#BUT LETS PRETEND

[theratkingofallratkings]

I feel so dumb omfg 😭😭 I thought I saw Travis Phelps from Sally Face on some random pole

I was sitting in the car and my ass looks over and goes, “Is that fucking Travis Phelps?!?!?”

No. It was Jesus.

In my defense(????) my pain killers were just kicking in.

[iheartgirlzn]

save me random shapeshifting guy i had a dream about last night and will probably never see again!! SAVE ME!!

[rins-batcave]

suicidal but slaying

[thatintrovertedgryffindor]

Here's a snippet of one of the fics I'm writing when I find the time:

-------------start--------------

"Red hair, freckles, and hand me down robes-- you must be a weasley," Malfoy scoffed.

Ron glared at this kid in front of him. "Yeah so what? Do you want me to bring up your family's blunders?"

Malfoy's nose turned pink but he didn't uncross his arms.

"What should I start with?" Ron dramaticized tapping his chin in thought, "the new raids being pushed on your mansion or the Black scandal or your sister--"

"SHUT it!" Malfoy screeched. He took a deep breath and turned to Harry. "I could help stop you from making friends with the wrong sort. Like this one who can't keep his mouth shut."

Anger coursed through rons veins. Charlie and George warned him that there would be kids who made fun of him but Ron didn't realize how much it would hurt.

He opened his mouth but Harry beat him to it.

"I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself malfoy."

Mskfoy looked unimpressed. "You loss," hr said, "being stuck with this...this blood traitor."

Now Percy had coached Ron through hearing this word but nothing could prepare him for the way malfoy said it. Like Ron was so beneath him he didn't even notice him. Maybe Percy was a bad teacher.

Suddenly, scabbers jumped up and bit Goyle. Rons face split into a grin. He knew there was a reason scabbers was family.

--------------end----------

Exploring Ron's emotions and thoughts with how he interacts with his family, friends, and foes

[littlemissneverseen]

Tam : I can't believe all these people are wearing black. Black is supposed to be my thing, they're all just posers.

Linh : Tam, for the last time, we're at a funeral.

[shredmytapestry]

text message // zeki & aksel

[ several missed calls from an unknown number ]

aksel: hello, this is dr. varvik from moorbrooke general hospital. i am looking for mr. dunphy. your lab results are back and we need you to book an urgent appointment.

aksel: actually your lab results indicate you've been dead for days...

aksel: OH NO FUCK I'M SORRY INFECTIOUS DISEASES WAS PLAYING A JOKE AND THEY DIDN'T THINK I'D GO AS FAR AS TO TEXT YOU I'M SO SO SORRY

[sunscreens-the-first]

We all love good omens

But

Our roots

[astronicht]

I pulled up the sketchy online Old English version of Beowulf and yeah it has 3,182 lines. If you took 5 seconds per line you’d need four and a half hours to recite it (or specifically to recite the one version that got both written down and preserved for a thousand years) (only a little charred). But I mean 5 seconds per line is for chumps who don’t want to unlock the Beowulf speedrun.

Also ok for SCIENCE I timed myself and quickly reciting the first 5 lines took 16 seconds, let’s call that fifteen because I mispronounced meodosetla. At that pace (if you could keep it up consistently and I mean never cough never take a drink) you’d be looking at 2.65 hours, or 2 hours and 39 minutes (or 159 minutes). This is actually 20 minutes shorter than the theatrical run-time of Peter Jackson’s Two Towers (179 minutes).

Now, the original post was about reciting Beowulf in an hour, so 2 hours and 39 minutes is not gonna cut it, and is so far over time that even doubling your pace can’t save you. You’re gonna lose this speedrun and Æthelflæd’s new scop poet is going to laugh at you. However, there’s a cheat to exploit here. In the period when Old English (language of Beowulf) was spoken, people often just said there were 12 hours in a day and 12 hours in a night, no longer how long or short daylight actually was. This made the concept of a daylight hour stretch in summer, when daylight lasts way longer than 12 hours. There’s a good article on this I’ll find it if anyone wants it. I don’t actually expect anyone to have read this far.

ANYWAY, the longest day in Jarrow (furthest north Old English speaking town I could think of) in 2024 (sorry this data is not calibrated for the 10th century) was of course midsummer: June 20th, at 17 modern hours 22 modern minutes and 1 modern second. This means each early medieval hour that day actually lasted 1 hour and 26 minutes. Still not nearly enough lads, but this is when it becomes a skill game. Because I wasn’t going ALL that fast. We need to squeeze 159 minutes of Beowulf (aka basically Two Towers) into 86 minutes. If you could half my pace-per-five-lines from 15 seconds to 7.5 seconds, you’d be able to do it, one day of the year, in Jarrow. Iceland is cheating. Good luck.

[mattmonss]

Father and daughter bonding <3

[lettuccine]

pov: you play poker game with marcille

[totally-not-kate-bishop]

"i'm bi, actually"

America: Are you gay?

Kate: No.

America: You can tell me.

Kate: I’m not.

America: It’s okay. I’m gay. Billy’s gay.

Billy: Bye.

America: Oh, sorry. He’s bi.

Billy: No, I’m going home for the day. I’m gay.

[overlymetaromantic]

Dungeon Meshi, or as I like to call it, Marcille's-increasingly-difficult-to-ignore-revelations-that-her-endless-devotion-to-Falin-may-in-fact-be-more-rooted-in-lesbianism-than-she-originally-thought

[ollyrewind]

merlin and arthur hunting ghosts? yes, great, BUT hear me out

[ceceru]

rescue teams!

[roe-oo]

my piece for @trafficzine ❤️