#BUT I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT A MENTAL ILLNESS DOESN'T STOP DISABLING ME ONCE IVE USED IT TO EXPLAIN MY CURRENT UNPRODUCTIVITY

[sobredunia]

Do I really have to make myself breaking-down-sobbing miserable over not doing something every single time I am not perfectly productive for you to believe that I have a disability that disables me from being perfectly productive

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

devils dont fly as andromeda tonks

bye

um

i cant take this seriously.

basicallyyy this song is very loss anger love helplessness and like what is andromeda black if not that right haha. so here's a random ass lyrical breakdown.

i heard the angels call again

the black family as the 'angels' of course. we know they canonically had a inflated sense of self, since no one really gives a fuck about the sacred 28 but they acted 'like royalty' (according to sirius). also, the purity aspect of it. she doesn't associate herself with them anymore, so it's 'the angels' - it's a them, like she's different.

i threw myself a party, chardonnay and oxy

grr she's an alcoholic and druggie. sorry. she didn't have support, i don't know what friends or anything she'd have excluding ted. she lost her sisters, her family, her name - she drinks to forget.

i stopped the screams inside my head

mentally ill queen purr

they say it's not the answer but i can't carry on

she's tired!! she can't go on with this!! it's hard!! it's not an answer to any of her problems and it's eating her alive but what can she do

'cause i got nowhere, no one, without you boy i'm done

she only really has ted right now. she doesn't have a place or a family without him/

and just because i fight don't mean that i never learned how to love

AHH okay. black family = toxic love. she knows how to love - she grew up spoiled and pampered. that being said, it's not the kind of love she wants to continue on with. she doesn't want to take food off of her daughter's plate or scream at her husband because 'it's for their betterment'. it comes off as fighting, as needlessly argumentative. so she leans into it - she fights, teeth bared.

you know devils don't fly (fly, fly)

she's the devil, now. she's tainted - no longer the pure girl she grew up as, she's fallen from grace by marrying a muggleborn, she won't be able to fit into the same societies she once did.

but i got chains and you got wings

queer andromeda queer andromeda queer andromeda

she's chained down by who she loves, it's not like she can help it. her sisters fell in love with people who wouldn't bring them shame, but she didn't. she fell in love with something that leaves her dirty.

you know that life ain't fair sometimes

self explanatory.

what's a girl to do when she's not strong

she's not strong anymore - she's an addict, she's depressed. she's lonely, what can she do?

when everyone that holds my hand gets cut from all the thorns

she fights with ted. she fights with nymphadora (or tonks, as she prefers to go by). she fought with narcissa and bellatrix. she's marked by her family, and instead of repressing it she spits venom - she goes for the kill, where she knows it hurts. they're trying to help, in what way they know, at least, but she doesn't need help. she doesn't want it. she needs a shoulder to cry on.

i used to put my ear against the wall to hear the screams, to hear the fall more reasons to escape it all

self explanatory. she's heard her parents' fights turn into her sisters' fights and she wanted to leave leave leave

and it's not the answer but i can't carry on i give my best smile, my last dime but i always get it wrong

self explanatory.

it's not 'cause i'm young or from a broken home

excuses, excuses. people tell her she's sad because of x and y. the bigger problem is>

maybe i just fight 'cause i don't know where i belong

<she's lonely!! she doesn't know where she belongs, she feels like a beginner in a master class as she's navigating life, it's new and scary and she doesn't know how to explain it.

angels were never meant to fall and you were the loveliest of all

narcissa @ andromeda or andromeda @ bellatrix . figure it out.

if i thought god could fix it i'd pray for your forgiveness but i've been cast down, thrown out when i crossed to the other side

QUEER ANDROMEDA 🫵🏼

rip

bye

this was fun

[thunder-opossum]

I think the moink blog is a bad thing. Sure, it's cool but 1. Its providing unnecessary stress, and I dont want you to stress more than you already do. 2. Its getting kinda out of hand. And, my question, do you think the pros of the blog outweigh the cons? I'm not saying to ditch the whole thing altogether, maybe just take a while off from the blog. Now I'm aware I'm not good with words, but please seriously consider what I'm getting at here. Skittering away now.

Huff. Oh I complain a lot. If you are reading this i guess you want to hear me complain more

[Yapping and mental health stuff]

I've always had a problem with over working myself. My work ethic is unhealthy, go no stop. If I'm not done with it, but i can't work on it, it makes me anxious. I've talked with my therapist on this before, but I should probably re visit it.

I crave engagement with my art, I will literally get more depressed if a post doesn't get as much engagement as I thought it would. It makes me feel hopeless and unsuccessful. I crave feed back so much to the point where I have been pinning for negative feedback.

The Monk blog gets so much engagement. It gives my asks every day. I get likes comments people coming to me to talk about the blog, I've inspired people. But at the same time my main blog isn't enough for me bc of the monk blog..

It's so unhealthy and I am aware of that but my brain can't just flip a switch to fix it.

1:It is stressing me out. Time management, interactions, juggling the time line, and finding the line between breaking and making the blog. It's changing my behavior at school and home and keeps me fromnsleeping, it takes all of my time and that is all my fault. It's something I have to fix. But it's hard.

2: as i mentioned earlier, i have the need to preform well. Every ask left unanswered is a knife stabbed between my ribs. I let the odd ask get weirder, because people interact with that. And I get tunnel vision until it's too late. I starred at the NSFW asks all day. I reached out to mutuals to ask what to do (sorry abt that btw )my brain tugged back and forth between reasons I don't want to explain?

I can't just take a day off in my current state. But i can try to limit myself. But that means deleting so many asks. Crushing peoples hope to have their words replied to. I can try to limit how many posts I make. But that's difficult. And I'll try to start but I complain without taking action.

The pros of making a successful blog takes priority of other aspects of my life. And I know that is unhealthy, I don't feel good about it.

I'll try ill really try. My life is pitted against me... I can't say anything confidently. But thanks? For the effort? I'm sorry but being honest is all I can give you with confidence.

[stxriisk]

My theory on the orange side: HE'S NOT LOGAN'S OPPOSITE?

WOW PLOT TWIST I KNOW

so basically I was watching through sanders sides the other day (as you do) and I was making a couple of theories on the orange side, yk average TSS enjoyer activities, WHEN SUDDENLY I WAS STRUCK WITH SOMETHING GLORIOUS

THE SVS REDUX

This is the first hints we see about the orange side (see from the cover screen showing a 7th side and the famous 01134 on the street fighter game sequence) BUT HAVE WE EVER STOPPED TO CONSIDER WHAT ELSE IS IN THIS EPISODE?

At 40:06 of the SVS redux, there is a MUSIC CHANGE (to a track that in my personal opinion sound WAY too funky to be "just for instrumental") and furthermore, Roman says at 40:12, "how long must we act selfishly until Thomas is ready to start putting more... good into the world?". Janus then responds, "A good question, for another time."

Now one might take that as Janus avoiding the question, but I think its strange that it is ONLY IN THIS PART OF THE VIDEO THAT THIS MUSIC PLAYS, when they are talking about being TOO selfish, to the embodiment of LIES. So what does it mean? I believe it symbolises Thomas lying to himself about the existence of the orange side.

SO THE QUESTION YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR THE ANSWER TO - WHO THE FRICKLE FRACK IS THE ORANGE SIDE? In my opinion, I believe it is Narcisissm. Or at least, that's what Thomas VIEWS it to be.

LET ME EXPLAIN-

The first time orange appears in the series is in the episode about SELFISHNESS, and how it shouldn't be mistaken for self care. This is extremely similar to how society treats self-love as a narcisisstic, hence why Thomas would believe this is what the orange side represents.

Now let's look at my favourite thing: COLOURS. WHAT DO THEY MEAN? • Red - This colour mainly represents Passion and Courage (like Roman, the passion is for creativity and the courage is the whole "ill always be your hero" thing) • Yellow - Many people respond to this colour in different ways, some find it cheery, others find it grating (Much like many people have different views on lying and Deceit) • Green - it is sometimes associated with sickness, and too much of it can evoke isolation (much like how intrusive thoughts make people feel sick and that they are alone with these thoughts) • Blue - light shades of blue often represent confidence, peace, honesty and reliability (literally aligning with Patton's existence in a whole) • Indigo - This colour can be seen as knowledgeable, representing integrity and intuition (Do I even have to say anymore, it literally is knowledge, aka Logan) • Purple - Shades of this colour have been used in the care of mental of nervous disorders (Maybe this is why Virgil started wearing purple, to symbolise thomas's better management of his anxiety?)

And now, what about orange? One of the negative connotations of this colour is self-indulgence, which is characterized by doing or tending to do exactly what one wants (much like BEING SELFISH). This would explain the appearance of the orange side in the SVS redux.

"But what about the colour wheel? WHAT IS ORANGE THE OPPOSITE OF?" Before I continue, I'm leaving virgil out of this because thats a whole other can of worms I DONT WANT TO DIVE INTO TODAY, BUT LEMME EXPLAIN

Red and Green are opposites, much like Remus and Roman. They represent both sides of Thomas' creativity - dark and light - so it makes sense.

Heres where things get tricky. LEAVING VIRGIL OUT OF THIS (bcus he's more of a... neutral side I guess? I feel like he doesn't really have a clear opposite anyways) The colour closest to this is actually yellow. This kinda makes sense, as Logan is based on truths while Janus is based on lies.

SO THAT LEAVES PATTON, THE EMBODIMENT OF MORALITY AND SELFLESSNESS. AND THE ORANGE SIDE, WHO I'VE JUST THEORISED TO BE A FIGURE REPRESENTING NARCISISSM AND SELFISHNESS, much like the entire plot of the svs redux.

You might be thinking, "BUT WORKING THROUGH INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS !!! LOGAN WAS ORANGE !!! HOW DOES THAT WORK????" That's because Logan had a selfish goal behind Thomas's schedule, which was being listened to for once. Many people who have narcisisstic tendancies tend to crave attention, much like logan. This part where the "orange side took over" wasn't the orange side himself, it was a representation of Logan's need to be listened to.

Am I saying Thomas Sanders is a narcisisst? No, not in the slightest. Earlier I said that this is how Thomas percieves the orange side, because they're HIS SIDES. He views his self love and desire to be listened to as narcisissm because that's what he's been brought up to believe. It can even be reflected through Patton's behaviour in the SVS redux.

Again, this is JUST A THEORY. I'm not saying any of this is fact. Also special note for these guys:

Colour theory experts (I can't art so my colour wheel analogy is probably so off

People who have NPD/actually know more about it (I want to clarify that this is how I think Thomas PERCIEVES the orange side, not what it is. I'm not diagnosing)

Virgil lovers (HE DOESNT MAKE SENSE IM SO SORRY)

PEOPLE WHO KNOW THE SERIES BETTER THAN ME (Yes I know that the line seperating "opposite sides" is a little blurry)

Thank you and goodnight (you should totally repost this)

[verdantmeadows]

I hate being intellectually disabled in the internet. I say something about my experiences, personal opinions, etc, and then people say oh, you're saying that is how it is for everyone? You're saying that you hate waffles? (Referencing a tweet)

NO. I'm just stupid and failed to cover my bases of every possible nuance and reasonably write posts about ME and MYSELF on my own blog because I am talking about MY experiences and am saying nothing on what other people can experience or feel. I often talk in absolutes because I do not know how to talk otherwise. I am so tired of people reading posts I say and assuming an able minded person wrote them.

And when I ask for clarification, like, hey, you're misunderstanding me and my opinion, how can I word it better so I don't offend someone or I don't seem like I'm saying something I don't, they DONT ANSWER me. They don't explain it to me.

Do I need to put a banner on my posts that says this user is an IRL stereotype of what you think an r slur person is? That this person doesn't just have haha funny quirky silly mental illnesses but that I took special ed classes and that I cannot and will not function on your level, don't want to, please stop engaging with me that way? Please stop assuming my mental and intellectual capacities from one post? Just because I often AM capable of sounding normal?

I don't know just a rant

[minipisi-is-dumb]

hai, sorry to bother, but what exactly is giftedness? i dont think i trust google on it and id rather hear about it from someone who's gifted. is it like being a genius or something?

hiii thanks for asking about it!!! and sure lemme tell ya

it's a bit lengthy sorry

ill briefly explain the symptoms and then other extra stuff, thanks so much for asking, not a lot of people know about it :)

giftedness is a form of neurodivergent condition/neurodivergency or however you call it, that is characterized by asynchronous development between intelectual and "chronological" growth

an easy way to explain it (even if the theory is disproven so it's just as example) is how people see mental ages

you might be chronologically 15, but intellectually, your needs are those of a 19 y/o and emotionally your regulation is that of a 13 y/o. that's what asynchrony means essentially

the current "official" way to diagnose people is through iq tests, they're not always specific and is usually in a margin of error, but if it's a legit test and not one of those online, is used to measure the amount of connections your brain has. of course the results may vary if you have more than one neurodivergency or you have a mental illness. it's always important to discuss it with your doctor!

the more connections u have per braincell → the faster processing you got. the amount of connections is measured by iq number

the criteria for being diagnosed is simply getting 130 or more in the iq test, there's different types of depth to giftedness as a condition, just like there're different symptoms and levels of depth for autism, but that's the beauty of it isn't it

and contrary to what you might think, fast processing can be very difficult, it feels like your brain goes faster than you all the time you are asked a question, say, in a test, and you just know the answer! that's it, you can't explain it even to yourself. your brain "skips" steps to get to a conclusion since we don't have a linear way of thinking, or you make connections at the moment that somehow end up making sense all the time and you don't even realize it. it's overwhelming

other important symptoms are similar to other nds like autism or adhd like being able to hyperfocus, stimming or sensory sensitivity, but there are some different ones like latent inhibition deficit

latent inhibition deficit (you can google it for better understanding) it's basically not being able to prioritize the information you recieve

have you ever found yourself in a restaurant or a crowded space, and even if there's a lot of talking and music, eventually you "forget about it" and stop paying attention to it since it's not important? That's latent inhibition!!! your brain can filter information, wether is sensory or cognitive and ignore whatever it doesn't see as important

my brain can't, I am always listening to the music, the people talking in the room, small changes in smell, sound or how too many colors confuse me and give me migraine, my brain cannot "filter" importance in it, so it pays attention to everything and sees it all as important since it perceives it as one whole thing

connecting most of the stuff around you or "seeing the big picture" always is very normal, feeling like everything is happening at the same time simultaneously and you can't just pick and choose is the best way I can describe it

we also have overexcitabilities!!! that is a bit long to explain but you can google it

here's a very useful explanation that also mentions giftedness, since the term was created from studying our behavior

here's my favorite talk about the topic, I watched it years after being diagnosed and it explains it very well, the woman giving the talk is gifted herself and works in gifted education programs too!

she also has a talk about overexcitabilities!!

I really like this image because it is a quick way to see some basic symptoms, is not the be all of it but you can get a general idea compared to autism and adhd, since there's more info about them around

Alright we done w that

the BIGGEST misconception about giftedness is that it is just good grades, it's a complex condition just like any other! adhd is not "just getting distracted", autism is not "just being socially awkward" and giftedness is not "just being a genius"

I cannot stress enough how grades have nothing to do with giftedness , in fact, most gifted people end up dropping school or college since it never fits fully fits our educational needs

giftedness and academic achievement are not inherent to one another, you can be neurotypical and have good and bad grades too, it doesn't matter really . it could be a clue for some, where good grades might lead a parent to take the test, but the results are not there just because of grades or high achievement rate

now we need to talk kinda quickly abt ableism and how the concept of iq was originally created to stigmatize non-white races, women and neurodivergent conditions

the first people to coin the term for iq were (shocker) rich white men who liked the idea of being smarter than everyone else

however, the arbitrary measurement used to discriminate towards people on the bases of iq started to change it's perspective

we know NOW that there's a lot more than "just genius" and is a complex condition people like me live without, but the subconscious idea of high iq being something that makes you ""superior "" is still around due to it's origins and lack of common knowledge. the stigma about telling other people you're gifted is huge, people change the way they percieve you, they change the way they treat you, or at best you seem like an egocentric superb who thinks they're better than everyone

it's sorta how being a narcissist is used as an insult or to demonize the actual condition instead of people actually understanding what it is to have npd? kinda that. if you call yourself gifted you're basically doomed to be the egocentric one

and languages outside of english don't make it better.

for Spanish (my native language) even though we have one of the best resources imo for giftedness (the book "¿Demasiado Inteligente para ser feliz?") we also have the term "superdotado" that translated roughly means "super gifted". not doing much for the "we're literally people and not inhumane geniuses" part

but UGHHHH I kinda think that's most of my base info for u, I am SO happy you're interested, I have a little giftedness tag you can look at, and there's also gifted-centered blogs around this site

thanks for reading!!!

[theodoraflowerday]

heartstopper s3e4 live episode reaction 😭

fine. time to watch what's widely considered the best heartstopper episode so far

know I will probably not be rewatching this because I'm already at a level of sobbing that might wake up my mom

nellie makes me so happy

not tara being the one telling nick to start journaling

oh my god it's gonna be literally all of journey. like the diary entries and all. oh my god I see it. oh my god that's gonna WRECK ME

NOT ALL THREE OF THEM SITTING ON THE COUCH TOGETHER BABIES

god

literally none of this is okay I feel like I'm a faucet that's open all the way I can barely see the screen

not him and nellie

bro I could really use a sarah hug right about now

THE RUGBY LADS NOOOOOO

IMOGEN KEEPS SENDING ME COUPLES COSTUME IDEAS AKDJSKFJSKFIDLFIF bro immy's so cute I wanna keep her in my pocket forever

tara is an angel

NOT BARBIE AND KEN AKDJDKFJDOF IMOGEN I LOVE YOU

not the creepy moos skfusofjslfjdkfj

okay that was....... way too sad

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FOLKS. NICK NELSON LOVES CHARLIE SPRING.

nick's drinking??? oh honey no

OH MY FUCKING GO D

OH Y GOD

OGMYNFLFKDLFKD THEYRE DKIISIMG

IMOGENSAHAR TEAAAAAMMMMMM

what's their name? I'm going with zaheaney

OH NO SHES THROWING UP AND TALKING ABOUT EXPERIMENTATION NOOOOOOOO

oh god that is horrifying

this is giving me so much anxiety

(tarcy as Shrek and Fiona are goals tho)

oh nO

DONT FUCKING

I'LL KILL MYSELF

NICK BABY NOOOOOOOOO

god

yeah this isn't good

"your marvel agenda is never gonna work on me" it still might, let me introduce y'all to billy kaplan and teddy altman

NOT THE KPSIDD DOWN KISS please can we have nick as MJ

"aw, can't I play the mental illness card?" "nope, the s-word rules still apply to the mentally ill" bro i wish I had nick and charlie when i was younger

im never gonna stop crying am i

no I'm never gonna stop crying

god

this isn't good i might genuinely dehydrate

not the backwards bit

oh god

yeah it does feel a bit like you're fractured doesn't it

tori helping to decorate charlie's room :(

god

GEOFF HI

I keep having to pause. like little sobbing breaks. why is this hitting me so hard.

"he's my favorite. your friends are annoying but I like him" nicktori :(

susan is so awesome

"you were having your summer of love, it's not a crime" "well, i love You too" :( charlie and tao :(

"but I missed it" god I keep going into sobbing spirals bro

"can you explain to me what happened with imogen and sahar? because nick was being way too empathetic about it and I actually don't really know what happened" LMFAODKDLDKSLFJSLFJSLFJSLFJ

to be fair to nick he had to hold immy's hair up while she threw up and cried about it so he prob doesn't have the most objective perspective

A WHOLE BOTTLE OF TEQUILA oh my god I was drinking a Lot at 16 and that's still way beyond anything that should be happening at that age

NOT TAOS FILM I'M GONNA DIE

BODNFLSKF NO

"but i wasn't prepared and I cried for about four hours" isaac describing me watching this episode

BARBIE AND DRACULA SEEN MAKING OUT AT A HOUSE PARTY

CUT THE CAMERA ITS BREAKING MY DOCUMENTARY CODE OF ETHICS

IS THAT HOW DARCY TOLD THE GROUP THAT THEYRE USING THEY/THEM PRONOUNS? YOU CANT BE FR

DARCY OLSSON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IN THE MOST NONBINARY WAY POSSIBLE

oh my god tao's gonna become a trash reality producer when he's older, he's got eye for The Drama™

NOT NATHAN AND YOUSSEF LEAVE THEM ALONE WEIRDOS SKFIDUGIDUGODJGDLGJDLGK

"we have a lot planned" "we do? oh god" lmao I love them

that little hug I love nick and charlie so much :(

SUSAN I LOVE YOU

oh my god tori holding out her hand

SPRING SIBS SUPREMACY

WHERE'S THE "haha, since when is anything I do straight?" LINE ALICE HOW DARE YOU TAKE THIS AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEE

(it'd also be missing michael and olly so. yk. yeah nvm let's keep it)

oh wow that was a long ass hug

well

I haven't cried this hard with an episode of television since............ I don't know since when lmao

honestly genuinely this might be the hardest cry I've done all year so thanks for that

[tartagla-archived]

ship bias binch (doesn't have to be chaeya, can be any ship you want!)

i can talk about multiple so i will

cha.eya , which is probably in fact my main ship for ajax for a number of reasons . i have so many fics on ao3 saved for these fuckers and for what . ( mental health and coping reasons )

motions to the whole of 4.7. stares off into the void

i love a good enemies or rivals to lovers trope ok. they're on opposite sides c'mon . you can have them hate each other and still making out whats better than that

the fact that they both have so many similarities and i need hoyo to stop being cowards and make them meet right meow or else.

childe is a family guy && so is kaeya and family is so important to both of them and it makes me ill

anyway hoyo dont be a coward make them meet make them meet make them meet make -

chis.cara , this is also a big one for ajax . i think they're just interesting okay , don't ask me to explain how or why because im to tired to deep dive into this but there's just something about them that speaks to me. i think its the idea of them trusting each other while knowing just how terrifying each other are but like,,,knowing they wont stab each other in the back ...

chil.umi , another big one for ajax . i dunno i just think its really cute ? the fact that he trusts her to be around his brother && invites her back to meet his family && then just motions at fontaine as a whole with him trusting her with his vision and her worrying over him and yeah ... yeah....

wrio.chi , is ... new && i wasn't that into it. its the fanarts fault really but also i just think its interesting? i don't know if i can see them as anything more than like fwb (enemies??? rivals ?? with benefits?? ) because i feel like they might clash a bit but like still thats technically a ship so im including it because i think it could be really really fun.

ship bias .

[oxabyssxo]

life is fucking horrible. i may not be suicidal anymore, but im at the bottom of the pit of despair even so. she excuses all her ongoing behaviour as necessary and "just what i want" and "just my personality" and "i need to do this" and "you just dont understand" when all of that is not true. you didn't want or need to hurt me like this before.

not only do i know that's not the person you were before, but you will literally have moments of clarity even now, where you suddenly are so terribly sorry and miss me so much and you want to be with me and you just need to hear my voice for a short time please you beg me. you promise to stop cheating and to go to therapy if i will just let you have quality time on call for an hour like we used to. and i give in and i give it to you (although, my voice betrays how hurt and terrified i am. i wonder if you even care, or if machine dispensing my voice to you makes your disorder think it's quality time no matter if i sound like im dying).

i give in because i'm scared i'll never see you again. i'm terrified. even though you've hurt me so many times and so badly that it crushed my soul, so badly that i was about to walk in front of a truck and only stopped myself because i thought "it would hurt you so much when you come out of this madness and realise im gone forever". so badly that i had to stay at the mental ward after you confessed all your sins to me, after months, months, of me begging you and asking you what's wrong, what's going on, why are you so cold and distant, why don't you tell me anything anymore. why don't you come visit me like you promised. why is everything different.

i know you're a different person now, you're dissociated, manic, delusional. you don't care about me, except then you do, for a moment, and then you're gone again. i know that i should give up on you, and i know that most of all, i should ignore you. because either putting that distance between us will force you to realise what you're missing and actually repair yourself and repair what we had, or, it will help me find other people that i might love even more than i loved you. that sounds crazy, because we loved each other like there was nothing else in the world, back then, before you got so ill and strange. i really felt that we are something different. that there is only one of you and that i don't want to let you go, for any reason, ever.

but i have to think positively. i have to think that there might be a cute and sweet girl out there that i would actually love more than i love you, who is true to me and who doesn't hurt me like you do. who is like when you were at your best, your most healthy and loving when we loved each other so much, except she's like that all the time, and she doesn't torture me. she is patient with me just as much as i'm patient with her. she understands me and gives me care, not just the other way around. she is intelligent and we have fascinating conversations that aren't just me lecturing at someone, but a full two way conversation. i don't have to explain to her how to be empathetic or how to be a good partner, because she will be empathetic all the time, and she's already putting in effort to be good with me because she loves me.

i don't know, because i really don't feel that there will be anyone else like you out there, because this wasn't a simple romance. this was something that felt made in the stars. until you started hurting me. until you became so strange. and i know it's the Borderline. we never knew, but now i do. everything adds up. and i wish so badly that you had listened to me and gotten help before. that someone had figured out why you were suffering and helped you, whether it was me or a professional, or yourself. because i did help myself. this whole time, i was helping myself, working on myself, and helping you at the same time, giving you guidance and explanations. even for such basic things as empathy, when you lost yours. and i still loved you and kissed you and wanted to be with you forever, just like you wanted too, even when you were being so strange.

i know i tolerated way too much. i know i helped you way too much, in the sense that you didn't put in the same effort neither to help yourself or to help me. i wanted to help you, but i didn't want to be taken advantage of, or taken for granted. and i communicated that to you, healthily. and in the good days, you listened, healthily. we worked through things. and we were so happy and you were the healthiest you've ever been. and then it started cracking. the fixations, the mania, the dissociation. the cruelty, the loss of empathy, to me, your beloved partner, and to your friends, and to many others. all while you still wanted empathy for yourself. all while you were scared to be hurt and judged and unloved.

i know i should give you up. i know i should slowly start to forget about you. i know i should play cat and mouse, ignore you, see if you will start begging me again, like you already did. and if you don't beg me this time, then i should keep the game up, and find a new girl. in my own time, not too fast, not too desperately, but to meet new girls and to maybe fall in love with them, if the stars are aligned again.

but it hurts so much. you are so special to me. and i was so special to you. even now, even after all this, you still said so. you still said you think we'll have each other forever in some way, that you still think you'll come live with me, just not now. because right now you have to be the cruellest creature on the planet and treat me like i'm nothing but a button you can press when you get bored, all because you think your Borderline is your entire personality, that all of this "has to" happen, that you "need" this, that what you "want" when you're manic is not ruining your life, sabotaging your happiness.

i wish i could just say, "goodbye, i know you will miss me one day but it will be too late, i will have moved on, and you will have to bear the consequences of your actions and feel the weight of the pain". or, "goodbye, i know you probably won't even miss me because you're so delusional and not yourself that i'm not sure you'll ever be yourself again, and i guess that's not my problem anymore".

or, "goodbye for now. maybe you will survive, and maybe i will see you later. maybe you will be yourself again, and understand that you were not sane. maybe we will love again. or maybe you will die, and i will mourn you, but i will know that the girl i loved was no longer in that body, and hope that you finally feel peace."

but i can't feel any of this. i just want her back. i want her to be like she used to be. i want her to love me, and only me. i want her to be healthy and happy with me again, to smile like the sun. to be grounded and not fixated or manic or dissociated. and most of all, i want her to be safe. because where she is now, she is not safe. and that makes it very hard to let go of her. to think she might die while i am ignoring her to see if it will make her talk to me, do better, when she realises how she misses me. to think that cat and mouse game might be the last thing that ever happens between us. i can't handle that. i hate these games. i hate her disorder for doing this to her. i hate her parents and society for abusing her and causing her this trauma and this disordered behaviour. i love her so much and i want her to be safe and i want her to be herself and i want to have her back.

i really hope she finally gets help. i really hope it's not too late. i really hope she won't be in physical danger. i really hope she will become herself again. i really hope that somehow, i can have her back, the way she was.

and i really hope i start giving up. i hope i start internalising how much she hurt me. how much of the time that she was not very good to me. how much of the time she was unfair, selfish, even when she was good. how much effort it took her to do the most basic things, like helping out with meals, even when she was at her best, even when we felt that we loved each other fully, even when she was relatively healthy, she was really not well, and she was not a very good partner. she loved me, and that was all i wanted. i could put up with everything else. i could put up with her not helping out, with her being insensitive, with her saying some stupid things even when she wasn't being that cruel. i could put up with anything, i could be patient with her "until she feels better", until we have jobs and until we live together full-time, until she can get therapy, until our lives are easier. i could put up with anything, no matter how long, if she just loved me, and wanted me. and she did. and it almost killed me.

[globodamorte]

I'm kinda pissed off.

(lmao had to put it under a cut bc it got LONG)

didne sleep well like usual woke up with my neck hurting and my mom screaming calling for me like and when I asked what she wanted she just said "come.downstairs and help me call your sibling" and like.ok IG God fucking damn I'm in pain ok call the sibling let's go downstairs idk what she wants and she was like "just help me. clean your room. clean the cats litter. just Do something..." and she started fuckin. telling my cousin how much she hates that we don't do things the exact moment she asks us. and how "wrongly" she raised us..while I'm fucking sleep deprived and in pain and generally exhausted. constantly.

and I'm trying my best but I can't say that bc I don't "DO" anything and therefore I basically "DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT" to be exhausted and if I'm in pain that's MY fault for being a sedentary fat bitch bc again I don't "DO" anything. and I KNOW she's upset about my weight bc she's said so before one time she got pissed and yelled at me and just HAD to mention how I'm just getting fatter at home without doing anything with my life. it doesn't even matter to her that I lost 5kg in a month all of a sudden if her old jeans can't fit me then I'm still too fat IG.

I'm in so much pain and every little thing is so fucking difficult for me and I'm so exhausted all the time and I can't mention it bc to her (or anyone for that matter) bc I'm "lazy". she decided I'm "not as depressed anymore so why am I being like this?". like I'm already stopped doing the thing my ent doctor asked bc it's just. too many things and I keep forgetting at the end of the day. I WANT to do it. but it's HARD. EVERYTHING IS SO HARD. but things CAN'T be hard for me bc I'm "intelligent and smart (<- had good grades in fucking. grade and middle school I guess)" I'm TRYING. but it doesn't matter to them. bc to them I'm not. to them I'm being lazy.

like idk i feel like it's so dishonest to compare me to a non (or let's be real, less) traumatized version of myself. like bitch yeah sure I was 10 and got good grades. I still dealt with bullying from my own "friends" and self image issues I couldn't tell my parents about. I had to hear sexist comments about my body when I was , FUCKING 10, and not being able to do anything about it bc the solution was just to exist differently I guess.

like ofc I understand that they can't see inside my head to fully understand but they don't even partially understand and I'm terrified of trying to explain. I'm trying my best. I really am. some days my best will be making food for everyone. some days my best will be showering and doing my skincare. some days it will be brushing my teeth at least once. and yeah some days it'll be nothing. but when I think about the way they see me I start feeling crazy "am I really trying? did I manage to trick myself? am I actually fine and just pretended so hard that now I think I'm actually ill"

i don't even know anymore. I'm exhausted.

it literally does not matter to them. if I stay out all day and come back and say I'm tired they be like "but you don't do anything" I realized it's almost an automated response from them (at least from my younger sibling it is) there was one time I did do a lot of things at home. in front of this sibling. and when I just sat down and went "oof I'm tired" they were like "but you didn't do anything" and I realized. it literally doesn't matter if I do or don't do anything they WILL say the same thing.

no matter what I do it really will never be enough for them. they just want me to magically not be mentally ill anymore. they will never say this, but what they want from me is basically that. I just need to stop "moping around", lose weight, get a job (which I do NOT feel capable of doing it maintaining), and be happy. easy right? it's not like I have a good reason to be like this (,they're the reason,) they dont want ME. they want the version of me inside their heads that honestly I don't. think ever existed. bc if I try going back to pinpoint the moment 'everything went wrong' I'll just keep going back forever bc there's no moment like that. I guess I just took longer to break but the thing is. now I'm broken.

[0mostlyghostie0]

these are the tags of two reblogs,,,,one right after the other.......THE RANGE DARLING

[sprngcat]

i just finished rereading solitaire and I wanna share my thoughts

I just like a LOT how the metaphors in solitaire are used to explain how tori was feeling sad and alone, as the history pass

like, tori is always feeling cold and with several layers of clothes. in contrast, michael with a t-shirt and pants not showing any signs of being cold.

and tori's cold just get worse and worse as the story develops, proportional with her mental health gets worst.

in chapter 14 of the second part of the book, tori says that "the uk has witnessed the heaviest blizzard since 1963" and I really think that this is a metaphor for UK being tori's body and the "heaviest blizzard" being her sadness, that never been so hard to control and pass through.

for Michael, I believe that his body being always warm can be a metaphor for his feelings too. he says that he is always angry, and this feeling cause some kind of heat, like when u have an angry crisis and your ears start being red and u feel hot, etc.

if u start thinking about, sadness and rage are feelings that walk side by side, if too much, can do a lot of harm to a person. and I really think this is tori and michael, u know? sadness and rage killing them because they feel intensely, and this is what unites them, this is how they understand each other so well. they complete.

also, in the same chapter (14) we can see the post that solitaire does, saying "we hope that we have added something to what could be a very boring winter" and we know that Lucas create solitaire because he hopes that some jokes and caos in Higgs can make tori happier (or just with less desire to kill herself), cause he was so angry and afraid that school left tori sad.. I think the word "winter" is another metaphor to sadness: lucas trying to put some happiness in the students lives, trying to do something good for everyone, but mostly tori

and at least but not less important, Michael wanted Higgs to burn, he thought that he can start feeling better if this happens, he thought that this might be a way out of it all (bullying, rage, feeling of not being part of something, etc). tori trying to put out the fire can be interpreted of her attempt to have all in her control, not letting her feelings be shown to the world. when Michael throw the fire extinguisher out the window, he says indirectly to tori "you dont have to hide, let it all out" and this is when she tries to kill herself, cause she is lost: in her feelings, in her mind, in her thoughts and she allows herself to feel what she's been saving for her all this time

but Michael stops her, he offers help and says that he wasn't okay too.. "I was never good enough. I get so stressed, I don't make friends... God, I don't know how to make friends. sometimes I wish I was a normal person. but I can't, I'm not. no matter how hard I try" but they can help each other to pass through this, to understand their feelings. if they are going to be broken, they are going to be broken together.

and after tori and michael let their feelings out of their chests, they start feeling better, not perfectly fine (cause nobody feels like this) but they are ok, neither cold nor hot. just ok.

"I do not say that all this happened in a single day, by a single event, due to a single person. I just know that once it started, it became much easier to let go. and I think that's how I ended up here."

love doesn't heal mental illness, but love can make you start thinking that the world isn't so bad, even if is just for some hours, minutes, or seconds. of course, if u have depression, anxiety or some disorder like this, somedays you are going to wake up and feel like shit, have crisis and think like you did before, but maybe you can count on someone to help you rise from the abyss :)

"well, you hate yourself, I hate myself. common interests! we should unite"

well, this was a little part of my interpretation reading solitaire, I hope u liked it, and if u wanna talk about it, I am very excited to hear some points of view!

btw, sorry if my english is bad, I'm Brazilian and don't speak fluently :(

kisses!!

[that-one-weeb-but-it-transformer]

Can you do tfp ratchet bulkhead and Starscream human s/o with POTS(or just a chronic illness if that is to specific)crying because they’re tired of family and doctors telling what is and isn’t wrong with their body and giving them unhelpful advice.

I’m sorry if this is too much but I’m going through this right now and I really just need some comfort. It’s cool if you don’t feel like doing this one though.

The Bots with a S/0 that has POTS

Notes: I'd love to do it for you! And homie if you ever need a hug. I got you. I can understand how difficult things like this can be so if you ever just wanna talk even if its a hello how are you. I'd be happy to talk to you. Also have a hard time writing Starscream I never know why

Characters: Bulkhead, Ratchet, Starscream

⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶

⊷⊶⊷⊶Bulkhead⊷⊶⊷⊶

Doesnt exactly understand POTS no matter how much you explain it to him

He knows though, if you go up. Theres a possibly of you going down hard

He's a sweet soul so he's always asking how your day was

And some days. Its just bad

Some days when he picks you up he can already hear the arguing before you even get out the house

"Take your meds!"

"They don't work!"

"Be reasonable Y/n!"

"They don't work!"

Bulkhead even knows they dont work. And you're brusing easier.

So what does he do to try and cheer you up?

"Hey why don't me make your bruisies into drawings! Miko does that with my battle scars!"

It makes you feel happy that someones actually trying to make you feel better

He acts like you dont even have anything wrong with you

Well he accomidates the best he can. Like sticking his foot out when you start to fall over to atleast catch yourself on something

Miko recommended him they should tucktape pillows to his peds

You called him crying just wanting him to pick you up after a mentally abusing day

You're doctors are trying to put you on a Home IV and you heard your parents talk about simply just admitting you to the hopsital

Bulkhead gladly picked you up and you dont wanna talk about it

Okay thats fine

"Oh! Miko picked up your favorite! Its in my glove box!"

Chinese hot dog buns with a bottle of water. Full of salt. And a great comfort food for you

Two in one

Especially when you've been crying alot

"Are you gonna stop being friends with me if my family puts me in the hospital?"

"What? Why would you think that?"

"People dont like being friends with problem people..."

"Ah! That's a bunch of scrap." He defended, "You're awesome!"

He's text book defenition of emotional support

He checks up on you regularly as you often take naps

Knows your whole medication list by the dinosaur stickers you label them with and your whole when you gotta take what

He helps you decorate your medicane bottles, makes them less intimidating some times

You actually draw little deerpy bulkheads on your medicane caps now

When you have to go get refills he'll drive you and the pharmacist thinks the bottle Decor is cute

Calls you a good influence to the little kids who get scared of medication

Its all thanks to Bulkhead really: he's there for you

⊷⊷⊶⊷Ratchet⊶⊷⊶⊷

Actually

He had to find out himself, or more of force it out of you.

All the brusies and the suddenly going pale. He knows your secretly taking pills too

He doesnt exactly know what your doing

But he knows you're hiding something

"What are you taking?"

"What? Nothing." Y/n spoke dry swallowing the pills as quick as Y/n could, no one had to know.

"What are you taking."

"Nothing Ratchet."

"Y/n."

Y/n eyes rolled, "its medicane."

"Are you sick?"

Y/n looked at him and nodded shortly, "in a way yeah"

And thats how he learns about you having POTS

He ask how your doing physically and not much about you mentally

He tends to stay away from connection in general due to the past but with you he wants to be invested but doesn't completely at the same time.

But once you call him real late at night crying he's emotionally invested.

He's a doctor yeah but knows squat shit about human bodies, so it's more of you see Ratchet as a "friend" (yeah right your invested) than a doctor

"They wanna put me on a home iv." Y/n told him, all curled up in his passenger seat, "I already know it won't work. I've tried it before."

"Perhaps diffrent Medication?" Ratchet suggested.

Y/n shrugged, "I...I'm tired of med's Ratchet."

"I know." He spoke, "Are they giving you any other options?"

"Service Animal. More Meds or an IV." Y/n told him, "Dad just wants to leave me at a hospital."

Ratchet's in silence, he sitting in thought, "Perhaps that's for the best. Perhaps not a hospital. But to leave."

"You mean like take a break from my family?" Y/n questioned, "I guess..."

So Ratchet let you room with him for a few days.

Its kept secret.

You're very happy that you're not as bad as you usually are. And was happy to see Stress was making your dizzy spells worse and more frequent.

Luckily you're relaxed with Ratchet and he asked genuine questions about what your illness truly is

So he makes sure you eat, drink lots of water, always keeps tabs on you.

And to enforce you eating and drinking, he forces himselves to take scheduled breaks

Those forced breaks allow both of you to relax and even allow Ratchet to work better.

But sometimes you still gotta just like lay down.

Even if its on his work space.

"Are you alright?"

"Just a bad one is all."

And he leaves it at that. Sure he still watches over you but he's not gonna baby you

Not over something he knows you have in control

But occasionally he does become helicopter mom

⊷⊶⊷Starscream⊷⊶⊷

Could absolutely careless to be honest

The veichons probally cared more about you than anything

That was in the beginning of course

Until he realized alot of the veichons started taking random ass breaks with you

Litterally sat in the hallway with you while you're tryin to even out

High altitude on the nemsis especially if your on the dock makes it worse

He teases you about it: saying fleshies are scared of height

But like no bro. Your about to litterally pass out

Thanks Breakdown for atleast be like "ayo. She's litterally dieing."

He finally sees this is a bit more than a height issue

No shit

He finally starts taking notice seeing you napping alot in Knockouts medbay

"Great. A screamer and a neglecting mech is in the medbay." Breakdown grumbled.

"Ignore him," Knockout spoke waving off Starscream.

"Excuse me-"

He's basically ignored by the others.

Breakdowns basically your big brother and Starscream being neglectful of Y/n's health does not make him happy

Starscream finally comes around to ask you what the hell is actually happening.

But it turns into and arguement: you dont wanna tell him, and you're tryin to just keep tears back from before he picked you up w/ a ground bridge

"Doesn't matter."

"It quiet obviously does if you're little medbay group is all over it."

"Oh please." Y/n grumbled the stopped, Y/n feeling Rocky, "shit..."

Y/n immediately takes a seat, right there in the middle of the hall.

"Becoming Dizzy?" A passing Veichon spoke.

"Yep."

Food was tossed a packet and a bottle of water by the veichon, both being terribly thrown Y/n's way.

"Thanks." Y/n spoke leaning over to grab the bag and water then looked up at Starscream and sighed, "I have POTS."

"You have what?"

So there you are explaining it to him

He's upset you didnt explain it to him sooner.

You shrugged as you ate the pretzels

No he's like genuinely upset

He's been watching over you this long and just now knows about this

How does he even research POTS? He did search it up but he just got pots you cool with

Soundwave helps, in the side research

Though he doesnt have much space to store you snacks, he knows the medbay has snacks for you

He also knows that you're most comfortable in the medbay as you're often sleeping more than 1/2 the day

So. He's often visiting the medbay even more than usual now

Even if your sleeping alot more and he doesn't get to talk to you as Much as he wants to, your health is more important

Keeps you away from the flight deck

Because if you suddenly get dizzy and tip the wrong way well.

He doesnt need a spark attack

[prettyboykatsuki]

Thoughts on Mikey’s character?? He also seems complex in a way but also simple. Either I am utterly in love with him 🙂

i have such strong opinons on his character i fear if i start i may never stop.

spolilers for tokyorev and mentions of trauma, gang violence, etc.

tldr: peoples refusal to understand mikeys position as a victim frustrates me. not saying that makes his actions okay, but i wish people would humanize him more.

i really do like mikey and i like him more in retrospect because i think his character is incredibly emotionally complex and also very nuanced but i do NOT like the fandoms handling of him at all because it either 1. demonizes him to a degree i find alarming or 2. coddles him in a way that doesn't fit his life and how he's been.

i have soo many things to say about. because for a fandom that produces a large body of dark or morally questionable content, people seem almost unwilling to treat mikeys issues with an iota of nuance. especially as we so continuously get information that reflects the same things which is that mikey as a character has greater issues than the rest of his crew that are perpetuated by his position in life.

but you can't talk about mikey without nuance because if you do, you're going to shit on his intricately written character completely.

people can call it what they see fit what those issues are because every character in the show is traumatized, poor, and generally disenfranchised by society at large which turns them to things they wouldn't normally do.

personally i think mikey's dark impulses are merely reflections of his very fractured mental state. i don't think it's of value to name a specific mental illness, and im not qualified to do that but i think people put up defenses because saying mikey has mental illness makes them think you're saying that's what causes him to act like that.

which isn't true nor what im implying because mental illness happens to normal people everyday and they're not violent. but if you look at mikeys circumstances, his life, the death of his siblings and his pronounced and continual trauma - and how those things interact with mental illness, i do genuinely find it unfair that people are so unwilling to be at least a little more understanding to his spiral.

all of that on top of, we don't know what happened to mikey that led him to where we are now. we have no idea what he's witnessed, if he's taken any substances to make this worse, what he's had to do to continue to survive. mitsuya had fashion, draken had his cars, chifuyu and even baji all had aspirations, but mikey didn't. mikey has never had.

i dont think you have to like mikey to understand his position is different from everyone else in the series. the continual loss and the things he must see in his work every day drive him to a point where his instability is tangible.

what michi is trying to do now is something only he can do. because everyone else in mikeys life has to worry about themselves because all of them are poor, disenfranchised kids with hard lives. it's not their fault like they couldn't "save" mikey, or get him the help he needed.

the only reason michi can even think to do that is because he never lived that life. not in the same way everyone else did. his aspirations are because his life was mostly stable up until where the manga starts. and his desire to save mikey is all because he thinks he can even do that.

mikey deserves time and then a lot of therapy and rehabilitation. all michi is trying to do is convince him that his life is worth saving.

i was crushed when draken died. i think it broke me in a way i cant explain, but i think that scenes significance flew over so many peoples heads. draken was mikeys heart. for him to die at mikeys hands is a suicide attempt more than a murder. of course it represents his internal darkness. its fucked up and awful.

but what mikey represents in many ways is simple. you can't save a person who doesn't want to save themselves. what michi is trying to accomplish is pulling mikey that far. what mikey did, has done, keeps doing is a form of self-destruction, one we see he's prone to over and over and over. that darkness is represented in tokyorev frequently.

and it is unjustifiable. but more than i want mikey to rehabilitate himself because i think having him suffer would do more damage to the story than good.

and to be frank, i think too many people have incredibly simplified views of gang life because they've never interacted with it. but i have because of the kind of drugs i was around in my adolescence. getting out is not easy. those people are human beings. not every person who's killed someone for the sake of their own survival is proud of it. that is a mental torture unlike anything else. your willingness to give empathy to imperfect victims says much about your character.

it's easy to simply say "you had a choice," when you don't understand what that shit is like. but to someone like mikey and to the rest of the characters in that show - they've only ever known how to live one way. wakui wrote this story because he knew young kids who got caught up in this crowd, and what the experiences at the hands of a system that doesn't uplift them.

and mikey is a product of that system. he's a product of poverty, trauma, mental illness and early exposure to violence and gang life. he's a product of never receiving the kind of support that a kid like him must've needed. it doesn't justify what he did, but i am so so sick of people pretending that is some senseless beast and not some deep shit that he's spent his whole life steeped in.

[weebsinstash]

Advice: Go do something else and forget about the guy. If you dont want to block him immediately, just stop answering. Just remove yourself from this situation for a bit, because the guy definetly does feels sketchy af. Ignore the messages.

I relate on the being scared of upsetting people, but sometimes it is essential for our own safety. It is okay if you do something for your own protection, ESPECIALLY if we are talking about literal strangers on the internet that have no bearing in your personal real life. He is not even a stranger you met in person, just a random dude sending messages. Even if you block him and he gets upset, that is okay. You are doing it for yourself and THAT IS OKAY.

Sometimes upsetting people is okay because youre removing yourself from an uncomfortable situation they put you in, and you did what was best for you and your feelings. That is self care too. Go do something else and cool your mind off, a sketchy stranger on the internet is literally not entitled to your time, especially if he is causing bad feelings and anxieties to arise.

Yeah, I think what I will do is I will somehow end the conversation on a good note and then whenever I buckle up the courage I can hopefully block him from there? I still feel guilty though. There are also more red flags popping up such as him being unemployed and saying he's trading which, either means stocks or cryptocoin and obviously one of those is better than the other. And he's asking questions about my job in terms of pay and hours and it almost strikes me as he's either trying to figure out where to apply or that maybe he doesn't really know how some jobs work. Idk. Maybe he's lost and lonely in life and he just needs a friend. Either way, I need to step back for now. Even if he said stuff about being friends thst was after he had already asked for my picture (i sent him one of me at a reptile expo wearing a mask which. Pause can we talk about me being so fucking stupid as to do that. "Oh he's kind of strange and I literally don't know him and I don't want to show him my face but I don't want to be rude by not showing him anything at all" bitch how are you still fucking alive. How. How. Bitch how.) Still said I was cute despite not being able to see much of my face and wanted my phone number. So. Yeah. Even if he's being nice and talking about video games I can't shake the feeling "wait dude you kind of just popped out of the bushes like you wanted my nudes or something and I had to kind of explain to you how you were being weird as fuck before you stopped being pushy"

Anywaus next time on "Is Miranda a Fucking Idiot or Critically Mentally Ill" i take a walk through the woods with Michael Myers himself because my anxiety tells me it's rude to decline his invitation for a secluded evening stroll and I wouldn't want to hurt the serial killer's feelings

[softbeanofexistentialcrisis]

Dear Reader reading this, if you're still interested in lore, I've come to this stark realization that the song Other Side Of Paradise by Glass Animals, is a song written for our favorite happy ghost Ghostbur, and his alive counterpart.

Or SPECIFICALLY, its a song sung to Ghostbur through the lens of c!tommy.

This post is also a tad long and i spent a lot of time on this. This is also one of my favorite analysis that I've done yet, so i hope you enjoy as well :)

Starting simply, firstly the song has this line like,

An obvious symbolism here right? Baby blue, goodbye to you, i wish you understood what exactly is happening here but unfortunately you're too much of a ghost to do.

These lines talk about alivebur. Between the wars, the betrayal, the burden of presidency and his own mental state, c!wilbur got caught up in it all and it very much started killing him. Also the 'the sun you blow into' is a very vivid Icarus symbolism in my head. Like yes c!wilbur IS Icarus if you think hard enough right? c!tommy tried to hold on to him as much as he can, hold onto the c!wilbur from when they were happy and just them, as if, if he doesn't hold hard enough, he might just run.

Ohhhh you have NO idea how mentally ill this line makes me like ueueueue, c!tommy wanted to live safe and sound and at peace in lmanburg, with his friends and family, with his brother by his side. Instead all he got was a ghost of that said brother. But he did not hate that ghost though. He wanted a paradise, but he was just forced to settle for a ghost instead, Which he did. Also it ties wonderfully into the Burger Van Paradise wilbur had don't it? Because in that one vod, c!tommy is the one who says the phrase "this is like a paradise!!" while looking at las nevadas. which i can imagine was why c!will decided to name it paradise in the end.

Though i dont really agree with calling c!wilbur crazy, i feel like ither than that these lines fit perfectly. c!tommy did miss wilbur. No matter what pain he brought to him and evryone else, wilbur was still missed by this boy. 'camera lust' could be read in two different ways. One, is that it was this faux, artificial, and unreal dream that's build on these half-baked facts. C!wilbur believed everyone were out to get him. While they all DID get betrayed by a fair amount of people, most of his thought process before Nov 16 were built on paranoia and self loathing, his mind playing tricks on him. He went 'crazy' on those thoughts, you could say.

The second way of reading into this is the Chekhov's Gun. C!wilbur had a habit of inserting himself and the people around him into these very story-like ideals, calling them the Good Guys and Bad Guys and describing his ideas as the Chekhov's Gun. He was lusting of the 'camera' that saw these people as characters, while chasing pipe dream of pure faux reality.

This is c!tommy at his core right here. It's basically that conversation he had with Foolish in that one stream. c!wilbur had given up, and had stopped trying on so many things. He's given up on his loved ones, he's given up on his l'manburg, his self worth, and even on himself. But c!tommy hadn't though. He never gave up on wilbur, and he frankly never, ever will. 'That girl is gone' could be both ghostbur and L'manburg. The hamless ghost is long gone now, and yet he's still here, trying on wilbur's behalf. L'manburg was gone a long time ago, yet he's still here, trying on behalf of wilbur. Inspite of alllll that had ever happened between then, c!tommy is still trying.

Finally though, these are lines that i feel really hit the most:

I don't even think i need to explain these lines it's such a beautiful fit to them both no matter how you see it and it perfectly encaptures the mental state of that person right before they die. No doubt these are the lines from this song that are most used in animatics sbout ghostbur or c!tommy. It ties it all together nicely, you know, like a bow on top.

I also really like Glass Animals.

Comments, likes, and reblogs are very much appreciated, i worked a bit on this so thank you so much for reading this far :D