#BUT my laptop is out of commission for now so no games

[f-athr]

a little sketch of a little damian

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for refusing to help my friend out financially after they got a new dog even though they need financial help often and are currently in debt?

Everyone is this story is mid to late 20s.

I have a friend in America who is on social benefits. So I know they don't have a lot of money. I'm also not rich but I earn minimum wage in my country and can afford to pitch in a little sometimes which I don't mind doing generally. I'm also not a big spender at all and I'm able to save up something every month.

In the past I've helped them with buying groceries and even gave them some so they could buy a laptop for art commissions and some games. I don't mind doing that at all. When their old dog got sick I helped out as well. Since I figure some people are going to want to know, in the last 5 years I have given maybe about 2000 dollars.

They got a new dog after the old one passed, which I get. A dog can be a good companion. I did find it a little irresponsible to get a new puppy when they at the time needed several hundred dollars for rent. I told them it might be better to wait until they where no longer in debt with their landlord before getting a new dog. They told me they understood my concern but they got the puppy for free from a friend so it would not be a big deal and they would be able to feed the puppy.

I did tell them puppies can get sick and end up costing a lot more than anticipated but they told me they were willing to take that risk and I decided to not push any further. I had given my opinion and there is not much else I can do. I did tell them not to count on my help financially especially since I had some things of my own that needed fixing and they told me they understood and not to worry.

But then a few weeks later the puppy ate their medicinal weed, which for some reason was within reach of a puppy, and had to get it's stomach pumped and stay overnight at the vet clinic for a few nights.

They came to me and asked if I could help out with the bill and how they would pay me back in part. The bill was over 4000 dollars. I told them sorry but no I can't. First of all, I don't even have that much, I'd have to take out a loan. Second, I warned them this could happen and that I would not be able to help out financially. They seemed a little pissed at that but I just thought it was because of the stress of the situation. They said they would try and get the funds elsewhere and asked me to share it around, which I did.

Unfortunately they didn't manage to get enough to pay the vet and ended up having to give the puppy to a shelter. It's a cute and calm pup so I have no doubt it will be adopted out quickly but it's still sad and I do feel for my friend. But now I'm being blamed for it. I've been getting several angry messages from mutual friends about how I'm the reason my friend lost their emotional support and how I'm the reason they are having a breakdown and suicidal thoughts.

I feel really badly for my friend but I also don't think it's fair to put the blame on me. The reaction from my online friend group makes me feel like I'm missing something that does make me the asshole.

[tf2vnthingy]

Devlog 1 - Names, References and Revisions

Today's agenda: The name of the game!

What should I name the game? Give me all of your wackiest suggestions and I'll make a poll to see which does best! Just anything that you'd like to see in a TF2 vn. (If anyone could possibly, maybe, want to volunteer in helping/proofreading the current drafts, that'd be awesome!!)

Story

As I write this, I am currently within the 3rd draft/revision of the beginning of the game. I'm a bit conflicted on how to start it. I'm jumping between this being a one week experience for the MC to show how short Ms Pauling's vacation is OR the idea that this is the last week of the internship and you're on your way to say goodbye.

The middlest parts are the easiest to write as they're rather independent from each other. The endings are already fully conceptualized but that's classified, no matter how much I wanna info dump about it!!

Designs/Art

My friend is currently helping out with the project! He's going to be in charge of the backgrounds and other assets in exchange for me helping with his commissions lol! For now, I've been drawing sketches of poses and figuring out which poses work best through reference gathering.

These would work for Sniper and Spy, maybe.

Coding

This part is the trickiest since I don't have my laptop with me for another week or so. But, for now, I'm learning through basic python tutorials and implementing a lot of the script in Twinery.org to keep track of the branching paths. I do intend on using Ren'py for development.

This is mostly a bunch of dialogue because I refuse to write actual lengthy descriptions for a DRAFT...... (shush, I barely even started)

[genshinluvr]

well i actually quit genshin after fontaine's archon quest because my laptop couldn't handle genshin anymore thus it's so laggy whenever i move and the experience isn't as fun anymore :c i login to the game once in a while for free primos or if kazuha is included in a special event ^_^

although i sometimes miss genshin when i play hsr because its not an open world game and i can't jump off balconies for a shortcut <\3 butttt i only did consider playing hsr after a while because of your fics and downloaded it out of curiosity :D i was wondering if the hype around hsr was worth it and it sure as hell was ^0^ now i'm stuck playing on it every time i get home

(this is my response for the question abt my submission :p)

Yea, Genshin is getting unbelievably huge 🥲 have you tried playing on mobile, maybe? I do my daily commissions on mobile if I'm too lazy to get out of bed to turn on my computer.

Oooh okay, good to know! ^^ I'm happy to hear that you decided to try out Honkai Star Rail after reading my fanfics hehehe :> HSR is a pretty good game, and the auto-battle is the best thing that has happened.

Also, thank you for indirectly reminding me to catch up with HSR. I will try to do that this week during my break from writing 🙂‍↕️

[cycleoffates]

Just found you here after searching Pumpkin Panic (again). You see, I found that demo back in 2014-2016 and I feel like it made a huge impact on what my art aesthetic preferences are because your artsyle is super colorful and the game really gave me candy and Halloween vibes! So once I a while I search official art you have posted about it. Whether you come back to making games or not I wanted to thank you for creating that demo and showing your spooky ocs. Hope you have a nice day!

hello!!! thank you so much for sending me this message. apologies if my response has been somewhat late, Tumblr's a place I hardly check and free time isn't something I have as much as I used to. 🥲 sorry if this is gonna be a long response too! i didn't intend it to be but I'm feeling somewhat sentimental.

even if i've pretty much been radio silent all over the place, this message has been something I've been constantly thinking about for a while. well, this one and a few that have been left on one of my videos. 🥹 (I'm posting them rq bc they bring me joy)

Pumpkin⭐Panic (yeah, with the star bc i found out there's another game called that now) has always been very near and dear to my heart. i made that demo when I was still a kid in high-school w/ a lot of ambitions. the idea for it was very impulsive, bc it started out as me making a gift for my followers on Halloween. i have no idea how I managed to create a demo for it in under a month (I have no clue how I was able to do it back then 💀).

talking about and posting OC stuff has always made me shy bc I wasn't sure how people would perceive it (or rather, my original, non-fandom creations), but it warms my heart to know it's been (and is still) loved by a lot of ppl who remember it to this day, even if it's very old. not to mention, it's very outdated, littered with bugs and was made on a (now defunct) laptop with a broken audio jack (hence why the audio is so loud (LOL)). making a game by yourself is harder than it looks!!!

it's been......... maybe 10+ years now? i think since it's initial creation. wow. typing that out makes me feel OLD. during all that, I put out another game demo and tried to write visual novels, but none of them were finished/saw the light, either. I'm somewhat ashamed of that too. i wanted to make more stories, but I just found myself lacking the time and the motivation (Tumblr was dying, I started working towards a college degree, you get the gist).

at that point, i stopped posting OC content as much (bc you know, social media engagement with fandoms and commissions gets you clicks!). i kept all those to myself (granted I didn't have a lot to begin with LOL) and only shared them with close friends. sometimes i'd post something on the bird-app, but it wasn't constant.

and then few years ago, a couple things happened to me (for the worse?). it opened my eyes and made me realize how impacted I (as a person) and my creations (as extensions of me) were by others who I shared personal connections with (through relating w/my characters). those things changed my life and made me anxious about talking about them again with others. i got scared. it was bad.

from then on, i shifted my gear towards making a lot of money as I could from commissions. flash forward to the beginning of last year, I had my "icarus-flew-too-close-to-the-sun" moment.................... yeah, burnout is NOT fun.

but at the same time, during those years of making bank and struggling, I was able to connect with someone again who made me love talking about my OCs again. i started roleplaying w/OCs again, I started writing and drawing OCs again. granted, they're not the same ones as before, but they're still my characters, and I want to share their stories with the world (someday). yeah okay, this is veering away from Pumpkin⭐Panic so i'm pulling the reins back on it again.

thank you again (from the bottom of my heart) for sending me this ask. this probably wasn't??? the answer you were expecting, but it made me feel something so HAVE AT IT. 🥹 I have attempted to create some semblances of art for a Pumpkin⭐Panic "reboot" but never got far, so it's most likely I won't be picking the game demo project back up. maybe I'll post them here if I remember to?

i've been thinking about giving the main game some closure at least. an artist I follow did something where when they decided to quit their webcomic, they posted the scripts/concept art/etc of said webcomic so fans can look at it. i think that's something I might try and do, if people are interested.

i also had plans for a prequel game (visual novel written conceptual draft)......... that? that's something I'm still thinking of doing one day, mostly because I have a new OC project now (not PP! related) that I want to bring to life but have no idea on the direction I want to go with. a friend told me that maybe trying to do an experimental visual novel with the prequel (of PP!) might help me get a feel for where I want to go for said new story. it doesn't have a proper name that I'm happy with, but............

i just think these goobers deserve that finished, at least.

thank you one again for your ask, sorry if it was sooooo long-winded, and i hope you have a wonderful day as well! <3

[diy-fire-water-pups]

(( It's 2am. We worked on a test to remove my laptop's HD and switch it for a small-storage SSD from a friend's fried laptop. It worked. But the capacity is VERY small. I'll need to buy a new SSD and a SD card too, both for installing/running programs I need (and games, ofc, I wanna get back at livestreaming on Twitch at some point) and for files storage.

I don't want to sound like a beggar or whatever, far from that, but my odd job as an English and Informatics/Computing teacher has quite a low pay, so it would take me months saving small amounts until I can buy these things... On the other side, whoever can buy an art commission from me will help immensely to reach this goal faster! If you can't buy, maybe share around when I post announcing commissions on my other blogs ( @self-indulgent-paw-patrol and @larytello ), maybe your reblog will have these posts reach someone who would be interested, so you'll be helping too!

I'm going to sleep now, I'm exhausted. Today is Independence Day here in Brasil so I won't go teach my Saturday class as usual. Nah man, I'm gonna SLEEP. And then when I wake up I'll prepare some basic programs I need to work and get to it immediately.

On a last quick note, there are still a bunch asks from the last two weeks or so that the pups still didn't get to answer them, either because I don't know how to go about them or because I still was too busy and/or feeling awful to work on the replies at all. If you sent something and it wasn't answered yet, it'll be answered at some point, you don't need to send again, I got like two or three questions being sent again because the pups didn't answer the first time yet. Don't worry, we'll get there. Eventually. There were a couple I just filtered off and deleted, gotta admit that too XD But still, yeah.

See you guys later 💜 Lary out for some rest. ))

[tea-and-secrets]

i really want a laptop, because mine is going on eight years old and has been shitting the bed hardcore for years (teeechnically still functioning tho), but i want an expensive high end laptop this time.

my previous was around $200 and could barely do Anything, it overheated even just playing stardew valley for half an hour. ideally i want a gaming laptop. i love video games, they bring me such joy, and i havent been able to play any of my steam games in a long time...

the one i have my eye on is almost 1k but has amazing reviews, all of the things im looking for, and itd be useful for quite a few things, not just gaming. like filling out online paperwork, writing (im a wannabe writer), applying for assistance things, having my virtual appointments...

part of the trouble is though, i dont have a job to save up and buy it. but i draw a lot and like to think im fairly good at some of the things i draw, so i want to start doing commissions to start saving up.

but... i feel really, really guilty about wanting to do commissions for something like this. because if i was making money, i could be donating to people who need it, or i could be offering art to people who Do donate.

its not like i have bills to pay or an urgent need for a laptop or anything, let alone an expensive gaming laptop, im an unemployed adult still living with my parents due to disability.

so in theory i could just do commissions and get money to donate. but... i dont know. i would def donate at least part of what i get, but i dont know if its my moral ocd telling me id be a piece of shit if i spent so much money on myself, or if i actually would be.

this is very long so ill stop now, thank you for listening. any opinions would be welcome.

.

[oswanily]

So...

(sorry this is going to be long but overall positive things are happening)

I wanted to wait to tell yall for it to be done, so I could provide pictures, but I can't wait any longer... I'm getting my very own kitten! He is four months old and he is perfect and I will get him on Wednesday. This is part of the reason why I haven't been active here, I have been running around getting the necessary stuff and getting my apartment ready for him.

Another reason is, I am trying to get back to school, already had my interview with the school, the lady told me I am accepted if i find a way to pay for it (it's a one year degree and costs around 3000 euros, this is a good time to remind you I have a kofi page where i take cc commissions 😇) so I have been filing paperwork and meeting with my job advisors to find a way to pay for the school.

Now onto the main reason why I haven't been playing Sims... Time to stop making excuses, I just have too much CC and my game is laggy as heck. I mean, I play on a mid-range laptop and the game is not extra fluid even without cc... and i have like 30 GB. I did remove some but it is still lagging, especially when I load the Barbie Legacy house: it has 3 inhabitable floors + one floor that is there for roofing, and I have never had my game lag so bad on this computer. I basically have to pause and queue everyone's interactions, wait for them to do them, then pause again, repeat. Really not a fun way to play.

I have also started making a vanilla save file (I have been watching french youtuber and save maker NS a lot and it inspired me), but for now I can't convince myself to go fully vanilla or restart my mods folder in my gameplay save... I don't know what to do. As I said I did some CC cleaning, but it isn't enough... Also I think that house the Barbie family lives in would still lag even without CC. My computer is just not powerful enough to run the game smoothly anymore. I do plan on getting a new computer, but that will probably not happen till the end of the year at least (probably even later if I am being realistic).

So yeah, that's what I've been up to. My health is good, life is busy, and the only issue in my life right now is that my computer can't handle sims anymore and I need to mentally ready myself to say goodbye to most of my mods folder. I will be back with gameplay as soon as I figure that out.

And i just realized I basically wrote an essay about myself... Don't know what to make of that. Oh well.

[kawaiipony-productions]

Support my GoFundMe for Replacing my Equipment

Hey folks, I'm holding a GoFundMe right now for trying to save money for getting a laptop, software, and maybe replacing some equipment of my own for making content on my channel, Kawaiipony Productions. As well as some other small stuff like games for when I stream, donating some money to a charity, fundraiser, or anything like that to help support Palestine, commissioning people in the future, or anything else like that.

I really am in need of the money. I get that not everyone could, especially with right now. But I any bit support helps me out. It's hard trying to get the equipment I need for my channel. So if you could, please donate some money to my GoFundMe. But even if you can't (and to also those who can), please share this video around. Any bit of support helps me out. Anyways, that's all, see y'all.

[clatterbane]

Pokemon Crystal Clear: An Open World Pokemon Game

What I'm currently messing around with, in an emulator on my phone. Good push to find new game diversions, with my laptop still out of commission. And, though I never actually owned any of the Game Boy devices? It is still somehow gratifying, having these now-ubiquitous handheld computers standing in for multiple decades-old devices that I couldn't afford at the time. The form factor is also pretty damned close to a Game Boy.

I never actually played the original Crystal before this either, for that matter.

(Decided to try Lemuroid right now, which will handle multiple systems from Sega Genesis to PSP. It's been great so far for GBC, at least. And I pretty much feel obligated to shill for what seem to be good FOSS projects, due to the person I am.)

At any rate, Crystal Clear has had years' worth of more updates since this video.

One source for the most recent pre-patched ROM:

The "color filter" version tries to simulate how it would look on original hardware, while the other shows the actual colors the devs were working with. I haven't compared them side by side to say much more.

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Life Update?

Weird time to really be making one of these, at least in my mind, but I figured I'd touch base on where I'm at at the moment since I've been kinda quiet for a while. First off- I haven't been doing well mentally and at some point I just hit a wall in trying to work and push trough it. I get pretty bad seasonal depression about two times a year (Summer and Winter) on top of other issues, but I'm happy to at least say that this year hasn't been the worst despite external stresses and situations that would have left me in worse positions before in the past. The second reason, which I posted about brielfy, is that my laptop is on the fritz and I just don't have the money or time to get it serviced. Fortunately, Bear and I have a backup MSI office laptop that was originally mine before they got their gaming computer, but it's a lot more limited in what it can run, so I'm taking the small L after some debating and seeing what it is capible of doing in the meantime. For more good news, work's picking up with our event season! Small downside? I'm going to more than likely go back to having either one or two days off for a little while. My hope is to just get through it like last year and set aside whatever extra I make for the repair and a full check up to see if I can increase the longevity on my Lenovo when we have off time again.

Now poses the question of what do I pick up and dust off first? There's a lot I was working on, a lot I was planning to work on, and a want to kind of shed off that backlog and start fresh with new eyes. And, I think for myself, the latter would be the best for me at this point in time at least when it comes to drawing. It's something I had been mulling over more seriously while reduced to a sketchbook and my phone's clip app, and I think reworking how I used to do my art into something more fun for myself would be the best course of action. You hear it all the time, but it hits different when you're really forced to reevaluate how you've been working in the past when you really take that step back and are forced to focus on a different hobby/downtime activity. I do want to edit my commission page into something a little more concise as well, but it might take me longer than I'd like to admit because I'd like to price things fair for others and equally balance my time and talent as it grows with every drawing I do. It's a process, a daunting processes as my current mindset views it, but it's something that I think I'll benefit from in the long run.

That being said- have something that I was really excited to share with you all before my laptop started showing worrying signs back in October. Witch Si might not have made it to 2024's Halloween, but that just means he has to make an even more dramatic entrance next year!

Thanks for taking the time to read if you did. 💖

TLDR: Picking up the pieces of my mental health while switching to a backup computer while mine craps out on itself sounding like a burnt out muffler. Plus some sketch art of my sona being his witch self while riding a broom that was supposed to be for Halloween 2024.

[quilltessa]

Heyo!~ I'm Quilltessa! Since I've been doing a lot of updating behind the scenes I thought I would give you all an updated introduction. I'm a Comic Artist & Illustrator. I graduated Savannah College of Art and Design with a BFA in Sequential Art. (aka. comics, storyboarding, art that is in a sequential order) I always love telling stories through art but you can read all about my Lore on my website.

I'm the creator of "The Tale of Astra Quinn" on Tapas and Webtoon. If you like King Arthur, Merlin, Magick, and Witches; then you may like the story I'm brewing. I kept diving into it head first and stumbled many times but now with the help of my friends, we are taking a breath and doing this right. (Adhd brain wanted to be at the finish line already. If I only I can just poof it into existence)

I now stream on Twitch! I go live on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday except the last week of the month so I can do Admin work. Got a little behind with that so I made a dedicated week for that so I don't miss too many stream days. I stream whatever I need to work on whether its my comic, patreon rewards, or commissions. Hopefully soon I will also be streaming video games too! I'm streaming on a laptop which will cry and may burst into flames if I try to do that right now. 🤣

All the links are located in my bio! In case your interested in seeing with whatever I pull out my brain. There is a lot more going on behind the scenes but I don't want to spoil any surprises. TIL WE MEET AGAIN!

[neatsaviors]

(( Hi guys, Lary here! Life took some really bad turns on me lately but I'm still kicking. And kicking HARD. The "job" I got as an English teacher is nice and I love teaching, but it doesn't pay much, nowhere nearly enough to pay my bills every month. I'm working double on teaching AND drawing commissions to try and keep things at least afloat, but now my Samsung tablet I used for drawing and communicating broke down - and I already didn't have a cell phone bc it broke a few months ago too, almost exploded when I tried to recharge it after the screen went nuts. All I got now is my laptop, which I share with my brother for his college and games, and with my father for some artisan projects and entertainment too. I desperately need to buy me a new cell phone, which is the cheapest option aside from another tablet/fixing my tablet and buying a second laptop or desktop computer. All that while still paying the bills and buying food!

For that, I'm preparing a special something to offer Megaman and Transformers themed commissions specifically. If any of you would be interested, I should publish a prices chart soon - and any and all reblogs would help to spread it around so maybe it can reach more people who would be interested!

That's it for now. Oh, I'll soon get back at drawing replies for the pending asks. I'll open the askbox for new ones now too in the meantime, even though there's still a lot for the boys to reply.

AH I ALMOST FORGOT I'M GONNA CREATE A SIDEBLOG FOR THE NETMAN AU TOO BC MY BOY HAS BEEN GROWING SO MUCH I'M SO PROUD OF THIS IDIOT HE DESERVES HIS OWN BLOG TOO

Nooooow that's it for now XD See ya, Lary out! ))

[whoficky]

Until Morning

Rating: T

Pairing: 10th Doctor X Rose Tyler

Work Summary: As a weary Doctor, Martha Jones and Jack Harkness prepare to take on the Master, they find their hideout isn't as secure as they thought.

In a burst of blue light, a dimension hopping Rose Tyler finally finds the Doctor, but time is still not on their side.

What if you only had one night to spend with the love of your life?

Chapter summary: Rose has a decision to make.

Chapter 3

After a moment the Doctor broke Rose’s gaze to address Jack and Martha, “Er, we need a minute.  Could you…”

“I’ll go get dinner,” Martha mumbled, ducking out of the warehouse before anyone else could speak.

Jack looked after Martha’s retreat and sighed, “Theres an office in the front.  I’ll work on figuring out the Master’s game plan in there,” he said, picking up the laptop and heading to the office with a sad look at Rose and the Doctor.  “Call me when Martha gets back.  I’m starving.” 

 With fading footsteps and then the click of the office door, the Doctor and Rose were alone.

“Have a seat?” the Doctor offered, referring to a few beat up chairs and crates situated around a small fire.

“Yeah,” she said numbly.   

He led her over to their makeshift camp and then took a seat facing her.  They were so close that their knees touched and he kept a tight hold on one of her hands.

While he collected his thoughts, she stared at their entwined fingers and focused on the warmth she felt as his thumb rubbed against hers.  How was it that in the span of a minute or so she’d had her wildest dream fulfilled only to be crushed at its impermanence?

  “You’ll notice…not my usual digs,” he finally said, glancing around at the grimy building.

She looked back up to meet his eyes.  “Yeah, bit of a downgrade, this,” Rose tried to smile, tried to match the forced lightness in his tone.

“Yep.  I’m sort of…on the run.  Public Enemy Number One,” he began to explain.  And damn that Time Lord, he somehow managed to sound a little proud of the designation.

“Yeah, I heard,” she said, “Jack told me.”  

Rose thought back to a horrible white room with dread, “Torchwood again?” she asked.

The Doctor shook his head, “No, not this time, no.  They’re largely out of commission now anyway.  No, it’s…”

He trailed off and seemed to decide on a different angle.

“You know I was the last Time Lord…” he said finally.

It took only a moment to pick up on his careful phrasing and her heart sped up, “Was?” she asked.

“Yep,” he popped the P.  “Was.  Found another survivor.   At the end of the universe of all places.”

“But Doctor, that’s good, yeah?” Rose asked cautiously, “It means you aren’t the last anymore.  You don’t have to be…alone.”  As much as she wanted to give him forever, to be a true partner to him, she knew she only had a short human life to offer.  But if there was another Time Lord…the thought comforted her as much as it made her burn with jealousy.      

“Eh, I wasn’t alone, Rose Tyler.  I had you, for a time.  Better with two,” he smiled and squeezed her hand, “And a few friends after that.  But I know what you mean.  It should be brilliant, finding another Time Lord.  And that’s why this is so…” he sighed and ran a hand down his face, “bloody complicated.”

“The Time Lord you found - it’s the Master bloke you mentioned, isn’t it?” Rose asked with a sinking feeling.  

The Doctor nodded.

“And he really has it out for you?” 

“Yep.” 

“Why?  Did you know each other…before?” she asked.  She was hesitant to directly reference Gallifrey or the war.  Talking about his past could be like navigating a minefield.  It was best to keep things vague and let him decide how much he wanted to say.       

“Oh we go way back, me and him,” the Doctor sighed, “We grew up together.  He was my first friend.  My best friend…when we were young.”

Rose cocked her head, “And now he’s out to get you?  Why?  What changed?”

 The Doctor leaned back in the chair and ran a hand through his hair in agitation, “Oh, time, politics, childhood trauma.  The usual,” he said flippantly.  “Time Lords weren’t a barrel of laughs in general, you know.  They committed their share of atrocities in The Time War.  And the Master…Well by the time Gallifrey fell, he was among the worst of them.”   

“I’m sorry,” Rose said, giving his hand a little squeeze.  She tried to reconcile this new information with the peaceful, beautiful world the Doctor had told her about one night over hot chocolate in the TARDIS library.  Though, once she thought about it, she supposed both versions could be true.  Earth in her time was sort of the same.  There was plenty of beauty out there, plenty of lovely people, but there was also far too much need and cruelty and greed.  

“Thanks,” he smiled sadly at her before shaking his head, “I tried for so long to bring him back from…from madness I guess you could call it.  But all he could ever see it as was me trying to hold him back.”  

“Dumbledore and Grindelwald,” Rose mused, and then instantly wished she could take it back in case he thought she was making light of things.

But the Doctor just nodded with a small smile, “Pretty much, yeah.  You’ve read the seventh book then?”  When they’d traveled together he’d insisted on her waiting the full two years instead of “cheating” by jumping ahead to the book’s launch.  She’d only given in because he promised her a live reading and signed copy if she waited and “did the thing properly.”  Then she had been torn away from him before they could take that trip.  

“Nicked it on one of my dimension jumps,” Rose confessed, then gently brought him back to the issue at hand, “As you were saying…”

“Right,” the Doctor said, “Anyway, in the end, all his madness and rage sort of became fixated on me.  When he wasn’t busy wreaking havoc across time and space in general, that is.”

“Then you’re not safe either, if he’s back,” Rose worried.

“Eh, it’s not as bad as you’d think.  I’m certainly not in as much danger as you’d be,” the Doctor assured her.

“How’s that?” 

“Well, he doesn’t want to kill me.  Not really.  He doesn’t even really want to hurt me, physically I mean.  At least not in a permanent way.  What he wants…” the Doctor thought for a moment, “What I reckon he wants is to break me.  To make me like him.  He’d love nothing more than to tear the Universe apart piece by piece with me at his side.”

“Oh,” she said lamely, far from reassured.

“And now he’s started his latest campaign on Earth.  He’s infiltrated your government, has amassed vast amounts of power, probably has access to nearly any of Earth’s resources he could wish for…I don’t know what he’s planning, but I do know it will be catastrophic.”

“Then you need my help,” Rose said firmly. 

The Doctor looked at her solemnly, “Not this time,” he leaned forward to cup her face, “You are the bravest person I know and bloody good in a crisis, Rose Tyler.  You’ve saved me more times then I could count.  But it wouldn’t be like that this time.  With the Master it’s a whole different game.”  He dropped his hand to her knee and sighed.  

“If you stayed, there wouldn’t be anywhere you could hide from him.  And once he had you, he’d kill you, but…not quickly.  He’d use you to manipulate me, to get me to do whatever he wants.  And I honestly don’t know if I could stand up to that.  Not that it would matter for you.  Even if I did all he wanted, even if I became his bloody slave, he’d still kill you in the end.  That’s who he is, Rose. That’s what the Earth is facing right now. I need to stop him.  He’s my responsibility.  And I can’t do that if he has you,” the Doctor shook his head, “Can you see now? Why you have to go back?  He can’t get his hands on you, Rose.  Because I know he would’ve done his research on me.  He’d know how I -” The Doctor took a deep breath and let the sentence hang for a second before continuing, “He knows that if anything happened to you - Rose, it would destroy me.”

She sucked in a breath at the emotion she saw in his eyes.  He’d never been so open, so frank with her.  She saw the choice he had to make, saw how much it killed him.   

“But I could help,” she pleaded, selfishly.

He shook his head and repeated, “Not this time.” 

 And with a horrible sinking feeling in her gut, she knew he was right.  

Rose felt her face crumple and went easily to him when he pulled her onto his lap.  She wrapped her arms around his waist and curled into him with her head tucked under his chin.  For a long time they just held each other, both silent apart from her uneven breaths as she fought back sobs.  

She couldn’t imagine what the Doctor was feeling right now.  It wasn’t just losing her again - they shared that pain.  It was everything - being on the run, his friends in danger, having to face the memories of the war, finding another survivor only for it to be the Doctor’s old enemy…and Rose could be wrong, but she got the feeling that the Doctor also loved his old friend at the same time he feared him.  What a mess, she thought.

“A mess indeed,” the Doctor said.  Apparently she’d said that last bit out loud.  God, she was exhausted.  

Rose uncurled herself enough to meet his eyes for one last try, “So what if I stayed?  I could help, I could - “

“Rose, please,” he all but begged, “If this were anything else, if I were facing anything else, I’d never let you go.  I promise.  But it’s the Master.  He’d hurt you.  He’d hurt you over and over again.  And he’d make me watch.”

Rose shivered at the certainty in his voice.  She thought about how she’d feel if their positions were reversed.  How she couldn’t let herself be just another burden to him.  How she couldn’t, she’d never put herself before the billions of people who needed him.   

“Ok,” she finally said with bitter resignation.     

“Thank you,” he drew her back to his chest for a tight embrace. “Thank you, Rose.”  

She returned his desperate grip.  From where her face was pressed into the damp wool of his coat she said, “But not forever.”

“What?” he asked, loosing his grip so they could face each other again.

“I said, it’s not forever,” she replied, “I’ll go back to Pete’s World, yeah, but only until you sort this like I know you will.  Then I’ll just have to come find you again.”

“And Rose Tyler, I don’t doubt you for a second,” he smiled at her, but she could see the lie beneath his words.  He couldn’t let himself have that hope.  She let it go, knowing that she’d just have to hold on to it for the both of them.  

They held each other for a long time.  Rose basked in the feel of his arms around her and took slow deep breaths of his scent.  She wanted to catalogue every aspect of him to carry with her until they could be together again.  She was so focused on him, on the double beats of his hearts and the not quite human time in between his breaths that again, all her surroundings faded away.  She felt like she was in a dream.  A good dream, although there was a nightmare brewing on the horizon.    

When Martha came back carrying a hefty stash of food, Rose was brought back to reality.  After one last squeeze, the Doctor and she untangled themselves and walked over to where Martha was setting out paper plates and opening takeaway boxes.  

[atrial-ofhorror-if]

Hey, y'all! It's that time of the month again~~ Time for a monthly update!! 

I want to start this off with checking in on you guys. How's everyone doing? The year just started but it just feels like time is moving so fast already. I hope that this year will be much kinder to us all than it has been 🙏🏿🙏🏿 last year really tried to knock my dome top off, but I'm still here, so thats something. Let's all do our best, and kick or at least bruise the universes ass!

Clerical Updates

I have some changes that I'm planning for the Itch.io page, guys 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿First thing first, I want to change the game's title screen. I had initially made it in Canva with the aid of a friend from work, but as I continue to work through the game, I feel like there could be a much more fitting image. However, your girl isn't a graphic designer, so I want to commission someone to make a header or some shit.

Then I want to add a game starting page into the actual demo. I’ve looked at some examples from other IF writers who have made one, but I think my code is wrong (as it usually is), so I’m pacing back and forth trying to figure out exactly how and what I’m doing wrong. stay tuned for the shenanigans, cause I bet its something super simple 🙃🙃

I've been slowing down in writing. I typically write in my Google docs app on my phone, it's easier than opening my laptop, but the app has been having hella issues. I think it's because of the document size, so it's been significantly slowing down my writing time. I've been looking into alternative apps, so if anyone has recommendations, let me know. 

Game Progress

 I am officially at 60k+ words!!  

To be well (Alex’s Route): 49%

Search and Destroy (Mark's Route): <1%

Interlude (Intermission): 4%

So far, I have three big scenes left to write in Alex’s route. 

North Wing. Nuff said.

Convergent: not to be confused with divergence

Isekai? Isekai. 

Once I've written those scenes out, the rest will be smooth sailing. I just have ends to tie up and scenes to flesh out before I can finally push it into editing. I might do some of the fleshing out during editing to make it easier on myself (and to give myself a break), but I am just trying to go with the flow.

Once I push the game into editing, I'll take a break before I start on Mark's route. I'm still dealing with fatigue from Miss Rona despite having the same progress I had before I got sick but it just feels... weird. Like your girl is trapped in a slumber or something and I can't get out, but now I'm being anecdotal.

Back onto topic.

I want to talk about Mark's route for a moment. Because it truly is the bane of my existence, and I'm DREADING having to write it. I have three possible ways of how I want to deal with it:

Write the damn thing out, and stop bitching. Not ideal

Don't write it and be great 😤😤😤 most ideal

Release Alex's route once done with editing and worry about Mark at a later date. also not ideal cause then I have to come back to it! 🥴🤧😭

So, the last option is something I'm looking at real disrespectfully. Partially because I'm probably going to have to rewrite some of the subplots because when I plotted the outline for the entire episode, I had a precise idea of what was to occur. But Alex's route completely shifted from what was supposed to be there into something that I don't even recognize. Which isn't a bad thing, just… an inconvenience 🥴🥴

Therefore a lot of things that were supposed to happen just didn't. Which, again, isn't a bad thing. It just means that I need to reign the plot in again. I could finesse a lot of the content to make it flow, BUT that will take me some time.

So, in short... I still don't know what I'm gonna do!! 😭😭 but I probably will end up writing Mark's route cause I don't want to end up shorting you guys on content just cause I'm feeling lazy.

This episode has a LOT of variety in it. Like, I'm not even bullshitting. I'm aiming to make it so that you guys can replay it as often as you desire and still find new things you would have missed. (To make up for the fact that episode 2 probably won't be released until next year if we're being honest 🥴🥴)

The interlude isn't even something I'm thinking about at the moment. Partially because I'm trying to push through Episode 1, get done with Alex's Route and start on Mark's. A portion of it will still be in the update, but I'm debating if its going to be even smaller than what I intended it to be. Possibly? But again, I'm not so much of a planner as much as I am a 'go with the flow'er.

I'm hoping to drop pieces of the interlude this year until it's whole, instead of just writing the entire thing, cause I swear I'm not doing this shit again, lol 🤣🤣. Either way, I will keep you guys updated if anything changes.

I think that's it? If you guys have any questions, you know what to do. And if you need anything, let me know! I'm semi-available (not really) on the weekdays so I'll try to answer any asks as quickly as I can. But either way, love y'all 🤎🤎

[cisthehuman]

Cis Rambles #5--2024: Wow it's in 2 days!

It's been a wild ride both personally and stream wise!

What Went Down in 2023:

Graduated w/ my Masters, and with that paid my way through grad school

Got diagnosed with PCOS and began treatment!

Got a part time job in my field!

Rebranded and started streaming again!

Started the CisLunar Visual Novel

Started a new music youtube!

(Please check it out! I put all of my tunes on there!)

What to look forward to in 2024!

I have major goals/projects I want to accomplish!

Project 1: The CisLunar Visual Novel!

My multimedia project, CisLunar, is one that has been in the works since I first started streaming possibly 2 or 3 years ago. It is only recently that I decided to take streaming seriously so while I've had my account for a while, I feel like I've only gotten in the swing of things earlier in December. Cislunar, a real word, means "between earth and the moon". It was a random word I found out about while I completed a word search on my phone and ever since, a story has been growing. Plus, as I go by Cis, it really fits lol

The crux of the story is about grief--acknowledging it, processing it, and adapting from it. Almost 3 years ago, I suddenly lost my father. I have been riddled with several emotions that I wanted to process and thus this story is born.

The story follows Lunar Sun (she/they), an alien cat woman who lives on Planet GJ504b (the pink planet). She is a radio host by day and a mafia informant by night. While she smiles and laughs, she's been making a dangerous habit, one that leads her to a new up and coming job. Online entertainment is at an all time high with entertainers reaching different people across the galaxy. The trouble is, people would like to keep their anonymity. Thus the now booming job of Mutualistic Parasite is born. Because they have nothing else to lose, Lunar takes the job leading them to Cis the Parasite (she/they). Cis the Parasite is quiet, stoic, and clearly a loner. Lunar believes they can be partners, but doesn't realize they have more in common with the earthling...

Ooooooh So Interesting! So Wonderous! It's So Unfinished LOL

So we have some goals for this year regarding the VisNovel:

Finish the script for the CisLunar Visual Novel!

Finish designing characters for the CisLunar Visual Novel!

Actually learn ren'py programming!

Project 2: Streaming

I started streaming part time on December 6 (I believe lol I'm bad with dates)! It's been so wonderful so far! Thanks to some wonderful artists, things look much shinier and new! Please take a gander at my twitch page (and follow! you know you want to):

I've been having fun playing games and drawing and I can't complain! However, there is one small issue--I don't get many viewers. While it is true that with whatever I make, I don't do things for numbers or follows, it is also true that streaming alone can be quite lonesome (shoutout to calcium for making it when they can and being a trooper in the chat! I genuinely perk up when you pop in because it is not just me anymore LOL).

That being said, I have a couple of goals for streaming this year!

Get 50 followers

Have at least 10 people chatting in chat.

Slowly but surely complete the PC-98 inspiration for my streams (I actually got a head start on this one; already got a new overlay commissioned~)

Learn more things I can do with obs plugins, to help with the PC-98-ification of the streams

Buy a better laptop to stream on (this one is nice and it lagging helps with the old school vibe I'm going for, but I need some better performance!)

And a big far away goal--have a big named vtuber say I'm their fave obscure streamer lolol

Project 3: Music!

Honestly, because of work and at the time how tired I was due to my health, I didn't have enough capacity to put out the big bulk of music I made. I literally have at the least 40 tracks that are just on soundtrap LOL

With that being said, starting in the new year, I plan to finally put this music out there! It needs to be out into the wild! I'm also going to do my best to draw a cover for each album as well (this is where the backlog gets created), but I've allowed myself to be happy with a cool free use image as well lol. With that being said, there are already 5 albums ready to be posted. They just need cover images and they'll be put up!

I'm also close to finishing Vol.3 of Cosmic Canary Radio aka the stream music! Getting close to 50 tracks so it's the biggest one so far. I believe I have 5 tracks left and then I'll be done! Here are some tracks as a preview of what's in Vol.3

(lol not all the bands use caps in their name, that's just a hilarious coincidence for the ones I chose to put here)

For this project, the goals are:

put out finished albums!!!

Put out Vol 3 of Cosmic Canary Radio!

Make a section (or separate tumblr) for the fake bands in this universe!

Project 4: Quasar

This is a very far away project, but I'd like to get much farther on it in hopes of working on it while finishing CisLunar Visual Novel.

Quasar has been in the works for at least 8 years now, but I've finally worked on it in earnest the past two years. It's influenced by shows/movies like Redline, Motorcity, Speedracer (the movie more than the show), etc. It connects with the zeitgeist within CisLunar loosely so unfortunately I need to get CisLunar started before I can start posting some things about it (I might break that rule though).

Goals for this project include:

finish designing characters

finalize how the story will be provided to readers

complete the plot lol

I have some personal goals too, but I won't go into to much depth here. Most of them revolve around my own mental and physical health, and while I said I would be open to a degree about my issues to help convey there is a real life human in reality behind this screen, I'll leave it at I'm gonna learn to live with PCOS and I'm tired of having a mentally sick mind. While this year has been quite positive for me, I also had some major lows that stopped me from doing what I love--creating things.

LOL ALSO--I plan to update this tumblr more! More sketches and designs and me putting my stream schedule on here and stuff! That was a run on sentence but it is to show how much stuff is going to be on here now!

This was an EXTREMELY long post, but I wanted to write out all of my goals. Maybe I'll come back at the end of next year and see how well I did!

Until then, seeeee youuu neext tiiimmeeeeee!