#now REGULUS cares deeply about duty

[jamesisasimp]

I can't tell if Hamilton's Satisfied is more prongsfoot with Sirius giving up James so Regulus can have him or moonwater with Reg giving up Remus for Sirius 🤔

[dersebyte]

Some Background Info, I guess?:

So, I rarely daydream anything before the summer of 1975. I don’t know why, maybe because of a disconnect with the ages or whatever but yeah, summer of 1975, when shit goes down.

I am sorted into Slytherin usually. I try to keep myself pretty close to my irl self so I’m actually a Slytherin or Hufflepuff, depending on the test I take. I’m in the same year as the Marauders as well. My birthday is April 19 1960.

I picture myself similar to the picture below. The point of daydreaming is to escape so, I choose to look different than in real life.

(photo credits: heir.of.atticus on Instagram)

I take the usual core subjects; Charms, Transfiguration, History of Magic, Astronomy, Herbology, and Potions (slug club!!). My electives are Arithmancy and Ancient Runes. School was easy for me growing up so I take my classes the same ways as I did real school. I’m not a dick though. I make notes for the entire History of Magic class and I hold tutoring sessions for the younger years.

My friends of choice are Remus Lupin, Lily Evans (we share classes together and study in the library as well), Regulus Black, Pandora Lovegood (she was getting bullied and I helped her out, we begrudgingly became friends after), and I tolerate Barty Crouch Jr. (he and Regulus are friends and I put up with him when they hang out). I can not stand to spend time with Severus Snape or Evan Rosier (I find them to elitist to deal with. Always trying to one up everyone else.)

I found out about Remus’ furry little problem in first year, never said anything to anyone. It kind of hard to ignore all the signs when you actively follow moon patterns for traditional reasons. And yes, I do believe that Celtic practices would still be followed in the wizarding world.

My family is a pureblood family that is deeply intrenched in dark magic. Not like bad magic, evil spells. Like, dark magic in terms of belief. I have always had a belief that necromancy and soul spell work, any spell craft that is considered heavy duty would be considered dark magic. I grew up in the Scottish countryside, my parents were a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin.

My family was emotionally distant. I rarely saw them, growing up surrounded by books and house elves. Even as I entered Hogwarts, they rarely took an interest in my studies or who I was friends with. As Voldemort began to rise in power, my parents began dragging me into more and more “pureblood nonsense�� like galas and fancy dinners with other families. (Believe it or not, this is actually tamer than what I grew up with family-wise.)

Due to my family’s status in the pureblood world, I became Regulus’ escape place, very much how James became Sirius’. My family didn’t care if I had friends over as long ad they were of pureblood status and I could leave as I pleased.

I smoke in real life and have been since I was fifteen. This obviously transferred over so just a warning, I suppose. I’m not the only smoking student.

—————————————————————————————————————

I started a new life in my daydreams recently and that was when I decided to share this on here. Like I said before, this is my fantasy, not everyone else’s. I understand if you don’t like something I do or share but please, be kind.

From now on, my posts will be written out novella style. Hopefully you enjoy!

Thanks for reading,

-Derse!!

[qu3erwitch]

See as much as we all KNOW Sirius thinks they’re beautiful (I mean STUNNING and ethereal), I wholeheartedly believe that the reason why they fell so hard for Remus was because Remus called her personality beautiful, how loyal she was was so beautiful it hurt, how they cared so deeply for those they loved (and even things others would think was “overdramatic” like how “goDAMMIT MOONY ALL NIFFLERS WANT IS SHINY THINGS ISNT IT MY GODFORSAKEN DUTY TO MAKE THEIR FLUFFY LITTLE LIVES??? I MEAN LOOK AT THOSE TINY LITTLE HANDS AND TELL ME YOU WOULDNT SELL YOUR SOUL FOR THAT???? AND THIS ONE WAS KILLED BECAUSE THE MINISTRY HATES MAGICAL CREATURES??? COME ON!!?? 😭😭😭).

So much so that Remus couldn’t compliment her on her physical beauty until after askaban. Before she would fly off the handle because they were insecure about Remus only loving them because she was pretty. And also because everyone could see her beauty, but she knew that they saw the beauty of the whole black family, but no one knew how ugly most of them were inside (obviously Andromeda, Sirius and Regulus (maybe Alphard but idk much about him) were the only exceptions). As a result she was terrified that they were actually just as ugly as their family on the inside and nobody dared tell them because they were “a black” (and also that the rest of the marauders would hex anyone who dared even infer it). Despite how maNY TIMES Remus would assure her, he loved them no matter their beauty it was their biggest insecurity because maybe “they’d tricked Moony into thinking she is a good person when they’re actually evil like their family”. As a result they needed constant reassurance from Remus that they did actually see them as beautiful inside, not just out.

After Askaban tho, and the horrors she endured, she couldn’t view herself as a good person because that place felt like it had scalped any good out of them with a blunt butter knife (and it still hurt). All their good which Remus had told them was there was removed or didn’t feel real and so now they were ugly inside too. So when they came back, she demanded Remus only call her physical appearance beautiful because that was the ONLY thing about her, that they could perceive as beautiful because she could tell it was real (especially once she cleaned up and had a proper meal).

Occasionally Remus would risk it and tell her she was beautiful inside too. But most of the time is would result in them screaming at him, and then storming off in a rage. And he never minded for she deserved to be reminded of that.

But a couple of times it worked, and it was some of the only times Sirius felt she had escaped askaban, she felt warm, at home, like her old self, but most importantly real. And in those moments she would be reminded of how much her and remus really were soulmates. How much they completed one another…

someone hitting on sirius: you’re so hot

sirius: ain’t that the truth

[pxdfootx]

@rxgblck​

Sirius stood outside Mary and Emmeline’s flat, hesitant in a way that was unusual for Sirius Black to be. He knew that it was shitty of him to have not stopped by Mary and Emmeline’s yet. It had been a couple days since Emmeline’s rescue and he really should have been there that same day, but after finding out about Peter’s betrayal, Sirius had been staying close to James and Remus. He hadn’t been up for talking to or being there for anyone else. Maybe that was selfish, but he had just found out that one of his best mates, his brothers, his marauders had been a traitor and now was dead. There was a whole raging mess of emotions happening inside of Sirius, and finding out from Lily that Regulus had been a part of Emmeline’s rescue had just brought those emotions to the boiling point. And if Sirius was being honest with himself (which he rarely did), he had been avoiding Mary and Emme’s place because of the chance there was to run into his brother.

Sirius wasn’t sure what to think about Regulus’ defection. Once upon a time, Reg had been the most important person in Sirius’ life. Their childhood had been spent together, whispering, plotting, discovering. They had been side by side, except for the times that Sirius stood in front of Reg, protecting him from the harshness of their parents’ expectations. Sirius would have done anything to protect Regulus, but then, in those days he would have done anything to protect Bella and the rest of his cousins too. But things had changed after Sirius met James. Hogwarts had brought him a sort of freedom that he hadn’t known he’d been longing for. For the first time, he wasn’t an heir, a legacy, a piece on the family chess board. He wasn’t young Master Black, he was just Sirius. When James had boasted about Gryffindor on the Hogwarts Express, it had sounded so damn fun, and all Sirius wanted was to have a little fun for once. In fact, he had been so focused on having fun that it became his ultimate mission. Of course, he still thought about Regulus, stuck at home without Sirius to protect him until he came to Hogwarts. He wrote letters to his brother and slipped right back into their dynamic on breaks from school, but things weren’t the same. There was a part of Sirius that was separate from his brother now, a part that Reg couldn’t understand until he got to Hogwarts.

And when it finally was Reg’s time, Sirius just assumed that his brother would follow in his footsteps. It had always been the two of them, Reg following along with whatever Sirius did. But when the hat bellowed out above Regulus’ head, it had been for Slytherin, not Gryffindor, not even Ravenclaw. Sirius had been disappointed, but even more deeply, he had been resentful. Now he was the only Black that hadn’t gone along with being in Slytherin, and here was more ammunition from their parents about Sirius being a disappointment. Maybe it had been wrong and selfish for him to assume that Regulus would do his part to share that burden, that it was Reg’s responsibility not to make Sirius look like a black sheep even more than he did. Looking back, Sirius knew that this resentment was the first crack in their relationship. Regulus was still his brother, sure, but he was too weak to be the brother Sirius wanted, the kind of brother he saw in James and Remus and Peter. Hell, Peter could be a total wuss sometimes and he still had more of a backbone than Regulus. These feelings all festered inside of Sirius, but he was too young and immature to examine them, to consider that maybe the way he thought about Reg’s decision and sorting was flawed. Instead, he threw himself even further into the Marauders — into the pranks and the jokes and the fun. Fuck, being a Marauder was so fun, the kind of fun he didn’t experience when he was around Regulus, who was so damn serious and careful.

But Regulus was still his brother, and that meant something to Sirius. The rest of the Gryffindors knew that Reg was off limits, and every time Snivellus seemed to get too cozy with his brother, retribution was swift. And then came that fateful day that summer. Sirius knew that Regulus hadn’t meant to snitch on him for being friends with a werewolf or snogging a muggleborn, but that didn’t change the pain he felt from the cruciatus curses his parents took turns throwing at him. When they finally left him alone, Sirius had recovered enough to dart into his room and pack the essentials. He could still hear the pleas from his brother — Regulus begging him to understand, apologizing over and over again, pleading with him to stay, to not leave him alone in this house. But Sirius had been hurt and angry and felt betrayed that Reg had thrown him under the bus, had made him into a scapegoat. So he had harshly brushed his brother off and gone, finding refuge in the Potters. And when they got back to Hogwarts, the cracks were too wide for Sirius to know how to breach, so he had pretended not to care as he watched Regulus fall further and further under the sway of the budding DEs in Slytherin.

Looking back now, Sirius wished that he had done things differently. He could have convinced Regulus to come with him; the Potters would have welcomed him too. Or if not, he could have stayed and put up with it for a couple more years. It’s what he should have done; it was his duty as an older brother to protect Regulus. Sirius knew in his heart that Reg didn’t want the life their parents were forcing him into, that he didn’t have what it took to be a Death Eater. Yet he had convinced himself otherwise; too afraid to take a closer look at how his own actions had pushed Regulus right down that path. But now, he was forced to confront that reality. Regulus had been more brave than even Sirius — he had walked out knowing there would be a price on his head for the rest of this war.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Sirius took a deep breath and forced himself to reach out, turning the knob and making his way inside. “Oi, Vance, took ya long enough to talk your way out of there!” His voice was more boisterous than usual, the only sign that he was overcompensating to disguise the hesitance he felt. Pausing on the threshold of the living room, he took in the scene before him. Emmeline, Moody, and Greta were all in the room, and so was Regulus, looking out of place. As his eyes fell on his brother for the first time in a long time, Sirius heard a sharp intake of breath coming from his own mouth. His eyes locked on Regulus’, and the other occupants of the room seemed to sense the change in him; they quickly made some excuses and scuttled off to the kitchen, leaving Sirius alone with his brother for the first time since that day he had run away from home.

“Uh, hi,” Sirius said lamely, nervously running his hand through his hair.

[anemonenemerosa]

The Spare - Chapter 7

Hello again,

here we go with the next chapter.

The fic is still inspired by the lovely @lumosinlove

TW for mentioned homophobia, past (and present?) abuse, mental health issues.

Chapter 7

Regulus quietly eased himself down on his bed, not making a noise, struggling to grasp what he just overheard. And it was a lot. His brother was, erm... dating the person he called after dinner. The voice on the phone was somewhat unintelligible but clearly male... named Remus. Sirius is dating a man. He was gay... playing in the NHL. Holy shit.'

After a moment of comprehension, Regulus pushed the newly found insights in his brothers’ sex-life aside. There was so much more. Sirius did not just go and found himself a new family six years ago. He felt as abandoned by his family as Regulus felt by Sirius. He feared their parents. Was the brave attitude Sirius would show Regulus just to keep him calm and happy, to protect his little brother? The beatings didn't end when Sirius was fifteen, as Regulus was always made to believe and he was going through therapy because of the psychological damage it caused. All the time Sirius told him he did not understand, Regulus drove him further away but his brother was right all along. Regulus did not understand, and he could kick himself for not getting this earlier.

But Sirius left Regulus there instead of explaining to him what he did not understand.

“I wouldn’t trade places with him though. I wouldn’t give up the Lions for anything.” His brother had said. Regulus wouldn't want to trade places with himself either.

This made clear that Sirius had no idea how Regulus' life went and how leaving him alone did not ease the pressure off of him. On the contrary. Do other families actually talk about such things? Probably, but we did not talk and now the damage is done.

Then, another aspect of the conversation demanded attention. Sirius had found someone. A team, some kind of family he actually wanted to spend time with and not just showed up out of sense of duty. And this Remus, who seemed to deeply care about him. Him, not his career, not his status. That man might even love him.

Regulus felt his eyes burn. He hadn't cried in years but the bare idea that relationships existed where people cared for each other like that, without expectations, showing support and giving comfort, left him longing. He remembered the feeling of being cared for by Sirius when he was young and realised that he was secretly craving it. Envy mingled with the burning the remorse of all he ever did to his brother while tears ran down his face.

                                   ............................................

The next day went by in a blur. Regulus was confused and hurting. His carefully maintained walls broke down yesterday and he was struggling to get them up again. He still couldn't look into his brothers’ eyes, he was off kilter and felt too exposed. But he knew he needed to get a grip, needed to talk to his brother before he left the next morning.

Regulus wandered around again at night but not in the house. He couldn’t walk past Sirius room again before he was ready. Instead, he put his running shoes on, climbed out of his window and started off along his favourite path. He'd run it so often, it didn't even make a difference that is was dark. He put Sirius' sexuality on the back burner, deciding that it was more important to get a concept of how he felt about his brother after all the input from last night. Letting the call replay in his head, Regulus tried to make a note of the feelings that surged through him. It hurt horribly but he pushed through and began to classify his emotions halfway through his second laps.

He felt sorry for his brother. Sirius was abused, felt just as abandoned as Regulus, stood under enormous pressure from the media already and oh, he was a closeted gay NHL-Captain dating his teams' -almost professional NHL-player- PT. The name Remus stroked something in Regulus' memory and he had looked him up earlier that day. Somewhat typically Sirius: Never one to do things by halves. But back to the feelings-endeavour.

There was shame, quite a lot. Regulus was being big-headed, naive and too eager to please his parents, the Snakes, too eager to escape Sirius' success pressing down on him until he couldn't breathe. He had let himself get blinded.

Despite the re-evaluation of their last years, Regulus still felt abandoned by his big brother and unbearably hurt. Although he began to fathom why Sirius put so much distance between himself and the family, he promised Regulus to always be his brother, to be there for him. And then, he wasn't. This wasn't all Sirius' fault of course, there were so many layers to their relationship that his head spun and he didn't even know everything that happened to his brother.

Regulus took a short break from running and feelings before he began his fifth laps, wishing he had thought of water.

Envy was the next feeling on the list. It was a not a knew occurrence but while it usually focused on his brother’s career, he now envied Sirius for something completely different. For having friends as close as a family, a team that supported him and seemed to genuinely like him as a person. Jealousy threw itself into the mix with a pang. All these people were in company of the Sirius' happy and caring side. The side that once was reserved for Regulus only. But maybe, it was possible to deeply care for several people. That Sirius finding real friends didn't mean he had nothing left for his baby brother. But Regulus drove him away and lost his claim. As quick as the jealousy came, it was overshadowed by longing for true affection and loss of how close he once was to his brother.

Remus. The name sprang up in Regulus' mind. Sirius hadn't just found a home, he found love. Something, Regulus grew more and more aware that he himself was undeserving of such strong affection. Any affection honestly. After all he had done, no one could possibly like him. The realisation just increased the longing and gave it a painful twinge.

 As if it wasn’t bad enough already.

Regulus gave up running after the fifth laps and settled on lying on a park bench in the middle of nowhere instead, like a proper creep.

Maybe I could do with a bit of therapy too, at the very least to sort through this mess, he thought dryly.

Then, there was the sexuality part. His brother was gay. This thought should have evoked repulsion in him but it didn’t. He briefly considered the common slurs and dirty jokes in the locker-room and on ice. Regulus was not sure how much of it was supposed to be harmless chirping but without doubt, it would become ammunition of certain players, if they knew it was actually true. And his parents made decidedly no effort to sugar-coat their opinions.

                                 ......................................................

"Sports is stooping lower and lower these days!" Regulus remembered his father’s agitation during the Olympic winter-games in Sochi.

Tim Stevenson, a Vancouver City Councillor, urged the International Olympics Committee to add "sexual orientation" to the Olympic Charter. The politician was openly-gay and married to Gary Paterson, the equally openly-gay moderator of the United Church of Canada.

"They shouldn't have allowed that in the first place" Orion hissed while succumbing into a rare fit of rage.

Regulus, of course, couldn’t remember the marriage in 2004 but his parents would never fail to show their distaste and indignation.

                                   .................................................

Regulus had always believed blindly what his parents told him, once out of naivety, later out of self-preservation. A mode of action he began to question deeply by now. The blind trust towards his parents was crumbling quickly, and Regulus felt himself uncertain of what to do now that his moral concepts and alleged knowledge were dissolving at an alarming rate. But as many tumultuous hard feelings as he allowed himself against Sirius for abandoning him and escaping, he did not think that being gay changed something about his brother...

Wasn't sexuality something you can’t help? That has always been like this? Then, hadn't he always been gay and knowing about it did not make him a different person. But Regulus hardly doubted that most of the NHL shared this train of thought, let alone their parents.

This can ruin Sirius' career... but isn't hockey supposed to be about the game and the game only? His mantra came back from the dead.

Why should it be of any importance for his game where he put his dick, or let other people stick their dick, for that matter? Regulus shuddered at the thought that his brother had a sex-life but he found himself not cringing at the idea of Sirius liking men. It was more the fact that he had sex in general. He denied that brothers, just like parents did this at all. Being the living proof that his parents had definitely had sex, was irrelevant.

Regulus decided to keep his brothers secret. He would not hurt him any more than he already had.

Coming home, around three in the morning, tired but much more at ease he found himself able to really sleep for the first time in what felt like years. Come next morning, he would grow a pair of metaphorical balls (he already had actual ones, thank you very much) to tell Sirius about the Interview and apologise. He would not talk about his brother’s sexuality, didn't want to intrude. It was not Regulus' business after all.

Regulus never overslept but this very day, he did. When he woke up, his brother was already gone. Thats that. I hope you liked it :)

Stay safe and channel your inner Hufflepuff

[belloinfernum-rp]

Andromeda Tonks

Age- 24

Chosen Faceclaim- Jenna Coleman

Loyalty- Neutral

Former House- Slytherin

Occupation- Healer

Label- The Fallen Angel

Aesthetic- Warm tea, overthinks the past, soft sweaters, candlelight dinners. 

Traits- + Clever + Humble + Protective - Impulsive - Abrupt - Resentful

Key Points

Andromeda Tonks nee’ Black was the second daughter born to Cygnus and Druella Black. Some might think that being the middle child, especially with all girls, would have been difficult, but that could not have been farther from the case for Andy. If anything, she felt that her parents standards on her were much easier than that of her sisters. She breezed by most of her childhood barely noticed and she preferred it that way. Growing up in The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black certainly came with its own challenges, but she got to face this with her best friends, her powerful and beautiful sisters.

During her years at Hogwarts, Andromeda often wondered if she truly belonged in the Slytherin house. It wasn’t that she didn’t get along with the others, but she felt that she had a compassion for people that a lot of her friends lacked. The older Andromeda got, the more she began to notice the differences in herself and her sisters. Bellatrix had become more cold and cruel, Narcissa more dutiful and graceful. That didn’t push them apart, though. They still shared everything with one another, well, almost everything.

Andromeda was in her sixth year when she started falling for Ted Tonks. He was carefree and he brought out a side of her she didn’t know she had. She knew even entertaining the idea of anything with Ted would be a foolish mistake, but she couldn’t help herself. Sneaking off around the castle to meet with him was the most thrilling time of her life. It was also when she first began to lie to her sisters about her whereabouts and the company she was keeping, knowing what their reactions would be. Realizing how deeply she was beginning to care for Ted, she tried to put distance between them. It has been silly of her to ever think she could fall in love with someone. She knew her role, it was the same as it had always been, graduate Hogwarts and marry a respectable, but more importantly, pureblood wizard.

Her final year at Hogwarts and the summer after brought a lot of pain and heartache for herself and her family. She had found out that she was to marry Corban Yaxley and while she had initially planned on doing just that, she couldn’t go through with it. She knew where her heart belonged, no matter how much she had tried to deny it. Telling her sisters had been the hardest part. She knew she was going to have to give them up for the life she wanted. They had seen it as a betrayal and she had been disowned from the Black family.

Ted had been the best choice she had ever made. He showed her constantly everyday how much she was loved. He taught her things that she had never thought possible. But, most importantly, he had given her their daughter, Nymphandora Tonks. Now, she and Ted are trying to figure out how to raise their sweet baby girl in the upcoming war. Andy can sense that horrible things are about to come and she fears for the safety of her family and friends.

Connections

Edward Tonks- Husband.

Bellatrix Lestrange & Narcissa Black- Sisters, estranged.

Sirius Black- Cousin.

Regulus Black- Cousin, estranged.

Molly Weasley- Close friend. 

Corban Yaxley- Broken betrothal.

[bellatrix-whoisleft]

General Information

Full Legal Name: Bellatrix Black Nickname: Bella for family, Bellatrix for absolutely anyone else. Never Trixie. Age: 19 Gender & Pronouns: Cisgender Female / she/her Sexuality: Heterosexual Aromantic Date of Birth: November 10, 1958 Horoscope: Scorpio Hogwarts House: Slytherin. Nationality: British & French Occupation: Publicly, she works part-time for the Magical Archives, sorting through old spellbooks and cross-checking accounts on the evolution of magic. Privately, she helps manage the Black family’s shadier affairs. Confidentially, most of her time is spent with the Death Eaters. Summarized in One Word: Indomitable 

Appearance

Faceclaim: Katie McGrath Height: 5 feet, 8 inches Hair Color: Black Eye Color: Green Noticeable Features: Aside from the classic Black good looks, her eyes are striking. She demands eye contact, and it isn’t just because of her personality but an inability to look anywhere else. They’re also where she looks most like Andromeda. Typical Outfit or General Fashion Sense: Bellatrix is immaculately dressed whenever she leaves the house. From intricate cloaks to perfectly fitted dresses, elegant robes, and trim pants, the common factor is she never looks anything less than perfect. Every last piece has been tailored, and her style is unified by how put together she is. 

History

Hometown: She is from Bath, growing up in one of the many homes owned by the Black family. She still spends a portion of her time there, but even before their engagement, she has been spending more time in a townhouse in London with Rodolphus. It’s much easier to hide her involvement with the Cause when she isn’t under the same roof as those she’s trying to keep it from.

Financial Status: Bellatrix has never wanted for anything in her life, and she never will. The Blacks are the kind of wealthy where they could stop working, and they could last generations while maintaining that lifestyle. The goal is to upkeep it forever and depleting even virtually limitless funds does not present a good public face, so they still have—often shady—sources of income. They’re old money, as true as they come, and it secures their quality of life, philanthropic efforts, and ability to take time away from conventional work as needed.

Spoken Languages: Bellatrix has an ear for languages, picking them up well and emphasizing learning them. She’s truly fluent in English and French to the degree of thinking in either. She can speak German, and if she was so inclined, Latin, and can read bits and pieces of others.

Dream Job: Bellatrix was not a child who grew up with dreams of being a magizoologist or an artist. She had aspirations of being notable, of playing their sociopolitical games, and she is living that prevalence to a degree. Now, she wants a hand in crafting the new world order next to the Dark Lord. It is difficult to imagine a dream job when you aspire to overhaul society.

Bad Habits: She relentlessly bites the inside of her left cheek to the point where it has scar tissue. Her wand is almost always in her hand—which many find disconcerting—and she will flip it or twirl it through her fingers subconsciously. When she’s injured, she can’t stop herself from touching the wounds, poking and prodding and feeling the pain. There’s also a pesky anger problem, but she has a good outlet for it in torture and destruction.

Family Background

Mother: Druella Black nee Rosier Father: Cygnus Black III Siblings: Andromeda and Narcissa Black Pets: None. This is for the best. Grandparents: Irma and Pollux Black; Vinda and Philippe Rosier Cousins: Does she ever have them. Sirius and Regulus on their father’s side, and Evan on their mother’s are the ones she sees most often given they all went to Hogwarts together. There are more, especially on the French side, and once second and third cousins are counted, it’s often easier to assume someone is related than not. 

Magical Abilities

Wand: Walnut. Dragon Heartstring. 12 ¾”. Unyielding. Notable bend just about her grip.

Patronus: Bellatrix cannot and will never be able to cast a patronus. Memories of her sisters, particularly those on Christmas, are all she can think to use to conjure it. She’s happiest there, giving and embracing the warmth of the moment, and it angers her that it’s never been enough. As she keeps corrupting, she gets further from the spell and Dementors slowly grow into a fear even before Azkaban because they are on a very short list of obstacles she can do nothing about. If she could, it would be a Pheasant. They’re regal birds that have long been held as a symbol of refinement. While they don’t always flash their plumage like a peacock, they maintain a high standard of etiquette in all situations. Their pride can lead them to trouble, but they do care deeply for family.

Boggart: It manifests as her being the only one left on the Black family tree. Bellatrix isn’t concerned that it will happen or that she will be left alone, not really, but it represent the fear she will be the only one left fighting. For what’s right, for her family, for what she believes in. With time, it evolves into a dementor: the best representation she has of her powerlessness.

OWLs: Astronomy, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, History of Magic, Potions, Transfiguration, Ancient Runes, Herbology: her only E NEWTs: Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, History of Magic, Potions, Transfiguration, Ancient Runes, Astronomy: she got an A because she felt seven years of the class was absurd

What Kind of Magic Do They Excel At: Bellatrix is outstanding at the Dark Arts. They have always resonated with her as the most powerful form of magic, and she drives herself incredibly hard to learn everything she can about them. She has the resolve to not be ruined by the practice as some are, the creativity to combine it with more conventional magic, and the inherent ability to perform such difficult spells. Her tireless work ethic helps, but this is her sweet spot. It translates well into dueling and other aspects of her life, but this is the core. She also shines with her Occlumency and Transfiguration abilities, and across the board, she is a truly formidable witch and getting stronger every day.

Psychology

MB Type: ISTJ-A / The Logistician

Their defining characteristics of integrity, practical logic, and tireless dedication to duty make Logisticians a vital core to many families, as well as organizations that uphold traditions, rules, and standards.

Ennegram: The Challenger

Goal-oriented and self-competent, challengers trail blaze boldly through all walks of life and take great pride in their independence and sharp minds. […] As children, the may have been called bossy by their peers. They typically take charge during group projects or meetings and find themselves at ease in leadership positions. The opinions of others will have absolutely no effect on their standings upon an issue, as they pride themselves on being fully capable and self-sufficient.

Moral Alignment: Lawful Evil

A lawful evil villain methodically takes what she wants within the limits of her code of conduct without regard for whom it hurts. She cares about tradition, loyalty, and order but not about freedom, dignity, or life. She plays by rules but without mercy or compassion. She is comfortable in a hierarchy and would like to rule but is willing to serve.

Archetype: 

61% Royal 22% Intellectual 17% Visionary

Temperament: Choleric

Choleric people are leader and directors. They seek to be in control of situations, to be on top, to be the best.

[weasley-twins-imagines]

Reg, don’t... (Regulus x reader)

-Hey, will you fo the second part of 'I'm Sorry' Regulus Black one shot?

Pairing: Regulus Black x reader

Warnings: none, maybe crying idk

A/N: So I finally finished this.. :) I hope you like it! It’s not edited bc yolo, sry about that..

PART 1

Usually, when you felt bad, it was evening. And in the morning, everything was a bit better. Why was it inversed this time?

The moment you opened your eyes, it hurt. You remembered the things that happened last night, the happiness and then the shock and hurt he put onto you. He didn't mean to, but he did.

Even though you hated the thought of waking up and living again, you got up and searched for your uniform. Everything seemed meaningless, why were you doing this?

Somehow, probably without thinking about it too much, you found yourself in front of the Great Hall. The chatter disgusted you and you didn't want to have anything with anyone, but you needed your daily amount of morning food, so you had no choice.

As you came through the door, you (truly incidentally, why would you want to hurt yourself?) looked at Regulus' usual spot. He just stood up and despite the bags under his eyes and the unusual paleness (which you wanted to worry about, but knew he wouldn't let you), he still looked so damn perfect. His hair were silky and floaty around his angel face which, as usual, expressed conflict and pain. He was poetic, one could say. But he still hadn't noticed you.

He had swung the bag on his shoulder and walked towards you. Just as he passed, you could see a small tear in the corner of his eye and even though, he was not looking at you, you knew it was meant for you.

The small expression of real pain on his side filled you with the power to actually go talk to the one person you would gladly ignore your whole life - Reg's brother Sirius.

"Black! I need you," you walked to the group of Gryffindor friends and ignored any words that were said before your arrival.

"Wow, here? Okay, let me just clear the table and we can start!" the black-haired boy stood up with a wide grin on his face. His friend James laughed, but others rolled their eyes - which was nothing compared to your reaction.

"Oh sod off, will you?!? I have a real problem here, you buffoon, and I need you to help me!"

As he saw you're actually stressed about something, Sirius followed you out of the Hall.

"So, what's on your mind?"

"It's... Reg."

"Why would you want to poison your mind like that??" He appeared to be horrified, but you knew he was only joking. At least you hoped he was.

"Shut up and listen. The thing is, we like each other. And-"

"You like Reg? As in my brother Reg? You could've done so much better! You could've done me!"

Now he really pissed you off. The wand came flying out of your pocket and into his face.

"Watch your words, Black, really watch them. You don't know what I'm capable of and you don't want to know. But if you don't stop flirting with me, you'll get to know the monster side of me." You lowered your wand a bit, but still held it in front of his face.

"Now, listen to me. We like each other. But when we kissed yesterday and everything was perfect, he started blabbing something about me being Muggleborn and your family. Now I know he's at least as miserable as I am and I don't want that for him, even if I can't be with him. So I want you to ask him what's his deal and I want you to do it properly and I want you to not tell him that I asked. He won't want to listen if he'll know it's about me."

It was a couple days later and Sirius still hasn’t came to you with the answer. Everytime you saw him, he had another excuse prepared, but you didn’t think he was doing it on purpose. He looked sincere and assuming how you attacked him a few days before, he must’ve figured out you like Regulus a lot.

You were just going to the Great Hall for dinner when you saw Remus’ back at the end of the corridor. Just before you could call him, he just disappeared. Where did he go? He couldn’t apparate, it’s Hogwarts. You quickened your step and stopped at the spot where he disappeared. You didn’t see anything, but something wasn’t right. It was like the air was thicker somehow… Few seconds passed, but since you couldn’t notice anything, you shrugged it off and carried on down the hall.

Dinner pushed all other thoughts from your head, you were starving. Just as you finished eating, you saw a group of boys approaching you. The food clouded your thinking for a moment, but you soon figured out why they were so eager to see you.

“Y/n! We know. Do you want to hear it in front of the whole Hall or do you want to actually come with us?” Sirius was nervously wincing in front of you, wanting to get over his messenger owl duty.

“Yeah, right. Let’s go,” you drank the last of your pumpkin juice, stood up, hanged your bag on one shoulder and followed the boys.

Sirius led them to the spot where you were talking a few days before and leaned on the wall. You eagerly stood before him with your hands in your pockets, the other boys at your back.

“So?”

“He likes you, but you’re a muggleborn. And it’s not that he has a problem with it, it’s just that he doesn’t want you to get hurt by our idiotic family or any other shitty purebloods.”

You just stared at him, your mouth agap. Is it possible that he actually thinks that?

“That is fucking bullshit!” You finally got back your voice.

Sirius smirked and you heard the boys behind you snicker.

“Kinda.. So, what do I get for telling you? A kiss? Make out session? One night? We could do a lot,” Sirius winked at your angering face.

“You’re a bloddy idiot, you know that? I am grateful, but you can get a slap in the face,” you said, walking away. Behind you, you heard James go, ‘She’s right, you know.’ and other boys laughing.

Your nerves were flickering with all the anger and sadness, so you went outside to calm them. The wind blew quite strongly and dark clouds were gathering. Even the weather was a similarity to your mood.

As you stepped down the path to the Black lake, you saw a figure sitting on a rock by the shore. The pain in your chest exponentaly increased, you knew from afar who it was.

“Reg?” You almost whispered as you came closer.

He turned around. The pain in his eyes was physical torture for you. The bag fell from your shoulders to the pebbles and your arms hugged his torso, leaving him almost breathless.

“Reg?” he still didn’t answer, so you pulled away and looked him in the eyes. He was trying very hard not to cry.

“Reg, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to me. I don’t care about safety, it doesn’t help me if I’m not happy. And I’m miserable without you. I want to be with you, so I can make you as happy as you make me and then, just then, I’ll worry about safety. Because if I’m not with you, I might just do something to myself, I can’t stand it—“

He let the tears out while you were talking, brushing your cheek with his thumb. But as the words started turning to self-harm, a panic look shined through his eyes and with a realization, that he would too be at that point, he kissed you.

You broke apart after what seemed an eternity. His eyes were not panicy or sad, but deeply happy and content. The reflection of his feelings shined through your eyes as you smiled and asked, “So, can we finish our homework now?”

[facingdeath-a-blog]

 some basic outline, work in progress things for reg lives au:

he does die. in a way. treat that as clinical death, it’s enough to get him a death date on the magical family tree tapestry. good for faking your death. it’s a clinical death tho, because kreacher breaks his promise and uses his house elf magic to apparate him out of there. to somewhere not in great britain. where they help him to undrown. might have some zombie scars tho.

i’m a little shaky on that part actually, but until i think of something better, this has to do.

he wakes up, and ends up presumed dead, with a horcrux he’s not too sure what to do with. he doesn’t want to save the world, not really, fuck the world, but he does want to bring the dark lord down, so he tries destroying the thing. but as we know destroying a horcrux is not so simple, so it quickly becomes an unhealthy obsession of someone who had a Horrible experience and is influenced by a part of an evil soul, and really has nothing to live.

he can’t really go back to life since he has already defected and not showed up right before his death. he fully planned to die in that cave.

eventually he’s forced to make a choice. he doesn’t like or trust dumbledore, would rather keep his status a secret. order of the phoenix is literally the last thing he wants in his life, and reaching out to any of his family…  better not. finally, he finds slughorn, but slughurn isn’t too cooperative, not above guiding him slightly and finally convincing to go to dumbledore.

he doesn’t know how to do that, since dumbledore is pretty guarded, so eventually he has no choice but to go find his brother. that whole exchange is rather unpleasant, especially since regulus is presumed dead, but finally a meeting with dumbledore is arranged.

regulus still doesn’t like or trust dumbledore, and he’s no muggle lover, but obsession and mutual goal probably work in that favour. knowledge of horcruxes comes to light years before canon, and honestly that helps. that helps because there are more and the war is harsh.

they ought to do something about pacifying a dead man’s dark mark tho.

regulus ends up destroying the locket. he deserves this much. there are more to come too and well…  mutual goal, i guess? but it’s not so simple.

it changes things tho, so who’s to say something doesn’t happen? perhaps narcissa betrays voldemort sooner to save her son? perhaps alice and frank no longer go mad? perhaps lily and james don’t die and sirius doesn’t go to azkaban? who knows. it’s up to discussion really.

though in my head it fixes things by a lot.

they get few more hocruxes and the war ends. voldemort is still gone. the prophecy was there maybe, or maybe it wasn’t. perhaps it was someone else that did it. for a while he’s gone.

it’s unclear if all the horcruxes were finished in the war.

when it comes out regulus is alive, and what he’s done, he’s branded as blood traitor. his father has been dead for a while, but his mother burns him off the family tree anyway. no matter how many times he says voldemort didn’t care about any of them and needed to go, it doesn’t go through. walburga has made up her mind.

bella probably hates him now. he thinks at least. perhaps bella would probably try to get him, if she wasn’t sent to azkaban. he isn't sure. he cries about it too.

he does have a trial eventually, but everyone knows he played a part in bringing down voldemort, so eventually he’s released from his charges. he didn’t have time to do really anything under voldemort anyway, not in the two years when he was still at hogwarts. not that he’s too loved by either of the sides, not on the longer run.

he’s still broke though, as he was cut off from the family’s money. alone as well, and super messed up after everything that has happened.

at night he dreams about drowning, so he barely sleeps.

it does open him up to other family members. like andromeda for example, or perhaps sirius if some things wouldn’t happen.

eventually he learns not to be a douche, eventually he learns to be better, and not prejudiced and a person he had every potential to be, but wasn’t because of his death. he learns to work for himself, and learns respect, and it’s an awkward and painful process, but it’s there. he tries. still messed up though. he has a hard time recovering after everything.

if only narcissa would have him, he would have been a really kickass uncle for draco. he would be. perhaps lucius ends up in azkaban this time too. or maybe not.

eventually he gets a job. then ends up being a professional quidditch player for a while. he plays seeker as he did in hogwarts. that works bc even tho people know who he is and what he did, they have something else to focus on.

since he’s very pretty too, there’s a lot to focus on.

he does unlearn many things. the rest are too deeply ingrained into him. like for example allowing people to get close. but he tries.

eventually walburga dies too, and since while she did burn him off the tapestry she also never came to disown him, he inherits everything.

he moves back into grimmuald place and it doesn’t do him that well. or at all. alone in a big house with a house elf isn’t too good for anyone. but it feels like duty. kreacher will always be loyal to him. but he doesn’t want to sleep in his old room though.

fast forward…  perhaps they didn’t get all of the horcruxes. perhaps voldemort found out and learned. perhaps he still comes back.

perhaps this time he actually joins the order. perhaps he doesn’t.

in the worst case scenario, he dies as one of the first deaths. after the break out of the azkaban, out of angry vengeance. traitors are worse than opposition, after all. perhaps there is traitor cut into his skin, and he’s cursed to drown all over again. perhaps there’s a dark mark above where he dies.

perhaps he leaves grimmuald place and a part of his stuff to sirius. he knows what he’s doing. a part of his things to draco, if he had a chance to be around him. a part to tonks for sure, because he wanted to, and she needs it.

or maybe he lives.

i don’t actually know i know it’s a long ass post but it’s not as thought out as it may seem. or at all.

still, once a black, always a black.

[rcgulusxblack]

   hello again, my pretties! it’s STACI, with character numero dos – — the ever misguided regulus black. to be honest, i debated between fred and regulus for the longest time before my love for fred won out in the end. but then i decided to heck with it !! why not play both? because my love for both characters are just about equal ?? and i couldn’t say no to a bit of black family angst ?? soooo, here i am ... again.

& once again, if you’re interested in plotting, then please don’t hesitate to shoot me a message! get in touch, ya’ll. let’s make history here on eras. fghsafgdhf.

& here we go – — JACOB ARTIST? NO, THAT’S ACTUALLY REGULUS BLACK FROM THE MARAUDERS ERA. YOU KNOW, THE CHILD OF ORION BLACK AND WALBURGA BLACK? ABOUT TO BEGIN SIXTH YEAR, THIS SLYTHERIN STUDENT IS SIDED WITH THE DEATH EATERS. HE IDENTIFIES AS CIS MALE AND IS A PUREBLOOD WHO IS KNOWN TO BE MISGUIDED, MOODY, AND SECRETIVE BUT ALSO CONSCIENTIOUS, DUTIFUL, AND LEVELHEADED.

everyone knows who regulus black is – — or at least they’ve heard of him, being a black and all. ( they know him to be cousin to bellatrix, andromeda, and narcissa and brother to sirius. they know him to be a slytherin pureblood who believes in upholding the family traditions by maintaining a certain sense of loyalty to the very notion of toujours pur. ) but do they really know him ?? let’s find out, shall we ??

as the youngest black son, there are certain ... obligations regulus is expected to meet. not so much because he is, in fact, the youngest but because the former heir, his older brother – — the runaway son who had the temerity to be sorted into gryffindor – — couldn’t be bothered to care about purity or upholding their family traditions. and so it falls to regulus to ensure their family remains in good standing with the rest of the pureblood community. one may assume he’s perfectly happy to have such a heavy burden forced upon him, but the fact of the matter is that there are times he wishes he could follow in sirius’s footsteps and leave that stifling house – — just to get away from everything, if only for a few days. but he won’t – — because losing another son may very well push his mother over the edge. & despite what any of you may believe, he cares deeply for his family.

& yes, that includes sirius. his parents may have disowned sirius for going his own way – — and even forbade regulus from entertaining thoughts of reconciliation – — but that doesn’t mean he wants or intends to cut him completely from his life. & seeing sirius with his friends, so jovial, so genuinely happy, makes their separation all the more harder to bear. in truth, regulus has lain awake many a night, longing to be reunited with his only brother – — wishing he too could laugh just as freely as sirius – — but lacking the courage to put such thoughts into action. but can you blame him ?? his family doesn’t exactly have the best track record, and his parents’ strict, unforgiving natures certainly don’t help either. why must things be so difficult?

speaking of which, even though he’s currently sided with the death eaters, his admiration for lord voldemort leading him to choose the side of purity, he finds himself conflicted, no longer confident in the future he’s always looked forward to. ever since this catastrophe struck – — one that was on a far grander scale than he thought imaginable – — he’s been privy to some disturbing news, most of it surrounding the dark lord. & now that it’s provided him with some food for thought, his loyalty to the idea of becoming part of something so ... disquieting has eased somewhat, making him second guess his own decisions – — decisions he was once so proud to devote himself to. but these conflicting thoughts have remained just that – — thoughts. he isn’t naive or imbecilic enough to voice them aloud.

moving on – — regulus is, or perhaps was better suits their arrival in 2024, a seeker for the slytherin quidditch team, joining as soon as he was allowed to. only when he’s taken to the sky in search of the snitch does he feel free – — of family burdens and prying eyes. even if quidditch has been cancelled ?? because it probably has been lmao

& unlike most purebloods, especially those from families like his own, he not only treats house elves with respect, but he considers kreacher, the one who takes care of 12 grimmauld place – — his ancestral home – — to be an important member of his family ... even if his own parents are unaware of his feelings on the subject.

[anemonenemerosa]

The Spare Chapter 8

Hello fellow people,

the next one.

At first thank you all for reading and supporting me! It really means a lot!

Secondly: this chapter gets dark. So please stay safe. TW for metntal struggles, self-harm and alcohol abuse.

The SW-verse belongs to the lovely @lumosinlove​ and the HP characters to JKR.

Chapter 8

Regulus had always prided himself with his poker face. He could fool anyone… except his mother. She knew he was sitting on something huge and kept pestering him as soon he stepped into the dining room. Despite his mother’s elaborate and well-practiced interrogation methods, he kept his mouth shut. I know your methods, mother but this time I won't give in.

On the other hand, Walburga knew Regulus, too. She knew exactly how to push his buttons but before he could crack, the interview went online and wreaked havoc over the house. It was bad but luckily, in a twisted sense, also bad enough so his mother would suspect this to be his secret, not his brother’s sexuality. For now, he was off this particular hook and had time to bury his secret too deep for anybody to find.

Sirius texted after leaving this morning "Regulus, rappelle moi s'il te plait." Please call me back.

Regulus couldn't. Firstly, he was sure that Sirius hated him now. And justified as it was, he couldn’t hear the prove of it in his brother’s voice. Secondly, the explosion of Walburga and Orion’s wrath, that Regulus fell victim to, left him with the very first black eye his father ever gave him and the promise of his mother to never leave him unsupervised again.

 Now, Sirius has to share this special category of their mother with me...

Every of his steps would be watched now, every word he wanted to say conformed to her liking first. Besides, even if he was brave enough to call, his phone was still spied. Due to his new status, he was watched too closely sneak out and get himself a secret one. Also, Sirius had his people to care and comfort him. He did not need him.

I should have seen it coming, shouldn't I? Once again, Regulus chided himself for keeping his head too deep inside his own ass.

He was aware, that the interview most likely hurt his brother deeply and how remorseful Regulus felt about that now, it was the intention. He also expected his parent’s disapproval, to put it in mild words, but what he forgot to consider was the reaction of the media and public. His brother was beloved and not known for the unfair game Regulus accused him of. While the hurting part probably worked out, the Snakes, but especially Regulus, were caught in the crossfire from angry fans. The whole commotion was, of course, dutifully covered by the media, which circled the progress of events like vultures. Besides the shitstorm he evoked, Regulus really didn't expect the Death Eaters to turn their backs on him immediately. It was their idea after all.

So, the public was ripping him apart and his mother only called to check on his behaviour. Why, he did not know, given that was basically grounded. His father was too disappointed to talk to him at all and the Death Eaters resumed being indifferent towards the rookie while the second and third rank of the team gloated on his downfall. If he needed to get somewhere, Narcissa or Bellatrix kept at his side. NHL-salary was rather generous and they didn't have to work, so the women were free to accompany Regulus to everything outside practice and games, except the bathroom. Narcissa was annoyed and bored by babysitting-duty but Bellatrix seemed to enjoy tormenting Regulus.

Too cruel for her level of madness, this one.

He began wishing to talk to his brother even he would receive a lot of shit for messing up.

"Regulus, rappelle moi s'il te plait." Please call me back. Regulus wanted. But he couldn't.

His blissful mornings of light fiction reading didn't bring him peace anymore. His focus outright refused to stay on the books. His family, the Snakes and the interview with its consequences were all over his mind, suffocating everything else. Regulus stopped talking to people. Not that he was talkative to begin with. All the people mingling with his brain in his past couldn't erase his introverted nature. But his ingrained wariness towards others developed into something resembling paranoia.

The longer he thought about how he had let himself be used by the Death Eaters for their nasty operations, the worse it got. Not for the first time, but stronger than ever, Regulus felt not just reluctance but downright refusal to take part in any of this. The spiteful antics of his family and the Snakes were complicated, exhausting and plainly atrocious.

The stupor he seemed to have been all this time ashamed him... he understood Sirius a little better now and he would really like to talk about all of this. But there was no one trustworthy around, not even Mrs. Kreacher would keep quiet if her mother urged her to speak. Slughorn, the team’s psychologist wouldn't keep shut either if Riddle decided he wanted to know what was going on. Medical confidentiality was a mere suggestion, when it came to Riddle.

                                                    -oOo-

Christmas drew closer and with it came all the things Regulus deeply despised: Cheesy music and decorations, ridiculous sweaters, forced cheerfulness, glitter and lots and lots of people. People in every place, at every time; there was just no escape.

This gets worse every year, Regulus had trouble to stifle his grumbling while he shuffled through the overcrowded mall Narcissa had dragged him into for Christmas shopping.

 Where do all these people stay the rest of the year? Is there a special place they are kept just to be unleashed come December? What is even the use of all that cheap nonsense people throw at each other under the glorified piece of vegetation?

Disgruntled as he was, he had to admit that this hell, specifically designed for him, kept him a little distracted from the upheaval in his brain. Fans and media got bored by Regulus lack of response to the interview and stopped caring somewhere along the increasing lunacy that was the Holiday season.

At least they leave the tea in peace. Regulus eyed the menu in front of him with narrow eyes. Is there even a coffee-like beverage left that is not a sugary winter-themed concoction? Wasn't the pumpkin-spice thing enough? Narcissa needed a break and a "coffee", so they stood in the line of whatever type of coffee-shop chain while Regulus' arms were hung with heaps of shopping bags, contemplating to dig himself a grave in his mother’s garden instead.

                                                   -oOo-

The call for All Star with Severus boosted his mood for a while. Rookies rarely got the opportunity to participate and he knew he earned it. He was good enough. But of course, the last rookie to make it to Allstar was Sirius, who else, so again it was nothing worth mentioning at home, barely acceptable. But apparently, it was sufficient to placate his parents back to speaking terms.

The Snakes Christmas-party was just as awful as Regulus had anticipated. He was just informed that Sirius would stay in Gryffindor over the holidays. Not that he could blame him but it stung a little. He just really hoped to be able to finally talk to him but couldn't call on an unmonitored phone as his cousins' watch on him did not subside. He wished he could've stayed at home but it was made clear that his was definitely not an option. Regulus dislikes parties any given day. Disliked polite but meaningless small talk, having to feed on tiny bits of food while standing around and wearing evening attire. The prospect of this party, Regulus didn't dislike. This one, he dreaded. Since Thanksgiving and its aftermath, he distrusted most of the Snakes and avoided any contact outside of practice and while he was talking again to his parents, the trust was gone.

"No ifs ands or buts about it! You go!" Narcissa all but dragged him to the Lestrange Estate, where the party took place.

Orion and Walburga were there, too but mingling around with some important and influential people. Probably collecting more information for their pathetic little feuds. As much as he liked sitting in a theatre balcony like Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show, taking the piss out of people, this was getting too far to be considered amusing. Also, there was a reason why Statler and Waldorf were a duo.  While never given the opportunity, Regulus suspected that taking the piss off people was more fun together.

The evening went on and the absurd blend of silly games and subtle interrogation subsided into pathetic cockalorum, open hostility and unpleasant jokes as everyone except him got drunker by the minute.

Crabbe and Goyle were the first to succumb into adolescence, reshaping the Christmas pudding into a rather unbalanced pair of -Breasts? Buttocks? A lone scrotum? - while giggling uncontrollably. The same fate awaited about half of the food as the evening went on. The dubious card-game Yaxley and Mulciber were invested with two nameless guys of the third line seemed to change rules by the minute. It came to a sudden halt as Yaxley jumped from his seat and stormed over to Nott, accusing him of flirting with his wife and throwing a badly aimed punch that send a high-priced vase flying instead of crashing into Notts nose. Yaxley’s "wife" was de facto Carrow’s sister while Yaxley’s actual wife was tucked in a different corner, passionately snogging Rabastan Lestrange, Rodolphus' younger brother.

Amidst that ruckus, Dolohov threw up into the glogg bowl.

Regulus leaned against the kitchen counter, decidedly far away from the commotion and stared in disbelief. People... He gave an exasperated huff and allowed himself an actual eyeroll, not just a mental one.

The Death Eaters kept up a bit more dignity. They exclusively stayed in their group, sipping what looked like more expensive booze. Orion was immersed in a conversation with Riddle, Umbridge, Karkaroff and... one of the NHL governors -Fudge? -. Regulus eyebrows went up. Interesting. But no, he would not snoop. He was done with this shit. Much to Regulus´, and judging by his father’s looks, also Orion’s surprise, Narcissa, Bellatrix and his mother showed a lot self-restrain. They mingled with a flock of other hockey wives and it took uncharacteristically long for them -Crabbe, Nott and Mulciber were already passed out, Goyle and Yaxley were close- to cackle and gossip as loudly as at Regulus' draft-party.

Rabastan and Yaxley’s wife were nowhere to be seen and Regulus thought it was rather beneficial that her husband was out cold.

By now, also the -oh so sophisticated- Death Eaters started to act out. Lucius was bickering with Carrow while Macnair drew lopsided phalli on Goyle’s and Crabbe’s faces and a crooked moustache on the bridge of Yaxley’s nose. Close, though.

Severus coaxed Bellatrix out of Walburga’s cutches and started flirting blatantly. Rodolphus watched the scenery with mild interest.

Around the time when one should keep a careful eye on what was on the floor while walking, Regulus snatched himself a piece of the last cake-shaped cake. He was tired and in a sour mood while stabbing at the unsuspecting and innocent slice. Irritated, he thought about his brother, who probably had a lot of fun. While somewhat happy for him, the envy and feeling of abandonment would just not leave, as much as he tried.

Surely, Remus is fucking Sirius' brain out by now.

Regulus' eyes widened.

Did I just say that out loud? His head snapped up, Bella and Severus staring at him, frozen in their tacks. Oh no. Oh no no no nonono! Merde! Shit! Shit shit shit!

But almost instantly the woman doubled over and sputtered vomit all over a very, very drunk Severus, who swore loudly but was unable to wobble away quick enough. Regulus sidestepped the next flood of her sick and excused himself. It was late enough to leave without gaining suspicion. On the way back to Malfoy Manor, he prayed to every deity whose existence he resolutely doubted, that Severus and Bellatrix were too drunk to remember come tomorrow. He considered confessing the maybe/maybe-not slip to his brother. But the call would be noticed and if Severus and Bellatrix indeed forgot about the slip, he would just urge on their memory. Also, his brother would be furious with him and if he ever wanted to make amends with him, wasn't it unwise to piss him off entirely without knowing that it was necessary?

The next days, Regulus was uncharacteristically jumpy. At dinners, he just pushed food around his plate, dreading the things that were to come. But nothing happened. Christmas came around and nothing happened. New Year’s Eve was two days ago, still nothing. If they remembered, I would surely know it by now. Maybe I did not commit the biggest fuck-up of my life.

                                                    -oOo-

After hiding out in his childhood room until the All Star-only practices began, Regulus felt somewhat steady. He had arranged himself with the new circumstances, his revised moral-code and set of minds. His life was unsatisfactory and lonely. He was not happy but it was bearable. Practice went well enough. On ice, he could zone-out. What happened in his life was not of importance in the rink. Hockey is about hockey only. Not friendship, not family, only competition. His mantra made it through his mental refurbishment untouched.

What he thought off the ice was written on another sheet of paper.

At of the last All Star-only practices, shit went straight down to hell. The Death Eaters, filling up for Regulus and Severus to practice certain tricks, were in very good spirits. Regulus felt uneasy at the sight of them, huddled together and sneering. Then, he saw it. He looks happy, in love. His brain supplied while looking at the photos before it caught up. The caption, the comments. Regulus went numb, froze on the spot, barely realising he stopped breathing. Things seemed to happen around him but he wasn't part of reality anymore and only snippets penetrated whatever fog surrounded him.

"Thanks for the hint. I finally got the worthless faggot." Severus smirked and threw him an overexaggerated wink while turning to his stall.

His mother called, she was clearly drunk and kept ranting about the shame of Sirius' abnormity gone public and how furious their father was. He didn't bother to really listen but was certain there were no words of support for his brother or concerns about Sirius' feelings. Sirius, who was thrown into the most hateful part of the internet, who just wanted to play hockey and love who he loved, now having his private life on display for the public to rip apart. Their parents, apparently, did not know who let it slip but Regulus was sure, if they ever found out, he was in for more than a black eye.

He desperately wanted to reverse time, make it unhappen but he knew that this was not an option. This was reality.

I messed up. Everything. Je suis désolé mon frère... I am so sorry brother The typical sarcasm and snark usually accompanying Regulus thoughts were long gone.

Mumbling something about extra laps, he turned back to the rink. Nobody said something, nobody came after him. They did not care and that was just what he needed. He ran laps until he was barely able to stay upright, head swimming, thoughts racing around but impossible to grasp, the weight on his chest suffocating. In the shower, Regulus collapsed on the floor. Sitting on the cold tiles, he was breathing hard as remorse, fear and shame mingled together to an unbearable sort of pain. Tears were running down his face, breath only coming in hard chopped sobs.

 Weak - disappointing – undeserving of affection - a meagre replacement, just a spare - not good enough - not fast enough - not strong enough - not worthy – unlovable.

These words kept spiralling in his head as he shoved his hands into his hair and pulled hard. His eyes fell on a shattered bottle beside him. Regulus was desperate to make his brain focus on something else, anything to make it stop. He grabbed the bottleneck and rammed the busted end into his thigh. Regulus did not feel the pain. Everything went blank as he watched the blood pour out of his leg and mix with the water on the floor, shower still running.

The silence brought some peace but something Regulus could not grasp felt off as he continued to watch his blood run down his thigh.