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m0ther-of-p3arl · 2 years ago

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flying is a state of mind

(robert aeor high au p5)

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anyway im super proud of this one i think it turned out very well and it was fun to kinda dive into a bit of scott's memories and deeper backstory. hope you like!!!

It’s really kind of nice having a new friend, Scott supposes. The last time he’s felt this excited to go to school was when Shelby joined the friend group, and that was about three years ago. Scott’s been stuck with the same people for a long time- not that he doesn’t enjoy hanging out with them, obviously he does, but it’s a much-needed breather to have something different.

or, Scott is on the way to Jim's house (so he can go to the movies with Jimmy and Joel, but that's next update) and we meet Beks for the first time :000

(4257 words)

TW: internalized homophobia, self-hate, flashbacks of past abuse, etc

It’s been almost a month since Jimmy’s arrived at school, and Scott has to admit, he’s grown quite fond of the avian, who’s almost seamlessly fit into their friend group- mainly because Scott tries to make sure he’s invited to everything. Shelby loves him like a little brother, and he and Joel have got on famously (honestly surprising to Scott) ever since an incident at lunch where Jimmy made Joel laugh so hard that his chocolate milk had snorted out of his nose.

Owen, on the other hand… Scott’s pretty sure no one else has noticed, except for maybe Jimmy himself, but Owen is, to put it lightly, not as excited about a new member of the friend group as everyone else seems to be. Scott’s not sure what it is, but he supposes that after five years of being someone’s best friend, you kind of just feel what they’re feeling instinctively.

Now, the thing is, Scott really likes Jimmy- he’s funny, he’s sweet, he’s gotten Scott out of a breakdown spot more than once. Jimmy is quickly climbing up his friend tier list, and he’s sure that Owen can tell how much Scott’s enjoying Jimmy’s company.

In fact, Scott’s pretty sure that Owen’s jealous, as silly as that is. Scott can’t imagine his life without his best friend there by his side, laughing on their walks to school, smirking at all his dumb jokes. But Jimmy’s different- refreshing to be around, kind of like a breath of fresh air after being stuck in the same room, repeating the same patterns, for so long. He’s not a better friend than Owen, not even close, but he’s… new. And that always has an effect on the way he perceives people.

Of course, though his life’s gotten just so, so much better since the avian’s arrival, there is still his situation at home. His mom’s always away leading her cult, and his father is bearing down harder than ever, telling Scott to stay away from his friends, to stay inside. Many times, he’s almost found out about Jimmy, and Scott can’t quite put a finger on why he thinks so, but he’s certain that his father can not find out about the canary.

Scott tries to get out of the house as much as he can, to get away from Father, but it’s hard, and he often feels weird initiating activities within his friend group. So most of the time, he just sits quietly upstairs in his room, hoping and praying that his father doesn’t come in and find him on his phone.

Scott isn’t supposed to have a phone, but Joel bought it for him a couple years back, and he’s had it ever since. It’s always a much-needed reprieve from his stressful home life to just hop on to the group chat and talk about the silliest things for a few hours, or even just a few minutes.

He’s the one who insisted Jimmy be added to the group chat after a week of hanging out with him at school, much to Owen’s chagrin. Shelby had seemed ecstatic about the idea, and Joel just as chill with everything as ever. After two weeks, Scott and Jimmy had a private chat, just the two of them, which was something kinda new for them both- Jimmy’s never had a friend til recently, and Scott’s only ever had a private text with Owen.

There are still a lot of things he doesn’t know about Jimmy, of course, a lot of things he’s too scared to ask, because he’s grown to value their friendship greatly and doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. Scott’s pretty sure that he and Jimmy have some sort of silent agreement not to bring up their first conversation- Jimmy doesn’t ask about Scott’s eyes or why he still needs to wear shades if he can’t turn things to stone (Scott’s certain he’s wondered this at least a few times), and Scott doesn’t ask about it when Jimmy mentions how he’s just learnt to fly and other things like that.

He’s thinking about all this today as he runs his morning jog route, something he’s started up in the past few weeks to get away from home on the weekends. It works remarkably well; he can leave on his jog and then go meet up with his friends, be out of the house all day, and his father’s none the wiser.

Today, he’s going to the movie theater with Jimmy and Joel, as Shelby has Gnome New Year and Owen canceled as soon as he heard Jimmy would be there- though Jimmy’s the one who initiated it, so he should’ve known anyway. Scott wishes that Owen and Jimmy could just get on a bit better, but at least Owen has Lilith, his enbyfriend, to vent to this all about- it’s just difficult to juggle the two clashing personalities.

He runs faster, his legs burning and his snakes hissing quietly in his ear, urging him to keep going. Making sure to push up his shades, Scott takes a long sip from his water bottle, pushing himself to go further, faster, his blood beginning to boil. Maybe he’ll burn away everything he hates about himself, maybe the fire will cleanse him, melt the ice, make him who he’s supposed to be.

He wonders what his friends would think of him if one day, he showed up perfect, just how he’s always wanted to be. He’s certain that then, they’d look to him as the leader, and he’d be able to make it so Owen and Jimmy would be friends, and he’d finally be able to stop thinking about the canary who dominates his mind night and day.

Scott slows to a stop, breathing heavily with his hands on his legs, bracing himself to stay upright. His sweat drips off his face, landing in patterns on the pavement that merge with the rain that’s beginning to fall, gently, from the sky, cascading onto the lake beside him. The ice is finally beginning to melt; it’s too cold for early April. It hasn’t snowed in months, and yet somehow, it’s still consistently below freezing during the day, as well as at night. Scott could really do with some sunshine, the coming of spring always seems to set him right.

The drops fall down from the sky, causing him to shiver. He really needs to get to Jimmy’s: that’s where they’re meeting up, though Scott’s never been to Jimmy’s house before, and the avian seemed quite hesitant to make that their meeting place. But Joel’s sister has some sort of soccer thing and obviously, Scott’s house is completely out of the question.

So to Jimmy’s he runs, pulling out his phone and checking the address to make sure he’s on the right route to… what was it- ah, right; 156 Norman Flick Avenue. Fantastic. Scott has no idea where the heck that is, so he pulls up Gugol Maps, luckily finding he’s traveling in about the right direction. But it’s almost 11:00 in the morning, and he needs to hurry if he wants to be there on time.

It’s at times like this that Scott curses himself for choosing to run everywhere, because it’s just another one of his stupid decisions, and he misses feeling good about himself, he misses feeling like he’s worth something. But he’s not and that’s the hard part: remembering that all those times in elementary school, when he kissed boys and ran around getting mud all over his clothes, only serve to incapacitate him now.

Owen knows about the mud part, everyone does, they laugh at his school pictures where his snakes almost always had chips of the stuff stuck between their scales, Scott’s gap-toothed grin happier than anyone’s seen him in years. But no one knows about the time when he and a kid he’d met at a field trip to the zoo in Laurtentown, a city slightly south of the one Scott lives in, had kissed in the corner by the lion exhibit.

Scott remembers the boy had been about his age at the time, so eight, maybe a little younger, and had been walking around with his- well, at the time Scott had assumed they were his parent, but he remembered how the boy had looked to them with almost reverence, as if they had the absolute final say, which just doesn’t feel like the way one would look at a parent. But of course, he wouldn’t know anything about parents, would he…

Scott could barely convince the boy to leave them when they had started talking. Somehow, he had gotten the boy, who’d been wearing a huge sweatshirt that made it hard to judge his species- all Scott remembers is the shock of scruffy blonde hair and huge, trusting brown eyes- to follow him with his class, and they had ended up kissing in front of the lion exhibit.

It was just a tiny, experimental peck on the lips, the kind that all people try out at some point in their childhood- and yet Scott remembers how the boy’s eyes had widened, and how he had run off immediately after, seemingly quite spooked. Scott had called after him, wondering if he’d done something wrong, but the boy hadn’t turned back.

Scott’s wanted to find that boy for a long time since, but he doesn’t even know his species; and if the other boy was to try to find him, Scott hadn’t needed his shades yet, and he’d been wearing a hat: the only way the boy would be able to identify him would be from his features alone, which have changed a lot since then. His eyes have gotten more cyan, his temperament a lot more anxious and depressed.

He’s lost the innocence he had when he was a child, he’s lost the feeling that he’s okay, the knowledge that there’s someone out there who loves him. There is no one who loves him. How could anyone, when he’s this, this aberration, cyan where he should be green, wrong where he should be right, thinking of boys when he should be of girls?

How could he ever be anything but a mistake? He can feel tears prickling up behind his eyeballs, but he won’t cry, he can’t cry, then he’ll just be proving that he’s even weaker than everyone already knows- oh, god, he hasn’t cried since his powers came in, has he. It’s been a long, long time.

It was third grade, and Scott had just turned nine. Gorgon petrification comes in at ages eight to twelve, depending on genetics and environmental factors, and Scott’s doctor had predicted that, based on his father and other relatives, his powers would activate when he was about nine. So obviously, on his ninth birthday, he jumped out of his bed and ran down the stairs with excitement.

Had his powers come in? Could he petrify things? He hadn’t known, and it had made him giddy just thinking about how cool he might be now, cooler than Kymora, another gorgon who he’d had an intense rivalry with at that point. He would show them all. Just because his snakes and eyes were a weird color didn’t mean he’d be weird. He was just special. At that point, his father hadn’t been as strict and criticizing as he is now, but he’d still been quite expecting of his son- and Scott didn’t want to let him down.

But his situation with Father didn’t get really, genuinely bad until that morning, the day he’d turned nine, when he ran down the stairs, and upon reaching the bottom, had keeled over and nearly passed out. His eyes had hurt, he remembers, the pain intense and freezing. It felt like someone had been poking them out with an ice-cold poker, twisting it around in his sockets. And so, obviously, he started crying. He was nine, what else was he supposed to do? He hated pain, still does- the way it twists around and seems to whisper, we’ve got you now. There is no escape.

His father was so unspeakably angry when the feeling had subsided, Scott creaking his eyes open, the tears he had just cried freezing on his face. Everywhere he looked, something else froze. And every time something did freeze, it hurt his eyes, a new jab of intense pain, trying to keep his tears coming. His father had almost hit young Scott, curled into a ball on the lush cashmere rug, sobbing and choking on his own spit freezing in his throat.

From that day onward, Scott’s father has always hated him, utterly and completely, without a shadow of a doubt. This was when the peanut butter jelly sandwiches started being his only food, when Father started sending him to private schools and counselors and religious specialists- anyone who had any possibility of “fixing” him.

This was when Mother left, promising she’d be back within a week, swearing to his father that she wasn’t leaving for her cult forever. But she hadn’t come home, and Scott was left scared and alone with only his vengeful father, and the knowledge that he’d singlehandedly broken his family, to keep him company. He hasn’t thought about this in a long, long time.

How the time flies when you’re thinking about traumatic events; he’s almost at Jimmy’s now, his feet pounding against the asphalt, the rain freezing to ice when it hits him. Scott’s body temperature has always been lower than normal, even for a gorgon, and it had just decreased further when his ice came in- meaning that sometimes, when he’s feeling negative emotions really intensely, the surface of his skin is cold enough that water freezes on it.

He groans, peeling bits of ice off of his arms, wishing that he could just calm down and get to Jimmy’s. The avian always seems to get him back to a reasonable state, whether it’s just subconsciously by talking about the randomest shit, or when he’s consciously trying to cheer Scott up. It’s only been a month and already, he can’t even try to imagine a world where he hadn’t met the avian.

Jimmy makes everything better, just looking at him so often brings a smile to Scott’s lips, just thinking of him and Scott knows that things will be better with Jimmy around. He wonders which movie they’ll be seeing.

He’s reached Norman Flick Ave, and he slows to a comfortable pace, the wind brushing against his snakes, tiny hisses going off in his ears. He scans the houses, looking for the 156 that signifies Jimmy’s house. 124, 130, 134…

The road is quaint, kind of like the street that Scott’s family mansion decides to squat in the middle of, but this one has a slightly different vibe- perhaps due to the fact that there isn’t a giant estate smack-dab in the middle of the left side of the avenue. The houses are all very typical, two-story homes, each probably at least a hundred years old, with their creaking porches and slightly smoking chimneys.

Scott finds Jimmy’s at the end of the street. It’s the corner house, and he can see as he’s walking up that Joel’s already arrived- his humongous blue and white car is parked right outside, and Joel himself is standing in the middle of the sidewalk, tapping his foot. Scott waves, and Joel catches his eye, a grin stretching across his face.

“Scott!” he yells, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Hurry up, mate, you’ve already almost made us late!”

Scott picks up speed, moving forward in a state somewhat between walking and running, until he reaches Joel. “Sorry, I ran all the way here- where’s Jimmy?” he asks, craning his neck so he can see the celestial’s face.

“He’s inside still,” Joel gestures with his thumb towards the house, “Getting ready, I think, but you can knock if you’d like,”

“Sure,” Scott agrees, stepping up the stairs to Jimmy’s wrap-around porch, rapping his knuckles against the paint-splattered door. Almost immediately, it creaks open, a head poking out from behind the wood. But it’s not Jimmy’s.

“Well, hello, you must be Scott Smajor,” says a short girl, about Scott’s age, maybe a little younger. “Jim talks about you all the time- come on in! Oh, and Joel’s here, too- Joel, get your butt inside!”

“Hiii, Beks,” Joel calls, making his way towards the house. “Only problem is, I might not fit? Your house is made for tiny little avians, not a celestial like me.” He flexes his biceps, and Bek lets out a derisive snort.

“Wait- I feel like I’m in the dark here,” Scott says, confused. “Do you two know each other? Are you Jimmy’s sister or something- wait. Beks- I recognize that name. You’re a grade below us, right?”

“Wait.” Now it’s Beks’ turn to look confused. “Jimmy hasn’t told you about me?”

“No, I only know about you because of Joel- you two used to be like best friends, I remember.”

“Well, yeah- but Jim hasn’t told you the story?” Bek bites her lip. “Well, no, I guess he wouldn’t tell you the whole thing, but he hasn’t even told you the bit where he lives with me and my parents?”

“Wait. What?” Joel furrows his brows, leaning down to look Beky in the eyes. “No, he’s never told us any of that- come to think of it, he’s been quite private about his home life in general; I don’t think he’s ever mentioned it at all.” Looking back, Scott realizes Joel’s correct. He can’t remember a single time Jimmy’s willingly brought up where he goes after school, and even when someone else has brought it up, he’s always been really vague about answering.

“That’s…” Beks trails off, looking hurt and a little angry. “Jimmy! Get down here right this instant, or I swear, I will steal all your dresses again!” Oh. That’s right. Scott hasn’t seen Jimmy much outside school, and most of the time, he just wears typical clothes; but he had mentioned that this time he’ll be wearing a dress. Scott’s never seen Jimmy in a full on dress before, and he feels his cheeks flush because Jimmy’ll look even cuter than normal-

Oh, no. Why is this happening? He’s seen Jim in skirts a ton of times, almost every day for school, in fact- but for some reason, just imagining the avian in a dress hits completely different.

“What?” Jimmy’s voice is far away, floating down from up the stairs. “Are they here? What do you want?”

“Just get down here!” Beks yells, definitely angry now. Scott’s not sure if he should be here anymore, because it looks like there’s going to be some sort of family feud and he’s not sure he wants a part in that.

It seems like Joel’s had the same thought, muttering, “Should we…go?”

“No, it’s fine,” Beky sighs, looking up the steps. “Jimmy, get down here right now or I swear to god-”

“Just give me a sec, I’m almost done dressing- I’ll need to grab the hat downstairs anyway.” Scott flushes again at Jim’s words, looking slightly to the side. Joel catches his eye and gives him a quizzical glance, a slight smirk growing on his lips. Shit. He knows, or at least he suspects, that Scott’s gay- oh, no.

Scott looks away, crossing his arms over his chest. What the hell is this? He needs to stop this madness. He does not have a crush on Jimmy. He can’t have a crush on Jimmy, that’s non-negotiable. He is not allowed to like boys, it’s disgusting, it’s not something he should even be considering. But then he imagines the avian and he can’t help but smile, and all he wants anymore is to make Jimmy laugh-

What would Father say? Scott can almost hear the cold voice, pressing into his mind, whispering in his ears, a sneer upon his faceless father’s lips- You are nothing, nothing but a defective, worthless, disappointment- and now you tell me you’re in love with another boy? Get out of my house. Get out of my home. You’re not wanted here anymore.

Scott shivers, knowing this could very well be how his father reacts. He needs to keep himself a secret, from everyone, keep it secret keep it safe but he feels like he might be going insane-

He hears a creak from inside the house, the sound of a foot stepping down on a stair, and his head snaps up, gazing upon none other than Jimmy. He’s wearing a light green dress, long-sleeved with little white frills that cuff his wrists, his hair clipped back with an emerald clip that matches the gown perfectly.

It’s a bell dress, the many layers of the skirt making it poof up at the bottom, the abundance of lace just visible against Jimmy’s ankles. He’s chosen darker green tights to compliment the hue of his main garment, and his shoes are a lot like the typical black belt-buckle shoes, but they’re white instead, matching his cuffs and collar. Jimmy’s wings are floofed up in the back, his ear feathers popping in all directions, and the avian hasn’t noticed Scott yet, who’s stood stock-still in the doorway, taking in every bit of his appearance.

Scott feels like he’s seeing Jimmy for the first time, he’s radiant, his face lighting up in a smile when he sees them stood in the doorway-

He’s speechless. He can feel the warmth returning to his cheeks, even more than before, and he suddenly feels underdressed in his short-sleeved shirt that shows off his scrawny arms and his sweatpants, because Jimmy looks so nice- he realizes he’s probably been staring for a bit too long, and the avian’s blushing now too, their eyes meeting.

“Hi,” Scott mutters, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He still can’t get over how pretty Jimmy looks, with his dress ruffling in the breeze, his waist cinched with a white ribbon tied in a bow.

“H-hi,” the avian responds, barely a whisper, his eyes wide. Scott knows he should look away, knows he’s probably making this very weird for everyone else as well as himself, but Jimmy’s gorgeous, and is it really his fault that he can’t stop looking, can’t stop taking in every little detail of his appearance-

And then Beks clears her throat loudly and the spell is broken. Scott looks away, his face probably red as a tomato, Jimmy stood stock-still, like he’s not sure what’s just happened. Scott’s not completely certain either, all he knows is that one second he was fine, and the next he was just- gone. All logical reasoning, out the window.

“Jimmy, did you not tell them about me?” Beks asks, hands on her hips as she turns to the boy on the stairs.

“Huh?” Jimmy’s still focused on Scott, and he shakes his head, turning to Beky. “Oh, um, yeah, about that…”

“Jim!” Beky shrieks, her hands in the air. “Without me, you’d probably be dead or in a homeless shelter!”

Jimmy pales. “Beks- I don’t want- I’m not ready-”

“Okay, yeah, I get that, but you could have at least told them I exist! I’m basically your sister, and I care about you and so do they, so-”

“We’ll talk later. I need to go or we’ll be late,” Jimmy states plainly, “I can’t talk about this right now, Bek.” He walks down the stairs, his shoulder brushing against Scott’s as he steps outside.

“Jimmy-” Beks pleads, trying to reason with him.

But the door closes and he’s shut her out. “Sorry about that. Shall we- uh-” His voice trails off when he meets Scott’s eyes, blushing hard and moving his eyes to the ground. “Shall we get to the movie? Joel, you’re driving us, right?”

“...Yeah, I am,” Joel says, squinting his eyes at the both of them as if he’s trying hard to figure something out. And Scott feels like something’s changed too, though he can’t quite tell what it is, but there’s a new feeling in the pit of his stomach- or maybe not a new feeling, just a dormant one that’s grown stronger, pulling him towards something, a realization.

They all pile into Joel’s car, the celestial taking the driver’s seat, Scott and Jimmy sharing the backseat, seated almost uncomfortably close to each other. Scott risks a glance over to Jim, and then notices that the avian’s already looking at him. Their eyes meet and Scott moves to look away, he does hate eye contact, but something keeps him there.

Jimmy’s eyes are big and brown, a color you wouldn’t expect to see on a bird. It’s lighter than you would think, not the deep black of Bek’s, but not the light green usually seen on a canary. They’re beautiful, Jimmy’s beautiful, and Scott has to beat the feeling down because he is not doing this, this is not an option.

As much as he wants it to be, it’s not.

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lovekenney · 1 year ago

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i have yet to find that fic for gallavich. like i have one for my other fav ship but like i havent found a gallavich fic that left me starstruck like everyone talks abt. i do have a favorite one that i love but it hasnt like affected me to a level people talk abt when talking abt their favs. i think i might of found the one but i still need to finish it lmao

#i have my rafebarry one omg its so good #it takes au to a diff level #cause why are we on a pirate ship??#but idc i still love it more than any other fic ive ever read its also prob the longest #its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good and i love the author they are really cool #ive re read it to many times because it literally takes me hours to read #like when i say hours i mean hours #how does one write smth that good and that long???#the gallavich one i said is my fav i cant find. i cannot find it. ive looked so hard. (kinda)#it was cute and fluffy #and stuff #like #and the one i still needa finish is like a deaf fic #mickeys deaf #i love it sm #cause debbie is a major character in the fic and they dont make her ooc or hate on her

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rairecs · 2 years ago

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title: we on fire author: eyela rating: mature wordcount: 71,288 (so far) pairing: jung yunho/song mingi summary:

“Forget everything you think you know about the games. Last year was child’s play. This year, you’re dealing with all experienced killers.”

Mingi thought that once he’d won the Games, he’d be allowed to live his life in peace. But now, with the 75th Hunger Games tributes being reaped from the existing pool of victors, he finds himself preparing to be thrown back into the arena, this time against the likes of Park Seonghwa, Capitol darling and Prince of the Arena, Yeosang and Wooyoung, the tech-savvy duo from District 3, and Kim Hongjoong, the infamous ‘Pirate King’ from District 12.

link

#ateez fic #ateez fic rec #mingi #yunho #yungi #au: hunger games #tw: violence #tw: death #slow burn #okay so i haven't been reccing things lately and i normally don't do wip's but this obliterated me #i can't wait for the next part #i read it all in three hours when i should have been doing productive things #author: eyela #wc: 70000 #in fact do yourself a favor and read everything by eyela while you're at it

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starpros-sunshine · 2 years ago

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also i think that after seeing that Something is going out with his eichisama tori should also sneak into town to go and see what's the deal with this wataru guy. and he inevitably gets lost but meets hajime and they have a bonding moment barbie movie-style and him and tomoya help tori meet wataru. and then wataru sees tomoya and goes "oho! interesting child!" which once again leads to eichi unreasonable jealousy against this poor random kid

Okay so I've been thinking on this and I've been trying to get something coherent and bear with me right right.

(this got so long again I just started going into detail and detail and detail and oh god I am so sorry)

So Tori, poor, innocent Tori, has to come to terms with the fact that Eichi is hiding something from him (that "Something" being a tall blue-haired extra of unknown origin) and he knows that, technically, the mature thing would be to leave it alone. Eichi will have his reasons for being a little secretive about it. He has his own life and if he doesn't want to be open about...whatever it is that seems to be going on there.... then he doesn't have to be because the man has a right to privacy.

Tori knows that. But Tori also knows that being mature doesn't matter if, technically, his beloved Eichi-sama could be at risk of giving his heart away to a scoundrel that only wishes to play with him until he's bored and then throws him away, breaking Eichis heart in the process. We couldn't have that! And what if he's a criminal? Can you really trust someone who snoops around on other peoples property without their knowing? No you can't! So really it's only natural Tori wants to know what that guys deal is. Out of a genuine concern for his friend. Of course.

And so obviously it's a completely acceptable and normal and rational decision when he sees that Yuzuru isn't there for a moment to keep watch over him like the guard dog that he is (really Tori isn't a child anymore there's no need to be so overprotective) and the other staff members also don't seem to be around and Eichi is also nowhere to be seen, that he decides to take his coat and pack his little bag with some money (read: more money than just "some" money) and tries to sneak out of the house and down the path across the small meadow and the bit of forest that separates their not-so-humble abode from the small town where the other people live.

His inital plan simple. Go there; ask around a little, maybe try some tailing (after hearing stories from the other aristocrats about how one is able to hire people to follow their spouses around without them noticing - and that apparently being an actual thing people earn their money with - he's decided that it can't be that hard and he should try his luck.) and then leaving as quickly as possible, lest Yuzuru die of a heart attack after finding out Tori dissappeared. It would be quick and easy and nobody would ever find out. That was the original plan. But Tori very soon comes to find that that could prove harder than he thought when he notices he actually really really enjoys the feeling of not having anyone hover over him like some sort of falcon watching their prey.

The little river running by the path through the meadow is still frozen (It is winter after all) and the snow on the ground almost reaches his ankles. The 15 minute walk takes him 30 because he keeps jumping around in the snow (He's made three snow angels by now. For a second he has to think of his sister and of how nice it would be if she were here with him too and how they could make snow angels together were it not for her having to stay with their parents, but he pushes that thought to the back of his head again and decides to move on with his way).

When he eventually arrives at the town - and after just wandering aimlessly through the rather empty streets - there are three major epiphanies.

The first one is that he doesn't have a clear destination. He has no idea where to look for the blue-haired weirdo. The second is that, seeing as it is a forenoon in january, most people probably aren't spending their time outside. And if they are then they are at a different place than where he is. And the third and final one: He is completely and utterly lost.

It should be regarded as an accomplishment really. Getting lost in a town with a population of barely 300 locals living there. Indeed Tori would think it impossible. Yet here he is. If anything he's sure he's at least the only one who can claim this feat for himself. This is fine. He has this under control. If he just keeps walking then he's sure to come out somewhere (No there are no tears in his eyes anyone who says otherwise is just imagining things (he decidedly ignores the little voice in his head that tells him "Who's gonna say otherwise. Look around yourself, have you forgotten that you're all alone here?")). So the big brave boy that he is he marches onward, ignoring the way his fingers have started to feel numb from the cold and his eyes have not stopped watering and the little voice in the back of his head that tells him he should've just listened to Yuzuru (He banishes that one to the deepest depths of his subconscious very quickly. There are blows that his pride can take in these situations and then there's having to agree with "You should've just listened to Yuzuru". If There is one thing that can be said about Tori then it's that he is not one to simply give up. He has come this far and he'll be damed if he backs out now).

Lost in thought and not paying much attention to his surroundings (he has more important things to think about right now), he only manages to register a flash of blue in his peripheral vision. And because this could be what he's come here for in the first place but more importantly because this is a person and that is where the bar is set, Tori immediately tries to follow them. If Lady Luck is especially nice to him this time she lets this person be the mysterious stranger he's been looking for, but what feels like a day of walking through empty streets in the biting cold of a noon in late january have humbled him enough to not push it with his luck.

And when he turns the corner, calling out for the figure to wait, insted of the strange man he was expecting he comes face-to-face with a meekish looking boy with blue hair and big violet eyes and next to him there's a second boy, this one able to be described in all aspects with only one word: average. And for a solid ten seconds they all just stare at each other.

Tori doesn't really know how, he really has no idea, but somehow he ended up following the two home. Or, well, more or less. Following isn't really the right word here. After their almost-staring-competition on the street the meekish looking one with the blue hair asked him if he was alright because "he seemed lost" (he absolutely did not.) which then prompted an entire series of events that ended is Tori sitting in this strangers families home - with an entirely different stranger also there - getting a serving of what he assumes to be radish soup. Tori feels a little sorry for the boy, Tomoya, as he said his name was, who seemed like he was previously engaged in a conversation with the other boy, who later introduced himself as Hajime and who had spent the entire way asking him questions about how he ended up here and what someone like him was doing all alone in a sleepy village neighbourhood like theirs and if he really didn't need a tissue (He hadn't cried while explaining how he was lost. He totally hadn't) and on and on and on as Tomoya had to awkwardly walk behind them.

So now, sitting at this table with these two people who he has only met today and who have given him a bowl of soup to warm himself up with, he has to tell everything about how he ended up in this situation in the first place. At the end of his recollection of this oh so wonderful day he is met with two pitying looks an a laugh - apparently one of Hajimes younger siblings had joined them at their little impromptu gathering (he wonders, distantly, how his own sister is doing right now).

And as he's about to say that he should probably make his way home and resume his mission another time when he has a map, Hajime mentions that he actually knows the guy Tori is talking about and that he lives at the local inn and that that isn't that far from them and that he and Tomoya can walk him there if he wants to. Tori agrees immediately. He is so over trying to be discreet about it at this point he really just wants some sort of success in this kind of ridiculous endeavour he's set out on.

So after the soup is finished and his limbs don't feel like they're about to fall off anymore the trio goes on their merry way and Tori feels a little silly because for all the walking around he did before they reach this inn really pretty quickly... maybe he should've thought to bring a map... The three of them venture further into the inn, and Tori only overhears Hajime talking to an older woman, but he's more occupied with looking around the place. It's father homely and rustic, a completely different atmosphere than at their place. There are noises from the few patrons sitting at the tables and chatting with each other, but it only add to the cozy feeling of the entire place.

When Hajime comes back he leads Tori up a little stairway and down a dimly lit hallway. They stop in front of a door at the very end of it (in my head there's a bit of a terasse thing happening there like. you can look down into the part where the tables are and such right right) and Tori barely has time to mentally prepare for the fact that this really is happening now before Hajime knocks and the sound of muffled steps approaching the door can be heard.

When the door finally opens (it's been a few seconds at best but it feels like an eternity), Tori is greeted by the lovely view of a pair of pale clavicles, barely covered by a black linen blouse. He has to actively look up to look at the face of their owner and when he is met with a pair of sharp, purple eyes he feels like his throat just sew itself shut. Hajime explains to Wataru that Tori was looking for him and suddenly a light seems to go up above Watarus head as a look of recognition flashes over his face and he turns around to Tori again and asks him if he's "the princess that Eichi's been telling him all about". Tori is confused. Hajime decides that this is his cue to leave and he slowly backs away to go back down and collect Tomoya, who's been roped into helping out with the catering by some elder gentleman (Wataru watches Hajime as he collects Tomoya and they leave, intrigued by this strangely average boy, as Tori just stares in horror as the realisation dawns upon him that he is now completely alone with this man whom he didn't even intend on speaking to in the first place).

So now he is here. In this very awkward situation. Sitting on a chair in this strangers room (for the second time today! Did he ever have a day this eventful? Who knows! Tori for sure doesn't.). He wants to talk, but Wataru is faster and asks him what he's doing here. Tori doesn't really know how to reply. How do you talk your way around having to tell someone that you actually got lost on the way to spy on them. That's right. You can't. Well, Eichi could. But Tori is Tori and he never wished for that to change more than he did now.

He looks out of the window and it is at that moment that another three major epiphanies reach him. Firstly that he doesn't know what to do now that he's here, secondly that he's going to get murdered by Yuzuru (and if worst comes to worst also Eichi) once he gets back because he's been gone all day without telling anyone and they're probably all worried sick, and last but not least: it is dark outside. He can't go home like that. He is virtually stuck in this predicament he found himself in.

Wataru seems to have a similar thought, because the immediate follow up question after not really getting a coherent answer from Tori is if anyone knows he's gone. Tori shakes his head. If Tsukasa ever finds out about this mess of a situation he will have to die because he would never let Tori live that down.

He gets ripped out of his incoming spiral by the bird that takes a seat on his head and Watarus over-the-top contemplative sigh and the slight lilt in his voice when he voices the next issue that's in the room. He isn't even speaking to Tori anymore, but to his bird that sits on Toris head, Jeanne, and Tori is starting to get annoyed by the way he jokes about this entire thing, calling Tori a "a little bird that escaped its nest", as if he isn't stuck having to prepare for his untimely demise. And by the way this guy hasn't put down his cryptic smile and teasing voice ever since he entered the room. When he thinks things can't get any more awkward for him Wataru proposes two options. Either he walks him home, or Tori has to stay at the inn for the night and he brings him back in the morning. Tori decides he'd rather go back home sooner than later (he'll have to take the lacture either way and he's probably caused everyone enough worries by now anyways. And also he misses his bed.). So Wataru grabs his coat, quickly goes to tell the inn-keepers he's "bringing retuening the princess to ger people" (Tori doesn't know if he liked the bird comparison better or not).

The way back is still very tense because Tori does not dare to walk next to Wataru (he's sketchy it's not Toris fault it's a normal reaction) and so he just awkwardly walks behind him, He doesn't really watch his surroundings - it is dark and the only nice thing is that it's snowing and there are animal sounds and they are spooky and he needs to watch the way and it's easier to think that way - until suddenly he gets hit by a snowball right in the head. And he is so baffled by this that he just stares at Wataru, and Wataru grins at him with his stupid stupid grin and somehow they end up in a snowball fight on this meadow where the only reason you can see anything is because of the snow and when they finally arrive at the mansion they both have so much snow in their hair and their clothes are wet from the melted snow and when they knock on the door and wait for someone to open Wataru gets some of the snow out of Toris hair and says that that snowball fight can be their little shared secret and Tori grins back at him and agrees and when the door opens and both of them are frantically ushered in by a maid that tells another one to get Yuzuru and Eichi Tori decides that maybe this guy isn'r so bad after all. Maybe he's actually quite nice.

#And then Yuzuru scolds both of them #but that's alright because Tori had a very adventurous day #Wataru stays over over the night again because Eichi doesn't let him leave in “this kind of weather” (it's a very mild little snowstorm)#the entire time I was just imagining the backside of that coin with Yuzruru and Eichi realising Tori is missing and all hell breaking loose #it's a little funny to me idk #this was very Tori centric no Eichi in this story just Tori and Hajime and a little bit of Tomoya and Wataru #and I you can tell I was less. yanno. here because I only got really self indulgent with that ending #ALSO IT IS THREE AM THIS IS MY FINAL MESSAGE TO THE WORLD GOOD NIGHT #And this got so unbelievably long I have been sitting here for HOURS #Never let me write scenarios ever again it will go way ouf of hand and by the end I will have forgotten how to english #and it will show #and I will accidentally write an actual fleshed out silly little scenatio instead of just a long post #also I think this is the longest as of yet how did I do this #do you know how hard it is to describle Hibiki Wataru without sounding like the gayest person on the planet?#this was easier when it was about Wataei and I could just wax poetically about him #I don't even care I'm just looking forward to going to sleep right now #this could've been better but I'm not a fanfic author for a reason #namely because I'm bad at it #bard/noble au

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devondespresso · 1 year ago

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unexpected side effect of being a jock writing fanfic is that im spending far too much time looking into and explaining rope climbing for it to be in 7 lines of my fic

#he's not even doing it sportily its Steve climbing out of the tunnels in s2 #but like that ropes thin as hell and his shoes are covered in upside down shit and any other sensible person would be like #'then he climbed out and it was difficult but he made it'#but no i have to explain the form and he needs to tell mike this rope sucks ass and then plop down exhausted #AND THEN i need to add an authors note explaining why its extremely difficult and how not getting a proper foothold doubles the difficulty #and now its an hour in and its still 7 lines in the fic but now its 20+ lines in the author note with 3 reference images #like im happy about it and im excited for realistic physical ability to be a part of my style but damn do i feel kinda weird in the moment #stranger things #steve harrington #jock steve harrington #devon's steve henderson au #steve henderson au rambles #devon thinks sometimes

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hellwurld · 1 year ago

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me in the middle of writing a fic knowing full well that every day that passes where i dont post it it gets less and less canon

#qsmp lore moves so fast #like. y is something happening every week every day every hour let me bREATHE #authors that try to write in canon universe where r u...#i love aus im just not creative in that way #except for crybeauty & be god! were act pretty good but ctommy was an anomoly that made me CRAZY #.hellwurld

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scary-grace · 11 months ago

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I’ve only ever written one canon divergence fic prior to this one and that was in 2019. Apparently between then and now I forgot how hard it is to write canon divergence fics.

#the frustrating thing is that BNHA is still in progress so it’s hard to say what I’m diverging from #even though the author appears to be throwing the kitchen sink at the storyline I still have this weird compulsion to follow it?#at least with Tolkien things were settled decades before I was born and I could do whatever I wanted #I’m beginning to understand why I gravitate towards AUs #and yet! we push onwards #clown hours

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not-poignant · 2 years ago

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random genuine question. how do you write a book? I've written multiple fanfics successfully and want to be a full time author nothing too crazy but just enough to make a good living. But I'm finding myself stuck when it comes to executing my original ideas. I plan them out well but when it comes to the acts/chapters and actually writing I can't seem to pull the trigger. I understand it takes time and I may just be overthinking but still I'm worried I won't be able to execute.

Hi anon,

You are probably better off asking someone who writes books for a living, because I definitely don't, and when I did publish two novels, they have never done as well as my serials (and writing a serial is very different - for me at least - to writing a book). Like, they did moderately well, but I consider myself a professional serial writer and not a novelist, and those two things are 100% not the same thing. (Which is also maybe where you're struggling.

Writing fanfics successfully can often have zero bearing on whether you can (or want to) write a novel. Writing one is not writing the other! The processes are totally different, unless you were just writing novels and splitting them up into serial chapters and then, well, you wouldn't be here asking this question sdalkfjad)

There are some great novel-writing books out there, and many can be requested through libraries, and many of their authors have blogs or similar where they teach many of their techniques online. There are so many different ways of structuring a novel (and it can change depending on your genre, and I don't know what your genre is either!) I can't recommend any personally, because I don't read them, because I don't really write novels.

When it comes to actually sitting down and actually writing anything of length though, it's sometimes down to asking yourself a few things:

What feelings are happening in you that hold you back? Are you afraid it won't be good? (In which case there's no way but through, anon, you have to write some bad writing in order to get to the good writing, it's a mandatory part of the practice - a garden needs shit/manure in order to grow, lol).

Are you bored because you planned it all out? (In which case you may need to look into writing novels without plotting them first).

Are you more excited for future chapters instead of present chapters? (Write out of order! And make the present chapters shorter).

Are you more interested in fanfiction's regular feedback from readers? (In which case consider creating a reader group for your original writing, or finding a really good beta who can give you that feedback). (I can't get dopamine from writing novels, so I don't write them, I just find the process boring in a way that's pretty intolerable to me).

Is the novel too huge of a road into meeting your characters and setting/s in prose? (Consider writing small oneshots for your characters and world first. Consider writing side characters in the world in a 2-3k fic. Treat it like responding to a fanfiction challenge. It can often make access to the world a little easier).

Is something about the story actually broken? Do you need to go back to the drawing board re: the strengths of the characters?

Learn how to fall in love with your characters the way you've fallen in love with fanfic characters. If they're not strong enough to earn that 'love'/'obsession' - make them stronger. (Although, frankly, sometimes you can only learn that love by writing them. Think of it this way: When you start writing fanfiction, you've already invested hours of time into learning the characters and their depth. You need to invest at least the same amount into your own characters and their stories before you might stumble across that same love).

Outside of that you can apply any number of techniques to novel writing, but ultimately, a lot of it is sitting down and just writing (sometimes pretty terribly) and learning how to overcome writer's block and understanding why it's happening for you.

For me, I learned that the cons of writing novels just didn't outweigh the pros. The lack of dopamine feedback re: readers doesn't play well with my unmedicated ADHD brain, which means writing to no feedback at all tends to leave me extremely unmotivated. And fitting the novel formula re: story lengths ultimately just didn't work with me either, most of my long stories naturally hit or exceed the 250k mark, which is fine for serials, but not fine for most novels outside of epic fantasy or hard science fiction.

So I would also recommend sitting down and asking yourself what did fanfiction give you that made you able to write it? And what do you need novel writing to give you, to make you able to write it? Likewise, ask yourself - do you want to write original novels? Or original serials? There's a good market for both now, and novels =/= serials. Like, they are naturally written in different ways!

Do you think you would struggle to write an original serial the same way that you're struggling with novels? All of these things are important to ask yourself.

But ultimately, just... I hate to say it, but sometimes you have to force yourself through the struggle, and write stuff while groaning because you know it's bad, to get to the other side. It's like learning any new skill - and fanfiction writing does not naturally lend itself to writing novels with everyone! You are learning a brand new skill!! Just because I know how to draw with pencils doesn't mean I know how to paint with watercolours, and I may be even more intimidated to learn watercolours because I know now how long it took to get the hang of fanfiction. Sometimes you just have to actually sit yourself down and be like 'okay I have to get real good at being real bad at something for a little while, even if I hate it.'

Chances are it won't be as bad as you think anyway, and then even if it is, well that's a normal part of writing a novel. That's why the first draft is the first draft, and not the final product. :)

#asks and answers #pia on writing #dodgy advice #how to write a novel #i will flat out say as well that novels are just *harder to write* than fanfiction #because you didn't have someone else doing the hard work for you #of establishing the characters and the world #you have to do that now #and it feels harder and more daunting because it IS HARDER and more daunting #like fanfic can be hard work #especially if you're writing AUs in original worlds #but for the most part #someone else did thousands of hours of labour #to give you a world as a sandbox to play in #now you have to do a version of that labour for yourself #and i'm gonna be honest anon #sometimes it is a lot less fun in the beginning #i found writing in a more 'fanfiction style' helped me #but ultimately i decided against being a full-time novelist #and chose to be a full-time serial author #so i'm probably not the person whose advice you need the most sdalfkjs

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