#B) a random safehouse

[korzuan]

Marvel What If: After the Mission

Peggy and Natasha recuperating in the Avengers Tower, after fighting the Hydra Stomper (Steve) and Melina Vostokoff.

Marvel What if (C) Marvel / Disney Art (c) Korzuan

[brucewaynehater101]

Warning: Dark, Suicidal Tim, etc. Also small spoilers for the Injustice movie

Had a random thought, slightly inspired by the Injustice movie: what if Tim, in a mental health slump, decided to teach the bats a final lesson? Every time he defends himself against Damian’s attacks, he’s criticized for it. So one day, he just doesn’t.

Damian gets angry and decides to take it out on the person he won’t be criticized for attacking. After Tim doesn’t respond to his taunts, he gets physical, and throws a knife or slashes his sword, expecting Tim to get out of the out of the way or block the blow, and Tim doesn’t. The sound of a blade parting flesh and a body falling to the ground gets the other bats attention, and they turn to see Damian standing there with blood on his blade and Tim’s body on the ground.

(Inspired by the scene in the Injustice movie where Damian kills Dick by throwing a baton (escrima stick? IDK) at him, expecting him to catch it (which, earlier in the movie, he did), and Dick, being distracted, doesn’t, and it hits him directly on the temple. Accident, sure, but caused by recklessness)

Basically Damian needs to learn that attacking other people because you are angry is NOT OKAY. Seriously, if you’re pissed, go beat up a training dummy or scream into a pillow.

Does Damian learn the lesson? Or not? What about B and Dick and the others? How do they react?

[Thank you for the TWs! WARNING: This is bad batfam. I love them, but we're chucking them under the angst crack bus for this]

Tw: Dark/Suicidal Tim, domestic abuse, psychological warfare, manipulation, mentions of suicide attempt

Tim is tired of constantly fighting back and defending himself. He's tired of Damian and Jason attacking him. He's tired of Dick and Bruce pushing his boundaries.

If Tim just allows Damian to stab him, *he'll* be the one to get lectured for not dodging. It will become Tim's fault, as a trained vigilante, for not preventing himself from being injured.

What does he decide to do?

Resist with extreme psychological warfare no matter the damage to himself.

He starts small.

He curates cases/stories of sibling abuse and starts to leave them in places Dick will find (hacking/messing with Dick's fyp, newspapers around the Manor, files on the batcomputer, a case Babs is informed about, etc). They aren't reflective of Tim's experiences, not yet, but they show common patterns: adult figures not stepping in, siblings being pushed to compete, escalation, negative behaviors transferring to people/things outside of the siblings, etc.

For Bruce, Tim tricks the man into reading an intimate relationships psychology textbook by stating it was necessary for a case. He then keeps tricking the man into reading gentle parenting, boundaries, and other such information.

Jason is much easier. Tim just leaves books of various siblings relationships within the man's safehouses (healthy ones, distant, cruel, enemies, abusive, recent siblings [like adoption], etc). Jason doesn't know Tim is the one leaving those books, but he is intrigued by the "recommendations." A lot of them have other lessons Tim has prepared mixed in as well [which, if Jason finds out Tim is the one who recommended the books after he starts getting along with him, then they can have book clubs ^^].

Tim sends a ton of empathy animal related movies/shows Dick's way so that the older one ropes Damian into watching them.

This takes months, but at no point does Tim relate the lessons to Tim himself yet.

He then starts pouring in warnings. When Damian tries to hurt him again, Tim asks Dick, "What if I was too tired to dodge it?" This is the only time he asks. Dick waves it off cause Damian "knows better" now. I

Tim almost gave up the game right there and then to prove a point. He held back, though.

For Jason, Tim throws in shock-value trauma dump phrases when they meet up to prevent the older one from attacking.

Jason: *pulls out a gun*

Tim: "Damn. You'd think after threatening to kill myself to prevent my future from occurring that I'd be okay with guns. For some reason, they still make me nauseous."

Jason: *holsters gun* "What the fuck?"

Tim: *nods and then disappears*

It kind of trains Jason from attacking Tim unless he wants to hear really fucked up shit that will have his mind spiraling for days.

For Bruce, Tim just points out how and when the man crosses other people's boundaries (but doesn't point out Tim's). He doesn't put any expectation or remedy out. He just indicates it to start Bruce's thought process of "Did I just cross someone's boundary?"

Then Tim feels that it's ready. He won't get blamed for not dodging Damian's attack.

So, he lets himself be seriously stabbed.

This cues Damian into having a mental breakdown. Dick and Bruce oscillate between blaming everyone else and then themselves. Jason, after seeing the shitshow of these reactions, assigns himself (without telling the others) to suicide watch Tim [those trauma dump phrases are working against Tim here].

Once Tim awakens and realizes the mess he's created, he fucking regrets it all. He doesn't want to have to clean it all up and manipulate them into being better. He's also kind of pissed at Damian for not aiming for his heart or something. Damn.

[insert-witty-user-name-here]

Random Plot Points

A little about me as a writer, I love daydreaming about adventure stories. I usually know the general set up and larger plot points but oftentimes struggle with the how, how do characters get from point A to point B. 

So, I made a list of random challenges for my characters that I look at when I'm stuck.

Sharing in case helpful to others! (intended for adventure, sci-fi, fantasy stories) 

characters are delayed/blocked/experience a natural disaster (storm, fire, flood, avalanche, earthquake, epidemic, etc) (BONUS and forced to take a detour from the original path)

character(s) is trapped (quick sand, fall through ice, in room filling with poison, on sinking ship, in a trash compactor on the Death Star, etc) (BONUS- fall into hidden room and discover something) 

characters go to a festival/ball/party/political summit (where inevitably it all goes wrong)

character(s) overhears a secret (at bar, at party, from a whispered conversation below them in a stairway, etc) 

characters are attacked by an animal or mysterious force 

characters(s) caught in a mob/riot

character wins/loses something in a bet

character is brainwashed or possessed 

character is stranded/lost

character is poisoned 

character succumbs to injury or illness 

characters are chased/ attacked by antagonists 

character is captured or arrested (and needs to be rescued)

character is kidnapped and kidnappers make a demand for their release (financial ransom, exchange of information, prisoner exchange, etc) 

character(s) go undercover to retrieve information

characters decide to steal something they need for their quest (weapon, magical object, money, information, etc). (BONUS- time for a well-planned heist!) 

characters need to protect/ retrieve/ destroy something 

characters uncover a network of spies (up to you if they're unexpected allies or antagonists)  

characters discover hidden passageway, room, ruins etc that leads to an important clue

characters forced to hide from someone/something

characters need to escape 

characters lured into trap set by villain (BONUS if the villain doesn't even care who wins but only goaded them to learn how a magical object works, the extent of heroes powers, emergency response system of a government, etc) 

characters set trap for villain (BONUS- use someone or something important as bait) (if in Act 2, they fail) 

characters reveal critical information to villain in disguise 

a character is mistaken for someone else (and then is wrongfully arrested, receives information not intended for them, etc) 

characters receive help (hitch a ride, get help hiding from captors, get help escaping somewhere, etc) from an unlikely new ally 

characters forced to team up with an unlikely ally/ morally grey character, etc

characters learn something from simple library research (an oldie but a goodie)

characters just literally just stumble upon or witness something important (secret weapon, secret society etc) 

characters uncover a secret map/ coded message on the back of an old unassuming document (time for a classic treasure hunt!) 

someone escapes from prison (an old villain or an old ally) that changes the quest 

someone is being blackmailed (or otherwise forced to act against the protagonists)

someone is discredited (rumor, disinformation campaign etc) 

something stolen from your characters 

something (document, magical object, money) turns out to be fake

OR, something unassuming turns out to have special powers or meaning  

something is hacked (defense system, infrastructure, bank, private records, etc)

something critical is attacked (important bridge, port, bank/ financial system, safehouse, capitol building, character's familial home, etc.)

a computer virus is unleashed 

a biological weapon is unleashed 

a piece of information the characters believed was true, is false 

an ancient myth turns out to be true 

a secret is made public 

A law is changed or a vote on a critical piece of legislation loses/wins 

a political opponent wins an election/ a political ally loses an election 

character(s) help a passerby (from raiders, local tyrant, beast, mystical force, etc) 

characters "follow the money" and realize someone who was thought to be their ally is actually working for... (crime syndicate, villain, local tyrant etc) 

[binabees]

Veilguard Rewrite Act One

Signs & Portends

Chapter One: Tevinter Nights

Strange magics awaken across Thedas and the Divine suspects the Dreadwolf’s influence is at play. Desperate to stop Solas’ plan to tear down the Veil the Divine sends forces to Tevinter to stop him at all costs. The Inquisitor knows that if the Imperium suspects the South’s interference bloodshed will ensue. Hoping to stop this madness before it can begin the Inquisitor sends a party to thwart Solas’ plans before the Divine’s forces are discovered. Varric leads this party to Minrathous along with Rook his second in command to find their missing contact Neve Gallus.

After getting her location from the Tavern they were meant to meet her in they find the detective in the grasps of the Venatori amidst a Black Market Auction. The Auction is selling an artifact that Solas’ agents have been attempting to track down. Stealing into the vaults the crew finds many strange artifacts here being stored here including an Eluvian and the Red Lyrium idol. Varric is disturbed to find it or to think what Solas might do with it but before they can explain they are joined by others seeking the idol. In the vaults they are joined by a group of Venatori led by Calpernia and Solas’ agents. As this stand-off for the idol breaks into a fight, Reva, Solas’ second-in-command, summons the Dreadwolf to their aid. Solas arrives through the Eluvian and quickly begins taking out most of the Venatori and Rook’s team.

Thinking on their feet, Rook begins recklessly activating and destroying the magical items that fill the vault at random to mask their escape. As Rook, Varric, Neve, and Harding escape through the sewers we see a shadow of the Dreadwolf stretch across the vaults wall with the sounds of fighting echoing.

*Insert Veilguard title card here*

Chapter Two: Plan B

The destruction Rook causes allows Calpernia to escape as well putting them in another stand-off in an alleyway which is quickly dispersed by guards who are searching for them. They part escaping into the night. After fleeing through the streets of Minrathous that are now on high alert the group reaches a safehouse, also known as Neve Gallus’ apartment. In the hideout the remaining crew argues over what to do next. Neve points out that they should get back to the investigation as soon as possible while Solas’ trail is still hot. Harding believes they should report back to the Inquisitor first to give them this new information. Varric tells them to figure out the next move while he goes to find them transportation out of Tevinter leaving the choice to Rook.

The Smuggled Relic Case

Neve leads the party to Dock Town to meet the Shadow Dragons, a secret resistance group in Tevinter, for leads. Though Tarquin and The Viper have no leads on Solas they do tell Rook about a wave of slave rebellions and Venatori moving Lyrium artifacts through Dock Town. Given Solas’ previous patterns of behavior, Neve deduces that the slave uprisings are his doing. Given which Magister’s he’s hitting he must be looking for someone who knows a thing or two about Lyrium. Using a shard the Shadow Dragons give them they track the artifacts to the home of Albin Bataris, the son of a magister who has fallen in with Venatori cultists. They arrive to find Solas’ agents sneaking in through another entrance while Albin Bataris begins a blood ritual. Rook can decide to interrupt the Blood Ritual or intercept the agents.

If Rook interrupts the ritual the enslaved people that they free will ask Rook if they are with the Dreadwolf and will inform the party that Solas has been instructing those he free to travel to Arlathan forest to find a secret hiding place. If Rook intercepts Solas’ agents they will meet Reva, Solas’ ruthless second in command. They are here for a mysterious spell scroll that will aid in the plan to tear down the Veil. Though the team is too late they will find several missives in Bataris’s office that will give the crew more information on Venatori movements. They have supposedly been communing with Lusacan one of The Old Gods and following instructions to weaken the Veil through blood rituals.

Supernatural Aid

Harding brings the crew to report in with Charter an Inquisition agent. However when they arrive they find Morrigan alongside the spy. The witch’s presence alarms Harding because it means something has gone very wrong. Morrigan informs the group that The Inquisition is currently investigating what may be the start of another Blight. The Darkspawn have begun to appear where the Veil is thin. They suspect this may be the result of Solas’ meddling and remind the group of their mission’s urgency.

Rook reminds Morrigan that he’s not in charge of this mission. She replies by pointing out that Varric is not the one here and that Rook was made second in command for their penchant for daring exploits and bold plans which they now need more than ever.

Morrigan instructs Rook to seek out the Veil Jumpers in Arlathan Forest who are experts in ancient Elvhen artifacts and may have idea as to how the Lyrium Idol is connected to the Veil.

If Morrigan’s Ritual was preformed in Origins she will send her son, Keiran, with the party as a conditional Mage companion.

Away from Rook and the rest of the Veilguard we see Reva (she/they) step through an Eluvian to report back to Solas. While Solas preforms the spell to cleanse the dagger she urges Solas to allow them to take Varric & Rook off the board as a threat. Solas ignores their warnings and Reva warns him of sentimentality. He dismisses her instructing them to calling back Ishmael and their other agents in the crossroads. When Reva asks what Solas will do he is evasive something that clearly bothers the other elf but they acquiesce to their leaders request.

Chapter Three: The Dumat

Now with a new direction the team will rendezvous with Varric who has been arranging transportation for the team. Ringing in a favor from Isabella, Varric gets them passage on The Dumat, an old Lord of Fortune vessel that was stolen from the Antaam many years ago. The ship is a fixer upper but will act as the Veilguard’s home base for the first half of the game.

Chapter Four: In Entropy’s Grasp

They arrive from the sea to Arlathan Forest to find Strife and Irelin dealing with ancient magic welling up and Veil Jumpers going missing. They tell the Veilguard that the person who might be able to help them with their Red Lyrium artifact is Bellara Luttare who is one of the many Veil Jumpers who are missing. Rook & Varric split the party to go search for Bellara.

Rook finds Bellara who is eager to help but informs them that they are trapped in a Veil Bubble. A distortion of time caused by an artifact affecting the Veil nearby. After finding the artifact, The Nadas Dirthalen, and disactivating it the team manages to exit the Veil Bubble safely and into the night beyond.

Chapter Five: The End of the Beginning

They escape the Veil bubble to find they have spent too much time caught in its grasp. They find Solas already beginning his ritual in Arlathan Forest. They rush to find Varric and the others while the sky tears open. Reunited the group travels into Solas’ secret hideout that is eerily empty before coming out the other side to find the ritual site which Solas has been hiding in a veil bubble of his own.

The party fights through groups of spirits who seem loyal to Solas and his cause. Left with few other options, Varric attempts to talk Solas down one last time while Rook and the others keeps Spirits and Demons alike off his back. When the conversation takes a turn for the worse, Rook uses Varric’s distraction to their advantage. Taking a companion to knock over one of the Ritual statues Rook successfully interrupts Solas ritual. Meanwhile, the two old friends fight over the ritual dagger which results in Solas stabbing Varric. Before Solas can regain control of the ritual something escapes.

In an act of desperation Solas activates a spell that blasts them all back and knocks Rook out.

Rook finds themselves in a strange stark part of the Fade where they are met with Solas’ voice. Solas furious about Rook’s interruption begins to warn Rook about the dire consequences of what they’ve done. In the process of tearing down the Veil he was attempting to move the other Evanuris that he trapped away into a better prison— the one that they are in now. The two argue and pass blame while Solas tells Rook their interruption has bound them to The Fade. Rook refuses to hear any of this and attempts to wake up. Solas is doubtful of this but Rook strains against the magic of the Fade, finally waking up when they hear Varric call their name.

[ghostf1ux]

Duct Tape has Universal Uses

Day 4: Alternative Bandages

Word Count: 3.9k

TW/CWs: Medical inaccuracies (probably), blood loss, guns, bomb defusing inaccuracies, definitely not bandages used as bandages

-------------------------------------------------------

In Jason's defense, he didn't fire the first shot.

He sure as hell fired the first one, but not the last one.

He was just minding his business (no he wasn't), doing some recon, rescuing some kids from a trafficking ring (seriously, don't people know the kids of Gotham were under his protection? Sure, he focused his efforts in Crime Alley and the Bowery, but everyone knew he would protect a kid no matter where they came from…) and showing them out the door as quickly as he could. They needed somewhere safe, and he was nothing if not a charitable host.

He swore all the guys he took down were down. Not dead– not if he wanted to operate freely under Batman's watchful gaze– but injured enough that they should know not to get back up.

Apparently one guy didn't get the memo.

The last kid had just run out the door when a resounding gunshot was heard echoing out of the warehouse door, a sharp, burning impact hitting Jason's armored shoulder that sent him stumbling out of the doorway. In the next moment when he swings around there's another gunshot, and then three more.

The first was from the warehouse, hitting Jason somewhere vaguely in his abdomen despite the armor.

The next three were from Jason, all landing, though he can't be sure where exactly. All he cares about is that the guy stops moving.

At least if B asks, he had the excuse of protecting kids and self defense. Speaking of–

“Mr. Hood are you okay?” One of the lingering kids runs up to him, eyes wide. Jason waves a hand dismissively, holstering his gun with his uninjured arm. He sports a Robin-like grin under his half mask, but it only shows in the crinkled lenses of his domino.

“Mr. Hood was my father, kid,” he chuckles, refusing to cut it off even with how it hurts. “I'm fine. Just get to the shelter I told you all about. You'll see me around, don't you worry.”

He ruffles the kid's hair, and he beams tentatively. “Now get going, little dude. Scram.”

The kid runs off with a laugh, a hopeful sound in an otherwise brutal night for Jason. One that just got a whole lot worse in the past five minutes.

Jason can already feel the warmth slipping down his shoulder, seeping into his armored short-sleeve and cropped hooded vest. The other gunshot somewhere in his abdomen– his hip, more accurately– burns consistently, annoyingly, and makes something grind every time he takes a step.

He's not stupid enough to finish the last hour or so of patrol in the state he's in, so he resolves himself to head back to his closest safehouse, which is–

“Hood? You're needed at the Monolith Square,” Barbara, or rather, Oracle, cuts off his plan of. Yknow. Treating his two bullet wounds.

“Am I though? I'm uh, kinda in the middle of something.”

“Yes. I wouldn't be calling you if it wasn't. Batman, Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin are already on scene. Black Bat and Spoiler are on their way to help with evacuating civilians, but they need you.”

Jason blinks, his steps faltering at the admittance. He glances down at his hand that was pressing against the gunshot in his hip that had made it through a gap in his armor, then at the blood dripping down his arm, then at a random point vaguely off to the side like he's in an episode of The Office. He throws his head back with a sharp sigh, though it comes out as more of a mechanized grunt with the voice changer.

“What's the situation?”

“Scarecrow has set up explosives with fear gas throughout the Square, but the main detonation point is below it. If you can defuse that, the others will be rendered useless.” Jason catalogue his supplies from the night while Oracle talks; a measly few clips of bullets for his pistols, a few spare smoke grenades, his plentiful stash of knives, he crowbar and sword strapped to the back of his red vest… and no bandages.

Fuck.

He hums to let Babs know he's still listening, already starting to run through his mental map. Based on what she's saying, he needs to be there, like, a half hour ago. Which means all his safehouses are out of the question, they're all at least fifteen minutes in the opposite direction, ten if he rushes. Still too long, because he's another illegal 15 minutes from the Square where he is currently.

Alright, clinics. There are no free ones nearby, he's too close to the edge of the Bowery. Anything else would ask too many questions and would be too much of a hassle to break into to simply steal supplies.

He could find the nearest CVS or something but–

His train of thought stops when his gaze lands on a Home Depot. Closed, which is good for him. He doesn't know exactly where the nearest pharmacy is, just the general area, so he supposes this will have to do.

“Black Bat will come find you once she's done. The nearest entrance to the sewer where Red Robin thinks the bomb is is down the street, just a block away. The area should be cleared by the time you get there. There might be some of his henchmen down there, but I can't confirm.”

“I'll figure it out when I get there, Barbie,” Jason mutters, using his crowbar to kick in the glass window that's really far too low for any sort of store in Gotham. They've got that big corporation insurance, it's fine. “Do we have a timer on that bomb?”

“Not that I know of, but that doesn't mean there isn't.”

“Cool, cool. I'll be there…” Jason's voice trails off as he sees the duct tape section. Duct tape is close enough to bandages, right?

Yeah, they're close enough.

“Give me like, twenty minutes.”

“Make it ten. They need you.”

Yeah, and I need a bottle of whiskey and probably an ER, but we don't all get what we want, do we?

“But I like showing up fashionably late, and how am I supposed to do that if I show up when I'm needed?” Jason whines his words to cover up the actual whine he wants to let out when he unzips his upper body armor so he can get at the bullet wounds in his hip and shoulder better. His hooded vest and half mask are already on the ground, the right shoulder of the vest soaked with blood. At least it blends in.

“Hood.”

“Fine, fine. I'll let you know when I'm on my way.” He hears Oracle click off the comm line, and finally lets out the more shaky breath he had been holding while he was maneuvering his around to hang around his waistband.

He grimaces down at the steadily bleeding wound, gently feeling around his lower back. No exit wound.

Must be why he feels his bones grinding and crunching every time he takes a step.

He manages to rip a roll of duct tape open with his teeth, using his fang (or as Bruce stubbornly liked to call it, his “elongated canine”) to find the edge of the roll. He takes the edge of the fabric between his teeth and pulls back, making a blegh sound when his tongue touches it.

Fun fact: duct tape doesn't taste good. It's also easy as fuck to get off your mouth, you just lick it and it loses its adhesive.

To avoid that issue, he sticks the edge of it to the top of his shoulder where there isn't any blood to make it slide off, and starts painstakingly rolling it around his shoulder. Once, twice, three times, before the fourth is pulled as taut as he can get it. He repeats the wrap around his chest to secure it more thoroughly, then a couple more times back around his shoulder and under his arm to top it off.

His hip isn't nearly as complicated, just a smattering of layers of duct tape around his lower abdomen. They're pulled taut, with heavy, controlled breaths keeping Jason's hands steady through it all.

Finally, he's gotten it as good as it's going to be, gets his suit back in place covering it all up, and he's walking (not limping) resolutely back out to his bike, swinging his leg over it, and heading to Monolith Square.

He clicks into the Bats’ open comm line as he speeds towards them, weaving through the few cars that are actually on the road.

“How's it lookin’?” Jason asks, leaning further down so he isn't fighting against the wind quite so much.

“Not great. Scarecrow's got more help this time around,” Red Robin replies tersely.

“Black Bat and I are here,” Steph answers, the sounds of yelling in the background.

“Good. Nightwing, eyes on Robin?” Batman's voice is gruff, with an undercurrent of worry. It makes Jason press harder on the throttle, because B is never that readable. Something must have happened.

“I am fine, father,” Damian grouses.

“Yeah, I've got eyes, don't worry about us, B. Focus on finding Scarecrow. I'll meet up with you soon.” Dick's voice is chipper despite the situation.

“ETA is about ten minutes, give or take.” Jason takes a corner sharp, grinding his teeth to prevent a sound from escaping while his back tire skids in a puddle of water before taking off again through an alley shortcut.

“We may need you faster than that,” Red Robin responds. “The main detonator is under the Square, but I think that's just the failsafe in case we get Scarecrow. That one probably has a timer, and somehow I doubt it's for very long.”

“Yeah, I got the rundown, baby bird. Just keep the trouble off my tail, I need to be able to focus once I get there.”

“Black Bat, head down as soon as you're finished to spot Hood.”

“Affirmative.”

The chatter over comms dissolves into background noise as Hood speeds through alleys and streets with the confidence only a bat or bird can have. Each bump, pothole, or turn in the road has his hip and shoulder screaming, but he keeps his jaw clamped firmly shut. He's done more with worse, he can disarm a measly bomb with a couple gunshot wounds.

------------------------

So, scratch that, he may be able to disarm a bomb with a couple gunshot wounds, but he didn't take into account all his other injuries that had yet to heal, the goons he'd have to fight on his way in, or the bloodless he'd be suffering from due to his… less than carefully applied “bandages”, but sue him, he was in a hurry.

Now, he's crouched in front of a complicatedly put together bomb with five minutes left on its clock.

“Scarecrow has been apprehended. Hood, status?” Batman growls. Jason flips his hood down so he can rake a hand through his hair, tracing the wires with his eyes.

“Five minutes left on the timer. It's… well, Gotham is known for her special brand of crazy. Why shouldn't the bombs be the same,” Jason sighs. He unclips his half mask, setting it aside in favor of being able to breathe easier. He scrubs his eyes, then wipes his hands on his pants when they come away with sweat that had beaded there.

“I am almost there,” Cass’ voice comes through, its toneless quality making him shiver. Or maybe that was just a draft in the tunnel. Or blood loss. Take your pick.

“Yeah, but that doesn't help me with this clusterfuck of a bomb design. I mean, who even puts together this shit?” Most of this is muttered under his breath as he carefully picks through the wires and switches and lights and computer chips and is that a fucking rubber chicken how did he not see this before.

“Clearly, someone who wants to essentially drop a bioweapon on the city,” Stephanie answers dryly.

“Thank you so much for your input, Narrows. Very helpful,” Jason replies equally sarcastically. He'd roll his eyes if he wasn't trying to stay focused.

The numbers steadily tick down, with Jason working to isolate which wires he absolutely shouldn't cut, which ones just feed into each other, which ones are decoys, and which ones are the ones that will shut everything off. The mess of wires resembles a pile of wired earbuds that got all tangled up with each other, which just makes his life that much harder when the time ticks to three minutes and the fucking chicken starts wailing.

Green creeps into the edges of his vision.

“Hood, what the fuck is that sound?” Dick asks very politely.

“Is that a rubber chicken??” And of course Tim can place it. 

Jason takes a deep breath.

“Yes, it's a rubber chicken. And if it doesn't stop I'm going to fucking. Lose it.”

“Deep breaths, little wing. You got this.”

Jason doesn't respond, but he appreciates the words more than he's willing to admit to anyone other than himself, and even then, barely.

Okay.

Focus, Jason.

The chicken is connected to a device that sucks the air in and out so it can keep making its annoying screeching noise. That device is connected to a yellow, red, and white wire. The yellow wire is connected to a chip, which connects into everything else. The red goes to a light. The white goes to a different light, then a switch, tangles through another smattering of colored wires, and finally to some of the canisters Jason is willing to bet contain fear gas. The explosives are kept next to the fear gas canisters, but only the white wire seems to be a constant. 

Blue, green, and purple wires are the main colors used between the explosives, canisters, and lights. All of them tangle through the chip, switches, and lights.

Jason slips his knife under the yellow wire between the chip and the device and pulls up, letting out a breath when the wailing stops.

“Told ya little wing.” Dick's smile is evident through his tone, but it doesn't reassure him.

“Not yet, Dickhead. Three minutes and counting.” He turns his attention to the explosives and gas canisters.

At least, until muffled metal clattering across the cement echoes past Jason's ears, alerting him to another presence nearby. He whips his gun out (with his uninjured arm) in less than half a second, squinting into the darkness. He knows he could fire blind and hit his target, but he needs to be sure of whether it's ally or enemy.

His question is answered when Black Bat's form melts out of the shadows. He sighs, reholstering his gun to turn back to the bomb.

Cass pads up to his side, looking over his shoulder to gaze down at the ticking bomb.

“Complicated,” she hums quietly. Jason scoffs.

“One word for it. I'd go with fucking insane myself.” There's a small chorus of chuckles over the comms that just makes Jason put his head in his hands, pressing his palms against his eyes. A light hand rests on his uninjured shoulder, and he's vaguely aware of her saying something, but all he can hear is a foggy buzzing sound in his ears, a vague ringing behind it.

He raises his head, ignores it, ignores her, and keeps working.

At least it manages to block out that god forsaken beeping.

“White, red, green, blue, purple,” Jason murmurs. The comms go quiet. The timer ticks down. He slices a blue wire between a light and a canister. A purple wire between a switch and a piece of dynamite. A white one between a light and a switch.

One of the lights clicks off.

The ticking speeds up.

“Oh for fucks sake,” Jason hisses, dragging a hand down his sweaty face before focusing back in on the wiring.

“What happened?”

“Hood, report.”

“Little wing, what–”

“A minute,” Jason says instead of answering.

“But it has only been forty seconds since your last update?” Damian questions. Someone sucks in a breath, probably Tim.

“The timer sped up. We need to go.”

“I'm not leaving without them,” Dick argues immediately.

“Neither am I,” Steph agrees, her tone firm and leaving no room for argument.

“We cannot risk all of us getting injured–”

“I need you all to shut the fuck up, please,” Jason finally snaps, his exhaustion and pain finally leaking into his voice. The comms are quiet after that.

Red or green… one of the wires needs to be cut all the way through, every single one of them. And one needs to not be cut at all. That's just how these games are played when it comes to the Rogues.

It would be just like Scarecrow to think that the obvious wire to cut would be avoided, because the normal person would think exactly that, but in reality make that the exact wire that needs to be eliminated from the equation.

Then again, he could've just been stupid and obvious and that's totally possible because frankly the Rogus can and are fucking idiotic sometimes and it drives Jason up a fucking wall because how are they still around when doing shit like this should be putting them away for life but nOoOooOo Arkham is a fucking revolving door that let's people out all the god damn time no matter what they've done to deserve it and despite this Batman refuses to do anything permanent about it because apparently he's not fucking worth it–

Cass’ hand squeezes his shoulder, small, but firm. 

“Breathe,” she commands softly, searching his gaze with those all-too-knowing eyes. He nods, blinking back black spots and gulping in a breath before letting it out as a slightly shaky exhale. Only one person could notice it, and unfortunately, that person is right fucking next to him.

Then he's cutting wires with a calm focus he really doesn't have. He decides to snip all the red wires, taking the chance that since Crane is such a psychology nerd, he would choose the one that makes him double guess the most. 

Another light fizzles out when the last red wire is cut.

The beeping speeds up again.

Focus, Jason.

The clock hits one minute, but the numbers tick by faster than every second.

None of the green wires will be cut. All the red ones are. That leaves white, blue, and purple. But there's no clues to tell him which ones need to be cut.

40 seconds.

He glares at the switch, not giving him a moment to double guess himself before flipping it.

Black lights turn on around them. Jason feels Cass’ weight shift from her hand on his shoulder, looking around. But Jason is focused on the fact that now, some of the wires are red in the light.

20 seconds.

In quick succession, he's slicing all the now-red wires across the bomb and watches the numbers tick tick tick down until–

The last light blinks off just as the timer pauses on three seconds.

“Fucking hell,” Jason breathes out, finally hanging his head like he's been wanting to this whole time.

“You get it?”

“Yeah, I got it. Christ, can this happen closer to the beginning of patrol next time?” Jason jokes as he goes to stand, but Cass’ hand on his shoulder keeps him down. He squints up at her. She glances over his tense form.

“Hiding,” she murmurs, gaze flicking to his right shoulder and then down to his hip. “Hurt.”

“I'm fine, thank you. I'd like to go sleep now.” He slaps her hand away so he can stand, but then his vision is fading around the edges and gravity is really not working with him–

Cass catches him soundlessly, raising her eyebrow when he jerks away with a hitched gasp, hitting the opposite wall.

“Hurt,” she repeats pointedly.

“Hood is hurt?”

“Black Bat, Hood, report to the Cave immediately.”

“Serves him right.”

“When did you get hurt, and why didn't you tell us?”

“Damn, you disarmed that bomb while injured? Respect.”

Jason chuckles at the last one, begrudgingly letting Cass slip under his uninjured arm so she can help him walk when it's clear she won't let up.

“I'm fine, old man. Just need to get back to my safehouse that I was on my way to before I was so rudely interrupted.” There's no heat behind his words, but there is an uncharacteristic waver that gives his family teammates pause.

“Just come to the cave.”

“Whatever, dad.”

------------------------

Jason rolls his eyes as he trudges into the Batcave, Cass firmly planted under his left arm to support him. Not like he really needs it, he could get to the medbay just fine on his own, but she was very stubborn and he had no doubt about her ability to lay him flat on his ass so he obliged.

Not without his complaints, of course.

“It's really nothing I can't stitch up by myself,” Jason argues for the fourth time tonight. “I've gotten by with far worse than this.”

Cass shakes her head resolutely. “Bleeding. Hurt. Need help,” she responds clearly. By now, they've gotten the attention of everyone else in the cave, which was everyone else except for Alfred, from what Jason could tell. Then again, voices were kind of melding together and his vision was a little spotty at the edges so who really knows.

“Oh my god, what happened to you?” Dick rushes forward, still in costume sans the domino. His worry is on full display, wide eyes and fluttering hands wanting to help, but hesitating.

“Nothing that I can't handle myself,” Jason nearly snaps, but manages to reign his tone into something a little less vitriolic at the last second. 

“Todd, you are getting blood all over the floor,” Damian remarks pointedly, glancing up from where he's sharpening his katana. Jason glances down, finally noticing the warm, red liquid trailing down his arm to his fingertips and the slowly growing patch of dark red on his pant leg.

“Huh,” is all Jason responds with before he's tugged off to the medbay. An overbearing shadow sweeps in after him, helping Cass sit him down on one of the cots.

“Jaylad, what happened?” Bruce asks, his voice somewhere halfway between Bruce and Batman. Jason removes his mask, vest, and starts on his shirt, unable to stop the grin creeping onto his face when Bruce's eyes widen comically after seeing the duct tape.

“Is that duct tape?!” Dick screeches, which only makes the slightly feral grin grow wider.

“Well, I didn't have any bandages left on me,” Jason answers before Tim can open his mouth, “and all my safehouses were too in the opposite direction of the Square. You should all be thanking Home Depot for its sacrifice.”

Bruce looks like he wants to hide his head in his hands, but the sight of his wounded son in front of him pushes him to ignore that. He expertly cuts the tape off, frowning impossibly deeper at the sight of the gunshot.

“Jaylad, chum, sweetheart, in the future, please do not bandage gunshot wounds with duct tape.”

“... So everything else is on the table?”

Jason throws his head back with a maniacal cackle at his father's dumbfounded face. 

He wishes he had a camera to capture this moment so he could frame it on his wall.

[thel1ghtningthief]

was thinking about rogue demigods and accidentally wrote two hundred and sixty nine words about them

- its canon that Nero would scoop up random demigods off the street

- nero would hire rogue demigods to take out demigods- especially powerful ones- who made it to adulthood (and anyone else who was getting in his way)

- adult demigods existing was inconvenient for nero so he hired a bunch of 16 year olds to kill them all. slay.

- theres a rogue safehouse in new york state that almost every active rogue knows about- like the waystation but for mercenaries

- most active rogues are based in nyc- close to chb

- since most rogues either a) decide not to go to camp on the way there or b) leave camp

- there are a few roman rogues but most demigods who would be rogues just retired + moved to new rome, or moved back in to the mortal world

- most rogues have nicknames - names have power

- most rogues stick in groups of 2-4, they learnt very quickly that more demigods = more monsters

- safe houses are an exception to this. most of them are charmed beyond belief

- like iris provides IMs for camp half-blood, arke provides messaging for rogue demigods (arke was on the titans side during the titanomachy and is pretty anti-chb/olympians in general, a sentiment most rogues relate to)

- nero is a dick, but he does give you a weapon on your first job and lets you keep it. most rogues do with that what they will.

- contrary to popular belief, most rogues were not part of the titans army (mainly because the TA is mostly dead). most of them left camp half-blood before Luke started the 2nd titanomachy

[foulbearobservation]

Ok, hear me out…

The piece of divinium in Cam’s neck is not just some random chunk of tarask bone. Chucking a sliver of tarask into somebody’s spinal cord would kill them; you need something still a tad human for it to work. It’s a piece of Lilith. Don’t ask me where Eurotrash Jesus got it, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that it’s Lilith penetrating Cam and fusing with her so the are inexorably connected forever and ever. Lilith speaking directly into Cam’s mind and firing all her nerve endings ecstasy of st. Teresa style.

(Lilith is all angsty about Cam not being able to consent/say no and Cam is just holy fuck do that again and I really need you to validate my madness on this one, please and thanks.)

This inspired smthn within me idk dude

On some level, Camila knows that The Bastard's Cross (capital T capital B capital C, all very important parts of her compartmentalization strategy) in her neck is connected to Lilith. She can always feel the other woman behind her, lurking like a shadow at the end of the hall.

Well. She usually can feel the other woman lurking like a living shadow. Right now she feels nothing.

Once upon a time she would be relieved, but that was then and this is now.

The phone in her hand buzzes, outgoing call to Lilith remaining unanswered.

"Come on, come on, pick up." She mutters, thumbnail worried between her teeth.

The line goes dead.

Lilith is probably fine, most of these FBC safehouses aren't a real challenge for a trained fighter much less a trained,,, Lilith.

She reaches her hand behind her neck, finding The Bastard's Cross on instinct alone. She presses down on it like you would a bruise, expecting a flash of pain.

Instead she gets an exasperated Lilith saying "could you stop yelling at me?"

Camila jumps up, knife in hand and back to the wall before her brain processes the stimuli fully.

Her room is still empty, window still cracked just slightly to let the nighttime breeze in. There's no smell of burnt glass that Lilith often brings with her, there's just Camila, The Cross, and the still night air.

"What the hell?" She breathes out.

"Aren't you still a nun?" Lilith's voice responds, rumbling comfortingly at the back of her neck. Camila was loath to admit it when she was being trained by the Lilith years ago, but her voice was endlessly calming in its steady, even affect.

"I—" Camila crosses herself, "it's complicated. Where are you?"

"The snake pit that is the FBC house you sent me to, obviously? They had a divinium reinforced door, interesting design, very brutalist." A slight pause, Camila imagines Lilith leaning against a wall, trying too hard to look cool. The mental picture is endlessly charming nonetheless. "Why were you yelling at me inside my own head?" Lilith asks.

Camila takes three centering breaths as she calms herself down. "I couldn't feel you, I was worried." The faint scent of cigarette smoke tickles her nose. "Stop smoking, it's bad for your health."

An indignant noise from Lilith. "How did you? Jesus, nevermind." Another slight pause, the smell of smoke goes away, replaced by a phantom heat at her fingertips. "I crushed it, happy?"

"I'd be happier if we had this conversation in person." Camila admits, softly.

"I have to wait for Sister Ruth to get here so she can take care of cleanup." Lilith's voice pitches down to a whisper and it tickles the back of Camila's head in a way that sends shivers down her spine. "You sound quite eager for me to get back."

"I—" Camila crosses herself again, old habits dying hard, "I am."

She feels more than she hears Lilith's shaky exhale. "Soon."

Soon turns into approximately three hours and fourty-seven minutes, not that she's counting.

She's on her third cup of coffee for the day, on her way back from the kitchen when The Cross tingles with adrenaline.

Lilith is behind her in an instant, the smell of burnt glass hanging off of her like an ill fitted jacket. Camila doesn't have time to turn around before Lilith's hand finds a home on the back of her neck.

Camila can't help the involuntary moan that slips out as soon as Lilith makes contact with The Cross. A small spark of blue light shines in the hallway, throwing their shadows into stark contrast.

Camila claps a hand in front of her mouth and moves away from Lilith, the other woman lets her go.

When she gathers herself and turns around, Lilith's expression is guarded, but curious. She allows Camila to pull her down the hall and into her room.

There they separate, Lilith by the door as if she would need it to make a quick exit and Camila awkwardly hovering in the middle of the room.

Silence stretches languidly before Camila exhales one quick breath. "Oh for the love of—" and lunges forward, pulling Lilith into a kiss by her lapels.

Lilith doesn't respond immediately and Camila is about to apologize when it seems the other woman's brain catches up with her, wrapping an arm around Camila's lower back and one tentatively on her neck. She tastes like gunpowder and nicotine and this is so so bad for so many reasons but Camila can think of none of them as she whispers "do it again, please."

[rauchendesgnu]

Gnu writes!

To start things off, I thought I'd share all the wips/ideas I have in bad summaries (yay!)

These are the wips that are partially published: a. At Thy Will - D/s AU, inspired by medieval marriage laws in the area that would later become Germany. I've talked a bit about it here before, it includes abusive relationships and fantasy sexism and also religious trauma b. The Tower Must Fall - unfortunately a bit neglected (but I plan on picking it back up, I promise), including assassin!Martin and witch!Jon slowburn enemies to lovers (Gerry is there, too!) c. A Treatise In Balance - basically just Jon getting snatched and turned into an avatar by each of the Fears. Includes art d. The Crackling Sound Of Magic - these are small fics where Jon is a mage in training under his cruel father Elias Bouchard and Martin is a kitchen hand in their household. also technically slowburn and lots of hurt/comfort because Jon keeps getting hurt

wips in my wip folder a. faerie!Jon - he's a faerie, Martin is human, he gets lost in the Otherworld's fog, Jon saves him. Oh, and soulmate AU, too :) b. Nothing But The City - inspired by UDAD, where Jonah (while wearing Elias like a suit) performs a series of cyborg-like surgeries on Jon to use him to take control over the City that once had a name that is now long lost to time c. another fantasy au with magic, inspired by occudo's art (that I still want to eat. so pretty). including apprentice!Jon, reluctant bodyguard!Martin, and exasperated and probably evil (but hot) long haired Elias d. Archive AU - Jon is a fully developed Eye monster, way beyond human. Nobody but Elias knows. Martin joins the Archive crew, accidentally makes friends with the monster via tea, and falls in love e. teacher!Jon in Scotland - you've read it before, you love it as much as I do: Scotland Safehouse Period forever, nothing bad happens and Jon gets adopted by a bunch of nosy teenagers f. nurse!Martin AU - Martin is a nurse who deals with Jon's worm wounds (gets section 31-ed) and keeps meeting him while Jon is injured. Features the good ol' anonymous online kinky relationship (and so much research because i don't even know how German hospitals work let alone British ones) g. Magnus Academy - more teacher!Jon, but in dark, with magic, murder, abuse, blackmail, discrimination, etc. h. The Fourteen Hauntings of Jonathan Sims, Librarian - more AUs! this time it's medium!Jon time (and medium!Martin). There's ghosts, and the town is called Nevermore :) i. Vampire Stuff - loosely based on The Fearless Vampire Killers (but the German musical, not necessarily the film), featuring vampire!Jon, vampire!Elias, human Martin, Tim, Sasha (yes, Jon is Herbert) j. Martin Knife Blackwood - established jonmartin, Jon wants to propose, Martin used to be in organised crime and the mob boss Peter Lukas comes for him, drama, blood, guns, etc. k. magical bookshop - more magic. including season 4 levels of sad Jon, a traumatised mute teenage kid who is accidentally adopted by said sad Jon. Jon has a bookshop that shows up at random. like the tardis but with less control even than the Doctor has l. toxic JonElias with endgame JonMartin - this one's not fleshed out at all, but basically Jon gets to make friends and escape Elias' clutches (no Fears AU)

I have more plot bunnies, but they're just that, so I won't list them here or I'd be here for hours. Feel free to ask questions about the wips above if you like, I'd be more than happy to elaborate (it will contain spoilers tho)

[ellenchain]

Random Hitman question: 47 has gotten the contract to assassinate someone at the opera, let's say a corrupt politician in the audience. Would he

A) knock out an usher/worker, dress in his uniform, poison the target's champagne in the intermission?

B) infiltrate backstage, climb the rafters and shoot with a silenced pistol from up there.

C) knock out a singer, walk right on stage and somehow perform the deed from there (think Wilhelm Tell, but the crossbow is very real)

D) steal someone's ticket, sit behind the target and quietly stab them/poison them?

E) another way.

Also for your consideration: Diana dressed to the nines in a private booth, giving mission support with an opera glass, Olivia back at the safehouse with her computer providing additional support and Lucas handling getaway through the catacombs like some phantom of the opera knock off in cargo pants and a permanent scowl at the superfluous decadence

Hahaha, I love all of it!!!

(I don't want to go nagging on IOI's Twitter, but new maps would be so cool - playing in an opera maaan, how cool would that be)

Hard to say how 47 would approach it! Probably all options would be kinda his thing. From the silent assassin's point of view, B would not be a good option (gun wounds? doesn't sound like a convincible accident).

I think C, as cool as it is, would also be difficult to pull off without fleeing the stage and piggybacking Diana out of the opera.

D could work under certain circumstances, but it would have to be very dark. What if the middle-aged woman next to 47 looks at him with raised eyebrows and then shouts "HEY, YOU"? (I hate those NPC btw, whenever they see me doing my illegal shit they come at me like HEY YOU)

I think A would really be the best option. If he wants to go for silent assassin that is

If 47 craves chaos, he would certainly place a ducky on his seat. Or drop a chandelier. Perhaps pretending to be Helmut Kruger and get the politician backstage in a private room after the show? 👀

In any case, Diana has fun watching and is amused by Lucas' pointed remarks from the catacombs (knock off phantom of the opera in cargo pants 😂)

I can well imagine Olivia as a waitress, standing at the cloakroom and putting a GPS device in the politician's pocket. Or bringing the poisoned champagne with a big smile. Lucas is adamantly against Olivia being in the middle of a mission, but she's an adult, she can do what she wants. And 47 is happy that he has a helping hand. Because someone didn't want to put on a suit to help out at the opera house.

But which option would you prefer??

[raizenchonk]

Johnny "Soap" McTavish NSFW alphabet

this is literally my first time making content like this 😭 sorry if it's a bit corny I'm not a professional at long pieces of nsfw writing but I love Johnny and I think he's cute so yah

Warnings: Smut and more smut, not pointed towards a specific gender since I feel like my fellow enby soap lovers need more love 😤

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

this man is your professional butler after sex. need a glass of water? already on the table. need a massage? he is READY 🙏🏿 I just think he's such a sweetheart

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners)

His: he loves his arms and is really proud of them, he works out a alot and loves seeing your cum all over his fingers after he's done with you

Yours: ngl, I see him as a thigh man. no matter the gender he is obbessed with your thighs and would love to bury his head in them all day

if you have big boobs (again no matter the gender) he likes those too, squish em, bury his head in them, cum on them, he loves it!

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)

he loves watching his cum drip down your thighs. idk something about it just makes him wanna turn you into a mess

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he likes imagining you and him having sex and drawing pictures of that and may even jerk off to it (Ghost almost found one of the drawings once)

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

he had a few partners in his past so he knows what he's doing for the most part, but is always willing to try new things

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

loves any position where your faces are close together or any position that he can atleast see your face, he just loves admiring you yknow?

second in place would probably be doggy style. just the thought of him gripping your waist and hearing your moans from in front of him turns him on so much

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Johnny knows how to give you a good laugh during sex. maybe your bodies press together and make a weird noise, he'll make a joke about that. but for the most part no. he's quite serious and takes his bonding (👀) with you really seriously

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

considering his job, he probably doesn't shave all that much. not that he's dirty or anything, he's really clean and smells really nice but no he doesn't really shave. I feel like he would have a happy trail but he's always willing to clean up more if you're not comfortable with his current state

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect.)

like I said before HE'S SUCH A SWEETHEART ❤️❤️❤️ always pulling you into deep romantic kisses and always asking if you're okay AHHHH I could rant about him forever

J = Jack off (Masturbation Headcanon)

again, considering his job, he doesn't really jerk off that much. because 1.he barely has enough time or privacy 2. it's difficult for him to get turned on in the first place. not saying he hasn't jerked off on the job before, probably in a safehouse while thinking of you <3 but mostly no he doesn't really jerk off that much

when he's at home he doesn't usually jerk off either cuz he has you. but when he DOES it's usually in the shower or in his home gym when he sees your busy or doesn't really wanna bother you

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

to be honest I don't see Johnny as the very kinky type but that doesn't mean I don't think he has his kinks 🤭

I probably think the most noticeable kink he has is probably his love for edge play (tbh idrk if edgeplay is a kink but I looked it up and it said it was so🤷🏿) whether he's receiving it or giving it, honestly doesn't matter

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

the couch. now this might sound a bit random (and it is a bit random) but imagine that it was the first place you and Johnny ever had sex and he LOVED it and could not get enough of it. if you think the couch is uncomfortable he'll always be willing to move locations

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

when you say his name. I can't even elaborate JUS TRUST ME

N = No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

he would not hurt you, I feel like everyone in 141 also agree on not hurting their partners. sure a lil spanking, marking and maybe even grabbing your ass so much the point it leaves a temporary mark, yeah he loves doing that! but actually hurting you to the point where you draw blood? FUCK NO

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

tbh I see him as more of a giver than a taker, sure he loves watching your tongue work wonders on him as you put him in a trance but I feel like he would be more turned on if he got the opportunity to hear your...louder moans? idk he just seems like someone who just likes listening to people's voices, and since your voice turns him on he could listen to your moaning all day

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

honestly I see him going fast on default. of course if it's your first time with him he won't go fast but would probably pick up the pace slowly. and of course if you tell him you don't like it fast he'll slow down! cuz he's such a sweetheart<3

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

honestly I don't see him as someone who likes quickies that much. again I can't elaborate but idrk I think he feels like quickies don't leave his partner satisfied and Johnny being Johnny would do anything to satisfy his partner.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

Johnny's a pretty confident man, I see him as someone who's willing to take risks but not TOO extreme yknow, especially anything including weapons that TERRIFIES him.

Johnny is also kinda against sex in public, not cuz he's ashamed or anything but it's just a hassle. sure he'd grab your boobs (or ass), maybe tease you a little, talk dirty to you, but you'd probably have to be the one to initiate any kind of sex when in public

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

Johnny can last quite a while probably like 1-2 rounds, but each round lasts so long because all he wants is to be as close to you as possible for as long as possible (especially when you consider his job)

T = Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

owned a fleshlight for a while but had to throw it out, other than that no he doesn't have any toys, but would always be willing to try toys out if it makes you happy

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Johnny is quite the tease. his teasing are usually stupid jokes that are so corny it's funny. sometimes he edges you and doesn't really let you cum first try but since your his weakness he usually isn't a tease

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

I feel like he would make kinda medium loud groans and grunts. I don't feel like he really focuses on being quiet either, honestly I don't think he's even aware of how loud he is lmao

W = Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character)

he loves stretch marks, honestly just seems like a chubby person lover in general, he loves kissing your stretch marks before, during and after sex just loves you and adores you so much it's so cute :)))

X = X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

errrr 6.6 inches kinda veiny (I'll do colour headcannons separately ;)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

you guys have sex a lot tbh. probably like 3-4 times a week. but other times is spent cuddling and him kissing you <3

Z = Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterward)

he falls asleep quite quickly (unless you need aftercare) and just kinda cuddles with you in his arms he's just so UGHHHHHHH I LOVE HIM but he snores so fucking LOUDLY it's like you'd think he was doing it in purpose

anyways that's basically all I have to say, sorry if it was too short or too long? idk and sorry if it doesn't have a lot of detail 😔 all of these are just personal headcannons

[dxmeow91]

BTW THE DAY CYCLE WILL NOT BE THIS FAST NORMALLY THIS IS JUST 4 TESTING LOL

Some more progress on my (extremely early development) body horror motifed boomer-shooter + wave shooter,, with perma-death, random weather events (i.e. bloodmoons that increase enemy speed, eclipses that decrease visibility,, spider rain,, and so on). There will also be resource management and wave to wave progression (hub area with some required upkeep,, and unlockable shopkeepers.) I know u cant see much of that here,, but I'm going to be sharing my progress every step of the way 2 maybe get a little interest so i can keep myself accountable and actually finish a game 4 once XD.

the gameplay loop will be (about) as follows:

begin in safehouse with 1, almost useless shopkeeper (sells shitty weapons and ammo so u cant soft lock yourself).

need to go out and brave waves of enemies and random events to make cash. event danger, and enemy variety will increase per wave/day.

on certain waves/days, a new shopkeeper spawns. to upkeep this shopkeeper, you must spend some of your money on food for them. or they will leave.

if you cannot feed the starter shopkeeper (maybe a cat that gets fatter and greedier with time),, they lock you out of the safehouse until you can afford a 1-time entry fee that will restock their food. until then, you are forced to brave wave after wave with no refuge. basically, this is a lose state, but it can be triumphed over if you're skilled enough.

this loop repeats, aided by random elements and potentially semi-random environments,, until the player cannot keep up with the intensity of the days and is killed.

FOLLOW 4 MOR UPDATES THERE WILL B MORE!!! ALSO THERE WILL BE REGULAR PLAYTESTS OPEN TO ALL ONCE I HAVE A PROTOTYPE/DEMO READY!!!

[samgirl98]

I'll be honest with y'all, I have no idea what I was doing with this, and I don't know if I'll add more. I wouldn't mind if you give me ideas lol, but I really had to write this part at least. Enjoy.

Alternate Ways to Live and Die part 1 of/?

Red Hood had seen a lot of weird shit in his time as a vigilante/anti-hero. Hell, he had died and come back; he still didn't know the reason for his resurrection.

This had to be the weirdest thing he's ever been through.

“I’m sorry. Can you repeat that?”

“Wow, you’re a bit dense, huh,” the glowing, floating kid told him.

Wow, rude.

“Okay, let’s take this from the top. My name is Danny; I’m from an alternate dimension. My parents and sister helped me escape after the US government ghost-hunting branch discovered my existence. They threw me through a portal that led to the land of the dead that they had built in their basement. What’s so hard to understand about that?”

Okay, yep, Jason hadn’t misheard. (Red Hood had left somewhere in that explanation.)

It was still as bonkers sounding as the first time. He wasn’t paid enough for this shit.

Huh, Jason wondered if he could guilt money out of his dad—he meant Bruce.

“Okay,” Jason said while putting away his gun, “Okay, let’s, let’s back up a bit. First things first, what was that huge green portal you came through, and is it dangerous?”

“No, that’s just a portal to the Infinite Realms, aka the Ghost Zone. It’s the Land of the Dead I was talking about. Don’t worry, it closed, so no, it’s not dangerous.”

Okay, that was good. The last thing they needed in Gotham was a portal to fucking Hell.

“Great, second question; why are you here?”

Danny sighed and crossed his arms, “The government was hunting me down, so—”

“No, I go that part. Why are you here specifically, in this dimension in Gotham?”

“Oh,” Danny uncrossed his arm and brightened. Literally. Before him stood a kid with black hair and blue eye. He couldn’t be older than 16 years, “At the moment, I’m trying to hunt down my alt, see what their life is like.”

“Alt,” Jason asked, confused.

“Alternate self. It’s a cosmic effect, sometimes, two alts can have near identical backgrounds, and other times the only thing that links them is a single, life-altering event that defines every version of that person throughout every dimension.”

Jason stared at the kid as if he had grown extra heads and insulted Jason’s bloodline.

“Speaking of,” the kid continued, “I don’t suppose you know anyone who died around age 14 and came back significantly changed, maybe with some white hair and glowing, green eyes?”

Jason felt a chill go down his spine.

No, it couldn’t be.

“Maybe with a severe hatred of clowns and just a tiny bit of anger issues. Has a weird hero complex?”

Jason was speechless. Now that he looked at the kid (Danny), he looked like Jason at that age, if a bit leaner.

“FUCK!”

Jason had called in backup. There was no way in Hell—“you mean, no way in the Infinite Realms,” the kid had interjected between Jason’s rants.

Great, the kid loved puns.

That was beside the point; there was no way in Hell Jason was dealing with this alone.

He took Danny to one of Jason’s safehouses without telling the kid who he (suspected) Jason was to him.

The fact that Danny had followed a mysterious guy wearing a red helmet and a bunch of guns and knives talked about the kid’s self-preservation skills; as in, he lacked any.

“No, listen, guys,” Jason whisper-shouted into his comms, “I think he’s an alternate version of me, but I need help confirming it. And I need to find out without telling B cuz this kid is prime Wayne adoptee bait.”

Jason looked out the door from his bedroom to make sure the kid was still eating and not eavesdropping.

“Jason, listen,” he interrupted his older brother, “No names on the field!”

“Okay, Hood, whatever,” Dick said impatiently, “maybe it’s just some random meta trying to fuck with the heroes of Gotham. It’s not like we haven’t had any pranksters before.”

“No, Dickface, listen. I saw the kid walk out of that portal and,” Jason gulped, “I don’t know, there’s something deep inside me that recognizes him. And I know that sounds crazy, but I can’t explain it. I know he’s not lying.”

Silence from the other side.

“Please, I just need help figuring this out without having Bruce breathing down my neck.”

Jason heard a resigned sigh, “we’ll be there in 15 minutes,” Tim said.

“Jason, after we run some tests, whether or not this kid is lying, we have to tell Bruce,” Dick warned him.

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Jason said, relieved, “I don’t care, just come help me right now, please.”

The comms went dead, and Jason took a deep breath to calm himself. It didn’t work.

Jason walked out of the room to find Danny twirling one of Jason’s knives while staring at his guns. He didn’t even flinch when Jason yelled.

“Jesus, kid, are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Danny looked up, confused, “I mean, I already did two years ago, so too late for that. But what exactly do you mean?”

Jason stalked up to Danny and took the knife out of the kid’s hand.

“This isn’t a toy; you can get seriously hurt messing with it. You’re twirling it around like a baton. It’s not!”

Danny smirked. Jason was sure he’d seen that same smile reflected in Bruce’s eyes from Jason’s own face.

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m already half-dead, then! Can’t kill a ghost, now, can you?”

Fuck, this was karma. This was karma for all the death jokes he had pulled on his family before. Now Jason knew how traumatizing and disturbing those jokes could be.

(It didn’t mean he still wouldn’t use them.)

“Can we go back to you being a ghost? Wouldn’t a zombie be more appropriate if you died and came back?”

Danny snorted, “Ancients, Hades, no! Why would I want to be a mindless, rotting corpse?”

“You said you died and came back to life,” Jason yelled, exasperated.

“No, I said I died and came back significantly changed. How does that equate to a zombie? Anyway, I’m what you call a halfa; half human, half ghost.”

Jason gestured for Danny to continue when the kid looked at him.

“When a portal to the Ghost Zone was ripped through me, I didn’t die all the way through. The ectoplasm that suddenly radiated into me changed my DNA. Death plus ectoplasm plus mysterious portal equals Schrodinger’s boy.” Danny said while pointing to himself.

Jason had no idea what to say to that. After a moment of silence, Danny continued, “Now I can die on command and have ghost powers.”

The kid shrugged his shoulder almost as if he was saying, ‘what can you do?’

Jason wanted to cry.

Did every version of him experience death one way or another? Was that the cosmic tie Danny had been talking about?

“What’s ectoplasm?” Jason asked in lieu of one of the awkward questions he wanted to ask.

“Green stuff all ghosts are made of,” Danny answered while raising his hand. In his palm, a Lazarus green goo formed. Jason jumped up and away from it, the shining color giving him flashbacks of anger, bloodshed, and vengeance.

The green goo quickly disappeared.

“Sorry,” Danny said while scratching the back of his neck, “I didn’t know it would make you…uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine,” Jason snapped back before taking a deep breath, “you didn’t know.”

Danny nodded and dropped it before starting again, “You have a lot of guns. Jericho 941s with customizations?”

Jason blinked, surprised. The kid knew guns; Jason put another mental tally on Danny being an alternate version of Jason.

“Kid, you are far too comfortable with a guy with weapons and a weird costume than you should be,” Jason said instead of answering Danny.

Danny shrugged, “You’re my alternate, and I can probably fold you like a piece of paper if I wanted, Jason.”

Jason blinked at the casual name-drop before taking out a knife and being on high alert, “You know my name, and you knew I was the one you were looking for. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Oh, I didn’t truly know until I heard you talk to Tim and…Dick? Is that his actual name, or are you mad at him?”

“You have super hearing? And yeah, that’s his name.”

“My condolences to him. As to how I knew, I’m a ghost; we know things,” he said in a mysterious voice but with a cheeky smile, “Besides, like you, I just knew. It must be the ectoplasm.”

“I don’t have ectoplasm.”

“Sure, and I don’t do things halfassed.”

Jason groaned. How did any version of him end up with Dick’s sense of humor?

Before Jason could wonder even more, there was a knock on his door.

****

When Tim had heard another potential Jason Todd was running around, he had been ready for a bloodthirsty man hellbent on killing and/or maiming Tim or half of Gotham’s rogues.

Instead, Tim had found a wisecracking beanpole with Dick’s habits of telling puns and Jason’s morbid sense of humor.

Tim would’ve preferred a homicidal maniac.

Tim and Dick ran some tests and asked questions while Jason stood on the side without his helmet but with a domino mask. The white streak in his hair seemed to be shining and wavering in the wind. Weird.

“Test results show he’s from another dimension, uh,” Tim hesitated.

“He’s me, isn’t he,” Jason groaned, “How is there a version of me with Golden boy’s fucking humor?”

“Hey,” both Dick and Danny yelled simultaneously.

“What’s wrong with quips,” Dick asked, affronted.

“Yeah, when you beat a villain, don’t you go off on them, say a pun or three?”

“Exactly,” Dick agreed while snapping his fingers, “Especially the ice puns.”

“Oh, ice puns are the best. I have ice powers and love using them.”

“Really, well, that case, ice to meet you, Danny.”

“Oh, be chill, my beating heart. It’s ice to meet you, too. It almost feels like I’m meeting a long frost friend.”

Tim turned to Jason, “Make them stop, please.”

Both Jason and Tim watched in horror as Dick and Danny started a quote/ unquote ‘pun-off.’

“Jason,” Tim started.

“Yeah?”

“I give you permission to kill me. Please, put me out of my misery.”

“Can’t. I’m about to off myself.”

Dick and Danny turned at them, “Oh, all right, Little Wing, Baby Bird, don’t be so dramatic. We’ll stop.”

“I make no such promises,” Danny said while looking them straight in the eyes, “you act as if we’re pun-ishing you.”

“That’s it, Timmy. There is no way he’s an alternate version of me. He’s Dickie bird’s alt.”

“No, he’s yours. Deal with it.”

Fuck, this is ridiculous.

“Okay, since we figured out the kid wasn’t lying, should we call B now? Not that I want to deal with the Old Man,” Jason whispered the last part.

“B? Is that your dad? Cool,” Jason glared, “my dad’s name is Jack. He’s 6’9” and built like a tank. Is your dad that tall?”

Everyone else choked or looked at Danny’s 5��3” beanpole body and couldn’t imagine his dad being that tall.

“Are you adopted? Cuz there is no way you got his genes if he’s that tall,” Jason said.

Danny crossed his arms and pouted, “I just haven’t hit my growth spurt yet. My dad says the Fentons are late bloomers. He didn’t reach his height until he was twenty-one. I’m just fifteen. I have a few years. Besides, if my sister is anything to go by, I’ll hit my spurt, too.”

“You have a sister,” Jason asked, “A biological one?”

Danny perked, “Yeah, I mentioned her earlier, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember. You said your parents helped you escape from the government.”

Danny’s smile fell, “Yeah, let’s say where I’m from; there are only two heroes. I’m one; the other is my age, but she does what she can. Since I’m considered an ectoplasmic being, I don’t have rights and can be experimented on whenever and without prejudice.”

“My parents are ectobiologist. They hated ghosts, and I was afraid to tell them about my double life, but,” Danny shrugged, “I did, and they took it well.”

“I thought after they found out, everything would be better. I was wrong,” Danny whispered.

Suddenly, the kid brightened up, “But I guess going through the Infinite Realms and exploring while I wait for them to pick me up is cool, too!”

Jason looked at his brothers; he was sure they all had the same looks of worry.

It was time to bring in Bruce.

So, I loved this prompt, but it had no overarching story. For the time being, this is done unless you lovely people give me ideas where I can go from here, and if something captures my attention, I'll write it. I don't do fic cases well, so don't send me much of those I prefer more slice of life and just them getting to know each other. Maybe their similarities and differences, that'd be great.

I also feel the need to reiterate I've only ever watched Danny Phantom and have just started reading comics so most of what I know about DC and the Batfam is from fanfic and movies, so remember that when you leave ideas.

Thanks!

@sailor-goddess @realityisdulllonglivefiction @roseinbloom02 @stargirl1331 @batbootie @yjfk @fandom-reblog-central

Red Hood: so you’re, what, from another dimension?

Danny: actually yeah, that’s exactly where I’m from. At the moment, I’m trying to hunt down my alt, see what their life is like

Red Hood: “Alt?”

Danny: Alternate self. It’s a cosmic effect, sometimes two alts can have near identical backgrounds, other times the only thing that links them is a single, life altering event that defines every version of that person throughout every dimension. Speaking of, I don’t suppose you know anyone who died around age 14 and got brought back significantly changed, maybe with some white hair?

Red Hood:

Danny:

Red Hood:

Danny:

Red Hood: :|

Danny: :D

[timeclonemike]

The Morningsburg Swap Meet

Rare Item Mechanic: In order to get certain rare or advanced pieces of equipment ahead of the normal progression curve, it is possible to engage in a hybrid mini-game / side-quest / gambling mechanic in the Swap Meet held in Morningsburg. Random traders will set up stalls and attempt to wheel and deal with each other, as well as the Hero. As the Swap Meet is a strictly cash-free enterprise (explained in-game as a way to get around sales taxes and guild fees) the Hero must track down various items needed for chains of deals. Some of these items are conventional weapons and armor, some are crafting ingredients, some are rare magical artifacts, and some are just plain bizarre.

The Random Factor: While the Hero is running around the Swap Meet making deals, certain traders are also making deals with each other, so after finding out that Trader A needs a Widget from Trader B, the Hero could make that trade and then come back to find out that somebody else already bought the item that Trader A was selling. The Widget might or might not be useful to another trader, and the original target item might be available from another Trader, the challenge is finding it and keeping track of all the different items needed for different chains of deals.

The Method To The Madness: To keep the Swap Meet from being a complete RNG crap shoot, each Trader has a narrowly defined Theme that they deal with almost exclusively. Antique Traders deal with old items, Salvage Traders deal with worn or broken gear that could be repaired (or broken down for parts) in one crafting system or another, and of course magic users deal with items and ingredients for their respective specialties. Items will change hands based on where different specialties overlap, so a Bookseller will buy or sell old books with Antique Traders, technological manuals with inventors, and spellbooks with different magicians. Likewise Gun Show Dealers will trade in firearm-class weapons, with antiquarians buying or selling older weapons, survivalists and soldiers buying the newer ones, and possibly even buying some weapons manuals from booksellers. This reduces the chances of having to chase a single item across half of the tables of the Swap Meet; there's no particular reason for a Time Occultist to trade for a Cookbook or an Alchemist to trade for a set of Wind Up Teeth.

Regularly Scheduled Time Limit: The Swap Meet is held every week at the same time of day, and only lasts so long, in the same way that the Protagonist of Secret of Evermore only had a short time to trade in the Nobilian Marketplace the first time they came to the city. Whether or not the Hero walks away at the end of the meet with what they wanted is mostly down to proper time management and keeping track of the different traders; each one has a table of visually distinct items so it's very hard to confuse a bookseller, an alchemist, and an antique dealer with each other. It's also possible to perform a side-quest earlier in the week and get the chance to buy a map of the trader's tables and booths in advance; each one costs thirty bucks, which is less than a single first aid kit and can make the difference between spending the whole day going in circles accumulating useless trinkets and heading back to the Safehouse / Airship with some fancy new toys.

[auideas]

Hi! Can y’all please give me some ideas for a daycare AU? I’ve wanted to try my hand at it but I don’t know where to begin :(

Please help!😭

You don’t know how much time we spent brainstorming this one, oh my god. We think we’ve come up with a great set of prompts for you, though!~

Admin M:

Daycare itself is too expensive, so parent Character A decides that maybe there would be another way to get their kid in the door. Another exchange of...goods. NOT THAT. More like, doing odd jobs, etc. Character B (the owner of the daycare) agrees to the strange arrangement, and Character A does their taxes, washes their car, repairs the roof, etc. Slowly but surely, the two grow closer and the tasks move further and further away from the daycare building and a bit closer to home.

Kids really shouldn't be underestimated, and nowhere is that more true than the kids left at a daycare. On that fateful October day, the police get a call that there is a hostage situation being held at a local daycare. They rush to the scene, but find that something is a bit off. The FBI agents were more than confused when the voice that responds to their trained negotiator clearly belonged not to a deranged man, but a particularly intelligent and peeved 7 year old.

“Myself and other kids in the family (yes, family in big letters) all go to a specific safehouse after school until our parents get home. Think of it like the Mafia daycare, but without the supervision or legal precedents. We never really minded it, but today, the doors locked and the windows clamped shut with steel sheets. Things got weird pretty fast -- I mean, how the hell are we supposed to survive without a switchblade or two, or even a box of frosted animal crackers?” AU

Working with kids was Character A’s passion; they’d been doing it for their entire life, so opening the daycare was an absolute no-brainer. They never thought that working with kids could feel unnatural for anyone...well, that is, until they met Character B who applies for a position as a daycare assistant to get “better with kids” in preparation for their sibling’s new kid that was just born.

Character A feels absolutely heartbroken when they find themselves being forced to send their kids to daycare even though they work from home. It wouldn’t be for long, but their project at work is very important, and there was no way they could focus on Zoom meetings about contract law when CocoMelon blasted in the next room on a loop. But, being the concerned parent they are, they decide to take a week off work before the project begins and kind of stake out the daycare. This included logging the schedules, calling previous health inspectors, and yes, calling in a few favors with the IRS to run tax audits. Character A didn’t expect their child safety officer get up to work as well as it has so far, but Character B (the owner) doesn’t seem to suspect a thing...hopefully. Was the mustache too much, or was it the thick North Atlantic accent?

When all the children at Bumblebee Daycare start manifesting random powers, Characters A and B are completely dumbfounded. It couldn’t have anything to do with the circle of rocks the kids put in the playground, right?

“My parent didn’t want to send me to daycare at first, but I told them that it was so I could make some new friends (that’s a lie though -- don’t tell them). Actually, I just want to find another kid that’s like me. If they’re like me, then their parent must be like mine, so they may get along and I can have two parents again. I just want my Baba to be happy.” AU

A. Admin Kasi:

Character A is a particularly grumpy single parent dropping off their child at daycare, so you can imagine their inherent excitement to finally be rid of their little ray of sunshine, even if it’s just for 8 hours. The problem is, Character B (the owner of the daycare) seems to have just as many rainbows spewing from their mouth -- their sheer brightness and love is almost painful. Character A is dumbstruck, wondering how a person could have gotten to this state. Solving this mystery becomes a bit of a hobby for Character A, and these two opposites slowly attract.

Character A (the parent) is always late. Always. Without fail. So, Character B (the teacher) is forced to stay late with their poor child every single time. Due to the sheer amount of time they were spending with Chracter A’s kid, Character B starts to feel almost like a surrogate parent. Sure, Character A is a surgeon, and sure they’re saving lives, and sure they’re super attractive, and sure their eyes are dreamy-- ahem. Character B writes off their involvement as simply a favor. This would definitely be the last time. It’s time for a small much-needed confrontation, because this simply couldn’t go on. When Character A finally comes in to pick up their kid, Character B tells them sternly that they couldn’t do that any longer and… why’s Character A suddenly asking them out for dinner?!?!

Parent teach conferences aren’t common with daycares, but Character B has vowed to give the best care possible, and this was one of their many methods of ensuring the best possible situation for the children in their care. The only thing is this parent teacher conference seems to have summoned a goddamn hurricane, because Character B and Character A (one of the parents) are now locked in the building until it’s safe to leave. What happens between them? Tension? Spice? Fluff? Deep hidden feelings and surprising things always come up when two people are locked together overnight!!

Character A’s kid is a creepy one. There’s no way around that fact -- they can do some strange things, like see ghosts, look into the future, etc. Unfortunately for the daycare teacher (Character B), the kid foresees that the teacher will die in a few days. Oops. Both Character A and their kid get to work in trying to prevent Character B’s death from happening -- do you know how hard it was to find a place that would deal with talking to ghosts?! Of course, the feelings that come with the potential end of someone’s existence can be more dangerous than the event itself, and maybe Characters A and B get a bit closer than they intended.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Miscellaneous Batfam headcanons

Dick

He’s really the only person in the family who can get away with getting out of hostage situations because of his job as a police officer

… but he doesn’t

Yes he uses this as an excuse to hug his family

No he doesn’t feel bad about it

He’s a good actor, he has to be with his job, so if there’s other civilians around or the tied up henchmen are still conscious… well, what kind of asshole wouldn’t hug a sobbing civilian?

Clings to whichever unfortunate sibling is closest when he’s let go

Just… no shame whatsoever

Yeah, the family is more than a little hesitant to help him

Unfortunately for them Dick is pretty much the entirety of the family’s emotional support system

So, eventually, someone caves and goes to rescue him

(Also, one time they didn’t, and he was insufferable for months, and they don’t want a repeat of that)

Babs

Babs knows EVERYTHING

This makes getting around her… difficult

One time she decided to make everyone get over their unhealthy habits

She was mostly just concerned about everyone’s habit of substituting sleep with coffee

They'd done everything to keep Babs from finding out

Checked everywhere for bugs, made sure she wasn’t home, bought new phones, EVERYTHING

And yet when they snuck to the kitchen for food…

The phone started ringing

Cue screaming

They only got back their unhealthy habits by begging… and considering they're the bats…

Well, let’s just say it took a while

Jason

He regularly kidnaps his siblings

It’s a love language, okay?

He might not be good at emotions like Dick is

But he WILL break into everyone’s safehouses, grab them by the back of their shirts, and drag them out for joyrides and ice cream

And that’s just as important, really

The bats are terrible with dealing with emotions and he is perfectly happy to help them avoid their problems

His services also extend to stealing them away from Dick when he’s attempting to get them to open up before they're ready

One text and he’s there

There’s two older siblings, one of them has to be bad, it’s called balance

Tim

The only time he sleeps is when Bruce is attempting to lecture him

Of course, he didn’t start out that way

He’s Tim Drake, after all, he has a duty to be perfect at everything he does

But… there’s only so many times you can listen to the ‘Don’t do reckless stuff’ speech before you can recite it from memory

At this time, lecture time has been changed into nap time

Bruce has started to use this to his advantage

When he notices that Tim hasn’t slept in days he starts lecturing him

One time he had a dream where he was getting the lecture and he had to wake up

Bruce had to scramble to start lecturing again

Tim figured out what was going on after that

But the other option is to listen to the lecture all the way through so he accepts that he has to sleep

Steph

I see your “Jason Todd/Damian Wayne are the embodiment of the Cain Instinct(™)” posts and raise you Stephanie-fucking-Brown

The Wayne Love Language is almost murdering each other and it really shows

Steph walks into a room and it is On Sight

Who punches first? Who knows

(It’s usually Steph)

It’s a smack or be smacked world and Steph is just living in it

No one is safe

At least they get a lot of sparring practice

Cass

You would think that having Cass around as a lie detector would be a good idea

And, on paper, you’d be right

She can tell when everyone is lying before they even open their mouths

But…

She’s a little bit more petty than people give her credit for

She Remembers Everything

She ranks siblings in her head based on who has the most indiscretions

Whoever is at the top of the list when something bad happens is the one she will point out as the culprit

And if nothing bad happens? Don’t worry about that, she’ll make something happen

Damian

He definitely gets teased the most because he just happens to be really young

(Doesn’t help that he’s so tiny)

But the moment someone has the audacity to make a joke about him or agree with one of his siblings?

Let’s just say the bats reconsider their No Killing Rule

Damian mentions someone at school being a little snot? Tim and Jason aren’t above throwing hands with children

A teacher gives an unfair grade to him on an assignment? Hope they weren’t expecting to get saved in the next Rogue attack

And god forbid someone call Damian a slur in front of his siblings

He's the baby of the family. What else is there to say?

Duke

He used to be annoyed that he got the reputation as the person in the family with common sense

He’s done so much stupid and dangerous stuff but nooo he’s the sane one

(Granted, he kind of is. It’s not a high bar to meet. Still, he’d like some recognition that he is also completely batshit insane.)

But now…

He realizes there are benefits

Like how he can prank his siblings and no one will ever think he did it

And when no one fesses up because they didn’t do anything? Prank wars ensue

And Duke? Duke gets by unscathed because everyone agrees he wouldn’t be stupid enough to do any of the pranks

Bruce

He has an adoption problem, we all know this

The man practically has adoption papers in his utility belt at this point

The moment a new kid appears in Gotham the batkids all start a betting pool on how long it’ll take him to adopt this one

Most of the time the kids don’t even realize they’re being adopted until it’s too late

“B caught me crying on a rooftop and he disappeared and I was like ‘wow, rude’ but then he came back with some car keys and it may not have fixed my trauma but damn did it feel better to cry in a sports car than on a random gargoyle”

“B gave me an allowance? I was going to say something but this is rent for three months so I guess I’m a bat now?”

Does he even know which kids are his and which aren’t?

(No. He treats every child that frequents his house the exact same because he can’t remember which ones are his and which ones aren’t.)

[doodlevich]

you already know it’s coming, here are some random 11x10 thoughts:

Mickey and Ian just following each other around and being on the same wavelength in the beginning of episode, and then Mickey calling him “red” for the first time in canon (I think) I’m dkfhehdhbsbdf

“Cuff him to the radiator” “FUCK OFF” had me cracking up. Also, Ian being the least sympathetic to Frank is always my favourite through-line he just cannot bring himself to care lmao

Finding out that Frank locked Ian in the basement for 3 days when he was 6 is not surprising but nevertheless made me want to scream

Frank is going down hill fast and I’m-

Kevin was once again enjoyable as all hell throughout this entire episode! From take me out to the ball game to the Oreo mojito, I was laughing so hard

“If he’s poor, accidentally shot during the arrest” Oof I mean true

LIAM IS SO SMART HE’S NUMBER TWO IN HIS CLASS EJFHEBHFHR SOMEONE PRAISE THIS CHILD PLEASE I’M BEGGING

“This is still America, right?” “Are you asking?”

No thoughts, only Tami Tamietti (she’s so beautiful I get shy when I watch her)

Mickey spits out more iconic lines like a Pez dispenser. “Cuz it’s fun to blow shit up, Kermit” “I don’t want to walk up snd down stairs with my bazooka” COMEDY KING, I LOVE YOU MORE EVERY DAY

Franny asking if Uncle Ian and Uncle Mickey can live with them and talking about playing Liquor Store Robbery with Uncle Mickey my whole heart is going to explode

“Is it a home or a safehouse” “same thing” oh Mickey

IAN WANTS A LIL GARDEN SO HE CAN GROW TOMATOES MICKEY PLS TAKE MERCY ON HIM

Mickey especially hating Kermit just makes me laugh so hard it’s so hostile for no apparent reason hahaha

DID IAN JUST CALL HIM... B-BABY I think I might faint

Also Mickey learned how to swim??? good for him

“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU RUNNING NOBODY’S CHASING YOU” what a grampa also YES

Okay so I do not think that Ian should have signed a lease without Mickey being there, BUT also I think the fact that Mickey isn’t much more angry is a good sign, like he’s grumpy but I think he’ll definitely come around, and while I understand his reservations and not wanting to forget who they are, they both deserve to create something for themselves and I think Mickey will warm up to that idea

“Do you wanna make dinner together 🥺” IAN I’m going to need you to stop being the sweetest man alive right about now

Mickey and Lip letting their frustrations boil over into fucking fighting one another, like I have never seen something so white male in my life

KEVIN AND V ARE SO HAPPY oh my god my heart

“Hit my husband again and I’ll fucking kill you” You tell him, Ian

Franny putting stickers all over the painting like: 😋💞 Ian and Lip like: 😬😵😱

DO NOT RESUSCITATE oh boy Frank

Two episodes left you guys I’m not ready for this. Anyway, until next time!