#Audrey tindall

[dreamypqulson]

— and i know we got some potential, cause that look you gave me was so gentle

summary: cordelia tutors you when you fall behind in your herbal class unbeknownst to her that the reason your so lost is because you can't take your mind off of her.

pairing: cordelia goode x reader

word count: 1200

a/n: i know i haven’t posted in awhile and i have requests that i have to write but this was just a little scrap that i’m deciding to post so nobody forgets about me! :)

It was awful, really. And you felt bad for it. For wasting her time. This is not going to help. If you needed some extra help in your herbal class, then you need assistance from Zoe, or Queenie, or Myrtle, someone who is not this woman.

It was comical, and you almost laughed right in her face when she ask you if you wanted her to tutor you later in the evening. You didn't need help. You were a smart and powerful which. You just needed her out of you head. There was too much of her to even pay attention to the task at hand.

And it hurt too. There was no denying that. With the many obvious signs that she was helplessly in love with you, you ignored them all. She's the supreme for god sakes. She was so close yet felt so out of your reach.

You were just wasting time in this goddamn greenhouse. Every minute with her counts, but right now, you were just staring straight at the wall behind her, daydreaming of what you could be doing instead. What— no, who you could be kissing and showing you truth to.

You hear her snapping and it pulls you out of your deep trances. It's honey brown eyes and hair golden in the moonlight that's shining through the roof window that you notice first. "Are you even listening?" She doesn't sound annoyed, but she's clearly had enough of this. All this. What even is this?

"I'm sorry, Miss Cordelia. I am, I just—"

"You don't have to call me that, ya know." It hurts too much to not call you it. If you call her Cordelia then it seems to real. She's not your mentor, not your supreme, she's Cordelia. And so you stand behind that Miss Cordelia barrier that you build. The one that Cordelia tries so hard to break down.

"I know." As you stare into her eyes so warm that you feel as though your melting, as they soften as they stare back at you, she cups you heated cheeks. You know that she feels how hot they are, you know that she knows what is going on with you, but still, she asks,

"What's really going on? You're one of my strongest witches, sweetie."

You truly want to tell her that she's so distracting because you've unwillingly fell in love with her. Because, then, maybe you'll be able to pay better attention in class. But instead you tell her, "I just haven't been sleeping right," sugarcoating your love for her and letting it melt in your mouth.

It's not a complete lie; because you cannot sleep when she walks by your room to assure that you are safe in bed. You cannot sleep when you've see her only an hour before your rest in a simple pajama slip. Milky silk and see-through if it were any thinner.

"We should make you a sleeping potion then." She knows your lying, but she is not going to force you to be honest. That's not what she is here for. She just wants you to be ready. She would wait forever for you to tell her how you feel.

And then she's gathering the ingredients. Patting around the greenhouse as soft as a spring day, and you have to look to see if she is even walking. Look to see that she's not flying around instead of walking like an angel that you could mistake her to be.

She stands behind you and her arms are locking you in between the table and her body. She's wearing a nightgown like every other night and you can feel her breasts press against your back. Your breath hitches and you think she notices because she asks if you're okay. You nod, because you cannot speak, you cannot do anything besides stand there as if you were built with cement.

Her blonde hair falls against your shoulder and you get a strong whiff of her lavender shampoo. She smells so sweet and you feel like you are being embraced by a fresh pastry.

"Do you remember one of the key ingredients for our sleeping potion?" She tests you, because she knows that the day she taught this, her shirt seemed to be just a little shorter cut than usual. She knows you weren't paying attention to sleep and potions and herbs that day.

"Um...," you feel so pathetic for not knowing. So useless. "No, not really."

She smiles still. You can hear it in her voice, "That's just alright. Chamomile is one of the main ingredients." She speaks softly and begins grinding the chamomile into the mixture. Her freckled arms rub against yours with each movement. Bare skin against bare, and you yearn for more.

These emotions are too strong for your body to handle. They cannot fit as you are too much already filled with Cordelia. You are going to explode if you don't let it out somehow. And so you stand there and permit silent tears to roll down your face.

You assume that Cordelia won't notice, but a warm tear ends up landing on her hand and she cannot stand there and pretend that it didn't happen. She doesn't want to make you uncomfortable, but the only way she knows to make everything better is to be upfront and loving.

She grabs your waist, gently, and turns your body so your facing her now. It's so close; you can feel her soft breath against your face and her legs are practically intertwined with yours. "I don't want you to lie to me anymore," she doesn't sound angry still, just so desperate. And you know you look a mess right now but she thinks you're so pretty.

"I don't think I know how to not do that," more tears fall down. You are so afraid because you know that it's too far this time. There is no going back to what you once were with Cordelia just an hour before this.

"Show me?"

Your trembling hands cup her cheeks this time, smooth beneath your palm. You don't want to pull her forward, you need her to show you that she isn't the supreme right now. You always need her.

"It's okay," she merely whispers, nods, and smiles softly. And you forget about you fears, about the sugarcoated emotions on your tongue. You lean forward and everything's so fuzzy and blurry around you; like a fever dream, but it's oh so real.

She moans into your mouth. She sounds so pretty against you. It's the perfect combination of her vanilla chapstick and your strawberry one to create the sweetest taste.

Her hands are still on your waist and she pulls back, but only her lips so she can rest her forehead against yours. "Not so scary, right?"

"Well i'm scared that I just fucked everything up."

She shakes her head and smiles delicately at you. "You didn't fuck anything up. I would've been out the door by now." Your laugh and hers are a soft melody that echo against the four walls of the greenhouse. She grabs your hands and tangles her slim fingers with yours. "I. love. you."

"Promise me that it's what you want." You still can't believe it. But you can't have it if it's not real.

"It's what I always wanted. What I wanted when I met you. What I want, still, now."

"Then you should know that I always wanted it. I love you too. So much."

taglist: @loverofallthingssarah @goodeday2u @lanawinters-ily @strawberryshorttcakkee @sapphicforsarahh @ahsfan05 @stayevildarling @isle-of-earle @cordithatgurl @mistysswampmud @billiedeansbitch @billiedeanspearls @cigaretteology @favoriteredhead @lovingsarah @cordeliass @citizenoftheworld-stuff-blog @multi-royalty-main

message me or send an ask to be added to my taglist!

[cigarettessmokeandberries]

[Works List]

Miranda Hilmarson

**Rainy mornings and kisses**

— Uh, oh! The window is open and rain is trickling in! Miranda is sound asleep and the sound jolts you awake. Morning fluff ensues. —

Audrey Tindall

**Has to be enough**

— It had been nasty. Audrey came back from Roanoke different, and you couldn’t understand why. Until you saw the news. Audrey’s suffering had now been broadcasted across the country, and even some places outside of it, and the nightmare she lived through etched deeper into her. —

**i love you, im sorry*

— Audrey was meant to be a star but what does that mean for you?

**Soft**

-- Audrey danced around the living room to the beat of whatever song was playing on the Bluetooth, you had long stopped listening to watch the sway of her hips as she smiled at you. --

Melissa Schemmenti

**Fixer upper** Part Two ** Part Three**

— Great, the coffee machine broke. It's burned Melissa's hand and ruined the day for most teachers- wait, it burned Melissa's hand. Y/n won't let that pass. —

*Requests are open

[stayevildarling]

American Horror Story Masterlist:

One shots:

Cordelia Goode:

Fix you ✩

Take my hand, Take my whole life too

On different ways ❆

In the silence

Diary

Traitor - Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3, Pt 4, Pt 5, Pt 6, Pt 7, Pt 8

Mildred Ratched:

First sight

Sick

Audrey Tindall

Chasing you

Wilhemina Venable

When the time is right - Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3

Sick

Who knew?

Holding on for dear life

Fade into you

Safe and Sound

Million Reasons

Billie Dean Howard

The haunting of your medium

I wanna be yours ✾

Until I found you

It's you

Craving ✾

You can‘t escape my affection ✾

Like I can

Slow dancing in a burning room

Ally Mayfair Richards

Heart like mine

✩ = mental health, ✾ = smut, ❆ = no happy ending

[thedarklinkfell]

Hadn't seen one of these before so here we go! No middle of the road choices, just one vote for your fave. Evan poll [HERE]

[yourmomssidepiece]

𝑆𝑎𝑟𝑎ℎ 𝑃𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑠 𝐴𝑢𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑦 𝑇𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑖𝑛 𝑅𝑜𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑘𝑒 (2016)

[justsierrasart]

I drew every Sarah Paulson character in AHS 🤭 This was honestly so much fun. The small details the costume designers and makeup artists made to give Sarah a whole new character to okay is so neat. It’s in the eyebrows, in the way her lips are lined and the way her eyeliner shapes her eyes. The thoughtfulness is awesome. Just awesome. Loved it.

[tatelangdonsweater]

Criminally underrated AHS couple

Like… I wish somebody would look at me the way these two look at each other

[beastsovrevelation]

That Evan Peters actor character had it right in Roanoke.

I mean...

I'd marry her too.

If I had the guts to ask her out in the first place

[grilledcheeseandguavajelly]

Paulson’s AHS Characters As Bake Off Contestants:

Welp. I watched eight seasons of Bake Off in about three days and this happened. Enjoy 😂🙈

Billie Dean 

The attractive baker. Prue’s favorite. The surprise lesbian that doesn’t come out until episode three (and I mean you were invested in her because she’s stunning, but now she’s definitely your favorite). At least two bakers have a crush on her and drop everything if she needs help. Never dresses practically for baking. The only one who doesn’t sweat when the tent gets hot. Surprisingly makes it to the final

Lana 

The scholarly baker. Somehow always ties her work/degrees into her interviews and package. Always good at technicals because she can follow a recipe like a boss. Tries exotic recipes but they don’t always work. The only one to get clean lines on her Battenberg. Should be in the final, but gets voted off unfairly because she has one off week 

Cordelia

The perfect baker. Gets star baker at least three times. Is first in technical at least four times. Sits in front of her oven. Definitely planned ahead. One of those rare bakers whose concept art actually looks like what she makes. Always hugs the person who gets voted off. She wins the whole thing

Bette/Dot

The vegan baker. They don’t actually bake vegan, but they make all of their bakes “half and half” (two separate bakes smashed into one cake/biscuit/pastry) even when it’s not practical. You know they’re going to be a problem from the first episode, but they miraculously don’t get voted off first

Sally

The messy baker. Always spills things or accidentally smashes half of her cakes. Her flavor saves her every time. Will lace everything with alcohol. It always works. 

Audrey

The old lady baker. Has the refinement and coziness of a 70 year old grandma who has baked for her family all her life. Her technicals might not be great, but her showstoppers are always top. She’s that baker that does things “her way”, that gets an “interesting” from Paul on her unconventional process, and then blows him out of the water every time

Ally

The mom baker. Talks about how much she loves baking for her kids at home, but is actually a complete disaster. Gets a handshake on her first signature challenge, and it’s all downhill from there

Venable 

The silent but deadly baker. She keeps to herself and minds her own business. The one that you note on the first episode and then kind of dismiss until the halfway point because she’s always at the top and you never have to worry about her. Always knows the unusual technical recipes. Bakes with exotic flavors but it’s always stunning and unusual. Definitely in the finale 

[safic4-m]

~Master list~

😁🌈List fluffy

🔥😏List of obsenity

Lana Winters

❤️🚬Did you find everything you were looking for?

❤️🚬I would love that

Cordelia Goode

💛In love with Cordelia

💛So beautiful

💛💜You were different.

💛Just don’t look

💛I think I love you

Sally McKenna

🚬🦁Yes honey?

💜🚬🦁Put me down!

🚬🦁Are you going to finish me?

🚬🦁You promised

Audrey Tindall

💛🎭Oh my God

💛🎭I am

💛🎭Please don’t go on..

Ally Mayfair-Richards

❤️What are you two up to?

💜❤️She’s ours

❤️I like it

❤️Honey

Wilhemina Venable

💜 Hug me

💜The perfect life

💜🚬🦁Put me down!

💜Good girl

💜Hello my dear

💜Can I kiss you?

💜❤️She’s ours

💛💜You were different.

💜Hello pumpkin

💜It’s time, let’s go

TB Karen

🚬💔Stop mocking

🚬💔Take off your clothes

🚬💔She’s not my girlfriend.

Alma Peregrine

💙I am Catrina

💙Happy Anniversary

Alice Macray

💖I hate being a woman

💖Do you like what you see?

Diane Sherman

🤎💉I like the rain

🤎💉 Welcome

🤎💉Cum for me

Larissa Weems

🤍Larissa?

🤍Nothing is more important than you

🤍Am I in hell?

🤍It won’t

🤍I came back for you

🤍I like you too

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🏳️‍🌈Characters in Pride month🌈

Lady Dimitrescu

❤️‍🔥Lady Lesso

[betchiwilleatyou]

YIPPEEEEEEEEE

[dreamypqulson]

— my only sunshine

summary: you’ve been struggling in silence but it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

pairing: cordelia goode x reader

warnings: depression, anxiety, self-harm (pretty detailed, be careful)

word count: 2700

venting again lol

Your leg shaking up and down was becoming excessive. You could see the girls next to you becoming annoyed, but you hardly realized that you were doing it. Tears pooled in your eyes and it burned so badly to hold them in. Why does Cordelia have to look at me so much? Why can't she just glance over me like everyone else and let me wallow away in the corner?

Everyone knew that you were Cordelia's special girl. You didn't think it had anything to do with your powers, she just liked you. And you liked her. But that was it; you were both too afraid to acknowledge it. What she wasn’t aware of was your history with mental health, which you tried so hard to conceal from her.

You don't think you were doing a very good job hiding it this time. How could you hide the fact that you don't want to live anymore?

Everyone knew you looked terrible lately. Madison had even pointed it out. Your eyes were dark, and hollow, and you just didn't look like yourself. Madison said you were just a freak that was too caught up in your studies to barely allow yourself some time to sleep, but Cordelia knew that wasn't true. Matter of fact, it was the complete opposite.

Cordelia dismissed yet another class that had completely gone through one ear and out the other. Spacing out is the one time that you actually feel safe and you so happen to be the best at it during class.

Everyone rushed out. You were a little slower because you were so exhausted and picking up your books felt like you were ripping open the cuts on your wrist. You thought you could feel like blood dripping down, but it might've just been your anxiety freaking you out.

"Oh, y/n, could you stay for a minute, love," Cordelia asked when you were by the doorway, ever so sweet but you still bit the inside of your mouth until you could taste blood.

You spun slowly on your heels. You loved Cordelia but you didn't want to stay. You were terrified of confrontation and you just wanted to throw yourself into your bed again.

You didn't respond and kept a great distance between you and Cordelia. She was so warm, she was your comfort, and you ached to have her hold you, but you just wanted the darkness right now.

She still walked closer towards you and you almost started to cry from the nerves. You started scratching at your band-aid covered wrists. You don't know why you do that when your nervous, it just feels good in the moment.

She looked down at your arms, then back up at you. Does she know? Did your sleeve rise when you went to reach for something? "Relax, honey. You're not in trouble. I just want to check on you."

"I'm fine," it came out weak.

She raised an eyebrow at you and gave you that look. Anyone could tell that you weren't okay, it was just a matter of who would be there for you when you fall apart.

Your bottom lip started to tremble. A clear indication that you were ready to break down. Cordelia just watched, letting you control yourself before she made you explode completely.

"How about we take a walk outside, around the house, and get some fresh air, yeah?" You nodded and you were suddenly following her out the door. Anything someone says to you hasn't really been processing in your head. You truly just feel like a leaf being blown in every direction.

It was nice out, slightly chilly with a breeze, but it did not seem to snap you from your state of mind. It was quiet for a minute before Cordelia began talking to you again. You knew she was trying to distract you from your thoughts, but it's not really want you want right now.

"So what have you been up to, missy? Are you still writing?" She looked over at you, gently smiling. She loved reading all of your work, but it had been a few weeks since she had. She's been a little bit busy and you've been locking yourself in your room.

"Yeah, a little bit, I guess." It was a complete lie, but your didn't feel like getting into the fact that you could hardly bring yourself to even get out of bed, let alone write.

She wanted to have a full conversation with you, but you weren't having it. She just became silent as you both finished the walk around the building. She always takes you to walk around the city with her, but she had an inkling that you weren't going to want to leave the property.

Cordelia didn't want to let you go yet. She had a bad feeling and she knew something just wasn't right with you. She felt uneasy. But she couldn't hold you back when you told her you had to go study. You would never pass up hanging out with Cordelia to study, and she knew that, but she just let you go.

When you got to your room, it was all messy. Had you had the energy to keep it as tidy as you always did then maybe your anger levels wouldn't have increased when you walked in. You decided to ignore it and step over the pile of clothes and make your way into the bathroom.

There, you dug through your drawer, looking for the blade that you kept hidden in the back. It was the one place that nobody could accidentally stumble upon it.

You sat down on the closed toilet lid and pulled up your left sleeve. Ripping off the bandaids had not even hurt as much as they should, you didn’t even flinch. You began cutting any free skin on your inner arms that you could. You hated that there wasn't that much room anymore due to all the other cuts, but you just couldn't seem to stop.

Sometimes it made you feel crazy but it mostly made you get some release. You knew you should at least try to stop with summer approaching but getting clean is never your top priority in the moment. Not when your arms start aching for more.

You just sit there with a blank face and watch as drops of blood start pooling at the thin lines and then you start dabbing it away with a tissue and apply some pressure.

Your heart absolutely drops when you hear a knock on your bathroom door. You weren’t expecting a visitor at your room, but living in this busy house, you never really get alone time.

"Y/n, it's me darling. Dinners ready." How could you have been so in your head that you lost track of time. You hardly even had an appetite but you knew that Cordelia was already having suspicions about you. You just had to act like everything was alright.

"Okay I'll be right down." Instead of wrapping your arm up, you simply just ran it under water for a moment and then pulled your sleeve down. It definitely stung, but you were starting to enjoy it.

When you walked out of the bathroom, Cordelia was waiting on your bed for you. You were expecting her to already be downstairs with the other girls, but she clearly had other plans.

"You're always neat, sweetie. What's going on with you?" You shrugged again, and soon, you thought, she's going to forget what your voice even sounds like. You began to walk out your room, and you can hear her shuffling behind you before she finally catches up. "Not in the mood to talk today?"

You'd rather Cordelia just hold you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear without expecting an answer. But at the moment, she's completely worried and just wants you to open up. "Not really, Cordelia."

She lets you slide again, but she can't take her eyes off of you all throughout dinner. She's sitting at the head of the table and you're at the first seat next to her. When you reach for your plate, she notices something that she wishes she didn't. She wishes it wasn't even there.

Your sleeve slides up, only slightly, and she can see smeared crimson on your wrist. Her heart sink and she has to swallow down the lump in her throat. After that, she cannot even look at you, or anyone for that matter, for the rest of dinner. She wasn't angry or embarrassed of you. Just so, so upset over the fact that her girl was hurting so badly.

Dinner finishes fairly fast. You notice there's not much chatter, and it must be from Cordelia's lack of interest in any of the conversation. You start worry that you hurt her feelings. She's always catching up with you and the girls - mostly you - during dinner, but today she hadn't even said a word.

"Y/n, meet me in my room please," Cordelia says, and it sounds almost cold compared to her typical soft voice. She walks away and heads towards her bedroom and your heart completely sinks. You fidget with the hem of your shirt and make way towards her room.

The door is ajar and by the time you're there, Cordelia is sitting on her bed in tears. This is it; she's going to kick you out.

"Cordelia?" You say and gather her attention back to you. She quickly wipes away her tears like you weren't supposed to see that, but there's no hiding her red, puffy eyes.

"Sit down please," she hardly looks you in the eyes. It's terrifying.

"I—" you attempt to argue. She has no part in that.

"Just sit down, y/n."

You sit beside her and it's so close that you bunch up your sleeve in your hand. You're consistently terrified of it rising. "Show me your arm."

"What—"

"Show me, y/n. I know what's going on. I know that you are hurting yourself."

You hug your arm closer to your body and can feel the sting like it's mocking you. Tears are instantly sprung to your eyes and it's clear that this situation isn't just a big misunderstanding.

"No! Leave me alone, Cordelia. What is wrong with you? Why would I ever do that." But you do do it and those words hurt so much. You wouldn't ever be so harsh to Cordelia, but you're not in the right mental state right now.

Cordelia's crying again and all you can think about is cutting up your arm for making her feel like that. You need to hurt yourself to pay for the faults you're causing and Cordelia can see right through that.

Her voice is very quiet and desperate as she speaks, "Baby, please. Please let me help you, I can't just pretend that it's not going on. I care about you too much."

This completely causes you to break down. You never had someone truly care about you. This is something that you've been yearning for forever.

You melt into Cordelia's body and she hugs you tightly, as if she let go, all of the pieces of you would just shatter everywhere. You can feel her tears start leaking through onto your shirt and you know she feels it too. "Please, y/n," she whispers, "I love you. Let me in, it's just me, it's only Cordelia."

You finally pull back and wipe away your tears. It doesn't stop another fresh batch of warm tears to roll down your face. You don't want to keep hiding this anymore. You need help. You need someone. You need her.

You take a deep breath and tug up your sleeve. You can't even bare to look at her face. Ashamed, and embarrassed, and scared. But you hear a sharp intake of breath from her. The bleeding from the cuts before dinner only made it look far worse on your fucked up skin.

"Oh, my baby," she sniffles and grabs your arm, gently. Your heart is too heavy. She's trying so hard to be strong for you. "Why," she looks up at you with watery eyes, waiting for an honest answer.

"Everything's just too much, Delia. I don't want to be me anymore. I hate being me, I hate living!" You started sobbing again and the crack in your voice doesn't go unnoticed. This is new and weird and you don't like it. You don't want to talk about yourself anymore. You can see her heart breaking in half from your words.

"My little sunshine...do you know I love you? I love the person that you say you hate so much." You don't have anything to say to that. Cordelia loves you. And you don't know how, but she does. You don't know how this whole could have any room for the broken half of you. “I couldn’t live without seeing your pretty smile and listening to you ramble to me about all the little things you love. So if you hate living so much, then let me love it for the both of us until you learn to.”

It’s silent for a couple moments that pass by until she looks back down at your arm again. It's a bloody mess and you don't want her to look anymore but she's still holding on. "Can I clean it? Can I do that for you?"

You nod and then you're being walked to her bathroom. It's bigger than yours and the entire room smells like her lavender shampoo that you always love taking in when she hugs you. She helps you to sit up on the counter. Your arm feels heavy from all the attention being on it but she so carefully cleans away the blood and it makes you feel a little bit better.

She covers it with bandaids. Not because she is disgusted by it. She's not at all. She just doesn't want anything infecting the fresh ones.

When she’s done, she lifts your arm up to her lips and, so delicately, kisses the covered cuts. A few tears start rolling down your face again. You’re too emotional for this. “Delia…”

“I love you,” she looks back up to you. Her words are so clear and genuine. “Come to me. I don’t care where we are or what time it is. Come to me whenever you feel like this.” You nod, your bottom lip trembling. She reaches her hand up and brushes her thumb over your lips. “It’s not going to be easy but i’m going to help you. We can make a plan and safe alternatives, anything that’ll help.”

She leans in and kisses your forehead, slow and light and your heart beats a little bit faster. “I love you too, Cordelia,” you croak out and she gives you that little smile.

“Come on, my little sunshine, let’s get some rest, hm?” She grabs your hand and brings you to her own bed. You’ve never slept with Cordelia before but it all feels natural. You lay your head on her chest and her arms wrap around your body. For once, you feel a sliver of happiness that you’ve been deprived of for so long.

The room is silent besides her soft breaths and the sound of cars rushing by. You finally break that silence after a few minutes.

“Delia?”

“Hm?” She peaks down a you and a small smile is present on her face again.

“Why do you always call me your little sunshine?” You say it with a slight giggle in your voice. You love all the nicknames she has for you, but this one stands out and makes your heart warm.

“Because, sweetie, I was in a very similar situation as you. But then you came into my life and suddenly there was light again.”

You looked up at her and bite your lip. You could’ve never imagined a woman like her feeling as terrible as you do. She’s too…perfect. But maybe, suddenly, you won’t feel so ashamed of your emotions anymore. You lean forward and place your sweet lips on hers. Just for a moment, for the first time in your life, you see a bit of sunlight shine through the cracks of your eyelids.

taglist: @loverofallthingssarah @goodeday2u @lanawinters-ily @strawberryshorttcakkee @sapphicforsarahh @ahsfan05 @stayevildarling @isle-of-earle @cordithatgurl @mistysswampmud @billiedeansbitch @billiedeanspearls @cigaretteology @favoriteredhead @lovingsarah @cordeliass @citizenoftheworld-stuff-blog @multi-royalty-main

message me or send an ask to be added to my taglist!

[cigarettessmokeandberries]

Has To Be Enough (Audrey Tindall x reader)

It had been nasty. Audrey came back from Roanoke different, and you couldn’t understand why. Until you saw the news. Audrey’s suffering had now been broadcasted across the country, and even some places outside of it, and the nightmare she lived through etched deeper into her.

Trigger Warning: Anxiety, slight panic attack, depressive themes

A/N: enjoy!!

————————————————————————

It had been nasty. Audrey came back from Roanoke different, and you couldn’t understand why. Until you saw the news. Audrey’s suffering had now been broadcasted across the country, and even some places outside of it, and the nightmare she lived through etched deeper into her.

Guilt and trauma made her into a new person almost. She was still the same Audrey you knew and loved, but she wouldn’t let you in. She wouldn’t allow you to help. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise - she dealt with all her disappointment by shutting the world out, but that never included you. You should have known something would jolt the perfect fantasy you had built around yourselves. But, you wouldn’t give up on her.

She had been ignoring your calls for days until you settled for sending her supportive messages every morning and night, having the thought that maybe you were overwhelming her. She wasn’t strong enough yet to reach over and grab her phone to call you. She wasn’t only afraid you would ask too many questions, but also afraid you wouldn’t want to give her the time of day after her ignoring you. Audrey wanted desperately for you to come knocking at her door, wanting nothing more than drown her sorrows and have you tuck her in at night. She wanted to be intoxicated enough to talk, to let it out without reliving it, to confess what’s been eating at her for the last week and a half. But she couldn’t. You weren’t going to come knocking and she wasn’t drunk enough to let you in. She was only drunk enough to fall back down into a self-depreciating spiral, only deepened by her head hidden in the toilet.

Her phone beeped again from beside her, bringing her back to the current moment. Audrey groaned and the cool tile pressed into her knees enough to bruise. At least she was grounded. She had had her phone on her everyday, not being able to help herself from scrolling through every article she was in. She was still Audrey Tindal, after all. She just couldn’t separate herself from the sad stories plastered all over the news. She couldn’t let anyone see her so desperate again, not even you. She only scanned your messages when they came in, too focused on calming herself most of the time. You couldn’t blame her for not replying or reaching out- you had seen the stories and the found footage released. It was horrifying just to watch and you couldn’t imagine the pain and suffering the mere memory would bring Audrey. All you can hope is that she would accept your reaching hand, seeing it as a calming gesture rather than a pitied one. But, Audrey wasn’t worried about pity, she didn’t care for once. She was too busy stuck in those moments that only paused with a fleeting thought of calling you for comfort that was quickly followed by more violent thoughts.

Audrey groaned over the toilet bowl again lifting her head and reaching for her phone. She was close to smashing it if one more ignorant article got posted. It wasn’t an article. On her phone screen flashed your nightly message to her, expressing your concern and blah blah blah. She didn’t mean to ignore what you were saying, her head was just too full with the moment she was tied up and the ache of her gums was still present. Almost as if she wasn’t meant to forgot any of it, not a second. For a moment, she felt like a fern growing towards the sunlight. She was yearning for a moment but it quickly faded as the message dinged again on her home screen , feeling like a screech inside her skull. She dropped her phone back on the floor next to her and leaned her head onto the toilet, too busy trying not to throw up to care about germs.

You had never felt such fear when another week passed and no word for Audrey. All thoughts of support left your mind as you begin to send more worried texts, all but begging her to answer. When no word came the next night, you grew all caution to the wind and started for Audrey house. It felt invasive to show up unannounced and you were about to warn her of your plans , worried she wasn’t even checking her phone. As you picked up your phone to text, her name flashed across your screen. You had never moved as fast as you answered her call.

“Hello? Audrey?” You questioned when she didn’t speak, only her soft breathing coming through the phone. A few more seconds of silence passed before she spoke. Your patience paying off.

“Can you come over?” Was all she said, her voice rough and watery. You had never been more happy to hear her voice, disregarding any nagging questions in turn for your unquestionable support. Quiet rustling following her ask.

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” You barely heard her quiet reply before she hung up the phone.

Arriving at her door, you foregone knocking and entered her house - having known where the spare key hide. You didn’t feel much guilt over it as she knew you were coming. And you were almost certain she hadn’t left her bed.

Grabbing a glass of water you made your way to her room, this time knocking softly against the door paneling. She turned her head over her shoulder, locking eyes with you before turning back over. You remained quiet and set the glass for later, sitting on the bed rubbing ear arms lightly. For a moment she tensed, The touch almost burning, before she relaxed and let out a deep sigh. You took that as a sign that she was alright for a moment. That was before she turned to face you, tears making rivers down her flushed cheeks. She was trying hard enough not to cry that her cracked lips curled downward with the effort. You spook you head with furrowed brows and she nodded , a silent prayer for a moment. There was no rain outside but the sound of your own heartbeat matched it in your ears.

“You don’t need to talk,” you promised. The moon shone through the window laughing, the gray light entering the room through the gray curtains, nearly appearing blue. Or maybe that was just your mind. The sheets had ridden up at the edges and left the bed a crumbled mess. You stopped you ministrations, knowing the overwhelming feeling of suffocation she must be feeling suddenly surrounded by another person. The tension in your body rising as you refused to let your arms reach back out. She wasn’t reaching any more, but you’d be there when she could.

“I’m afraid.” She spoke a few moments later, her voice raspy from not using it. What for? She didn’t know. Maybe afraid she’d never get rid of the suffocation she felt when she thought back to Roanoke. Maybe afraid that everything would change too much, or maybe that it already had and she didn’t want this routine to keep up. Or maybe she was afraid she’d a mistake inviting you over. She didn’t know how to deal with this and maybe she knew you didn’t either, and that was all she desperately hoped for when she called you. Something to change or something to stay the same. Can’t she have both? Does she have to choose? The thought makes her clench her teeth as anger flooded her veins, red hot. She didn’t want you here and she didn’t need you here. She could suffer alone just as well as she could with you around. And the thought of your being the same only angered her more. Nothing had changed but everything had for her. It wasn’t fair and she wanted to make sure you knew that.

“”No one else has to feel this and I hate you . I hate you so much right now and i don’t know how to explain it. Just- hate.” Her words only slightly surprised you, you hated yourself a little too for not being understanding enough to help.

“You don’t mean that.” You clarified for her and that’s all it took for the dam to break. loud sobs wrecked the already distressed room. You knew now not to touch her and you respected that. She needed something to believe

“I hate you, I hate-“ she choked through sobs, her fist hitting the bed. It wasn’t about you anymore. It wasn’t about her anymore. She didn’t know what it was about anymore. She was angry and she was sad and she was being smothered by the blanket on top of her. She was breathing and it was too much at the moment, it felt freezing cold against the back of her throat- pins and needles. She was panicking but she didn’t know it anymore. Her back hurt, from lying so long or the short breathes she didn’t know. She didnt know anything anymore.

“Hey, hey. Audrey, look at me.” You commanded, knowing the harsh tone you’d taken would be the only way she would listen. She shook her head and kicked the covers off with her feet, sitting up and curling into a ball on the bed.

“Audrey, look. At. Me.” The image of you almost hurt her raw eyes, the light of the moon shining too bright behind you.

“You are here, in your room, right now. That’s it.” Your voice took on a softer note no that you had her attention.

“No worry here, no expectations, just your room” she needed space and you were going to build it for her, brick by brick if you had to. You started to list the things inside her room, her eyes following after each item as she looked around her room.

“Your sheets are coming up,” you finally said as she calmed a bit, her breathe still heavy. She looked at her sheets and shrugged. Your request for her to stand was obeyed d you searched her closet for new ones as she stood in the door, watching. You finally found some in a drawer and undressed her bed before putting them on, smoothing the creases with your hands before a making the bed and inviting her to lay onto the it before turning the fan on. She was hot with anger or choking up on her sadness. She didn’t know anymore. But she knew her room and she knew you. And that would have to be enough. Her chest still felt heavy, yet her heart was missing. It would have to be enough.

————————————————————————

A/N: hope you enjoyed!

[stayevildarling]

Masterlist ✨

Headcanons:

the sarah characters as pawrents

how the characters flirt with you + them having a crush on you

the sarah characters on pride month

the sarah characters as children

the sarah characters taking care of sick reader

the sarah characters when there is a thunderstorm

the sarah characters when watching football with you

Wattpad

[cissa-calls]

I love that Audrey just constantly cries and repeats herself everytime something happens…which is frequently

[vitesse-n]

𝒂𝒖𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒓𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒃𝒐𝒕

they are your parents

link

austinslover on telegram