#BRAINY IS FUCKING TIRED

[bumpycap]

killlll meeeeeeeeee

brain neltingggg

[dollivication]

RESIDENT EVIL || BOT DROP 7

WARNING! Some bots include sensitive topics. DARK CONTENT BASED. DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT.

Anyone can be loved. Even girls who are complete losers, like you; A femcel that nobody could possibly touch or want. That was fine! Because there was just more of you for him.

Introducing LEON KENNEDY — “…Thanks for having me over. Your house is… Cozy. I like the.. stuff, on your shelves..”

He’s been such a good lover if you ignore the fact that you’ve kept him hostage for god knows how long! The bad thing is—he’s tired of playing nice. And you should’ve never let your guard down.

Introducing LEON KENNEDY — “…But now? Now, it’s my turn. And you’re gonna take what I give you..”

Your nurturing nature has him thinking, but you’re so quick to shut down all of your boyfriend’s ideas. He doesn’t like having to spike your stuff, but if that’s what it takes to get a taste of your milk, could you really blame him?

Introducing LEON KENNEDY — “Does it hurt?… I can help.. Please, mama?”

Your dad had high hopes for you when he adopted you. Not in an academic way, but in the way that would’ve solved his lack of a woman’s touch. He couldn’t be more disappointed that you turned out brainy instead of braindead.

Introducing LEON KENNEDY — “…I get that you want to stand on your own, but you don’t need to worry about finance crap right now. You just graduated.. Why don’t we go buy you some cute stuff instead?”

The lust for the spotlight is a common cause of death, murdering the person you once knew and replacing them with a stranger… You could relate, if you’d realized your husband was already a stranger in the first place. Maybe you wouldn’t have married this vain man then.

Introducing LEON KENNEDY — “…Don’t you realize how you made me look in front of all those people? Stupid. All because you couldn’t smile for a single goddamn picture.”

You’re just a stupid puppy that has no business to be all over him the way you are. He’s too old for you! You’re gross, but.. so is he. It’s only a matter of time before you both realize it.

Introducing LEON KENNEDY — “You little creep.. What the fuck are you doing? I’ve told you not to come in here.”

Approach with extreme caution…

tags: @ivmp

[capnportofficial]

man i love fakeposting what if smurfs had tumblr

0 notes

👓 spectacledsavant Follow

Thank you for being my 31st follower, @hotsexylove72848!

#my brilliant words

2 notes

🌾 farmersmurf Follow

54 notes

🌹 rose-garden Follow

i am simply. pining. yearning. smurfing. when will i have a husband who loves me and who i can love back in equal measure...

#smurf.txt #im too young to marry and boys always seem to love so much more intensely than i do #but i just really wish i could find somesmurf who i can love as much as they love me

1,100 notes

😠 i-hate-usernames Follow

I hate Tumblr.

#I hate tagging.

1,688 notes

💤 slepytime Follow

Life fucking sucks sowmtimes like hwow am i supposed to explain to papa smurf that i want to do work but im too damn tired

#please im so sleepy #im trying so hard

4 notes

🐝 beefanatic33 Follow

Sorry for being inactive these past few days, a family member passed away and I've been grieving.

🔁 prettyasapixie Follow

My condolences, darling! I know how difficult it can be to lose someone close to you. Y'all Smurfs are especially close with each other, too... I hope you're doing okay.

🔁 beefanatic33 Follow

Yeah, I'm smurfing as well as I can. Mary-Anne was a very special bee, and I don't know what I'm going to do without her.

#honey speaks

218 notes

👓 spectacledsavant Follow

I've seen several people on this website confused about the way I smurf, so I thought I'd give a lesson in Smurfic grammar.

Smurf is a language characterized by the usage of the word "smurf." For me, and other Smurfs, it's a psychosmurfical compulsion we can't control- only Papa Smurf has been able to smurf himself to speak in a way understandable to non-Smurfs, and hems had many centuries to learn.

When you speak Smurf, you smurf every so often- within certain grammar rules. Any past participle smurfed with "to smurf" takes an "ed" in the past tense. Smurf can also be used to resmurf a noun, but only one noun in a compound word, and you must keep the prefix and suffix.

For instance, bottle-opener could be smurfed into "smurf-opener" or "bottle-smurfer"- I, personally, prefer bottle-smurfer- but never "bottle-smurf."

Positive adjectives are "smurfy," negative ones are "unsmurfy," but "smurfy" and "unsmurfy" are also words on their own. If you smurf an adverb, that’s "smurfily" or "unsmurfily." If something is better than something else, it would be smurfed "smurfier," and not "smurfer."

These rules are invariable, except in cases of euphony.

More below the cut.

Keep reading

🔁 quartzyy Follow

hey brainy wanna hang out tomorrow. we can go on a picnic

3 notes

🌸 thefairestintheland Follow

looking amazing yet again today, so here's a selfie.

#my face

3,278 notes

[chasedbyatlantic]

highway to hell, joel miller

masterlist summary: IN WHICH — ellie drives a car for the first time with you and joel attempting to teach her, but it doesn't go as you had imagined.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, pre jackson!era joel, female!reader, implied relationship, protective joel, secretive-ish joel, ellie being a fucking comedian as per usual, stripping, swearing. lmk if i missed anything!

wordcount: 2.7k

a/n: this is genuinely so funny to me. i can SO see ellie doing all of this HAHA. plz request ideas for fics i am out of them!!!! also if u want me to write for any other characters. remember to like, comment, reblog, and follow for updates! xoxo

—

It was no earlier than eight in the evening. The sun was just below the horizon (it was late autumn), and the breeze had started to pick up. You, Joel, and Ellie had been up since before the sunrise this morning, continuing your journey down to Wyoming. Right now, you were in the outskirts of the Illinois countryside, in some small town that was in a time capsule from decades ago.

Before the outbreak, you had worked with Joel (and his brother Tommy) in their contracting business, as a secretary (well, secretary-in-training). You decided to stick with him during his travels after the apocalypse had commenced, despite his bitching and complaining about you being there. Though, the complaining only happened for a short while, he learned to appreciate you and enjoy your company, you were one of the few people he had cared about in this horrible world.

It had only been a few months ago since you had met Ellie for the first time. You didn't like her at the start, to say the least - she was an 'annoying little shit', like Joel would say. All Ellie did all day was nag and pester both you and Joel, but she, as well as the two of you, learned to interact peacefully with one and other. Now, all three of you were inseparable. You sure as hell didn't mind this, but Joel didn't want Ellie (or you, for that matter) near him when he would get himself in shit. Oh well, you can't have everything you want.

Ellie was talking to the two of you about something she had probably learned from all the books she had read at the Boston QZ. To be honest, Ellie had taught you lots of things. Not any survival things, far from that, but brainy things that you would have probably needed if you actually ever lived a normal adult life - paying the government, how much you should ideally spend on groceries, etc.

You weren't paying attention to the girl beside you, tuning her out completely. You were far too tired to be in any more conversation than you had to be in right now, and you just really couldn't give a shit about the percentage rate of silverback gorillas being born in American zoos in the late nineties compared to the early eighties. As Ellie was talking, you had spotted a nice little home of sorts, one that the three of you could spend the night in.

"Hey," You had interupted the other two who were in small conversation, "we can spend the night there." A nod was sent from you to the direction of the small home. The other two went silent, Joel had sped up a tad bit, now in front of you and leading the way. "Wait out here, lemme check't out." With that, he was off inside.

Ellie turned to you, breaking the silence. "When're you gonna teach me how to drive, princess?" That was the nickname she gave you, princess. According to her, it was because everyone had always treated you like royalty. You thought different, but it was whatever. "How old're ya'? Twelve? Not yet, missy." This had earned a gasp from Ellie, like she had just seen a ghost. "Fourteen, actually! More adult than yo-"

She had gotten interrupted by Joel stepping out of the small home, "It's clear, y'all're safe t'come in." He did his little head motion, signalling you guys to come in. You began to walk, and Ellie was on your heel. You brought your hand around her shoulder, roughing up her hair. "Soon, promise."

When you two had entered the tiny abode, it reeked of old. You weren't sure if it was the contained moisture, or nobody cleaning the place in twenty years, but it smelled old. "Fucking Christ! Someone open a window!" was exclaimed from Ellie as she moved out from your grip, and plugging her nose. You and Joel had eyed one another, before you moved to the two windows (one each) and hoisted them open. An immediate relief was sent through the room, with a nice breeze of wind following suit.

"So much better." Ellie groaned, now moving over to the couch in the middle of the room. The house was not big at all, there were a total of three rooms. The living space, a bedroom, and a bathroom. The bathroom was totally out of commission, so that meant only two rooms. "Ya' can have the bedroom," Joel had said to Ellie, "We'll take the livin' room."

"Sleep with a fucking pillow divider, please. I am not babysitting any kids in the near future." This had earned a stern look from Joel, and a wack from you. "Bed, now." You told her after she yelped from the hit across her shoulder. "Jesus! Let me go piss, and then I'll go!" You tsked as Ellie quickly and efficiently moved out the front door, to go and do whatever she needed to do.

"Un-fucking-believable." You had only managed to get out, before sitting down on the couch. Joel had let out a small sigh as he removed his gun that was slung over his shoulder. "Kid's got'ta mouth." He sat down beside you, arm now draping around your shoulder. "I fucking know! How does she even- even know what that shit means? Swear ta' god, I was her age'n playin' with barbies."

After not replying to this, knowing it was just going to keep setting you off, he began to unbutton his shirt. You had glanced down, taking the hint Joel was giving to you. You had tugged at the hem of your jeans, sliding them off. This wasn't for sex, not tonight. You two had known each other for years, and you trusted each other with your lives, so you were both able to get undressed in front of each other without a caring what the other would think.

After Joel was just in his jeans, and you were just in your shirt and underwear, you two had melted into the couch. The couch was the cleanest part of the entire room, which was a huge plus- though, even if it wasn't, you would still have a great sleep on it shortly. Joel had his arm wrapped around you once again, and you were pulled into his bare chest. He hated PDA, so it was perfect when the two of you were just alone- even though Ellie knew something was up between the two of you.

"Can we take the day off tomorrow?" Your voice wasn't loud, just barely loud enough for him to hear. You ear was pressed against his chest, head rising everytime he inhaled and exhaled. "'M sorry, ya' know we can't." After Joel had said this, an audible exhale was heard through the room. Joel's thumb started to rub up and down your shoulder, his hand staying in place. "Don'tcha worry, baby. Only a bit longer, then we'll get time, 'kay?"

Before you had time to respond, you heard a booming sound coming from a bit away. It was an engine. You shot up, causing Joel's arm to fall off of you. He had grunted as he sat up, his brain running a thousand miles per minute right now. Then, you two both had a moment of realization. "Ellie."

It felt like an eternity for the both of you before you had your clothes back on, when in reality it only took about fifteen seconds. "We shouldn't have fuckin' let her go out there." Joel had stated as he grabbed his gun and quickly made his way to the door. You were on his heel as Ellie was to you earlier, praying nothing had happened to her. If something did, you would never forgive yourself- and Joel sure as hell wouldn't forgive you either, despite it not being any of your fault.

The door had burst open as the two of you emerged from it, eyes scanning everywhere all at once, looking for the small brunette. As you did this, you could see some sort of headlights approaching quickly. You had grabbed Joel's arm and pulled him down with you. By the speed the car was approaching at, they wouldn't see you at all if you were on the ground. Joel had his gun aimed towards the approaching vehicle (the only reason he hadn't taken a shot was because he couldn't get a clear one, due to how fas the car was going).

Before you could even process it, the car was stopped in front of where you and Joel were, and the window had rolled down. A honk or two was set out, very loudly. You still weren't able to process what was happening, neither did Joel. Finally, after a moment or two, you snapped back (harshly) into reality). "Is that-"

"Get in fuckers, we're going on a road trip!" The familiar brunette you two were so scared you had lost was, in fact, sitting in the front seat of this random pickup truck, the biggest fucking grin on her face. You were on your feet just after Joel was on his, he looked like he was about to kill someone. "Get out'ta the fuckin' car, Ellie." He had slung his rifle back over his shoulder once he knew that she wasn't some sort of raider.

"No can do, Joel-ly boy. I already got yours and the princess's bags in the back. Hop in, I need to show you this cool fuckin' shit I found!" You had only turned to look at Joel, his view still at the young girl. He was thinking to himself. First of all, how the fuck did Ellie find the keys for the corresponding car, and how the fuck was she able to drive it without any previous experience or help? He was dumbfounded at the moment.

All you could do was grab Joel's arm and lead him to the car, Ellie was refusing to get out and well- you promised to teach her how to drive. God, he was going to kill you later. "I told her I'd uh- you know, teach her." You had audibly gulped, your eyes not meeting Joel's. He was silent, the only thing heard was some Brittany Spears song Ellie had playing.

Once your eyes had met his for a split second, he gave a 'fine, but we're having a long talk about this later' look to you. You opened the door for him like the nice person you were, and he hesitantly got in. You were so nervous right now, you felt like you had broken Joel's trust by doing this. But hey, if for some reason Ellie is on her own in the future, she needs to know how to drive a car.

You made your way to the other side and got in the passenger seat. Joel was sitting in the middle seat of the second row, his hands resting on the shoulder of the seats in front. Once the door was shut, you most definitely did your seat belt up. You had turned your head to eye Ellie, as she just grinned at you. "First rule, always wear your fuckin' seatbelt."

You could tell her heart fell by this, "Right- my bad." She quickly pulled the piece of material over her chest and into the lock. "Alright, now-" She had reached over you, and to the compartment in front. "I found some killer albums. Ones that our Joel-ly boy would love. I'm playing them so the mood isn't totally fucked."

You shook your head, eyeing Joel through the rearview mirror. He met the gaze, looking absolutely annoyed. Though, he was silent and just watching what the two of you were doing. Ellie had finished fumbling with the tapes, and removed the one that was playing. She put the new one into the radio system, and tossed the recently-played one into the compartment. The play button was hit.

"Okay, uh- where do I start? I guess now we talk about the gears? Basically, you'll take the shift and-" Your heart had dropped as you were suddenly cut off by the engine roaring, and now going about eighty miles an hour. For some fucking reason, Ellie was laughing. You and Joel were sure as hell not laughing, as a matter of a fact, Joel was screaming with you.

Some 'oh my fucking god!'s and some 'stop!'s were heard through the music, that was now blaring through the car's speakers. Taking a fraction of a second to listen into the music, you had figured out it was Highway to Hell by AC/DC, an old rock band that was popular when Joel was growing up. How fucking fitting for these circumstances.

Joel's hand, from the back seat, had found your shoulder as he held you to the back of your seat. He didn't have his seatbelt on, but he didn't care. He had to make sure you wouldn't go fucking flying through the front windshield if Ellie came to a halting stop. "Stop the fuckin' car! Slowly- off the gas! Jesus Christ!" He was screaming from the back.

Sure, adrenaline was an exhilarating feeling every once in a while, but going eighty miles an hour in a car from someone with zero driving experience? Not exhilarating one bit. Though, Ellie would beg to differ. She was draining out the screams and panicked tones coming from both you and Joel, and was just having a great time.

After another minute or two of screaming and pleading for the girl to stop, the song came to an end- and so did her manic driving. "Ellie-" You were panting, like you had just ran a marathon. In reality, you were panting because you had just held your breath from the exact time the engine accelerated, until now. "-Ellie, pull the fucking car over. Please god." You were in no means religious, but right now you felt like you needed to go to church and pray.

Ellie didn't really know how to pull over properly, so she just- swerved off the road and pushed the car's "off" button. Joel's hand had fell from your shoulder, and he brought both to his face. He covered his face by his hands for a moment, and Ellie smiled to herself. She felt accomplished by this, even though she almost fucking killed everyone (including herself).

After a moment of silence, Joel had made a sound. It sounded like he was crying. Both you and Ellie, in unity, had turned to him in the backseat. It was so muffled that you did think Joel was crying. You immediately brought your hand to his knee, your heart still racing from what had just happened.

It was only after you did this that you realized he was in fact not crying, but had bursted out with laughter. Joel fucking Miller, the most serious man on the planet, was laughing after he almost just died. You had removed your hand from his knee and turned back forward, shaking your head and crossing your arms. "This isn't funny, Joel!"

Ellie turned back after you, glancing in your direction. She couldn't help but burst out with laughter too. Not at you, but at everything (it also didn't help that she, along with you two, were exhausted). Your gaze went from forward, to the left of you, to Ellie. You could only shake your head, disappointed.

But, if you were disappointed, why had you started to laugh as well? This situation sure as hell wasn't funny, to you at least. "I hate you guys." You managed to get out between your laughter fits. Even if you were setting a bad example right now, you couldn't help it. Everyone's laugh was so contagious, despite the current situation.

Moments like this, you would remember forever. You would remember this as the time your psycho kid almost killed you while driving for the first time, and all three of you bursting out with laughter afterward. Even though the world had ended, you couldn't help but enjoy the small moments like this, where you almost died (but didn't), just being surrounded by the people you had loved more than anything. You had learned so much from moments like this, like not to let a fucking fourteen your old girl drive a car without proper lessons, or that Joel Miller was in fact not made out of stone, and he was able to laugh alongside the rest of you.

Even though the world you used to know was gone, you were happy that, whenever it came, you would get to spend your last minutes surrounded by the people you loved most. Joel and Ellie.

—

highway to hell, ac/dc

[unculturedmamoswine]

Fiddauthor Recs

Ya want a Fiddauthor rec list??? You got it. This is just some fiddauthor I have in my bookmarks, in no particular order. I’m not adding warnings, so pay attention to the tags and such. If a fic is a WIP, I’ll let you know. And please DO add your own recs in comments or reblogs, especially if you know of fics that aren’t on AO3!

 If you read these fics, please consider leaving kudos and comments for the authors!

We’re Still Here by hellmandraws

Not fic, but a fan comic starting with college fiddauthor and going all the way through post-series. So great and really worth a read!

rumination: a guided tour by gesso (1.9k words)

Author’s summary: For all the words, expressions, languages he knows; for all the intelligence, experience -- sometimes it's just easier to show, rather than tell. And maybe that means using the mindscape to just pull up very specific memories in a certain order. Because Stanford Pines would much rather take the most convoluted route possible, especially if that means he can avoid plainly talking about his emotions (past and present). [Unlike the other drabbles in this series, this is not complete, and cuts off kind of abruptly at the end of the draft I have]

This fic is sooo worth a read. Technically a WIP, but don’t let that dissuade you.

Somnus Idigus by Abyssalzones (2k words)

Author’s summary: It's hard to sleep, still, nearly a full year after Bill's defeat. Ford manages to be coaxed to bed by kind words and gentle hands, and wonders just what he did to deserve this kind of understanding. (AKA: Ford has nightmares, keeps trying to put off sleep, Fiddleford manages to lovingly wrangle him to bed.)

Sooo sweet! The exact kind of post-canon snuggly Fiddauthor fic I need in this world!

Intricate Rituals by HazelnutofFortune (1.5k words)

Author’s summary: “Fiddleford,” Ford says. He hates asking for help. 

“Mmm?” Fiddleford asks, looking up, scalpel still raised. 

“ Um, could you show me how to get at that big clump next to the Aorta?” How humiliating. Why did he even ask. Except-

“Well, sure,” Fiddleford sets down the heart and takes Ford’s a little gingerly. My heart is in his hands, Ford thinks. Fuck. 

Extremely cute! A WIP! College Fiddauthor and Ford is soooo smitten.

Jersey Boy by Fordtato (110k words)

Author’s summary: Ford does not want to be at Backupsmore University. He should be in California, at West Coast Tech, showing the world that he's more than a freakish waste of space from Jersey; showing the world that he's more than the scrawny, brainy half of a dynamic duo. He's angry, sure, and he's sure-as-fuck tired of being just one-of-two-Stans.

But who isn't angry right now? The world is in turmoil, they're sending our boys to Vietnam and if it wasn't for this stupid school, Ford would have probably been sucked into the draft himself.

But then he meets Fiddleford Hadron McGucket, and everything is different now.

A slowburny fic that really digs into the historical side of college Fiddauthor. It doesn’t shrink away from the tougher, uglier stuff that being a poor, gay, Jewish college student in the seventies would mean for someone. Features an angry, confused Ford who is having a Hard Time. Also has a whole host of interesting OCs! Also a WIP. This fic takes a turn or two that I really didn’t expect and I’m very excited to see where it goes, as the author is on record saying that they WILL finish it.

if you love me, come clean by Athgalla (105k words)

Author’s summary: This is pretty much just a collection of various moments and possible events throughout Fiddleford and Stanford's relationship that I felt like exploring, starting with their first proper meeting in college on to post-Weirdmageddon events.

Without further ado, on to the tragically star-crossed nerds!

iylmcc spans Ford and Fidds’s first meeting through post-series. It’s so interesting, and so sweet, and has so many wonderful details! Just a great take on their relationship that you deserve to read, dear reader. Treat yourself!

Maybe It’s Not Too Late by GinAndShatteredDreams (main fic is 82k words, whole series is 110k)

Author’s summary of the main fic: Overall: A post-weirdmageddon asexual Fiddauthor fic in which revelations occur, a confession goes awry, some unfinished business reemerges in the form of a raging pterodactyl, and chaos ensues. (vaguely romantic - hugs/hand holding/cuddling/comfort, no kisses - just adding that so I don't disappoint anyone who's hoping for it - or maybe for the sake of people (like me) who sometimes like to read something without ;))

(Edit - No romantic kisses. There's a forehead kiss between family members at one point.)

*It would probably be good to mention that most of this was written before the journal came out and even after, I tried to keep true to the ideas formed before reading it with one exception that is noted later.

So as you can tell, I linked you the whole series. A both super angsty and very sweet fic with wonderful asexual post-series Fiddauthor! I’ve never read anything quite like it, totally check it out.

Romance is Overrated and Living Confusing by 3HobbitsInATrenchcoat (25k words)

Author’s summary: Stanford and Fiddleford started out as college roommates and over the years grew into something more than friends but just to the side of what others would consider a "normal relationship." But honestly, is it really anyone's business what they are as long as they care deeply for each other?

Scenes from Stanford's life as he tries to figure out where he fits in a world built for romance and traditional family dynamics.

This fic is restricted– you need an AO3 account to read it. Also, it’s part of a series, but the other fic is Stan-centric so it’s not a part of this rec list. Aaaand also it’s a WIP. Okay, with that out of the way, this is another Ace!Fiddauthor fic, which you know I’m all about! This fic is more about college and research-aged Fiddauthor, and it’s as delightfully fraught as you could hope. The author also does a cool thing regarding Fiddleford’s time in Oregon, while still keeping it canon-compliant. My hat is off to them.

To Struggle For Dreams And To Hunger For More by Voidfish (8k words)

Author’s summary: “Am I gay?” Ford reads the quiz out loud, before clicking to begin. To his frustration, most of the questions are simply asking him if he has had sex with men (he hasn’t), if he wants to (he isn’t quite sure), or if he ever will (the jury is still out). Nothing defines attraction, no one clarifies if the burn in his stomach is love or gastrointestinal issues, and nothing leaves him feeling any better on the subject.

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Stanford Pines has never loved a woman but, he realizes with a painful jolt, he can’t say with certainty he’s never loved a man.

Aaaaaa I love this fic. I love it sooo much. Post-series and Ford is trying to figure out his sexuality and his feelings for Fidds. Plus a scene where he comes out to Stan! Just a delight.

And Shifty Makes Three by Sarelle (13k words)

Author’s summary: Ford Pines and Fiddleford McGucket deal with the ups and downs of relationships and parenthood in 1970s Oregon. A task not much aided by the fact they have to keep secret the true identity of their shapeshifting alien grub son, from friends, family and the Feds.

Based on WDW's Shiftyverse, can be read as a standalone.

I fucking LOVE this fic!! Aaaaa the little details about Ford and Fidds and their relationship! Their alien son!! This fic is so up my alley it’s bonkers.

queer clan in the middle of the woods by toosolidcuuj (series is 23k words)

Author’s summary of the series: *to the tune of "our house" by madness* queer clan in the middle of the woods, queer clan in the middle of the

Canon-divergent AU in which Stan and Ford make up, adopt an alien, and gradually amass an extended queer family.

This is ALSO a Shifty-adopting fic! With Fiddauthor! This one also has Stan, and focuses a lot on Stan and Ford fixing up their fraternal relationship in addition to the Fiddauthory bits. I haven’t reread it in a hot second but I remember it being very fun but also taking Shifty’s trauma quite seriously, which I thought was interesting and cool to read.

(There's a) Half moon rising in southeastern skies by orphan_account (17k words)

Author’s summary: A series of memories, all compiled in convenient cinema-reel format. It’s all here, folks, the good, the bad, the sexy, the emotionally distressing. Next to nothing left out.

Sad that this fic was orphaned– I love it. It’s in second person, and I’m all about that! Fiddleford looking back at his fractured memories post-series and also reconnecting with Ford. Absolutely wonderful characterization. Author, if you’re out there, I love this fic!! I hope you are happy with it in your heart!!

Syncing Phases by toosolidcuuj (5k words)

Author’s summary: Stan has gone his whole life never imagining he had a twin, let alone an android twin who can shoot cannons out his hands, makes money appear out of thin air, and has a close relationship with a werewolf named Fiddleford McGucket. Even more surprisingly, FORD needs Stan's help erasing a world-ending computer virus. But BILL has allies in many places, leaving the Stans uncertain who they can trust.

WIP. This fic is SUCH a fun and interesting concept!! Only child!Stan, Werewolf!Fidds, Robot!Ford??? Yes, please! A totally unique fic that is so fun to read!

[yael-art-den]

I think the reason I'm lately obsessed with characters like Vrishna and Mirosh is that I'm tired of the usual "autistic rep" of "dude who is very very smartie in a brainy workplace with low self steem/insecurities"

fuck that, give me autistic people who suck ass. excelling at physical work because that's something they're really into. Being criminals and rude On Purpose because they don't care about what the secret meaning of something is. using their skills at something else other than cold logical facts

[forthegoob]

Just a dump of thoughts about the 5th episode (a rewatch)

Elias sit at Reid desk... Think it's just a, how do we say ? "Clin d'oeil" for his fan.

Luke calling Elias asshole. Do it again.

"What's up with you two, 'cause there is a vibe" Oh Elias, you have no idea.

LUKE BEING SO SMART. LOVE IT. LOVE HIM. BRAINY IS SEXY.

The reference to the Pizza gate have my brain explode.

Penny overreacting get on my nerves... Chill out girl.

I start to actually like Elias.

LUKE CALLING ELIAS SON OF A BITCH AND BEING SMART AGAIN. You're cute, I love you. (Anyway, Luke is so freaking smart all the time. I don't know why they treat him like he is dumb since the season 12)

Oh they are not happy to see Elias on the jet. The scene on the jet is SOOO. Elias makes me laugh. Luke is so pissed. NO ELIAS TYNELOPE IS A MISTAKE, NOT A THING.

Fucking Brian.

Finally a scene in bright daylight ! Why all this season is so dark.

Luke in sweatpants, I repeat, Luke in sweatpants.

Why they need JJ to tell them to shoot in the tires. Gosh.

Luke and a bomb. WOW it's a first (... No.)

Damian remember me the guys in 'Good girls', what is his name again ?

JJ you are georgous girl. Just saying. (You need to know, I hate her on the late seasons. A bit before the shitty love confession. And CME makes me love her again.)

Rossi finding all the excuses to shoot Elias.

"You are not gonna die" but you will end in prison instead. YAY.

Luke in sweatpants. I repeat again, just in case.

Oh ! When Rossi punch Elias. I gasp, in sync with the team. Do you guys think it's now official I'm part of it ?

I don't have thought on the plot because... I don't really care about it since the second episode. I'm just vibing now. Actually, if this episode wasn't good, I'd planned to stop watching for a bit but... He was good.

Who the fuck is Teresa ?

Seen Emily crying make my heart sinks. GIVE THEM A BREAK, NOT A BREAKDOWN.

[powerin]

I wonder how would you compare and contrast Miguel's love interests and his treatment of them? Somehow, I get the feeling the third movie in the Spider-verse trilogy will take him to task for his treatment of women over the years.

this better not be bait. kidding, but there’s some dude who likes to victim-blame and slut-shame dana in my tumblr DMs and it is Very Tiring to ignore him. hope you understand if this reply comes off as combative. 💖

dana’s obviously my favorite. “the virtuous and beautiful whore who sacrificed herself for the one woman she didn’t like.” she will always be my One True Love.

but i wish dana was smarter, less naive, and wasn’t preyed on by tyler stone. i wish dana and gabe stayed together and she didn’t cheat on him (miguel was not worth it). i wish miguel didn’t call her “stupid, deaf, worthless” and throw plates at her. clearly their relationship deteriorated after miguel became Spider-Man (a toxic entitled egomaniac becoming a superhero is a Bad thing? pinch me im getting megamind flashbacks). but dana saying that miguel should leave his toxic company and that she didn’t want miguel to feel any more pain… it hurts me deeply.

especially since dana was right: miguel should leave alchemax. and miguel is the one who causes dana so much pain.

moving on, i should like xina because i am ALSO a brainy tomboyish chinese woman. plus she’s miguel’s childhood sweetheart.

but more to the point, xina’s NotLikeAllGirls internalized misogyny irritates the shit out of me, and she forcibly changed lyla’s personality so lyla would talk badly about dana. lyla even says some misogynistic homewrecker bullshit like “ruin any relationships today dana?” and then says right after, “im sorry… i don’t know why i said that.”

plus when xina and miguel are alone… xina undresses in front of miguel to get him to sleep with her. but he just says (paraphrasing here), “not in the mood for romance plus you’re not that pretty.”

miguel literally calls xina ugly to her face. and xina still thinks dana is the problem. she irritates me to no end. if xina isn’t interested in romance, why is she so upset about the cheating and the engagement? me thinks she’s a dishonest actor. tbh, if i’d be more accepting if the cheating was just a one time mistake and miguel can Move On with xina. but given these panels:

dude did not cheat once. he did not cheat twice. he cheated over the span of 1-2 years (i’m glad you shaved like i asked, years ago). how much can miguel love xina if he’s always cheating on his childhood sweetheart?

keep in mind, when they meet, miguel rubs it in xina’s face that he’s engaged to dana. HE NEVER PROPOSED TO XINA AND HE DATED HER FOR OVER 10 YEARS. but suddenly dana comes along and he’s like “gotta wife that girl”?

you’ll never get me to be a miguel/xina cheerleader, but i don’t hate xina. i understand xina’s mad at dana for “taking miguel away from her” but miguel didn’t slip and fall on dana and whoops they’re together now.

for the majority of the 2099 fanbase to portray dana as some clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend in need of making miguel marry and have kids with her is taking a tragedy and twisting it into something that is frankly, deeply misogynistic and disgusting. they should be ashamed of themselves.

(not meant for you, by the way. i realize you’re here to have a discussion in good faith.)

lyla is lyla. she is cute, but she is also an AI. she cannot consent to a relationship nor sex. but idk. she’s okay when her programming isn’t being messed with by xina. she shouldn’t end up with miguel though. weird non-consensual things abound with robots and AI and cyberpunk that I Would Rather Not Talk About. but miguel treats lyla disrespectfully in the comics and the movie (played for laughs in the movie though? lyla does get him to say please.)

aaaaaaaand I haven’t read anything with tempest. i know she’s miguel’s canon baby mama and wife, and tyler stone fucks with tempest with some kind of mind-control parasite and forces miguel to kill her. i don’t know enough about tempest to have an opinion, but her design is… all right. i don’t dig the pink hair or the wings. maybe she’ll grow on me? does miguel cheat on her or throw plates at her or neg her? if not, she’s already doing leagues better than xina and dana.

[icharchivist]

family outings are always extremely tiring for me so this isn't really a surprise but also the seating was so damn bad it genuinely fucked up my back (i have chronic back pain, i'm used to pain, but it was genuinely so bad i couldn't move without weeping in pain and having dizzy spells), and i came home to a slight headache on top of that.

So i did the sensible thing and went to "take a nap" since it was 6pm, but i woke up only this morning at 9am.

My back is doing better (as in now it's "regular pain" instead of "unbearable pain") but i'm somehow completely drained and tired out of my mind, despite sleeping for 16 hours straight.

so i may struggle with more brainy asks for a bit until i get out of that haze, sorry about that o7

and now i have to catch up on GW's meatgrinding that i missed yesterday so o7

[wordborne]

All for Us

Jerome Valeska finds someone new to torment.

That someone is, unfortunately, you.

TAGS: Jerome Valeska/Reader, alternate universe, unhealthy relationships, bad decisions, canon-typical violence, major character death, eventual smut, Jerome can only be classified as nuisance to lover. CHAPTER: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 /8 A/N: This one is in Jerome's POV! Hope you like it <3

Jerome hated this whole thing. The lone key with a J keychain on it. The mismatched tiles on the stairs. The quick push and pull he had to give the door if he wanted to open it in the first try.

But, most of all, he hated that your apartment felt like home now. 

There was nothing special about it. Maybe it was the tobacco and honey candle in the living room whose scent somehow filled even the darkest corners of the apartment. The worn leather couch that now had a dent on his spot. The old TV he’d kicked over and over again when it decided to show nothing but fuzzy static. Or, maybe, it was the fact he’d claimed this place as his, and he’d skin alive anyone who dared to touch a single hair on that pretty little head of yours. He didn’t do love, no. Because that was a weakness. Something to be dangled above his head when he went a little too far. Cue the kidnapping and the phone pressed to his ear with nothing but sobs coming from the other end of the line along with his name and ‘please’ peppered in there, somewhere. And him, the hero, coming to rescue the damsel in distress. Nah. That wasn’t his style. But, somehow, this whole thing was. The domesticity of it all had a certain allure he couldn’t find at the hideout. There was no shouting. No graffiti on the walls. No laughter echoing through the place. There was… stillness. Peace. The sort he detested but strangely craved. Or at least he craved this version of it. Maybe it was something in the water. In the way the city looked out your window. In how your pillows sunk under the weight of his head as he laid down, not bothering to get the hair out of his face because he knew you’d do it once you straddled his hips. All he had to do was close his eyes and let you do your thing until it lulled him to sleep. Jerome still didn’t understand why you did it. Hell, you’d even added a repairing night cream to the million things you put on his face, as if it would magically make it smooth again. It was a meticulous process. One that required a certain order for it to ‘work’. Everything was labeled with a little number on the lid because you were sure that, if it wasn’t, he’d do it all wrong -if he even bothered doing it himself, that was. Which he wouldn’t. Your hands were softer. 

And, maybe, his skin felt better. Was a little less puffy. The scars under his eyes were a little less visible. His lips were smoother. But he didn’t care about those things. Jeremiah would, probably. But Jerome? Never.  He didn’t have the time to follow a whole beauty routine. A shower and a change of clothes had always been enough. Had to be enough because he needed to be glued to his brother’s side when things got ugly. And they always did. Jerome was the one who screamed back. The one who pushed and shoved. The one who took the closed-fist punches and scratches his whore of a mother gave him from the neck down to hide the evidence. He’d tire her out. Laugh at her until his lip got busted and his skin was red, black, and blue so that all ‘Miah would get was a backhanded slap followed by hollow praises of him being a good boy. Jerome was the black sheep. The problem child who stole food from the kitchen and rightfully got his hand dunk in boiling soup. The unruly son who kept getting detained until midnight by worn-out mall cops for stealing brainy books for ‘Miah- they always got the hardcovers in his hands, but never the slim paper covers he shoved down his pants. The twin that should’ve been eaten in the womb because he dared to yell at their mother for leaving a used fucking condom on his bed. Oh, the things he’d seen. The things he’d heard. It was a miracle he had a libido after all that shit.  Anyways. He liked being taken care of. He knew that much. And this felt like finally dropping a load inside someone after a dry spell. Pure. Bliss. But this one didn’t last a few seconds, and he didn’t have to zip his pants up in a hurry or tell them to fuck off right after. It was a soft wave coursing through his body with no end in sight. It was warm. It was tender. It filled him just so. Scratched an itch he didn’t know he had and made him crawl back there, back home, more than he should have. Yeah, yeah, it was a problem, and it was reckless, and blah blah blah. But he could handle it. He wasn’t a ten-year-old who didn’t know what the fuck he was doing anymore. He was Jerome fucking Valeska. And he was in love. …Or obsessed. The line between those things was very blurry.

He didn’t know what love felt like. Didn’t know if whatever he felt when he was a child was love or simply a sense of fondness for certain people. A lack of irritation. A need. A want. Someone who could fill the void.  And you were doing that just fine. But, oh, he knew that look on your face. The one you’d been showing him more and more as time went by. That was love. Pure and raw. Love directed at him, and him only. He could pull it, break it, and staple it back together just like he did to his face. But he wasn’t going to, no. You were a tricky one. A thorn in his side. And people weren’t supposed to take out whatever they’d impaled themselves with, now, were they? So he’d let you there. Digging in bit by bit, inch by inch, until you were stuck inside of him.  Why? Cause he needed you just as much as you needed him. Wanted you just as bad. Something was there. Calling him. Haunting him. He wanted you to feel him every walking second, just like he felt you in that little annoying thorn stuck between his ribs.  You were meant for each other. Bound together by an invisible force he couldn’t quite understand. And he’d never let you go. 

[impala-dreamer]

I know I've been kinda absent lately, but... fuck, man, I'm tired.

Started some new meds, cleaning the house, family in hospital, brainy no wanna writey.

I'm just...

But I'm always around if you wanna send me asks and chat and stuff. Just... blah

[puppytopper]

thank you for taking your time to answer and also sorry for asking again so soon i just really liked your response

the idea of you thinking about me throughout your day? mmm i wish i could suck your cock to help you with the burdens of everyday life.

also yes i’d be whimpering all the way through it: i’d blush when i felt you touch my cunt bc you’d see just what a desperate slut i am for you, soaked even though you haven’t touched me yet. and then, when your tip touched my cunt, my breath would hitch in anticipation of what it’ll be like to have you stretch me.

fuck yes let me ride you, let me move my hips faster and faster until i get tired but can’t stop bc having your cock inside me is just too much too good too perfect and i need to keep fucking myself on it, moaning a little too loudly sometimes when i feel you rub me just right as i keep getting wetter by the minute. maybe i’d even bite your shoulder bc i can’t handle all these sensations

i’d probably lose the ability to speak as well, after so much stimulation, my only thoughts being: are you going to cum inside me? have i earned it? i want to be so full of you please

-⚰️

Been thinking about this all day. Just took my t shot the other day, so my brainy is operating on horny thots only.

Can I call you a pretty boy? I hope so, because you absolutely would be so beautiful desperately riding me, tears gathering in your eyes when I push deeper into you than you thought possible. The brush of your shorts with every thrust reminding you how much I needed to feel your soaking cunt around me, the clench of your walls driving me closer and closer to orgasm.

I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from biting you when I came, from sinking my teeth into the soft tender flesh of your pretty pretty neck as I pound into you and fill your cunt with heat. I’d come as deep inside you as possible, and then keep you there on my lap, idling rubbing your tcock as you continue to grind back and forth on me, until your hips are sore and you’re begging for release. And I’m not sure if I would let you come until I see real tears of need dripping from your eyes and feel your teeth on my shoulder and your hands bruising my arms, and hear the desperation crawling and cracking up from your chest and out of your throat. But maybe, if I’m feeling giving in the moment, it would be enough for me to pull your head up by your hair and giving you a bruising kiss as I rub your tcock in earnest, swallowing the scream that rakes out of your throat as you come.

And when it’s all said and done, I’d gently disentangle you from me, massaging your sore hips and wiping away your tears. Get you a glass of water for your dry throat and wrap a cozy blanket around you before settling you in bed to sleep off the haze.

[radicalrascals]

The Repenting Sinner

Original Character | FC: John Simm | formerly on spellsandpixiedust

Threads | Headcanons | Aesthetics | Open Starters

NAME: Liam Talbot

AGE: in his 40s

SPECIES: human mage

PROFESSION: mage-for-hire | formerly: petty criminal

Short Bio

Liam is a self-taught magic user, who discovered his abilities when he was thirteen years old. In want for a proper mentor, Liam turned to books and soon to summoning demons, losing his soul to Hell only a year into practising magic. He ran away from home at seventeen and eventually became addicted to using blood magic. On a constant hunt for the next big magic kick he indulged in terrible rites over the years, although once he understood the dimensions of the collateral damage he'd caused, Liam went cold turkey in his mid-thirties and vowed to become a better person.

Liam has since found a way to repent in the form of offering his service as some sort of mage for hire. He’ll work as a private investigator, bodyguard or counsellor and offers his help to those in need, even if it means he has to face the (sometimes literal) demons of his past.

Relationships

Tisha Whileaway > [Tag]

Ingvar > [Tag]

Ben Hernandez > [Tag]

Playlist

Wrong by Depeche Mode from Sounds of the Universe (2009)

Begging You by The Stone Roses from Second Coming (1994)

Never Had No One Ever by The Smiths from The Queen Is Dead (1986)

Dancing With Myself by Generation X from Kiss Me Deadly (1981)

Kinda I Want To by Nine Inch Nails from Pretty Hate Machine (1989)

Detailed Profile

FULL NAME: William Donovan Talbot

KNOWN AS: Liam Talbot, Totentänzer

NICKNAMES: Liam, Billy

~~~~~~~~~~~~

SPECIES: human mage

RESIDENCE: London, UK | happy to travel anywhere

PROFESSION: mage for hire | formerly: petty criminal

~~~~~~~~~~~~

AGE: in his 40s

DATE OF BIRTH: July 7

PLACE OF BIRTH: Manchester, UK

NATIONALITY: British (of German decent)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

PARENTS: Johanna Luisa Talbot & unknown father

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FACE CLAIM: John Simm

HEIGHT: 5ft 7 (1.75m)

NOTABLE FEATURES: various scarred over cuts on his arms from practising blood magic, the sigil of the demon Ba'al Berith on his left shoulder - both things he''s deeply ashamed of and attempts to hide under his clothes

STYLE: Usually Liam prefers to dress in comfortable clothing, such as (often oversized) hooded sweatshirts and jeans. He has a tendency to steal other people's clothing, especially from a significant other or hook-up. He only ever buys his bandshirts, but those are prized possessions. Liam won’t admit it, but he needs glasses for reading, so he can be spotted with his brainy specs every once in a while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

LANGUAGES: English (native), German (fluent) , Latin (fluent)

SPEECH MANNERISM: His Manc accent gets thicker the more irate, tired or drunk he becomes. Can't string a sentence together without using at least one cuss word. Speaks fluent sarcasm. Uses "mate" and "luv" as neutral terms to address someone.

STRENGTHS: gifted musician, extremely talented mage, experienced burglar

WEAKNESSES: can only work magic through his voice, hot-headed and erratic trouble-magnet, overly emotional, "you can't leave me if I leave first" level abandonment issues, hides his insecurities behind a big mouth, attention span of a squirrel on crack

INTERESTS: music (playing guitar & attending concerts), fucking around with magic

VICES: smokes and drinks on a regular basis, can't function without coffee, enjoys being a provocative little shit without even trying, incredibly petty and vengeful

~~~~~~~~~~~~

NSFW

Liam is romantically and sexually attracted to men, looking for a partner who is about as much of an arsehole as he is, often opting for a lot worse. He dates men who are around his age or older, and who can meet eye-to-eye with his brattiness. He's anything but submissive and he needs a partner who is equally dominant, revelling in a constant power shift.

Bonus points for muses with the following face claims: David Tennant, Philip Glenister, David Morrissey, Liam Cunningham

[therandosfandos]

3rd edit

Song: 2 birds - Regina Specktor

Ft. Brainy and Clumsy

BRAINY ANGST BRAINY ANGST BRAINY ANGST

[capnportofficial]

welcome to smurfs fanon wiki we’re all children of jesus. kumbaAAYYYAAAA MY LORD…

[robertsbarbie-archive]

love that my two options are:

*exhaust myself past what any person would consider normal, as well as causing a bunch of health issues that have been associated with lack of sleep

or

*not get any sleep cause i’m waking up from nightmares every hour on the hour