#BUT ITS GETTING BETTER CLEARLY LMAO
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Kinda crazy that we’ve got 3 different lords of fortune between da absolution and tevinter nights and none of them showed up in datv but instead we got. A half assed isabela cameo. Like ok-
#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#dragon age the veilguard#datv#datv spoilers#dragon age veilguard#dragon age veilgaurd spoilers#dragon age isabela#isabela dragon age#dragon age critical#LIKEEE#im fine with most of veilguard ill be honest#i do have other criticisms but my enjoyment overrides them tbh#but i was so excited for the lords of fortune#hell taash is still like. uhh top 3 companions for me#but as a faction. disappointing#the rivain coast is boring as hell#and also. the lof is like. kinda orientalist#especially since we literally dont see any of rivain beyond that fucking beach#and the annoying ass warden area. and the volcano#LIKEEEE#that section just suffers. so much lmao#and isabela. i love her but why include her#if none of our choices from previous games matter lmao#its kinda weird#im sure someone can say all this better but. yeah idk#i still cant get over like. clearly rivaini ppl are based of romani ppl right???#but not seeing any of their culture makes it soo. eugh.#AND GET ISABELA OUT OF THAT OUTFIT#ok im done i swear. probably
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Sometimes I remember lee know saying he wants to do a song with Seungmin and I.N bc he'd like to be a part of vocalracha and then I remember that was well over a year ago and there's still nothing.... </3
#cmonnnnn#those dudes all have been getting vocal lessons for 5 million years and have yet to get a proper song together its kinda funny#and by funny i actually cannot conceptualise the thought process of the larger skz team at jyp sometimes#like it doesnt have to be a 3racha production...... the covers and solos are p frequently done outside that so like....#?#lee knows love me or leave me cover popped off when it got released sometimes i dont really know what their managers are doing lmao#like people talk about how busy they are and they are super busy but also im p sure they cpuld have made a vocal unit song at some point in#the past year#but also they could have released the solo songs from dome tour at any point so once again its just that thing of not really understanding#jyp management and why they dont hop on some opportunities that seem fairly logical#like they better release the new songs this time around people have clearly shown a thirst its just weird#like the joke is skz is behind on trends but like. this isnt an skz member thing its a larger management thing and its a bit confusing#id presume theyd release the new solo songs maybe at the end of the tour but they didnt release the dome ones yet so its like.....#Hmmmmm#we will see i suppose
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casually talked about my disability with my professor and casually tried not to cry talking about the struggles of this semester
#'yeah i mean there were days i couldnt get get out of bed without feeling like i was gonna throw up' *choked sob* *covers mouth*#'anyways yeah thats actually why i missed class last week' *sob* 'uh so yeah its been hard to communicate consistently with the team cus-#*cringes* 'my meds make me really drousy. well my old ones did. my new ones are better'#perhaps i am not over being chronically ill and i need to mourn a little more and feel my clearly still there sad feelings#i was really trying hard to keep my voice even and i dont think it worked! agh.#but guess whos registrating with the students with disabilities dept ! me lmao#rant rant rant
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so i am singing that vitellia in the end... but at what fucking cost.
'you gotta sing this softer'
'what'
'this is mozart'
'this is vitellia'
'this is mozart'
'im singing about how much i hate this mf and want him dead before the end of the day'
'this is mozart'
'i wanna murder a guy'
'this is mozart'
'...'
'softer. gentle. mozart'
'...ok'
#they're killing me here#i already bargained for ONE (1) note in chest (thank you so so much that i am ALLOWED to sing an A3 in chest voice <333) and now THIS#THIS is why people hate mozart. fuck you.#i recorded that rehearsal and the first version sounds SO MUCH BETTER. after i did what she asked me to do its just. so fucking boring.#i hate it here#i love this duet so much but frfr im not sure i wanna do it if i have to do it on their terms.#also like sorry to be a bitch but you're a pianist girl. just stick to your stuff and let me take care of mine.#just because you're playing this like you're constipated because tHiS iS mOzArT doesnt mean the rest of us dont care either.#its possible i never will get the chance to sing the entire vitellia so i want to do justice. as much as im able. to this one chance i get#it took me A Long While to deal with the fact that i wont be able to bark that 'indegno' and 'regno' like i always envisioned.#but like. ok. whatever. i can still make it Entertaining. THIS however. no. no fucking way.#and its not even about me being a big-headed know-it-all who thinks she's better than everyone because. lol and lmao clearly im Not#but this is about having a fucking SOUL. its about actually taking the libretto into consideration too. its about trying to figure out#WHY mozart wrote it the way he did. like sorry but this is another fiordiligi case where its CLEAR that the amplitudes the crazy jumps#are there FOR A REASON. the reason is HE WANTED A CONTRAST. some fucking EMOTION. he sure as hell didnt want it to be Soft And Gentle.#i know it because i talked to him and he told me im right about everything as always and you can eat shit girl bye#grrrrrrrr im so angry#i knos i sound so arrogant here but please. please i just want to make this music fun and enjoyable. i just dont want it to be boring#please understand my vision im begging you
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#personal#ok whatever. ive decided to go all in. like what?? am i just gonna sit around hoping he'll message me???#someone has to make a move and CLEARLY it has to be me NDNNDJDJDJDJDJDJSJ#tho to be fair its like. holidays JJDJDJDJDJD#i also dont know if ive mentioned this detail. but im 2 years older. so idk if That also plays a factor.#like maybe thats intimidating. idk#i just !!!! dont want this chance to pass by. so im gonna like.... Make Moves even if !!!!! it means that he'll know i like him#like ...... ok assuming he doesnt already know NDJJDJDJDJD#im sure i get GooGoo eyes u know#but n e way...... literally i have nothing to lose#like i have more to lose if i do nothing JDJJDJDJDJDJND#hhhhh god. ive been thinking about this for days. weeks even maybe. hhhhhhhhhhhh.....#but also like i think itll just be good to hang iut as friends for a bit bc like ik him in a school setting and ive hung out with him#(along with others) outside of school twice#but like... ya idk id like to know him better b4 im like YA UR THE ONE.#tho like im already thinking he is NDJJDJDJFJFJ. god............ it could just be a culmination of different things making me think that#and like i think ppl can have multiple 'the ones' or whatever#and like idk b4 him i was actually settled on being single LMAO. so like my options are pretty stacked already#like ok 1. him. and 2. me. i mean......... thats 10/10....#i'll be heartbroken if he doesnt feel the same or we dont work out but..... i mean.... whatever JDJXJXJDJZMZM#i was fine b4 i met him and i'll be fine after........
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not to only complain about toa when i talk about it but that "that show bit me" post is actually... toa lol. at the VERY least it describes rott, but it also fits for how little certain spin-offs were taken advantage of for focusing on things a lot of us actually wanted to see.
#trollhunters tag#like 3b giving us a half glimpse at stricklake? YOU CLEARLY KNOW WE CARE MORE ABOUT THAT THAN ANYTHING#ELSE HAPPENING C'MON#i did actually enjoy 3b just it should've been its own thing rather than a toa situation unless they integrated it into the lore better#i get wanting things to stand on their own somewhat but then... dont do a spin off j;lsdlfkjksdl#i also barely paid attention to wizards lmao which sucks bc i did wanna learn more abt the arcane order but#turning jim back human after i finally justified the troll transformation in my head? annoying#ANYWAY I WILL REWATCH AND HAVE NICE THINGS TO SAY SOMEDAY BUT FOR NOW THE WASTED POTENTIAL HAUNTS ME
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somewhere on this blog i pointed out that dice and kuukou have both said they’d die for their team (even if the vibe on their statements varied lol) and i think saburo’s equivalent of that would be requiem actually?? so now i’m once again wondering about the themes of self sacrifice between dice and kuukou lmao
#vee queued to fill the void#actually this is just me wondering about kuukou lol#like saburo’s requiem has him clearly saying he’s dying in order to better himself and that’s what his sacrifice meant to him#dice’s it comes down to betting it ALL for his posse and he’s said this in song iirc and in drama track#*shakes kuukou* WHERE IS YOURS COMING FROM???????#ITS FAMILY YOU DO ANYTHING FOR FAMILY I GET THAT BUT WHY????????????????#like i LOVE how fast kuukou attaches himself onto people the moment he decides they’re important to him!!!!!! i love that loyalty!!!!!!!!#it’s just always been wild to me that’s the lengths he’ll go for someone so soon into their relationship?????#ichiro silently sussing out kuukou in the unami chapter and the slow progression of their relationship is kinda the norm actually????#even with ichiro’s trust issues lol????#yet kuukou gets smacked around a little bit and decides he’ll go to hell and back with ichiro like????#am i seeing a very weird brand of overly attached issues????? surely not lmao????
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friendly reminder that even if youre open about something on your blog, even if you think its so obviously right in your about/description/pinned/whatever, most of the people who will interact with you are not even looking that far at your blog. they dont know your name or your pronouns or your disabilities or your interests or your credentials or whatever you think is just *so obvious* that they *must* be intentionally ignoring it just to hurt you. ESPECIALLY not if theyre a random stranger who youve never interacted with once before, has never interacted with you once before either, and has absolutely zero reason to care about you. its not a personal attack, its just a fact. this is literally the internet
#i am TIRED. yes this is a vaguepost idc#utter stranger shows up in my notifs DEMANDING i explain a simple little joke tag about me and my loved ones experiences#as if i owe them the slightest ounce of attention in my day#and then when i do explain my & my loved ones lived experiences. they get mad & say im using THEIR personal experiences as a weapon#like. i dont have the slightest clue what your personal experiences are! i dont even know your name!! and i dont want to nor do i have to!!#i dont mean this rudely. but factually: you are not important enough to me to care even a little bit about your experiences#i dont bring up suicide or addiction or any shit like that because its Your experience. bc i have no fucking idea what your experience is#i talk about those things because its MY EXPERIENCE. that IM TALKING ABOUT. in the tags of a post that doesnt belong to either of us no les#this is probably the last thing im gonna post abt this bc i know youre still up my ass looking at everything i post rn#but to finish off. i was never even making a Point about anything in the tag. i wasnt starting discourse about anything.#it was just an Acknowledgement of a shared experience that me and many of my loved ones have. whether u like it or not#like literally i dngaf if YOU personally wouldnt describe your experience that way. We do describe it that way! We can be different#i just made a silly little tag for my friends to see. and YOU decided that you were entitled to both hear my life story and blatantly#misinterpret everything i say about it. like literal 'how dare you say we piss on the poor' type shit#like. saying 'x can cause y' does not mean im saying 'y is literally x' fucking OBVIOUSLY. god#i didnt fucking ask for this! YOU DID!! YOURE the one who DEMANDED it of me unprompted#& clearly must have just gone looking thru the tags of posts for ppl to beef with lollllll#i mean cmon. you didnt follow me i didnt follow you and that wasnt even your post. theres no other explanation lmao its p obvious#anyway i hope u find a better hobby or at least a more fun and fulfilling way to use this website. sincerely#at least get some better critical thinking skills before picking stupid arguments with random strangers online#but hey! play stupid games win stupid prizes<3 right??#also one final note: to hear someone talking about the lived experiences of them and their real life loved ones and go 'hmm. sounds fake'.#its just giving Friendless. its giving 'how could anyone make fun art without doing crazy drugs!!'.#its giving 'Wait yall have friends irl? i thought it was just a joke'. its fucking hilarious and im gonna think about it forever#thank u for a lifetime supply of laughs godspeed
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so when i got God of War (2018) I was under the impression that it was about a fraught father son relationship where the journey together forces them to understand each other
but it turns out its about a father and son who just straight up hate each other, and the journey together forces them to love each other but only because of forced characterization
#im being more than a touch dismissive but woof was the writing... not great#i think im just spoiled on games with good narrative pacing#cant get over the scene where kratos listens to the vision atreus talk about how much he wishes dad had died instead of mom#and then just yells at his son for waking him up#and then his son just yells at him for abandoning him#and then literally two seconds later they're cheerfully trying to figure out the game puzzle#and they just. dont talk about the vision ever#like its SO awkwardly paced#the game clearly WANTS some of these conversations to Hit and have Emotional Resonance#but they're all smooshed in and given no weight? there's no lasting effect?#i wish i had better words to describe that problem im feeling lmao#its like the narrative design team was in a different building from the level design team and the final production had to splice together#and the voice actors (specifically the actor playing the kid!) had to read these emotionally dissonant lines??#like i GOT to imagine the VO director had him lump read all the 'yelling' lines in one go and the 'normal' lines in another#because there was NO emotional crossover of 'i was just yelling at my dad and im still a little pent up but im calming down'#like each conversation just felt so out of sync with the preceding ones#anyway i should stop ranting now lol unless anyone wants to jump in
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I dunno what the general consensus is but imo
Between Us >>> Until We Meet Again
#mini tag rant#i had to force myself to get through uwma#dean is so goddamn boring and pharm is constantly crying and their relationship makes no sense#their dynamic is so forced through the whole soulmates thing and yhe show attempts to address it but theres not satisfactory way to do that#because both characters dont have enough personality to show they belong together#korn and in are only slightly better because in is less painfully shy so he at least seems like he actually wants to be with korn#maybe im just particularly annoyed and low key triggered with their dynamic when it comes to physical stuff#does pharm even want to have sex with dean... ever?? he doesnt have to want to except dean clearly thinks he does#he sets a deadline for when they have to have sex because he cant wait anymore and its so cringey in a very non con way#on the other hand team and win definately want to fuck and team is even an active participant and not just laying there#win has a very tropey personality with the charming but cold outside and sweet and soft for specific people#but like.... at least its a personality! lmao#i dunno maybe its just that the tropes in between us are just more to my taste than the ones in uwma#i also wonder if those 2 years between made a difference? it seems like bl dramas have changed a lot in the last 2-5 years
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my whole life ive been thinking im an old soul bc everyone would tell me i was bc i was “serious” and quiet and shy as a kid and riddled with social anxiety so i was like ok. i must be then. and now im realizing im not lmao like honestly as stupid as it sounds i think that was putting pressure on me to know how to live my life and what to do all the time but now im like oh im new no wonder im afraid of absolutely everything and i cant function and everything disappoints me it’s bc i dont know whats going on. im new in town. and im incorporating that into my belief system now
#yeah im going insane clearly but anyways#in friends when joey is like what was my past life and phoebe was like oh sweetie youre brand new like lmao me#but did anyone else get called serious as a kid and did anyone else take it as an insult like i did like.#i hated absolutely nothing more than people being like oh youre so serious and quiet like i am but also i dont want to be here talking#to you so i have nothing to say. like sorry i wasnt saying every thought i had out loud like every other kid so that made me 'mature'#for my age like honestly that fucked my life up more than anything else was being called mature for my age. it put way too much pressure on#me and i didnt even get to be a kid because everyone expected me to be older than i always was and now that im#so old and approaching death it's just all regret man i have nothing but regret for how ive lived my life#and im so old and i have absolutely nothing figured out i just dont know what the fuck to do#i just didnt think things would be this fucked up or id still be this lost at this point in my life and its disgusting im disgusting#everything is just so fucked up and i hate it like absolutely nothing is right in my life right now i am truly at rock bottom#like i genuinely cannot imagine ever being at a lower point than im at right now and no that's not inspiring like 'oh it cant get any worse'#'if youre at your lowest point it can only get better :)' no thats not how it works#it can get worse i just cant possibly imagine how and nothing is ever going to get better bc i dont know how to get myself out of this#literally im spongebob in rockbottom but the bus is literally never coming like the bus station shut down that's where im at
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today has been. hnngngnfhskakdhhhhhh so many weird feelings and not fun thoughts. things our mom said to us + going back to grandparents house was a weird combination. also the conversation we had with our mom had the exact Opposite effect of what she was intending i think because wow holy shit we feel so so fucking awful
#we know that she didnt intend to hurt us but. wow holy shit#also think that we thought about. if she did kick us out i feel like that would be negative for our sister in some ways?#like hypothetically if our mom didnt let us stay here and then much later our sister found out why#would that not make her much more hesitant to tell our mom if she was going through similar shit?#i also just dont see how it would currently be impacting our sister#we dont do anything when shes in the house. we dont let anything show until its healed#the only reason our mom saw was because it was hot as fuck and we were cleaning out our car so we wore shorts#we told her that it was much less frequent and she said it doesn’t matter because we’re still doing it#which is like. yeah its not great but we’ve made progress and it is very much an addiction for us at this point?#not exactly the easiest thing to just Fucking Stop. we have Tried#bfhdh and her saying that whatever we’re trying to do to get better ‘clearly isnt working’#mom!! mom please we are very mentally unwell and are trying our best!!!!#her talking to us about all that just completely blindsided us too. like huh what you’re saying all this now at once#hhhh and her saying we avoid serious conversations. i can understand why she said that but its still frustrating in a way#we dont want to not be good at handling serious situations and is something we are trying to figure out how to be better at#but its hard when we tend to just shut down whenever serious things do come up#it’s something weve talked to our therapist about and is very much a result of how our grandma treated us#we just. dont know how to overcome that. and we feel like if we dont magically resolve it immediately then we’re horrible#our therapist has told us that it will take a While for our brain to realize that we are not in danger#and that our trauma responses may last for Years even with actively working on improving them#however our thoughts always go ‘youre just using that as an excuse to be awful’#hhhhhhhhmeow#did not mean to rant in the tags this much if we had known we were gonna say all this we would’ve just put it in the main post lmao
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#tw ed#saw a picture of myself from when i was *checks notes* at my fucking worst with my ED but that meant i was also Thinner.#i really should Go Back huh. maybe if i did i wouldnt feel. Like This.#it'd prolly mean id start losing my hair again which. not a big fan. BUT.#if i was really dedicated i could also lose my period which. huge fan. that was one of the best things that ever happened to me tbh#i could have it all back. maybe i could even get farther than the last time. all it would take is uhh feeling utterly fucking miserable#having no energy for the most basic stuff let alone singing and thinking about nothing and i mean NOTHING but calories 24/7.#but hey. maybe i could like. lose 5 kg for my troubles and then gain back twice as much when i decide again that i just Cant Live Like This#totally worth it huh#anyway. i miss hating my body A Little Less and people being Nicer to me and everyone telling me how good of a job im doing#and encouraging me to keep going. and i miss the sense of Accomplishment and the Pride and the Not Feeling Disgusting#or at least Making Up For It by just. not eating lol#cause like its not like im actually much better mentally am i lmao clearly im not. only now im both miserable AND fat.#obviously ill never be s/kinny let alone as s/kinny as my friends. ill still look like a glitch in the system and a mistake next to them.#but if i have to be miserable anyway i could at least be. less f/at about it right. maybe then ill be worth something <3#...and other delusions you keep cultivating because there's something deeply and inherently wrong with you#my new bestseller coming soon to your nearest bookshop dont miss it its only $free.99!
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toontown drama on the timeline. What
#no i will not be elaborating for the sake of my sanity#at the end of the day this is a kids game thats kept alive through community support. it is fictional and what happens in it has no bearing#on the real world. that said i am a hater so i will give my take on it#it is true that some of yall are a little sus about how yall treat cogs as more than robots or basically human while toons are just animals#not to mention like... the cogs are ubiquitously the bad guys. there isnt really any arguing about that. every manager that works at cogs#has signed up under the pretense that they will be working for this banana-company-esque corporation that will be colonizing toontown to#harvest the resources in it. we dont gotta pretend otherwise#but you know what the great thing is? theyre not real. you dont have to defend their actions like theyre real#just acknowledge its a shitty thing and then draw two of em fuckin for the 70th time who give a shit#and sure there can be nuance with like “oh the cogs are treated horribly by the company too” yeah thats sympathy i get that but that also#does not cancel out the fact that they're colonizers LMAO stories aint a game where you add up negative and positive shit a characters done#to get a better score#but yall acting absolutely silly about this. just remember that while its a game maybe try not to insinuate that you see the people being#colonized as savages while always looking for redemption for the colonizers? thxxx.#p.s. barnacle bessie was absolutely right in dropping that piano on rainmakers head. if absolutely every single interaction youve had with#people working from a company is that they try to kill you and then steal your shit#you are absolutely within your right to see some bitch walkin up to you and think#“hey this person clearly associates with that company. i dont want to be killed and have my shit stolen so i better defend myself”#literally bessie was an indigenous person who was scared of one of the colonizers... stop piling on her... gah!#anyways thats more of my life than i need spent talking about this#need to answer a phone call from the bank anyways buh-bye#(and no im not gonna be tagging this with anything relevant its sort of just a vent post tbh lmao)
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it's annoying when people think i'm stupid, boring, lazy, etc when I tell them I don't read. some people get so elitist about it and think they're above me and better than me because they can read 5 books in a week. "how can you not like to read! it's the best thing ever! *goes into an angry rant about why it's so good and I'm stupid for not doing it"
not everyone has the ability to enjoy reading, Karen. some of us are dyslexic and have adhd so it's nearly impossible for our brains to focus or retain any words we read and it's more effort than it's worth!!!!! some of us would read if we could do it as easily as you 😒
#it takes me 5 minutes to read a single page of a book when it takes orhers leas than a minute. then i have to read it at least 5 more times#before i even comprehend what i read or retain any of it#i'll finish reading a few pages and then realize i have no idea what even happened and have to reread them#then i get to where i stopped and realize i still have no idea what happened#on top of that i learned that most people can read a thing and see it in their heads like theyre watching a movie#so that's why most people prefer books over movies and enjoy getting lost in books. they enjoy creating their own movies essentially#i cant do that 😭😭😭😭😭 i just see words on a page and that's boring. it's hard to follow along because i have to remember all the words#or i get lost and confused. but i can't retain it all. if i could make movies in my head i'd enjoy it more#i orefer watching things or if i do read then ill read a comic so i can see it.#ive tried listening to audio books and its better than reading it myself but i still struggle to follow along because i cant see it#im also very picky about how narration is done and what stories are about and how theyre written so i can never find anything i like😅#i find it super weird that i cant really see thing in my head but i have the craziest ans most vivid dreams?????#i imagine that's what seeing things in your mind looks like. i wish i could essentially have controlled dreams while awake lmao#WAIT MAYBE THAT'S WHY I WAS THE ONLY KID AMAZED BY DREAMS I HAD AND NO ONE ELSE CARED#they can see things like that whenever they want and i only do it while dreaming 😭#as an artist and someone who likes to write but feels im not creative enough to do anything....#if i could willingly see anything i want in my head as clearly as my vivid dreams id be unstoppable!!!!!#my dreams seem so creative and interesting. imagine if i could do that while awake. ugh why cant i 😭😭#people really take this ability to see things in their heads for granted lmao#lee rambles#adhd#dyslexia#books#reading
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i have a weird relationship with my grandma. i think we both try but we both tend to hit our limits. at least on my part im trying to not let it happen too often tho bc it does feel mean and unnecesary, and she is almost 90
now that one of my brothers is living with us again for a bit, even tho she loves him and he clearly is the favorite grandson, they are currently in a rough spot relationship wise, so im trying to be even kinder to her to try and not get her too down
......
and its a bit funny that every time i am a bit more patient she does the equivalent of giving me lunch money
#my posts#im just stating facts here tho btw#he IS the favorite grandson but he IS an asshole#but he went through some stuff so hes more irritable. i guess i get him#bc also like. shes very.. draining. but also i said shes in her late 80s and she doesnt leave the house. so shes also irritable#so clearly theyve been crashing#which like i guess it makes sense#but really like. it genuinely feels like she sees me being a bit kinder than normal and she does give me money for lunch dguhdsg#it literally is lunch money. tomorrow i leave early and come back late and i buy my lunch near college#like. maam. we have a weird relationship and i will always be mad at you calling me a crazy bitch. but like. i can understand i guess#but the money is. funny and weird and sad all in one#and also i always forget she does this until she repeats the pattern again hgsugdusg but it IS noticeable#i am aware ive been trying to be better to her at least in the patience department#i try to listen and talk to her as much as i can as long as im not ridiculously stressed#somehow im not super stressed by my current assignment also so i AM doing my best to not be an ass for no reason#... idk where im going with this rant#yeah its kinda funny kinda sad. this whole family kinda is lmao#ill go check on dinner and then ill continue with my assignment. i think i can do a good amount of it after dinner maybe
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