#BUT i wanted to do it so bad
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
#it's bad if you want i have sex it's also bad if you DON'T want to have sex#god forbid if you're a woman in a heterosexual marriage and aren't in the mood#that's 'withholding sex' and you're clearly abusive scum who should be divorced and left without any of your shared assets.#but if you DO have sex now you're a degenerate freak plotting for the downfall of western society#i don't know what to say i'm just so tired#politics#culture#queerphobia#lgbtqia#misogyny#<it's not the exclusive source but let's be honest sooo much of this is integral to the patriarchy#patriarchy needs access to an underclass they can treat like sex objects but they also don't want them to have any human rights#so sexuality is both obligatory and stigmatized#purity culture#i'm really struggling with tagging this because most of the appropiate tags would- in a beautiful twist of irony- get me booted off tumblr
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when i was a kid i wanted to be a famous youtuber like dan and phil so that people would gay ship me with my irl best friend and we would be sooo weirded out by it and laugh and make videos joking about it but secretly it would make her realize her repressed gay crush on me and i'd help her through her gay crisis and then we would have a sickeningly sweet sappy romance and read fanfiction about ourselves together... anyways just found out she's married to a guy in the mafia now so i probably don't have a chance
#dan and phil fanfiction changed me#come into my lady door#and teen me saw that and went “i need to be that so fuckan bad”#i wanted to be dan but now that im a mature adult i understand that phil is better. phil guy 5ever nowadays#do i tag this as dan and phil. i still dont know tumblr site tagging norms and im like a year in now#dan and phil#dnp#phan
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trick or treat!
#my art#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#maki zenin#yuta okkotsu#inumaki toge#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#u could argue that the spoilers r hidden by the costumes but idw take my chances#i havent posted art in a billion years i feel like a fraud and i am going to get a bad grade in tumblr dot com#so i am posting these early idc anymore#i still have probably one more halloween draws i plan on posting but im cracking i want these out of my drafts Now#these KILLED ME#i miss drawing fast i miss it so badddddd#dont get me wrong the costume design ws so fun i loved it but god did it take ages#but on the bright side. yuuji in a toga.#on another bright side. little devil nobara n cowgirl maki#on yet anotHER bright side. eldritch horror pandachu#these costumes eat if i do say so myself ghjsdfkgjf undead inuokko makes me so happy also they r so cute#not to mention megumi in his gay little hat god i made itfs so obnoxiously flirty in this#remember when i said the timeskip art ws the least heterosexual group photo i've ever drawn i take it back#theyre disgusting . save nobara episode 356325746732#anyway happy 10 days early halloween <3#i will try to not take a whole week to finish the last piece(s)
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A h-heartfelt reunion..?
Bonus
#Sir Crocodile#Monkey D Dragon#Emporio Ivankov#Dragodile#Crocodad#My art#One Piece#We're not gonna talk about the work I should be doing rn I have Severe Procrastinitis and I'm doing my best okay#Alternative version where it was both Crocodile and Garp beating Dragon's ass before Iva-chan joined in but that was too much effort lmao#I'm a believer in Dragon being a Wind Logia so don't worry guys he is 100% taking this beating intentionally#He knows what he did and he's dealing with the concequences of his actions. With grace.#You know I realize Iva-chan should be two whole meters taller than Crocodile but we're just gonna ignore that#Look Iva-chan taking Crocodile's side and being like ''Crocoboy is right you fucked up bad Dragon'' brings me joy#And for real I've been wanting to draw this for months. But never did because I had other shit to do. Which I still do#But. You know. Sometimes you need to draw a shitpost. It's ✨ self-care ✨#And appearently One Piece shitpost comics have become the thing I draw for myself on occassion
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senshi fans: learning how to make nutritious meals for themselves
laios fans: down bad
marcille fans: lesbianism
chilchuck fans: putting that man in situations
#this is what I've observed over the past few weeks#it's great#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#senshi#laois touden#marcille donato#chilchuck#2000+ notes later and I'm starting to think i read y'all to filth#with exception to senshi fans also being down for him#update at 9000 notes: you can like laois for autism reasons and still be down bad#some of y'all in the tags and fics are down bad for laois in mental way#like you want him to be real so you can do brain crazy with him do you understand
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I mean this came from me seeing the meme template randomly, but similar enough to my vision, I guess
I forget meme templates and PNGs exist
He misses his husband, Jazz. He misses him a lot. He’ll be back
#I still want to do that comic#but I can at least do this for now#exam went pretty well#it was also over Europe though so it wasn’t too bad#anyways sorry random#I feel like this is Optimus’ thoughts after the movie#only time will tell if they will be undoomed#transformers#transformers one#optimus prime#megatron#megop#meme#random stuff
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Every time that the stakes are now So So So high in Doctor Who I'm like. Congratulations to Fourteen for well and truly fucking off. His ass is NOT dealing with death gods his ass is trying to get rid of the spider mites on the basil
#doctor who#it's so funny. to be clear i dont want him to show up. it's just so goddamn funny to be like theres another doctor out there#and he is not doing SHIT#other! peoples! problemssss!!!!#meanwhile fifteen is like hey. im doin real bad :)#what if the doctor just keeps bigenerating to go retire with donna. fifteen is like im out sixteen this is your problem now
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lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.
#like i'm always gonna operate from a place of kindness but i've had to deal w so many people who're bad at communication/confrontation#which led me to think i'm the problem#that i deserve to be given the silent treatment or dismissed disregarded belittled etc#that's j not true. i'm far from perfect but i think so few people deserve that kind of reaction. and my biggest revelation is i do not#even if people want to make me think i do / that their reaction is justified / that i'm a burden etc#my biggest problem is i humor people like this for too long bc it's been normalized behavior to me#does this make any sense to anyone. it's the end of the year and i'm reflecting on so many things#p
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so I started playing stardew valley, and now it's the only thing I want to do with my life
I had to trick myself by drawing stardew things, namely krobus my beloved
#my brain is screaming at me for posting at a bad hour#but when it comes to me doing things if i dont finish them in one sitting i never do#so I want to post it now#please be kind to me and rb it to prove my brain it's fine#krobus#stardew valley#stardew#stardew valley krobus#sdv krobus#void chicken#strange bun#art#stardew fanart#digital art#artists on tumblr#my art#artist#drawing#digital artist
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I don't like this place. It's turning everyone edgy and sad.
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#undertale#deltarune#crossover#utdr#crossover comic#twin runes comic#twin runes au#my art#art#susie deltarune#chara#this will ignite the “chara did nothing wrong” vs “chara is a murder hobo” debate I just know it#fact is they gave up everything for their plan to succeed and asriel blew it#HOWEVER they were also forced to watch asriel die and they could do nothing about it#so what does a dead child do for who knows how many years all alone with no one else to talk to?#they rethink everthying that went wrong#guilt is a weird thing that lingers and festers in your mind#no matter how much you're actually at fault#I mean come on... they were an abused kid#all they wanted was to not hurt anymore and return the love they were given no matter the cost#but now they are CONVINCED it was their plan that kickstarted this whole mess#and it's eating at them#you can see it because they actually used contractions for once#i love subtle stuff like that#also hey#susie's feeling remorse for her whole “chara offed asriel” comment#the two are more alike than she thought and now she feels bad#out of all people she should know what it's like to be falsely accused
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Regulus: sitting in James’ lap, clearly upset
James: What’s the matter?
Regulus: (aggressively) My brother.
James: What about him?
Regulus: He’s over there being gross and kissing Remus.
James: And this is bad because…
Regulus: Because if I tell him to stop then he’ll call me a hypocrite and tell me to get off of you.
James: Ah, and we can’t have that.
Regulus: (snuggling closer) No, we can’t.
#jegulus#marauders#marauders era#regulus black#james potter#wolfstar#sirius black#remus lupin#starchaser#james x regulus#sunseeker#marauders fandom#I genuinely get so much rage when I see my siblings doing something that I do that I don’t want them to do#I’m a bad influence 😭
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Debrief
#I want so bad to go feral on fan art rn#disco elysium#harrier du bois#kim kitsuragi#digital painting#i can kinda do poses. i can kinda do perspective. both at once? dying whale noise#myscribbles
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trigunned the hades or hadesed the trigun (id in alt)
#trigun#trigun maximum#nicholas d wolfwood#vash the stampede#meryl stryfe#milly thompson#millions knives#ruporas art#type of shit ive been on lately bc ive been playing an obsessive amount of hades 2 lmfao… ofc imstead of drawing fansrt for hades#i channel that energy into trigun?😭 SEE.. the thing is. i am ALWAYS thinking about a trigun game… like an action story game#it is rotating in my brain 24/7 and now after 7billion years i finally pick up a video game#and the inspiration sparked. obviously this is just a mere mimic of an existing media... but im thinking about the plot of max now#executed differently between mediums… webbing a new retelling of the original story as game mechanics allows you - thinking of the#new roles the characters would take. like wolfwood here is not Constantly by vash’s side but he will show up once a run to clear out an#encounter. shows up seldomly at home base to make gifting difficult... an existing companion and still journeys on his own. for more#relations options merylmilly will also have occasions where they separate so vash can speak to them individually - the gungho are not bosse#most of them get the roles of giving “boons” i think.. BUT ANYWAY thats me reimagining trigun into hades. now imagining trigun into an#ORIGINAL video game.... ough... ohhh....guhh... I WANT IT SO BAD!!!!!!!!#this was just a fun exercise... im thinking about doing more but i think i shouldactually draw some hades 2 fanart first
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parenthood was not on my 2024 bingo card but clearly life is full of surprises
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk leaks#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 265#this chapter did the impossible and singlehandedly revived every one of my withered maternal instincts#he is so . SMALL hes so LITTLE i want to hug him i want to ruffle his hair sooooo bad sosoososbad#drawing kids is not smth i do often gsdfjkfjk im not used to drawing yuuji so . rounded.#hes so squishy....i want 2 knead him like dough.....#GOD HES SO CUTE I KEEP LOOKING AT HIM AND I WANT TO BITE HIM#the MOST baby boy . complete opposite vibe of baby megu anta dare but i LOVE HIM#cant believe sukuna looked @ that face and thought ya im gna beat up this preschooler gHJFJHJG#vine voice what would u do.....if there was a child right in front of u#edit forgot th pompom how dare i breathe actually
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Ask me what type of romantic dreams I have at night.
The man in my dreams:
(He wasn't happy I escaped from my gilded cage)
#I haven't stopped thinking about him#that dream will not leave me alone#I NEED to know what he was going to do to me#he wanted me so bad I could feel his burning gaze on me#my ocs#obsessive yandere#yandere#tw yandere#dark imagines#dark art#dark content#stalker bf#stalking fantasy#dead dove do not eat#this is extremely unhealthy but I need him#tw dubcon#tw noncon
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