#BUT MY BRAIN STILL WONT ACCEPT IT
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Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.
They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)
It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.
And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc
(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.
I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"
No.
I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?
No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didn’t give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.
That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you don’t see Steve and Bucky’s relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)
Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.
Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!
I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif
"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER
Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.
It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.
So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.
**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))
or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.
But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"
Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.
The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.
"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.
Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.
#oh boy here we go again#im once again SCREAMING INTO THE VOID#anti endgame#anti marvel#i wrote this on twt originally#im really pissed off still#and so so tired#steve rogers#I don’t count X men bc the fucking timeline is more complicated than my brain can process rn#also weren’t they dead too?#idk I can’t remember atm#and I haven’t watched the movies in ages#the thing is I feel cheated bc they fucked up Steve and Buckys relationship specifically#and I can’t accept that and I really cant see Sam and Bucky suddenly being buddy buddy with each other either so TFAWS is a NO for me#also a notp noe bc people LOVE to hate on Steve and shit on him while they write stuff#also why I don’t believe anything Marvel says about having gay characters#if they really cared about representation or shit they would have assumed Steve was gay or at least bisexual or Buckysexual#but they queerbaited the shit out of the promos to give us that big fuck you in the end#and THEY KNEW they fucked up with CATWS because they went from theyre best friends to theyre kinda codependent in like an unhealthy amount#I mean assume in the other tag in a shit we fucked up ok well he’s this now kinda way#if you think about it Steve and Bucky are the almostonly characters that could be canonically gay or bi in the MCU (deadpool doesn’t count)#because they don’t have significant relationships with other people and even less with women#maybe Natasha? but they paired her with Bruce… when he has a relationship with Betty#THEY SHOT THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT AND BLAMED US#basically they got mad at us and broke their own toy bc they had a tantrum#so fuck you russo brothers#fuck you mcu#To the Tony isn’t straight crowd… they paired him with women only in MCU if I remember correctly#and yes I cant see Sam and Bucky as a couple#not sorry and if you ship them great! But i wont interact and not going to follow you bc i really can’t tolerate thst ship
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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Anyway, because I'm considered a bigger creator within the mogai community and I have a responsibility to address things given my bigger audience-
Please remember that Tumblr, especially LGBT Tumblr concerning discourse and intracommunity issues, is a hyper niche, reactive, violent, sensitive community with next to zero basis in reality at large and you should not take any of its opinions as absolute fact. Especially the mogai community's opinions.
A lot of people on mogai Tumblr talk big game with very clearly fake the-whole-bus-clapped stories about the real world concerning acceptance towards mspec monos, Neopronouns and Xenogenders and it's my job as an adult and guiding voice to remind people these experiences may happen but rarely do and you absolutely should not just tell random people you use purr/purrs pronouns or your a bi gaybian or you identify as Chronosian or other things like that because it's really fucking dangerous even in hyper progressive places like new york, cali and Detroit. It can be deadly in many many small towns, including ones in progressive states. Especially dangerous in non accepting states.
I don't say this to burst your bubble or ruin your hopeful world view but many stories of acceptance are fake, even if some are true, most of the community is underage and just cause your teacher may approve of your Soniccharic identity, doesn't mean they won't tell your transphobic parents. It's scary and dangerous out here for trans and gay people rn and I won't be one of the idiots who tell you to run and frolic with your Xenogender pins Infront of increasingly hostile transphobes. I want the younger gen z trans people to survive and I won't lie to you about the reality of the battle we all are staring down concerning project 2025.
Most of the people telling these stories live in progressive states and do not tell you about the failed times or exaggerate the acceptance they supposedly received. I'm telling you from the mouth of someone who grew up in a tiny town in South Ohio with less than 1,000 people, it's still just as dangerous as it was 10 years ago. I still get followed in my home town. I still get stares in my home town. My actual home town, a place I grew up in where people knew me as the gnc dyke for a good while in my last 2 years of school. Do not spread this shit around to everyone. Nex didn't think they would become a victim, Brianna didn't think she would be one of the unlucky ones, plenty of those we've lost did not think they would die in hate crimes. I almost died in two of the hate crimes I've experienced.
You need to be really fucking careful and although I love than Neopronouns and Xenogenders are becoming more accepted by the larger LGBT community, you need to be very very VERY careful about what you do, what you wear and who you tell what because word spreads fast in suburbia and hate spreads faster. You do not want to be wearing a pin the day some white cishet magat decides he's tired of the "pedophiles" and chooses you as the first victim because you were the first he saw. Don't hide who you are but Be. Fucking. Careful.
#clover speaks#im not being a doomist and i wont stand those allegations but some of yall telling these kids and teens the world is totes cool#with no-c paras and therians and bi lesbians have lost the plot and are gonna get these kids killed#especially considering i grew up very rural and none of the advice about presenting trans could possibly apply to me#thats why i say urban and even semi urban lgbt people should not be giving advice to rural lgbt people#nothing you say can apply to us because it is that dangerous#i still get followed as a fucking 23 yr old adult around my town#the one time an lgbt club tried to get established at my highschool the posters were ripped to shreds and there were both#bomb and shooting threats#people talking about setting the school on fire so they could quote pop the faggots one by one as they came running out#im so happy you live in a privileged Massachusetts school district with loving teachers who accept your system identity#please dont encourage the children in alabama and ohio to follow suit because you will get their naive asses killed#urban queer advice dosent apply to rural lgbt people#thats another thing ive seen be said by urban lgbt people that queer is no longer a slur used that way and has been totally reclaimed#great guess half my family and all my achool bullies were really just showing solidarity and i took it the wrong way#say youve never truely felt mortal danger in your small Christian home town cause your ex told pple your trans without saying it#like really#the privilege just jumps right out#that was the stupidest so and so is terf rhetoric to date and yall tme people just scarfed that shit down#ill never drop that veiw because i and many others can attest to it#surprise queer can be a slur an identity and a community all at the same time shocking ik#and if your offended because people are calling your identity a slur i ask whats dyke and faggor now#cause thoss were reclaimed waaaayyyyy before queer was and you still acknowledge their status as slurs#infact i remember seeing maps of slur usage on twitter from 2020 when that discourse was popular and queer#was the bigots favorite slur for us not dyke or faggot#i cant believe the brain rot on this site sometimes#itd be so funny as entertainment if yall werent using it to question and harass lgbt people with ptsd over it for litteral years#ik because i was one of the people harassed :)#i dont forget this shit so easily#sorry for the rant lol
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#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol#this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable#im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work#property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me#like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well#and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for#Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too#like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and#down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy#last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just#feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b#put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back#down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then#that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her#i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better#on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out#dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles#but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol#unrelated
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yknow i think a lot of the really far-gone transfemme vs transmasc people who still play by the 6th grade milquetoast "trans women are targeted way more than trans men cause femininity is bad and masculinity is good In Our Society, so trans men get free acceptability passes" feminism forget that trans men/transmascs started life. as. little girls. we were mistaken, from birth, for baby girls. and we were raised by our parents to believe that we were little girls.
a lot of trans men and transmascs then grew up to be teenaged girls
a lot of trans men and transmascs were adult women too
and for a while we *believed* we were girls and women. some of us even WISHED we were girls and women (points at myself). and much more importantly, we were continually seen as girls and women. a lot of the time, we are STILL seen as girls and women, even with full fuckin beards and baritone voices. especially if we need to go to any kind of medical professional. this is what our free acceptability pass looks like?
its just so much more nuanced than these 'boys vs girls' people ever seem to care to think about. even binary trans folks dont have the same sense of cisgendered binary that cis people do. we literally cross from one fake end of the fake-binary to the other. thats where the trans in transgender comes from. i dont know how some other trans folks seem to forget that?? i don't know how, somewhere along the line, we forgot that trans men and transmascs also directly suffer under misogyny?
#my t#sorry for more gender based griping i saw smth on twitter that reminded me of this.#the bright spots of Little Girl euphoria i had in my childhood were rare and beautiful. i refuse to forget them.#my perception of myself i had as a child is important to me.#possibly in a different way to others because. yknow. i am plural.#and plural folks have a different brain and sense of understanding of themselves that singlets wont have. its just a neurological differenc#but my little girl self is an important part of my present day adult man self.#and looking at the adult trans men in my system who are still under my care today-#the little girls they were - however fucking briefly - are still important to me and to them too.#and i fully understand that a lot of other trans folks cannot think of themselves this way#but trans mens experiences of being mistaken for little girls are as important as trans womens experiences being mistaken for little boys#we are all trapped in the same systemic cycle of gender-based abusive conditioning.#really we just have to do away with assigning gender to baby bits completely. its weird.#trans men are either eternally confused women or just invisible#and crushed under the weight of maintaining a cis-man image.#i mean for fucks sake#my partner system and us have been talking about having a kid for ages#if i were to get pregnant i'd just have to accept the fact that i have to masquerade around as a woman for 9 months.#because there is NOTHING for pregnant transmascs.#nothing.#there aren't even a lot of gender neutral options for maternity clothing.#even the term 'maternity' denotes femininity and motherhood.#paternity clothing isn't a thing that exists for me for look forward to or even mildly worry about.#and i'm just talking about a *planned* pregnancy involving a trans man. what do yall think happens to transmascs with unwanted pregnancies.#what a privileged life i lead as a no-op no-hrt trans man. big cishet loves me because i am obviously exactly like a cis man now#just want people to stop infighting and being stupid tbh.#breaking: bro strider fictive gets really fuckin pressed about gender and systemic abuse again!
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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okay but how do you ask for help when your childhood makes you feel guilty for needing help and the help that you need feels rude to ask for
#im really struggling to function rn and i finally accepted that i wont make it to my appt without help#so i posted on my snap story asking if anyone could come over for a few hours to help me get back on track#n. two people replied saying they cant but hope i find someone but no one else has replied at all#i knew the answer would probably be no bc no one has time to come all the way here to help me to do tasks i should be able to do alone#but idk i thought i might get some comfort or encouragement or something. just some acknowledgement#i wish i had a group chat or something where i could reach out to people. bc things like snap stories people are just flicking past#i NEED to change the kitty litter today i have no choice its unusable and needs changing but i just. how. i am so tired#i have a ridiculous amount of glasses n crockery specifically for when i struggle like this n yet im still almost completely out of them#bc i just. cant do the dishes. i dont even have to wash them they just need to go in the dishwasher n i Cant#my brain just completely shut down once i got back from the trip#especially bc i got a cold n i dont cope well being sick at all#but of course thats another reason i feel bad asking for help. bc my house is full of germs. n i dont want people to get sick bc of me#but i am running out of food and clean dishes and bench space and i just. cant do it alone rn#but i used up my asking capabilities posting on snap#posting on insta would prob get more people to see it but insta feels. much more public#i dont use my insta stories like ever so it feels like a Lot to post on it for this#n when i asked for support after my parents divorce i only got a couple responses anyway#n this is. not worth support. like its a problem of my own making? i went on the trip knowing it would be a Lot for me#i wasnt planning on getting sick And getting an infection which are both exhausting me a lot but thats not the point#idk im just beating myself up over here. idk how to ask for help esp bc i expect the answer to be no anyway#like who is gonna travel an hour+ to help their friend clean their kitchen and fill out paperwork. im 28 i should be able to do that stuff#these tags are getting very maudlin and mean to myself. sigh. i wish i didnt feel so guilty when i need help#i wish i felt like i was allowed to ask for and accept help#love that childhood and autistic trauma haha lmao#anyway. brains are annoying. and im struggling a lot.
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so. almost done with the heel turn of the second sock (meaning just another hour at most of knitting left) and just realized that i knit the second sock with one stitch more per needle than i did the first. last pair of socks was 14 stitches per needle, this pair was supposed to be 13. the gauge is 7 stitches per inch (3 stitches per cm) so this is an extra half inch larger in circumference.
:/
#was wondering why the heel turn numbers seemed a little off#but i was only working on this at work and its a lot more acceptable to be knitting than to be on my phone#so i never ended up checking my notes bc i kept forgetting to during breaks#also was not confident that i had actually taken any notes to begin with#or where i had put them if indeed they existed at all#im just gonna keep knitting it. id rather risk the last hour of knitting ending up with a still wearable pair of socks#because 8 more hours of work is just as annoying as 9 more hours of work#im also wondering if i can do some sewing to bunch up the top a little or maybe a crocheted cable#if that ends up drawing the sock in. will probably experiment#im not actually worried it wont fit me (i knit socks for myself with a lot of negative ease)#but im extremely sensitive to pressure on my feet and the lack of it from socks is very uncomfortable#so if one sock is looser than the other i will start to lose it#(like in the Fork Theory ? uneven socks is a hundred forks. my tolerance for anything else unpleasant becomes zero#so ! it might not be perceptible (these both have ribbing and that may distract from the size significantly#we will see.#always something these days.#i will admit most of those somethings are caused by my brains inability to hold a stable memory#everything is all blended together and i cannot remember when anything happened or the context of it#i wonder somewhat if its gabapentin symptoms. i was doing fine for a while but ive been taking more than the usual dose#to try and combat symptoms but like good god i feel like my brain has been stuffed full of wool#not even in a fun way#eesh. anyway i will continue to knit this sock i suppose#knitting#sock knitting#woes
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im so over craving deep friendships and being known/understood and shit like its so annoying hearing myself talk or confiding in people.. last time i saw a friend he talked for 4hours non stop and asked me a grand total of 1question and i had SUCH a good time just listening and hearing him and not speaking about me just answering his stories
#riveting stuff#its a newer friendship so it wasnt based on reciprocity at all and it does wonders for me#older friendships who were based on that at some point are so fkcing painful to deal with now#its like i want to cut them off for knowing me at some point#or being my confident at some point but not caring anymore to be#my brain wont accept non reciprocity/care from people who used to and its so fkcing Annoying#how he accepts it from anybody else#of course a part of me will crave it again at some point but by god i hope it won't#being closed off as a wall but still midly open to questions if cared abt is so much more comfortable
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Me: I don't have abandonment issues (:
Also me: -have always kept the belief that everyone will sooner or later get tired of me and leave and no one i love is here to stay-
#miranda talking shit#Negative#Im fairly sure i have adopted this pov/expectations early on bc though i never... Actively worry about it i also#Never fully accept that i wont be? Like any relationship i always have somewhere in my mind the idea that they will leave one day#And lets not talk about how i always try to please everyone i like and always adjust to them... Everything you want goes! Im down for#Anything you want! And anytime i hear a change in tone or behavior thats more than just 2-3 seconds i freak out badly#And will 8/10 times break down crying and apologize for whatever i image i did wrong...#I forget the brain sets up different systems to protect us from 'harm' and im fairly sure this is one my brain built me#Cant get completely destroyed by being left if you already know and expect it before hand ? Its sad to think about#Because i actually... Can say i have had this way of thinking from my young teens. I still get super sad when i am left but bc i always hav#That fact in the back of my mind... Im never caught off guard or find it surprising its just... Ah yes here it is. Still hurts like a bitch
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play wresting — gojo satoru.
(Warning for mild not sfw implications)
“So this is it, then? I’ve finally… finally been bested.”
From this vantage point, you tower over a certain melodramatic man, whose long limbs cover the king sized bed at awkward angles. His soft, snowy hair blends in with the stark white comforter. He tries lifting himself up, but his arms buckle from the exertion of such a physically demanding act. The feigned helplessness comes close to breaking your composure.
“Humor a dying man’s final request,” Gojo rasps. “Did you ever love me? Or were you just after the money and status all along?”
The term money and status reverberates in your head, taking you back to the rumors whispered behind closed doors by those opposed to your engagement. Gojo, being the person he is, delighted in playing into your supposed alternative motives whenever a ‘well-intentioned’ member of the more conservative factions tried tipping him off.
“Babe? Did you hear that?” He had called you over once, a hand to his chest, as if he’d learned the most scandalous news. “This man here said you’re only after my assets. Is this true? I thought for sure it was my devastatingly good looks and charm that won you over.”
(The face of the man in question went beet red over how loud Gojo spoke these words. Unsurprisingly, he slunk off at the earliest opportunity).
You try assuming your role as the indifferent black widow here, looking down your nose at him. “Nope. I’ve been biding my time all these years.”
You’re not sure what spurred him on to flex his acting muscles. When you entered the room, you were overcome with the urge to tackle him onto the bed. You’ve both loved roughhousing each other since you were in high school. Given the sheer, unfathomable extent of Gojo’s abilities, he was perfectly capable of dodging you or standing firm against your attempts. Alas, those two options must not have interested him.
And so he’s writhing in faux agony, putting on a show, as he is wont to do.
“Do I get any final requests?”
“Hm,” you hum, fighting how desperately your lips wish to curl into a smile, “That depends. What is it?”
Whatever he murmurs next is unintelligible.
Curious, you step forward, urging him to repeat himself. He does. Despite speaking slightly louder, the syllables and consonants blur together, spoken in such rapid succession that your brain can’t piece it together. You draw close enough for your knees to hit the side of the bed. Whatever he’s planning, this must be the grand finale.
This time, you understand him perfectly fine. You don’t know whether you should laugh or roll your eyes. Perhaps both.
“Let me hit it, just one more time,” Gojo says these words as if in actual pain, successfully melting your apathetic facade.
You can feel the satisfaction rolling off him in waves over the fact you broke first. Not willing to accept total defeat, you huff and pivot on your heels. You can feel his eyes boring into your back as you saunter toward the door. You answer the question that’s undoubtedly burning his tongue before he can speak it.
“Consider your request denied. I need to start searching for my next rich husband — time is of the essence.”
You gape as the once open door is now shut, faster than you could blink. In front of it is your apparently resuscitated Gojo Satoru, who acts as a human barricade. He extends his long arms out to ensure you’re not going anywhere. His grin is all teeth and his brilliant blue eyes gleam.
“Sorry babe, this rich husband’s still alive and kicking. Better luck next time.”
#an anon requested play wrestling with gojo and blade#but i love that concept so much i'll do a lil scenario for those currently in my Husband Rotation#starting with the white-haired menace#gojo satoru x reader#jjk x reader#gojo brainrot#my stuff
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I have no idea how this would fit into an storyline but I am a hoe for fake dating. Imagine fake dating with abby and it slowly becoming too real
UGH YOU GET ME FAKE DATING IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES!!
⋆˚✿˖° now, abby anderson had a problem. specifically a blonde, brown eyed loud mouthed man of a problem. owen fucking moore. she had broken up with him in the summer time, little explanation given to the ass of a boyfriend other than that she needed to “find herself.” (not that she needed to give any.)
⋆˚✿˖° but owen? oh owen didn’t accept that. so from the very moment abby had broken it off, to when the air began to smell like fall.. he pestered abby. asked for a reason, begged for another chance (despite HIM going around with damn near every girl on the WLF compound.)
⋆˚✿˖° things came to a head at a get together in one of abby and owen’s mutual friend’s apartment style quarters. mutual friend who also happened to be your roommate.
⋆˚✿˖° abby and owen fought all night, abby’s cheeks red from embarrassment and anger, eyebrows furrowed together. “why can’t you just take no for an answer owen?“ the cup in her hand crackled a bit under the pressure when the man scoffed. “because you never give me a real answer!” abby’s arms crossed at that, searching around the room. quickly, and maybe a little impulsively, she shrugged. “i’m into someone else now.”
⋆˚✿˖° owen just couldn’t accept that, his arms thrown around dramatically. “so you like another guy? that’s why you wont give me another chance? you know i can treat you better.” that sentence alone reminded abby just why she hated being with him so much, but again that fast moving brain of hers spoke before the thought could finish, finger pointing in the direction of the first person she found.. you. “it’s not a guy. it’s a girl. im not.. into your..” abby made a motion, “species anymore.” sure, it was sort of true. abby recently realized she probably had a thing for girls, but you particularly? she couldn’t count on her fingers the amount of conversations she had with. “i like her.”
⋆˚✿˖° you, who’s head poked up, mouth full of slightly stale chips, having heard the whole conversation. abby anderson, beautiful, funny, madeyouweakintheknees, abby anderson was into you? and not straight? surely not. you swallowed harshly, deciding to play into whatever game abby seemed to have set on the floor. you made your way over, an award winning smile on your face as owen’s mouth dropped open further than a damn infected. “You like her? as in girls?”
⋆˚✿˖° honestly, you probably caused more trouble when you stood near the two, “abs!” you grinned, “you forgot your jacket here.. cmere ill grab it for you.” and then your hand is wrapped around her tensed bicep, the stiffness likely caused by her pure shock you even played along. still, she used it as an out from the devil with blonde locks, shrugging almost apologetically at owen before letting you whisk her away.
⋆˚✿˖° and that night, after everyone but you and abby had stumbled out of the cramped room, which was still humid and heavy, you made the plan. with a pen that had little ink left, scratching against the water damaged pages of the notebook you tucked under your pillow, you wrote the words “project get rid of owen moore.” which ok, in retrospect sounded really bad. but you were a little tipsy.
⋆˚✿˖° the plan was easy. play the role of abby’s first girlfriend, convince owen she was totally not into him or men anymore. what did you get out of it? a spot on the top dog abby anderson’s patrol team. something you had been vying for this year. abby agreed, although a little hesitantly. she promised she had picked you only because its who her pointed finger found first. not any actual attraction. you swallowed down the hit to your ego that brought.
⋆˚✿˖° and honestly? the plan went on pretty steadily. you were a damn good fake girlfriend if you had to admit it, and abby didn’t hate being around you. in fact, she really enjoyed being around you. she enjoyed how easily your fingers reached down, tapping on her palm to fing a way to hold her hand whenever one of owen’s posey was around. she enjoyed how you leaned in whenever owen passed by, your lips on her ear, whispering anything you knew would have her smiling. a fake smile of course.
⋆˚✿˖° you two had some pretty strict rules. no kissing, no extreme touchiness, absolutely no spilling to anyone this was fake, and the most important.. no real feelings. you had come up with a backstory, one you two had studied together. (you two met in the training room after your roommate introduced you two and totally hit it off. abby got you a spot on her team next to her and manny, and feeling bloomed from there.) abby added in a few details she knew would piss owen off.. and you sealed your lips shut to follow the rules.
⋆˚✿˖° the first few weeks were easy. you liked spending time around abby. you enjoyed how she smiled, you laughed at all the jokes she cracked (for the fake dating points of course..), and you loved training with her. you had to ignore the shiver her hands on your shoulders or waist gave, knowing it was just to help your position. “you have to fix your stance if you plan on fighting scars..” abby huffed.
⋆˚✿˖° the problem started in october. a month and a half into your fake dating plan. tens of lunches spent alone together, a handful of new hair styles you begged to try on abby, and around 5 missions out of the base, in. there was a party, one you demanded the two of you go to one day as you lounged on abby’s bunk— watching as she cleaned up manny’s mess across the room. “if we dress up together, owen will totally finally get off your case,” you assured, bringing a loud sigh from the blonde. “oh my god.. fine.”
⋆˚✿˖° you went as a angel and devil, simple enough to easy stitch together some devil horns for yourself and an angel halo you found in an old broken down store in the city for abby. no way did you admit the trouble you went for to find it to abs, especially not as she easily pulled her shirt off in front of you, totally clueing you in to where the nickname came from as she shoved on the white teeshirt.
⋆˚✿˖° see, the no kissing rule was an important one, but vodka made everything seem less important, and owen was awfully loud that night, scoffing any time you smiled and leaned into your angel, head band tilting off your head, which abby fixed with a grin. “you two act more like friends than people fucking each other,” owen scoffed as he pressed by you two, the words pounding in abby’s ears over the loud mingling voices.
⋆˚✿˖° “kiss me,” abby called over the old cd that played on the speakers, her cheeks red with anger— blue eyes flicking around. “what?” you laughed, thinking back to rule number 1. “i know we said no— no kissing but i just.. oh my god just kiss me,” abby muttered, her large hands gripping your cheeks and pulling you in for a kiss, one she was sure owen was watching on to. one you melted into, sucking her lip in between yours.
⋆˚✿˖° that had been a breaking point, ragged breaths and heated necks as you pulled away. it lead to more excuses with less validity being used when the two of you stared at each other’s lips. stepping down the stairs of the base, eyes catching on someone who just looked like owen. “kiss me,” abby muttered quickly, and you wasted no time to turn your head and fill your nose with the scent of pine as you leaned in.
⋆˚✿˖° the no kissing rule crossed off right before the no touchiness one did, that one had been scribbled off completely when abby began pulling you into her lap in group functions, one soft hand rubbing up against your side as she whispered in your ear, “jus’ for show.”
⋆˚✿˖° just for show of course, but you screamed into your pillow for so long that night you almost thought the walls of your room would crumble down along with the barrier you put between you and the blonde.
⋆˚✿˖° kisses and touchiness turned to nights spent in abby’s room, mornings waking up and having abby’s shirt thrown at your face. “wear that, owen got it for me when we were dating.” sure, you probably should be ashamed to be wearing the clothes of a girl who didn’t like you, but the frown on owen’s face made it worth it.
⋆˚✿˖° that last rule, the one that didn’t have pen strokes over the letters, the one locked behind awkward coughs and side glances, well you weren’t sure who broke it first. you dont know why feelings came into play, but you sure do know it happened.
⋆˚✿˖° you felt it first when abby didn’t talk to you for a few days. you saw her across the stadium with nora, her head tilted back lightly in a laugh at something the other girl said. that was the first time you felt the needle sized ache in your heart, one that only ripped further when owen shoulder checked you on his way by, “better get your girl. she slips away easily.”
⋆˚✿˖° maybe that rule had been broken when abby stormed into your room, met with the sight of you on the couch with some other blonde girl, an old tape of a southern movie mid way through when anderson scoffed and demanded the girl get out. she did so in a hurry, scrambling for her sweatshirt as a frown grew on your lips. “abby what the fuck?” you scoff, watching her eyebrows unfurrow lightly. “you can’t have other girls over! it fucks with our plan,” she accused, though she stumbled lightly over the words. “she’s just a friend, abby.”
⋆˚✿˖° however, the night you sat in your bed, breath heavy and eyes stinging as you broke through the paper with the pen, scratching over the words “no real feelings,” that came in the end of november.
⋆˚✿˖° your head was pressed into abby’s shoulder, yawning and closing your eyes as the movie played on a big sheet, a biweekly occurrence in the WLF base. abby had pressed to your cheek, placing a kiss to it that had some sort of butterfly attack take fruition in your stomach. you two didn’t even know if owen or his friends were around, and they for sure were not the reason of abby’s hand linking into yours as you two walked toward her room later that night. you both seemed to realize that when you reached her door and she leaned forward just lightly, as if to kiss you.
⋆˚✿˖° she cleared her throat, licking over the lips you wanted to capture again. “i think-” she said suddenly, squeezing her eyes closed. “i think owen really believes it now.” you could feel your heart sinking to the empty stomach that laid below your chest, knowing what came next. “i think we should break up.” abby finished, quick to add, “fake break up.”
⋆˚✿˖° you nodded along silently to the story she built still standing in her doorway. miscommunication, arguments, differing plans, the whole shebang— anything to make the breakup believable. you agreed, but the moment her door shut, a half smile and thank you sitting on her lips as the door locked, you felt the tears prick your eyes.
⋆˚✿˖° you wiped quickly at the tears, your hand slapped over the aching chest you swore betrayed you. you sucked in shallow breaths, shaky hands finding your own door as your vision went blurry.
⋆˚✿˖° as your pen broke through the white sheet of paper, you cursed your own heart. you cursed it for being so easy to rip from your chest, presented on a platter for a blonde who only saw it as a fake replica. you threw the notebook across the floor, hand slapping over your mouth so your roommate wouldn’t wake as you sobbed into it. surely you had been the only one to break that rule, but that didn’t matter now.
⋆˚✿˖° but you were wrong. not that you could know that. a five minute walk away, abby breathed out slowly as her fingers scraped though the braid she was undoing, an odd stinging pricked at the corner of her lashes. she knew she did the right thing. she knew it as soon as her lips searched for your own at her doorway tonight. so why did it feel so bad? why did her hands tremble as she pulled out her blanket and climbed under it, squeezing her eyes shut.
⋆˚✿˖° if this was all fake, why did the break up feel so real?
#rins reqs ❀.#abby anderson#abby anderson x reader#abby anderson x you#abby anderson x y/n#abby anderson x fem reader#abby anderson x f!reader#abby anderson fic#abby anderson fanfic#abby anderson fluff
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"If that's what they meant, why didn't they just say that instead?!" - said by every autistic person at least once every month
Incorruptible pt 42
Petion tries to keep Robespierre from going into Autistic-nothing-is-making-sense-panic-mode.
#I get a bit annoyed at myself#because ofc I know ppl dont always say what they mean ofc I do Im 35 lol#but like every single time it still takes me by surprise#because for some reason my brain just wont connect the dots for individual situations#so Im left in every single social situation taking a wild guess#but it would be stressful af to go around not trusting anyone ever *gestures to French Revolution*#so I basically choose trust and accept I will misinterpret ppl and make many social blunders on a regular basis 😅
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Compliment me
✧ pairing: song mingi x jeong yuhno ✧ wc: ~1.5k ✧ warnings: smut (18+ mdni), hand job, little bit of drinking mention in the beginning, pet names (princess), both giving and receiving. (sorry if i forgot anything!) ✧ a/n: when mingi dropped these photos i literally brain rotted so hard and wrote this as fast as i could!!! i'm so sorry for any mistakes, but i hope you all enjoy!! also this is my first yungi fic sooooo yippiee!!!
Laughter fills the room as both mingi and yuhno drunkly stumble into their shared apartment. Picking on each other with light hearted teasing and bickering.
Mingi falls onto the couch, pulling in one of the pillows/cushions under his body to hug. He looks over to Yunho, who is sitting across from him, with a big smile.
"What?" Yunho asks with a slight chuckle.
"Nothing! Just happy and still pretty drunk" Mingi laughs.
Yuhno smiles as his eyes examine all of Mingi. His large arms hugging the pillow. How his body arches being sunk into the soft couch. Then he sees Mingi's shirt lifted up slightly, stomach exposed.
"Stay still" Yuhno tells Mingi, pulling out his phone to take photos of him.
"Yunhooo~ I dont want my photo taken"
"Sshh~ u look so good right now"
That's all mingi needed to hear to accept his fate. He starts to pose for Yunho in various ways.
"I got what I need" Yunho flipping through the shots. "I cant believe u even look like this"
Mingi buries his face in his pillow "dont say that"
Yunho smirks and cocks his head "why~?"
Mingi peaks over his arm "I cant say" he says quietly.
Yunho's eyes drift over to Mingi's still exposed stomach and back to him. he gets up and kneels on the floor in front of Mingi.
"Why cant you tell me? hm?" Yunho locks eyes with Mingi as his slender fingers caress Mingi's stomach, teasing the waistband of his jeans. "You know you cant lie to me either" Yunho's digits sink a little further down.
Mingi bites his lower lip, not looking away from Yunho. His face is feeling hot from Yunho's touch, still not saying a word.
"If you wont tell me I guess I'll just have to force it out of you, Mingi-ya~" Yunho smirks, shifting his eyes to Mingi's waistband where his hand is, and goes all the way down until he feels his hard cock throbbing for his touch "I guess I can feel your thoughts too, princess" he says as he softly wraps his delicate fingers around Mingi's shaft.
Mingi answers with a moan, automatically shifting his body out of pleasure from Yunho's soft touch.
"Mingi-yaaa~ Im still waiting~" Yunho teases, circling the tip with his index finger and spreading the pre cum all around it.
Mingi groans and shifts to his side and looks down at Yunho who is looking at him with the most annoying and smug face. Mingi licks his lips.
"You'll make fun of me" Mingi says softly though his deep voice booms around the room.
"Hhmm, I guess I'll stop here then~"
Just before Yunho could pull his hand out of Mingi's pants, Mingi quickly stops him, putting his hand on Yunho's. "wait, dont stop. I'll tell you"
Yunho chuckles "You need my touch that bad huh?" Yunho shifts closer to Mingi's face, keeping his hand right where it is. "Now tell me princess, why cant I compliment you?" he grips mingi's cock a little harder, making Mingi moan and lose his breath.
Mingi sighs, trying to compose himself.
"It's....it's because" Yunho's grip becomes a little tighter, moving slightly up and down.
Mingi takes a deep breath from his anxiety and pleasure "It's because you turn me on every time you do. Hearing you say what you like about me...drives me crazy"
Mingi locks eyes with Yunho "I may still be a little drunk but all I wanted tonight was for you to touch me" he moves his large hand up to Yunho's face to hold, caressing his check with his thumb. "Please keep touching me" he says, gripping Yunho's hair "fuck me with your hand Yunho-ya..."
Yunho was shocked hearing this confession from Mingi but felt excited and relieved at the same time. There has always been sexual tension between them for a few years now but thankfully this drunken night is what finally needed to happen to make both of their desires come true
Yunho smirks, though trying to stay composed from Mingi's confession "I like when u get bossy"
Mingi's grip on Yunho's face tightens and as soon as he felt Yunho's hand start to move up and down his cock, Mingi pulled Yunho's face into his, shoving his tongue in Yunho's mouth.
Yunho was taken aback at first but quickly accepted and kissed back just as aggressively.
Mingi couldn't help how Yunho made him feel. He didn't know what to do with these feelings besides moaning deeply into biting and sucking Yunho's lips and tongue.
Yunho was able to pull back from mingi's grip "Ya, take off your pants. Now."
Without hesitation, Mingi did what he was told and is now just left with his pre cum soaked briefs.
Just before he could take off his briefs, Yunho stopped him "Don't, leave those on. Your cock looks so good" he licks his lip "God, you're so big"
Yuhno rubs Mingi's cock above his underwear, watching it get even bigger, especially after Yunho's compliments
Mingi lays on his back, moaning from Yunho's touch. "fuck..." he says under his breath.
Yunho massages Mingi's cock for a few more minutes, getting off of Mingi's deep moans and seeing him squirm from pleasure.
"Yunho...please..." Mingi, out of breath already, starts to whine.
"What do u want me to do, princess?" Yunho asks, gently putting his hand on the side of mingi's face and letting his thumb play with his lush bottom lip - his left hand still massaging Mingi's thick cock above his underwear.
Mingi takes a deep breath, looking up at Yunho with desperation.
"Touch me. please touch me. I cant..." Mingi's moans becomes whiner. "and....compliment me....again..."
Yunho smirks at Mingi's last request. He goes in to kiss Mingi deeply, biting and sucking on his lips like Mingi did to him. "You know you kiss so well Mingi-ya~. You even taste good too" He licks his lips, savoring every last bit of Mingi's sweetness.
Yunho didn't think this was enough of a compliment to Mingi to make him crazy, but the increase pulsating under his hand says otherwise.
Yunho smirks and voice lowers to whisper in Mingi's ear "And since you're being such a pretty princess, I'll do what you ask~" he sticks his thumb in mingi's mouth, just to tease him even more then pulls focus down to Mingi's lower half.
Yunho pulls the waist band down to let Mingi's cock spring free. Yunho's mouth goes dry from the arousal he is feeling. He's not even being touched but by how Mingi reacts to him is enough for him.
Without warning to Mingi, Yunho grips Mingi's thick shaft and starts to pump. Yunho's plan was to tease Mingi as long as he could but what he had done already got himself off a little too quick to wait any longer.
Mingi arches his back and rolls his eyes back from Yunho's grip, his pleas were finally granted and can already feel his release approaching quickly.
Yunho stands up a little taller on his knees, making sure he is in the best position to fuck Mingi's dick with his hand. He looks over from Mingi's dick to his face and almost releases himself. Mingi's face is making lewd expressions he didn't know he could do.
"Fuck..." Yunho says under his breath. He removes his right hand from Mingi's face and quickly undos his own pants, pulling them down enough for his cock to spring free.
"Mingi touch me too. Now" Yunho demands in desperation.
"Wha.. what" Mingi is too in the moment to even fully comprehend what is being demanded of him.
Yunho couldn't wait for Mingi to catch up to his depends and grabs Mingi's free hand to quickly put it on his long hard cock.
Mingi immediately starts to pump for Yunho the best he could.
Lewd moans and groans fill the room, louder and louder. No care in the world if neighbors could hear them.
Both pump faster and harder, both releasing at the same time, cursing under their breath.
Yunho, exhausted and fucked out, lays his top half over Mingi's, his body in motion with mingi's chest rising and falling, hand still on Mingi's cock.
Mingi finally coming down to reality, grows a small smile on his face, seeing the man who he has been wanting to be with just gave him the best hand job of his life and is laying on his chest.
"I guess I make you weak too, huh?" Mingi says quietly, running his fingers through Yunho's hair.
"I don't want to talk about it" Yunho is now back to reality as well, feeling a little embarrassed how much Mingi actually made him feel.
Mingi chuckles to this response "I guess I'll have to make you tell me" Mingi grips Yunho's hair a little harder, teasing Yunho just like he did to him.
Yunho lifts hid head up to look at Mingi, putting his right hand back on the side of his face.
"Don't push your luck princess~" he smiles and leans in to kiss Mingi.
Mingi, of course, returns the kiss with the biggest smile on his face.
#mingi x yunho#ateez#smut#ateez smut#ateez mingi#ateez yunho#song mingi x jeong yunho#mingi fanfic#yunho fanfic#jeong yunho smut#song mingi smut#yungi#yungi smut#ateez yungi#yungi fanfic#sage fics#song mingi#jeong yunho#mingi#yunho#smut fanfiction
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I wanna get your thoughts on something. What if Gojo had an older sibling in his life, would his life have been any different? It feels like he is very lonely and is under a lot of pressure all the time due to being the strongest. I'm just thinking if he could've been in a better situation if he had an older person, i guess family or mentor or something alike in his life, who could have helped him shoulder all his burdens. Also do you think he would be an interesting platonic yandere? For some reason he gives me same vibes as an unsure teenager trying to fit in and pretend he is somewhar normal lol
(Also me not thinking how gojo is a certified milf enjoyer and would like an older persons presence in his life)
Sorry for this brain fart, I can't focus on writing clearly due to gojo mushing my brain. Brain go blib blob when i see gojo fics and your page making me blib blib blob real hard sorry i had an edible apolog- no i didnt
gojo make me go blip blob too
the fact that gojo was raised from an INFANT as the strongest and everyone told him so to the point that he internalized it so badly that now he cant emotionally connect with someone outside of strength. and even when he himself wants to change jujutsu society so the focus wont just be about strength....he still cant help but coddle yuji and megumi just a tiny bit more than nobara. theres just so many layers to himojer0ighrg
i could definitely imagine him being a platonic yandere. hes def the type of younger sibling who gets jealous of their older siblings S/O. especially when hes a kid and hes a lot more openly disdainful. i feel like gojo would grow out of it when he gets older but he won't exactly be accepting of his older siblings new spouse.
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actively fighting a full blown panic attack born out of sadness and anger after having to drive by yet another victim on the side of the road
it makes me livid how accepted it is to just let cats suffer and die disgustingly horrid deaths and live awful short lives just so what, for what?? so you dont have to play with them for an hour a day??? when i was little it was just kinda normal that they disappeared at some point, i didnt understand what it actually meant until our outdoor cat i loved dearly was found in the bushes near our house in a condition so horrible my dad has never told me and i have never dared to ask, she only made it to 6 and had horrible scars and infections before that i allowed my family to convince me to let my first own cat outside, we only had her for a year, she died at only 2 years old, i am still suffering from the guilt, it has never let me go, she went missing for a week and i walked the entire vilage up and down every day, yelling her name, wandering into the forest alone, talking to every stranger i met until one morning my mom told me that our neighbour who works for the city asked if we had a white cat with a very specific collar she had- he found her on a busy road crossing in the next bigger city, i never even got to bury her, its haunting me, the thought of her wandering lost and scared in the city for a week until meeting an awful end gives me headaches, the fact that i was the last one to see her alive, that i put her outside bc we were late for school and had to leave quickly, that she had come home with oil in her fur from crawling through maschines and cars before, that i was worried but still didnt act, that it is my fault, any time i am up to late its coming back, it will never let me go, if i had stood my ground and not allow her outside unless on a leash or similar shed still be alive today, any time i read a description at our local shelter it comes back, they still advocate for outside cats, all of them, even if they have only been an indoor one before, its madness my older sister had a cat, i dont even know how old he got but it wasnt long either, he got hit by a car in front of their house, she has two now again and the only reason she hasnt let them outside is because they havent shown much interest in it, i tried to warn her before and she didnt listen and shes still resistent, even after losing one too
i have seen so many on the side of the road, anywhere i drive i see them, i cannot forget a single one, we are surrounded by farm land and all its giant maschinery, its still common to poison rodents, why do people value them so little, you wouldnt let your dog just live outside in the woods and streets for half the day or more, you wouldnt just throw your guniea pigs on the road and tell them have fun, you wouldnt just let your bird roam outside, there probably assholes that do that too but you cannot tell me its as common as outside cats
i dont understand it, i dont, i wont, i never will, i will never forgive myself this poor little animal that was my responsibility having to pay the price of my ignorance, or my own weakness letting my family convince me despite the awful way we lost one before, it makes me want to explode it hurts my brain in grief and anger i can barely contain
cats deserve to live a safe and long life, i get only having them inside may feel like you are locking them up, but do you think that not doing so is worth having them die a painful death? being poisonend? on purpose even by disgusting people that hate them? abused and chased by other animals and dogs? hurt and lost? cutting their lifespan in half? if they even make it that far? the amount of wildlife that they kill unnecessarily so when all of that is already in a steep decline everywhere? and if they eat what they hunt get infected with diseases or again, poison? die somewhere in agony? if cared for they dont care about going outside, plenty can be leash trained or given a secure way to roam like those cat proof aviary like things, if you dont want to put effort into caring for a cat DONT GET ONE, ALL pets require adequate care, and if you think cats are the easiest bc you only have to feed them every now and then IF they come home? you suck, you are an asshole, i hate you and you do not care about them, if you just want to occasionalyl feed and pet an animal go to the petting zoo
(this is about pet cats of people who can absolutely afford to keep them healthily inside, i know feral cats and those in poor neighbourhoods are a thing, even if not here where i live, and thats a whole other but still similar problem and not the point of this post)
#ganondoodles talks#personal#tw pet death#tw cat death#i hate everything so much and my day is ruined#sorry to come at you with this but its just#the grief and anger i feel for these poor things is more than their owners ever will feel im sure#just getting another one like its a consumable piece of candy#its so common here i hate it#why are people so insistent on it#the fact that the shelter here too advocates for outdoor cats in every cats description makes me twice as mad#do you actually care for them or do you hope they die quickly so people get one more frquently or what#i thought about writing them but i have had both of my cats from there and i am afraid they would not take it well#i dont know how to approach trying to make a change in this case#(my current cat is indoor only obviously and shes about 10 now- which is the oldest of any cats i have known has gotten)#this is germany specific btw ... if theres anyone that knows an organization trying to change this pls let me know
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