#BRYAN WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU BRO

[theres-a-bea]

chief justice bryan wing will never beat the deadbeat allegations ever

you know it's the truth.

[davenportia]

part 2 of lab rats deserving better, for lack of a better title

picking up where we left off with mr. donald davenport/big d (chris and bryan, what the heck-) also HUGE TRIGGER WARNING of abuse and narcissism - donald davenport is one of the worst parents i have ever seen on disney. he makes it abundantly clear he only cares about himself and barely cares about his kids. i am fully aware that he was trying to protect them from douglas but i will say this on here because of the hate i got on the ‘say my name’ edit on tiktok. it’s davenport’s APPROACH that i am talking about. i know douglas would have been worse. with that being said… davenport always managed to make the situation about him. whether that was making a doll version of himself and making the toy company pay him god knows what amount of money for the lab rats’ action figures, or it’s an award FOR HIS KIDS for their 1000th mission that he tries to turn into a market deal with the president for his car, he always made it about him making money. even if it’s not about money, his ego never quits. when the KID’S BIONICS WERE EXPOSED, he said “i’m the brains behind it all. the smart behind the heart” (idk his exact words) and it’s like, stop talking about yourself for once. your kids could potentially be separated from each other and you’re talking about how you deserve credit for them. stfu, donald. additionally, and i sort of buried the lead here, my bad, in the literal first episode, you can see how donald had treated them for 16 years. he fed them pellet through a tube in their capsules - which was called ‘feeding time’ - what the fuck. chase LITERALLY says they’re “like human lab rats” and then they show adam in a human-sized hamster wheel. do people that defend davenport not realize that he treats his kids like animals? then after they made one mistake (going to school with no outside world experience thus inevitably causing trouble at school) and he almost sent them to an off-shore facility where they could complete their training - AGAIN, not letting them see the real world. bro, these are human kids you’re shutting out from the world. that’s like elsa in frozen possibly never evening meeting anna, could you imagine that? if you defend davenport, respectfully, unfollow or block me. no hate to hal sparks, all the hate goes to donald davenport.

tasha - my god, i love tasha. but there’s one thing that i wish they could have explored more: where the fuck is leo’s bio dad and what happened to him? so we know leo has a dad because leo says in ‘crush, chop, and burn part 1,’ “my NEW dad is batman!” but that’s literally all we even remotely hear of his bio dad. there are so many questions about this man. trigger warning real quick. was his dad absent most of his life? did tasha and him have a messy divorce? was he abusive? did they have a good or bad relationship with him? did he pass away? was he anything like davenport? in ‘can i borrow the helicopter?’ leo confides in davenport with a crush he has on janelle. davenport decides to tell tasha about said crush and she tries to help him hang out with her. after it backfires, leo is inevitably and understandably upset. “and what’s up with mr. blabbenport? i spill my guts to him and he blabs all about it” he says to tasha. davenport appears and here’s what he says to him: “you told my mom about janelle! i’ll never trust you again.” in my opinion, he could have and should have been more hurt. that could have showed us a bit more of leo’s past with his reaction. he could have said something like “i can’t believe my new dad can’t keep secrets either” or “my old dad would never have said anything.” like give us SOMETHING, disney. leo could have even struggled to tell davenport because his dad could have been a blabbermouth. we have no idea what his life was like before his mom married davenport. and tasha, when davenport was being irrational, could have said something like “this again! my ex husband always did stuff like this” or “new husband, same shenanigans.” seriously, we can get a little deeper here.

douglas: again, LOVE douglas. i know he started out at the main villain of the show along with marcus, but his CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT; BRAVO. he’s probably one of the funniest characters on the show. he just wanted his kids back, you know? give him a break. no but in all seriousness, he changed so much and became a better person. he showed he cared about the kids and saved their lives twice. donald? didn’t care that chase came home safe in ‘avalanche’ and was more excited about the money than his own kid. also the thing with perry having a crush on him was hilarious. i wish we had seen more of his backstory, though. all we know is that he wanted to make adam, bree, chase, and daniel cyber soldiers and davenport kicked him out and stole/rescued (however you see it) the kids, he faked his own death, and he partnered with victor krane to continue his research. all we get are these jokes throughout the show: “i was going through a rough patch and wanted societies to destroy each other.” in ‘sink or swim part 2’ when krane says to destroy adam, bree, and chase, douglas says “that was never my plan?” and from then on, tries to get in with and protect the kids, what did he want then? did he just want forgiveness or did he still want control over them? other than that, i don’t have much to say. i think douglas’ character was well written and had a good arc.

theresa cherry perry aka principal perry - i know she’s a terrible person but she’s so easy to like. she clearly cares about the kids but will never admit that. she wasn’t a very complex character though, i think. she was the standard mean principal who had a questionable past and 6 cats. what do you guys think of perry? what questions and/or suggestions do you have?

danielle, trent, ethan, stephanie, mrs. thissle - where did they all go?

am i the only one who couldn’t stand caitlin? like she started out as bree’s nerdy best friend but then became this like crazy weird girl everyone hates. like? you couldn’t let bree have one good friend?

overall, lab rats is a great show. clearly, it has a huge fan base and there are lab rats editors everywhere on tiktoks and instagram. hundreds of blogs dedicated to lab rats and other disney xd shows on tumblr, or loads of posts about the lab rats universe. again, chris peterson and bryan moore did a great job with what they had, but if the show hadn’t been produced by disney and the things from post and part 1 of this post had been thought about more, it could have been a MUCH better show. what are your thoughts?

[the-writing-mobster]

were there any fic ideas you never ended up writing that you regret not doing?

also, do you have any other undertale ships? {:

Ah! Thank you for the ask dear heart! Let's see...

Of course I have fics that are still deep in my drafts, and I also have a few unfinished fics currently published ON Ao3.

I don't really regret not publishing certain fics because it's not really a matter of if more than it is a matter of when. A few of these old ideas just need way more fleshing out and just aren't ready for the limelight.

And that "not if but when" mindset is carried over to my unfinished fics as well, like Baby Face and YWIW.

They'll eventually be completed. (Although tbh, I'm not so sure about ywiw now, may have to go and really take a good long look at that one and the goals I want to achieve with it. For YWIW, I guess I regret some of the choices I made with Frisk's character arc. Like I accidentally walked back on things that I shouldn't have. Sequels are hard, y'all.)

—

Now for my other UT ships? Hmmmm...

I'm gonna come out the gate swinging and say that I, first and foremost do not ship Asgore and Toriel. I think their dynamic is more interesting as a divorced couple. Boom. That'll stir the pot some.

(I have a lot of weird UT ships tbh)

Now, moving on to what I actually ship:

Asriel x Papyrus / Papsriel / Boneblossom

This stems more from how I wrote their dynamic in wdyw part 4 + ywiw. See, when Frisk and Sans are off doing hard main character work, Papyrus and Asriel were alone together a lot, working through both of their collective daddy issues together (their fathers were big ole villains and they were consoling each other about their relationships with their fathers, it was actually very sweet) Ergo, I began to ship.

But also, if you look at the game, there are instances of Asriel and Papyrus befriending, and Asriel manipulating him, or growing fond of Papyrus in his own way as Flowey. Yeah there's the problem of "well technically Asriel is a child!" Which like... Okay, he's also dead and immortal at the same time. In wdyw he died at an older age so... 🤷🏻‍♀️ It depends on where you take the story. I could also just ship them platonically. So yeah!

Undyne x Alphys / Alphyne

This one is obvious. They're canon. They're beautiful. I love gay people. I love lesbians. I am a gay people. I am a lesbian. I love them.

Also, low-key, I also just like to explore more of their dynamic than just lovey dovey sapphic stuff. The highs and the lows. And they're perfect to do that with.

Nick x Sans / Nicecream Guy x Sans

This one is unorthodox, but it's because of Baby Face. They're so gay in that fic like it's unbelievable. If not Sans, then definitely Nick. Like they've definitely explored each other's bodies at least once.

Also in wdyw, they have a more complex, complicated friendship since they're more like long lost friends, and the whole "you betrayed our ideals by joining Asgore's military" and Nick "you joined a rebellion that will never win, you've doomed yourself to martyrdom." Sans saving Nick from prison & the purge, ugh, they're so complex, I love em!

Nick is definitely gay. I know we were pushing for Alick but honestly... That boy is gay. And I really believe that. I think the only better pairing for him would be Napstablook, or... And I guess I'll concede to years of shipping before me... Burgerpants/Bryan. Because Bryan has that like, newly joined rebellion, starry eyes, just found out his crush was brutally murdered by one of Muffet's assassins, etc, and then there's Nick, shining hero of the revolution. I think it could work really well.

Muffet x Toriel / Muffriel / Spiderscotch

Bro even the name screams lesbian, wtf? This is like Everlark's alternative ship name being peenis.

BRO THEY LIVE IN THE RUINS TOGETHER, MUFFET SET UP SHOP IN THE RUINS. TORIEL BAKES PIES AND MUFFET BAKES FUCKED UP SPIDER DONUTS. THEY'RE A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN. (And I'm purely talking about classic, but who's to say that wdyw Muffet wasn't sneaking into the queen's chambers after killing her own husband and poisoning Toriel's daughter right under her nose? UGH THE DRAMA!!!!)

Ugh, I love my gay ships.

Anyway, Toriel is the sweet, albeit very flawed, old money, cottage core wife, and Muffet is the manipulative, borderline Machiavellian, macabre, new money, goth wife and they're PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. I've never been more serious in my life.

Anyway, those are my UT ships that are not Frans. Don't come for me, I know they're unconventional (except for Alphyne) but I love them each dearly.

.

.

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Old pencil drawing I did:

[deathofpeaceofmiiind]

illicit affairs | nineteen

*Noah’s POV* I sat down in front of my laptop, getting ready to open up zoom. Ellie and I spent the day watching Demon Slayer and eating pizza from her favourite restaurant since it was pouring rain outside. She gave me one last kiss before resorting to her bedroom so I could have some privacy. Plus, I don’t think her being in the chat would help Matt’s terrible response to all of this. From the group chat responses, I think they knew what was coming but we decided to have a meeting about it anyway. Everyone was invited, including Davis, Steven and Bryan. I took a huge breath before starting the call. This could go really well, or downright terrible.

Jolly: Hello

Folio: Yooooo Me: Is everyone here? Matt: let’s just get this over with. Me: So, I don’t know how to start this but Ellie and I are back together and - Bryan: Bro Davis: I’m sorry? Folio: Do y’all think Noah waved to Matt at customs or? Everyone started laughing, causing my cheeks to flush and my eyes roll deep into my head. Me: I hate you guys so fucking much

Ruffilo: Jokes aside, what’s going on Man? Folio: Jokes aside? I have like 5 more I wrote down Me: Anyways…Ellie and I have basically picked up where left off last year and we want to make this work. So in order for me to do that, I need to move, up here. Davis: Why can’t she move down here? Me: She has a child, her family and his dad are up here. There was dead silence and I couldn’t even look at the screen. I saw a couple of them grab their phones, making me assume they were texting about this in a group I wasn’t apart of. That sinking feeling was worsening as I silently pleaded for someone to break the silence.

Jolly: I think it’s time you got out of LA. Me: Really? Jolly: Besides us recording together down there, there really is no reason for you to be here bro. When you’re here you hardly leave your house and you’ve hit more lows than highs. I fully support it, especially if it means you’ll be happy with Ellie. You’re more tolerable when you’re happy. Me: Thanks man, it means a lot. Folio: I heard the fishing is unreal up there so I support it. Ruffilo: You got my vote man. Steven: Fucking finally, we need that second warehouse. Davis: Vancouver’s a sick place man, and you gotta do what’s best for you and your girl. Bryan: I don’t know why I’m here. Throughout all the laughter and support I got I never noticed Matt left the chat, none of us did. I don’t blame him, it would be hard to hear everyone support your friend with someone you were once with. I knew I wouldn’t get his support right now, but he would come around eventually. After all he did let her go because he knew Ellie and I weren’t done. I’ll give him his space and not make this harder than it needs to.

I got off my call and walked into the bedroom. Ellie looked up from her book and smiled at me, almost bringing me to my goddamn knees with those thick rimmed glasses she wore. I crawled onto the bed and she put her book down in preparation of me. My mouth met hers with desperation and she instantly wrapped her arms around me, bracing herself for the impact. I felt so happy that I couldn’t control my movements with her, I rolled her over so she was laying on top of me instead. My hands gripped her thighs as I looked up at her, she looked so beautiful. “I take it everyone’s on board?” “Looks like I’m about to be a Canadian.” “I can’t believe it.” She whispered, tears forming in her eyes as she looked down at me. I sat up immediately and caught the tears that escaped her, “I’m sorry I’m just really, really happy about this. I never thought it would happen after last year.” I felt my own emotions bubble up as tears prickled my eyes, “Me neither.”

[are-we-really-doing-this]

U should keep going off about Bryan I think the people deserve to know bro

Okay so you know how Mount St. Helens erupted in 1980? You know how Bryan Danielson was born in 1981? You think that's a coincidence??? Haha, I don't.

Let's just imagine for a moment that left somewhere in the smouldering rubble were three things. The body of a dead hiker, the carcass of a dead mountain goat, and some large mass of formerly green foliage. Let's say some fucking, fucking fertility magic belched up by the volcano possessed this pile of stuff and it was left to incubate. Let's say this pile was found by excavation crew decades later, and lets say that from the ashes a horned and hooved figure covered in dirty white fur, moss, and multicolored gemstones yanked itself from the ground and slunk off into the woods leaving the terrified crew to tell stories of the Washington State Goat Woman. More sightings would occur in the coming months as far as the midwest. Several people will claim attacks.

In time, this creature would make it's way allllllllllll the fucking way to the east coast where, in some stretch of woods behind the house, Mox would discover her. They have one of those non-verbal animal communication moments, you know the ones. Bryan on all fours looking essentially 100% physically human at that point just very feral, Mox crouched down in dog mode doing her big eyes and head tilts, whining and woofing at the panting and bleating thing in front of her. They're basically circling each other and sniffing each other for threats until Mox is like "hey baby wanna come back to mine" and Bryan doesn't really understand but she follows her anyway.

Cut to the rest of the girls discovering Mox hosing down this wispy naked chick in the back yard and she's like "check out this cool thing I found!" and it's a starving, shivering Bryan with hair matted in front of her eyes so bad she can barely see. They bring her in so she can shower but she seems to not understand a single thing they're doing and saying, but of course Mox seems to realize this and insists on helping her shower, get dressed, and eat spoonfuls of peanut butter directly from the jar because that's what Mox does to make herself feel better, so it couldn't hurt this weird scary girl that just sort of appeared out of nowhere.

This is barely even the beginning of this woman, I'm so excited to tell y'all more about her

[meowstix]

today on "rat will not shut the fuck up about the bega arc"! i need to hit volkov with a steel chair

ok so i've been thinking about this scene for a while. because well look at it like oh my GODDD this guy. bro dropped an entire monologue about how sorry he is (which as we find out is bullshit) on this kid.. i hate this guy so much this scene is great.

and like. the other day. i had a realization. because like, when yuriy shows up, volkov is a LOT more outwardly antagonistic towards him. while obviously from an out of universe perspective this is the point where it's made clear that he still sucks ass, i think there's a couple ways you can view it (though i mean, it's probably a mix of the two), both of which i think are really interesting.

the first is the fact that if there's anyone who could see through volkov's bullshit, it's yuriy. there's no need to bother with the facade here. the second is the fact that like.. yuriy, bryan, and sergey tried to take on bega by themselves and well, look at how that turned out. the world champion is one thing, but yuriy can't do shit. he's nowhere near the level of the justice 5, and he doesn't really have the presence needed to damage bega's reputation.

i've talked about the theme of public perception and how it can be manipulated in g-rev, and that's what makes volkov such a great villain here. bsb's villains as a whole very much Not bladers but with g-rev volkov i feel like it's a step beyond that. it's about social power, it's about influence, it's about turning the world to his side.

then they totally ditched that angle but shhhhh i'm pretending i don't see that rn

[twistedyapping]

my experience with health n wellness n stuff

so i started adding weights alongside my cardio, changing my cardio routine just slightly, and changing my diet a tad like 3 months ago or so now-

i didnt do it to lose weight or anything, i did it to build muscle and also hopefully stop fighting god on the shitter- i basically just started doing it to do it bc like. Why not.

and real shit ever since i started really bryan johnsoning and david gogginsing life my whole everything has absolutely skyrocketed-

n im not gonna be one of those ppl that's like "LIFT OR DIE!!!!! EXERCISE OR U SUCK!!!!" Bc like if u have a solid reason why u cant, dw abt it- but in my experience since i changed all this stuff, my self esteem and confidence (and even 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 vibes) and Everything has just absolutely skyrocketed for the better-

Like i was someone who got winded bringing the groceries in the house (And i could hold like 4 light bags max), and if i like squatted down to the floor for any reason, it was a Full Body exercise to get myself back up to stand.

now i can literally get up and down using Only My Legs which is how it should be!!! And the other day i carried HALF the grocery load in the house and wasn't even winded!!!!!! Like that little shit is just so fucking worth it bro it makes u feel so much better abt literally everything in life

and i have visible muscle now!!! Im not a twig like i can actually do shit!!! And after being known as the skinny as a rail twig with no muscle for like my whole life, you have no clue how great being able to overhead press 21.5lbs Multiple Times feels for me- And like that's probably not a whole lot of weight for a lot of ppl, but mannnn i started with 16lbs and was DYING.

i can also fucking glute bridge 60lbs Like that's CRAZY to me and ya ya the hips r the powerhouse of the cell But i started with 54.5lbs. That is also insane to me.

the thing is like i literally never knew my own strength, like the small amount i already had, and i also never knew how to Increase it until now- And now i just feel more in tune with my body and even my mind like- idk everything is just Good and Better.

ya i got some days where i dont rly feel like eating bryan johnson food like quinoa n shit But other days i literally get hyped for it. and i measure my food n shit like-

and i was allergic to the idea of measuring my food n stuff at first- i genuinely hated the idea because i didnt want to find out i was getting like 0 nutrients per day i was PETRIFIED bc i was always told i eat like an ipad kid-

well turns out i actually Do get a lot of nutrients every day and even more now- and i dont measure my food to hit a specific amount of calories, i just measure it to know what im getting out of it- im not counting strands of spaghetti tryna make sure it's EXACTLY 116 grams, but hitting that double serving 232g dead on is satisfying ngl- Or cutting exactly 1oz of cheese- Like it's just fun 4 me idk

and i understand it's not fun for some ppl and that's 100% okay, i am not here to preach the fitness gospel, im just here to share my experience bc i enjoy yapping abt things

im not going the full mile like perfect everything, measuring every single thing on my body like bryan johnson (no shade, he's a well beloved name in our house bc it's funny to call quinoa n stuff bryan johnson food 😭😭), but i am just kinda chillin and like really starting to take my health and nutrients and exercise more seriously without being afraid of it like i used to be and it's in turn helping my mental health too which is why i do it-

i do everything i can to make my mind better bro call me david goggins the way im up in those brain cabinets clearin shit out all the time- But ya like. Idk shit's just Better.

so if this somehow inspired u to also go down the fitness path either by just starting out or going further down it than u already were- sick 🫡 Bc that wasn't my intention so that'd be a cool consequence of my actions 🫡

Anyway ya that's abt it. see ya

- 🌙 -

[bang-bang-gang]

Can you elaborate on the backstage drama around the tag belts? 🍵

sure! this is all baseless speculation to be clear

also biased as hell because i don't like FTR or jericho as performers. this answer turned into quite a rant, sorry. if i got any facts wrong i'm happy to be corrected. not coming after anyone who's an FTR or jericho fan, you do you

but, based on what i, as a fan, can see with my eyes on the screen:

FTR fought aussie open at wrestledream and mark davis injured his wrist. i think it's possible aussie open was meant to win this match but an audible was called, based on the next thing.

same ppv, there was a fourway tag match for a guaranteed title shot for the tag belts, between the bucks, ass boys, lucha bros, and hook&oc. the bucks won this. i think the bucks would have made a GREAT first feud for aussie open as new tag champs to reaaally establish themselves: in the past year everyone's been saying FTR and the bucks are the greatest tag teams in the world, it would have been AMAZING for the new tag champs to beat both of them in a short time period.

but FTR took the belts home and mark davis disappeared while for a couple of weeks, kyle fletcher was constantly put in singles matches on both AEW and ROH. i know fan consensus seems to be he has been lost to the don callis hole but i think we need to be patient lmao: he was fighting bryan danielson, kenny omega, and takeshita all in singles not too long ago.

the bucks didn't mention their guaranteed tag title shot at all. At. All. they actually also had the ROH 6-man belts (which is what i think confirms that they were never meant to win the AEW tag belts back with said title shot) and had one match against the hardys & isiah kassidy with it and then lost it to the guys they won it off in the first place. absolute mess of a booking.

jericho and kenny started teaming up because.. they're both canadians? both have beef with don callis? this storyline depresses me so i won't pretend to know what happened exactly. but at the last ppv they had a match against the bucks where they could win their guaranteed title shot off the bucks or they had to disband. jericho and kenny won.

in the meantime, FTR have dropped their tag belts. word is that FTR aggravated assault has a rib injury but they've been wrestling pretty quick again since so i don't know if that was the reason for them to drop it. they dropped it by being squashed by ricky starks and big bill (absolute bill). absolute bill is a makeshift tag team who, in their own words, had never even talked to each other since a few weeks before they won these belts. literally the only matches they've had so far (despite ricky being on tv every single week for other things) were a match against claudiyoots (WHO SHOULD HAVE WON) and a fourway ladder match at the most recent ppv because (according to dirtsheets) none of the other teams wanted to be pinned by absolute bill lmao

so what i extrapolate from all this information is the following:

aussie open was meant to be tag champs by wrestledream

young bucks were supposed to be their first feud hence the tag title shot they got

thanks to injuries FTR ended up dropping the belts to absolute bill

young bucks did not want to lose to absolute bill so they are not using their tag title shot

(nobody wants to lose to absolute bill except for wheeler yuta apparently)

chris jericho got his claws into kenny omega and his greasy hands on the title shit because he doesn't mind losing to absolute bill. or hell maybe the "golden jets" (kenny and jericho's tag team name, referencing a nazi sympathizer) will be the next tag champs

i don't know how long mark davis' injury is expected to last. i think that if the "golden jets" got the belts and kept them warm for aussie open it could pivot into a cool storyline, especially if will ospreay joins AEW around the same time. or fucking hell maybe jericho could betray kenny and kenny teams up with ibushi again and the golden lovers actually win the belts, that'd be more fun. the bucks are missing in action since last ppv and the dirtsheet report is they're going to return as heels with their own faction, and heel!bucks could take the belts off kenny & jericho too, though i'm not really excited about that idea.

just to reiterate, this is just speculation based on what's happening on screen and i'm making theories about what's happening backstage for why the booking is so messy.

most of all i think the following is a good tldr

[twilightofthe]

okay i put all my cranky thoughts into a separate post that's now drafted and it made me feel better so i'll be able to watch this episode now lol but if it gets me worked up again i'm posting the rant i'm sorry i cannot be helped or changed or saved <3

ANYWAY AHSOKA EP 2

also i forgot to say so last episode but kevin kiner my ABSOLUTE BELOVED the return of the king is real so happy to have you here my dude the ending and full theme was absolutely gorgeous

anywayyyyyy so i am guessing sabine did not make like satine and survived her shish kabobing

well there's ahsoka

oh yeah there's bean she's fine she'll be fine xD

damn filoni really gave more handwaving to having a character survive a major impalement vs me twisting myself into fucking knots writing anakin getting run through lmao

ahsoka sorry but actually i'm gonna blame u for this you still kinda seem like a mess and i don't think you were a very good teacher to sabine and now ur dropping back in on her when she's convenient to you?

well at least we know why she's so adamant against training baby yoda lol

ope here's goth girl and the fuuuuck is his NAME again i keep calling him fucking bryan

i like the fancy sithy-looking sundial tho

pfff second ep is "toil and trouble" guess we're getting witchy!

OH YEAH WAS SABINE'S KITTY OKAY

THEY BETTER BE OKAY

I SWEAR TO GOD

yea ahsoka what happened to showing up in the nick of time and saving kanan and ezra from inquisitors in rebels u were slowwww girlie

OK GOOD THE CAT IS OKAY

that's all that matters

ope one more droid hanging around ezra's place

GIRL UR SITTING UP ALREADY?!

GIRL HOW CAN U BREATHE

we do love the mechanic girl of my heart

sabine does love her explosions

no huyang hera just likes explosions

sabine works best under explosive pressure we LOVE HER

ope back to corellia i guess? we can reuse the old solo sets?

sabine

you were just

impaled

"but she's not the one who needs to hear it right now" ahhh there's the sabine and hera dialogue. ugh but i'm still not used to natasha and mary i can just hear tiya and vanessa doing it instead :(

WHY DO Y'ALL KEEP MAKING SABINE AND AHSOKA ANGRY EXES TF

"ancient ppl from a distant galaxy" waaaaaaait are they bringing in those eu dudes

no wait i think i remember something about these guys that was mention as the big bad in the canceled animated rebels sequel

or it could just be the chiss lmao

that could be it too, makes sense why they'd want thrawn

ok that is some real cool galactic map visuals i am an absolute sucker for a good starmap

ok but wait how the fuck did y'all get a map to thrawn anyway did the space whales write it

also sorry morgan but i don't personally think thrawn would go for u nothing personal you are hot but you don't quite seem his type

waaaait is fucking thrawn gonna have force sensitivity now THAT would be absolutely hilarious and he'd hate it so much

who's marrok i have no memory

y'all you can't just make thrawn work for you didn't he only work with the empire cuz he had to because it would advantage his people somehow (has read zero thrawn novels and only seen rebels)

please tell me sabine is in the fucking vents of ahsoka's ship

THERE'S THE GHOST WHERE IS CHOPPER

I AM NO LONGER FUCKING ASKING

okay so i think my issue with Mary is she doesn't have any of the same authority and purpose Hera's meant to hav

CHOPPER

CHOPPER

MY MURDERBOT

MY SON

MY ANGEL MY EVERYTHING

Anyway

yeah

oh yeah harping in that the new republic is a total fustercluck

ew a capitalist

bro you know hera used to steal from people like you for the rebellion

sdlkfjsdk omg sabine's mom needs to talk to the teacher to keep her from getting expelled

but also y'all sabine is like 25-30 right now she's not a kid

@ ahsoka bitch you have no fuckin clue what you're doing doooon't talk about readiness

y'know maybe the imperial era just advanced medicine so later impalements don't kill people

oh oh so it IS ezra's!

sabine go find luke he'd love to have you

STOP WITH THE GAY DIALOGUE

ok so yeah she likely doesn't have force sensitvity

goddammit huyang neverMIND

so sabine IS force sensitive :) and kanan and ezra just never brought it up :) great :)

hera my beautiful ship nerd ily

bitch do NOT fuck with hera she has more presence than anyone ever

hera my dude you know better than anyone that if a ship wants to take off you gotta go try and stop it in person

ah i have been waiting like 5 long years to watch hera best pilot there was kick aerial ass

we STAN

chopperrrrrrrrr

oh yeah ahsoka's fighting an inquisitor too lmao

CHOPPER GET THEIR ASS

CHOPPER ADD TO YOUR KILL COUNT

ok this hera and chopper banter is perfect i do love it

VICTORY FOR MY GHOSTS

oh and good job ahsoka lol

aghhh sabine and her therapy cat i'm ;_;

theeeeere's sabine's mando armor

SABINE AND KANAN'S FUCKIN KNIFE I'M GONNA EVEN IGNORE THE BAD MULAN HACKJOB ATTEMPT

okay it seems like mary's kinda on and off for hera so far, she has her moments but she can't hold them

rosario keeps losing me i'm sorryyyyyyyy

natasha is doing GREAT

aaaaaand we redoing the end of the rebels epilogue!

god this makes me miss zeb

and kanan obvs but i've come to accept his death

zeb's still hanging around where is he!!!!!

ah all is right

sabine has her gay haircut back

here we go gay roadtrip to find ezra time

alright so i'm still not really vibing with jedi!sabine at All but i have concluded that this show is watchable but honestly not that good, writing-wise, sorry dave, so i think i'll be able to watch it with my brain turned off

goddammit first i thought the holograms visiting morgan were nightsister witch ghosts xD

RIGHT RIGHT HIS NAME IS BAYLAN NOT BRYAN

morgan stop simping for thrawn i guaranTEE he's not your type

oKAY

we are through with the two episodes! it is very late for me so i'm gonna sit and think on what i've seen so far and shitpost a little. i did really like seeing my rebels blorbos again even if the live action actors don't quite have their groove yet. obviously very excited to retrieve ezra <3 so yeah that was that and i'll be back for more next week!

[faggotmox]

trauma magnet: all day breakfast (ch1)

rating: teen pairing: Jon Moxley/Bryan Danielson, Claudio Castagnoli/Eddie Kingston, Jon Moxley/Eddie Kingston word count: 5,044 warnings: a lot of swearing & tobacco use (cigarettes & dip), dude bro talk, dude bro behavior author’s notes: this is an AU where Mox & Eddie are an EMS crew while Bryan & Claudio run a coffee shop/bakery. ao3 link: [ one ] series masterlist: [ post ] chapter summary: The only places open at 4am are coffee shops. Eddie & Mox decide to check a place out while on the job. It has nothing to do with the fact that the barista & baker are both very hot. The EMS crew is just hungry.

“I’m--”

“Don’t fuckin’ start.” Mox declared sharply, his eyes not leaving the comic book in hand.

“There’s nothin--”

“I swear to God, Kingston, if you jinx us you’re gonna be the one in need of an ambulance. Ya hear?” Mox looked up from his reading finally to glare at Eddie from across the cab of their truck.

“Easy for you to say. You got readin’ material.” Eddie grumbled as he sunk further into the passenger seat. 

“Bro, you--” Mox sighed and slapped the comic book down in his lap. “I let you pick the music, didn’t I? Is this not a forever playlist of DMX?” 

“...It is.” Eddie gave in and sighed. “Sorry. Sorry. Go back to your fuckin’ comic.”

“Thank you.” Mox shook his head as he looked back at the color pictures but couldn’t focus anymore on the story. “God damn it.”

“Yeah?” Eddie grinned over at his partner.

“Don’t be fuckin’ smug about it.” Mox grumbled as he got out his dip container and packed his lip. “I fuckin’ hate you.”

“Uh-huh.” Eddie chuckled. “C’mon, I know we’re new around here but not a single call? Not even a bandaid?” 

“I’d rather be bored, my man.” Mox shifted in his seat before leaning forward against the steering wheel. “You know I’m fuckin’ superticous about this shit. Why ya keep it up? When you supposedly love me so much?”

“‘Cause I like fucking with you too much.” Eddie cackled as he smacked a pack of cigarettes against his palm.

“Wait, you gonna smoke?” Mox glared.

“Since when do you give a fuck about smokin’ in the rig?” Eddie frowned.

“Don’t give a fuck, but I just put in my dip.” Mox pouted. “You coulda said somethin’.”

“Ah! I see. I see. Well, you could quit that disgusting habit and pick up something cleaner. Like my cigarettes.” Eddie popped one stick into his mouth. “Seriously, your teeth are already…”

“Hey!” Mox leaned over to punch Eddie but the other didn’t respond much other than an ouch. “What’re you distracted by?”

“Who.” Eddie blinked a few times and rubbed his eyes. “Dude, look at this hot guy. Across the street. Fifty feet tall, shaved head, beard?” 

“Oh fuck, dude.” Mox looked in the direction Eddie was looking and spotted the giant. “He is hot. What the fuck?”

“God damn.” Eddie watched the tall man closely.

The man in question stood on the sidewalk of a coffee shop and bakery with a black apron tied around his waist and a broom in hand. The clock said it was 4 in the morning which meant the coffee shop was opening. The sign above the shop window said Claudio’s Cafe & the Blackpool Bakery . Eddie watched the man sweep, the black t-shirt he wore with the cafe’s name on the back pulled taunt over his biceps and chest in the most perfect way. The jeans were a similar story but Eddie never minded a squeal, especially a good one. 

“Moxie.” Eddie sat up more, leaning on the dash. “Am I in love?” 

“Nah.” Mox chuckled. “You’re just hungry. I bet they have pie.” 

This time Eddie reached out and slugged Mox’s shoulder making the other howl. Mox was laughing his way through the sting when the glass door of the cafe opened up and another man stepped out. Considerably shorter, but Mox noted that he had a full head of hair. Long hair pulled up into a neat bun. A blank white t-shirt concealed hefty muscles, already there was flour on the black apron he wore. The pair exchanged words before the one in the white shirt went back inside.

“I want the short one.” Mox declared as quickly as his brain would let him.

“Fuckin’ have him. He looks annoying as fuck.” Eddie shook his head. “I got big boy.”

“Dispatch,” Mox gripped the walkie talkie on his shoulder. “This is Elite-12. We’re stepping out for breakfast. Radio’s hot. Over.”

“Confirmed, Elite-12.” The crackling voice came over the radio. “Drink some coffee for me too. Over.” 

"You got it, Orange.” Mox responded as they got out of the ambulance. “Elite-12 out.”

As they made their way across the street Mox fixed his t-shirt, tucking it back in where it came loose. Eddie flipped his FDNY cap backwards and rearranged his belt as they approached the cafe. The one Eddie called ‘big boy’ had stepped back inside while they were on their way over so Mox stopped them before the door.

“Hang on.” Mox fixed Eddie’s button up where one of the buttons had come loose. “There ya go.” 

“Always lookin’ out for me, Mox.” Eddie pushed the door open for Mox to step through first. They were greeted before the door swung shut.

“Good morning.” The one in the white t-shirt greeted them without looking up from the display case he was working on. Mox bit his lip at the slightly nasally voice. Everything about the guy read smug. 

“Welcome to our cafe.” The other man had an accent that made Eddie want to bark, and an absolutely beautiful smile to match. A much warmer personality Eddie gravitated towards. 

“Thanks.” Mox responded back automatically as he watched the man work in the display case, putting out freshly made baked goods. 

“My pal and I were wondering which one of you was Claudio.” Eddie slithered up to the counter that the man with the accent was behind. 

“Oh?” The man looked over at the one in the display case, who finally popped his head out. Like this was an ongoing thing they got.

“Which one of us do you think is Claudio?” The baker asked as he looked over the EMS crew. Eddie and Mox shared a look before looking at the taller man.

“It’s the tall one.” Eddie said at the same time as Mox spoke.

“You.” Mox gestured to the taller man.

“You’re correct.” Claudio looked a little smug. “Sorry, you do not look like a Claudio, Bryan.” He shrugged before looking at Eddie. “Paramedic Kingston?” 

“You can just call me Eddie.” Eddie smiled back, turning on the charm. “So it’s your cafe.”

“Yes, it’s my cafe.” Claudio nodded. “But it’s Bryan’s bakery.”

“Good. I thought Blackpool was a strange first name.” Mox joked but the baker, Bryan, simply rolled his eyes. “I’m Mox.”

“J. Moxley.” Bryan indicated the name printed on Mox’s department t-shirt.

“Jon Moxley, but my friends call me Mox.” Mox started looking at the pastries Bryan was putting out, his mouth was practically watering and Bryan didn’t need to know that it wasn’t really about the baked goods.

“EMT Moxley.” Bryan said definitively. “Were you looking for breakfast or just curious?” 

“You’ve been out there for quite a few hours. I can imagine you must be tired and bored.” Claudio looked Eddie over as they talked. “What kind of coffee can I get you?” 

“Something strong.” Eddie pointedly looked at Claudio’s arms when he said that.

“Something sweet or plain?” Claudio asked as he started getting the espresso ground and packed. Eddie was choosing to read into the question. Claudio was sweet, Bryan was plain, Eddie thought.

“Sweet.” Eddie winked and then started watching Claudio’s hands pack the portafilter. “Some cream too.

“I’ll fix you up, Eddie.” Claudio smiled warmly as he latched the portafilter into the machine and started it. The heavy smell of fresh coffee filled the room.

“It all looks really good actually.” Mox was actually distracted by the pastries by now. They all looked perfect, like they should be in an overly expensive shop in Manhattan or at a school. “Uh…what’s your favorite thing to make?”

Bryan blinked at the question, his eyes narrowed as he formulated his response. Before the baker could speak though the crackle of the EMS radio sounded out into the quiet cafe. Neither Mox nor Eddie reacted, but Claudio and Bryan jumped. The voice spoke grumbled nonsense that the pair seemed to understand. They made eye contact with a nod and Eddie turned his set off and Mox turned his set down a bit more and readjusted the belt he wore as bandolier.

“Is the belt standard issue?” Bryan looked at the regular leather belt. 

“He used to be a firefighter. Kinda their little trick. Makes it easier to carry and work the radios.” Eddie explained as Mox nodded along. 

“Why don’t you wear yours like that then?” Claudio asked, nodded at the radio being latched to Eddie’s belt and shoulder lapel holding the held set. 

“Eddie ain’t a firefighter.” Mox shrugged. Bryan considered Mox in a way he couldn’t read.

“Why not?” Bryan looked over Eddie.

“Are you kidding? I ain’t running into no fuckin’ burning buildings, my man. I’m not scaling tall buildings. You ever see how hard it is to put out a fuckin’ fire? Nah. That’s for the birds.” Eddie shook his head quickly, clearly displeased at the thought of being a firefighter. “Save that shit for the insane and stupidly brave.” Eddie pointed at Mox who just shrugged. “Gave me daily heart attacks when he was doin’ that shit.” 

“It was fun.” Mox responded innocently, a little smile on his face. “While it lasted at least.”

“Your life expectancy is longer.” Eddie looked over at Claudio and smirked. “Watch this. It means you can smoke more cigarettes since you’re not inhalin’ all that smoke.”

“Amen to that, brother.” Mox grinned back. “And I get to ride with you every fuckin’ day.”

"Cute. How long have you two been married?" Bryan deadpanned.

"You're mean." Mox grinned over the glass at Bryan. "I think that's hot." Bryan tried his best to keep a straight face.

"Blueberry scone." Bryan finally said.

"What?" Mox blinked at him.

"You asked for my favorite pastry to make. Today it's a blueberry scone." Bryan rolled his eyes, speaking a little slowly just to be a dick.

"Alright, asshole. Then let’s have it.." Mox grinned and then looked over at Claudio. "Can I just get a drip coffee?"

"I want that muffin." Eddie pointed one out to Bryan as he got Mox's on a plate.

"Sure." Bryan rolled his eyes at the demanding tone as he plated both pastries, handing them over to Mox above the glass. Normally Bryan walked them to the table or the boxes for to go orders went to the register. Handing things over the glass wasn't professional.

"Here you are, Mox " Claudio sat out a to-go cup of black coffee for Mox then next to it sat another cup out for Eddie. "And for you, Eddie."

"Thanks, Claudio." Eddie extended the o a little as he took his coffee. "What do we owe you?" Eddie asked as Mox took a seat at one of the nearby tables with their food.

"Don't worry about it." Claudio waved his hand dismissively but Bryan was glaring dagger at him.

"Alright, alright. I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth." Eddie shrugged and took their coffees to the table.

The pair behind the counter graviated towards each other as Mox and Eddie found a seat. Claudio and Bryan stood side by side, whispering a bit as Mox and Eddie got ready to eat. The crackle of the radio sounded again.

"Elite-12. Come in." The radio on Mox's shoulder spoke.

"No." Eddie glared at Mox. "Don't. Do not answer it. We just sat down."

"Eddie." Mox shook his head.

"Elite-12, I know you're listening." The bored voice got louder as Mox turned it up. "Got a 45 year old female with chest pains." A beat. "Come on, Elite-12. It's life or death or whatever."

"This is Elite-12 responding. Over." Mox radioed back.

"Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck this lady. Let's fuckin’ go." Eddie stood up with a huff, a look of longing cast at the food and drinks.

"Finally." Orange sighed into the radio and started repeating the address as the pair left the cafe in a hurry.

"Thanks!" Mox called out as they left.

"Come back and see us." Claudio waved, hoping his voice got to them before the door swung shut.

The pair hurried across the stress to the ambulance. The traffic stopped for them as they recklessly went into the stress. Mox was on his way to the driver's side while Eddie was able to jump right into the passage seat.

“Hang on, Eddie.” Mox jogged around the far side of the ambulance as Eddie was climbing in.

“Hang on? We gotta fuckin’ go! MOXLEY!” Eddie shouted, leaning over to throw open the door to Mox’s side. “The fuck--”

Mox was retching hard, one knee on the ground and mostly losing whatever was in his stomach. Luckily none of Bryan’s baked goods or Claudio’s coffee. Eddie groaned, hitting the lights but not sound just yet. Mox threw up a few more times, spats and then quickly got into the ambulance. 

“You gonna explain yourself?” Eddie passed Mox an old bottle of water. 

Mox was somehow weaving in and out of traffic, flipping the siren, and throwing back the water before spitting it back into the bottle. There was a heavy sigh from him before he tossed the bottle onto the floor.

“Holy fuck.” Mox shook his head. “We walked in and I knew if he saw me dippin’ he’d be fucking digusted.”

“Jon.” Eddie snapped his head to the side to stare at his friend. “Did you fuckin’ swallow your lip full of dip?”

“Yeah.” Mox said miserably. “I fuckin’ swallowed it.” 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, dude.” Eddie just stared at his friend.

“It was fuckin’ stupid. A snap decision. I don’t know why I thought that was the solution.” Mox groaned, punching the steering wheel. “Fuckin’ move!” He honked at a car that had yet to notice the emergency service vehicle. “He was just…so fuckin’ smug and god damn pretty, Eddie, I panicked.” 

“Brother.” Eddie shook his head and looked back at the road as Mox swung around the car. “I don’t even know what the fuck to say to that. Don’t do it again?”

“Sure fuckin’ bet I won’t do it again!” Mox laughed. “I might just fuckin’ give up dip now.”

“Disgusting, dude. Wait you swallowed that at the…like just as we walked in?” Eddie gagged. “You had to fuckin’ throw up that whole time? Are you okay?” 

“I think I’m good now.” Mox sighed, actually soundly still miserable as he held his stomach. “How much longer we got?” 

“Six hours. Sorry.” Eddie sighed as they double parked on the curb of a complex. “Let’s ride. Grab the lifepack, and don’t fuckin’ throw up.”

It was a very long, busy six hours and forty five minutes for Eddie and Mox. They dropped off their last patient at the nearby ER nicknamed the Butcher Shop due to the fact that the doctor that ran the night shift was named “Butcher” Williams, and the head nurse was called the Blade. They all burned some time on the clock chatting and talking shop before Eddie and Mox dragged themselves back to the EMS station.

Of course they had to do all their logging and cleaning up. By the time everything was done Mox was sleeping sitting up in the cleaned and restocked ambulance. Eddie shook his partner awake. It was a difficult task to get Mox to open his eyes.

“C’mon. We’re not sleeping here again.” Eddie urged, pulling and tugging at Mox’s arm.

“Who cares? I’m tired.” Mox grumbled as he tried to lay down on the bench seat. 

“If you get your ass up not only will I drive us, but I’ll make sad rice when we get home.” Eddie promised. He was the least tired of the two. Mox hadn’t gotten much sleep and he was always determined to be the one driving simply because he knew Eddie hated it.

“Sad rice?” Mox perked up, pushing himself up onto his elbow. “For real?”

“Yeah. I’ll make it while you shower, okay?” Eddie sighed, reaching out to ruffle Mox’s shaggy reddish brown hair. “C’mon, buddy, you deserve to sleep in your own bed. Yeah?”

“Okay. Fine.” Mox sighed as he finally got up.

They stumbled out of the back of the rig together and headed through the front office leaning on one another. While Mox had finished up the last of their duties on the ambulance Eddie had stored their bags in the truck they drove to work together. To this day Eddie wasn’t sure how they managed to live together, drive to work together, work in close quarters together, and then go back home together, but they did, and they had for a while.

“Mox, Eddie!” Excalibur called out from behind his desk, waving them back over. 

“Yo, Captain. We can’t. Sorry. I barely even got Mox walkin--”

“Would you shut up for just a second, Kingston?” Excalibur threw a pen across the small room at Taz, the lieutenant, when he snickered. “A kid from some fancy cafe delivered you guys something. Here. The crew were going to eat so I, being the good guy I am, brought it in here. Where I only had to fight off Taz.”

“You guys ain’t getting Reversed Nightinggaled, are ya?” Taz asked. “Because that’s a nice fucking breakfast.”

“What?” Mox looked at the plain white box and opened it up. There was some sort of puff pastry with cheese and meat, probably more. “Oh shit. This is from Bryan and Claudio.”

“Woah.” Eddie stared at the food in front of them. It looked incredible, delicious. Something out of a cookbook.

“We drank the coffee though. It was gonna be cold by the time you got here.” Taz shrugged. 

“That’s true. It was our fee for watching over the food.” Excalibur grinned. 

“Also no, we’re not getting fucking Nightinggaled or whatever.” Eddie went to reach in to grab some of the pastry but Mox batted his hand away.

“Wait till we get home.” Mox grunted as he closed the box. “It was a cafe we were parked across from. We sat down to eat breakfast and got a call before we could have any of it.” Mox explained as he picked up the box. 

“What cafe?” Excalibur asked. “Oh, wait. There's a card.  It was loose. Hang on.” He got up to get his uniform jacket and pulled out the card. “There.”

“Thanks.” Eddie took it. “It’s called Claudio’s Cafe & the Blackpool Bakery.” Eddie recited without really thinking about it, having committed the place to memory. 

“People love to give us free shit.” Taz finally tossed the pen back at Excalibur. 

“Hell yeah, they do.” Eddie grinned. “I think we’re also gonna fuck these guys. They’re hot. Well, Claudio is hot. The baker is a bitch.”

“I wish you the best of luck in that, but please don’t do it on the clock, gentlemen.” Excalibur sighed and put the pen away, clearly calling an end to his fight with Taz.

“Get yours, boys. Bakers tend to be bitches, but that’s Mox’s type, huh?” Taz grinned.

“Fuck you, Taz. How do you know anything about bakers?” Mox asked as they headed towards the door.

“The same way you’re learning about bakers, kid. Get out of here. Don’t come back. You boys look tired.” Taz shooed them off with a dismissive hand gesture.

“What he said.” Excalibur grunted. “Enjoy your days off, guys.”

“Thanks, Cap. Lou.” Eddie tipped his Yankees cap to them.

They left to Taz’s comments about baseball.

The fifteen minute drive home was too long for Mox, who slept on the window as they passed through the sunlight city. It was sometime around noon and they’d soon be home to go to bed. The radio played sport reports Eddie tried to pay attention to so he didn’t nod off between the station and their driveway. The smell of Bryan’s food was really what kept Eddie awake.

Once they pulled into the house Eddie left the truck running as he took in their bags and the food. Mox got a few minutes extra to sleep. Their yellow lab greeted Eddie at the door and followed him to and from the truck. 

“Wake up Mox, Deano. That’s a good girl.” Eddie led their dog through the driver's side door.

Deano jumped into the seat and then dropped into Mox’s lap, slowly scooting her snout under Mox’s arm and making quiet whines. Slowly Mox’s eyes opened and Deano lifted up to lick his face.

“Oh, hey, girl.” Mox grinned as he put his arms around the dog and buried his face in her neck. “I missed you. What a good girl. So sweet, wakin’ me up.”

Deano was practically Mox’s service dog at this point. They had trained her to do a few things to help Mox but she was older and already had many years under her being a search & rescue dog. Mox was definitely her human, though she loved Eddie just as much. 

“Let’s get inside.” Mox unclipped his seat belt before getting out.

They trudged inside with Eddie. They got onto the porch and Mox had to kick off his work boots. Eddie’s already gone and replaced by his slides. Their dirty uniforms were tucked into a laundry basket outside as well. None of their work clothes made it inside until they washed them and cleaned their boots on the porch. Deano patiently waited just inside the door for them. 

It was a routine they could do in their sleep which was good because they were both asleep on their feet. Eddie urged Mox to the shower as he got their food ready to eat. It didn’t take Mox long to stumble down the steps from his shower, too exhausted to even enjoy that.

“Gonna take Deano out while you shower. Then food?” Mox looked so hopeful.

“Of course, dude.” Eddie chuckled as he started up the stairs. 

Mox went to the back door to let Deano out. There was a doggie door but when they got home one or both of them would take her out, let her run around and play some fetch. They were gone so much they worked to make time for her. After all, Deano deserved it. On long shifts sometimes they left her at the station with Taz or Excalibur or Tony. Sometimes their neighbors would check on her.

“C’mon, Deano!” Mox grinned as he threw the ball and she took off at top speed for the fences to get the ball.

Mox could get lost in these moments. Simple, and easy with his dog. After the day they had. The days they have. The weight of it all sometimes hung too heavy on Mox, and he needed to ground himself in his own life. Deano had been perfect for that. He loved their dog so much. Deano darted back and happily gave him the ball, they repeated this until she decided to play with him. When Mox reached for the ball on the ground she dropped onto the ground and acted like she was going to get Mox’s hand.

“Hey!” Mox laughed and then darted out to playfully, and gently, tackle Deano.

“Ready for breakfast?” Eddie asked as he brought everything out onto the porch, freshly cleaned up and looking a little more alive. 

“Yeah. Yeah. C’mon, Deano.” Mox snapped his fingers for her to follow. Before sitting down he poured a cup of food for Deano and while she chomped he took his seat. “I’m so exhausted I feel like I’m not going to actually be able to enjoy it.”

“I feel like I’m not refine enough to know what I’m enjoyin’.” Eddie grumbled as he watched Mox cut and lift out the pastry Eddie had heated back up. “Here.” He slid a cold diet coke to Mox and took his own Sprite. 

“You thought of everything.” Mox sat back. “Here it goes.”

They both started eating. After the first bite they locked eyes and groaned as they ate the most amazing breakfast they’d ever had. Incredibly flaky and buttery, savory and cooked perfect. Mox couldn’t quite believe it was as good as it looked. Or that Bryan was running just some bakery in the city. The place had been new too. 

“Okay, I didn’t want to have to give it to him but that bitch is a fuckin’ good baker.” Eddie grumbled as he shoved more into his mouth. “Like what the fuck even is this? How is it so good?”

“I’ve never had a savory pastry before.” Mox spoke quietly as he tried to commit everything to memory. He wasn’t a food guy. Things kinda mostly tasted the same to him, or just big flavors stood out. This was subtle and perfect, prepared by someone who could taste every ingredient. “We should go back tomorrow afternoon.”

“We fuckin’ should.” Eddie looked up. “Hey, what’d the card say by the way?”

“Oh fuck. Forgot about the card.” Mox said through a mouth full of food, getting up to dart inside. The card was in his pocket in his jacket by the front door.

As he came back he opened it up, sliding the hefty fine card out of the equally elegant envelope. The paper was a coffee brown. The front had Claudio’s Cafe & the Blackpool Bakery beautifully handwritten across it, perfectly spaced letters in perfect swooping penmanship. It wasn’t a stamp though. When Mox opened up the letter the top portion of the card was filled with the neatly handwritten recipe on the top of the card, in the same handwriting as the front. It included everything, how much, and serving sizes. Below that was different handwriting telling them how nice it was to meet them.

“Eddie & Mox, meeting you this morning was wonderful. A nice change from the normal trickle of customers. We hope to have you back, but in the meantime enjoy Bryan’s jambon.” Mox read aloud, not totally sure how to say jambon. 

“Claudio is fucking cute.” Eddie reached over to take the letter and read it himself.

“He’s seven feet tall and jacked. Not cute. Very sexy though.” Mox chuckled as he took another bite of his food. “Bryan’s cute. I wanna watch him make his fuckin’ little pastries.”

“And eat his ass.” Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Shut up.” Mox laughed, shaking his head. “I bet his ass is as good as his baking.”

“Please. I’m fuckin’ eatin’ here!” Eddie shook his head, dramatically pretending he could throw up. “Don’t ruin the one thing I like about the dude.”

“His ass?” Mox teased as he took the note back.

“His cooking, bitch!” Eddie had half a mind to throw his fork at Mox. “Anyways, Claudio is obviously the catch. Bryan couldn’t even write a note, just the recipe. Like we’re gonna make it ourselves, please.”

“It’s probably just his way of saying thanks. He had to make it after all.” Mox pointed out.

“Fine. Whatever.” Eddie sighed as he finished his plate, pushing it forward and then pulling out a package of cigarettes. “Wanna?” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Mox was still stuffing his face, eyes glued to the careful, perfectly spaced capital letters that made up Bryan’s handwriting. The last bite of Mox’s breakfast was savored as he took the newly lit cigarette from Eddie. “We’re going to the Ranger’s game tomorrow night with Santana & Ortiz, right?”

“Yeah, we’re supposed to.” Eddie looked over at Mox, the idea transferring from Mox to Eddie without a word. “Or they could have something else to do and we could take the baker and the hot guy.”

“Exactly.” Mox grinned as he sucked down the smoke. “We’ll go sometime tomorrow and invite them.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Eddie paused. “What if they don’t like hockey?” 

“Then we give the tickets back to Santana & Ortiz and do something else with them?” Mox suggested as he got their plates together. 

“Yeah, yeah. I mean, I really wanted to go to that game.” Eddie frowned.

“Fuck off. C’mon.” Mox exhaled. “We can go any time we’re off.”

“We can also chase dick any time we’re off.” Eddie shrugged. “We kinda chase dick when we’re at work too though.”

“Think chasing dick is just our default.” Mox grinned.

“You’re right. Chasing dick, smoking sticks.” Eddie reached out to bump fists with Mox in their absolutely ridiculous manor. 

“You should be a poet, Eddie. Really.” Mox leaned back in his chair. “They’re cool. Seem cool at least.”

“Cool? Don’t know about that, but I do know I wanna fuck Claudio until he cries and I’m pretty sure he’s into the idea.” Eddie looked off into the distance, reimaging their meeting this morning. “You didn’t get close enough, but Moxie, his eyes. They’re so pretty. His smile is just…” 

“Calm down, dude. How can you even tell what he wants, Eddie? You talked to him for like five minutes.” Mox always doubted Eddie’s ability to clock a compatible partner in bed. The man could nail down someone’s sexual prefances like he was reading a list, and had done so to Mox many times. Mox still always doubted. “I just don’t get how you can clock that he wants you to fuck him until he cries from like 30 words.” 

“Well,” Eddie took a huge drawl off his cigarette. “It’s a vibe, babe. Just gotta read it. I’m putting out a vibe, he’s sending it back. I don’t know, but I’ll let you know if he’s into it when I do fuck him.”

“You’re pretty sure of yourself.” Mox considered this for a moment. “Twenty bucks says Claudio wants to fuck you until you cry.”

“Oh, you’re on, kid.” Eddie cackled. “I’ll do ya one better. Twenty says I fuck Claudio in the described fashion, but also I bet you an additional twenty that Bryan is a fuckin’ freak who is gonna fuck you sideways.” 

“Do normal people have these kinds of conversations and shit?” Mox laughed, rubbing his forehead. “Fine, but define ‘fucks me sideways’.” 

“He looks like he does yoga. I mean, literally fuck you sideways.” Eddie stubbed out he butt of his cigarette. 

“Fine, fine. You’re on.” Mox shrugged. “Don’t know how I’m the fuckin’ normal one between us.”

“Oh, sweetheart, you’re anything but the normal one.” Eddie took the dishes and headed inside.

[flowitch]

okay final thoughts ab blood and guts last night:

-i really enjoyed the junglehook match. obv jack’s promos are iffy but that’s nothing new. i thought the match was great, and hook’s former bff giving him his first loss in his career PLUS taking his dad’s title from him is a fantastic part of the story so i’m really glad it’s continuing. i also thought it was one of if not hook’s best match so i’m thrilled. idk i love junglehook man.

-the SUPLEX TO THE OUTSIDE??? OW???? also hook no selling the german was fantastic. & also the ddt to the outside was pretty brutal as well. i assume this is all leading to a ftw rules match

-jack coming out to beethoven was so fucking funny i had tears in my eyes. also him smiling as he pinned hook was incredible

-taz on commentary has been such a nice touch to the junglehook feud. also him saying “don’t you touch me, chompy” to the fucking shark was so funny man. mans just watched his son die and now this shark is dancing behind him

-the roddy/adam cole/mjf love triangle is fantastic

-the dance off was fucking crazy and i’m so glad it happened😭i felt like i was hallucinating man it came out of nowhere. the pop for the double clothesline, the suicida + the holy shit chants were so fucking funny. i’m also really sad that they’re already teasing the breakup between max & adam like i really hoped they’d keep this going longer but now we know max is faking it even more now so i’m a little bummed. but still i love them so much. the matching gear + the mashup music was so funny.

-99,000 screaming maximaniacs in the saskatoon silverdome has been stuck in my head since last night

-idk why but dax & max seemed genuinely heated at each other during the face to face wtf was that about LMAOOO i mean it was prob nothing i’m not gonna go on ab it but i was like damn dax calm down

-daniel garcia should receive 1 million dollars every time he does his stupid dance. huge pop.

-why does tony khan hate women

-stat + the bfs all together again made me very happy

-the production/camera team is AWFUL bro holy shit. it’s not a new thing either like there are so many times that they cut away right as something happens and it makes no sense. cutting away from kris statlander doing asl, non-mic’d promos that wrestlers cut to the camera and they randomly cut away from, them cutting away from every single golden lovers moment, not catching any of the story telling big moments in the blood & guts match. like what??? get a grip man. i have the same problem w wwe sometimes where a wrestler is ab to do whatever pose they do at their entrance and then that’s the exact moment they cut away from the crowd or do a weird ass wide shot. like what goes through your brain??? that’s the one moment u should be on a close up of them.

-i thought the blood & guts match was great. yuta died which we all knew was coming BUT we got papa mox submitting For his son which was incredible. another thing i wish the camera would’ve caught. i think that’s why a lot of people are iffy on the ending bc the camera didn’t show a lot of the story stuff and commentary had to cover for it and tell us shit that we weren’t seeing.

-i also loved the ending of the match and them shaking hands off air bc it ended w mox finally understanding that kenny was right, that all the shit they’ve (the elite) been through together and all the drama didn’t make them weaker, but stronger when the time came, while the bcc was fucked in the end bc as cohesive as they were, they trusted 2 people that they shouldn’t have and underestimated the elite. & the bcc is big on bleeding w people/going to war w people and then respecting them, so it makes sense that they finally don’t see the elite as amateurs anymore and respect them. it also sucks that bryan couldn’t be there for the end of the feud :/

-tldr: loved the show besides the lack of women & the camera work

[ljsstories]

Chapter Thirteen: The Little Siblings

"I DON'T WANNA GO!"

"Jonah, we talked about this!"

"Jules will you tell him???"

"Actually...I think it's a good idea Jonah. I think it would do you the world of good!" Jonah scowled at his older sister, there was a time when she always had his back...always! This was so unfair!

"Ohhhhh, et tu Brutus???" Hoping his dirty look would knock her down dead, without even turning his gaze from her he pointed his arm in the direction of his older brother, poking out an index finger like a weapon. "And you..."

"Jonah come on, you're miserable bro! You're trailing along on this tour like excess baggage. You're also pissing off my driver who, if you hadn't noticed, could kill you with a flick of his wrist! Please little brother, it totally changed me, I wrote my best work over there!" Jonah shot a sneer at Jensen, giving Juliet a moment's reprieve.

"You got rejected over there, that's what all your sad little songs are about...HER!" He'd got him now, Mr Superstar! Oh he thought he was so much better than him, they both did. Poor, stupid little Jonah...well the joke was on them! He was going nowhere, except to TMZ, yeah see how they'd like them apples! Selling out his own flesh and blood to the gutter press, that sounded like a really good plan right about now.

"Yes that's true, but it's been a literal gold mine! Just try and imagine our next album, half your songs and half mine. You could even sing half of them too, the new and improved River Monster! I mean, come on bro, isn't this what you've always wanted?" It was what he had always wanted, but on his own terms, not doing what those two cretins told him to do! "You said it sounded cool when I talked to you about it last night, what's changed?"

"I didn't think you meant, like, right now! I thought you meant us going together after your tour...like family!" All of his life Jonah felt like the odd one out, despite his sister standing up for him there was always a hint of resistance, like it was her duty to do it but she wasn't really comfortable. Jonah always knew that Jensen was the golden boy, from day one there was nothing Jonah could do to live up to his angelic big brother. Mr Aloof, Mr I Don't Need Anyone, Mr Super Talented It Made Him Sick! Jensen had it all, he could act and even won awards for his performances, he could sing...man could he sing, he designed the logo for River Monster and the covers for every album. Jonah's big brother was a fucking genius and he hated him! That wasn't true, he loved him so much that it hurt. When Bryan told Jensen to be more of a bad boy, it looked like fun, so Jonah did it too. Only Jensen wasn't actually behaving like that all the time, it was just an act for the fans. Even though River Monster consisted of five band members, it was always about Jensen, he was the face of River Monster as Bryan loved to say. Jonah tried so hard to act the way Bryan wanted Jensen to, just to be seen...just to be noticed and appreciated for his talent too. He could sing, maybe not as perfectly as his older brother, but he could carry a tune and he would have loved to actually sing with Jensen up on the stage, together...like family! Being invited onto his solo tour had meant the world to Jonah, so when he found out that in actual fact it was Juliet who asked Jensen if Jonah could come along, he was heartbroken. The final insult came when Jensen asked him how he would feel about going to Scotland for a break, to relax and write some songs for the upcoming River Monster album, maybe even sing them too. Thinking a family vacation sounded great, Jonah agreed only to be told it was a solo trip, just him and nobody else, all Jensen wanted was his annoying younger brother out of his hair so he could return to being the golden boy! "Jonah? Bro?" Jonah snapped out of his thoughts and waved a weary hand at Jensen.

"Whatever, like I'd wanna stay here anyway where I'm not wanted!"

"I have a friend who owns a cottage on one of the islands, it's beautiful you'll love it! So peaceful, quiet, you'll get lost in your thoughts and...just imagine the songs you could write, that you could sing! We could even take turns at being the lead singer, what do you think?" Jonah wanted to smash his perfect teeth in! It was always what Jensen wanted, he was always in charge, even now when the band was on a hiatus he had to control Jonah's every move.

"Fine, I'll do it but only to get you off of my fucking back you control freak!"

"Great, I'll get Ian to take you, it's his home country so...he'll get you there no problem." That was code for, there's nowhere to run, no way of getting out of this, no detours and no escape! Big brother was most definitely and literally watching him. "I've asked Eliza to look out for you while you're there, she's Jane's sister. Now you be nice to her okay? She's only twenty two and she's doing this as a favour to me!" Oh la di da, this sister that Jensen had promised Jonah he could have a piece of was now off limits! He was surprised to discover that she was ten years younger than him, but that had never stopped him before. As long as they were legal and willing, they were fair game.

"So this friend..." Jonah eyed his brother with a smirk, "...it's her isn't it?" He wouldn't give Jensen the satisfaction of saying that girl's name, the girl that he'd written his entire album about...Jane! What a plain and boring name, was she just as plain and boring? Probably, Jensen was pretty boring too when the mask came off, they were made for each other.

"Her family own the cottage, yes, but it's Eliza you'll be dealing with. Jane has her mother to take care of, she could be coming home at any t..."

"Yeah-yeah!" Jonah waved his hand again, talking over Jensen who was telling him something that didn't interest him in the slightest. He turned his attention to Juliet, who had been quiet for far too long. "And you? You support this?" Juliet gave him a sympathetic nod.

"I do. Most importantly, Charlie thinks it's a good idea too and he's the professional!" Jonah let out a bitter laugh.

"Oh so this is a psychiatric thing? Instead of having me committed you're sending me to a remote place on the other side of the world just to...what? Why are you doing this big sis?" Juliet sighed and closed her eyes, shaking her head in frustration.

"Jonah it's not remote, it's ten minutes from the mainland, thirty minutes from Glasgow..." She placed her hands on his shoulders and looked up into his eyes, "...Jonah please do this? If you don't like it I promise you can come home!" Yeah right, as soon as he picked up the phone it would go straight to voicemail, out of sight and out of mind!

"I said I'd do it didn't I? Now leave me alone, I need to get drunk!" He needed to forget this whole conversation and find himself some company, someone who wouldn't answer back or ask any questions. He could handle his liquor, unlike his addict of a brother, he was in control!

Jonah was rudely awoken by a ray of light beaming down onto his face and his brother's voice echoed around the hotel room, ripping the curtains open and whistling loudly. A feminine moan from beside him jogged his memory as to what had happened the night before, bits and pieces were coming back to him. "Time to get up!" Jensen shook him by the shoulder as he lay on his front, sprawled across the bed completely naked. "Jonah Edward Reed! Get up!" The girl lying next to him sat up, wrapped in one of the bed sheets and squinted at his brother who was making far too much noise.

"Wh-who are you?" She croaked, rubbing one eye with the palm of her hand and holding the sheet firmly to her naked body with the other.

"I am the clean-up crew and you have to leave sweetheart!" Jensen replied cheerily as Jonah growled and covered his head with a pillow.

"What the fuck Jensen?"

"Jensen? J-Jensen...Reed?" The girl's words almost stuck in her throat as she finally recognised Jonah's superstar brother and began searching for her clothing. Jonah lifted the pillow from his head and sat up on the side of the bed, he could see his companion blushing and scurrying around as Jensen twirled a pair of panties around his index finger and handed them to her.

"These belong to you?" He smiled at her, she giggled nervously with her clothes bundled in her arms as she ran to the bathroom and locked the door. "Sober up buttercup, you've got a flight to catch!"

"Fuck you!" Jonah spat, not caring about his state of undress.

"C'mon I'll help you pack!" Jensen started throwing things into Jonah's suitcases, "I've arranged for you to fly back to L.A., pack enough clothes for about a month and then you're good to go! Ian will be with you the whole time over there; you will have a great time little brother I guarantee it!" He was far too chipper! Jonah stood up and stretched as his guest appeared from the bathroom now fully dressed, placing the bed sheet onto the bed she waved awkwardly at him and mumbled a goodbye. Jensen threw a pair of boxers at him with a disapproving look on his face. "Cover that thing up, I don't wanna see it!"

***

"Can I borrow your car?"

"Why?" She looked so suspicious, why was she so suspicious? Because she had reason to be!

"I...promised a friend that they could use the cottage in Millport for a bit, they're coming today and I need to be there to hand over the keys." Jane sighed and went out into the hallway to get her car keys, Eliza sighed also but hers was a sigh of relief not irritation like her big sister. She was relieved that Jane didn't ask any more questions, then Eliza would have to confess everything. When she received the phone call from Jensen Reed, she was overjoyed to do him a favour, a major favour was how he had described it. Thinking back, it was probably the longest they had ever spoken.

"Oh hey Eliza, listen, I have a major favour to ask you. Can I please borrow your cottage over on that island, um, Mill..."

"Millport?"

"YES! Yes Millport, I'll pay rent I just need somewhere for Jonah to relax and refresh. He's at a bit of a loose end right now and I want him to...look I'll level with you, I need him outta my hair ASAP! He's driving me crazy I...I also need you to check up on him now and again, just to make sure he hasn't put a wet finger in a socket or anything y'know?"

"Of course..."

"Also, can you buy him groceries? Like, on a regular basis? Make sure he's actually eating a solid diet, not a liquid one? Oh and no alcohol, he's got...um...well let's just say he's my brother alright, he's got the same problem I have only he doesn't think he does which is far more dangerous!"

"Sure thing..."

"Great, if you give me your PayPal deets I'll transfer money into your account for the rent and food. And would you not tell Jane about this? I'm sorry if that puts you on the spot but...she doesn't need to know, right?" He was right, she didn't, so for a whole three days Eliza had kept this to herself except to ask her dad permission to use the cottage and her sister for her car. Asking her dad was easy, telling him that her friend would pay to use the cottage was what clinched it, they were strapped for cash lately and Ricky didn't need to be asked twice after hearing he'll pay, he said yes straight away but he managed to get out of her who this friend was, Eliza spilled the beans but made him promise to keep it quiet from Jane as per Jensen's request. Sitting on the couch now, as her clueless sister handed over her keys, Eliza felt a small ache of guilt in the pit of her stomach, something she had been incapable of months ago. Jane dropped the keys into her awaiting palm and raised an eyebrow at her.

"You'll be back tonight though, right? I need my car Liza! I can only use dad's for so long!" Eliza nodded a bit too enthusiastically, she wasn't staying any longer than she had to, their mother was still waiting for her spot in Woodland View.

"Yes, I just need to settle him in and then I'll be straight back."

I'll be straight back, yes she had said that, but as usual during peak times the large ferry had broken down meaning that there was only one in service, the little one...meaning a great big queue on both sides! Eliza had been sitting in the ferry queue at Largs for over an hour as the frozen food she'd bought on the way there was melting in the heat. It was a rather warm day for May as she had every window down in Jane's Citroën Nemo. Shopping for Jonah Reed was much easier than shopping for his brother, unlike Jensen he didn't follow a plant based diet so trying to get things without meat wasn't an issue. Eliza just hoped that everything would still be edible by the time she got there. She would be lying if she said she wasn't nervous about meeting Jonah, it wasn't the same as meeting up with Jensen but it was a close second. She knew that Jonah had a reputation, but then again so had Jensen before he went solo, it was probably all an act with his brother too. From what Jane had told her, Bryan Whitaker was not a nice man and an even worse manager, that was why Jensen had taken off for those ten days. Her new relationship with her older sister was the one she had always wanted, being at odds with her for so long was tiresome. She envied Jane, the girl who wasn't afraid to stand out and be herself. Ever since their mother had become ill, Eliza hadn't seen her two closest friends, Stacey and Laura, for a very long time and if she was honest she didn't really miss them at all. She would much rather be with Jane, she made her feel comfortable in her own skin. She'd even cut back the amount of make-up she wore, Jane was always telling her how pretty she was and that she really didn't need it. Her sister was a much better boost for her confidence than any of her friends, the same friends that told her that her older sister was embarrassing and fat and ugly...things that Jane most definitely was not, but Eliza went along with it to fit in and look cool. Jane's friend Louise had been kinder to her than Stacey or Laura lately, in fact her so-called friends hadn't even bothered to contact her and ask about her mum. That spoke volumes to her, Louise was around every day or on the phone, that was true friendship. The queue started to move as Eliza started Nemo's engine, but she only got roughly six feet further than she had been. This was going to take ages, Jonah was supposed to arrive at 3pm, it was now 3:09pm. She had hoped to get there before him so that she could have the shopping put away but the ferry broke down just as she arrived in Largs right on cue. She would have to phone him and let him know she was running late, only problem was that she didn't have his number and she didn't want Jensen to know she was failing before she even started...it was time for plan b!

***

"Yoo-hoo!" This fat old woman came bouncing towards Jonah as he stood on the gravel path taking in the view of this...cottage. Ian threw his bags down in front of him with a grunt and a glower, leaving him to deal with the Scottish Ursula slinking her way over. "Oh..." She bent down, trying to catch her breath and craned her neck to look Jonah straight in the eyes, "...you must be the boy who's rentin' the cottage!"

"Yeah, that's me!" Jonah replied lazily as Ian bumped him violently as he passed with the last bag. A sharp pain cut through his shoulder where he'd been shoved by that scary lookin' dude who worked for his brother. What was he anyway? Driver or bodyguard? He could never tell which.

"Well, the wee one phoned to say she's runnin' a wee bit late. Av tae give ye the spare keys!" The old woman thrust a chain of keys into his chest and almost knocked him off of his feet. What was with these Scottish people trying to attack him? Ian glared at him again, then turned to the old woman with a gentlemanly smile.

"Thanks darlin'! Awfy kind of ye!" The old woman blushed and winked at Ian, then patted him softly on the arm.

"You're no American, yer fae here aye?" Ian nodded, still smiling as Jonah looked from her to him, like he was watching a tennis match, unable to understand much of the conversation.

"Aye, Paisley! A work in America though, pays really well! Hollywood!" The pair continued to talk in tongues as Jonah began to sweat, it was warm, not as warm as L.A. but warm enough for him to want a cold beer.

"That's great guys!" He finally interjected, "Can we go inside now?" The old woman frowned at Jonah and leaned in towards Ian without taking her eyes off him.

"He's no as polite as the other wan! He was an awfy nice lad, Jensen wis it?" Ian replied in a hushed tone and once again Jonah couldn't understand the words, all he could make out was the wee brother and arsehole. When they finally got inside, Ian insisted that Jonah carry some of the bags.

"A work fur yer brother, no you! Pull yer weight wee man!" Jonah did as he was told, he was rather scared of this guy, dragging a suitcase on wheels into the small cottage. It was nice and clean at least, nothing in the fridge or the cupboards, he was promised food! Where was that girl Eliza? Wasn't she supposed to be here? He had no idea what was happening nor did he understand anything anyone was saying to him. He entered a double bedroom with an en suite, quaint, he thought to himself. This would do him fine. Throwing down the suitcase and bags he had brought in himself, he tore off his black Nirvana t-shirt exposing his bare chest and kicked off his Vans, sitting on the bed he looked around the room. Was this hell? Jensen was right about one thing though, it was quiet! Ian came into the room and filled the entire doorway. "Right, am off! Eliza should be here soon." Jonah shot up from the bed in a panic.

"What? Where are you going? Aren't you supposed to stay with me at all times?" Ian scoffed and folded his arms.

"Naw, am goin' home tae see ma family fur a few days. I'll be back, nae worries!" He turned his back to him, "You be nice tae that wee lassie noo, I'll know if ye huvnae!" His tone was threatening, it made Jonah shiver despite the heat, and then he was gone. Jonah heard the front door slam and it made him jump. He was all alone in a strange house in a strange country...what was he gonna do now?

He'd occupied his time by scrolling the internet trying to find places of interest on Millport, this island his brother had abandoned him on with nobody to talk to. So much for that Eliza chick, it had been well over an hour since he arrived and there was still no sign of her. Just as he was thinking this, the door opened with a bang and a female voice called out.

"HELLOOOO??? ANYONE HERE?" Jonah sat up, listening closely as the girl called through the house, Eliza?

***

When Eliza finally arrived at the cottage, there was no car outside. Where was Jonah? Mary Burns came shuffling over to her as she flicked open the boot of the car. "Och its yersel' wee yin!"

"Hi Mary! Did Jonah arrive?"

"Aye, y'mean that awfy rude American boy? A gave him the keys hen, jist like ye asked." Eliza nodded and mouthed a thank you as she began lifting the bags of shopping out of the car. Once she got inside she called out to see if anyone was there but got no answer. It was odd, he was supposed to be here. She took a couple of trips to get all of the bags in, she was exhausted. She began to pack everything away, luckily her frozen and perishable foods were still viable despite being locked inside a hot car for almost two hours. Once she had finished, she got the fright of her life when she turned around and there was a figure standing in front of her.

"Oh my gawd, what the fuck!" She blurted out as her vision cleared and a bare chested male stood before her.

"You're two hours late!" A voice similar to Jensen Reed's announced flatly. She looked up at his deadpan face, he was handsome and very much like his brother but nothing like him all at the same time. He was wearing just a pair of black joggy bottoms and nothing else.  "I'm dying for a cold beer, get me one will you?" No hello, you must be Eliza I'm Jonah, nothing like that just complete and utter rudeness. So it wasn't an act then?

"Did you not get my message?" He turned away from her and headed over to the couch, throwing himself down lazily, he sighed and closed his eyes.

"I don't have a fucking clue what anyone's saying around here, it's all crazy talk to me!" Eliza felt her blood boil and her cheeks burn as this arrogant man put his feet on the coffee table and crossed his legs leaning back on the couch making himself very much at home. "I've been on a plane for eight hours, get me a beer!"

"And I've been in a ferry queue in the sweltering heat for three hours! What's your point?" Jonah opened his eyes and looked at her in surprise. How could two brothers be so different? The irony of her thoughts were not lost on her, she and Jane were very different but they still had basic manners that they learned from their parents.

"Hey, you're supposed to look after me! Don't you know who I am?" He actually said it! Wow! Eliza was more amused than angry now; he really was a self-entitled little prick!

"Oh I know exactly who you are!" Jonah gave her a look that said, well then know your place, but she wasn't finished. "You're Jensen Reed's talentless, man whore of a brother! I'm here as a favour to Jensen, not to run around after you. I buy your food and check you haven't tripped over your own shoelaces, that's it! I've done that so I'm off!" She pulled out a warm can of coke she had just put in the fridge and tossed it at him, "Here, since you're so desperate for a drink!" He caught it...barely and tutted at her. As she was about to leave he jumped up from the couch and practically ran towards her, standing in front of her with a panicked expression he raised his hands in a defensive manner.

"Whoa, wait a minute! I can't cook! Ian just took off and left me here, you're not gonna do that too...are you?" Eliza smiled sweetly up at him and pushed him gently aside.

"That's what a microwave is for!" Pulling the front door open as a wave of heat hit her in the face, she didn't even look back as she left him to fend for himself. Good luck finding the beer, she thought to herself, she'd done exactly what Jensen had asked to the letter. The rest was all up to Jonah!

***

That girl was making a hell of a racket out there, Jonah could hardly concentrate on his game of online Scrabble. It was his turn and Bradley had just snuck in a triple word score! Son of a bitch! Unable to take the noise a moment longer he stomped through to the kitchen and living room where the girl was unpacking groceries. He took in her appearance, she was cute, blonde and curvy...just the way he liked them. He looked at his watch, she was supposed to be here two hours ago, he was going to make her pay for that! She turned from the fridge and let out a little squeak, "Oh my gawd, what the fuck!" Potty mouth, he liked it.

"You're two hours late!" God she was cute, her eyes were grey but they seemed to change colour when the light hit them, they went from grey to blue and back again...it was fascinating. She just stared at him, speechless, he had that effect on women...he was used to it! "I'm dying for a cold beer, get me one will you?" Give her something to do, he knew she was desperate to please him, like they all were. Groupies man! As he threw himself down on the couch, making sure his tattoos and finely toned abs were visible for her to swoon over, she huffed her reply.

"Did you not get my message?" Ah, the old woman! The one he couldn't understand, the one who was having a private conversation with Jensen's muscle and made him feel like an idiot? That message got lost in translation sweet cheeks!

"I don't have a fucking clue what anyone's saying around here, it's all crazy talk to me!" Jonah waved his hand nonchalantly and made himself comfortable, "I've been on a plane for eight hours, get me a beer!" Come on babe, play the game. At least he could understand what she was saying.

"And I've been in a ferry queue in the sweltering heat for three hours! What's your point?" This one was feisty, it was hot! He looked over at her with her hands on her hips, little cheeks burning red and her pouty lips. She was resisting him, and she was showing blatant disrespect, he couldn't have that.

"Hey, you're supposed to look after me! Don't you know who I am?" Her eyes widened at his question, yeah she knew, she needed to be put in her place.

"Oh I know exactly who you are!" Yeah that was right, she knew and she would get in line. Jensen promised he could have her, Jane's little sister, and she was gutsy as she continued to speak, "You're Jensen Reed's talentless, man whore of a brother! I'm here as a favour to Jensen, not to run around after you. I buy your food and check you haven't tripped over your own shoelaces, that's it! I've done what I came here to do so I'm off!" What? Talentless? Man whore? This had taken a nasty turn, throwing a full can of very warm coke at him she said, "Here, since you're so desperate for a drink!" And now she was leaving...oh no not again! He ran to overtake her before she could get to the door, as he stood in front of her she looked up at him again with an expression he'd seen way too many times from his mother and sister and basically everyone he'd ever known. She'd had enough of him!

"Whoa, wait a minute! I can't cook! Ian just took off and left me here, you're not gonna do that too...are you?" She gave him a saccharine smile and pushed him out of her way, how was he going to eat? He didn't know how to feed himself, that wasn't part of the deal...was it?

"That's what a microwave is for!" She responded smugly and exited the cottage, well shit! What was he gonna do now? Heading over to the fridge, he ran a hand through his brown hair and opened the door, peering inside at bags of salad and boxes of ready meals.

"Hey! Where's the..." He stood up and looked out of the window just in time to see a blue vehicle drive away with that cheeky little blonde in the driver's seat, "...beer?" Time to find the microwave...and a liquor store!

***

When Eliza finally made it back to Kilmarnock, it was way past dinner time and the middle of visiting hours at the hospital. She knew her sister would be raging after she told her she'd be straight back, but not only had it been a three hour wait at Largs, but it was another two hours at the Cumbrae slip too. Eliza was starving, thirsty and desperate for a shower as she stood at the front door and rummaged through her bag blindly for her keys, Jane and her dad would be with her mum right now, she wished she was there too. She wondered if she should just head over to Crosshouse and try to forget how hungry she was, just be there for her mother, after all she'd missed the afternoon visit because of that bloody man, she wasn't going to miss another. Trudging back down the steps, she crunched over the gravel and jumped the wall, Jane wouldn't mind if she took her car again surely. Fortunately there were more parking spaces at the hospital during the night-time visits and Eliza found one within minutes. Her legs felt heavy as she walked the long corridors trying to get to the lifts that would take her up to the ward. Standing in the lift, she felt sticky and grungy, she was alone so if she did smell then there was no one there to witness it, she took a mental note to ask Jane if that was the case. When she made it to the ward, her mother was sitting up telling another nurse how she lost two whole days after her operation. She'd told everyone that would listen that her family could tell her things about those two days that she couldn't remember, for some reason this endlessly fascinated her. As Eliza threw herself down on a chair next to Jane, she whispered "Do I smell of B.O.?" Jane frowned in her direction.

"No, and you're late! What happened to I'll be straight back?" She whispered as Monica babbled away to this nurse who was taking her pulse and her temperature.

"I'm sorry, the wee ferry broke down and..." Before she could finish Jane nodded and gave her an understanding smile.

"It's okay! Mum, Eliza's here!" She called to their mother who still gripped the attention of the nurse.

"Oh! Hello love, I missed you!" Eliza stood up from her chair and placed a small kiss on her mother's cheek.

"I missed you too mum, I had to go to Millport..."

"Yes your dad said!" Monica winked and smiled knowingly, he'd obviously opened his big mouth, hopefully he hadn't told Jane who was staying at the cottage. Eliza had promised Jensen she wouldn't tell her. "Your friend is using the cottage, hmm?" She pulled her shoulders up to her neck and squeezed her eyes shut giggling, oh my god! Jane seemed none the wiser and turned to her again.

"I left your dinner in the oven; did you get it?"

"I haven't been in the house yet; I came straight here!" It was a truth and a lie; she had gone to the house but thought better of it. "I'm starving! That dickhead..." She started but managed to cut herself off in time, she'd almost confessed to her sister, almost spilled her guts out over what a hellish afternoon she had with the vile Jonah Reed.

"What dickhead?" Jane enquired flatly.

"Oh my friend, he was being an ass hat, nothing to worry about!" She desperately wanted to vent to someone, not her dad, someone who would understand. Jane would understand, she wished that she could tell her, she needed her now more than ever especially since she had to go back there and deal with Jonah in the near future. If she didn't talk to someone about him she was going to burst.

***

"Oh so you finally picked up huh?" Jonah quipped sarcastically when his brother finally answered his phone.

"Jonah I was on stage, what's up? You've only been gone a day!"

"Where do I start? Ian took off and left me, that girl came in two hours late with a bunch of lame groceries that I'll never eat and she gave me attitude!" Jonah huffed over the line as he could hear Jensen sigh on the other end.

"Jonah, I don't wanna hear it..."

"Oh well you're gonna! She left me with the groceries and when I told her that I can't cook she said that's what a microwave's for!"

"Jonah..."

"She's a mouthy little thing I tell ya!"

"Jonah..."

"She was so rude to me Jensen!"

"Jonah that's enough!"

"SHE CALLED ME A MAN WHORE!!!" Jonah cried down the phone as his brother sighed again.

"Jonah have you been drinking?" There was a long silence, Jonah sniffled and tried to come up with something clever to say but came up short.

"Yes!"

"I told Eliza not to buy you alcohol!"

"I went to a bar called, um, The Twa something, stupid name! They served me until I took over the karaoke, then they threw me out!" He could hear Jensen stifling a laugh as he looked sadly up at the ceiling, "I'm miserable bro!"

"Go for a walk along the beach, it's so peaceful and you can lose yourself in your thoughts...Jonah please! Give this more than a day?"

"She called me a man whore Jensen..." Jonah repeated, it had really hit a nerve, "...and talentless!"

"Well she's right about one, totally wrong about the other!" Jensen reassured him.

"Yeah I know, I'm totally a virgin, how dare she!" The brothers both laughed quietly, at least he hadn't lost his sense of humour. "I was a dick, I know it. I can't help it, she's cute! Is her sister that cute?"

"Her sister is beautiful and has a heart the size of the island you're on right now!" Jensen sounded pathetic, like a man who was besotted. Jonah had never been in love, he wondered how it felt. He was thirty two years old and he'd never been in love, how pathetic was that?

"You're a sad little man, you do know that?" Jonah snorted, jealous of how deeply Jensen could feel without being afraid.

"Takes one to know one bro. Look, be nice to Eliza! I told you, she's just young, don't be lecherous okay? Just be...just be grateful to her for what she's doing!" Jonah hated it when his brother was right, and his brother was always right.

"Fine, I'll...be more like you...golden boy!" He asked Jensen how his gig went and they chatted for a few minutes more before they said their goodbyes. Jonah was regretting his behaviour towards Eliza; she was just young like his brother said. The fact that she wasn't at all enamoured with him intrigued him, he was looking forward to cracking that mystery. His goal now was to win her over, make a friend...would that even be possible for him? Or was he just that unlikeable? He drifted off to sleep on top of the bed covers thinking of how exciting it was going to be to push himself to the limit and try to actually be a normal, friendly human being! He was going to give this a week, one whole week and then he was going back to L.A. to tell Jensen he told him so!

***

"Honestly I could have smacked him in the mouth, I swear!" Eliza fumed over the phone, poor Jensen had been listening to her vent for a whole ten minutes and hadn't complained once. She felt bad about bashing his brother but his behaviour was unacceptable and she told Jensen this, who completely agreed with her.

"Eliza, sweetie he told me how sorry he is. Just...please give him another chance? If he misbehaves again, call me and I'll book him a flight straight back home. I really appreciate everything you've done for us; I really do." Eliza's heart fluttered at the thought of Jensen Reed appreciating her, but it wasn't because it was him, anyone telling her she was appreciated would make her feel this way.

"I'm so sorry, you must be so tired and here I am harping on about something so trivial..."

"No, honestly it's fine. You're going through a rough time and it was selfish of me to put this on you, he's my problem and I just passed him over to you!"

"I don't mind honestly; I'll try and ignore him next time. I said he was talentless; I know he's not but he did the whole do you know who I am thing and I just saw red!" She heard Jensen chuckle softly and it made her giggle too. Her phone calls with him were getting longer and longer, but rather than her obsession with him growing bigger, she was actually seeing him in a whole new light. She enjoyed this friendship that had bloomed between them and she didn't yearn for more, which surprised her.

"How's Jane?" Jensen snapped her out of her thoughts, it was about time, he always asked for her sister every time they spoke. He loves her, she thought to herself, it was so obvious. He belonged to Jane, she understood that now, even if Jane didn't, somehow Eliza felt that it was always going to be this way.

"She's holding us all together, she's amazing!"

"She sure is!" Eliza could hear the smile in his voice, she wished that she could get Jane to talk to him, she really was a silly girl sometimes. "Hey, um, Jonah went to a bar and got drunk. Thanks for not buying him alcohol but...um...could you check on him a little sooner? I'm hoping the sea air and the quiet might dry him out but...we'll see!" Eliza agreed to visit Jonah, despite absolutely dreading it, she would do it for Jensen. She was furious with him for getting drunk, after she had followed Jensen's instructions perfectly, he went out and found booze anyway! She was so going to give him a piece of her mind...again!

When she arrived at the cottage the following day, all the curtains were drawn. Marching up the gravel path, Mary Burns came tottering out of her house waving over at Eliza. She turned and plastered a fake smile on her face, "Hi Mary, how's you?"

"Oh, Eliza! That boy!" Oh no, what had he done now? He'd only been there for three days! "A found him lyin' on the path the other night, he wiz pissed as a fart!" Eliza put her hand on her shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"Mary it's alright, he's going through a...breakup...his brother sent him here for some peace and quiet, he's taking the whole thing very hard. I'm sorry about this, I'll talk to him." Mary Burns seemed satisfied with this and waddled back to her own driveway. Time to face the music, Eliza thought as she rapped the door and let herself in a few seconds later. The house was a state, empty Budweiser bottles everywhere and takeaway cartons from the Chinese restaurant. It smelled like boy in there too! "What the actual..." She exclaimed as a body rose up from the couch in nothing but a pair of Calvin Klein briefs.

"Oh h-hey!" He stammered and shot up from the couch like a bullet from a gun, "I wasn't expecting you so...soon!" He began gathering up the rubbish clumsily in his arms, dropping bits along the way and tripping over the coffee table. He was completely different from the cocky young man who greeted her a few days before. As Eliza stood surveying the carnage with her mouth gaping open, he dropped his armful of rubbish onto the floor right next to the kitchen bin, which was brimming over with more garbage, and tugged on his underwear making sure that the meat and two veg were properly concealed from her view. His usually neat hair was all over the place and he had grown a short, stubbly beard in the three days that he had been here. "S-sorry about the mess I...sorry!" He put his head down like a scolded child as Eliza continued to stare, not uttering a single word. "And I'm, um, sorry about the other day. I was a prick!" Still Eliza couldn't speak. "Will, will you say something? Please?"

"We need to clean this up, now!" She ordered, "You also need to clean yourself up!" Jonah nodded enthusiastically and headed into the hallway.

"I'll take a shower and get dressed..." Eliza stood in front of him and shook her head.

"No, I mean no more drinking! Jonah this is bad, you have a problem!" Jonah gave her a dirty look, obviously Jensen was right, he was in denial.

"I don't, I have everything under control, don't you start okay?" Ignoring his whiny voice she stepped over a pile of crap and let out an exasperated groan.

"Where did you get the booze?"

"The store across from the, um, the bus shelter?" He was talking about the newsagents at the harbour. "They won't serve me in any of the bars...I...kinda got myself a reputation." He mumbled the last part sheepishly as Eliza fought the urge to scream.

"Great!" Was all she could find to say, opening the cupboard under the kitchen sink, she ripped off a black bin bag and began picking things off of the floor. Jonah skulked off somewhere and emerged a few minutes later wearing a t-shirt and those black joggy bottoms he had on the first time she met him. He picked up the roll of bin bags and took one for himself, clearing up alongside Eliza and stealing the odd glance in her direction. He seemed shy, or maybe embarrassed, he should be after making such a mess.

"D-don't t-tell my big brother, yeah?" He called over to her from the other side of the room. Why wouldn't she? It wasn't working, he needed to go, if Jane saw the state of the place she'd have kittens! Eliza let him stew for a while and continued to shove all the rubbish into bags. A phone rang out of the blue making them both jump, "Jesus fuckin' Christ!" Jonah yelped as Eliza muttered something similar at the exact same time.

"What the fuck!" It was his phone, "Aren't you going to answer it Calvin Klein?" She mocked him as he walked over to the coffee table to see who was calling him.

"Nope!" He declared and carried on tidying up, Eliza saw Golden Boy across the screen of his phone.

"Who's..." Before she could get the whole question out, Jonah interrupted her.

"It's my brother, okay? I'm not in the mood for one of his lectures!" He whined at her, then with a little smirk he added, "Besides, I've got you for that!"

"Me?" Eliza replied a little too shrilly, "I don't give a fuck about you!" It came out harsher than she intended, she could see it in his eyes...he was hurt. After fifteen minutes the room was back to normal, only a quick hoover was required now. Jonah went into the fridge and brought out three bottles of Bud as Eliza moaned. "What did I say?" Jonah turned to the sink and popped the caps off of all three bottles and poured each one down the sink. Dropping the empty bottles into an open bin bag sitting on the floor, he looked over at Eliza.

"I'm trying, okay? You have no idea what it's like to be in your big brother's shadow!" He sighed and leaned back on the kitchen counter.

"Yes I do!" She mumbled sadly, she felt constantly in Jane's shadow growing up. With there being such a large gap between them, she was never able to catch up and that was hard. Jane was smarter, more independent...Eliza had always envied Jane.

"So is your sister the golden child too?" Jonah half smiled as he fiddled with his fingers.

"Not exactly, it's complicated!"

"Well maybe talking will uncomplicate it?"

"I have to get back..." She turned to leave but he did that running thing again to block her path.

"No wait! Can't you, like, stay? I don't wanna be alone!" Eliza sighed and looked out into the hall.

"My mum..."

"I know, Jensen told me, I'm sorry. Can't you stay for one night?" She looked up into his blue eyes, almost identical to his brother's but with so much sadness behind them, so much loneliness. She wanted to stay, she was surprised by how much she wanted that, but she had to get home for her mum...for Jane! Shaking herself out of it, she pushed him aside mimicking her last goodbye to him and made her way to the front door.

"I really do have to go! Jensen has my number if you need me, no more drinking and..." She turned her head to look back at him as she twisted the door handle, "...I'll see you later!" Before he could say anything in return she slipped out the door and scurried down the gravel path clicking away on her car keys to unlock the car for a swift getaway. Only when she was on the ferry road heading for the slip did she notice how hot she was. Glancing into the rear view mirror her cheeks were red and small beads of sweat had formed at the top of her forehead. Jonah's eyes were intense, he was starting to look cute, attractive even, and Eliza couldn't have that! Not after the way he behaved, he may have apologised but she was still going to make him work for her forgiveness. What had he really meant by staying for one night? Did he mean what she thought he meant? This was Jonah Reed after all, the biggest man slut in River Monster! Maybe he just wanted to talk, to Eliza's shock and disgust, either situation would have suited her. Was she really going to sleep with him if she'd stayed? If he'd asked? Sitting in the ferry queue, which was relatively smaller than last time, she contemplated confessing everything to Jane just to get her sister's advice. Jensen said she couldn't know, but this was killing her, ever since they grew closer Eliza didn't want there to be any secrets between them. She wanted to share everything with Jane, like best friends as well as sisters. She also wanted to know what she thought about Jonah, and the possibility of Eliza having a fling with him...was she insane? As the ferry ramp clattered down onto the slip and the queue started to move, she gave herself a mental shake and drove onto the ferry. Pull yourself together Eliza, do not go there, she thought to herself. She was losing her mother and she was withholding something from Jane, she didn't need a complicated summer romance, not with him...no, Jonah Reed was pure trouble, she was never going there!

⏮️Previous/Next⏭️

[cryptidofthekeys]

The Even More Dysfunctional Family (AU)

Here’s the tidbits (tidbits? More like Chase doesn’t know how to fucking STOP ADDING SHIT, bc even just now i kept adding shit to the doc before I was like ALRIGHT ENOUGH I NEED TO P O S T THIS), but here’s the bits for the Brothers of Destruction AU in which Daniel gets adopted and taken in.

Some of these were written before I wrote that one story in particular, and some might conflict with future ideas because I’m going to be 100% honest right now? I suck at keeping to my own canon gkfjdlkjgfdksl but I’d also like to say, you can also throw ideas into the mix here, I don’t mind seeing others ideas for this AU if ya got any, hell, you can send me asks bout it too but anyways before i ramble into oblivion here it is!

There IS some angst in this though! It’s nothing EXTREMELY graphic but I do mention Kane, like, ripping out hair n such so I can advise against that

- I don’t know how Daniel ever got adopted, hell HE’S not even sure how this happened but it just, happened where, he got partnered up with someone who calls himself ‘The Devil’s Favorite Demon’ and has a FULL HISTORY of torturing people psychologically and physically and then they became best friends p much?! …Sure they still fight here and there but it’s not really out of malice or anything anymore and then he helped Kane’s big bro out with the fuckin shield and that was that, for reasons unknown Taker allowed him in essentially, and then boom he’s the new and shortest brother of destruction suddenly…

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- Okay I lied- I do know how he got adopted- I’ll be honest- Kane probably talked about it to Taker and was like …Can we let Daniel join? Taker was reluctant at first just like ‘why’ and honestly it feels awkward having a new brother like that just so suddenly and he’d probably be like ‘well how destructive is the boy?’ but then Kane shows Taker him and Daniel just destroying random ass superstars with chairs, and then shows a compilation of Daniel just being an absolute m e n a c e and Taker pauses for a moment “. . . He’s in” that was all that was said and the new brother of destruction dropped!!!

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- Daniel has the tenacity for it so yeah, Taker does not have to explain his reasoning anyways! Who the fuck is going to question The Undertaker of all people? …Yeah, that’s right- NOBODY- anyways- uh another big reason is not bc Daniel is destructive n shit- but its because Taker can see right through Kane, I mean that’s his little brother, even if he and Daniel fight, even if Kane grips Daniel by the throat- he knows Kane won’t actually chokeslam him …Maybe- but it’s MOSTLY just an ‘intimidation act’ when it comes to Bryan- But his lil brother cares about Daniel, a lot actually, and it’s VERY obvious to him even when Kane denies it-

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- …Taker won’t deny, it's… It’s nice to see his little brother finally and genuinely happy- finally someone who hasn’t turned on Kane (we’re DISREGARDING THN ever splitting up, yeah fuck that, that doesn’t happen) bc Taker’s seen it, he’s seen the people Kane tried to trust before and how they turned their back on them, there was one out of the bunch that didn’t but he’s… Not around anymore anyways, so now there was Daniel, at first I’m sure Taker had his worries of whether or not Daniel would stick by Kane or if he’d run away from him, but Daniel was no coward and he was pretty fuckin tough to get into his brother’s face the way he did… Some of the shit Bryan said and did to Kane required a LOT of balls (Shane glaring rn) and if it were anybody else, they’d uh probs be laying in that ring rn

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- …But Taker, he’s happy for Kane, finally found someone who won’t betray him, and even more so, Daniel made a promise… Taker was secretly listening in to those two, Kane was having a vulnerable moment, thinking about the ones who betrayed him, and then he worried, even after Daniel joined the BoD, he had his fears and doubts… I mean hell, betrayal hurts DEEPLY.

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Ya know? Kane has been hurt MANY times in his life by MANY people, physically, emotionally- and mentally- Hell, even Taker HIMSELF has hurt Kane but Taker listens as Daniel tells Kane that sure, they may still fight, but their siblings now- sure, not related by blood or anything like that- but still, their family now! Him, Kane, and Taker, they're all a big family… Albeit a very strange and dysfunctional family, still a family- Daniel reassures Kane that he’s not going anywhere, that he won’t ever betray Kane and in fact, he’ll prove it and continue to prove it to Kane

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- Daniel also went in for a hug, which is something Kane got EXTREMELY rarely… It was such a visceral scene, seeing Kane just looking at Daniel for a moment, trying to process the hug it seemed, trying to process affection, it was something so rarely given to a monster like him …Taker was surprised but Kane did eventually hug back and thanked Daniel, for the reassurance …and for not being a dick bout this kinda thing, Bryan of course grinned “That’s what brothers are for, they help each other when they need to, even if we can be dickheads to each other mostly” …and then they went into an argument …it was a playful one though, just them messing around n Daniel tryna get Kane into a better mood too

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- Daniel tries to interact with Taker but interacting with the deadman is literally like trying to talk to a fucking brick wall, Taker is definitely not the easiest the interact with but they do have their moments in the long run of things, Taker has definitely thanked Daniel, for being there with Kane, for being… For being the brother to him that Taker never was, which confused Daniel- He knew a good bit about Kane and Taker’s history, but not ALL the details …Which I’m sure Taker might one day explain to him but that’s a story for another time (and then he didnt lmao), Bryan wasn’t sure how to take that, he tried to tell Taker that he could be a good brother but that only caused the deadman to sneer “You kiddin’ me, boy? I haven’t been what you could call a ‘good brother’ in decades…” Taker is very closed and shut off with any of his feelings and emotions though and for Dan’s sake, he knows better than to push something he really shouldn’t.

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- Taker does admit how good it was, for Daniel and Kane to partner up, how good it was for Kane and well, how good it even was for Daniel that they met… Probs gets philosophical about how it’s destiny or fate or some shit but Bryan couldn’t deny …Even at the very rocky start and even with the ups n downs they STILL had, it did feel like a good thing, Daniel felt happier and even though it was hard to picture, he could really just relax around Kane, and Taker too even if talking to him was awkward and difficult… It’s a big change to suddenly have a third brother like that, and to be in the BoD no less …But, it’s a change that would do all three of them some good.

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- Daniel has no supernatural powers whatsoever, he’ll never understand how Kane summons the fire so easily like he does, or how Undertaker can summon lightning or ANY of the powers, Bryan has tried to summon the fire before and or the lightning, gets angry when he can’t, sometimes he genuinely doesn’t feel like he fits in here …But Kane mostly reminds him, that supernatural powers don’t define the BoD, it’s their ability to create destruction that defines them and that’s something Bryan can ABSOLUTELY do …For Daniel’s sake (this was a canon thing that happened btw, he tried to set Kane’s pyro off and FINALLY after a bit he did it which…

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Surprised Kane but im putting my own spin on it) Daniel has tried to set off the fire like Kane before, and he kept getting frustrated and more angry when he couldn’t do it, he was convinced he could …So Kane decided after watching Bryan struggling and failing, he casually made sure Bry couldn’t see, lifted his arms and then the fire went off, this made Bryan’s eyes widen and he looked back at Kane who put on a look of shock as he looked at the fire shoot up before disappearing, Daniel looked genuinely so happy and pleased, it put a smile on Kane’s face for sure.

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- Taker has done the exact same with lightning, he wasn’t going too because he thought it was funny watching Dan struggle but then Kane hit him on the shoulder and whispered to help him out to which he sighed but did so as per his brother’s want …but the big question is, as I stated, Daniel knows he doesn’t necessarily have supernatural powers, but do you think he believes he’s A: Gaining them now somehow or B: He knows deep down that Kane set off the pyro for him and Taker did the same with the lightning …Both would have VERY different outcomes btw

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- Daniel has ran into his fair share of trouble with the other superstars before in the past, and just because he’s a member of BoD now doesn’t mean that changes, sure a lotta superstars know better but then there’s some dumbasses who continue to push their luck, both Kane and Taker are HIGHLY protective of Daniel, they won’t admit it outright but it’s clear they are very protective over their new brother- It’s like one of those lil tropes- so let’s put it into a scenario- Some dude is picking on Daniel or who knows maybe even attacking him bc it IS wrestling- So then just these two 7ft tall monsters just appear behind Bryan, glaring down at the person giving him a hard time, the glare is usually enough to send them running- but here’s the difference- if someone was giving Daniel a hard time, like just spouting some annoying words- Bryan would just be getting angry and not backing down sure.

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BUT… While Daniel can hold his own, both Kane and Taker know this- they still can’t help their protective instincts- I’m imagining Daniel trying to intimidate someone and make them back down and leave him alone but it’s not working, then suddenly the monsters appear, not close enough to where Daniel would notice them but their shooting a HARSH glare toward the person, mouthing at them to run or suffer the consequences, this makes Daniel much more confident, thinking HE intimidated them, but now… If it’s someone attacking Bryan …Uh, their dead, FHGJKDLFJGHDK- THERE’S STRAIGHT UP GOING TO BE A MURDER AND UH UNLIKE THE DEADMAN AND KANE THEY CAN’T,, EXACTLY COME BACK- It’s going to be a massacre unless someone stops these two.

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- Likewise, Daniel is pretty protective of them as well, even though he knows they can protect themselves like, I mean, he knows who they are, if someone is harassing them, he legit shoves both of them back and gets all up in that person’s face, legit just backing them into a corner …Which, ngl, does impress both Kane and Taker for sure, the BoD has been targeted for attacks many times but then you just see this feral fucker running in with a goddamn kendo stick beating the shit out of ANYONE who attacks them, whether it be two people or multiple, he doesn’t care, Bryan’s going FERAL and protecting his brothers so stay the FUCK outta his way!

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- Daniel standing behind the monsters, just glaring at the employees who look terrified beyond belief as the brothers also glare down at them, arms crossed, they simultaneously say “He asked for n o meat whatsoever, he’s a vegan” let’s just say the employees were being a dick bc Daniel was a vegan, let’s say their being assholes for this scenario …bc I’ve seen people be assholes toward vegans …which is fucking stupid- but the employees apologize and give them, literally whatever the fuck they want bc goddamn just l e a v e, please, y’all scary- …and maybe y’all shouldn’t have been dicks either but here we are …Ahem- basically the ‘excuse me he asked for no pickles’ meme lmao

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- Daniel got his brothers to try some of the vegan food at some point, uhh, they pretended to like it, also Bryan made a mental note to himself, to never EVER under ANY circumstances bring a cucumber home a g a i n… for Dan’s case, they would’ve gotten him to try some meaty food BUT… They know that uh, Bryan gets sick and vomits anytime he eats any kinda meat so that’s uh off the table p much …Although Taker does laugh whenever Kane reminds him of the time Daniel threw up in Dr. Shelby’s lap, Kane adding the check please to the end of that as well really just s e n d s Taker

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- You knew this was coming… Taker and Kane CONSTANTLY poke fun at Daniel’s height, calling him so many goddamned nicknames, Daniel fucking H A T E S it- he is constantly reminded and haunted by the fact he’s so much shorter than them, they do not relent- they will never let poor Daniel live this down… Not ever, but it’s all in good fun in the end …Well for Taker and Kane anyways LMAO- Bryan fuckin hates this shit, but they do know when to back off at the very least- but god they are insufferable, he regrets being adopted into this shit, can he take back his own adoption into the BoD? Can he take this back? Fjkdlsgjdfks …He’s kidding- he’d never trade this for anything, not even a fuckin title shot would beat this-

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- Bc of Taker and Kane's history essentially… There can be a lot of issues, now sure Taker can get pissed off, there’s no doubt but he’s better at controlling his anger more so than Kane- Kane can lose his temper VERY quickly and easily, and if he’s angered enough, well… He unfortunately doesn’t care who he hurts, there has probably been times where Daniel’s tried to help, bc he doesn’t like seeing Kane so upset, especially not when it gets to the point of the other ripping out his hair (he does that when in EXTREME distress, whether it be anger or just, upset p much) the rocking back n forth Daniel doesn’t mind but he doesn’t wanna see the other rip out his hair.

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Kane has probably nearly hurt Daniel before because of this, because of that anger that he just cannot seem to control, which makes Kane feel guilty in the end of things bc he… He’d never wanna actually hurt Bryan, Taker would step in before Kane could do something he would TRULY regret, he might be harsh about it, Taker roughly shoving his brother back and telling him to take out his anger on something or someone else even, but NOT Daniel, hell- if Kane needs too, Taker will offer himself up for a fight, letting Kane vent out that anger on him but that’s because the deadman can, and no pun intended- take that kinda fight- Bryan couldn’t- sure, he’s a TOUGH lil shit but not… Not in THIS case, this is something entirely, hell, at this point it’s more than a simple ‘fight’...

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- After that ordeal, tho, Kane if he even came anywhere n e a r hurting Daniel, he’d simply just run off somewhere, he can’t handle that, he can’t handle that he almost fucking hurt his brother, now sure, he’s hurt Taker before, multiple times in fact (technically speaking both Taker n Kane have hurt each other multiple times so yeaah) but Daniel? …Daniel’s human for one, two, Bryan doesn’t DESERVE that, he doesn’t deserve that anger taken out on him- Kane’s had anger built up for decades- sure, Daniel has his anger as well- but it’s nothing CLOSE compared to Kane’s… Bc his hasn’t built up for decades like that- Dan just doesn’t deserve that, and to think he almost h u r t the other just like that…

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I imagine Daniel, despite Taker advising against it, runs off to go find Kane- upon finding him, he’s probably sitting in a boiler room or basement type room, rocking back and forth, hands on his head and he looks so upset… Daniel cautiously approaches, sitting not SUPER close but close enough to where Kane can see who it is, there’s nothing said for a long while… Now, usually nearly being attacked would piss Bryan off immensely, but this is probably after being with the BoD for a long while now, being with Kane in general… And even then, Bryan doesn’t feel the need to be angry in this situation, more anger would just escalate things… So he looks at Kane and calmly begins to speak “...I don’t blame you, and I’m not mad at you… …I can’t say I sympathize or understand your anger, because I don’t, I haven’t been through ANY of what you have…”

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Kane is silent for a few more moments before speaking up “...That’s not an excuse, I could’ve hurt you, hurt you SEVERELY…” Bryan would sigh (i can’t spend all day on this one soo…) Bryan would try his best to talk Kane down, telling him that he doesn’t blame him, and that it’s not necessarily his fault, anger can be a finicky thing, it can be hard to control and sometimes it can be completely out of your control, and Bryan would say he couldn’t even begin to imagine having DECADES, literal decades of anger building up, decades of anger from being hurt so many times, even by his own flesh and blood, it must be so difficult to deal with, but at some point, Bryan, just gently hugs Kane, thinking it might be a bad idea but he’s going for it, once again… with the hugging… …Bryan promises, even if he might not be a brother related by blood, he’s still a brother, and he’s GOING to help Kane out in any way he can, he’s going to help Kane with all that anger and hurt as best he can.

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…He’s not going to give up on his new brother, or rather… He’s NEVER going to give up on either of his newfound brothers, he’ll help them BOTH in the long run of things, he knows how hard it’d be, if not nearly impossible but he’s always been so determined and stubborn, once he’s made up his mind there’s no changing it, not ever… Even if he ran the risk of being hurt, hurt bad or WORSE even… Daniel would risk it all for his brothers, would also try to get Kane and Taker in a better mood after that whole ordeal, easier said than done but like I said, he’s a determined and stubborn man, he’ll find a way.

|

God, I love my angst lmao, there’s so much fluff and angst potential with these three though… Taker and Kane might even learn how to finally be, well, decent brothers to each other at least thanks to Daniel, he’s going to teach them how to be somewhat normal brothers, teach them how to be human in fact, it’ll be a rough journey but he’ll find a way, even if he has to risk it all.

|

- This is more so funny- needs some funny shit to combat the angst up there lmao but uh- When Daniel was hanging around, this is BEFORE he became apart of the Brothers of Destruction fyi but still he hang out with Kane soo yeye but anyways, I just love to imagine Taker had to put up with all the Team Hell No arguments and all I can fucking think of is Taker just standing outside looking like this as he listened to the fuckin mess that was those two at first

|

https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/525/401/ffd.jpg

|

I imagine he was v e r y close to chokeslamming or tombstoning the absolute hell out of one of them at first like my god he cares for his brother and his friend seems okay at times (god if only past Taker could see the future, lmao they adopted Bryan as another sibling lmaoooo) but pL E A SE- LET THE DEADMAN R E S T GODDAMMIT HE HAS TO DEAL WITH SO MUCH SHIT AT L E A S T GIVE HIM HIS REST he probs thinks this is his karma, this is what he gets for all the shit he’s done in his life.

|

- Daniel, while he does love to deal with situations himself, he doesn’t want to always rely on the BoD or want them to come to his ‘rescue’ or whatever, he needs to deal with his own battles n situations sometimes which they do respect, Kane a bit more so reluctantly… That’s mainly bc he’s prideful and confident in himself, he can handle certain things on his own sometimes …Occasionally he does get a bit too cocky and it costs him but that's besides the point rn- Another reason, he doesn’t want them to misunderstand and start thinking he’s only here bc the BoD are protectors, he’s not just using them as shields or some shit-

|

- Daniel is picking up a bit of sadism from his brothers ngl, loves to see enemies in pain more so than ever before and loves to see fear in them …He doesn’t know if it’s a good or bad thing at this rate, he grows more concerned each time he finds himself grinning at beaten/fearful enemy.

|

- Daniel just liking to see his enemies in pain and being in fear more and more makes Kane and Taker so proud of their new brother, he’s becoming more and more like them every day …They are not even sure if that’s a good thing, well, at… A-At the very least, Daniel hasn’t gone through any of their traumas …And they’d NEVER wish that upon him or anyone else even …Okay maybe in the past Kane wanted people to ‘feel his pain’ but just, just, its… It’s different now… The dynamic is different, EVERYTHING is different s-so uh yeeeaahhh. He does NOT want Daniel to ‘feel his pain’

|

- You would think Daniel would have a leash on these two but it's the exact opposite, Taker and Kane have a leash on him because i s w e a r sometimes Daniel just decides that its feral time and he’s going to cause problems, problems that the BoD don’t wanna deal with right now, unnecessary problems …but also Daniel uh knows, Taker would kill him (not literally) and Kane, well… Putting a leash on him, Kane would get m a d firstly, but secondly he’d be a shithead and just drag Daniel all over the place.

|

- Remember that weak link storyline? ..Yeah, uh that happens here too, BUT the difference is he’s got both Kane AND Taker to reassure him, and anyone who tries calling him the weak link..

|

Well, they get fuckin one-shotted, just KNOCKOUT- get- get outta here, stop polluting Daniel’s mind with that weak link shit, he’s not a weak link- he’s never been the weak link alone and he won’t EVER be the weak link, whether he be fighting without his brothers or WITH them, Daniel is… Appreciative of this, he gets his doubts and fears sometimes too.

|

- Daniel hates being considered weak, it hurts him to be considered weak, he’s got a lot of pride and that’s a low blow essentially- When someone considers him weak, he legit nearly pushes himself to his actual breaking point, it gets to the point where Kane and Taker BOTH have to intervene and get him to stop just so he’ll take care of himself, because Daniel barely eats, drinks, or sleeps- it’s all about training and pushing himself, he can’t be weak, he CAN’T…

[regalityandcoffee]

I don't have a title for this bro I'm ngl

Summary: Jade and Adam kind of have an argument, and she doesn't know who to turn to.

Warnings: Angst, BCC Found Family bullshit, hurt/comfort

xxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx

BANG BANG

Bryan's head popped up from the training schedule he was looking at. "What the hell was that?"

William turned toward the hotel room door. "Probably Jon or Mr. Kingston, I should have known they wouldn't be asleep yet," he stood up and walked towards the door. Checking the peephole just in case, the sight on the other side of the door made his eyes widen. There stood Jon, and beside him Jade, her hair out and wearing just an oversized t-shirt and shorts, holding her mini backpack. And her eyes were red. Hung on her shoulders was Jon's leather jacket. He seemed on edge, looking down the hall left and right with a firm hand on her shoulder. He quickly opened the door.

Before he could say a word Jon gently ushered the girl inside and motioned for her to sit in the armchair, which she did with no objections.

"Jon? Jade? What's going-"

"I don't know! I was heading to check on Wheels because I was going over to Eddie's room and I was gonna see if he wanted to come and I bumped into the kid who was crying! I think she just left her room, she won't tell me what's going on!" Jon scratched his neck as he paced back in forth. Bryan got up and walked past him to the bathroom, returning with a box of tissues. He sat down on the bed closest to the chair and handed them to Jade.

"You-y-": William took a deep beath, trying to find his words. "She won't say what's wrong?"

"Just that she was about to leave. I don't know where though, it's fucking freezing out!" he stopped and grabbed Will's shoulder. "Look, I know you said to keep cool about shit like this but if she tells us Page did something to her I'm gonna go back there and I'm gonna rip-"

"He... he didn't do anything." They both turned to see her wiping her face with a tissues as more tears escaped. Her voice sounded cold, and to be frank she looked a bit of a mess at the moment as she took off Mox's jacket and laid it on the bed. She sat her bag in her lap and wrapped her arms around herself. "I fucked up."

She hung her head in her hands not looking at any of them. Bryan looked at William with confusion and concern while Jon just looked like he wanted to commit a murder.

"Alright, everyone just settle down. Jon, sit down." William got down and sat in front of the chair, crossing his legs. "Miss- sorry. Jade? Dear, what happened? if- if you don't mind me asking?"

"...I yelled at Adam..." she said her voice shakey.

Jade? Yell at someone? Yelling at Adam? He couldn't imagine it. "I'm going to need more information than that, sweetheart. Take your time. "

Something in him twisted and almost broke as she let him take her hands into his, still not looking at him.

"We got... he wasn't talking...I thought he was mad at me. I asked if he was and he was like I'm just stressed about you and Punk. And I knew he was stressed about Punk 'cause he's been getting in his head and he won't talk about it but then he said me and-

"What did he say about you?"

"Mox, shhh!" Bryan scooted to him and grabbed his arm. They all listened as she choked down a hiccup, pulling her hands away to wipe at her face again. The younger man mumbled something under his breath as he tapped his foot.

"He...he says its hard figuring all this Punk stuff out and worrying about me at the same time- I told him he didn't have to but then he was like yes I do because all this bullshit with Jericho has gotten out of hand. He wants me out of it."

William nodded.

"And I told him I know I got burned and stuff but...you know what he did...the-"

"Yes, what he said about you during his silly pipe bomb." How could he forget? How could he forget that waste of flesh speaking to her like that, revealing her biggest secret to millions of people, her crying as soon as she got backstage and no one being able to find her for hours?

"Adam knows it was bad, but said it shouldn't matter because you guys can take him on his own and I just...snapped at him. I was such a bitch."

"Jade, that's not-" William's eyes widened. He had gotten used to her cursing, but to hear her call herself such a word shocked him completely.

"You are not a bitch, Jade!" Jon head snapped towards her, his eyes wild. "I don't know what you said to him but whatever it was doesn't make you a bitch!"

"But I shot back at him how he never tells me anything anymore and he doesn't- that he'd never get it because he's not-he's not..." She raised her head, pushing her hair out of her face. Light, white streaks were trying to dry on her face. "Anyway, I apologized and he kept saying it was fine but I knew it wasn't so I took my bag and was gonna go... go somewhere."

"Denny's again?" Bryan probed.

"I don't know...I didn't want to call Mia and I think Keith and Swerve are asleep. I hate bothering Keith. I was- I don't know where I was going..."

"And that's where she ran into me and took her back here," Mox stood up and kneeled next to William in front of her. "You ain't bothering us, kid. Don't ever fucking think that, got it?"

She didn't respond. Instead, she stood up and tried to walk to the door. Immediately, impulsively, William stood up and got in front of her pulling her against his chest. This was a risk, they had only hugged a few times before. But he couldn't bare it. "Don't- I'm sorry, dear, I'm sorry, I just don't think it's best for you to leave right now."

To his relief, she didn't push him away, instead, her arms slowly wrapped around him. He held him just as close as she fought back more sobs against his chest. "I'm sorry- I'm s-sorry..."

"Don't apologize, dear," he whispered as he stroked her hair. "It's alright. You've done nothing to me to apologize for. I think- I think you ought to stay here, calm down for a bit. Is that alright, or...do you want to try to patch things up with Mr. Page tonight?"

"He hates me..."

"He doesn't hate you. He couldn't possibly hate you."

"He asked me if I was coming back, but I-" A ringing from her bag interrupted them. The room went dead silent as JAde pulled away and opened it up, taking out the small phone and checking the screen. "It's Adam."

"Right," Bryan looked at the screen, then back to her. "Are you going to answer him?"

She paused, then shakily hit the answer button. "Hello? Y- yeah. I'm fine." she looked up at William, and then to the door.

"He wants to know if you're coming back tonight?" he asked. She nodded. "May I- may I talk to him dear?"

She looked confused, but gave him the phone.

"Hello? Mr. Page? It's me."

"Oh thank god, she's with you!" The man on the other end breathed a sigh of relief. "Is she okay? Is she hurt?"

"No, no. Just still a bit upset."

"I know, and I -I'm not mad at her- she thinks I- I'm sorry sir, I should have just kept my mouth shut but-"

"Let's not talk about that right now," William interrupted. He took a breath, trying to gain his composure. "She's not in the best place right now, I believe it would be best to save this until morning." He turned away too look at Jade, to who Jon had sat back in the chair and was handing more tissues to. "Dear, do you feel like going back tonight?"

The woman in question looked up and shook her head.

"She said no."

"I kind of...I kind of figured she would." Adam mumbled. "You'll keep her safe though right? Until morning?"

"Of course."

"Can you hand the phone back to her?"

William nodded and handed her phone back to her.

"Huh??? Oh, yeah. I... I love you too, goodnight." she hung up and put it back in her bag, shaking her head.

"Do you want to stay here for the night, dear?" he asked softly. He didn't mind sharing his bed with her at all or figuring out arrangements for her. "I've told you before, it's no bother."

"Or she can bunk with me and Wheels," Jon piped up. "She can sleep in my bed, I'll just make Wheels scoot over or I'll sleep on the floor or-"

She quickly shook her head and pointed to the floor. "I can- I can-"

"Absolutely not," Bryan shook his head. "If he doesn't care then Regal can sleep in my bed but you are not sleeping on the fucking floor, Jade."

"I should just go- go back..."

"You clearly don't look comfortable with the idea though," William shook his head. "I know you still believe he's angry with you, and that thought is scaring you a lot right now, isn't it?"

Jade looked up, giving him a tired nod.

"Then it's settled. You can stay with us."

"I'll sleep in this chair, then..."

"That don't sound comfortable" Jon shook his head. A ring sounded from his pocket. He slipped out his phone. "Fuck. I forgot about Eddie."

"Well, Bryan and I are still messing around with the training schedule and organizing things. Why don't you just get some rest on my bed, okay? Then when I get tired I'll try not to disturb you when I get in."

She considered it for a bit, then nodded. "Can...do you need help?"

"No dear, we're almost done. Go ahead and get under the covers. We'll try to be quiet. You need your rest, you've had a stressful evening. "

"Okay..." she stood up, looking at the bed. Jon stood up, slinging his jacket over his shoulder. He pulled back the covers for her. She got into bed, seemingly trying to take up as little space as possible as she curled up underneath.

"Alright, there you go. I'm gonna go, call me if anything happens. Night kid, sleep tight." Jon patted her shoulder through the blankets and went to the the door, shutting it gently behind him.

William watched as Jade rested her head against the pillows, then moved back to sit at the desk in the room and go back to his laptop. while Bryan scribbled down some somethings in the agenda. After a few occasional glances, he noticed she hadn't opened her eyes in a bit. She was fast asleep.

Thank goodness.

If anything, anything at all, he was beginning to feel like he should be apologizing to her. Maybe none of this would have happened if he hadn't let her help him that night against JAS in the first place. Maybe Jericho wouldn't have revealed her diagnosis to the whole world. Maybe she wouldn't have had that meltdown and ran off. Maybe she wouldn't have gotten burned by that fireball.

Maybe her relationship wouldn't appear to be in danger.

Maybe this was his fault...

-fin-

[oasisofpassion]

bro you gotta tell me more about that fic you mentioned in the tags of that reblog that sounds like smth id like bro idc about what fandom it is i just wanna read it

oh bad news I worked on for two years and then never wrote it lol.

BUT I DID WORK ON IT FOR TWO YEARS SO I CAN SURE INFODUMP! WARNING: VERY LONG RANT INCOMING!! Like... incredibly long. I can't stress to you enough you can take your time reading and responding to this because it is that long. The word count is in the thousands.

fic contains: mentions of abuse, rape, trafficking, body horror, gore, suicide, basically just... a shitton of angst. like so much angst, dude. not all of these are in the first part but they will be in subsequent parts.

Ok, idk what you know about DBH so I'm just gonna give this a quick preface by just explaining all the important parts to the fanfic.

Basically DBH is some anti-racist game that failed at being anti-racist, somehow. Probably because David Cage wrote it. Also something about it takes place in 2038 there's technological advancement and androids and the androids do this deviation thing where they suddenly get the ability to Make Choices and Feel Emotions.

1. Zlatko

Zlatko Andronikov is some villain guy in the original game that you have to pass through in Kara's storyline to know about where they need to escape to—Canada. He also takes androids and does one of two things; resets them (erases their memory, basically undeviates them) or he makes them absolutely fucking horrific.

Like truly horrific! They're actually quite tame compared to their concept art, and many of them—not including this one—have been badly burned. Apparently androids don't feel pain canonically but everyone ignores that because it's fucking stupid.

2. Connor

Connor's your obligatory Autistic-Coded Nonhuman Character because he spends most of the game as a robot who doesn't understand The Human JokesTM, sarcasm, and the like. He also deviates very late in the game. Obviously this is game has like 40+ endings but for the purposes of this you only need to know that he deviates. Also his story was objectively the most competently written because David Cage literally didn't have too much influence in it. The actors for the main duo, Bryan Dechart (a twitch streamer who played Connor and is seriously the most wholesome man ever. He made some videos with Jacksepticeye.) and Clancy Brown (Yes, Mr. Krabs Clancy Brown who played the Old Grizzled Alcoholic Detective character Lieutenant Hank Anderson/Connor's father figure or husband or best friend depending on who you ask) wrote a lot of the story by seeing the script and saying "Fuck this lol."

Here is a picture of Bryan Dechart and his wife Amelia. It shocked me to find out at the time of writing this that Bryan Dechart is older than Philza Minecraft. What the fuck. Also during my looking through videos for this, I realized I had forgotten how fucking attractive this man's voice is. I want to steal crumbs of his gender from under the table like a starving Victorian child working for the rich family above me.

Actually all of this was just unnecessary gushing. Connor's a cop. He gets thrust into a shitty position by the Evil Corporate Overlord (DBH is also anti-capitalist! And it actually did an OK job at that one so) CyberLife, the company that created androids. He gets the fantastic job of Most Advanced Prototype CyberLife Has Ever Created who Hunts Down The Defective Deviants With The Detroit Police Department. In canon, this causes a shitton of political discourse, because the unemployment rate in the US is already in fucking shambles due to CyberLife's androids being dirt cheap (seriously they're under 10k USD) and preprogrammed to do certain tasks that make it easier for business owners to buy androids rather than hire a human workforce. He deviates because of all the deviants he hunts being like, actual fleshed out people who feel real fear, his buddy cop Hank learning to no longer be racist, and him starting to tangle with his own emotions as well.

Another thing about Connor: He likes dogs! He can also pet Hank's dog when he goes to visit his house. That's not important but it's nice to know.

Also he canonically uses puppy dog eyes. Like. People would joke Ha Ha Yes He Probably Uses Puppy Eyes On Hank and. And it was canon. They didn't have to headcanon it, it literally happened. And the kicker? It fucking worked. It is exceptionally difficult to find the clip, though. Like. Really hard. I've been looking for like ten minutes and I can't find shit. It happens in the chapter The Nest when Connor just stands around doing jack shit and Hank tells him they gotta skedaddle before he "dies of an asthma attack," but Connor makes him stay because idk fatherly instinct or something.

3. The Jericrew

Markus, North, Simon, and Josh. North is the only one with any personality. She is my second favorite character in the whole game. Markus and Simon had homoerotic tension and they were originally supposed to have a romance path but David Cage is homophobic so he made Markus and North date. I kept this in the AU because I think North deserves nice things, and Markus is a nice thing. Josh is a pacifist. North wants to kill people (this is because she was a victim of sex trafficking who killed her rapist and escaped. She believes that violence is the only way humans will understand their message. Markus, at least for these purposes, decides if he's gonna die he's gonna die a martyr and continue to be robot MLK.). Simon is a Markus simp. He literally has no opinions on Markus. Practically everything you do will up your relationship with him. He is fucking in love, I swear. In one of the endings he is literally North's replacement if she dies and Markus gets shot and has to have someone come save him. I'm sorry but "Our hearts are compatible, you have to take mine" THAT IS FUCKING FRUITY AS HELL.

4. RK900

Okay. This guy is 100% fanon. Like. His character showed up for 30 seconds in one ending you have to try to get. He stood there looking pretty and didn't say a word. Usually in fanon he's portrayed as Hot Tall Sexy Burly Stoic Big Dick Sex God because the fandom is really horny and he is somehow the second person in the most popular ship (reed900, they literally have a movie, uh, i think the ship's a bit problematic though, for a few reasons). In this fic though I decided to make him kind of a nervous wreck lmfao. The most popular names for him are Nines and Conan (I like Nines though so I went with that). Also we didn't even know that Nines is taller or more muscular than Connor but we assumed so based on pure vibes.

OK. SO IF YOU ALREADY KNEW ALL THAT OR IF YOU READ IT ALL: HERE'S THE AU!

Now, I've forgotten a ton of this AU. I think it's been exactly six months since I've thought about this story. I have forgotten a scary amount of it, but trust me, in its prime? It was amazing.

Basically, it was... four years after the events of the game? 2042. Lots of found family shit. Connor and Hank are PURELY vibing, especially with Connor's jobs with the Detroit Police Department + working with the Jericrew. Uhh. Yeah basically Connor, Hank, and Nines are all roommates who all support each other. Mutuality or whatever. Hank's a recovering alcoholic, Connor is... a lot, actually, he is so much, he has so many issues, especially after he gets home, but that's later, and Nines has just some major fucking anxiety issues. Sumo is a dog. He is happy all the time because he is a dog except when his family goes to work then he's sad.

Connor reads textbooks for fun. He's a big Knowledge Enjoyer and has a crippling astronomy hyperfixation. Did I mention I projected my ADHD onto him? I projected my ADHD onto him. He has ADHD. Don't ask why he can have mental disorders because he's a robot and that wouldn't make sense, yes they can, and because I said so.

Then, one day, something happens I literally don't remember I think he gets hit with some sort of Robo Blow Dart in his back neck port. That gets explained later though. He was on a bus. So he gets kidnapped! Cool.

He's taken to Zlatko's mansion, which looks a little something like this:

and gets put in a terrible cell full of android guts which looks a little something like this:

(I was like 100% I had more screenshots than this but apparently not. It's so hard to get a screenshot of these cells though because they are just that dark).

So yeah! He's not very happy about this.

Oh, and fun fact: androids have the ability to communicate across long distances. Like, they're walkie talkies.

Not Connor! Zlatko broke that shit so he can't call for help.

There are three other androids with him who are also get a very similar treatment Connor is about to endure:

Harry

Faith

and Iris

So ya! They're all pretty fucked up. Harry was a military bot, Faith was a maid, and Iris was a sex robot. Harry and Faith are the only straight couple ever except for maybe Phil and Kristin. They have a child, who Connor has actually met before, so it's like... pretty imperative they get out.

But remember that Robo Blow Dart?

That's permanently in him now. It's in all of them. And it's controlled by the big bad villain... Zlatko.

So any chance of escape could just be stopped by him hitting a button and knocking them all out, and they wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

Also, Connor's like. Kinda fucked up as well.

Some time later, idk, we meet BEST BOY EVER.

ENTER G R E G O R Y

THINK WE CAN TELL ON HOW MUCH EFFORT I PUT INTO HIS HEADSHOT BASED ON THE OTHERS WHO MY FAVORITE IS, BECAUSE HE MEANS ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING TO ME.

Alrighty, here's what you need to know about Gregory for now: He's 5'6 (this will become funny later), very quiet, a little bit curt, but all the same a very sweet man who is just trying his best so that everyone under his care doesn't go fucking crazy. His hair goes down to his ass and he has a bunch of tattoos. He's also my favorite. Have I told you he's my favorite yet? He's my favorite.

He is just as under Zlatko's thumb as the other androids. He has been in Zlatko's possession for about... eight years, if I remember correctly. He was born in 2036 and wasn't alive for long before Zlatko snagged him and reprogrammed him to do the snagging for him (He's actually a canon character and is the trash bot who tells Kara and Alice where Zlatko lives). After Kara and Alice left taking FUCKING ROBODAD (his name is Luther he's not important to this story but he means absolutely everything to me) MY BELOVED with them, Zlatko took Gregory to go be like, his helper, and fill in Luther's place. So Gregory gets to help with Zlatko's surgeries and food and such. He doesn't leave the house.

Ever.

Except for one time. I'll get to that later.

Gregory and Connor have this sort of, like, rivalry. Gregory's pretty used to running the house and how it functions, and it irks him a bit that Connor just waltzes in his fuckin house and starts bossing people around as if he owns the place. Part of this is because Gregory resigned to his fate a while ago. Like, he's pretty sure he's gonna be stuck in this endless loop forever, but there is absolutely no way he's killing himself, lest someone take his place and abuse the androids under Zlatko even more. He is their last defense, and he is not trusting anyone else with the job.

Another thing? Gregory's got a bit of a silver tongue. He knows exactly what he needs to say, how he needs to say it, and when. It comes from years of experience of working with a volatile piece of shit who does drugs and gets off to torturing innocents he knows feel emotions. How I know he knows it? It's his whole fucking business model. Also he's a bit of an artist. Just a tad. He likes to do the draw. it's his coping mechanism.

That's really all you need to know for the exposition/inciting incident.

Let's get into the real plot now.

Um... I don't remember it.

I. I don't remember the real plot.

Because there were so many different fucking arcs I had to juggle. So some shit is gonna be kinda fuzzy, especially with the trio (Harry, Iris, Faith) because I'm gonna be honest... I did not focus on them that much lol was too busy with the main duo Connor and Gregory.

Alright, here's the second most important character in the entire fic:

Emerald. Except I'm getting way too lazy to draw now so.

Emerald is like Gregory 2 except they're allowed to leave the mansion. Emerald is the key to everyone's fucking escape. Emerald and Iris are dating.

Emerald is the mansion security guard. They watch all the security cameras. This is important, because as far as Zlatko knows, all the money he's paying them is going to keep them bitches STORED.

Not gonna happen, though. Not on Emerald's watch.

Connor starts spitballing ideas to escape.

Nobody likes this.

Especially Gregory, who, by the way, is absolutely scared shitless of Zlatko. There's a reason for this! There are so many reasons for this. Holy shit, I cannot even tell you how many reasons there are for this.

Some shenanigans happens. Eventually, they do some wacky shit and manage to do Something?????? All I know is that the trio is out of commission, not dead I don't think they were, Connor is unconscious for a bit and Gregory's just. Fucking having a panic attack I don't know.

Little bit later Connor wakes up and we're introduced to BEST GIRL. BEST GIRL EVER.

ANDROID BEAR!!!!! Her name is Aurora and I love her and she's the best thing ever.

THIS IS GETTING REALLY LONG AND IM GONNA SPLIT THIS UP INTO PARTS SO THERE'S THE END OF PART ONE!!!!

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Final Fantasy XIII Review

Year: 2009

Original Platform: PlayStation 3

Also available on: Xbox 360, PC, Android, iOS

Version I Played: PlayStation 3

Synopsis:

On the planet Cocoon, those who come into contact with anything from the planet Pulse are purged to that planet. Pulse is a feared planet full of monsters and strange creatures. Both planets are ruled by fal’Cie, mechanical godlike beings who sometimes brand humans as their servants for specific tasks, called a focus. Those who fulfill their focus are turned into crystals and obtain eternal life. Those who do not fulfill their focus turn into mindless monsters. Lightning is a former soldier whose sister, Serah, is branded by a fal’Cie and taken to be purged. Lightning sets off to rescue her.

Gameplay:

Going to say this now – the worst gameplay in the entire Final Fantasy series.

The battles are Active Time Battles but instead of you inputting individual commands, there are what’s called paradigms. Paradigms are somewhat like Job Classes from the old Final Fantasy games, except less fun and more automated. You can switch to a Medic paradigm in battle and every time you press “Auto-Battle” your character automatically performs a series of necessary cure and restore spells, based on what’s going on in the battle. The Sentinel paradigm specializes in keeping the enemy at bay. The Ravager paradigm uses magic. The Commando paradigm uses physical attacks. You get the picture.

As a result, the gameplay could be best described as:

With occasional switching of paradigms whenever you see fit. You can set up a number of combinations across the characters. Two Commandos and one Sentinel. One Sentinel and one Ravager and One Commando, etc.

The party automatically heals after each battle – you can even press start during a battle and restart the battle.

I probably only used an item once or twice. I honestly don’t see why they bothered putting any items if you hardly ever use them.

You can upgrade your weapons with pieces and junk you find after battles. You find so many of them that you hardly ever think about what you’re upgrading so long as whatever you make upgrades your stats. Is this better? No? What about this? Okay, good. Moving on.

Like Final Fantasy X, the game is linear. Much more linear. You follow a long hallway for about 30 hours of the game before you can do sidequests. The sidequests involve completing other people’s focus. That’s about it. There are no towns, no inns, no villages. You are entirely on the road, constantly in battle (Okay, there’s like one time where Sazh and Vanille are in a casino or something but that’s about it).

I wrote a blog piece a while back about what exactly was wrong with Final Fantasy XIII, and it’s not that it’s linear. We play really great linear games all the time. It’s the automation – the feeling that you’re not really doing anything.

There isn’t an ounce of customization. Leveling up is similar to the Sphere Grid of Final Fantasy X. It’s called the Crystarium but it follows a strict path. You can’t actually stray anywhere or customize anything. If that’s the case, why bother making you open the menu to level up through the Crystarium? Why not just automatically do it? I guess they want to give you some ounce (more like a milligram) of control over the game.

Basically – you’re watching a long movie and occasionally get to move the people around. That’s how I see it.

Graphics:

PLAYSTATION 3 HD GRAPHICS HOMG DO YOU HAVEA BONER YET? LOOK AT THIS. FIRST FINAL FANTASY GAME IN GLORIOUS HD.

Everything is pretty in this game. Everything. There is nothing wrong with this at all.

Story:

The characters appear to reference those in Final Fantasy VII. Director Motomu Toriyama wanted Lightning to essentially be a female Cloud Strife. She’s a no-nonsense, athletic female lead. While Cloud and Squall were introspective and antisocial, Lightning is slightly different by actively ordering people around. She comes off as a dick to everyone, and that’s due to her ex-soldier background. Think of your stereotypical ex-cop/ex-CIA/ex-military action movie hero, like Liam Neeson (Bryan Mills in Taken) or Bruce Willis (John McClane in Die Hard). That’s basically Lightning.

Can we go on a short tangent for a moment to talk about how weird it is that Lightning was also used as a model for advertising in Japan?

Here she is driving a Nissan.

And wearing Louis Vitton.

Cool? I guess? Unless you start to realize that Toriyama wanted to design his own personal waifu, and that he’s completely obsessed with her. That gets really weird. And sad? A little? Anyway.

Vanille has some reminiscent of Yuffie from Final Fantasy VII, although with more character via her inner monologues and narration. Fang is vaguely like Vincent Valentine. Sazh takes the place of Barrett as the token black dude, except instead of being aggressive he’s more like the comic relief and wants nothing to do with anything. Every time you control him, jazz music plays, because black people I guess. Hope doesn’t appear to be reminiscent of anyone – he’s just this boy who yells and complains a lot with Lightning. Snow meanwhile is a ripoff of Zell from Final Fantasy VIII, except somehow even more annoying.

(Every time I see his picture I think about your typical dude bro at a frat.)

The story starts of a bit choppy as you follow almost each character separately, then they run into each other, then separate again, then join again. The first 30 hours or so gives flashbacks of 13 days prior- BECAUSE IT’S FINAL FANTASY XIII GET IT? Vanille actually narrates some events but it’s not exactly clear why or from when – but that’s a spoiler. Along the way, I got really confused because I didn’t know why some people were fighting each other when they were on the same side a moment ago. The concept of the “focus” is really weird and sometimes confusing. People with a focus simply have visions or a general idea of what they’re supposed to do, but they don’t actually know for sure unless they actively seek it. If the gods granted them a focus, wouldn’t it make more sense if the gods just told them what to do? Seemed to work in Final Fantasy XII. 

In short, the narrative weaves around a lot. If you stop playing in the middle and pick up the game again months later, you’re bound to forget what’s going on. I know I did.

The characters didn’t annoy me as much as you would think they would on paper. They all have character development and that’s good. The only character that effectively got on my nerves was Snow. Snow is Serah’s fiancé, and Lightning hates him because of course you need some family drama. I don’t blame Lightning though. Snow shouts cheesy lines left and right, like “Heroes never die!”. He shouts Serah’s name the same way Christian Bale shouts Rachel’s name in the Christopher Nolan Batman films. Snow is quite possibly the most irritating character of all the Final Fantasy games. He will not shut the fuck up about what it means to be a hero.

The rest of the cast works well in that their motives and desires clash with each other. But I’m still sore about the wasted potential for a great character in Jihl Nabaat. Sazh wants his son Dejh back, who was taken to be purged by the sinister and extremely hot Jihl Nabaat.

 Goddaaayyyum. Seriously, look at her.

Too bad, because she’s only featured in a handful of scenes and then dies. Her death isn’t a major spoiler, at least one that I consider, because she hardly does anything except get in the way for a moment. You don’t even fight her. How lame is that?

Then you have this annoying bastard – Primarch Dysley.

When I think of him, I think of Mitch McConnell.

Old. Disagreeable. Been in power for too long. Always in the way of progress.

Primarch Dysley happens to be as annoying as Seymour from Final Fantasy X, so expect to be overjoyed every time you run into him.

Overall, the story isn’t as bad as you’d think. You just have to pay close attention. The gameplay is far worse than the story. I could easily slip into a coma while playing this game and still make it pretty far.

Music:

Final Fantasy XII saw the departure of Nobuo Uematsu (well with the exception of the pop song “Kiss Me Goodbye”). Final Fantasy XIII continues to head into the unknown without the beloved longtime composer. This game’s score is composed entirely by Masashi Hamauzu, who if you haven’t been paying attention, already partly worked on Final Fantasy X.  I immediately saw how “Saber’s Edge”, the boss theme, is similar in nature to the boss theme of Final Fantasy X.

Final Fantasy XIII made the most radical changes to the score. There are no signature themes from the series. No “Prelude” theme, no “Main Theme”, no “Victory Fanfare” theme. Instead, we get a theme called “Fabula Nova Crystallis”.  It plays frequently throughout the game, and almost acts as Serah and Snow’s love theme. In some portions of the game, some woman is singing along. Yes – this is the first time where you roam around a world in a Final Fantasy game with actual pop music playing in the background – “Sunleth Waterscape” to be exact. Final Fantasy XIII’s music gets pretty poppy.

Not saying it’s a bad idea.

Just.

You got pop music playing in the background now.

“Lightning’s Theme” is pretty sick. Her theme plays during the battles in a rendition called “Blinded by Light” – HA GET IT BECAUSE SHE’S LIGHTNING. SO CLEVER.

But Hamauzu was a good choice – the entire score holds up well and sounds like a movie score, with varying motifs running across. It can be a bit more subdued but that’s how contemporary instrumental music is nowadays, especially with film composers like Hans Zimmer.

 Notable Theme:

“Blinded by Light”

Really epic, unique song. I always scat along to it as it plays.

Verdict:

Uff. 

Look, if you just search on YouTube for all the cutscenes, there you go. That’s the game. And it’s entertaining to watch. But it has the worst gameplay that doesn’t feel like you’re even doing anything. No sense of customization or originality.

Direct Sequel?

Yes, two.

Final Fantasy XIII-2.

I started it around the time it first came out, but I’m still in the middle of playing it and I have no idea what’s going on in the story. NO idea. NONE at all. They use time travel but none of it makes sense. Apparently changing things in the future can change the past. I don’t know how. I only understand a vague semblance of a plot with the bad guy Caius. While it doesn’t tarnish the dignity of the original like Final Fantasy X-2 did, it’s still offbeat with its metal (yes, metal) music and utterly confounding story. It’s infamous for this metal rendition of the sweet and innocent Chocobo theme.

Then there’s the third game, Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII

I plan on playing it after I finish Final Fantasy XIII-2, if I don’t already die from an aneurysm by then. It’s supposed to be better than Final Fantasy XIII-2 but lacking in graphics.