#Autocorrect they/themed him and it felt right

[zombee]

I feel like the luckiest Our Flag Means Death fan in the world after the season 2 finale. By a series of incredible circumstances - including a significant metatextual realization that came in at the 11th hour - it was close to perfect for me.

This essay has everything. Completely normal behavior over a television series. Steven Universe references. The David Jenkins School of Whatever is Best for the Bit. Humbling catharsis.

First: this piece does not exist with the central thesis of “it’s okay to not like something but that’s not the same thing as it being bad.” I feel like thousands of words have already been written on this since Thursday, so I’m going to try to not get too in depth on that.

Second, cards on the table, because it’s relevant and I don’t want to waste your time if this is going to sour your ability to hear me out: I’m an Izzy Canyon hater. For MANY reasons, but from way before the concept of the Canyon existed, (some) Izzy fans pinged me in the same way as Snape/Kylo Ren fans did, and before May 2022 was over I went from genuinely enjoying Izzy’s character and place in the narrative to hating him because his fans made it impossible for me to enjoy him anymore.

(SOME! of his fans. Please don’t keep making me say this, although I’m not going to talk about the Canyon directly anymore after this. I know there are a ton of normal Izzy Enjoyers and even Canyonites, I am literally friends with many of them, please take this all in the good faith it’s intended and if you’re not One Of The Bad Ones then you’re fine! I very carefully don’t go anti-Izzy on main, and when I stopped enjoying his character, I stopped writing him into fics. I’m not trying to be a dick, I just want to be honest. Anyway.)

The season 2 finale made me weep over Izzy Goddamn hands.

ALL season long, I was disgruntled. All season long. I really, truly, DEEPLY appreciated what they were doing with his character and arc, I thought it was wildly on brand for the themes of community/queerness in the show, I saw the vision, I liked it!!! But. I wanted a fucking apology, yall. I needed three seconds of “sorry I called you a slur, Ed :/” and that would have been enough. But I had to let it go. It was poisoning my enjoyment of the whole season, which I loved with very little exception (not none!) and I just had to let it go. I wasn’t getting an apology. That didn’t negate what they were doing with his character.

Yall. They withheld the apology on purpose.

THIS FUCKING SHOW!!!

Let’s go back a bit. I was at the episode 6 + 7 screening, and the breakup shook me. Probably a LOT more than if I had watched it alone in bed at 3am on my laptop - five days of no sleep after NYCC, lots of emotions, seeing it on a big screen with a hundred other intense fans, etc etc - but I did see other folks reacting in parallel ways to me when the episodes aired to the regular public, so maybe I would have felt the same way. Regardless, I was mad at Stede and to a lesser extent Ed. I NEEDED AN APOLOGY FOR THAT FISH LINE. I needed it! “Whativah” autocorrects to “WHATIVAH” in my phone. I was going through it.

(When I rewatched the episode when it aired it was not nearly as bad as I remember, lol)

So now the episode 8 screeners go out and the reviews drop and I think I catch one half-glimpse of a “What a heartbreaking ending!” kind of snippet, and some of my friends who are spoiler fiends unintentionally drop little hints about similar ideas (devastating/heartbreaking/split the fandom) type shit.

And I was a fucking WRECK! about it.

I do love this whole show with my whole chest. I do!!! But I’m not rotted because this is an excellent television show, I’m rotted because two old men kiss each other! On the MOUTH!!! in an excellent television show. You get it, right? I’ve written 700,000 words across almost 100 fics and 98% of them are dedicated to those two men falling in love in different universes. 

So it just did not even occur to me the “heartbreak/devastation/fandom split” would be about anything but Gentlebeard.

Another piece of this that was fucking me up - David Jenkins and his “satisfactory” ending biz. My brain was reacting like this show was ENDING ending, even if I knew logically! that this is just season 2!!! And I wasn’t ready for that, because what if it wasn’t personally satisfying, and I’m a mess about it? Why was I so worried about not liking it? I’d liked the whole season! Even if they didn’t nail the landing I wasn’t going to stop writing fic or hanging out with my pirate community & friends. 

…is what I kept trying to tell myself, but the way anxiety disorders work is funny like that lol. What if I did stop writing fic and hanging out in pirate spaces? That would hurt much more than a show I like disappointing me. And for anyone who’s having that experience with ofmd s2, I’m so very, very sorry. It sucks and that’s where my epiphany came from on Wednesday before the finale.

Because it has happened to me before.

I flit from hyperfocus to hyperfocus, as ya do when you’re spicy, but the last thing to get its hooks in me PROPERLY like pirates was Steven Universe. And I did NOT like the way the regular season ended!!! (I actually really did like most of Future; that’s not what I mean. I mean season 5). I don’t like how they handled the Diamonds, tldr; I think the scope of their villainy got too out of hand, and I was left grieving the thing that had meant enough to me I ran a fan convention for four years based around it. 

Side note: imagine if I had channeled the hyperfocus of almost a million words of fanfiction into an American OFMD con instead. We could have made magic :( I did consult with Our Con Means Death though so I am at least a teeny tiny bit of that one!

I did not like the way Steven ended… but I do respect the story they were telling and think they told it well.

I’m still sad about it. Steven is still one of my most beloved, it will always be beautiful and great to me, but that experience did and does sully my memories. There is so, so, so, SO much more good than bad from being in that fandom, and I cherish it. And I hope, if you’re having this experience with OFMD right now, that you’ll find similar comfort.

But, like I said at the top, “it’s okay to not like something but that’s not the same thing as it being bad” has been belabored already by people better at writing about it than me. I just had the incredible privilege to remember my brush with lower case T trauma and having that experience in my last REALLY big deal fandom. That’s why I had been so extra anxious about being disappointed. Because it happened to me before. It helped so much to connect those two.

So the finale happens, and it’s actually about twelve hours of me going from “eh, rushed but fun, whole season was great” to “THIS MAYBE IS THE BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME, ACTUALLY!”

BECAUSE THIS SHOW MADE ME CRY OVER IZZY FUCKING HANDS!!!!

They literally told me this was the story they were telling this season. “Men can change” “The end  of piracy” “Ed leaving Blackbeard behind (ish).”

As for me? I didn’t get an apology for the fish. Instead, I got “Sorry I was a dick.” “You weren’t a dick. Life’s a dick.”

Just… fuckity BAM. THREE FUCKING SENTENCES resolving that fight. Saying so much in so little.

In real life, should these two men have an actual conversation about this shit? Sure!!! But that’s not how OFMD tells its stories!

It works in symbolism. It works in vibes. It works in an hour’s worth of content into each half-hour episode, and for how much lamenting I have done about the pacing, I would prefer that 100x to having to stretch it out too much.

I have said since March 24, 2022 that OFMD wields anachronism as a weapon. First and foremost, it’s fucking funny, but in addition to that, it’s stating clearly: “This is a fantasy world. This is not real history. This show is about romance (and so much more than that), and the rest is just VIBES!!!”

Sometimes vibes can be historical accuracy. Sometimes vibes can be true emotional poignancy. Sometimes vibes can be Ed finding his sunken leathers in the sea, changing underwater somehow, and coming out of the ocean like the Birth of Fucking Venus, because water and rebirth and mermaids and shit is all very prominent this season. And ALSO, and this is very important! BECAUSE IT LOOKS FUCKING COOL!

I don’t want to do much real Izzy meta here. It’s been said by others, and better than me. But it was telegraphed and it was symbolic – he was the paragon of Traditional Piracy in season 1, for goodness’ sake, and Traditional Piracy is Toxic Masculinity, and he was a part of Blackbeard and Ed had to leave Blackbeard behind (yknow, ish), and he got this ABSOLUTLEY FUCKING LOVELY! storyline about appreciating what a (queer) community can do, and god fucking shit fucking dammit… most of all, best of all (for me), was Buttons landing on Izzy’s grave at the end. Men can change. And Izzy DID!!! He did it for Ed. For love. For community. I am puzzled by “it’s fucked up to use Izzy to further Ed’s storyline” because… this was Ed’s season, in the way that season 1 was Stede’s. And Ed cannot be removed from piracy as a whole (neither can Stede!) so to have this old, set in his ways, coded-queerphobic character blossom to the point he can give this gift to Ed and to piracy… idk man. I just find it so fucking beautiful.

It is okay not to like what they did. It’s okay!!! It’s okay, and it’s okay to mourn, and while it’s not okay to do [insert vile behavior here], it’s okay to carefully examine what you think is “bad writing” vs “what you would have preferred to happen” and give good-faith, textually-based criticism on that.

But I want to remind you over and over and over again, this show works on vibes. It tells its stories leaving many, many, many gaps. There are many things I would have liked to see, and y’know what? I would have told the Izzy story differently. I would have personally done it differently. But it’s not my show! It’s not my show, and I am humbled and delighted to remember that, and to appreciate Our Flag Means Death for what it is and not what it isn’t.

Other words have been written better than I could about the 18 months between seasons 1 and 2 and what that does to us as rabid fans with expectations of how things will go. Millions and millions and millions of words have been written about OFMD, fictional and non, and that is going to color our expectations and experience. We had built it up SO MUCH in our minds and along the way I think some of us forgot (INCLUDING ME!!!) that it is first and foremost about Vibes.

The vibes of Izzy’s death are about rebirth and forgiveness and leaving traditional piracy behind. And he got to die in Ed’s arms, knowing (HAPPILY!) that he had been wrong, and giving Ed the gift of letting him know he is loved, and being a part of something. We had a funeral but we also had a wedding. The only constant is change. Men, piracy, Blackbeard; it all changes. And Izzy found peace in that.

Before my last point, I want to @ myself on things I felt versus realizing in the end it is (I will say it until I’m blue in the face) about vibes.

· I was convinced they left Buttons’ transformation ambiguous because they wanted to leave room for it not having been real. NO!!! It is real, until they decided it isn’t. Magic in the OFMD universe? Fucking why not!!! IT’S SYMBOLIC!!! IT’S IMPORTANT TO ED’S STORYLINE AND THE CENTRAL THESES OF THE SHOW!

· I was unhappy, and still am a little, about the Polycule Situation, but now that I realize Oluwande is Zheng’s Stede… I am less so. The Zheng : Auntie :: Ed : Izzy vibes, btw? Fuckin immaculate.

·        Obviously they touched on Stede/Ed’s “killing people trauma” but I’d reallyyyy like Stede to address it, and even though I think Ed’s is left on a very satisfying note, I’d like him to dip a bit more into it as well. But if they don’t, oh well! It’s not like they ignored it, they just didn’t have a Deep Dive like I Wanted Them To!

· They didn’t deal with Ed throwing Stede’s shit away. They just ignored it! Stede started to collect new trinkets, and I believe that was as much about giving the audience back the old feeling of the Revenge as it was anything important (not to say it wasn’t also important thematically!!!). Just like Ed going back to his leathers is both Extremely Important thematically and about putting Taika back in the leathers because that’s what Blackbeard should be wearing for the epic final scenes for the sake of visually keeping the show consistent. That’s Blackbeard’s uniform.

· Stede’s frilly little outfits my beloved. God I hope they give him back some of his frippery in season 3. I think they will re: cursed suit BUT his journey this season was about something else, so!

· Ed’s stupid little non-profit non-apology, oh my god. It was so funny. And there is a transition from eps 5 to 6 where Ed is back in his leathers and the crew is more comfortable around him. They didn’t have to have him do a Real Apology, it’s implied it was all settled. What was the timeline? A day? DOESN’T MATTER, BABY, VIBES!!!

· Lots more, I’m sure, but now that I’ve tried to let it all go, I’m remembering less of what I wanted and appreciating what I got!

And, last point here, I think it is also very very very important to remember that a lot of people are normal about this show. In fact, WAY more people are normal about this show than aren’t. And that is EXTREMELY! IMPORTANT!!! because otherwise it wouldn’t be profitable and we all know what would happen then. We are the core of it, to be sure. Without word of mouth that stems from our intensity, this show would not be NEARLY as successful as it is. I truly, truly believe that.

But.

Do normies need deeply emotional discussions dissecting the central relationships? No. What normies need is Ed and Stede running dramatically toward each other on the beach and kissing. And I am happy, so fucking happy, to realize that’s what I need too. I’ve got fanworks for the rest.

I love this fucking show and this fucking fandom and its fucking creators so much. Fuck.

[mysteriawrites]

hi dear! i hope you doing great! <3

I was wondering can I have male honkai star rail matchup please?

i’m a girl, 19, aries, enfp, my pronouns are she/her. i could be really shy sometimes due to my bad anxiety, but mostly i’m very sweet and bubbly person, i deeply care about my friends, and i’m super affectionate with people who i love. also, my love language is physical touch!!! i’m also very sensitive and emotional person, but i’m fully open with my feelings only with close people in my life. my height is 5’5, i have a petite figure, have some boob, long brown hair and green eyes, i would describe my style as a hyperfeminine, but i also love to dress cozy! i’m polyglot and i speak 6 languages, and i’m studying linguistics in uni. my other passions are makeup, cinematography and music ofc! i’m obsessed with rabbits and bunnies and all the bunny-themed items! i love cute things, such as clothes, accessories, makeup, stuffies and etc. my ideal partner is someone tall and protective, who would take care of me and be attentive to me and my feelings! and also someone who would cuddle me a lot <3

hope it’s okay! sorry for my grammar, english isn’t my first language. i hope you have a nice day <3

Hihi thank you so much for the request. Don't worry about grammar it's the internet no one uses proper grammar anyway even typing this I spelled so many words wrong and made grammatical errors and relied on autocorrect. Anywho without further ado (heh rhyming) DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

ARLAN!!!

(Yeah, I wanted to use a gif like I do for the rest of the matchups but apparently there aren't enough of Arlan available on the Tumblr database, and I couldn't outsmart the system by uploading one as a picture so yeah sorry about that).

Not a lot is known about Arlan: he's definitely on the quiet side, has a dog named pepe, and is loyal to a fault to Asta. He's a very private person. However, when Asta introduced him to you, the newest researcher on the station and old family friend, he had to admit that something in him wanted to be around you (Pepe liked you too so that was also a good sign).

As he showed you around the space station, he found that he was the one doing most of the talking, which was a first for him, he's always been more of the listening type. Something about you seemed to ease his nerves which ironically made him uneasy. He didn't understand what he was feeling at all.

After he finished helping you, he decided to ask "Master" Capote about what these strange feelings were (he in these exact words "didn't want to bother Asta over such trivial matters"). Capote told him in a blunt manner that he must be in love. Arlan almost had a panic attack at those words. Him?! In love?! There's no way in the whole galaxy!

However, the longer he denied those feelings the stronger they became. He wanted to be around you more, learn about you and your interests, hear your voice, all the things you'd expect from a schoolboy crush. It doesn't help that he started getting closer to you and you showed off your adorably bubbly personality. So, he went back to Capote.

Now he knows Capote isn't the best person to ask for love advice, but he doesn't have a whole lot of options. Capote ends up telling him about that women like guys with confidence and who play hard to get (Capote seems like the kinda guy who would say that). Now Arlan isn't quite sure about this, but he has nothing else to go on and is desperate.

So that's what he did, the next time he saw you he did what Capote told him. He felt so stupid, but if it was what would get you to like him then so be it. Only you saw right through his facade. You took him by the hands and asked why he was acting like someone he wasn't, and that was when the truth came out. He told you everything including the confession of his feelings.

Ever since that day you guys became closer than ever; you tell each other everything. Early in the relationship Arlan treats you kind of like he does Asta where he sees himself as someone who serves you, but you shut that down real quick and helped him understand that romantic relationships are supposed to be equal.

Asta supports you in all your endeavors. He thinks you look beautiful no matter what, but he tries his best to be more descriptive in his compliments to show he pays attention and genuinely wants to help. He buys you cute stuffed animals and accessories from the on-ship stores. He also finds your linguistic gifts fascinating and useful so he asks if you can teach him. Best of all Pepe really likes you.

For dates you guys take turns planning based on what the other person likes. Arlan likes to take you foreign films festivals they sometimes have on the station as a reward for their hard work and nice dinner dates because he's a gentleman. As for you, you know that Arlan just wants to spend time with you and nothing more, so you plan an at home date of dinner and a movie (and a bit of video games).

I know you said that you prefer tall guys, but what Arlan lacks in height he makes up for in courage and heart. He sees things through till the end cares about the well-being and safety of those around him. When the Antimatter legion attacked, even though he knew that his number one priority should have been the inhabitants of the space station he did everything in his power to protect you and make sure you were safe. You were his real top priority, even if that meant taking a hit for you (how he really injured his leg at the beginning of the game).

Hi, hope you enjoyed sorry it took so long and is a bit short the star rail characters are a bit harder to write for.

Runners Up: Dan Heng, Welt Yang, Gepard Landau

[lostximagination]

Can you keep a secret?

[cicinicole-14]

Hi for the ship thing and headcanons, please do jolex 🥰

Who is a night owl:

dont get me wrong, they both most definitely will stay up late together or both pass out before 9pm on a Friday night, but some days when the depression hits, its jsut different and Jo is definitely more of the night owl. Alex is more of a morning person and Jo would rather sleep like the dead. 

Who is a morning person:

as we’ve discovered, more so Alex esp when they have kiddos. Alex is the one to get up with them early and let Jo sleep, he makes breakfast with the kids’ help and keeps their room quiet for jo to get some extra sleep but will unleash their evil spawns when he deems she’s slept in long enough. 

Are they cuddlers:

some days, yes, mostly. jo definitely loves the affection from someone who genuinely loves and wants her back. but there are days where she literally is like “do not come near me with your (temperature) hot body Alexander Michael Karev, you are a heater and I am already too warm” 

Who is the big spoon and who is the little spoon:

Alex is def the big spoon. Jo likes cuddling into him because sh feels safe, he feels like home. but she def has big spooned him too it’s a 50/50 relationship we have equal roles people

What is their favourite sleeping position:

no lie, both spread out like starfish in their bed. 

Who steals all the blankets: 

Jo. Alex is a space heater and doesnt need blankets she freezes and likes being snuggled up and warm

What they wear to bed:

I mean some nights, nothing, but like jo def loves Alex’s old Iowa state shirts or his wrestling shirts from HS that smell like him. an old worn in t-shirt, anything with a pair of booty shorts or his boxers even. and Alex will just wear a t-shirt and boxers or flannels in the winter. 

Who likes seeing the other wearing their t-shirt:

Alex wholeheartedly loves when jo wears his shirts unless its his favorite flannel and she steals it “come on, jo. you know that’s my favorite one. I wear it all the time.” its exactly why she takes it. 

Who falls asleep mid-conversation:

jo, unintentionally. sometimes the insomnia hits and she won’t have slept for a couple days so when life catches back up to her she will fall asleep randomly. even more so while pregnant and right after their daughter is born. she just “night night Josephine” 

Who wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares:

they both have their fair share of horrid nightmares. Alex’s deal a lot with his trauma of growing up. his mom pulling various knives on his siblings and dad attacking them. even nightmares of jo leaving him like Izzie did and he wakes up without her. 

jo’s are terrifying as well. she dreams that Paul’s death was just an illusion and that hes still out there and he’ll still come and get her. she wakes up drenched in a cold sweat and Alex holds her and they pull up his death certificate on the gsm database to prove it. she also has nightmares about being abandoned again. dreams of herself as a baby, dreams of her mother leaving her at that firestation. horrid nightmares. and Alex just holds her. she also has many nightmares about Alex abandoning her too just like her mother abandoned her but he’s never done that he’s always there when she wakes up and everything is okay again

Who accidentally punched the other in their sleep:

jo is an absolute horrible bed partner. she does NOT sleep still. she will move around so much during sleep its dangerous. yes, Alex did wake up with a bruise across his cheek one night from an elbow to the face...

Who can’t keep their hands to themself:

both of them. theyre notorious horndogs no autocorrect they are not corndogs please stop correcting me when you’re wrong 

and just because, im throwing in the parenting meme one too bc my heart melts

packs the lunches

Alex. he gets up with the kids in the mornings and also we do not trust jo to make their children food. she’d feed them boxed Mac n cheese and take out the entirety of their lives. and while they love that and Alex wouldn’t care if it was jsut them, their kids need real food. he packs them lunchables and uncrustables but at least its a little more of a variety. 

blows raspberries while cuddling

jo, more so. they both do, but jo LOVES a good chunky baby belly she can blow raspberries onto. and yes she leaves maroon lipstick marks on chubby cheeks and bellies. 

is the tickle monster

Alex. and she runs to mommy to save her from daddy! “oh, now you want mommy, huh? as soon as daddy is the tickle monster all you want is mommy? not when I wanted cuddles, or we picked you up from daycare or I dont know, I gave birth to you and wanted snuggles you cry and want daddy but now hes the tickle monster you want me?” and jo scoops her up and tries saving her but ultimately they lose and get attacked in their very large bed by the tickle monster. 

gives life lesson speeches

they both do just depending on the situations. 

when the girls start dating, jo sits them all down separately, and explains to them a bit of her past. letting them know that no man should ever lay hands on them. she teaches them how to defend themselves and Alex ofc shows them in example how women should be treated. Alex makes it clear that if a guy or girl ever should treat his daughters or his son in any other way than he treats jo, that he needs to know and gOD forbiD one of them lay a finger on one of his children there WILL be hell to pay. jo obviously consoles him in front of her children but tells him “u already have a record. if anyone lays hands on our children I will be putting them in the ground not you”

kisses the boo-boos

Alex he is a pushover and 100% makes sure all boo-boos are kissed and even when the kids are way too old for having their boo-boos kissed, he makes sure the bandaids that are no longer avengers or dinosaur or unicorn or princess themed, have been properly kissed. even through protests of “dad, im not five anymore I dont need my bandaids kissed” “how do you expect them to heal, then, CJ? you’re my most clumsy kid, and I have had to kiss all your boo-boos and never once have I not. thats why you’re still in once piece” 

breaks the bad news

jo makes Alex do it most times. she claims she’s the fun parent and tries to stay the fun parent by making Alex break bad news like “we cannot get another dog” she blames it on Alex but then brings home a puppy the following week. 

joins the PTA

listen. LISTEN. when Greyson started big kid school, in kindergarten, they placed her in private school to give her everything they didnt have growing up. jo was determined to make sure she gave her daughter everything made sure she felt loved and was spoiled it was terrible. so jo, of course, sent her to Seattle Elementary academy and was not paying attention when she signed some forms signing up to be in the PTA. she loathed it so much and “Alex im sorry I cant do this. I know we wanted to give Gracie everything we didnt have growing up but I cant take it I cant take the private school. the volunteer hours the strict dress code violations? she is FIVE. I also have to volunteer FORTY HOURS this year alone. no! I am a surgeon, a mother of two and im pregnant! I do not have time for this! all these PTA moms are stay at home moms who have nothing better to do than gossip about their neighbors and drink wine. and I swear to god if I have to hear about Jessica’s fucking essential oils pyramid scheme one more time I will shove those oils so far up her a––” “Jo! Look, Ali, mommy’s here!” Alex interrupts her just in time. he doesnt blame her. those private school moms are quiet the handful. every time, one of them has the nerve to hit on him. “and I swear, if one more of those moms hits on you in front of me, im going to backhand her with my engagement ring on. no hate to most of them, but theyre too much” they end up ending Gracie, and Ali and the rest of the kids to public school just like they had grown up in and did just fine. 

crashes sleepovers with embarrassing stories

oh one hundred and ten percent Alexander Michael Karev. he will find any moment to break out embarrassing stories and photos. hell, even when Zola, Bailey, ellis, Sofia, Harriet, scout, any of the bunch come over he’ll embarrass them too!  

gives the crazy nicknames

not really either of them (that ive figured out in the moment) (the kkc kids do not have crazy nicknames yet) (we jsut have Gracie for Greyson, Ali for Alice, and CJ for Cristina Jo. Alexis goes by Sissy because of Alexis and Alexa and Eli usually goes by bubba seeing as how that’s what the twins have called each other growing up with Izzie and that stuck) 

thank you so much for these! I loved loved loved doing them! even threw in some KKC universe things so if yall have questions about that feel free to ask I will share! tho there is yet to have a fic out about them yet… its been a bit difficult with writers block /: 

[mobagehelllocal]

“i can hold the world in my hands” extra notes i - vi:

My god... it’s been more than a month since I started writing for TWST, and this was what started it all.  I hope I can keep writing, and not just for TWST for that matter! I have like... one non-TWST request sitting in my inbox and I’m really excited to work on it xD

*please do not read if you haven’t read “i can hold the world in my hands” ver i - vi.

This was actually inspired by a prompt of the same name in a different fandom. I’m pretty sure it was Fire Emblem, but I can’t seem to find or remember which blog posted about it. When I saw that nobody had written it for TWST yet, and because I was pretty impatient, I went full Thanos and thought: “fine I’ll do it myself.” xD

Whenever I type ‘hold’ it autocorrects to (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿. It’s one of those keyboard short cut things on my phone that somehow is also on my laptop lmao. So this series was pretty difficult to right because ‘hold’ kept changing to (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿ 

For ver i, the order of writing was something like Riddle, Leona, Azul, Malleus, Kalim, Idia and Vil.

Riddle was super easy for this prompt, honestly. I wanted it to be incredibly cute, and the best way to do that was to just... fluster him. 

I tried to be very descriptive for this one. I wanted his surprise to be the highlight of this story. I especially enjoyed differentiating the red on Riddle’s face hahah--from pretty shade of red to furious HAHA.

Riddle strikes me as a super logical type. So he really won’t believe it’s possible until you show him how to hold the world. He also sees it as very high praise--that to think--you saw him as your world. Every time he thinks about it, he probably goes beet red. 

When I wrote Leona’s part, I was still actually pretty iffy with him. I’ve noted before that he was far from my favourite hahah. However, just because that’s how I felt, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do my hardest to give him justice. Looking back on this piece, I appreciate it a lot because Leona’s definitely got a soft spot in my heart now--this piece being one such catalyst that made me appreciate him more. 

One of my primary concerns with this piece, was not only ensuring that I did him justice, but also to make sure that none of my personal feelings affected how i wrote Leona. I like to think I was pretty successful--as I read it now, I wonder how I could’ve actually disliked Leona at any point. (I MEAN... that ending IS PRETTY THIRSTY. I wonder what I was thinking kFKFK)

Leona... is another logical one, and he’s not going to be patient with you. So he’s just going to immediately call out the impossibility of “holding the world in your hands.” However, when you do talk about what you actually mean... Leona would actually be moved. He loves how you acknowledge him--that you see him. 

The Azul piece was written closely after I had watched the entirety of Octavinelle, and I could see all my thirst for the Octavinelle trio on it. That’s right, from the very beginning, I loved to enjoy hinting at Poly!Octavinelle. I’ll likely continue to hint it actually... unless requested otherwise. 

Azul has one of the biggest praise kinks around (Riddle and Jamil have it too), and of course something as sweet as “i can hold the world in my hands” is going to set Azul off running for his octopus pot. Also, he cries very easily--like when he’s too happy and too sad. Azul’s story in this is definitely my favourite, because I just genuinely had such a good time working on it. 

His reaction--his affection for you is likely to lead him to listen to what you have to say first before saying anything else. That’s why unlike Riddle and Leona, he actually heard you out instead of telling you immediately that what you’re saying “is impossible.” 

This prompt and Kalim worked really well honestly. Kalim is just so much positivity, so writing his reaction to this was so easy, and it flowed so much quicker than I thought it would. 

Kalim... honestly, he wrote himself hAHAH. It was easy to know that he’d immediately try to say it back to you--because he’s that sweet. Also, I quoted “A Whole New World” in this story. I wonder if anyone spotted it. 

His reaction--well, it was obvious that he would believe you without a doubt. xD Sure he probably knows it’s not possible, so he’s more than willing to hear you out on it. 

Because Vil was a model, I thought to approach this piece in a, “what can I say that he hasn’t heard yet?” I also wanted to approach this with a certain sensitivity--to Vil’s job as a model. The importance of respecting his craft, sort of thing.

Vil so far... has just been portrayed as being perfect. He’s good looking, he’s smart, he’s charismatic...so it’s obvious to everyone that there’s something deeper to him that we haven’t gotten to see yet. This makes it difficult to write him, because we haven’t gotten Pomefiore’s chapter yet. 

Vil is someone who I figure would be smart enough to wonder if you’re speaking in a metaphorical or literal sense. I can’t remember where it’s mentioned, but if I remember correctly--Vil considers being intelligent a part of being beautiful too. (I’m so genuinely excited for Pomefiore’s chapter because I need to sink my hands into all that lore). 

The reason I think Idia is much easier to write compared to Vil is because he exemplifies the introverted gamer trope so much. His personality is so clear cut, and loud. 

Idia is also pretty fun to write, because of the way he regards the world, and how he sort of deals with everything around him.

For Idia’s reaction, I figured he’d tend to go for gamer terms, hence he thought you could code too lmao. He also tended to process things as if his life is a game, hence his thought process as he figured out what you were trying to say. 

Malleus, because of both his age and prowess, strikes me as the type of person who could do every single type of magic with barely a blink. That’s why I thought to use that as the primary theme for his story.

I thought it would be adorable if you told Malleus, you could do something he couldn’t. Which, as you can see in Malleus’s thoughts--you are a powerful influence to him as well. You could perhaps, destroy the world, if you told Malleus it made you unhappy. 

Malleus’s reaction... he’d humor you, but at the same time, he’d be the one to gently attempt to tell you it’s impossible. If he couldn’t do it, how could you? Of course... he’s quickly corrected. 

Ver ii was written in the order it was arranged! Quite a rarity for me. So Deuce first, followed by Jade, Floyd then Silver. I consider version ii as the one stuffed with personal favourites hahah. Though... Deuce was actually written for my editor hahha. 

I wanted Deuce’s piece to be both funny and cute since it was dedicated to our very hardworking editor hahaha. 

Of course Deuce would not immediately understand what you were trying to say hahaha. Look... he thought the unfertilized eggs would turn into chicks. 

The decision to make him say it back, was fueled by the fact that Deuce is an all around nice guy--he’d definitely want to return the favour. 

The Jade one was really just written for my sake hAHHA. I wrote it because I was super smitten with Jade. I always wrote Jade as the type of lover who enjoyed to pamper the hell out of his partner. This could often make it feel like he’s the one doing everything in the relationship.

That became the primary way I wanted to approach this story, by once more--making it about the reader doing something for Jade, or essentially showing him how much he meant to the reader. I also wanted to find a way to make Jade blush. 

Much like Azul, he’s willing to humor/hear you out first before saying anything else. He’s always interested in what you have to say, and he enjoys your more unpredictable opinions. 

Honestly, who wouldn’t want to cuddle with Floyd? He (and Jade) probably give the best hugs. 

My thoughts for this, was--when would be the best time to tell Floyd something like that? You wanted him calm enough to actually listen to you, so I figured it be when he was particularly sad and in need of cheering up.

On another note, I felt like Floyd isn’t really the type to listen nor care about you saying such a statement. You only really get all his attention when you explain to him what you mean. 

I’m so biased to Octavinelle, I’m so sorry hAHAH. But honestly, it happened by complete accident that both their stories happened in the bedroom ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) 

Silver is... aesthetically very pleasing. However, there’s little we know of him so I also had a lot of difficulty writing for him. That being said, because he was a character who fell asleep pretty quickly, I of course thought it would be incredibly cute to have the “lap pillow” situation happen. 

For this piece, I thought to talk about my worry for Silver. That he falls asleep just anywhere is a little scary. He fell asleep in a place as noisy as the courtyard... so I thought to express that worry through the reader for this piece. 

Silver does, however, strike me as the type of person to always listen to you first before making a judgement. That’s why upon being told that you could hold the world, he’ll listen to you first. 

Ver iii was just solely Jamil! 

Jamil is another one of those characters who prefer to do the pampering instead of being pampered. So I thought to write a reader who was grateful, and wanted to show their appreciation to him.

For this piece, I also really wanted to fluster the hell out of Jamil. I mean, who doesn’t like making the calm, controlled one blush? It’s insanely cute.

While Jamil does say he doesn’t believe in it, he is always willing to hear you out. 

Ver iv is Ruggie, Rook and Lilia! I think Lilia was written first, followed by Ruggie then Rook. 

For Ruggie... I think I was a little stumped on how to write him. So I think I searched up how hyenas greeted each other. Apparently, they sniffed each other. So I thought it would be cute that Ruggie liked to scent you. 

I made him get a little jealous because Floyd’s very affectionate--even if you aren’t in a relationship with him. 

Ruggie--I thought would give you the benefit of the doubt--and think that there was actually magic in your world hahah. Until you tell him what you truly meant.

I’ve probably said this a billion times at this point, but god is Rook hard to write for hahah. Nevertheless, I keep writing him anyways because I enjoy the challenge. 

I thought that Rook’s story becomes the opposite to Ruggie’s, wherein the reader is the one who wants to ensure that Rook is also looking/paying attention to them, 

Rook wasn’t actually paying attention to you when you were saying “i can hold the world in my hands”, he only really does notice when you repeat it twice. He’s a guy I think you have to be firm with, if you want to get your point across.

Lilia is a character that I’m sure is pretty self-assured, and aware of what he wants. This means, that he’s actually a pretty huge tease to the other person in the relationship. This isn’t necessarily a romantic headcanon either. I can see him teasing his friends too.

I also highlighted immortality again, how Lilia is rarely surprised. That you are capable of surprising him means a lot to him actually. 

Lilia, I think, is the type of person who is willing to lean new things from people younger than him. That’s why when you state you can hold the world, he’s willing to believe you. 

Ver v is Trey!

Say it with me everyone, Trey is the sexiest student at NRC lmao. That smirk??? of his??? SENDS ME? It’s also why I made him smirk so much in this. Hey, I had to feed myself too.

How could I forget Trey? Trey is the third person in the “i will pamper the hell out of my lover” with Jade and Jamil. Trey would be another one who actually enjoys teasing the hell out of you too.

Trey is another one who won’t believe you, but will be willing to hear you out because you’re just so cute, and he wants to hear what you think.

Ver vi is Ace, Jack, Epel and Sebek. I think I wrote Ace, then Sebek, Jack with Epel being the last one. 

Ace strikes me as a typical charismatic tease tbh. Like, he’s popular, and well known for being a troublemaker but everyone likes him anyways.

He’s not a person who blushes easily, so I think you really have to catch him unaware for him to blush. 

He’s the type of person to say something mean, then immediately apologize and retract it when he sees that it hurts you. So he’s normally blunt, but then back tracks. 

Jack isn’t a very affectionate person--neither is he the type to tell you how much he appreciates you. I believe it’s something you have to learn in the way he acts (aka, how hard he’s wagging his tail haha).

I think for a relationship with Jack, you have to really reach out to him because he doesn’t quite know how to reach back to you. Like he’ll certainly try, but he’s easily embarrassed... hence why I wrote him the way I did. 

Jack, once you told him you could ‘hold the world’ was initially confused, but sees no reason to not believe you unless you prove otherwise... essentially xD

Epel... super difficult as always. I wanted to talk about how he wasn’t very happy with how he looked. How he wanted to change himself. It was a topic I was worried about, because if mishandled, it would just leave a sour taste in people’s mouths.

I wanted to make the reader someone who wanted Epel to love himself, to accept his beauty and to use it as a source of strength. I want Epel to be comfortable in his own skin, and be able to use it to his advantage. This was really inspired by Lilia’s SR Lab Coat episodes actually. 

The reader is someone conscious about Epel’s struggles, and they want to get one thing across to Epel: that he can be beautiful and strong at the same time. Just because the may seem opposite, doesn’t mean they cannot coexist. 

Sebek... I feel like I discussed how I felt about Sebek some time ago. Essentially... I think that Sebek is someone who, in a romantic relationship, has to make a choice. His devotion and single minded adoration to Malleus makes him challenging to write romantically for. 

Unlike the other readers, Sebek’s uses the prompt to prove a point to him--that they chose him. Could he chose them too?

At the end, it’s not really about choosing one person, it’s more like--can Sebek understand the importance of being in a relationship? Can he understand that what you might share with him has value? Really, a question about his priorities. 

[naferty]

hey hey hey! questions from a curious mind. listen. you mentioned this ship a long time ago. but I have not been able to get them out my mind. think you'll ever write something fir them? Of Rhodes x Bucket?

Okay, so like, I know you said bucket as in a joke (or maybe it’s an autocorrect?) but this had me thinking of Rhodey dating a bucket. Like, a simple bucket meant to scoop and I just picture him standing with a tux on his wedding day holding this random silver and shining bucket with a veil and it’s glorious. 

So, as for your question, I thought of this. Small but cute. 

These two are dorks in their own ways, but they’re functioning dorks with damn common sense and are capable of communication, unlike their idiotic counterparts (coughSteveTonycough) so when either of them realize they might have feelings for the other James, they, you know - 

They talk about it. 

James one, (as Rhodey lovingly calls himself, much to Bucky’s annoyance) does the smart thing when his heart does the little flip that one time he sees Bucky smile and asks Bucky’s closest friends about Bucky’s interests. Like, say, does Bucky enjoy jazz? What about rock? Metal? Does he love to dance? Swing? Does he happen to know the charleston? (this is totally a joke question, but Rhodey would totally love to know if Bucky actually knows those kinds of dances) Does Bucky happen to like men? What about Chinese food, has he tried it? Oh, Bucky actually shows interest in men, too? How interesting! 

Rhodey leaves Sam to his devices as he starts thinking long and hard about doing this or not. Take the chance and spend more time with Bucky to see if his attention happens to be reciprocated and then ask him to get coffee or something. 

Little does he know, James two, aka Bucky, is out doing the same and asking Rhodey’s besties about him.What kind of food does he like? Any preferences in movies? Favorite restaurants? Does he happens to enjoy any sports? What about men? Oh, he’s open about them? That’s good. That’s very good for Bucky. 

He leaves Pepper alone and starts planning, too. Find excuses to seek out Rhodey whenever he’s in his vicinity. Just as Rhodey thinks up a reason to seek out Bucky, too. 

Then, because the two have eyes and pay attention to detail, they figure out the other James wants to spend time with them just as much as they do. 

It’s Rhodey who asks “Would you like to get coffee together?” with a smile. He’s confident on the outside, fairly sure Bucky also wants this too, but it’s still a nerve-wracking experience to ask someone out. No matter who the person is. Rhodey’s heart is beating fast. His hands are sweaty. 

Bucky, the little shit that he is, pretends to think it over, even going so far as to tap his chin until finally he grins and says he’d like that. Followed by, “took you long enough to ask.” 

“You could’ve asked me if you think I took too long. A gentleman wouldn’t keep me waiting.” 

“I ain’t a gentleman, Angel. I thought you knew that.” 

Rhodey shakes his head. “You say that, but we both know that’s a complete lie. And don’t call me angel.” 

“I call them as I see them, Angel. Did it hurt when you fell down from heaven?” Bucky said as he started walking towards the elevator. Rhodey right by his side. 

“We both know heaven is the last place I’ll be falling from. Wait -” Rhodey suddenly says right as they’re about to reach the doors. 

Bucky frowns. “What is it?” 

“Damn, if you were words you’d be fine print.” With that, Rhodey steps in when the doors open, leaving Bucky gaping for a second before laughing and following him in. 

The coffee date was great. So great, they decided to catch a movie and then take a walk. Reluctant to let the date stop. Thinking up reasons to make it last longer until finally, they had no choice but to return home and sleep. 

They kissed that night. A quick one. A peck really. Done as an experiment to see if the attraction was truly there. It left them giddy, feeling like teenagers experiencing their first love all over again. It had them smiling silly.

They went their separate ways when Bucky’s floor came first with a promise to do this again when they got the chance.

The dates went on. The numbers grew higher and the attraction got stronger. They became exclusive long before they even uttered a word about it. It only felt natural to be. 

And if they went out to dance and the theme for that night was 50s songs and ‘Crazy He Calls Me’ by Billie Holiday is the song that happens to be playing when they think ‘I love this man’ and later they play this song for their wedding, well, it was just meant to be. 

[caltropspress]

Notes on Pink Siifu’s NEGRO

You and anybody else who wants to get their random vicarious kicks off White Power can stay the fuck away from me. 

—Lester Bangs

Tell a nazi he can suck my dick. —Pink Siifu, from “SMD”

My first contact with white america was marked by her violence, for when a white doctor pulled me from between my mother’s legs and slapped my wet ass, I, as every other negro in america, reacted to this man-inflicted pain with a cry. A cry that america has never allowed to cease; a cry that gets louder and more intense with age….A cry? Or was it a scream? —H. Rap Brown (Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin), from Die Nigger Die!

it is the hour of conflict, antagonism, struggle the world turning autumn in warpaint everything silently prepares to scream —Amiri Baraka, from “Disorder”

1.  

White institutional power operates to negate or suppress. To that end, white institutional power bestows awards on singular figures when it’s convenient. Let’s call one such example Kendrick Lamar. Pulitzer Prizing DAMN. is white institutional power taking cover. This, in no way, defangs DAMN. But it does provide crowd control. Pink Siifu, meanwhile, won’t be awarded a Pulitzer for NEGRO. If he did, I’m confident he’d pull an Adrienne Rich, telling President Clinton to choke on his National Medal for the Arts, seeing as how the U.S. gov’t drives “the demonization of our young Black men.” Siifu would be PE boycotting the Grammys on the grounds of Black invisibility. Or John Lennon relinquishing his membership in the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire because, well, empire (see: Biafra).

2.

NEGRO is what happens when Three 6 Mafia goes full bandolier, full decolonization, full Thomas Sankara. When the emphasis is on the 666 sirening[1] across white cop foreheads, reflecting off Makrolon face shields. Siifu cites and channels Sun Ra, June Tyson, Death, and Bad Brains, but you also hear the mass hysteria of Abbey Lincoln’s vocal cords trembling, of Max Roach’s We Insist! in a street brawl showdown with the LRAD. Basically, it’s Ornette blowing sax in a riot, harmolodics like incendiary devices.

3.

“FK” is the primal scream reaction of hearing the news another one of your people has been killed, snuffed out. Suffer through our screams, it says to the listener. And “out of body, out of mind” distorts what we see with what we witness. It’s the re-played, re-tweeted, re-shared visuals of Black death.

4.

At moments, NEGRO sounds like Aaron Dilloway organizing a chapter of the White Panther Party.

5.

Siifu’s lyrics are a Stokely speech draft. His artistry is prismatic, shattered pane glass: crust punk, jazz cat, marching band drummer, hood ballerina, noisemaker, bareknuckle emcee. His lyrics should be run off on the mimeo and saddle-stitched into a chapbook for Totem Press to publish.

6.

“SMD” samples from Ivan Dixon's 1973 film The Spook Who Sat by the Door (“Do you hear me, man?...I am BLACK!”). Just like dead prez sampled the dialogue before Siifu on “We Want Freedom.” Siifu and dead prez are bedfellows, for sure, but Siifu's head rests on a pillow of static. It’s the friction that electrifies.

7.

NEGRO is the art of de-arresting in audio form. As the comrades at Mask Magazine have stated, de-arrests “are beautiful,” reminding us “the law and the state are not supernatural forces.”[2]

8.

I’ve always felt uncomfortable using the word freedom. It’s a word that’s been co-opted and gutted to the point of parody. I subscribe only to a different form of freedom, one articulated in noise. Suicidal Tendencies’ “Freedumb” cuts it: “Peace through politics is a fallacy—that doesn’t exist.” Liberation more seriously expresses the extinction agenda. Poor Righteous Teachers taught the curriculum out of Trenton, on “Freedom of Death”: “Consciousness—it’s a must / Just avoid the wicked, wicked ways of this pale Caucasoid.”

Regardless, we see freedom, liberation, knife through even with Siifu’s orthography. Revolutionary thought requires revolutionary language. Ask the Combahee River Collective. Come correct. Fuck autocorrect. Remember womyn. Siifu spellings like: nxggas, eye, tyme, iono, and the evergreen ameriKKKa. The abbreviated words—eliding letters wherever possible—don’t reflect self-censorship so much as the mindmaze of a harried man. Deliberate typos demonstrate no faith in the system. It’s like if Bon Iver (see: “22 (OVER S∞∞N)”) decided to forgo BLM symbolic gestures (Mahalia Jackson) and straight-up encouraged looting. Siifu is CAPS LOCK happy, too. We’re witnessing the joy of militancy.

9.

To begin with, it must be said that former African slaves and their ancestors have been the avant-garde of everything in this country. There’s no culture in America, in this American wasteland, without us. There’s no classical music; there’s jazz, and that was invented by us. And besides that, America has nothing to offer the world and it never has. —Idris Robinson, from “How It Might Should Be Done”

Siifu in the audience of the Congress of Afrikan Peoples, and Baraka imploring him like, “Get up, Pink Siifu.” It’s nation time. But on “Nation Tyme.,” Siifu groans, I’m tired…can’t fall…asleep. Black rage, of course—but what of Black insomnia? The French revolutionaries abolished the calendar. CPT, so, is rightly weaponized. “I feel fettered by Western time,” Gregory Pardlo writes in “Colored People’s Time.” Punch clocks need punching, smashing. I saw Baraka roll up to a conference panel late as fuck once, cane-walking right down the center aisle, shameless, commandingly.

In a somnolent slur, Siifu says, “They treat me like I’m wasting away / I know I’m worth more than they pay.” What of these capitalist definitions of work? What of productivity? What does it mean to monetize every waking moment? He’s been quoted as saying, “I ain’t have to work for no white man.”[3] “Nation Tyme.” picks up there.

10.  Feel like deadmeat. They say I’m deadmeat.

“DEADMEAT” is a pig siren stuffed into an industrial-grade slaughterhouse grinder. It sounds the way Alan Vega's sculptures look—hazardous masses of electronic junk, like wires raveled inside a homemade bomb, like buzzing viscera. 

I want to see Siifu perform it at the Meat Locker, a cellar club in the underguts of Montclair, New Jersey (s/o the dramacydal Outlawz). The place is dingy and bedecked with feces—a venue befitting a GG Allin opener. GG Allin, a racist, who also hated cops. Who, on “Shove That Warrant Up Your Ass,” a track that appeared on the posthumous Brutality & Bloodshed For All album, sang, “You say I broke the laws in your state… / Your courts and cops should all be hung.” Allin hoists a headless, legless, armless torso on his hip in the cover photograph—a slab of meat. Like the Beatles with baby doll parts and prime cuts in their laps, bloodless butcher coats on the original Yesterday and Today (1966) artwork. Like the papal kill floor in Francis Bacon’s “Figure with Meat” (1954) with its tapestry of offal. But what you don’t get from Bacon, or the Beatles, or GG Allin is what Siifu needs us to hear. What Siifu tells us is the reality of corporeality is that cops continue to make carcasses of Black people.

11.

That cellar club can be scream therapy, can be cell therapy. Siifu brings us there—to the darkest, dampest corner of the Dungeon Family’s dungeon. Big Gipp, speaking self-defensively: “Try to separate me from the blood / Is disrespect like you coming in my home and not wiping your feet on the rug.” It’s echoed in Siifu addressing the question of his audience: “This [album] is for black people, but I know white people are going to fuck with it. I’m mad cool with that. I just want everyone to know, before they come through the door, that this is a black house and you have to respect my people.”[4] The theme of respect as it relates to a sense of home, to cultural tourism, is paramount in both. Everyone’s got to know their place. No listener should approach ignorant of the auction block. Siifu’s noise refuses the separation of kinsfolk and his stubbornness makes the dungeon shake—he is rightfully “tough, dark, vulnerable, moody,” and, on NEGRO, he has a “definite tendency to sound truculent.”[5]

12.  

“ON FIRE, PRAY!” eventually grinds the brakes to a cavernous slowjam pace. “Blood on my body / Blood on my face.”

13.

The racist dog policemen must withdraw immediately from our communities, cease their wanton murder and brutality and torture of black people, or face the wrath of the armed people. —caption on Huey Newton photograph

NEGRO’s album cover, painted by Junkyard, is a call-and-response. Pink Siifu is a portrait of exhaustion, slouched, shirtless like Huey was when he was released from the Alameda County courthouse in 1970. It’s a tableau like Huey in that rattan peacock chair was. Eldridge Cleaver orchestrated it, right down to the zebra rug.

If you squint, the glimmer of Siifu’s gold fronts looks like his jaw is wired shut. Of course, violent threats are routinely directed at Black people—that's how the system operates. Media is often behind the scope. Relentless orders to “shut up,” to silence yourself, police yourself. We know this from David Wojnarowicz, photographed with his lips sewn shut, blood dripping like shadows, in “(Silence = Death)” from 1989. The violent threats on queer life are kin to those on Black life. But Siifu, like Wojnarowicz, refuses the censorship. After all, those aren't wires—they're the glint of his grill. Siifu is dribbling blood, too, and those black splatters across the flag are like pen bursts—ink poisoning for all. If you squint, the mind’s eye might see the Pan-African flag.

The flag above his head recalls Jasper Johns’ flags: elliptical, non-patriotic, made slop-bucket sloppy from newspaper shreddings and other detritus, i.e. amerikkka is a trash heap. At least the stars are black in the “Flag (Moratorium)” rendition. Bullet hole dead center, too.

If all goes well, the riots going on—bless them—will go on interminably. Sly Stone’s customized flag with black in place of blue[6] and sharp solar-flared suns in place of Betsy Ross geometric stars is yet another parallel to Siifu’s flag. Like Sly, Siifu isn’t opposed to police ambushes. They both know you’ve got to grin at the gun of the devil. (“Don’t you mind people grinnin’ in your face,” Son House sings eternally.) Citizen takes on cop on “Thank You For Talkin’ To Me, Africa”: Bullets start chasin’, / I begin to stop. / We begin to tussle. / I was on the top. Just the same as Siifu on “SMD”: “Iono why eye ain’t shot ya.” Or on “run pig run.”: “Kill a cop / Left a pig dead.”

14.

We can't disparage any aggressive protest on the reductive grounds it's aggro or violent. I think of Pam Echols in Milwaukee in 1968. Siifu’s assertion of you are my enemy on “steal from the ENEMY” corresponds with Paris’s sophomore and shadowy album, Sleeping with the Enemy. Like on the corrode-ode “Coffee, Donuts, and Death”:

You get poached when you fuck with black folk. Said it ’til my voice was hoarse. I ain’t down with excessive force, But of course I wasn’t heard so I’m silent now. Black folk can’t be non-violent now. […] The only motherfucking pig that I eat is police.

Which is to say, try no pork, ameriKKKa.

15.  RE: punk

Think of Bad Brains playing CBGB’s in 1982. Lester Bangs writes of a woman in the scene who referred to Black people as “all these boons.” He tells us a Black friend of his believes the clubgoers “[strive] to be offensive however they can.” Anti-Blackness plagued CBGB’s and nascent punk like vermin, a pestilence. A white woman in the music business claims she “liked [Black people] so much better when they were just Negroes.” These anecdotes are culled from Bangs’ 1979 Village Voice piece entitled “The White Noise Supremacists.” He notes Ron Asheton’s predilection for “swastikas, Iron Crosses, and jackboots.” He cites Ivan Julian, guitarist for Richard Hell and the Voidoids—one of the few Black individuals to grace those inchoate punk stages—as saying “whenever he hears the word ‘n-----’…he wants to kill.” He calls Nico a “dumb kraut cunt” for her brazen, Third Reich-ish brand of racism, which was no industry secret. Bangs even implicates himself, quoting an earlier article: “…it’s the n-----s who control and direct everything just as it always has been and properly should be.” He meant this, somehow, as a compliment.

16.

On “we need mo color. Abundance,” there’s no innocence left in asking “tell me your favorite color.” Siifu answers rhetorically, parenthetically, melanin. Don't settle for forty acres of color—demand abundance. Take, loot in abundance. And don't be contained by the gendered parameters of “pink or blue.” “You can have any color you like” suggests the limitless possibilities if you move your mind beyond the imposed parameters.

The “favorite color” invoked on “we need mo color. Abundance” becomes abundantly clear on the following track, “BLACK!”

17.

“ameriKKKa, try no pork” starts in a slurry of radio static, news reports of Black death. Black, Black, Black, Black. Sped up. Slowed down. Drag the progress bar. “Progress,” ha.

18.

“run pig run.” See the pig / Run away / Run, pig, run. Like a Dick and Jane basal reader. Like picking your favorite color. Like a Three Little Pigs fable. Like huffing and puffing. These are childhood exploits for childhoods that aren’t allowed to be. As long as the Kenneth and Mamie Clark doll experiments keep providing the proof, there can be no childhood innocence. So it's a carnival game in the meantime: See a pig / Shoot a pig. Huffing and puffing: Run, pig, run.

19.

"myheartHURT" is the safehouse after the shooting. It's the cooldown, the chillout. The hypnagogic nightmare. It's vaporwave minus whiteness. We all know Biz had the vapors before Daniel Lopatin. As if DJ Screw was just an apparition, a codeine cloud. The fact remains, Screw's phantasmagoria hovers above all our heads.

20.

The wail of distorted police sirens introduces “Chris Dorner.,” a track gleefully indebted to Ice-T and Body Count’s “Cop Killer.” Repetition was a popular device and it still is: die, pig, die. Chris Dorner has achieved folk-hero status in anarchist circles and beyond since he waged asymmetrical warfare on the LAPD. His manifesto has been published as a zine.[7] “No one grows up and wants to be a cop killer,” he wrote. Begs the question.

21.

“faceless wings,BLACK!” nods to Frank Castle[8], a figure who may or may not be recoverable from militias and thin blue liners, despite Gerry Conway’s best efforts.

22.

White institutional power operates to negate or suppress. Pink Siifu, through NEGRO, refuses suppression and negation. Siifu delivers a hole in the head, and it’s sublime.

Footnotes:

1  “The Law comes sirening across the town.” Gwendolyn Brooks, “THE THIRD SERMON OF THE WARPLAND” from RIOT

2  “De-Arrests are Beautiful.” Mask Magazine.

3  “The Necessity of Pink Siifu’s Rage.” Marcus J. Moore. The Fader.

4  “Pink Siifu’s ‘NEGRO’ is a Riotous Mix of Jazz, Rap and Punk.” Max Bell. Bandcamp Daily.

5  Baldwin, the god.

6  “What did I do to be so black and blue?” (see: Armstrong); light a reefer and listen to the phonograph (see: Ellison)

7  Research and Destroy New York City. https://researchdestroy.com/

8  https://archive.org/details/PunisherPigs

Images:

Emory Douglas work (detail), courtesy of Sean Stewart archives | Makrolon face shield, Google Image Search result | Amiri Baraka performing at the Congress of Afrikan Peoples (screenshot) | Alan Vega light sculpture (photograph) | GG Allin Brutality & Bloodshed for All album cover | The Beatles Yesterday & Today album cover | Francis Bacon, “Figure with Meat” (detail) | Goodie Mob “Cell Therapy” (screenshot) | Splitting up a family at auction, Public Domain | Huey Newton Black Panthers Minister of Defense, photographed by Blair Stapp, 1968 | Andreas Sterzing, David Wojnarowicz (Silence = Death), 1989 | Sly and the Family Stone There’s A Riot Goin’ On album cover | Jasper Johns, “Flag (Moratorium)” | Pam Echols punching cop, 1968 (photographer unknown) | Sid Vicious, nazi (photographer unknown) | Emory Douglas work (detail), courtesy of Sean Stewart archives | Biz Markie Goin’ Off album cover | Oneohtrix Point Never Memory Vague album cover 

[suckitsurveys]

What would you call your body type? Fat.

Are you a morning person? Eh. I have to be.

Have you ever been to Target? Countless times. I miss Target :(

Do you like iced tea? Yes. I should make some. 

When is the next time you’ll be at work? I’m technically at work right now.

Do you have a savings account? Yes.

Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Yes.

What color bedsheets are currently on your bed? Light blue.

Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? Nope.

Does grammar and capitalization mean anything to you? Yes.

Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? Yes.

Do you have a dirty clothes hamper in your room? Yes.

What would you say is your favorite television show? BoJack Horseman.

Do you enjoy big holiday dinners? Yes. I’m so upset that we might not get to do that this year because of covid. Is your vision good? With my glasses on, yeah. ha.

Is there any piece of jewelry you’re constantly wearing? Earrings and my nose stud. 

What is one thing you desire as of now? For this covid shit to fucking end. And justice for Breonna Taylor. And actual equality. 

What kind of phone do you have? Galaxy S10.

If you could move anywhere, where would you choose? On a lake in the woods.

Do you blog a lot, if at all? This I guess.

Is your present hair color, natural? My roots sure as fuck are.

What makes you the most angry when it comes to people? IGNORANCE. I cannot wrap my head around people who don’t fucking give a shit about other people. 

Describe your current outfit? I’m in PJs.

What was the last thing you ordered online? A couple of outfits fro my nieces for the 4th of July per their request.

Have you ever felt as though you were drifting apart from a best friend? Yeah, and I did.

What color are your eyes? Green.

Have you ever worn color contacts? Nope.

What’s the best thing about a hug? Comfort.

Biggest fear? Having my fears used against me.

If you have a significant other, how long have you been together? 9 years.

Do you know any genuinely friendly people? Yes.

Do you buy your friends gifts? Yeah. What was the last thing you plugged in? The charger to this laptop.

How old are you? 30.

What color headphones do you own? They’re purple. I haven’t used them in a long time since I don’t go to an actual gym anymore.

Have you ever shopped at Urban Outfitters? Yeah, just a couple of times.

Where do you buy the majority of your clothing? Torrid and Target.

Would you rather wear necklaces or earrings? Earrings.

Do you consider yourself fortunate? I am in some ways.

Do you enjoy watching fights? Mark watches UFC and I occasionally catch myself getting into them.

Have you ever been in a physical fight? Not a real one. 

Do you tend to talk badly about people? I tend to talk badly about idiotic people who don’t give a shit about other people.

Where are your parents as of now? My dad is at home most likely and my mother passed away in 2013.

Does your computer cooperate most of the time? I guess.

Does your family have any cheesy traditions? Yes.

When did you last go to a book store? It’s been a while.

What’s the closest book store where you live? I think there’s a local one not far from here. How much money do you have on you right now? Physical money? None.

Favorite personal feature? My eyes and my hair.

Are you wearing make up at the moment? Nope.

Favorite television channel? I don’t have regular TV. Do Netflix and Hulu count as channels?

Describe any piercings or tattoos you might have? I have 5 piercings and 9 tattoos but I don’t feel like explaining all of them. 

Have you ever been fired from a job? No.

Are you currently losing a best friend? Eh.

Describe the worst day of your life: No.

Do you play any video games? Eh. Sometimes.

Would you say you hate anyone? Yes, my fucking brother in law.

Do you think freckles are cute? Sure.

Last time you went to the mall? Back in early March.

Name something that’s your favorite color: That’s in my favorite color? The LED lights above my couch. They’re currently purple.

Have you been to Red Lobster before? YES I miss it.

Do you judge by appearances? We all do to an extent. That’s what first impressions are.

Do you follow a certain religion? Nope. 

Who is your role model, if you had to choose? My dad.

Would you rather have nice hair or lips? Hair.

What are you most self conscious about? My stomach.

Do you have any family members who live out of town? Yeah.

Do you consider yourself short? Yes.

What room are you in? The living room.

Hoodies or jackets? Hoodies.

Are you outside a lot? Yes.

Have you ever been dumped via text message? No.

Do you like dreamcatchers? They’re pretty but they’re a Native thing so I don’t use them. 

What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? H 

Do you hate repetitive people and things? Eh, depends.

Do you think autocorrect is a blessing or curse? It can helpful and annoying at times.

Do you believe in any particular curses? Sure.

Ever play a Ouija board? Yes.

What movie scares you the most? I don’t really like movies like that.

What was your bedtime as a child? I don’t remember.

Reason why your favorite holiday is your favorite: Halloween is just so spooky and creepy and the colorssssss and even more exciting when you have kids in your life. Trick or Treating is so fun.

Do you work with any close friends? Nah.

Do you consider yourself spoiled? In some ways, yes, but I’m not a brat. I am fortunate to have very loving and caring and giving family members, my husband included.

Do you listen to any country music? I don’t not listen to country music, but there isn’t a lot I voluntarily listen to.

Favorite high school teacher: Fuck all of high school.

Do you ever get drunk? Sure. I don’t really like to often but sometimes I get caught up in what I’m doing or who I am with and end up drinking a little more than planned. But it’s not something I actively plan to do.

Have you ever had highlights before? No

Favorite number: 24.

Do you still sleep with any stuffed animals? There used to be two that chilled on the bed but they haven’t in a while. What is your biggest regret in life? Regrets are dumb.

Would you say you think you have a mental disorder of some kind? Yes.

Are you normally an independent person? For the most part.

Do you have any paintings? I do.

What is one clothing fad you wish never existed? I don’t care.

Do you like to be organized? Yes.

Have you ever failed a class before? Uh huh.

Ever been judged because of your weight? Of course.  What is your favorite breakfast cereal? Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Ever had a wish come true? Eh.

Do you regret meeting any of your exes? No.

Do you own any coloring books? Yes.

What’s the meanest thing someone’s called you? My brother in law called me “coddled” once very shortly after my fucking mother died so, that. He was saying it because I stilled lived with my father at the time, so fuck him.

Have you ever bullied someone? Not intentionally.

Do you ever watch Lifetime? No.

Ever tried to intentionally sabotage someone’s grade? I don’t think so.

Do you own any brown clothing? Yes.

What color are your walls painted? Very very light blue

Last thing you drank: Water.

Have you ever seen a tornado in person? I’ve been very very close to one.

Do you have an inground pool at your house? I fucking wish.

What is the first digit of your phone number? 1. :P  What’s the prettiest town you’ve been to? Boston.

Do you tend to sleep a lot? No.

Silver or gold jewelry? I like both.

Do you sometimes celebrate holidays early? Depends.

Have you ever been in love? Yes.

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? My nieces.

When was the last time you showered? Yesterday.

Would you consider yourself attractive? Eh. Not conventionally, no.

Has anyone made you mad today? Yes.

Favorite smell: Gardenia.

Are you afraid of insects? Not afraid. More grossed out than anything. 

Do you have any children? Nooo.

If so, what are their names? --

Would ever consider having children in the future? I don’t want to have children.

Have you ever lived on a farm? No.

Ever played any sports? Not on a team, no.

Do both of your parents have jobs? My father is retired and my mom was a stay at home mom when she was alive.

Where is the best place you’ve been on vacation to? Wilderness Resort in the Dells. GODDDDDDDD I WANNA GO.

Are you afraid people won’t accept you? Whatever.

Are you, for the most part, an honest person? Yes.

Did you make prank phone calls as a child? I did.

Do you like to make donations? Yeah.

What is your current ringtone? The Horsin Around theme song from BoJack in 8 bit. The same ringtone BoJack has in the first few seasons of the show.

Meet anyone from your past lately? How do you meet someone you already know?

Have you ever called a teen suicide line? No.

Have you ever caught something on fire? Yes.

Ever been obsessed with a show? Duh.

What type of perfume or cologne do you use? Differnt Bath and Body Works stuff.

What’s the last book you read? I’m currently kinda reading Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory by Raphael Bob-Waksberg.

Dream career: Event planner if we’re ever allowed to have events again.

Have you ever climbed a mountain before? Kinda.

At what age do you plan to get married? I got married when I was 27.

Ever been in a car accident? Yes.

[ae0nx]

MY HERO ACADEMIA SEASON 4 EPISODE 2!

Ok, I’m super hyped for this season now. Crazyyyy shit went down and I have thoughts about it that some people might not like... or maybe they might understand why I feel that way? But anyways, let’s get into it...

- I’m liking the theme song more and more after every listen. It might eventually make my top three. Sorry, ‘The Day’.

Swag. Overhaul. What a first entrance. It’s probably my favourite introduction to a villain so far besides that first full reveal of All for One. He’s just straight up pimpin’. There’s no other description. Especially with that coat.

‘I DID NOT COME TO PLAY WITH YOU, HOES’

Also, the character music they gave him was dope! Up there with All for One’s theme. The shading and colour tint - and even the line art sometimes - in his scenes were all just beautiful.

...Right. This is the moment I mostly wanted to talk about. I really loved getting this little snippet of a backstory from Magne. It honestly just made me want to find out more about her ideals and why she decided to join the League of Villains. We’re told that she basically found the League as somewhere she can comfortably belong... which I’m reading as she feels most comfortable being able to express herself as a transgender woman with the League rather than her being transgender in society. 

Which makes me raise questions as to how the transgender community is looked at in the MHA universe. We know so far of one other transgender character, Tiger, and he didn’t choose a life of villainy (instead going in the complete opposite direction) and for the most part seems accepted by others, just feared cos of how tough he is lol. I just wanna know what other motivation Magne had for becoming a villain besides her new found family.

Anyways...

...too bad we’re not gonna get that answer. 

Anime is interesting. If this was a Marvel film or any other type of western media, directors and writers would be getting dragged for killing one of two transgender characters, just seconds after we get a backstory for her. And while I don’t think we should be dragging Horikoshi’s name through the mud, I do think it’s something we should at least acknowledge. Anime has never been politically correct and over the years and I find myself excusing a lot of stuff that goes on cos I don’t feel educated or experienced or even belonging enough to Japanese culture to really critique it. Plus, I’ve gotten lax about it cos overtime I’ve just shrugged it off as ‘anime be anime’.

It just felt unfortunate that we finally get this interesting backstory for this character and suddenly they’re offed. I get someone had to die to show Overhaul meant business but... it just felt... weird. Maybe that was the whole point? ...hm.

The amount of blood. Brutal. 

- I will say I’m not totally sold on Overhaul’s English VA. I think his germ freakout moment needed to be a bit more vocally dramatic to contrast his almost monotone and low and weirdly calm voice. Especially in the one scene where Overhaul is literally breaking out in hives.

I would laugh at this if it weren’t so incredibly dark. God, I can’t wait to see more of Overhaul this season! He definitely seems like a contender and he doesn’t need over 100 quirks to prove it!

I appreciate this weird, murderous, found family! It’d be sweet if they weren’t all so twisted.

Why isn’t Bakugo allowed to do a work study? Is it cos he was kidnapped or is it cos he still needs to get his provisional licence? I’m guessing the latter. (I just wanted to acknowledge best boy cos I know he’s barely getting any screen time this half of the season).

I love this small moment. I love how human he seems now that he’s locked in Small Might form. Oh, All Might... (when he dies, it’s gonna be a sad few months for me)

BIG THREE. AND BEST BOIIIII

...Dis boi. <3

- Also, I love the English VA for Mirio! His ‘AWWWW YEAHHH’, is one of my top moments this episode

- Mirio being All Might’s secret son and asking Izuku why he wants to be a hero. What a good boy! :’)

I LOVE ME SOME DOMESTIC CLASS 1A! Having them move into dorms was the best autocorrect decision, I dunno why Horikoshi didn’t just make UA a boarding school in the first place. Especially as I find the reasoning for making them move into dorms a bit nonsensical but anyways.

The start of a beautiful and reluctant friendship. :)

... ‘anime be anime’

- Also, is it just me or is she basically just a blue version of Cheelai from DBZ: Broly?

Lol wtf?! There’s something fucked up about this, but without it going completely 18+ and I can’t put my finger on it exactly. ...‘Anime be anime’? 😂

I’m dyingggg. I hate how much I love this show haha

Overall, this was a dope episode. The first half was definitely better than the second half but it still was awesome and I just can’t wait till we get into the nitty gritty of this Overhaul arc. Shit’s about to go down!

[riseofmoonxchild]

b i t t e r ⬴ ʇ ǝ ǝ ʍ s // chapter two

➴pairing – jimin x reader – taehyung x reader – [ft. namjoon]

➴genre – fluff // angst

➴theme – college!au // jimin!barista // taehyung!artist

You developed a little crush on the barista at your local coffee shop, Jimin. While you start going to the cafe regularly, thinking it as harmless and innocent, you don’t realize that your interest in him will catch the attention of Taehyung, the most-liked boy in school. As the two of them stir up an almost espresso-and-milk-kind-of element to your school life and study load, you find yourself involved in a more complicated situation than you were prepared for.

»listen to the bittersweet playlist titled “coffee shop boy” here.

« y i n and y a n g »

✰

You pulled your hair up into a ponytail as you walked past the staff that filtered people coming into Club Avenue. Namjoon followed after you, and immediately fixed the tiny pieces of your hair that were sticking out weirdly, as if instinctive.

“Thanks,” you said, tightening your ponytail.

Namjoon just scanned the room, with the same serious/contemplative look that he had on his face the majority of the time. Sometimes, that was just his facial expression, and you teased him for it. But this time, he was probably more serious than he should have been, considering this night was meant for both of you to have fun together.

“Who are you looking for?” You first looked in the same direction as him, then peered over to look at his face to get his attention. He made eye contact with you, still distracted.  

“Nah, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” But the more he tried to be chill about it, the more skeptical you became. You knew that sometimes he would only come with you because he didn’t want you to be alone, and because he was worried about the type of guys he knew came here. But he was usually calm about it, and right now he seemed kind of on-edge. Like there was someone particular he was being wary of.

He started pushing you further into the room, along the edge where the bar was, but close enough to the center that you could join in with the dancing, which he knew was what you preferred. “Let’s just do what we came here to do.”

You knew that Joon would be at the bar, not really drinking, but still, he said he liked the atmosphere and talking to people with their guards down. Dancing wasn’t really a possibility for him, not in public, at least. He would only dance if it was just the two of you.

Tonight he was especially tense, so you turned around to grab the wrist of the hand he had lightly touching your back. “You’re dancing with me tonight, then.”

He just scoffed. “That’s not happening.”

You just became even more determined, and asked for two shots from the bartender. You handed the soju to Namjoon, who just blankly stared between you and the glass in his hands a few times. “Let’s do what we came here to do-” you mimicked his words, trying to remind him: “have fun.”

You raised your eyebrows in slight impatience, signaling for him to drink it. He gave you a mixed confused look, like for some reason he couldn’t figure what was up with you, and then leaned his head back to drink it in one gulp.

You grabbed the next one, gave it to Namjoon, and stared at him, waiting. “This one’s for me too?” He asked, looking somewhat frighteningly surprised.

“Well I’m not the one who needs it right now, am I?”

After he finished, Namjoon had just enough time to slam the glass onto the counter, as you were dragging him into the sea of people—a bold action in and of itself. Even though he didn’t like getting this up close with people, and you knew it, he let you, because Namjoon knew you needed it more than he did. And you knew that too.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Jimin ran his hand through his hair, head down. This wasn’t usually his scene, but Tae always dragged him to these places.

Taehyung was talking to two girls that had walked up to him, while Jimin was by the bar, just out of ear shot. Jimin didn’t even mind that he wasn’t in the conversation, it was more comfortable that way. But they kept glancing over at him, from the other side of his friend.

This continued on for some time, until it came to a point where Jimin was too flustered or uncomfortable, that every time he noticed it happening, he just sipped his drink, or looked nonchalantly in the other direction—or both. He wasn’t really interested in conversations that were pointless, or with people who just wanted something from you.

Jimin caught his own sideways glances at Tae, who was intently invested in the conversation. He would laugh, the kind of laugh that was so deep and repeated, where he scrunched his eyes, you knew it was genuine. Or he would gesture with his hands, flailing them around, and you could tell by his voice he was trying to convince his listeners of something, like his life depended on it. Or he just randomly threw in low key meme faces where they fit in the conversation.

Jimin didn’t even know what they were talking about for the whole time, but he knew this was why girls, or everyone, liked Taehyung, while he had an uncanny fan-club-like following. Tae never judged anyone, he was always kind and any kind of person could talk to him easily. He talked to everyone like he knew them. If they were lifelong friends or complete strangers, there wasn’t much of a difference in how he interacted with them. He just made people feel worthwhile. Like their time was the most precious thing to him in that moment.

Jimin didn’t understand how he did it, but that was just Tae, a naturally genuine person. It came flawlessly. It was the reason why they were friends; Taehyung was one of the few people Jimin trusted so easily.

People just enjoyed being in Tae’s presence. But Jimin knew, that a lot of the time, they also were gaining something for themselves by talking with him. There were particular people that wanted to raise their social status somehow. And because Taehyung easily made friends, he knew students who were established by their families’ social statuses, he befriended them, without a second thought. This just made it easier for those seeking to climb the social ladder, if they really persisted, since Taehyung was so easy to approach.

Not everyone was like that, but Jimin became skeptical more often than not. He hated the fact that someone would try to take advantage of Taehyung.

“A-hooo,” Taehyung interjected in his own conversation. “Sorry guys, I should probably watch my friend more closely. Looks like Jimin-ah needs my attention.” Tae flashed an apologetic smile to the girls he had been talking to, as he made his way over to Jimin and took the drink out of his hands.

While Tae had been talking to the two girls for some time, he also had talked to three others since he’d been here—some he knew, some he didn’t. But he always managed some kind of an excuse after about ten, fifteen minutes.

“Yah, why do you even come to these places if you don’t want to talk to anyone?” Jimin started feeling the heat coming off his face, flushed pink, as he realized how much he had ended up drinking over the past hour.

He never told Taehyung how he felt about some of the people he associated with.

“I like talking to you,” he countered playfully, “that’s why I came with you.” His eyes disappeared and he just leaned against the bar, sipping Jimin’s drink, as he watched people out on the dance floor enjoying themselves.

Jimin just shot the boy a questioning, sideways look. He sat on the stool, leaning back and mimicking Tae, tilting his head up to stare at the ceiling, as his body suddenly felt loose and heavy. Soon enough, he couldn’t even fight to keep his eyes open, and he dozed off to the beat of the DJ’s music as his lullaby.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Jimin was too asleep to catch Taehyung’s realizing the girl—who came into Jimin’s coffee shop almost everyday—was there. He was too asleep to see Taehyung, with a cutely amused smile tugging the edge of his mouth, and a look in his eyes that Jimin had never seen before.

Taehyung had never felt like he was able to invest his interest in many people—except for Jimin, an exception. But it was kind of impossible, considering the scene she was making, wrapped up in her own little world. And something made Taehyung want to enter into that world.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

You laughed, seeing Namjoon let loose and flail freely in the middle of other people’s dancing, not nearly as passionate as him. Joon could actually dance pretty well—albeit a little uniquely—but with how much he wanted to make you laugh and have fun, combined with his facial expressions, people weren’t sneaking glances because they thought he was good.

The more you laughed, the more into it he got.

But you joined in with his dorky dance moves, and you were pretty sure you caught him laughing at you a few times.

You couldn’t keep track of how long you had been there dancing—you never really did because you always got too caught up in it—but at some point you caught a glimpse of Taehyung. You usually never crossed paths with him in these places, outside of school. Something inside your stomach flipped, and then stayed there like a dead weight, making you feel nauseous. Before you knew that your body was moving, you grabbed Joon’s wrist, exiting Club Avenue as fast as you could break through the crowd.

☾——————————————————————————————————☽

A/N: i’ve been slightly struggling through this already, b/c autocorrect wants to change jimin’s name to ‘jimmy’ everytime, and i just can’t, aha.

anyway, this chapter is kinda setting the stage for future conflict—which i’m prolly more excited for than i should be, aha—but there’s definitely way more fluffy moments in the future of “bittersweet”—ya know i can’t resist. also just imagining tipsy jimin is way too cute i can’t help it uwu

—moonie☾✧

☽

→ preview // prev. // chapter two  // next

→ "coffee shop boy” playlist

⋆

taglist: @monvieesdaebak

[shuuv]

Kusuhara Week Chapter One, Riot Police

The door closed with a ‘click’. Kusuhara Takeru just returned from the General Affairs Office of the Ministry Of Defence. He leaned on the door and slid down and sat on the floor. The envelope that was in his hand was white, with no scribblings, writing or stamps on it. Sighing, he dropped the envoloped and hugged his knees and thought for awhile. How could he just leave the Riot Police cause the head of another department invited him.

Thinking back, most of his time in the Riot Police was somewhat wasted. He learnt the basics, but that was all. He was never good in things relating to rhythm and all its family and being invited to a richer department with a higher pay? Others would think that he bribed the head of the Census Division of Tokyo Regional Legal Affairs Annex Beureay 4. But, he never would haveーnether did he have the money.

But he would never have thought of a more ridiculous idea. But, training days in the Riot Police were memorable, to say the least. Meeting Tamura-San and all his batch mates.He closed his eyes, and thought for awhile.

The first day he entered the Riot Police, he was put under Squad 1. He recalled looking at the listings at the front of the building. He was put under Atsushi Tamura’s Squad. After an hour of administrative stuff, he finally met his Squad mates. For the first few weeks, he was briefed that they were working in 6-Man-Squads. His team comprised of Team Captain, Tamura Atsushi and 4 others.

Nervously looking around the room, it was oddly quiet. No one was conversing or saying anything.

“Ehem.”

Snapping out of their revire, they looked at Tamura.

“I am Tamura Atsushi, the leader of your Squad, Squad 1. I will be training you all into being fine cadets for the Riot Police. Nice to meet you all.”

They replied in unison and introduced themselves.

“Uh, My name’s Kusuhara Takeru and I’m turning 19 this year. I grew up in Furano, Hokkaido and came to Tokyo for High School, it is nice to meet you all!”* Followed by a 90° bow. The rest chuckled.

For awhile, it seemed like a boy’s club. Meeting one another and and introducing themselves. It was obvious that Kusuhara was the youngest of them all. As such, they probably felt that they were more superior compared to Kusuhara, and that very well seemed to be the case. But, they were all new cadets in the Riot Police and had no rights to bully him. They were all of the same rank.

Thinking about it, age may be more of a benefit than a handicap. He had more energy, could work for more years, is still used to learning and may have the higher-ups not biased to him. He could also have bragging rights if he got a higher position at a young age! Just kidding. But still, he is the most inexperienced of them all. And that’s a fact no one can change.

The first few weeks were…Well… Tough would be an understatement. They trained harshly, 6 days a week. Their only day-off was Sunday but Kusuhara spent most of that time helping out in the Riot Police’s office. Constantly wanting to learn more and be closer to the seniors at the Riot Police was ideal to him. Since, travelling back home to Furano was tiring to say the least, he could roughly stay around half an hour anyways. If he stayed later than that, he would definitely be punished for 1. Not reporting back in time. 2. Wanting to do such a risky thing and 3. He would probably be so fatigued he couldn’t focus and eventually screw up.

His seniors already knew that Kusuhara Takeru was a klutz and often did somewhat careless trips and mistakes. However, his charming personality led him to be close to everyone in the Riot Police. Not just his Squad and seniors, but his batch mates, the janitors, the lunch lady and those working in the General Affairs of the Riot Police.

Charming he was, coordination, he wasn’t. That’s right, the biggest flaw about him would be the fact that he can’t fight well in teams, synchronized motions or unified marching.

‘Knock knock.’

A knocking sound was heard. Kusuhara opened his eyes to see that he had fallen asleep and dropped the envelope on the floor.

‘Knock knock.’ The sound came back. That was when he realized that he had a visitor. Flustered, he tidied himself up and rubbed his face a couple of times before opening the door with a ‘creak’ sound.

“You look a mess.”

He would’ve never forgotten that voice. It belonged to Tamura Atsushi, his Squad leader and most supportive senior.

“Ah! Tamura-San! Uh…Ah… Please, come in! I’ll prepare some tea.” He said, attempting to help the now crutches dependent Tamura, but he refused.They settled at the dining table and started having an average chat before Tamura revealed the reason of his visit.

“Kusuhara, you went to the office today right? And I’m assuming it’s not to help the seniors there, but to get a transfer letter.”

A somewhat shocked Kusuhara hesitantly nodded.

“Don’t be surprised. Gento** told me”

He relaxed just a little.

“Like when we talked in the hospital, you should join that Tokyo Regional Annex 4 something. You’ll be great there!”

“Tamura-San, I’m still unsure. Like the guys we saw that day at the bank. What if I can’t control this 'power’? What if I hurt someone?”

“You went to collect the letter. Its already confirmed. Don’t worry bout it no more. You’re going over, like it or not. Imagine how weird it’d be if you went back and said you weren’t transferring. I’d like to believe that the rest of the Squad is preparing something for you. To tell them that your staying maybe a waste of their efforts, won’t it?”

Surely, a conversation that he decided to cancel his prestigious invitation would shock others.

“But Tamura-San! You’re still-”

“I resigned.”

There was an awkward silence for awhile. From Kusuhara’s shocked face, Tamura could tell that it was unheard of to Kusuhara. He was probably thinking 'It’s my fault Tamura-San had to resign.’

“Even without crutches, I’ll be an ankle limp. Continuing in the Riot Police be’d a death wish. I’ll probably work in General Affairs though. Stop hesitating. Go to this Annex Berau 4. You’ll make everyone in the Riot Police proud. And send me some letters once in awhile. I still don’t know the magic behind technology”

That face was one Kusuhara would never forget. After that day, he saw Tamura one more time. Since then, it was unfortunate they’d never meet again.

*I just assumed. Furano is one of the northern parts of Hokkaido annd I took half a day to travel there. When I did, I was so tired I didn’t even want to eat.

** Gento is one of Kusuhara’s batch mates and close friend, a little like the Hidaka of Scepter 4. Gento’s full name is Kagatsu Gento and he will make another appearance in the following drabbles(?)

Im so late ^^;;. I wanted to do some art but spent too much time so I did writing instead, since no one’s doing it yet…I think. Im going to post the days I missed today and it’ll all correspond with the theme of each day. Some errors here and there since my phone is am autocorrect machine. Thanks for reading and give some feedback, Kay? (；´∀｀)

[cassie-archive-blog]

A LOVE ONLY WE UNDERSTAND ➝ CASSCASS.

TAGGING ➝ Cassidy Holliday, Cassius Holliday.

LOCATION ➝ Their hotel room.

TIME FRAME ➝ 1/27 (2025), late night.

WARNINGS ➝ Very brief violence mention.

NOTES ➝ Cassius picks Cassidy up from the club, breaks some guy’s jaw, then they fix their issues.

Cassie should've probably thought to bring a jacket with her, given the fact that she wasn't a teenager anymore, and didn't need to show skin to have people notice her. She didn't even want anyone to notice her, in fact. She just wanted to get away from the hotel to save herself the disappointment of not having Cassius walk through the door, and couldn't think of anywhere else to go. Like he'd said, she needed to start realizing that people had time for her, but that was a flaw she would probably never quite get over. The moment she'd started texting her husband, Cassie had stepped away from the stage, the crowd, and everything that reminded her where she was. She'd just sat outside of the door, kind of freezing her ass off in the tiny black crop top she was wearing and skintight pants to match. She was sure Cassius wouldn't love her outfit, but it was probably the least of their worries. All she wanted was for them to fix everything now, and of course for her head to stop spinning.

Aiden had a lot running through his mind and it was beginning to get overwhelming, yet when Cassie asked him to pick her up he couldn't refuse. Yes, he was still pissed, but that didn't mean he could justeave his wife outside of a club for God knows how long. So, he told her he'd be there and he was. Granted, Cassie didn't need to know about what he was going to do when he got there. There was already a man on his mind when he thought back to Cassius video, one who was being extremely handsy with her. So, when Cassius arrived, he spotted his wife before parking and getting out of the dark. "Get inside, cass" He said, once he was close enough to be in ear shot of her, he was letting his anger fuel him as he swiftly made his way inside and zoned in on his target. This felt like a blast from the past, from when he saw Cassie again for the first time after all those years. When he spotted the man, he realized that there was more than one thing he'd be reliving. Cassius didn't hesitate before walking over and rearing his hand back before sling shooting it forward and colliding with the other man's jaw. "That's for touching my fucking wife" He spat, but of course the guards had something else to say on his rage outburst

Cassie wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to fight off the cool breeze, and as she saw her husband pull up, she did everything she could not to sway on the spot too much. Thanks to having turned off autocorrect, he knew she was hammered already, but she didn't need him to physically see how bad she was. It went to no avail, though, especially not when he breezed right past her. "What?" she questioned, thinking back to his last text message. All she'd really noticed was that he hadn't told her he loved her back, and the rest of it had gone right over her head. He'd told her he wanted to go in there, though, so she whirled around in time to watch him make a beeline for the guys by the stage. She should've guessed really, and bit back a sigh as she watched his fist meet the stripper's face. Cassie knew there was no point in even trying to intervene, so she just stood and waited, giving the security guys a sympathetic look as they marched over to him.

Aiden had to have known what was coming next but in truth he jdidnt give a flying fuck. It felt good to hit that guy and he got another blow in to, before he felt a grip on his shoulder and looked back to see very two familiar faces. Jesus Christ, these guys were still here? Cassius thought for a distracted moment before he felt himself being shoved by a very angry stripper. He was ready to brawl again when the body guards stepped in and literally began carrying him put, he probably would have fought back had his wife's eyes not been on him. Aiden felt himself being tossed outside in a very familiar fashion as he heard theme life. "I can't believe she actually married that idiot" One bellowed out and the other laughed along. "I don't know why you're laughing, you totally owe me 50 bucks" The rest of the conversation was blurred as he stood himself up and wiped himself pff. At least he got some of his aggression out on that guys face so, there was that to be thankful for. Though, he was sure he had fucked something up in process and it wasn't far from over, him and Cassie had things to do cuss back at the hotel room and he wasn't exactly looking forward to it

Cassie knew that being at the strip club probably made this whole night worse. If she'd been at any other club, it would've been bad enough, but at least there wouldn't have been strippers there. At least Cassie wouldn't have been up on stage and received the kind of attention that she had. One good thing about it, however, was that because a lot of the staff members knew her, security included, at least it would mean Cassius wouldn't be in too much trouble for flipping out like he had. It still wasn't fun to see her husband thrown out onto the sidewalk like that, and Cassie made sure to glare real hard at the guards as they walked away. Their conversation was fucked up, but Cassie knew she and Cassius had much bigger things to worry about, so she just walked unsteadily over to him, pulling him up from the ground. "Are you okay?" she asked, a semi-annoyed look on her face as she helped him to the car, her arm wrapped securely around his waist. Him being there helped to steady her, too. It was safe to say that getting them both into the car really wasn't a fun task, though it still beat the silent ride back to their hotel, with Cassie leaning against the cool window with her eyes closed, trying not to throw up. Soon enough, though, they were where they needed to be, and Cassie had no idea what to say. She just sat on the edge of their hotel bed, looking away from her husband and hoping he'd start.

Aiden hadn't been aware of much of anything else after they had gotten themselves to the car and had driven all the way back to the hotel. Bow he found himself getting her some water and handing it to her as she sat on the edge of the hotel bed. There was a lot to say and quite frankly he didn't even know where to start, but hell, he had to say something. "I don't take it you saw how wrecked I left that guy, huh?" He smirked at the memory himself, knowing that it wasn't the best line of topic but whatever. "Talk to me. Cass. What's going on in that head of yours because I'm completely out of the fucking loop. I feel like I don't even know what you want anymore" Cassius sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He hears her when Cassie says she didn't mean it and that she's slrry, but apart of him wonders if she really did mean what he said and just used her sisters words to give her that push

Cassie frowned up at her husband, finally meeting his gaze as she took the water from him. “Yeah, I saw. You’re going to get your ass arrested one of these days,” she said, her words slightly slurred, though she was able to control them for the most part. Hopefully, the water would help to sober her up at least a little bit. Taking a long sip from the bottle as he spoke, she listened, trying to think of how to word what she wanted to say. Like she’d said before, it was difficult for her to really talk about things. Not just with Cassius, but with everyone. She was trying, though, and she knew she needed to try harder. “I told you what’s going on with me,” she finally said, glancing down at the water bottle as she balanced it on her thigh. “There are a lot of things going on with me, and I told you all of them. But I guess on top of that, it kind of just comes down to the fact that I miss you.” She took a breath, unable to not roll her eyes at herself. “I know it sounds so pathetic, but I just miss you when you’re not here. I should never have said what I said, I just got in my head about everything.” She finally looked up at him. “I know there’s no one else. I know that you love me. I also know that I definitely don’t want a divorce. I just miss you, that’s all.”

Aiden sighed and took in all of her words and he swears he believes her but he can't get the word divorce out of his head, the way she said it making it sound so finally. Like him running away all those u ears ago is coming to bite him in the ass all in one go and he's mad about it. God is he possed, but he can't be because Cassie hasn't had it easy either and he knows that. What kind of man does that make him to not understand that his wife has faced struggles that not many people had and coming back to a place that just reminds you of the darkest times on your life. But she still said it, she still went to the strip club and got drunk and maybe punching that guy helped but then why does he feel like he's still losing an ongoing battle? When Cassie says she misses him he sighs and drops to his knees in front of her. "Cassie, I'm right fucking here. I will always be right here. Even when it feels like I'm not. I know you're going through a lot and I understand thay, I swear I do. But you fucking threatened to leave me without warning and I know ow I did the same stupid shit to you years ago but we were kods. We had no idea where we were going, what we were doing. We'really adults now and I took that shit fucking seriously" He sighs, taking her hands in his own. "You can't throw around the word divorce because enough miss me. Talk to me. Tell me what you fucking need because I sure as shit can't read your mind. You wanna quit your job and come touring with me? That's fantastic, we'Lloyd leave tomorrow. But don't let other people change your view on things just because things seem like they're changing"

Cassie knew that she’d fucked up, and she knew she’d upset him, but she didn’t realize how badly. She figured he’d just been really pissed that first night when this had all happened and he’d left, just like she was when she’d called him and flipped out for no reason. She didn’t realize how much she’d hurt him, and all she could do was stare as he dropped to his knees in front of her. “I would never leave you, Cassius,” she said softly, her voice a little raspy given all of the yelling over the music in the club. She shook her head, keeping eye contact with him. “I know it was a long time ago when you left, but every time you leave for work now and I know that I’m not going to see you for a little while, it kind of just brings that all back.” Cassie allowed her husband to take her hands, holding onto his gently. If he wanted to know what she needed, she figured she could tell him. It made sense to get everything out there right now to save them revisiting it, anyway. “I need more time with you. I know that you’re doing what you love, and I want to be able to see it. I need to quit my job because it’s really fucking with my health.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek, feeling way too vulnerable already, given how difficult she found it to talk about things like this, but she could do it. “I need you. And I’m so sorry for throwing around that word like it’s nothing. You’re right, I would’ve fucking murdered you if you’d done that to me. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I do know I didn’t mean it. Just tell me how I can show you that and I will.”

Aiden didn't want to be so angry and in truth, he was a lot less upset than with this fight first started. It was the about the blame and how many times they could throw it around, it was about the fact that Cassie threw around a word like it was nothing and maybe Cassius was missing a lot of signs he should have been zoning in on. Maybe Cassie wasn't always excited for him when he went off on tour and he could understand that, he hates it for her. But until recently, Aiden thought she enjoyed her job, now come to find out it was actually one of the core routes to what was going on with her. "I'm going to need you to listen to me very carefully. I didn't put a ring on that finger for shits and giggles you're fucking Cassidy Holliday and that's how it's going to be.I'm not leaving. Not again. Not like before" He sighed, nodding his head to her request because he knew they were simple. "Just come with me. We'Lloyd travel the world together, go on tours. Whatever you need from me, cass. Whatever you need and it's yours." Cassius looked at her and tolled his eyes. "Of I even thought about the word divorce youD hear it and kick my ass so yeah, I'm a little smarter than that" Aiden said with a. Chuckle and then sighed again. Moving to sit beside her. "I don't know, cass. I just--I didn't like it. I don't like that that's where your mind went when you're upset with me and I know you said you didn't mean it, I get that..I just. You're not the only one who freaks out at the thought of someone leaving"

Cassie and Cassius had always been way more similar than either of them would probably care to admit. They’d both suffered shitty pasts, they’d both fallen in love with their best friend despite how terrifying it was to open themselves up to each other like that, and they both had to deal with all of the time they spent apart now. It was hard for both of them, and maybe now was the first time Cassie was realizing that. This didn’t just suck for her, it sucked for him, too. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be smiling yet or not, because she knew she’d hurt him, and she knew he was angry, but she couldn’t help the faint smile that appeared on her lips as he spoke, reminding her of who she was and how he wasn’t going anywhere. “I’ll come with you,” she nodded, “I would love to get to be there to watch you doing what you love to do. You just might have to hold me back from any fangirls that try to get a little too close to you, that’s all.” She was mostly teasing about that last part. Hearing Cassius chuckle made Cassie feel a little better about the situation, like it was finally beginning to be fixed. She refused to let go of his one hand as he moved to sit beside her, keeping her fingers laced through his, though she dropped the other, simply looking at him as he spoke. The realization that he was scared of her leaving made her feel both terrible and somewhat comforted. Mostly the former, though. Giving him a sympathetic smile, she reached her free hand over to cup his cheek, turning his face towards her own. “I promise, I would never leave you. I have always been here, and I’m always going to be.” Her fingertips gently brushed against his cheek, her eyes scanning his face. “I want to kiss my husband, but you didn’t tell me you loved me back earlier, and I’m not sure I could handle you pulling away from me. So kiss me first.”