I Never Knew You Were Alive - Soulmate AU (I)
Touya Todoroki x f!Reader
This has been on my mind for so so long, and it's been forever since I wrote anything, So I apologize if it's sub par
Chapter I: So it starts
Chapter II: A late arrival
Chapter III: belive of be doomed
Chapter IV: What are we doing?
Chapter V: Last minute encounter
Chapter VI: Deciding to fall in love with you
Masterlist
Next chapter
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"You chose them over me!" Deep turquoise eye bore so deeply into mine, the pressure on my chest, in my heart, seemed to increase.
"I didn't chose anyone over you Touya", anger, misplaced anger, seeped out of my word "I didn't even know you were alive!" A sob escaped me, which made the current situation so much more real. it had been years.. years of pain, thinking he was dead. How dare he? How dare he imply I chose anything in this situation, I chose the option that would have kept me closer to him. When he was dead.
"We have marks with each others names, we feel what the other feels", he took exasperated steps towards me getting closer and more menacing as he got closer, the feeling of safety slowly washing off me, would he hurt me? would he kill me? "You're gonna look at me in the eye, and tell me, you didn't know I was alive?"
The question was one that burned inside me, ever since I found out he was alive, and it killed me knowing that he wasn't only alive, but with the villains, it drove me crazy and I could barely sleep. I wondered during the years why occasionally I would feel things that were simply not my own; but how was I to know? He was dead, it was a fact, he died in his fire!, so young, faking your own death that young wasn't realistic to think about. I didn't... other than sudden anger, sadness and occasional pleasure, the feelings didn't range far or even often.
"I didn't! I really didn't know, had I know ANY of this, I would hace been on your side no questions asked," I pulled my legs closer to me, the fight we had engaged in didn't fair well on my body. The burns from his fire were negligible, the burn from my own ice, though, if not treated soon could start causing decay "You think I wanted to sit by and let him do any of those things to Shouto? That it brought me pleasure in any way to say your mother hospitalized? Natsuo and Fujumi so neglected?" The tears finally started pouring out, this was emotionally too much, hopelessness and guilt was bubbling up and started to eat me inside "I don't care anymore, just, kill me if you have to"
The Todoroki's took me in, not because of me but because of him, for him. They swore he would have wanted me to be a part of their family, all the other soulmates of their kids were just as welcomed. Enji took it upon himself to look for all their kids soulmates, as soon as posible. We all knew how.... intense, Enji Tododroki could be, but we stayed for our soulmates. They weren't a perfect family, or even a good one; but I wanted Touya with me so badly, and his family was all that was left; his grave, his shrine, I needed him and I couldn't have him. Now what? It seems I never had anything of his at all.
"I'm not going to kill you" he said while slowly crouching down ro my eye level, the fire in his hand slowly being put out; the look in his eyes wasn't the thing giving his emotions away but the bond we had, I understood the resignation and the conflict happening in his heart "but, we are in a bit of a bad situation right now, doll" I swallowed thickly and rested the back of my head in what was left of the concrete wall behind me.
"I'm not leaving the kids to be killed" I said after a moment of silence, having had to steel my mind and build my resolve; making sure I understood what I was potentially giving up.
"I'm not going to leave the league" he replied after a deep breath, and I could hear the same resolve in his voice.
and, there in lies our problem.
I straightened up my head to look at him again, his hands reaching to the ice around me, I assumed to melt it "don't... it hurts"
He looked up at me and stopped, taking a quick Look over me. "You have to do something about the ice, or you'll be short an arm and maybe a leg"
The cold was starting to set, over my body, and as usual it started to build in my extremities, I could barely feel my nose and my fingers anymore.
I ignored him, the current situation not leaving my mind at all, my injuries could wait "What do we do?"
"What we've been doing", he hesitantly reached to touch my cheek, providing much needed warmth, his thumb lightly brushing my nose "I'm dead, sweetheart" He proceded to hold my hands for a while, and I wished the warmth building up in my body could stay forever.
he immediately stepped away from me the moment we could hear running, signaling that there were heros were here "Your helps here," he said something to himself and slowly he was swallowed by some black goo "Don't die on me, I gotta see you at the end of this, however that goes"
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One years before
I casually walk into endeavors hero agency, waving at the receptionist at the entrance of the building, taking notice of how I was being watched by people outside the glass of the building, being the one member of the agency to not hold a fire quirk, I was special, but not really; it provided a little bit of hope to the heroes in training that wanted to be hired and didn't have a fiery quirk, even if me being here was nothing less of nepotism, but I owed Endeavor a lot and I couldn't refuse.
Once I made it to the elevator I made it all the way to my desk in autopilot, not taking much notice of the things going on around me.
"Blue Bird!" I looked up and spotted the blond hair before anything else.
"Hawks" I roll my eyes at him and placed my coffee on my desk, avoiding the recognizable load of paperwork. What was he doing here anyway? I knew about the whole forced partnership with Hawks and Endeavor, but he was rarely at the agency.
The idea of him constantly calling me blue bird was getting old, my lack of a surviving soulmate didn't really made me deserving of the name. Enji Tododroki had done everything for me he possibly could, starting with proving me with a connection to my lost soulmate their family dynamic fucking sucked, ass, but I felt part of the family; and it was the one connection I could have with Touya, since he clearly wouldn't be around. Ever.
Fuyumi and Shouto had also had their soulmates brought into the fold, as soon as Enji could find them. We hadn't been able to find Natuo's yet, but he assured the process was ongoing, until they were found.
I was found shortly after Touya died, I never even got to see him alive. I hated the feeling, especially because sometimes I felt the delusion that maybe he was out there, but I didn't ever allow myself the thought, or it would kill me.
I look up at the winged hero carefully studying his stance, a mischievous bright smile on his face, as usual "Anything I can help with? Endeavor is out on patrol, I don't know when he'll back but I can tell you where he is if you'd like?" I went to sit down on my desk to look for the information I had just offered, before I could grab the chair to sit down I was stopped by a bright red feather in my line of sight.
"I didn't come looking for Endeavor, I can go to his secretary for that, or easily look for him myself" He walks closer to my desk looking it over carefully "I heard you were starting at UA soon, for a new 'alternative strategy' class?" I looked at him, with a confused look, what could he possibly want with me or UA, if he was scouting a student he could simply... call them? The sudden serious look he showed was making me uneasy.
"Yeah, I am. What about it?"
"You can't do that"
"Excuse me?" The finality of his statement, made the uneasiness grow even stronger, tension creeping up my shoulders, the situation. starting to make my soulmate mark itch.
It wasn't common the #2 Hero came over to you and said you couldn't take a job offer. UA seriously needed to teach alternative methods of taking down a villain that didn't just rely on their quirks. I as the person who suggested it in the first place, besides, Endeavor had said nothing of the sort. why would I listen to him?
"I don't think it's safe" He finally responded, after seeming to return from deep though
"Thank you so much for the concern Hawks, really, but I can handle myself" I finally looked away from him and proceeded to start on my paperwork. I just need to finish this and I can start the lesson plans " I already know it's not safe, for the kids, it's the whole reason why I took the job" The tension wasn't leaving, and the fact he stayed didn't help either, I could feel his eyes on my arm, where "Todoroki Touya" was permanently burned into my skin.
"I don't think it's safe" I continued to read over the documents, writing where I needed. The tension bubbling up every milisecond that he didn't drop the subject.
"Endeavor would've said something if he thought there would be an issue" I replied nonchalantly, feeling the pressure starting to bubble over.
Wasn't that this morning? hough to myself as I tried to remember when the specific event cited in the document happened.
"I still don't think it's safe" I sight and stare at him, not replying
...Bubble
"This whole thin is too dangerous, and the kids know enough to protect them" I could feel my brow tense my eyes not moving from his feature, the way he was looking me adding irritation
...Bubble...
"The league is everywhere, and their plans aren't pretty, I can't protect you if you're in the fire already" I attempted to take a deep breath, to calm myself down, feeling heat in my cheek slowly creeping up my arm, forgetting to remind myself to cool myself down in these situations.
Bubble... bubble...
"you're my best friend, and besides my soulmate, I don't really have many people I love" he said, almost pleading.
Bubble... Bubble...
POP!
I felt a strong heat settle on my face, the tension that bubbling up turning into anger, as I slammed the fancy black pen on my desk, reminding me seconds before, to cool down "For fucks sake, Keigo, what the HELL is this really about" The sound of glass hitting the floor and scattering filling the sudden silence between us, I closed my eyes tightly, in exasperation. Control your quirk, idiot. Before I opened my eyes I could feel the freezing cold coming from my desk sight and looked over the icy surface of my desk At least I didn't melt it.
"I'm not trying to undermine you, I know you're a very capable hero"
Hawks and I had became very unlikely friends as soon as we started hero work. I had studied at UA, after getting in from Endeavor's recommendation, hawks and I became really good friends after taking the hero licensing exam, teaming up every once in a while, and being on a coffee outing when he though he had found his soulmate
"Hawks, honestly, you can tell me my death is assured, and I am still doing it. I didn't get my hero license to hide when it's dangerous" I placed my hand on my desk relaxing as much as I could to melt the ice without hurting the structure of my desk "besides, I need something to keep me alive, I'm 22 and I already have half of me ripped away, please, just, let me do this? I would want to see a group of kids hopeful for their futures"
His smile didn't return, which meant he wasn't done, or something was still on his mind; maybe he was debating on saying it or not "The league has a weird focus on Endeavor, and I'm worried about you birdie"
I narrowed my eyes, anger or frustration, I don't know what I was feeling, but what was he trying to imply here "I can take care of myself"
"The protection at UA is for the students, not the teachers, who protects you?"
"Drop it Keigo, enough" I wiped the condensation in my desk, finally resolving the problem I caused, I only had to give it a couple minutes to dry "I'm not refusing the job at UA" I looked over his arm, carefully, protectively hiding his soulmate name. I didn't know her name, but I know her quirk, Levitation, just because he was kind enough to tell me about it in one of our outings a couple years ago.
"I want to finish my paperwork, so I can finish my lesson plans for next week, feel like allowing me to work, bird brain?" I allowed myself He stood up away from my desk and sight in resignation, his smile slowly returning.
"I'll drop in every once in a while," he turns around to leave and offers me a thumbs up "I'm sure it'll get the kids excited, and I'll ge to check up on you"
I smile and wave him off. Setting on a serious look when I saw him stepping out of the office.
I took a bite at the end of my pen, the feeling of Keigo hiding something from me settling deep within my soul, after finally looking at the interaction. My best friend, the second best hero in the country, sneaky, cunning, careful planner as he is, hiding something from me, and being worried that the league of villains could try something against me... that doesn't give me a bad feeling.... not at all.
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I think enough time has passed that we can finally talk about how utterly useless and disappointing the final act of Dabi's arc ended up being.
The most disappointing thing of all is how fucking cool almost every setup was. Enji finally seeing the full extent of the damage he did to his son, his mind almost gone and his body about to blow up, and deciding to sacrifice his own life. Dabi developing an ice quirk, like his mother's. Rei coming there using her powerful ice quirk to save both Touya and Enji's lives, because she felt responsible for her part in driving Touya to this point. Fuyumi and Natsuo following Rei because they couldn't sit idly, while their family members are risking their lives. Shouto going above and beyond his limit to save Touya's life and then praising Touya's natural talent the way no one ever did.
This picture. The eerily happy what could have been, what both Touya and Enji wanted, a happy family where they both are accepted and loved, where Touya is healthy and doesn't hurt himself. Except he is missing an arm now, a new self-inflicted injury transferred from the real world, where the family is as far from happy as they could be. Enji is also missing an arm, the mutual self-sacrifice which was payment to getting Enji to finally fully see Touya and accept him, accept his own role as the parent responsible for this child of his.
This was the exact moment. That first frame is such a masterpiece it's much more thought provoking than the entirety of what followed. Look at your son's disfigured face. See the monster that you created. The fire that you have ignited. It's hotter than your own Hellfire and it won't ever stop burning, as long as either of you is alive. There's no end to this hurt. It's been hurting him since he was a child, and now it has spread to you. You did this to yourself.
And one thing I can tell for sure is that these chapters are going to go hard as hell in the anime. These surrealistic frames, followed by blockbuster-worthy action sequences. But what comes after that? And then nothing. It's like Horikoshi made these chapters specifically to work well for the anime adaptation. Because there is no resolution or even conclusion to any of the things that happened here.
Enji and Dabi losing their arms had so little meaning Horikoshi himself forgot about it and gave Enji the missing arm back in chapter 425. We never get to see the state of Touya's body after the war, so him losing his arm also loses his meaning, as he is covered in a full-body metal restraining jacket. Did they provide him with a prosthetic? If not, are they going to? Is he even going to notice the missing arm, or did it truly not matter? Or perhaps he somehow grew his arm back, the same way he grew his melted eyeballs back? Who even knows.
What about the family? Rei clearly cared a whole lot, enough to risk her own life to attempt to save Touya from certain death because she knew there's no point to rely on Endeavor , but now that the heat of the moment is over, how does she feel about what happened? Does she insist on getting to visit Touya more often? Does she reflect on her own experience of spending ten years in isolation and try to give Touya his freedom? Did Shouto share the story of Touya coming back home after his death with her and his siblings? How does she feel about it? How do they feel about their dearly missed brother willingly choosing to abandon them?
On that topic, how do Fuyumi and Natsuo feel about Touya at all? We do get to hear about Fuyumi's desire to talk more with Touya, but what does she want to talk to him about? Does she want to share her own life with him, to tell him about her old job and the kids she was teaching? About the many family dinners she had been organizing for their family despite it falling apart? Or does she want to ask him about his life? Is she at all curious what he had been up to? Does she want to know how he ended up a villain, why did he keep burning himself despite almost dying from it as a mere child? Would Touya himself want to talk to Fuyumi, or does he still think his sister will never understand him? If so, will she try to push through and repair their sibling bond, try to show him that mending their family is possible and she wants to see him a part of the healed Todoroki family, eating dinner with the rest of them?
Natsuo... I don't even know where to start. Todoroki Natsuo when he first appeared in the manga and Todoroki Natsuo from Dabi's dance onwards are two wildly different characters and the development that made him change so much is skipped entirely in the story.
The entire point of Natsuo's character conflict was being unable to let go of the past, when the rest of the family was demanding he puts the past behind them and looks towards the future. Why exactly was he so fixated on the past? Two reasons. One, his father's neglect of him and abuse of his brothers. He is indignant about what Enji put Shouto through, still angry about Shouto being isolated from his siblings despite the younger freely interacting with him and Fuyumi for quite some time since before the manga plot had started. He outright says that his father had killed Touya. And that's the second reason, his close bond with Touya. While the rest of the family, even their mother, have been able to grieve and let go of Touya, Natsuo has been haunted by him ever since the day of his death.
Their relationship was a toxic one, that is true, Touya was traumadumping his extremely unhealthy feelings on a little kid who was too little to process or sympathize with what the was going through. But from the way Natsuo talks about Touya after his death it's obvious that Natsuo cared a lot about him, still cares. He is indignant about the unfairness of what happened to Touya precisely because he knows the most out of all family members about what his experience was like. It's pretty clear that the reason he stubbornly refuses to forgive and accept Endeavor the way his mother and siblings did, despite genuinely believing himself to be a bad person for it, is not just because Enji was neglecting him as a kid but because since he was a kid he was exposed to the horror of what Touya's life was like. He was watching a person begging to be helped hurt himself everyday and he didn't know how to help him or stop him. Hell, it's pretty straightforwardly implied that his career choice was impacted by his inability to help Touya, who was covered in burns at all times, and Rei with Shouto.
So with all of that in mind, Natsuo's resolution feels fairly... bizarre. As far as his reunion with the dead brother he was bitterly mourning for 11 years, the one who showed up back from the dead expressing the exact same sentiment Natsuo has been trying to express to his family, 'The past never dies', goes, it's this:
This wouldn't even be so bad if there was some followup to this. Natsuo was highstrung with nerves, he was terrified at the thought of both of his parents and his brother dying for real this time (except it's Fuyumi who gets this line). Natsuo apologizing to Touya for saying this, after the climax of the battle is behind them. Anything. Because this framing with no followup at all makes it seem like Natsuo's feelings about his oldest brother is just being annoyed at him for constantly causing trouble to others, because he was venting to him so much when they were kids. If his were any other character, this claim would hold some weight, after all the dynamic was genuinely toxic, but all Natsuo did for the entirety of the Hellish Todoroki family subplot was causing others trouble by his inability to cope with his feelings. You know, the same thing Touya is doing right now, was doing as long as he was in the Todoroki household. Hypocritical much?..
Then we get to look at the final pages of the Todoroki family's conclusion, and it's all about Natsuo once again disrupting the fragile family harmony and peace by announcing he never wants to see Endeavor again. Also he is getting married. For someone who was so held back by the past for 200+ chapters, this sure is a big leap of faith into the future. What caused this development? Touya reappearing back into his life? Did Natsuo make his brother the symbol of that past that was holding him back and decide to abandon him, never see neither him nor Endeavor again?
Maybe so, maybe not. Does he hold hard feelings against Touya, because the real living Todoroki Touya is too different for him to accept as the brother whose ghost had been haunting him for a decade? Is it being a villain that he can't forgive? Or is he simply unable to cope with everything right now and puts off the conversation with his brother because that would be too hard right now? Isn't that the same thing Rei and Enji were doing for Touya's entire childhood?
That's the thing with this ending, you can ask a million questions and make up endless interpretations but you won't get any answers or reasonable conclusions to any of these character's stories, save for Endeavor.
And what is his ending? It's this.
He has moved on! Doesn't matter what happened to his original family, because he's got himself a new one. He is moving towards the future, surrounded by love, support and acceptance. It's the same thing as this picture!
Minus the inconvenient and explanation-demanding children subplots. That would require too much space and effort and the story needed to be finished asap. So? Why resolve the Todoroki family mess when you can give Enji a whole new family of his own? What happened to the other, original children? Who even knows. Who cares? Definitely not Enji, he has new ones.
What about Touya? Well, he was already accepted by his father once, that's enough for him. About his family? As far as we know, they left him all alone, crying, dying. About his missing arm? About his ice quirk? About his relationship with his siblings? With the League of Villains? The living villains, Spinner, Mister Compress, his cousin Geten, Skeptic? Who even cares. Definitely not this story.
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