#BIG VENT

[safehaven3d]

story time when i had an a/na psychiatrist borderlining on a/na coach 😌💓💓 (sarcastic)

tw: mentions of past s/a, e/d in healthcare workers

Did i tell you my last psychiatrist DEFINITELY had orthorexia? She was sooo underweight and one of her whatsapp pics was of her sweating after a workout posing with her oh so tiny & toned arms.

I will first start of saying that i am greatful for her work and all she did to find some sort of sleeping pill that worked for me along an antidepressant and others. I will 100% give her that, she was amazing with her knowledge and research textbook wise. But too much of a good thing is never good and she stuck to the textbook knowledge so much she almost rammed it up my ass I STG.

Still not letting go how this bitch recommend me a kindle for sleep (i had pharmacotherapy-resistant insonmia after a SA) and when my sister GIFTED me one and i started using it she said i couldn't use it bc IT INTERRUPTED MY SLEEP.

BITCH!!!!

Every fucking appointment you go onto a rant abt blue light this, blue light that SHUT THE FUCK UP WDYM MY SISTER WASTED MONEY ON THIS MF????

like after that i left her and have gave up om therapy (its been abt a yr therapy free and im ready to restart just need the medicaid to help finacially) i seriously couldn't deal w her constantly telling me i had to exercise and X amount of hours weekly (yes, she literally would berate me on the exact time of daily exercise and the type of exercise as well) to be healthy when I HAD AN SPINAL INJURY and NO PAIN MEDS. And SHE KNEW.

Like im still fucking mad!!! That was so fucked up and straight up disrespectful and completely disregarded my condition at the time. I hate fucking doctors that just push exercise exercise. Like DUDE i KNOW its good for me but its not accesible rn so STOP PUSHING ME and other people who are chronically in pain. Really fucked up.

im so deregulated but i needed to get something off my chest that i just remembered. nobody has to read this tbh but putting it out here helps. tysm to my moots & fools that always interact w my stuff. i really really care for y'all, take care

[alechans-cutetickles]

🇮🇹:Perfavore fattemi felice cioe pk far parte della communita dell solletico essendo minore FA SCHIFO?! CIOE MI SI SPEZZA IL CUORE QUANDO UN BLOG DI SL DICE "MINORS DNI" MA PK ODIATE I MINORI?!?! (Ho 14 anni)

🇺🇸:pls cheer me up like why be in the tickle community has a minor IT'S SUCK LIKE..MY HEART GET BROKED WHEN A TK BLOG SAY "MINORS DNI" WHY U ALL HATE MINORI!?!? (I'm 14)

[lttl3babybug]

Icky icky nasties under the cut

Is it bad I want people to know and see what I’ve done. I was nearly a week clean, now im like half an hour. Fucks sake. I’ve got exams coming up I can’t be doing this shit anymore, I just want someone to hug me and tell me I’m okay for fucks sake. Kiss my scars, tell me they’ll fade. I want to get better, I need to get better. I can’t let that voice in my head telling me 16 was the end win because I gave friends now who want me round but I can’t be here any longer. I feel horrific. I love y’all so much though. I promise soon as I feel better I’ll post something

[just-existing-as-you-do-blog]

That bit where I burn one of a charecter's breasts off and let them shave half their head for the catharsis of it all. That moment where I learned as a child that all pretty long hair and perfect breasts get you is told you are beautiful and violated. So I decided that I would not be beautiful and I chopped off my pretty long hair and wore baggy clothes and got into fights with cruel boys who wanted to remind my friends how beautiful they are.

That moment where I draw girls kissing for the catharsis. Because as a child I learned that drawing girls kissing gets you comments about drawing dicks between their lips. So I draw them kissing ugly, I draw them kissing crying, I draw their body hair and scars.

That moment in my first comic where a charecter is suspended like property and I let them kill those that did it for the catharsis. She cried while the pretty blood pooled around her beautiful dress. Because as a child I learned that you can only be beautiful if you are prepared to be violent.

Its the part of my mind that knows that you only get autonomy through the tragedy. You only get romance through the ugly. You only get to be beautiful through the violence.

You don't get to be gay and human. Not in stories at least. You have to be some sort of monster or elevated being. You are either elevated above those base urges like gender or you feel them so deeply that you are entrenched in gore and horror. So you make your way through your childhood wondering what you are becoming and you come out of it realizing that you weren't ever a monster you were only ever human. And sometimes that realization makes me want to scream. "Can't you see it?" "Can't you see what you've done?"

So I draw two girls kissing, bleeding, and scarred, and so, so, human. For the catharsis. And maybe one day, I'll let them be beautiful.

[mod-witchy]

Going offline for the day because I feel horrible.

like emotionally

See you guys tomorrow ❤

( @the-lunar-feather, @ryuatewater, @chaotickit, @skythealmighty, @thebaddexample, @millylostintheosc sorry for the @'s) love y'all /p

Vent below

I'm crying, my wrist hurts from typing constantly, I've realized that I need to have face to face interactions with people, I've realized I want to have face to face interactions with people, I've realized how I feel trapped in my own home because I can't really go anywhere, I've realized that I have started crying almost every week, I've realized how shitty I really have been feeling lately.

[liliallowed]

"why do you act like you're retarded?"

I dunno. why are you acting like an asshole?

why is that something to be angry about? if I WAS retarded should I be offended? no. instead YOU should be mindful of my special needs. why should you be angry? why is being called retarded an insult? and if I'm not why are you just comparing me to one?

I don't understand. like... I feel offended. not because you compared me to a mentally troubled person. no. it's because I FUCKING AM MENTALLY CHALLENGED DIPSHIT and you think I'm ACTING.

I've just been getting worse at HIDING it.

yes I'm easily distracted. yes I'm very forgetful.

yes I show little interest in shopping or dressing up.

yes I FUCKING FORGET my duties.

it's why I have my phone with me to REMIND ME dumbass. no I haven't been getting WORSE. I'm not weaponizing my ADHD as an excuse.

but when you come at me like this expecting me to just suck it up and be "normal" well... I'm not?

like I'm not even offended by being called a retard. that's NOT an insult to me. the thing that bugs me is the disconnect you have with my struggles and how something so EASY for you isn't easy for everyone.

bottling these up won't do any favors. my explanation fall on unhearing ears. you are unable to understand me. I won't waste my breath.

but I WILL put this here.

I did hear you alright. I just don't feel like you're WORTH the argument.

[wtfuglydemon]

I was having such a great day yesterday, i was able to wake up early, open the house, have lunch by myself and stayed outside of my room for once, got a bit of outside sun, even called what now was my favorite cousin over to help me with Skyward Sword HD, but i can't have a good day, can i?

The immediate moment my mother came home, she already made fun of me, saying that she thought i had finally gone crazy by talking to myself.

I ignore her.

Then, she starts shaming me in front of my cousin, talking shit about me while he's around.

I ignore her.

She realizes im pretending she doesn't exist and starts talking shit about me TO MY COUSIN, IN FRONT OF ME, deadnaming me and using female pronouns in a really condescending voice, at this point i don't know anymore if he kept the conversation going because he thinks the same or if the air was just uncomfortable to reject her words but i wasn't defended, it hurts me more than anything, i felt like i lost the only friend i had in my family right there.

I told her she messed up with my medication for again coming to my space in the room for no reason and moving things around, losing a bunch of them and of course, what did i even expect? It was MY fault somehow, im screamed at and told how she hates me for needing this hrt, that she doesn't even want to buy these things.

Im just.... so tired at this point, I don't think i can take more of this for that long, it happened and i just had to sleep for a whole day because my head was spinning between committing murder or suicide. i just want to leave this, i don't know what i did to be hated by them my whole life, to live through this abuse for two decades, but i just can't take this anymore, i just want a way out.

[italic-doing-random-shit]

Vent about mental and physical health

I’ve got that stupid fucking thought again

goddamnit

i just

I don’t deserve any of this

I’m not trying hard enough and my ‘best’ isn’t, and will never be, enough.

I can’t even walk half the time. Everything hurts but no one listens. my chest, my bones, my ribs, my shoulders, my neck, my head. Everything.

but everything falls on deaf ears.

I try asking for help so many times. I try offering help. But I’m shut down, belittled, lied to, ignored. I can’t get help because no one listens. They blame it to anxiety or to not sleeping enough or to not eating enough or on my period. it’s dehumanizing.

so much of my energy is spent on simply staying alive, and I don’t even want to anymore. It’s so hard and I just don’t want to anymore.

I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry about that. I’m okay for the most part.

I’m just so sick of my situation and the people who make it so unbearable.

[kk1ttykat]

i think this is genuinely more then a breakup like she was here for the first time i could touch her and now she did this and its all. its so much and i cant i want to stab it out of me so bad but i can't i keep cutting and it just nothing helps i had a dream about her and i woke up crying on the floor im just done i miss her i want her back ane only her the way she touched me she literally took my everything when she was here her hand was the first hand i held romantically and its all i want god fuck im so done ill find a exit eventually

[lunareclipse06]

Sometimes, I wonder if I should just abandon drawing Eddsworld. Find a new fandom. Give up

Don’t get me wrong, I adore Eddsworld and it has a very special place in my heart

But there are times where I feel like, no matter what I do or draw or whatever, it’s never enough

Why can’t I be happy with where I am? Why do I crave the fame of others? Why do I want the same numbers they get? Why does their approval matter so much to me? Why do I feel so small? Why why why

Maybe I’ll just focus on my ocs for a bit. Take a break from Eddsworld and come back to it later. Hopefully, I’ll feel better

Goodnight

[crayonurchin]

I fell in love with my best friend and fucked up on properly telling her because I was afraid of losing her as a friend or rocking the boat.

I tried to be okay with the rejection for five years because I didn't want to hurt her or lose her or make her feel bad. I helped her make dating profiles and talk to crushes. I was in physical pain. I was happy she was growing but devastated too. And I hated myself for that.

Lockdown happened and I was silently happy. There was a pause on my pain. Then I fucking hated myself. My friend wanted more and I was happy for the stall.

I tried so, so hard, to just move on and keep my best friend. I didn't want her to be hurt. I didn't want her to feel alone. I wanted her to grow and I wanted to see it.

Now she has a boyfriend.

And I finally broke.

How can you not feel guilty when you have to cut contact with your closest friend- the person you went through EVERY major life growth until now, because YOU just COULDN'T get over unrequited love?

I tried. I tried I tried I tried.

5 years of trying so bloody hard to just get over it.

I am happy for her. She's grown into the most incredible woman. She has a job, a social life, love, family, soon a new home with cats and fun decorations. She's getting everything she deserves in the world and I want her to have even more.

I'm very sad.

And for that I feel guilty.

I really want to believe in the future this will be a blip in life. The same way some bullies in school are now just blips. The same way some grief is now just a blip. A lesson to be learned, a step in the stair of being alive.

Right now I feel like a monster and I hate that I've caused all this hurt and I wish it had gone differently and I'm happy for her and I'm sad and I'm terrified and I feel

I just feel

A whole lot of feel

Last year I wanted to kill myself because my OCD got so bad I thought I'd never be free of it. Those triggers that made me suicidal are now NOTHING. Because I overcame them. I want this to be the same. I want to go to her wedding one day and clap and be happy. And I want her to come to mine.

[lill-cute-fluffy-devil]

Ok, I'm kinda going against the storm. (That's a saying i just made up lol.) Here's why, most students at my school are jerks. Very grumpy and don't like enthusiastic people like me. So, apparently some people have... Taken some form of an advantage from that. Some kids are "trying to break me." But, no one has managed to fully break me yet! You know the saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Lies. Words can hurt more than anything. I know that for a fact. (Sadly) I've gotten used to it a little. (Some of my classmates said/say, "shut you f#cking furry a$$ mouth" , "Raise your hand if your hate furries", and other things along the lines of they hate my guts.) It's... It's actually starting to cause me a lot of anxiety and depression at this point. I actually don't know how long I can keep myself together. Recently, one if my neighbors was pushing me around and punching me. Trying to steal my stuff and claiming it as hers. (But i was too scared to get in trouble if I fought back. I didn't even tell my mom) So here's what I have too say about that, I'm done with being used as someone else's toy!!!! I'm done with being used as an excuse for taunting and bullying!!!! I'm done with being used as a punching bag!!!! I'm done with being a sad excuse for a person!!!! I want to be me, I want to be friends with people, I want to live a life without bullies, I want to live a life where I'm not getting beat up. I don't know how long before I snap and leave.... I don't know know how long before they stop.... I don't know how long before I just scream at their faces.... I just don't know.... I just.... I think i need to take another break. Things are just not going good for me. And I don't think they ever will.... I'm at the edge of the cliff if life and death right now. I don't want to be pushed iff into death.... So I am gling on break

[hawkzeyes]

Tw: school lockdown/shooting

Years ago when I was high school I remember the entire school going into lockdown for 5 hours. I was in AP dance, had math next. Had no idea what was going on. I was scared since the dance room was covered in mirrors and dance bars and nowhere to hide.

I remember finding out who had caused the lockdown and being so scared but truly confused and gut wrenchingly sad because the kid who did it, I never would have guessed honestly. He was in my next class. He used to wear full suits and do magic tricks. Sure, he was different but it didn’t bother me and I was so dumb in math and he used to help me a lot. He had a crazy high IQ apparently (says the article) it was like a 136. I sat right in front of him. He taught me that coin trick, the one where you can make it disappear. I used to give him my lime skittles cause I hated them and he liked lemon and lime, we used to sneak goldfish in the class too cause our math teacher was dramatic about food like that was the reason I couldn’t grasp the formulas. His favorite book was “The Odyssey”. He won some Shakespeare reciting competition. He was nice. I didn’t understand. I still don’t honestly.

Anyway.. I blocked it out for a lot of years because what else was I supposed to do with it, but with the recent heavier discussions I wanted to look up the trial, what had caused it, what was his reasoning, and what was his sentencing.

In total he had a Glock 22, knives, lighter fluid, a hatchet, four firecrackers, a lighter, and a magnesium fire starter. When they asked why he said “ so I could chop people into little bits and light them on fire." He planned to hold the class hostage and disable students with no fatal gunshots so he could improvise the rest of his attack.

Thankfully there was a teacher there that was paying attention. She realized he was off, something was wrong, pulled him aside. Talked him down. Told him he didn’t wanna hurt anyone and she could get him help. It worked, but really should we have to depend on our teachers to de-escalate these situations? What if he hadn’t listened? What if she hadn’t noticed? What if she was having an off day herself, the kids were loud, she was behind on grading, whatever it may be. We shouldn’t have to worry about these things in school

And I don’t wanna age myself but this was A MINUTE AGO and we are still having this problem… it makes me sick for this younger generation…

Anyways… he is out now… on parole… I don’t live in that town anymore. He was released recently. Just… I’m tired of seeing this shit on the news still. I really am. I’m exhausted. And every time I see it all I can remember is that horrible blood draining feeling of being huddled up with other dancers in a corner hoping that whatever was going on whoever they were, wouldn’t walk by and see us in those mirrors.

[kerosene-saint]

I just want to go home I can't go home and I can't cancel the flight and no one will talk to me I'm going to be so exhausted tomorrow I can't go to sleep like this I was I was in a coma oh my god

[dumblemonchickenwing]

vent, sad, trigger warning. 

“its your fault i yelled at you bc you pushed me to that point”

“its your fault you believed because you’re supposed to know things and im not perfect”

“its your fault I act that way because you make me”

“its your fault you cant move on because you’re pitying yourself too much unlike other people”

“its your fault i did this because you were supposed to know better and teach me better”

“you’re hurt because you hurt me? -_- okaaayyy”

“You keep pointing at old mistakes when ive changed”

Its your fault I act out because..” I have disabilities and traumas and you don’t. I know you better than you.”

Its your fault I feel so low because.. “I have problems on top of the nonsense you just started”

“I would die and you wouldnt blink an eye”

“You dont want me happy”

“You will move on and forget me soon”

...

sometimes you dont get any closure. 

[pinkopalina]

x

there's actually a lot more going on than just my dumbass car that I need financial help with. I'm in debt and it won't kill me but it pulls me thin over weeks and months and years. I was kicked out of therapy for my debt because my insurance coverage dates didn't kick in when I wanted them to and I don't know if I could call anyone and correct that. I don't know who's wrong. the job was a call center online, there's not an office I can go to.

my mom's been sending me money even though she's out of work. her mother, my grandma, is addicted to opioids and taking double doses and calling the ambulance to use as an Uber whenever she's out of drugs but she doesn't understand she won't GET more just because she runs out because they are REGULATED. they can tell she's getting too many too fast.

my wife's mother I'm actively afraid of dying. she just got brain surgery and demanded to be released before she was ready. I don't know how the hospital let her go. she's incoherent. my wife is taking care of her but my MIL doesn't recognize her, talks about her in the third person. has been crying about wanting to die and being in pain for two days straight.

I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I need another job? or to doordash nightly, consistently, after working full time, for the extra income? commissions, when I can figure out to pull myself out of the laziness exhaustion hole I've been thrown down? if my hands stop hurting long enough for me to do them, maybe I just need to push through harder

I just don't understand. it all went to shit. is it just shit for me? is god real, does he hate me that much? what sin am I atoning for, this life has never been one that I wanted to live

i spreadeth my hands for aid and there is neither help nor comfort

my job, the owner, has a brand new farm. sends me home early so as not to pay me overtime, where I make $15 an hour, and I pay my $1100 rent

if I am to lay down and die all I ask is that the pain be absorbed with me, and that it ends, and no one else needlessly endlessly experience it