#BSD Gogol Analysis

[kikizoshi]

I came across the realisation that Nikolai's motivation to kill Fyodor, as we understand it now, isn't compelling. I think that's my biggest issue with him. There are all these fanfics about it, and yet the one I've read where Fyodor's death is compelling, Nikolai hasn't ever even thought of killing him and doesn't want him to die (and yes, I'm including my fics with Fyodor's death in the "not compelling" category).

So, I tried to reframe it, taking some of my current experiences and what I know about Gogol, and I think I may have figured something out: Nikolai's core motivation right now could be to escape from reality.

This could be foreshadowed earlier on with things like a distaste for factually accurate (read: dull) stories, a love for acting and exaggerated impressions, and an aversion to talking issues out in his personal relationships.

But now it's worse, and has grown to an extent where he can't stand anything--he just wants to escape everything, but he can't. (This change would be brought about by some sort of terrible or tragic event--something that makes all his flawed coping mechanisms collapse entirely in a way they never have before. In my story, it's Fyodor disappearing and Nikolai finally giving up hope that he still lived. Anything awful enough would probably work, but I think a lot of care needs to be put into exactly what is the thing that pushes Nikolai over the edge--it says a lot about what he values.)

I visualise his wanting to escape reality with Stanzcyk (the Polish painting). Nikolai is the jester, but desperately wishes he could be carefree like the celebrating nobles in the background. But he can't. No matter what, no matter how he tries, he can't escape reality, and so he does the next best thing: he does the unthinkable. He becomes what any normal person can't even fathom, does what any sane man couldn't, and desperately tries to lose himself in it. (In my story, this is a worse version of what's already occurred: a few years ago, Nikolai became an actor in hopes of losing his misery to the stage, but when that failed and he became suicidal, Fyodor helped him pull through. Now, Nikolai tries to lose himself in a much more involved and self-destructive way (notably still through acting), and Fyodor, though much more negatively now, is still the force that's keeping him alive.)

At first, he may have even deluded himself into thinking he'd somewhat succeeded in losing himself, but then Fyodor makes his "in opposition to God" comment, and Nikolai is at once violently dragged back into himself. It's a wonderful feeling to be understood, yet terrible, because as long as such an anchor exists, he can never escape (bonus points if in a backstory fic, Fyodor being Nikolai's anchor to reality was a positive in their relationship, creating a contrast here).

And so now, every time he thinks about wanting to share a thought or idea with Fyodor, the only person with whom he can genuinely converse, he first gets a nice feeling at the thought, then falls into despair at the thought of losing that connection (Fyodor is constantly putting himself in mortal danger, and as much as Nikolai believes in him, it also makes sense to me that he'd be worried out of his mind at times), anger that his emotions still control him, and this reinforces his feelings of needing to escape. It's a constant merry-go-round of love and misery, and he just wants to be on stable ground, essentially.

And I think if I do that, it starts to be compelling. It's not quite there, let alone polished, but it's a lot farther than I've gotten before. And 'Arcane' story analyses are really helping me with contrast, callbacks and foreshadowing.

[creantzy]

Defying God - a parallel between Fyolai and Stavrovensky

The Demons brainrot is taking over, and you know what happens when I acquire a new interest: my brain WILL find a way to connect it to my other interests, whether I like it or not!! And this is essentially what it's about xD I've come here to present a parallel I found between Fyolai (Fyodor & Nikolai from BSD) and Stavrovensky (Verkhovensky & Stavrogin from "Demons" by Dostoevsky). Before I start I want to clarify a few things:

• I don't think these two pairings are similar, I just love picking up any crumbs of connections I can find between my interests, even if it'd count as reaching.

• This interpretation (in either character's case) is in no way "the only true way of looking at it". It's merely one interpretation out of many and I chose to focus on just a few aspects out of the many others there are to explore in these complex characters. 

• Feel free to add onto or disagree with anything I say! I'm interested in your thoughts :D

WARNING: There will be spoilers for Bungou Stray Dogs and Demons.

The reason Nikolai wants to kill Fyodor is because he feels affection for him. Emotions are a prison to him, and he basically seeks the opposite of what his emotions make him want to do. Thus, in the face of affection, which makes you want to be closer and wish the best for your friend, he does the opposite and decides to kill said friend, going directly against his feelings in an attempt to prove free will. But here I want to focus more on the "You want to defy God in order to lose sight of yourself" part, specifically the bit about God.

One part of my interpretation is that Nikolai associates God with control. If there is a God who controls all, how can there be a free will? He wants to go against Him and His creations (the human mind, morality, etc.) to prove that it's possible. But God is very abstract - the idea of God is influential but varies depending on cultures, etc. For this point, I'll use the example of the biblical God, or, more specifically, some attributes commonly assigned to the idea of God:

• omnipotence (all-powerful)

• omnipresence (all-present)

• omniscience (all-knowing)

What I am leading up to is the fact that these traits can, in one way or another, be applied to Fyodor. Fyodor's character represents everything Nikolai wants to defy. Nikolai hates control; he wants to fight the idea of God and prove the possibility of complete independence. Fyodor (though not in a "direct" way) could be seen as a symbol for God. He knows everything, he is always present (metaphorically and sometimes literally, the way he spawns sometimes I swear-), and he seems to control everything. Only few people actually see him, but he pulls the strings behind the scenes, and his power is felt everywhere. For Nikolai, to kill Fyodor is not just a protest against his feelings of affection, but can also be a symbolic act of defying "God", of killing "God", by killing Fyodor.

This is supposed to be very symbolic and not taken literally. I feel the need to repeat this because I personally dislike the notion of Fyodor as a literal God (and disagree with the idea of him having a God-complex), so this is merely about the God-like traits he possesses, like a "substitute" for the idea of God, and how it interacts with Nikolai's philosophy. (I've also exaggerated some points for the sake of simplification - for example, I don't actually believe Fyodor is in control of absolutely everything, etc.)

Moving onto Demons:

Pyotr Verkhovensky grew up religious and (assuming based on Stepan's description) with a fear of God.

Now he's an atheist and very anti-religious. He plans to overthrow society, and destroying religion + everything it preaches is part of that plan. But interestingly enough, he picks not himself as the official future "ruler", but someone else: Nikolai Stavrogin. He chooses Stavrogin to be the role of the leader in Verkhovensky's ideal society. But not exactly the "leader" in the traditional sense, because he wouldn't necessarily give Stavrogin all the power. He would simply use him as a "pawn" (for lack of a better word) while himself pulling the strings behind said society. With that, Verkhovensky puts someone else above himself, in a God-like position, but he wants to do it while still keeping full control over Stavrogin. By doing so, he would overcome his childhood fear of God because instead of being controlled by God, *he* will control God.

(Same case here, not the literal God, but the character who he assigns God-like traits to.)

I am undecided (with both Nikolai's and Verkhovensky's character) whether this could be read as a solely subconscious intention or if it would make sense as a conscious one as well. Given that both have a different "main" goal (Nikolai focuses on emotions and Verkhovensky on the revolution) I lean more towards thinking it's subconscious (if present at all - like I said, just interpretations!)

It doesn't help that Verkhovensky describes his vision of Stavrogin's leadership as "hidden": Everyone believes in him and his power, but only very few people are said to actually have laid their eyes upon him. When I first read this part, I was honestly reminded of Big Brother from Orwell's 1984, but eventually realised that similar things can be said about God as well.

While these are parallels, they don't come without differences. Nikolai needs Fyodor dead, Verkhovensky needs Stavrogin alive. Nikolai wants to kill Fyodor for a sense of freedom, Verkhovensky wants to keep Stavrogin for a sense of control. Yet both symbolic goals are bound to fail:

Fyodor turns out to be unkillable, and Stavrogin ends up dead.

At the end, "God" stays untouchable.

[sorcerersandskillusers]

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR BUNGOU STRAY DOGS CHAPTER 114!

GUYS IF FYODOR CAN POSSES A PERSON WHO TOUCHES HIS BLOOD AFTER HE DIES, WHOS CURRENT HOLDING HIS BLOODSOAKED SEVERED HAND

Fyodor promised to come after Gogol for trying to kill him and having the character who imbodies manipulation overwrite the free will of the character who above all else wants to break free of all control would be such a cruel and interesting twist, its so in in character for Fyodor to make Gogol care about him so strongly then destroy the greatest wish of Gogols heart

[jounosparticles]

so. fyodor sees himself as a servant of god, as if he is a jesus like-figure. and nikolai was teamed up with fyodor but eventually chose to betray and try to kill him, much like judas.

and jesus knew he was going to be betrayed by judas, as fyodor accepted and challenged nikolai’s betrayal.

judas also felt great remorse and sadness as well as guilt for his betrayal after jesus’s death; similar to nikolai’s conflicted sadness towards fyodor dying.

this implies that fyodor and nikolai is a strange, fucked up version of jesus and judas. in this essay i will-

[sssarrrra]

𝗙𝘆𝗼𝗱𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗡𝗶𝗸𝗼𝗹𝗮𝗶: 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗱𝘆𝘀𝗳𝘂𝗻𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗱𝗿𝗮𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿

Fyodor can't function without God the same way Nikolai can't function without freedom.

Their personalities are so off-balanced and incompatible with reality, they need something outside of it to feel whole.

Eventually, their immense need to rely on Freedom/God distorts the very source of their comfort.

Freedom gets bloody, and God becomes hungry for the sacrifice.

But it isn't that freedom or God have fundamentally changed. What changed were their brains of those perceiving them and their motivations.

Gogol and Dostoevsky needed an ideal that would inspire them to live, no matter how disappointed they are with their own existence.

Both Clown and Demon also looked for a justification, a place onto which they could project their hidden pain, without directly interacting with it.

Fyodor and Nikolai were pretty angry at what happened to them in the past. Whatever it was, it hurt. And still does.

But neither Dostoevsky, not Gogol can't acknowledge that. If they would ever do so, these two would have to admit: they still care about people and the way people treat them.

So each of the duo says that they're hurting others, not for the personal gain or out of a desperate attempt to feel better. No, they're doing for the ideal: be it “Freedom” or the “God”.

It allows both Fyodor and Nikolai to keep lashing out, while keeping their self-images intact.

They keep saying to themselves: “I hurt others because of how inhuman I am”. While in reality the opposite is accurate.

They both became criminals because of their humanity, albeit flawed one.

Of course, Gogol's idea of freedom is almost broken or at least showing cracks. But Dostoevsky's obsession with God's is as strong as ever.

It'll only grow stronger, the closer Fyodor gets to the end of his goal.

Dostoevsky rushes towards it with all of his might because despite all his prayers and hopes, living with his version of God is still unbearable.

It kinda hurts.

And he wants it to stop.

[m1ss-n0mer]

Currently thinking about the DoA.

Nobody in that organisation had the same goals. Fukuchi wanted to end a war, Fyodor wanted to further whatever the fuck he's doing, Nikolai hoped that the organisation would bring him closer to freedom. Sigma wanted a home. Bram never wanted to be there in the first place, as far as we know.

They were all just people who were alone who ended up together, but unlike the ADA, they're only there to use each other. They don't become close, a lot of them can relate to each other, but it doesn't help.

All organisations in bsd have a colour scheme, and the Decay's is white and purple.

Fyodor wore a white hat for the majority of his time with the DoA, while the other members all had white hair, maybe because he always intended to betray the organisation and was just disguising himself. He also played victim with Ace in season 3 only to outsmart him by the end of the episode.

Fukuchi wore the red-ish hunting dogs uniform, but used Amenogozen, which is sometimes shown to be purple and sometimes white, since he knew how terrible all the Decay were and was just using them like a weapon for what he believed was a good cause.

Nikolai wears mostly white, but a bit of black. He joined for selfish reasons, but in the beginning it was with what he considered good intentions; he wanted freedom, and didn't come to the conclusion that he needed to kill the guy who introduced him to the DoA in order to do that until later.

Bram never wanted to join. What we see of his outfit at that point is all black, but it's not until the sword is pulled out and he's free from the DoA that he has a full body and therefore full black attire.

Sigma almost entirely consists of white and purple, because, until Atsushi tries to save him, he has no loyalties besides the DoA; no intention of leaving.

But Nikolai defects and saves both himself and Sigma when Fyodor most likely intended for them to die, in order to kill him in Meursault. Sigma is ready to join the ADA if and when he gets the chance. Bram escapes with the help of Aya.

And then Fyodor abandons all pretense of being at all loyal to the DoA by killing Bram and Fukuchi, and then his new outfit (Bram's) is entirely black, and he's not wearing a white hat to cover up that he's not like the rest of them.

But none of them are entirely loyal, so what makes him different? I can't say for sure.

What I DO know, is that the DoA have ceased needing each other, so I think all the ones that are still alive are going to get a colour scheme change pretty soon. (Bram is too dead for that, but Fukuchi is Amenogozen now and Fyodor, as mentioned above, is wearing all black.)

So, for Nikolai, his past outfit was black and white, but primarily white. Also what it means for his character that a clothing change may or may not mean he gets rid of his jester persona is, uh, content for another post once I think about it more because I feel like that'll be Big.

And Sigma? Probably, he'll be wearing something more ADA adjacent (beige and possibly soft sunset tones, I believe) at some point soon.

Anyways yeah in conclusion the DoA was never a proper organisation, none of them cared for each other nor were they working towards the same goals, their needs just happened to align at some point. Also this is reflected in their character designs.

[kyouka-supremacy]

Last chapter's anime and manga differences side by side because I have nothing else to analyze

→ This line is missing in the manga

→ Gogol's stereo gag is missing in the anime

→ This line is missing in the anime (bonus points for foreshadowing)

→ Dostoyevsky elaboration on why he's not taking the antidote immediately is missing in the anime, with him simply saying “I'll take it in the helicopter” instead

→ This line is different between the anime and the manga. I'm not sure if it's just a translation difference, but in case it isn't, I found it interesting. The anime line puts more emphasis on Dazai's lack of value, while the manga wording is more neutral and polite, with Dostoyevsky framing it as if it was his own fault for having overestimated Dazai (I know it's a subtle difference, but I still found it noteworthy).

→ This line is missing in the manga

→ The introduction to Dostoyevsky's stabbing is completely different between the anime and the manga. In the anime, Dostoyevsky lets the briefcase fall and Gogol comments on it, while in the manga Gogol makes remarks on the liquid escaping the helicopter's door.

[definetelynotavampire]

About Chapter 114

okay imo Fyodors imortality is bc of his ability to possess other peoples bodies but i have seen people saying that it'll be sigma and idk about that. I think the most logical conclusion would be Nikolai. For one, he's technically the reason Fyodor 'died' just like the guard in the flashback but it would also fit so well within his character arc. There is a parallel of the overcoat in 'the overcoat' and his freedom being ironically taken right after he gets it. Also Nikolai already planned to kill himself and if he actually was posessed his death would also mean his freedom from fyodor. Nikolai was also near his dead body for the whole time, maybe thats also relevant. I mean where is Nikolai?

[literatureloverx]

i really love how realistic you are about characters having certain types and things they prefer. its always pissed me off when people go "(x) could fall in love with anyone regardless of how they look!" cause like no they can't, nobody can

Omg, thank you so much, my dear! ♥️ Definitely! Everybody has a type, whether it’s conscious or unconscious.

It’s actually much more a matter of biology and science than people often believe—it’s not just ‘a matter of the heart,’ but really all about science!♥️

This is exactly what I thoroughly explained HERE, where I touch on the biological anthropology of romantic love.

[kikizoshi]

3 of Diamonds Playing Card & Nikolai Gogol

For some reason it only just now occurred to me to find a reason for Nikolai to be wearing a three of diamonds card of all cards, and I've found a certain interpretation to be my favourite. I've copied a few paragraphs, but the full link is here.

The bolding is my highlights of particularly interesting parts.

"The 3 of Diamonds is the first of a trio of cards that represent restrictions and limitations in an otherwise very auspicious Diamond suit. The other two restrictive cards being the 6 of Diamonds and the 8 of Diamonds. The 3 of Diamonds combines the growth and expansiveness of the number three with the restlessness and changeability of the Diamond suit. The result is a card of unsustainable efforts and restrictive growth. "Some readers see positive financial growth in this card; in fact, I used to read it this way myself. But over the years I have found that for me the 3 of Diamonds is always challenging. At best it will show success only through blood, sweat and tears. When this card does represent money, it always indicates a tiny amount, or less money than you expect or hope to receive. "In a general sense, the 3 of Diamonds indicates reoccurring patterns or sporadic energies and actions. It can denote an event or behavior that is repeated at intervals, or describe an arrangement that is temporary in nature. As the outcome card, the 3 of Diamonds can show partial success, or a small victory that is won at great cost. "In love readings the 3 of Diamonds will often indicate a lack of commitment to the relationship. It can describe a lover who runs hot and cold, or someone who comes and goes in and out of your life. It can also describe a partner who will not or cannot put forth the required effort to sustain the relationship. With a Face card, the 3 of Diamonds describes a person who is fickle and changeable and unreliable. "[…] "I always divine the 3 of Diamonds with a wary eye. I know it will reveal a source of instability in the situation in question."

[noa-ciharu]

I'm not sure if I'm onto something here but this page/explanation plus everything that follows has always been suspicious to me

First and foremost: blood poisoning isn't most peaceful way to die, far from that. If poison is so lethal Dazai and Fyodor are supposed to die in 30 mins symptoms would have started showing right away - and yet throught whole Meursalut escape arc we see none. Not a single 'I'm feeling weak'. It's stated that Fyodor spent 5 mins just waiting for Chuuya to arrive so I'm really doubtful whole sequence of him and Chuuya nearly drowning, then killing time halting ability user, trying to drown Sigma and Dazai, Fyodor's and Sigma's confrontation and Fyodor's escape could have happened under 25 mins. Of course, it could be that whatever Nikolai gave them takes more than half an hour to kill a human but that still doesn't explain 1) why no symptoms 2) why neither Dazai nor Fyodor seem to be in the hurry to leave

Therefore my assumption is that whatever Nikolai gave them wasn't lethal in the first place.

But why lie then? Why organize the whole game to begin with?

Well, it's certainly challenging to determine motives of character as unpredictable as Nikolai. His absurdist life philosophy of seeking freedom by trying to escape himself and what makes him human certainly doesn't help the case. One of guesses can be pure entertainment, just for sake of it. For an entertainer it fits the bill. But I think there's more to it.

Except he doesn't really. By now we know whatever Fyodor's ability is that it isn't combat one - if Nikolai wanted to kill him he wouldn't necessarily need to know what it is. Not to mention Sigma can extract info from corpses, meaning they can kill Fyodor and then find out about his ability. While I'm certain Nikolai doesn't really want Fyodor dead, I can't claim with absolutely certain at that point in manga he's aware of that himself (of course he is after Fyodor 'dies' later on).

Much rather than that I think Nikolai is trying to kill what Fyodor evoke in him - feeling of being understood and wanting to understand other in return. That'll explain the game, trying to break Fyodor out of the prison without being too straightforward about it because he himself cannot decide what he really wants and stick by one decision, putting trust on test, wanting to know about Fyodor's ability and generally about Fyodor and so on.

While it's definitely arguable if Dazai would receive an antidote if he just killed Fyodor without actually escaping, it's also worth noting he was leisure with time (aka had time of his life soft bulling Sigma). Of course, chapter where Dazai talks with Nikolai post all the mess is yet to come out so it's impossible to tell in advance, but I have a hunch Dazai knew right from the start there's no danger of blood poisoning. Or at very least took gamble on that. Nikolai said something among "my apologies I have to poison you too but he (fyodor) wouldn't take the syringe otherwise" so it's clear right off the bat Dazai doesn't really hold his interest in that whole game. He's there for Fyodor and brought Sigma with him to extract information out of him.

As for Fyodor, did he knew blood poisoning wasn't a thing? Before chapter 111 I would have said yes given he too didn't seem to he in the hurry to escape, had no symptoms and didn't take the antidote right off the bat when Nikolai gave it to him. But then we have this:

Does Fyodor mean poison or game itself? My guess is poison because if latter that'd imply Fyodor expected Nikolai to help him break out of Mesaurlet which would imply broken trust. And we all know Fyodor and placing trust in others is like oil and water

To me Nikolai looks straightout dejected here. He's a performer that revels in these types of high stakes game, he should be grinning like a madman - but he's not. So in my opinion he was searching something from Fyodor here that he didn't quite get. It could be just in this scene/exchange or in whole game. But if my hunch that Nikolai was trying to get Fyodor out of Meursalut just needed Fyodor to place iota trust in him is correct, then Fyodor stamping over that hope and failing to see Nikolai's intention wasn't to kill him despite his theatrical proclaims it is would be reason for dejection. Whatever bids for connection he was looking in Fyodor likely won't be returned because of Fyodor's mistrust in people and abiding by cold rationale rather than intuition/emotions.

Therefore my conclusion is that whole Gogol game was a test:

- for Fyodor to put trust in others when he has no rational basis to (his major character flaw) - and that's precisely why he lost in the end. I could go miles here how Dazai put trust in Chuuya (and even Sigma) and how those bonds are very reason he managed to win but that's for some other time gives there's a lot to be talked about soukoku, I'd like to focus on doa trio here.

- for Sigma to realize the difference between being used and being of use, aka realize difference between transaction and a bond. I'd say he did well by placing trust in Dazai but it's yet to be seen if his decision to take Fyodor's hand was the 'right' one. His character arc ain't over, it heavily depends on what info he extracted from Fyodor so it's too early to tell how it'll go. Also this depends on Dazai's actions anime hasn't shown, like will he stick to his promise to save Sigma or not. Given promise he made to Oda 4 years before, I think it's definitely in character for Dazai to come back for him, fetch comatose Sigma and bring him to Yokohama.

- for Nikolai himself to realize what he wants to do with feeling of emotional/intellectual connection he deemed as 'imprisoning'. He's at conundrum himself what he wants to do with Fyodor: help him or kill him - accept the instinct or fight against it for no other reason than to oppose very self - lose sight of himself in the end just like Fyodor said. If we go by anime ending (I doubt manga one will be much diffrent), he came to realization how Fyodor changed his life and how he actually never wanted him dead but it was too late by then. Now haunted by realization only one who ever understood him and only person he ever felt connected to is dead, Nikolai will come to realize true hell of being imprisoned by own mind without means of escaping.

All three of them had some sort of downfall induced by their 'cardinal sins'; their own 'decays' as downfalls source from inner character flaws, so to speak.

[sorcerersandskillusers]

An alternative way of killing Fyodor

Me and some friends were talking about ways to kill Fyodor, other than Dazai doing it or it being from natural causes, another way I can think of is someone sacrificing themselves to take him out. This would be very interesting narratively, and I think there is one perfect candidate to do it.

Nikolai Gogol

Gogol has already said he was willing to die to prove his own free will, and that the only reason he didn't was that he thought killing Fyodor, the only person who ever understood him, was a better way to prove that point.

The other factor here is from a writing perspective Gogol, like Bram, is just too powerful to be left on his own. His ability is completely ridiculous, and combined with his personality, there is no way he wouldn't interfere with the story a lot if left to his own devices. But it would be hard to justify getting rid of him since there is no chance of him getting redeemed, and he's broken enough that having someone kill him is going to be hard.

This would be a good way of writing him out of the story, Asagiri does not kill good guys, that's pretty much a fact at this point, so Gogol would be a good way of having an evil character taking themselves out.

Note: I don't think this would necessarily kill Fyodor, I'm sure he would have some super secret way of escaping whatever situation ends up happening, but I think it would be a very interesting way to cap off Gogols character.

(also at this point i've completely given up trying to predict bsd, asagiri always throws any theories I have out of the window, so this is mostly just a fun speculation)

[justcallmesakira]

WAIT WAIT

BSD FANDOM YOU GUYS ARE MISSING OUT SOMETHING OML

NOTICE HOW NIKOLAI ISNT THERE? NO BECAUSE WHERE DA FACK IS NIKOLAI DID HE LIKE use his ability to fly away? the mersault prison is very VERY high so he cant just like fly away or jump yknow

THIS MAKES THE POSSIBLITY OF FYODOR EXCHANGING HIS SOUL WITH NIKOLAI VERY MUCH OMG

FYODOR FUCKING DOSTOEVSKY IF THIS IS TRUE...I AM GOING TO FUCKING JOIN @rusmii NO JOKE U MOTHERFUCKER

[sssarrrra]

𝐅𝐲𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞, 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠

Fyodor can still feel things, no matter how much he tries to hide it. We know where he channels his negative emotions (to sinners). But where do the positive ones go? Well, he dedicates them to God.

God is a time capsule for all the positive feelings that are still left inside Fyodor. They're too vulnerable, too tender, too childish to share them with humans. People will only trample over them and leave him empty.

But Dostoevsky still can't part with his sentiments. They give his heart a little jolt so it can keep living a little longer. So where can he direct them?

God is left as his only safe space for that.

Fyodor treats the concept of God like a coffer, where he can store his dreams from the earlier days. All of his hopes, aspirations, fantasies are better be locked inside the God's chest. Since God is the only one occupying Fyodor's brain, he'll keep them safe.

Devine being became a target for Fyodor's affection because He can't reject or hurt Dostoevsky in any meaningful way. It's left up to Fyodor's mind to imagine God as he likes. And so he does it.

God becomes not only a symbol to thrive for, but also a companion that helps him to cope with the loneliness.

God accepts all the Fyodor's needs humanity haven't fulfilled. His agonizing idealism, his need for deep understanding of his soul and a connection that makes him feel at home.

Surely, during the centuries of Fyodor's life, he came close to forming a bond with people at least a few times. But the process of separation was so painful, Dostoy decided it wasn't worth it anyway.

His failure to organically morn the end of his relations led to his fatal inability to reattach once again. Fyodor mistrusts new people in his life: he compartmentalizes them, puts on labels, and tries to keep every interaction under control.

The only one who can relate to this mindset is Bram, but even he is able to break away from it because of Aya. Stoker risks taking interest in the girl and then sacrifices his life for her. Now Bram's time is no longer frozen in place, he's moving forward, his character progresses.

But Fyodor is too overwhelmed with his feelings and memories that have never healed. He probably thinks that even a small bit of a emotional pain will break him entirely. So even if someone comes to Dostoevsky, waving a friendship flag in the air, Fyodor will shut down to keep them away.

This is what happened with Gogol. Nikolai wanted to be friends with Fyodor. But Dostoy never showed him any of his deeper emotions. By hiding all personal information, Dos-kun maintained a distance between himself and a jester. So the later couldn't reach out to and comfort Fyodor even if he wanted.

Of course, there is always a chance that Gogol would use Dostoevsky's feelings against him. And Fyodor also probably thought about that, so he cut off that option entirely. Sadly, we'd never see where their connection could lead, if Dostoevsky chose to share with Nikolai his everything. Maybe, it would lead to an even bigger disaster, but perhaps they would be able to find some solace in each other.

Now Fyodor is too hurt to open up his soul. All the scars on it had fused into an armor, protecting him from caring about others. Dostoevsky's soul became a shell, impenetrable from the outside. He made sure it would never change. His fortress. His prison. His mind.

Trapped inside of it, Dostoevsky still craved for someone to be there for him. Fyodor wanted a friend with whom he could converse without lying. He wanted a family. Maybe, he even wanted a lover.

Therefore, God was cast in all the roles that had been left vacant in Fyodor's life. And of course, Devine Being could fulfill them better than anyone. At least, from the Dostoy's perspective, his life was easier this way.

In Fyodor's story, God is a star of every relationship he still has.

God is almost like a friend, but he won't argue back or abandon him in pain. He won't make Fyodor feel inadequate by disagreeing with his perspective.

God is like a family, but he loves Fyodor unconditionally or at least His “conditions” are kinder than human ones. They're much more bearable than the rules Dostoevsky had to abide by when he was a child.

God is like a lover, but his love isn't physically “sinful” (whatever sexuality Fyodor has, it's very morphed and repressed). Devine being won't be put off by Fyodor's appearance and won't leave once He sees who Fyodor truly is.

God is like a teacher, but he doesn't have a hidden agenda and actually wants Fyodor to be better. God knows indefinitely more than Fyodor, so He can always share something new from His well of knowledge.

And of course, God will never change, die or choose someone else. He is always there.

It feels safe for Fyodor to love and admire someone who is so perfect.

And well, God can't disappoint.

[bsd-elle]

Chapter 110 Official Art Analysis