#BUT WHAT'S HAPPENED TO IT. THIS ISN'T LAW & ORDER ANYMORE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eamour · 7 months ago

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the bridge of events.

something that most of us eventually do or have done is try to "fix" a certain situation in our physical worlds. we have encountered something very unlikable and therefore want to "un-manifest" it by thinking of a way to do so. however, that's not your job. moreover, that's not your GOAL.

definition.

the "bridge of events" refers to the lined up situations you will have to experience or go through in order to reach the physical fulfillment of your desire. it's an unpredictable process that describes how, when and where you will receive your desire in the outer world, basically the "bridge" that's between your current and your desired reality.

disregard the bridge.

can you decide the way in which your heart's desires are going to come to fruition? most definitely, you can. but you don't have to. see, you don't have to come up with a detailed solution on how an unfavourable situation is going to change to a favourable one. you don't have to mess around with logical possibilities and realistic outcomes. actually, you don't even need to be bothered by it. you do not need to worry at all.

concentrate on the destination.

you only need to be concerned about WHAT you want, nothing and no one else. you need to focus on what's at the end of the line and fixate your mind on it. nail your thoughts on the version of yourself who HAS and IS what you wish to have or be already, and don't care about the obstacles in your reality. don't "reason" your way into obtaining your desire. go to the end and make sure to stay in alignment with that version of yours. dwell on that version. be it, be the end, not the bridge. do not wait or wonder. enjoy your desire. experience it in the mind. within an infinite range of realities, your desired one already EXISTS!

renounce all circumstances.

if you witness something that brings you off track or just generally throws you off your path, what are you going to do?

exactly, you are going to dismiss it. it's entirely up to you if you use a different term to deal with the outer world — such as ignore, renounce, abandon, neglect, reject, refuse — as long as you do not accept it as true.

whatever happens physically is none of your concern, none of your interest and not worth your time, energy and attention. do not let it get in your way. do not let it affect or influence your new, freshly established assumptions. because the undesirable reality that's currently being displayed isn't the reality you want to begin with. the reality you are manifesting ISN'T the one you are experiencing right now! it has nothing to do with you. you are not obligated to accept or associate yourself with it. it holds no truthfulness, no rightness, no correctness and definitely no realness. and remember: it does not serve as a form of validation either!

do not interfere with the physical. do not intervene. do not take action. withhold from any acts that do not take place in the mind. leave the world as it is, as the old reality doesn't reflect your new one anymore.

consequently, feel the way you would feel and then let go of it. you want to distance yourself from the story that's no longer yours. you no longer identify with that version of self anymore.

"the display of the old story and its circumstances isn't an invitation to return back to it."

persist in imagination.

let it come to pass. let it unfold in your reality. simply persist in your newly chosen reality. select your desired reality every day and don't stop. accept it as true, as correct and as real. your imagination is your confirmation. your imaginative acts are your source of validation. so have faith and trust yourself.

the thing is, if you continuously persist in your desired outcome, you are going to walk the bridge one way or another. your desire is going to announce itself and you will acknowledge it — there is no way around it! it WILL show up, and you WILL notice it. you HAVE to. that's the law!

with love, ella.

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jinjeriffic · 11 months ago

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DC x DP prompt/ficlet

Throwing my hat in the ring with this idea that has been doing the zoomies in my brain for days. The Tim/Danny Accidental Ghost Marriage to Fake Dating to Friends to Lovers AU:

Pariah Dark was a piece of shit. Before his imprisonment, mortals would sometimes manage to bargain with the Ghost King for scraps of power. One of the "standard" deals was to send PD a "Bride" to play with and feed on (because I HC he feeds on fear and pain) and what better way than a little mortal battery that couldn't get away from him? The deal was sealed with a cursed amulet. Now in one instance, the contract was never fulfilled (maybe the petitioner died before he could complete his half) and the amulet was lost. After Pariah was imprisoned and couldn't make deals anymore the knowledge of the rituals needed was gradually forgotten since they didn't work anymore...

Eventually the amulet gets dug up by archeologists (maybe in Egypt or Mesopotamia?) and ends up in a traveling exhibit in Gotham. A Rogue robs the place (Riddler? Two-Face? doesn't really matter). When the Bats show up to foil the robbery, during the fight with the goons a drop of Red Robin's blood gets on the amulet, there's a blinding flash of green light and the amulet is suddenly glued to him.

While everyone is dazed by the ghostly magic flashbang, Fright Knight pops out of a portal, yoinks Red Robin across his saddle and jumps back through the portal before anyone can stop him. Cue the Bats trying to frantically figure out what in the multi-dimensional occult hell happened and where RR went?!

Meanwhile, Danny is disturbed to receive a ghostly missive in his college dorm to tell him that his Mail Order Bride has been delivered to his Ghost Zone Palace and is awaiting him so they can consummate their Unholy Matrimony.

----------------

Danny: Wtf I have to study I don't have time to get MARRIED

Fright Knight: I'm sorry my liege, but according to the laws of ghosts, gods and magic you already ARE

Danny: Wtf. How did this happen?

RR: I would like to know that too

Danny: Oh shit, you're a superhero. Frighty, you can't just kidnap people! Especially not SUPERHEROES!

RR: While that's good to hear, I would really like to know about this supposed marriage..?

FK: I am not aware of the exact details, I was merely summoned to retrieve the Bride of the Ghost King. There used to be standard magical contracts for this, which went into effect when the Bride bled on the King's Token...

RR: Shit

Danny: Hold on, PARIAH got married? Multiple times??

FK: ...but we can always consult the Royal Archivist, if we can dig him out from under the several thousand years worth of paperwork that piled up while there was no King actively ruling...

Danny: Oh ancients, am I gonna have to deal with that?? I have exams to prepare for, dude!

RR: ...the dead still have to do exams? And paperwork?? *horror*

-------------

Some time and explanations later...

Royal Archivist: It took some digging, but I believe I have found the contract in question. You are one Timothy Drake-Wayne, correct?

Tim: Fml

RA: Ahem. The contract was sealed with your mortal blood, as is standard procedure. Congratulations, you are officially King-Consort of the Infinite Realms! Until death do you part, and all that

Danny: Can I see that contract? ...This isn't in English

RA: Oh dear, looks like we will have to schedule your Royal Highness classes in reading cuneiform/hieroglyphics

Tim: Okay, does it say anywhere in that contract how to dissolve it? What's the procedure for a ghost divorce? Fright Knight mentioned the previous king being married multiple times

RA: Well usually, when Pariah tired of a consort he would simply devour their soul...

Danny: Ewwwww I am so not doing that

Tim: I concur. I can't imagine my soul would taste good anyway

Danny: That's what you took from that??

RA: ...but when you die and your soul passes into the Afterlife proper, the contract will be fulfilled. As long as you're not resurrected again.

Tim: Nuts, there goes that loophole

RA: Until then you are the Consort and duty-bound to fulfill his Royal Highness' every whim; ghostly, spiritual, carnal...

Danny: *sinks through the floor in embarrassment*

Tim: Can't he just... release me from the contract? Take the amulet off me or something?

RA: Not without obliterating your soul, no

Danny and Tim: Fuck

--------------

Some time later, while Danny is away consulting other ghosts on possible ways of dissolving the contract, they discover the nasty little clause that if Tim isn't in regular physical contact with Danny the amulet starts draining his life force. To prevent victims from escaping you see... Danny really really hates Pariah right now.

They eventually return to the mortal plane to explain to the Batfam what the hell is going on and that they're still trying to fix it. In the meantime, Danny can't miss any more classes (studying areospace engineering at MIT or sth) and Tim has to stick close to him because of the curse...

Alfred: Oh dear, looks like Master Timothy will have to go to college after all *unflappable British Smugness*

Bruce pulls a lot of strings to fast track Tim getting his high school diploma and let him attend classes with Danny (he's not officially enrolled yet, but Money, Dear Boy). They never know when Danny has to respond to a ghost emergency or Red Robin to a Bat emergency, so they stay pretty much joined at the hip in their civilian lives. Of course there's gonna be rumors. Why did the Wayne CEO suddenly drop everything to go to college? So they make up a story about Danny and Tim having been secret boyfriends for a while and Tim becoming so smitten that he moves with him to Boston...

Cue the fake dates, interviews with magazines, couple photoshoots to really sell the bit... and the two young men gradually becoming friends... and then "Feelings?? But what do I do?? He was forced into this?" etc.

#dcxdp #dpxdc #dp x dc #dc x dp #dc x dp crossover #dc x dp prompt #danny phantom #tim drake #red robin #danny fenton #ficlet #batman #batfam #accidental marriage #arranged marriage

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wingedshadowfan · 9 days ago

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⚠️arcane s2 act ii spoilers⚠️

"caitlyn switching sides immediately when vi calls her cupcake again" "caitlyn double crossing her mentor ambessa out of the blue" "caitlyn and vi haven't talked or seen each other in months" "caitlyn randomly changing her mind" SHUT UP

if singed didn't manage to get warwick out his way (which would've still likely made warwick go berserk causing casualties and/or even losing the remainder of vander), ambessa's army of trained warriors, because notice there weren't any enforcers w/ them, would've raided a village of pacifists who don't have a single weapon, in order to catch and tame a monster that can and has turned a dozen people to bacon in minutes undoubtedly to employ it against other innocents (which caitlyn never wanted happening btw, even in her pursuit of jinx and her personal revenge, she thought it was taking too long and being too violent and destructive, which we saw caused tension betw her and ambessa), not to mention caitlyn called singed a monster and we don't quite see her changing her mind after seeing the dead daughter he does animal testing in order to immortalize, she'd alr confronted ambessa for her and her himbo's methods (warmongers not following the lawful procedures, who's surprised), and if in the midst of potentially spying on ambessa and her people vi of all ppl falls from the sky to say this "monster" is her dad (considering caitlyn is still deeply grieving her mother and has been under the impression vi's dad is dead) and that the village prophet will turn him to a man again (effectively neutralizing a potentially uncontrollable and very severe threat) like i'm sorry but if i was caitlyn and had to act immediately under a time crunch, i'd also go straight to "here's where the guards are placed, i'll walk you in as a hostage" it was the perfect moment to betray ambessa and diverge attention (and it would've worked beautifully if jayce hadn't blown a hole through viktor's chest, which i'm actually not exactly blaming him for doing to a eugenics enthusiast) - w/ the help of vi and in the urgency of needing to figure out how to save all those people by herself (and in the undercity too bcuz it's a relatively neutral ground and caitlyn can't quite go back home after this unless she kills ambessa or smth, which, unimaginable) and why couldn't she have done it before? the stakes weren't as high before and she also couldn't do much against ambessa in piltover without a single capable counselor left (despite everyone telling her "it's your call" it's never that simple in politics)

and even if you took the complete opposite stance and argued that caitlyn doesn't love vi anymore/never truly did bcuz she hurt her, pushed her away, got a rebound and became authoritarian (which isn't a hill you can easily die on if you consider literally any other outside influences on the situations and relationships in arcane imo) guess what? none of these things matter for the decision caitlyn had to make (and vi likely didn't tell her jinx was in the village too)

#arcane #arcane season 2 #arcane spoilers #arcane act 2 #arcane act two #arcane act ii #caitlyn kiramman #caitvi #vi #caitlyn arcane #vi x caitlyn #ambessa medarda #arcane ambessa #singed #vander #warwick #jinx #jinx arcane #vi arcane

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epicthemusical · 4 months ago

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Familiar Longing

@fuckingdeadinsidetm for the inspiration so thank you!

Eurylochus takes a deep breath before heading over to his Captain's hunched form. He has to confess about opening the wind bag or else the guilt will strangle him. He looks down in shame as he starts to talk.

"Captain, I have something I have to tell you. I won't be able to rest until I do. Captain I-"

As he is about to confess he looks up and stands there speechless. The rising sun hits the brown curls and gods when did his Captain's hair get so long? He is reminded of the times after he and Ctimene spent mornings on the beach as she ran through waves and sand laughing freely with a grin. She always ended up with her curls tangled up while covered in salt and sand. Every time he made sure to gently clean and untangle her hair as they relaxed together. The color is a bit off and it's still shorter than hers but it's still so familiar. He is broken out of his memories and longing by Odysseus' voice.

"Whatever you have to say can wait some more I'm sure. Go scout the island, we can't take any more dangers sneaking up on us."

"Yes Captain."

Eurylochus walks away shame and guilt feels like it's choking him but he does as he was ordered and gathered men before heading off to scout the island.

—----------------------------------------------------

Eurylochus stares down at the still form of his friend, his brother, his captain. He feels sick at the blood pooling on the deck adding to the sickening metallic smell from the 6 who had died. Thinking of that again has some part of him shrinking in on itself as the betrayal and guilt lay heavy in his chest.

“Captain?” He had felt so relieved that Odysseus had trusted him enough to still have him carry out his orders even after he finally admitted to opening the wind bag Eurylochus light up six torches. He had trusted him but he obviously chose wrong.

“Sir.” All he has ever known is being the second in command. He follows orders and keeps everyone safe. How was he supposed to lead, to be a captain? He doesn't have Odysseus to catch him if he falls anymore. What is he supposed to do now?

“Eurylochus!” He finally snaps out of it and looks up at the remaining crew to think they had started out with 600 men

“What should we do with the capt- with Odysseus?” He glances again at the unconscious Odysseus. It would be reasonable to kill him now after all they did just mutiny. Who knows what will happen once he wakes up but…he can't bring himself to let him die. Not only is he Eurylochus’ brother-in-law but he is also Ctimene’s brother. The thought of having to watch his beloved wife's face fall in despair when he has to tell her Eurylochus is the one who killed her brother…no he can't let Odysseus die.

“We need to wrap his wounds and tie him up. Make sure to tie him well. We all know how tricky he can be.” Many of the crew grumble a bit but do as they are told although they made no effort to be gentle. Eurylochus' hands tighten their hold on himself trying his best to ignore the pained moans from Odysseus as he is tied securely to the mast, his wound taken care of.

He hands out orders firmly despite the growing unease and uncertainty he feels. He can't let his weakness show now that he is Captain or else they will lose trust in him. Now matter how exhausted or how much he wants to break he cannot falter. He glances once again at Odysseus tied to the mast before making his way to his room. He knows that the captain's quarters technically belong to him now but it just feels wrong. That has always been Odysseus' room and he can't bring himself to change that because that would make it official. That would mean he has to fully accept what he had just done and he isn't ready for that he doesn't think he ever will be.

Eurylochus all but collapses onto his bed and stares at the ceiling almost feeling numb. He glances down at the blood still on him and the sudden grief overwhelms him as he starts crying. Once the tears start he cant stop as he lays curled up his body shaking from his sobs as he lets out all his pain. Polites would be so disappointed in them both. He told Odysseus that if he wanted all the power then he must carry all the blame but he can't bring himself to believe those words. How could he after he was the one questioning Odysseus time after time. His own doubt made him open the wind bag leading to so many dying. He has just as much blood on his hands as Odysseus, maybe even more.

He slowly calms down leaving only a hollow ache in his chest as he drifts off to sleep praying for a dreamless rest.

The next day he sits down by the mast watching over Odysseus. He still isn't awake just yet but he knows how quickly things could change with him. Eurylochus takes some time to really look at his friend for the first time in a while. Ever since Circe's island where he noticed how Odysseus' hair had grown longer and achingly familiar to Ctimene’s curly hair he has tried his best to not look too hard. He takes in the bags under his eyes and how skinny he had become. What draws his attention the most however is once again his hair. His hair had grown long and tangled but it is so painfully familiar even with the slight color difference it reminds him so much of his wife. He aches to thread his fingers through the knots gently untangle it like he often did with Ctimene at the end of the day. They used to talk and laugh about anything and everything while he helped calm her unruly hair that never seemed to obey. As he comes back from the memory the hollow feeling grows and he feels so very tired.

-----

They arrive at the next island and Odysseus is tied to a nearby statue as they find plenty of large healthy cows roaming nearby. Eurylochus notices Odysseus is starting to stir and he can't help but miss Odysseus, the Odysseus he had known and trusted with his life and the lives of the crew. When is the last time either of them have smiled or laughed? Perhaps it was before Polites had died which isn't surprising. Polites had always been the best of them, always so kind and positive. He was the glue that kept everyone together so when he died of course everything started falling apart. Odysseus groans as he wakes up at last.

"Uhg my head...where are we?"

"The first island we found. It has this statue of the sun god and we found all these cows to eat."

"Don't tell me you're about to do what I think you'll do!"

It hurts hearing his friend plead with those familiar words. He feels so heavy and he just wants to lay down and never move again but he can't not when he needs to take care of the crew.

"I'm hungry, my friend."

His stomach grumbles at the thought of finally eating and he knows the crew feels the same hunger eating them from the inside.

"And I'm tired.."

He is just so very tired. Tired of fighting, of thinking and hoping that somehow they will end up home again. He sees Odysseus start to struggle against the ropes.

"Please we can still make it home! We just need to keep going!"

How many times has he heard that? We are almost home, this is our final fight, our journey is almost done it has become a hollow statement at this point. Hope has long since been crushed.

"Ody we are never going to make it home."

Why should he make himself and the crew suffer even more when they have meat to eat right here when they won't make it home anyway? A crew mate leads a cow to Eurylochus and he raises his sword.

"I'm just a man."

Odysseus manages to cut the ropes on a nearby rock and once free springs into action trying to stop Eurylochus.

"EURYLOCHUS NO!"

He is too late as the sword slices through flesh and golden blood stains the sword. He stares in shock at the gold. Why is it gold? A storm forms and lighting rumbles ominously.

"You doomed us...you doomed us all Eurylochus!"

Eurylochus looks up at Odysseus noting the terror hidden in his eyes and the red bleeding through the bandages. He has rarely ever seen Odysseus terrified like this and if his brother feels so now...what has he done?

"..Captain?"

He orders the crew to grab an oar and row for their lives. The anger and fear in his voice jolt everyone into action as they default to following orders as they had for over a decade. Eurylochus looks concerned at the still growing red spot as Odysseus turns and meets his eyes.

"Those cows are immortal, they are the sun god's friends. And now that we've pissed him off WHO DO YOU THINK HE'LL SEND?!"

Eurylochus pales as he realizes just how badly he has messed up. How could he have been so stupid?! No he knows why, he had given up on getting home and his hunger, always the damn hunger that screws them over. He should have learned from the cyclops cave. How could he have given up on seeing Ctimene again? More lightning crackles through the sky lighting up a form in the clouds.

"We're too late..."

Zeus descends from the thunder clouds as lightning continues to shatter the sky and cause ears to ring. He sees Odysseus stand as tall as he can considering the still slowly bleeding wound with determined eyes. That's always been his go to attitude when it comes to gods, he tries to appear confident and firm. Eurylochus can only hope his brother will find a way out as he usually does.

But will he? He has shown he is willing to sacrifice you if it means getting home.

Eurylochus can feel the exhaustion and hopelessness creep in again as Odysseus is finally given a choice, him or the crew. It's obvious that there it wasn't going to be a choice, not for Odysseus.

He doesn't really mind dying at this point but he regrets that the crew had to be included as well. That and no matter what Odysseus chooses, Ctimene will be heartbroken. He can't be sure that he won't give up again so it's best Odysseus is the one who lives because if anybody can manage to make it home it would be him. At least that way he can be sure his wife will have someone to comfort her.

".. Captain?"

He still finds himself protesting even with his heart not in it. He has to try if only for the crew around him.

"I have to see her again..."

"But we'll die."

What is it he told Odysseus? Ah yes If you want all the power you must carry all the blame. If the crew dies it won't be Odysseus' fault only his. He is the one that decided to slaughter the cow and doom them all. He sees Odysseus turn around to face him with teary eyes full of guilt and exhaustion, just like Eurylochus.

"I know."

Eurylochus breaks more at how broken Odysseus sounds. He is obviously grieving the choice he had to make. Eurylochus takes a deep breath and stands still accepting his death without a fight even as the others draw swords and rush Odysseus.

Electricity hums in the air before lightning strikes and pain crackles through his body. As he starts to sink the pain dulls, his nerves having been fried beyond use. He closes his eyes and lets the darkness take him.

I'm sorry Ctimene...

#epic the musical #polites #odysseus #epic fic #angst #odysseus epic the musical #polites epic the musical #eurylochus epic the musical #epic the thunder saga #heavy angst #ctimene

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dxrksong · 1 month ago

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About the Zerum Pressure controversy on roblox

Personally, I can see why people are upset, but I also don't understand it.

Zerum isn't actually Zerum. 'Zerum' is a character. A character connonical to Sebastian's story. Zerum is just more or less cosplaying as her own character.

As far as I know, she doesn't ACTUALLY want to marry Sebastian. She's the sole reason why he even exists after all. So He's HER character. Zeal had given Zerum all right to him, too!

So if she wants to give Sebastian a wife that she just so happens to like cosplaying as, then it shouldn't be a big deal.

Now! For the other problem.

"They would've been 10 years old when they got married!!"

Now here's where I think people miss the point:

'Zerum' and Sebastian are around the same age. Which means something must've happened in order for them to NEED to get married!

There is SO much angst and story potential here. It's sad that nobody sees it! Because 10 year olds don't get legally married for no reason!

Personally, for me, through my experience of story beta-ing, a very angst filled plot point comes into mind:

Imagine you've made a friend, maybe even having met by saving her from a bear attack? You have never met her parents, but she always seems to be hiding from grownups whenever they're around. One day, some intimidating adults dressed in suits start poking around the neighborhood, scaring your friend to the point that they beg you to hide them.

Your family welcomes her in with open arms and tries their best to keep her hidden.

Unfortunately, your family is found out, and your family, along with your friend, are arrested and detained. Tensions are high, and you find out the reason why they were hunting your friend in the first place.

They wanted to use her abnormalities. Did they want to do genetic experiments? Medical torture? Maybe even turn her into a breeder to see if her abnormalities pass down?

Either way, you desperately didn't want that to happen. You were trying to figure out what to do when your law obsessed sister comes up with an idea:

If she's legally binded to someone, they can't take her.

But that poses a problem. Your baby brother is too young to know what's going on, and they don't allow same sex marriages just yet. So that left your 10 year old mind, to bravely take the stand to glare in the face of the government or science adjacent corporation, just to save your friend!

All for you to be declared legally dead 9 years later when you're falsely accused for the murder of nine people, one person for every year you had kept your friend from the greedy corporation's claws.

Years later. You don't know if she's still even alive anymore. Your only memory you have of her is a photo and your wedding band you were allowed to keep with you, most likely mourning the loss of someone you fought so hard and sacrificed so much for while having little hope of her survival.

The angst! The drama! The feels!!! And everyone is just focusing on false rumors about Zerum kicking them out of the discord group chat when THEY were the ones talking about NSFW stuff in front of literal impressionable CHILDREN that lurk and talk in said group chat!

Yeah, I'd ban you, too.

Oh! And one more thing! If you REALLY don't like the fish man being married. In all technicality, 'Zerum's a widow. Sebastian is legally dead. Stop attacking a real person!

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tryingmybestpls · 2 years ago

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Let The Light In

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Glimpses into a life alongside Joel Miller.

Rating: R

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Canon violence, mentions of sex, graphic depictions of violence and death, depressing themes, mentions of miscarriage, mentions of loss

She knew they weren't meant to last.

She had told herself this every time she snuck out of his bed in the early morning, gathering her clothes as quietly as she could as the sun slowly starts to rise over the QZ. There wasn't supposed to be any feelings attached to this, to these nights that they have together and she repeats that over and over as he snores softly. It's just an even exchange, that's all. A way to let off some steam, a way to get their needs met.

They weren't supposed to be that close. They weren't friends-there wasn't really friends anymore. Her and Joel-well, they were really more like coworkers.

Coworkers that fucked, but coworkers nonetheless.

I mean, it was normal, wasn't it? Before all of this carnage, before the world fell apart, coworkers fucked each other. It was completely normal.

Again, that's what she also told herself.

She'd slip out of his apartment and would see him later on, when their paths would cross during whatever jobs they'd be doing that day. They would acknowledge each other in the moment, but they'd keep it at that. She had tried her best to just keep it at that-at the nights they shared together. She wouldn't get hurt if all they had together were those nights. Those few hours in his tiny little bed.

But life couldn't be that simple. She knew better than that.

"What was your favorite TV show?" He asks one night, moonlight steaming in through the dirt and grime on the windows of his apartment. The question is out of character for him and they both know it. They don't talk about before, but either way, she gives in. She can't help it, this small tiny slice of domesticity. She's greedy and she knows it.

"Law and Order: SVU. I liked that the bad guy always got caught." She replies, turning onto her side so she can look at him, "However, my mom made me watch Dateline and 48 Hours with her. She wanted to make sure I was never taken, y'know...normal shit."

He can see a shift in her eyes as she remembers those memories. He gets that glimpse into her family, into how she was raised. All that he knew about her family was that they're were long gone, their bodies scattering the United States from California to Connecticut. Now he knew that her mom was paranoid, terrified that something bad was going to happen to her kids. Just like he had been with Sarah.

They'd both been right.

But he doesn't say this, he keeps this observation to himself. He knows he can't stay silent for long, because the longer the silence the more she's thinking about everything that has happened. So he just nods, his arm tucked behind his head. He looks like he's seriously thinking about his answer, wanting to give her the God's honest truth.

"The Sopranos-Tommy and I used to watch it. I paid a little every month for that damn show." He shakes his head at the thought of it, as if he is still annoyed. She smiles, trying her best to stop the almost girlish giggle that almost escapes her mouth. He catches the sound almost immediately, raising an eyebrow at her as the corners of his mouth turn upwards ever so slightly, "You laughin' at me, girl?"

Oh, she was so fucked.

Sometimes she'll dream of him.

She knows it's a bad sign-a dangerous one, even- but she can't control her subconscious. And she surely can't control those dreams she has of him and her, a farm somewhere out west, and two little mini-me's that have his hair and her eyes. And she can't control the ache she gets in her chest when she awakes, grieving something that isn't real, something that she can never have.

On the days that follow those dreams, the world is a little colder and Y/N is a little quieter. Joel isn't much of a talker, but he notices. He doesn't pry, of course-it's not his place and he knows it. They carry on with their day and she think about whether or not they should end things, if it was all going too far. Surely it had to be-he was lodged deep inside of her self conscious, he was something she just couldn't shake.

And then the next day, she'd be face down in his bed, his hands gripping her hips, the cycle only continuing. She's in too deep and she knows it, but she just can't stop. She's addicted to him and she just can't get enough.

When Ellie enters the the picture, their situation changes.

Gone are their nights together. Now all they get is glances at each other-knowing looks behind the kid's back-and quiet talks when they know she's asleep. He'll hold her when the nights get too cold and she starts to limit her food intake so there is a little more food for both him and Ellie. If he notices, he doesn't say a word.

Their relationship changes after Bill and Frank's, after that letter Bill had penned to Joel. They try to ignore it, ignore the questions that Ellie fires their way after she reads it. Y/N's cheeks burn as she snatches the letter from Ellie, telling her to run upstairs and shower. The teen rolls her eyes at the two of them, muttering how two of them just want to get rid of her so they can suck each other faces. As soon as she is upstairs, Joel grabs Y/N and slams his lips against hers, kissing her like it's the last thing he might do. Her cheeks are wet, but neither of them acknowledge it.

His hand is on her thigh all the way to Kansas City.

Kansas City is where Y/N's motherly instincts-as Joel outs it- seemingly kick in. She's constantly asking if Ellie is okay, and when Sam and Henry join them, she does the same with them. Joel teases her about it, tells her to stop being such a mother hen. She tells him that she'll only stop when he does. He rolls his eyes in response.

She starts to think how different it could be-the five of them, all together. She hadn't thought about life turning into something like...this. To a sort of family. She wonders if it's possible for them to take care of the three of them

When things go belly-up in the motel room, she immediately wraps her arms around Ellie, tears springing in both of their of eyes. She tells the kid over and over to not look, even though they both are. Joel is frozen in place, his eyes going from the two bodies on the ground and to the two women holding each other.

The snow is starting to stick to the ground when they reach Wyoming.

A part of her longs for a life in Jackson. Everything seems so...normal. Kids runnin' around in the street without a care in the world, there's even a Christmas tree in the town center. Joel sees the way she looks away, looking down at the ground and he wonders when the last time she celebrated anything was.

She watches him embrace his brother and she's happy for him, she truly is-but she can't ignore the way her throat starts to tighten. She looks away, finding something to focus on in the distance, her nails digging into her palm. If Ellie notices, she keeps it to herself.

She's surrounded by families, with big happy smiles stretched across their faces. Maria and Tommy are talking, explaining everything about their safe haven, but Y/N doesn't hear a word of it. She just follows them, her hands shoved into the pockets of her coat. She doesn't even realize Maria is taking to her until Ellie nudges her.

"Sorry-What was that?" She asks, looking up at her. Maria offers her a smile, clasping her hands together.

"I was saying that I'm going to show you guys where you're going to be staying while Tommy and Joel go catch up. Is that okay?" Maria tells her and Y/N smiles back, nodding. She stays quiet as Maria gives them a tour of the house. She doesn't know how to quite respond to this whole situation, how to think about it all, how to react. Y/N manages to sneak away from the conversation, hiding in the bathroom under the guise of showering. She turns on the knob and sits on the edge of the tub. Y/N buries her face into a towel and starts sobbing. She doesn't even know what she's crying about, all she knows is that she doesn't stop until Joel comes in and wraps her in his arms.

Her and Joel get into a fight when he tells her that he isn't going to take Ellie to the Fireflies, that he just couldn't do it. It's a true, honest to God fight. She calls him an asshole, he calls her a dumb kid who doesn't know what she's talking about. He tells her that he's scared of how close he's getting with Ellie, of how close he's getting with her. Y/N tells him that just 'cause he's abandoning Ellie that doesn't mean she will. Y/N says that she'll go with Tommy, that she'll make sure she's safe. She tells him not to bother with waiting for her to come back-especially since he's so worried about how close they're getting.

The next day when her, Tommy, and Ellie arrive at the stables, Joel is there waiting for them and the three of them leave on two horses.

That night when they stop, Joel waits for Ellie to fall asleep before he apologizes to Y/N for what he said, for how he acted. She accepts it and when Ellie wakes up in the morning, she finds them fast asleep, curled up next to each other.

On their way to the college, Joel teaches Ellie how to shoot with the rifle. Y/N tells her about how it was before-at least as much of it as she remembers. Joel teaches her about sports, Y/N talks about how different Boston is from where she lived in California with her family. Joel tries to convince Ellie that Texas was far better than California, but the teen isn't convinced. Ellie reads them jokes from her book, making the two adults laugh and groan. Her and Ellie tease Joel the whole time about his dreams of sheep ranches and singing. It's sweet and it gets Y/N's mind off of all the things she was thinking about back in Jackson.

When Joel falls off the horse, Y/N jumps off of hers. His shirt is drenched in crimson and her hands immediately fly to the wound, putting pressure on it. She had known as soon as he had yanked that wood out of him that he was going to bleed out but she-she had just thought that it wasn't going to happen somehow. That somehow, God-willing, this was just going to all workout.

"Joel? Shit..." Ellie is suddenly right behind her, her eyes on the where Y/N's bloodstained hands are putting pressure. The older woman quickly takes her knit cap, pressing it on the wound.

"Don't do this to me, Joel-You can't do this to me." She tells him over and over, tears rolling down her cheeks. Ellie is still calling his name, begging him to get up as Y/N keeps murmuring, "God damn it, don't do this to me, baby."

"You need to sleep."

She lays in between Ellie and Joel in that cold little basement. Her eyes watching the fall rise of his chest, making sure he's still there.

"I'm alright, Ellie-Just get some rest." She replies, turning her head for a moment, looking at the kid. She can barely make out her face in the darkness, but Y/N can feel her eyes on her. There's silence for a moment and Y/N hopes that Ellie had finally fallen asleep-

"Did-Did you have kids too?" Ellie questions, her voice quiet as if she doesn't want to wake Joel. Y/N turns her head to look at the ceiling, her hands resting on the blanket covered ground. Her index finger taps against the cold concrete.

"Not when it first happened-I was around your age when it all went to shit." Y/N replies, just as quietly, "There was-I was...once."

"Was it-Was it-?" Ellie doesn't know how to quite say the words as Y/N blinks away any tears that threaten to fall. She doesn't know why she's saying any of this-doesn't know why she doesn't tell Ellie to drop it and go to bed. Joel is so much better at not talking about things, about keeping secrets.

"Yeah. He-I never told him." Y/N voice is just as soft, barely loud enough for Ellie to hear. The words hang heavy in between them and she knows they Ellie is still processing the news when she adds, "Please-Please don't tell him. It'd break his heart."

That night she dreams about what never was-she dreams of Ellie chasing after a little boy that looks just like his father.

Her mind is racing when they get captured by David and his people.

Before all this, before Ellie entered her life, she would've done anything to escape-would've fought tooth and nail just to get scot-free, but things have changed. Now she can't do just anything- no, now she has to have a plan, one in which all three of them are okay. So she starts planning-trying to think of what she could possibly do so that Ellie can be safe, so that Joel will safe.

They try to pick the locks, try to unscrew any bolts that might be loose. The window is jammed. Their weapons are gone.

When David starts saying shit with disgusting undertones, Y/N lashes out. She spits and yells at him, calling him every name in the book. She gets beat-her blood splattering on the floor and walls. One of her eyes swells shit after the beating, her lip split. Her chest aches-it hurts when she breathes, making her think that they must've cracked a rib or three. Even then, she makes sure she's in front of Ellie.

And then they see the human ear laying on the floor.

David brings them stew and they both refuse to eat it. Ellie kicks the bowls away and

Y/N tries to rise to her feet, wanting to-needing to protect Ellie, but she can't. The conversation once again takes a turn for the worse, which makes Y/N stomach twist, even more than the cannibalism had.

When Ellie breaks David's finger after his suggestion, Y/N smiles and says quietly, just loud enough for Ellie to hear, "That's my girl."

Yet the pride soon disappears when David and three of his men reappear and once again, Y/N moves to guard Ellie. David opens the cage, shoving the older woman aside in order to pull Ellie away. Y/N quickly gets up, pushing through the pain, yelling at the men to stop, to leave the kid alone, to take her instead. The two slam Y/N into the chain link fence, forcing her to watch as David and the other man force Ellie down onto the butcher's block. The older woman tries to fight back, yelling and screaming, the chain link tearing into her skin.

When Ellie swings the cleaver the man with the beard's neck, Y/N swings her head back, connecting the back of her skull with a man's nose. He cries out in pain as David shoots at Ellie as she escapes. Y/N manages to grab a knife from the injured man, quickly bring it up into his chest before the other man can stop her. One man falls while the other charges at her, slamming her into the wall, making the knife fall from her hands.

But she fights like she's never fought before because she knows that Ellie needs her. She claws at her captors eyes, making him scream out in pain. Then his arm is against her windpipe, cutting off her breathing. She reaches blindly, trying to grab something, anything.

She can smell smoke just as her hand wraps around the blade of the knife. The man puts more of his weight on her neck, spots starting to dot her vision. She grips the knife, the blade digging into her palm as she brings it up and forcing it into the man's head. It makes a sickening sound, an unnerving crunch.

She shoves the body off of her as she gasps for air. She uses the chain link to pull herself up before she limps out of the room.

By the time she leaves the area they were being held in, David is dead and the place is up in flames. Y/N pulls Ellie up and into her arms, hugging her for a second, before telling her they have to go. Their arms are wrapped around each other as they make their way out of the back of the restaurant. The only noise being the sound of their harsh breathing and the fire crackling behind them as it devours the building.

And then suddenly, Joel's there, holding both of them. He presses his lips against Y/N's temple, telling them over and over that he's got them, that they're safe. He calls Ellie babygirl and he calls Y/N sweetheart. Y/N holds onto him and Ellie tightly, never wanting to let go, tears streaming down her cheeks.

She's killed for him before, and he's killed for her. It was just apart of their lives, it just happens. If you want to survive, you have to get dirty. But now? Now, there's something behind each kill.

It's so much more feral.

She wears the blood with honor, with a sense of pride. I protected you both, I'm protecting my own. It's the same for him. He mows through people for her, for Ellie, for whatever this little group is. They both do it without a second thought, without any hesitation.

And they destroy that hospital in Salt Lake City together, hunting down every son of a bitch that wanted to hurt their girl. Joel carries Ellie out in his arms, Y/N follows right beside him, her finger not leaving the trigger of her gun until Marlene is dead and both of them get in the car with their girl.

Once again, his hand is on her thigh the whole time.

They lie through the teeth to Ellie. They agree that what she doesn't know, won't hurt her. She's alive, she's with them-that's all that matters. The three of them are still together and that's all that matters.

"You don't have to stay with me, y'know that right?" Joel murmurs to her as they stand next to each other, their eyes on Jackson in the distance. She turns her head to look at him and he meets her gaze.

"What, you tryin' to get rid of me, Joel?" She asks, a small smile appearing on her face. He can't stop the way the corners of his mouth turn upward.

"I would never, darlin'." He replies, smiling back at her. Y/N grins, just as Ellie starts yelling at them to get a room.

In the back of her mind, a little voice tells her that this-their little family, their little life together-that it won't last. She ignores it, shoving it aside as her hand wraps around his, her lips pressing against his scruffy cheek as Ellie makes gagging noises.

#joel miller x reader #pedro pascal x reader #joel miller #tlou #the last of us #pedro pascal

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lawofangie · 5 days ago

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I need some advice

Our 3D is just a reflection of our assumption and I have proven it to myself and have seen few evidence of it too like I yesterday manifested brownies

But I couldn't manifest being in void from past 3 months almost and this is frustrating me a lot now I don't know why but I am like yeah I will be in void but whenever I assume that I am going to get in it on this day or like that I just couldn't belive myself that it is happening or will happen and I just need some genuine advice

I ha,ve manifested shit even after reacting to 3D in 4 days but this is getting on my nerves and I need some advice

By The way read your story and it is inspiring and the things happen to you were not what you deserved but am happy for you still

Bye

i've never understood why you guys care so much about that stupid void stuff. it's not the end all be all of manifestation, it's just a fucking method, like affirming, visualizing, scripting, SATS, etc. it means nothing. i truly do not understand the craze, the hype, watching people post about it and people try their hardest to get in such a state feels like watching the blind lead the blind.

if the void state isn't working for you, then just give up? no method has more significance than another, no matter what you do, the end goal is assuming you have something and it materializing. what does the void state have to do with any of that? why do you care so much?

what does the void state have to do with you achieving your dream body, your sp, money, clear skin, your dream house, dream job, what does the void state itself have to do with any of that? what is the law of assumption even about? do you even remember at this point?

the reason why you can't get into that void thing is because manifesting is about assuming, which is believing something to be true before seeing it with your own eyes (which is similar to a prediction). if you wait expectantly for something to happen, you aren't making an assumption. plain and simple. waiting for something to happen every night for 3 months defeats the purpose of making an assumption.. because waiting for something to be true, again, isn't assuming. you're supposed to already decide that it is.

i really don't know how else to put it. it just gets to a point where you guys don't even understand what you're doing anymore. if a method (a way of doing something) isn't working for you, then simply try something else? i honestly don't understand why this thought hasn't crossed your mind on your own.

in any other context, would this make any sense? you keep doing something that obviously isn't working for you until it somehow works for you, even though you already know it doesn't or it's taking too long? wouldn't it make more sense to just find another way?

this is the issue. you guys put this thing on a pedestal as if it means something, when just like any other method, it's just a way of doing something. that's all a method is, a way of doing something in order to achieve something. the purpose of using a method is to help you achieve something. so i truly don't understand why you've been trying and failing to use a method for 3 entire months. what significance does the void state truly have to occupy so much of your time? how is this more special than any other method?

and once you reach the void, what then? is it really worth stressing yourself out every night when people are literally manifesting their desires overnight by simply deciding they have them? while you've been waiting for a stupid method to work for you for the past 3 months? you are TRULY wasting your time.

you clearly are already understanding the law and proving it to yourself, so why not just keep doing that? if you've already found what works, then why are you changing? i don't get it. what do you gain in the end?

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shinjisdone · 9 days ago

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Having Barok van Zieks be fond of you means...

[okay, so I bought TGAAC and TGAAC2 like, late spring and finished it in September and the WAY that this totally mentally okay gentleman has been living in my mind and popping in again and again like - HE IS BECOMING A PART OF MY FRONTAL LOBE, HE KEEPS COMING IN AND TAKING OVER MY MIND

so before the end of the year comes, have my brainrot because character ai is not enough anymore - GO PLAY TGAAC]

SPOILERS FOR TGAAC AND TGAAC 2 - brainrot in no order whatsoever

...having a cold Reaper be near - unwantingly so. Whether it is through glimpses of him in the streets of London, to be on the witnesses' stand in court or to work with him in the Prosecutor's office. The man is like a cold spot in a room but ever so...harmless. He means to come off as harmless, not neccesarily friendly but he wants to let you know that he doesn't...dislike you. There is no need to fear, the Reaper of the Bailey is not out to get you. He himself does not have any control over this curse...yet still, he keeps his distance in a way. Not rejecting you but keeping conversations brief and productive. Greetings ever so gentlemanly but never that of a friend. Barok fears what might happen if gets too close...

...he still wishes for your companionship, however. It's hard to stay away but he knows he must. There is a bit of relief if you are not someone who will or has been prosecuted by him but its not enough to suppress his fears. If he does get too close...you might die. Be affected by his curse and begone from this earth. He cannot let that happen. Barok only hopes you will not misunderstand his distance as hatred. It's far from it.

...if he, however, came to the truth of the Reaper, of his part of the decade-long play, he feels so much more at ease knowing he does not need to keep you at bay. It also helps if you have known each other for years and nothing has happened...as of yet. It means you are safe and while that is his first priority, he does indulge in the thought of being...closer to you. Barok van Zieks finally finding a connection with another...its sounds like a dream.

...you do get the priviledge of his protection as a highly respected (and feared) prosecutor. Any colleagues having a problem with you or you not getting something that rightfully belongs to you, he can have a quick talk to this other lawyer, secretary or inspector from Scotland Yard to respect the law, justice AND you and finally do the courtesy of their job. All it needs are some stern words and they bend over backwards for him. Barok will then inform you that all is handled - no need to question of how he did it or if it was hard (certainly it wasn't) simply take what you earned.

...not only getting protected by other lawyers but also from the common, everyday folk. Barok is scary - if it isn't for his power, then it is because he is a noble. And if it isn't that, then it is because of his reputation as the Reaper of the Bailey. And if it isn't that, then it is just for the scary look in his eyes. He knows he makes people tremble so all you need to do is call him over and he will be there, striding forward in his usual gait and looking down on whoever decided to mess with you. He will be especially aggrivated if some bafoon troubled a lady. Does this fool not have any class?

...Barok is also generally very protective. He has lost many, his entire family and if you are now so close to his heart...then well, he does get overprotective. Insisting on accompanying you everywhere, bringing his sword with him (and not forgetting his revolver again!), getting you a carriage and paying a very generous sum in order to have you be brought straight home without anyone else enter the cabin. Who knows who might enter and be in a closed off space with you when London has so many criminals? No, he won't let that happen. Barok will not lose you too and is adamant on keeping you safe as long as he gets a say in it.

...he does play the part of a gentleman very well - so well that it is hard to see his antics as 'overprotective'. He offers his arm to you when out in town, walks on the outer side of a sidewalk or staircase to keep you safe and balanced, gets between you and a stranger, helps you off a carriage, shelters you with his very expensive umbrella while getting a part of himself wet and so much more. Barok is a noble so all of this is second-nature but he also wishes to not be anything less to you. You are...precious and therefore deserve to be treated with respect and be spoiled. So its also natural for him to bow with every greeting and farewell you share, to lend you his coat in cool winters, to open and hold doors, shield you in the rain even as he gets wet to the bones. He also does not mind kissing a lady's hand though it does fluster him ever so slightly.

...he shares things with you. Trivial information about him are scarce in the beginning but as time goes on, he is fine on answering any question you have about him. He even tells you more and no longer gives short, stoic answers! It's not that he is shy...he hesitates. Having someone close is dangerous and even as the truth is revealed and he feels safer to have someone be close, Barok is not used to have someone like that. He especially hesitates about telling stories of his childhood. His family consisted only of his brother, after all.

...he shares his treasures - and by that I mean his wine. Since this act is so unusual for him to do, the great and terrifying Reaper sharing a droplet of his hallowed chalice's blood wine, it is the ULTIMATE sign that he is at least, quite, quite, quiiiiiite fond of you. He'd casually ask you one day if you'd like a glass as well as he is pouring one himself. The taste is divine and too superiour for your common folk taste buds. Additionally, he shares everyday consumption items (tea, pastries, biscuits, etc.) with you no problem. All of them are of the highest quality and it is baffling every time you taste them. In what fortune is this guy swimming in to afford such good food?! You're eating like royalty here and this is daily bread for him?! However, Barok admits that seeing you so flabbergasted at the sight and smells of his every day items is more than amusing. He hides a smirk, lets chuckles escape here and there and might tease you for a bit. Never maliciously of course. It's just...fun to see you so flustered.

...Barok has no problem to spare small fortunes for you. No matter if it is for accomadations, needs or even gifts. If you need a ride home, he will pay for a carriage. Haven't eaten yet? Do join him for lunch. He likes that one fancy restaurant and their steaks quite a bit. He sees you with a bent umbrella and a few holes on it? What on earth - hold on, just wait here. Allow him to share his umbrella with you as you go straight to a shop to get you a better, bigger and newer one. You can't be walking like this in London and its often moody weather. He will never ask for repayment but if you do insist, he is fine with getting payback through other transactional means. (No, not like that) Want to express your gratitude for the umbrella? Finish a report for him if you please. You admit you can't cover the cost for a fancy meal? Just eat each crumb off your plate and he is happy. The carriage rides' prices has increased and getting on is a luxury for you now? Ridicilous, just make sure to go straight home and not to dilly-dally. He paid for you to get home safe, after all.

...he enjoys getting you gifts - but rather subtle ones. Useful tools are his go-to. Any other fancy and sentimental item could be...obvious for his affections of you. He is a cold man with a colder reputation but equally shy. He would not know what to do with the stares and questions from all around him if they saw the Reaper handing out flowers or chocolate or jewelry to the one person he cares for...quite a bit. So, any tool that you need and might come in handy are something he keeps in mind. Barok is a good listener and keeps little info dumps from you in the back of his mind. A high-quality pen with ink that dries quickly - you won't get any smudges this way anymore. Or how about gloves that actually keep you warm in winter? Yes, it may be tailored specifically for you and the material is pricey but still, do not pay it any mind. It gets tricky and risky if the gifts go into the direction of coats or shoes, items for your hobby and such. It means he cares, cares very deeply for your well-being to be safe and healthy and warm in this foggy town and he cares deeply about your happiness that he just gets you something to add to your joy. Anyone else will immediately raise a brow at this suspicious behaviour and Barok is in no mood to deal with any of it.

...he ends up slipping and calling you by a pet name. Never, ever has the Reaper of the Bailey ever made such a grave mistake. It just slipped off his lips, rolled down his tongue and he noticed only too late. He tries to play it off, be cool, collected and calm as always but he will end up thinking about well into the night. It's such hard proof for his fondess of you that it could be used in court, used against him. There's no denying anymore and if you do question him, ask him what he means - he cannot deny it. Barok cannot lie to you. You, who has...wormed your way into his dead heart someway, somehow and he cannot even be mad at it, as vexing as it is. Of course, he cannot ever tell the truth but will ask if it bothers you. If yes, he will return to using your usual name with the slightest hint of disappointment. If not, then he will be caught off guard and reaffirm, again just to be sure, if he then keep calling you that. It's...oddly relieving that he can...indulge in his affections for you even by simply calling something different. Something that fits the person he sees with his own eyes.

...the pet names do not vary though. In the beginning he was polite but distant by using your last name with the usual formalities. After considering you a good friend does he use your first name. But Barok is old-fashioned and has never had anyone else be so close to him again since ten years, so he sticks to the things that come naturally to him, the first thing that comes to his mind. 'My dear', or just 'dear', come to mind and are the safest and most direct way for him to put his feelings into words. The most he'd go (and that is a dangerous territory!) is 'my dearest' - its symbolizing you as the closest person he has and that is...heart-racing as well as nerve-wrecking. He cannot do that, let alone go so far as calling you 'love'. Many use it the term affectionally but platonically, but it is still too damn close for him. Too powerful of a word for his heart to handle. Either simple terms or calling you by your name.

...Barok shows his affections through stiff actions. The most he'd go with his words are his terms of endearment and maybe reaffirming how important your bond is to him, but that is it. Gentlemanly actions are expected of him as one of noble blood, so he does not link them to his affection for you. Neither does he hold your hand when you do not need to be guided or embrace you simply because he wants to. It's inproper and why would he do such a thing anyway? Him, Barok van Zieks, being so...soft? But if you introduce him to it, then, well, he has no choice but to accept them, no? If you ask him to hold your hand because you are in need of support or to feel less alone, then he will hesitate - his gaze drifts elsewhere briefly - before he ever so gently takes it. Barok holds it without much force, will not squeeze it but will do as asked of him. The last thing he wants is for you to believe he wouldn't go miles and miles of hell for you but all these actions are slightly unfamiliar and more uncertain for him. The closeness is flustering but he is more so worried he might do something wrong.

...his hugs are tender and unsure, his eyes avoid you, and he holds his breath. If you wish to be held, he will do so. If you want a shoulder to cry on, he will always be there. Any troubles you might have, he will listen and find solutions. But he is ever so uncertain if he can...make you feel safe. Protected, happy, cared for, loved. These worries are the first things he thinks about and the closeness and what it could mean, second. But with the way you might feel, the warmth emitting from you, your scent, the way you look at him, the way you smile, the way you say his name, it might break him. It all feels so loving and warm and wonderful and he does not know what to do. Is he allowed to bask in this? In you? May he go so far and just...accept all of this, no matter how scary it is? Everything of it he enjoys and it comforts him but it is all so terrifying and the last thing he ever wants, the last thing he could ever wish for, is for everything to go wrong and for him to lose you, too. Will it happen if he just lets himself be as fond of you as he wants?

#the great ace attorney #tgaac #tgaa chronicles #tgaa2 #tgaa spoilers #tgaac spoilers #barok van zieks #barok #dai gyakuten saiban #dai gyatuken saiban 2 #barok van zieks x reader #tgaa #dai gyatuken saiban #ace attorney #ace attorney x reader #ace attorney headcanon #dgs

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missmyloko · 7 months ago

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Hi! Lately, I have been very interested in Maiko/ Geiko and Yujō/Oiran/Tayū culture, their differences, but the most popular known books, documentaries have so many lies and discrepancies. I hope you might know some answers.

I don’t know if you read “Autobiography of a geisha” by Masuda Sayo, but she described her life as a hot-springs geisha during W2. While she learned “gei” (art), what happened to her was truly not different from prostitution. She was given different points after sleeping with men depending whether he was her danna, someone else’s danna or just a random guy.

There is this whole thing about American soldiers thinking “geisha” meant “prostitute”, bc some of the prostitutes decided to dress as geisha to attract more customers, I suppose?

Then, what Americans thought wasn’t exactly wrong (if we are not looking at Kyoto or Osaka)? Or was Masuda Sayo just a prostitute and she herself didn’t even know about it?

Are geisha outside of major districts (idk how to call them, Ponchoto, Gion Kobu etc) not considered geisha? Were times just so difficult that geisha had to resolve to prostitution under a banner of love instead of money, so it doesn’t make it illegal? Did Masuda just lie?

Masuda Sayo wrote the book herself in freaking Kanji, I believe her more than what “foreigners”, who only lived in geisha district for a couple of months, managed to understand. And Mineko Iwasaki was a queen among the geisha of completely different time period. I am more curious about how life was for “third rate” geisha.

I guess I am just somewhat confused about the statement that “Geisha are not prostitutes”, while there is an account that poor country girls sold in shitty okiyas were in fact as good as prostitutes.

In specific areas of Japan there used to be "double registered" geisha; that is, they were registered by the government to work as both geisha and as prostitutes. However, there were areas that worked under these double registration rules but didn't have official registration, so pretty much anything went. Sayo Masuda worked in one of those areas. These areas were often in small seaside towns or resort villages, which lead to onsen geisha having a tainted name that endures to this day. What they considered a geisha may as well have been night and day from what was going on in the large cities that had proper geisha associations that actually looked out for their members. This isn't to say that districts like Gion Kobu or Pontocho were perfect as at the time that Masuda was active young girls were still being sold into the karyukai across the country. So, where geisha populations were large and in larger cities they were primarily just geisha who, by government law, could not engage in prostitution. However, in small towns and villages, those who were identifying themselves as geisha also often took part in prostitution on the side as it was sadly a way for them to "serve" their customers. Sayo Masuda also wrote her autobiography in hiragana, not kanji, as she couldn't read or write kanji since she never had a formal education. American GIs brought back stories of "geesha girls" due to women who were not geisha but used one of the only Japanese words that they knew to have sex with for money in order to survive after the war. The Americans had no idea what a real geisha looked like and the karyukai didn't reopen (if they weren't bombed to shreds) until 1947. So, there were two years of regular women calling themselves geisha having sex with GIs that really didn't help with the Western perspective of geisha. By the time that Mineko Iwasaki came along, which was decades after Masuda was active and the Americans had mostly pulled out of Japan, prostitution had been made illegal across the country, so no double registered geisha existed anymore and no geisha anywhere were supposed to be having sex on the side for money (sex on the side is fine as long as it's consensual between two adults and no money is being exchanged though). Since geisha are incredibly exclusive for the most part, it's far cheaper and easier to hire a call girl or a hostess if someone wants to have illegal sex in Japan (it would be naïve to say that it doesn't happen even though it's illegal). So, were there different "levels" of geisha when Sayo Masuda was active? Of course. Was she lying? I don't believe so. Her story is extremely compelling and detailed to the point where it would be hard to be made up. Were the lines blurred on what was a "geisha" prior to World War II? Depending on where you were, yes. Has the karyukai changed drastically since that time? Very much so. Is there still work to be done when it comes to how geisha are perceived both inside and outside of Japan? Indeed, there's quite a great deal. But, we all have to start somewhere and I hope that this has helped to answer your questions ^^

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it-was-funeral-grey · 4 months ago

Text

Trust, where there shouldn't be (1/2) (Al Haitham x F!Reader)

Masterlist Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8(wip!)

Summary: just when things were supposed to settle down, trouble stirs again- this time, with the fate of sumeru potentially hanging in the balance.

Warnings: mention of murder, crime, getting arrested, water,

Word count: < 3.3k

Inspired by: -

Author's note: this has been in my drafts for way too long! i'm back!! this chapter is a little more kaveh and cyno centric! i hope this chapter is ok :) its been so long since i wrote- had a lot going on! i'm going to have to recall the original plot i wanted to roll with, and check up on genshin lore!

Please give criticism! Also, if i missed any warnings, do tell me so i can add them!

Usually, offences unrelated to the Akademiya were handled by the Mahamata- Sumeru's civil administration branch. To be specific, the crime division- which consists of the Corps of Thirty and the Mahamata investigation department (which overlapped with the Matra on occasion).

However, this isn't the case anymore for places outside Sumeru City. The work of the Mahamata is extremely procedure-heavy, which often translates into heavy reliance on Akasha Terminals to help speed up and manage the workload. As such, when the Akasha Terminals were shut down, what followed was nothing short of a mess. Nobody could remember what to do when faced with certain situations, and even if they did, it often was after a lot of work had piled up. Tasks like recording, which had been done solely by the Akasha Terminals, now have to be done manually (so now there's also a labour shortage in the Mahamata)- and of course, to make everything worse, all records before this have been destroyed together with the Terminals.

No one could start anything, no one could finish anything, nothing was being done; and at least from a law enforcement perspective, the growing public dissatisfaction with the whole situation- the Akademiya scandal, the current state of the nation and its administration, and the now scarily apparent increasing crime rate- is a growing threat to public order. The Mahamata is failing- or perhaps more accurately, has failed everywhere except Sumeru City, which had only survived this ordeal because Al Haitham was there to sort it out before things got out of hand.

To manage this, Al Haitham had instructed the Matra to help in regions that had seen a complete administrative shutdown. Cyno didn't see an issue- after all, the Matra didn't have much to do due to the small number of ongoing research projects (fewer academic violations). As such, the General Mahamatra had sent some of his most capable and trusted Matra to take over Mahamata duties- and he's proud to say that they have been carrying out their new duties exceptionally. Every once in a while, he'll get a report back from his dispatched Matra about their current status- and it all seems to be going fine, for now.

Port Ormos, however, was a strange case. In other regions where Al Haitham's Matra-Mahamata system was applied, it had worked perfectly- things began to pick up again, and, for at least now, some sense of public order had been restored. However, due to the unique circumstances in Port Ormos, the Matra-Mahamata system didn't change anything. The Port Ormos Crash meant nothing was happening at the port- there was no one there. There is nothing to administrate or anything to do. The only notable thing in the reports sent back to Cyno was that the Corps of Thirty Division in Port Ormos was gone; according to Rashim (the Matra he had sent there to take over Port Ormos's lead Mahamata's duties), it was because the Wikala Funduq's trade supervisors had dismissed them due to the lack of business- no business meant no people in the port, which meant that policing staff weren't needed. When Cyno had escalated this to Al Haitham in the name of security concerns for the people living at and around the port, the man had let out the loudest sigh he had ever heard.

"Well, it certainly explains why the people around that area have been calling the Matra of all people for crime reports," Cyno informed, placing Rashim's report on Al Haitham's packed desk. "What is your instruction, Acting Grand Sage Al Haitham?"

"Could you spare any more of your Matra?" Al Haitham doesn't look up at him as he scans through a document. Cyno doesn't take it personally. "Send any that you can to Port Ormos. They'll take over the policing side of things until the Mahamata is stable enough to re-contract and manage the Corps of Thirty again."

"Very well," Cyno agrees as he watches Al Haitham quickly sign at the end of the page before picking up a new one. His new office above the House of Daena is dimly lit, but even so, Cyno can see the dark circles under his friend's eyes. "Al Hai-"

"Is that all?"

No. No, it wasn't. Cyno wants to ask if there's anything else he could do. If there is anything more that he could do. He has never felt so helpless before, watching his friend stress all alone while he watches.

The silence causes Al Haitham to look up at him, pen in hand, impatiently waiting for a response- and Cyno feels the question disappear from his lips.

"Yes- yes, that's all."

He couldn’t have done it. In hindsight, Al Haitham being the culprit makes zero sense.

Yes, he may have been the last person to see Mr Dilawar. And yes, the Matra did find bloody clothing in his overnight bag. But under scrutiny, several small details don’t add up.

For example, his movements on the day of the murder. No murderer would have stayed any longer in Vimara Village after killing someone there. Much less take time to wander around the village the next morning, buy groceries and chat about books for the next half a day.

Next, the murder weapon. The Matra found a bloody kitchen knife next to Mr Dilawar and deemed it the murder weapon. The doctor that they brought along also agreed. But knowing Al Haitham and what he can do, it makes little sense- why use something that can be found when he could use his sword and then make it disappear?

Nothing makes sense. Once you got over the initial shock and thought things through, Al Haitham being the killer makes no sense.

Or perhaps this is all just your wishful thinking- maybe you’re just trying to squeeze out any tiny, irrelevant inconsistency to convince yourself that the man is innocent.

You just don’t want him to be guilty, you scold yourself as you pace mindlessly outside your house. You don’t want to believe that a guy who would be so kind to you, chat with you about books, buy groceries for you when you were too scared to do so, would go and butcher a man and act so casual about it.

What do you even know about Al Haitham anyway? You’ve only known him for less than a week. Perhaps this is what he’s actually like, under all that kindness and gentleness and-

"It's you!"

The loud exclamation shocks you out of your ruminations. Where have you heard this voice before?

"It's me! Kaveh! Remember me?" You hear the loud sound of rushing footsteps before a hand grabs your shoulder and pulls. The force makes you spin on your heel, and you turn, finally seeing the man himself. His golden hair is in a mess- the feather on his head shoved haphazardly around his fringe- and he's drenched from head to toe. Did he run here? Or swim?

"Kaveh? What are you doing here?"

"I- it's a long story," Kaveh pants, removing his wet hand from your shoulder. "Do you know where the detention rooms are?"

"It's not too far from here," you point towards a dirt path leading away from your house, and Kaveh prepares to bolt in that direction. You quickly grab his arm before he does. "Kaveh, wait! Is this about Al Haitham?"

Through the warm, wet fabirc of his sleeve, you feel his arm tense up. So, it is about Al Haitham.

"You've heard about it too," he sighs, turning to face you. He lowers his voice as you release his arm. "I thought that they were trying to keep it under wraps. If news got out that the Acting Grand Sage got arrested for killing somebody right after the whole Akademiya Sage saga..."

You shudder at the implication of his words. It would be chaos if word got out about Al Haitham's arrest. Regardless of innocence, nobody would be able to accept someone who was suspected of murder to lead the country. And in the state that Sumeru is in, she won't survive another political crisis.

"Let's speak somewhere quieter," you lead Kaveh towards your home. "Come on in."

The first thing Kaveh notices when he enters her house is how packed it is with books but not with anything else.

"Do you want anything to drink?" She asks as she shuts her front door. "I'll go get you a towel. You look like you ran all the way here. Or swam all the way here. Or both?"

"I did," Kaveh groans, treading carefully so he doesn't wet her living room. Her sofa is a lovely shade of green; it matches her wallpaper perfectly. Now, if she moves that stack of books a little more to the left... "I snuck onto the boat Cyno and the Matra took here this morning and was kicked off about halfway when they caught me. I was worried about what Cyno was planning, so I ran all the way. The swimming was involuntary."

"Cyno is here?" Kaveh hears her step back into the living room. She hands him a glass of warm water and a towel, gesturing him to take a seat before sitting opposite him. "Wait, start from the beginning, how did you find out?"

"It's a long, long story," Kaveh sighs, sinking into the couch. "Basically..."

That arrogant, unbearable, stupid fungi took his keys again. Couldn't he at least have returned it before he left for Vimara Village?!

"I swear I'm going to kill him when he gets back," Kaveh complains from the couch. The General Mahamatra's office is comfortable, but not so much so that he would be happy to sleep on it for the night. A sigh comes from the table behind him, and Kaveh turns to face the shorter man.

"And when I take my keys back from his corpse, I'm never leaving it in the key holder ever again!"

"I guess you've locked onto a solution," Cyno quips, and Kaveh responds with a groan. "Do you want me to call Ahangar to unlock the door for you? He does locksmithing services too. We could ask him to duplicate a spare key."

"That's beside the point. The point is-"

"General Mahamatra!" The door bursts open before Kaveh can finish, nearly shocking him off the couch. It's one of Cyno's Matra. She doesn't seem to see him- beelining over to Cyno's desk, holding a letter towards him. From where Kaveh lies, he spots a red wax seal keeping the envelope shut. "An urgent message from Rashim!"

"Rashim?" Cyno seems to have spotted the red seal and frowns. Kaveh hears Cyno's chair drag against the floor as he stands- and the mood in the room shifts. Something big has happened. Something bad? "Did you rush over here from Port Ormos, Shohre?"

Kaveh knows he shouldn't be listening to this conversation. Whatever is going on here is clearly important, confidential, and for Akademiya folk to deal with. He should excuse himself, let Cyno deal with the issue in peace, and head to the tavern to order all the wine and place it on Al Haitham's tab.

But, whatever is going on here is clearly interesting, and Kaveh is bored (and for the record, this is all Al Haitham's fault- he wouldn't be so bored if he could go home and continue his architectural models). So, he decides to lie perfectly still on the couch; perhaps if he doesn't move, Cyno will forget that he's here and not chase him out. Let him hear the tea, please.

"Yes. This is a matter of utmost importance!" From where Kaveh lurks, he hears Shohre (who Kaveh slowly figures out is most likely a Matra stationed at Port Ormos) shift closer towards Cyno. "Rashim currently has the situation under control, so he sent me to deliver the message."

"But why send you? This letter would have sufficed."

"Due to the nature of the situation, Rashim felt that the matter had to be handled with confidentiality. The letter is for your eyes only- I was to ensure that," Shohre answers. "I was also to answer any questions regarding the incident at hand. Only the simplest details were included in the letter as a precaution."

There's a rustling of paper- an envelope opening, perhaps? Kaveh pictures Cyno tearing into the sealed paper as he holds his breath. What could have happened?

Silence. But just when Kaveh is about to lift his head and take a peek at the two-

SLAM!

"You can't be serious," Cyno's voice drops to a deadly whisper- a stark difference from the loud slam that reverberated through the room. Kaveh hears the crumpling of paper. "Is this a joke?"

"It isn't. Rashim is requesting your presence in Vimara Village at once."

"This is ridiculous," Cyno's voice takes an angry tone. Kaveh doesn't dare move. "How could this happen?"

If Shohre responds, Kaveh doesn't hear it.

"How many people know about this?"

"Only the Matra who are involved in the investigation. And two villagers from Vimara Village; both have been sworn to secrecy," Shrohre blurts. "One of the villagers is a witness; the other was in the vicinity when the Acting Grand Sage was arrested-"

"I'm sorry, arrested?!" The sudden mention of Al Haitham is apparently enough for Kaveh to forget fear and jump off the couch. Shohre screams. Cyno whips out his polearm. Kaveh ignores both. "What happened to Al Haitham? Is he alright? Is-"

"You are not allowed here, what are you-"

"Cyno! What did Al Haitham do-"

SLAM!

"Enough!" The sound of Cyno's polearm hitting against the cool marble tiles shocks the two out of their squabbling. "Kaveh. I forgot you were here."

"That was kind of the point at first."

"Shohre. I'll handle this," Cyno turns to the Matra, dismissing her. "I'll meet you at the docks."

Kaveh doesn't miss the wary glance Shohre shoots at him- but decides to look at Cyno instead. When the door shuts, Cyno sighs, turning back towards Kaveh.

"I know you have questions-"

"Yeah, no sh-"

"But," Cyno interrupts with a heavy look. Kaveh feels a chill go down his spine. "You need to forget everything you've just heard."

What?

"I'm serious, Kaveh. No one can know what you just heard," Cyno folds his arms, staring Kaveh down. "You aren't even supposed to know."

"You can't just tell me to forget after hearing that!" Kaveh scoffs. The audacity! "My fri- housemate just got arrested for Archons knows what, and you're telling me to just go on my merry way?!"

"Like I said, I'll call a locksmith to open your door-"

"That's not the point! I want answers! I want to know if he's okay!"

"He's fine!" Cyno raises his voice. Tempers are rising in the room. "As fine as someone who just butchered a man would be." He spits.

Silence.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing," Cyno flinches away, walking towards the door. "You should leave, Kaveh."

"Butchered someone? Al Haitham murdered someone?" Kaveh takes a step back. "Cyno, what?!"

"Kaveh, please go. Don't make me arrest you."

"... and so I left, kind of. I followed Cyno to the dock where his boat was waiting and snuck on," Kaveh recalls. "But halfway, I was betrayed by my rumbling stomach and was caught by the Matra onboard."

"And they dropped you off at the nearest shore?" she pokes, glancing at the water dripping onto her floor.

"I wish. Cyno kicked me off the boat. Literally." Kaveh shivers at the memory, pulling at his wet clothes. "Seriously! He's acting like a Pyro Fungi! He's been acting like a prick ever since he heard the news!"

She doesn't say anything in response, only nodding at him to continue. And continue Kaveh will. He has a lot to say. But perhaps more to think about.

"I know Cyno is just doing his job," Kaveh sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Confidentiality I get, but he didn't have to dismiss me like that. I'm worried. The dude I live with just got arrested for murder. I think being disturbed since I live with said person is not overreacting."

"So you think he did it?" she queries softly. So softly that Kaveh would have missed it if he couldn't see her mouth move. "You think that Al Haitham is a murderer?"

"I- no, that's not it," Kaveh cups his hands around the warm mug. "I don't know. This is just- I don't know."

And that's the big question, isn't it? The question he's been avoiding.

Al Haitham is a machine. He's logical to a fault. He takes a situation, analyses it, finds the best course of action and carries it out. He cuts out all the emotional aspects of a situation unless he can use it to his advantage- something Kaveh hates about him. He doesn't care about the feelings of others- something Kaveh hates even more about him.

With all this being said, is it that much of a stretch that Al Haitham may kill someone to accomplish a goal? Kaveh can see it- Al Haitham, taking his blade and piercing it into someone's chest. In Kaveh's mind, Al Haitham doesn't hesitate. He doesn't look back. He doesn't think about what he had just done, only what happens next.

"...aveh. Kaveh!"

"Yes!" Kaveh jerks in his seat. "Sorry, what were you saying again?"

"No, I wasn't...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." she fiddles with her fingers. She doesn't meet Kaveh's gaze. "I didn't mean to ask that. You must be exhausted."

"I am," Kaveh slumps back into his seat. The towel is doing wonders to absorb the water on him. He'll be dry in no time. "Conflicted and tired. And..."

Hurt.

Kaveh is hurt.

As much as he doesn't want to admit it, a part of him- a much younger, naive and carefree Kaveh who knew the stoic, pensive Al Haitham before the fall out- still believes that his friend (or at least, the friend he knew) is still somewhere in there. Past all the arguments, the passive-aggressive taunts, the lock-outs, Kaveh knows that Al Haitham isn't the machine that he makes him out to be.

But he can't take that leap of faith and trust that he's innocent. He and Al Haitham are too far gone for that. Well, not so far gone that they don't talk or are totally incapable of living together, but still not close enough. Not on the level they used to be, where Kaveh would have believed anything that came out of Al Haitham's mouth. Whatever semblance of friendship they have now is not enough for Kaveh to convince himself that Al Haitham won't go and kill a person. It's not enough. But it could have been. It should have been. And that's what hurts the most.

Call Kaveh a dreamer. A brightsider. A hopeless hoper, if you will. But this fool had believed that one day, in the not-so-distant future, they would somehow make amends and return to the two friends they used to be in the Akademiya. They would joke, share ideas, and not let a difference in ideals come between them. Kaveh had been waiting for a day like that. Kaveh had truly believed that a day like that would come. But now it won't. Al Haitham had gone and butchered someone for Archon knows what reason, and with that, slain whatever hope Kaveh had of getting his old friend back.

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cripple-culture-is · 2 years ago

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Sorry, but if you do not use a mobility aid, then you aren't physically disabled 🤷‍♀️ Only those with mobility aids can call themselves a cripple. I saw your main blog and that you are "physically disabled without mobility aids". That's not even possible. You can't be physically disabled and not require mobility aids.

And the fact that you believe you have the right to use the word cripple rubs me the wrong way. You have to look disabled in order to use that slur. Otherwise it's incredibly disrespectful.

If you can walk, you are not crippled. Crippled means to "cause (someone) to become unable to walk or move normally." If you can walk, you can move normally.

My first full on hate comment lol 🤣 I'm really moving up in the world.

But on a serious note, yes, you can be physically disabled and not require mobility aids. Physical disability isn't always stagnant. It isn't always as simple as someone who is paralyzed being a full time wheelchair user.

Since you used definitions, I'll use definitions. Physical disability is defined as "a limitation on a person's physical functioning, mobility, dexterity or stamina." Also, "any physical limitations or disabilities that inhibit the physical function of one or more limbs of a certain person."

I am physically disabled. I pretty much always have been. I have a mobility disability. I was diagnosed with juvenile idiopathic arthritis at 9 months old, an autoimmune disease. I did show symptoms at 4 months old at the latest though. Arthritis is actually the leading cause of disability and the most common disabling condition for U.S. adults.

I do not currently use mobility aids, no, but I am looking into getting a rollator for college. So I suppose that when I do get that aid, I will finally, in your eyes at least, be considered physically disabled.

However, I have reached a point in my life where I don't really care what people say about my disability. Whether you believe I'm physically disabled or not doesn't change the fact that I am physically disabled under U.S. law 🤣🤣

I got my permanent disability plates and placard when I was about 5 years old, though I probably could've gotten it before then.

I have always said that I have never used mobility aids. And while that's technically true, it's also not. I've never used traditional mobility aids regularly. I used a wheelchair in public once as a child, and I hated the pity looks adults would give me as I used to be more self-conscious.

However, I HAVE used untraditional mobility aids. While most people wouldn't consider them as such, I have used aids that have helped my mobility, mostly as a child, they just aren't stereotypical disability aids.

I was offered a wheelchair as a child, but due to the pity looks I got from adults, I turned it down. My parents worked around that hangup of mine by using things that I was confident enough to use for mobility as well as more acceptable to me.

My parents had bought this long stroller. When I got older, the typical strollers caused problems, in that I couldn't rest my legs on anything. So I had this stroller that had a leg rest that I could use to stretch my legs as keeping them bent for long periods of time physically hurts me.

I also sat in the baskets of shopping carts until I was in my mid-teens. My mother or father would put the cart with me in it and I'd sit in it as if I was merchandise just like everything else in the basket. This was all because I couldn't walk.

Though, what would happen when a stroller or shopping cart wasn't available? I would get a piggyback ride, mostly from my sister, though from my father as well. My mom did it only occasionally as she has joint issues just like I do.

Then, when I was a bit older, my parents bought me a red wagon. We would take it to amusement parks and carry some things in it. We'd use it for food and other stuff. But it's real purpose was to be there in case I got to a point where I couldn't walk anymore.

I have arthritis in every single joint in my body. From my jaw and neck, all the way to my toes. Hips, ribs, spine, you name it, I got it.

As for the use of the word 'cripple' it DOES apply to me. Cripple refers to anyone with a physical disability. And due to my disability, I do have lower body involvement. Hips, knees, ankles, toes, etc. All of it.

As for being able to "move normally", I actually don't completely. I appear like I do, but if you look at the structure of my legs and the way I walk, I do move differently than a lot of people. I find that I tend to limp often, even when I'm not in pain. And I am curious as to if that's because I got so used to limping as a child due to pain that my walking pattern just adopted that, leading me to limp when I'm not in pain. I also sometimes walk as if I'm waddling.

Plus, if you notice, my right knee is actually slightly turned in, which means that somehow, it's out of alignment. Knees are supposed to point forward. My dad's point forward, my sister's point forward, my mom's mostly point forward. Both of mine do not, even though both of my ankles are straight. My left one is pretty straight, straight enough for me to not really notice it. But my right is a separate story.

Because my right knee is pointed slightly inward, I tend to walk with my right foot slightly turned out.

I'm not sure if the alignment is a knee issue, a hip issue, or potentially an ankle issue. This wasn't an issue that was ever pointed out by my doctors as a child, cause my knees have been like this for a while. I did have a lot of knee inflammation as a kid.

But back fully on topic, cripple punk isn't contingent on the use of mobility aids. Plus the assumption that I have to "look disabled" in order to be physically disabled is very ableist and leads to those like me getting harassed when we use our handicapped parking permits. I'm invisibly physically disabled, I have always recognized that. But me having an invisible disability doesn't change the fact that I am physically disabled. And come this time next year, I will probably "look disabled". Not that I believe disability has a look. It doesn't. Believing disability has a look is ableist and perpetuates harmful stereotypes. I AM physically disabled. I AM crippled, mobility aid or no mobility aid.

You don't know my history, you don't know me. You don't know my day to day life.

In order for you to believe me, you'd likely have to see my diagnosis papers and the proof of my disability. But you are not entitled to that information. I don't have to show it to you, and I'm not going to.

#physical disability #cpunk #cripplepunk #cripple punk #crip punk #physically disabled #physical disabilities

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hysteriaww · 7 months ago

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Hi ! It's going to sound weird but....

How do you think Kai would have influenced Luke's personality if Luke actually won during the merge ?

I know Kai was stronger, but let's say Luke wins.

He was already pretty strong since he was able to break Liv out of the spell she was trying to do. He was stronger than his sister. He would have won if they were to do the merge. I don't exactly remember how powerful he was but I suppose he was fairly quite good with magic.

And magical powers aside, he has quite a strong personality. He's fed up with the Mystic Falls gang bullshit. He was not even that scared of Kai. I mean, he knew his brother was a freaking threat, but he did not hesitate to go on his own and do the merge with Kai. Even when Kai didn't want to do it Luke was like "Hey bitch, you scared I could win ?"

I don't think Luke really thought he could win or maybe he did, anyway he just wanted it to end. He wanted to project his sisters.

So, with Kai's personality inside of him, what would he be like ? I think that guy would at least find a way to end that Gemini tradition crap about the merge, and the lives of the whole coven linked to the leader.

Apart from that I don't know.

That would not be as fun as seeing Kai struggle with new emotions 🤣 but I want to see Luke being even more badass you know.

Yup, really long question sorry not sorry. X)

This is a very interesting question! Tho I have wondered what Jo would be like if she merged w Kai & won, I've never wondered about Luke until now... I think it could be a very compelling arc for him & the gemini coven. Here's what I think would happen! (I wrote a whole ass mini-fanfic in my answer lmfao):

Fresh after the merge: Luke would initially act & feel almost exactly like same old Luke, except maybe he'd rightfully be a bit more grim, traumatized and world-weary after defeating Kai. Liv & Jo would be concerned but he'd tell them not to worry bc he just needs some time to recover & leading the coven rn is more important than his mental health anyway (aka the FIRST Red Flag). Liv & Jo would disagree but let it go for now to avoid stressing him out.

First few months as leader: I think Luke's first order of business would be to undo the damage Joshua did as a terrible coven leader. That might mean overturning fucked up coven laws, etc. but Joshua doesn't like this, so he gets his supporters in the coven to back him & veto Luke's changes. Meanwhile, Luke's own coven support is growing bc I do believe he'd be a MUCH better leader than Joshua, so old man's resentment grows more. Eventually, it reaches a point where Luke feels boxed in like he can't make any real GOOD change bc of Joshua's puppets & THAT is when... the whispers of Kai's voice begin to awaken in Luke's mind. Uh-oh...

Conflict resolution 101: The part of Luke that's in control tries to be diplomatic about getting rid of Joshua's supporters but it just. doesn't. work. The assholes are FLUENT in gemini bureaucracy bc they've been around longer so they outmaneuver Luke constantly. That's when Kai begins suggesting some... less diplomatic solutions, including the idea that Joshua's supporters wouldn't be such a problem if JOSHUA was gone. Luke spends a long time rejecting this & literally warring with himself, so Liv & Jo are like "dude are u ok" and in a moment of weakness he admits his idea about taking joshua out. They're shocked, but after a sec, they're like "wait this is the same man who tried to off his own kids more than once. Uk what? yes lets do it." And suddenly all 3 (ahem, 4) Parker kids are plotting to put dad in a magical coma (hmm does that sound familiar? I wonder which sibling's idea this was...) so he can't influence his supporters anymore. And the siblings succeed! Joshua's out! but it becomes their lil secret, hidden from the coven...

A Good Ol' Frame Job: Lo and behold, Joshua's supporters still stay loyal to the man in a coma instead of Luke! Liv & Jo are like "it's fine luke, dad isn't gonna wake up so eventually they'll have no choice but to listen to you" but KAI isn't convinced... and neither is Luke. Diplomacy didn't work, sleeping beauty-ing joshua didn't work, so now he needs to play dirty. He doesn't jump to violence or anything - he simply frames a few of them for crimes they didn't commit. Snakey, but simple. Only problem is... Luke can't recall if this idea was his own, or Kai's...... bc they're both equally likely to have thought of it. Kai's influence is growing... So when Jo & Liv come to him like "wow crazy how those supporters got revealed as criminals right? That worked out conveniently," Luke goes w the safest option & says "haaa yea what a coincidence! no idea how that happened" ......and now he's lying to his sisters (Big Red Flag #2)

Calm before the storm: Now that joshua's remaining supporters (who haven't been framed) are very few, Luke doesn't face much resistance anymore & he actually succeeds at reforming a lot of fucked up gemini practices & making positive change. Maybe he even succeeds at eliminating the merge altogether! Luke's flying high, believing he's a true protector of the geminis & the best leader and savior (which, to be fair, he rly is better than the shitty leaders before him)! Kai's influence here is very sneaky bc some of Luke's old sense of humor comes back to him, with some new hints of cockiness that weren't there before. Luke's golden boy charm & Kai's cockiness creates the perfect politician cocktail & liv and jo appreciate the good he's done for geminis but also lowkey resent the big-headed self-important persona he's growing.

But THEN there's trouble in paradise: joshua's leftover supporters find a piece of evidence that proves Luke framed the others & they threaten Luke w it, deducing that he also had smthg to do w Joshua's coma. They order him to step down but he can't do that. Not now, when he's finally *this* close to changing the coven for good! These pricks will wake joshua & bring the old laws back! No, he can't let that happen, he can't let it- ....Luke snaps. He blacks out, then wakes up in horror to realize he violently killed. them. all. He panics, calling Jo & Liv for help BUT to cover his ass, he lies & says he had to kill them bc they found out about "all 3 of them" cursing Joshua... while choosing not to mention how they also discovered his frame jobs. Liv & Jo are horrified yet they help him cover this up bc he's falsely led them to believe their asses are also on the line for cursing joshua... but then Jo notices some of them were killed in very "Kai" ways (bled to death from their spleens getting cut out, etc.) & Liv finds the piece of evidence they had that links Luke to the frame jobs...... the 2 of them realize Luke is not in control anymore.

The Climax: Liv & Jo confront Luke, asking him to step down but warning him that they'll MAKE him if he doesn't agree. He doesn't agree. A fight ensues & Luke is pretty OP despite the 2 v. 1. Luke gets *this* close to killing them (while Kai cheers him on), but then says SIKE and kills JOSHUA's comatose body instead, shocking everyone. Jo, Liv AND Kai are like "wha- why?!" & Luke the politician diabolically reveals that he can't bring himself to kill them - but he can frame them for Joshua's death & turn the coven against them.... OR he can frame the dead supporters for Joshua's death & save his sisters, IF Liv & Jo stay loyal to his cause. At this ultimatum, Jo & Liv finally give up, saying they'd rather get framed or killed than let him rule the coven like this. The Kai in Luke gets triggered by their abandonment bc he's a gOoD LEADER can't u SEE?! Kai's increased presence & Luke's increased lack of control make his SIPHONING manifest for the first time & he unintentionally starts siphoning the sisters. And Luke gets triggered by them trying to overthrow him bc he's the OnLy one who can PROTECT the coven!! Just like he protected Jo & Liv from Kai!! At this point the sisters' resentment RLY comes out like "WE DIDNT ASK YOU TO!! YOU chose to merge to protect us WITHOUT ASKING what WE wanted!! U literally knocked out Jo when she was ABOUT to merge! You protected us bc that's what U wanted, not US. And now the coven doesn't need to be protected BY you anymore, it needs to be protected FROM you!!" Like a bucket of ice water, Luke realizes he's siphoning his sisters rn. He has become Kai. They're right. He is not in control anymore. He steps away & realizes the whole coven itself is broken. The best way to save it is to take the ruling family nonsense out of it & free everyone. He agrees to step down & Jo & Liv help him break the coven link altogether and they free the coven! For a moment, it seems like Kai is going to stop them, but then even the Kai in his mind realizes the coven fucked him over his whole life & he'd much rather see it gone. So all 4 kids unite in Sibling Solidarity and liberate the coven!

Epilogue: Luke gets therapy & that means Kai begrudgingly gets it too bc he's stuck in luke's head. They both start healing & finding a medium ground of how to share space in luke's head. Kai even uses Luke to apologize to Liv & Jo for his own crimes. I'd like to think he'd even get Luke to go to Bonnie and apologize on his behalf & maybe help her out whenever he can, tho i don't think it would be sexual, bc in canon the merge didn't change kai's sexuality so i doubt it would change luke's. But yea I think bonnie would still at least have a new ally in luke thanks to the Kai in him xD

THE END lol I hope my impromptu mini-fanfic here answered your question ahaahaha thank you for asking!!!

#tvd #kai parker #jo parker #luke parker #liv parker #joshua parker #bonnie bennett #merge #gemini coven #headcanon #fanfiction #fanfic #asks #mine

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