#Basically he eats whatever living or dead thing he can find (that includes both human and nonhuman)

[faceeeeee]

Cw: blood and gore

Flumboposting time

[unovanhunny]

What’s Fallen London AU?

Oh boy! So, Fallen London is a web browser game that's essentially like a victorian eldtrich/cosmic horror. You play as a New Arrival to the city, a dark and twisted version of London in a place called The Neath where death doesn't work the same and creatures that aren't human reside. The city is run by a group of Creatures called the Master of the Bazaar, mysteriously shrouded, who are in charge of different aspects of the city. You explore the city and get involved in all sorts of storylines and its honestly a lot of fun.

Now, as per usual, it is Cut time because... hooboy there Sure Is A Lot to unpack here. I'm going to be for a general overview and won't go deep into most details because we've been playing the game for a while, like 5 and a half months, so a Lot has happened and there's a lot that has Yet to happen that we have planned. Of course any questions or details you may want answers to are always welcome! Also ⚠️Major Spoilers for the Nemesis Ambition in Fallen London ⚠️

In this AU, we call them by their Japanese names in the game, so they're going to be Nobori and Kudari from here on out.

Nobori and Kudari first made their way into the city because they were on the run. Due to some misunderstandings and fuck ups, they're wanted for the murder of a judge and they know no one will listen to their side of the story so they flee. Once in the Neath, they begin to settle into their new lives. Nobori is off being sociable and writing novels and becoming a thief while Kudari gets involved in dock unionizing and being muscle for hire. Its not an easy life, but they're happy. And after a confrontation where the two cross paths while they're both working where tensions were high in more ways than one, they end up getting together.

Unfortunately, that happiness wasn't to be long lived.

Death is a strange thing in Fallen London. A simple death, by whatever means, is usually only temporary. Unless the body is mutilated beyond saving, the person will wake up again, even if they must bear the scars of their death. There is no limit to how many times you can die this way.

⚠️Nemesis Plotline ahead⚠️

Well, Kudari got an unexpected delivery one day. An urn with a message that heavily suggested the ashes within belonged to a certain Nobori. It took weeks for Kudari to even consider the note to be telling the truth, but there was no sign of his brother, no one had seen him in so long. Finally, he had to face the truth. He told friends and family about the urn and the very real possibility of Nobori being dead. He fell into a deep depression that lasted even more weeks. He acted recklessly, not caring about himself anymore. Skyla was the one who was usually around to make sure his basic needs were being met, even if he barely spoke or even acknowledged her when she visited.

His very bad coping mechanisms included dueling to the Perma Death in the Black Ribbon Dueling Club and consuming a lot of Prisoner's Honey, which allowed him to control his dreams and dream of Nobori. Kudari was so convinced that he was the reason why Nobori was dead, after a while of just hearing them say they loved him, he would have the dream Noboris blame him over and over every night.

And then one day, he got it into his head that he should seek Revenge on the person who had done it. Who had killed Nobori permanently and sent him his ashes. He started following the clues that led to him uncovering some very unsettling things about the prisoner's honey that had him swearing it off and in turn permakilling more people. When he finally found the man who did it, he found out a few things. One, this man had befriended Nobori in order to get him to trust him before he killed him, and it was eating him up inside with regret. Two, he had been hired by someone else to do this. It was one of the Masters of the Bazaar, Mr Cups. In order to create the perfect story of Revenge. Kudari now had a new goal. Find and kill Mr Cups. Even if this was the ultimate goal, he didn't care. And when he was finished, he would kill himself since Nobori would be avenged.

In his journey to Mr Cups, he ends up in the dream/mirror world called Parabola. While there he finds a chained up Master, half dead with no more physical form in the real world, Mr Mirrors. And with him, he had a child. His own that had managed to survive in Parabola all this time. Mr Mirrors entrusts Kudari with the child and as acting as his proxy out in the real world. With a new baby in tow, he no longer could end himself when he was finished.

And during his journey, Kudari meets others who had been similarly wronged, their souls rotting in hell as they had Failed to get their revenge. In exchange for helping Kudari out, they asked for him to give them Mr Cups so he could get what he deserved. Kudari agreed and soon his journey was coming to a close. Keeping his promise, he allows the hands of the damned to scratch and pull at Mr Cups and causing him to begin to decay. But then Mr Cups makes a deal. If Kudari spared him from this fate, he would bring Nobori back.

Even if breaking a promise was one of the hardest things he could be forced to do, he needed Nobori back if it was a choice. So, using his blood and his fortune, Mr Cups creates an immortal version of Nobori, except he had no memories. They weren't lost, technically they just were never formed. So now with this blank slate Nobori, Kudari returns home to help Nobori learn who he is again and also take care of the baby master in his home.

⚠️Nemesis Done⚠️

Because of everything, Nobori was very sensitive to everything and was very easily and quickly overstimulated. Everything took a long time, but eventually Nobori was better and while his memories still weren't around, his personality has reformed and he was the same Nobori as always, with a few new quirks but nothing truly upsetting. And Kudari decided that he didn't want to risk anything ever again. So, he proposed. Nobori accepted and they got married in the presence of friends and even some of the Masters themselves.

And now they're living their best lives with an adopted Master baby (baby bat Mr Friends) and an adopted rooftop Urchin (Akari) and their friends all have rooms in their home if they ever need a safe place to stay.

This is far from the end, but what comes next will be a while in the making. It's end game stuff that we can leave to another time. Any and all questjons about this AU are welcome~!

[delusionalwritingsofagay]

The originals with a chaotic boyfriend Head canons

Edited - 20/06/2024

Klaus 

He absolutely loves having a chaotic boyfriend  he Finds it highly amusing when you cause trouble . Especially if it Elijah or kol you’re messing with

 He’s protective of you by nature but he’s Especially protective around those he finds dangerous or to be a threat.

He worries about your reckless behaviour he knows it's a dangerous for you but he's not going to stop you  He has many people who want him dead  and you are his weakness 

He finds it adorable when you rant to him about one of the things your passionate about he’ll listen to you speak for hours if it keeps the smile on your face

When nights get rough and you can’t sleep you’ll both go into his study and paint/draw or talk until you're finally tired and go to sleep.

Elijah 

Elijah enjoys it to a degree however if you’re doing something that's going to get you hurt then he’s stepping in and putting a stop to it.

He’s protective over you and constantly worries you’re going to get yourself killed

  He too will listen as you talk about whatever you want for hours on end content to listen to your thoughts.

When your brain keeps you up at night  he’ll hold you and read to you or He’ll take you on a walk to talk.

Sometimes your chaotic behaviour can annoy him like your ability to live in a mess or forgetting to eat or other basic needs you forget about.

Kol 

 Are you kidding ?this man is so chaotic imagine him with someone just as much or more constant chaos

Messing with all the other mikaelson

Terrorising humans at any chance you are given 

 You’re both super reckless which can be dangerous for both of you  But mostly you because you’re just a normal vampire unlike kol who can't die normally. Not that he would let that happens 

This man would threaten his own brother if they tried something Over you 

 Will listen to everything you’re saying however he’d interrupt you if he wanted to say something 

 Kol has his own ways to make you tired and It includes a lot of fun and strenuous activity including a lot of sex 

[autisticandroids]

yknow those episodes where a character's whole personality gets split into 3-5 different distinct separate bodies? what bodies would cas have? I feel like it'd just be a mess tbh, imagine 5 different castiels all of them loving dean to a certain extent but showing it VASTLY differently. one cas would literally want to murder the others lmao

okay so i don’t actually think this trope would be an effective tool for analyzing cas? he’s not conflicted enough in himself. he’s too impulsive, too singleminded, too uninhibited. like, in the end, cas always ends up doing whatever he wants. there aren’t multiple discrete voices vying for control, really, or rather, if there are, one is always significantly stronger than the others. like in the end cas will always end up eating raw meat off the floor, you know? he’ll do what he wants. if i was going to do personality splitting i’d do it to someone intensely internally conflicted, like dean.

however, because i’m in an essay writing mood today, i’ll answer a question slightly to the left of the one you asked. cas may not be internally conflicted, but he is intensely changeable. these two things are related, actually; the same impulsivity and singlemindedness that mean he doesn’t have a ton of internal conflict at any given time mean that different ideas sound good to him at different times, because he isn’t really thinking about, say, what future-him will think of them. and he’s not really trying to maintain an image or identity. he’s just doing what feels right at the time, which is very different at different times and in different situations.

anyway, that in mind, i think a lot about ways to bring together many alternate versions of cas which sort of correspond to different times in the show.

i have a fic in my head about a bunch of cas-es pulled from alternate timelines by some kind of spell. so this would be set during the widower arc because the basic impulse here is to show dean a very bad time. just absolutely put him through hell. also, all the alternate timelines are different because different stuff happened, not because cas made different choices, because if we’re torturing dean it has to be like 5x04, the changes in cas can’t be cas’ fault. they have to be dean’s or just like, the universe’s (which makes them dean’s).

so dean is trying to bring cas back, and he finds some kind of spell that can bring someone “from another world.” and he tries it because hey. can’t hurt to try. anyway i’ve thought a long time about different versions of cas i would put in this and here is what i have. in order of when the timeline split off.

- a cas who never raised dean from hell. think 14x13 “lebanon.” this one i’m not too sure about, like, this could be fun, but i don’t know if it’s different enough from the next one. like this castiel would have lived through the averted apocalypse and subsequent general fuckery that happened as an angelic footsoldier, which would actually be pretty interesting now that i think about it, especially since all that stuff would have gone down soooooooo differently without cas specifically for your average angel footsoldier. like cas has PERSONALLY caused more upheaval in heaven in twelve years of spn than there seems to have been in millennia. so he would be the point of view of a normal footsoldier from a totally other world.

- a cas who died mid season four, and is pulled out of the empty in 2017 by this spell. i’m not sure when this cas died. my thoughts are (1) killed in on the head of a pin by alistair, (2) killed during his torture in the rapture, or (3) simply never resurrected after lucifer rising. (3) makes the most sense, but that cas has already thrown away everything for dean. i prefer the idea of a cas who loves dean, is already on the brink of disobedience for him, but has not yet taken the plunge. both on the head of a pin and the rapture are great places for this, and they both have strengths and weaknesses. if he died in the rapture, he was killed by heaven, which is fundamentally more fun, but he was also really very much over the edge already. if he died in on the head of a pin, he wasn’t killed by heaven, but he is perfectly teetering on the brink of falling for dean. regardless of when he died, the purpose of this cas is to be horrified at all the various and myriad ways he has destroyed and corrupted himself for dean in the other timelines.

- possibly endverse cas, who would have died in 2014, but like s4 cas, would have been pulled from the afterlife by the spell. i’m not so sure on this one. we as a society love endverse cas but i dunno what purpose he would serve. maybe endverse cas didn’t die in 2014, and instead was imprisoned by lucifer, because, you know. he’s the only brother lucifer has left. so he is very excited to see dean alive and well, since his dean is dead, and, not being an angel, cas can’t bring him back. the purpose of this cas would be to horrify dean that cas loves him and needs him so much, and to disgust the other cas-es with his neediness.

- a cas who was in some way on better terms with dean during s6. maybe dean and cas ride off into the sunset together after swan song instead of dean going to live with lisa, maybe dean prayed to cas while he was with lisa because he missed him, who knows. either way, cas has dean’s help with the angel revolution in season six from the start, and never goes to crowley. the plan cas and dean come up with to beat raphael includes breaking into the cage and stealing the grace of michael and lucifer, freeing sam and adam in the process. incidentally, it also involves cas possessing dean, because if cas is gonna eat archangel grace to become more powerful, he’s going to need a stronger vessel. so cas and dean have a whole like. midam situation happening. they’re a double archangel together, and godstiel never happened so none of the other terrible apocalypses that stemmed from that happened, and everything is pretty cool where they’re from, and also they’re obviously uhhhhhh SOME kind of together. the purpose of this cas is to upset dean because this cas shows how much better everything could have been and how much better his and cas’ relationship could have been if dean had simply been more considerate of cas in s6, and also freak dean out with how uh. close. this dean and cas are.

- a godstiel who managed to swallow purgatory without swallowing the leviathans and remained god. he’s probably soooomewhat less scary and murdery than canonverse godstiel because no leviathans, so you know, not as many angel purges or massacres on earth. and he probably went and fixed sam’s wall within about three days because cas is prideful but he does NOT like it when dean is mad at him. so they did kiss and make up, and so this cas would have had dean to act as his morality chain. but he’s still very scary and godstiel. and also he refers to dean as “The Beloved” you know. his purpose is to freak everyone out, because he’s scary, but also, for the past cas-es, because he is a terrifying abomination that they could never imagine becoming, for the future cas-es, because he is a reminder of their worst selves, and for dean, because he is a reminder of how dangerous cas is, but also because he uh. obviously has some feelings about his dean. unclear if they are consummated or not.

- a cas who naomi never rescued from purgatory, and who stayed there. hasn't spoken to another being in half a decade, has not recovered from his emotionally destroyed state in purgatory in s8. believes at first that the spell is his dean rescuing him, and is crushed when he realizes he was wrong. like endverse cas, his purpose is to show dean how much cas needs him and depends on him emotionally, and how he (dean) is capable of destroying cas, as well as his guilt for leaving him in purgatory and how lucky he is that his cas got out. this is especially noteworthy since the guilt for leaving cas in purgatory is part of the reason dean is trying to get cas back.

- a cas who stayed human after season nine, and has built himself a small human life over the next four years. he has a job and an apartment and friends outside the winchesters and yes, he still goes hunting after work sometimes, and he's still in contact with dean, but he is also independent in a way no other version of cas has ever been. he exists to freak out dean because dean has never seen cas independent of him. he is also fairly bitter at dean since dean did kind of stop spending time with him when he was no longer useful, and our dean feels guilty for that.

- a cas who showed up twenty minutes later in 10x03, finding sam dead and dean gone, and had to chase down demon dean, and has now spent three years following demon dean around as his tragically adoring stalker, because he hasn't found a way to resurrect sam yet and he doesn't want to put dean through the demon cure until he can save sam because he doesn't want dean to experience that guilt, but he also adores dean and wants to keep an eye on him and keep him safe and also keep him from doing anything too heinous, so he just covertly follows him around the country and watches from a distance as he commits various murders and fucks his way through every local bar scene. and occasionally cas finds dean something to kill, when the mark gets hungry, and drops it in his path. his purpose is to freak dean out with the lengths cas would go for him, and the depths cas would sink to.

anyway. lebanon cas and season four cas are horrified and perhaps disgusted (lebanon cas more than s4 cas) by ALL of the later cas-es, and how far they’re fallen, all of it for dean. godstiel and archangel cas being abominations, endverse cas and s9 cas being fallen, even purgatory cas and demon dean’s cas for their total dependence on dean.

purgatory cas and endverse cas are just happy to see a dean, even if it’s not their dean. demon dean’s cas, too, in a way. he’s happy to see a dean who is still human, who he can still have as a friend.

human cas is pissed to see that he was right, that dean would have stuck by him if he’d still had his powers, that this version of dean is doing spells to try and bring his cas, who is still an angel, back, whereas he and his dean only see each other once every couple months.

everyone is terrified and disgusted by godstiel, as i said before.

they’re mostly kind of thrown by archangel cas. a lot of them are jealous. godstiel is furious because how dare anyone, even an alternate version of himself, take dean as a vessel (even if dean likes it). godstiel isn’t really there, though, he resisted the summoning and just sort of popped his head through to see what was going on, and he goes back to his own reality pretty fast without murdering anyone.

also to be clear dean has not at this point examined or acknowledged any feelings he may have about his cas besides “friendship,” nor has he wondered what feelings his cas may have for him. given how many of the cas-es were clearly in some kind of relationship with their dean (endverse cas, archangel cas) or just openly in love with their dean (godstiel, purgatory cas, demon dean’s cas), dean is forced to reevaluate the nature of his and cas’ relationship.

[inactiveanimeblog]

DISCLAIMER : THIS IS JUST A PREVIEW NOT THE ENTIRE FIRST CHAPTER

pls y’all let me know if this is decent enough to continue writing. i wrote it a month ago or whatever but this is the vampire itachi AU i just mentioned in one of my previous blog posts. this one series will include smut, toxicity, and light FLUFF. (wow shocking, me doing fluff wtf)

for this little drabble/intro only warnings is mentions of killing, mentions of drinking, vampires, itachi has no humanity

(so far basically only the intro and how you guys meet is written)

anyways send me an ask or a comment of your opinion, it’ll be greatly appreciated !

vampires. just a myth right? i mean, how could they even exist? walk amongst you like regular human beings. if anyone ever tried convincing you vampires were real you would laugh in their face. “have you lost your mind? there’s no such thing as vampires.” you would say.

except, you were wrong. completely, embarrassingly wrong. there were vampires. ones that most people weren’t aware were around them.

attacks happened frequently, but they would be ruled out as something like a bear attack, or a wolf attack. vampires had such a low profile, that to most of the population they were just a folk tale. a legend.

itachi uchiha had lived the age of twenty one through hundreds of years. along side others in his clan.

he was living in the village of konoha, japan with his younger brother sasuke, and his mother and father. his parents passed away due to a tragic accident when he was at the age of nineteen, and he vowed to take care of sasuke for as long as he lived.

two years later, his village was attacked by what you would describe as beasts. fangs and red eyes. feeding on humans, it looked like a herd of cannibals. itachi along with a few of his clan members and brother survived that night. bitten and turned into murderous monsters, called blood suckers.

itachi wasn’t the noble man like he once was. the hunger had taken over him and he no longer cared for the human race.

he fell in love with izumi uchiha, a member of his clan that was from a different part of japan. she was also a vampire. a sophisticated women, one who he quickly changed his ways for.

until she passed away, thirteen years later due to a stake through her heart. the pain was unbearable for itachi. he became feral again, losing his humanity and killing any human that he could prey on. he would continue his life like before he met izumi, a viscous cycle of slaughtering people.

that was until he found you. y/n l/n. at first you were just another snack of the day, a foolish college girl, wondering by her lonely late at night.

you were beautiful, drop dead gorgeous actually. nonetheless, itachi wasn’t going to let looks alone save you. he was starving, looking for a hunt. and you were right there, so delicious he could almost taste you from just a stare. easy prey.

you noticed a figure nearby. you were dizzy. drunk off shots of don julio, walking off from a frat party to get some fresh air. it was a warm night, about seventy degree’s out. the wind was blowing, but not harshly.

“hey? are you alright?” you called out to the figure. it was probably just a frat boy, drunk doing the same thing you were doing. getting some air.

he walked closer to you, his steps were agonizingly slow and when he stepped into the moonlight you got a good look at him. he was pale, long dark hair tied back with a few strands in front of his face. he wore an all black outfit. he was for sure handsome, unlike any man you’ve ever seen before. there was no way he belonged to any frat house.

“hey, if you’re really drunk i can call you an uber home or something?” you called out again, your phone was in your hand ready to open the app.

he got closer towards you, merely a few inches away. “no that won’t be needed darling.” he responded, his voice barely above a whisper.

“do you go to school here? i’ve never seen you before.. no offense or whatever, but you look like you’re too good to be going here.” you asked, sticking your phone in your back pocket. “if you’re gonna be out here alone you might as well take a walk with me.”

“you wanna walk alone late at night with a stranger you just met?” he asked, his head turning to the side while he looked you up and down. dumb little girl.

you grinned at him and crossed you arms to your chest. “my intuition tells me i have nothing to worry about.” walking closer, almost directly in front of him you mocked his stance, turning your head to the side. “so are you gonna take a stroll with me or are you scared of a little stranger?” you teased.

he grinned back at you and you both walked beside each other along the grass. it was silent for a few moments, almost awkwardly before you spoke up.

“so.. you never answered my question. you go to school here?” looking up at him, you noticed he was already staring at you. intensely as well, his gaze was serious.

“no i don’t go to school here. i’m not in school at all, i was only invited to a gathering and decided to go. maybe grab a bite to eat around here afterwards.” he answered.

“a bite to eat huh? who even eats this late at night? it’s not good for you, also i promise you’ll find nothing good around here. try getting food in the city. much better.” nodding your head assuredly at him. he smiled down at you, a genuine smile. his eyes matched his lips.

“and why do you care what’s good for me? hm?” he questioned.

“i don’t.” you snorted and turned the other way. he only chuckled at your sudden aloofness.

“feisty all of a sudden? and what’s the reason for that love?”

you blushed at the nickname love, he was a very attractive stranger and you weren’t used to this sort of attention unless someone was trying to sleep with you. but this felt different, he actually seemed interested in your presence, interested in your conversation.

[kisa-is-dummy]

❤🌻My (Personal) Top 5 Undertale Theories❤🌻

V - Scarred Body

In 5th place, I present the theory that Frisk (and in timelines where Chara takes the role as the protagonist) is:

Whenever they "respawn", come back to life from whatever killed them, they will come back with a scar that indicates what caused to injure/kill them. Examples:

🔥Burn Marks (Toriel/Asgore/Asriel): Injury/Death by Fire (yeah, no $#¡+)

🪡Stiches indicate that they were heavily injured by stabbing or sharp objects in general. Sans due his attack in the genocide route; Papyrus with the traps that do NOT malfunction for some reason; Mettaton, DIRNTE? Undyne is same thing as Mettaton, maybe just a little less...extreme? Nvm, that doesn't sound like Undyne at all.

In the end, whenever they come back from the dead or just slightly recover from whatever injury, Frisk/Chara's body will now have a new scar to the collection.

IV - Amnesiac! Chara

Basically, it's about the moment Chara hits their head on the ground, they lose all of the memories, including their real name. Once Asriel finds them and bring them to his parents. As soon they regain consciouness, they would be asked questions, giving hints about them remembering nothing about what happened before falling as an answer. Asriel "decides" to "name" them Chara, since none of them knew the actual one. It stayed like that until Toriel told them about the tale between the monsters and humans, in which caused to trigger Chara, finally remembering their past, and then coming up with the plan. Another thing is that after their death, they actually lost their memories once again, as they spend a god amount of years in the void. I'm not sure if it's possible for a person to have amnesia more than once, but we're talking about a game that has no logic at all, one of them being kids surviving a head trauma after falling a large role and living just fine, so, i guess it IS possible.

III - The Children

I'm speaking about the Fallen Children (Excluding Frisk, and Chara will be explained soon enough) together with Sans & Papyrus, starting with the skelebros, by the way.

It never made sense for me that Gaster is Sans & Papyrus's biological father, because one; there isn't actual evidence that prove he is, and second...Gaster doesn't look like a skeleton at all, at least to me.

Point is, both skelebros are results of a (failed) cloning experiment. Why a cloning experiment? Well, let's suppose that, unlike Alphys, Gaster was so caught up to his job to the point he forgets to do basic stuff like...EATING and SLEEPING! Asgore tries to convince, and even demand him to take a break, but fails miserably, while Toriel oftenly enters the lab with a cup of tea with a slice of pie, but fails also; but it also affect him badly enough to be unable to finish other researches, experiments, you name it. That's when he came with the idea of cloning himself with the purpose to conclude all his unfinished work so then he can chill, and that was the plan. Until, since he was tired af, he messed up one thing, and that one thing was enough to cause the clones to "deform" and become who we know and love, Sans & Papyrus, the skeleton brothers.

And even if they were biologically his kids, it was never stated that Gaster's parenting skills were good.

I mean, I doubt that Gaster even LIKES kids. When Chara and Asriel were still alive, he torelated them, but that's it. And that was no different with Sans & Papyrus. I imagine that he gave them food and toys and called parenting. No, the Dreemurrs never knew about them. Cuz Gaster made sure they never LEFT the lab while he was alive (which didn't take too long, btw).

Moving on to the Fallen Children, I've always seen many comics where it states that Asgore killed every child that was brought to him. I am not saying it's wrong but, I feel that Asgore wasn't the only one behind their deaths. What I am implying is, what if some others monsters were part of the killing? Heck, even Toriel tried to kill Frisk, so what makes you think that she didn't try the same with the previous ones?

II - Chara's Plan...was actually Gaster's Plan

Now explaining better about Gaster's true nature and Chara not being the "mastermind" of this plan, I don't think that Chara would be crazy enough, or even smart enough to formulate such idea, even if they didn't see what happened to Asgore or even mistook cups of butter for buttercups. So, I imagine that Chara was discussing with Asriel about how to get everyone out from the underground, with Gaster happening to pass by and "accidentally" overhear everything. Then he comes closer to them and explains that the only way to set everyone free is using a human soul as a spell breaker for the barrier. They were confused at first, only for Chara to realize that they will have to sacrifice theyself for this. And Gaster drops the "We need 7 souls to leave this place" bomb. Chara hates humanity, but never actually thought about killing someone, mainly knowing how much this would hurt Asriel. He, in the other hand, wasn't willing to hurt ANYONE for this. Gaster knew Asriel wouldn't approve, and didn't even bother discussing this with his parents, because he knew they would refuse before he could even explain, so Chara was the only one he could convince. And it worked. Until Asriel's execution.

But why? Gaster have always wondered how human science worked and planned to use it in his future projects. Plus, he believes that humans are the strongest species, considering that they managed to trap a whole race of monsters under a mountain, and then, must be intelligent as well. Plus, he was done. Tired of not being recognized for his works. Tired of his failed clones that became the kids he never asked for. Tired of everything and everyone. He was willing to do anything to finally get the recognition he believes he deserves.

And how did he die, according to you? A bit after separating theyself from Asriel's body after his death, Chara's spirit roamed into Gaster's lab, where they could see him pretty furious. He cussing, and in the middle of the cussing, he loudly called them and Asriel an idiot, for failing to do something simple, as killing 6 random humans to get everybody out of that hellhole, and how now he will never able to be recognized on science department, etc. Chara was disgusted, to say the least. They felt that Gaster didn't care about anyone but himself, and realized that not all monsters were innocent as they thought, deciding then to kill him by pushing of a balcony that led to another failed experiment: the void.

I - Inner Grudges

Personally, I don't believe that Frisk actually forgave everyone, nor that they were a pacifist, neither that the monsters are innocent like the fans likes to claim. I theorize that Frisk is able to remember the resets and game overs, therefore, they can remember clearly what killed them and who. Heck, Flowey it's the monster they HATE the most, more than they hate Sans. And while they don't really hate Toriel, they don't really feel safe around her, especially after what happened in the ruins. Mettaton, Undyne...almost the same rate as Flowey.

That's all for now. Bye.

[raindancer2004]

A Cullen / Volturi Christmas

Word Count: 2,744 Demetri x OC Cullen Part One Warnings: Fluff

It’s been nearly a year since the confrontation / investigation into whether Renesmee was an immortal child and the Cullens arrive at Castillo Volterra at the beginning of December to spend Christmas with the Volturi at the request of Aro. “Ah Carlisle, Esme, so glad you and your family agreed to spend Christmas with us here at the castle” Aro greets them with a smile and shakes Carlisle’s hand “Thank you for inviting us. It’s sure to be great Christmas” He replied smiling.

Lily Cullen has long blonde hair and blue eyes and is the adopted human daughter of Carlisle and Esme. Lily was also staying at the castle as Aro was curious to see how she had turned out now that she was all grown-up and graduated High School. He also found it fascinating that the girl survived being raised in a house full of vampires for the last eighteen years. Caius lost a bet with his brothers the day they found out she had made it to her first birthday as he was sure the Cullens ‘true nature’ would kick in and the girl would be dead within six months claiming he was being generous given Carlisle’s high level of self-control.  

Renesmee was given a guest room in the East Wing of the castle, along with her parents and Jasper and Alice. Emmett and Rosalie’s room was in the West Wing of the castle, Carlisle and Esme had the only guest room in the North Wing and Lily had one of the guest rooms on the lower floor of the South Wing of the castle near the lower and transitory guards. However, she didn’t feel very safe being so close to the lower and transitory guards especially after she overheard Edward telling Bella that they didn’t always have the best self-control around humans.

After three nights of Lily not sleeping very well Carlisle noticed how tired she looked and asked Demetri for a favour as he was one of the more friendly and reasonable guards, not to mention he had great self-control around humans. “Demetri can I have a word with you please?” “Of course, Carlisle. How can I help?” Demetri replied as they walked away from the throne room “I’m after a favour. It’s to do with Lily… and her sleeping arrangements” Demetri nods “Ahh. Yes I heard she’d been given a room on the lower floor near the lower and transitory guards and I’m guessing you’re concerned about their self-control?” “A little yes and if I’m being honest I thought one of her siblings may have offered to swap rooms with her but…” “They haven’t” Demetri cut him off “No and to make matters worse she overheard Edward telling Bella about the guard’s lack of self-control and it’s made her a little anxious and she hasn’t slept much the past three nights” Carlisle continued “So…how  can I help? Want me to have a word with the guards? Threaten them with the dungeon or dismemberment if they hurt her?” Demetri offered smiling and Carlisle chuckled “As good as that sounds Demetri…I actually had a different idea in mind” This piqued Demetri’s interest “Ok, what’s your idea?” “Well I was wondering…if maybe…she could share your quarters with you? I mean you have excellent self-control around humans and…I trust you with my daughter” Demetri’s face had shock written all over it but he quickly composed himself “Er…Yes of course. Lily can share my quarters…Thank you for trusting me with her” Demetri replied and smiled at Carlisle as he felt pleased that Carlisle trusted him with his daughter, to keep her safe during their month long stay. “Thank you Demetri, I was always amazed by your self-control when I lived here with you…considering your diet” “Well, I figured it would probably be a good idea to work on that early on considering how much time I spend around them when tracking our kind. It wouldn’t do for me to lose control whilst trying to uphold our laws” He chuckled and Carlisle nodded and chuckled himself “Very true. When would be a good time to bring Lily up to your room?” “Give me about half an hour to shower and change?” Demetri replied “Will do and thank you” Carlisle replied and watched Demetri speed off to his room.

Carlisle made his way to Lily’s room “Hey can I come in?” He asked knocking and popping his head around the door “Of course dad” He noted she sounded tired and hoped his idea would be the solution “I know you haven’t really slept much the past few nights due to…the location of your room and well…I have suggestion…” “Dad, I love you but I’m a little old to share with you and mom. Thanks though” She replied smiling and he laughed “Funny. No that wasn’t my idea. In fact that didn’t even come to mind…” “Wow dad. Really? Now I’m hurt” She put her hand to her chest and gave him a sad look “Oh behave. I think you’ll like my idea. I hope you do anyway” He replied smiling “Ok, so what’s your idea?” She asked curious “I’ve spoken to Demetri and…” “The tracker Demetri?” “Yes Lily, do you know another Demetri who lives here?” He responded with a sassy tone “Ooohh get you being all sassy dad” She teased him and he poked his tongue out at her “Mature dad, mature” She smiled “Anyway Lily, I spoke to Demetri and he has agreed that you can share his quarters with him. His room is on the top floor of this wing with the other three elite guards” He paused when he noticed the confused look on her face “You want me to move from a room near non-veggie vamps into a room occupied by a non-veggie vamp? How does that solve my not sleeping problem? You’re basically offering him a snack” She said as she stood up from the bed not quite believing what her dad was suggesting. “I can assure you darling I do not think of you as a snack and my self-control around humans is possibly as good as your dad’s” Demetri said as he stood leaning on the doorframe.

Lily felt her cheeks heat up a little knowing he’d heard her comment “I-I didn’t mean…oh god…I’m sorry if I’ve offended you Demetri…especially as you’ve been so kind as to let me stay with you” Demetri chuckled before replying “I’m not offended, honestly…I’d be more offended if you didn’t question your dad’s idea of staying with me” “Really?” She sounded surprised “Yes Lily really. I mean I’m not a veggie vamp like your family” He replied smirking “Now you two have cleared that up, how about we pack your things and you can move upstairs” Carlisle suggested “I’ll help Lily pack and move her things Carlisle. Go and spend time with Esme, show her the city…it’s rather nice at this time of year” Demetri smiled at Carlisle “You sure…” “Yes Carlisle. We’ll be fine” Demetri cut him off as he crossed the room and removed her clothes from the small closet and placing them neatly in her suitcase. “Thank you again Demetri. I will go find my wife and explore the city, it’s been a while” “She’s in the kitchen…with Heidi” Demetri said without missing a beat “That’s amazing” Lily whispered low but both vampires heard and smiled.  

Lily shared Demetri’s quarters and it was agreed that she’d sleep in his bed whilst he read by the fire of a night, seeing as Demetri only ever used to his bed to relax on after long or stressful missions or sometimes he’d lie on the bed and read. Felix found it amusing that his friend had agreed to let a Cullen stay with him “I can’t believe that you agreed to share your room with a Cullen” “Lily is human and she’s different to her siblings. For one she doesn’t eat fluffy bunnies” “Yet. She doesn’t eat them yet” Felix replied smiling “Shut up. It’s nice to have some company and…unlike her siblings she doesn’t hate us” Demetri stated firmly “Whatever you say my friend. I still think it’s amusing that you’re sharing your room with a human” Felix replied before returning to his own room.

“Everything ok?” Lily asked as she stepped out of the bathroom in her pyjamas “Yes, Felix just came by to tease me for sharing my room with you” He smiled and watched as she made her way over to the sofa by the fire and sat beside him “Sorry about that Demetri” “Don’t be Lily. If I didn’t want to share my room with you to keep you safe, I wouldn’t have agreed when your dad asked” “But still the teasing…” “Lily I’m over 1000 years old I think I can handle a little teasing from my best friend” He cut her off softly “Over 1000 years old. Wow! You’re older than my dad” She said sounding surprised “In vampire years yes but physically…I’m two years younger” He pointed out softly “Huh. That’s interesting. Wish I knew that a few months ago…you could have saved me hours of studying and doing research for my paper on Ancient Greece” “Your dad knew. I mean he did live with us for a few decades before he met Edward. And how do you know I would have helped you with your schoolwork?” He replied “I don’t but I would have asked really nicely and hoped you were nice enough to help” She replied smiling at him “Fair enough. Maybe next time” He replied “Although after repeating High School a few times I’m sure you’ll be able to just turn in past papers” He laughed “That is where you are wrong. I’ve told mom and dad I’m not repeating High School forever. Once was quite enough. I want to go to college and study further not relearn stuff I already know” She answered him “They agreed?” He asked and she nodded “Yep. It pays to be the ‘baby’ sometimes” He nodded “I bet.”

The Cullens helped decorate the castle with the Volturi guards of a night whilst Renesmee and Lily slept. “So you guys really celebrate Christmas?” Jasper asked as he and Santiago were decorating the training room with gold coloured decorations “Yes, maybe not in the way that your family does but we do celebrate it along with Halloween” Santiago replied “We have a Secret Santa every year that way everyone gets at least one gift, although some of us here in the castle also buy for our friends and of course our mates” He added “We don’t do a Secret Santa we buy for everyone in the family, mates included” Jasper replied “Can I ask you a personal question and I don’t mean any offence by it?” Santiago asked and Jasper nodded “I hear you struggle the most with the vegetarian lifestyle due to your newborn years and I wondered how you are able to control yourself around your human sister?” “I’ll admit it was very hard in the beginning and I used to hunt more often just to try and make sure I wouldn’t hurt her. I was never left alone with her either and Alice and Edward would ‘watch’ me constantly. Esme noticed that I had started to distance myself from Lily and she didn’t like it, so she came up with a plan” Jasper paused as he thought back to when Lily was a baby.

“What did she do?” Santiago asked pulling Jasper back into the present. “My siblings all went hunting one night and Esme wouldn’t let me go with them as I had hunted that morning and once Carlisle got back from the hospital she suggested an impromptu hunting trip just for the two of them…” “Wouldn’t Alice or Edward have seen that coming?” Santiago asked “She was careful of her thoughts and decisions that day for that very reason. So she and Carlisle left the house and I was left alone with Lily who was asleep but she woke up 10 minutes later and it was up me to take care of her and although my throat burned as I held her in my arms trying to soothe her I realised she needed me to protect her as I was her big brother and that the extra hunting wasn’t helping with my self-control.  That only improved by spending more time with her and embracing the burning feeling rather than trying to fight it; because even though it was hard to be around her, she needed me far more than I needed her blood” Jasper answered honestly. “Wow, I’m impressed, not sure she would have survived living here as a baby if I’m being honest as the level of self-control varies among the guards” Santiago replied.

The throne room had an 8ft tree that was decorated with lights and blue and silver decorations “Blue is my favourite colour” Jane said as she, Alice and Alec decorated the tree, although they did ask Felix to add the Star to the top as he was the tallest in the castle. The castle hallways were decorated with garlands that had various coloured ribbons on them, depending what floor they were on. A wreath was hung on the door to the castle entrance and Lily couldn’t believe how much effort the Volturi put into decorating the castle.

Lily and Gianna, the Volturi’s secretary were in charge of ordering food as it was just for the two of them and Ness, unless she decided on the day to have a blood bag or two with the vampires. They ordered a small turkey that was to be picked up on Christmas Eve, along with potatoes and vegetables. They decided on mince pies and cream for dessert and made sure to buy quite a few bottles of Buck’s Fizz and bought some juice for Ness.

Carlisle and Heidi were in charge of getting blood bags for Christmas Day as he was a Doctor and Heidi has ‘connections’ at Tuscany General Hospital. “Does your doctor friend know our secret Heidi?” Carlisle asked as he was curious “He doesn’t ‘know’ but I think he suspects something as he seems to notice the sometimes quick turnover of our secretarial staff” She replied trying to hide her amusement. “Yes, you do seem to go through them rather quickly at times” Carlisle replied on route to the hospital. Once there they spoke to Dr Jones and he advised them “I have organised a private blood drive at the local Health Centre and I will deliver the ‘donations’ to the castle myself” “Thank you Doctor, that is very good of you” She replied smiling “Would you like some help on the day? I am a doctor back in the US” Carlisle offered “That would be very helpful yes, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your holiday” Dr Jones responded “Not at all and it’ll probably be easier if the two of us bring the ‘donations’ to the castle rather than just you” Carlisle smiled and Dr Jones agreed “I’ll see you 09.00am on the 21st then.” Heidi and Carlisle returned to the castle and updated the Kings accordingly.

The Volturi guards got used to the Cullens being in the castle; they even got used to Lily and her scent and the lower and transitory guards kept their distance from her as much as possible which she appreciated. What Lily didn’t know was Demetri decided to give them the warning he had mentioned to Carlisle previously. This took place during a training session one afternoon “As you are all aware Carlisle Cullen and his family are staying with us including their human daughter. I will only warn you all once if any of you hurt Lily Cullen you will be dismembered or at the very least you will earn yourself time in the dungeons. Is that clear?” Demetri addressed the room of vampires who all replied ‘Yes sir or Yes Demetri.’ Felix stood at the side of the room smirking as his friend threatens a room full of vampires if they were hurt the girl. “I said to Carlisle that I would keep Lily safe during her stay and this is one way to ensure that” Demetri said low to Felix once he joined him in the middle of the room ready to start the training session. “I didn’t say anything D” Felix replied low.

[dog-day-morning]

YOU OWE THEM NOTHING

People can be self-righteous when it comes to what they think God is supposed to do if, and when they call on Him. God is not a genie in a bottle that you rub, and a jinn pops out granting you 3 or 300 wishes. The saying faith without works is dead can be applied here. Have you ever heard of or read the book Daniel Webster and the devil? This tall tale or folklore legend was about a man who made a deal with old Slew Foot, and when it was time to pay up he had 2nd thoughts. Satan never plays fair. He's forever putting us in positions where we find ourselves desperate for a quick solution to a temporary problem that only leads to a difficult end. The Latin term for buyer beware is caveat emptor, and Satan knows how to spell. The power of a wicken comes from their basic weapon of spelling or casting spells by word of mouth. Even the Bible tells us that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Tell that to a Nicolaitan. Those who make deals with the most unclean should expect to suffer in the end. Never trust the father of lies who deals in treachery, and deceit. I look back at my mother's life and wonder if God had ever intervened for her, and fought her battles that surely He and only He would be able to deliver her from, and He has. Life is hard, for many it’s a nightmare that’s ongoing. Satan comes to you when you're at your weakest or most vulnerable in the hopes of snaring your soul into eternal suffering. Jesus comes to deliver us from death, sin, and temptations that confuse us in our trek towards His truth. If you have any aspirations of entertaining people with your gifted voice or your talent for playing lead guitar, don’t sign a contract that promises you the world only to find out you owe them your sweet ass which a man of honor wouldn't consider let alone make you cosign your body for their horn dog appeasement.

Revelation 2:9

9 I know thy works, and tribulation, and poverty, (but thou art rich) and I know the blasphemy of them which say they are Jews, and are not, but are the synagogue of Satan.

You're abundantly rich in spirit Yacob. Now’s the time to claim your position. These bastards have taken everything from you leaving your ancestors nothing but dust. If they could remove us off the face of the Earth they would. They're plotting to do so as you and I breathe, that's why the Father never sleeps. They are demon spawns who say they worship, and believe in God, but whose god, and what righteous god tells you to destroy a people with his blessing knowing what the children of Japheth have done to them historically? The spawns of Satan want your penuche, mouth, titties, and a-hole for their pleasure along with your talent that Justin Timberlake does not have. The new faces of R&B do not look like the people I grew up listening to or the race of people whose songs left an everlasting impression on my bleeding heart that helped me through my ill-fated, miserable existence. Robin Thicke, Christina Aguilera, K-Pop, the BackStreet Boys, and New Kids on the Block. Some of these groups are defunct, but they’re cranking out as many as they possibly can like Justin Bieber, and Demi Lovato. I just saw on YouTube where people were considering if Elvis Presley was Black, WTF?!! He was the biggest culture thief that Dr. Frankenstein, AKA Colonel Parker ever created. Man is cruel; Satan is a whole other type of bastard you shouldn’t entertain. I'm retarded. Some call me an idiot savant. YO MOMMA!!! People are blessed by the Father who has blessed many of us with gifts. There are many of you whom God has endowed with multiple talents that people would sell their soul in order to possess just one. If you're anointed by God to sing like Aretha Franklin may He lead you to sign with a label like Brother Carl Crawford's who won't make the same mistake he did with a very popular artist at this moment. More than likely you'll sign a contract entrusting your talent, blessing, and soul to the most unclean ones. Ain’t a reason in hell you should bow down or bend over for a leach like Mr. Friedman so he can butt bone your a-hole while enriching himself off your God given talents. God blesses those who seek him out, and those that don’t. I don’t know if Eddie Murphy went to Church, and sowed an offering every Sunday to God praying that the Father would make him the highest paid comedic actor in his prime. Richard Pryor was anointed in the womb to be the most blessed comedic talent, and influential comedian to ever walk this Earth bar none yet he and Mr. Murphy pursued their dreams in different ways with both of them becoming world renown. I'm inclined to ask, was it worth it?

Mark 8:36

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

The synagogue of Satan isn’t a trending pop culture manifestation that’s to be esteemed, cherished, or envied. These cults are trying to maintain a stranglehold on a world that’s not meant for them or their sort. People who play with Ouija boards or childhood games like Bloody Mary, and light as a feather are ushering dark spirits into their homes leaving their loved ones exposed to something sinister. Get the hell away from me and mine unless you're my sister, AKA Ms. Skunk Funk, who needs to get the crust burnt off her musty, dusty drawers. The whore of Don Juan has a death wish. Explain to me how running with the devil beats walking with God?

Isaiah 59:7

7 Their feet run to evil, and they make haste to shed innocent blood: their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity; wasting and destruction are in their paths.

This Nation was built on our ancestor’s blood, sweat, and relentless faith. Believe me when I say there's strength in every tear. I pray to God that I don’t shed anymore of them. Their wealth is not. It's a stolen Promise that the Father shall reward His children with. Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. The most glaring, and frustrating example that is also bitter and disheartening I can give you is our Promised Inheritance called Yisrael that the gentiles are squatting on. When a person or in this case a tribe or race of people believe in their own lies they've become reprobate; they're lost.

Revelation 3:9

9 Behold, I will make them of the synagogue of Satan, which say they are Jews, and are not, but do lie; behold, I will make them to come and worship before thy feet, and to know that I have loved thee.

This is what all of Esau's children fear. It's why the bland, colored people of the world are flipping over the Earth's axis, and killing us without any probable cause. They are a lawless people who've displayed their lack of empathy, and humanity for anyone save their own breed, they behave like blood hounds. I've become content with this planet being void of water (Holy Spirit.) Black people suffer from a social disorder called the crab bucket mentality. We hate to see anyone rise up, and we’ll do whatever it takes to keep them down or discourage them. That person may possess something that can benefit the collective, who cares. He who possesses that blessing needs to haul tail ASAP before the winter comes knowing the Father will bless him, and a downtrodden people beyond their wildest dreams. This is why Yeshua, and His Father call us children. It's why I pray, and bemoan to the Father daily that He slays me, putting the fear of the Lord in the heathen and His Son Christ Jesus uses us for His purpose. God doesn't need us, we need Him. He's given us so much power, and authority. When you acquire it, use it for something other than satisfying your sinful, carnal, flesh minded desires. Men, don't behave like horn dogs, and women do not behave as Aholah, and Aholibah, 2 whores.

Numbers 32:24

24 Build you cities for your little ones, and folds for your sheep; and do that which hath proceeded out of your mouth.

Out of thine own mouth you have power to tread over snakes and scorpions. You can exorcise demons and devils out of your present life braking generational curses which is what I' want for a family that's disowned me. To God be the glory. God is telling us to declare a thing, and claim it. What a mighty, just God we serve. Your tongue will become a weapon to use against the lawless ones who use theirs recklessly in their attempts to get us arrested or murdered by local, and federal authorities. You can call it giving them a taste of their own medicine, it isn't. You're reclaiming what they've taken, stolen, including those of us they've murdered.

Isaiah 54:17

17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. Speak positive prayers out loud if you can. If you live with your family or have a roommate pray in the closet. You'll have favor with God that many people won't. They rebuked the Lord, and their anger did tear perpetually, and they kept their wrath forever. When they use their privilege, which is what we call it more often than they, comprehending they’re fully aware knowing they use it with a Demonic, driven hatred. They persecute Black men, women, and children for reasons that are not godly, and the Father does not condone. They, and all the Earth will have to answer for our individual sins against the Father in the end.

Luke 10:19

19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

We don’t worship the same god as they do. They're praying to a god to erase us off the face of the Earth. Why hasn't he?.

Exodus 1:12

12 But the more they afflicted them, the more they multiplied and grew. And they were grieved because of the children of Israel.

Their birth rate is dropping steadily. For the first time in the history of the census they decreased in population globally while indigenous, and other races of people stayed steady or in our case increased. This is the reasoning behind these draconian abortion laws. They're trying to preserve themselves while God is eliminating the Earth of their bloody dominion. God is sending the wicked a message before the storm comes, but no one's listening. Their violence towards us is documented, and more often it's unprovoked. They continue with the guilty until proven worthy of their mercy dogmatic mantra which is racist BS. The Earth will be lulled back to sleep. When they're confident that their world isn't in danger of being challenged by anyone, especially us. That's when God will do things that will scare them right back to the caucasus mountains bringing destruction to those who've touched, bruised, and abused the Apple of His eye. Speak life into your angel spirit, don’t entertain the demon seed that's trying to kill you, and the rest of Earth's indigenous people. You have much authority, use it. Elohim. 9/23/2021

[hopeswriting]

Modern AU (Adult!)Arcobaleno on socials media though. While Flames and mafia are definitely still a thing.

Now I’m by no means well acquainted to all the different popular socials media, but here’s my humble take:

Reborn on Instagram.

He only has pictures of Leon first and foremost, with him in the background in one of his ridiculous but very well-made cosplay. Leon of course also wears the same cosplay as him.

He never shows his full face in any of the pictures, but just enough his followers know he’s handsome as fuck.

The artists/photoshoppers among them regularly put the pieces together to see how he could look like, but in a funny-and-obviously-purposefully-wrong way only.

Reborn loves them and saves them all.

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Once in a blue moon he does post a picture of himself where you can see him clearly all dressed up and fancy, and then immediately deletes it.

But only after he’s sure it has been seen, so he can watch his followers lose their shit while drinking a nice espresso.

They try hard, but so far none of them managed to save any of the pictures before he deletes them.

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Often there’s what suspiciously looks like blood stains on their clothes and straight up dead bodies lying in the background, but Reborn went so passive-aggressive with the few who dared to ask, everyone is too afraid to ask now.

Anyone who badmouths Leon in any way is instantly blocked. But only after Reborn ripped them a new one AND let his followers do it too.

*

Skull on Twitter and Snapchat.

He tweets the most random, out of nowhere, highly worrying things, that always sent his followers in a frenzy trying to figure out why the fuck he would think of any of this in the first place??

“aren’t you ever tried of your solid, rigid, restrictive bones? don’t you want to just be Luffy from One Piece, a rubber being that can shape themself in whatever way they wish?”

or:

“nobody ever tells you this, but the stress of picking apart melted leather from your burnt skin before it heals is VERY worth the adrenaline of making fire your BITCH”

or:

“is it REALLY illegal if you break in and eat the food but leave money behind??”

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That’s just his Twitter only followers though.

The ones on Snapchat have the privilege to watch him stumble head first step by step to his tweets, and are actually very involved and active spectators that keep him out of jail, or killing himself, or killing someone else.

Skull, recording a video, halfway stuck in between two buildings: What’s up guys, there're these guys following me and trying to kill me, quick tell me what bones to break so I can fit in there.

see also:

Skull, riding his bike, both of them suspiciously wet, holding a lighter in his hand: You guys ready for this sick fire stunt I came up with?? If everything goes well I should only get second to third degree burns, let’s do this!!!

see also:

A picture of Skull lying on a roof, his arms full of snacks and his mouth stuffed with food, with police cars in the background, that says: send tips to make sure there’s always food in your fridge for when you need it the most. #midnightsnack #snitchesgetstitches #justsaying

see also:

A picture of Skull crouched in front of a body, posing, that says: don’t worry guys we’re just faking, but hypothetically, if you were to hide a body as quick as possible from here without being seen, what would you do? #hypotheticallyseriousanswersonly #hypotheticallythecopsaremaybeontheirway #quickanswersappreciated

*

Verde on Facebook.

He creates a public group with only him as member that’s basically his scientific diary.

It’s not really to invite intellectual challenging debates (though he’d be all for it if someone smart enough showed up), but he figures it’s in his best interest to make the world a less dumb place if he can.

It finds his public, though there’s only a few comments because god forbid you say something dumb or inaccurate and Verde fucking annihilates you in the comment section.

But like, in a teacher way. Like he’s genuinely trying to make you know better but he’s just ruthless at it lmao.

Verde uses a fake name and a fake everything so there’s quickly a running joke along the lines of “Imagine if it’s really the genius scientist Verde running the group and you just outed yourself as a flat earther lol”.

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But what gets the group really popular is the in depth flames theory involving weather of all things they have to assume he came up with it all on his own because they can’t figure out to save their lives what the hell he’s talking about?

And it makes them question their sanity sometimes because Verde talks about it like it’s the most obvious thing and in the context of just about every basic aspects of life.

Cue the conspirators and their hot new take of “the aliens were among us all along and hid themselves as the WEATHER!!!” that instantly turns into the new popular meme.

That, and the transcripts posts of Verde trying his theories that nine out of ten apparently involves very unwilling participants whose life are threatened and sometimes they straight up DIE???

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They think both of these is just him fucking with them and it’s all fictional. They want to think it is anyway.

They’re not so sure, but everyone is too afraid to ask.

*

Colonnello on Snapchat.

70% of his content is about Lal because this man is so in love and it’s like he’s a guest on his own account lol.

There’s the “Pining Hard” content where it’s just him trying to seduce Lal, to romance her and asking her out, and Lal brushing all of it off more often than not.

His followers are very invested in this “old bickering married couple type of best friends in oblivious mutual pining” real live action slow burn fic, and cheers him hard whenever Lal reciprocates the tiniest bit.

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They don’t know the two are already together.

They think Lal brushing him off or flirting back but in an unmistakably joking/”platonic” way is just her being oblivious and not taking Colonnello seriously.

When she would just rather flirt back off camera because it’s her private life thank you very much.

Colonnello never tells them because he assumes they all know and just choose to be in on the joke.

Lal finds it hilarious whenever she goes through his Snapchat (with his permission of course) to find numerous messages of encouragement, so she never says either.

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But one day she kind of just steals a kiss from him while he’s recording because she wanted to, and his followers lose their shit.

Lal laughs herself to tears and laughs for days.

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The other Lal’s related content is the “Lal’s loving hours”, where he just takes pictures of her/records her doing random shit---whether it's her making a disaster out of the kitchen, or wearing three pairs of socks because her feet are cold, or beating the shit out of someone---and him doing heart eyes at the camera.

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Otherwise it’s just him living his life and letting them in on what happens.

There’s a lot of pictures because he’s handsome and he knows it and he likes the compliments aqsdfghj.

Or videos of him going on and on about how energy drinks are really the best drink ever while doing grocery.

Or ranting videos about how bullets wounds are such a pain to deal with and showing himself patching himself up to show how it’s done (thanks??!!??).

Or him watching series and roasting the characters for their dumb decisions.

Or him commenting in real time an assassination attempt on him in the middle of the night in his own fucking home because the fucker sure is ballsy (????!!!!!!???).

It’s very popular too because of how relatable it is.

Well, most of the time anyway.

*

Viper on Youtube.

They have a DIY type of channel, mostly about fashion---what they think about the new products/clothes they bought from their favorite brand, their thoughts on the new fashion trend, their makeup/skin care routine and favorite outfits for various circumstances, or they’re often on live while going shopping.

(I just really like Fashionista!Viper okay.)

They play videos games too, thinking they’re being very good while being very average to not say they straight up suck asdfghj.

Occasionally do reaction videos too.

------

Like Reborn they hardly ever show their face. Actually they don’t show it at all lol. They wear masks to do their videos because a hood is not very reliable.

How do they do their makeup videos then you ask?

They use "volunteer" as models of course.

And by volunteers I mean the Varia qsdftgyhjkl.

------

They also have another very peculiar brand of videos that is the most popular one on their channel. The titles of these videos include but are not limited to:

“A Due Payment Of Yours Is Late? How To Hunt Them For Sport”

“A Little Bitch Doesn’t Respect Your Pronouns/Chosen Name? Step By Step On How To Make Them Shut The Fuck Up Forever”

“How To Efficiently Remove Blood And Various Others Human Residue From Your Clothes”

“Faking Your Death And Taking On A New Identity: Step By Step Tutorial”

“How To Take Over Your Friends Brains And Watch Them Prank Themselves ft. The Varia”

*

Fon on Tumblr.

His blog becomes known as a shitpost blog or a blog run by a bot when really, everything he posts is about actual, very real events that happened in his life.

Except he vague posts every time because he really wants to keep his anonymity.

He posts about the hardships of learning more and more martial arts and staying at the top of the art, and sounds like some dangerous psychopath.

“The body is such a fragile thing, isn’t it? It tends to break quite easily unfortunately. You’d think I’d know that by then, but I really need to remember it more often so I can keep enjoying myself.”

He’s talking about how he always pushes himself too much in training and ends up injuring himself.

“Everyday I dispose of them and reasserts my superiority, and everyday they come back and it’s really hard to not hurt them beyond repair.”

He’s talking about how he’s often challenged by other martial artists who don’t like him being the best and how he always has to beat them up bloody for them to give up.

He also posts about his family's live except it’s the Hibari’s family live, and he doesn’t sound more sane of mind at all.

“I made the mistake of taking Kyo with me on my grocery trip and picked on his tell-tale signs of going through a bad day too late.

But fortunately the shop is still standing and no one was heavily injured.”

or:

“It’s so heartwarming to see Kyo make friends. The brown haired kid didn’t put much of a fight but the one with the pineapple haircut has potential.

He almost managed to stab him that one time, and I can’t wait to tease Kyo about it. He’s very cute when annoyed and embarrassed.”

or:

“Often I look back to the day Kyo got his tonfa and I am always infinitely grateful for this not-so-easy-to-kill-with weapon.

I would like for him to at least finish high school first.”

Yeah it’s very often about Kyoya lmao. And no one knows for sure what in the world a “Kyo” is supposed to be???

An actual human being is NOT the most popular theory qsdfghn.

*

Lal on TikTok.

I guess?? I’m kind of running out of ideas lol, and I know very little about TikTok.

But I’m thinking she makes a series of videos where she looks straight into the camera like she’s on The Office while some bullshit or the other happens in the background.

And it’s not even always her friends or coworkers or Colonnello (yeah he has a category of his own lmao).

As far as she is concerned everyone who chooses to be a fucking dumbass in her vicinity is asking for it aqsdfghj.

------

Also has a “Doing paperwork” series, and the later at night she’s doing it, the more she’s absolutely fucking done with people not being able to do their job properly without collateral damage.

She dryly reads out loud the highlights of the reports and goes straight for their lives lol.

But as funny as it is, everyone is more interested in the very questionable out of context content of these reports???

------

Also does workout videos, as in she demonstrates how to do this one or other exercise, and if these do particularly well it has nothing to do with how people want to look respectfully at her body, of course not.

ALSO has a “Colonnello’s Loving Hours” series because you better believe this woman is also so much in love.

She records him when he’s simply existing---whether he’s snuggling besides her while they’re watching TV, or dancing in the kitchen while cooking, or cleaning his guns---while looking at the camera with this tender, content expression on her face.

*

They become known as the Weather Lovers because boy, do these people like to go on about their favorite weather. Some shipping might even be involved??

It’s how their community introduces them to each other.

Cue even more chaos on their respective socials medias.

Viper’s video of their first meeting is the most popular one on their channel.

*

Yeah I know, I didn’t add the Sky Arco ladies, but I have no idea what they could do. Pinterest maybe? Or Vine? Dunno, they’re all yours guys lol.

[strawberrysoup]

Let’s Review || Chapter 2

Peter Parker knew that his big sister would do anything for him to be safe and happy. She’d given up everything for him twice over already and would do it again in a heartbeat. And that’s why, when the criminal mastermind Tony Stark started inextricably following him around, he didn’t say a word. Because he knew without a doubt Penny would do whatever she had to if it meant keeping Peter safe. He had to protect her, just like she always protected him. He never considered what would happen if Stark decided both Parker siblings were worth taking. Never considered who else in Stark’s inner circle would agree. He just wanted to protect her and yet somehow, they both ended up with needles in their necks.

relationship: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character/Bucky Barnes, background Peter Parker/Tony Stark rating: Explicit warnings: Dark Steve Rogers, Dark Bucky Barnes, Dark Tony Stark, Dark Avengers, kidnapping, non-con/dub-con elements, underage Peter Parker, emotional and psychological abuse, very dark, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

 Penny Parker worked, on average, 108 hours a week between three jobs to make ends meet for herself and Peter. His high school, a stupidly expensive private science academy, sucked the majority of her income up each month despite a scholarship. Rent was $1,200 a month, not including utilities. Peter ate like a quintessential teenage boy, which meant a pound of cereal every morning before school and the equivalent in the evenings when he got home from his clubs.

She didn’t sleep much and only had one rotating day off each week. After learning of Peter’s situation with Tony Stark, she slept even less and spent her days off doing any and all research she could into the man and her options for getting Peter away from him. By the time a month had passed since the revelation that her baby brother was being stalked by a super powerful, criminal mastermind pedophile piece of shit, Penny was a wreck of a human being. Even Peter, who was understandably wrapped up in his own head most of the month, had noticed the bags under his sister’s eyes and the harried look she carried about her at all times.

They joked that Penny had taken every bit of chaos from her parents combined genes, somehow managing to leave behind every ounce of intelligence for Peter. She was a walking, talking disaster on the best of days. He’d seen her stick a fork in a toaster, try to mix bleach and vinegar, hell one time she’d come home from work with a sprained wrist because she’d fallen off a ladder stocking some shelves despite the fact someone had been actively holding the ladder to spot her. But this was an entirely new level of disarray from his sister.

Peter could tell that she wasn’t coming up with any solutions that she was happy with. Despite their inside jokes, Penny had a weird sort of intuitive intelligence. She couldn’t do basic math in her head and forget anything to do with science, hell basic reading comprehension could be a trial at times.

What she knew was that Tony Stark had every police department in New York on his payroll, despite the act they put on that “they were doing everything in their power” to gather evidence on the 87 open investigations into him and his company. She knew that he had several politicians under the same thumb, not because it was public knowledge, but because somehow every bill that was put to vote that could be useful to Tony Stark passed into law (or however that sort of thing worked—Penny didn’t understand bills and laws and the senate or whatever, but who really did?).

She knew that the surrounding states were similarly within his range of power. That his companies’ holdings in California meant he had too much control there too. He had holdings in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico as well. It wasn’t public knowledge, but Penny could read between the lines when things seemed too good to be true. Or, too good to be true for one Tony Stark. Everything aligned in a way that was so suspicious, she couldn’t figure out why the FBI or CIA or NSA weren’t on to him too.

In the end, all it meant was that nothing Penny did would really matter in the long run. Tony Stark was infinitely powerful in a multitude of states, rich and influential in a way that one person shouldn’t ever have the ability to be. And Penny Parker had $3,000 to her name and a shitty apartment and an even shittier car. Compared to Tony Stark, she wasn’t even good enough to be dirt.

It meant that she had to be more creative. Penny wasn’t smart, but thinking outside of the usually accepted parameters was kind of her specialty. There was no good way to get Peter away from Tony’s sphere of influence, but there were some ways. Maybe just a single way. A very unpleasant, single way that would rip her heart to shreds. But Penny had decided as a 13 year old that she would do everything she could to keep Peter safe and happy and fuck if she was willing to stop now.

***

“Are you still stalking the webcam feed?” Tony wondered if it was possible to push anymore exasperation into his voice as he walked into the main living room only to find Clint once again watching Peter’s empty apartment on the massive TV.

“Something might happen,” it was the same defense the assassin always used when caught in the act, but Tony knew that the blond actually just wanted to catch a glimpse of Penelope Parker.

In all fairness, even Tony could admit that the young woman was rather beautiful. Where Peter’s skin was milky white and freckled, Penelope had a tan that betrayed her father’s Israeli heritage. She was shorter than Peter, held more weight than her lanky but growing brother. Her hair was long and held a natural wave, the same colour as Peter’s. They had the same eye colour as well, but Penelope’s were more narrow and slanted. It wasn’t Tony’s cup of tea, but he could objectively understand the appeal.

In all honestly, Penelope Parker wasn’t his cup of tea as a person. Every time her name popped into his head, he felt a seething rage begin to build in his chest. Penelope fucking Parker, responsible enough to be deemed guardian of the most precious boy in New York but not responsible enough to actually take care of him.

Back when he thought Peter lived alone off his meager inheritance, the living situation had bothered Tony but not enraged him. After all, sure a teenage boy would be fine living in a shit hole if it fit his budget. But no, his sister was the one who made him live in that rat’s nest. His sister, who worked so often it left poor Peter neglected and alone, was the reason he had to walk through dangerous streets to get home at night. His sister.

His fucking sister.

No wonder Peter hadn’t told him he had a sister. She was probably a fucking monster, as selfish and miserable as the goddamn evil stepsister from Cinderella.

He’d caught enough glimpses of Penelope Goddamn Parker in the last month to last him a life time. She and Peter hardly interacted where the webcam could pick up, although sometimes they caught snippets of audio. Mostly, they witnessed just how addicted to the internet she was. She spent more time on her fucking laptop than she did talking to her own brother.

It drove Tony insane, knowing that the longer he left Peter in her care, the more neglected he would be. His baby boy was trapped in an apartment with an uncaring bitch who spent 90% of her time working and the other 10% ignoring him for whatever bullshit Instagram, Facebook nonsense she was so obsessed with. Tony didn’t even bother keeping a record of her internet history, after the first two days of monitoring had revealed she spent the entire time on Youtube.

“Yeah? And has anything happened in the last, oh, 6 hours since she left for work?”

“No but she should be getting home soon—” Clint winced, having walked directly into the trap Tony set like a dumbass.

“Stop watching the bitch on my TV, all you do is stare down her fucking shirt anyway.”

“The bitch would make a pretty decent lay if you’d give a guy a break.”

Tony Stark did not roll his eyes. Tony Stark was a genius, ran a weapons engineering empire, had the most important politicians in the United States in his back pocket. Tony Stark did not roll his eyes.

So Tony Stark Did Not Roll His Eyes at the blond parked out on his couch with a bowl of popcorn and a beer. No doubt there was a cheap ass pizza on it’s way up the elevator, despite the fact Tony employed some of the best chefs in New York for his private kitchen. Clint Barton was the worst sort of best friend Tony had, but he’d still kill for the dumbass.

“What has Penelope Goddamn Motherfucking Parker done now?” Sam Wilson questioned absently as he walked into the living room from the kitchen, quoting Tony’s general tone of voice when talking about the woman.

“She hasn’t even taken her shirt off where I can see it, can you believe that? Fucking ridiculous. With a rack like that she should be shaking her tits on camera for money daily,” Clint whined in response, gesturing to the empty room on the TV, “I swear she sleeps on that fucking couch almost every night and not once has she undressed in front of the computer.”

“You’re a freak, my dude,” Sam smacked the blond upside the head as he walked past towards the elevator, “Time table still on track, Stark?”

“Steady as she goes,” Tony replied, pulling his phone out of his back pocket, “Where are you going? Movie night starts in 20 minutes?”

Movie night was almost the most ridiculous thing Tony participated in on any given day. His inner circle was made up of the only people in the world he trusted, was made of up assassins and ex-military super soldiers and all sorts of genetically altered freaks, and somehow movie night had become a staple of their existence. To miss a movie night without a doctor’s note or a mission was a crime punishable by near exile in the form of a group silent treatment. Pepper, Happy and Pietro were currently exempt, away on a business trip as executive, body guard, and assistant.

“Just going to change,” Wilson gestured to his workout clothes and shrugged, “need to shower.”

“Now if only we could make you realize that needs to happen more than once a month,” Clint muttered quietly, only to have a dirty shoe nail him in the face a moment later.

The blond fell off the couch with a shout, popcorn flying everywhere as the bowl escaped his grip. Sam, who’s aim was almost as impeccable as Clint’s own, gave the man the finger as the elevator doors closed dramatically.

“You are a disaster of a human being,” Tony commented absently, still watching his phone as the little dot that was his baby boy moved through the city.

He ignored Clint’s protests, flopping onto the couch and making himself comfortable while the rest of the tower’s residents slowly ambled into the communal living room. Bucky and Steve were parked out on the recliner, disgustingly cute and cuddly even from a distance. They, like Clint, had a stupid fascination with fucking Penelope and were watching the webcam feed while they waited for everyone to arrive.

Natasha and Wanda wandered in while chatting, each already having a drink in their hand. Thor, Loki and Bruce all came out of the elevator at the same time, Bruce having come from the labs and the two brothers from the coffee shop on the ground floor of the tower. Sam and Rhodey entered at the same time from the stairwell, both having freshly showered after a long day.

“What are we watching tonight?”

The following argument generally lasted a solid 20 minutes, but Wanda and Natasha won out with a comedy horror they’d all already seen before. It left plenty of room for conversation while the movie played in the background, a deck of cards finding their way onto the coffee table as well.

“So what’s the plan for your boy’s sister, Tones?” Rhodey questioned as Sam dealt cards for their third game of poker of the night.

“I’m sure he’ll be ecstatic to get away from the bitch,” the man grumbled in response as he adjusted his hand, “He’d probably walk right out the front door and leave her in the dust if I asked. I figure I’ll give her an ultimatum: Peter comes with me and she shuts the fuck up, or Peter comes with me and she finds herself in a shallow grave.”

“I think I could draw her tits from memory from how often she’s on her computer and ignoring her brother,” Clint stated, because despite the fact he thought Penelope god awful Parker was hot as all Hell, he knew how much it hurt to have the person who was supposed to care for you most ignore you completely.

Rhodey hummed in agreement, “Maybe we should off her, just in case. I bet she gets some sort of welfare from the state for him and she shouldn’t get to keep raking that in.”

“She shouldn’t get it even while she’s got him,” Natasha stated from over her wine, spread out and lounging on the loveseat closest to the couch, “probably uses it for drugs. It definitely isn’t used for groceries to feed to the poor kid, he looks half starved.”

“Nah, that’s just teenage boy syndrome,” Bucky added a couple of bills to the pot on the coffee table, “Not that I think she’s winning any care taker of the year awards, but I’ve seen that him eat while doing surveillance. Kid could take down a whole ass McDonalds by himself if given the chance.”

“He’s been putting on some weight actually,” Tony felt the corners of his lips tip up in a small smirk, “Muscle mass, one of his friends started dragging him to lift weights on Thursdays.”

“Careful Stark, you get too excited by the thought and you’re gonna pop off in your jeans,” a round of snorts sounded at Rhodey’s words and Tony Stark, Who Did Not Roll His Eyes, gave his friend the finger.

“I say we just go ahead and kill her,” Bruce was focused more on his laptop and the reports there in than the movie, but made sure he always paid attention to the conversation during movie nights, “she’s a liability. It might help Peter adjust too, knowing that she’s gone.”

“And that he has nothing left and nothing to go back to,” Clint added, not mean spiritedly but pointedly and with an exaggerated head tilt.

“He won’t have anything left or anything to go back to,” it was pragmatic and a bit cold, but Steve never pulled his punches, “its best to cut all ties. The more he relies on Tony, the faster he’ll adapt to his new situation. Maybe its manipulative, but this is a weird situation and we might have to get our hands dirty to get him to a good place, mentally and physically.”

“By weird you mean kidnapping a kid?”

“For his own good!”

“Its only kidnapping until he turns eighteen, right?”

“I don’t think that’s how the concept of kidnapping works, Clint.”

“Excuse me, sir,” JARVIS suddenly interrupted, turning on the lights and turning off the movie, “I believe it is important that you watch the webcam footage I’ve been monitoring. The recording begins as of five minutes ago and is still ongoing.”

“Pull it up, J,” Tony ordered quickly, sitting forward on the couch.

Everyone in the room watched in confusion as the TV began to roll on Peter and stupid fucking Penelope sitting in front of the laptop, most likely at the kitchen table. Peter was slightly off to the side, the computer centered more on his sister.

“Penny, please just tell me what you’ve decided on? I’ve been watching you lose your mind for weeks, I know you came up with something last night.”

“You’re… not going to like it Peter,” fucking Penelope’s voice was soft, the laptop microphone too shitty to pick up the quiet cadence well, “If you can think of something better, we’ll go with that. But… I don’t think there’s another choice. I’ve gone through everything I can think of. Try to let me get through this without yelling at me, okay?”

They’d never really seen Peter and fucking Penelope interact before. Most of the time it was just her, on the laptop, all the fucking time. Peter came and went in the background, to and from school and clubs and his friend’s houses, but most of the time she closed the laptop when he was around. They were all a bit surprised by how much affection was in her expression as she looked at her brother. Peter nodded at her, lips already pursed in frustration.

“I’ve been doing as much research as I can on Tony Stark. He’s… God, he’s got more influence than the fucking president. There are entire states in his pocket, Pete. Can you believe that? From what I can figure out, he’s got just about every New York senator on his payroll and don’t even get me started on the police—”

“How’d she figure that out?” Rhodey’s frown was a mixture of concern and irritation, “There’s never been any sort of reporting on your dealings with politicians.”

“I don’t know.”

“The good news is, I don’t think he has any business in Oregon. I’ve looked through as much of the gossip as I can, he’s never spent any significant amount of time there and if I’ve been understanding the weird ass insinuations correctly, his businesses don’t operate in the area.”

“Oregon? Are we gonna go there?” Peter reached out and grabbed his sister’s hands, “I promise, I’m not upset over us having to move Penny, I—”

“Peter, I’m… I’m not moving babe, you are.”

The teenager seemed to draw back slightly, his eyebrows furrowing and his mouth dropping open as he searched for words but was unable to come up with any.

“I don’t think you remember them, the last time we saw them was before mom and dad died, but we have second cousins in Oregon, Paul and Olivia. They’re about ten years older than me, with one kid. When I got custody of you, I contacted them. I wanted to make sure that if something happened to me, I had a sure thing lined up for you. It was years ago, but they promised they’d take you in a heartbeat if I couldn’t care for you anymore, for any reason.”

“You… you wanted to give me to them?” Peter’s eyes were full of tears and they watched as Penelope reacted in horror.

“Peter, no! Never! I would never willingly let you go. I was worried, everyone around us was dropping like flies in freak accidents and I couldn’t let you go into foster care if I died. I just wanted to make sure you would have someone if something happened to me.”

“You thought you were gonna die?”

“My birth father died, and then mom and dad died, then uncle Ben, then aunt May. I didn’t want to leave you alone with no one. I didn’t think I was gonna die, I just… wanted to be prepared. Just in case.”

“Why are you bringing them up? And Oregon? What do you mean that I’m moving? Alone?”

Penelope What the Fuck is Happening Parker’s lips pursed, eyes filling with tears. There was a level of sheer pain on her face that was startling for them all to see, especially considering they’d managed to work her up as an unfeeling monster in their heads for fucking weeks now.

“I’ve tried a thousand ways for us both to go, but I just… I don’t have the money saved for us to move. We’d have to break the lease and even if we left with the clothes on our backs, we wouldn’t be able to afford getting to Oregon. The car won’t make it, I can’t afford plane tickets. I wouldn’t be able to afford to get to Oregon. But I’ve figured out a way to get you there.”

“How Penny?” Peter’s was obviously trying to sound stern, but his voice cracked slightly.

“Not tomorrow, but the day after, we’re going to put in an anonymous call to Child Protective Services and claim that I’m abusing you. Neglecting you. They’ll take you out of my custody and send you to Olivia and Paul, since they’re our ‘closest’ living relatives.” Penelope Oh Fuck Parker’s voice was cracking too, tears running down her face as she explained her batshit crazy plan to her baby brother, who they were quickly realizing was far from neglected or abused.

Tony felt his chest tightening at the sight of the siblings, both with tears streaming down their cheeks. He wasn’t sure how he’d managed to get it so incredibly wrong. Maybe he’d seen what he wanted to see, that his baby boy was easy pickings. That no one really cared for him so it would be easy to sweep him off his feet and spirit him away.

“You’ve never abused me! You’ve never neglected me! How could you even say that, Penny!? Everything you’ve ever done—”

“Peter please, listen,” Penny was nearly sobbing, grasping Peter’s hands tightly with her entire body angled downwards over them, “We have to pretend, okay? We have to pretend because they’ll send you somewhere safe.”

“You’ll go to jail!”

“That’s fine! That’s okay, Peter! As long as you’re safe, I don’t care—”

“You can’t ask me to do this, you can’t ask me to send you to jail, to send you away when you haven’t done anything wrong, ever! I wouldn’t even be able to visit you! I’d be a million miles away and you’d be rotting away in jail because I was too stupid to mind my own business!”

“Peter none of this is your fault,” the tone was so stern and determined as Penny sat straighter in her chair, squeezing her brother’s hands reassuringly even as her chest heaved with grief, “it’s that fucking pedophile, piece of shit Tony Goddamn Stark’s fault, don’t you ever think that you are at all to blame for any of this—”

“I probably deserve at least half of that rage,” Tony stated absently, almost guilty at the word ‘pedophile’.

“Half? Hah!” It was an absent response, more instinct than intention but got the point across even as the entire group was absorbed by the pain playing out on the TV.

“I went to that stupid tower!” Peter wailed suddenly, making Penny go stiff, “After you got that note telling you not to report the assault, I went to the tower because I knew he worked there and I wanted him to suffer. You wouldn’t go to the police because they threatened your family but I thought… It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I was stupid and I went to fucking Stark Tower and that’s where he saw me. It’s all my fault.” Peter’s sobbing was viscerally painful to hear, even through the shitty microphone.

“What assault? A note? JARVIS, figure out what he’s talking about!” Tony barked, already on his feet and pulling out his phone, “Give me the surveillance footage from that day, who was my boy here looking for?!”

“As the conversation is roughly five minutes delayed, I took the liberty of deciphering Mr. Parker’s statements already, sir,” the AI stated calmly, “six months ago, Mr. Brock Rumlow of level six security sexually assaulted Ms. Penelope Parker in a club in Queens. In order to prevent any bad press upon the company, a persuasive letter was sent from the Tower’s security to Ms. Parker to ensure her silence on the matter. I assume the day you came across Mr. Parker was the day he arrived to confront Mr. Rumlow over the assault and threat.”

“Find him,” Tony snarled towards Rhodey, who was already on his feet and typing away at his phone, heading towards the elevator, “Alive, Rhodey!”

“I’ll see what I can manage,” the man muttered darkly as the doors shut and he began descending towards level six, leaving the rest of them in the living room.

“He… he saw you… there? Oh, god… Oh god he saw you because you went to the tower, oh my God you went there because of me and he saw you— Oh my God!” Penny’s reaction was so emotionally brutal that it verged on physically violent. Her entire body seemed to lock up for a solid thirty seconds before she threw herself out of the chair and they could hear retching in the background a moment later. Peter was still sitting on the far side of the screen, sobbing into his hands.

Almost five minutes later, Penny ambled back into view. Her face was so pale compared to her usually tan complexion that she looked like a ghost. A fine tremble ran through her entire body, goosebumps visible on her exposed arms.

“I’m so sorry,” Peter’s voice broke through his sobs, bone achingly sad, “I’m so sorry I did this to us.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, bud,” Penny’s eyes were almost blank, the pain so overwhelming that she couldn’t force any other expression, “I set all of this in motion. I made a mistake and I’m so sorry you’re having to pay for it. I should’ve protected you better, you never should’ve even known what happened, let alone who— it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Everything is going to be okay Peter. We have a plan and everything is going to be alright.”

“You’re going to go to jail, Penny! For a horrible crime that you’d never, ever commit! Because I was stupid and immature and—”

“Stop Peter,” Tony’s eyes watered as Penny gently ran her fingers through Peter’s hair and left it to rest on his cheek, “don’t blame yourself for this. No matter what you did, no matter what choices you made, you didn’t deserve to be frightened and stalked. What’s happening is happening because there’s a man out there with a sick mind, who thinks he can take whatever and whoever he wants for whatever he wants. That’s not on you, babe. That’s on him. And everyone who built him up and let him get to this point.”

She let Peter cry for several minutes and the group in the living room found themselves left to digest the situation to the sound of his sobs. Discomfort ran through all of them, for different reasons. Because they’d judged Penelope Too Good for This World Parker so wrong. Because they were the ones enabling Tony to do something terrible. Because they didn’t actually feel guilty for enabling Tony but they did feel guilty for the pain it was causing the Parker siblings.

“You’ll take such good care of him, Tony,” Natasha said quietly after a moment, seeing the pain in the man’s face, “He’s never going to want for anything ever again. He’s going to live in comfort and luxury for the rest of his life and that’s because of you.”

“He’s scared right now, Tones,” Clint jumped in quickly when it looked like Tony might protest, “They both are and we can’t blame them for that. But once they’re—he’s here, he’ll realize that it’s not a bad thing and that he has nothing to be afraid of. That we’re going to take care of them—him, all of us.”

Mind running at a million times per hour, Tony considered their words. Actually, he considered Clint’s words. Clint’s misspoken statements that implied both Parker siblings would be in the tower. Both of them would be safe and cared for. Both.

“They’ll never want for anything ever again,” Tony repeated quietly, all eyes in the room locked carefully on him, “Peter and Penny shouldn’t be separated.”

“You’ve given up everything for me, Penny,” Peter whispered after his cries calmed, “You dropped out of high school, dropped out of college, started working three jobs so I could go to that stupid school, you don’t sleep, you hardly eat, and I know it’s all for me. I can’t let you give up your freedom, I can’t let you give up anything else for me.”

“Oh my God no wonder she’s so skinny,” Wanda suddenly gasped, tears pouring down her cheeks in continuous rivers, “we thought Peter was skinny, but look at her, look at her collar bones! JARVIS, give me a record of all credit and debit card transactions she’s made in the last month and—” The redhead cut herself off when Penny began speaking again.

“All I want is for you to be happy Peter,” Penny whispered, the blank look in her eyes fading into grief again, “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. You’re everything to me, you’re my baby brother. I’ll do anything to keep you safe, bud, anything.”

“I won’t do it, Penny, I won’t—”

“Yes, you will, Peter,” resolve hardened Penny’s voice and she squeezed her brother’s hands, “You’re going to do as I say. Tomorrow you’re going to go to school and I’m going to call out of work. I’m going to throw most of your clothes away, all of the food in the house. I’m going to switch my stuff for yours, so it looks like I make you sleep on the couch while I take the bedroom.”

“Oh God she does sleep on the couch every night,” Professional Perfect Person Penelope Parker Stalker Clint Barton gasped in horror as he recalled his earlier comment on her sleeping habits and her undressing habits oh no.

“I’m going to trash the place as authentically as I can and I’m… God I’m going to destroy some of your stuff, Pete,” Penny looked pained at the thought, scraping a hand down her face, “But I’m going to transfer all of my savings into your name, so you’ll only be without your stuff for a little while. You can rebuy everything you need once this is over.”

“I can’t take your money, Pen—”

“Hush Peter. I don’t have much saved up, but I’ll put it under your name tomorrow. Now, when I turn 25 in a few months I’ll be able to use my portion of the money mom and dad left us. I’m going to transfer that to you as soon as I can, it should be enough for you to live off of once you turn 18 as long as you use it wisely.”

“Penny, please, you can’t expect—”

“I expect you to do as I say, Peter!” She cut him off with all the flare of a bossy big sister, “I want you to apply to universities outside of the United States. Focus on places like Norway, Australia and New Zealand. Avoid Mexico, Canada and the UK because I think he has business dealings in those countries and I don’t know how long he’ll be willing to search for you, so don’t risk it.”

“How does she know about our business in those places?” Tony threw his hands up in confusion.

“Sir, from what I can gather from Ms. Parker’s search history, she has done her best to track yours and your staff’s movements around the world for the last five or so years by means of social media and gossip blogs—”

“Well holy fuck, who would’ve thought to do that?” Sam’s eyebrows were raised nearly to his hairline, “that’s ridiculous, no wonder she was on the laptop constantly.”

“Once you turn 25 you’ll come into your inheritance too. By that time I’ll probably be out of jail but… Peter I want you to leave me alone, okay? We don’t know… we don’t know if Stark will let this go, if he loses you. He might use my location and contacts to find you and I can’t let that happen.”

“You want me to just cut you out of my life forever? Like you’re some horrible monster I never want to see again? I can’t—”

“We don’t have a choice bud,” Penny was quiet, soothing as she ran her fingers over his wrists and hands, “Tony Stark is a dangerous man and he has more connections and money than we could ever hope to fight. The police won’t help us, the law won’t help us. All we have is this plan and I need you to follow it. I need to be able to trust that you’ll follow the plan, so that you’ll be safe.”

“What about you, Penny!? You won’t be safe! You’re always so worried about, about me being safe and happy that you forget about yourself! Do you understand that you’re telling me you want to go to jail? That you want me to abandon you forever?”

Penny seemed to waiver for just a second, as if she might actually let some tiny ounce of selfishness set in and change her mind, before her resolve hardened once again and she stood, putting herself nearly out of frame, “This is happening, Peter. This is the plan. This is what we’re doing. Because I won’t let him hurt you. I will literally do anything to keep you safe Peter, this doesn’t even make a wave in the pool of batshit crazy I’m willing to go if I need to. I love you. Now go to bed, you have school in the morning.”

[aarongoldenwrites]

My statement:  I am sick to fucking death of people misquoting my holy book to justify their bigotry. Stop. Stop doing it. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. A response: Honestly I would be interested in learning about this as I have no religious view point so I like to learn about them, (but) I don’t know where to start. My response:  Okay. Well.

Judaism first sprang into existence about six thousand years ago; we've got our own calendar that we use to track these things. We got our start when a dude named Avram wrecked his father's business and changed his name to Abraham while touring the middle-east with his sister, Sarah. Their family history was chronicled in what we call the Old Testament, which is a collection of stories, fables, and legal doctrine that informs the Jewish people as to what they are and how to behave, but a good chunk of it is dedicated to doubting what you think you know and finding out what is true. It's based around taking responsibility for yourself and your community and living to a high ethical standard, and trying to figure out what that means in relationship to yourself and your community. The first five books of the Old Testament are called Torah and are collected in massive scrolls that Jews consider to be literally living documents, and we're supposed to argue the meaning of the text within context to the time it was written and the times we live in. It's fabulously progressive for its time, and features a commentary track (Talmud) and in-depth expansion (Midrash) that we use to give things further context.

A lot of it boils down to "try to leave the world better than you found it, take care of the people around you, don't expect people to live to the standards you set for yourself, take responsibility for yourself and your community."

Now, the Old Testament was written in a language called Aramaic, which features no written vowels, is supposed to be sung on a six-note scale, and translates well into nothing else. It was eventually translated into Greek, then Latin, and then the various romance languages.

Here's where things get weird: when a Torah is penned, it's transcribed by one guy using a special ink and pen. A single mistake means the Torah is given an actual funeral and buried. We do not want mistakes being made about this.

About 2000 years ago, there might have been a Jew named Yeshua. The Romans (who kept meticulous records about EVERYTHING) have no records of this particular guy, but there were Jewish revolutionaries fucking around to find out during the Roman occupation every five minutes or so (it got so bad that the Romans eventually said "fuck these people in particular" and spread the Jews all across the empire, which is the start of what we call the Jewish diaspora and led to about two thousand years of shit-kicking and scapegoating).Now, if Yeshua existed, he was a rabbi (a Jewish priest) who pissed off the Romans and got himself killed. A dude who admits to never having met him led a splinter sect of Jews into a death cult that believed Yeshua was going to return from the dead next week and defeat the Romans. 

This is the start of Christianity.

A big part of faith is doubt, I think. You need to know on some level that you could be wrong, and inflicting your beliefs on others isn't a great thing to do. We're all doing the best we can, but insisting you're right and everyone else is wrong to the detriment of others is, well, bad.

And that brings us to the crux of my issues with Christianity.

The core of the Christian doctrine is that Jesus (a mistranslation of the name Yeshua, not that many Christians know that - and let it sink in that they do not know the name of the god they are worshiping, or how the name changed) was the literal son of God and also somehow God and maybe also a third thing called the Holy Ghost that is a mysterious mixture between the two of them, and that he died for the sins of humanity.

See, Christians believe that when Eve got Adam to eat the apple in Eden that GOD CURSED THEM BOTH AND ALL THEIR DESCENDANTS TO HELL TO SUFFER FOR ALL ETERNITY, and then they have the audacity to say that the Old Testament God is the mean one.

So, basically, until Jesus dies, every human ever born is condemned to hell where, again, they will suffer for all eternity. Once Jesus dies, though, he goes to hell and reclaims good people provided they are willing to swear allegiance to him. Keep in mind there is no proof that any of this has happened, and the person telling the story admits full-stop that he never met Jesus and didn't believe Jesus was real until thirty years after Jesus' death when he was riding a camel through the desert and fell off due to heat exhaustion.

Now, a big part of Christian doctrine is that living a good life is meaningless - the only way to get into heaven is to swear your soul to Jesus, who is watching you at all times. If you're bad and believe in Jesus, you'll spend time in a place called Purgatory, which is hell-light, until Jesus can swing by and pick you up. If you're the best person ever and you don't believe in Jesus, you are still going to hell for all eternity.

What this means is that, if you are a good Christian, the kindest thing you can do is convert non-believers to save them from an ETERNITY IN HELL, and provided you have sworn your soul to Jesus any sin you commit will be forgiven and you will go to heaven. This leads to things like the Spanish Inquisition, enforced conversions against, well, everyone, and more atrocities than you can shake a pointed stick at.

Politically, this is useful because you can't just say you believe in Jesus, you have to believe in Jesus the *right way.* This is originally the Catholic Church, but other people argue with them about the right way to believe in Jesus and so we now have a bunch of different flavors that spout the same ideology and conversion practices, but each of them claim that they're the special ones that got it right and everyone else is going to hell for all eternity or maybe purgatory until they figure out the right way to praise Jesus.

And people can and will do anything to prove their faith, and see a lack of evidence as proof of concept, and obey whatever the it leaders tell them because they've been conditioned to ignore the world around them in favor of our mistranslated holy book.

The thing is, according to Christian theology, Jesus was a Jew and the whole thing starts with the Old Testament. So they twist the Old Testament to fit their narrative, building upon things lacking in the original text, installing bits that go against Jewish faith, and ignoring/killing/converting Jews that point out that they have no business doing what they're doing (see Jenn Sara, above, for the lightest version of this practice).Because spreading the good word is so important and any sin can be forgiven provided you're following Jesus in the right way, Christians have historically co-opted the holidays and religious practices of others in order to further their own agenda (see: Christmas trees, the Easter bunny, et al). Also, because they are a strict hierarchy - the Church determines who is praising Jesus right and no one can fight them - they ended up becoming a politically powerful presence that has controlled much of Europe and Russia and informed the structures that ruled those places, including (but not limited to): the Romani pogroms, the Inquisition, the witch trials, the crusades, the Russian pogroms, the Atlantic slave industry, native genocide, save-the-man-kill-the-indian, the holocaust...The list goes on.

When people in the west say "Religion is the root of all evil," they are often talking about their own experiences with religion (Christianity, because none of the other ones count). This also applies to Christian atheism, which is when a Christian assumes all religion is basically Christianity decides they don't believe in religion, and the religion they don't believe in is the only religion (Christianity again).It's incredibly frustrating and tends to result in a lot of people dying.

Shall I continue?

[peterstanslizzie]

Reacting To: Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (Season 2 Episode 5)

Episode Title: Fun Gus Part 1

Spoiler Warning: Kindly proceed if you’ve already seen the episode or are able to handle spoilers.

1. Just like last episode, this particular one begins with a flashback and this time, it’s Kipo’s parents, Song and Lio Oak whom are climbing up a building with tree roots along its walls. The reach the top and they’re amazed by the view of Las Vistas and the different kinds of mutes living there. Song looks almost exactly like Kipo; Only less...pink. 

2. Song has figured out a way to reverse the effects of the mutation in the mutes. And we find out that Hugo aka Scarlemagne was one of the mutes she’s basing her research on! So that explains the supposed backstory between Lio and Scarlemagne we’ve detected in previous episodes. 

3. Also, the reason why they’re there in the surface world is to find out more information about the mutes and how to turn them back to normal. However, both Song and Lio don’t agree with their team’s plans and they decide to hide Song’s research findings from them, especially after discovering that Hugo is able to say her name. Now I’m really curious as to why Hugo ended up becoming so anti-human. I guess it’s due to him seeing how humans have been treating animals over the years or something. 

4. I just find their interactions to be absolutely precious. They’re also planning to stay on the surface for as long as they can.

5. We’re now back to the present and we see Super Dave carrying his friends over a couple of blocks without molting (I never knew this word till now). They notice that Dave has been able to prolong the very form he’s in, far longer than before. 

6. Kipo tells the group that they’re almost at her parents old burrow and she also can’t wait to possibly find out more things about her mom. I’m beginning to wonder if she really died from burrow pox or not? Anyways, Kipo pulls out the map given to her by Cappuccino and it looks like they need to pass through one last checkpoint, a cheese waterfall. 

7. They are suddenly interrupted by the water mute Mulholland (from last season), who came through a fire hydrant lol. He’s obviously not welcomed by them, especially after what he did to them before. 

8. At Scarlemagne’s Court, we see the representatives from the 4 pro-Scarlemagne mute groups including the Mod Frogs, Scooter Skunks, Humming Bomber and Newton Wolves entering his residence and being in awe of the place. He wants them to “sing” to him where they think the Mega Monkey might be. Kwat, the Mod Frog sings to him, revealing that it’s in Cactus Town. Because of that, she gets first dibs on a luxury home in the work-in-progress city of Aurum.

9. To my surprise, Scarlemagne reveals that he will be going on the hunt for the Mega Monkey. I gotta say; I do like a pro-active super-villain. We shift things over to the ever-mysterious cloaked individuals who are rushing over to find the Mega Monkey by following an ant trail (because monkeys eats ants?) before Scarlemagne can. But we do find out one of their names: Greta.

10. They spot Scarlemagne and his crew flying through the sky and carrying the mind-control collar for the monkey. So, they need to hurry. I’m starting to think that they’re just humans; I mean look at those eyes. 

11. Back to Mulholland; He reveals to them that he is now a travelling nomad or nomads and that Kipo is going to find what she’s looking for. He then leaves. That was certainly random. Anyways, they now seem to be near that cheese waterfall place because they finally arrive at the entrance of her parents burrow and there’s cheese everywhere. Correction. FUNGUS everywhere...eww and it moves too. Despite finding the burrow, they still need to find her parents’ apartment.

12.  Next, we see the three cloaked individuals riding on a giant dragonfly and tailing behind Scarlemagne and the Nobles. Can the show just tell us who these people are? I’m kinda tired of referring to them as the “cloaked individuals” lol. All of a sudden, a high-pitched sound appears out of nowhere, causing everyone to fall from the sky. It turns out to be the doing of the Umlaut snakes. Looks like these guys are going to take on Scarlemagne but they’re probably not going to beat him I think. 

13. Kipo discovers that her parents’ old burrow used to be inhabited by a group of scientists, including her parents of course. They then realize that the apartments are arranged in alphabetical order and they make their way over to the O side to find the Oak’s apartment. Oh and Dave is now in his elderly form after being scared by the fungus creature or whatever. And he is the only one who’s noticing that the orange fungus is moving. 

11:59

14. Because humans aren’t as sensitive to sound compared to mutes, Scarlemagne orders his human Nobles to destroy the snakes’ equipment. Scarlemagne orders his followers to attack and the scene cuts off. I’m actually worried about the snakes; I hope they are gonna be alright. 

15. The gang is inside the apartment and they’re going through some of their things like their bed, kitchenware and Kipo’s old baby clothes to which she is keeping one of them. Kipo then notices drawings of constellations on their ceiling and points out that the Leo constellation has an extra star, which is actually just a button that opens up a secret panel.

16. The panel reveals a book with the title, “Project Kipo”. She grabs it and starts browsing through it. To sum up what she read, it’s basically about combining Kipo’s DNA with the DNA of apex predators like the jaguar. Other apex predators include the falcon, monkey and Komodo dragon. So this explains in scientific detail why Kipo is their “hybrid-baby”. As a Biochemistry graduate, I find the incorporation of recombinant DNA technology in the story-lines of cartoons to be exciting.

17. Again, I like how Kipo isn’t upset at her parents in any capacity for pretty much making her their science experiment. I’d probably be angry but then again, I’m not Kipo lol. Meanwhile, Dave is freaking out because he saw a face on the wall and calls out for Benson to come over. But yet again, nothing happens when anybody but Dave (and Mandu) shows up to check it out.

18. As Kipo goes further into her reading, we get more flashbacks of Song and Lio in that same apartment. Pretty much this book is also Song’s journal/diary it seems. Song comes home to reveal that she’s pregnant with Kipo and Lio is overwhelmed with joy. Aww, this is sooo adorable. I’m getting chills. They are such goals. 

19. After reading the part about the pregnancy, Kipo obviously gets very emotional, in a good way. And she, Wolf and Benson get into a group hug. The love fest is short-lived, however, because Dave is still freaking out about the “ghosts”. Benson gets annoyed and shouts at him and tells him to molt into someone more fun. This hurts Dave’s feelings and he plus Mandu walk away. But suddenly, the fungus mute/creature shows up on the wall again with a face this time and it also has the voice of a toddler. It then grabs hold of both of them and drags them through the wall. That was way spooky. 

20. Whilst the snakes are fighting off Scarlemagne’s minions, the cloaked individuals are using this opportunity to grab the giant collar and take it away from Scarlemagne’s reach. The leader of the cloaked group heads inside the den where the Mega Monkey is sleeping. Now I’m thinking that these individuals are human beings because she said “for the future of humanity”. After thinking through it some more, I predict that they were Lio and Song’s old scientist colleagues. 

21. Why didn’t Kipo, Wolf or Benson hear what was going on outside the apartment?; They need to get their ears checked. Kipo is still focused on the book and she reads that her mom was making kimchi and peanut butter. As she’s opening the jar, she accidentally breaks the entire jar without any effort. She seems to have super-strength as a side effect and she grew fur on her arm earlier, revealing to all of us that she’s a Mega Jaguar too. Therefore, I’m pretty sure her mom’s not dead. But if that’s the case, why d id Lio lie to Kipo for all her life about her mom dying from an illness? 

22. After getting all excited by this discovery, the fungus mute steals the journal (which should be Kipo’s anchor) from her. And the episode ends here.

23. I absolutely loved this episode. I liked being able to see the past interactions between Lio and Song through Kipo reading Song’s journal. Stay tuned tomorrow for when I will be posting my review of episode 6. Thanks for reading everyone! Bye!

[spacehologramcollection]

A Night in with the Kombat Kast would include;

Have some fluff and then some smut later. Because I am a smut writing goblin. Who can’t go five minutes without writing some filth. There’s a little bit of filth in here, not a lot but it is mildly, very mild, like a lemon and herb chicken from Nandos mild. But the NSFW warning will apply, 18+ sorry guys.  Gifs don’t belong to me!

Sub Zero/ Kuai Liang;

·         A night in for you two is like a date. It’s basically all he can manage.

·         He doesn’t really like to leave the Temple unless he has to. He hates interacting with new people, large crowds and prefers peace and quiet to loud and crowded places. So anywhere like the City for date night is not happening. He would try for you he really would. But it makes him uncomfortable. That’s why you tend to stay in.

·         He’d cook you something. He’s not the best but he does try. Before you two settle down and cuddle up on the couch.

·         He’s such an awkward cuddlier at first, like he has no idea what to do with his hands, or where to put them at first.

·         He’ll also run you a hot bath, pour you some wine and will literally let you talk about anything you want. It could be trashy work talk or about something he has no idea about; he’ll listen intently and will actually ask questions.

·         He’ll let you choose whatever movie you wanted to watch, when you’re cuddled up on the couch. Pop Culture is not something he’s well versed in, he’s never seen Star Wars or anything like that. He lies to Johnny when he says he’s no time for fantasy or fiction, he’s a soft spot for it… he just doesn’t want to admit it.

·         He’s totally into Game of Thrones. He attempts to ignore the mass amounts of sex and focuses more on the politics and plot lines.

·         Please don’t point to the Night King and be like “It’s you, but with horns, and evil… and dead” he is not going to be happy bunny about that.

·         Will also just like to sway around to music when its just the two of you.

·         He doesn’t drink a lot. So, you can’t even make a joke about him cracking open a cold one with Hanzo now. He does however, have the occasional glass of wine with you, whilst you both read and cuddle up together on the sofa.

·         If you paint or sew or do anything creative, he’ll literally be so intrigued with watching you do it. Will attempt to learn the skill, because a mans never too old to learn.

·         He’ll love to lounge with you and hold you close. You’re amazing and he loves every moment he gets to spend with you. His Clan are important to him and he knows it’s hard to juggle a relationship and that. But he appreciates your patience and loyalty to him and therefore them, so he makes up for his lapses in spending time with you with these nights in.

Kabal;

·         He gets a night in? Fuck yes. First thing he does, jumps in the shower, doesn’t fucking matter if you’re in there, he’s joining you. He needs to shower ASAP and get in his jim-jams, because he’s had a hard day okay? He’s bullshitting you, he spent most of it making paper planes and throwing them. But still, he’s had a hard day of putting up with Kano.

·         By Jim Jams, he means a pair of joggers and no shirt. Will literally lounge there in nothing else. He needs to answer the door, hope whoever’s knocking doesn’t mind seeing his nipples. Because he sure as hell doesn’t care. It’s not a bad sight for you at all, no complaints from you, since he’ll throw you the t-shirt he should be wearing.

·         Obviously after his accident, he’ll take the t-shirt and try and keep well covered up. You can occasionally convince him to return to his, night time, nip nops out time. With the promise of a massage or you batting your eyelashes asking for his shirt.

·         He doesn’t cook, he burns things, but he doesn’t cook. It’s just easier if you order in, you get to choose because he’ll literally eat anything. Wherever you decide to order from he’ll find something to eat from it.

·         Doesn’t drink a lot but does enjoy having a drink or two when he can relax. Will go through the recordings to see what TV he has to catch up on. Will get insulted and be betrayed, if he finds you’ve watched one your shows without him. The lies and deceit are tearing this relationship apart.

·         Will let you sit on his lap all night or lounge on him. He’ll let you basically use him as a human chair. As long as you’re close to him he doesn’t care.

·         His phone is getting muted. He’ll take a cute selfie with you, send it, and warn people you have his full attention. Will literally look at it when getting a call, watch it ring, and then just do nothing. It’s his me and your time, and nothing is going to ruin that.

·         He’ll pick a movie out for you both to watch. It’ll either end in you two making out during it and having to go finish it off in the bedroom. Or he will fall asleep and end up trapping you in a vice like grip. He’s a lazy little shit at times.

·         You’ve made a drinking game out of Johnny’s movies, you always end up absolutely smashed and singing Piano man at the top of your lungs. It’s fucking beautiful. The apartment block is alive with the sound of music.

·         Playing video games drunk. You know he’d troll on WOW or something.

·         Mario Kart when drunks. He’s the type of dick to always choose Rainbow road, whilst you’re arse over tit drunk. Fucking disaster boy.

·         Sometimes, especially after his accident, he can’t sleep so you’ll stay awake talking about absolute shit. Like if aliens exist, if you had to, which cryptid you’d rather fuck. Just absolute shit till 3 in the morning.

·         Times like this, you end up making like box cake mix and eating it whilst in your underwear. Because height of classiness.

·         You’ll also piss his neighbours off playing loud, obnoxious music till stupid O’clock. And dancing around like a bunch of idiots.

·         After his accident, he’ll still do this, it makes him feel normal being a bit of a cunt again to be fair. He’s a bit smug, because his neighbours dare not complain, because he you know, got burnt to a crisp. And don’t wanna tell you guys to turn it down. You party on, you funky little crispy man.

Scorpion/ Hanzo Hasashi;

·         Like Sub, nights in tend to be your date nights and become a default for you two spending time together. Except, he’s a much better cook and a little bit less awkward. He’s got some experience with dating. Not a lot but still more than his icy bro.

·         He’ll definitely cook for you, whatever you want, he will make you. You end up doing it together and bonding over it.

·         You’ll also take a nice warm bath together, both of you unwinding together and letting all the stress melt away with the steam. He’s a sucker for a bath bomb too. Just no glitter. He cannot cope with the glitter in his hair.

·         Speaking of hair, he has to brush his religiously or it will get tangled. And he has to wear it up most of the time, because it’s actually pretty long.

·         Is down for just talking and listening to music. Or maybe playing chess, he sometimes lets you win, but not always.

·         He’ll also take moments like this, to try and teach you a bit of Japanese if you’re willing to learn. Or he’ll teach you more about his culture. It’s a chance for you two to be intimate and close, so what better moment to share personal things.

·         He’ll also talk to you about the future more than the past. You’ll plan your life together, like what you want to call your kids, first, middle and second middle names. Also, where you’d ideally live.

·         He smiles a lot on these nights in, because its just the two of you and he loves it. He loves you.

·         Candle light. And Candle light only. Sure, there’s actual lights but it just seems more intimate and cooler with candles. Fucking wax everywhere though.

·         He’s more receptive of pop culture than Sub. Just don’t put on reality TV, he cannot fucking cope with that. He would be a massive fan of Star Wars. And you fucking know it. He loves that Space Bullshit that makes his life seem simple.

·         You’ll also be able to lounge on him, he loves it when your head is on his lap and he can play with your hair.

·         Such a softie. Just a man who needs a hug and a hot chocolate with marshmallows in.

Erron Black;

·         Nights in are rare and not something he’s overly fond of. He loves to be outside, doing things and pretty active. But, he doesn’t mind the occasional night in with you. Gotta relax the old bones, you know.

·         He’s got a fair amount of stories and he’s ready to share them with you. Sexual, none-sexual it doesn’t fucking matter. He’ll tell you anything and everything you wanna know. He’s lived a full life and has seen some shit.

·         He’s partial to a hard drink, like strong sipping whisky. So he’ll love to sip that whilst watching you, do your thing. Whatever it is, whether it be painting, sewing, reading or hell even writing smut. I say this to validate myself.

·         He doesn’t read, he doesn’t have the patience or time. Instead, he’d be down for playing a game of cards. Doesn’t matter if its strip poker or just poker. He is down for it.

·         If he’s still slumming it with the Black Dragon, you’ll get to do a lot more on your nights in, in comparison to if he’s in Outworld. If you’re in Outworld, there’s a chance Ermac may just float into the room. It’s weird, just don’t even ask.

·         In his Black Dragon days, he’d be down for watching a film, A western obviously. Just so he can tell you how accurate/inaccurate it is. Or how nobody actually talks like that, whilst talking exactly like that.

·         Will let you play dress up with his clothes. He thinks it’s cute and loves how everything hangs off you yet is tight in all the right places. Spot on.

·         If you’re in Outworld, he’ll take this opportunity to teach you to shoot, how to use explosives and how to come up with a bad ass sass.

·         He’d be a sucker if you cook for him on your night in. A dish from Texas would make his heart melt for you and make the night 110% better for him. Like it just brings back memories and he loves it.

·         Nights in with him are pretty tame compared to your nights out.  

[gayregis]

angouleme can have little a avuncular guidance. as a treat ... heres some semblance of a compilation of regis being a guardian to angouleme, things i think about . both funnie and sad moments included i think

angouleme sneaks out at night to get into trouble / does other questionable things around the palace nocturnally, regis always catches her and it’s always on accident since they just have very similar time schedules. angouleme stares at him intensely in “oh fuck i just got caught” like O_O for a good 30 seconds EVERY time this happens but regis is just like :| and shrugs saying “i didn’t see anything, i’m a human, i can’t see at night or whatever” and walks off. also the next morning geralt always questions him as to what angouleme was doing, if he saw her when he was coming home, and regis always denies knowledge or says smth along the lines of “i’m not a narc, geralt :/”

angouleme yelling/losing her shit/saying wildly inappropriate things ... regis produces a ye olde granola bar from his bag and gives it to her and she quiets down immediately and is like :) content eating the granola bar. you can also substitute the granola bar with a bag of baby carrots.

similarly angouleme saying crazy shit and geralt telling her to be quiet and asking regis to recount this instead and regis says something incredibly similar/the exact same

that one time that milva was teaching angouleme to shoot and angouleme clear missed the target and got regis instead and actually for the first time was incredibly upset and regretful and guilty that she had inflicted pain and potentially death upon someone and was very worried and apologetic and ashamed ... but also when regis inevitably just plucks out the arrow and hands it back to her and says “oh i think this is yours” angouleme is like wait so he litcherally cant be killed... this is epic

basically angouleme who’s been abandoned having an immortal protector and mentor. peace

as i said in the tags of this post here: regis comes of as so peaceful as an individual that at first angouleme resents him a little, because she associates peace with arrogance... like, oh youre content with your life and dont hate yourself? so you think youre better than me? fucker. and she’s so used to asshole men being creeps in her life that this company still seems really bizarre in the regard that none of these men are dangerous. but then she learns about what ... who ... regis was in the past and she realizes that they’re similar, and then does the math and realizes that maybe one day she’ll also find this inner peace and can stop hating herself so much for the things she’s done and the things that have happened to her. angouleme not feeling as though she's so alone and such a fuckup that only she could ever get into such a mess like this... i feel like she has an unhealthy amount of survivor’s guilt, as in she blames herself for not dying while everyone else in her band did, and she also feels like what the world has given her she deserved because she was a fundamentally bad person from birth bc of her status, and that she will be stuck in this violent hellscape of a life forever and thats just how it is and she has to continue violence... but i think when she meets regis (and also milva) she realizes that violence does not need to be a cycle and change is possible.

also in the tags of that post: i think... regis developing more understanding/empathy and putting ethical philosophy into actual practice where it actually has stakes (haha haha haha stakes haha haha haha haha haha). i think in the hansa he learns what humanity actually means

also bc vampires just... do not parent, it’s not in their culture to, regis learning what guardianship actually means and growing into this position where he protects this child and begins to understand humanity on this deeper level of the feeling of protecting a child, because that’s very human, valuing and protecting the progenity for a new generation is incredibly human

also geralt arguing with regis that “humans don’t regrow their heads” so he can’t just be supporting her doing all sorts of dumb shit just bc he did it and he turned out alright... they kind of have to argue on how to parent i’m saying bc again vampire parenting is not much parenting at all. just let them go wild what’s the worst that could happen... they’ll learn sort of thing. so regis has to confront the idea of human fragility and mortality

i think regis also learns from angouleme in that it’s very easy to hate and loathe your past self and curse your past self, asking “what could i have possibly been thinking, what an idiotic thing to do...” when your past self was not actually devoid of any redeemable qualities and was actually just misguided and without hope... regis condemns his past self quite harshly but because he would never admonish angouleme in such a way i think he realizes that the self-loathing is excessive and unproductive and potentially harmful

i said this in a post already, but geralt is overflowing with fatherly vibes and milva is also stern so i think there is a lot of value in regis to angouleme , in that she can tell him practically anything and he won’t get on her case for it . she finds this kind of amnesty in him whereas with the other members of the hansa they’d freak and start asking her all these questions. regis is just like “hm ok” and maybe discusses a little but doesn’t give her shit for it. this allows angouleme to confide a lot of stuff that she wouldn’t normally feel safe to tell someone else, and also probably gets her out of a lot of trouble bc someone (a very powerful someone) will know where she is and what she’s doing... so if she gets into trouble, she has a lifeline

this also means she can tell him a lot of funnie stories that she doesn’t have to stop herself with because “was gonna say smth funny and then remembered it involved murder.” also regis has like a thousand stories too obviously so he counters her wild tales with smth even crazier and then they’ll try to compete for a bit like “well ONE TIME i...” but angouleme actually always wins and neither knows how she does

surgery lessons, or basically regis was sewing someone up and angouleme invaded the scene going “can i watch can i watch”

also alchemy lessons, which turns into basically “so that’s how you make fisstech... interesting”

i think also in these mentorships regis quizzes her lightly like “and what reactions does this species of plant produce in the human body...?” and angouleme says the right answer, “oh they drop dead” and regis is like “very good!” and angouleme kind of goes insane with happiness a little at being called ‘good’ / being praised by a parental figure for maybe like one of the first times in her life. similarly, i think regis would attest to angouleme’s character at the breakfast table in discussions, and say things like “well our angouleme is very smart” and she’d be like >:3!!!

as in canon, adopting each other’s speech mannerisms... not just regis adopting angouleme’s unique phrases, but i would also like to think abt angouleme saying smth pseudo-philosophical to throw someone off of her tracks... like “so, i owe you money... but what is the concept of debt and ownership, anyways? isn’t it all just a construct by society? by humanity?” and then she bolts and evades her creditors

regis trying to teach angouleme stuff and then being like “oh wait i forgot you can’t fly, hmm... ” “oh wait i forgot you can’t hypnotize people, hmm....... that complicates things...” ... jokes on regis though bc apparently angouleme can scale buildings and talk her way out of a lot of situations, so that’s almost as good as flight and hypnosis

im trying to not be sad rn but i think regis would be a very good person to cry on. like his cloak is very soft. and he smells like herbs. so there you go. but i think also angouleme having a breakdown would be cathartic for both of them because angouleme realizes that she’s being vulnerable around an adult and she isn’t afraid of them and regis realizes that he has a responsibility to not treat physical wounds, but rather to treat emotional ones and that’s infinitely more difficult

i think angouleme would have breakdowns to regis about: her family/her mother, geralt taking her into the hansa but she feels like he probably just sees her as a replacement daughter, i think also she gets into too much trouble one night and regis has to get her out of trouble and she kind of just breaks down because her life is crazy and has always been crazy and there’s no way out because this is all she has

i think angouleme also gets pretty upset at seeing children/teens with “perfect lives,” like she just gets crazy bitter about it... and there’s no shortage of nobility around the palace, so she’s constantly reminded of her background. i think regis’s not-being-a-human-isms and philosophy that stems from an immortal perspective that all humans are equal in life and death can help with this. but also he kind of has to learn that you can’t just talk about smth abt society or the past that is fucked up and solve it by having had said it... it will always remain an issue...

i also think that regis has his ravens scout around for angouleme’s lost pendant with a sea-cat on it, but when she gets it back she gets mad and says that she doesn’t want it because she doesn’t want to be reminded of her mother, regis is like “ok” but angouleme is still mad, she realizes she’s mad because she doesn;t think that regis realizes that he’s actually become more of a guardian to her than her biological mother was, and tries to provoke him but regis is unprovokable ofc so he’s like hm explain that and angouleme just spills her emotions

to bring this back to happy i think they could also prank geralt pretty hard. and or eavesdrop. plus there will be times like where angouleme is waiting by a door trying to listen in and straining and regis stands like 3 feet from the door and hears everything perfectly, just recites it all aloud and she’s like oh this is so much easier. 

also once angouleme was eavesdropping on geralt and dandelion arguing and regis approached and was like “angouleme :/” and angouleme was like >:/ “get out of here i’m tryna eavesdrop” and regis was like “there’s a more professional way to do this” and disappears through the door, angouleme is like “showoff!” ... geralt smells sage and throws a moon dust bomb at him and regis coughs up silver shards for the rest of the day. also when angouleme hears the explosion she jumps in, so this was a failed attempt all around

[theyearoftheking]

Book Twenty-Three: It

"Maybe that’s why God made us kids first and built us close to the ground, because He knows you got to fall down a lot and bleed a lot before you learn that one simple lesson. You pay for what you get, you own what you pay for... and sooner or later whatever you own comes back home to you.” 

I’m just going to come right out and say it.

Orgy. 

Pre-teen child orgy.

Weird-ass, icky, questionable judgement that I’m going to chalk up to years of drug and alcohol abuse... orgy. 

Of all the strange and bizarre things Steve has written over the years, the child orgy scene in It might be the strangest one. I’ve read articles back and forth, and I know there was controversy surrounding whether or not to include it in the movie (glad cooler heads prevailed there!), but ick!!! Maybe it’s because my daughter is Beverly’s age, but ick!!! 

I don’t think it belonged in the book. There were hundreds of other way the kids could have cemented their friendship, and shown adult status without sex. I mean, they already had a blood oath: what more do you need?? 

I know. This is such a small scene in the book, but it troubles me as a woman, a feminist, and most importantly, a mother. And as a writer, I’m also troubled that parts of it are written like a bad porn: “Something that will bring us together forever. Something that will show...that I love you all... Who’s first?” 

Gag. I just threw up in my mouth a little. 

I loved reading It. The past and present chapters of the book flowed so fluidly, the character development was excellent, and Pennywise is terrifying. But this one part just keeps me from ever wanting to read it again. And then it had me questioning my own enjoyment of the book. Should I come down hard on this one for Steve’s tone-deaf attitude towards children having sex? Should I just ignore it and move along? Is it callus for me to enjoy the book, and still be bothered by the child orgy scene? 

I think I finally settled on the last option. 

Okay. We tackled the elephant in the room, now let’s move along to my half-assed review of the rest of the book. 

I thought I had read It in the past, but when the book was delivered, I was shocked to see how thick it was. I was expecting a much shorter read. That was clue number one I had never read it. Clue number two was not really remembering the past and present story lines. So I’m going to assume I’m at that fragile, old age where I no longer remember every book I’ve ever read. 

I have seen both of the recent movies, and thought they stayed fairly true to the book, and I liked their casting. I even imagined several movie characters as I was reading along. It was a solid book, and I flew through it in a little over a week. Not bad for normal reading standards, but a little long for Coronavirus reading standards. 

Cue the Cardi... Coronavirus! 

Sorry. I really love this video, and find myself yelling, “Coronavirus! Shit is real!” far too often. 

So, for those of you who have been living under a rock your entire lives, It is the story of Pennywise, a murderous clown who preys on innocent children in Derry, Maine every twenty-seven years or so. Yes, he’s a clown, but he can also take the form of a spider, a werewolf, or whatever you’re most terrified of. “Glamour, he said, was the Gaelic name for the creature which was haunting Derry; other races and other cultures at other times had different words for it, but they all meant the same thing... The Himalayans called it a tallus or taelus, which meant an evil magic being that could read your mind, and then assume the shape of the thing you were most afraid of.” 

So, It kills little Georgie Denbrough, and his older brother Bill lives with the guilt of Georgie’s death. Bill had been at home with the flu, but had made Georgie a paper boat he could play with outside, and race through the flooding streets. Bill feels if he had been there, Georgie might still be alive, and his parents might be far less vacant and depressed. That’s some serious guilt. 

Bill and his gang of friends: Stan Uris, Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak, Beverly Marsh, Mike Hanlon, and Ben Hanscom all band together and form The Losers Club after admitting they’ve seen It in some form or another. In addition to taking out a few psychotic child bullies in a rock fight, they also mortally wound It. They have a group orgy, and a blood oath to celebrate their victory.

The kids grow up, and all go their seperate ways until twenty-seven years later when Mike calls them all to let them know It is killing again. Stanley Uris kills himself in the bathtub, but the rest of the Losers Club all travel back to Derry to see what’s up. Richie is a California-based DJ, Eddie runs a car service and married a woman just like his crazy mother, Beverly is a famous clothing designer, Ben is a world-famous architect, Bill is an acclaimed writer, and Mike is the librarian at the Derry Public Library. 

All of them have vague memories of their time in Derry, and barely remember one another. But once they get back in town, the memories and bad habits start flooding back. Eddie is back to sucking on his aspirator every few minutes (despite his asthma being psychosomatic), Richie can no longer wear contacts and is back to his dorky glasses, and Bill is back to stuttering, something he hasn’t done since childhood. Good times. 

While the Loser’s Club is assembling and eating Chinese food together, Pennywise takes it upon himself to release psycho childhood bully Henry Bowers from Juniper Hill, the mental institution he’s been in for years. Sidenote... one of the meanest counselors at Juniper Hill is Koontz. Coincidence? I’m going with no... 

Mike informs everyone It is back in action again, killing people, and they all made a promise to come back to Derry if It ever went on another murderous rampage. So, they head back into the sewers again to take It out once and for all. They succeed, Eddie dies, Beverly’s abusive asshole husband dies, Audra, Bill’s wife, is catatonic from the shock of the whole thing, and the entire town of Derry literally and metaphorically collapses in on itself. But on the bright side, It is dead, and there wasn’t another orgy. Huzzah! 

The book is chock full of Steve tropes (chambray work shirts! multiple mentions of Shawshank prison! Happy Crappy everywhere!); and also a few mentions of past and future books. Loser’s Club member Ben Hanscom is a chunky kid, and he’s made fun of for his weight. At one point, he recants a traumatic locker room scene where kids are “fat-paddling” him. Yes, it’s as cringy as it sounds. The gym teacher finally breaks it up, and Ben describes, “...what he did was grab one of my tits in each hand and squeeze. Then he took his hands away and rubbed them on his pants like he’d touched something dirty.” This was basically the male version of Carrie: locker room torture and dirty pillows. I laughed way too hard at that. But unlike Carrie White, Ben grows up to be handsome, famous, and he gets the girl without starting anyone on fire. 

Later on in the novel, Beverly is dealing with her abusive, crazy husband, Tom Rogan. After she beats the crap out of him and flees for Derry, he tries to track her down. First, he stops by her best friend’s house, and almost beats her to death before she tells him Beverly left for Derry. Tom Rogan is so evil and terrifying, I couldn’t help but wonder if his character planted a seed in Steve’s mind for Rose Madder. I saw a lot of similarities. 

There were also a few Dark Tower references. The Turtle is mentioned throughout the book, and The Turtle is also known as Maturin, one of the Guardians of the Beam in the Dark Tower universe. #allthingsservethebeam

Later on, Bill is on his way to take on It and, “He thought dimly of riding in a train and passing one going in the other direction, a train that was so long it seemed eventually to stand still or even move backward. He could still hear It, yammering and buzzing, Its voice high and angry, not human, full of mad hate...”

Could it be Blaine? Blaine is a pain! 

There was also one Wisconsin reference, Beverly takes a flight out of Milwaukee. After several books with no Wisconsin references, it was nice seeing Steve give us the love we deserve. 

Orgy aside, I really loved It (things you never think you’ll say out loud, or type for that matter). If nothing else, you have to give Steve credit for making creepy clowns a thing. At one point in the book, Steve writes, “The fears of children could often be summoned up in a single face... and if bait were needed, why, what child did not love a clown?” 

Um, no children today, thanks to your sick ass! 

Next up is Eyes of the Dragon, which I have never read before, and is slow going. But at least it’s short. 

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 16

Total Dark Tower References: 16

Book Grade: A+

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Talisman: A+

Different Seasons: A+

It: A+

The Shining: A-

The Stand: A-

Skeleton Crew: B+

The Dead Zone: B+

‘Salem’s Lot: B+

Carrie: B+

Creepshow: B+

Cycle of the Werewolf: B-

Danse Macabre: B-

The Running Man: C+

Thinner: C+

The Long Walk: C+

The Gunslinger: C+

Pet Sematary: C+

Firestarter: C+

Rage: C

Cujo: C-

Nightshift: C-

Roadwork: D

Christine: D

Stay healthy and keep social distancing, my friends!

Until next time, Long Days and Pleasant Nights,

Rebecca

[thesummerstorms]

Rev Recaps Hard Contact (Chapter 10)

CW: murder, death in combat,slightly graphic descriptions of corpses

TL:DR Recap: Etain and Dar go to one of Jinart’s safehouses and are immediately betrayed, which yet again, kind of justifies Etain’s paranoia. Darman kills a man, which perturbs Etain. Omega steals mining equipment and accidentally captures Guta-Nay. Hokan is pissed that Dar and Etain got away, and reveals that Jinart literally murdered the collaborators and tore them to pieces.

unfortunately, after posting the last recap I saw two Kal mentions in Chapter 9 that I missed, so we’re starting at a Kal count of 18.

Beginning Kal Count: 18 Ending Kal Count: 19

I regret to inform you I missed TWO references from Niner about Kal in chapter 9, so we’re starting at a Kal Count of 18.

I won’t screenshot the opening quote, but it’s basically a notice to the farmers on Qiilura that anyone who has Republic soldiers on their land without knowing will be sold into slavery and anyone helping the Republic on purpose will be shot. It does provide some needed framework for the rest of the chapter. Then we open in Darman’s pov, and IDK, I just kind of like the opening line. He still thinks of Kamino as “home” apparently at this point in time.

Etain is still being kind of unfairly snarky, and Darman’s at a loss what to do about it.

“Darman took is as a sensible observation rather than an insult.” Etain isn’t really being great right now, I recognize that, but I still love that line.

Anyway, they stop at the first safehouse and Etain goes to knock. Darman hates feeling obvious and exposed, and compares his lack of ability to blend in to, you guessed it, Skirata.

Kal Count raised to 19, BUT so far I think that’s the only one in this chapter.

Anyway, the house is empty; the family fled in the middle of a meal. Darman is still overly cautious, and walks Etain through house clearing procedure, even though her Force-sense tells her it’s safe. He points out that she can’t sense a tripwire that would murder them, even though Jedi Danger Sense is an established thing in the EU by this point and-

Sorry.

He also redirects her when she’s peering over his shoulder into the pantry instead of standing guard at the door and watching their gear, although he’s gracious enough to admit it had probably never occurred to her with Jedi senses.  While he raids said pantry with the intent to test the food for toxins later, she goes to fill bottles of water from a pump outside, and he asks why she isn’t using a filter. Again, we were just giving Etain shit a few chapters ago for being too paranoid and now she’s asking if he was trained by Nemoidians, but honestly I’m feeling kinder to Dar than Jinart because it really is a culture clash.

Yet again, I wonder how the Kaminoans can afford to kill that many clones out right when each clone is such an investment to rain and train in terms of both input and time. 

Darman doesn’t know what to make of a Jedi who isn’t the perfect demigod he was promised, which is affecting his trust levels. And Etain hasn’t been helping a lot with that. But she does notice something is wrong with him; she just doesn’t know him well yet, so she assumes it has something to do with his physical injury.

They eventually make it to another safe house, when they meet a woman “with a face like a gdan”, several children, and a few other adults. Dar is briefly overwhelmed because it’s the first time he’s seen this many humans who aren’t clones. I guess the commandos never saw their Sergeants group up.

Darman places mines all around the entrance to the building before he goes in, which I’m sure would win him no love even if the farmers weren’t already under threat of execution or slavery. The family at the safehouse says very little, outside of one woman who wants to know how the Republic is better than the Nemoidians, but they do attempt to feed Dar and Etain, which I have to say, is generous for the kind of place they’re living in. Or would be, if the family weren’t planning to sell them out & use the food as a distraction.

Dar, honey, she’s going to be able to read you in the Force better than anyone else in the galaxy by the time this is over and you’ll like it, so you might as well just buckle up. 

Also, clones are able of discerning thoughts/behavior patterns/moods really easily through minute observation and there’s nothing ruling out Etain doing the same her, but I guess it makes sense he jumps to mind reading the way the Kaminoans built up the Jedi.

Lots of little thoughts here. There’s post to be made based on a conversation I had with rey-skywalkin-away about Etain and food that I’ll save for another day, but for now, let me just say as much as KT tries to present Etain as a picky/snobbish eater, lemme just say that I don’t blame Etain in the least for being suspicious when the last stew Jinart tried to serve her included grains literally picked out of the manure on Etain’s cloak. Also, it’s still kind of sweet that Darman notices she isn’t eating enough and immediately offers her his bread, even though he’s in heaven getting “real” food. It’s generous. 

But good things never last, and Etain pretty much immediately is warned by the Force that someone is approaching unexpectedly. Darman flips out and the family immediately flees, which only confirms his suspicion. Dar and Etain brace for combat, while Etain uses Force-sense to pinpoint the incoming enemy forces. It’s actually kind of a great little action scene for the two of them.

“She put her lips so close to his ear he jumped.” Idk, I just giggled at that.

It’s just kind of a great little moment, getting to actually see Etain use her Force skills competently in an action scene. But of course, it immediately devolved. Darman, being raised to be a soldier, kills the one surviving Separatist, who’s injured on the floor. Etain, being raised a Jedi, doesn’t understand. Again, it’s a culture clash, but given the military focus of the books, we know who the narrative thinks is right.

I STILL WANT TO KNOW... who the hell were the clones supposed to be killing on Kamino? I can’t imagine the Kaminoans would let the clones kill even “worthless” Kaminoans, for fear of the armies they were raising getting ideas. I suppose Jango could have snuck back a bounty that was supposed to be dead every now and then, but that wouldn’t be a lot of people for training with 3,000,000 men. 

Also, Darman literally had his freak out over killing people on page 56 of this same, book, so it comes off as a tad hypocritical, even though this isn’t the last time he’ll not understand what Etain is upset about wrt killing.

Anyway, Darman is shot in the shoulder, though it’s a minor wound, they’re now on the run with no “safe houses” to hide in, and at the end of this scene, when Darman asks if Etain can sense droids, we find out she can’t when a droid starts shooting at them.

We then skip to Niner and Atin and Fi raiding a quarry for droids/explosives/equipment. I’m not gonna lie, I could care less about the plot of this section. This is my third time reading it and I’m still fuzzy on it. But it has a few fun little moments:

Atin is tricky. Also, I’m pretty sure that if this wasn’t a Star Wars book,that line would say “pants-shittingly nervous” rather than “drink-spilling”. With the facility seemingly cleared out, Niner and Atin go in to loot it, and we build some more on the “Atin is the tech guy” thing.

Except the guard shack isn’t empty. Guta-Nay (again, the would be rapist) has been hiding there, since Hokan wants him dead. Guta-Nay tries offering various bits of information if Niner will keep him alive, and KT really, really leans in to the whole “to stupid to function” thing, which is still making me uncomfortable, but comes to a head a few chapters from now. Eventually, Niner concedes that they’ll take Guta-Nay prisoner rather than kill him. Atin is displeased, but starts leveraging it to try and find a technical solution to one of their other problems.

Niner, you should absolutely keep thinking mean thoughts about Vau.

Atin hacks some droids, and they’re going to use them to move the mining charges and smuggle them into the places that need to be blown up, including the Nemodian comm relay in Tekklet. Atin still does not like Guta-Nay.

And then one bit that really makes this scene:

Tiny bit of foreshadowing for Triple Zero and True Colors. GREAT moment of Fi’s typical sass. “Don’t stand there being so ugly, man. You’re scaring him.”

We then close the chapter with Hokan being pissed that Darman and Etain escaped. I’m not going to spend too much time on it, because it’s mostly Hokan yelling at his subordinates.

Things that are of note,  with a CW for a graphic description of mutilation of corpses: this is what Jinart went and did to the collaborators.

As negatively as Traviss paints them, I actually feel really bad for the farmers in this book. She’s not much sympathetic to them, and she explicitly goes out of her way to show why you’d be stupid to sympathize with them, but on the one hand you have the Separatists and Hokan torching these people’s land, selling them into slavery, and executing them. On the other... you have Jinart. 

On top of which, they’re literally starving because of the Nemodian’s financial control of their lives. They don’t even have 21st century plumbing, in Star Wars. Whatever point Traviss thinks she’s making about unworthy civilian/local populations, it rings kind of hollow in the face of that information, because I can understand exactly why the NPCs act the way they do, even if they’re technically in opposition to our protagonists.

Anyway, Hokan pulls all droids out of Tekklet, where the comm is, to guard Uthan’s facility. He tells his men he wants either Darman or Etain alive, especially if Etain is a Jedi. Preferably both of them. Again, remember, he tortured Kast Fulier to death with Fulier’s own lightsaber, so remember what we’re working with here.

And that’s where the scene ends.