#As long as someone isn't doing anything seriously terrible you can just block someone and move on!

[strebcr]

People who do RPC gatekeeping are funny as shit! Bro, these are tungle dot com rps chill the fuck out, it's literally not that deep! 😭

[kalims]

⭒ㅤnot gonna lie !

premise. pov prefect opens a ngl, except! the story they shared it from can only be viewed... by one person!

characters. first years

ace

not gonna lie ! smash tbh

unironically pretends that he never sent one when you start bombarding him.

uniquewhere: i didn't even see ur story

shrimp: [attatchment]

uniquewhere: i have no wifi to see that sorry not sorry

vehement denial is actually the most effective defense according to him. even if it bypasses all forms of realism, it's not real if he doesn't believe it to be! <- real life advice from ace trappola guys.

if you haven’t already guessed, he can indeed see the picture you just sent and just assumes his very first form of defense… no amount of proof will remove him from his little ball of: “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

you gotta prepare some kind of miscrosoft presentation, and sit him down. though he will 100% do that thing where he plugs his ears in with his fingers pretending he doesn’t hear anything even though it doesn’t block out you reading out the words.

“here is the real, actual screenshot of my replies—”

“I NEVER EVEN SAW YOUR STORY.”

“ah, good! next slide after this is the views of the story!”

deuce

not gonna lie ! i like you

very demure, very straight to the point is deuce.

he would've written some long ass paragraph in all honesty but he just can't because he sees what he writes, deletes it, then cringes to himself.

atleast with that one he has the excuse for whichever scenario that might randomly ask about it.. (yes, he's thinking that far) weird flex but ok

1. "you ever confessed to your crush?" someone asking

2. "yeah sorta....." deuce

3. "???" someone confused

he was feeling reaaallyyy proud of himself. the anxiousness finally settles down, alongside with his rapidly beating heart. even if it isn't a real, confession it still brings him a bit of peace.

shrimp: I know what you did

tokyodefenders: WHAT?

there goes his heart rate.

like, you did not offer context to any of that but he's still gonna think you somehow, actually do know even if you didn't provide an explanation to... whatever it is you know about him!

tokyodefenders: whaTEVER IT IS IS NKT TRUE

shrimp: please, ur breaking my heart

shrimp: I like u too :(

heart? ascended

he's not even gonna question it. all his braincells got dumped out, and all he can focus on is that particular message. he isn't even gonna remember backtracking about the ngl cause he's gonna be like:

how did they hack my keyboard.. are they tracking it?! LOL

"I'm a mastermind,"

"HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!" <- deuce, scared for his life.

jack

not gonna lie ! stop getting into trouble. I'm not always there to pull you out

is concerned with how many times you've managed to unknowingly walk into trouble, jack had been lucky enough (yes, him. not you, cause knowing you, you wouldn't be too phased) to be a near constant presence when the shenanigans during the tournament concluded, he stuck to you then.

as in reluctantly following around you like a tail. narrowing his eyes at the less than friendly faces often wore around you, that you were... well, amazingly oblivious to. or maybe you acted like you didn't know, the carriage didn't pick you up for nothing if you were here in nrc.

shrimp: do u rlly think I'm a troublemaker?

iheldheroncejacob: yes

the random topic being brought up went completely over his head. jack probably had forgotten he'd given the link to your story the time of your day, in all honesty

shrimp: well maybe I keep getting in trouble so u can rush in, and pull me out?

iheldheroncejacob: you're a terrible friend then

shrimp: :(

in retrospect jack is able to keep up with joking around, usually. but it's so hard to take you seriously that he takes whatever you say with a grain of salt, you're almost always tipping between flat sarcasm, or calm nonchalance between your words. it almost always has something to do with the people you're with.

the heartslabyul prefect for example, you take a kind, subtle undertone of teasing to (which is crazy, because you're scarily tame in the presence of the vice-dorm head.) and then you're all stony faced when you're with someone you don't like.

^ and you obviously don't dislike jack, if the little selfish, presumptuous nrc part of him would like to claim confidently so... would you really be joking?

only does jack realize the connection between your text, and the ask he sent when he's just finished his laps.

"I'm not your guard dog! why would you even get in trouble for that, next time I'm not even gonna spare you the time cause—"

"what a pee brain."

"what? don't compare my brain to a tiny pee—"

epel

not gonna lie ! CAN I PLS TRANSFER TO RAMSHACKLE AHHHH

you've never met anyone who's disliked being sorted into whatever the dark mirror fitted their 'soul' into as much as epel.

even without the private story only limited to his response, you're sure you could pick out his message and put a face to it.

epel, in his defense, still has savanaclaw as number one in his heart. though upon asking jack if it was possible to transfer there, the latter confirmed but it was... a tedious process, and suggested asking rook, who literally came from savanaclaw!

the boy only spared his friend a side glance before scurrying away. no use traipsing around that...

but of course, getting away from pomefiore is only a goal! always being near your proximity was a biiiiig bonus!

shrimp: hey I need ur files for the dorm transfer

catchwhathands: [escapeplan.jpg]

catchwhathands: I knew u wanted me in ur dorm!!

shrimp: actually I don't. ur the one that asked ;)

catchwhathands: who cares. I'm finally getting out of this hell YEAHHHH!!

shrimp: who said I was gonna use the files you sent?

okay, admittedly the moment he'd sent over the files, epel shut his phone, and quite literally did a victory lap around his room. making sure to frolic so vil has less chances of hearing his chaos...

the dorm leader woke up so easily from noises that you'd think rook was the reason he developed such a habit.

probably.

epel was already planning the plan! he could see the vision! maybe he could plant around ramshackle since it is a pretty big area. you guys would be together for the remainder of the year—and he'd finally bump the adeuce duo from their pedestal!

*ping*

"AGHHHHH STUPID FRIGGIN'—"

"epel!"

"sorry..."

sebek

not gonna lie ! since it is a request for unbridled honesty, I shall deliver what you've requested. you have done so without much thought, clearly! if you've given such leeway for... criticism! you, human, could use a lot more educating in terms of the glory of our eternal lord, the glorious malleus! in accordance to your previous, description of our relationship. the farthest I can give is acquaintance, but I shall only call you a companion (AKA friend) if you are atleast educated about my interests! as the good companion you desire to be!

woo, alright. he really wrote all that...

oh, uh oh.. you just got another ask from him, maybe even longer..?

shrimp: what would that make silver then

rizzvolt: my brother in arms!

shrimp: but hey, actually I do want to know

rizzvolt: ah! finally! I knew you atleast have some common decency, and sense. for that I shall agree for your request in our friendship! these are the most accurate ones pertaining the great lord malleus' biography! [link] [link] [link]

rizzvolt: is that enough? I will send you more, but only if you finish these three. I will test you rigorously to confirm that you are indeed genuine in your interest!

why he has all that, you have no idea.. if only he displayed that much dedication for his studies...

shrimp: I don't wanna learn about malleus

shrimp: I want to learn about you

rizzley: how dare you! the lord's name should only be addressed with a: 'lord', 'the great', 'the

...

sebek stares at his screen, just in the process of finishing his... educating sentence, because even in text, malleus should only be treated with the highest form of respect!

have you no integrity?! he wonders.

only then does he focus on your response, does he make a rather... dubious sound of shock? sebek doesn't know why he breaks into a cold sweat as he runs the sentence through his mind a hundred times in the span of a minute.

what is this... some sort of human illness? or maybe love—

of course he'd never even consider such a thing! (just did bro)

shrimp: sooo.. since you sent me an ask, does that mean you actually like me?

shrimp: sebeeeeekk.. did you actually read?

with the speed of lightning (and the adrenaline maybe, what else could this frantic pounding of his chest explain besides that you are indeed, dangerous!) he opens the story on your media

'send me an ask if you like meeee :)'

sebek promptly falls over.

[kakashixhatakesxwhore]

Such Effort VI

Pairing: Hatake Kakashi x f!Reader

W/c: 5k (a vast departure from where we started)

Warnings: Talk of alcohol, a bit suggestive, swearing, Kakashi trying to talk about his feelings, long as fuck

Summary Post 🔮🔮 Masterlist

Previous Part

You fucking dolt.

Why'd you tell him that you're a virgin? That's the perfect way to scare a man away.

There was no saving you, your liquored tongue or your lapse of judgement. All you could do was wish those words back into your mouth, and for Kakashi's mind to be wiped of this night entirely.

"No shame in that," he hummed, though he had had a clear physical reaction to your confession. The way he tensed, how long he blinked, the stutter in his breath- cripes, you were so stupid, and he was trying to console you about it.

You shook your head and sped up your pace, though it was probably just to Kakashi's regular speed. "Au contraire; lots and lots."

"That's silly." Fuck, is he as drunk as me? You thought at the liberty in his cadence, Fujita's going to kill me. "So, is it that you never-"

"Man, who said that was a conversation point," you whinged immediately, hiding your face behind your hands. "I just... cripes, I guess you got your juicier detail, huh?"

Kakashi chuckled lowly, which relaxed you. You peeked at him from behind your fingers, which only made the deep rumble pick up to a proper laugh. Feeling like he was laughing at you, though not maliciously, you put your hands down and shoved him lightly on the shoulder. It barely budged him, but Kakashi swayed for your sake.

"Say something else," you commanded him with a grin. "I'm wallowing in embarrassment right now."

"Alright," Kakashi purred, taking a step closer to you as the two of you made your way down the main road. "What do you want to talk about, if not your virginity isn't-"

"Shut up, shut up!" Laughing, you grabbed Kakashi's bicep, and shook him with all your might. He laughed as he let you move him, head drifting back and forth. You huffed, holding onto him from the exertion of trying to shake the mountain of a man, "Anything but that..." Then you sighed, tightening your grip and leaning on him as you walked. "Let's talk about... fuck, let's talk about what you're doing in a pub, after I give you bedrest."

Dropping your grasp of his arm, you took a step to the side, creating a small chasm of space between you, and looked at Kakashi accusatorily. He, in all of his nonchalance, just snickered happily and leaned back as he walked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"You said you'd be there, so how could I resist?" He replied quaintly.

Rolling your eyes a little, you remarked, "I didn't invite you."

"I know, and it broke my heart," Kakashi grinned, not looking the least bit heartbroken. Then his smiley cadence faltered when he added, "Watching you dance with someone who wasn't me was... terrible, something I never want to see again."

"Can you dance, Kakashi?" You asked.

Kakashi lead you around the corner of his street, off the main road, and then took a step in front of you, turning to face you and block the way. He put out his hands and smirked, "Assuredly, better than Raido."

"Mm, I dunno," you hummed, taking Kakashi's hands lightly. "Raido and I have been dancing together for years - he knows my flow better than-"

"Yeah, but my flow compliments your flow, so everything pans out." 

There was no arguing with Kakashi as he brought your hands up, then down, taking a smooth step back as he did. The movement pulled you both in a dancer's bow, and you giggled at how seriously he was taking this.

Then, Kakashi drew both of you up and released your left hand, letting his right arm drop to encircle your waist and pull you close. Your breath hitched in your throat at the sudden proximity, being able to fully feel the radiating heat from Kakashi's body.

He looked down at you with kind, half-lidded eyes as he started to lead you in a very fast dance.

It wasn't what you were expecting.

His citrus scent beguiled you as he swayed you to an invisible beat. Still, Kakashi's sheer rhythm infected you; it made you smile so wide that your cheeks hurt, and had you feeling all hot and syrupy inside.

"This is not a three step," you laughed as he twirled you and pulled you close again.

Starting on a sequence of double-steps backward, so intricate that you had to look down at your feet as you copied him, Kakashi chuckled, "Can't keep up?"

"Watch it, grandad," you hissed, looking up for a second. "I'm just surprised a man of your age has such slick moves."

"A man of my age?" Kakashi laughed loudly, spinning you both in a circle in a three step that more closely resembled a six step. "Just you wait, girly- the second you're past twenty, I'll tell you how decrepit you are."

"Why I oughta- fuck-" Kakashi slung you away, then back into his arm, making you seethe, "You-"

"Yeah, alright," he grinned, squeezing your waist with his large, warm hands. You bit back a whimper, but Kakashi's ears were too sharp. Immediately, he groaned, "Fuckin' tell me Raido doesn't get that kind of reaction out of you."

All you could do was squeak a no as Kakashi began to twirl you, fast. Once, then twice, then thrice-

"Fuck, fuck, okay, okay, you're the best dancer ever, Kakashi," you cried out with a laugh, slipping your hand from his and collapsing to his chest, pushing him all the way to the nearest wall.

The world was spinning, and you were entirely aware of that fact in that moment.

"Kakashi?" He repeated. Your head snapped up, and eyebrows furrowed, but Kakashi just chuckled, shaking his head, "Mm-mm, no one by that name here."

"Oh, stop-"

"Serious," Kakashi purred, only making that syrupy feeling spread across your body.

Getting your bearings back, you figured, what the Hell, so you played along. You tried pulling away from Kakashi's chest, but he wrapped his arms around you, keeping you in place against the wall. Huffing and puffing, you squirmed, which only made Kakashi's chuckle return as his arms tightened.

"So, who are you?" You grumbled, trying to wiggle out of his hold. "I don't wanna just be out, on the street, with some guy-"

"Oh, baby, y'breakin' my heart tonight," he crooned. Fuck, his voice was so rich, so fucking delicious. Your mouth started to water, but Kakashi squeezed your hips, bringing you back to reality.

"'m sorry, pretty boy," you sighed. "That's the last thing I wanna do."

"And we're back in business." You raised your eyebrows, and Kakashi partially let go of you, only to start walking again with his arm slung over your shoulders. He leaned on you, and sighed happily, "My girl is mine, again, after all."

"I was never- nevermind."

"No, no, say what you were gonna say."

Your cheeks flamed red. You weren't going to make the same mistake of revealing yourself twice. Not so close in succession. "No, fuck you." 

As you said it, you ducked from under his arm and started to run away. You didn't get so much as five good steps in before Kakashi's other arm was hooked around your waist, pulling you back immediately. 

"Tell me." His tone was so friendly that you thought it almost didn't match the conversation. Sliding his arm around your waist, Kakashi rested his hand on your hip with a porcelain grip, as he hummed, "Or would you rather I go first?"

"Beg your pardon?" First? Okay, he really got you with that one, you hadn't the foggiest clue what he was talking about.

Sensing your utter confusion, Kakashi chuckled lowly, and looked at you. His eye found yours easily, capturing them, and giving them nothing else to see. Exhaling deeply, you felt a smile creep onto your face, and you did nothing to stop it.

"Okay, fine, but I've never done this before," Kakashi sighed. Something he's never done? Creator above only knew- "Okay, okay, I can't fuck this up, let me collect my thoughts here."

"You're starting to scare me, sweetheart," you admitted, though your smile didn't falter. 

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck, then tore his gaze from you. Quietly, almost as if he didn't want you to hear him, Kakashi mumbled, "I'm scaring myself."

"Alright, then let me go first," you offered, not wanting Kakashi to put any undue strain on himself, though still not knowing what you were jumping the line for. Turning his head to look at you amusedly, Kakashi nodded toward you, eye glinting in the moonlight. Oh, yeah. First for what? 

You could do a cartwheel... or rhyme off the Hidden Villages of each Land, in alphabetical order... list ten carcinogens found in household items... was this a secret talent showcase, or something? You wished you had Gerald with you, then; he could jump into your sleeve and climb to your shoulder vertically, spin, do mazes made of books...

"Yeah, nevermind," you laughed lowly, shaking your head and looking away. "I don't know what's going on- I might've had a gin tonic too many."

"Gin?" He repeated, nose scrunching up.

You nodded vigorously, licking your lips. "Yes! Dry, not Old Tom, for sure."

"Eugh." Kakashi shuttered around you, making you laugh as he asked, "Everything alright in the home?"

"Cripes, no, which is why I have a bottle of Navy Strength on my dresser," you told him, wiping a faux tear from your eye. "And gin is not eugh, it's so yum."

"Whatever you say, crazy lady-"

"Hey, hey, you get to be pretty boy, and I'm slapped with crazy lady?" You quipped, seeing Kakashi's apartment complex coming up and feeling dread rising in your throat.

Holding you so tightly to him that you threw your arm around his waist, Kakashi hummed, "I'm sorry, my sweet, darling girl, light of my days."

"That's more like it, thank you." You weren't even the one who demanded the pet names in the first place, but they did make that syrupy feeling turn into a strange, full-body heartbeat, which you quite enjoyed. Melting into Kakashi's side, you asked absentmindedly, "Do you really like me that much?"

You just sounded so stupid- holy shit. What a beggar. A compliment-fisher. 

Before you could distract him from your stupidity, Kakashi stated, "I like you so much." You looked at him with a raised eyebrow and he sighed, "Like, so much. More than I can describe."

The Sunken Cost fallacy occurred to you, and you figured you were very much in the hole already; why not press on?

"Try it," you shrugged. Kakashi looked at you with a similarly quirked brow, which made you giggle, "Let the gods take the reins, and you'll surely come to come adequate description."

With a small smile blooming behind his mask, the silver haired man took a deep breath, then said, "Okay, fuck it, here goes."

Maybe, just maybe, he was operating under the same fallacy.

Abruptly, just before Kakashi's building, he moved the two of you to the edge of the sidewalk and came in front of you, taking your hands in his again, but this time not to dance. 

With another deep breath, Kakashi's revealed eye traced over your connected hands, then up your right arm. He moved across your chest, stopping at your mother's sparkling brooch, before trailing up your neck and over your face. 

Mercifully, his eye connected with yours, and a glint caught your attention. You could see a sheen of sweat collect on his temple, and your worry took over.

"What is wrong, sweet boy?" You asked, concern lacing your tone. Taking your left hand and bringing the back of it to the exposed, right side of his face, you clicked your tongue and remarked, "Tch. You're burning up."

"Nothing is wrong," he assured you, taking your hand back in his and bringing it down. "Everything is so right, and that's why I've been... pussified."

"Pussified?" You laughed. Kakashi's smile deepened impossibly and he looked down to your hands again. "The scariest shinobi, in all the land, has been pussified? What ever could have this power?"

"You think I'm scary?" Kakashi asked, sounding nervous and granting himself a brief glimpse of your face.

You smiled, shaking your head, "Nah, you don't scare me, not anymore."

Kakashi nodded a nod that had his hair bouncing. He looked back at your hands as his thumb traced over your knuckles. "Good," he mumbled. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I scared you."

"I've got quite the affect on you, huh?" You teased, knowing damn-well that he affected you so much more.

"Indeed, you do, you gorgeous woman," Kakashi answered, like it was obvious. Then, he sighed, "You affect me more than you know 'cause you're... so different... you're the kind of girl that fits in with my world, and I... I just... need you-" Then he started speaking so fast, he started to trip over his own tongue, "-I need to tell you how... how much I like you, and how much I wanna- want to love you, and hold you, 'n' kiss you, 'n'-"

"Woah, woah, woah, slow down." 

Fuck, you could've jumped for joy if Kakashi wasn't right in front of you.

"I'm sorry," he immediately said, squeezing your hands harshly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't've-"

"Eh, eh, no take-backs," you interrupted. Kakashi's eye jumped to your face, full of a certain flavour of fright. You chuckled lowly, and smiled broadly, which did nothing to relax the silver haired shinobi in front of you. With a breath, you told him, "I... feel the same way."

Narrowing his eye, Kakashi leaned his head back and asked, "Do you, now?"

"Hey, I've been into you since you pulled me over, way back in October, so I don't wanna hear it-"

"You have?" He seemed genuinely shocked by that revelation.

You scoffed, "You say that like you don't own a mirror." Stretching your neck out a little, you added, "No, seriously, I was totally enamored with you-"

"Was?" 

"Am," you corrected begrudgingly. "Are you going to question every single thing I tell you, or are you going to kiss me? Because, it's looking like-"

In an instant, Kakashi let go of your hands. One of his hands cupped your cheek, while the other came to the bridge of his nose. He brought you close, and you could smell... tequila? Only for a split second, before he pulled the fabric from his face and pressed his lips to yours before you could admire him for even a breath.

Oh, definitely tequila. His lips were so fucking warm, and so fucking soft. You hummed into the kiss, unable to withhold it, and Kakashi's arm came around your waist, bring you infinitely closer as his tongue ran along your bottom lip.

A shiver ran up your spine, and you could feel fireworks within your chest. Your head started spinning, and you stopped being able to feel the ground beneath your feet.

You pulled away and immediately ducked your head into Kakashi's shoulder. You wanted to scream, and jump, and cry, all at the same time, and all for joy.

"That wasn't your first kiss, was it?" Kakashi asked, pulling you into a hug. All you could do was shake your head, feeling a swell of some strange, unnamable emotion. You'd mull it over later; for now, you pushed it aside as Kakashi sighed, "Ah, I could only be so lucky."

"So- so- so- so, what... what are we doing?" You asked, bringing your hand to your lips and feeling the lingering tingle of his.

Kakashi pulled you away from him, and smiled. You could see his lips pull up, and the way his smile lines defined his face. You could see his smile, and you never wanted to stop seeing his smile. As your eyes roamed his face, his revealed eye did the same to yours.

A little while passed, and you felt no need to move. Not until you got your answer, at least, and this was a great pastime.

With a shallow breath, Kakashi broke the silence, and said, "We're doing whatever you want to do."

"Terrible idea, I'm demanding as fuck," you joked warmly.

"I've never seen you demand a thing," Kakashi countered swiftly, the corner of his lip quirking as he spoke. "And if you've just been hiding that from me, I'll give you anything, everything - if you want things."

"I don't want things... just you."

"Then, you have me."

You narrowed your eyes, sucking on the inside of your cheek. Cautiously, you asked, "So... are we going steady, then?"

"Do you want to go steady?"

Fucking stars, man, you just wanted an answer. "Obviously, I do - do you?"

"Yeah," he hummed contently. "Exclusive, right?"

"Is that not the point of going steady?"

Putting his hands up in mock-defense, smiling broadly, Kakashi chuckled, "Just making sure Raido doesn't have a chance with my girl."

"None at all, and I fear you may have ruined my dancing with him," you replied with a laugh, feeling lighter than air as the circumstance set in. You were talking to your boyfriend, now. You were spoken for, now. 

"Oh, no," he quipped, feigning worry. "How ever will I live with myself, if my lover can't dance with other men?"

Feeling a bit shameful, you rolled your eyes and scoffed, "Bugger off."

"I was going to propose quite the opposite, actually." Cripes, why did he have to be so suave? Your attention was piqued, and Kakashi noticed, basking in your questioning gaze for a moment before he grinned, "We should pop up to my apartment, have a couple cookies, and get to know each other, outside of our files."

"How untoward," you teased.

Without his mask, you could see how clearly Kakashi displayed his emotions with his mouth. The smile fell from his lips in an instant, and he said, "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Oh, take a joke, boyfriend," you laughed, hooking your arm around his and moving the two of you toward his complex. "Besides, just 'cause I'm a pure, naive, little virgin doesn't mean I have any objection to pre-marital acts... I just don't... haven't ever enjoyed the company of a man so much, before."

"Awe, are you saying I'm the Chosen One?" Kakashi cooed, at some point having put his mask back on, moving up the steps to his building's front door. 

"Well, if we were characters in some fantasy story, sure," you shrugged with a smile as you ran up the stairs. Reaching the top first, you pulled open the door and bowed deeply, motioning Kakashi into his own building like he was a daimyo. "My liege."

"The Hell are you doing?" He chuckled as he walked past you and stopped, waiting for you to join his side. 

You did, gently closing the door behind you as you answered, "Doesn't the Chosen One deserve kingly treatment for being the hero of the story?"

"Mm, he only ever gets it from the Lover at the very end of the tale, and we're only at the beginning."

"And what the Hell am I in the story, then? Fuckin' Igor?" Getting into the staircase, Kakashi laughed loudly, shaking his head and trying to tamp it down. The vibrations bounced around the walls so beautifully, letting Kakashi's melodic laugh last longer than he let it. With a sigh, you added, "Don't you think that's a crime, anyway? The Chosen One not getting an ounce of love until the end of the story?"

Kakashi shrugged as he climbed the stairs, "He wouldn't be much of a character, without any trial or tribulation."

"Yeah, but too much hardship turns the Chosen One into the Villain," you argued. Making it past the second floor, you huffed, "And too many fucking stairs turn this Igor into a shaking mess- how you do these stairs every day, I do not know."

Making it to a landing, Kakashi stopped and turned to you, waiting for you to join him on the landing. You were grateful for the break, until it turned out to not be a break.

Sweeping you into his arms, in a bridal hold, Kakashi started climbing the stairs again as if nothing had happened.

"Are you not... man, I'm heavy, you're gonna-"

"You're as heavy to me as a cat is to a bear, Lover," he told you, voice firm and unwavering. He didn't sound very taxed, or even a little winded. "If it weren't for my side, I'd be able to carry you with one arm, and a tuba in the other."

"Now you're just trying to impress me," you laughed, shifting your weight to the side you knew was unaffected.

Not denying you, Kakashi hummed, "Is it working?"

"Very much so, but I'll need to see some proof."

"You just let me know when you get your hands on a tuba, darling."

How did conversation flow so naturally between you and Kakashi? There were very few people you routinely talked to that seemed to be able to stand you, but he seemed to do much more than just tolerate you. It seemed to you that you had finally found someone who could you could play off of, and you were shocked by how easy it actually was to speak to him.

Slowly, but surely, the remaining hours of night bled into the early hours of morning, while the two of you sat on Kakashi's bed. His mask was left abandoned, around his neck, the second the two of you were in the privacy of Kakashi's apartment. Over the night, you two shared an innumerable amount of tea, and cleaned off the plate of sugar cookies that you had brought over earlier, while talking.

And talking. And talking. And talking.

Neither of you could stop the flow of conversation, even if you tried. There was always something to say. Your topics ranged, from the gossip you'd picked up from Genma's friends, to traumas, to completely theoretical, philosophical problems surrounding the undue bloodiness of the life of a ninja.

You divulged every inch of your backstory; your parents' deaths during the attack, and your consequential clinging to Genma; how you would throw up at the thought of harming someone else, but were given the goriest patients in your early apprenticeship, because you had the strongest stomach; even down to the one other boyfriend you'd ever had, Kamizuki Izumo. You were only fourteen, but you thought you really did like him. You didn't - not if liking someone was supposed to feel how you felt now, with Kakashi.

In turn, Kakashi pulled back all the redaction that you had been previous affronted with in his file. He told you about his mother, then his father, and all the shame. Then, he told you about his Genin team... and the events that surrounded them, which only piled more shame onto Kakashi's shoulders. The shame then became attached to his will to prove himself a valuable member of society within the Leaf, he told you, which pushed him into the ANBU. He told you about the Nine Tails attack, from the perspective of Lord Fourth's lead guard, and then the following guilt he held. He told you about his current position in the specialized force, but couldn't give you anything further.

"I'm sorry, it's just for-"

"Hey, man, I had to enter into an NDA with the medical corps, too, don't worry," you assured him, clutching you tea close enough to your face that the steam was making you sweat a little. "Confidentiality is such a fucking thing in this village; all anyone cares about are secrets."

"Too true," Kakashi agreed, dunking one of the final cookies into his tea. You wondered how the sencha would do with the biscuit, and watched Kakashi's reaction. He bit it, then scoffed, "Fuck, we should have been doing this the whole time."

"It's that good, huh?" You followed suit before Kakashi hummed his affirmation, dunking the last half of cookie into your tea and biting it. It fell apart in your mouth, and the bitter undercut of the tea really did work well with the fullness of the kinako powder. You nodded, "Can't believe I haven't tried that before."

"Well, there are a few things I can't believe you haven't tried," your boyfriend remarked with a teasing smirk. Before you could respond, Kakashi's air turned anxious and he asked, "Anyway... do you want to know about my... previous engagements, or...?"

"Honestly, no." Your answer seemed to relieve both of you, but Kakashi still raised a brow in question as he finished the cookie. With a small, bashful smile, you explained, "The idea of you being with someone else kinda makes me... sick? Nauseated, that's for sure."

"I hear that," Kakashi chuckled as you popped the last bit of your biscuit in your mouth. He drank the last bit of tea in his cup before leaning to put it on the ground, then asked, "Are you jealous, or is it something else?"

"Oh, fuckin' right I'm jealous," you admitted, sipping your tea. Kakashi laughed lowly, and you shrugged, "I want you so bad, and it's gutting to know that other people have had you already." Your nose twitched, and you couldn't stop yourself from adding, "Especially when one of those people is my best friend."

That wiped the smile right off of Kakashi's face. Even you could feel a small pang in your chest, feeling the weight of your words on your tongue. It finally occurred to you that Kasumi would find out about your evolved relationship to Kakashi, either by the grapevine, or your own mouth, and she would certainly not be a happy camper, either way - no matter how many promises of permission she made.

"I meant what I said at the izakaya, as mean as it was," Kakashi mumbled, making you purse your lips and look down at your tea cup. "Though I meant it more like... if I had known you were there, waiting for me... I would have waited for you."

"Waiting sucks, man, you wouldn't have fucked with it," you joked, to Kakashi's surprise. Still, after the initial shock wore off, his smile crept back into his face as you said, "But I'm glad I did... my first time would have been wasted on someone I didn't really like."

"You really like me?" Kakashi asked, in a test of the teasing variety.

You nodded and looked at him with a grin. "I really, really like you."

"Take that, double it; that's how much I like you."

"Not a chance, Lance Romance - you can't even conceptualize how much I like you."

"Peanuts," he dismissed with a grin. "You know the universe?"

Feigning a moment of ignorance, you tapped your chin and asked, "The infinite one?"

"That's the one," Kakashi nodded, reaching out to bop your nose with his index finger. "My like for you is bigger than the infinite universe, tenfold."

"What a sap," you chortled, finishing your cup of tea and setting it on the ground before you laid back, onto Kakashi's crossed legs. With your head in his lap, Kakashi tensed for a second, before settling more comfortably and brushing the hair out of your face. 

"So very sappy, for you," he hummed, fingers trailing down your cheek to cup your face on either side.

"Then how's about a kiss? My lips are awfully cold," you offered, still feeling a bit novel at all this.

Kakashi's fingers encircled the underside of your jaw as his eye traced your facial features slowly. He hummed, contemplating his answer, and taking his time. So much time that you got anxious, and started biting your lip.

With his index finger, Kakashi pulled your lip down and looked at the glistening of spit for a second before he leaned down without a word. You angled your head up to meet him, but you were in a strange position, so there wasn't much you could do.

It was an odd kiss, that felt almost funny, but still sent wild electric shocks through your body. It was the upside-down-factor, but that didn't stop you from giggling against Kakashi's lip. He pulled up with a smile, looking down at you in your joy. "Don't tell me you're laughing at me."

"'Course not," you grinned, sitting up to be on your knees. "It just felt weird to have your nose tickle my chin."

As his eye darted between your lips and eyes, you got Kakashi's message and leaning forward with a smile, for another kiss. Your lips met his so kindly that you almost groaned at the contact.

Pulling you onto his lap without breaking the kiss, Kakashi's arms encircled your hips loosely. You were tired, your liver was crying, and your pussy throbbed - so, when Kakashi shimmied you both into a more prone position on his bed, you were game for anything.

You pulled up as his kiss got a bit slower. And you looked at him. 

The yellow light from his light fixture gave his skin a wonderful glow, and you wondered for a moment if Kakashi spent any time in the sun. He was a man made for the night, you figured, the light in his eye held far too many stars to not be.

Without a word, you rose from his chest and padded over to the light. You pulled the chain till it clicked, then washed the room in darkness. 

Strips of the sunrise peered through the curtains, and you could hear mourning doves if you tried hard enough. The faint buzz of Kakashi's fridge and his soft breaths were the only sounds that filled the room, which left you the room to breathe. A feeling of peace came over you, being surrounded by Kakashi's fresh citrus scent.

"C'mon, sweetheart," Kakashi called softly from the bed. "How's about a cuddle? I'm feeling a chill."

So, with a small, contented smile, you strode over to the bed and climbed in beside Kakashi. He tucked you under his arm, and held you to his chest. Ripples of heat came off of him still, and you put your hand and head to his chest to see if his heart was beating irregularly.

"Relax," Kakashi mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "You'll be able to check me out properly in... three hours, so we better rest up now."

Turning your head up, you caught Kakashi's lips again. The kiss was lazy, and so very slow, but it felt so right, and soothing to both souls. It lingered, as you laid your head on his shoulder and Kakashi craned his neck, but, soon, the throws of sleep began to call to you both.

Gentle as a kiss, a tear drop, or a star's twinkle, you two drifted to sleep, wrapped in each other's embrace; finally, having left nothing unsaid.

A/n: how do we feel? did we fw this?

[comiverse]

🤍✧Masterpost✧🤍

(This is a WIP, things are subject to additions/change.)

Greetings, people of Tumblr! My name is Comiverse, but you can call me Comi, Birdbrain, or BB. Don't be shy, feel free to ask questions, or just talk to me in general if you'd like! (Anons are welcome as well. 🤍)

Since this post shall be long, everything will be under the cut in this order:

✧ Basic Info + Links

✧ DNI / IWC / OTI

✧ Likes, Dislikes, & Triggers / Discomforts

✧ Tags Guide

↪Basic Info:

✧ I am a minor, but I don't feel comfortable with sharing my exact age!

✧ I go by She/They /It

✧ I both draw and write (I like to suffer creatively twice), but my commissions/requests aren't open for either of them yet. :)

✧ I am a Christian, so please IWC or DNI if you aren't comfortable with that! I don't talk about religion at all really though, so I likely won't bring it up past this point.

✧ I'm uncomfortable with talking about demons/satanism/cults/etc. Please keep that stuff to a minimum if you must talk about it to me for whatever reason. ^^

✧ I'm chill as long as you're chill, and even if you're not chill, I will usually just block and move on if something bad happens.

✧ While I do have discomforts, it is actually nearly impossible to offend me. Be warned that honestly, insults and pointless arguments are entertaining to me. (I usually won't start a fight, but I'd just giggle if someone tried to have beef with me.)

✧ I do tend to have problems with taking things seriously, so apologies if I come off as insensitive sometimes! (''._.)

↪Links:

✧ AO3

↪DNI (Do Not Interact):

(I cannot stop people from liking/reblogging my posts or following me and shit, but please do not talk to me if you fall under this group!)

× P3d0ph1l3s, z00ph1l3s, MAPs (Minor Attracted People), d@rkshippers/pr0shippers/c0mshippers, etc.

× Transphobes, homophobes, ect.

× Christians who believe it's alright to hate LGBTQ+ people or people of other religions. (I don't agree with this opinion, and I don't believe God does either. Matthew 19:19 KJV, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.")

× People who bash on Christians/mock Christianity. (Yes, I know there are terrible Christians out there, but please don't come to my blog just to start sending me hate just because of my religion.)

× 18+ people (Unless I know you/interact first)

× 13- kids (I really don't feel comfortable with talking to younger children.)

↪IWC (Interact With Caution):

(You will only fit into this group if you are none of the above in DNI.)

• People who are easily triggered by heavy topics such as mental disorders, EDs, SH, SA, etc.

• People who don't like Sans X Sans or Papyrus X Papyrus (Don't worry, there won't be any Sans X Papyrus though, not matter what AU)

• People who dislike Sanses & Papyri being anything other than male

• People who enjoy Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, and/or The Coffin of Andy and Leyley (Idm if you like it, I just don't want you to try to convince me to like it too)

• Satanists (Same thing as the above one ^)

↪OTI (Okay To Interact):

(You will only fit into this group if you are none of the above in DNI or IWC.)

✓ You like UT/UTMV

✓ You don't mind some dark jokes/content

✓ You're a decent, respectable person

↪Likes:

I'm really only into the Undertale fandom, but I also love the following games:

✓ Sky: COTL

✓ Do NOT Take This Cat Home

✓ Slime Rancher (1 & 2)

My favorite Sanses are:

✓ Cross

✓ Reaper

✓ Ink

✓ Dream

Misc things I like:

✓ Chicken flavored ramen noodles

✓ The color purple

✓ Hoodies

✓ Music

✓ Lemonade

↪Dislikes:

Please do not try to convince me to like/talk about:

× Hazbin Hotel

× Helluva Boss

× The Coffin of Andy and Leyley

× Dreammare (In any form. This includes Swadmare.)

× NSFW things (Reminder that I am a minor)

× Demons/Satanism/Cults/Etc.

↪Tags!!

✧ Use (#pinned post) to see important stuff I have pinned.

✧ Use (#birdbrainedstuff) to see everything that isn't a reblog.

✧ Use (#comiconvos) to see answers to asks.

✧ Use (#bbchatter) to see random unrelated shit I post.

✧ Use (#headcanon) to see my headcanons.

✧ Use (#incorrect quotes) to see incorrect quotes.

✧ Use (#fanfic idea) to see my fanfic ideas.

[siphonyx]

After getting to socialize on this platform for a bit and know others, I'm feeling comfortable about being more open here. It's such an improvement from the past few years.

I've also noticed that it's reduced my negative reaction to things like blocking. In the past being blocked by others would cause me to spiral, probably because people blocking me or everyone else in the system weren't blocking an authentic version of us. Now? What you see is what you get, if you don't like it then you're free to leave. If someone blocks us I'm more comfortable with it, since they're blocking the real us, and not a nervous act we put on to avoid getting mobbed.

I was reflecting last night on just how much "mature therian" spaces really messed us up. I was on a couple of forums in the late 2010s (namely Werelist and a few others) and honestly I'm tempted to call it a cult during that time period. In those forums you couldn't be human (oh sure, we're all technically human, but don't dare side with their views or feel like them in any way) but you also couldn't feel like other nonhuman types beyond therian and MAYBE otherkin. I remember many threads where people would rant about those "newer otherkin/therians", who didn't take anything seriously and didn't want to maturely analyze their types like the rational therians on that forum.

And the ableism! I remember how the admin made it clear that you didnt want to be like those kids on the short bus (not my phrasing), the adults living in their mom's basement, the people who were never able to get a job and do something with themselves. You have to be human and function in human society (but again, don't empathize too much with humanity or you become the odd one out!) While I can't figure out why figuring out you're an animal in a human body would suddenly change your life path so much so that these become new options, idk, maybe this is an issue therians struggle with lol

And I do feel that held us back somewhat? Like, we were being filled with all these ideas about how tumblr was a toxic terrible place, but here we find ourselves to be the most comfortable. I had to believe and feel that I was a therian, or else be attacked (didn't stop me from being a p-shifter though, so... task failed successfully?) We had to believe every human was bad, every p-shifter was bad, psychotic people are inherently evil (because if you're not lying you're delusional, and that's just as bad in the eyes of many elder therians) and yet, we still socialized with p-shifters, still accepted nonhumans and other humans, and tried to not be as bad as they were being towards people with disabilities.

Even if I wasn't a shifter, I'd still use the label because it seems to offer us a degree of protection from these people and we vibe with shifters so much. Only when you encounter an anti-shifter therian (that isn't using cults as a reason for their apprehension) does the ableism and patronizing come out in full force (with a little bit of racism): 'you can't be this way without suffering from a disorder!', 'you always need treatment, there's no way you could enjoy this', 'you must feel shame for being this way', etc. It's quite infuriating, and I'd rather deal with all of the stigma of the p-shifter label than ever have to deal with that again.

Honestly, I don't know why I stayed. I didn't stay long, I actually spent more of my time around the supernatural groups, but I was around enough for these ideas to touch me and alter my behavior. Oh well, I can cast them off with a little bit of retraining.

[nostalgia-tblr]

right, so.

obvious disclaimer: yes, some Migratory Slash Fans are wanky and annoying, but we regularly Discourse about that and I feel like I spend more time around Migratory Het Fans so they get more chances to annoy me and i would like to vent.

2nd disclaimer: i shall be using "het" to refer to m/f pairings and yes this is not always accurate but this is the terminology we're currently stuck with, pls someone fix this (thanks in advance).

so.

The Migratory Het Fan is someone who moves from fandom to fandom in much the same way as a Migratory Slash Fan, only they can fly a bit under the radar due to having more canon pairings to work with and because it's not seen as "weird" in quite the same way that slashing is. But they share the traits of primarily interacting with fandoms/canons through a shipping lens and thus ending up in fandoms with Popular Het Pairings or Canon Het Pairings that appeal to them in some way - careful observation will often show a MHF making characters fit their favourite tropes with as much gusto as a MSF turning protagonist and sidekick into their fave Any Two Guys. Again.

First thing: some MHFs, mostly ones who have stuck to canon or semi-canon pairings, are really weird about non-canon pairings and slash pairings, conflating the two and asking with bizarre bewilderment why anyone would be pairing those characters who spend a lot of time together and who clearly value each other as friends. This is quite hard for me to take seriously as an argument, as to me this seems hopelessly naive about fandom in general and about what they themselves are doing/have done with different characters. It can also come across to slashers as an offensive refusal to accept that shipping is shipping and we're all freaks here. Oh, good for you, Susan, your E-rated OOC fluff about your faves is so much less weird than that person's E-rated OOC fluff about their faves. The normies are sure to leave you alone when they're picking on the internet weirdos.

Second thing: this can also involve a lack of understanding about what happens when you have a canon ship that conflicts with your OTP. As I have aged into Fandom Old-ness I increasingly feel like the best approach is simply to ignore such conflicting ships and pretend they don't exist (not an ideal solution, but there isn't an ideal solution, as I am about to explain). And some people just don't like doing that, that want to fit their canons a bit better, or they want to write about how the other pairing is Bad and worse than their fave both artistically and morally. Which is annoying, yes. But it can be really hard to discuss a canon without having to discuss one or another canon pairing. There isn't really anything that can be done to stop people getting mad at each other over things like this... except you can Just Fucking Block People and this will hide a lot of it from you.

My point, which I lost somewhere - the 'rival' shippers are not going on about your pairing all the time because they're "obsessed" with it or with you (or at least most of them aren't), they are doing so because it is "in the way" and this must be dealt with in one way or another. Having been on every possible side of such situations over the years I can assure you that it sucks for everyone, nobody likes it, and see above about Just Ignoring That Part Of Your Canon. (Aside: long rants about why this or that ship is Terrible, Actually are generally preaching to the choir. You ever met anyone who realised via a tumblr post or a tweet that their OTP was Terrible, Actually and promptly changed their ways and jumped to the rival ship? Well, exactly.)

Another thing: a lot of het fic is generic and OOC, but this is true of a lot of slash too and I don't actually think either category is better or worse at this part of fandom than the other. Sometimes the only reason the m/m porn doesn't feature any bodice-ripping is that neither man was wearing one. I think that a lot of MHFs (I won't guess a percentage) do just skip from one fandom to another producing generic romance novel content for every pairing they get into, just as MSFs often do, and that this is just a general Shipper Problem, not one with any connection to the genders or sexualities of the characters involved. You can say "but MY ship is CANON!" all you want but that loses some of its supposed power when you discard that canon as easily as the MSFs discarded your fave female character, reinventing your (random example to avoid offence) pair of ruthless space pirates as (again random) 21st century accountants, one of whom is moonlighting as a dominatrix and the other is looking to explore his interest in submitting to a hot chick. This is no longer a canon pairing, you do you but the hill you're trying to die on is now a double-decker bus. So haud yer wheest.

I think that's all I have enraging me this evening on the topic of Migratory Het Fans. I actually suspect that most people would consider me to be one of those, including myself on occasion, so I'm not slagging off the concept, just the annoying things they sometimes do.

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

think i'll complain about migratory het fans this evening

[hoziersong]

for @tootiredmotel 's follower celebration!

day 1: prompt: blue

congrats again Gen, you deserve it <3

college au, 1.2k (read below or ao3)

If Dean Winchester has a prominent talent, it is, without a doubt, painting. He just has this slight problem when it comes to actually painting stuff.

He's not exactly what people would call consistent; he can't just make a painting each week, and he isn't good with deadlines either. It just doesn't feel right, to make art because you're ordered to. His paint brush is just as much a part of his body as any of his other limbs, and none of those run on schedule, so why should this one?

Dean might not be tidy, or stick to a calendar, or function methodically, but when he gets random bursts of inspiration, they're entirely worth it. Once, he was able to paint about 5 pieces just from an ordinary raindrop he happened to see one sunday afternoon, because his brain just works in mysterious ways when it comes to creativity.

Lately, though, his mind is just a bit... lazier than usual, and he has to admit, he's getting a little desperate. He had an assessment due three weeks ago, and he hasn't been able to come up with anything. His teacher, Mrs. Jones, normally gives him a one to two week frame to deliver his homework, because she knows by now that rushing him will just end in disaster. But even by that standard, he's a week overdue by now, and he's getting worried.

"Yes professor, I promise, I'll have it by the end of the week, I'm just having a bit of creative trouble..."

"Listen Dean, you're one of my brightest students, and I hate to rush you. But you've taken too long with this assignment, and I wish I could do something about it, but I've done all I could already. If you don't bring it by Friday, I'm gonna have to fail you."

"Here by Friday, you got it. Thanks."

Dean exits Mrs Jones' classroom, his stress level dialed up to a hundred. He has two days to come up with three full paintings, and his brain is seemingly taking a very long nap. He considers asking Sam for help, but he doesn't think one of his heartfelt pep talks would work for this situation.

Defeated, exhausted, and very hungry, he decides to go to the coffee shop two blocks away from campus. That way, he'll at least have a full tummy. One less worry. He orders some coffee and freshly baked pastries that he eyes in the display, and waits for his order on his usual table by the window. He opens his laptop and browses through some folders where he saves pics for inspiration, but it doesn't help in the slightest.

When he's called back to the counter and retrieves his hot coffee, he's still drilling down on his brain, hopeful for any hint of an idea. And as if his day wasn't already going downhill, he bumps into someone, spilling the coffee on himself.

"Shit!" he hisses, trying to unstick his t-shirt to avoid burning himself further. He seriously considers giving up his career and his life to go backpacking through Europe and never return.

Then, there's a steadying hand posed on his elbow, accompanied by a deep, raspy voice, that has him looking up from the disaster going on on his chest.

"I'm terribly sorry. Are you hurt?" It takes Dean a bit too long to answer, because he's busy staring at the bluest, most beautiful eyes he's ever seen in his life.

"Uhm. What? Oh, no, I'm, uh. I'm okay. Well, as okay as I can be when a cup of scalding coffee is now all over my clothes." Great, now he's rambling. Get it together, Winchester.

"You can use vinegar and dishwashing detergent."

"What?"

The beautiful blue-eyed stranger clears his throat. "To um, clean the coffee, from your clothes. Vinegar and dishwashing detergent. That way it won't stain."

"Oh, uh. Thanks, I'll have that in mind." Seemingly waking up from its slumber, his brain catches on in the scene. "I'm Dean, by the way. Dean Winchester." He holds out his hand, which is immediately greeted by the stranger's. It's warm and soft, with a few callouses.

"Castiel. Nice to meet you." If Dean thought this guy was beautiful before, the smile he gives him then makes him even more of a sight. Dean lets his hand linger for a little too long, but Castiel doesn't seem to care.

After a beat of silence, Castiel offers to buy him a new coffee. Dean insists it was all his fault, but the man is stubborn, so they end up sitting together and splitting Dean's pastries.

"So, Cas, you're a writer?"

"Yeah. It's not exactly an economically rewarding career, but I quite like writing." Castiel (or, well, Cas now), takes another bite from the pastry, little golden flakes landing on the table. Dean stares when he licks his lips, and then he feels like a creep, so he look out the window instead, willing away the redness of his cheeks.

"Yeah, I get what you mean. Most times, things that we love aren't very well paid."

"What do you do?" Cas looks so genuinely interested, it takes Dean by surprise.

"I'm an art student." That reminds him once more of his long overdue homework, but this time, he doesn't feel the worry creeping up on him the way it did earlier.

"Oh, that's wonderful. I'd love to see some of your work. I'm sure it's very good."

"Well, you can come by anytime. I've a studio at home where I store all of my art stuff." Dean realizes too late that he just asked this guy he met an hour ago to come to his house. "I mean, only if you want to, y'know, you don't have to or anything, but, um. Yeah." Dean stares down at the table. He would love for the earth to swallow him whole right this second. If he prays hard enough, maybe it'll happen.

"That sounds nice, Dean. I'd love to come by. Maybe tomorrow?" That has Dean's head jerking up, and sure enough, Cas isn't joking. He looks– excited.

That's how Dean ends up exchanging numbers with the most handsome stranger he's ever met.

On his way home, he can't stop thinking about Castiel. He's sarcastic, and witty, and his dry humor is perhaps the funniest Dean has ever heard. But he's also honest, almost blatantly so, in a way that made him feel like he could trust every word he said after having talked for no more than an hour. He's smart and a good listener, and he just has this enticing, electric blue eyes that follow Dean inside his thoughts all the way up to his small art studio.

For the first time in weeks, Dean feels light and relaxed. He takes off his coffee-stained shirt, and nearly thanks himself for being so clumsy. Turns out that was the best thing that could have ever happened.

Two days later, he has three full pieces in Mrs. Jones' classroom, all made out of coffee spills and a hint of one particular blue color that he hopes to see every day for the rest of his life.

[wasabito]

hate to love you | dabi x reader

18+, minors dni please! 

wordcount: 2.4k

tags: smut, rough(ish) sex, fingering, slight choking, Dabi’s lowkey manipulative

synopsis: did your traitorous heart make the stupid decision to fall in love with him again, or had you always been his to keep?

“You seriously can’t keep coming here whenever you feel like it, Dabi,” you whisper while scrubbing at your weary eyelids, “If someone sees you, you’re gonna get me in a lot of trouble.”

A true statement and yet it takes no further prodding or convincing at all for you to crack open your window at three in the morning, and allow your ex to clamber through the fire escape. There are sirens blaring in the distance; the high-pitched wailing of fire trucks are a familiar sound, especially in this part of the city. You’ve told yourself that intrusions like these are exactly what you deserve for not cutting him off like the cancerous leech that he is.

Willpower alone can’t keep you from wrinkling your nose, considering how his clothes smell of ash under a faint layer of nicotine. It tells a far better story of his recent crime than anything he could ever say out of his mouth. These days you don’t bother asking. There isn't much of a point in doing so when all you are sure to receive is another sugar-coated lie.

“Don’t be like that, doll face,” he smirks. “I’ve gotta lot more tact than you’re giving me credit for. ”

Terrible, you think. And shameless too. Yes, Dabi is undoubtedly these things, but for all of his depravity and lack of care, you still can’t find it in yourself to turn him away.

He cracks a little smile at you, like he’s read your very thoughts. “What? You don’t trust me anymore?”

You don’t respond, and simply climb back into bed, pointedly ignoring the dark stain of blood on his coat. He may have your heart, but your trust is something you vow to never let him have again. With classes resuming for the semester, you are far too preoccupied with internships and scholarship applications to entertain an ex-boyfriend slash wanted criminal, especially one recently associated with The League of Villains.

It had been different back when he was just some nameless petty criminal, but these days his face was plastered all over the news. That wasn’t the kind of person you ever foresaw yourself getting involved with and yet here you are.

You hear the rustling of clothes and figure he’s probably going to steal one of your oversized hoodies again, all the while leaving his bunched up coat in the laundry bin for you to take care of later. It would give him all the more reason to return to your apartment under false pretenses.

Over the past few months you’ve learned to anticipate his tricks, it’s the only way you can keep yourself from living the rest of your days behind bars. Aiding and abetting is what this is… if you were to ever be caught, you’d have to say he forced you. That you had no choice. That you feared for your life.

“You seriously mad at me or what?” He drawls. The thud of his heavy boots echo through the room, but a quick glance over your shoulder tells you that he’s merely taken them off. Dabi pins you with a stare, brows quirked like he’s genuinely confused, if not mildly annoyed, but that doesn’t shake you. You only freeze when you feel the mattress dip under the weight of his knee.

The warmth of his breath ghosts your cheek as he says, “Scoot over.”

Is he serious right now? Why should you let him back into your bed after all he’s put you through?

“No.” you turn away, “Just take whatever it is you need and leave.”

There is silence for a few seconds but you know he hasn’t moved yet, not even an inch.

“C’mon, angel,” he pokes your side playfully, gazing unwaveringly at you from under his hooded eyelids. “I’ll be out of your hair before you even wake up.”

Chewing your lip, you heave out a sigh, and shift forward to make enough room for him to join you. No matter what you’ve said in the past, he’s always been the one in control. You feel like such an idiot, merely posturing while Dabi holds the reins.

He slides in behind you, pressing his body against yours; his arms looping around your waist in a way that is so familiar a pleasant hum nearly falls from your lips. You realize belatedly that he’s shirtless and the fabric of your tank top is far too thin to block the feel of hard sinew and muscle pressed so nicely against your back. Your shaky resolve crumbles to ruin in the presence of his blue flames.

Dabi continues to chat you up, regardless of your lack of response. You’re surprised. He isn’t usually so talkative, but apparently outmaneuvering the cops and getting away scot-free has a way of raising one's spirits.

Your body is slotted against his like a puzzle piece, like you are made for one another. Mid conversation his warm hands palm the fleshy skin of your stomach, giving you a soft caress. So caught up in the feel of it, you almost miss his next words.

“—missed you.”

Your thoughts stutter. For the briefest of moments, you think the words have come from you, but they surely haven’t.

Dabi presses a light kiss to your neck, as if to show that he means it—that in the month spent apart, he had missed you more than anything. And you can't help but shiver; you blame the staples on his chin that are cold in contrast to the heat from his mouth.

His kisses become firmer, and more intentional as he lures you into a feeling of contentment. Your body remembers him oh so well—and it wants what it clearly shouldn’t have.

“We aren’t together anymore, Dabi,” you rasp, “We shouldn’t even be doing this.”

And why not, a tiny voice chimes in the back of your head.

There are several, logically sound, and pragmatic reasons as to why you shouldn’t let Dabi fuck you into next week. It’s a shame, really, you’re far too tired, far too bewitched by this man to really sum up the effort to name them. Not even for your own sake.

“Just a quickie,” he mutters, lips brushing the shell of your ear. One of Dabi’s hands dip between your thighs and he knows he’s won when you part them without thought.

He squeezes the fat of your thigh like he’s done so many times in the past, fingers digging deliciously into your skin. “Mine.”

His fingers encourage you to loosen up a little, as he grinds his clothed dick against your ass.

The trail of kisses start from your shoulder and lead up to your jaw. All the while, Dabi keeps his other arm around your waist to hold you close. He sinks blunt teeth into the crook of your neck, licking languidly at the crescent shape left behind. He continues to nip and suck on the skin there until your heady moans leave you breathless and whiny. But none of it is enough to get your attention off the way he prods you with his index and middle finger through your shorts.

“You sound so sexy, baby.” he chuckles, “You gonna make more of those pretty sounds for me, hm?”

You don’t have an answer, simply put, you can’t think of anything else right now, other than the hand slipping past your panties, rubbing slow circles against the hood of your clit.

“Da-Dabi, please... more,”

At the sound of your wanton voice, Dabi sinks two fingers into you, thrusting his long digits, and coaxing you until you’ve soaked them with your juices. In response, you grind down against his hand, thighs clenching. He hits you with a series of slow pumps each time his wrists twist. You reach forward and grip his hand, wanting nothing more but for him to curl his fingers and hit the sweet spot.

“I know, babe, I know.” He murmurs, kissing your neck, but instead of continuing, Dabi pulls out you. He shifts until he’s quite literally looming over your form.

Though the room is mostly dark, the street lamp outside your window casts a slant beam of orange light into the bedroom. It’s more than enough for you to see Dabi’s grin, and the way his lips pull back to reveal a row of perfect teeth.

He’s handsome, even with the scars, and damaged skin. You could even argue that Dabi is increasingly more handsome because of them.

“You’re lookin’ at me pretty funny,” he says while straddling your hips. “Got something to say?”

You’ve been more silent than usual during this entire exchange, barely saying more than a few whispered pleas for more, but the heat in your belly grows. Heart pounding and tongue dry, you somehow manage to maintain eye contact.

Dabi was your first. The first person to make you feel wanted and alive. The first to bring you to the precipice of mind-boggling pleasure until you were quite literally seeing stars. It’s true that he was an asshole, and it’s true that this new route he’s taken scares you more than anything. But when you look at him, your heart insists that this is still the same man you had fallen for.

“Handsome.” You mumble, averting your eyes. “I was just thinking… about how handsome you are.”

At that admission, you take his fingers, the same he’d just fingered you with, into your mouth and swirl your tongue around it, sucking lightly. Dabi shudders. His blue eyes seem to glow with want and... something else that you can’t describe, but it’s tender and unguarded.

Dabi pulls his fingers from your mouth, replacing them his own. His lips shift against yours, tongue prodding until you open up. Looping your arms around his neck, you pull him flush against your chest, dragging him into your orbit. You aren’t certain when he had become the very moon on its axis, keeping the tides and seasons of your earth in perfect rhythm, but you do know that the emptiness you feel without him isn’t normal.

Fumbling hands follow the shirking of jeans. At some point your thin little top is pulled off and tossed into a corner. And soon enough, he’s pressing himself into you. The tip of his cock is just barely past your folds before you’re taking him in.

“Fuck!” Dabi braces a hand on your pillow. The other rests on your throat with a slight pressure, enough to make your walls clench around him.

It’s been a while for your ex; you can tell by the way he keeps his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. It shouldn’t surprise you, but it does anyway, because you’d thought he would have moved on to someone else by now.

Dabi’s brows are pinched, and he’s being rougher than usual, still you get the sense that he’s savoring this. Like it’s his last meal. Like he may not ever get a chance like this again. It’s ridiculous for you to lament the final nail in the coffin of your relationship with Dabi, especially considering all the shit he’s caught up in now.

But, unfortunately, your heart operates on a separate plane from the rest of you.

It wants what it wants.

His hips snap forward, knocking into yours in a rapid pace that has tension knotting in your gut. You wrap your legs around his hips, high off the feeling of him so deep in you. The drag of his cock in your pussy has your toes curling. The pleasure is so much you can barely think. His groans and your choked back whimpers fill the room. You even attempt to bite into the back of your hand, just to keep them at bay, but Dabi isn’t having any of that.

“Don’t you dare hold back. I wanna hear you tell me how good I make you feel.”

The look in his eyes is so fervent and heated and feral, it sends a shock of pleasure straight to your core. Your thighs are coated in your own slick enough for him to slip in and out with ease. He smirks, licking his thumb and pressing it against your clit, eager to get you off. Your hips jerk in response to the way he’s rubbing and fucking you all at once.

“Dabi,” you cry out. “Yes!”

Sweat licks at your brow causing the little fine hairs around your hairline to stick to your skin.

Dabi presses his face right into your neck, and with each throaty groan that escapes his lips, you feel your gut twist with yearning. You reach up and grip his hair, causing him to groan even louder as he fucks you into oblivion.

“You feel so fucking good, angel, goddamn you’re gripping me so damn tight, fuck—” his babbling continues and you know he’s getting close. Dabi knows it too, so he slows down enough for him to reach around his back and grasp your ankles from around his waist. “You want me to fuck you harder? Hm?”

“Please—I want you so bad.”  You’re almost there, you just need a little bit more. Hearing you say those words makes Dabi chuckle.

He parts your thighs as far they can go, pinning them to the mattress. You hadn't thought it possible, but in this new position he sheathes himself even deeper than before, so much so, that your pussy milks him for all he has, walls spasming uncontrollably around his cock. The cry that falls from your mouth is smothered by a pair of lips.

Your orgasm hits you like a freight train and soon Dabi’s hips are stuttering against your own. He pulls out quickly, cumming all over your stomach, with a growl and a stroke of his hand.

For a moment the room is silent, save for your harsh breathing. Dabi collapses at your side, all fucked out and sweaty. His eyes never leave yours, even as he battles with fatigue.

As for you, the ache between your legs is a pleasant one you don’t bother complaining about as you clean yourself in the bathroom.

Upon return, you find that Dabi is sitting up in bed with a contemplative look on his face. You don’t ask what he’s thinking, instead you pull him into your arms and allow his head to rest against your chest.

If this is your last official night together, you’d rather spend it in his arms than alone.

🖤

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Why do you hate the sesshrin so much and think they are freak just to ship a couple that isn't even real? Seriously, Rin and Sesshoumaru don't exist but people do, you can't attribute and say an entire fandom it's crazy, freak, manic and bad just because that. Besides, if Rin isn't the mother, that's fine, as long as it makes sense for the story, and the explanation is very good, that's ok.

You know people like you are the reason I am so vocal about this. You are a nice person that simply doesn't get it. You just see a fictional story of some young girl that was saved by a powerful demon lord that's eternally youthful and loves her.

It really is a heart warming story and truly happy ending for a scared abused little girl, that became almost a princess, by melting the demon lords heart. If that were the story and they left it alone, and let her be a little girl, and grow and thrive under the watchful eye of her unlikely savior than id be wearing damn merchandise with those 2 on it, praising the story arc to anyone that asked.

But sessrin people want to take that little girl that they call adult Rin (even though the oldest she could be is 15) and have sesshomaru impregnate her little body, with 2 demon children in a terribly difficult pregnancy and justify it by stating that what Rin wanted.

Sesshomaru was a cruel ruthless demon that placed no value whatsoever on human life. He killed entire armies for being in his way, and never bothered to help humans he saw could easily have been saved by him. He looked at them as beneath him and even Rin was his “ward”. She initially was a curious amusement that he wanted to understand, and since he was honorable he took responsibility of his new obligation by keeping her safe from harm. He didn't really know about what was required in caring for a human and just kind of let her get what she needed and provide her safety. If you got a raccoon, you'd keep it safe and warm and make sure it didn't get lost or stolen, but you'd let it feed itself and do it's own thing because you're not a raccoon and don't really know how to exactly care for one.

Rin was never his equal. She was his to protect tho finally, and that was what sesshomaru needed to learn. How to care for someone weaker than you are, and place value on something other than power and conquest. In Rin he found that. It made him slowly change in small ways and even save other humans that he felt were being wronged. (like when he saved kagome from getting raped)

Now sessrinners want to turn this fairy tale into a nightmare. They want the gifts and care he unconditionally provided, be courting practices of the time. They want to make his pure generosity, into dark intentions. They want to have a full grown INU demon Lord fuck a little girl, knock her up and view it as romantic.

They want to normalize and justify this obviously predatory behavior as romantic and relationship goals. It's sick and its wrong.

Most people are like you and don't see the grooming of a child to get the child dependant and obligated in a way to give in to the adults eventual affections. They tell people how it's the child's choice and what she wanted. Just because a young girl falls in infatuation with someone she hero worships, doesn't make the adult giving in and participating ok. If that were the case, all these student teacher relationships wouldn't be an issue.

Let's say she didn't make the first move and he did. How will she refuse the most powerful demon Lord in all the lands that's taken care of her as long as she can remember? The beautiful demon lord that has saved her so many times and provided for her when she had nothing to give in return except her steadfast loyalty and admiration. How is she going to reject the creature she places on such a high pedestal, or hurt the feelings of her Lord by not allowing his advances? I'll tell you, there's no way Rin could refuse or stop him if he wanted it.

Now turning it into something positive and romantic and justifiable makes me ill and numbs people to it happening. People like you don't recognize the grooming or understand why it's so terrible because you aren't a predator and don't think that way. And then when you do examine it and see how it is wrong, these sessrin wolves in sheep clothing placate you by telling you that this was a common practice in that era. That's a bold faced lie too. Women were not married off so young and people never got to choose their spouse. The government, parents and village leaders decided these things. Marrying for love just didn't happen and women or girls were dishonored if ever alone with a man. They had no rights and we're treated like livestock. Bought, sold, disciplined and obedient or they were killed. This was all legal.

So I have to speak up and even at the risk of being blocked, mocked, and criticized, can it stand by and let them act like Rin being the mother of sesshomaru is anything but one of the most devastating hopeless parts in anime history. I can't watch a beautiful story of unconditional fatherly love, be perverted and put on a stripper pole.

[ladylynse]

Hello 👋🏻👋🏻 I saw your post about being just busy and that's alright. Good to know that you are doing well, I'm doing well too. I just had a birthday (last thursday --17th-- if curious) and had a great time :) :) Well, good luck catching up with ML. And yeah, indeed those episodes are good. I won't say anything because I know you are following that and I don't like to spoil anything, good for you to block most of ML until you catch up. Aaaaaaaaaah, that what you mean with "engine search". Haven't try that trick with google yet, I may do it later on. Thanks for the tip. :) :) Haha XD XD I can only image how not terrible successful one can be. But to be fair, I think that anyone with a good general explanation of 'x show' could get you an idea to help you out specially if they do have some knowledge as well. And well, that made me feel better, so thanks. But seriously, I sometimes think that me noticing stuff is '0 to the left'... and I don't think that's a English phrase at all. ^^; ^^; (It makes more sense in Spanish). In simple, I got nothing when it comes to changes... at least if someone point out the obvious, I'd probably don't know at all. But also I do believe that improvement would be really noticiable after years, at least for me. And that without counting that everyone does improved bit by bit or a lot in once, all depends on the person. And those who does improve "all in once" are probably once every millions or they are actually back after very very long time. Oh god, no, rewriting something sounds as painful as it could be. I once had the idea of rewriting a very old fic, but never happened, never is going to happen, sorry not sorry. And also, so what if that doesn't match canon as much as they want? Don't people know about the fiction part of all this? I mean, most of the fanfiction writting there is already based on a fiction story, you know. So if we do it extra fiction, what's the problem? I know, and I can get some of those who comment like that, but they should also noticed when was created, I mean if the story was original created before that act, then why bother, you know? So, yeah, I get your point of just leaving those stories because some comments like that. If they want a story like that, they could try doing it themselves. I want to see their faces when they try and fail 😈😈(I'm being way too immature right now XD XD). Because if they do and do it right, then good for them 👍🏻👍🏻 (I would probably also read that too 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️). Ohhhhhhhh, no yet. I just re read it, find my old notes that didn't have the ending or anything else after chapter 1, "cry" about it and then kind of force myself into writting down all ideas that came after re reading and check what I had. Then I realised that I may have a way to finish that as finally doing it. I kind of have the line out of the last chapter to say. And my real life friend who introduce me into fandom and all the therms and read that, said the same :) :) So, yes, I got the hope that it would get some attention back, I supposed and well, someone would read and be happy that I'm giving it an ending. That's what I'm up to in relation to that.

Ahhhhh, yeah that could explain that. I mean it could be also the fact that there are shows that don't get translate and so on don't got international, you know? (I lived 20 years in an Spanish speakers only country, so that's that too). And yes, of course, I got you; if a show isn't popular, doesn't help either and probably got cancel alone the line as everything else that doesn't reach what they expected.

Oh my... yeah, those crossover sounds crazy XD XD. But I mean, at least you are like hey, this could work here, you know? you aren't try to force it just for the sake of it. (Also the Blink episode is amazing, any episode with weeping angels are good in my opinion. Also Donna thinking that the Doctor is crazy is true and not a new either is Martha wishing him being direct for once).

Oh, I must lost a screw long long ago when deciding that I wanted to write in both languages. To be fair enough, it's mostly because, fic readers are more liking to read something in English than their own language, that and I guess depends where you publish those, I guess. (Also, Thank you 🥺🥺🥰🥰). Oh goodness me, YES, that's right. I won't mind a crack fic once in a while, long while if I'm in the mood but seriously, sometimes those are just plain ridiculous, completely ridiculous. And those aren't worth my time if I'm honest. Of course, everything depends on the person and what they like. Mmmm... yeah, that's fair enough. No, I'm not that into crossovers, but you are right, if those are good written then those are worth a try to read. That's how and why I had read some crossovers in the past. The crossover in my opinion has to have a good based for it, it shouldn't just be a mix of everything just for the sake of it, that's not fun to read, you know? Sorry that I went with the very long question again. Don't apologise for rambling because I can get all over the place giving the opportunity. Sorry again for that... Anyway, take care, until next time (I'm starting to wish not being this shy and just reply with my user...)

-Le Fantôme anon

(re: this ask)

Happy belated birthday, Anon! I hope it was a wonderful one.

I have yet to watch the first half of the finale but watched the other two episodes I had missed, one of which I hadn't even realized had aired. Still probably gonna watch that finale sooner rather than later, though. I've quite enjoyed what I've seen so far.

I will admit I said 'search engine' solely because that's the generic term and I know some people have their preferences of which one to use, so the confusion is entirely my fault. Sorry! A couple other useful ones for google--in case you don't already know them--are quotes around an exact phrase (eg, "miraculous ladybug") and the dash for anything you want to exclude, (eg, "miraculous ladybug" -salt), like with AO3 searches if you do any reading on there. I will admit I am still far better with excel tricks than I am with google.

Very true! It's still fun to share, though. *grins*

I don't know an equivalent phrase off the top of my head, but I get the gist of it! And you're right; it's different for different people, and changing at a different pace just means you were at a different stage to begin with.

I doubt they looked at when I'd written that fic, but, yeah, once I have a story posted, I don't really want to do much to it beyond editing typos. I will admit it probably wouldn't take too much to update Masks, at least if I left in the things I guessed wrong that were major plot points and only changed the minor ones, but I severely lack the motivation to do that when I can be doing other stuff. (The rate at which I'm crossposting fics to AO3 from FFN is proof of that, since the editing takes time and it's hard to find the motivation to edit a fic almost no one is reading when I could be writing a new one. Ah, well, I'll get there eventually. Might even get to my first DP fic at some point.) But, yes, if someone wants to see something specific, I always try to encourage them to write it.... Usually I'm not terribly successful, though.

Exactly! No one's going to spend the time (money) translating (dubbing or subbing) a show unless they're confident they'll have the viewers.

Oh, yes, for sure, I always look for commonalities. That's where I start with crossovers. Some take more interpretation than others, and some are just handed to you on a silver platter.

You're not the only one I know to do it! I still think you're all terribly impressive, though.

I know exactly what you mean with crossovers, and the brilliant ones out there that people get just right are *chef's kiss*.

No worries about the ask length! And no judgement from me, Anon, when it comes to staying on anon vs replying with your username. If you ever decide to reveal yourself (however much time has passed because that doesn't really register with me), that's great! If not, that's fine! Go with whatever makes you comfortable.

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 Haikyuu!! Week 2020 | Day 2 』

· Sept. 26th → One Ball, Heart and Soul ·

Characters: Sawamura Daichi, Testurou Kuroo, Bokuto Koutarou, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Oikawa Tooru, Terushima Yuuji

Prompts: A. favourite position/role + B. travel/journey

Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), PG, fluff, crack, headcanons, HaikyuuWeek2020

A/N: I found it so hard to pick a favourite position/role, because they're all so interesting and important, and I love everyone 😭 But I settled on the role of captain because of the headcanons I thought of. Captain Sqaud, assemble! So, want to find out what these boys are like on a road trip?

(Just to be clear, I do love all these guys. None of this is hate 😂) All my Haikyuu Week 2020 posts will be SFW, but I have some NSFW stuff on my blog, too. Feel free to check that out~ Thanks for reading! Please enjoy ♡ Imo~

☆ Sawamura Daichi ☆

Dad-chi™

Comes prepared with all the food, drinks, snacks, med kit, camera – literally everything you could possibly need on a road trip

Plans out the route beforehand down to the tiniest detail nothing gets past this man

As well as multiple backup routes in case there's diversions etc.

Plans for regular breaks at two-hour intervals where everyone can pee, stretch their legs, buy anything they need, etc.

He's the one who's driving he's not letting anybody else get a scratch on his van, lmao

And he's good at it

No speeding he's a cop, y'all but he doesn't dawdle either, no running red lights, turns corners well, keeps an even foot on the gas, etc.

Just a good time, tbh

Nobody is getting car sick because of him that would be a damn disgrace

"Stop fighting right now, or I'm turning this van around"

And will actually do it if you don't stfu, lmfao

Don't even think about making a mess and dropping your rubbish in the van you'll be walking home

Everyone else thinks his music is boring and for old people, but Daichi honestly doesn't care

Besides, it's either that or no music at all, because he needs to concentrate on the road

He takes this shit seriously. People's lives are in his hands, dammit!

☆ Testurou Kuroo ☆

Likes to switch between driving and riding shotgun/being designated navigator

Is fairly decent at both

Is constantly eating something but, like, he probably doesn't even know what it is

Some kind of edible is shoved towards his mouth by whoever's riding shotgun, and in it goes shut up. Not like that, you cretins 😂

Somehow manages to behave like an overbearing grandparent and an overexcited child at the same time?? Nothing new there, I guess 😂

I'm sorry, Kuroo, I love you. Please don't be mad 😭

Has a banging playlist full of throwback songs from the 90s and early 2000s

Drums along sofly on the steering wheel or dashboard constantly

HATES driving in rain he's low-key terrified he's going to aquaplane

Likes driving with the windows wound down and feeling the wind in his hair

Will plan the route, but then forget to save it/print it off, etc.

Cannot work Google Maps or SAT-NAVs to save his life Kenma, please help him

Actually packs properly balanced meals, but is heavy on the snacks, too

You'd think he'd drive too fast, but he's actually really responsible

Constantly telling dad jokes to try and keep people amused the groaners are the best

Would probably fight someone at the gas station if they started being a dick and causing trouble

Kuroo, baby. I love you, but please don't get arrested 😭😂😭

☆ Bokuto Koutarou ☆

Dear God, do NOT let him drive leave it to Akaashi, I'm begging you

Has really bad spacial awareness in a vehicle and drifts all over the place

Probably speeds without even knowing it, too

Likes to ride shotgun, but is a terrible navigator, so is nearly always made to ride in the back

Is the loud one that moves around too much and blocks the rear view mirror strap him in tight, Akaashi

Belts along at the top of his voice to whatever music is playing, he's not fussy

Was told to pack essential items in his backpack and proceeded to fill it with sweets and snacks and a pack of condoms??? and thought he did good

Bokuto: Bro, you said they were essential

Akaashi: NOT FOR EVERY SITUATION

Rarely ever has to pee, but when he does, it's always miles away from any service station, and he has to hold it for hours

Has definitely peed at the side of the road multiple times because he couldn't hold it any longer, but he wasn't even embarrassed as numerous cars zoomed past

Likes sticking his head out the window like a dog on the motorway which gives everyone else heart attacks

Like, get the hell back inside you maniac 😭

If the car has a sunroof, he's 100% standing up through it with his hands in the air just you try and stop him

And they will. Everyone will try

"HORSES!!"

Will get out of the car in traffic jams to find out what's going on and end up chatting with random strangers until it starts moving again

And he's very sad when he has to leave his new friends. Droopy hair and emo Kou for the next 2 hours :(

Unironically enjoys playing 'I Spy' for hours at a time

Is a bit much to handle in such a confined space for hours on end, but he's just so excited for the road trip

Will fall sound asleep in a matter of minutes if you set him up with a travel pillow and it's freaking adorable!!

☆ Ushijima Wakatoshi ☆

No music whatsoever it's distracting. Why would he want it?

Okay driver, brilliant paper-map navigator

Will sit and do absolutely nothing but stare out the window the entire trip if he's neither

Breaks too hard and accelerates too fast, though

Is also kind of heavy-handed with the gear stick he may or may not have snapped one off before...

Never give him a SAT-NAV, though, because he will follow the directions with 100% accuracy and end up driving through a wall or some shit don't try and deny it

Does he ever even blink when he's looking at the road? We may never know

Might be astral projecting, who knows

Forgets people need toilet breaks but refuses to make unscheduled stops

"Just hold it in"

Uh-huh, sure. That's how that works, Toshi

No snacks

Or rather, no fun snacks. Protein bars and mineral water all the way, babyyyy 🙃🙃🙃

Could probably drive all through the night without taking any breaks but that's irresponsible

Don't do it, kids

Will likely devour the entire KFC menu at the service station he's big, okay? He eats a lot

Is prone to leg cramp after long drives oh look, he needs a massage 😏

Doesn't get car sick. Ever. Upset stomachs are for the weak

Has garbage and recycling pouches on the backs of the front seats use them correctly, or feel his wrath

Isn't exactly a barrel of laughs, but it's somehow endearing just like always *happy sigh*

But it's actually a good thing

There's no hidden side to Ushi or any bad or annoying habits that come out of the woodwork on a long road trip

He's just the same old reliable, adorably straightforward Ushijima ❤

☆ Oikawa Tooru ☆

Calls shotgun and demands the aux cord every. Single. Time but it's pretty decent music, so no-one really complains

Not that he's any good at navigation pray for Iwa-chan

Is constantly taking selfies, making TikToks, and documenting the trip on his social media

#ROADTRIP #SQUAD GOALS #BETTER THAN YOU

Will send all the photos in the group chat when it's over, and they actually come out pretty well

Will not stop complaining if the air conditioning is busted and Iwa-chan will threaten to dump him in the middle of nowhere if he doesn't can it 😂

Iwa-chan: I shoulda left you on that street corner where you were standing

Oikawa: But'cha dIDN'T

Bonus points if you get that reference, lmao

Has to keep taking breaks because his butt hurts when he sits down for too long because it's fLaT

I'm sorry, Tooru 😭😭 Forgive me. I love you, really

Is constantly on his phone

But he points out pretty views and interesting sights to everyone all the time awww

Low-key needs to pee all the time, but gets defensive if someone brings it up please stop bulling him, travelling is hard

"Are we there yet?"

Seems kind of annoying, but is actually just genuinely excited to go on a road trip and spend time with his friends 😭😭

Buys matching souvenirs for everyone in secret to surprise them with 🥺

When people complain about all the photos, souvenirs, and enthusiasm, etc. and ask why he has to keep doing it, Oikawa says:

"I want to remember as much of this as possible. I want us all to remember as much of this as much as possible," with a sweet little smile 😭😭😭

And that's when everyone realises how mean they've been to him about being over-the-top and irritating, and they all feel terrible

Just like in the freaking anime, man

☆ Terushima Yuuji ☆

Will hijack the aux cord to play his incredibly niche music taste

Feet up on the dashboard when he rides shotgun

Shoes on is bad enough, but shoes off just stinks up the entire car you have to roll all the windows down, lmfao

Will break all sorts of road laws if you let him behind the wheel please don't

Daichi will come and arrest him 😭😭

Lives on energy drinks

That's all the drinks he packs. Nothing else

Travels in sports wear and sliders yes, even though you reallly shouldn't drive in sandals

Like he knows or cares 😭

Will chat to girls at the gas station and ask for their numbers, even though he's never going to see them again

"You never know, man! It could be, like, fate or something"

Yes, Yuuji, you do. And it's 'or something'

Thinks it's a good time to sext his current booty call because, like, he has hours of free time. What else is he going to do?

Probably forgot to pack actual food

Has to live off of snacks and cheap service station food for the duration of the trip

But not his own snacks, of course. Everyone else's one doesn't keep friends and buy one's own snacks

Genuinely doesn't realise if he's being gross or annoying, so let him down lightly like a bro and he'll probably make an effort to stop

Doesn't plan the route or anything, even if he's driving. Just punches it into Google Maps as he sits his ass down on the day and trusts it to get him there in one piece and on time

Entire Johzenji team: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

For some reason knows how to change a flat tire, though, so he's good for something, I guess 😂😂

Probably saw a YouTube video on it. Maybe a WikiHow article

Somehow still manages to be an endearing part of the trip??

He smiles a lot and makes a lot of jokes, particularly when things go wrong, so it keeps everyone's spirits up

It definitely wouldn't be the same without him

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[vampireqrow-moved]

hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual

im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!

in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not  sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?

if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔

why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!

basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.

a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.

many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.

how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.

if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.

if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.

a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.

prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.

why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.

just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.

i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.

again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf

[ghostinyourbuilding]

July 2nd, Saturday. 00.53am. Good night ghost.

My mind has been going places all night. My day was very calm and actually quite boring, all I did was organise my incredibly bloated wardrobe, get rid of clothes I didn't want and I also planned my schedule. Shit went down at night tho, in a few different ways. I've been pretty introspective since then about those things so I'll just write them down so I can go to sleep without having to think about them and tainting my dreams.

----

Annoying family members™

To the surprise of nobody at all, my sister said she won't go to the diversity march tomorrow. I knew it so I'm not surprised but damn, I'm kinda annoyed and a bit hurt that she never fails to go out with her friends but she flakes almost every single time we plan something. I never take seriously any plans we make but she keeps making them just to rain check them. I wish she'd realise she doesn't have to do that, she can just not make plans unless she actually wants to go out. It's weird because she opens up to me so much so I don't think she's avoiding hanging out so that I won't fuck up her plans or anything, but there's something there. Oh well.

And it doesn't stop there with the weird choices my family members make. My incredibly hated aunt was purposefully trying to make my mum worried when I went to spend the night at Mark's place. Since my mum wasn't home I told my aunt to tell her I probably wouldn't come home so she wouldn't be worried, and my aunt said she would and also said it was nice that I was going out and taking off some steam.

Well, when my mum came home my aunt said she didn't know when I was gonna come back and that she tried hard to convince me not to go out so late to such a far away part of town. Bitch, what??? My mum didn't buy the latter, but she was worried because I've been on a couple dates lately but I always came back home the same night. I already went over it with my mum and we're both mad as hell with said demonic auntie, I even called her out when she tried to make small talk with me and she just walked away. She knows I'm fucking terrible to be around if I'm mad at someone and I will absolutely make her life hell until I'm satisfied with pestering her.

-------

The only good thing about men online is that you can block them©

I know I am pretty focused on my love life and I'm a serial dater but what I actually like is hanging out, going places, having good (note the word good) chats and nice sex, I don't give a shit about anyone specifically to the point where I'd bend over backwards for them. I don't fall in love like that, I don't drool over individuals to that extent. I enjoy temporarily being near certain people with certain features and qualities and having specific experiences, but I don't give a shit if someone leaves, stays or is considering either of those two options no matter how long I've known them, how much we lived together or how unique/special they may be. Much like me they're all replaceable, the world will never run out of interesting people to be temporarily fawned over.

That's precisely why I've been so fucking annoyed at the men I have contact with online. Imagine thinking I would care enough about a collection of pixels with a name assigned to them to the point where ultimatums would do anything?

I've been so busy and socially drained I barely have time to talk to friends, much less my disposable reply guys. The fucking audacity of those men to expect me to suddenly want to consistently talk to them just because they act passive aggressive or threaten to stop talking completely is baffling.

Mo has been one of the dumbasses who is trying that shit with me. It's always a different problem with him, at this point the fighting isn't even entertaining. I just completely disregarded his complains and passive aggressiveness fully knowing it'd make him even angrier. He can seethe for all I care, I don't really consider him anything but a reply guy since he fucked up a while back by constantly asking me to consider meeting him then saying he wouldn't want to meet when I went to the US to see my cousin because 'it'd be too short of a visit'. Downgraded instantly to pixel validation machine. If he continues being this whiney I'm just gonna completely ghost him. I don't care if we've known each other for years or that we were very close at one point, he should know by now that both those things and him as a person means nothing to me.

---------

Relationships and all that jazz®

You know those dogs who sniff corpses? The men I go out with are like that, but instead of corpses they can sniff other dudes' cum. That's the only possible explanation for why I can go on 100 dates with one dude without him pestering me with the 'what are we?' talk, but the second I start seeing another dude they pull that damn card.

Otto was super lovey dovey with me from the start, but I was actually surprised he didn't suggest a relationship yet. But of course; like the XY-chromosomes-having, cum-sniffing, subconsciously territorial male he is, he just waited until I had another dude to try and lock me up. Jokes aside, he decided to what are we me around the same time Mark started suggesting we could be a couple.

Both of them are jumping the gun severely at the exact same time. I don't judge their decision because I know they are... uh... intense? That's a way to describe them. I'm avoiding anything serious at the moment because I just got out of a longass quarantine cabin fever, I just left a year and a half long relationship and I want to see new people still.

With Otto, he's just expecting us to meet downtown every time for a while and dude... I'm not 16 anymore. I like to go out and drink, of course, but I wouldn't have a relationship with someone I wouldn't have a place to spend the night with and to fucking have sex. He lives at home, and that's fine, but he has this weird thing about not liking to bring anyone to his house, not even friends. I completely respect that but it clashes with my expectations for a relationship. He keeps saying he is working on opening up to me like that and that he's been feeling finally well now that he found me again and yeah, cute, whatever, but I still don't want to have a relationship with this guy when we have to be in public and can't have sex. I don't wanna have to put aside all my other potential dudes just because he's working on his little self discovery in terms of having a relationship. Fuck no.

As for Mark, I only saw him once so that's not really the appropriate time to be thinking about that. Not to mention I wouldn't even consider a relationship with someone who lives 2 hours away by bus and has an incredibly weird roommate. About that - he talked today out of nowhere about how weird Nobody's behaviour was. I didn't even comment on it or anything, he just organically brought it up. He said again that he was thinking about leaving soon. Good news, finally.

-------

In conclusion - fuck men, fuck annoying aunties and fuck relationships.

[vivavinni]

March 17th, 2018 KC - Mental Me.

Today I don't have anything inspirational to say. I am not in love. I am not politically charged (though I should be.) I'm not even sure I can successfully organize what's been going through my mind, but I need to give it a try.

I saw and shared this post on Facebook today:

This post is so closely relatable. I was the kid who survived multiple suicide attempts; I vacationed in multiple hospitals. I am now the adult who feels ill equipped, unprepared and lost.

My dad died when he was 26 years old, I was 6. Growing up, for me, was much different than most of my friends. My mother was a single parent my entire life. We were always moving, paycheck to paycheck. She did everything she could to keep a roof over my head and keep me alive. We are lucky enough to have a supportive foundation. Our family is a good size, very loving and strong. (This is something I never let go of.)

During years 6-10 I dealt with a good amount of anger and sadness. A great deal of my young childhood is a blur, however, I know for certain I was difficult. I remember I needed certain things to go certain ways to feel mostly comfortable in my skin. (Example- my socks had to be folded over perfectly and fit inside my shoes just right, before I left for school. If they were crooked or slightly uneven I would have a meltdown.) I was and always will be chubby. Even then, I had a lot of small and large insecurities that worried me constantly.

Anxiety, what a friend. He sits right next to Depression, she's always crying about something and obsessing over death.

After years spent fighting my mom about going to counseling meetings and follow ups for learning how to grieve after your best friend and father dies, we thought, "maybe the worst is over..." That was not the case.

A few years passed, maybe age 10-12, and I refused to continue counseling because I didn't understand why I had to do it when none, or most of my friends didn't. I didn't want to be so different, but I was and always will be (and that's okay now). Life seemed relatively normal, I had to adjust to having a new baby sister (which was difficult at first, life moves on). I established a few good friendships and mostly excelled in school. Family gatherings were always a highlight. I was fortunate enough to go on a few very cool vacations to new places which is great fun!

Now, at this point it seems light, happy and chipper, however, I grew up with an obsession with death and all things strange and dark. Keep this in mind. I was weird but hey, I made a couple weird friends so it wasn't too terrible. My favorite shows at this time were CSI: Las Vegas and Buffy, the Vampire Slayer. I also loved gory horror films, thrillers and weird anime. Neat!

Let's fast forward to year 2005, September (already a stressful and emotional month after 9/11/01, my uncle Marc lived only ten blocks away when that occurred but survived well and helped with clean up,) I was a month away from age 14, I believe, I was emotional. I was becoming; I was confused, awkward, angsty, dramatic and a little crazy. Found my way to cope with my friends Anxiety, Depression and new friend Hypermania by way of experimenting with different forms of self harm. You guessed it, I was a cutter and I dabbled in an assortment of substances.

I digress, it's September in 2005, my baby cousin is turning 3 years old, he's gonna have a party! I had the option of staying the night with family or staying with a friend, I chose my friends. The night before my baby cousins birthday party, my uncle Steve (baby cousins father and also my father figure), went to have a beer with someone he thought to be his good friend in need. He, tragically, was wrong. This man shot my uncle twice in the back, as well as committing other atrocious acts before attempting to flea the state.

This event spiked a long downward spiral which eventually led to an uphill battle and this very moment.

I was devastated. My whole family outraged, distraught, grieving, but together. Mental me, lost sight of 'together'. I was lost. I felt alone, hopeless, a nervous wreck, and guilty for choosing to stay with friends instead of family. This turned into depression and suicidal ideation, attempt. I was done, loss of purpose, "what's the point?" Extinction.

My first full hospitalization came after months of self-destruction. It was a very unpleasant experience for me. I was admitted to Research Hospital in their youth psychiatric care unit. They cut my favorite shoelaces off my favorite pair of shoes, striped me down to nothing, heavily medicated me, and told me not to worry. Most of my experience is veiled and distorted by medicine haze. However, I distinctly remember the nurse who was in charge of pm phone calls to home tell me, "I've seen a lot of kids like you, you'll be back again," or something to that effect. After my interaction with her all I remember was turning autopilot on to get myself out of that hospital as quickly and smoothly as possible. I said I felt better, "The meds must be working, I'm working on my steps to release, I'm ready to go home." I lied. I lied my face off. I wasn't ready, the meds weren't right; fake it til you make it out, right?

I stayed in out-patient for a little while with different doctors, different medicines. Faking it to make it. I eventually stopped going and stopped medication. I went through counseling on and off. And continued to self-harm and experiment with different substances. School, to me, was pointless. I stopped showing up, I skipped, got into trouble and eventually made the decision to drop out. For me, school was useless anxiety on top of my generalized anxiety, depression and hypermanic episodes. I was trouble, I was troubled. (Mom, I am so sorry for putting you through so much on top of everything we went through together.)

My mom and I had always had a rocky relationship. It was difficult to relate and be open with her. I'm not entirely sure why it took me so long to figure out she was always on my side and wanted what was best for me. I have some ideas why, but at this point in time they aren't pertinent because now I do have a very strong bond and great deal of respect for her. She loves me unconditionally, as I do her. Through ups and downs and hospital visits we became best friends. I am so grateful for it.

Since the loss of my uncle, I began the journey of my diagnosis and treatment but, not before finding out that my father died of a genetic heart condition called A.R.V.D. My grandma was diagnosed with it as well and has been treated and monitored. I decide, with my mom, that testing for this heart condition was important. In and out of hospitals I went! I was put under multiple stress tests in different variations (one of them I was put under anesthesia for.) Eventually, a temporary heart monitor was placed in my chest for further testing and then I lost insurance.

Here I am! Mental me, years later, without insurance and a dead heart monitor in my chest that should probably be removed soon.

Years have passed. I was hospitalized again after several years of self-harm, destruction, medicine and indulgence. Somehow, I met a few good friends and partners along the way that stayed by my side and helped me after this much brighter stint in the KU Med psychiatric ward.

My KU experience was much more helpful. I took it seriously and learned a great deal about myself, my issues, coping techniques; I learned and accepted that sometimes, hospital visits are necessary and beneficial to mental health and well-being. I knew after that visit that when I am at the point of severe or suicidal ideation there is a safe place to regroup, learn and get better.

Friends, it has taken years and years on this journey to get to this exact moment- Where I am the adult who may be a bit behind because I never planned to make it this far. Here I am! Mental me!

I have been off medications and out of hospitals for nearly four years. I've been through therapy and could always use more of it. It can be helpful. Reach out! Seek the help. Sometimes it will be easier than others to take that step, I know, but keep reaching. Find health coping that works for you. We are not alone even in our most isolated darkness.

When I started writing this I said I didn't have anything inspirational to say because this is all just a piece of my story. I think it's time for me to start sharing it. This is not finished because my story isn't over. And it's true, I never thought I would make it this far, but here I am, MENTAL ME! Let's keep going.

The darkness is temporary, the struggle is constant and the fight is forever. Please, keep fighting, help me fight.

With all my love,

-V

#stayherewithme #stayherewithus #suicideawareness #believeinstayinggold #artsaves #evenifitkillsme #keepreaching #seekhelp #TWLOHA #love #life #selfcare #selflove #beyou #getweird

[cwdcshows]

Crisis on Infinite Earths Part Five

Alright, let's get this over with.  As if I'm not in a bad enough mood watching this shit after the last episode, now Dish has to be fucking stupid; so that when I cue up Part Five, now all of a sudden my DVR controls won't respond properly.  If I try to hit pause, it skips forward; and if I try to skip back, it fucking skips forward and it's doing that with all of my programs - not on any other tvs in the fucking house, mind you, just mine.  So now I gotta bring this up using the fucking CW seed or whatever their streaming option using Roku is. And is if to answer why it urks me to have to go so round about to watch the last installment, apart from just regularly being disappointed in Dish; it's being stuck watching stupid ass commercials and the first one up is some asshole dancing in a sprinkler so he can take selfies of himself..... Fucking Dish...

Well, Kara got lucky that she didn't accidentally blow her sister's head off... Yeah, of fucking course Lex is getting the Nobel peace prize in whatever fucking Back-To-The-Future-II-esque nightmare this new earth is going to turn out to be that the heroes now have to fix.   Someone going back and get the fucking sports almanac from Lex and fix this shit. Huh, I honestly had my doubts that they'd actually have the balls the merge all of the earths into one; and of course with a nearly full episodes ahead, that may not stay way, but it still raises an interesting prospect that I had pretty much discounted. A Commercial Aside - I think the Liberty Mutual commercial with the who keeps flubbing his lines has finally broken me... it's just so stupid, and yet, having done community theatre and some voice work, I've had more than my share of moments where I can't get the right fucking words out of my mouth; and between him wanting to enter from the water and saying "Libtery Biberty".... I give up... Oh, yeah, "Nash" Wells is supposed to be part of this; and its at this point that I think the writers just remembered this as well.... Why the hell is J'Onn communicating with Sara and Ray telepathically in the bar?  It seems more conspicuous that they seem to be answering questions no one else heard him ask; and when he uses his power his eyes turn red.  But more importantly, he didn't say anything that didn't need to kept quiet. What memories did J'Onn give everybody exactly?  I mean, surely he didn't have some sort of cloud back-up for everyone's individual memory; so a lot of what he's passed along to them would be from his perspective, right? You know, J'Onn helping bring the major players back up to speed is one thing; there's arguably nothing wrong with that, but the way he's going about it is kind of questionable.  I mean, he's going into other people minds and monkeying around; and the blunt way he gave Caitlin's memories back struck me is kind of creepy.  Like, under any other circumstance, that wouldn't be cool to just walk and, boom, here's some thoughts and memories you didn't have before, including ones that make you hate this guy you were treating a second ago.  Hope that's cool, but you can definitely trust that everything I just implanted in your brain is fine and on the up and up. Don't get me wrong, it's a shortcut to give back the necessary characters the knowledge they need to have; because they couldn't be bothered to actually have them present at the logical point in the story where they would have gotten to keep their memories organically.  So instead we're just going to do a deus ex machina to reset everyone's memories to where they need to be; and we're going to do that as quickly and with as little thought as possible, because we had five fucking episodes to tell this story and we're terrible at our job.... Wait a second....God dammit, wait just one fucking minute...God dammit.... now there's only one earth and one version of all or most of these characters.....so now the one and only fucking Wells is Nash God damn fucking Wells????  God damn it! This is even more of a reason why, if they were going to make a Wells Pariah, which I will admit is a generally cool concept if they had bothered to actually fucking use either Wells or Pariah; then they should have made it Harry Wells from Earth 2, so that we'd have already had some history and established background for the characters and also so that when the dust settles, assuming this whole one earth dynamic sticks, that the one Harrison Wells that remains is the Harrison Wells that should get to remain.  The one anyone actually fucking cares about and has actual history on the show. And what about that history?  How do they explain the clusterfuck that is Harris Wells/Harry Wells/HG Wells/Sherloq Wells and now "Nash" Wells?  Is it just going to be one going with a split fucking personality?  How about the Wells who was actually indigenous to Earth 1 and killed by Thawne?  He just gets supplanted by Nash, because Nash just happened to be around during the Crisis? Sigh......I know this is technically the "Legends" installment of the crossover, but.....augh...did they have to drag fucking Beebo into this.....? You know what, fuck it, bring on the Beebo!  For that matter, I want them to find a real, living fucking alien or demon creature that the Beebo doll turns out to have been modeled on; he's not malevolent or anything, more like a baby Yoda or Gizmo who starts traveling with the Legends.  He can be Mick's pal or something. "Is this seriously happening right now?" Hey, that's my line, stay in your lane Diggle. Okay, just how powerful is Mick's fire gun?  Because anything shooting out a beam of fire that's like two city blocks long and does significant damage to something as big as a giant ass Beebo, is pretty much going to just disintegrate anything else of average size or closer proximity.  Does he have a "Stay Puff Marshmallow Man" setting? "Hey, Kate's here too!" Way to blurt out the secret identity of one of the other masked heroes, Kara.... How do they have time for this?  Not only this C-line story bullshit, how the fuck did Sara have time to change and get out into the field with Barry?  I mean, I get him going to get her, but what, did he dress her too?  Because that's just weird. I'd have laughed my ass off if the Mick of New Earth was a teetotaler. So 30 minutes in and they've finally teed up the climax of the Anti-Monitor res-surging and whatever they're going to try and do to stop him.  Yeah, they definitely knew what they were doing when they were pacing this shit out..... I guess they got tired of shelling out money for bad Martian Manhunter CGI and decided to go with practical effects for his suit at least.  Still don't know why they don't bother trying to do make-up for his martian appearance. Okay, couple of things - first, the Anti-Monitor's an idiot for not just mowing down the capes while they were speechifying.  Second, bullets?  We're going to stop this universal threat who has his own personal force field.... with bullets...Sure..... And third, "For Oliver"? ....I....... No.  Just no.  I get the sentiment you're going for and it just doesn't work for me; especially since I have little faith that this is actually the last we've seen of him.  Not to mention that I'm not sure half the people there even know Oliver well enough to really give a shit, even if he did sacrifice himself to reboot time.  It'd be like someone shouting, "For Mike!" "Yeah, for Mi...wait, who the fuck is Mike?" Thank God it wasn't Nightwing who sacrificed himself for the universe; it'd be a little more awkward if all the heroes charged yelling, "For Dick!" Well guys, I guess you know what you need to do....

It's really too bad they don't know any other speedsters that could help out; or you know, other heroes of any kind.  Like a guy who knows actual magic or a guy who can turn into steel.... Man, by the way Ray, Ryan and Wells reacted, you'd think Barry was some sort of screw who was likely to..... yeah, I'm kind of surprised he didn't accidentally press the button and shrink himself into oblivion..... What the fuck was up with the overly dramatic music underscoring Supergirl's super-slow flying towards the Anti-Monitor?  Were we supposed to think she was about to sacrifice herself to save Superman?  Was she not aware of the plan they were about to attempt?  Was Ray's arrival meant to be this event's "On your left" moment? What would have been better is if there had been a situation where it was clear that what Kara was about to attempt in order to save her cousin could be fatal and right before she makes contact, Routh-Superman swoops in joins her, either helping her double the blow, thus, somehow reducing the potential injury by spreading it out; or taking her place to save her and the other Superman, even at the possible expense of himself. And of course it fucking works on the first try, no hitches; they come up with this last ditch plan to stop this veritable god and it just fucking works..... Oh yeah, I forgot about Lyla... what the fuck, so they're not even going to bother picking up the story thread of the Anti-Monitor somehow possessing her and using her to kill the Monitor? Well shit, they brought back "baby" Sara.  And somehow JJ's still there too.  Are they twins?  Because unless they're twins, this isn't really baby Sara at whatever age she'd be now; it's some other kid they conceived and happened to name Sara. Can I just say, as an older brother I can almost guarentee JJ didn't actually want his sister to come play with him.  I mean, it's not impossible that this coincides with the five minutes a week that twp siblings that age will to share and not get into a fight over both wanting to use burnt sienna at the same time, but the odds of those five minutes being consecutive are astronomical. Wait, how does Superman not know he has two sons?  He wasn't at the dawn of time (for some asinine reason).  Or, I'm guessing, this was just contrived dialog to reveal yet another change that instead of Superman having just one kid he now has two; and we're supposed to think that he had to ask to clarify what Lois meant by "the boys" because that's also his nickname for her boobs? Honestly, they dicked us around too much with Oliver's fate for me to care or believe he's actually dead; no matter what they show us, regardless of any world wide moment of silence or whatever they're doing.  There's still two whole episodes of Arrow left of that series and we're to believe that Stephen Amell doesn't appear in either of them?   And if they're going to try and make it seem like he's gone and not have him appear at all in the next Arrow episode and then hold out for one last goodbye with him appearing at the very end, probably with fucking Felicity, it's too late; they've tried to milk this twice already and both times have fallen flat and a third times is definitely not going to land.  I don't care if he lives or dies anymore; I think it's stupid to kill him off and they've lost all credibility that I just can't believe any claims of him truly being dead at this point. O......kay....... So the multiverse was reborn, yet for some reason, some of the Earths got merged, but not all of them.  So what's on Earth 38?  Or whatever Earths Black Lightning or Nash Wells were originally from?   Hmm, I get the whole Justice League tableau they're going for, but there's just something that looks silly about these guys just....really enjoying their office chairs; and in the middle of a run down hanger, no less - it lacks an iconic look and looks more slapped together. And I get the Superfriends Easter egg at the end, but seriously, this abandoned Star Labs research facility that "no one knows about", what, had an alien monkey or whatever sitting in a crate with a single banana for however long the last time anybody stopped by? What’s with the the lack of mention of Mia, William and Connor in this final installment. What the fuck happened to them? I kind of get the idea that with the rebooted history, and Crisis being undone, they wouldn't have been brought to the past in the first place, but that just seems to make a lot of their arc pointless. And it seemed to be setting up the whole Green Arrow and the Canaries thing, setting it in the present and Oliver giving Mia her own suit. All of which is pointless if it's been undone and they have to go to the trouble of setting that all up some other way. God, this crossover sucked