#Arthur got the braincell

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

I’m not usually one for miscommunication as a trope but hear me out:

Arthur thinks he and Merlin are together because Merlin says shit like “you’re my destiny” and “two sides of the same coin” fairly often.

He even looks fond or proud whenever he calls Arthur a prat, and pet names never suited them. He considered it once but it just felt weird. “Idiot.” Changed to “Idiot <3” when they finally got together and that suits them much better than Darling or Babe or whatever else.

And it’s not like he doesn’t say romantic stuff back, all: “you’re the bravest man I ever met.” Or “you’re the best friend I have and I couldn’t bare to lose you”

Meanwhile, Merlin pinpoints the same moment Arthur believed they started dating as when Arthur started acting more affectionate and Merlin’s crush got dialled up to 11.

Arthur doesn’t seem to mind, so he pushes his luck occasionally and will hug Arthur after a long day or will lean on him if they’re eating together on a hunting trip. Merlin absolutely cherishes these moments, but he’s secretly wishing they meant as much to Arthur as they do to him. (Spoiler alert: they do.)

So they must be together, Merlin just can’t be bothered with titles and with everything that happened, Agravane and Morgana betraying him, it would be ideal to wait for an announcement of their relationship.

He gifts Merlin clothes, new boots, will leave flowers in his chambers and asked for the cook to make more of Merlin’s favourites so he can steal food from Arthur’s plate because he claims it tastes better when it isn’t his food.

Arthur gave Merlin his mother’s sigil, for crying out loud. They’re obviously together.

And even better, (you can pry demi or ace Arthur from my cold dead hands) they don’t even need to be intimate beyond the occasional hug or soft gestures like Merlin brushing the hair from his face before Arthur goes to sleep at night and Arthur doing the same whenever they’re not in the castle and sleeping next to each other. He was worried at first, but Merlin never expected it, which Arthur just takes as: “And how stupid to worry? who knows him better than Merlin? Of course he would already know Arthur didn’t feel comfortable with that sort of stuff.”

Then one day, a delegation comes to Camelot and one of the foreign knights is flirting with Merlin. Arthur sees, and he doesn’t usually feel any need to act on his jealousy because he trusts Merlin, but this knight isn’t flirting in the way Gwaine does that’s just part of who he is, and Merlin looks uncomfortable. So he calls Merlin over to him, starts acting like a prat, and keeps Merlin “busy” all night by keeping his goblet full or usual servants duties.

Then later, Merlin thanks Arthur but says he doesn’t need to worry and he can handle himself. Arthur, finally relaxing after being ready to start a fight for the past three hours, pulls Merlin into a hug and kisses his forehead, because let the medieval gays be soft sometimes. He whispers something like, “I know you don’t like talking about it, and that you’ve said you don’t need a title, but you shouldn’t have to handle everything on your own.”

Merlin pulls back, looking shocked and confused. Then they actually have to talk about everything.

Merlin’s just fine with actually dating the guy he’s got a massive crush on and now he’s more willing to instigate hugs and affection. (Arthur just thought Merlin wasn’t going to push him to not make him uncomfortable but secretly wishes that he would instigate more) They end up sleeping in the same bed in Camelot too, because cuddles and softness, something Arthur wanted for a while but didn’t know how to ask for.

Basically all the problems in the relationship that Arthur was worried about but kinda felt “it’s already more than I could hope for” so didn’t want to bring up get worked out naturally and Merlin, who was previously worried about his friendship getting ruined if they changed the dynamic too much, is shocked by how little actually changed now that they’re together. He just gets to hold Arthur’s hand, can be less subtle about stealing from his dinner, gets to relax and gets an Arthur that’s more clingy and soft now that Merlin knows he’s allowed to reciprocate affection.

They still tease each other, they’re still two idiots sharing a braincell that they occasionally give to Leon to babysit, they’re just more open about being in love now. (More open to each other, anyway. Literally everyone else in Camelot knew long before they did)

Bonus points if they’ve been talking about their relationship and having the important conversation with each other the entire time, just without actually talking about it. Merlin asking why Arthur suddenly changed how affectionate he is and Arthur saying he thought he was allowed. Merlin’s just like “cool, as long as you’re okay. I’m glad you’re feeling more comfortable and relaxed.” And glad there’s no love spells or anything sinister going on. Arthur says he doesn’t like Merlin flirting with Gwaine, even if he doesn’t mean it, and Merlin agrees to stop if it makes him uncomfortable. He doesn’t think too much into it, just thinks Arthur doesn’t like the casual flirting and believes that relationships are important so casual stuff isn’t super comfortable. Merlin is still friends with Gwaine, just makes less jokes about going home with or marrying him.

Like, they’re having entire conversations and maintaining a fully functional healthy relationship, they’re just fucking idiots at the same time.

[hotvintagepoll]

Thomas Mitchell (It's a Wonderful Life, Stagecoach, Only Angels Have Wings)—In It's a Wonderful Life, he's Uncle Billy, the man who ties string around his fingers to remind him of things (and STILL misses his nephew's wedding) and has a pet squirrel to comfort him in times of need; in Stagecoach (for which he won an Oscar!), he is a delightfully rough-and-tumble alcoholic who comes through for his fellow stagecoach passengers when they need him; in Pocketful of Miracles, he is a charming old-timer pool hustler who will rob you blind while reciting Shakespeare to you; I have not seen The Black Swan but he seems to have played some sort of pirate-y sidekick. Everywhere you look, this man was scrungling! (Also fun fact: he was the first actor to win competitive acting awards at the Oscars, Tonys, and Emmys, aka the Triple Crown of Acting!)

Harpo Marx (Night at the Opera, Night in Casablanca, Duck Soup)—While Groucho is better-known, Harpo's physical comedy is SECOND-TO-NONE. The man is a strange mime trapped in the paradigm of early 20th century movies. Every move is a symphony and simultaneously a colony of rats in a human skin suit. LISTEN. You MUST see this man in motion. Every still photo of him looks like a combination of a sad clown and a different, sadder clown, but it's only because he put so much joy in every motion.

This is round 3 of the contest. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. If you’re confused on what a scrungle is, or any of the rules of the contest, click here.

[additional submitted propaganda + scrungly videos under the cut]

Thomas Mitchell:

One of those job'bing character actors who turn up in a lot of movies in bit parts. He is a very good actor, with a lot of pathos—you probably know him as the uncle from It's a Wonderful Life, or Jean Arthur's newspaper friend from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. A salt of the earth type who brings gravitas and pathos to every part. He scrungles gorgeously.

He was the first male actor to win the Triple Crown (Oscar, Emmy, and Tony). His Oscar win was for his exceptionally scrungly performance in Stagecoach (1939) clip linked.

Basically, even the Academy agreed this man was scrungly and decided to give him an award for it!

Harpo Marx:

He's like if a clown was a hobo was also somehow a classically trained harpist, his face is always in some kind of contorted silly shape, feral curly haired ninnymuggins always doing weird things to people

Harpo is mute in all of the Marx Bros movies and so his body language and facial expressions are SO over the top but he's also got fewer braincells than a goldfish while often being the emotional heart of the Marx Bros and he's just A Guy!!

Every scene with Harpo Marx is a treat! Just like watching a seagull steal a stranger's hotdog at the beach, it is a joy to watch him frustrate the hell out of all the other films' characters! Harpo Marx is the zenith of unhinged in all of his appearances, making any other funny man a straight man by comparison. (A fantastic feat considering he starred in films with his brothers Grouch and Harpo, who sported a shoe polish mustache and questionable Italian accent, respectively). The scrungliness of the little guys he plays come from his guileless, wide-eyed expression, curly blond wig, and the extreme ability to annoy others, despite never saying a word. Is he malicious? Most definitely, but hard to tell because he has a dopey grin on his face most of the time. Communicating through other sounds like honking horns and whistling, he is a force of chaos in every Marx brothers film! Also an accomplished harp player, the beautiful calm moments where Harpo plays juxtapose the zany, making him all the more scrungly. His visual style of comedy is timeless; Duck Soup had me rolling with laughter as a six year old and is still just as funny today.

In my opinion Harpo is the funniest of the Marx brothers because he is so good at slapstick comedy. Since he never speaks in his film appearances his performances are very physical, which contributes a lot to his scrungliness. He was fully committed to being wacky at all times. All of his hilarity is based on him being weird.

He's just a weird little guy who causes chaos everywhere he goes, and then sits down and plays a beautiful harp solo! He steals the show from his very chatty brothers without saying a word, and was surprisingly ripped under that old raincoat

All of the Marx Brothers are Scrungly to a degree, but Harpo is the scrungliest! His outfits are so big he gets lost in them, his pockets are full of everything, and because he never speaks, he always uses physical comedy. Also he's an incredible musician.

[opwolfe]

Bro ngl I need to write this but I got ZERO motivation rn (getting burnt out from classes :( it sucks) ((some slight spoilers in here, skip if you haven't gotten to like, idk, rank 4~5))

But like, the hex with a/b/o dynamics, I'm going insane over it rn so

Arthur - TBHHHH he gives me alpha vibes but I know for a fact he's more beta, like he's obviously the leader but he's also sooo like, NORMAL, like he's just a dude, there's nothing really "macho man" about him and I love that so much, definitely a beta but with some skills on the alpha tree barrowed

Eleanor - alpha 100000% you cannot fight me on this, that lady is the real leader of the pack there's absolutely nothing to doubt about that sentence, she's just sooo UGH y'know??? She brings the stability to the pack and takes care of them in a lot of ways

Lettie - she's a beta, ngl I don't pay too much attention to her but just based on the conversations we've had she gives me beta, MAYBE just MAYBE some slight omega vibes with her ferality on healing and taking care of people

Amir - you might question me on this, but he's an alpha, DEFINITELY more of a baby alpha (if we look at how young he is compared to the others) and is definitely more subservient to the others in the pack, he's just a little guy but is so very protective over the people he loves

Aoi - she's an omega, the only omega honestly, but she's more of a beta omega then an omega omega, she's such a complex character once you really know her, she rounds out the cast so well with how she's so serious but also really funny to be around, she brings them together in ways I can't even begin to describe, she also helps amir with feeling like he belongs and I love that

Quincy - beta/omega honestly, DONT HATE ME FOR THIS TAKE PLEASE 😭😭😭 it's just the way I perceived his backstory and how he got into the hex, he went into the military to support his family like [subtle crying] I LOVE HIMMM 😭😭😭 he just wanted to take care of his family and ended up getting turned into a protoframe because of it, while yeahh that COULD make him seem like an alpha, he cares so much about the people around him despite feeling like he shouldn't (see; make me hate u conversation), he goes out of his way to give amir the ability to do things non-violently and to help other people even though before they had their whole "ur like a brother to me" moment, he flat out thought amir wasn't supposed to be with them because he could get hurt or get them hurt, he's just so fucking complex and [braincell explodes] I can't even put it into words

This is just how I see them, someone else might have a COMPLETELY different look at them, but GAAADDD DAAMMMMMMNNNM I need to write this out or like, draw it idk, I need opinions on this pleeeeeassseee tell me what you think I BEG!!!!!

[itzy-bitsy-spidey]

Merlin's assistant

Pt.2. Introductions

Merlin BBC X fem!reader

"This, my dear assistant, is king Arthur Pendragon of Camelot" Merlin introduced, and the sheer joy that showed in his smile managed to drown any posible witty remark Arthur had thought of making.

"HOLD ON A SECOND" on the other hand the loudness from the girl kind of made him wish she was once again arranging bottles in silence.

"He is Arthur Pendragon, as in the Arthur Pendragon I've heard so much about these last few years?" The smile in her face could barely contain all of her exciment, if the way she was flapping her hands up and down was any type of sign. A little bit more emotion and she would surely be jumping up and down in front of him.

Merlin eyes softened at the sight of the girl and his smile went from excited to fond rather quilckly for Arthur's liking. He had just then remembered the way she had called his friend a few moments ago.

Love.

Now, Arthur might not had been the brightest one in the room, even if he would never admit it, but if something was not up between those two then he had never been dead.

So lost he had been in his own thoughts he had missed what Merlin had to say about him. But whatever it was it certaninly reassured who he was, because she looked ready to explode.

"Oh, you have to tell me about Camelot, I've asked Merlin before but with his memory we honestly never get anywhere and all he can tell me is about how you would always get in trouble, or be cursed, or how your father would be cursed, or the kingdom, or..." somehow, the girl had managed to get all of that out of her sistem in just one breath before Merlin cut her off.

"Alright, that's enough kiddo, why don't you better go look for some clothes for our guest?"

"I'm literally your age, you old man!" She complained to the warlock but nevertheless got up anf started walking away.

"No you're not, and if you were, that would make you an old man!" Merlin quiped right back at her, raising his voice so he could be heard.

"Age doesn't change gender you dumbass!" at that point the girl's voice was just that, a voice, because she had completely dissapeared from sight. Two seconds passed in silence before she finished her statement "But apparently it does make you lose braincells!"

Merlin shot a nasty look at the door she had left through, but decided against continuing fighting, and instead chose to put his attention on the very confused king.

"Sooo, who was that exactly?" Finally asked Arthur after a while of sitting in silence.

In response Merlin grabbed a chair and sat in front of his friend, his eyes flashed golden for a second and tea started preparing itself while the warlock answered the question.

"She's my assistant, helps me with things around here and in exchange she lives here where it's peaceful" he explained at the same time a cup filled with chamomile tea landed gracefully in front of Arthur.

"Your assistant? You? Have an assistant?" The tone of the king's voice sounded almost mocking, but Merlin raised both his eyebrows at him and continued.

"I don't see what you find so funny you clotpole, I was tecnically your assistant back in the day".

Something about hearing Merlin speak about them as if they had happened a long time ago hurted deep inside Arthur's chest. His heart twisted into a knot when he realized that for Merlin, for his best friend, it had truly been long ago.

Truth to be told, the blonde king had woken up that day in the lake and had just felt as if no time had gone by, as if he had just slept for a few minutes, a few hours at most.

But it hadn't been like that for Merlin, if he had understood it right it had been hundred of years of loneliness for the magic boy, hundred of years of waiting, never really knowing if he would come back.

Suddenly the idea of the girl being around Merlin didn't sit so bad with him anymore, at least he wasn't completely alone, he hoped there had been other friends for Merlin before her too, people that could have helped him carry the load that waiting for his friend might have been.

[kindred-spirit-93]

part 2 bc i cant laugh at my life without it escalating lol

power went out in the neighbourhood yesterday (something blew up lol) and i had no choice but to to bed (i did get like 8 hours so i cant complain too hard)

OH AND I WAS HALF WAY THROUGH A FIC @howmanyholesinswisscheese im going to finish it tonight and come for u and ur lineage x

both my phone and laptop were low on charge so i couldnt make a funny update till this morning :')

anyway since then ive missed several calls from mama (iykyk), spent 15 minutes this morning printing papers while my dad was at the door, and when i tried to staple them wouldnt go through. THRICE. so i have loose papers to with me today lol and yesterdays minty fresh ones to study later as well

if this was a free trial to being 21 im cancelling my subscription lol

life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel

remember how i said i had studying to do and would be back after finishing? guess what didnt happen lol.

disclaimer for me yapping and little to no sentence structure lol

--

had just had a really nice moment with my dad and brother as we ate lil cakes lol. carrot, strawberry and a slice of tiramisu.

after which i went to my room to resume work, papers across my desk and pen atop my notebook, all awaiting my return.

next thing i know i knocked over my (thankfully cold) mint tea all over my desk and onto the carpet.

my brain switches off as it so often does in moments of shock and disbelief. all i can hear is the damp sound liquid usually makes when fabric breaks its fall (flow?),

and something behind my eyes snaps. i sigh. theres no use crying over spilt tea as they say.

i try to rescue what i can but my endeavour proves to be futile. open the window to prop my soaked notebook and lecture notes in all their botched inky glory. its raining

i want to laugh till i cry. this is the funniest thing that could have happened im surprised i didnt see it coming. and today of all days. shame on me really

i mustve broken something in my brain at some point because for whatever reason my first reaction to most things regardless of appropriateness of the situation is the fatal urge to laugh. does the laughter fill a void that shouldnt be there? am i distracting myself from whatever ails me? whos to say.

oh well. no (serious) harm done. probably cant get any worse

as usual i spoke far too soon.

while flipping over the notebook to see if the other side was dry or if it had met the watery demise of its brethren, it slipped from my hand and fell with a splat onto the still-dripping-on-the-carpet tea. restoring balance and to the universe no doubt

i really cant be too happy huh

taking an old tshirt from the pile of laundry on my bed dating back to the carboniferous period, i mop the tea and it mocks me.

i resist the crazed smile

in the kitchen to fetch a sponge a cloth and a tupperware to fill with soapy water. and of course we dont have dish washing liquid, why would we.

another sigh. very little fazes me, i know my luck too well now to expect anything less. collateral damage is always a given.

my rule of thumb is if something can theoretically go wrong (thank u overthinking & hs statistics) it probably will. so make peace with it now instead of mourning it later.

less feelings that way. feelings can hurt. and id just rather not.

i consider bleach (momentarily, as a joke. to loosen the tension in my head. doesnt go too well.) so i opt for hand soap.

honourable mentions: shower gel, toothpaste, olive oil, tears, 17 in 1 coffee extract shampoo that doesnt smell like coffee. tap water.

the good news is that i gained like 3 and a half minutes of cardio and core engagement. and the approval of my grandmother for my scrubbing technique.

shed win diamond plated gold if competitive cleanliness was to ever become a thing. i take after her (strongly). a champion of sorts. her successor.

as i wait for my papers to dry, thoughts to settle, and the will to continue, i type this out in the hopes of killing to birbs with one stone.

or in my case knocking over two cups with my phone. or something

practice to stretch my dormant writing muscles (and return blood flow to my fingers. the window is still open and its 9 out), and share a funny story with the chance it makes someone laugh.

the worst part is they dont even smell like mint.

[film-score-simp]

OKAY FOOLS HOW YALL DOING IM BACK AFTER BEING DEAD FOR LIKE MONTHS-

See, I had a Thought which the Merlin fandom might be interested in. Especially the fanfic writers.

I was browsing Pinterest, as you do, and stumbled across a few tumblr posts instead of actually looking on the site… again, as you do.

And I came to a fun idea.

So y’know how with some pieces of fantasy media they go ‘oh with the amount of stupidity here this is totally a D&D game’?

Well… that, but Merlin.

Like we already have scenes that would totally fit the bill of a D&D game. The whole scene with old Merlin and the knights with the stepping stool onto the horse is just so unbelievably D&D, and I can imagine the scene with the “..reading poetry.” as just real bad persuasion/deception rolls from both Merlin AND Arthur.

Just imagine the chaos.

Here are my personal headcanons for their classes, but feel free to debate about it:

Merlin: Sorcerer. This man is too much of an idiot to be a wizard (though he DOES get hurt enough to be one), and I reckon being a wild magic sorcerer would totally fit the bill. He’s powerful, but hijinks must ensue- thus, the wild magic. Or perhaps not. People might assume it’s wild magic and turns out it’s just Merlin thinking he’s funny.

Arthur: Bard. Immediately. He’s got paladin energy as in like the ‘Chosen One’ and also he’s a knight, but he’s so stupid and also charismatic that he just gives bard to me. Like he’s so stupid and charismatic with literally everything, that Merlin ended up liking him. Like this man is a himbo that dresses brightly.

Morgana: Absolutely a warlock. She would have so much fun with eldritch blast, and being weird and spooky totally fits her vibe later in the series. She would probably be the one to sometimes have the braincell in the party and use her magic responsibly… but also eldritch blast. You gotta use eldritch blast-

Mordred: I don’t think he has chill enough vibes for the druid stereotype, but he definitely could be a druid. Giving funky nature powers to this kid would really be a hilarious idea. Like imagine Mordred with wild shape. I also think he has the possibility of being the Dionysus kind of druid… y’know, the greek god who turned people into dolphins just because? Yeah, him.

Gwaine: Barbarian. Or fighter. He may be a knight, sure, but with the amount of bar brawls he gets into? Absolutely. The fool definitely would fist fight someone in a dark alleyway at 2AM, it’s just what he’s like. He likes to hit people and drink alcohol- it just fits his whole MO.

Percival: Also a barbarian. His entire thing is strength, and the ‘little man’ comment just screams of a man with high intimidation. He may be a gentle giant and not going for the whole stereotype of angry rage beast, but this guy can totally scare without it.

Lancelot: Lancelot is a paladin. He’s the very epitome of ‘Good Boy.’ This guy is such a Righteous knight and just a generally cool person that I think that a god straight up WOULD get in contact to have him fight for the forces of good. I love this man so much. I also love paladins. Perfect combo.

Elyan: Elyan’s a cleric. He’s caring and loyal, as well as not bullying Merlin regularly. He’s also pretty cunning so possibly rogue there as well? I’d be more inclined to lean towards cleric the most though, cause he’s one of the most chill knights and also balances out the chaos of Gwaine and Percival as a duo… they’re nuts-

Leon: Also a paladin. Less of a ‘pure and true soul’ guy like Lancelot, but more of a ‘stands for what’s right and upholds the law’ kind of paladin. Like he’s totally a follower of chivalry with all the traditional ways of doing things- always respectful and polite but just kinda a little at arms length.

Guinevere: Stereotypical druid. Totally a tree-hugger and loves plants. Also she gets to be a Disney princess now and talk to animals in forests. Living out her best life in the forest with her whole cottagecore aesthetic. Even with her becoming queen, she’s totally still a druid. Albeit a royal one now.

Gaius: Oh he’s so gonna be an artificer. But specifically an alchemist artificer. He can make healing potions and mix weird medicines together, sure, but jesus christ the old man gets into just as many shenanigans as the main group. I mean, the whole possession fiasco with the goblin is enough proof for that-

(And before anyone tells me a character’s missing, it’s been a while since I watched the series, I’m trying my best hhhh-)

[safetycar-restart]

Ok I disappeared for a bit but I am back tonight and I'm in a very particular mood... specifically AUs and MotoGP. I wish I could explain this but I can't. This is just my vibe for the evening, and so since that's my vibe, here are some random headcannons/thoughts that I have for some AUs and for MotoGP. For tonight, all AUs and anything MotoGP is open :))

RANDOM FABIO THOUGHTS:

God I love this man with zero thoughts. He is just... so good. Truly the best boy. The bestest best boy.

I think he absolutely thrives when he can just be your himbo? He just follows you around, doing whatever you want him to and not questioning anything because you're in charge and his job is simply to look pretty and do as he's told.

And because of the above, he LOVES bimbofication? Or I guess, himbofication? He loves when you tease him and edge him over an entire weekend, turning him into a useless, horny mess, when he can't do anything himself and just whines and cries and begs.

Also on a slightly fluffier note, he is a SLUT for forehead kisses. And clothes sharing. He is a little clothes gremlin. You will never have a matching pair of socks ever again.

RANDOM D/S AU HEADCANNONS:

-- Carlos says he doesn't need to see you over the summer break because he knows you want to spend it with Charles, but he ends up nearing subdrop a few times because he got so used to submitting when he needed to that he didnt know what to do when he suddenly wanted to and you weren't there

-- Lando takes naps with you and calls them scenes so that mclaren staff can't come find him

-- max doesn't like to wear a collar because it feels like too much but he does wear a special bracelet you had made for him

-- Pierre and esteban will bicker with each other mid scene with you

RANDOM HYBRID!AU THOUGHTS:

-- Bunny!Arthur is constantly nibbling on his own lip when he's nervous so you buy him some chew toys

-- wolf!Pierre will growl at people who try to touch bunny!charles's ears

-- You start out dating cat!Lando and then the cat distribution system gets confused and you end up with Oscar too. None of you know how this happened.

-- wolf!Carlos has no braincells only instincts around you

RANDOM SUGAR BABY!AU THOUGHTS:

-- You once tried a rule that Charles needs to come to your house with a plug in before planned scenes, but you had to remove that rule almost immediately because your sugar baby got so spoiled by having you stretching him out that he struggles to do it himself now

-- Mick cooks you breakfast every single day, he will literally come over just to cook you breakfast and then leave again

-- Pierre will happily seduce potential business partners to get them to agree to dealings with you (he has made several offers to do so)

-- Lando honestly makes a terrible sugar baby because he never wears the expensive clothes you buy him, choosing to steal your old PJs instead.

[merlinmagicmania]

I know Merlin’s magic remaining secret from everyone and him being left without a support system was integral to the eventual tragedy of the show and the self-fulfilling prophecy of it all, but I still really wish we got magic reveals with every character and magical shenanigans. Lancelot was one of my favorite characters and we only get him for a few episodes. And Gwaine would have been an excellent partner in crime. And lets be honest, if Gwen knew? Tragedy averted. All of camelot’s braincells travel towards her like ants seeking sugar and everyone else has to root around in the dirt and hope they find one that has yet to make the journey to their one true home. I would have even settled for a little time-loop episode where everything gets reversed. There are so many ways to do a magic reveal! There was so much untapped comedic potential! Those scenes in the og charmed where Daryll doesn’t understand any of the witchy nonsense that’s happening? Hilarious! That scene in smallville where Lana questions Clark about all the mysteriously solved villain-of-the-week incidents while they’re driving? Also hilarious! It’s not that hard. The knights needed to figure out Merlin was Dragoon. Gwen and Arthur needed to realize they almost lost Merlin dozens of times. Mordred and Merlin could have been partners in crime and absolutely terrorize the shit out of everyone with mindspeak. Morgana also could have been “the antagonist” without losing her core character traits, but that’s a rant for another day? Where was I going with this?

[safetyobstacles]

I finished osnf after almost 2 months and

You know that feeling when you finish a piece of media you really enjoyed, whether it be a show or game or book. And now its over and you can never go back and experience it for the first time again.

That's how I feel :,)

I made a post while I watched the whole thing, it's like if I liveblogged but I stuffed it all into one very long post. So it's kind of all over the place. But if you went through the episode you could pinpoint exactly when i added to it lol

spoilers under here

https://www.tumblr.com/safetyobstacles/733757650447335424/starting-o-segredo-na-floresta-now-im-either?source=share

thats the link to the post, its also just pinned to my blog until i start desconjuração

i would like to thank anyone who read my update post before i finished watching. and when they saw on EPISODE ONE that i was saying "dont take Thiago from me :,)". and nobody spoiled. that Thiago. dies.

:((((((((((((((((((((

also i got an irl friend of mine into ordem, she's watched the whole first series and is almost done with episode 2 of osnf. and her favourite character is Cris :) funny enough she recognized Rakin from league of legends but not anybody else

the fight against the deus da morte. SO COOL. THE CUTSCENE. bro the little buildup to the cutscene with the goo tentacles covering the screen. and the music. THE MUSIC. and then he went and hugged liz. and now she is old. and now she has no thiago. but at least she still has Gonzales' dog. probably.

the way Santo Berço died btw. ow. ouch. the imagery is gonna stick with me for a while. Cibele. he really did in Cibele like that. damn bro.

special shoutout to the Succ. rpg wouldnt be the same without it. and Felps for blindsiding me and then dying like 3 hours later.

also kinda crazy that cellbit can just keep pulling these random npc's out of his ass and making me care about them.

speaking of npc's, all of the Vulture's deaths were fucked but Murilo's made me extra sad idk why. his buddy bit him :(

i think my favourite scene outside of the liz, thiago, joui scene in the last episode, was the bit after they killed the big slug in the asylum. idk the pacing of it was just really cool to me, the drawing in the sludge and losing sanity without realizing. for me it set up this feeling of "you cant trust anything you dont know for certain about" for the entire rest of osnf.

that fucking house btw. i wanted them to leave that house the moment they got gregorio out of that room. i hate that house. i would like for that house to explode.

i want to put Arthur in a shoebox for safe keeping so that he may never get hurt again. Cesar too. Joui as well. and Liz.

ill probably take a week or two to mourn finishing this series before moving onto Desconjuração. which is a very fun word to type. probably will make another post like i did this time to put all my updates in as i watch it.

thanks ordem paranormal for injecting into my braincells i dont think ill ever be over you

dude im so sad about thiago you have no idea

[trans-mephisto]

Yk what ? Fuck it. Let's ASK a question so far from canon propability that it might aswell be on a whole other Planet.

How do you think would a friendship between Rin and Arthur work ? Would Arthur be like an older brother to Rin ? Or would they be the kind of friends who lose all their braincells the second they enter the same space ?

And if you want , how do you think would Rin's friends/the Vatican deal with the duo of Rin and Arthur ?

(And if you really, really want : how do you think would the friendsh between The Paladin and The Spawn of Satan even come to be ?)

Personally I don't think it's super out of character for them to form some kind of friendship eventually. Arthur already respects Yukio, and he is friends with Lightning despite his admiration for demons, plus he also considers Caliburn a close ally even though she's a demon too. I think his hatred towards Rin is literally something that's been spoonfed to him, that blue flames = bad, not demons entirely despite his "past" the Uzais peddled to him

But to go on, I seriously do think if Arthur isn't killed off that he'll have a redemption arc, it's basically the only way I can see his character development going with how he's been built up. And not to mention he's literally been written to be a near exact mirror of Rin's personality - he's simply the outcome of if Rin would've been raised as a controlled weapon like Mephisto initially suggested rather than being raised with care and love like Rin was. They're not very different personality wise

I think they'd be great friends if Arthur ever got past that barrier. They both have a love for food and cooking, both are very honest people, and both have their own issues with self image and anger

I think Arthur would see him as a younger brother, he'd probably want to teach Rin combat skills and how to be a "respectable" adult whereas Rin, being more emotionally mature, could probably help Arthur sort out his whirlwind of feelings he's always pushing aside and how to be a more patient person

They'd be an insanely powerful duo both fighting wise and personality wise, I feel like their personalities are super similar but just different enough that they'd click nearly perfectly. Both also do have similar fighting styles, just Arthur is more experienced in using a weapon than Rin is

I feel like the Vatican would be pretty split on them teaming up together, just like how they are with Rin being kept alive to help them out. Some would say it'll make Arthur reckless, some would say it'd keep Rin in check. Maybe it's both, who knows?

And how they'd become friends is honestly what I stated before - I genuinely think Arthur would need a moment where he realizes him and Rin aren't too different after all and it might stir some sympathy within him. Although you never know, could also do the opposite and lead to him feeling more anger that the spawn of Satan turned out better than him

All speculation, we just gotta wait and see how the story plays out because I feel like we might get our answers to these kinds of hypotheticals soon :]

[vermanaward]

dawntrail msq, 97-99

solution nine

current sphene theory is that she's a robot. which is why she doesn't eat. beep boop

her being so chummy with her subjects rings extremely hollow when you know she could just download information about them any time and we'd be none the wiser

'levin sickness' huh. don't we have aetherial imbalance solved? just get alisae down here with her piggy

sure, it was lindblum's fault, brahne. i definitely trust the survivors to be telling the truth :))

raid series name dropped. please be the sphene memorial tournament

yeah this guy is going to die in a cutscene at some point isn't he

when can i shank sphene already

lamat honey you're operating on the flawed assumption sphene isn't a-okay with alla this shite

bitch you already saw tuliyolal

(i don't know if i'm on team pashtarot truther. i would like to never see another ascian again. i'm also acutely aware that's not going to be the case unless i quit, so)

gulool ja? also grown in a tube. calling it now

heritage found pt 2

now THIS is alexandria

remind me when i unlock flying to check the bell tower for a tt card

sphene is indeed a robot. beep boop

something something ascians something body hopping

does explain the infinity loops in her design mind

oh okay we're leaping straight to 'she's not flesh and blood, thus not alive'. don't care for this. not surprised in the slightest, but

oh. ohoho. bitch might not be an ascian but she sure thinks like one. please let me shank her. i know she's a body hopping robot whatever that just means i can shank her repeatedly

(yes yes she's dollar store lolibait emet i'm not a fan of this being done Again but)

all these casters using fire when it's been well established the mechs are weak to lightning. blm nerfs hitting hard

guys. guys do you remember how great endwalker was

AZDAJA SPOTTED

oh so WE'RE the gullible ones

you know what this exp needs? beatrix. just saying

50% jesus that is a deep cut and 50% i mean wasn't orthos an extended arthur joke like

begging soken to use motifs other than torn from the heavens. begging

like this expac is not even about the wol so why does every other track use the wol's theme

everkeep

man. i guess i'm supposed to be sad about zarool ja or something but honestly. i do not give a single shit like. even sb zenos was more interesting as a villain (and i do not like sb zenos). even ew zenos was etc and i do not etc.

like. was he actually grown in a tube, or is this game just fucking allergic to characters having mothers? what set him on his 'yeah i gotta traumatise the world into wanting peace'? which just got kinda derailed into 'yeah i'm gonna help this loli from another reality do what emet failed to'. when the fuck did he have a kid. why did he have a kid if he felt he had nothing to leave him. what the fuck was wormtongue's deal anyway. he was also an mildly interesting villain even if zarool offing him was kinda funny

i am feeling less emotions about this than i did about ew's finale. this expac is beingg hard carried by its encounter design. sad!

sphene: people will live on as long as they are remembered! 😁 also sphene: [sets up regulators so they delete people's memories of dead people] 🤪

anyway this was the 99 trial and i know there's one more zone to go so time for necrom to come barreling out of the left field. hey, maybe he will eat the loli for me?

oh lol she got her hands on one of trevanchet's trinkets. now that is a fucking deep cut

lamat honey i love you but koana has permanent custody of the braincell doesn't he.

"we need another route" like. oh. idk. the portal under yak'tel? maybe?

okay so confirmed for not the survivors of a rejoined reflection ig? maybe? idek

living memory

lamat you are barred from naming things

sphene acting like she has no choice but to choose the things she does. man it's tiring. only marginally less than everyone being like 'sphene ur a good person y u do dis'. bc she's a bad person hth

and then she has the gall to act like the wol would be down with genocide. bitch. i will fucking cut you

....why is erenville still wearing his gleaner uniform anyway

oh, okay. so sphene is basically a computerised primal of sphene. that explains. i'm still going to cut her, but

[sees water][switches to fsh] aw yeah even the fish are endless

[joemuggs]

Albums of 2023 part 1

OK I started a best albums of 2023 thread as there's lots that got missed out of charts I contributed to. I got carried away and there's nearly 100, but they're all superb and I think there's something for everyone here. Start with this: a DEVASTATINGLY fresh drum'n'bass/jungle excursion from a perpetually underrated UK bass don Altered Natives.

A short but PERFECTLY formed 20 minutes of heavy, trippy R&B with surprise UKG and even drum'n'bass twists, Tinashe deserves so much more credit as an innovator...

I was late to this one but should've known the Hive Mind label always delivers. Swedish-based guitarist Vumbi Dekula delivering track after track of perfection like it's as easy as breathing.

I've always enjoyed Lana Del Rey when she's at her most benzo-haze - and this Mitski album hits that spot perfectly... not that it's all dissociated - it's very smart and sharp - but you can easily drift away into it.

Metallica, Pink Floyd, Fleetwood Mac, Blondie covers in a millennium old Inuit language? Well yes - and in Elisapie's hands it's DEVASTATING. I played the Leonard Cohen one out at 3am in a chillout room in the summer and it was real, REAL magic.

TONN3RR3 & BIKAY3 = French live electronic beats of various flavours + EXTREMELY eccentric Congolese vocalist = braincell-scrambling funtimes...

First of two major trip-outs from Optimo Music last year - with Op:l Bastards and then K-X-P, Timo Kaukolampi is best known for motorik cosmic synth rock, but here everything is stripped away except the abstract cosmic, and wow it'll give you vertigo if you let it.

The presence of Peter Zummo here leads to automatic Arthur Russell comparisons for Greek-British brothers áthos - and it's not NOT Arthur-ish.... but more, it's operating in the same boho world of freedom as he did, and finds its own delicate voice within that.

Another massively unsung talent, original Moving Shadow / - now Over/Shadow - crew, half of Mixrace with the mighty Paradox (they also had a great record out this year), Dave Trax makes THE most exquisite soulful but heavy d'n'b and this album is among his best.

Melbourne's always been musically interesting, but this new duo project from a Gorillaz / Genesis Owusu collaborator Mindy Meng Wang 王萌 with Sui Zhen is above and beyond. Sort of fourth world but more advanced (fifth world??), it's a really personal, precise and endlessly fascinating thing.

Dunno how Jamal Moss does it so prolifically but consistently: an endless flow of machine funk like a jet of magma from the centre of the earth. Add Polish saxophonist Jerzy Maczynski to the mix making Universal Harmonies & Frequencies, and the results are overwhelmingly ecstatic.

Holmer zooms into the essential something that links Mary Chain, Goldfrapp, Stereolab, Cocteaus and all their influences in turn... a kind of pure essence of motorik, psychedelic, magickal pop..... Such an instant, potent, pleasure-centres hit.

Your favourite DJ's favourite DJ's favourite DJ Jerome Hill is also no shabby producer and every one of these eight tracks is the platonic ideal of a bleeping, clonking, tweaking, hot, sweaty, bassy dancefloor banger.

Need a reminder that it hasn't all been done before in electronic music? TSVI got you covered: this is the FRESHEST gear, but never innovating for innovation's sake - always about emotions & composition first. Includes several Loraine James contributions too \(more to come from her....) ❤️

The kind of drone music that can give you superpowers if you make space to really soak it in. Kali Malone x Lucy Railton x Stephen O'Malley = AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

The Magic Numbers pretty much passed me by, but this solo album from the band's Michele Stodart is the epitome of Soft Music For Hard Times, real quiet dignity stuff, beautiful subtlety to production/arrangment and just the kind of countrified songwriting I adore.

A second one from Hive Mind, and another supermodernist feeling one - ultra sophisticated stuff from the Rio de Janeiro polymath Ricardo Dias Gomes: is it post-rock? Indietronica? Neotropicália? Yes/no/whatever... watch out there's a noisy surprise at the end!

Is it me or is R&B / neo soul wayyyyy more experimental than hip hop at the moment? Like the Tinashe and Janelle albums, this is super short but WOW does Madison McFerrin pack a lot of innovation, emotion and just v.i.b.e.s. into its 27 minutes

Very cleverly structured because it starts quite timid and slight, which it turns out is maybe expectation management? But Andre Three Stacks builds into something that demands repeat plays - and a megastar bringing Don Cherry meets Hiroshi Yoshimura vibes into the world?? It's not quite the masterpiece I'd hoped for but it is GREAT.

The perfect (paradoxical?) combination of being absolutely true to the unchanging groove of Detroit, but also pushing it forwards sonically... DJ Bone STILL sounds like the future.

A second appearance for the most fun abstract cellist out there, Lucy Railton - this record is really tricky, it feels different from different angles, keeps throwing surprises at you, the proverbial "a lot to unpack"... but it's GREAT.

hinako omori somehow emerges from a wellspring circa 1979-81 when prog synth meandering was feeding into e.g. Kate Bush, Eurythmics, Japan, and then traces through that into 00s post trance pop but it doesn't sound retro? HOW?

Another small but perfectly formed one. Amazing that Ultramarine's elegant, pastoral, ECM-ish house explorations are still so exploratory and moving after all these years - and they fit perfectly on the Blackford Hill label which had an extraordinary year too.

In a year when not a lot of hip hop floated my boat, this was a glorious exception. Kind of odd it didn't get more hype really - Kaytra absolutely on top of his game, partnership with Aminé flows together just like their names, guest spots on point, vibes upon vibes upon vibes (instrumental version is great too!)

David Harrow is the absolute epitome of real craftsmanship honed over years and years - and this album of dub and downtempo tracks with rich layering of singing modular synths is a really magical exercise in world-building.

OK that's that for now, direct link to Part 2 here....

[occasionally-good-authoring]

The Library’s Keepers

@indigothemuse behold what happens when my one-braincell ass takes the librarians and smashes kotlc into that universe.

Fitz Vacker is the Librarian, sole protector of the world from magic. Wylie Endal is his Guardian, who would like it if Fitz would stop calling himself the sole protector of the world from magic. Dex is a hacker with a ticking time bomb in his head and a list of people who don’t deserve what they got. Xe’s a Librarian. Keefe is a man made of lies, a grifter and a thief with a past he’d rather not talk about, not until that past drags him into a world of magic. He’s a Librarian. Sophie Foster is a genius, math, science, literaure, you name it, he’s probably got it under her belt. She’s stuck in Oklahoma to no one’s fault but his own. She’s a Librarian.

It was the usual job. Catch a murderer that the cops didn’t feel like investigating, much better than the cheating cases Wylie usually got hired to do. The pay wasn’t too good for this one, but twenty dollars an hour would add up. Eventually.

Especially since he’s on hour seventy three. It would pay half the rent, so all he would need was another job. 

Alice Cartoff was a Class A asshole who was keen on carrying around this stupid pendant. It looked like a gold coin, probably antique. Wylie might be able to pawn it for a nice amount if it wasn’t important to the case, which it didn’t look like it was. It was supposed to be a casual thing, get her to confess to him while being recorded and hand her over. What he didn’t account for was a floral-clad housewife to have a handgun.

And know how to use it. She hadn’t fired it yet—thank god, he knew who the cops would arrest—but had it pressed against his back. If he could turn around fast enough, he could knock it out of her hand. Or maybe a kick to her knee would work. He could throw an elbow back into her shoulder, that might even get her to drop the gun. 

“It was flawless. There was no way anyone could figure it out, the only witness was Arthur!” 

“Dead men tell tales if you listen long enough, sweetheart.” The gun digs deeper into Wylie’s back, not a good thing to say, apparently. 

“And you’ve got a good ear, right? How’d you find out, Wylie. How’d you find out.” That’s a good enough confession for Wylie. 

She’s expecting trouble from him and is looking for an excuse to shoot him. One bruise of her and she’s getting off scot free for another murder. He’ll have to talk his way out of this one. God he should’ve taken more lessons from that grifter in Boston, they could’ve gotten out of this in a snap.

“It was simple. Everyone had motive to kill Arthur, but no one skilled enough to leave no trace would kill him if they had a visible motive. According to everyone, you and Arthur got along swimmingly,” Wylie says. “You committed the perfect crime a bit too perfectly.”

She laughs. A door opens beside them. Wylie looks over to see something he definitely didn’t expect out of this. A young man in a green sweater vest, yellowing white button up, and black dress pants. 

“What on earth are you doing here? Who are you,” Alice yells. Wylie almost flinches away from the sound, but figures any movement will end with him getting shot, and manages to stay still.

“I’m the Librarian,” he says with a crooked smile and a British accent. Something clouds over Alice’s face and Wylie takes his chance. He throws his elbow into her shoulder. The gun falls to the floor; Wylie kicks it away from her.

“Damn it!” 

Wylie turns around quickly, ready to knock her out and be done with it. He’s greeting with a fist to his face—for a housewife, she’s got a good left. 

“That looked like it hurt,” the Librarians winces.

“Because it did,” Wylie grumbles. He tries to throw another punch to Alice’s jaw, which she blocks. She is unnaturally good at this for someone who looks like she’d cry if she got tapped too hard. She kicks Wylie’s gut. He gets thrown back into a table—ow. 

The Librarian winces again. His eyes catch something and light up. Wylie tries to sweep Alice’s feet out. She jumps over them and knees Wylie’s chin. A flash of white goes over his vision—not good. Wylie scrambles back before Alice can land another kick. 

“Please keep her busy for me, restrained if you can!” The Librarian shouts. 

“What do you think I’m trying to do, kid!” 

“Keep it up then!” Wylie swings a fist towards her neck, a punch he’s thrown many times before. It lands, Alice stumbles back, gasping for breath.

“You dick,” Alice breathes. Wylie grabs a vase from the table he was thrown into and lunges for Alice. She tries to get away but he manages to hit her over the head with it. Alice crumbles to the floor. He reaches into his pocket at pulls out the tape recorder and turns it off.

“Well that would do it.”

Wylie had forgotten he was there, if he’s being honest. The Librarian finally leaves the doorframe he was standing in. He walks like one of the show choir kids Wylie went to school with, all bouncy like he’s got music playing in his head. Jolie was always like that. He plucks the gold coin from her neck.

“Thank you for your help—Wylie, isn’t it?” 

“Hey, give me that coin, I have rent to play, kid.” The Librarian jumps back before Wylie can reach out for the coin. That thing must be worth at least a thousand, no need for another case. 

“Afraid I can’t do that, Wylie. This thing is too powerful for anyone to have, let alone be pawned off to pay rent.”

“It’s a gold coin, kid.”

“I’m twenty-one, stop calling me kid. Gold is a good conductor, and gold this old? It’s a miracle there’s only one murder.”

“What the hell does that even mean?” Wylie grabs his phone from his pocket. He texts Technopath—the hacker from Portland—to send people to come get Alice. “If you don’t want me calling you kid, what’s your name?”

“Call me the Librarian. Though, seeing as I have to go, you won’t be addressing me after now.” The Librarian shoves the coin in his pocket. Wylie could still grab it, the thief from Georgia taught him well enough to pickpocket the kid. “I best be going now, see you never!”

“Hey wait—”

He waves goodbye before running out the door. Wylie sighs. He’d better leave before whoever Technopath called comes—its lead to a few too many awkward conversations when he hasn’t left in time. 

He ties Alice up with a blanket before heading to his car.

…

“Getting weak, Cal!” Fitz calls to Excalibur. Excalibur responds by knocking the sword out of his hand with a move Fitz really should’ve seen coming. “Okay, don’t mock the magic sword, lesson learned.”

Excalibur shakes in a way Fitz has learned that’s laughter. 

“Fitz, good to see you practicing,” Livvy says. “We have a guest.”

“What? A guest? You let someone in? That’s—oh it’s you.” Fitz sets his sword against the bookshelves. The PI from Caligula’s Coin is standing awkwardly next to Livvy. “What are you doing here? Livvy, what’s he doing here?”

“Mr Endal here is your Guardian, Fitz.”

Fitz laughs before realizing ce’s serious. “I don’t need a Guardian, send him home. I have something to work on and I don’t need a distraction, most certainly not a fool who almost got himself mixed in with magic! He tried to pawn Caligula’s Coin, Livvy! How is he invited to the Library? Impossible. Send him home.”

Fitz turns and heads for the Annex. Mrs Chebota’s murder won’t solve itself and Fitz cannot for the life of him figure out what that painting means. Or why she had it in the first place. Or how she got stabbed. Or why her ghost can’t communicate. 

“Magic isn’t real!” Wylie calls. “And that coin had to cost thousands of dollars.”

“How is that what you’re focusing on? Go home, Wylie. You’re of no use to me, and as the Librarian, you’re of no use to the Library.”

“We both know that’s not how it works, Fitz,” Elwin says. Wylie—who seemed not to have noticed the fact there was a man in the mirror—pulls out a pocket knife. He almost drops it when he sees Elwin. 

“Excuse me but what the fuck.”

“Hello, Guardian. I’m Elwin.” They smile warmly, Wylie walks up to the mirror and flips it to the back. “I do know this is a bit surprising, but please keep me upright. I get dizzy.” Wylie puts the mirror back.

“Sorry?” He stands there for a second, Fitz decides to ignore Wylie until he goes away and pulls the white board out from between bookshelves. “So magic is real? Like, you’re not pulling my leg here?”

Fitz sighs. “Yes, magic is real. Now will you go home?” 

“I know Ms Sonden told me my job, but what is it again? This barely makes any sense to me. And what’s your name? If you have one.”

“My name is Elwin. As a Guardian, you will accompany the Librarian and keep him safe. No matter how much Fitz here thinks he doesn’t need help.”

Wylie turns around, a comeback on his tongue when he sees the whiteboard. Something makes him stop. He walks up to the whiteboard and takes Maruca’s photo off of it.

“Don’t touch that!”

“How did you get this photo? Have you been following me? What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything. Someone killed her on our front steps. Why?”

“She’s—she’s my cousin. I don’t—how? How did she die? Was it fast?” Fitz softens. 

“She was stabbed, she died quickly. But her ghost is here, she’s not completely gone.”

“I need to see her.”

“She can’t communicate with you.”

“Like hell she can’t. Take me to her.”

…

When she sees Wylie, Maruca panics. What is he doing here? This place is dangerous, he can’t be here. For gods sake, this place got her killed. Even if Wylie’s older, it’s not by enough. Immortals from the beginning of time aren't old enough to be safe in this place.

She tries to tell him that, but her mouth won’t move. Whatever that man did to her before she died, it was enough to keep her silent.

“Why can’t she talk, is that a ghost thing? We both know ASL, why can’t she use that?”

She notices Fitz in the room now. God, if she wasn’t friends with Biana, she’d strangle him for bringing Wylie here.

It was a spell. Fitan. Arthur’s Crown.  

But neither of them know any of that.

…

“I don’t know how she knew about this place.” Fitz says. “She shouldn’t have, and she most definitely shouldn’t have known my name. There’s a spell that’s keeping her from communicating, but I can’t figure out which one it is and until I do, I can’t undo it.”

Wylie rifles through his pockets and pulls out a letter with gold script. One he thought was familiar, and for a good reason as it turns out.

“She got a letter. Three years ago, she got a letter just like this one. She told me how weird it was and that she wasn’t going to go all the way to New York for a letter. Maruca was going to work here.”

That’s when a strings finally connect. At least, theoretical strings for a very plausible theory. Fitz rushes up the stairs of the Annex, Wylie following behind him. Fitz rifles through bookshelf after bookshelf, only realizing once he grabs the Record Book he could’ve used the card catalog.

He flips until he sees his name.

“Search these names. Kenric Fathdon.”

“Died in a fire.”

“Calla, no recorded last name but a biologist.”

“Dead.”

“Ethan Benedict Wright II.”

“Dead.”

“Leto Kerlof.”

“Dead. What’s this about?”

“Someone’s killing Librarian candidates. Three years ago, the Library sent out hundreds of letters. It looks like only the top ten candidates.”

Wylie types in the last few names on the list. 

“Three of them are still alive, at least to my knowledge. We have to go and get them. We’ll bring them back, they’ll be protected here, won’t they?”

“They will. I’ll take Sophie Foster, you get Dex Dizznee. We’ll get Keefe Sencen together. I’ve been needing to talk to him for a long while anyway.”

“Okay. It looks like Sophie lives at Havenfield Sanctuary. Can you handle finding Dex? I can find xem if you can’t.”

“Of course I can, I’m the Librarian. Now go, if I’m right, they don’t have long.”

…

Dex wasn’t a good thief. Xe had no idea why Biana thought xe was, or why ae had xem try and pickpocket the mark, but ae did. And now xe’s testing out xyr—horrible—grifting abilities. That was always Keefe’s job. 

“I’m sorry sir, I thought you were a friend.” Xe really wished the mark would let go of xyr wrist.

“Do you pickpocket your friends?”

“Yes. It’s an inside joke.” Xe had no idea why Keefe wasn’t helping over comms. He was the only real grifter they had, and without a hitter, if xe couldn’t talk xemself out of this, a jail cell was likely. Dex hated jail cells. They were always so cold.

“An odd joke, boy. Care to explain it to me?” Shit. Dex was never the best liar, much to Biana and Keefe’s dismay. They could never teach xem how to cover xyr tells.

“Well—”

“Dex! There you are!” yells a person Dex has never met in xyr life. “Oh god, did you mistake someone for Carter again? I’m sorry sir, I keep trying to tell xem not to do it unless xe’s sure, but xe never listens.”

“Who are you?”

“I’m the Librarian.” 

For some reason, that makes the mark falter long enough for Dex to get xyr wrist back. Xe tries to rub away the grubby feeling that man’s fingers left. Xe knows it’s going to bruise. Something xe’s not excited for.

“It’s best we go now, Dizznee. A bluff that bad won’t last long.”

“How the hell do you know my name?” Dex works hard to keep xyr name a mystery. Keefe and Biana only know his first name, everyone else just gets Technopath. An awfully bad name, but the triplets begged him to use it.

“For the same reason someone’s after you. Come with me or you’re going to die, Dizznee.”

“Tell them to get in line, they’re not special. I have a job to do.” The stranger is probably right though, xe should really leave before the mark thinks too hard about xyr lie. To xyr dismay, the stranger follows him into the street. God, xe’s going to have to shake him. Xe’s not exactly good at shaking a tail, not when xe’s failed every athletics check Biana’s given xem.

The stranger grabs Dex’s wrist. He lets Dex pull it back but his eyes tell Dex he won’t let xem the next time he has to chase after Dex.

“My name is Fitz Vacker. If you do not come with me, you are going to die. I can only protect you if you let me, so let me.”

Xe knows that name. But it can’t be. The chances are so low that they couldn’t even be calculated. Though, he does look a bit like Biana. Same blue eyes and same warm brown skin. It’s impossible, but xe knows that name.

Dex takes xyr comm out. “What is this about?”

“Three years ago you got a letter to join the Library. Someone is after you because of that letter, let me help you.”

“Gold lettering. It was slipped under my door, I thought it was a trap.”

“Will you come with me?”

“How good are the people coming after me?”

“Good enough to have killed seven other people. Skilled people. They can get you wherever you go unless you come with me.”

Dex crushes the comm under xyr feet. It can be tracked if someone tried hard enough and if these people are as good as Fitz says, they’ll try. Xe can come back for Keefe and Biana later, when xe has enough information to keep them safe along with xem. 

“Only until they’re gone. Then I’m leaving.” 

Fitz nods. “Is there any way anyone can track you with anything you have now.”

“Only by my comm—” xe motions to the crushed earpiece on the ground— “but I dealt with that. Let’s go. How are we getting out of here?”

Fitz pauses. “I’ll figure that out as we go.”

Dex pulls out his phone. “Where do we need to go?”

“New York.”

“Great, we have a plane to catch.”

…

“Come on Verdi, take it easy. I can’t feed ya until you calm down,” Sophie says. Edaline’s in town buying groceries and Grady’s at the school, so Sophie’s stuck trying to give Verdi her medicine. It’s like giving a cat medicine but worse. “Darlin’ please, this’ll clear you right up.”

Verdi neighs and backs up. Sophie takes that as permission to enter Verdi’s stall. The medicine was poured in the sugar cubes in Sophie’s hand. It’ll be easy to trick the horse into eating them, so long as Verdi doesn’t smell them before eating. 

He holds out his hand to Verdi. For what has to be the first time, Verdi sniffs something before she eats it. And refuse to eat the sugar cubes.

“Fine, have a cold.”

“Let me try, Soph.” Sophie turns around quickly. Edaline and Grady shouldn’t be home anytime soon, and they aren’t. Instead, Wylie’s standing in the open barn door with a soft smile. Sophie would run to hug him if Verdi wouldn’t do the same. Never good to surprise a horse if she’s learned anything over the years. 

“Wylie! When did you get in?”

“About an hour ago. Kind of last minute and I’ll have to leave again soon.” He takes the sugar cubes from Sophie and holds them out for Verdi. The traitor of a horse eats them. Sophie waves Wylie out of the stall and closes it behind them both. She leans against it, hands in her jeans front pockets.

“Why? What’s up?”

“Well, I have two plane tickets out of here and one hour until I gotta be at the airport. Two, you need to come with me.” Sophie pushes off the stall with his foot and walks out the barn door, Wylie following him out and closing the door behind him.

“I can’t leave here, Wylie, and I don’t know what you’d want me to leave for. If you need my help on a case, you shoulda just called.” Sophie pulls off her riding gloves. She’d planned to take Silveny out after Verdi, but if Wylie’s here, she’ll wait until he’s gone.

“Sophie, it's important. It’s—three years ago you got a letter.”

“You think I remember what was goin’ on three years ago?”

“Shut up and listen, Sophie. It had gold writing and it was slipped on your door. It was from the New York Public Library inviting you to work with them.” Sophie stops walking. 

“How do you know about that?”

“I got the same letter. Now. Someone’s coming after you because of that letter. You’re not safe here, Sophie. You gotta come with me, now.”

“That’s ridiculous, Wylie. There ain't anything about me that anyone’d want me for. I can’t even get Verdi to take her medicine.” 

“You’ve got to trust me here, Sophie. They already—” 

A car pulling up the gravel driveway cuts Wylie off. Sophie sees him stiffen, trying to wave Sophie behind him. It’s ridiculous. Sophie can wrangle a bull with one pair of gloves and a rope, she can handle someone who’s probably just lost. Sophie starts to walk to the car. It looks pretty new. 

Wylie grabs his wrist. 

“Stop being stupid, Wylie.” She grabs her wrist back and walks to the drivers side of the car. He knocks on the window, the driver rolls it down. It’s a young man, black baseball cap with an eye on it pulled to cover most of his face. Wylie shifts, ready to move forward. Sophie throws him a look, telling him he better stay put.

“Are you Sophie Foster?”

“Sophie, step away—”

The young man smiles, Wylie’s panic saying very clearly, that this is Sophie Foster. The car door slams into Sophie’s gut. The young man springs out of the car and towards Sophie. Wylie tackles him to the ground. 

“Sophie go! Get to the airport, I’ll meet you there.” Baseball Cap knees Wylie’s gut, pushing him off. 

“Like hell I’m leaving you.” 

She grabs a rope and ties a loop at the end. Wylie gets on his feet, Baseball Cap following him after. Wylie throws a kick that Baseball Cap dodges. Baseball Cap throws a kick that throws Wylie into the open front seat of the car. Baseball Cap drags him out by his feet, Wylie’s head hitting the car. 

Sophie finishes the knot and twirls the rope over her head. He throws it forward, the loop wrapping around Baseball Caps waist. She yanks on it as hard as she can, sending Baseball Cap to the ground. Wylie’s up on his feet—swaying a bit—when Sophie gets over. He pulls the rope tight around Baseball Cap. 

He kicks his legs around trying to get free from the rope. Wylie kicks his head hard enough to knock Baseball Cap out.

“How’d you do that?” Wylie pants. Sophie wraps Wylie’s arm over her shoulder, he puts his weight on her. He’ll be a bit wonky from that knock to the head for a while now. She leads Wylie to the other side of the car.

“Horses are ‘bout nine hundred pounds give or take. He was a walk in the park, Wyles.” She opens the door and deposits him in the passengers seat. 

“Why am I in his car? Are you stealing his car?”

“Think of it as karma.”

Baseball Cap left his keys in the ignition. Apparently, even a skilled fighter can be stupid enough to make it so easy.

She peels out of the driveway as fast as the gravel will allow. 

“So. You weren’t lyin’ when you said people would be after me, were ya, Wyles.” Sophie says. The panic started to set in. There are people after Sophie. People who were willing to come to the middle of bum-fuck Oklahoma to get her.

“I wasn’t. We need to get to the airport in town. It’s the small one. If you think you’re in the wrong place, you’re at the right place. I got a guy there.”

“You have a guy everywhere.”

“Part of the gig.”

“I’ll never understand your job.”

…

By the time the plane lands in New York, Wylie’s head has stopped swimming. He knows it’s going to take more to deal with a concussion, but that’s not something he has to worry about right now. 

“So, where are we going?” Sophie asks. “I have to get back as soon as this is over, Grady and Edaline will be worried. I texted to tell them I was goin’ to be out of town for a while but still. I don’t want them worryin’.”

“The Library.”

“Do you know how little that narrows it down? I don’t know much about New York but I’ll bet it’s got more than one library.”

“The letter was inviting you to the New York Public Library, yeah?”

“What’s that got to do with this? And who was that? What the hell is going on and how did you get involved? How did I get involved? Photographic memory ain’t worth that much.”

“Because of what’s under that library. There’s another library under it, that’s the Library. It’s a place that holds magical artifacts.”

“That’s bullshit, Wylie, you knocked your head a bit too hard.”

“You’ll believe me when you see it.”

“Sure I will, Wyles.”

They’re silent until the plane lands, Sophie helping Wylie up and Wylie saying he doesn’t need her help. They’ve just gotten the door down the Fitz and someone Wylie assumes is Dex are running towards the plane. 

“Move over! We have to go. Now!” He yells and he runs. 

“Get the plane started again,” Wylie yells to the pilot. The engines start up, Sophie and Wylie getting back into their seats. Fitz and Dex make it onto the plane in just enough time, as it starts moving as soon as the plane starts up.

Something smacks the side of the plane. Hard. Everyone jumps except for Fitz. 

“Well. Go to see you’ve got Sophie,” Fitz says, panting as his slips into his seat. He nods his head to Dex at his side. “I’ve got Dex.” 

“I can see. Could you stop yelling?”

“Oh dear, you’ve gotten into another fight, haven’t you? You’ve got to stop doing that, Endal.”

“Pretty sure it’s my job, Librarian. Seriously, stop yelling, I’ve already got a headache.”

Fitz pulls something from his pocket. A glass vial of some green liquid. “You’re not a Guardian, Endal, it’s a mistake. Didn’t think the Library could make those, but here we are.” He hands Wylie the vial. “Drink that.”

Wylie raises his eyebrow. “…what is it? If that coin was bad too and magic, this can’t be much better.”

“Bathsheba’s Healing Oil. Only affects you if you drink too much, and that’s only if you call immortality a downside. I would, so do restrain yourself, Endal.” He turns to Sophie and holds out a hand. “Fitz Vacker, the Librarian. Nice to meet you, I’ll be keeping you alive for the next however long. Probably a few days. Maybe more. Always a bit iffy with this sort of thing though I don’t have much expirence with this sort of thing.”

Wylie downs the vial, his headache going away instantly along with the other bruises and aches he’s had since Alice Cartoff. He’ll have to keep this stuff on hand.

“That’s real reassuring, darlin’,” Sophie says, not at all reassured. 

“I second that,” Dex chimes in. Xe turns to Wylie, who xe’s apparently deemed more reliable. “Does he have any actual way of protecting us, or did I come here on a bluff. Because if so, I’d very much like to head back to Portland. I was kind of doing something.”

“Oh, I do have to tell the pilot we’re headed to Portland. Be right back.”

“Then why’d we even come here!”

“The spell I used to track Mr Sencen only just worked once we got to New York.” 

“Wait, say that again for me.”

But Fitz has already bounced to the pilots cabin to tell him. Wylie sighs. He can tell this is going to be a pattern with him. 

“You know, he says that name like he knows it. Do ya think he knows this Sencen, Wyles?” Sophie shifts in his seat. 

“Yeah, I do. I also think he isn’t the only one. Dex?”

Dex looks uncomfortable. Xe looks like xe’s going over how to answer this, a look Wylie’s seen a fair amount of times. Like xe’s weighing how bad a lie would end up for xem. Wylie almost thinks to tell xem he’d rather not deal with a lie right now. 

“He’s an associate. We’ve, er, worked together before.” If possible, Dex looks even more uncomfortable. Wylie decides to try and ease that, if only for a little bit. 

“So, what do you do for a living, Dex?”

Xe gains a wary look. “I work in technology. What about the both of you? I mean, I could find out but small talk, you know? Figured it’s better to ask and I should stop talking.”

“I work at an animal sanctuary, especially with the horses. Wylie here is a private eye.”

“Oh thank fuck,” Dex breathes. Xe visibly deflates into a more comfortable posture. “It was either that or a cop.”

“Why would you be worried about that?”

“Yeah, so, the technology I deal in is of the ‘defraud the rich and please god don’t tell the cops’ variant. I mean, I can get out of a jail cell but I am not good at it. I’m no thief. Well, I’m a thief but not that type of thief. Not my job.” 

“The day I turn in an honest thief is the day I turn in one of my best helping hands.” Wylie laughs. “Technopath is the one keeping my business afloat. Was. I guess. Do I still work as a PI if I’m with the Library?”

“Yes, because you don’t work with the Library, Endal,” Fitz says, sitting next to Wylie. “Could I have the Oil, please?” Wylie hands it over. “Thank you.”

“Fitz, when we get Keefe, let me take the lead,” Dex says. “Even if he won’t follow you—which honestly, he probably will—he’ll listen to me.”

“And why is that, Dizznee? Sencen is my problem to deal with, not yours.”

“And Keefe’s my friend.” Dex falters before the word friend. 

“I’m the Librarian, Dizznee, it’d be best to listen to me. I don’t need to protect you. I’ve done this by choice, and it’s a choice I can take back.”

“I’m fucking Technopath, Wonderboy, I don’t need your protection. I can get someone else just fine. I’d even bet Wylie here would rather go with me than you, seeing as I’m the one keeping his damn business afloat. Show some respect. I got the letter, same as you, you’re just lucky I didn’t show up, Librarian.”

Wylie can see Fitz’s temper—which must be short as all hell—start to flare.

“Dex is right, Fitz. If they work together, xe’s probably our best bet at getting Keefe to safety. And yes, we do have to protect these three, because as much as you hate it, I’m your Guardian. You don’t have a choice. If you have a problem with that, I really don’t care.”

“It’s not my job—”

“Like hell it isn’t! Your job is to protect people from artifacts or people using them, these people need protection. If you don’t do your job, I’ll do it for you.”

Fitz doesn’t calm down, but restrains himself.

“Fine. Dex, you take the lead with Sencen. I’m going to sit with the pilot.”

Wylie nods. Once Fitz is gone, Wylie turns to Dex with a smile.

“So, you’re Technopath?” Dex laughs nervously and scratches xyr neck. Sophie leans forward.

“What the hell are y’all talkin’ about?”

…

The last thing Fitz expected when Dex got Keefe on the plane, was for Keefe to throw Fitz a smile like nothing was wrong. Like they were just the stupid seventeen year olds drunk on summer nights and playing truth or dare. Fitz remembers that night like it was a thousand years ago, the next morning like it was yesterday.

Biana had been gone. Keefe didn’t pick up his phone when Fitz called. He spent a year panicking, waiting for them to come home. The next, his letter had come. Gold script that wrote itself as he read, inviting him to New York Public Library. To, as Elwin put it, a life of danger and glory. A life of happiness and heartbreak and protecting the world. 

Fitz hasn’t been sure on spending his life for others, but he hadn’t wanted to go home. 

“What’s going on here anyway. I get we’re in danger, but from what? People to scared to tell me they’re after me. The chase is no fun if you don’t know you’re running, yeah, Dex?” Keefe laughs, tossing an arm around xyr shoulders. Xe rolls xyr eyes but doesn’t pull away. Fitz pointedly ignores it. Keefe still sounds the same, narcissistic air to his voice, though Fitz knows half the time it’s faked. Same Australian accent he’s had since he moved in second grade. 

He never wanted to learn an American one, neither did Fitz. Biana would always laugh about how stupid they both sounded.

“You and I have very different ideas of fun, Keefe.”

“You can’t tell me you don’t like the thrill of the chase. The danger of getting caught is what makes it fun. If it’s easy, it’s boring.”

“Not when they might actually getcha,” Sophie chimes in. 

“They’re called the Neverseen,” Fitz says. He ignores Wylie’s scoff. “They want to use the magic of the Library for themselves.”

“Magic? I think you’ve lost your mind, Fitzy,” Keefe laughs. Fitz doesn’t have time for his jokes. He pulls the penknife from his jacket pocket and slices open the palm of his hand. Everyone yells some form of “oh my god, what the fuck”. Fitz doesn’t bother listening to their outrage, he just uncorks the vial of Bathsheba’s Healing Oil and swig. His hand heals instantly, holding it up for everyone on the plane to see. 

Wylie’s face reads of “oh yeah, he has that” and “oh thank god, he has that”.

Everyone else is going rapidly through the five stages of grief, never really landing on acceptance. Fitz sighs.

“I know I sound bonkers, I thought this all was crazy when I first got my letter. But a script that color of gold doesn’t write itself, trust me, I checked. Magic is real, and I’m not crazy.”

“At least not in that respect, right?” Keefe says. Fitz pushes down the anger bubbling up. It’s going to be fine, they’ll all be gone as soon as he’s dealt with the Neverseen. 

“Trust me. Follow me to the Library and I can show you a world full of misery and joy. Magic and reality intersecting in the weirdest, most beautiful ways. I can’t promise you a long time. I’m offering protection until what you need protecting from is gone and dealt with. Believe me or don’t, trust me, or don’t. But follow me, and learn to.”

They’re all quiet for a while then. 

“Sounds like one hell of a deal,” Sophie says. 

“Oh, believe me, Foster, it’s the best deal you’ll ever get.”

[sebscore]

Just found your blog and I loved the fic where leclerc!reader was dating Ollie

Arthur using his half a braincell to slowly piece it together. And Charles just stood there like 😐

AAAH! thank you so much, I’m glad you enjoyed the fic!! 💗💗

Charles immediately understood what was going on, meanwhile Arthur needed a little help 😭 he got it in the end, tho 😌

[reneesbooks]

line game

both @serenanymph and @lena-rambles tagged me to post one line I'm really proud of and one that's ridiculous out of context. Since I got two tags I'm giving two lines for each :)

proud:

He never paid attention during lecture days, so he remembers every detail of that window—the beautiful segments of glass set into intricately wrought iron, depicting the spirit of Leyna, who was said to have created Leyne's vineyards from a strand of her hair. He remembers the shattered glass glistening in the ashes of the chapel, reflecting back the fires as the sacred grove burned.

ridiculous [this is technically from the story that takes place after lacuna, but it has many of the same characters]:

Arthur sighs deeply, pinching his nose. “This is going to get us killed.”

“Eh, I knew you'd come around.” Jack chugs straight from the bottle. “Never any fun if you aren't worried about getting killed.”

i think that last one is ridiculous in context too but that's just because Jack is a ridiculous person. leaving an open tag bc i don't have the braincells to tag specific people <3

[palsmalevolentblog]

Part 4

He didnt get his coffee.

Arthur lacks more braincells than what I initially thought.

HAHAJAJDKALSKS ARTHUR NO. RIGHT WHEN YOU THINK HE CAN'T GET MORE PATHETIC. AS FAR AS I KNOW THIS KEEPS ON GETTING WORSE AS THE PODCAST GOES. DON'T KNOW HOW HE'LL DO IT.

Hearing voices bestieeees.

I know you think litsening to the voices is healthy, Arthur. But I dont have such a lovely relationship with my voices such as you do with yours.

Your mom's a whore.

He got stabbed.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS.