone rightfully despises him, and he still performed fewer atrocities than the average soldier, let alone the war criminals in this series. Seeing him used as a secret scientist in Lab 5 as a warped chimera, and slowly growing mad from his desperate urge to, like the Elrics, undo his desecration of a family member is poignant and disturbing. He is truly what Ed could have become. If not his father or Dante, or any of the state alchemist war criminals, Ed could have become Tucker.

Earth!Hughes: For fuck's sake. Yes, he's a Nazi. No, this isn't some massive departure from what Amestrian!Hughes was. The nexus of the 03/Cos/Mangahood Hughes' are a fantastic litmus test for whether or not any given person has the political acuity regarding what the material realities of fascism, nationalism, and ethnosupremacy are versus a basal reliance on optics (bad to be a Nazi, fine to willingly join the institution of an imperialist state whose purpose is to capture land and people, and commit ethnic cleansing). Unfortunately the mass of fma fans (regardless of preference for any given media or continuities) absolutely fucking fails this test in spectacular fashion. In a sick bit of irony, Earth!Hughes hasn't done any genocide yet (as the Nazi party hadn't yet gained a solid foothold in German governance), but mangahood Hughes? Oh boy. Wow, does that beloved piece of crap mass murder Ishvalans. Mangahood!Hughes literally performs more overt fascist/imperialist violence compared to Nazi!Hughes. So I'm glad this specific, extremely relevant alternative version of this character exists. Because he lays bare the gaps in people's understanding of what fascism even is, and what societal structures create the foundation for said fascism to develop, and how none of you understood Fullmetal Alchemist to begin with. Which, shockingly, includes the original mangaka too lmao

Eckhart: CoS' Nazi big bad. I can't really say I feel anything particular about her as a character since she's more a cumulative picture of a ring leader to a fascist occultist subgroup than a character in her own right. She's the exact piece of shit one would expect, and for the purpose she serves in CoS that's all well and good. There isn't any time to really develop her further than that, but I will say that her breakdown into despising and fearing the people on the other side of the Gate was entertaining. Some may say it's a bit on the nose, and they're not wrong, but it flings back into Ed's face that all people have full lives and interiority; they're all real, and as always your actions ripple far beyond your little inner world. That, and the fact that deep-seated societal racism has its roots in governance, and that it will rear up into full scale destruction. It's everyone's responsibility to fight against this. So Eckhart is a useful tool for reiterating this topic. Oh, and the way she dies, covered in the mass of beings who inhabit the Gate, causing her to appear as though she walked out of a scifi horror flick? Love it.

Hakuro: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck Hakuro, man. I'm glad we get to see him as some peaceful family man before witnessing his hand in the Lioran invasion and, likely, the instigator of Rose's gang rape. Why do I appreciate that framing? Because it undermines a common and often very successful propagandistic framing device that encourages people to humanize genociders and soldiers. It's a counterbalance to Hughes being the "military family man, so how bad can any of this really be?" This thematic tension reveals that propaganda: "Soldiers have families too! They're just trying to protect the most important and innocent assets members of the nation! Join the front to shield loved ones from the [foreign] scourge! All militarymen are people with grand ideals and pride in their people! How can you fault them for that?" It's a consistent way to embolden a nation's populace to not only sign up for service, but to rabidly defend their troops. Look at the very real fma fans who do this, pavlov style, for both their military blorbos and real life militaries! It works! But what I think is quite clever with what 03 does with him is two-fold: 1) he is not held up as a uniquely ~evil~ member of the military, in fact he's quite average. This is what the military is. The banality of evil is that it is carried out by people who join these institutions for xyz reasons and carry out their orders without qualms (and in fact he's just as much a rank climber as Mustang). And 2) We don't focus in on him as one of the select military/government officials that, if taken down, will suddenly render the military into an ethical, positive entity. Bradley is the closest to falling into this trope, and even then this show doesn't center that thinking. So Hakuro, and all the nameless scum who fill out the military ranks, are not an extra special breed of awful. They are human cogs of the machine, and anyone can be Hakuro. Not because "all humans are evil" (thereby equivocating genociders and their targets/victims), but because signing up to be a cog means you will grind people in your gears.

Basque Grand: The brigadier general who oversees much of the military's branches in Eastern and Lab 5 in Central. He made good use of the red stones to obliterate enough of Ishbal to propel him to his current (and final) rank. The man cares only about keeping everything running accordingly and securing his standing. After everything he does to Ishbal, to Nina, to the Elrics, and learning about the experiments run in Lab 5, seeing this jackass get his brain splattered by Scar, in public, in broad daylight, while moments before gloating about the stone he was going to use to kill Scar? Absolutely one of my fave moments in this show.

Archer: A proud war mongerer thrilled by every opportunity to send an armada in to stamp their boots over a populace. He's a scumbag through and through. Having half of his body disintegrated into the Liore philosopher's stone did give us a great shot of him screaming in pure agony, and on the other hand it gave us Terminator Archer. Granted, I can absolutely see the Amestrian state scientists and alchemists toying with mechanizing human beings (it's no less horrific and unethical than all the other bio-alchemical atrocities they routinely perform). And I can see them taking the opportunity to use any of their barely-surviving military personnel as fodder; if they could roll out even more dangerous pigs why wouldn't they? But the execution of this was haphazard. The design alone is a mess, but I can see what they were going for. If anything, his design should have been pushed into emphasizing that grotesque, industrial melding of metal to flesh. Like a dehumanization of the automail artisanship, have Archer be less cognizant, have us question if he can even be said to be human/alive/the same person, hell, have him be largely incapable of speech due to having half his throat missing. Let his communication be dictated by the sounds of machine functions, with a guttural, tortured noise as a subtle backdrop to each attempt at speech. So much potential for some quality machine-human body horror, unfulfilled. Though by this point the show was in full throttle to the finish line, so there wasn't much time or money left to flesh (heh) this out in such a way that it lands. I can't totally fault the team for having this be wasted potential. And not like it would have made me like the guy, but that's the point. He serves his narrative purpose well. Get wrecked, Archer.

Kimbly: Fascist supreme, but unlike in mangahood, he isn't positioned as a strange outlier to your average Amestrian citizen, militarymen, or statesmen. He's more violent insofar that he's willing to harm his fellow soldiers (and even that's not unique given what we're shown of Archer and Basque Grand), but he's not held up as an example of the "few bad apples poisoning the jackbooted bunch". I didn't know how good I had it with 03 regarding this version of this character! He doesn't get a ton of focus, he isn't made to be an "evil badass" to the extent Brotherhood does, and we don't get this douchebag having a moment in the spotlight to help Ed defeat a homunculus after giving his version of a friendship speech. Best of all, Scar gets his revenge against the man who maimed him and murdered his brother (let alone countless other Ishbalans). Fuck this dude, but I'm glad I can stand to see this asshole in this version thanks to far less insulting writing choices!

God, I love this anime. Everytime I rewatch this show I find so many new things to appreciate. Ruminating on the subtle characterization, politics, and storytelling that each watch-through uncovers really lets me savour the passion that Studio Bones poured into Fullmetal Alchemist 2003. And as my own perspectives on the world and my political philosophy itself matured I become all the more impressed with what they cooked all those years ago. I adore stories that make me feel, and it's all the more fantastic when its done with sincerity. They weren't afraid to tell hard stories. 03 doesn't try to run it back or serve you easy outs. Yet it never feels cynical, at least not to me. Not because cynicism would be unwarranted, but because this show truly feels for the strife of its world and characters.

I'll always come back to this adaptation. Even if most people forget it exists, I'll have something truly wonderful to remember and revisit for many more years to come.

[34saveme34]

me when one of my favourite songs, Dreamstate by Dayseeker

and

Puzzles's current mental state

they......... kinda match........

anyways, man

look this hurts and feels so nice at the same time, like I love when characters break but- but like

knowing he ended up where he did because he didn't have friends

like I know, I'm biased, I'm a Puzzles apologist, I still like marware with all its intricacies, also I'm one of those people who was pretty damn lonely as a child

but man, in the end I still hope he finds a closure of some kind

like if anything, I just want him to yknow fdjklfdjk find a way out of his hellzone of a mind

because like, I saw ppl say how he's legit insane now

but- but he always was. really

it's just he was directing his energies first into movies

then the themepark

trying to be creative was like a coping mechanism to him

I'm guessing it's the sunk cost fallacy getting to him

he watched TV SO much so he SHOULD do something with what he knows now, shouldn't he? And he shouldn't just- let it slip away, right? He can make good things? He isn't worthless, right?

like. cmon

and then the scene where tiny Puzzles turns off the TV and skips away with Leggy

yall are not taking that seriously enough

the only thing that he learned is that there's more things to get unwell about than just television

which is his one single friend he ever had

this means...... okay. look at me. he has goals

he really liked themeparks so he wanted to make one so badly he turned to evil

he watched TV so much so then he turned evil about it, doing everything to steal the show, like literally

now... he had one friend. ONE. One that made him happy like no one else, he wanted nothing more than a friend. he turned off the TV for it in his mindspace. He GAVE UP what he had been his whole life. HIS WHOLE FUCKIN LIFE. He gave up the thing that made him who he is- for friendship.......

based on this pattern, do you realise just HOW dangerous he could become later on? HOPEFULLY MUCH LATER PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEEEEE let him REST

and GIVE fanfic writers TIME to write shit about it instead of immediately continuing since Puzzles is such a popular character

but yeah like. christ. redeeming him will be hard <- they wanna write a fic so bad

I mean I don't know where they wanna take him really. If they really want to put him to the point of no return, claiming he's far too gone

claiming that the circumstances wouldn't allow for such a thing anyways, way easier to write than properly making him realise that regardless of where he is, he can always change. He can always be willing to change and for the better at that

you know. I know nobody else will see this but another parallel for 4 and Puzzles

cuz Puzzles- all he did was watch TV all day, right?

well, when 4 isn't with people hanging out and stuff and isn't really taking care of himself- he's watching them memes

I bet if he experienced what Puzzles did, with the disencouragement and all that, they'd be sitting in a very familair place

once again proving how important friendship is to these idiots

and also the willingness to change

maybe one day, Puzzles will get his IGBP SMG3 type monologue from someone who REALLY gets him and he wouldn't need to run anymore. he could finally relax. and move on to a better place

let that be whatever, I just want him to improve, even if that might be involving dying

not that I WANT him to, I just want him to get better is all, I'm a sucker for that kinda stuff

BTW I'LL SAY IT AGAIN

HE DOESN'T NEED TO BE FORGIVEN TO BE REDEEMED

IF ALL HE WANTED TO BE REDEEMED FOR IS FORGIVENESS THEN IT WOULDN'T BE HONEST

FIRST AND FOREMOST HE NEEDS TO WANT IT FOR HIMSELF AND TAKE THE FIRST STEP HIMSELF. MEGGY FEELING FOR HIM DOESN'T REDEEM HIM NOR DOES IT START IT FOR HIM

that is all from me for now

[lemonswoop]

You're not allowed to make fun of my play hours for rebirth. I was only mildly obsessed with this game.

Full journal entry and more art under the post

Start date: 2/29/2024

End date: 5/11/2024

Platform: ps5

Hours played: 156 hours

Rating: 4/5

I went into this game from the perspective of someone who has grown up with this game,from someone who accepted that this was a sequel and not a true remake. I was excited to see where the series would go from where remake left off. And boy, was this a very long adventure. This game was a BEHEMOTH! Where to even start...

Again, I think this game did not miss with its characters. They were as charming and lively as they were in part 1. One thing I loved most was Cloud himself. Cloud in the original was a broken and unreliable narrator, but with the game medium moving from pixels to 3D, letting Cliuds perspective shine seemed to be the focus and highlighted Cliuds crumbling mental state. Towards the end, Cloud went from unwell to downright scary. Creatively, I think the focus on Clouds warped perspective, that can't be entirely trusted, was a good move.

Now onto "that scene." The one everyone and their brother knew was coming. To me, that scene is the "Luke, I am your father" and "Snape kills Dumbledor" of gaming. It's hard to be in the gaming sphere and not know about it. And because of that, I'm probably going to have the unpopular opinion that it's not obligated to emotionally hit in the way that the original did. Actually, making it hit the same way it did in the original would be a near impossible, herculean creative task. It's damn near impossible to make an iconic moment that hinges on shock his hard when 90% of the audience it sitting around saying "-and this is the part where she's going to die" (I know I was guilty of that as the moment drew closer).

With that in mind, I think they made the correct creative call. They doubled down on Clouds broken and unreliable perspective instead of the original emotion players had 20 years prior. The whole scene is playing out from the pov of a man who barely has a grasp on reality instead of the shock and sadness present in the original. They chose to focus on the moments surrounding it, like the trials of the main cast living out their most traumatic moments (of which Barrets and Aeriths hit me particularly hard). Those moments hit way harder knowing what was about to come.

The themes of loss, to me, weren't in the inevitable. It was in the loss that surrounded the inevitable.

It was in the last ditch date before Aeriths death where nothing went right.

In Cloud, losing his sense of self and his unwillingness to accept loss.

In Zack's false sense of freedom and choice no matter what path he chose.

It's in the parties loss leading up to that moment and what they still stand to lose.

In the false hope of Biggs and Wedge surviving.

In the timeliness where Aerith doesn't join the life stream and can't cast Holy, a time where humanity accepted its inevitable end; a slow creeping death.

Thinking about that hit a lot harder than what I already knew was coming. Everything seems to be hammering home that despite their best efforts, fate is a lot harder to change than they thought. That loss is still the main overarching theme, even if the story of "how" is told differently. It was those moments that tended to hit me a lot harder.

Speaking of Clouds' character, there is one shot in particular that really stood out to me as well done. After Cloud gets ahold of the Black materia, Barret takes it from him. The shot of Cloud demanding it back is shot in Barrets' perspective, intentionally making Cloud look small and not totally in control from a simple camera switch. He looked like a petulant child. As a big appreciator of creative uses of camera angles to tell story, that one was just *chefs kiss*

This is a series I'm still very much along for the ride, and I have to let it play out. I have my gripes, as I always will even with my most beloved series, but so far, I'm pleased with how they played with expectations. The game play loop was fun enough for me to sink hours into and i got plenty of laugh out loud moments from this journey.

The wait for part 3 will be a long one!

"Loss... it engulfs fleeting moments of joy, transforms them into rage, sadness, and hatred."

[hello-nichya-here]

Did these two new episodes finally change your mind about Team Black or do you still think Aegon is a usurper?

1 - Once again, Rhaenyra could have been the worst person who has ever lived and the entire series based on Saint Aegon fighting for the throne for the good of the people, it'd STILL make him an usurper. The king named her heir and everyone swore to her. We literally see the greens plotting to dethrone her long before Viserys supposedly told Alicent he "changed his mind", and Otto, Aemond and even Aegon himself have said they don't believe Viserys ever stopped supporting Rhaenyra. It doesn't matter if I, you, or anyone else thinks they're justified in stealing her throne, that is still what it is: stealing it.

2 - Fuck off with that "finally." Disagreeing with my interpretation is one thing, being all condescendent about it is another. I like the Greens as characters even if I'm not rooting for them, but bullshit like this is why I cannot stand most of the fans. You guys are entitled as fuck.

3 - What exactly was I supposed to see in these episodes that would make me hate Team Black? Daemon being reckless, impulsive and violent in pursue of glory/proof his misguided loyalty, and thus undermining (accidentally and intentionally) the ruler he supports and cares for in his own fucked up way? I saw that in episode one when he was maiming and killing people for crimes he HEARD they commited, without checking, knowing damn well Viserys, aka his brother and King, would not approve of it.

Rhaenyra being morally dubious, and potentialy putting herself in danger by keeping that guy around? Again, I've seen that from the start of the show. Corlys and Rhaenys being more allied to them for convenience because they'll put themselves first instead of any king/queen, even one they respect? Once again, stablished early on in the previous season.

The only new informations I got were about the GREENS.

Aemond clearly having some Mommy Issues that he indulges in with his lover/whore (probably because we canonically saw that his mom is the kind to turn around and go fuck a guard after seeing her son crying because his baby boy was murdered). Aegon showing some hints of compassion/love for other people. Alicent and Cole being even MORE hypocritical than they were before (which is saying a lot).

And, of course, Otto Hightower hearing that his great-grandson was murdered in quite a brutal, cowardly way, and reacting to the news by saying they'll blame Rhaenyra for it anyway, even if they discover she was not behind it - and he'll do it by PARADING THE CHILD'S CORPSE AROUND, with the (clearly neurodivergent/mentally unwell) mother and grandmother weeping. Even though this a disgusting thing to do and, like Aegon himself said, basically dragging this murdered child through the mud like a dog. Even though this is exploting and adding to the pain of his family, that he pretends to care about.

I gotta say, I knew this guy was a piece of shit since he sold his own daughter to a creepy old man, but DAMN, I did not see that one coming. It did make Aegon firing him from being Hand of The King all the more satisfying though, even if I know this will backfire on him.

[kennyomegasweave]

Playboyy Finale Reaction

I am just sitting in my bed staring off at my wall in utter silence.

Under the cut are my live thoughts during this finale and you can see me descend into insanity.

Oh poor Phop is in hella debt? Baby. 

FIRST, SOONG DOESN'T WANT TO BE YOUR SUGAR BABY. But also Soong. Baby. Just let yourself be a sugar baby. He's younger than you anyway. "I don't want to sit around and do nothing and still live an expensive life." Okay Soong that's admirable but like. Couldn't be me. 

Okay, if Nont and Prom think someone's gonna bust in the door, maybe don't stand in the doorway? Also. Yes Nont, finally get your dad involved. There's no need for your friends to be doing all this. Your dad is rich and connected.

"No one has issues with me like you do." Captain, my favorite boy, Puen isn't the one that's been an asshole here. I'm sorry though, are we gonna get Captain having some character growth in the last two episodes after being the absolute worst? Oh baby. 

TUTOR. SOONG. NO. First. Oh. He's really gonna fuck up his relationship over this huh. Goddammit First. Baby you can't just make appointments to beat up men sexually when you feel bad. That's not what we do love.

NUTH. My boy. NO.

Aww Nont is like this was not the fucking plan. Has a single plan of Nont's gone well? Because I don't think anything's gone like he wanted this entire show.  

Oh shit wait. Damn. Is Nuth gonna go down for Nant's murder now??? Holy shit. Can someone please go find Phop cause he is just sobbing alone in their shitty apartment.

Hey Keen! My love! Just sitting on the couch like you belong. Glad you're here to campaign for Nuth. That's my boy. My two boys.

I kinda feel like Nont should have brought Prom as backup for this scene. Cause everyone else has their man (except Porsche because Jump said he didn’t want to hang out with these losers I guess?) and he's just standing there like 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️.

Well. My dear sweet mentally unwell child is in prison. So. I mean. I guess that's that. FOR FIVE YEARS??? HE'S GONNA DO FIVE YEARS??? OH MY FUCKING GOD. 

Jump and Porsche are cute. But Nuth is gonna be in prison for five years and Phop is a baby in hella debt and I'm just like.

I mean, lick that dick Porsche, but what does that mean to me right now. When Nuth is IN PRISON for FIVE YEARS. 

....is Phop OD'ing??? What in the fuck is going on??? Like is he really fucking dying right now??? Alone??? In his fucking bathroom while his man is in prison??? 

Welp. I think the baby just fucking OD'd alone in his bathroom while his man is in prison so like. When I tell you. There's 13 minutes left in this show and I'm done. I AM DONE.

At this point I am so angry that I'm not even reacting. Like. This show really just wanted to hurt my fucking feelings and did. Unless they do some surprise twist? I'm sick. This is SICK.

What the fuck is that painting??? Am I supposed to recognize who that is??? Cause Zouey's art is shit and I don't. What the fuck is going on here. I've long since realized I'm too dumb for the plot so like I just need someone to tell me if Phop is alive cause I don't think he is. And I need to know. I NEED TO KNOW.

I'M STILL ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS ABOUT PHOP BUT THEY JUST BUSTED OUT SOME BONKERS ASS SHIT WITH FIVE MINUTES LEFT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. 

Umm okay so it just ended??? I'm guessing they cliffhangered it for a second season? But these shows RARELY ever get a second season??? Oh this was an entire waste of my fucking time. I'm not even mad. I'm actually laughing. lol

WAIT IS THIS WHOLE THING NUTH'S SCREENPLAY??? DID PHOP KILL NANT??? What the shit is happening here??? Again, I'm not even mad now. I'm in awe of this. lol

Well, that certainly happened. Alright then. I don't even know what to say at this point.

[danzo-shimura-apologist]

Good morning! I see you're a fan of Danzou. Though he isn't one of my personal favorites, it's quite rare to see genuine fans of his and I get excited when I do. Lately, I find myself gaining an appreciation for him (however begrudging, and based on what he offers to the story).

If you please, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the character! What makes him one of the best characters in your eyes?

I mean, he's...hm he's definitely not a good guy lol. Did he do a lot of bad things? Hell yeah, he did. But I think a lot of people either ignore or forget the time he grew up in, the values that were instilled in him and others of the time. Is that an excuse for his actions? No, but Danzo is also a victim of the same cycle he participates in, doing things the only way he knows how.

In the end, he was simply doing what he thought was right for the village, no matter the sacrifice. Was he wrong for it? Oh, absolutely. But he's just as broken and damaged as everyone else. He was just left completely unchecked, and Hiruzen even enabled him. Like how do you just shrug off one of your former teammates trying to kill you?? Like HELLO! That should've been a wake up call that this man, your friend, was deeply unwell.

Something something, Danzo being the product of a failed system that ultimately failed him too. He is by no means a "good guy" but he also isn't the root of all evil here either.

He did what he thought was right no matter how twisted, he did things the only way he knew how and God damn he didn't have any kind of support system because in the world of Naruto what even is mental health.

Tldr: I love this horrible old man, who isn't the cause of everything bad ever (looking at you, Tobirama)

But that's just me lol.

[madpunks]

i need medical professionals to understand that medical negligence kills.

i am in involved with my medical care- i have to attend therapy, see a psychatric medication manager, a primary care doctor, physical therapists, and a gender affirming care specialist. i am seen by a lot of doctors and have been in a lot of different medical settings. lately i have hit a rough patch where i cannot seem to have my situation taken seriously

my blood pressure has been so high, for months now, that i was within stroke and cardiac event territory several times. my doctors ping-ponged me between one another- i was prescribed blood pressure meds when i stayed in the psych ward in july. then my psych nurse refilled them, but told me my primary care doctor must be the one to refill them, because she doesn't know anything about bp meds. i asked my pcp, she told me "have your other doctor fill them out, then, since you had them filled over there before."

it took me months to get my life saving medications back. i cried in front of a receptionist at a later appointment where i was told the provider could not see me for our scheduled appointment time that day because "i hadn't filled out the paperwork". they never sent or told me about paperwork. they took my blood pressure after i explained my frustration and booked me for an emergency appointment with a pcp the next business day. but it took until i cried and my blood pressure was dangerously high from stress for someone to care.

i finally have it, now, but i am also fighting for my psychiatric medications as well. the psychiatric meds manager i mentioned above went on maternity leave and someone filled in for her. this doctor didn't know me. he asked me many questions, but never waited for my answers. he spoke over me, told me some of my diagnoses were wrong/misdiagnosed me, and took me off of several of my vital medications. he stopped my bipolar mood stabilizer because he said it didn't help with bipolar mania- he never asked if i was needing help with mania, depression, or mixed episodes. he just assumed.

he also stopped my seroquel- i am a schizoaffective person- because he didn't like the dose i was at, but because i am fat, he said i needed to be on the antipsychotic that was the least likely to put weight on me. he put me back on risperidone. i had been on it in the past. it caused me severe depression. he didn't ask what it did to me. he just put me back on it without question. i haven't touched those damn pills since i got them from the pharmacy. i am already severely depressed as is, i can't even fathom.

while i was discussing a personal event that happened in my life that affected me, my therapist earlier today asked me "why are you letting something so insignificant have power over you? why would something like that make you suicidal? why are you letting this person have power over you" i had finally lost my patience with her, and i snapped, and told her why i was justified in feeling so unwell. i gave her the context of my situation, and didn't back down. i'm firing her next session. later on, my case worker informed me that's victim blaming, and that it was not okay for her to minimize my issues or make me feel like i in some way made my feelings happen of my own free will. i felt so incensed i had to do something about it.

i can't really sleep at night right now. i can't focus, my energy levels are all over and my depression is ruling my life. im struggling with invasive thoughts and horrible painful suicidal lows. i need people to understand that this type of medical negligence can kill. any of this could've killed me at any point. this is not acceptable. this is what american mentally ill people in care deal with. please understand that this is not how anyone should have to live.

[hamliet]

Hi! Do you think RWBY as a story is inconsistent in tone? It is a criticism I keep seeing around? But what exactly means to have tonal inconsistency? Can you give me an example?

Nope.

I'm actually surprised to read this. Maybe because I'm on the outskirts of the fandom, but I really would not have put "tonal inconsistency" in like, a top 10 list of things I thought people might label a flaw of RWBY's. It had honestly never occurred to me.

I'd actually call RWBY extremely tonally consistent, which is hard to maintain over 9 volumes and counting.

I'm curious if these posts elaborated at all about how or what makes it feel tonally inconsistent--are there examples? Because I can't think of one. Since I don't know, I'm going to have to speculate.

Is it about fairy tale stories dealing with death? Because every fairy tale deals with death; that's kind of the central core of the vast majority of fairy tales.

Is it because this volume certainly contained RWBY's darkest episode ever? Because it did, but the descent to the underworld and meeting with the goddess is a part of the heroine's journey. Stories always get darker before they get better. Plus, I don't see how anyone could think that the volume wouldn't get very dark considering we just tackled genocide and the sunshine character died.

I also think that Volume 9 has been extremely clear since the first teaser way back in 2021 that it would deal with Ruby's mental health. The opening line is "you should never have been born." Ruby then has a literal panic attack. She faints in horror when she's told about her friend dying.

That's just episode 1.

I guess people might be thrown by the juxtaposition of simplified life, which is the essence of the Ever After, with a complex topic like mental health? But I actually think that's quite brilliant. When you're extremely mentally unwell, which I have been before, things do seem to paradoxically become simpler even as the complexity overwhelms you. Things can seem black and white. Good and bad. And you? You're bad.

Idk, no one's experience is exactly the same, but to me it rang honest. It's fine if others felt differently.

Was it about mixing humor and dark topics? But like most stories do that. I mean, going back to damn Shakespeare, at likes 45% of each of his tragedies are dick jokes. The Bard loved a dick joke. It did not even have to be a good dick joke for the Bard to love it and include it in literature to be read by billions. I mean, I'm slightly hyperbolizing about the percentages, but you literally have Hamlet lamenting about going insane and contemplating suicide in one of the most haunting soliloquies in the English language (Act 3 scene 1's "To Be or Not To Be..." ) and then making numerous dick jokes in the very next scene (Act 3 scene 2). Even when it's all gone to the grave (heh) in Act 5, Hamlet takes time to hold up a jester's skull and joke about "alas, poor Yorick."

Like, yes, there are jarring ways to incorporate humor with tragedy. I don't think RWBY is doing that, though. The last episode had some genuinely heartwarming moments of realization (the paper pleasers) and tension, and then we had Cat!Neo still being a complete cat and lolling about like "Oh HEY GUYS." (The cat is hilarious, and they've always been like this.)

The entirety of Volume 9 has dealt with grief. Even the fight with the Red Prince is the prince throwing a tantrum mingled with grief.

Idk, stories do generally progress. They go from good to bad to good to bad to worse to how is this even worser to okay there's some hope to catharsis. If you can't connect the dots and see the progression, that's tonal inconsistency. If you can, and you absolutely can with RWBY not just in Volume 9 but the entire show as a whole, then... it's not tonally inconsistent.

The theme of identity has been present from the beginning of the show. Ruby looking at a grave and hence dealing with grief is one of the founding images of the entire series. To fully explore death, characters generally have to potentially end up there at some point. That Ruby would wonder whether or not she should have been born is obvious from the first minute of this season. Her spiral has gotten worse and worse, but if you paid attention, you could see it happening.

Again, the show began as a boarding school story with some pretty dark themes (abusive relationships, parental abandonment, parental death). That the darker stuff becomes explored more fully is pretty par for the course. Even like, again, Harry Potter gets progressively more dark. So do the Avengers movies. It's like, normal.

Idk, to me saying RWBY is tonally inconsistent for any of these reasons sounds like saying, I don't know, Othello is tonally inconsistent because the first scene has Othello and Desdemona standing up against bigotry for their love and their marriage is not annulled; therefore the play should end in the defeat of racism and love conquering all. Things change. The seeds of what will happen, the ugliness of racism and the limits of love and reality of misogyny are all present even in that opening scene, and unfortunately they consume the characters.

When I think tonal inconsistency, I think of, I don't know, the ending of Tokyo Ghoul, which thematically contradicted the entire 200+ chapters and 1.5 mangas leading up to it. Things that were framed as negative were suddenly framed as positive. I also think of BNHA, which, while I do think maintains its optimistic/hopeful superhero tone, does sometimes switch the framing and tone around certain characters (Hawks, Endeavor).

So yeah. RWBY has flaws for sure, but I just don't think this is one of them.

[cuntwrap--supreme]

Something a little fucked about going to dinner with people who have told your mom that you're "not ok" and shit since you were 8 and them entirely ignoring you, instead leaning over to whisper to your brother that they needed to talk later (about me) when I'm quite literally directly across from him. He texted me saying his aunt wanted to discuss me later.

So they're all talking further down the table and at some point I interject and say, "Yeah, ha ha, I heard you had some questions about me. Where better to get that information than the horse's mouth?" And this woman - who pretends to be Cherokee to, like, get sympathy and Liz Warren'd her way into school saying she was Cherokee when she knew she wasn't, got whole scholarships meant for minorities because of it - looks to my mother and goes, "Girl, I think you need to control your thing down there." So I stood up and said I'd rather walk 14 miles home in the rain than be in the presence of such vacant, soulless ghouls for a moment longer, told this woman she can pay for my meal with her husband's money, and walked. My dad, one of my sisters, and her boyfriend came after me and said that was fucked and they weren't gonna sit there after that. My dad said he was going to walk with me if no one handed over their keys because it was either that or he was going to jail for murdering this woman. Said he looked at my mom and asked what her response to that was, and all she said was that I'm clearly mentally unwell. As if 1) that's not directly her fault and 2) that's grounds to let someone call me a thing and talk shit about me for decades.

Pretty sure your parents are supposed to have your back? So he said after that was her response he told her good luck with her bills, he's done supporting her 20 years after they got divorced. I've been telling him this is how she treats me since I was a child, but he's never seen it in action until tonight. Like, I'd be 10 or so and doing 10 year old shit and she'd make sure I knew it was a sign of being depraved to pretend you're a wizard for fun or some shit and that I was probably going to end up a whore for work because I have no value; meanwhile, she's smoking crack with her boyfriend all the fucking time, exposing me to that and domestic violence, forcing me to be an adult and protect my siblings from her and her boyfriend's drug use from 8 years old onward, and allowing her boyfriend to psychologically torture me because well I'm weird so i deserve it, etc! Wow! It's almost as if isolating people in their formative years and instead forcing them to deal with constant stresses such as "will my mom die the next time she's thrown bodily across the room?" and "what happens if DCS doesn't believe my mom's lies next time? Will I be placed in a home full of other troubled kids, but some of them will rape me?" and "I've been told no adults will believe me when I mentioned my home life and surprise! they don't!" isn't good for someone.

I'm irreparable. Yeah. Sure. You got me there. But I'll be fucking damned if I'm going to sit idly by as these people talk shit about me when I'm 5ft away. Last time they saw me they talked to my mother about how I need to be institutionalized for - get this - not being feminine. Apparently that's a mental disorder now! Sorry, afab people! You have to be traditionally feminine or you're mentally fucked! I don't make the rules! Some people who got rich by marrying scam artists do! Or they told my youngest sister to stop talking to me because I'll only drag her down with me. Whatever that means. As if I didn't fucking raise that child more than either of her parents ever did. As if I didn't protect her from her father when he'd get high and want something to strangle while tweaking out and chose infant her. I should have punched this vapid excuse for a human square in the nose.

I'm so sick of how these people have treated me forever and how no one has ever had the balls to stand up to them because they all have money and they want to mooch off of that. They've hated me from Day One because I don't suck up to them. As far back as I can remember, they've told me I should dye my hair blonde, do makeup, wear high heels and slutty clothes so I can find a "good man" who will take care of me, then call me a weird dyke when I say none of that sounds like a way to find a man I'd get along with.