#BUT sirius isn't selfish either

[jamesisasimp]

I can't tell if Hamilton's Satisfied is more prongsfoot with Sirius giving up James so Regulus can have him or moonwater with Reg giving up Remus for Sirius 🤔

[seriousbrat]

how can lily be a good person if she married a bully?

I'm going to break this down because it does legitimately seem to be an issue for so many people. I received quite a few asks about this a few days ago so I'm just going to address it generally here. Apologies for the length of this, I tried to cover everything I could think of. Let's get two things out of the way first:

Firstly, if you truly believe James was an abuser, and you're seriously asking how a woman could ever marry an abusive man, this is indicative of a fundamental lack of understanding about how abuse works. This is victim-blaming rhetoric. Abusers are predatory, manipulative, and often extremely charming, and they have a specific methodology for ensnaring their victims. I highly recommend Lundy Bancroft's book Why Does He Do That for further reading on how abuse works. The reality is that women marry abusive men all the time, and it doesn't make them bad people. If you believe otherwise we simply have nothing to talk about here.

Second, the question of whether or not James ACTUALLY changed his behaviour is irrelevant here, so I'm not going to directly address it either way. The main thing is that Lily BELIEVED that he had changed, whether or not he actually did, and we know this from Harry's conversation with Remus and Sirius. We also know she wasn't aware of the full extent of the bullying, as she didn't know the details about the prank.

For the purposes of this I'm going to adopt the perspective that James never changed, had 0 character development, and was secretly a terrible person the whole time. To be clear this isn't what I believe-- but I think it's helpful to start from a similar place.

Onto the main points:

An overly forgiving nature can be a flaw, but it doesn't make someone a bad person.

Nor does it make them selfish. Even if I concede that James was irredeemably evil as a person, the fact that Lily believed him to be better than he was, even if she was wrong, makes her at worst naive, not selfish. In fact, I'd argue that it's a sign of empathising with someone too much, which is sort of the opposite of selfishness. We know that Lily had an overly-forgiving nature, because she demonstrates that with Severus when she's willing to overlook his associations with the worst people of all time. And as we know from the fact that her friends were openly critical of it, and that she suffered as a result of it, her friendship with Sev was hardly 'convenient' for her. That she forgave him and overlooked his behaviour, and defended him, despite the fact that it was actively inconvenient for her, indicates empathy (and probably too much of it) not selfishness. Being overly forgiving is an established character trait of Lily's, as she tells us she "made excuses for [Sev] for years." Making excuses for someone you love is a flaw, but not one necessarily rooted in selfishness. Again, it was actively inconvenient for Lily to make excuses for Sev. It's also a very human flaw, not one that makes her a bad person-- especially when you consider that Lily's capacity for forgiveness had its limits, as she demonstrated with Snape.

To forgive is an act of compassion... it's not done because people deserve it, it's done because they need it.

anyway with that buffy quote out of the way, lets move on

Lily owes Snape nothing.

I'm sure people will disagree, but, objectively, she just doesn't. They are not friends at this point. He has demonstrated consistently that he doesn't have enough consideration for her to stop rubbing shoulders with people who literally want to murder her, including a boy who attacked her housemate. So why is Lily expected to take into account his feelings and his history with James? Which leads right into:

It's a massive double-standard for Lily to be blamed for marrying James when Snape isn't afforded the same for associating with Death Eaters.

I mean, think what you want, but to me being a mass murderer intent on exterminating an entire subset of the population (talking about Voldemort and other DEs here, not Snape) is like, maybe, a tiny bit worse than being a bully in school. But what do I know. Snape willingly joined up with such people, knowing perfectly well what they wanted to do to Lily, the woman he loved, and everyone like her. If Lily's choice in husband makes her a selfish person, then by your own logic Snape is completely irredeemable and you should probably delete your blog about how misunderstood and babygirl he is.

Sometimes people marry or befriend terrible people.

Similar to the first point, lack of judgement is a flaw but not one that directly indicates selfishness. Again, remember, Lily believed James to have changed. She believed, whether or not she was wrong, that redemption is possible. It's extremely common for women to date and marry terrible men, unfortunately, and to be blinded to their flaws. There are many possible reasons for this. I guess you can argue that the desire to be loved is inherently selfish, but that still wouldn't make Lily notably selfish at all, rather just a normal human. Plenty of people have had the experience of dating someone who is terrible or being friends with someone who is terrible at some point in their lives, and it doesn't automatically make them terrible themselves. People make mistakes and have poor judgment occasionally. Her actions in SWM suggest she would not have tolerated nor validated any cruelty from James towards others, had she been aware of it. Anyway, once again if you're holding Lily responsible for James's actions you need to also hold Snape responsible for the actions of his buddies. If it's selfish for Lily to associate with a bully (who she believed to have reformed) it's straight up devoid of any humanity whatsoever for Snape to KNOWINGLY associate with people like Mulciber, Voldemort, and Bellatrix. I don't actually believe this btw, I'm just following the logic through.

Furthermore, it's completely unfair to blame Lily for, in particular, the past actions of her husband.

As we clearly see in SWM, she did NOT tolerate his behaviour during the years before they started dating. James's behaviour is simply not Lily's responsibility, and neither is Snape's. It's not her job to fix them nor pay for their mistakes, nor should she have to investigate and tally up all their past wrongdoings when making her own choices. If James was actively being a menace and Lily was just watching going 'teehee' I'd understand this more, but again, she was NOT aware. Based on her behaviour in SWM, this would be out of character for Lily.

Someone having a moral stance you personally disagree with doesn't automatically make them a bad person.

If your moral stance is that James's past actions are completely unforgivable, and you could not personally date someone who did what he did, no matter how he evolved as a person, that's perfectly fine. As I've established, Lily was not aware of any continuing wrongdoing, nor would she have validated or supported it had she been aware. Lily's belief was that the person she was currently dating was a good person. She believed in redemption and second chances. If you personally do not believe in redemption or second chances, I'd question why you even like Snape, but ultimately that's your prerogative. However, believing otherwise doesn't make Lily a bad person nor selfish, even if you personally disagree or think she was wrong. People are allowed to be mistaken.

Snape was probably less relevant to their lives than you think.

Like to be quite honest, they were fighting a war and priorities had shifted, as they often do in adulthood. Lily ended her friendship with Sev, and after Hogwarts James and Lily almost certainly had no association with him whatsoever. Is Lily expected to continually self-flagellate over Snape for the rest of her life? Is she expected to take him into account in every decision she makes, forever? Believe it or not James and Lily existed separately to Snape, rather than as extensions of his character. They moved on. Snape didn't, that's what makes him beautiful-- and yes there's a reason why Snape couldn't move on, but, again, that is not Lily's responsibility. It seems reasonable to me that, particularly given the extreme nature of her circumstances, Lily would take into account first and foremost the actions she observed from James in the present, rather than what he did in the past. See above re: Lily owes Snape nothing.

Being selfless, kind, or a good person doesn't make one perfect.

When I say Lily was selfless, I do NOT mean that she was flawless. If this is your takeaway I worry for you. Also, enough about the Virgin Mary lol. Anyway, humans are complex, and selfless people are capable of selfishness on occasion. Everyone is. A certain amount of selfishness is not only normal, it can be a good thing and necessary for protecting yourself. When Lily ended her friendship with Sev, it was something she was doing for herself, so in the most technical sense (and it's still a huge stretch) it can be viewed as selfish. Nobody is or should be 100% selfless all the time. So even were I to concede that she was selfish in marrying James (which I don't) it doesn't preclude her being a selfless person in general.

Being selfless, kind, or a good person doesn't make a female character 'unrealistic.'

What even is this argument, honestly. Like do you just not believe in the existence of good women irl? Suspicious. I would gently suggest that if you find it unrealistic (or boring) for a woman to be a good person, that's maybe something you should take a closer look at. If your automatic assumption about a woman is that she must have married a man for his money, I would also interrogate that belief.

idk she was a teenage girl, pls develop some empathy

once you come down from your podium in the unholy tribunal, it might be worth considering female characters (and women in general) as human, and not just avatars who simply react to the emotional turmoil of men. At absolute worst you could assume that she was tricked by James (which I still disagree with, but it's a slightly more generous reading) or was blind and naive. All of which are more understandable than, for some reason, assuming she was a conniving bitch who wanted to hurt Snape and selfishly marry into wealth. Ultimately her decision to marry James probably had nothing to do with Snape at all. She was 21 when she died. Bad judgment is common at that age, and it's not necessarily a product of selfishness at all. Look, I'd understand this whole thing more if everyone was in their 30s. But is it not the teenage girl experience of all time to date an asshole? Do you have no empathy for that situation? Like I said, I'm arguing this based on the idea that James was completely irredeemable; would an abuser not abuse his girlfriend too? Would someone who is evil and cruel in all respects not also display cruelty to his wife? Can you not summon up an ounce of empathy for a 17 year old who might have thought, as many young girls do, 'I can fix him?'

To conclude, I think that the idea that Lily marrying a bully makes her a bad person is just rooted in lack of empathy for her as a character. Despite spending hours dissecting every last thought process a man might have had, there's no attempt at all to try and understand Lily's motives, rather they're considered exclusively from the perspective of Snape's emotions. This is unfair.

I don't doubt that it hurt Snape's feelings for Lily to date and marry James. But Snape's feelings are no longer her concern. She owes him nothing. Sev called his best friend a slur publicly and joined an organisation that wanted to murder her, with no respect for her feelings at all. They are no longer friends, and he has no right whatsoever to expect her to consider his own emotional needs anymore, and her choices no longer have anything to do with him. Nor should they have.

Whether or not you think it was a mistake for Lily to marry James, that's Lily's problem. Not Snape's. If you truly believe James was a monster, logically it's Lily you should be feeling sorry for. The fact that there's no empathy for her to be found, and that people revert so quickly to the Top 100 Misogyny Classic of 'she must be a gold digger' speaks for itself.

[hp-confessions]

hi I despise tropes that protect regulus but costs sirius. All if this is fanon btw, sorry canon lovers.

James hiding his relationship with Regulus from Sirius? No I completely understand the whole forbidden romance aspect of fucking your best friend's brother, it's what I'm here for. But there is no way James would want to hide such a big secret from Sirius, his best friend? I understand Regulus wanting to hide it but that doesn't mean James has to agree? He's not a pushover, he can stand up for himself? There's a thing called compromise??

Like to make James pick between Sirius, his best friend and Regulus, the love of his life and then make him pick Regulus?? It downplays the meaning of his friendship with Sirius and low-key mischaracterizes him too? James is a selfish lover, he wants everything he loves to be with him, obviously he can't hide it from Sirius but he won't let go of Regulus either??

It genuinely pisses me off that I keep seeing pushover, pathetic James that does whatever Regulus asks for him like he wouldn't selfishly ask for a third option so he can have everyone.

And Remus that helps hide Jegulus from Sirius? I understand this trope if it's an au where Remus isn't a mauraduer and instead Regulus's best friend because that makes sense. Of course he can distract or lie to Sirius because he doesn't really owe Sirius honesty. Usually in this AU, Remus and Sirius are crushing each other at best or something. He would pick Regulus, his best friend's relationship over telling Sirius and that makes sense, nothing wrong with that.

But established Wolfstar and Maurader Remus? No, what, how is that even possible. I see Remus having an internal argument when he's asked to help hide Jegulus from Sirius because yeah, that's James's relationship and he can tell it's going well, obviously he wants to help James, his best friend, but on the other hand, deceiving Sirius? The love of his life? His other best friend? And he picks James???

Just like James, Remus would be torn apart if he was forced to pick between Sirius and another important option and for Remus, it's James. Protecting Regulus would not be a deal breaker for him no matter how loveable platonic moonwater is. I even read romantic moonwater, but there's just no way that Remus, no matter how much he's bonded with Regulus, would pick him over Sirius. He's a maurader first, Sirius's boyfriend second, and a friend of Regulus's third (or second if you don't like wolfstar). It's literally James or Sirius for him.

And unlike James, he wouldn't even find a third option, he'd probably stay away from this whole mess? He wouldn't help hide it from Sirius actively but he also wouldn't tell Sirius either. In a way he picks both also neither.

I don't understand how people can make three important people in Sirius's life all deceive him together and think nothing's wrong??

I mean, canon James still messed with Severus behind Lily's back so yeah, he's definitely capable of lying to his loved ones but this is fanon James, which is the equivalent of the sun, an honest, can't do no wrong man? Why the hell is he lying to Sirius?

Because if canon matters, can we bring up how Sirius was compared to Regulus all his life in what's clearly an implied abusive way so these tropes where everyone is choosing to protect regulus and deceive Sirius would probably worsen his trauma?? They're literally picking Regulus over him like parents did??

But this is the mauraders fandom, Regulus's made up trauma is so much more important than Sirius's forgotten canon one because fuck JKR.

(everything I've read of fanon abusive house of black has Sirius going through the worst because he acts out more and covers for Regulus's mistakes while Regulus doesn't because he's the perfect, obedient son, but oh poor Regulus that got abandoned by his big brother, his savior and hero, and how dare Sirius run away even though he would've died staying in that house any longer and not bring Regulus even though he did try and it was Regulus that decided to stay because only one of them can escape and afterwards Sirius has a huge guilt complex about it but that's not the point, it's poor Regulus because his brother doesn't realize he sacrificed himself and is antagonized for it even though he purposely didn't tell Sirius this. I digress)

Literally everything that glorifies Regulus and makes him a misunderstood, forgotten hero or survivor is something that was stripped away from Sirius (but mostly Severus though none of you are ready for that).

I really do love Regulus, fanon him is amazing because he's basically an OC of multiple people, an entire fandom but my god, the way Sirius is completely disregarded for him.

~

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

uncommon/non popular/dare i say "contresverisal" (cuz a wrong opinon gets u death threats in this fandom...) characterization? like personalities wise? ik u don't like mean alpha remus, dumb sirius, regulus in general, but anything else that peeves you?

oo i love this. i think i've made it clear how much i despise fanon marauders so some actual unpopular opinions perchance?

sirius:

i loveee introvert sirius idc he doesn't like talking to people at all and has four friends

not immature !! ever !! EVER !!

very emotionally stupid i fear. cannot read the vibe of the room ermmm ever unless he spends a good ten minutes trying to read everyone's individual facial expressions.

he's not unaware of how gorgeous he is and neither does he spend six hours getting ready every morning ?? he knows he's good looking and he'll flaunt it and make fun of others for being ugly because it's just another good quality about him, like being intelligent or whatever.

not overprotective ?? not if he actually gives a fuck, anyway, if he's being overprotective he just doesn't respect you enough to think you can deal with the world

not jealous either ?? why would he be jealous when he literally has anything and everything he wants (except like emotional stability. if you can regulate your emotions he is in fact jealous)

remus:

actually not average, like he is well liked and stuff he's just Not Enough

ACTUALLY the forgotten marauder !!!

not memorable at all

peter:

most game out of the marauders

this isn't related to characterization, but i don't like the hc of him being super into herbology

not insecure

very manipulative from his teen years

james:

literally SO bad at comforting people it's horrible

you know those "pov: the only child friend" videos that are annoyingly exaggerated and just show a selfish egoist who's also a bad friend? that's james potter

^ that being said he is a good friend, because he does have a good heart, and he does care for people a lot

that doesn't mean he's not a dick to them

"bullying is my love language" and he points out your deepest insecurities in front of half your grade but somehow doesn't realize it's bad

lily:

a BITCH

hypocritical

not popular, ever

super smart but never ranked

NOT A MEAN GIRLFRIEND

kind of a mean girl though (affectionate)

bellatrix:

NOT SEXUAL !!!

SHE DOESN'T WALK AROUND IN LACE SLIPS??

i hate i DESPISE the headcanon that she's like some fucking dildo carrying femdom who's only true love is pegging men and having sex ???????

she looks down on women who show their knees to men before marriage dawg fuck off

barty:

crybaby

?? evil ??

evan:

also evil

small dick

regulus:

second option™

also evil

pandora (rosier):

NOT A SEER

Bad Person

evil but not in a fascist way just in an unlovable way

pandora (lovegood):

NOT A SEER

not luna's carbon copy, she was way more unhinged and potentially dangerous

[shivstar]

One thing I am sad about in Prongsfoot fics is that Lily gets so much attention as someone who has james's affection.

Like I know that canon wouldn't have happened if this person hadn't birthed HP but shouldn't this ship more about these two than about her.

I mean a few fics to have show us that aspect is understandable but for most of them to acknowledge Sirius to be either pinning for years that it feels pathetic or for Lily to know that her husband has a affair but still not taking action or for James to be cruel and hurt both S and L or for Lily to be ignoring the feelings these two have for each other and just wanting James for herself or for James to chose Sirius the second option when Lily is dead or for Lily being the bright mind who has to spell out what they already feel or for Jilypad to come into existence just so poor Lily isn't left out.

Why she gets to have such a strong angle when we fans are coming to read about just Prongs and Padfoot.

I am all for angst but why does the seed of the problems have to be in the name of her.

Canon didn't give her enough characterisation for all we know she could be anything.

Even in fics like Jegulus the main source of angst is the two sides of war.... When Lily is still an important part of those stories too....

I mean I haven't read any other ship where a third person is the reason two lovers are not getting together as much as in this particular ship and I really don't want to hate her. I just don't want to give her that much credit to being able to come between these two boys who are as good as soulmates. I don't want her to have that much power.

In the world where all the Prongsfoot fandom have nothing but love and respect for Lily as a character, I know it is practically a crime to feel this way.

But we all book readers, especially romance readers, know that you can't control the way you feel...

So much so that now I want a pallette cleanser where James is the one who is pinning because I have had an overload of sad pathetic Sirius and oblivious or cruel and selfish James.

Please come tell me if you also feel the same and I am not the only crazy odd one out.....

[darling-deerest-dead]

You are so patient, I have been enjoying all your long and thoughtful replies to someone I'm not entirely sure is engaging in good faith. Especially since you don't write any of the things they're complaining about, so like why. 😭😭

I do think part of their problem is partially culture shock regarding divorce, in which case they can read fics that don't involve divorce! Lots of fics, especially yours, do write James and Sirius as together from the start without any prior relationships.

Their second problem, however, might have to do with James and Lily (who has it worse) being written in narrative to be fragments. They died too young to leave any trace and, like Harry, all we will ever know of them are fading reflections that can never be pieced together into a whole person. By the end of the series, anyone who has ever known James intimately as a person is gone. Lily has Petunia, but there truly is nothing left of James.

So all writers who want to write about either James or Lily have to work with conjectures and suppositions. Is James more selfish? Maybe, possibly. Is Lily a psycho? Maybe, possibly. Could James and Lily have the kind of relationship where they wake up one morning and say "This isn't working" and get amicably divorced? Maybe, possibly. Would they go scorch earth with each other instead? Maybe, possibly.

The truth is we don't know, there isn't enough so you can argue either way. They're not like Sirius, whom we know as a character and who is easier to explore. We can extrapolate from canon moments, from the recollections of their friends, but we will only ever be people piecing puzzles together and trying our best to get a full picture.

Ultimately it all depends on interpretation, and since anon is bound and determined to interpret all events in the worst way possible, uh... They can consider not reading canon-compliant fic, where Sirius pines (which is a thing that has been clocked by casual readers btw) and Jily have to breakup somehow. Or they can consider writing their own fic, it's ultimately the only way to read what you want to read.

Hey The Prongsfoot Anon, who is dissatisfied with James, here, ,,

THaks for taking your time out and replying.

I did not get what I was looking for but i am really grateful for your words all the same.

Have a nice day!

Also i have read the small stories you wirte on the pair. I told you that i was talking about the long stories on Prongsfoot. It wasn't about the stories you write. THey are sweet and cute. I love them all. But then I go looking for long stories and don't like that the source of all angst is about made about sirius who is struggling more than James is. There it seems that James has it easy.

Also I wanted to clear that i am not against divorce. In fact I am pro for it. I meant that in the society around me, divorce has a reason. Like in your recent fic, Marlene felt that Sirius has always been in love with James and tried with her less etc. she felt cheated and wanted to hurt sirius. THis is the type of divorce I was talking aabout feels real. In comparision Jily divoice felt like they woke up one morning. Talked , they were on the same page, ready to divorce and co-parent harry and harry is all okay and chill with his parent's sepration. No one has gone through any emotional turmoil due to sepration. all is fine is dandy. Again, I am just using your story as an example because almost all the story with lily alive and jily divorce are based on the concep of a painless smooth jily divorce and that is what i was saying that if they were so good in communication, if they are so in link with each other, why divorce and not try more for the marriage. so it feels unreal- the being in each other's life - best friends and giving advices and being all chummy after divorce.

Also the serial you mentioned. I only have watched the initual episodes of 911 but that lady and thier kids are really effected by that man's coming out. The children are not readily acceptng. THe woman herself feels betrayed for a brief period. Later they may have reconcilefd etc but they have had a journey. Also i remeber that the lady married the man because her bilogical clock was ticking. Almost like the pact of marrying your freind after certain age. Jily is different because if canon way is chosen then at 20 they were not compromising by saddling with each other. They chose each other.

I think the grit is missing with jily break and divorce in Progsffot fandom. James and Lily behave too matures.

You don't have to reply for this. I was just really appreciative of the efforts it took for you to type that long reply and i wanted to explain my side of story a bit more.

WHat I said about James's maturity is that after those early years in stories that his struggles are over. WHat i meant when i said that i imagine him as a person who will have trouble maturing is because i think that he is the perfect mix of naive and optimistic to be like that. THe teenager who thinks that all problems are over once he reaches adulthood.thinking that being adult means having anwers to all problems. Etc.

What I mean that a James in his 30's has to have his own struggles with life. which are appropriate to experiece of a man that age which brings new obstacles and pains. Maybe Harry is entering his teen age where all kids begin hating their parents. Maybe he is having quarter life crisis. MAybe Lily is upset that he is asking for divorce when she is happy in her marriage life. Etc.

This is alos the issue, Lily is Petunia's sister. Petunia wanted to come accross as a settled woman with great life. SO, Lily being okay with divorce seems ooc.

Also I think i mentioned in my previous ask but i never said that SIruis is feminized. What i meant him taking that girly roles meant that in soap operas and in traditional romance stories, the girl is the one who is struggling and then the boy swoops in to save the day. A prongsfoot story in which James has no life problems and is chill feels like that. Not the best comparisiion but Prongsfoot angst is always heavy on Sirius's side that is why i drew the comparision.

So, yes this was all.

Again you don't have to reply again. I just thought I owed it to you to explain my side a bit better. I am not sure if I was succesful or not....

Anyways. Take care.....

Well, hello, Anon.  

I know you said that I didn’t have to answer, but I felt compelled, too, because I’m genuinely curious - what WERE you hoping to get out of these asks?  

I’m also curious about why if you know that my stories genuinely don’t focus on the Sirius angst or struggling more than James, that you came to me?  

If you’re curious, I think Sirius angst comes from being Sirius fans first.  Some people like to torture their favs and Sirius has more page-time than James does.  We know him better from canon than we do James, so we tend to focus on him.   I also don’t think James has it easy.  He still has to deal with figuring out himself and breaking up his marriage (if he’s married, which isn’t easy), he still loses his parents and finds himself without that safety net.  My dad’s 62 and just lost his last parent recently and he’s been struggling - I can’t imagine losing both parents when he’s still technically a teen and not struggling with that.  That’s almost always there.

So, he has struggles.

So, you said that this wasn’t about a particular fic, but then you bring up “Fun in the Sun” - well, what you probably don’t know is that the prompt behind that fic was Sirius/Marlene have a terrible divorce while Jily have an amicable divorce.  James was always *meant* to help Sirius per the prompt and discussion with the artist.  It was written purposely to highlight the two different types of divorces, and I wanted to follow through with that concept because it’s what the artist wanted.  I don’t usually do divorce fic (or focus on it if I do) like I did in this fic.  Jily also divorced 3 years before SM did because Marlene dragged the divorce out to punish Sirius.  So, yeah, Jily is friends and have had an easy time co-parenting because it’s been going on for *years* all the growing pains that initially happened, already happened.  

This was a Prongsfoot fic, I don’t care about Jily’s divorce, it was a plot device.  That’s it.  And like, that’s another thing with Prongsfoot Long-fics that deal with Jily divorce.  We aren’t here to focus on Jily - we’re here for Prongsfoot, so why would we bother having the ‘emotional turmoil’ especially when the divorce happened years before.

Yes, Athena/Micheal struggle at first in 9-1-1, but if you were to look at the middle/end of S2, they’re perfectly fine.  Which is approximately a year or two into the divorce - which is where Jily was during this fic.  So, yeah, no there’s no reason for there to be issues - again, that was part of the prompt.

Again - we’re not here for Jily, so maybe there’s no grit, but that’s not why we are Prongsfoot fans, so… Sorry?  Not, Sorry.  If you don’t want Jily divorce, you can always filter it out.  A03 is amazing for filters :)

Like I said, James’ struggles are subjective.  Sometimes the fic just focuses more than one thing than another and like that’s up to the writer, if it’s not your cup of tea - that’s cool, you can always write your own?

I usually don’t get into Lily’s head much, ‘cause again I’m here for Prongsfoot - over 400 fics tells you that - Although sometimes I have them share James (I bet you’d really love those fics :) ). Anyhoo, maybe she is struggling or maybe she feels relief.  But I can’t imagine why you think Petunia’s views on Divorce have any impact on her sister’s?  ‘Cause like, siblings can have different views - I know I have four siblings and ain’t none of us agree on nothing.  :)3

Lily’s view on divorce is highly subjective since we know so little about her.  But she doesn’t seem like the type to stay in an unhappy marriage and forcing someone to stay always leads to unhappiness.  

I never said you said he was feminized, although I think you did?  What you’re saying here is suggesting that he’s a “damsel in distress” and needs a hero - which is a) very sexist and b) just not true.  Sirius is a badass in every Prongsfoot fic I have ever read.  I can’t speak for every fic in existence but Fuck man, struggling and having support from James is not the same thing as being the heroine that waits around for her hero to save her - and even if that was the case… the implication that he’s girly for it really grinds my gears.

Anyway, we focus on Sirius and angsting him because he’s easier to angst since we know more about him, but if you don’t like that - that’s okay, you can always write what you wanna read.  

Thanks, take care :)

[knight-already]

“Did James isolate her by driving people away like we see him do with Snape  ?” 

From @avegollum97​ ′s post about Severus being a godfather to lily’s and james’ second kid.

You just gave me something to think about.

Because that’s what he did ultimately... and it wasn’t just him alone.

It was her Gryffindor friends too.

I headcanon that lily’s ‘Friends’ you know :  **Alice, Marlene, Mary and Dorcas **were like the mean girls of  Gryffindor the plastics of their year. The female marauders what have you.

"**Evil takes a human form in * Regina George ***. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that. She’s the queen bee. The star. Those other four are just her little workers. " -- Probably any person in their year

I actually don't know who in lily’s friends would be THE  Regina George, cause we don't know a lot about them, something tells me  Marlene but we don't know them all that well to make that call. Lily actually could be Regina but I feel like she was slowly manipulated so she would fit more of a Cady role.

I also wonder if they were in cahoots with each other, because they way I see it is that the school isnt huge and the Gryffindor's like to keep in their circles. So they must have friends of friends. what's more we dont know that James wasnt dating someone.

One of Lil’s friends who was like, “Girl if you don't want him... MOther may I?”

an Lily be like go for it idc. but gets jealous.

anyway with a group like them as Friends I imagine it is hard to make and keep new friends. especially if ya’ll know mean girls... They will destroy you mentally and emotionally just for funzies some may even get physically and whoop yer ass.

So eventually that would have put lily in a ‘all my friends are James friends

as we know the only friend that wasn't a Gryffindor was Severus

Here is an example of the fem Gryffindor's not being angles and possibly bullies, but bulling psychologically starting with Lily first 

to be fair they are fifteen so take that as you will:

For the sake of fairness, I like to imagine that time when Lily was telling Severus,

"Do you know what  Mulciber did to Mary the other day”

We know lily is a bias source we cant trust her to give a reliable story when a Slytherin is involved -- because she will underplay what the Gryffindor did -- she did this to a victim -- her best friend Severus.

anything James or Gryffindor does that isn't good or straight up bullying she 'ok defend. James abused Severus right in front of her he's, "an arrogant toe rag" but anything a slytherin does even for self defense is "evil and dark magic. "

Yo I’ll never forgive Lily for telling Severus after being beaten down physically and psychologically, cause he lashed out at her, “Your just as bad as them.”

Biitch get outta here.

anyway back to this: “Do you know what  Mulciber did to Mary the other day”

I like to imagine Mary picked on either his weaker friend, maybe embarrassed them and

Mulciber -- his hands are rated E for everyone.

so he taught that girl a lesson cause we done been known that the staff wont do anything.

I know Mulciber is a future death eater but right now he’s a kid. A slytherin. And I choose to look at it from this angle. 

I like to think being a death eater wasn't a choice for some kids. If they agreed or not, it wasnt up to them maybe some like bella were into it. but look at her sister, she married a muggle but at the cost of losing everythin. 

Look at Sirius and his brother. 

Sirius realized it was wrong at age 11 but lost his family and everything at 15 (thankfully the potters were there for him but some wont be so lucky) -- regulus at age 18/19

They had to overcome years of brainwashing and teachings.

I know some ppl in this fandom think it was a super easy choice for a kid fresh out of high school to abandon their family, and friends, their lives, their riches, their lifestyle and fight them to the death.. But its not. It wasn't. 

I like to Imagine that after lily spoke to him about  Mulciber Severus stopped hanging out with him. (Doing to Severus what those girls were doing to her)

only for SWM to happen and badabing badaboom Seveus gets over powered by James and Co.

THat attack happened after their defence against the arts exam for owls --

That class was most likely Slytherin and Gryffindor, so only those two houses were around. 

So after the row between Severus and mulciber, where number was like why can't we hang out anymore. And Severus doesn't give him straight answers maybe mulciber makes a guess at Lily being the reason. And says ssomething against her and Severus gets mad and says something like what would you know about Lily your just a death water spawn. and mulciber says find okay I won't help you again. And he doesn't he just stands there watching to see if the mighty Gryffindor take a stand since Severus seem so keen on them.

***

Keep in mind  though it ight seem like I'm ignoring the whole ass war going on outside. and Severus becoming a death eater and calling her a mudblood. I’m not.

Lily is not responsible for anyone's actions but her own. 

if she chose not to speak to severus again thats her call and she’s right to do so.

If she chose to forgive a guy who abused he bestie, that on her. (yes i blame her for that)

***

Severus wasn't innocent but he and the Slytherins in general have faults but not all of the even a few who did become deatheaters for whatever reason but regret it to this day. are evil. and I just wish ppl would see that. 

How dear JK cancel Slytherin, like it was the houses fault,

Knight

[casasupernovas]

Does anyone else find it ironic how the fandom clings to the idea that Snape is the biggest reason Sirius left Grimmauld Place in Order of the Phoenix...despite the Half Blood Prince stating that"Harry clung to this notion because it enabled him to hate Snape which felt satisfying..."

This feels satisfying to Harry because Harry believes that Snape doesn't care that Sirius is dead, but it isn't until 'The Prince's Tale' in The Deathly Hallows that we realise that this isn't true either.

One of the basic things you have to understand about Snape is that his hatred or dislike of people does not stop him from saving or trying to save people. This all starts from the turning point on the hill all those years ago, when Dumbledore humbles Snape into turning his selfishness into selflessness.

Snape asks for James and Harry's life too. And when Dumbledore tells Snape Harry must die, and states "how many people have you watched die?" Snape responds "lately only those I could not save."

Sirius is one of those people.

[birlwrites]

hi!!! i'm the person who asked all those questions about emma and heir stuff and a back with more questions! okay so what do you think would actually happen if, for example, regulus did run away with sirius like what happens in a lot of jegulus fics? what do you think would happen, with your atfhv reg? that is, how would he come to the conclusion to run away, and what would happen? you did touch on this a little in stga, but i want to know for atfhv reg.

HMMMMM ok so - i think the central difficulty for atfhv reg is not just coming to the conclusion to run away, but doing it *with* sirius

in stga, regulus and sirius are always each other's #1 ally, so in that case, regulus would either run away with sirius or not at all. like, if he's going to do it, hell yeah he's going to the same place sirius is going to, and sirius isn't going to do it without him

in atfhv, regulus and sirius have been kind of estranged for a while before sirius actually leaves. i think regulus has a lot of confidence in his own ability to adapt AND to play the games his family plays and come out on top. he'd need a hell of a reality check to decide otherwise

this post got. long. normally when i say that, the post is long. but this is easily twice the length of some other posts i have called long. I HAD FUN OK

the other difficult factor is that atfhv reg *does not like* how sirius solved this (i.e. by running away). we'll get into that in ch 41 of ttdl. part of it is the abandonment issues, and another part of it is reg's sense that this was the irresponsible/selfish thing to do. he's not obsessed with duty to the family, but sirius was heir and that meant something to regulus - he doesn't even really see sirius running away as a solution (because of how it impacted him), but just as running away from his problems

so i don't think he'd come to the conclusion to run away of his own accord, which means someone's going to have to convince him, and the only person who a) is capable of doing so and b) would actually give it a go is sirius

for this to work, he'd need some reason to believe regulus might actually go (and not kill james immediately), so let's call it a last-ditch effort to give regulus a lifeline he may or may not want. sirius would need to be pretty persuasive here which is where the death eater ultimatum comes in - their parents give it to sirius, he's not stupid, he knows if he leaves regulus is next up for everything including the death eaters.

regulus as we know him in the prologue (or rather in like. the first half of the prologue. the description of the prologue maybe. ajfslghjdkfd) is kind of...... living in denial about that ultimatum and KNOWS he is but is still holding out hope that it won't come for him now that there's no spare. persuading him to give up that hope would be difficult and it would also need to be QUICK. i think sirius came to the conclusion that he might need to leave during the spring of his fifth year or so and proceeded to bring it up to james, which is how he knows for sure that he has this viable option, and i think he would then need to start talking to regulus about it..... pretty much ASAP?

and that would be difficult for sirius. genuinely, sincerely apologizing is not something that comes easily to either of them, and sirius has absolutely no shot at persuading regulus to listen to him unless he does it. (regulus owes sirius an apology in a similar vein but he's repressing that)

the next hard part would be persuading regulus that not only is there a risk of their parents telling them to join the death eaters, but it's an *imminent* risk. at this point, neither of them are of age, they've both got a couple years left at hogwarts. regulus would question what use voldemort would even have for either of them at this point, answer his own question with 'political clout because we're blacks in the main branch,' and then question how much danger they'd *really* be in - getting either of them hurt or killed would piss off their parents, which voldemort presumably doesn't want, and even if they got arrested their parents could probably get them out of it

like, we have to keep in mind that this conflict isn't real to regulus yet, and it won't be until the ultimatum is actually delivered. action doesn't feel urgent to him the way it does to sirius at this point

although i do think around now, regulus would start feeling a bit of concern that maybe their parents would skip over sirius completely re: death eaters and go directly to their spare. he's comparatively disposable but still a gesture of goodwill/confidence in voldemort's abilities

he also doesn't have the same leverage with their parents here that he does in atfhv, because sirius hasn't run away yet, so i think regulus would be somewhat less confident in his own ability to solve this for himself. i'm positive he'd have the thought that if sirius left, regulus would have more leverage, so THEN the difficulty is persuading him not to follow up on that

ajfslghsdkfhgdf this is really turning into a monumental endeavor for sirius

of course sirius wouldn't like the argument of 'even if our parents DO force us into becoming death eaters, we have some time before that becomes a real problem,' because Becoming A Death Eater *Is* The Real Problem Regulus. (which isn't to say regulus LIKES the idea of taking the mark - he's just trying to prevent sirius from taking unnecessarily drastic action)

so in order to get regulus to run away with sirius, regulus has to believe that running away (to the potters) is NOT unnecessarily drastic and is unfortunately merited by the situation. this will be difficult seeing as he's of the opinion that becoming a dark lord is a more reasonable response than running away from home afhsghkdfsfdf

so after a LOT of arguing and debating and back and forth and venting to various besties, i think sirius would back regulus into a deal regulus thinks/hopes will never come to pass: if their parents try to force either or both of them to join the death eaters, they unionize and LEAVE.

regulus's thinking is similar to stga reg in that he thinks their parents can't afford to lose them both (and he's basically right. orion and walburga COULD try for more kids but starting over would be a bit of a setback and they got very fortunate the first time around with having two sons and they can't guarantee that'll happen again). however, atfhv regulus is also of the opinion that going to the potters' will be temporary (which is the oNLY reason he agrees to spend a prolonged period of time with james). and i think he's right

with both regulus and sirius gone, the blacks can't just disown sirius and go 'ok regulus is heir now,' but they also don't want regulus hanging out with the potters and going down the blood traitor road (lmao). sirius may be a lost cause but regulus isn't, as far as they know, and they don't want to lose him

so what do they do? send orion.

in stga, it's narcissa - she has a pretty good relationship with both regulus and sirius and is really as neutral of a party as the blacks can get to play messenger. but in atfhv (or like. this atfhv spinoff, but for the sake of simplicity i'll call it atfhv) orion and walburga aren't trying to deliver a message - they're SPECIFICALLY trying to get regulus back.

so, send orion, because he'll be able to get regulus to listen to him

the thing they DON'T know, of course, is that it's not just that regulus doesn't want to become a death eater - he's a full-on blood traitor and is coordinating his actions with sirius at this point (once sirius actually got that ultimatum, it really solidified their alliance). even if orion talks to regulus one-on-one, regulus is going to request time to consider it and then immediately go tell sirius.

i think orion's point goes a little like 'you don't want to take the mark, i understand that, it DOES carry a sense of lowering yourself, but with the right help, voldemort WILL win this war and we want him indebted to us. if you can suggest a viable alternative strategy, neither you nor sirius has to take the mark.'

and orion and walburga know that regulus and sirius have been fighting/not talking for years, because they are not obtuse, so i think orion also tries to split up the alliance here with 'if sirius wants to be a potter so badly, let him be. our family would be in good hands with you taking up the lordship after my death'

and that offer would be REALLY TEMPTING to regulus. for a few reasons:

solve the death eater issue (for both him AND sirius)

it's obvious that sirius doesn't want to leave the potters. regulus, however, does NOT want to be here forever.

there's the same tension here around dark arts as there is in stga, but worsened because at this point, regulus has already taken charge of the slytherin dark arts study group. he's made it not just a part of his identity but something that he feels is his responsibility

since orion is here and willing to make a deal, they have proof that the 'you will have no heir or spare unless you compromise with us' approach WORKS, which means regulus would have leverage he knows how to use upon going back. without sirius, regulus has even MORE power, because there is only one of him

regulus wants validation from his role model :(

so i think he'd go present that to sirius as something that could potentially solve everything. i think that, by talking to sirius about it instead of just doing it, regulus is hoping that them splitting up doesn't necessarily mean a return to them being estranged. they could still keep in touch and see each other at school

sirius, i think, does not really like this idea. yes, it solves the *death eater* issue, but it's still giving their parents what they want, and supporting voldemort in general is just. bad, and sirius points out that OBVIOUSLY orion is trying to keep them from working together, and i think he's upset that regulus seems to be falling for it

but regulus *does not want to be here.* he's literally just here for collective bargaining power and allying with sirius. he wants to be with his friends (barty aside, but orion and walburga do already tolerate their friendship even if the potters would certainly approve of it more) and his dark arts books and his high society battlefield and, to a certain degree, even his family

regulus in atfhv is not afraid of orion and walburga. this is a different take than ones i see pretty commonly in 'regulus runs away' fics, which is part of why i think it's so difficult to get regulus to *leave* in this universe - the cost-benefit analysis doesn't work out well in his eyes

but i do think regulus in this au would make a condition 'sirius doesn't get disowned.' yes, make regulus heir, let sirius hang out with the potters, tell everyone he abdicated because regulus was a better choice for the role, make sirius the black sheep of the family even more than he already is, but don't kick him out. regulus's argument here is that if sirius gets disowned, it looks like there was Big Drama, and after that whole thing with she-who-must-not-be-named eloping less than 10 years ago, do they *really* need more of that?

(it shows more confidence in regulus as heir as well, if it doesn't look like the blacks were forced into that decision and made it of their collective free will)

sirius still isn't thrilled, but he attempts to make the best of it by going 'would it at least be possible to come up with a way to support you-know-who that gives us an opening to sabotage him later?' and regulus goes 😈 we will make one 😈

turns out, with the combined efforts of regulus, narcissa, and various parental figures, the blacks (and malfoys) can exert VERY tight control over voldemort's purse strings. lucius and bellatrix are the 'show of good faith' death eaters which is great because they're ALREADY MARKED and it doesn't require forcing anyone into the position.

probably regulus and sirius end up concocting a plan in which regulus goes to orion and walburga and says 'i've changed my mind, we should disown sirius, his political inclinations hurt our position with voldemort' and orion and walburga go 'mwahaha our plan to divide and conquer worked. yes regulus that is a reasonable idea good for you'

regulus then promptly begins passing information through sirius to the order of the phoenix and hinting to various people he both likes and trusts that they should maybe start peeling off from the death eaters a little bit juuuuuuuuuuuust in case it works out poorly for them later

he may very well still end up working with barty and evan - barty goes 'SABOTAGE??? I LOVE SABOTAGE' and runs off to take the mark, which serves the dual purposes of giving them multiple avenues of information in the death eaters and endearing him to orion and walburga so he can hang out at regulus's house. (barty would probably still live with his parents - voldemort wants him there b/c of crouch sr. but he can at least *avoid* his father by way of grimmauld place. orion and walburga understand the desire to spend no time with crouch sr. they don't really do 'sympathetic' but they do just kind of accept the fact that he will show up randomly)

and evan comes into play because *mumblemumble.* if you've read my spoiler posts you may have some ideas on what the mumbling is but i genuinely don't remember if i've talked about this afjlsghksdf i think i have though?

anyway the order wins the war and everyone regulus likes just HAPPENS to avoid azkaban because they just HAPPENED to have a contingency plan already (the good thing about killing voldemort permanently is that the dark marks disappear - no instant proof of guilt!)

so then regulus has a stranglehold on the dark network (thanks to getting rid of the people who aren't helpful to him AND giving certain people tip-offs that make them feel grateful), which leads to an immense degree of influence over the wizengamot and the sacred 28, and orion and walburga are very proud, and sirius is watching regulus sit in on wizengamot sessions 'for fun' and thinking 'oh god what have i created'

(every day is bring your child to work day if you're orion and your child is willing to have passive aggressive conversations with your enemies to distract them while you actually go about negotiating with useful people)

somehow this still ends up with regulus fighting voldemort and dumbledore, just one at a time and more subtly. i clearly have a one track mind FJSLGHSKGHSJDKFJDS but atfhv regulus is really surprisingly committed to his principles once you back him into a corner

oh my god this got SO LONG. sjlghsdkfd i'd read the hell out of this fic ngl

[lilithofpenandbook]

Lupin calling Snape by his name wasn't him being nice or kind or whatever. He was being disrespectful.

What do you think the saying "Being on a First-Name basis" means? It's not just a saying to describe how close people are, it's also very literal. When you're close with people, you use their first name, not their last. Especially in a setting like Hogwarts where people are, by default, on a last-name basis.

And especially when you are on bad terms with someone. Draco and Harry call each other Potter and Malfoy, because that's not only the default, but they do not like each other. It's a completely impersonal way to refer to each other. Snape and Sirius use last names because of this too. Snape uses "Potter" for James because of this. Even James and Lily were 'Potter' and 'Evans' to each other. Using last names is the default, and it's especially pointed when there's animosity. It's a clear 'we are not friends' sign.

And Snape and Lupin? Are not friends. Snape makes his distance clear when he's using Lupin's surname. And Snape has every single right to maintain this distance. It's Lupin who is being disrespectful by assuming a closeness when there isn't any. You don't get to call him "Severus" outright, you have to earn that right. Lupin has not earned it. He's being too close. Too friendly. Disrespectful. It even kind of comes across as condescending- he's addressing Snape, his colleague and not a friend at all and someone he's interacting with solely on professional business, like he's addressing a child.

And he's absolutely crossing Snape's clear boundaries. Snape's way of addressing him is clearly to put that boundary, to say "hey, I am only interacting with you on a professional level, and that is all, I do not want to be friends with you in any way", and Remus is crossing that boundary by addressing Snape in a very familiar way, as if to say "I do not care about your boundaries", which is especially hypocritical because Remus behaves as if he regrets the past and wants to make amends. And even if he is, by overstepping Snape's boundaries he's making his "amends" about himself, he's saying "see I'm sorry I'm being nice you cannot be mad at me now" instead of letting Snape dictate how their relationship should work.

So no, Remus using Snape's first name isn't kindness. It's bullying. And in such a subtle, innocent way that people won't catch on because nobody's got the time to analyse their behaviour, and because Remus is so nice and so friendly, without the context of their past it makes Snape look bad because what exactly is Remus doing wrong? Being friendly?

As for "forgiving" Snape for telling everyone he was a werewolf, frankly Remus deserved to be exposed for what he'd done that year. If Sirius was actually a killer, like they all assumed, some of the kids would have already been dead because of Remus' selfishness. And Remus' carelessness endangered everyone. Not only that, but I even have doubts as to whether that's what even happened because the only person who claims that was Remus. As if he didn't know Harry already struggled with respecting Snape, he had to tell him that so there would be more hatred from Harry's end? And then claim Harry's 'blinded by hatred'? Anyway, aside from the fact that even if it was true Remus shouldn't have told Harry that, I doubt Snape's the one who exposed Remus. I doubt that Remus was even exposed at all, and that instead he told Harry that to cover up the fact that he was in disgrace with Dumbledore and was therefore running away. Or perhaps, half the school had finally figured it out (because I refuse to believe only one thirteen year old had figured it out) and Remus decided to blame Snape. Either way, the very fact that Snape exposed Lupin is debatable to me (especially because why now? Why not as a DE where Dumbledore could not have forced him to keep it a secret and therefore he could have revenge on one of his abusers?) and even if he did, Remus had nothing to forgive because he brought it on himself.

As for appreciating the potion, he also made Snape run around after him like a personal servant instead of saving him the trouble and coming to him himself. I don't see much appreciation there

Lupin appreciated that Snape brewed the potion for him and he was the only one who called him by his name Lupin forgave Snape for telling everyone that he was a werewolf.

Lupin doesn’t have to forgive anything, what he does have to do is apologize for being complicit in abuse and, while he’s at it, for being a complete irresponsible mess.

[thecat-isblogging-blog]

*sighs* I feel like fandom is swinging from one extreme to the other in about Lupin, he might not be all chocolate and cozy sweaters but he's also not a selfish bastard who cares about no one but himself

Hi anon, I personally haven't seen this on my dash but maybe you're grouping me in the extreme fandom as well. Which is fine, I really don't mind. I like pushing Lupin into extremes because I find it very interesting, and I know that isn't everyone's cup of tea! But one thing is for sure, Lupin is a very complex character with both a lot of good qualities and also a lot of bad qualities. His insecurities often presented themselves in selfish ways. Him not saying anything about Sirius being an Animagus was very selfish. Him leaving Tonks because he was afraid his own kid would be either a werewolf or hate his father for being one, is very selfish. There really isn't any other way around it and it's better to not make excuses. These two examples weren't done as selfless actions, they were selfish and harmful. The man even admits it himself. But Lupin is someone you can easily side with, he is someone who a lot of readers latched onto because he felt like this trustworthy mentor. He guides Harry, helps him find the answers to the fears the boy experiences without any judgment. Offering a safe space through empathy, encouragement and kindness. It's something I admire so much about Lupin. I love this character for how complicated he is. Full of potential to be the sweater wearing Lupin and yet weighed down by something that is so violent and uncontrollable. He is wonderfully selfish because it is part of how he survives. There's nothing wrong with a character being like this and for us to find him interesting for it. With all of this said, please just unfollow people that you aren't vibing with. There's no reason to take what I say as the law with Lupin, or anyone else for that matter. If you have your own thoughts about Lupin you want to share, then go for it. Send me another anon.

[trothplighted-archived]

It’s so nice to read some…let’s call them…book-inspired marauders headcanons. Do you have any specifically for Remus?

I do, I've got loads, so here's a few off the top of my head:

he's a half-blood by Pureblood standards; his dad was Muggleborn and his mum was from a mixed-blood family. as a result he knows more about Muggle stuff than any of the other boys and he gets called in to be the designated Muggle expert, despite never growing up in a Muggle household and only meeting his Muggle grandparents once

he was going to be sent to Durmstrang by his parents until they received word that Hogwarts would take him, because Durmstrang accepts students who aren't fully human

I like the (possibly old) fanon that he's a chocoholic but I've never seen him as admitting that he's a chocoholic. he thinks he consumes a normal amount of chocolate and it's not noticeable at all.

he started out significantly more risk-averse than the rest of the Marauders, out of fear of expulsion, but James and Remus sort of got him out of his shell by the middle of their school careers and by fifth year he was just as snarky and thrillseeking as either of them

after graduation everyone sort of drifted apart and that was devastating to him because werewolves are pack animals and he had very deep bonds with the other three boys. (Peter moved back home with his mum, Sirius got a flat in London, and James got married, and there was the war and the Order on top of all of it) He's not really developmentally stunted, but he resents that his friends got the opportunity to grow up and have careers or lives or independence and he was scraping by on his own, stubbornly refusing to go home again or take James's or Sirius's money but struggling to find a job and live well.

he and Sirius never made it official, really. they were shagging all through school but never said "I love you" or asked for commitment, and in the years between 1977 and 1981 they were on-again off-again. both of them wanted something more, but they're bad at communicating it

he's convinced that no one will ever put him first, because no one ever has, in his view - yes, the other three became Animagi for him, but they probably would have tried it anyway just to see if it could be done, and they didn't care enough about him to maintain their friendship as adults. he is being quite selfish about this, but that's how trauma works, unfortunately

he and Sirius were living together for a while during the spring and early summer of 1995, but they had a massive blowout fight that led to Sirius going to Grimmauld Place and effectively being on house arrest. the fight was at least half Remus's fault, neither of them were at their best. they spent the fall and the winter slowly putting the pieces back together and had almost really committed by the time Sirius died

his rule-abiding isn't built necessarily on morality - compare to James, whose principles are entirely moral - but instead on a fear he'll be kicked out of school

he and Sirius broke what amounted to a bro code between the Marauders, which was "you can shag somebody and you don't have to tell us, but if you shag someone and it means something, you have to say"

he cleans up nicely, so to speak - he'll never be as handsome or as ethereally lovely as Sirius, but he's not unattractive. he is, however, a bit of a feral gremlin who sleeps in the woods, and the fact that he's in love with a well-dressed aristocrat does terrify him. he lives in fear of all his oversized shabby robes going missing and being replaced with good quality clothing.

Sirius is big on going out to pubs and bars and trolling for trade, but Remus stays at home with a cup of cocoa and a book. getting him to come to any party that isn't a wedding is like pulling teeth.

he's drily sarcastic but not particularly quick on his feet when it comes to witty repartee and insults

[rosemelodyshah]

Thanks for answering the ask!

I am anti Remus so I suppose I ignored the times he was brave, but for me it's too little, too late.

For me, despite how brave joining the Horcrux hunt would have been, his intentions are selfish and cowardly (running from his wife and unborn child), and then he tries to manipulate Harry by saying 'James would have wanted/agreed with this' [paraphrasing], which further ruins the bravery. besides, it's not bc he wants to help, it's more so he can escape fatherhood.

He does value bravery, but he isn't truly brave for majority of the sereis which ruins him for me. I loved him when I first was in the fandom, but upon rejoining I just think the few times he is brave, his intentions/the fact that they're a consequence/he didn't have much choice ruins it for me. This is also my main issue with snape (among other things)

His flaws aren't as on the face, just like Lily's isn't for example, but I think that's what makes me more agitate about it. I ca be real salty at times, though I'd like to think I'm mostly nice, and when things are b/w the lines just enough that they aren't obvious, my mind just starts reeling at it (esp if I seem to be in the minority)

@casquecest I realised I kind of framed that wrong. my point was even when he lets others get him down, he stands up for James. Like the Molly V him, he kinda takes her coming at him (though he is getting very angry) but once she indicates that James and Lily were wrong, he stands up. Or at least that's how I view it. I know he does shut James down, which is more than what Remus does (Remus goes all 'But there's that too'-- another example of his cowardness), he also doesn't just let people talk James down for no reason. He certainly isn't afraid to call James an idiot or anything, but by life if people accuse him of something, esp if it's wrong. I do read a lot of co-ddependant PF fics so I should start working on wording this particular sentence more (I believe this isn't the first time I've given the wrong impression with this😅)

As for the unhinges part, that might be my HC? Idk I see him and Bellatrix are like very similar, except they choose diff life paths and kinda end up comp diff? They have similar motivations in life, for a while at least, and it kinda sets them up for everything. Bella is.. well insane for Voldy, and Sirius is super loyal to James.

@shivstar Oh I'm referring to his undercover mission with the werewolves. I get that Dumbledore asks him to be undercover or whatever, but by keeping that from James, Sirius and Peter he kinda ruins all (okay maybe not Peters, but his own instead) 7 lives. Also, I don't quiet get it with Sirius either but why didn't he tell Dumbledore or anyone, really, his suspicions? Like I'd think James would shut it down but he really goes a good couple of months at least just suspecting Sirius and keeping quiet? (I don't quiet get this with Sirius either but I think Sirius does tell Jily and I think someone else too but got shot down-- I'm not sure tho). Also kinda have to admit I'd think Remus would have acted shady enough that Sirius suspected it, but I guess Sirius must have also been kinda strange?

(Oh and not really related but how is it that both of them were suspecting each other and Peter just acted normal enough that no one saw it coming. I mean I get it they thought a bit less of him but really they were being quiet idiotic)

Controvertial take: Remus is the worst, and most cowardly, Marauder.

James is so true and close to his core beliefs that it left his child an orphan, which is sad, but he has full trust in people who he gives loves. No matter how many WIPs of James who fights evil!Dumbldore by being sly and cunning I am writing, James would still never (if I stuck by true Canon) bc James is just the kind of open book where he'd just barge in and tell everyone what he thinks eventually. He can keep secrets and work under ground, but he'll fight for what he believes publically. He is brave enough to get down from the front row to protect his family, and brave enough to die, wandless and straight-backed just in hopes of giving his family more time.

Despite him letting Dumbledore and everyone step on him after Azkaban, Sirius also stays true to his core beliefs (AKA you mess with James in any way [including thinkng bad about him or thinking he could ever made a mistake], you die). He is James' less trusting, more real version and he doesn't fear anyone. Literally would kill for those he loves, a bit unhinged, and like a male version of Bellatrix (excepts it's James he'd do anything for instead of Voldemort-- and he never marries). He is also the only one who knows what Harry needs and what's best for him. He is brave enough to stay cooped up in Grimauld and brave enough to die for Harry.

Peter ends up betraying his friends, and while in Hogwarts just follows James around. Despite this, he is brave in his own way. He is brave enough to throw like a decade of friendship away. He is brave enough to beg James' son to spare his life IN FRONT of Sirius and Remus. He shows his true colours and doesn't abandon that. He is brave enough to be truly selfish, and do anything needed to live. He is also brave enough to feel guilt, and admit said guilt in front of the man who wants to kill him, how once best friends son and his friends, and the werewolf. He is brave enough to admit that he was selfish and only wanted to live. He is brave enough to be a traitor and turn his back on people.

Remus however, lives in the shadows and just gives his life up, in a way, because someone didn't hate him. The Marauders became animagi for them, so he kept quiet about the bullying even though it 'bothered' him. He keeps secret from the three people who truly accepted him, which kind of ruins like 7 lives (James, Lily, Peter, Harry, Sirius, Voldemort, Snape). He has no core values. Nothing he really believes in. He starts suspecting one of the people most loyal to James and him and his friends. He lets push him around because they stayed. Everyone (unintentionally or otherwise) exploited that. He doesn't raise his voice because he wants to. He doesn't say no because he means it. He runs away from his family and tries to guilt trip and manipulate Harry. He lets people manipulate him, and tries to guilt trip others. He has like zero anything bc he just lets everyone step on him. He is a COWARD, and James would not be happy with him and everything he did and did not do after he (James) died.

all of this, yes, but i will say that remus showed bravery at some point—at the end, for example, when he came to fight; or the sheer audacity of showing up expecting harry to take him with him on the horcrux hunt.

remus valued bravery. he wanted to be brave. he could be brave, provided others were there to be brave with him. he was capable of being brave while going under cover with the other werewolves.

remus was brave when he was ordered to be, and he was brave when there were others there to be brave with him. he’s a very interesting character who’s very flawed, but doesn’t seem flawed upon a shallow reading because they’re not as glaring as, say, sirius’, voldemort’s, and harry’s impulsivity; james’ and hermione’s black-and-white thinking; ron’s jealousy; peter’s capability of betraying those who loved him for who he was. it’s subtler, it’s glossed over in the fandom, and that’s a pity because he is a cool and tragic character who has to actively choose to be brave, and often chooses not to be.

[addie-your-queen]

as someone who’s also writing a disney/wolfstar au (snow white, in case you were wondering) i wanted to ask you what aspects of their personalities are you changing (is sirius still loud and obnoxious? is remus still as reserved? is their dynamic the same?) thank you and lots of love!! can’t wait for your fic <3

Okay, first of all, I would love to read your snow white au, let me know when it's out.

Secondly, I'm trying not to change too much of their personalities from the way I see it, but rather change the story to fit them. A big part of beauty and the beast is how the reason the beast is under the curse is because he is selfish and unkind and our Remus is the complete opposite (and along with only turning on full moons) I added a bit of a twist as to how he got the curse. He is definitely still quiet and reserved but even more so after the curse. He hides away from his friends (not that there are many people in the castle to hide from), and he feels really bad because the curse is 'his fault'. Sirius I would say isn't as loud and obnoxious as people tend to write him, but I kind of took that 'teenage rebel' thing and turned it into something more appropriate for the little village he lives in. I tried to give him a bit more of Belle's personality, so although he still resents reading (and any attempts Dumbledore has to make him read one), I wouldn't say he is specifically rebelling against his family, he just doesn't really fit in, much like Belle. His family just hates the way he acts either way, which is why he runs away and finds Remus' Castle (aka Hogwarts) after his mother tells him he needs a wife. (He still cares about Reggie though, which, spoiler, is why he ends up going back). And in terms of their dynamic, I am writing it to be just really soft and sweet and they really care about each other even before Sirius breaks the spell, and they've both had bad pasts so it's definitely about their recovery together. Sirius all his life has just wanted a home, a real home, and Remus has this curse thing (and his parents are dead), and so they are helping each other and it's just really soft. Yeah. Also, they share a bed because Sirius is used to sleeping on a mattress on the floor in the little house he grew up in, so he can't sleep in a big bed and Remus just likes someone to hold him, and usually, he would sleep with James, or Lily, or Peter, but now they are all talking objects and not that great for sharing a bed with.

Thank you so much for the ask!!! sorry if it got a bit long. All the love <33

[sophsicle]

Which do you consider is the biggest flaw in James and Regulus as human beings? (in choices ofc)

OKAY, I've been thinking about this question a lot because I couldn't figure out how to word what I wanted to say, but I think I've got it so here we go: James's biggest flaw is that he acts on his emotions. He doesn't really think things through. And I want to be clear that while yes, this is partially because he has a big heart and he feels very deeply about everything and everyone, it's also because he's lived a very privileged life. James has lived a life where he can just do whatever feels right to him without thinking about the consequences. And in a way that's a very selfish / self-centred way to approach things. We see this with Regulus very clearly on two occasions; one, when James flies to Grimmauld Place despite Regulus's consistent warnings about how dangerous it would be for his family to learn about the connection between them. Luckily he runs into Narcissa who cares about Regulus in her own way and therefore lets it go. But if it had been Bellatrix? Or Lucius? Or Rodolphus? Or Walburga? There would have been serious consequences for James and Regulus. The second instance is this last chapter, where James goes after Lucius. Which, you know, obviously we all want to punch Lucius in the face, but again Regulus has expressed to James how precarious his place in that family is and James just disregards that because HE feels upset about what happened to Regulus. In that moment even though he's technically doing it "for" Regulus, he isn't actually thinking about anything except how Lucius makes HIM feel. And we see how that puts Regulus in this horrible position, which James probably could have seen coming if he had thought about it for like five more seconds. Regulus's biggest flaw is both the opposite of James's and kind of related? His flaw is his apathy. I think as a coping mechanism or a form of self-preservation Regulus has taken a rather apathetic view of life. He doesn't really care very much about things that aren't immediately or directly connected to him. Regulus doesn't care about the war. He doesn't really care if people die as long as they're not his people (or as long as he isn't killing them). He doesn't really care about who the good guys or the bad guys are. Those larger moral stances just don't matter to him. I think this is partially the result of growing up in a house where bad things happened all the time, and if he were to go all James (or Sirius) and feel upset about all those bad things he would be overwhelmed. So he just trains himself not to care (again kind of the opposite of how Sirius deals with the situation). He's able to survive in that house for so long by being apathetic. Sirius, on the other hand, can't - he either has to get out or die there. Hopefully some of that made sense! I'm still not sure that I'm 100% articulating this properly but I don't want this ask to sit in my drafts forever so here we are!

[tatwaffel]

“Remus didn't love Tonks. Tonks forced him into a relationship. He was too old for her!”

Bullshit.

First things first, why do some people think Remus didn't love Tonks? Well, Remus is more of a background character. He doesn't talk about his feelings a lot and lives very withdrawn because of his lycanthropy. But then there's this huge problem of Remus Lupin having no self confidence.

Why's that a problem? Well...

We had this wonderful conversation between the trio and Remus where he finally opened up a bit. He said marrying Tonks was a mistake.

But here we have to pay attention. Mind you, Remus has no self confidence. He thinks himself to be a monster. 'He had never fallen in love before'. He's scared and overwhelmed.

By saying he shouldn't have married Tonks he does not say in the slightest that he doesn't love her. He thinks he's ruined her life, spoiled his unborn son's life, made them outcasts.

I ask you, if you don't care about your wife and your unborn child, if you don't love them, would you care like that?

Remus clearly is full of regret but only for 'ruining' Tonks's life. Remus hates himself for that. And, being an outcast himself for years, he runs away. He panics. He's babbling here, clearly distraught. It seems like he left Tonks and apparated straight here.

So this is the scene that makes Remadora haters doubt. But, with all due of respect, if you really think that in this scene Remus finally admitted that he doesn't love Tonks, then you don't understand Remus's character at all.

Now we have that negative thing sorted, here some more positive evidence why Remus loved Tonks.

I'd like to refer to the article on Pottermore here, saying Remus was 'first amused, then impressed, then seriously smitten' by Tonks. 'He had never fallen in love before'.

And this fits so well!

You have this clumsy, bubbly, jolly auror lass with the pink hair and large boots. She's constantly tripping, always up for mischief, bubbling with life. For Remus, Tonks is the definition of happiness. Happiness - a thing he's missed for many many years. He learns to smile again, watching her trip over the troll leg but still laughing, watching her morph her hair in a all colours of the rainbow or walking in with a beak. Despite there being a war, he can finally smile again. He found happiness in her.

But then, as they naturally go on missions (like it's said on Pottermore), he realizes that Tonks is capable. She's an auror trained by Alastor Moody after all. She could battle three death eaters at once and probably still win without being scarred. But he's not only impressed by that. He's impressed that she doesn't mind him being a werewolf. He's impressed that she still wants to spend time with him. She's so different from most of the wizard community. She's kind of a freak, really, just like him.

But then, feelings come. He finds himself not only smitten, but seriously smitten. Tonks is all he secretly yearns for. Someone who takes him the way he is, someone who makes him smile even in this dark times. He has fallen for the clumsy auror with the vivid hair.

When she told him she loved him 'after a year of warm friendship', his first reaction was a kind of happiness he's never felt before! He did not immediately start rejecting her, as said on Pottermore, that came later. His first reaction was happiness that the woman he loved loved him back.

Then there's the fact that he clearly enjoyed her company. Pottermore states that, despite his belief that he had to reject her, he still was happy every time he got paired on an overnight mission with her. Furthermore, they are together all the time! Usually, whenever Remus is mentioned in OOTP, Tonks is around. Whether as an old lady escorting the kids back to Hogwarts, or as herself at the breakfast table at headquarters. Coincidence? Well, you never saw Hestia or Emmeline that much in Remus's company, did you?

Oh, and there's this cute little fact of Remus being jealous. Before telling him she's fallen for him sometime in summer 1996, Tonks mentions that 'Sirius is still handsome, isn't he? Even after Azkaban.' And Remus's reaction is jealousy. He tells her that he supposes she's fallen for Sirius, then. Would he react like that if he wasn't in love with Tonks? Certainly not.

A chapter Remadora haters must've overlooked when reading the books was the one in DH when Remus came to Shell Cottage and proudly told everyone about their son. He's beaming and bubbling, which is nothing like the withdrawn and melancholic Remus we know. He's incredibly happy. He also speaks of 'Dora' pretty much, in a very affectionate way.

But second thing, Tonks pushed Remus into a relationship. What?

This is something most Remadora haters say. But, if they really knew Remus's character, they'd realize it's utter bullshit.

Yes, Remus is a lonely and sad man a lot of the time. He yearns to have someone who loves him, be near this someone. He doesn't like to be lonely.

However, he went away with the werewolf pack for about a year. Again, Remus Lupin went to life with the werewolf pack of Fenrir Greyback, the one who ruined his life, for an entire bloody year. An attempt to run away from his feelings, make Tonks realize she wouldn't miss him and just fall for another man - but most importantly here: Remus did manage to keep his distance tho the woman who he loved was waiting at a safer place than somewhere in a cave or forest filled with wolves.

Remus does posses a great will power. If he really didn't want to engulf himself in a relationship, a marriage with Tonks, he simply wouldn't!

Remus wouldn't marry a woman he didn't love just because she loved him and he wanted to do her a favor.

Just recently, I read someone saying that Tonks isn't a strong woman. She's clingy for chasing after Remus.

Tonks didn't chase after Remus. If she had, she would've abandoned her auror duties and left for any forest to get Remus back from the pack. But she stayed at Hogwarts doing her duty of protecting the castle.

We all know she suffered from depression after Remus started rejecting her. Her hair is mousy brown, she looks ill and sad. No wonder. In her eyes, the love of her life preferred death over being with her. How is that not heartbreaking? Besides, her cousin second degree and good friend, Sirius, passed away recently. She's pretty much alone now. And there's a war! She's lost Sirius to the veil, has lost or might lose Remus to the wolves, might lose her parents to the death eaters. This is all much to cope with.

But I ask you: doesn't it make Tonks strong that she kept going? She wasn't selfish and chased after Remus, she guarded Hogwarts because that's where the Order needed her. Plus, she showed her emotions. She didn't try to act like all was well. And that is true strength.

Tonks didn't cling to Remus, pushing him to be with her because she wanted to. Tonks could've had any man, actually. But she wanted Remus.

An important detail we have to see here is that Tonks's attitude described as 'clingy' isn't rooted in selfishness.

This is fiction, but Remus was a broken man. And Tonks tried to fix him. Though Remus said and thought the contrary, Tonks knew that he was indeed worthy of love. Tonks is not stupid - she realized that Remus liked her back. So why should she not try to make him realize he could and should be happy?

There's another thing Remadora haters bring up, which is saying that Tonks's patronus didn't change of pure love, but obsession. Tonks's patronus is a wolf like Remus's because she's obsessed with him. This is compared to Snape's relation to Lily, which is also (labeled as) obsession. Doe and doe, wolf and wolf.

Now what if I tell you that doe and doe doesn't work in nature? Wolf and wolf does. Remus being a male ought to have a male wolf patronus, Tonks a female one. Like it was for James and Lily aka stag and doe.

Tonks's patronus changed because she truly loved Remus. As already stated before, she wasn't obsessed with him.

Tonks didn't go into the battle because she was obsessed with Remus either. She joined the Battle of Hogwarts to fight alongside her husband. Tonks did something Tonks always does when it comes to Remus: make sure he's not alone, make sure he's loved, make sure he's protected.

Last thing, the 13 years age gap.

Well? Why exactly does that matter?

In OOTP Tonks was 22, Remus was 35. In the wizarding world, Tonks was a woman of full age. Five years over the magical line of 17 years, actually. Both were adults. Why is that problematic? When Tonks was born, Remus was 13. That even makes him too old to be her father! I see no problem in that age gap, to be honest. I only see a problem in the narrow minded people who keep using it as a reason why Remus and Tonks shouldn't be together.

I do not expect you all to ship Remadora after this and abandon all your other Remus x any character ships you liked before, simply to stop hating on Remadora - stop hating on any other ship. This is fiction, after all.

All of us are drawn to that one ship, canon or not, that fills our heart with indescribable joy and makes us believe in true love.

For me, that is Remus x Tonks.