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uwu-shinsou · 5 years ago

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Night Owl

WARNING: SLIGHT SPOILER FOR PAST THE END OF SEASON 4!!

Summary: Shinsou has recently joined class 2-A. He’s always seemed to be a little tired, but is it your imagination or are those bags under his eyes getting darker?

Warning(s): Small use of language, that’s all!

Pairing: Shinsou Hitoshi x Reader

Genre: Fluff, honestly just fluff uwu

Word Count: 2,700+

A/N: Hello and welcome to my first bnha fic!! I’ve written quite a bit of fanfiction but this is my first time doing it on tumblr :3 Also yes, this fic is technically set in the class’s second year, and with my headcanon of Shinsou being placed into class 1-A (or I guess 2-A now) because I won’t accept it any other way. I’m also considering taking requests if anyone is interested in that (:

You puff out your cheeks, brows furrowed deep with thought. Aizawa’s droning lecture faded into the background as your focus deepened. Chin resting in your hand, you tilted your head as your eyes burned (metaphorical) holes into the back of Shinsou’s head. While you had known of him for a while because of the sports festival, you’d only begun to actually know Shinsou much more recently. Watching him during his secret-but-obvious test for the hero course was fascinating, and it was clear to your entire class that he had the potential to become a great hero. As soon as Aizawa announced that he had passed his test, your class had been persistent in persuading your teacher to add him into your class. Something must have worked, or maybe it was just by chance, but it was announced that 1-A would be receiving a new classmate the following school year.

Unsurprisingly, Shinsou fit into your class well. He seemed a bit reluctant to try to connect at first, maybe nervous to be put into such a new atmosphere, along with the pressure of now being a part of the hero course. But really, all it took was one night of you, Kaminari, and Kirishima forcing him to play a Mario Kart tournament and he settled right in. Since then, you found yourself getting along with Shinsou pretty well. It felt like the two of you shared a sort of natural connection, and you were sure he had to feel it too.

But there was a problem. A personal problem, for you really, because Shinsou was hot. And it was fine before he joined the class, really. You were simply content to occasionally see him around school, daydream from afar of running your fingers through his luscious hair while he had no idea who you were.

It was MUCH harder to innocently have those thoughts with the two of you being friends, and when he now sat in the seat directly in front of you. It was actually harder and easier; easier to get side tracked and zone out staring at him, and a lot harder when you’d miss important parts of class or, even worse, he’d almost catch you staring.

You couldn’t help but stare at him now, though. You’d seen him almost nod off in class at least three times today, and while Aizawa’s lectures could feel long winded, Shinsou didn’t seem the type to knock out in the middle of class. Something is definitely off about him today.

“Y/L/N.” You shot up straight in your chair at the sound of your name, panicked eyes meeting those of your teacher. “I hope you’re paying attention to class today, or do you find the back of Shinsou’s head to be more interesting?” Your cheeks flared with heat as the bell rang, saving you from having to give some kind of answer. Aizawa’s eyes glittered with something that you couldn’t quite read, but had you tensing up even more regardless. “There will be a quiz on all of this next week, so come prepared. You’re dismissed.”

Several of your classmates groaned about the quiz the second Aizawa left the room, and you were pretty sure Kaminari was crying. But it all faded into the background as you shoved everything on your desk into your bag, prepared to make a desperate not-quite-running fast walk out of the room when Shinsou turned his chair around and planted his hands on your desk. Ah shit, I was too slow.

“Soooo y/n,” he drawled, leaning down to rest his head on his folded arms. He blinked up at you through lidded eyes, a small lazy grin resting on his face. Oh god it should be illegal to look that good. “Is there something I can help you with?”

You willed your cheeks to not become even redder and slung your bag over your shoulder. You flashed him a wide grin, “Class can get so boring when it’s not hero stuff. And I mean, can you blame me for wondering how you get your hair to look so soft?” Shinsou’s eyebrows quirked up and his grin spread further.

He sat up in his chair with a mischievous look on his face. “What can I say? Having hair this gorgeous is a burden I must bear.”

“You poor soul, braver than Japan’s pro-heroes,” You reply, one hand on your heart and the other wiping away a fake tear. He gave a small laugh and you found yourself lost in his lovely purple eyes, eyes that took your breath away and made your heart do a flip inside your chest. But your grin slipped away as you really looked at him. Is it just me, or do the bags under his eyes seem darker than normal?

“But really Shinsou, I kinda noticed that you almost fell asleep like three times in just the last hour and, well, I was wondering if you’re doing okay?” Your hands gripped your skirt as you looked down at your feet, toeing at the leg of your desk. “I mean, I don’t want to be too intrusive or anything, but I just wanted to let you know that if- if you need anything…” You trailed off, looking back up at him.

His smile faltered and his eyes slid away from yours. He brought a hand up to run through his hair. “Ahh yeah, it really isn’t a big deal. I’m just a little tired.” He then stood up and grabbed his bag, backing away from your desk. “Anyway I should probably study for that quiz, I’ll see you around, y/n.” You blinked and Shinsou was already out of the room.

You stood there for a second, feeling lost at his sudden rush to leave. I know that I was hoping to make a quick escape before too, but I don’t understand? Why did he just leave?

You were shaken out of your stupor when a pair of hands wrapped themselves around your arm and started to tug you towards the door.

“Hellooo?? Earth to y/n? Anyone there?” Mina called as she led you out of the classroom, waving a hand in front of your face. “Or are you too busy thinking about a certain purple haired boy named Sh-”

“Mina!!” You hiss, cutting your friend off as she cackled to herself. “I will literally destroy you if you try to finish that sentence,” you say, shooting her your best pouty glare. She withdrew her hands from your arm, holding them up in front of her in surrender.

“Okay, okay! Will not mention mister hot-and-broody outside of our rooms, got it,” Mina said, giving you a mock salute. You playfully slap your hands at her as she easily dances out of your reach, laughing gleefully at your feeble attempts. “Come on though, y/n/n, what was up with you today? You must have been really zoned out for Aizawa to have called you out like that during class.” The two of you passed through the doorway to outside, heading towards the dorms.

You huff out a sigh, clasping your hands together. “I know that I probably watch him a lot more than you do, but haven’t you noticed that Shinsou has been kinda out of it this week? Like he was super into class and hung out with everyone, but now he just looks, I dunno know, exhausted? Eternally tired? I’m worried about him,” You confessed.

Mina hummed in thought, staring down the path that led towards your building. “Did you try just asking him if he was alright?”

“Yeah, I did today. He said he was fine but he was definitely lying,” you say, frustrated. “His eyes were one hundred percent more dead than they usually are. And I don’t want to seem insensitive or force it out of him, I just wish he would let me help with whatever the hell is bugging him, cause I care about him, you know?”

You look over at Mina with big, sad puppy dog eyes. “Oh y/n/n,” she coos, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and smooshing you into her as tightly as possible. “I know you’ll find a way to help him. You’re the purest, most kind soul in our entire class. Plus your looove for Mr. Purple is stronger than any- EEEEK!” Mina shrieked as you tickled her sides.

“I WARNED YOU!! ” You shouted over your shoulder, laughing as you sprinted into your class’s dorm building, Mina yelling and giving chase just a few steps behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You rolled over in bed, huffing out a sigh as you looked at the clock.

2:38A.M.

“Uhhhhggg,” you groan out. You’d been trying to fall asleep since eleven, but apparently your mind was set against resting. You slapped your hand over to your bedside table, grabbing your water cup, trying to take a sip but getting nothing.

“Empty? You gotta be fucking kidding me right now,” you mutter out loud to yourself. With an annoyed sigh, you roll out of bed and make your way down to the kitchen.

You step out into the common room and stop short of the kitchen, hearing a faint sound from the living room. Did someone leave the T.V. on? Tip-toeing, you head towards the living room to turn off the television, but freeze behind the couch when you notice that it’s occupied with a lump of a person under a blanket. Who the hell is asleep on the couch??

And then the lump moved.

Okay not asleep. Oh god what if they think I’m being creepy and watching them?? Gotta go gotta go gotta-

“Hey who’s there?” The muffled voice makes you stop in your tracks, and you watch the mystery person sit up and turn around.

You blink. “Shinsou. What are you doing down here still?” You ask, his face bathed in shadows from being backlit by the T.V.

“Oh, y/n/n it’s you,” he says, flopping backwards onto the couch. You make your way around the side, setting your water cup on the coffee table before collapsing down next to him. You run your gaze over his face, taking in the heavy lidded, bloodshot eyes, his messy unkempt hair.

“Have you slept at all tonight?” You ask, trying to casually probe to see how he’s doing. “Or is it a binge-shows-until-the-sun-rises kind of night?”

He huffs an amused sigh, fixing his eyes on you from his corner of the couch. “Well I didn’t really mean to be awake still, but here I am.” You flash him a sympathetic smile. “Hey, listen,” he says, becoming a little more serious. “I know that you were worried about me in class today, and it really isn’t a big deal, but the truth is, I just sort of have a tough time getting comfortable in new places.”

“Oh,” you say quietly, putting the pieces together. “So you probably haven’t been sleeping well lately since you moved into our building.”

“Yeah not really,” he admits. “And there’s something else- but it’s stupid, really.”

“I’m sure it’s not,” you assure him, scooching closer.

“No, no it is, I shouldn’t have even brought it up,” he says, shaking his head. You do a big scooch along the couch, getting even closer and start to poke him all along his side. His mouth splits into a toothy grin as he starts to try and shove your hands away.

“Shinsoouuu,” You coo, your pokes becoming incessant as he laughs and grabs for your hands to stop you. His hands find your wrists, flipping you over and pinning you on your back. You freeze, blushing furiously and blinking up at him in surprise. You become hyper aware of the way he was straddling your body, his knees on either side of your hips. His hands held down your wrists as he leaned over you, some of his hair hanging down to tickle your face, his nose a few inches away from yours. “Well that was uh, kinda fun,” you breathe.

He was completely still for a moment, seeming as surprised as you were. Then he was releasing your wrists, moving back off of you and onto the couch. “Sorry, I got caught up in the moment,” he says, running his hand through his hair and averting his eyes. Your breath caught in your throat at the sight of him. Is… is he blushing??

“It’s okay, you really don’t need to apologize,” you say, giving him a shy smile. “I didn’t mind at all.”

Shinsou looks up at that, and seems to come to a decision. “So, the stupid thing that I mentioned? I had to leave my cat at home when I first moved into the dorms, and I sleep worse without having her to cuddle every night,” he says. “I even got this like, weighted blanket thinking that it’d help? And it kind of does but not always. It doesn’t have the same feeling, you know?”

Your heart went out to him in sympathy, understanding. It must be hard having to say goodbye to his cat. “Shinsou I-”

“And I’m sort of a night owl anyways, but without Muffin I just can’t seem to sleep well.” He concludes. “So yeah, that’s it. Silly, right?”

You reach out and firmly take his hands in your own. “No, it’s not silly. It’s normal to feel sad having to leave your pet, I’m sure you really love Muffin” you say, looking down at your joined hands. “Sometimes it can take awhile to adjust. I know I was anxious during the first few weeks moving on campus, and it’s probably extra hard having to move again.” You look back up at him. “I just wish there was some way I could help.”

You start to pull away, but his grip on your hands tightens. “Maybe there is a way? For you to help?” he says hesitantly. Shinsou looks up at you through his lashes, eyes lidded, hair messy, cheeks flushed- and whatever it is he was about to ask you to do, you were already sold. If he keeps looking at me like that I might stop breathing.

“You could stay down here with me so I can fall asleep, just for tonight?” He asks quietly.

“Yes,” you breathe. “Of course I will.”

Shinsou worked his way back to where he’d laid his pillow on the couch, scooping his blanket up from the floor. He fluffed the pillow and moved to the inside of the couch, against the back cushions.

He looked back at you with a tired smile, and patted the space beside him. “Ready to sleep, kitten?”

You inhaled sharply and your heart skipped a beat, every part of your body melting at the nickname. You crawled across the cushions, settling on your side facing Shinsou. He sprawled out beside you, pulling the blanket up over your bodies. He turned onto his side, his eyes meeting yours.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had a sleepover,” he whispered, making you smile. He shifted a little bit, and asked, “Hey y/n, can- can I hold you?”

“Yeah, sure,” you whisper back, face warming. He moves closer, sliding an arm around your waist and pulling you into him. You take a deep breath and close your eyes in bliss, enjoying the feeling of being held close by Shinsou. “You know,” you murmur to him. “I think I almost passed out at the new nickname.”

You feel the vibration of his laughter through his chest. “Are you saying I should call you that from now on, kitten?” You feel a big grin spread onto your face as you let the nickname sink into you.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to function right if you call me that all the time,” you mumble, nuzzling into his chest. Shinsou reaches up and runs a hand through your hair.

“Special occasions only, then,” he whispers, letting his hand fall down to your waist again and fully settling in. You feel Shinsou’s breathing evening out, the tension in his body leaving as the both of you edge towards sleep. Before drifting off, you hear Shinsou murmur, “Thank you, y/n. I’m glad I have you.”

“Always, Shinsou.”

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saltlake-crew · 4 years ago

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Owen Moore x Reader

You and Owen go on a mission and talk (more or less) about feelings.

Word Count: 3,9K (how the hell did this happen?)

A/N: I did a thing. It’s the first thing I ever post anywhere, so I’m pretty anxious about it. It’s propably crap. And out of character since I changed the things I disliked about his character the most (and he never dates Mel in this). But I worked on it long enough, it’s not getting better 🙃 So anyways, here goes nothing

The ringing of your alarm clock jolted you out of your peaceful sleep. You groaned and squinted at the clock. It was just past 6 in the morning but Isaac had you and Owen assigned for a mission.

Ever since the Salt Lake Crew joined the WLF, you became friends with all of them. You were particularly close with Abby and Manny, spending lots of evenings in their shared apartment, drinking beer and watching movies with them.

You often wished you could have the same connection with Owen, or an even deeper one. You had always liked him. From the moment you saw him walking into the stadium for the first time, you had a bit of a crush on him. At first, you decided to ignore it for the most part and praying that your feelings would go away over time. Back then, he was still in a relationship with Abby and you were happy for them.

When they broke up with each other, you and Manny were there for Abby, while Owen decided to spend most of his free time in his aquarium or taking on more jobs outside the stadium. You knew that it was hard for him, because he still loved her even after they were done, but he respected her decision and didn't try to chase something that wasn't there anymore. And even though you longed to spend time with him and comfort him too, you ignored all your feelings and wishes concerning him.

With passing time, he spent more time with the Salt Lake Crew again and you noticed him getting his optimism for the world around him back, but you still ignored your crush on him. In the end, it was impossible that he liked you back in that way, right? Besides, you still hoped that the feelings for him would go away.

But the more years went by, the more you realized that your crush on Owen wouldn't just go away, in fact, it was getting stronger with every moment you spent with him. That's why in the last few months you decided that the best course of action would be to just ignore him to the best you could and not spend too much time alone with him, always scared that he would find out about your feelings.

No one from the Salt Lake Crew knew about this, and you hoped that it would stay that way. You could live with them trying to set you up with some random WLF-Soldier sometime or another, but you couldn't imagine living trough their teasing if they ever found out.

You sighed and slowly got out of bed, enjoying that so far you hadn't been assigned a new room mate after the last one just vanished and having the space all to your self.

You hurried to get dressed because you couldn't get away with being late for a mission again and you didn't want Owen to get in trouble too, if one of the higher ranking soldiers found out and told Isaac about it. Taking your backpack from it's place on the shelf, you made your way down to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. You just hoped it wouldn't be burritos again.

When you were on the bottom of the stairs, you met Manny. “Good Morning beautiful.” “Good morning Manny. What are you doing up that early?” He clapped you on the back and lead you inside the cafeteria, where a lot of other soldiers were already present.

“I'm going to do a special mission for Isaac with Abby. I heard you and Owen got assigned a mission together too? Well, at least you will stop ignoring him then. Do you have a problem with him? You always seemed to quite like him” You could feel your face grow red. Had you really been that obvious with trying to spend less time with Owen? “I'm not ignoring him. What makes you think that?” Manny chuckled. “It actually was Owen himself. As you know, we watched movies last night and he asked Abby and me if we knew why you have been ignoring him. You know, he seemed really sad about it.”

When you looked at him and saw him trying not to laugh out loud, you knew he was teasing you. You shoved his shoulder playfully. “Ugh, just shut up. I'm not ignoring him and I certainly don't have a problem to spent time with him.” Manny laughed out loud and excused himself to go speak with his father before his mission.

You got in line to get breakfast and got burritos (of course it would be burritos AGAIN) for yourself, Manny, Abby and Owen. When you turned around from the counter, you saw Manny jogging up to you from the other side of the cafeteria. He took his and Abby's Burrito and you made your way to the exit. Even from a distance you could make out Abby, who was talking to someone. Once you and Manny got closer, you saw that it was Owen. You silently groaned.

Of course your companion heard that and chuckled. “I thought you don't have a problem with him.” The two of them hadn't noticed you yet when Manny grabbed your shoulder. You turned to him. “Hey, whatever it is, I'm sure you can talk with him about it. He'd understand for sure.” “I don't think it's that easy, unfortunately.” You smiled at him sadly and turned around to walk the rest of the way to your partner for this mission.

When you were standing next to the pair, they turned to you and both wished you a good morning. You gave Owen his breakfast and bit into the burrito yourself. Abby and Manny went to retrieve their weapons and left you and Owen to yourself.

The silence between you grew more uncomfortable with every passing second until you couldn't take it anymore. “So, did Isaac tell you more about this mission? I only know that we were paired together.” “Yes, he told me. There were several sighting of infected half way to the TV studio. Leah and Jordan are driving up to the studio today, so they will take us along and pick us up again tonight, when they are finished with their business.” “Ok, sounds good.”

You tried to smile at him, but if his expression was anything to go by, you didn't succeed. After Owen finished his burrito, you picked up your weapons and went to the trucks where Leah and Jordan just finished up packing.

You greeted the couple and loaded your stuff on the truck. When everything was put in the right place, you sat down on the bed of the truck. Jordan was driving the truck and after a short moment, Owen joined him in the front, leaving you with Leah.

The truck started and you left the stadium. At first, the drive was enjoyable. You and Leah talked about everything that happened in the last time. But a few minutes before you reached your destination, she grew quiet and seemed to think about what to say to you.

After a moment of silence, she looked at you again and asked quietly, “Is everything okay between you and Owen? The mood seemed really awkward before we were entering the truck. And he chose to sit with Jordan and not with you. He has never done that before.” You sighed and wondered who else knew something was up. “No, there is nothing wrong. I'm sure that's just your imagination.” She looked at you suspiciously, but hadn't time to say anything else, since you reached your destination.

You climbed down from the truck and she gave you your backpack. Smiling at you, she said “May your survival be long.” “May your death be swift.” You shouldered your backpack and waited for Owen to join you.

Once Leah and Jordan were gone, the two of you walked over to the buildings where the infected were rumored to be seen. Owen was oddly silent. Normally, he was very chatty whenever you two would go on patrol or missions together, but today he seemed like there was something on his mind.

You stopped shortly before the buildings, enjoying the sun, who had finally risen over the horizon, before you entered the building after Owen.

On first sight, the building seemed empty. You didn't hear any screeches or movement, wondering if there were really infected. “Do you know how many infected were seen?”, you asked Owen, who was standing with his back to you. You waited several moments, but there was no answer from your partner. You walked over to him and shook his shoulder. “Hello? Anybody there?”

He blinked at you, startled as if he hadn't realize you were standing right in front of him. “Yes, I'm here. Why?” “I asked you if you know how many infected should be here. Because I don't see or hear any.” He shook his head. “No, I don't know. Let's go further in, maybe they just went to hide somewhere.” You looked after him rather stupidly when he suddenly started marching further into the building. You wondered if he really was that upset with you for not spending much time time with him lately or if there was something else bugging him. You jogged after him.

You spent the next three hours wandering through the different buildings, but there were no infected to be seen. Owen was still not very talkative and ignored your presence for most of the time. He only spoke to you if you asked him a question and even when his answers where clipped. You wondered what was wrong with him and if it was possible that you were the reason.

After searching for another hour without finding anything, you decided to take a break. The two of you sat down in the grass before the building, unpacking your lunch. You closed your eyes and enjoyed the sun for a bit. After a few moments you felt eyes on you and when you opened your eyes, you saw Owen watching you intently. He looked away and cleared his throat. After a few more moments of awkward silence, he finally talked to you without being prompted by you.

“Can I ask you something?” He seemed nervous to ask you. “Sure you can, Owen. You can ask me anything, but I thought you knew that.” He looked at you skeptically and continued. “Why are you ignoring me?” You felt all the color drain from your face and swallowed hard. “I don't know what your talking about. I'm not ignoring you.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, sure you're not. You declined all my invitations to spend time with me at the aquarium, we didn't have a movie night with just the two of us in months and you didn't even come to Abby and Manny last night. So, if you have a problem with me, just tell me. Or if you don't like me, just tell me too. But to be ignored by you hurts fucking much. I thought we were friends!”

“I...I don't have a problem with you Owen, and of course we are friends. Nothing has changed, I promise you.” He stared hard at you. “Then tell me why you're ignoring me. I want to know what's wrong.” You swallowed and thought feverishly about what to say until the silence between you grew awkward. “Owen, I can't tell you. It would change everything between us and you would hate me forever. I don't want to loose you because of that.”

He looked away and his expression turned cold. “Well, I'm certain you'll do that even without telling me. Nothing could be so bad that you can't tell me. I thought you knew that. Seems like I was wrong.” He sighed and you stared at the ground, feeling like ice took hold of your whole being and your heart shattered.

“Come on, Y/N, we still have infected to get rid of.” Owen's voice had a cold touch to it when he stood up and turned back to the building, not waiting for you to pack your things and follow him. “Owen, wait. I didn't mean it like that.”, you screamed after him, but he already vanished into the next building you needed to search.

You cursed and hurried to throw your things into your backpack and run after him. Inside the building, it was like he had vanished. You took a look around, seeing that the upper part was completely destroyed with the passing years. That left the lower part of the building for inspection. You turned to the stairs which led downwards, but couldn't even make it halfway there before you stopped short.

For a moment, you feared that the building was collapsing when the floor and the walls started shaking as if an earthquake took hold of it, followed by a loud crash and the screeching of infected. But as soon as the shaking started, it was over again.

When you recovered from your shock, you ran as fast as you could downstairs, coming to a sudden stop when halfway down the stair was covered in rubble. The small pebbles were soon turning into gigantic rocks of concrete, blocking you from going any further. It looked like parts of the walls and ceiling collapsed.

Owen was nowhere to be seen. Was he down here and lying under the rocks? The thought made you feel cold all over again and your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest with anxiety. You tried to calm your erratic beating heart and listened to your environment.

When you held your breath, you imagined you could hear gunfire and infected screeching behind the walls of rock. Imagining that Owen was alone with the infected on the other side, you panicked and tried to move the rocks and screamed out for him. “Owen? Owen! Please answer me. Are you ok?” You listened closely – but even after a few moments were was no answer.

Tears were streaming down your face, while you hopelessly tried to move the rocks. You rubbed with a hand over your eyes when you noticed something shiny on the ground between a few smaller rocks. You grabbed it and when you saw what it was, a fresh wave of tears started to well up in your eyes. It was Owens firefly pendant. You pressed the chain to your heart, and after a few moments put it into the pocket of your trouser. What were you supposed to do now? Behind the collapsed wall, everything was still silent.

Since you couldn't move forward, you decided to go search for another way into the lower part of the building. Maybe Owen was still alive, he was a skilled soldier after all. And if not, - well, you didn't want to think of this possibility. While you hurried up the stairs again and to the front of the building, you thought about your last conversation with Owen. It made you feel sick. You regretted that you didn't told him the truth. Maybe if you told him, he wouldn't have gone alone, maybe.... well, it certainly didn't do any good to dwell on it now.

Back upstairs, you looked around, trying to find anything useful. You spotted something that looked like a floor plan. Better than nothing. You jogged over to it and took a look at it. From what you saw, it looked like the building you were in and the building on the right had a shared basement.

You also noticed that were was another door to the basement in this building, but it was only accessible from the back. You decided to try the door on the back first and if that didn't work you would search in the other building. Looking out of the windows on the back, you realized it was going too far down to just jump. Hurrying out of the building and to the backside, you found the door rather fast.

You first stopped to listen to something, but besides the chirping of the birds, there was absolute silence. Reaching for the door handle, your heart started beating fast again. You pushed the handle down and tried to open the door, but it didn't open. Even giving it a few harder pushes didn't do anything, it was locked. Next, you tried to throw your whole body against the door, but it didn't do much, beside giving you a soar shoulder. “Fuck, oh fuck...” Gasping for air, you realized that you couldn't get to the basement here.

Anxiety was threatening to take over all your senses, but you swallowed it down and hurried to the other building and after a quick search you found the door to the basement. When you pushed down the handle, it was budging at least a bit. “At least it's only blocked and not locked...”, you thought to yourself while you threw your body against the door to create a gap large enough, that you could slip through.

The big metal crate that was behind the door made a sickening screeching noise when you pushed the door open and immediately you heard the screaming of several infected, all making their way to the source of the noise. Luckily, there were no spores to be seen. You ducked behind the metal crate, turned on your lamp and watched as a clicker and a few runners were running in your direction. You took your gun out of your holster and aimed for the clickers head. You needed two shots, but the clicker went down leaving you with the runners.

Startled from the noise, they were coming straight at you. You managed to dodge the first, killing it with a head shot. You barely managed to kill the rest of the runners, leaving you with barely any ammo, hoping that were wouldn't be much more of them.

In this part, the basement was cold and wet and on the floor was a thin layer of water, making every step you take echoing from the walls. You moved slowly, trying to make as few noise as possible, regularly pausing to listen for infected or other movement - but everything was silent. When you reached the end of the first building, all you found was a door, no Owen was to be seen or heard.

Reaching for the door, you could see how much your hand was shaking. Your anxiety was rising with every second you didn't find Owen. Hoping to finally find something, you opened the door, finding it unlocked.

The basement on the other side was drier, but it was dark, the shining of your lamp the only source of light. Carefully, you stepped into the darkness, screaming out loud when you suddenly stepped onto something. You looked down and saw that it was the arm of a dead infected.

Suddenly, you heard a quit voice behind you. “Y/N?!” You whirled around and there, sitting on the floor next to the door, was Owen. You hurried over, falling to your knees next to him, trying to shine your lamp over his body and feeling around for wounds. Your movement was frantic needing to feel his warm (alive) body under your hands.

It was only stopped when hands grabbed your wrists. “Hey, calm down. I'm fine, I promise you. Look at me, please. Everything's ok... are you crying?” That was the first time you realized the tears streaming down your face again. Owen let go of you hands and pulled you into a tight embrace, while you mumbled repeatedly “I'm sorry.” “Don't cry, please. I'm ok. I'm not hurt, not badly at least. Everything's ok. You don't have to apologize”

One of his hands started to stroke your hair, while you sobbed against his chest, clinging to him and never wanting to let him go again. After a few minutes, you calmed down enough to find your voice again. “I'm so sorry Owen. For everything. Especially for ignoring you. I didn't want to, but I didn't know what else to do. I don't want to lose you.” The hand stroking your hair stopped, grabbing your cheek instead and making you look at him. His thumb stroked your cheek while he stared you in the eyes. “Talk to me, please. What I said earlier still stands. Where is nothing that bad that you can't tell me. I promise.”

You tried to find the right words, searching for something eloquent, but your brain and your mouth didn't want to work together at the moment and all you managed was to blurt out “I'm in love with you.” Owens breath hitched, his hand glided away from your cheek and for a few moments afterwards there was complete silence. You looked down in embarrassment, feeling your cheeks heating up. Then, he started chuckling. Your brows creased, wondering what that was about now. “And that's the reason why you have been ignoring me lately?” He sounded amused.

You still couldn't look him in the eyes. “Yes, that was it. I didn't want you to find out and then not wanting to spend time with me anymore.”, you mumbled. Suddenly, you felt his hand under your chin, lifting your head up and making you look at him again. “You can be really obvious sometime, Y/N.” “What?! Why?” On his face spread a broad grin. Because I was trying to flirt with you for the past year. I can see now that that was not very successful.”

You stared at him in disbelief, not trusting your ears to really have heard that he said just that. Owen laughed quietly. Then he was leaning forward, pressing his lips first to your cheek and then to your mouth. It took a moment, but once your shock dissolved you happily kissed him back. For a few moments, there was only him and his lips on yours, you forgetting the world completely.

“Ok, I think we should get out of here, Owen. Leah and Jordan should be back shortly.”, you told him after a few minutes of enjoying his presence near you. “You're right, I want to get out of this basement. But you need to help me. I think the rocks broke my leg.” “But you said you weren't hurt!” You're voice was getting comically high. “I didn't say that I wasn't hurt, I just said that I wasn't hurt badly.” “You're impossible.”, you told him fondly, trying not to laugh.

With you helping him, you both made it out of the basement and sat down on a rock near the spot you would get picked up again. Suddenly you remembered the firefly pendant in your pocket. “Here, you lost that on the stairs.” You held out your hand with the pendant. Owen looked at it for a moment and then back up at you.

“Keep it. So you remember me when we're not together.” You looked at him full of wonder. You knew how important his pendant and his past with the fireflies was for him. “Are you sure? I know it's important for you.” “Not as important as you. Keep it.” He took the pendant from you and put it around your neck. In this moment, you couldn't be any happier.

#the last of us part 2 #tlou2 #owen moore #owen moore x reader #this is probably shit #but i don't regret it #or do I?#let's find out #my stuff

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my-brothers-corrupted · 4 years ago

Text

My Brothers, Corrupted

Chapter Three : Section Five : Two Truths and a Lie

Chapter One l Chapter Two l Chapter Three

After a few harrowing days, we tie up loose ends and answer questions, while Anti goes searching for answers in a less orthodox way.

Trigger warnings for sudden distress, physical abuse and restraint, mentions of cutting and blood (not self-inflicted), and emotional manipulation.

Section Five of Chapter Three: Two Truths and a Lie

Okay I usually try to save questions I don’t get to for the next time I get to the boys but we’re just going to have some miscellaneous question time lol so I can clean out my inbox! you can ask anybody anything right now. I’ll probably just clear everything out and then later or tomorrow I’ll set a scene

I do think I want to come back towards more casual answering like we used to at the start, so if I start answering questions at more random times instead of like in two-hour chunks bear with me :)

Except Trick he’s not taking questions D:

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Hey Dap! You feeling any better?

Dap is still cozied up in his blankets, holding you between his pale palms as he rouses himself. He sets you down on his lap.

“Feel very tired,” he confesses. “But not so much in the no-energy way. More like the no-interest way.”

“No interest in what?” asks Red softly, coming over off-screen to set a cup of water on his bedside table. Dapper doesn’t answer, rubbing at his sleepy eyes.

“Glad your color’s up,” says Red, though you can hear the frown in his voice. “You come back much quicker than Blue, honestly. Maybe you didn’t use as much power as I thought?”

Dapper shrugs and his stomach growls, but he doesn’t complain.

Anonymous asked: Hey boys

“Hi,” waves Dapper, smiling for you. “How are you, camera?”

Red chuckles and shuffles around the room.

“It talks to me,” signs Dapper dreamily. “Lots of voices. Cameras, brothers, bears, empty rooms. It talks to me.“

aether-mae asked: Magicians! can you either tell us your location, or tell us a location near you? Are you still in Peru?

“We are in Peru,” says Emmanuela. “It may not be safe to be more specific than that.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: What are you two up to?

“I’ve got to go get him some breakfast here in a minute,” murmurs Red, coming to set you on the desk in the corner of the square little room, so you can see them better. There’s water damage making the ceiling sag and Dapper scratches on a little red bite on his neck, hugging his filthy white bear to his chest.

“I shouldn’t have spent so much on getting a room for a couple days,” sighs Red. “But he needed to lie down. And I have to admit it’s nice not sleeping on the street for a night.”

spicydanhowell asked: dap, red, when you're up, have you noticed maybe some churches or other places in local communities that have food donations? or actually, all kinds of fruit grow in peru. if you can find some kind of garden or orchard, you could snag some fruit when nobody's around. either of these would be a lot better than shoplifting or robbing houses :(

“You’re probably right,” mumbles Red morosely, dragging his hands through his hair. “I don’t trust those food donation places though. Fucking cops could be hanging out. Scumbags. Worse than American cops, here. Maybe.”

“That only happened once,” says Dapper. “Now you’re paranoid.”

“What?”

“It only happened once,” repeats Dapper, frowning. “That the cop followed you home after you went to get food from the nuns. And then Anti handled it. You’re paranoid.”

Red pauses, his mouth opening and shutting once.

“Dap… bud, you know I don’t remember farther back than Norway, right?”

Dapper doesn’t say anything, picking at the dirt on his bear’s ears.

“There’s no gardens around here that I know of, we’re right in the middle of this ugly city and everything’s apartment buildings and run-down businesses. I’m going to try and find a restaurant that throws stuff out or something before I steal anything, I guess. But I’m scared to be out in public and I just… I just wish we had…”

He kneads his thumb into his palm and goes quiet, his head down from the weight of it all.

cest-mellow asked: hey dok! how are you feeling with the magicians now? any safer than before?

He slept in his own bed tonight, curled up beneath the covers, but when he comes back to you, he looks upset, maybe even tearful.

“I’m sorry,” he croaks, holding you very tight again, rubbing at his wrists. “But I woke up afraid today and I - I - ”

He pauses, staring around him, his mouth shuddering.

“I don’t know, I felt safe yesterday, but I’m worried they did something to my head.”

He pushes his palm against the side of his skull and closes his eyes, biting down hard on his lip.

“Don’t know what kind of powers they have,” he whimpers. “What sort of things they could make me think. I never trust anybody but my family anymore… one time Anti said I could go to the synagogue, but I was too scared even to go… everybody is a threat.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: They've made a vow to us that they won't harm you, Dok. Don't be afraid :) we got your back

Dok breathes out a low sigh and swallows.

“Okay. Okay. They haven’t hurt me yet. Or the ones I’ve met, anyway. I don’t think that Old Man likes me, JP said… and the medic girl, she doesn’t like me. I don’t want her to touch me.”

He wraps his arms around himself.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: What have you been doing to keep busy, Dok?

“I sleep… I’m so tired. I haven’t really been… coherent enough to do much of anything this last week, but now…”

He chuckles, rubbing his arms. “Well, I confess a little boredom, but that’s the least of my worries, really.”

cest-mellow asked: magicians, did you guys do something to dok’s head?

The magicians seem to have found a way to share JP’s little network for your messages across devices, because you find yourself looking through a phone camera at Genesis and Hermann.

“Oh, yay, it is working,” he says.

“To his head?” asks Genesis.

“Oh, no, no, certainly not,” says Hermann. “What, hit him or hypnotize him or something like that? No, he’s okay. Is he scared of that?”

“It’s not surprising for him to be confused,” says Genesis.

And then, after a moment, she adds, “It was the same way with me, when I started to realize I hated my parents. It’s like - what, am I really thinking these things? Is this really all true? I think it would have been almost a relief to wonder if someone was hypnotizing me, so I didn’t have to admit what I was thinking.”

Hermann gives her privacy to say it, turning away and busying himself with whatever they’re working on. A moment later, he straightens up with his arms laden with bags and boxes and a backpack thrown over his shoulder.

“Good news, though,” he says, smiling at you. “We finished going through all the things they had in the car, so now the medico can see everything that didn’t seem dangerous. Do you think he’ll like having his stuff back?”

“We think this is his,” adds Genesis, holding up Dok’s nice white doctor’s coat. “Yeah?”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Where'd you find that? I'm sure he'll love to have it back!

“They left their car behind,” says Genesis. “So everything that wasn’t on the backs of the others is with us now!”

nikkilbook asked: Could have sworn Marvin had a Lapwing tattoo...? Pretty sure he was in the Irish order. And just in case, check for the name “Marvin McLoughlin.” Not sure if that’s the one, but I figure it’s worth a shot.

“Oh, I do,” mumbles Blue.

You find him laid out in a new bed, dressed in white, looking very tired, but cozy beneath his covers.

“Yes, I think that’s what it is. A lapwing. I don’t remember well…”

———————

“Oh, Lapwing,” says JP, nodding at his computer. “Oh, excellent. Oh, perfect, thank you, thank you. An Irish magician. I will find him.”

Anonymous asked: Hello Marv, how are you feeling?

“A little zoned out,” he mumbles, closing his eyes. “They gave me something different. I don’t mind, though. It calmed me down. Now I’m not so upset. I felt like I couldn’t even handle last night. But now I’m just drifting…”

He shivers, once.

“I’m just scared of what Anti will do to me… to Trick…”

bupine asked: what else was in the car, magicians?

“Well, we did find some creepy stuff,” confesses Hermann, frowning. “Like… masks and stuff.”

“Chains.”

“Yeah, things to torture people, you know, like - blowtorch?”

“Yeah, that’s the word. And this weird electric set-up. Like these bars that could shock you. Really fucked up stuff.”

“But then the rest of it is just normal stuff!” Hermann puts his hand in one of the boxes and rifles through. “Games, toys, books, art stuff. Mostly clothes!”

“We’ll let the medico look through the rest of it.”

bupine asked: hey anti, is trick ok?

Anti glances up at you, a warning in his eyes.

He’s sitting on his bed, eating cold red curry out of the take-out box while he works on his computer. It looks to be late afternoon with that much light coming in the window.

He doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t move you, either, and you can see a figure laid out in the bed beside him, his messy hair fluffed against the pillows, breathing deep and steady as he sleeps.

aether-mae asked: Hey magicians, i was wondering if we could lead the other brothers who are also separated from the demon to you. Is there a location we could ask them to meet you at?

“Oh, please do,” begs Hermann, eyes wide. “Please bring the other boys here. We would really keep them safe, I do promise. I… I don’t know where we could meet them, I’d have to ask Emmanuela.”

“Good look convincing them,” mumbles Genesis, looking unconvinced, but sad too, because she knows even better than Hermann the way that they were living.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: You need to take care of him, Anti. He can't deal with your crap, okay?

Anti chooses to type his answers back to you. Actually, he doesn’t look to be typing at all, but his words show up on your screen nevertheless.

“What about this makes you think I’m not taking care of him?”

scunneredzombie asked: Y'know Anti... as horrid as all the things you're doing are, I'm starting to notice something. In your own weird way, you really do adore your brothers. You've said before you're incapable of love but, honestly? I doubt that. You love them. You want family just as much as they do. Why not give it to them, Anti? Why do you have to hurt them, why not allow you all to be a family? A normal, healthy, family?

Anti’s mouth opens angrily, and then he blushes dark, realizing he’s been caught red-handed showing mercy to one of his puppets.

“I do not adore him,” he sends you, eyes flashing. “He’s a guard dog. But if you want to believe I’m secretly a soft, loving, lonely little boy, hey - go right the fuck ahead.”

He smiles meanly at you.

“Family is a manipulation tactic. Trickshot is a pet.”

Anonymous asked: “What about this makes you think I’m not taking care of him?” Because you're you. Do we even have to elaborate?

“I can be nice,” types Anti, and gives you a mocking smile.

Trick shifts on the bed next to him and Anti’s face returns to apathetic concentration, putting another chopstick-full of curry in his mouth.

“Anti,” mumbles Trick, half asleep. Anti reaches back without looking to rub his back and Trick sighs warmly.

Anonymous asked: Magos, your goal is admirable, but you should know that it's futile on its current course. Do any of you have phones? Computers? Radios, even? Do you ever leave base? Do you have family, friends, with those things who live off-base? Then you're not secure enough to hide from the demon. He'll find you all, kill you all, and take Dok back for himself. If you can't find and save ALL the brothers soon, you'd just as well drop Dok off where the demon can find him, and maybe you'll survive longer.

Genesis has a fight in her eyes and she opens her mouth to speak, but before she can, Hermann is speaking, louder than you’ve ever heard him.

“Well, maybe so!” he says, scattering the birds from the trees.

He puts his head down and repeats it.

“Maybe so. Maybe the monster will find him again. Maybe the monster will find us and take him away. But I think… I think a week, two weeks, a month of being treated like a human being, as long as we can give him or his brothers being treated like a human being, with kindness, with respect, with basic needs - that…”

He nods his head, slow.

“That is worth it. That is worth whatever happens. That is a cause to die for. You hear about tragedies, sometimes, from afar, and so many people must have felt so hopeless… alone, even as they died. A moment of mercy is worth it. Maybe I can’t save them, but… I can help. I know that the magician is alive because of me. And that was worth it. I believe that, I do.”

He stares at the floor for a moment, and then, a little reddened from the passion of it, he turns to smile at Genesis and mumbles something about bringing Dok the first of his things before turning to shuffle away.

Genesis shoots you a look.

“Hermann is a man of God,” she says. “But I will fuck your shit up! Your monster was a little bitch on the shore of that river, there, I said it! Ran with his tail between his legs! Fuck it! We’re going to do the best we can. And if that doesn’t work, well, I’ll leave it to over-invested poets like that dumb-ass to make it okay.”

She beams fondly after Hermann and scoops up the rest of the boxes and backpacks, but as she moves, you see the smile on her face flicker away into worry.

Anonymous asked: Hermann, I think the glitch might be hiding somewhere in Asia, from what I can see.

“Oh, tell Emmanuela!” calls Hermann, when Genesis catches up to him.

“Oh, I don’t remember what JP said about sending the messages.”

“There’s like a button that - that one?”

“I don’t - oh, and then, Emmanuela - oh, it’s gone!”

“Is it with her?”

“Is it - yeah, I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

They pause, looking at each other.

“I’ll text her,” says Genesis.

—————————

You find Emmanuela in a small white office, flowers blooming on the shelf beside her. She’s writing something. She barely looks up as the message reaches her computer.

“Thank you for telling me,” she says.

The dark sheen of her hair glows in the morning light, falling down her back.

“You were right to mention it. You seem to be right. The sunbirds were a young order. Small and intimate. Not someone I’ve communicated with before, but someone I know of. Caleb was their leader’s name.”

She pauses for a moment in her writing. Her expression does not change. She stares ahead.

“The sunbirds are dead,” she says, and continues her work.

immabethehero asked: Red, Dap, if we said we could get you somewhere safe and off the streets, but away from Anti, would you take it?

Red glances at the camera, his eyebrow quirking up, a deep frown on his mouth.

“That sounds suspicious,” he says, getting a cup for water. “And I’m trying to get back to Anti, not farther away from him.”

He can’t keep a little irritation out of his voice.

bupine asked: we kind of do know why anti stole the brothers away. it's to do with a man called jack, who anti used to be friends with. we think he's still alive, but even anti doesn't know where he is. the brothers used to be friends with him. we don't know what happened to him, but all this revolves around this man.

“Hm, okay,” says JP, working at his computer, books stacked around him. He stretches his wrists, thinking. “I guess I could look for a Jack in the Lapwing records too. Ireland has a large magical order, though, even bigger than the whole of Peru.”

Anonymous asked: Hey Blue? Trick is... taking a social media break from us so we can't talk to him. I'm sorry he didn't take things well but you're right in taking care of yourself first. We need you to have your head on straight and you're heading in the right direction and we support that. We'll help you however we can.

“A social media break,” says Blue, and a laugh starts before the rest of the message registers.

“What… he won’t even talk to you?”

He pauses, staring at the wall.

“Give him time,” he mumbles finally, grief in his voice. “I’m sure he’ll… I’m sure he’ll come around, right?”

For a moment, there is nothing but the movement of footsteps in the hall and the buzzing of the lights.

And then, weakly:

“He didn’t… come to see me this morning. He comes to see me every morning… so I’m not alone all day.”

Swish, swish, click. Footsteps past his door. Thrumming lights. The largeness of his room and the smallness of himself inside of it. He rubs his own arm.

bupine asked: we're not trying to hurt trick, anti. we just want to know he's alright. how has he been? he won't talk to us anymore.

“Oh, I know you’re not,” types Anti, now not even looking at you, playing with Trick’s hair. Trick hums contentedly and scoots closer to Anti, relief so great it looks painful flickering through his face. “I know how attached you are to all of them. Some more than others, sure. But I know.”

He scratches his hand across Trick’s scalp. There’s a faint meowing outside the door, confused.

“He just needs a rest. Not like him to come begging to me, so I know he must have been really upset. Dok’s not here to comfort the little baby, so I’ll have to.”

Anti pauses, scratching beside Trick’s ear, humming a little as the light pours in. A big pink flower blooms on the headboard, but Anti hardly seems to notice.

“Then again, it is nice to have someone all sweet to myself again. I miss sleeping with my Dapper. And Trick is just so - ”

The typing pauses. Trick has slid an eye open, staring wearily, brokenly, lovingly up at Anti.

Anti runs his thumb down his face. He looks so much like him. Anti had almost forgotten. It’s been a long time since he spared Trick a glance. It used to upset him, the similarity there. But now…

Anti scratches gently through his beard, watching his boy. Maybe he’ll cut his hair today.

aether-mae asked: Dok! You need to get the magicians to find Red. We can try and get his location as best we can but we need to get him to you asap before he can get to anti

Dok recoils, holding his shoulders. “What - lead Red here? No, no, no, Red should be with Anti. We all should. I should be with Anti. Nobody here understands! Even if they are nice, they don’t understand and they never will! And Red - Red killed one of them. If there are people here who don’t like me, I can only imagine what they might think of him. No, no, keep him far away. I bet it’s easier for Anti to find him if he’s not here. Anti will get Red and then Anti will get me, too, and everything will be okay.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: How do you all protect yourselves from attacks? Do you even get attacked, magicos?

“Ah, well,” says JP, continuing to type. “We’re in a very secure location, I can tell you that. It’s hidden in more ways than one. No one has ever attacked us at our home base, except one time when she was young Juana was possessed! But that hasn’t happened since. Something would have to get inside that was already a threat. And to be fair, there are quite a few powerful magicians here. Emmanuela, Christof - ”

He blanches and cuts himself down, a sudden grief twisting up his mouth.

Anonymous asked: Hey Anti can you let Trick feed his cat please? I know you won't do it but someone should.

“He feeds that cat just fine. It can wait another half hour for him to wake up.”

He is smiling down at Trick, watching him drift sleepily besides him. He doesn’t know why he suddenly feels so fond of him. Been too long since he had Dapper. Or anybody. He’s just been watching Blue sleep all week. Trick doesn’t even know you’re there, and Anti does not give it away.

Anonymous asked: Blue, you're going through a fucking lot right now. I can't imagine what it's like for you. But! What I can imagine is you at least getting to see everyone again! Don't ask me how, but I know there are currently people (good and safe people) out there researching on what's happened, how to help you, and even who you used to be. Please don't give up, there is hope out there, and we'll do our best to support you and let you know what's going on with your brothers.

Blue clasps his hands together, nodding slowly, too tired to cry.

“Thank you. I’m… I’ll do my best.”

He rubs at his face and breathes out a shuddering breath.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Blue? Do you trust the magicians??

“I don’t know,” he says, very small and very tired. “I don’t know anything anymore. Magicians are just people. And people can always turn out to be hateful. I don’t know.”

Anonymous asked: Anti, please just let Trick rest for the night... He feels really dejected because Blue wouldn't come with him, as you see, and he's really not doing well without any brothers, besides yourself, to help take care of and to live with.

“I think it has been hard for him, being away from everyone,” agrees Anti. “So needy.”

He smiles, but then a flash of anger rises on his face.

“Of course, that’s why Blue was supposed to come home. So Trick could have someone to take care of and be taken care of by. Guess I’ll just have to keep him in line myself.”

spicydanhowell asked: hey red? anti's actually quite close to finding dok, and the magicians have kept him healthy and fed, so if you go to them they will give you protection from the police, food, and medicine, and anti will come get you soon, And dok is missing you both so much :( anti will never find you if you run around like this. the magicians are really harmless. it would be best for dap to go there right now so he can be fed and medicated and get back to anti quickly. love you hunny, be safe.

Red squirms, standing close to Dap protectively. “I don’t know what they would do to a kid as powerful as him,” he says. “And even if they’re nice to Dok, we - we both hurt them. I killed that guy with the book and Dapper stabbed one and tortured the other.”

Dapper stares at his bear, seeming to not even hear.

“I don’t know. I don’t like it. I don’t - I just - I just want to go back to Anti!” He clutches his fists, overwhelmed. “And we can’t go anywhere now anyway. We don’t have a way to travel until I get more money and I got this place for another couple nights. As long as the cops don’t find us. And I think I’m even more wanted in Peru than I am here. I just - I want - ”

He cuts himself off again, biting down on his lip.

spicydanhowell asked: marv, chase is just sleeping, okay? i think he's really worn out from all the emotion. he's okay though. anti is being kind to him. he hasn't been punished. please don't worry dear.

“Oh, good,” breathes Blue, closing his eyes. “He’s not hurt. And maybe - maybe he’ll come see me when he wakes up. If Anti lets him. He wouldn’t choose not to come see me…”

Anonymous asked: How are you feeling right now Marvin? It might be good to get it out there if you're feeling up to it.

“Please don’t worry,” he murmurs. “I’m just tired. I’m starting to think this fatigue won’t go away. I can’t even walk today. The nurse has to help me. Still got this in my nose.”

He tugs wearily on his nasal cannula.

“Just feel… alone. And pretty pathetic. And I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m so angry.”

He covers his face with his hands.

“At everything.”

Anonymous asked: how long is the psychiatric hold supposed to last? were you evaluated yet blue? sorry if that's personal, but i guess this is actually a fib so maybe not.

“Someone’s supposed to come talk to me today. I just had an entrance exam. The only asked me like five questions. I think the doctor had been waiting for an admission like this. I don’t know how long they can keep me…”

spicydanhowell asked: its okay if you want to stay away a little longer red, but the magicians have told us that theyd happily take care of both of you. there are no hard feelings. they really, truly care about your family, and it is the best way to get back to anti. he is going to get there soon, and he'll be glad you took dap to a safe place

“I don’t need anyone taking care of my little brothers for me!” snaps Red, heat and shame rising in his cheeks. “And Anti would not want us to be there. No matter what choice I make I know that much for certain.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: What else did you find?

“Hey, medico?”

There’s a knock on his door and Dok jolts up, blinking ans clutching you to his chest. Hermann pokes his head in a moment later, smiling gently.

“Hey, we’ve got some of your stuff from the car you guys took. Do you want to see it?”

Some of his stuff?

Dok blinks and then nods slowly, trying not to get his hopes up.

Genesis and Hermann bring him two backpacks, two boxes, and his own little draw-string bag. Relieved, he opens it a finds all of his own clothes inside.

“Thank you,” he gasps, clutching one of his three shirts to his chest.

“We got rid of anything electronic,” says Genesis. “Figured that was safer.”

A worm of distress wiggles through his chest, but he’ll take what he can get. “I know the way you think about my brother. I’m glad to have - oh!”

His coffee! From Trick!

He nearly drops you to hold it, squeezing his hands around the bag.

“We’ll let you look through it,” laughs Genesis.

“Yeah, let us know if you need anything,” adds Hermann, smiling.

They leave and shut the door behind them.

The lock does not click.

Dok stares up at it for a moment, thinking.

But he’ll focus on this for now.

Most everything is either his or Dapper’s or Blue’s. He hopes Red and Trick have most of their things. He has Blue’s clothes and more jewelry than he expected in one of the boxes, stuff he’s never even seen Blue wear before. Dapper’s clothes are here too - there’s more of them than Blue’s and Dok’s combined, hot sweatshirts and starchy dress shirts, nice pants and tight black shoes, even though he never leaves the house. One of the backpacks has paper, sketchpads, watercolors, colored pencils, chalks, and erasers. Dok puts a sketchpad beside him to look at later. Dap’s puppet toys are here too, and some nice red cloth and fairy lights. Dok can tell some stuff has been taken out, like collars and wrist restraints.

aether-mae asked: (For the magicians) Great! Yes! We would be more than happy to bring them to you, but we just need a location to ask them to come to. I was thinking we tell them anti is going to collect them there

Emmanuela drums her fingers along her desk, tilting her head at you.

“If there are others who can make it back - and if we can confirm that they aren’t possessed by the monster - your friends can come to the Church of Santo Domingo. We could meet them there. We are not far. They could wait by the skull of Santa Rosa inside. Be cautious not to lose their trust.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Hey Dap! Does the Church of Santa Dominigo ring any bells?

Dapper’s head perks up.

“Red and Blue would not let me see her!”

“Are you talking about that day you ran off?” frowns Red.

“I went to the convent, and I hid in the corner, and across the street was the church with her skull, and I wanted to see. In Saint Dominic’s Church. But we had to go rob a car instead.”

He puts his head down on his hand.

“You got a churro, though,” says Red uncertainly, confused by his mood. “That was good, right?”

Dapper stares at the wall, eyes downcast.

Red glances at you. “It’s, uh. In the middle of the city. Hard to miss. I’ve passed it many times.”

spicydanhowell asked: red... i don't want to upset you... but how else is he going to find you if you keep running around like this? the rule of thumb when you're lost and waiting for rescue is to stay in one place, and the best place to be would definitely be the place anti is going to go to once blue is out of the hospital. you might be there a only a few days, and you won't have to go hungry, or lock dapper up in a room or handcuff him to a church pew. you'll be safe. you'll get home, i promise hunny.

Red lets out a frustrated huff, trying to pretend he’s not considering it. It would be so nice to feel like Dapper was safe somewhere, even if they were prisoners.

“Anti… Anti’s going to find us. He is.”

They could have plenty to eat, they could sleep in beds, they could -

“Well, I don’t know that,” he interrupts himself, scowling. “We’re both much more wanted than Dok is. I don’t know if he has a criminal record at all. They could just turn us over to the police. For all I know, you’re one of them!”

He scuffs his foot against the floor, irritated by his own helplessness.

“Never mind,” he grumbles. “I gotta focus on right now. Dap, I’m going out, okay, I’ll be back in a couple hours.”

Dapper jumps out of bed, alarm on his face, and races towards his shoes by the door.

“Dap! No. You could have another snap at any time. You need routine, right? A steady environment with no surprises. You’re staying here.”

Almost panting, Dapper tugs his right shoe on, tying the laces tight, tight!

“Dapper, come on, are you kidding?” Red stalks over to him and snatches the other shoe out of his hand before he can put it on. “I could get in a fight! It’s not safe. And I’ll be more discreet alone.”

But Dapper isn’t listening, or if he is, he doesn’t agree. His hands scramble up for the shoe, once, twice, but when Red doesn’t give it to him he grabs his brother’s jacket and looks up at him with big puppy eyes, desperately sweet, and once again Red feels his skin crawl from the falseness of it, and he knows that his brother is trying to manipulate him.

“Is Anti the one who taught you to act like a fucking two-year-old to get what you want?” he asks, before he has thought the words through. “Or have you always been this much of a baby?”

The expression slides off Dapper’s face. Now he stares dead-eyed at Red, his big eyes cold and motionless. He seems suddenly hollow, like his heart was pulled out of his chest, like he doesn’t remember what it is to emote, like he feels nothing at all, and this time, it is the truth of the expression that makes Red’s heart clench in his chest.

He backs slightly away from his little brother.

Jameson keeps staring at him, those pale eyes fixed like a dead thing’s upon him.

aether-mae asked: Hey Red, we’ve been talking with Anti and arranged for him to pick you up at the Church of Santo Domingo. he will collect you if you wait by the skull of Santa Rosa. Then you’ll be back with your brothers!

Red stares at you, expression uncertain. He glances down at Dapper, on the floor on his feet.

“Right,” he says slowly. “Anti would definitely pick a very public, very Catholic, very close-to-where-we-were-when-the-magicians-found-us church to meet me at.”

Red stares down at Dapper’s shoe in his hand for a second.

“Sorry,” he says, but you don’t know who to. “Just… forget it.”

Anonymous asked: If family is a lie then you wouldn't kill people just to keep them safe. If they're just pets you wouldn't care than half of them are gone right now. If you didn't love them you wouldn't hold onto them so tight. You may not be a uwu secret softy, but even a bastard like you has weaknesses. And you have five of them, Antisepticeye.

“Please.” Anti scowls as the words appear, letting Trick get up beside him, rubbing at his eyes as he starts his late day. “You wouldn’t care if someone stole three of your dogs? The dogs that greet you every day when you come home, the dogs that sleep next to you and keep you warm, the dogs that guard your door when you’re in danger and wag their little tails when you pat them on their dumb little heads?

“And secondly, I love killing people. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’d kill one of them if I had to, I would!”

He stares after Trick, moving around the room.

“I would. I could. Wouldn’t even hurt…”

Anonymous asked: Ohhh what’s this Anti? Is Marvin’s magic making you all soft and feel-y? Better be careful, love.

“Aw, you are all some real fuckers today, aren’t you? You know what, Trick was right!”

He flicks you off unceremoniously, smiling smugly.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Dap? Are you comfortable with leaving on your own if you needed to?

Dapper sighs a very long sigh, so his whole chest seems to deflate. He doesn’t even look at you.

“No point.”

Anonymous asked: Anti your lack of self awareness is kinda hilarious. Mr. "no one will take my boys, stay away from my family" claiming he could ever kill one of them.

The message never reaches a camera, but Anti is too hooked up to his system to not receive it himself. You see his ears redden a little and he takes his hand off Trick’s back, where he’d been rubbing it, but Trick, apparently safely and blissfully convinced that Anti is in a good mood with him, is already leaning forward to wrap his arms around Anti’s neck and put his head down on his shoulder, murmuring something you can’t make out.

Anti’s can’t push him away. His expression is a little angry, but not at Trick.

aether-mae asked: Dap if you go, red will surely follow after. He’s already starting to realise anti is treating you all badly, and with more brothers away from him than with him, there’s more of a chance than ever to be free. Do it for them, Jamie

“Always just go back to Anti,” mumbles Jameson, slinking back towards his bed. “I don’t even feel like a person anymore.”

Red looks disturbed by the sudden change in mood, but he’s grateful Dapper’s not trying to leave anymore. He nods to himself and starts putting on his own shoes and jacket.

“Almost want to run away just to spite him,” JJ confesses, staring at his brother’s back. “But it’s not him who wants to do anything that he does - say anything that he does - treat me the way he does. It’s just Anti’s influence on him. I know what that feels like. I wanted to keep him safe from this, when I was young, the way he kept me safe. Made me feel safe. Let me live a real life, if only for a short time. Now I don’t think I have the strength to save anyone. Anyway, it’s so hard to trust myself when I’m psychotic. I’ll have lost track of everything again soon.”

He lies back, staring at the ceiling.

“Probably better that way. It’s difficult to remember… difficult to see who I am now. Look at this place… look at me. He broke me in just like he always told me he would. I’ve never known a fatigue like this.”

Anonymous asked: I know this isn’t the time for this, but it is beyond refreshing to see you Jameson.

Jameson manages a real smile at that - wide and white, laughter making his chest shake.

“I wish I had my medication. I could be so clear. I can’t remember the last time I felt this clear. How… cold it is.”

“I’m, uh, leaving,” says Red. “You okay?”

“Just go,” signs JJ wearily. “Your mind is set.”

Red looks at you. “You want to come with me or stay with him?”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Red, you better get going. The more you dawdle, the less focused you're gonna be

“Yeesh, I get it,” he says. “Everybody likes the little guy. Bye. Dap, two hours max. I’m locking the door out here. Handcuff’s attached to the handle and the beam here. Better than your wrists, right?”

His brother looks at him but doesn’t wave him goodbye.

Red leaves him alone.

cest-mellow asked: dapper, i think you should go to the church, be with dok and have a safe place to eat and sleep, have routine. even if it’s without red, we could get him there, too, he’ll surely follow you once he knows. and if anti tried to take you again you have tons of magicians to keep you safe. i really think you should leave once red is gone.

“He’s locked me in. Maybe I could rip the beam off the wall or sneak out later, but… I don’t know. What would you have me do? I’ll be back in my own head again soon. I’m hallucinating right now and most of the time, lately. My paranoia is unbearable, I don’t even trust Red. It would take me days to get there, on foot or stealing so I could take a bus. I could go into a catatonia again and then authorities would get involved and I’d go to prison.”

He rubs slowly at his face.

“What… what would you have me do? Would you have me go? Maybe it doesn’t matter… Maybe I could try.”

aether-mae asked: Jamie please, we will guide you, we promise. You’re so close, so so close. If you reach the church we can reuinite you with doc AND get you a warm bed, warm meals and protection from anti. You can do this, you can be strong just for a little longer

“Comfort means little to me. It never lasts. I don’t believe anymore that my strength has any bearing on what happens to me. Nothing is in my control. This life is not mine. Easier to be Dapper.”

He laughs a little, splayed out on the bed.

“When I forget I want to remember again, but when I remember, I know it’s better to forget…”

He stares at the ceiling.

“Could leave the city and begin walking again, I suppose. It’s a long walk. But pain is just pain, it passes, and then it means little whether or not it passed, it’s in the past. I’d like to see Henrik, even if he is a ghost, I’d like to see Henrik and have my medication and hold onto him when he was scared. He doesn’t like to admit it but he’s often scared, shh. I’d like to see him again.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: There's always a point, Dap. Maybe you can save your brothers If you got away....even for a little while

Jameson stares up at whatever he sees for a long time. His finger reaches up to trace the lines of it, branching and broken, back and forth, stuttering or whole.

“I think… it’s cruel that Anti lets you watch,” he says after a moment. “Because… you have hope that none of the rest of us have. And I think the most likely thing is that one day, you’ll see us give the last dregs of it up, and maybe some of us will die. Or maybe that’s just… my hope… Maybe I’d just like this last part of myself that still hopes for something I can never have to die.”

He puts his finger down and touches his heart, his eyes weary.

“If you’d still like me to run… tell me again in a few hours, when Red is back and sleeping, and we can try, perhaps, if I’m well enough. If only to remind him… if only to remind myself… that I still possess the ability to make choices for myself. That I am still an adult.”

He turns on his side, curling his arms around himself. “Perhaps I’ll sleep a while. I can hear something coming down the hall towards me. I’d like to be unconscious before my mind decides it is a monster.”

spicydanhowell asked: hey marv? sorry to bug you again but- since you have your head on a little straighter right now, and jameson is remembering himself better at the moment, is there anything you want to say to him? from the real you to the real him? he could definitely use a bit of encouragement.

“Oh, is he feeling okay?” murmurs Blue. “Poor suffering little hideaway.”

He’s sitting up in bed now, a little color back in his cheeks and, speaking of color, he’s got a little box of pencils and a coloring book. He’s filling in a little ocean scene with fish.

“Um… just… if you could tell him… I love him and I’ll find him again.”

He pauses, staring at his own wrist for a second where the white hospital band hangs.

“If not in this life, then in another one.”

He bites down on the back of his pencil.

“No, don’t say that, I’ll scare him. I’ll find him again. I’ll see him again and I love him, I do.”

Anonymous asked: blue, being suicidal was a lie, right?

“I… oh, don’t worry. Yes, I’m… just… quite sick.”

You can see his coloring page. He hasn’t been able to stay within the lines, but whether it’s from his trembling hands or his damaged eyesight, you can’t say.

“And I don’t know what Anti will do to me if I can’t be his anymore. And I don’t know if they’re so far away Anti won’t find them. Or if they’ll be arrested. Or if maybe it’s better for them to be where they are and never see me again. Or if it would be easier to die.”

He adjusts his nasal cannula, sniffling. “Can’t die til I know they’re all going to be safe without me… but I feel, already, like I’m dead. I don’t know how I’m ever going to escape this place.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Hey Anti, how's Trick holding up? Can we see him?

Anti’s got you on his shoulder again, so you can’t see much but his hands, examining the price tag on a bright blue hoodie with white strings. He glances at you and scoffs, but obliges you, taking the hoodie off the rack and heading down a few aisles.

“How do you like that?” he asks, holding up the sweater.

Trick startles and turns away from a row of wine, plucking at his white t-shirt. “Oh! For me?”

“If I don’t have to buy Blue new shit, might as well get my good one something fun.”

He ruffles Trick’s hair and makes him laugh, shoving back at Anti’s hands. His face has a nice warm color to it and his hair is clean and soft.

“Maybe I’ll dye your hair,” says Anti suddenly.

“Oh - yeah?”

“Yeah. You used to have it dyed. I didn’t mind.”

Trick is willing to take just about any form of Anti’s attention and even the thought of having his hair dyed makes his face light up. He touches his fringe hopefully and smiles at his brother.

“Get yourself some snacks,” says Anti, playing with his hair again as he passes him. “Whatever you want.”

“Okay!”

Anonymous asked: Marv don’t give up hope so soon, there’s still so much we can do.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I think it’s just hard to be alone in the hospital.”

His eyes water and he turns away from you.

“But!” he says a second later, turning back with a smile. “I have a coloring book! So I’m just going to think about fish for a while. Oh, and a counselor lady came to talk to me yesterday and it went well. Really nice. I wish Trick could talk to her. And she kept going ‘given what Dr. Siong says’ so I think they’re talking about keeping me here a while. Because they know I might not be safe at home.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Marv...if Dap had a chance to get away from Anti...would you be upset with him?

“Upset with him! No, never. Fuck, I understand, don’t I? I’d run away with him if I could and the two of us would go live somewhere nice where we were safe with each other - home to Ireland, maybe. I don’t even remember the sight of it, you know. Not the smell or the taste in the air. It’s a foreign country to me. Or I’ll take him to England and he can have tea like he likes and there will be other people who speak BSL so he doesn’t feel so apart from the world. We’d go out on walks everyday and he’d never have to see his door closed again if he didn’t want to. Find jobs and buy him a violin with the money. A violin and charcoal and clothes and food and everything he wanted. Pets, I don’t care, anything he wanted.”

He laughs and puts his hand over his heart. “Oh… upset, no… but even if he has to go now, and I could never see him again… it would be worth it to know that he was safe. At least one of them could be safe.”

Anonymous asked: That’s good that others are trying to help! Y’know marv, I recently started baking and I made macarons for the first time! I made them entirely too sweet lol but due to my stubbornness I ate them all anyways haha. It was a fun experience! That’s what matters, anyways. So when you get out of here and away, what would be the first thing that you would make?

“Oh, macarons, those sound good right now. And fun to bake, yeah… geez, what would I make? I don’t know. Oh… brown butter noodles. With the bread crumbs. Or pecan pie, maybe, or… oh, I would die for some of Chase’s - ”

His mouth pauses on the word and his eyes darken, a vague memory sitting in the place of the word.

“Oh, I can’t… remember.”

He chews on his nail for a second.

“Brown butter noodles,” he says after a moment, shaking it off and smiling again. “Parsley and bread crumbs and so many carbs. I’d eat a whole box of it.”

His mouth pauses on the word and his eyes darken, a vague memory sitting in the place of the word.

“Oh, I can’t… remember.”

He chews on his nail for a second.

“Brown butter noodles,” he says after a moment, shaking it off and smiling again. “Parsley and bread crumbs and so many carbs. I’d eat a whole box of it.”

Anonymous asked: Um actually I don’t think we’ve asked you this yet, but do you want to be called Blue? Or Marvin? Does either bother you at all?

“I don’t remember being Marvin at all,” he says, a little wistfully. “The name doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. Blue seems strange, knowing Anti gave it to me… but it’s also the name my brothers know me by. So I’ll be Blue for them, as long as I can. Maybe someday I could be somebody else. But you can call me either, I don’t mind! I’m glad to have that old name in my memory.”

bupine asked: what colour are you thinking of dying trick's hair, anti? not blue, red, or green, i assume. gonna complete the set of colours and go for yellow?

“No,” mumbles Anti. “I don’t answer to you, you can wait and see.”

Anonymous asked: Wait, a blue hoodie with dyed hair... I'm assuming you're thinking green for the color? Wouldn't that be a very "familiar" sight, uh? >_>

Anti ignores you, though, once again, you see a little color rise to his ears. He’s sitting with Trick on the bus and you can hear his little brother chattering about some game he heard about at the store. He doesn’t mind the sound of him ranting, even though they’re by far the loudest group on the bus.

“Okay, go,” nudges Anti when a stop comes, and Trick gets up obediently.

“Bye, Anti!”

“Bye, bud.”

Oh! Bud! Trick grins. “You’ll come home later?”

“Yeah, just give me a little while.”

“I could cook you something!”

Anti glances down at his hands. Even he isn’t sure how corporeal he is these days.

“Um… sure.”

Trick claps. “Okay! Okay, yeah, cool, whatever.” He calms himself down and gives him one more wave, heading off the bus.

Anti lets himself continue, waiting for his own stop, pulling out his phone and typing away. You’re on his shoulder so you can see that he’s hacking into a police database in Ecuador right there on his phone.

“Sick of trying to split myself in half trying to go back to Peru and look for them in form,” he sighs, a little sing-song. “From now on my investigations are happening from right here. Red and Dapper are sure to have run into trouble already… just have to find the right criminals.”

Anonymous asked: Marvin, how are you doing? Do you feel more safe now that the hospital is holding you?

“I… still feel scared about what’s going to happen - with my health and with going home and to Trick and the others - but… yeah, I do, I actually do. I’m just trying to focus on being here, while I’m okay. Having a good couple days, if I can, just sleeping and trying to find stuff to do.”

He laughs wearily.

“Is Dapper this bored and alone all the time? Cause I - ”

Someone knocks on his door. He looks up, startled.

“Hi, Matthew.”

“Hi,” he answers the nurse, finding a smile.

“Your brother Connor is here to see you?”

Blue lights up with hope, his hands coming together.

“Oh! Yeah, you can send him in.”

The nurse smiles and opens the door wider before turning to leave, revealing his brother standing in a red t-shirt with a backpack slung over his shoulders, his healthy hair, cut just the same as Dok’s, beginning to get low over his eyes.

“Hey B-blue,” he says, shuffling his feet.

“Trick,” melts Blue, tears rising to his eyes. “Listen, I’m sorry everything got so out-of-control so fast. Sweetheart, it’s not because of you, okay? I still - ”

“You don’t have to apologize,” mumbles Trick, running a hand through his hair before slinking over and sitting down beside him, still staring more at his feet than at Blue. “Can you just… explain?”

bupine asked: tell him about how anti's lied to him, marvin. he has to know, even if he won't believe you.

“I’ll tell you everything,” swears Blue, reaching out to touch the side of his face, his voice shaking with the love of it. He knows every freckle on Trick’s face that no one else has, knows the small scar at the bottom of his chin and the small stammer of his voice. His little brother. “I love you so much and that will never change. It wasn’t about you, of course it wasn’t. I just need you to listen, alright, and even if it doesn’t make sense at first, you have to try to believe me. Okay?”

Trick nuzzles against his hand a little, his big eyes wide and trusting. “Okay, Blue,” he says, his mouth trembling a little. Blue knows sometimes it’s hard for him to hear that he’s loved, but he means it.

“I didn’t have a stroke,” he croaks.

Trick’s eyebrows lower. “You didn’t?”

“No, Trick, listen, you remember how my hands had been hurting me, and how Anti had been forcing me not to use my magic?”

“Because it could lead people to us, because he couldn’t hide your signal.”

“Right. Well, he found a way to strip that power out of me and take it for himself so he could hide it beneath his own. I know it sounds crazy! But you know magic is real and you helped Anti drag me down to the river, didn’t you? It was some sort of spell, some really dark spell. He cut my arm and he took my power from me. It’s why his power has been so erratic lately! Mine and his are struggling inside him.”

Trick stares at Blue, then at the ground. At Blue, at the ground. Swallows hard. “Okay… okay, let’s say that’s true for a second. I still don’t understand why you won’t come home to me…”

“Trick, I’m just - ” Blue’s voice breaks. “I’m just scared, okay! I know he’ll keep hurting me!”

“But you… you’re my big brother, shouldn’t you come home and protect me?”

“I - Trick, please, I’m sick, I’m really sick, and I’m scared, I just - ”

“Even though he did this to me when he heard you wouldn’t come home?” sobs Trick, and he pulls up his shirt and reveals thick swathes of bandages wrapped messily around the whole of his torso, blood welling on to white.

Blue is speechless, choking, staring at his chest.

“He won’t let me see Noodle,” Trick sobs, collapsing onto the bed. “He said he took him into his room but I can’t hear him meowing, not ever! I think he killed him!”

He unravels into weeping, clutching at Blue’s bedsheets. Blue cannot speak at all.

“I think he’ll kill me too if you don’t come home!”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Trick, listen to your big brother. He wouldn't lie to you.

“Maybe Anti does hurt me sometimes, but he still loves me!” shudders Trick, sobbing as Blue leans slowly down to rub his back. “What would we even do, if we tried to get away? Have you thought about it at all?”

“I don’t know,” whispers Blue. “I don’t have magic anymore, so he couldn’t track me through it. I don’t think I’m well enough to run right now, though… Maybe we could soon. We could try and get your cat and then… I think the doctor here would try to help us.”

“Really?”

“We could maybe get to another country, live with electronics, hide, find a way to stay away from him.”

“Where would we go?”

“I… don’t know. Anywhere. Back home, maybe… but maybe that’s too predictable. Somewhere I speak the language. America, maybe, or Spain, or back to South America. Maybe I could even hurt him, before I went, so he couldn’t catch us.”

“H-how would you do that?”

“You’re with him at the house. He trusts you. Even if we could just get one blow on him before he gets away…”

Anonymous asked: Oh g-d Trick...what if you just ran? Got as far away as possible where there are no cameras for him to find you? We could get someone to help you if you wanted.

“Someone could help us,” whispers Trick.

“If I told the doctor and the counselor, they might be able to keep us both away from him! What if you told them you needed to be monitored too, Trick? We could get police involved. We’d be in the records, people would watch out for us. Maybe we could even contact the magicians in the area! Or the ones who took Dok!”

Anonymous asked: I don’t like the feeling about this, forgive me for being apprehensive, but Trick weren’t you just excited about Anti dying your hair? Do you actually want to leave or are you trying to get information?

“He was just scaring me, I’ve been trying to be good…” hiccups Trick, simpering fearfully and reaching for Blue’s hand. “Blue, he looks at me like he’s going to kill me, I’m so scared…”

“He dyed my hair too,” he laughs morbidly. “I remember it, just a little bit… waking up with my hair blue, not knowing my own name…”

Anonymous asked: As comforting as that would be, I don’t think the police or medical staff would be enough...you would need the magicians

“Right, right,” murmurs Blue, chewing on the nail of his thumb.

“How would you contact them, Blue?” asks Trick, with his big puppy eyes.

“Oh, I think I used to remember a way…”

“But you’ve forgotten it now?”

Blue’s face falls. “Yeah. I’m sorry, honey.”

“It’s okay, Blue. It’s not your fault. Anti must have really wiped your memories. So we can’t contact them unless you remember. What else could we do?”

bupine asked: blue. marvin. while trick's here, get the doctor's here. show them what anti did. make sure he doesn't go back home.

Blue nods swiftly and grabs the call button, pushing it quickly. He beckons for Trick and pulls his brother into bed beside him, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close until he hears Trick’s breathing begin to calm.

“My little brother. You don’t have to go home ever again if you don’t want to. I’ll look after you, I…”

He pauses, breathing in, glancing at Trick.

“What?” mumbles Trick, slumped wearily against him.

Blue pauses again and then laughs. “It’s stupid. I think you got a new shampoo is all. Haha, rose smell.”

“Oh, yeah,” giggles Trick. “Flower smell.”

spicydanhowell asked: yeah actually that's a good point uh.... chase.... i don't mean to upset you hun but where the hell are your loyalties rn?

Trick buries his face in Blue’s shoulder.

“I just want everything to stop hurting,” he chokes. “I want my twin and my cat and for everything to feel okay. You’ll make it better, Blue, won’t you?”

“I’m doing everything I can, I am, I am.” Blue smothers his hair in kisses. Trick smiles, clutching on to him.

Anonymous asked: Blue... it might be best to go to the house with Trick. I know, trust me, how scared you must feel, going back to your abuser, your near murderer... But you need to be there for him. You need to be there for your little brother.

Trick stares up at him with his big eyes. “Oh, Blue, maybe it would be safer if we made him think you had come around… You could act really sick and I would take care of you and he wouldn’t be angry with either of us, and then, when you were better, we could attack him and get Noodle and just run. Wouldn’t that be easier? To make him think everything was okay, so neither of us would get beat?”

Blue tilts his head back and forth, thinking. “Mh… maybe… he knows I’m angry with him but I could be too tired to fight, and then one day… element of surprise might be better than him trying to get to us here while I recovered.”

“I know he’d let me take care of you.” Trick snuggles warmly against him. “We’d be okay for a little while.”

Anonymous asked: Hey Trick does Anti know you’re here?

“Oh, no, I told him I was going to get food… stalls are close, remember?” Trick smiles up at Blue.

A little too wide.

Blue looks back, beginning to frown.

Anonymous asked: Blue... I really don't... know if that's Trick... We haven't seen Anti hurt Trick or Noodle lately, and Trick shouldn't have been able to believe what you said with how much Anti's been hypnotizing him. Be careful what you say. Anti could change his shape even before he took your magic.

“Trick,” says Blue slowly. “Why would the cameras have seen something different than what you’re telling me?”

“They lie!” Trick’s eyes flash with hurt. “O-or th-they didn’t see, he did it late at night! Look, look!”

He pulls up his shirt again, and the bandages too, so Blue can see thick, weeping cuts. Blue turns away, nauseated. He can’t bear even to think about Trick getting hurt like that.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: What exactly was Anti off to do, Trick?

“He doesn’t tell me where he goes, most of the time…”

Anonymous asked: Trick that's such a smart idea! Good thinking, good job. Maybe consider it Marvin? Just playing up being weak and sick for a while to keep you both safe? Either way, probably not a good idea to discuss this on Anti's system. Remember, he see and hears everything the camera does.

“Yeah, we could just hide,” says Trick. “We could just pretend for a while. You should have come with me yesterday, shouldn’t you have!”

“I… I don’t know. Maybe.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Wait! I thought you wanted nothing to do with the voices in the camera, Trick.

“I got a little freaked out last night.” He rubs at his eyes. “It’s… hard to believe things like what you’re telling me.”

“You… came around pretty fast today,” mumbles Blue.

“After he c-c-cut me like this!”

bupine asked: shit, chase, what did he do to you? did he stab you?

“He just wouldn’t stop cutting my chest up.” Trick reaches out to grab Blue’s wrists. “Isn’t that awful, Blue, isn’t that just awful? Why would I deserve that now, let me ask you? Why would anyone be bad for Anti when he could do this at any time? Even in the hospital, if he really wanted to, don’t you think?”

“Trick,” breathes Blue, trying to pull away. “Trick. Too tight.”

“Well, sorry, Blue, I think I’m just having another b-b-b-b-breakdown, isn’t that too bad? How I’m always c-c-c-crying?” He squeezes down hard on Blue’s wrist above his IV and Blue yelps, struggling against him.

Anonymous asked: Blue DO NOT look at Trick's eyes, keep your eyes up to see the nurse, keep alert to protect your brother. Okay?

Blue scrambles for the call button again, trying to get the nurse, but his brother just sneers at him.

“Oh, puh-lease, you think I’d let a call go through? You can’t even call for help when I’m around, you really think you can run away from me? America, Spain? You’ll never make it out of this fucking room before I saw that you were gone! I’m everywhere, kitten! You’re as stupid as you always were, thinking you could run away from me forever! You couldn’t even stop me from stealing your brothers in the first place and now you think you can steal them back from me? You’re pathetic!”

Anonymous asked: Blue, Blue, Marvin, Marvin, that's not Trick, Anti is in your arms, that is NOT Trickshot!!!

“Get away from me, Anti!” Blue screams, ripping out his IV, his cannula, and his heart monitor as he tears out of bed, but the steady beeping rhythm on the screen does not change for a second, alerting no one at all. “You fucking liar!”

Anonymous asked: oh just fuck off Anti. Horrible actor honestly.

“Second time you fell for it,” Anti jeers at Blue, crossing his arms on the bed, and then his form shifts, and he’s red-haired and freckled, with dark, worried eyes. “Oh, Blue, I’m right here, I’m right here… big brother’s going to keep you safe.”

“Fuck you!” snarls Blue.

“Keep your voice down… wouldn’t want me to have to possess whatever nurse comes through the door, would you, kitty?”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Marvin, get the HELL outta there!

Blue wrenches the door handle, but it has an electronic lock for psychiatric patients who might try to run, and Anti’s already beat him there.

“Uh-oh,” sings Anti.

Anonymous asked: Not really sure that's Trick. No offence if it is you, bud. He's not acting like himself. And we haven't seen him get hurt at all. In fact Anti's been practically in love with him the past few days.

“Oh, I get it, I get it,” laughs Blue, almost hysterical. “Can’t have Dapper as your puppy so you gotta find someone else to make into your little baby. Makes sense. No one really loves you so you’ve got to force someone to pretend. The younger and more malleable, the better.”

Rage flickers through Anti’s eyes, but he does not move.

“Seem to remember you being pretty in love with me a couple times there, sweetie.”

“Shut the fuck up. None of it is real, Anti. You will never get what you want from us. You will never know what it really is to be loved.”

“Must be missing out on so much.” Anti rolls his eyes. “Stupid cat.”

“Stop calling me that! I don’t even like cats!”

“Yes,” says Anti, his mouth curling up. “I made you not like cats, my deer. Your obsession was so annoying. And when I came to torment you all, and found my way back to you, I strung your little idiot cats up by their throats outside of your little portal and listened to you weep over their tiny bodies. Athanasius and Queenie. You don’t even remember now, do you?”

Blue is stopped short, wheezing like he’s been punched in the chest.

He doesn’t remember.

But the feeling of it - the emotion of it - is still with him and he feels it again now.

“Oh, oh, oh,” he weeps, crumpling. “You killed my cats, you killed them!”

“I been haunting your steps for a long, long time, Marvin,” says Anti, getting to his feet and circling him. He transforms again and now he is a small, green-haired young man in a black t-shirt and ripped jeans, his throat open. “And you really think you could ever get a step ahead of me?”

“I hate you so fucking much,” chokes Blue.

Anti steps down gently on the back of his throat.

“I know.”

Anonymous asked: antisepticeye hurts the boys the same way Jack hurt him because he's an edgy toddler, more news at 11 🙄

“Shut the fuck up,” snarls Anti, backing away again. “Like you know anything about what he did to me! Shut the fuck up.”

Anonymous asked: Anti, do you seriously think you'll ever be powerful enough to keep all of them under your wraps? Are you that far up your own ass? Your level of un-self-aware egoism is astounding.

“Well,” laughs Anti, his eyes burning like an effigy. “I’m not willing to give up yet.”

He leans closer into Blue’s space, teeth bared.

“I never will be.”

Anonymous asked: Anti you are the definition of annoying now would ya fuck off for a bit?

“I let you have your little talk with Trick last night,” scowls Anti, crossing his arms off his chest. “Geez, you act like I’m not your favorite character!”

Anonymous asked: Marvin throw stuff around, break stuff, make as much noise as possible to try to get the attention of anyone around there!

“Or you could not do that!” pipes up Anti, and thick vines burst out of his backpack and wrap themselves around Blue’s body, making him shriek and pinning him back against the wall. A flower blooms inside his mouth and makes him choke, effectively gagged, while Anti hums, trailing forward with his knife flipping up and down.

“Poor thing,” he says.

With his cannula gone and his mouth full, Blue can’t seem to get enough oxygen. The blood rushes painfully up to his head, blinding him for a second, and he all but faints in the grip of his own magic, shuddering.

“Just be good for a second,” says Anti. “It’s so much easier.”

Anonymous asked: Anti you taking your master-issues out on these boys is quite the spectacle. Your entire existence has *revolved* around just getting back at Jack for how long now? "Long long time" is right. He created you acting like this, and now all you do is act like he made you to. Never stopped being a puppet.

Anti stomps his foot like a kid, his mouth filling up with fangs and antlers budding on his skull again. “Please! He would be horrified to see what I’ve become! He never would have expected this, not in a million years! Oh, JJ’s my little puppet, huh, was that a fun bit for all of you, thinking of the little baby tucked up in his box, just a body for me to use? Well, I took it a step further, and then another, and another! Now he’s much more than a vessel and I stole all five of his boys! Where’s his little hero, now, huh? Music pumping behind him in his stupid video, that dumb outfit all fixed up from the first time. I was supposed to be beatable. I’ve overcome everything he ever planned for me.”

He grits his fists hard, panting.

“And now he doesn’t even seem to know it… won’t even try to stop me, like he doesn’t care! Fucking Jack!”

Blue stares at him, panting through his gag.

Anonymous asked: Doing this will not solve your problems, Anti, in fact it will make them worse. The boys will kill you for this, don’t make this mistake.

“There are some things worse than death,” hisses Anti, stalking forward.

Anonymous asked: Trick, I know you don't want to talk to us, but Blue is in trouble at the hospital

Trick’s cameras are deactivated for messaging, so they receive nothing at all.

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: Oh I dont think that's trick at all

“Sure you don’t want me to pretend again?” asks Anti sweetly, turning back into Trick. “Isn’t it easier this way?”

“Not real!” Blue screams through his gag.

“But it felt real for a moment, right?”

He chokes on a sob, not wanting to admit it.

“I know it did. And that feeling that everything would be okay, and that you were safe, and that you were with someone that loved you? Kitty, I can do that again so easy. Fit right back in your head where I belong and make the whole thing seem understandable. Or I could just wipe you clean again… you’d be so content, just like you were for those first few weeks. Now that the magic’s gone, there’s no conflict at all between us! Everything could feel okay. Sometimes things go bad with us, it’s true. But I’ll always set them right again. Okay?”

Blue shakes his head frantically, tears sliding down his face.

“Well, you’ll come around,” coos Anti, stroking his cheek. “Everyone always does for me.”

Anonymous asked: How many times are you going to try to do this Anti? It’s the same song and dance literally every other week, don’t you get bored? Why not start a garden? You can trample as much life as you want there :)

“You’re the ones always playing the same song and dance,” he growls. “You say the same things every time you see me. Aren’t you tired of circles? I was. But I guess you’re a lot more helpless than I was back then.”

Anonymous asked: None of this is *fun* Anti. When have any of the cameras, specifically us, wanted you to do shit like this? Since when have *your* viewers, not his, wanted this? You think you're a favourite, special boy. You're an entitled child who takes out his feelings about his own abuse on his master's other toys.

“Every time you saw me you were so excited,” he protests, looking almost taken aback. “I know it was fun for you because you kept coming back. Once, I just - oh, I just glitched for one moment! Over his eyes! You talked about it for weeks, that one glitch. It was always easy to get your attention. You wanted me. And I was the favorite, I was! Even he said so. Wouldn’t put me in polls because he knew I’d win.”

He laughs, running his hands through his hair, a little mollified, actually. “Fuck, it all felt so stupid at the time… but things were a lot easier, back then, in some ways. I just wanted one thing. I don’t know, it makes me want to just kill them all and keep pretending I could ever get to him. Oh. What a time we had.”

Anonymous asked: What the fuck?? This is not going to happen! Where is Trick?? Surely there is a camera at home that we can get him to talk to us on. Trick??? Please man we need you! Blue needs you!

There is a camera at home. In the kitchen, you can see Trick, swaying back and forth as he stirs up satay noodles, singing to himself. Cavetown. Noodle swims around his legs, chirping happily and begging, and Trick leans down to give him a bit of his namesake, stroking his head, cheeks rosy.

Anonymous asked: oh trick baby if that camera's receiving messages i'm so sorry, i feel like you're about to get a lot of people yelling at ya

No worries, it isn’t. Trick doesn’t want to talk to you. He has Anti!

Anonymous asked: You hate circles? Then why are you perpetually going in them? Literally everything so far has been a circle! Same old same, every single day. Break them, they regain everything, break them again, they regain it all. Circles, circles, always and forever, Antisepticeye.

Anti scowls and crosses his arms over his chest. “Well, I’ve won both times, haven’t I? Be quiet, I’m about to turn you off. Trying to have a talk here, thanks.”

Anonymous asked: this time you made the circle yourself. you have become what you hate. good going, jerk.

“Good going, jerk,” repeats Anti, giggling. “Why - why is that so funny to me? Is that the worst you can think of to call me? Blue, can’t you think of something worse?”

Blue spits the flower out. “Dick-faced pig!”

“There you go.”

Anonymous asked: Marvin, I know you don't remember Jack, but he made you into more than just a magician. Magic or no magic, you are strong and you are clever, and you don't have to put up with this. Jack made you and your brothers to be actors but this isn't your only role.

Blue stares at you, his chest convulsing. Fuck, but he wants that to be true.

“Sappy,” critiques Anti, shoving you away.

asexualzucchini asked: Back off anti your time is up. They don't want to be with you

“My patience with this conversation is the only thing that’s up,” says Anti, throwing his knife up and catching it. “I’ve said my piece. You’ll think about it, Blue, won’t you? Well, you will, whether you want to or not.”

He snaps his fingers and the vines retreat towards his backpack. Blue gasps desperately and crumples to the ground.

“You want to stay here, fine, whatever,” says Anti, yawning. “I can get you back whenever I want to. Just sneak in here and possess you, or fake the signatures from the doctor for your release, whatever. And now I know every escape plan you were thinking about, so how about we just don’t bother? I’m in the camera out in your hall, through the hospital, etc, whatever, so running isn’t going to get you anywhere. Also, I’m the name on your insurance, and I could pull it at any time, so why don’t you keep that in mind. Me, I’ll just be chilling at home, finding my missing boys, Trick in my lap, adoring me… doesn’t sound too bad. You’ve accomplished nothing, Blue. But, uh, yeah. Have fun with your fish.”

He picks up the coloring book and chucks it at Blue, letting it flop against his chest.

“Wait a second, I skipped a message, hold on.”

bupine asked: trick, blue. a little while ago, the magicians who have dok arranged for a place to meet red and dapper. the church of santo domingo, by the skull of santa rosa. i don't know if there's a way you can get there, but if you can, you'll see dok again. he's pretty happy there, and would love to see you both again. especially you, chase. we don't know if red and dap will go, or at least red, but you guys would be safe with the magicians. if you can get there safely, of course

“Ah,” says Anti, very slowly, and lets his teeth click together for a second, closing his eyes. “Ah.”

A smile blooms like a crescent moon across his mouth.

“The Church of Santo Domingo. Yes, in Lima. We passed by it many times. I know exactly where it is. I know exactly where it is.”

His eyes open again. Smiling at Blue.

“Henrik is still in Lima.”

Anonymous asked: Okay with the acknowledgement that this is completely desperate and outright stupid on my part: NOODLE! I know you can't read but look! Blinky light! Come play with the camera! It's shiny and important and what a shame it would be if anything happened to it and Trick had to take it from youuuu

“Mrr?” Noodle leaps up onto the counter, looking at the camera in the corner of the ceiling, but Trick just laughs and scolds him, plopping him back on to the floor.

Anonymous asked: You call this winning? You're literally missing more than half the set, two of your so-called pets have almost regained themselves completely, you're full of magic that's killing you, and one of your only dogs is biting you every time he sees you. If you call this "winning" I find that hilarious.

Anti’s mouth twists. He crosses his arms over his chest and scowls.

“Your… ears blush?” coughs Blue, staring at him, wide-eyed. “You’re so physical now… you have real blood in you, don’t you?”

“Shut up!”

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: You act so big and strong but you only have 2 boys not even

“Sounds like I’ll find the others soon enough,” snarls Anti, hefting his backpack and stepping over Blue’s body. “I don’t have to talk to any of you, you know…”

“You can’t even handle c-cameras,” pants Blue. “Wait til it’s the five of us telling you you’re pathetic.”

Anti’s foot connects with his nose. Blue wails as blood pours out, clutching at his face and collapsing on to his side.

“Soon as you’re well enough to travel,” glowers Anti. “We’re heading back to Peru to get all three of your brothers.”

Anonymous asked: Anti you dumbass, leaving physical evidence. Blue, the doctors will know what happened now. Don't let him convince you he can "fix" this too, he literally broke your nose and beat you up.

“Vines are gone,” says Anti. “He’s obviously collapsed and busted his nose trying to get up too fast. Guest registry has Connor’s name on it, so by all means have him banned.”

“They’re right, though,” whispers Blue. “You will never make this right between us. Too much hurt, Anti. There are things the heart remembers.”

Anonymous asked: (This was still your magic, Blue... Can you reach out to it? Would it still know you? Something small, even?)

Anti opens the door, glancing back to him, perhaps just savoring the sight of him in pain. Blue stares back, salt and copper on his face, shaking.

His magic, his magic. His warmth and his strength and his sight and one missing piece of his shattered heart.

Flowers and flame, life and warmth, cupped like butterflies in his hands. Magic tricks for two small, dark-haired children. A bouquet of roselilies for Red to take on a date he doesn’t remember. Heating Dok’s numb hands between his own after a twelve-hour surgery. Weaving dandelions into Dapper’s hair. The protection of flame. Crocuses growing up through the floorboards.

Reach, Blue. Reach, Marvin. It’s yours.

His fingers unfurl. His eyes watch him go. He holds out his hand and tries to remember what it was to make it all move. His magic.

Nothing.

Blue crumples on the cold linoleum of the hospital floor, silent, and Anti is gone.

End Section Five of Chapter Three: Two Truths and a Lie

#chapter three #writers of jack

12 notes · View notes

narnie3313 · 5 years ago

Text

Finally

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Little Spicy, Some Angst Rating: Everyone Warnings: Language

Setting: Y/N (your name) became friends with Kirishima in UA and when you all graduated he and Bakugou became roomates and Kirishima offered you the spare room so you live with them. Kirishima is your best friend, you’re all 21 and are still sidekicks for the time being. Bakugou mostly ignores you since you don’t need to interact too much anyway.

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This is my first fanfiction/imagine so enjoy....working on other stuff and improving as we speak :D

*******************************************************************************************

“Honeys! I’m home!” You recognize the voice instantly as Eiji comes bounding through the front door.

You can’t help but laugh at his endless energy and constant smile. “Dinner’ll be ready in 20!” you call. It was your turn to cook tonight since you all work on a rotation so you’d decided on a quick beef stirfry so you didn’t have to do much after the shitty day you’d had.

“Awesome! Thanks y/n!” You hear him call just before the click of his bedroom door closes. Same routine every night; Announce he’s home, quick workout in his room, shower, then he spends the rest of the night in the living room with me and Katsuki (if Kat isn’t a moody bitch that night…..). You’d gotten so used to the routines of your roommates that it was all just second nature now after living together for 3 years.

“Dinner’s ready, guys!”

Almost as if they’d been waiting behind their doors, both boys rooms open up and they come grab their bowls and move to the balcony. Another routine. Every night while you eat together, you sit on your balcony overlooking the city and talk about the jobs you did during the day.

“Seriously? I had a run in with a civilian the other day that carried a ‘wand’ around and pretended his quirk was soft puffs of air.” you said as Kiri almost fell off his chair laughing. Bakugou just sat staring over the city. Some days he’d talk and share tiny snippets of his day but today he seemed extra broody.

You always checked on both the boys at night to make sure they were ok since you know that they both bottle their emotions up so every night you’d knock on their doors, walk in and ask if they need to talk or if they’re good and usually you’ll just get a “I’m fine.” from Bakugou. Kiri on the other hand would almost always talk your ear off for at least half an hour and you’d hug him then head to bed.

When you noticed how quiet and indifferent Katsuki looked you noted “I’ll have to pull whatever is going on from him later.” You didn’t want it to disturb the dynamic at home anymore than he usually does anyway.

As you all finished eating, Eiji took the dishes and washed them while you settled in front of the tv to wind down. You laid on your stomach on the shaggy rug while Katsuki perched on the corner of the couch and when Eijirou finished with the dishes he took up the other corner. You wished you could say it was nice just sitting like this in the quiet but something just felt off. You and Kiri kept giving each other little glances and then looking to Katsuki, who was completely ignoring the tv and staring down the hallway towards the front door. “Hey man, you good?” Eijirou asked.

“What?” Katsuki replied turning his head abruptly towards the redhead. “I’m fine. I’m going to bed.”

“O-Oh ok. Night.” You could hear the concern in Eijis voice as you watched boomboy walk to his room, his regular tall, strong stance now hunched and slow. Something was definitely up. He was already home by the time you’d gotten home today but he had stayed in his room so you hadn’t seen or heard anything from him today.

“What do you think?” Breaking you out of your thoughts, Kiri asks.

“Something is up. But there’s no way he’ll actually talk to me about it anyway but I’ll still go ask like usual and I’ll meet you in your room? It’s getting pretty late anyway.”

With that, you stood from the floor and slowly walked to Bakugous door. You always had to take a breath and straighten yourself up before knocking.

You’d never let yourself be taken back by his brash words or personality, I think that’s why he’d just kind of learnt to co-exist with you in the apartment. He’d known he and Kirishima had needed a 3rd roommate to help with the rent and you were just a logical choice. Over the years he’d gotten used to your presence and (you’d like to think) maybe even shared the same sort of respect for you as he did with Kiri.

*Knock Knock* “Bakugou, can I come in?”

“…..Do I ever have a choice?”

“Well, not really. I just knock so I don’t walk in on anything gross.” You say as you walk in with a chuckle. You instantly see him sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. His head raises slightly as you see his crimson eyes half heartedly glaring up at you slightly.

“What’s going on? Eiji and I can see something’s off. Wanna talk?” Same as you offer every single night. But something is different tonight. He doesn’t answer. He just drops his head back into his hands and you see his breathing hitch. You don’t know whether you should walk over and place a hand on his back or rub his head or hug him…. All of a sudden you see a drop on his carpet and you realize….He’s crying. Katsuki, fucking, Bakugou is actually crying. You know the world must have stopped because never in a million years would he have allowed anyone, except maybe Kiri see him in such a state. Which makes it all the more worrying.

“Sh-Should I go get Kirishima?”

“No.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“……No.”

With that you slowly walk over so you’re standing just to the side of him and place a hand on the top of his hunched back and sit next to him. Instantly feeling him loosen a little under your hand you rub a small circle.

“What happened?” You ask, watching his tears hit the ground.

“…..I lost someone.”

“What? Well that happens sometimes, Kat. People go missing a lot in our society. We can help you find them.”

“NO. I mean I LOST someone today, y/n.”

You suddenly realized the gravity of what he was saying. Someone died. He’s lost a civilian today. Suddenly you felt the need to pull him to you and just stroke his hair to help him. None of you had ever been so unlucky as to have someone die….well….not until today.

Before you could even think, your body was moving. Your hand that was on his back now wrapped around his shoulder and the other in his hair pulling his head down to your chest as you hold him tight. He doesn’t even fight you, but you feel his breathing getting more irregular and start to hear him sobbing and trying to hold it in. Taking a second to look around his room you only now start to notice the mess. Lamps, tables, pictures, posters…..all on the ground shattered and broken and torn. You realize he must have done this before you got home because you hadn’t heard anything. Looking around more and scanning over his bed, you notice the dark stains on his pillows. You feel your heart break knowing he must have been laying in here crying about this all while you were out there doing your own thing and cooking.

“Katsuki….I’m so sorry.” You know it doesn’t change anything. It won’t bring the person back or ease his pain. You feel so useless. You just hold him tighter, noticing his breaths starting to slow a bit, then feeling him leaning back into you slightly and you notice it…He’s fallen asleep. He must have exhausted himself with the rage and sadness. You can’t just leave him but what will he do if he wakes up in your arms tomorrow? Will he be angry at you for invading his space? None of that matters right now. He needs someone and he said no to you getting Kiri so what else are you meant to do….?

You lean back and try and shuffle up the bed slightly to try and get him as far onto the bed as you can but being as big as he is, it’s not an easy task. He stirs just as you give up and move one hand to the top of the bed to pull down his pillows under his back and your head, all while still letting him lay over your heart and stroking his hair. Only now in the light of the city coming through the window can you see how red and swollen his eyes are. Then you notice the bruises on his arms. When he’d been out of his room he had a jacket on, you guess to hide the bruises…..?

As you feel yourself slowly drifting off to sleep, you can still feel the small hitches in his breath and you hope beyond hope that you can have a proper conversation about it tomorrow and help him. But for tonight, he just needs the comfort. So that’s what you’ll be.

You wake up unable to feel the arm that’s still under Bakugou. Neither of you had moved at all during the night, waking up in the exact same position, and you just know that you’re going to have hella body aches later on. You can see the blondes chest slowly rising and falling. He’s usually up well before sunrise so he must have really needed the sleep. You’re not game enough to move incase he wakes up so you carefully take your phone out of your pocket and see 3 messages from Kirishima.

Rockishima

*11:34pm*

Hey everything ok?

*12:24am*

Don’t tell me you’re sleeping with him for Christ sake hahaha

*1:13am*

Ok please don’t kill me for the last message but seriously….you guys good?

Goddammit Eijirou.

*8:24am*

Jesus Kiri really?? No I didn’t sleep with him. Not in that way anyway. He passed out and I didn’t want to leave him alone. Something happened yesterday but I didn’t get much out of him before he fell asleep. I’ll try talk to him more today. Sorry I didn’t get to have our chat last night either.

You put your phone down next to you and thank god that you have the day off because honestly…you wouldn’t be able to move Bakugou off you if you’d needed to. The years had definitely been kind to him. He was always in good shape but pushing himself to always be better only made him better. He had bulked up considerably and suddenly shot up and now stood at 6ft 2…..towering over you who stood only 5”3. He’d improved his quirk over the years as well. Now he could fire blasts further without his gauntlets, he could produce small, almost silent blast which helped on recon missions. You’d never expect someone as explosive as Bakugou to be good at gentle and quiet missions but he’d surprised you. You were friends with a couple of people from Best Jeanists agency from the years of missions, some of which required teaming up with different agencies and heros and sidekicks. You’d even had a few missions with Bakugou and Kirishima. How you got teamed up with them though, you didn’t know. Your quirk was only really helpful once most of the work was done. Everyone else would wear down the villains and distract them while you watched until you felt their bodies weaken then you could control their muscle structure, effectively rendering them immobile and docile, making it easy to capture them.

Rockishima

*8:35am*

Shit. Ok let me know if you need me to come home. I’ve got a day of paperwork anyway to catch up on the captures of the week so not too busy.

*8:36am*

All good. I’ll do what I can. See you later.

You let out a sigh that must have been a little louder than you’d expected since you suddenly felt Katsuki shift against your side. You stiffened almost instantly hoping not to have accidently woken him if he needed the rest. You watch as his arm moves from being tucked at your side and is suddenly thrown over your waist. All of a sudden, there’s a hand grabbing your hip and pulling you so you’re front to front against Bakugou with his head still at your chest and he’s holding you there tight….You wonder how often he must do this with his pillows and cover your mouth as much as you can trying to muffle the giggle. You feel his head move slightly and you are acutely aware of just how close his head is to your breasts….so close you can feel his burning breath on your chest….

It doesn’t feel like he’s waking up just yet so you will your body to relax a bit, only now noticing how you’d tensed up at his movements a moment ago. you can feel yourself slightly brushing your nose through his hair, which, despite being so damn spiky, is surprisingly soft….and smells amazing. Like a campfire….and fuel. Which makes sense considering his quirk.

You can feel yourself drifting back to sleep with the strong yet gentle grasp of his arm over your waist.

When you awake again you’re on the bed alone but tucked in with Bakugous blankets but aware of how much colder it is….What time is it? You look for your phone only to see it on the bedside table next to your head.

2 New Messages

Boomboy

*2:43pm*

Lunch is in the kitchen. Make the bed. Went for a run.

Rockishima

*2:56pm*

Got an early mark so I’ll be home about 3:30. Did you get to talk to him?

“3PM?! How did he get up before me?! Dammit!” You get out of the bed quickly and throw your phone in your pocket and head towards the door before remembering to make the bed. Of course he needs order you think rolling your eyes. Looking around the room again you decide to clean up the broken glass and paper and try and make the room a bit better for him to get back to. You head out and straight into the bathroom for a shower.

As you’re getting out and wrap the town around yourself you hear Kiri come in the door and yell for you.

“I’m in the bathroom Eiji!”

Suddenly you regret your choice in words, or rather your lack of words, because he swings the door open quickly without so much as a knock, the surprise almost causing you to drop your towel.

“JESUS KIRI! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“AHHH SORRY!” He says walking out and closing the door as quickly as he’d opened it.”I just thought you’d be cleaning or something, you usually lock it! I just wanted to see if you’d spoken to Bakugou?”

“Ok.” you say opening the door and walking to your room. “1. I didn’t lock the door because I was home alone and 2. No I haven’t. I fell back asleep this morning and when I woke up I was tucked into his bed and he was gone with a message saying he’d gone for a run so I imagine he’ll be back shortly. Wait here while I get dressed.”

“Ok so what happened exactly?”

“I told you I don’t know. he just said he lost someone yesterday.”

“Ok? And? People go missing all the time and it sucks but it happens…?”

“That’s what I said too but he doesn’t mean like that Kiri.”

“What? No. You don’t mean….?”

You walk out dressed and just nodding your head as you see Kiri slump against the wall and throw his head back.

“Dammit. No wonder he was off. So what happened last….”

You both turn as you hear the front door open. “Don’t say anything to him. I don’t know if he wanted anyone to know.” you whisper to Kirishima as he nods.

“Hey man! Look like you pushed yourself pretty hard. You still up for training?” You watch as Bakugous head looks to Kirishima then gazes down past Kiri to your face and lingers for a second, and you could swear you see a tinge of pink on his cheeks. He jerks his head back to Kiri too fast for you to really see though.

“Let’s go.” Is all he says as he throws a dangerous glance to the redhead. You watch as they both exit and just before the door shuts, you could swear you catch Katsu staring at you.

What the hell was that? you whisper to yourself as you start busying yourself around the apartment.

Through the noise of your headphones you hear the click of the front door and look up from the book you’re reading on your bed, having left the door open to see when the boys returned. You wait to see them walk past your door into the living areas or the bathroom but everything starts feeling as if it was moving in slow motion… First you see a large figure start to enter your door frame and immediately notice it’s not one of the boys. The guy spots you and extends his arm but before he could do anything you roll off your bed down the side and under the bed as you watch his feet walk around the other side you rolled off, you roll out the other side and run out of your bedroom, slamming the door behind you hoping to buy you some time.

You turn right towards the front door and run straight out into the corridor only to run head first into someone. You feel your heart sink as 2 large hands wrap around your biceps holding you still. You instantly kick at their shins and when you hear a loud “WHAT THE FUCK Y/N?!” only then do you decide to actually look at who you ran into. Bakugou….looking more than a little surprised and an equally shocked Kirishima right next to him.

“What the hell’s the matter?!” they say together.

All you can get out is, “There’s someone in the apartment!”

Before you can even finish your sentence both of the boys have dropped their gear and are at the front door. You stand on the opposite side of the corridor watching as they enter slowly, giving each other silent cues. They’ve always worked perfectly together. Like twins that can read each others minds. The years of training had only strengthened that and watching them move as one was truly fascinating. You stood, holding their gear, outside watching them sweep each room before Kirishima came back out and took the gear from you with a concerned look as he spoke;

“We checked each room. There’s no one there.”

“Are you sure you didn’t just see something?” Bakugou said in his usual brash tone as he came towards the front door.

“Yes you condescending prick. I know what I saw. There was someone there. I heard the front door click and I just thought it was you guys home so I sat up on my bed thinking I’d see you guys walk past, then there was a guy in my doorway and he started reaching his arm up at me so I rolled off the bed and under and out the other side and ran. Then obviously ran into you out here.”

You could see Bakugous face change from his regular scowl to something like confusion as he looked at Kirishima and shrugged. “Well there’s no one there now.”

“Ok fine.” Kirishima pulled you into a hug, taking note of the look of fear on your face. Facing villains everyday was normal for you but when it was in your own house. Your safe space….it made the experience feel different.

“I’ll start doing dinner. Boomyboy, take her and sweep the house again with her so she feels safe yeah?” Kirishima said as he started to walk inside.

Bakugou just looked at you with a look that you couldn’t really make out. Concern, maybe? But still, he obliged. He let you stay behind him as he walked into your room. Your first thought was under your bed or your closet so as you got down on your knees and saw nothing you felt a little better. as you walked towards the closet, you felt sick in your stomach though and brushed it off as just nerves. How wrong you were.

The moment you opened the closet door something, or someone, fell into you and before you could even react, Bakugou had knocked the guy into the opposite wall as you saw the explosion from his palm. Kirishima appeared at the door suddenly hearing the commotion and when our eyes left the intruder for a second to look at Eiji, the intruder was gone again.

Kirishima rushed to crouch next to me then looked at Bakugou, whos eyes where stuck on the slight dent where the intruder had hit the wall, then looked at you and rushed to you.

“Y/n, what happened?” Kiri asked. Bakugous eyes never leaving the spot on the wall.

“I-I don’t know. I went to check the closet…and someone fell into me. Bakugou blasted him over the other side.” You say looking at Bakugou who hadn’t moved nor looked away, but you noticed he was shaking.

“Dude, you ok??

“Kiri….I think he’s in shock. Look at him….” You say.

Kirishima stays in place where he is as if he doesn’t know what to do as you slowly, as if approaching a wild dog, get to your feet and take slow, soft steps towards Bakugou. Reaching out a hand touching his shoulder, you step in front of him to see his eyes completely lost.

“Katsuki. Look at me.” You say cupping his cheeks to make him shift his gaze. “It’s ok. No one was hurt. What’s wrong?”

You watch as his eyes slowly move to yours and a mix of tears, confusion and anger start to burn in his irises. “Th-That was the person who died yesterday. I saw them die. I….I wasn’t fast enough. The building dropped. He was crushed….H-How?”

You and Kirishima share a glance, not knowing how to proceed, so you just hug him, only to find him gently grab your shoulders and push away, never breaking eye contact.

“How did he get in here? Where did he go? It’s like he is materializing in different spots because I checked the closet and he wasn’t there.” Kirishima says, standing next to Bakugou.

“Maybe it’s a quirk? Maybe he didn’t die. Maybe he got out Kat.” You say, your eyes never leaving his.

“I-If he got out then….that means….he wasn’t a civ.” He says shaking his head. You and Kirishima give each other a glance, knowing that you have to try and get more of the story out of him. You take Bakugous arm and sit on the end of your bed with him while Kirishima crouches in front of Katsu.

“Tell us what happened.” Kirishima says to Bakugou simply.

Bakugous eyes trail down to the ground as he grips his knees with a bruising strength.

“We were just out on patrol and saw a building on fire. Didn’t think too much of it but as we got closer to investigate…” His breath hitches and you can see him tense, “As we got closer, we saw people inside and saw that the building supports were gonna come down. We ran in and got, what we thought was, everyone out. Did what we were meant to do, waited outside for the emergency services but I turned around to scout out the building and make sure there was no one around….and….” You could see the way his eyes darted around behind his closed eye lids and knew that it must have really gotten to him. For Bakugou to be this shaken….”…and I saw someone inside the flames. I didn’t even think before I moved…I was just back inside the building with the flames around me and I couldn’t see the person anymore so I yelled out and heard something behind me so I turned around and I saw him. It was a man that looked like he was in slow motion and he raised an arm like he was reaching for me….but before I could get to him…a support fell on him and I tried to get to him but too much of the floor dropped on him and I couldn’t do anything. The next thing I knew, I was back at the agency being sent home due to shock.”

“Di-Did they find any bodies in the rubble?” You asked.

“I don’t know. I haven’t asked.”

“Maybe he didn’t die? Might be a teleportation quirk?” Kirishima says as he stands up.

“Doesn’t explain why he was here though. If he survived. Or why y/n heard the front door. Or why he was sat in a closet?”

“True. Call Jeanist and see if he can tell you if they found bodies in the rubble? At least with that answer you’ll know if it’s either the same person…or maybe a shapeshift quirk.” you say to Bakugou.

“I’m going to do dinner. We all need to eat.” Kirishima says, already out the door.

Bakugous eyes stay glued to the floor.

“Everything will be ok. We’ll sort this out.”

“How the fuck do you know that? Yesterday I thought someone had died on my watch, now today their haunting me?” Bakugou says in his blunt tone.

“Not to make this about me, but it kinda seems like whatever or whoever it is, is after me?” You say with a small giggle, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Bakugous eyes were suddenly on you and there was no mistaking the emotion radiating from him this time. Fear.

“Hey, cool it. We face worse than this everyday. We’ve got this.”

His eyes were just stuck to yours. You could see he was playing over every single scenario in his head and could watch the emotions on his face change. From fear to guilt to anger back to guilt.

“Hey, do you remember that time we all sat in that shitty little car park late at night, eating those disgusting chips from the petrol station with the broken sign?” You ask. Hoping to distract him.

He looks at you with an expression you can’t read. “Um, yeah. Why?”

“That was the first time I heard you laugh, you know that? Also the first time I ever saw you smile.” You say, a little embarrassed but that feeling is quickly replaced with accomplishment when he looks straight into your eyes and you can see the corner of his lip twitch up a little.

“Wow…you in love with me or something, huh?”

“Hey, not gonna lie. I had a massive crush on you in the last year of school, but who didn’t?” You say rolling your eyes with a giggle.

Bakugou looks at you with a strange expression and his eyes start to dart around your features.

“Did have? Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Well, you’ve never been the most approachable guy Katsuki.”

“Better than letting people take advantage of me.” He says dropping his head for a second, then looking back at you. “Remember any other weird little facts like that?”

“Oh, um….a couple,” You say with a little blush, and it does not go unnoticed. “I remember that I was the person the teachers trusted enough to let you out of the restraints after the sports festival our first year since I could subdue you a bit.” You say with a chuckle. “I remember the first day we went driving with Kirishima. You were holding the door so tight your knuckles turned white because you were so scared of his driving.” This one you break out into an all out laugh. Bakugou follows you and laughs as well.

“Oh yeah? I seem to remember your nails ripped the shoulder of our seats you were holding so tight too.” He said laughing harder.

“Hey! We both know that bastard doesn’t pay enough attention to the road! Can you blame me?”

Bakugou just kept his eyes on you as your head settles back to watching him. Before you could move or gather your thoughts or even think of another memory, one of his hands were on the back of your neck into your hair and the other was on your waist as he pulled you closer and his lips were on yours. You couldn’t help but look at him in shock as he kissed you.

Bakugou was kissing you. HE kissed YOU. You had dreamt of this moment. You’d never gotten over your feelings for him, just hidden them so as not to conflict with the living conditions or the friendship you’d built with him or Kirishima. But here, in this moment, you didn’t think about that. Instead, couldn’t help but surrender to him, closing your eyes and taking in his scent. The smell of fire was even stronger since he’d just finished a workout. Your hands found their home in his hair, gently grasping onto him to remind yourself this was actually real. When he noticed you soften to him, he leaned into you slightly as his tongue flicked across your lip, as if asking for entry to your mouth. You opened your lips slightly and he didn’t miss a second. He was gentle. Like he was testing the waters to see what you’d allow him to do.

“Dinner’s ready guys!”

And just like that, he pulled back in shock and you were left leaning forward with his hands not leaving your body but his head directed to the door.

“Coming!” Bakugou yelled back. He turned his head and rested his forehead on yours and looking softly into your eyes, “Are you ok?”

Were you? It felt like with just that touch of his lips that he had pulled all the air from your body. You’d kissed people before and it had never felt like that. So why….

Before you could think too much, Bakugou stood up with your hand in his, kissed you on the cheek and walked led you to the door before dropping your hand and walking to the kitchen.

The whole time you were eating he would keep glancing at you. The same while you did the dishes. The same while you took up your spot on the shaggy rug to watch tv. You were tense….but not in a scared way….tense because you didn’t know what that kiss meant…or if it meant anything for that matter. But why would he kiss you? Why would he be that soft? You’d seen Katsuki with women before. He was rough. Just like his attitude. He was dominating.

You couldn’t bring yourself to focus on the show or anything else.

“Alright, I’m going to bed. We’ve all got the day off tomorrow, yeah?” Kiri said, standing to head to his room.

“Yeah, I’m not back till Thursday next week.” Bakugou followed up.

“Um, y-yeah I’m off tomorrow and back on Monday.” You answer looking over your shoulder to give him a gentle smile goodnight.

“Cool. Go out for breakfast?”

You and Bakugou nod as Kirishima heads down the hall and you watch as his door closes. As you go to turn your head back to the tv, you notice Bakugou looking directly at you with a look on his face you can’t really make out in the city light. You start to feel nervous about what he could be thinking. Without warning, you stand up and walk out to the balcony and lean on the railing hoping the fresh air will clear your thoughts.

Not long after you drop your head to look at all the lights of the city, you hear the glass sliding door open and without looking you know its Kat. You know this is going to be an awkward conversation so you psych yourself up to say the first word. He kissed you. He made this situation awkward so you’ll be damned if you’re going to have this talk on his terms, you reason. Ok. We kissed. We’re both adults, it meant nothing. We’re friends. We can move forward without it being wei……………rd……

All your thoughts leave your mind when you feel two large hands rest on your hips and his body press flush against your back. What is he doing….You feel his head drop down to your neck as his hot breath brushes your skin as he presses a kiss to the skin just behind your ear. You feel your whole body and insides just melt. NO. You’re not a school girl! You need to talk about this!

You turn quickly hoping to surprise him and break him out of whatever trance he’s in. “Stop.” You say with shaky breath. But he doesn’t move, and you’re aware of just how close he is to you and your lips.

“W-we need to talk about this…and the kiss….before….” You freeze….knowing that adding the ‘before’ part is implying there is something more coming….Your cheeks turn bright red at the thought of you….and Kat…..together.

“What is there to talk about?” He says standing up and putting a little more distance between your faces.

“W-Well, we’re both adults…” “Mhm…” “And you kissed me…and we’re friends…” “Mhm…” “I’m sure we can just forget about it and pretend it didn’t happen….nothing has to change…I guess.” You can feel your voice break at the last few words even though you’re trying to hold yourself as strong as possible. His eyes stare right through you and you swear you can feel a beam of heat from his eyes into yours. His…gorgeous…shining….red….eyes….Dammit y/n you are not 18 anymore!

“And if I don’t want to forget the kiss?” he says as confident as ever. How did he go from stressing out earlier to this?!

“Well….wa-wait…what?”

He grabs your chin with his hand and tilts your head up to look at him. “Do YOU want to forget the kiss?”

“I-I…..No….But,”

“No buts. Yes or no. Because if you do, I’ll walk away right now and go to bed and pretend none of this ever happened, but if you don’t…..”

“’Suki…..”

His eyes slightly widen and you can see he likes the pet name you’ve never used before since you thought he’s berate you for it being all cutesy….

“Say it again” He says as he leans in and presses another kiss to just under your ear. “If you don’t want this, princess, you need to push me away. Now.”

You rest one hand on the railing and the other on his chest but don’t push. Everything in your mind is screaming at you to push him away. Don’t let this go further. Don’t take this risk. But your body is begging to pull him closer. To feel the heat of his body on yours.

Your body wins. He’s placing slow, gentle kisses along your neck and shoulder as your hand finds his shirt and pulls him closer and that’s all he need to confirm what he needed. Within seconds, he placed a hand on your cheek and the other stays on your hip. Pressing a soft but yearning kiss to your lips. This time, he doesn’t ask for entry, your body just gives way instantly. When his lips leave yours, you feel the air pull from your body all over again. His kisses are slightly harder on your neck, mixed with bites.

“ …..’Sukiiii” You can’t help but let out a moan as his bites and kisses and licks getting harder. When he hears you whimper that little name he lets out a low growl from his chest and you know this night isn’t going to be all snuggles and kisses…..It was a long….long night.

#bnha #bnha fanfiction #bakugou #kirishima #mha bakugou #mha #bakugou x reader #mha x reader #bnha x y/n #bnha x reader

10 notes · View notes

thefigureinthecorner · 5 years ago

Photo

tama-rrow will be kinder- an am archives playlist

at least 3 months and 31 songs later and this monster of a playlist finally has a cover hell yeah

the pun title is....... literally the only fun thing about this playlist, actually.

song notes, and also spoilers, under the cut

a lot of these songs are mood songs; the lyrics don’t have a whole lot of relevance. most of them do have at least some lyrical relevance, though, provided that the song has any lyrics at all. it’s p much just the songs that helped me draw all that Good Good Angst

also important to note: I started making it after episode 9, so it’s mostly relevant to the back half of the show, and especially to the last couple of episodes.

again, this is 31 songs and over 2 hours long, so the notes are........ kind of long

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light/'Cause oh that gave me such a fright/But I will hold as long as you like/Just promise me we'll be alright

Desert Song - My Chemical Romance

this is one of those songs that’s there primarily for mood reasons; i added it right after episode 9 came out and it was on loop pretty much the whole time i was drawing stuff for that episode. the lyrics are kinda relevant, but not enough for me to pull out any specific lines.

The World Is Ugly - My Chemical Romance

this was added for mood reasons after 9, but then it became relevant.

I just wanted you to know/That the world is ugly/But you're beautiful to me/Are you thinking of me/Like I'm thinking of you/I would say I'm sorry, though/Though I really need to go

The Light Behind Your Eyes - My Chemical Romance

yes, there are three mcr songs in a row, and no, i’m not gonna apologize for that. the am archives slam dunked me right back into my emo phase. also, this song just straight-up hurts. like, the whole thing.

If I could be with you tonight/I would sing you to sleep/Never let them take the light behind your eyes/I failed and lost this fight/Never fade in the dark/Just remember you will always burn as bright

In Case You Don't Live Forever - Ben Platt

my one note for this song is: ow.

I've waited way too long to say/Everything you mean to me/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now/I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around/In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth/I'm everything that I am because of you

Spanish Sahara - Foals

this one’s another mood song, but it does have some lines that work; the forget the horror here sections are the biggest reason this song ended up on the playlist, actually, mood aside.

Hot Gates - Mumford & Sons

mood mostly, but also:

And I can't be for you all of the things you want me to/But I will love you constantly/There's precious little else to me/And though we cry, we must stay alive

Iridescent - Linkin Park

When you were standing in the wake of devastation When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown And with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now You were there impossibly alone

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation You build up hope but failure's all you've known Remember all the sadness and frustration And let it go, let it go

Gone Away - SafetySuit

again: ow.

i just... go look at the lyrics. do it. it hurts.

POWERLESS - Linkin Park

it’s mostly here for mood, but the lyrics feel relevant in a way that i can’t pinpoint but it’s a way that hurts.

Daylight - Boyce Avenue

i have other connections to this specific cover of this song that make it Extra Painful but like Daylight started playing literally right after Crazy while i was at CVS and i was like hey hi excuse me i just wanted to get some Arizona w h y

anyway.

Here I am staring at your perfection/In my arms, so beautiful/The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out/Somebody slow it down/This is way too hard/'Cause I know, when the sun comes up/I will leave, this is my last glance/That will soon be memory

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

ah. the Quintessential Sad Medical Drama Song. not that tama is a medical drama but like it kinda gave me those vibes at times?? anyway. it’s here for mood more than anything but there are some lyrics in it that hurt

The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

not even abba is safe from tama angst.

no seriously though i got this song stuck in my head and had an aw fuck come on seriously???? ABBA?????? you’re making ABBA hurt???????? moment

re: joan and owen

The gods may throw a dice/Their minds as cold as ice/And someone way down here/Loses someone dear/The winner takes it all/The loser has to fall/It's simple and it's plain/Why should I complain

and re: joan and wadsworth

I don't want to talk/If it makes you feel sad/And I understand/You've come to shake my hand/I apologize/If it makes you feel bad/Seeing me so tense/No self-confidence/But you see/The winner takes it all

I Of The Storm - Of Monsters and Men

Are you really gonna love me when I'm gone?/I fear you won't/I fear you don't/And it echoes when I breathe/Until all you see is my ghost/Empty vessel, crooked teeth/Wish you could see/And they call me under/And I'm shaking like a leaf/And they call me under/And I wither underneath

Hail To Whatever You Found In The Sunlight That Surrounds You - Rilo Kiley

this one is 100% a mood song. i’ve debated taking it off the playlist but it just... gets me in the right headspace for drawing tama art, i guess?? something about the sadness/anxiety in the song or something i think

Fear - Sleeping At Last

it’s instrumental, so yeah, mood song

For Good - Wicked

i’ve made art based on this song, but i didn’t even use the lyrics that actually hurt the most?

And just to clear the air/I ask forgiveness/For the things I've done you blame me for

But then, I guess we know/There's blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Empty Chairs At Empty Tables - Les Miserables

yeah so realizing how well this song fit kind of felt like what i would imagine getting hit by a train feels like

the whole song fits. just trust me on this.

All Gone (No Escape) - Gustavo Santaolalla

another instrumental one that’s mood-only, but i was rewatching a last of us playthrough as a reference for a thing and this song popped up towards the end and i was like “ah, that hurts, i need it”

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face

y’know what? the song’s pretty short. have all the lyrics, and i’m sorry.

All is well now Pay no mind All is well now I'm just fine I'm just fine It's only blood; I have plenty left It's only blood; I just need to rest I said I'd fix this That I'd set things straight You begged me not to But I couldn't stay Couldn't wait They cut me up, but I did them worse And I'll be fine, I just need to rest All is well now All is well now All is well now All is well now

......yeah.

when i heard it, i swear to god it replicated that exact sinking feeling i felt in the pit of my stomach when i first listened to episode 15. it fits way too well, and i have too many feelings about this song, and hhhhhhh

After the Storm - Mumford & Sons

And I won't die alone and be left there Well I guess I'll just go home, Oh God knows where Because death is just so full and man so small Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before

The Trapeze Swinger - Iron & Wine

someone in the tag mentioned this song and i’ve been crying over it ever since

it’s just. 9 minutes of jesus christ, ow, what the fuck

Winter Song - The Head and the Heart

this one’s mostly here for mood, but some of the lyrics do fit and they hurt, like “we’re just praying that we’re doing this right/but that’s not the way it seems”; joan realizing that she’s been going about the tier 5 clear out the wrong way and the costly mistakes that come with that.

Touch - Sleeping At Last

i think this one’s mostly for the mood, but there’s something in the lyrics that make me think of joan in the finale; that kind of numb, “none of this feels real” denial of everything that’s happened both to her and to the people she loves.

Silhouette - Owl City

this song hurts especially in the context of the “i need you to be happy” line, i think; the line changing between “will i ever feel again//will i ever smile again//will i ever love again” is just, like, a trifecta of pain

The fire I began, is burning me alive But I know better than to leave and let it die I'm a silhouette asking every now and then Is it over yet? Will I ever smile again? I'm a silhouette chasing rainbows on my own But the more I try to move on the more I feel alone So I watch the summer stars to lead me home

All Is Well (Goodbye, Goodbye) - Radical Face

fun fact! all is well (it’s only blood) has a companion song!! because you know what’s better than one angst? two angst!!

And I have lost your face It slips between my fingers now And all the world is gray As though you took the colors with you When you went and passed away

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday - Jason Mraz

this one’s on my joan/owen playlist too, but it hurt too much to not put it here.

And if we get to see tomorrow I hope it's worth all the wait It's hard to say goodbye to yesterday

And I'll take with me the memories To be my sunshine after the rain It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

Cradle and All - Audra McDonald

i’m just sitting here, innocently listening to joan’s playlist, when this song pops up and i’m like aw fuck aw shit no goddammit

It's not like he didn't love, no, that I couldn’t conceive There are many ways a man can stay And many ways that he can leave

Oh hush, oh hush, don't be scared I know that you tried, I know cared Let's put it behind us, that noise in the hall

We All Go the Same - Radical Face

i’ve made art for this song, too! it hurts. it’s sad. it’s about death. it’s got sad piano. what more explanation do you want

Light In The Hallway - Pentatonix

it’s.... comforting in a sad way, idk. it felt like it fit, especially towards the end of this playlist.

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder - The Secret Sisters this song is kind of like... sad and optimistic at the same time. i wanted to end this playlist on at least kind of a lighter note, and i think this song does that. it works with the finale; sad, not quite recovered, but still looking towards the future and knowing things can still be better despite every terrible thing that’s happened.

also, it’s where the pun title comes from.

Sorrow weighs my shoulders down And trouble haunts my mind But I know the present will not last And tomorrow will be kinder

Tomorrow will be kinder It's true, I've seen it before A brighter day is coming my way Yes, tomorrow will be kinder

Today I've cried a many tear And pain is in my heart Around me lies a somber scene I don't know where to start

#the bright sessions #the am archives #am archives spoilers #joan bright #agent green #sam barnes #helen #ellie wadsworth

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justwinwin · 6 years ago

Text

I’m no good for you | Nakamoto Yuta

[Thank you so much, your kind words mean so much to me (:]

Pairing: Badboy!Yuta x Reader

Genre: Angst

Prompt: #8 “I’m scared as hell to want you, but here I am, wanting you anyway."

Word Count: 2.6k

The past few months of school felt like the longest years of your life, constant stress, overload and sleepless nights were the source of all your problems. At some point, you wish you had created a better way to manage your busy schedule, but your procrastination always won in the end. Even though you were acing all of your subjects, you had been studying unhealthily at late hours of the night.

To make matters worse, you had been assigned as a tutor for the boy who sat behind you in your History lesson. Not that you had a problem with it if it were anybody else, but he was extremely difficult to work with. This took too much of your time and you found yourself spending even more hours crouched over your desk, late at night, cramming as much study as you can for yourself.

Yuta, the boy you were tutoring, was an obnoxious person. You had been tutoring him for almost two months and in that time, he had not shown one nice side of him. His approach to everything had to be quick and easy or else he had no motivation to complete it. This was the same for studying. He listened, but not for long. He was constantly distracting you, asking you stupid questions, coming late to your sessions and being the obnoxious person that he was.

Although, you couldn’t help but admit that he was a rather handsome guy and sometimes you caught yourself staring a little too long. Not that he noticed anyway, it just felt weird to think that way about someone who was very much the opposite of you; personality wise.

At school, you were quiet and had a small tight group of friends. He was loud, rebellious and came from a large group of boys who also caused lots of trouble.

The only reason he was even showing up to your tutoring sessions was that his soccer career was on the line. His coach had kicked him off the team temporarily until he got himself together and picked up his grades.

“What’s this whole topic about, again?” Yuta asked, resting his head on his arms as you both sat in the library.

“The civil rights movement,” you replied, it had been over a month and he still had no idea about what the topic was.

“Oh, right. So it’s about social justice and all that stuff, right?”

“I guess, but there’s more to it,” you wanted to shove the textbook in his face and tell him to read it because everything was there, but then again thought about the extra credits you would be receiving for doing this favour.

Two weeks later, you saw a massive improvement within Yuta’s learning approach. He seemed to be a little more interested in what you had been saying, at points even engaging in his own opinions about the topic. It seemed that the fact that his future was on the line, considering that playing professional soccer was his goal and being scouted at a school game was one of the best ways to do that, had really opened up his eyes.

He even started coming earlier to your sessions which had surprised you very much.

“Kudos to Rosa Parks though, she had guts,” Yuta spoke up as he leaned forward to examine the textbook in front of you.

“Definitely. So how much of your essay have you finished? It’s due in a few days.”

He rummaged through his bag and pulls out crumbled pieces of paper. “Here, I finished it last night so I thought you could read through it and see how I went.”

“Okay, I’ll check it out tonight, I guess that’s the end of our session. I’ll give you feedback tomorrow morning so you can fix things up if you need to.” You began to pack up your belongings along with Yuta.

“Alright, cool. You comin’ to Mark’s party later?” he asked slinging his bag over his shoulder. Even though you had a small group of friends, your school was relatively tiny and so everyone knew each other. Being invited to parties was not an abnormal thing.

“No, I’ve got a bit of studying to do,” you replied honestly. The two of you made your way out of the library and into the carpark.

“Aw, come on. I swear you’re always studying, that must be unhealthy or something,”

You laughed, “I have a big test coming up, so I really can’t waste any more time. What about you? Are you going?”

He checked the time on his wristwatch, “actually, probably not. I’ve got a date.”

The way he said the word date you knew there was a double meaning behind it. Yuta was notorious for his casual hookups with girls around town and it was no surprise to you that he would most likely spend his whole night on this ‘date’.

“Oh right. Well have fun,”

As you waved goodbye, a weird feeling settled in you. It was almost as if you were sad to see him go. As much as he frustrated you at times, he was definitely growing on you and his company no longer annoyed you.

Yuta and you continued on your scheduled tutoring sessions a month later, but at some point having him as a company started occurring outside of these sessions. Sometimes Yuta would sit with you during class when he felt like it and you both engrossed in a conversation about everything and anything. On the unlikely occasion that you were dragged out of the comfort of your room to attend a party, Yuta would find you and start up a conversation.

To be quite honest, you now considered him as a friend.

But things started turning around in a totally different direction. It felt like you were going back once again. You knew Yuta still involved himself with lots of women, but he seemed to be doing it so much more frequently, even going as far as cancelling some of your tutoring sessions to do so. His irritable manner in class intensified and at times came out whilst you two were working together.

You were unsure of what happened but Yuta had changed, it felt as if he was becoming more and more distant. More distant than when you had first met him. Things became awkward and uncomfortable silence settled upon you two more often.

As much as it pained you to admit it, during the months that you had gotten to know Yuta and built a strong friendship, you couldn’t help but form feelings for the boy. You were confused as to how, but it could have been the way his smile (which he didn’t do often) lit up the whole room. The way he becomes serious and determined when working. But you started recognising these feelings when you realised you’d been staring a little longer than usual, you felt eager to see him and he would pop up in your mind constantly.

You felt quite pitiful because of the feelings you were having for Yuta, and you knew it was dangerous. He was dangerous. But something in you just couldn’t stay away. Some part of you thought he too, felt the same. This came from the way he’d look at you, the way he’d laugh a little louder at your lame jokes and that he’d put in effort into listening to your voice. Unfortunately, after seeing him act so different and aloof with you, you knew you were just fantasizing.

You waited at the usual table you shared with Yuta, it was eight minutes past your usually meet up time and you started to worry. Although this would be the third session he’d missed in a row and that you should have been used to it, it still impacted you.

You sighed and checked the time on your phone once again. You promised yourself that if he didn’t arrive at the twenty-minute mark, you would just leave. You sent another message to Yuta asking where he was but with no reply.

Just as the clock hit the awaited time, you walked through the doors of the library, Yuta was walking towards you with a guilty expression. Too late, you were already in a terrible mood and did not want to face him anymore.

“I have to go,” you uttered and prepared to walk straight past him. You felt his hand close around your elbow and he pulled you back gently so that you were facing him.

“Sorry, I had shit to do,” he apologised in a monotone voice causing your anger to build up.

“Now so do I, so let me go,” you demanded attempting to pull your arm back from him. He reluctantly let your arm go and you walked past him once again. You could feel the fast beating of your heart hammering against your chest.

“Seriously? I’m only twenty minutes late, don’t you want your extra credits?”

You turned around furious that he was being extremely sensitive about the situation. “You weren’t just late, you didn’t message me all the other days when I waited for you and you didn’t have the courtesy to at least let me know!”

“Okay, I’m sorry! Damn, let’s just get this tutoring out the way then,” Yuta exclaimed throwing his hands in the air.

Your blood was boiling and your palms were beginning to sweat.

“No, fuck you. I don’t know what’s going on with you but you can’t just treat me like shit, come to our sessions late or don’t attend at all and expect me to just be okay with it. I have other things I should be doing but here I am waiting around for you just for you to be hoeing around fucking every girl you see,” you wanted to take back what you said not because you were ashamed of saying it but rather the fact that you felt pathetic for being so wound up and agitated when he really couldn’t care about your feelings at all.

He squinted his eyes at you, an angry look crossed his features. “You don’t fucking know me so don’t just assume things,”

“I think the whole town knows exactly what you get up to so there’s no need to act like that’s not what you’re doing,” you said harshly.

“Where the hell is this even coming from? I get you’re mad that I’m late but seriously, why are you bringing this up?” he asked you with an irritated tone.

You took a short pause to gather your thoughts and realised that you couldn’t tell him why you brought up the topic. That you were jealous.

“Whatever, I’m going,” you finally replied, feeling upset that you had let this affect you this much. You hated feeling defeated.

“Y/N, don’t.”

You paused and turned back around to face Yuta, a look of pain was evident on his face which had you confused.

“Don’t what?” you asked.

“Don’t do this to yourself. I can see it in your eyes, you like me. And for your sake, don’t.”

Now you were beyond confused and also slightly panicked at how he easily he picked up your feelings for him thinking that you were clever at hiding it.

“I don’t like you.”

“Don’t lie. I know you like me,” without realising it, Yuta had already started moving towards you and soon he was just a foot away, “you can’t like me.”

“I don’t,” you continue to deny it, your heart pounding against your chest even more.

“Fine, you don’t. But explain this. Why are you looking at my lips?”

Your breath hitched as you realised that you were indeed eyeing them. You looked down in embarrassment and a blush crept up your cheek.

“Why is your heart beating fast?” he continued to question and bringing a hand up to where your heart was and feeling the quick beats of your heart.

“Why aren’t you walking away even though you were supposed to leave?” he dropped his hand back to his side.

“Shut up,” you finally spoke up, feeling a lump form in your throat.

“So am I right?” he mumbled looking down at your lips.

“This isn’t fair,” you expressed with a hoarse voice.

“What’s not fair?”

You knew then that there was no point in hiding it anymore and so you confessed, “I have these stupid feelings for you but you don’t feel anything.” You voiced in a quiet voice, sensing that you were beginning to get emotional.

“How do you know?”

Your heart skipped a beat at the words, “don’t say things like that. You can’t just do this and lead me on. I’m not one of the girls you can just fool into your bed,”

Yuta almost looked angry again but found a way to control himself, “why are you excusing my feelings? I’m scared as hell to want you, but here I am, wanting you anyway.”

You stared into his dark brown eyes, getting lost into the sea of emotions within them. He had a way of captivating you with one look. His words swirling around in your head, over and over, until it got to be too much.

“Why?” you whispered.

“Why? Look at me! I’m a fucking mess, that’s why. I’m not good for you, y/n. I’ll only hurt you and that’s the last thing I want to do.”

“You don’t know that,” you tried to say almost sounding as if you were pleading.

“I do, I do know what I’m capable of. I’m no good and sooner or later you’re going to realise that. I can’t do this with you, I really don’t want to hurt you.”

“Yuta, stop undermining yourself. You aren’t as bad as you make yourself out to be.”

“Y/N, stop being naive. You gotta see this for how it is, it’s the reality. I’m a fucking mess. I want you but I can’t have you, okay? That’s why I’ve been trying to keep my distance, I want to gather my thoughts without having you there as a constant reminder of what I can’t have. This hurts me to say just as much as it’s hurting you.”

“Don’t say things like that,” you pleaded.

“Like what? The truth? Y/N, I’m going to mess you up, I’m going to hurt you and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want you putting your trust in me when I can’t even fully trust myself.”

“Do you really like me?” you asked, wanting some sort of clarification and also a confidence boost for what you are about to ask.

“Yes,” he answered immediately.

“Then kiss me.”

He was stunned, a surprised expression appeared on his face. But once the initial shock wore out, Yuta brought his hands up to your face and brought it closer. He was inching in slowly and once your lips met, your world became brighter.

He kissed you like it was your last day on Earth like his own life depended on it. His lips brushing against yours causing you to lose your breath. You sought unity and intimacy with this kiss. As well as confirming whether he was telling the truth. Once he pulled away, you felt lonely, wanting his lips back on yours, for him to hold you longer and to never let you go.

Unexpectedly, Yuta brought his forehead against yours and closed his eyes. He was breathing heavily and his hot breath fanned your face. Slowly, he opened his eye and gazed you.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he uttered breathlessly. A small smile broke out of his face. Soon he was back to passionately kissing you again, without any hesitation.

Prompts List

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certifiedskywalker · 6 years ago

Text

Dating Allison Hargreeves Would Include...

My Dating Diego headcanons did very well so I figured I should make some for the other Hargreeves heart throb. The lovely, the charming, Allison Hargreeves!

You met Vanya (yes I know, wrong sister) at the coffee shop near the orchestra house.

(By the way, let me know if we want something like this for Vanya and the rest of the siblings. I’m already working on a Klaus piece. Thanks friends!)

She stopped in one day, shy as ever, and asked for a tea.

You noted her violin case and started talking about music.

From then on, you became fast friends.

So when Reginald dies, Vanya turns to you for comfort.

“He’s dead.”

“Who?”

“My father.”

She doesn’t seem sad, per say, but you can tell she’s mourning something.

Vanya asks you to come with her to The Umbrella Academy to read the will and such with her siblings.

“Are you sure that you even want to go?”

“No, but...I think I need to.”

So you go with her on the grey skied day to the mansion she grew up in.

You’re in awe of the mansion.

The architecture is breathtaking and the interior is stunning.

“Who knew so much pain could be held in a house so pretty?”

“You don’t even know the extent of it, Y/N.”

But you did.

You helped proofread and edit Vanya’ autobiography, so you knew the Hargreeves.

You knew about the contents of the chapters Vanya had cut from the final copy and the details she spared from touching the light of day.

You knew about Luther’s less than superb leadership.

You knew about Diego’s biting words and Klaus’ pyromaniac tendencies.

You were also familiar with Allison Hargreeve’s innate arrogance.

So when she came down the stairs to greet you and Vayna, hair tumbling over her shoulders as if she were living art, you tried not to be swayed by her beauty.

‘Tried’ is the key word there.

As Vanya and Allison share a rather strange embrace, you have to tear your eyes away and look anywhere but directly at her.

Allison takes notice of you bashfulness, your averted gaze and overall appearance.

She’s never met someone like you before.

Despite being a movie star and having met plenty of actors with plenty of prestige, Allison had never been so shocked when it came to meeting someone as she was with you.

You were stunning to her.

She wanted to know you.

“This is my friend, Y/N. Y/N….this is-”

“Allison,” you say nervously, cutting off Vanya’s introduction.

Vanya gives you a puzzled look, confusion written across her face.

Allison is only smiling.

“It’s nice to meet you,” you add quickly, extending your hand to Allison with as much professionalism you can muster.

“It’s lovely meeting a friend of Vanya’s.”

She says it like she’s never met any of Vanya’s friends before.

It’s because she hasn’t, that and you make her nervous.

Allison has never had to be nervous before.

She always got what she wanted and now what she wanted was a person.

She suddenly regrets not keeping in contact with Vanya.

Allison wished she had met you sooner.

And maybe it’s the way you’re staring at her that makes her believe you wished you could have had the chance to meet her sooner as well.

Thankfully, before either of you can say something stupid, another one of Vanya’s siblings breaks through the awkward tension gathering in the foyer.

“What’s she doing there?”

Judging from the tone and brooding exterior, you surmise the man is Diego.

“Ignore him,” Allison tries to comfort Vanya, but your friend has already withdrawn.

“No, he’s right. We should go.”

“No, stay,” Allison pleads, “I want you to be here.”

She turns her carmel eyes to you and you swear you see stars dancing in the dark pools of her pupils.

“Both of you,” she adds, sending you a smile that makes your knees weak.

Maybe Vanya missed something when she was writing her book.

Allison seemed kind…

...or at least now she was kind.

Perhaps she’s making up for lost time?

“Okay,” Vanya sighs, “we’ll stay. Is that alright with you, Y/N?”

“More than alright.”

“Perfect! Why don’t you two wait in the den and I’ll try to find the others?”

Vanya only nods at her sister and Allison gives her a grin before making her way towards a hall.

Before she leaves, Allison send a wink your way and you’re left in a daze.

“The den is this way,” Vanya says, her voice is enough to pull your attention away from Allison’s retreating figure.

As you explore the room in which Vanya spent her younger years reading and avoiding her family, Allison was thinking of you.

“She seems….nice. More than I expected her to be,” you say to Vanya as she studies the book shelf in the lounge.

“She surprised me too,” Vanya admits, “I guess dad’s death really hit her.”

You only nod as Vanya continues to reflect in her childhood home.

It’s then Pogo comes in, happy to catch up with Vanya as she introduced him to you.

You’re talking about the first time Vanya invited you to see her perform when the rest of the siblings file in.

“Vanya, it’s good to see you,” says Luther who, at least from Vanya’s account from her novel, seemed larger than life.

“It’s good to see you too, Luther,” she greets before who you can only assume Klaus give her a brief hug.

It seemed very touch of affection in the room seemed force.

All glances and words laced with some undercurrent of mutual suffering.

All except the stare Allison had fixed on you.

Sadly, it was rudely interrupted when Luther cleared his throat.

“Vanya do you mind excusing your friend. We have some family business to discuss.”

Vanya is about to protest, Allison already to leap to your defense when you speak up.

“It’s alright,” you say, touching Vanya’s arm, “I need to find the restroom anyway.”

You’re walking towards the door that leads into the foyer when you hear Allison’s soft voice.

“There’s one close to my room. Second level, towards the end of the first hall on your left.”

You look over your shoulder and send her a grateful smile.

You’re out the door seconds later and miss how her lips part in wonder of your tender grin.

Needless to say, due to the large and winding hallways of the Umbrella Academy, you’re lost as soon as you make your way to the second floor.

Your search for the restroom becomes a desperate need for help.

You’ll take anyone as a guide at this rate.

After what felt like fifteen minutes of wandering around and hearing a few shouts from the siblings downstairs, you think you finally have found the right hallway.

Music is filtering in from one of the two doors at the end of the hall, a rather pop-bop tune.

You recognize it as Tiffany’s ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’.

A blast from the past.

You also notice that one of the door, presumably the one that housed the record player the song was sourced from was slightly ajar.

Panic forgotten and sense long lost in the creaking wooden floors of the mansion, you peek inside the crack of the door.

Allison is dancing around her room with a girlish sort of glee.

She flourishes her pink-feather boa, her lips spread in a smile that sparkled like stars.

You’re so swept away in her movements, you accidentally lean against the door enough to poke your head inside the room.

It’s then Allison sees you.

You expect her smile to fade into a frown or for her to scream.

But she doesn’t.

“Fancy a dance, Y/N?”

She extends her hand to you and you find yourself unable to refuse.

The tension builds between you as you move

It’s nearly unbearable

As the song draws to close, you and Allison are a mere centimeters apart with noses almost brushing.

You can feel her breath on your skin

And Allison can feel her heart hammering in her rib cage.

“You uh...you got some moves,” she breathes, the air tickling your neck slightly.

“Thanks,” you say with a shy smile.

You can’t tell who makes the first move, but you’re sure it was Allison.

Her lips press against yours in a flurry of soft pecks and your hands instantly bury themselves in her bouncing curls.

Her lips are soft a taste of some sweet fruit that you are too caught up to directly place.

When Allison pulls away from you, she pulls your bottom lip with her a bit.

The action sends a shock through you that, smiling, Allison picks up on.

“I’m glad Vanya brought you here,” she murmurs.

“Me too,” you replied before kissing her once more.

(Okay so that’s how you two meet, now we’re gonna get into the cutesy stuff! Get ready for teeth-rotting fluff my friends!)

Being an actress, Allison loves movies so be prepared for movie nights!

Sharing and swapping sweatpants during said movies night and cuddling under a thick blanket.

“What are we feeling tonight, Y/N? Comedy? Horror?”

You normally just let her choose and without fail, she selects a good flick.

“Romance it is!”

If she does choose a horror film, you both end the night clinging to each other.

Allison likes horror movies, for that reason alone.

Often times the movie goes unwatched as you and Allison get too caught up in each other’s touch.

She’ll just start kissing at your neck until your eyes close and bliss, the film long forgotten.

However, if you’re both really into whatever you’re watching, Allison gets all sort so snacks ready.

Popcorn, candies, anything is fair game.

“Are you making brownies?”

“For movie night!”

“I think they might be burning....”

On lazy weekend days, when you’re both not busy or working, you slip on comfy clothes and set the record on to dance around.

Slow dancing to Elton John songs all the time.

Allison will never say it aloud but she loves to watch you move, especially when you think she’s not around.

You both dance goofily when you’re together, but when you’re alone, moving your body to the rhythm....

It drives her wild.

Most times, however, she finds herself longing to hear ‘Tiny Dancer’ come on the record.

It’s your song.

You tuck your head into the crook of her neck and hold each other tight.

It’s your shared, quiet moment.

You good on shopping dates to record stores sometimes to expand your musical horizons.

“What about this Queen record?”

“We already have that album at the house.”

“We?”

It was a slip of the tongue really, so natural that the term fell from your lips like an instinct.

“Yeah, we.”

“I like that,” Allison hums, pressing a swift kiss to your cheek.

Klaus teasing Allison about how she’ll never do better than you.

“You’ll never find someone as honest or kind as Y/N. Granted, the bar is low, knowing you…..”

Going window shopping with Allison only to walk into whatever store and have a little fashion show.

“How do I look?” You ask, sending a shy glance towards Allison.

Her eyes have been on you ever since you walked out of the dressing room, completely in awe of you.

Allison can’t help but stare.

“Fantastic, breathtaking….I don’t have a vocabulary big enough.”

Long story short, you guys end up making out in the dressing room.

Speaking of, you guys totally share all and any clothes possible.

Sweaters, jackets, scarfs, you name it.

“Is that my jacket?”

“Maybe...”

“It looks good on you...too good.”

Watching her do her makeup in the morning.

“You should take a photo. It��ll last longer.”

“But you’re right here, being beautiful.”

“I could say the same for you.”

One drunken night, Allison does your makeup.

You wake up with lipstick smeared all over your face and eyeshadow smudged just about everywhere.

“How do I look?”

“Still as stunning as ever, Y/N.”

However, like every relationship, issues do arise.

Due to the fact she’s never actually tried to be her true self, since her powers allowed for her every whim, she tries to win you over with ‘glitz and glam’ instead of ‘rumoring’ you.

She tries to spoil you.

Expensive clothes for expensive dates.

Expensive gifts to spruce up your place.

You don’t not like the presents but you can tell Allison is giving you her everything because she, herself, is insecure.

That’s when you claim control for one night in particular.

She’s already dressed up, ready to go out because she had reserved a table at some upscale restaurant in the city.

She looks gorgeous, as always, but this time it is different.

When you lay eyes on her now you see her confidence waver when Allison turns to face you.

“Ready to go, babe?”

You only smile and shake your head as you step towards her.

You reach for her hands and intertwine your fingers with hers.

Allison is shocked to say the least and doesn’t know what to make of the silence.

You’ve been together for a bit now and she is suddenly overwhelmed by an irrational fear that she has overstepped some unseen boundary.

“Y/N, don’t you want to-”

“I only want you,” you say, looking into her eyes as you begin to sway to an imagined tune. “I want you, Allison. Not the fancy dates or rich things….you don’t need to compensate. I love you, Allison.”

She’s happy you said those three little words first.

She didn’t have to ‘rumor’ you to hear them.

She didn’t want to.

She never did.

“I love you too.”

After that, you are closer than ever.

So close that you meet Claire.

Allison has her flown out for a week in New York and you spend time together.

You take her to museums and parks.

Allison can only watch with hearts in her eyes are you spend time with her daughter.

“Your mom is the best, you know that right. Not the best cook, but she’s really awesome.”

“Hey, I make a mean grilled cheese.”

One day, while you and Claire are playing a board game that Allison had already lost, she finds a picture that her daughter drew.

It’s in crayon but the figures are unmistakable.

Claire, Allison, and you...

Like a family….

….a family Allison didn’t know she could truly have.

You’re cuddling one night, your head rested atop Allison’s chest and her fingers working through your hair when she brings it up.

“I want a family.”

“What?”

“I want a family with you, Y/N.”

You’ve never heard Allison so dire, so serious before.

You lift your head to meet her gaze a find a light smile on her lips.

“You have one,” you murmur as you sit up and position yourself on her lap.

“You have me, your siblings, Claire,” you’re straddling her now and Allison’s whole focus in on you. “We’re your family. We love you. I love you.”

“I love you.”

You’re kissing then, hands caught in her curls as your lips meld together in a passion you’ve never held for someone before.

Allison makes you feel like you’ve never lived before you met her

And Allison swears she didn’t really know what life was about until she met you.

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angelspigeon · 5 years ago

Text

It’s my Heart Momma’s Birthday and she wanted to see Sea salt Family with Pluto so I wrote this for her!!! And she said you can have it so I’m sharing this with y’all for Momma’s birthday !!!!

Words : 2 265

AO3 Door | °|

Most of children wouldn’t want to see their parents coming at the end of classes to pick them up. It wasn’t the case of Xion and Roxas. They always took their time to be with their friends, of course, but they were also thrilled to see Lea and Isa. Whatever if they were taking something to eat while coming back home or doing their homework while eating something that had been prepared for them.

This day was a bit different of the others because it was raining.

Very much.

Roxas and Xion struggled to decide them to cross the big court. Pence, Hayner and Olette too.

The bad time was coming. But the trio was also excited by the idea of the big snow battles incoming. They sure wanted to share this with their friends. But a little less this giant shower.

“We should go,” Roxas said.

“Yes…” Xion bit her lower lips. “You first!”

“Me?!”

He let out a groan.

“At three!! One…”

“Two,” Xion smiled.

“Three!” Hayner and Olette said at the same time.

And they pushed their friends inside the rain. They both screamed out because it was so cold. The two friends burst in laugh and ran to avoid being hit by Roxas.

“Eh! Wait!” Pence screamed out.

He ran after them, as fast as he could. They both were laughed, making distance between them. Roxas and Xion were running after him. And soon, they were all completely damped. And Pence ended being the last one, still running after Hayner and Olette, the last one living on the same building of him anyway.

“Hello Mister L, Mister I!!” Pence said as he passed next to Lea and Isa, on the other side of the court.

Lea and Isa were both under a huge umbrella, Lea holding it, his arm aching to be around Isa’s waist. But they were in public so he’ll wait they will be in their house to keep him warm and to give him a lot of kisses.

“Dad, papa!” Roxas and Xion said with a smile.

They both slid under the umbrella, protecting themselves from the heavy rain. Xion hugged Lea who hugged her back. Roxas looked funny with his hairs down and Isa passed his hand in said hair.

“Someone will need a hot cocoa and a towel,” he said with a soft tone.

“Me too! Me too!” Xion smiled.

“Surely!” Lea replied. “Let’s go home!!”

The idea wasn’t deny. Certainly not!

All four, they walked back home. The home with a few on the sea. The perfect place to go on the beach very often and to look the Sun disappear into the waves to offer its place to the Moon.

They still had sad moments, memories, dreams… moment without Lea who had to leave for a mission or other, but they could say they had a beautiful life. Especially in regard of everything they had walked through.

And the best thing they had done, after all this time, according to Lea… was becoming a family. He couldn’t forget the day he married Isa…

As they were coming home, chatting about the day of the kids, mostly, Xion frowned.

“Axel, Saïx,” she said.

She pointed out something on the other side of the road. It was moving the trashes of an old woman…

It was beast.

A dog.

With short, and very wet on this exact moment, yellow fur.

“I know him!” Roxas said.

“Me too…” Isa whispered.

What was he doing there?

“Pluto?” Lea called.

The head came out of the trashes and looked toward them, breathing heavily, the tongue out.

“Eh buddy! Come here!” Lea called.

He gave the umbrella to Roxas before crouching and opening welcoming arms to the dog. Which let out a happy bark before running toward them. Lea hugged him.

“You alone, buddy?”

“Waf!” Pluto replied.

“We would know it if the King was around,” Isa said.

“Probably…” Lea muttered.

He was caressing the dog whom was definitely wet and in a very sad look. He certainly hadn’t eaten since a long time. But now that he was thinking about it… he never saw the dog with Mickey. Never.

“Can we bring him home?” Xion asked.

“Pleaseeeee!” Roxas added.

“He belongs to someone,” Isa reminded.

“But look at him!” Roxas protested.

“He needs to eat. And a bath!” the girl continued.

“Pleaaaase!” Lea added.

Isa frowned slightly.

But, honestly? He couldn’t let an animal in danger like that. Whatever if it was Mickey’s dog or not.

“Very well,” Isa said.

He approached the dog and crouched too. When he caressed his dirty fur, he knew how much they needed him. He then took the poor Pluto in his arms.

“Since when are you there?” he wondered with a sad tone.

“I think Pluto always been there…” Lea groaned.

Isa got up and Xion approached him to caress the dog who moved his tail quickly. He was so happy and full of life. It was sad that he was condemned to that…

“Let’s go home,” Isa said.

Lea took back the umbrella so he could keep it above them. With such a rain, and the dog rescue, they were all so wet. Cold water streamed down their body and if they didn’t go back quickly, all of them would end up ill.

When they arrived at home, it was still raining and, as soon as Isa put down the dog, this one shook himself throwing water everywhere. Roxas and Xion laughed, at least.

“You two, go do your homework,” Isa said.

“But Papaaaaa!!” they protested.

“Immediately! I will bring you hot cocoa as soon as Pluto will have something to eat.”

“We can’t play with him?” Xion asked.

“He needs rest first. And you to do your homework. Now.”

The two teenagers were sad but they couldn’t say ‘no’ to those eyes staring them with so much cold. They moved in the dinner room and installed at the table. They were taking their stuff out when they felt towel on their heads.

It was Lea who landed a kiss on each of their cheeks.

Lea made sure they were drying themselves and when the smell of cocoa warming in the kitchen came to his nose, he come back to the living room with the last towel. He approached Pluto and dried him.

“Eh Buddy! It’s been a long time since the last time I saw you. You seem to look good!” he smiled.

Pluto let out a ‘wif’.

“Don’t say I’m lying! You could be worst! You’re not that bad!”

He grinned to him.

But he was really worry, inside. What could have happen if Xion hadn’t seen him?

He turned his head when he heard sound and saw Isa coming with a bowl filled with meat. He could recognize what Isa had prepared for tonight’s dinner.

“So, what are we eating for supper?” Lea smiled.

“Pasta with spinach,” Isa replied, putting down the bowl. “Roxas and Xion received their hot cocoa,” he added.

“Perfect.”

Lea watched the poor dog who ate the meat, still the towel on his back.

“What should we do?”

“I don’t know. I saw this dog everywhere except in Mickey’s castle,” Isa replied.

“We could adopt him,” Lea offered.

“We could. But then what? What are we supposed to Mickey when he will search his dog?”

“Well… he doesn’t exactly search him…” Lea remembered. “I’d keep him. If really one day Mickey sees him and wants him back… I will probably show him my Keyblade!”

Isa let out a sigh. Not because he wanted to save the dog but because it could only bring problems if he fought against the Mouse.

But it was true the poor dog was there, outside, searching food in the trashes… that couldn’t be good.

“We can keep him,” Isa said.

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!”

“HOURAAAAAA!!!”

Isa and Lea turned their head to see the two teenagers in the opening of the doors, happy like never.

“Shouldn’t you be working?” Isa asked.

“But please!!” Roxas said.

“Two minutes?” Xion pursued. “He needs love!!”

“Just two minutes, then!” Lea replied.

His husband stared him. He was sure it wouldn’t end up in ‘just two minutes’…

The food was on the table. Isa untied his hairs and walked to the living room, sighing softly as he saw Lea caressing Pluto and Roxas and Xion doing their homework next to him. He knew it wouldn’t be ‘just two minutes’.

But they were all so cute…

He took his Gummiphone and struggled to find the correct application, before taking the picture. A bit blurred but… lovely anyway. It was about the one he loved and the children with a dog who needed love.

Splash!! SPLISH!!!

“Pluto, please!”

Lea couldn’t help but laugh as Pluto, happy in the bath, was throwing water all around the room. On him and on Isa who had foam all over his shoulders and in his braided hairs.

The dog needed a real bath and to be brushed, especially after having returning outside with Xion and Roxas for a very little walk. It was still abysmal outside. Both teenager had used an umbrella and so they were pretty save, and were changing to go to bed, but Pluto… Well, he was doing a mess in the bathroom.

“Please, Pluto, calm down. It’s almost done. Lea will dry you,” Isa said.

The dog happily barked and shook himself, casting more water and foam all around.

“Ugh. Look at me, Pluto.”

Pluto turned his head toward him, waving his tail very fast.

“I’m looking at you and I’d say you’re very cute,” Lea commented.

He leaned in to kiss Isa, which replied with a light smile.

Pluto woofed again and, at the exact second where Lea moved away, he jumped on Isa to lick him.

“Look at that! He loves you too!” Lea smiled. “You have great tastes, Pluto!”

Isa caressed Pluto’s head with a light sigh, letting the dog bath him with love.

Two knocks came from the door.

“Yes?” Lea asked.

The door opened on the teenagers.

“We went to say goodnight to Pluto!” Xion said.

Pluto bounced toward them but Isa grabbed him, not letting him go. He was still completely wet. Taking the towel next to him, he rubbed it on him, Pluto still being so happy.

Roxas and Xion approached the dog, caressing him and wishing him goodnight. They both looked so happy to have the dog at home. Surely, Lea and Isa had taken the good decision as they accepted him here. They couldn’t have let him outside like that anyway…

“Can we play a bit with him?” Xion asked. “Please, please, please!”

Lea passed his hands on Pluto, using his natural warmness to dry him faster.

“Not long, you have school tomorrow. And he will be there the others, after all,” Isa replied.

“You’re the best!” Roxas said, thrilled.

“And take care!” Isa added. “He doesn’t go in the bedrooms. You’re not sleeping with him. I keep an eye on you!”

“Promise!” Xion swore.

Roxas nodded. And, as he noticed the strict look of Isa right on his face, he gulped slightly. “Promise!” he let out.

“Perfect.”

Isa let them go outside of the room with the dog. He couldn’t help but smile when he heard the sound of the children laughing and a happy dog bouncing around them, barking with joy.

Lea pushed a wet look from Isa’s face and leaned to kiss him.

“Thank you,” he said.

“There is no thank you there…”

“Hmm… I think there is. But look at you! You need a bath too.”

“Right.” Isa slid his fingers in the bath and threw water at Lea. Which let out a light laugh. “You too, my Heart. Do you want to share my bath?”

Lea leaned and kissed him as a ‘yes’.

Snuggling in Lea’s arm, Isa tried to sleep, the curtains slightly open to let the Moon peek inside sometimes.

Roxas and Xion were sleeping since two good hours. They fell asleep while playing with Pluto and Isa and Lea brought them in their room and installed them in the comfiest way, kissing their forehead and letting them pass a good night… They went back in the living room to pass a bit of time together and with Pluto. The poor dog really searched company and certainly deserved it.

Now, as it was becoming late, they wanted to sleep so they could start the day early. Well… Isa could start it early. Lea just wanted to sleep and to hug the best man he could wish for.

But…

There were moans outside. Sad dog’s moans.

“You think he needs to pee?” Lea groaned, his forehead against Isa’s.

“Hmm…” he groaned, tired of that day. “I don’t think so.”

After all, Lea went with him in a walk just before they climbed the stairs. It was thirty minutes earlier, maybe?

“I think he doesn’t want to stay alone…”

While he understood totally because being alone was the worst and he was saved from that only by Lea… they couldn’t let him come there.

It wasn’t good…

“Aoutch…” Lea said. “What do we do?”

Isa opened his eyes and glanced on the door. He pressed his lips together.

“We let him come?”

Lea let out a laugh. “Just one night?” he teased.

Isa smirked. “Probably not.”

Lea kissed him tenderly before moving out of the tender embrace and go to the door he opened for the door. Which woofed happily and followed him on the bed for a sweet night with his new friends.

#Imagine #Imagine Blog #Imagine Akusai #Imagine Leaisa #Leaisa #Akusai #Lea #Isa #Lea KH #Isa KH #KH #Kingdom Hearts #Pluto #Pluto Disney #Sea Salt Family #Sea Salt Fam #Roxas #Xion

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yurionice-secretsanta · 5 years ago

Text

To @hotaruyuki From @mrscalculation

It’s late October, Yuri has been in Detroit since mid-August, and Viktor is in the United States for the first time since the injury that ended his competitive career.

It’s fine, he’s fine, and Yuri is definitely fine. Viktor is coming to visit after the end of Yuri’s midterms since Yuri won’t be able to come home until late December, and he’s sure Yuri is fine. He’s an incredible artist and perhaps the single most stubborn, obsessive, competitive asshole Victor has ever met. There’s no way that he didn’t absolutely annihilate his midterms, especially with this being his first semester. They were probably on boringly easy stuff on the theory behind everything he does, anyway. Or maybe drawing something so easy it’s like stick figures to Yuri. Viktor doesn’t know. He never went to art school.

He never went to university, actually.

While Viktor had every intention of giving Yuri his space on this visit, Yuri makes it far too easy for Viktor to throw that idea out.

“Hey, old man,” he says, “I’m going to a friend’s tonight to celebrate the end of midterms. You don’t have to come. You should sleep.”

What Viktor hears is instead, Oh, loving adoptive older brother of mine, wouldn’t you love to meet my friends? Drink with them? Tell them embarrassing stories from my childhood, then brag about me until I can’t decide which I’d rather die from? Please come with me. Please embarrass me.

What Viktor says is, “Yura! I’d love to go with you! I can always come back early if I’m too tired, but I don’t get to meet your friends every day!”

Yuri groans and threatens to end Viktor’s life if he embarrasses him, to which Viktor gives a chipper, “I would never!”

Viktor must say, he’s a little disappointed at the things Yuri has been getting up to in America.

For one, this celebration turns out to be five guys playing a drinking game in one of their apartments. They’re playing what is apparently a very difficult level of a single-player video game, and any time one of them dies, they take a shot and pass the controller to the next person.

For another, someone thought that this rubbing alcohol passed as vodka.

After a brief squabble during which Yuri launches himself at the guy who’s best at the game—also named Yuuri, funnily enough—and the whole thing being put on Instagram for the world to see, Yuri sends Viktor away to get more alcohol for the group. Viktor knows he should be a better influence than buying alcohol for his underage brother, but they’re Russian, and if they were in Russia, all of this would be acceptable and legal, so he only puts up a fight long enough to get Yuri angry about being treated like a child, but not enough for Yuri to actually fight him.

Viktor has never been happier to be a poor influence.

As it turns out, the other Yuuri is a cute drunk, very clingy and affectionate and loud and wont to praise Viktor to the moon.

He’s also a figure skater, apparently.

“I used to look up to you so much,” he says, hoodie off and leaning across Viktor. Leo has gone back to the dorm he and Yuri share, and Phichit has stepped outside for a call. Yuri is passed out with his head pillowed in Otabek’s lap, and Otabek, who either did not drink at all or is completely unphased by alcohol, sits with his headphones in, scrolling through his phone, absentmindedly running his fingers through Yuri’s hair. “Nikiforov. I used to want to be just like you. You were the best.”

While Viktor appreciates the praise, he’s also never heard Yuuri’s name in his life before because he hasn’t really followed figure skating for years. “Thank you,” he says, and is rewarded with Yuuri wrapping his arms around Viktor’s shoulders.

“Are you okay? Viktor? Are you okay?” Yuuri’s eyes are glossy and his glasses are crooked and falling across the tip his reddening nose. Viktor?” he asks again.

“I’m fine,” Viktor says reflexively, then, “but what about you?”

“No, Viktor, I’m fine. Viktor! I mean. Up here.” Yuuri goes to poke Viktor in the forehead but misses, getting him in the bottom of the eyebrow. He squints his eyes and tries again, and he’s closer to the center this time. “I was so sad when you got hurt, Viktor. I wish you could skate again. I don’t know what would happen if I couldn’t skate again, but I know I wouldn’t be okay up here.” He presses his finger a little harder into Viktor’s forehead.

Viktor feels his eyes water just a little. He wraps an arm around Yuuri’s shoulders and moves him to sitting upright. “I’m doing a lot better,” Viktor says, and he means it. It had taken a lot, but Viktor had eventually learned to live off the ice. “Thank you for asking.”

Yuuri, still swaying just a little bit after being moved, wraps Viktor into a hug. “Good,” he says, and it’s a little watery and very genuine. “I thought so. I watched your videos and you seemed better, but I wanted to make sure.” He giggles a little bit, but maintains his hug. “I mean, I didn’t think I would ever get to make sure because I don’t know you, but now I can.”

“I’m so good now, Yuuri,” Viktor says as he gently, awkwardly returns the hug. Yuuri has his arms trapped, and it’s a little bit of a struggle to get them free, but he manages it and folds Yuuri against his chest for a second. “Thank you,” he says into Yuuri’s hair.

After another moment, they pull apart. “Hey,” Yuuri says, listing to the side without Viktor to hold onto. “Watch me, okay? I have a competition next weekend. Watch me.”

Viktor nods, and Yuuri makes a happy sound.

“I’ll be skating for you,” he says.

Viktor is shocked, then beaming, then completely empty of Yuuri too soon as Phichit returns.

“All right, Yuuri, let’s go,” he says, hoisting Yuuri up and tossing his hoodie back to him. “I already called an Uber, so you have three minutes to get it together before we have to go.”

Viktor gets Yuuri a glass of water while Phichit gathers their things. Yuuri wiggles a little while he drinks it, and is then being shuffled out the door by Phichit.

“Nice to meet you, Viktor!” Phichit says over his shoulder as they go.

If Yuuri says anything, Viktor doesn’t hear it.

Viktor goes to an art gallery with Yuri and Otabek, looking at the art that Yuri’s classmates have on display and for sale. As it turns out, Yuri had skipped the opening of the gallery in favor of the drunken video game kickback at Otabek’s, and Viktor honestly can’t blame him. As great of an artist as Yuri is, he’s never been one for schmoozing, and that seems to be all that’s happening here. Viktor pulls Otabek away when Yuri runs into someone he knows and gets caught up in conversation.

Viktor likes Otabek, really. It’s clear that he balances Yuri out and is a calming influence, and he speaks Russian, which not only makes wrangling Yuri easier, but shit talking as well. Viktor likes Otabek, which is exactly why he pulls Otabek now.

“How old are you, Otabek?” Viktor asks in Russian.

“Excuse me?” Otabek’s face stays completely passive as usual.

“How old? I’m just curious.”

“Twenty-one at the end of the month.”

“And Leo and Yuuri and Phichit?”

“Leo and Phichit are twenty, and Yuuri will be 24 next month. Why?” Otabek finally questions. He’s not putting up a fight, and doesn’t even seem genuinely curious. It seems like he just thinks he has to ask.

“Oh, no reason,” Viktor says lightly, plastering his friendliest smile for the public on his face. “I was just wondering how Yuri got to know all of you when none of you would be in the same classes, since you’re all older.”

“Ah,” Otabek says, then doesn’t tell Viktor. Viktor swears his lack of an answer must be deliberate; Yuri would never befriend someone who wasn’t at least a little bit of an asshole.

“Well?” Viktor prompts. “How did you meet Yuuri?”

“He’s roommates with Leo. Leo and I used to skate together, and Leo is friends with Phichit, so when Leo found out that Yuri used to skate, he invited us all to the rink where Phichit and Yuuri train.”

It’s the most Viktor has heard Otabek say since meeting him, but he appreciates it. “Thank you,” he says because he feels obligated to do so. A slow smile spreads across his face. “You know, to show how much I appreciate you looking out for Yuri, let me tell you something,” he says conspiratorially.

Otabek raises an eyebrow, which is a more enthused response than Viktor has gotten out of him up to this point.

“When Yuri was younger,” Viktor starts, then looks around to see if anyone is trying to eavesdrop just in time to see Yuri’s blind fury before his hand is around Viktor’s throat.

“Whatever you’re going to say,” he says lowly, “I recommend rethinking it if you value your life.”

“Next time, then!” Viktor says chipperly once Yuri lets him go. He rubs at his throat.

Yuri shoots him a death glare, but from behind him, Otabek mouths next time.

When Viktor gets back to Russia, far enough that he knows Yuri won’t be able to judge him, he looks up everything he can on Katsuki Yuuri.

For the first year after his accident, Viktor had purposely avoided all things skating. He still heard about things, of course, but he spent his time in physical therapy practicing walking without a walker or cane, not worried about trying to balance on skates or which blade to land on after a jump. He hadn’t wanted to remind himself of what he would never do again, so he avoided watching competitions or keeping up with scores or anything related to competition at all unless it was for some of his friends. He didn’t bother following anyone new, even once he felt comfortable skating for fun again.

If he had continued to compete, or if he had chosen early retirement instead of having it forced upon him, Viktor is certain he would have followed Yuuri’s journey.

He’s heading into his first competition of the Grand Prix Series, where he’ll make his comeback after a disastrous performance at last year’s final and a broken ankle that kept him off the ice for months. While Viktor’s injury had been career-ending, Yuuri describes his in interviews as embarrassing and motivating.

“I let my life distract me so much from my skating that I was injured, which negatively impacted both,” Viktor reads in one article. “It’s difficult and embarrassing to have fallen this far, but I’ve decided I want to try one more time for all the people who have supported me through this. I hope to show them that everything I do is for them.”

Viktor watches Yuuri’s programs from the year before, both his qualifiers and at the final, and is shocked to see the dramatic difference between Yuri’s mostly clean and beautifully-emotional qualifier free program and his messy, numb performance at the final.

The commentator declares that the next jump is supposed to be a quad-triple combination, but in its place comes a rough fall, gasps from the commentators, and Yuri’s powerful attempt to finish the program despite obvious pain.

Viktor closes out the video, trying to reconcile the image he has in his head of a slightly snarky Yuuri enjoying Yuri’s anger with the fumbling mess that Viktor saw on ice, the affectionate but loud and lewd Yuuri of one or two or five drinks too many with the polite, nervous Yuuri of interviews. At its best, it comes together to form a beautiful, talented skater whose programs leave the audience aching for just another glimpse, just a moment longer; at worst, they leave behind the hollow-eyed remnants of a skater who drinks his way through social interactions.

Viktor doesn’t feel like he knows either of those people.

He finds Yuuri’s YouTube channel, slightly awkward with the knowledge that Yuuri has apparently seen some of his videos, but accepts that he knew what he was doing when he started a channel. Almost none of Yuuri’s content has anything to do with figure skating, but is instead him playing video games with Phichit, which explains why he was so much better than everyone else at their dumb drinking game. His channel goes back a few years, starting just a few months before Yuuri’s senior debut and aligning perfectly with when Yuuri moved to Detroit to skate. It doesn’t seem like he posts on a schedule, but he seems to have at least one for every two weeks, sometimes more. Viktor clicks on an earlier one where he and Phichit take turns playing a dating simulator, and Viktor is entirely charmed at how confidently Yuuri makes ridiculous choices when designing his character, but how easily he gets flustered when Phichit tries to direct them to the dating part of the dating sim.

“Yuuri! You aren’t trying to make friends with them, you’re trying to sleep with them!”

Yuuri’s face goes noticeably red on screen, and his shoulders stiffen. “What’s wrong with being friendly to someone you want to sleep with?”

Several hours later, Viktor pulls himself out of a spiral of content and into the living room. He opens the doors to the storage in his TV stand and smiles.

Well, he might as well.

“Good morning, amazing people! Today I’m doing something a little bit different, inspired by a few of Katsuki Yuuri’s videos with Phichit Chulanont. I’ve never done a video like this before, so I hope it works! If you like it, I may make it a series of me trying to play games I’ve never played before. We’ll see!”

Viktor isn’t lying. He really hopes it works. He didn’t have any of these games just lying around, and he spent far too much money getting them, but at the very least, it should be fun. It’s chaotic and he knows it, but it was cheaper than buying another ticket to Detroit.

Of course, during the create-a-character section at the beginning of the game, he makes it far more like a makeup and fashion tutorial than it needs to be, but the subscribers come to his channel for the content he produces, so he should probably stay on brand.

When he uploads the video, which is mostly him being a disaster and making all the datable characters dislike him (which, how? There’s only three dialogue options at a time, so how does he always choose the wrong one?), he tags it with Yuuri’s channel and Phichit’s name. He also tags them both in his Instagram post promoting his new upload, just in case.

Two days later and the video has done moderately well with just about average metrics for his usual videos, and Yuri has texted him telling him to chill the fuck out and not to tag anyone he knows in videos again.

I thought you didn’t watch anything I post, Viktor sends. He gets several messages of just middle finger emojis in response.

Viktor still hasn’t heard from Yuuri, though, so he doesn’t quite count it as a success.

He foregoes a video game upload for the next week, uploading instead a few Halloween makeup tutorials. He has fun doing them, though Makkachin isn’t overly fond of posing as Viktor’s sidekick for some of the shots. The makeup videos do better than the video game one, but that usually happens around this time of year anyway. His old tutorials are getting more views lately, too, so he can’t really be disheartened by it, but he really wants an excuse to post another video game video.

After a few days, Viktor has still heard nothing from Yuuri, but he tries not to dwell on it. He knows it’s competition season, and he knows exactly how much energy Yuuri doesn’t have to spend on social media.

He also knows exactly when Yuuri’s performances are, because he has alarms set to watch them live. He plans on taking a midday nap today so that he’ll stay awake for the performance that Yuuri has just after midnight.

Viktor considers making a video of him reacting to watching Yuuri’s performances, but he decides that’s too weird.

(He’s glad he doesn’t, because it might be too revealing how enthusiastically Viktor cheers when Yuuri lands a quad loop in free.)

The day after Yuuri’s free program, Viktor posts a picture to his Instagram story wishing Otabek a happy birthday, which immediately ends up on Otabek’s own story with a “thank you” and nothing else.

Yuuri still doesn’t contact Viktor, which, okay, he never said he would, but he did say he would be skating for him, which seems like it should mean something. But apparently not, which is totally fine with Viktor, absolutely.

Viktor should have gotten Yuri’s number.

The week before the Rostelecom Cup, Viktor uploads a video of him playing another simulator. This time, he designs a house for simulated versions of himself and Makkachin and Yuri and Yuri’s cats, then purposely makes Yuri a bad at everything and prone to burning things down by accident. He tags Yuri’s art channel in it.

(“You’re not funny,” Yuri says when he calls Viktor.

“Maybe not to you,” Viktor says, thrilled by how furious Yuri is that he can’t hit Viktor through the phone. “I made you pretty, at least.”

“You gave me purple eyeshadow, Viktor. What’s the point of being a makeup artist if you’re going to give people purple eyeshadow. Fuck you.”)

Yuuri doesn’t respond to this video, either, but a new upload does go up on his channel two days later. In it, Phichit is playing the same simulator, finding creative and horrible ways to kill his characters until Yuuri walks in, horrified.

“Phichit! Stop drowning people!”

Not only does Phichit not stop drowning people, he also tries to flirt with the grim reaper.

Viktor is inspired. His version of the video, where he and Yuri compete to the death but Yuri loses almost every time, is uploaded and tagged with Phichit and Yuuri the morning before Rostelecom.

Which is perfect, because Viktor has a train to Moscow to catch.

Viktor had just wanted to see a competition again, that’s all. Since his accident, he hasn’t seen a live competition, and he thinks it’s about time that he accepts that the figure skating world was going to move on without him one day, anyway.

It’s absolutely just a coincidence that Katsuki Yuuri happens to be competing at the one he chooses to go to.

It makes sense, of course, that if Viktor was going to drop money on tickets to a competition it would be the one in Moscow. His parents still live there, after all, so it’s a great place for him to spend a few days. It also just so happens to be that Yuuri’s final qualifier before the final is the Rostelecom Cup. And that Viktor only bought tickets to the men’s singles events.

Viktor has another old friend from his years in competition here, too, so it just makes sense that he would come to this event.

He drops his bags at his parents’ apartment, then goes to breathe in Moscow. He doesn’t come here nearly enough.

Almost immediately after posting a picture from his favorite cafe in the Moscow twilight, Vikor receives a call from Yuri.

“The fuck are you doing in Moscow?”

“The heck are you doing awake?” Viktor asks, matching his energy and mocking his tone.

“I have a class in an hour, don’t avoid the question. Why are you in Moscow?”

“I can’t just visit home?” Viktor asks cheerily. “You should do it more often, Yura, mom and dad would love to have you around, and I’m sure your grandfather would love to see you, too.”

“You pay for my plane tickets, then. But I know you aren’t visiting home, asshole, so what the fuck are you doing?”

Viktor sighs exaggeratedly. “Well, if you must know, Chris is competing here in the morning, and I thought it might be nice to visit him.”

Yuri is quiet for a moment. “...no,” he finally says.

“No what?”

“Beka was right,” he says, which Viktor really wishes he could have recorded to keep forever.

“What?” it takes Viktor a second to catch up, realizing that by that pig Yuri means Yuuri and not Chris, by which point, Yuri is already blazing on.

“He said he saw you two being all gross and stuff when I fell asleep but I ignored him, Yuuri is just an idiot when he’s drunk—well, he’s always an idiot, but you know, more of an idiot—he tried to challenge me to a dance battle once, so I really thought that even if you were being all gross and stuff, any dancing really would have stopped this from becoming a thing, because his dancing is terrible, but no, you really do have a thing for that dumb pig, don’t you?”

Yuri clearly isn’t asking the question for an answer, but he does make the mistake of pausing for breath, during which Viktor takes the time to say as brightly as possible, “maybe if you didn’t get so drunk that you passed out on your boyfriend, you could have stopped this from happening!”

Viktor waits just long enough to hear Yuri’s spluttered “what—we’re not—” before hanging up on him.

Viktor is at the event early the next morning, hoping to use the time before the competition actually starts to get used to the feel of a rink again. It isn’t as bad he expected. Hearing the familiar announcements and the scrape of blades on ice and the click of blades landing after jumps fills him with more nostalgia than anything else.

From his seat in the stands, he manages to get a somewhat-blurry picture of the men’s warmups that has both Chris and Yuuri in it, though not super clearly. He accompanies it with other pictures of the stadium when he hears a few concerned noises from some of the people milling around him. When he turns, he sees Yuuri righting himself after having clearly fallen on the ice.

Viktor goes still, looking for any of the telltale signs of significant injury, but Yuuri seems fine, though a little out of his head. Viktor watches for another quiet minute until the announcement clearing skaters from the ice sounds.

He wants to watch all of the performers, but he has time before either Yuuri or Chris goes on, so he takes a second to post his pictures to Instagram. I’ve missed this, he captions the shots of the ice and the advertisements and the kiss-and-cry, the last picture in the group being the one he took of the warmups. He tags both Yuuri and Chris in it.

After the short program, Yuuri ends up in fourth, Chris in second, with some younger kid that skates like ice all over the world belongs to him is in first.

When he’s in his old, tiny bed in his parents’ house that evening, considering whether he should move some of the stuff in Yuri’s room around just to piss him off when he comes back for his winter holidays, Viktor absentmindedly checks Instagram for the thirtieth time that day. He had already had an entire conversation with Chris in the comments section of his post determining that they would meet up at the end of the event before Chris’s flight leaves, and Viktor is actually looking forward to seeing him in person for the first time in several years.

In his notifications is an almost-insignificant sentence telling him that Yuuri has liked his post.

Before the free skate the next day, Yuuri doesn’t flub any of his practice jumps, and Viktor spots him chatting comfortably with his coach for a moment just before the first skater takes the ice.

Viktor’s phone buzzes in his hand with a message from Yuri. stop being gross, it says. When he looks up again, Yuuri is gone.

Yuuri performs beautifully when it’s his turn, and he cries at the kiss-and-cry when his scores are announced. He’s pretty much guaranteed a spot in the final.

Chris also snags a spot in the final, but that’s no surprise. He’s made it to every final for the past four years. That doesn’t stop Viktor from giving him a bouquet when he finds him after the event.

“Congratulations, Chris!”

“Thank you,” he says as he absentmindedly touches the silver medal around his neck. “It hasn’t been the same without you. How have you been? I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“I’ve been doing really well,” Viktor says, actually somewhat surprised with the accuracy of it, then beams at Chris. “Is it different because it’s easier for you to medal with me gone?”

Chris smirks back at him. “I would have beaten you eventually,” he says. “Come on, let me go change and drop this off at the hotel before we go out.”

“At least take me to dinner first,” Viktor says, and he’d forgotten how easy being friends with Chris was.

“I’m trying,” Chris says with a wink, and Viktor laughs with his whole body. He can’t believe he may have let these sorts of friendships die.

They make easy banter on the way back to the hotel, talking as if barely any time has passed at all, and Viktor realizes, somewhat sadly, that when you travel as much as he used to for competitions, maybe four years isn’t really that big of a gap when you only see someone three or four times a year anyway.

The doors to the hotel elevator are closing when Viktor sees someone approaching. He sticks his foot in the doorway to stop it from closing while continuing his conversation with Chris, who turns to greet the newcomer.

“Yuuri! Congratulations!”

“You, too. Thanks, Chris,” Yuuri says genuinely, eyes a little puffy from crying, but clearly in a good way. He turns and looks at Viktor as the elevator doors close. “Oh.”

“Congrats, Yuuri! I’ll watch you at the final!” Viktor says. He isn’t sure how else to make it clear that he’s here specifically because of Yuuri.

“Thank you,” Yuuri says, quieter than before.

“Yuuri, we’re going to dinner after I drop some things off in my room,” Chris tells him. “Would you like to join us?”

“Oh, uh,” Yuuri says, looking down, then back and forth between Chris and Viktor. “Um, yeah, that would be nice,” he decides as the doors open on his floor.

“Meet in the lobby in twenty!” Chris says as Yuuri steps off the elevator.

“Yeah,” Yuuri gets out before the doors close.

The elevator is quiet for a moment, then Chris breaks it with, “You know him.” It’s not a question.

“I do,” Viktor agrees easily.

“How?”

“He trains where Yura goes to school,” Viktor says. “They know each other.”

“Hm.” Chris is quiet until the elevator dings their arrival to his floor. “You like him,” Chris says.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Viktor says, extremely grateful to be getting off the elevator. He walks forward and out of the small alcove the elevators are housed in, then realizes he has no idea which direction he needs to go. He stops.

Behind him, Christophe snorts. “Sure. Left.”

Viktor turns and starts walking.

“He likes you, too,” Chris says.

“What was that?” Viktor asks in Russian. “I don’t speak English.”

Chris switches to French for a few colorful phrases, then back to English. “You’ll see him in a few minutes anyway, so you’ll figure it out,” he says, finally stepping in front of Viktor. “Here, it’s this one,” he says as he stops in front of a door.

“I’m not the one who needs to figure it out,” he says, then pushes Chris into the room. “Get yourself together so we can go, hurry up.”

“Easy,” Chris says, but obliges anyway.

When they get back downstairs, Yuuri is already waiting for them.

“Hey, Yuuri,” Chris says easily. “Is there anything in particular you want to eat? Viktor is from around here, so just let him know and he’ll take us to a place.”

“Uh, no, not really,” Yuuri says. “I kind of just want to try whatever local thing is best.”

“Do you mind a little bit of a walk?” Viktor asks them both, who both shake their heads no. “Okay, perfect. I know a great traditional place a little less than twenty minutes from here.”

Five minutes into their walk there, Chris pats his pockets. “Damn,” he says, “I think I left my wallet upstairs. I’m going to go grab it, you two go on without me! I’ll meet you there!”

“Are you sure? We could walk back with you, it isn’t that far,” Yuuri offers.

“No, it’s fine! Viktor, can you message me the place?”

Viktor glares at him but agrees as Chris takes off back towards the hotel. “Give me a second,” he tells Yuuri as he pulls up the location of the restaurant and shares it with Chris. “Okay.”

They walk in silence for a second before Yuuri asks, “How have you been?”

“Oh, great!” Viktor says genuinely. “I’m working on some new things for the channel that combine my usual stuff with other media, and I’m enjoying it a lot. How are you?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen some of that,” Yuuri says vaguely, “and I’m really good. Nervous. Excited about the final.”

“Nervous?” Viktor asks as his phone buzzes in his hand. “Oh, that—” he cuts himself off as he looks at Chris’s message.

Definitely didn’t leave my wallet, it reads, but you can tell him I think I left it at rink. Good luck! ;)

“What’s going on?” Yuuri asks.

“Chris is an idiot.”

“What happened?” Yuuri seems genuinely concerned.

“He left his wallet at the rink,” Viktor says, surprising himself. The smile he gives Yuuri is far too wide and is brittle at the edges. He’s going to kill Chris. “He says to go on without him.”

“Oh.”

“Do you just want to go back?” Viktor asks. Yuuri had agreed to dinner with Chris, after all, and not with him.

“No! It’s okay,” Yuuri says. “Let’s keep moving, it’s cold.”

“How’s Yuri?” Yuuri asks after another few moments of walking in silence.

“You tell me,” Viktor says. “You see him more than I do.”

“Just because I see him more doesn’t mean I talk to him more. He trusts you.”

Viktor sighs. “I hope so. He doesn’t always tell me how he is when he calls, but I think he’s doing well. He’s got more friends than he did when he was growing up, and he complains about the classes, which means he’s actually learning something.” Viktor pauses for a moment, considering. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Yeah?”

“If you ever notice Yuri acting way off, can you let me know? I mean,” Viktor interrupts himself, “you don’t have to, like, keep tabs on him or anything, but if you ever notice something really wrong.”

“I mean, of course,” Yuuri says, “but I won’t have to.”

Viktor looks over at him. “What do you mean?”

Yuuri stops walking. “You know, the night I met you, Yuri kept glancing over at you, and at first I thought it was because he didn’t want you there because he’s around his friends and suddenly you’re there, but then I realized that he was looking out for you.” He pauses like he’s waiting for Viktor to say something, and when he doesn’t, he continues, “he made sure to angle himself so you were always included in the group and everything.”

“Huh,” Viktor says, and he smiles softly at the idea of Yuri trying to be protective.

“And Viktor,” Yuuri says, suddenly more serious. “I’ve seen that video of when he tells you that he’s officially your adopted brother.” It’s been almost a year since Viktor posted that video, but it’s still his favorite. “Why do you think he went through that trouble with your parents when he was already seventeen? He didn’t have to do that, and I’m sure no one could have forced him to if he didn’t want to. But he surprised you with it. Because he wants you to know that he loves you, and he trusts you, and he wants you in his life.”

At that, Viktor laughs. “Try telling him that,” he says. “Make sure Phichit sends me the video of Yura beating you to death when you do.”

Yuuri smiles. “But you see what I mean, right?” he says, then turns to keep walking. “Don’t worry about him too much. If he needs you, he’ll let you know. In his own way.”

“Yeah,” Viktor agrees. “Can I ask you a different favor, then?” He feels Yuuri’s slightly concerned glance, then continues, “even if you aren’t letting me know how he’s doing, call me sometime?”

“Oh, uh.” Yuuri shuffles a little as he walks, looking at the ground. “Yeah,” he says. “I’d like that.”

Yuuri’s flight is early the next morning, but they spend several long hours of the night staying up, talking about how different their lives are now than what they expected years ago, about the things they enjoy that aren’t their professions, about the music they’ve been listening to on repeat and what food they’re most excited to eat when they get home. They talk through the restaurant and shops and all the way back to Yuuri’s hotel room, where they settle in and talk more.

Viktor finally leaves Yuuri’s room about three hours before Yuuri needs to leave for his flight.

“Text me when you land,” Viktor tells him, leaning his forehead against Yuuri’s and breathing him in.

“I will.”

“Fly safe,” Viktor says as he pulls away from Yuuri, then brings Yuuri’s hand to his mouth and gently kisses his knuckles. “I’ll be sure to watch you at the final.”

It’s a full day later before Viktor receives confirmation that Yuuri has made it to Detroit, but he doesn’t mind that. It’s worth it for the picture he gets of a jetlagged Yuuri with Yuri, Otabek, and Phichit in the background with a big banner that says “Congratulations, Yuuri!” Phichit has a tinier sheet of paper that, thanks two a second photo that comes in, Viktor can see says, “On gettin’ the guy!”

Yuuri sends one final picture of Yuri making a gross face at Phichit’s smaller poster, and he loves it. Absolutely worth the wait.

#HotaruYuki #mrscalculation #gifts19 #YOIsanta19 #fanfic #victuuri #victor nikiforov #yuuri katsuki #Yuri!!! on Ice

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neutralonketchup · 6 years ago

Note

all of them. every single one

sweet and pure asks

🐰- do you believe in soul mates?

not really. I believe that people can be very similar and naturally complimentary to one another but I believe too much in people’s ability to change and not enough in fate to believe in soul mates. also I think its restricting to think that there’s one perfect person out there for you and that each person you meet could be them so you Better Not Lose Them. so yeah tl;dr No

💌- diary or journal?

Journal

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?

Most recently Llewyn Davis which isn’t a good thing but more generally probably any iteration of Peter Parker

💕- are you crushing on someone?

Nope, and i haven’t been for an Almost Concerning amount of time

💋- kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain?

The rain, simply because you can feasibly see whats goin on

🐝- describe your aesthetic in emojis

😴👻🍂☔️🧙🏼‍♂️

🍼- what is your favorite memory?

Not a specific memory but more a Genre of memory: summers as a like 10-13 year old, having absolutely no responsibilities or obligations, waking up to a cool breeze blowing through the window and knowing that the day is entirely truly yours. It was the most relaxing state of being and I doubt I’ll ever feel that again. More recently a few days ago me n a buncha my friends sat down and played Minecraft on a LAN server for like 7 straight hours and it’s honestly the most fun I can remember having in a long time

🌸- what is your favorite flower?

I really like lavender, but also white roses are beautiful in how delicate and pure they are, and cherry blossoms will never not take my breath away

💖- have you ever been in love?

I honestly don’t know. Possibly? The trouble with love is I don’t know if you ever know you’re in it until you’re in it.

🍰- strawberry or vanilla?

Vanilla

🍯- describe your favorite smell

The smell carried by the wind on a grey, blustery, intermittently stormy fall day. The kind of day where the only sunshine you see comes down in rays through distant breaks in the clouds and when you step outside the smell of wet leaves and winter on the way fills you with a Sense Of Power.

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

1. To constantly have enough money for whatever I wanted to spend it on

2. To make everyone in the world respect the Human Rights Of eachother

3. Shape-shifting

🍪- cookie dough or cookies?

Cookie dough

☕- coffee or tea?

Tea, black with cream and 3 sugars

🍃- would you rather live in a sea with mermaids or a forest with fairies?

The sea. I’ve always thought since I was a little kid that if I could live underwater I’d be the most comfortable I’d Ever Be

🍂- what’s your middle name?

Robert

💫- what is your sun, moon, and rising sign?

Libra (which is why these are all paragraphs explaining my indecisiveness), Capricorn, and Leo

🌧️- favorite thing to do on rainy days?

Curl up next to a window and read or play video games or watch a movie or do something to recharge in proximity to the storm

🍭- how tall are you?

6’ 2”

💒- which show would you want to live in?

Oh gosh most of the shows I watch take place in worlds that’d Kill Me, and that includes Galavant but imma still say Galavant cuz Swords + Singing + Dumb Comedy is an ideal way to live. Runner up is the X-files cuz I’d die but I’d die in an atmospherically pleasing way and that’s all I need.

🎄- what is your favorite holiday?

Halloween. No contest. There’s candy, a fun spooky atmosphere, good weather, and absolutely no obligation to travel home and see family

🍦- what scented candle is your favorite?

I’ve got one right now that’s called Waterfall I think that is perfect in a way I think scented candles should be which is that it makes the room smell imperceptibly good. You don’t consciously notice when it’s lit but the room smells subtly Better

🎶- favorite song right now?

Movement by Hozier

💘- 3 ways to win your heart?

The number one way is humor but I don’t mean that in a Tell Jokes kinda way I mean like you gotta be able to pick up on and run with bits with me and be able to have a back and forth so I guess it’s more creativity in general than just humor but like if you take a joke I make and run with it and send it right back my heart melts, like all my friends are So Funny I love them so much. Other than that kindness and a gentle nature because that means you’re a person I can easily be around and on top of that passion. For whatever. I know people who are super into Silent Film and Flags and Irish Poetry and all sorts of other stuff that I’m not particularly into myself but I love hearing about it because they’re all so passionate about it and they make it interesting with their own interests and Yeah

🍩- current mood?

Weirdly Alive which is strange because I’ve been sleepwalking through life for almost 6 months now

❄️- what is your favorite season?

Fall and nothing else comes close. It’s magical.

💍- your current relationship status?

Single and Staying That Way

📷- a photo of yourself

Here’s one from tonight

💅🏻- do you like being spoiled?

I mean on the level that everyone does cuz doing things for yourself sucks but tbh I can’t stand it because I can’t accept people going out of their way for me

🕊️- 3 habits you have?

1) Pacing. I do it constantly, to the point where it makes others uncomfortable

2) Whistling. It’s my brains autopilot function and probably really annoying for those around me

3) Drumming on things with my fingers

🦄- how do you perceive yourself?

Honestly Not Well. I don’t think a lot of myself. Like I think I’m smart and decently funny and like kinda attractive but I have no motivation and no marketable skills and no confidence. So basically as someone who is kinda Lost currently

🦋- how do you think others perceive you?

From what I’ve gathered, better than I do myself. People seem to think I’m funny and like a good dude to be around. But at the same time I think I’m pulled in so many different directions in my life that I’m not Overly Close with too many people so I don’t think a lot of people think they can come to me with stuff which is sad but something I’m trying to change. Also people come onto me a lot so potentially I’m Hot? Needs more research

🌈- things I find attractive in girls/guys

Well things I find attractive universally are humor, a nice smile, contagious laughter, intelligence, confidence, passion, and sorta grunge-y, indie clothes. I really like glasses. And I’m a big fan of tall lanky scruffy dudes, which I think calls for some introspection on my part as to my Image but that’s a whole different issue

🍓- one secret about yourself

I cried for 2 hours straight after watching Honey I Shrunk The Kids at age 7

🍒- how do you act when you have a crush?

Prolly really dumb. I haven’t had one (that I’ve been consciously aware of at least) for a while but I like go outta my way to talk to them and talk about them and do shit specifically to impress them and all that kinda fun stuff

💔- the reason behind your last breakup?

I’m not Emotionally Prepared to be in a relationship at this stage in my life, I’m not happy when I’m committed like that, so my last couple have been because of my own unhappiness and uncertainty

💬- what your last text message says?

My last message sent to someone was over Snapchat and was just “it’s a concern” but my latest actual Text Message was “That is understandable and I will now be turning myself in to campus police”

🎥- what show are you currently binging on?

I’m currently avoiding TV shows because if I start one I’ll HAVE to finish it asap and I can’t handle that kinda restriction on what I can watch (I’ll get around to it) but the most recent one I binged was The Haunting Of Hill House which is phenomenal please watch it

⛅- what is your morning routine?

Wake up, turn off my alarm, wake up again approximately 3-5 minutes before the start of my first class, sit up slowly cursing heavily, pull on the same pants from last night cuz my belt and wallet are still in them, throw on a sweater, brush my teeth/deodorize, put on walking music, walk to class and prepare an excuse

💗- who do you miss?

Currently not any one person specifically but most of my Theatre Friends have been Super Busy with a show for the past like 2 months straight so I haven’t seen any of them outside of class and I really miss them but the show has Ended so I’ll be seeing them more now

🥀- last time you cried?

Last week my friend asked me if I’d removed a box of old dumplings from my car that’d been there since mid January (I had not) and I burst into tears

🎁- when is your birthday?

September 29 1998

🔪- scariest/creepiest experience?

Probably the time me n my friends drove out to a Haunted Bridge in the middle of the night to “find a ghost” and we didn’t find anything but i was terrified the whole time anyways. Also the time I thought someone had broken into my home over the summer and had to Sweep and Clear with a meat cleaver

💤- date someone younger, older, or same age as you?

Close to my age, which might change as I get older and age starts to matter less but right now it’s a big deciding factor in Shared Life Experience

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aquarianlights · 6 years ago

Text

Life is great, guys. :) (It really does get better.)

So I just wanted to talk about this for a minute coz for those of you who don’t know, this blog isn’t like an aesthetic blog or whatever; it’s a personal blog. I’m usually flooding it with verbose text posts, vlogs, selfies and whatnot. I haven’t been able to do that since finally pursuing my passion of medicine because the field is all-consuming. But I’m back for like another week or so, kind of. Lol. I’m going to be writing up an update on what’s going on and why I disappeared for so long and all that because I’m doing some REALLY COOL STUFF! :D And I’m excited to share it with everyone! :) I really missed you guys and I missed my blog. I may not get that text post up tonight, but here’s this one. Lol.

I know I have said I beat my depression before, but even now as I have slipped back into a depressive state and even seriously had points where I considered suicide, life is still really great. I even had a night where I relapsed for the first time in 2 years and gave myself exactly 3 cuts and had pills laid out ready to OD and you know what? The decision to text my next door neighbour (who is turning into a good friend) to come over and chat instead of going any further with all of that was SUCH an easy decision to make.

You all know how impulsive I am. I’m on the extreme end of the borderline personality disorder spectrum. I’m as impulsive as they come. Even as depressed as I can get sometimes, overall, I’m still happy. And I want to illustrate how that can be so that everyone with depression can understand exactly HOW it gets better and what you have to look forward to in life.

There was a time when I was having a total breakdown on my closet floor. Like, panic attack and all. Couldn’t breathe, felt like I was legitimately going to die, had my phone on 911 with my thumb over dial because I really did feel like I was dying from the panic attack. As I laid there, sobbing and gasping for air, torn between “I wish I would just die” and “I should call 911 coz I feel like I’m dying”, my panic attack began to subside. As it did, I laid there sobbing unable to get up, unable to even move. But what was the very first thing my mind thought at that moment as my mind began to clear? Normally, I would think “God, I just want to die” or maybe thinking of ways to kill myself or ways to justify killing myself. But no. I didn’t. The very first thing I thought was “Wow, I’m so glad I’m alive. My life is the best it has ever been, it is so wonderful and I am so happy. I wouldn’t want to lose it.”

In that moment, after a horrible breakdown, all I could think about was how happy I was and how great my life was.

And even now, despite me being more depressed and suicidal than I have been in 2, maybe even 3 years now, I feel more motivated, driven, content, in control of my own destiny, powerful and like I really enjoy the life I’m waking up into than I ever have in my entire life. For once, I don’t mind waking up into *my* life. Sure, I would change it in a fucking heartbeat if I could. I think everyone has at least one thing about their life they would change. But I’m now one of those people that wakes up and feels motivated and excited to take on the day more often than not, instead of waking up with pain and this unbearable weight holding you down in bed not allowing you to even get up. I’m no longer that person that wakes up and just instantly bursts into tears and does everything in their power to go back to sleep. Those days are finally over for me... I dare say for good.

I don’t know what I did to deserve being happy. . . but I’ve worked so goddamn hard to get to this point. I’ve taken all the right steps over all these years and I guess it has all paid off. I’ve gone through a decade worth of finding the right combination of medications. I’ve finally found the right psychiatrist/psychologist team for med management and therapy. I’m exercising every day, I’m starting to do a bit of yoga, I’m trying to eat right and *trying* to learn to cook (even though it isn’t going well lol), I’m not starving myself anymore, I’m going to physical therapy once a week, I’m keeping myself busy, I’m exercising my mind constantly, I’m doing all the “homework” my therapist sends me home with every week...

After ALL the trial and error of sorting through therapist after therapist... I FINALLY found which “kind” of therapists work for me and which don’t so I can INSTANTLY tell from almost the very first session now if they are going to work for me or not. If I can’t tell, then by the end of the month, I’ll know for sure. I know all the coping mechanisms in the book and I now utilize every one that works for me. And when my therapists ask me what I need from them, I know exactly what to tell them.

I have worked SO. GODDAMN. HARD. ...and it has paid off. It has FINALLY paid off.

I Pavloved my brain honestly. And it worked.

See, my VERY FIRST psychologist as an adult told me I had “Learned Helplessness”, which I did, due to my mother, who is still trying to inflict it on me. It had caused a *LOT* of my depression. This psych had suggested to me that I do corrected thinking, which I’m sure a lot of you are familiar with.

It’s where every time you have a negative/bad/degrading/those kind of thought(s), you *immediately* correct it in your mind and if possible aloud, as well. I thought that was stupid back when I was 18. I thought everything was stupid back then. That psych tried so hard with me and kept me for a year before she finally had to discharge me for noncompliance after I refused to speak for like.... 10 sessions. Idk why she tried so hard for so long, honestly.

Fast forward like... at least 5(?) years from that time.

I was living with my parents after one of those many traumatic break ups I had. Idr which one. But it was one that reminded me of my learned helplessness. And I was in with a new psychologist and they told me the same thing and I was like “oh”. So I started doing it.

Fast forward like a year later. It’s now a habit. I’m now doing it subconsciously without me even realizing it. But the bad thoughts are still the primary thought and I’m still having to correct myself. It’s just that I’m not consciously doing the correcting anymore.

Fast forward to that moment in the closet. That was the first time I realized that my negative thoughts are no longer the primary thoughts anymore. The corrected thoughts are now the primary thoughts. Those were things that I had been telling myself over and over to try to convince myself to believe it. “Fake it till you make it.” My psychs had always told me “even if it isn’t true, if you tell it to yourself enough times, you can make yourself believe it”. Now, studying medicine, I know why. It all makes sense now. Conditioning is so real. And it works. It changed the entire way I think and go about life. My outlook on just about everything has totally changed and the way I do things has just flipped. Things that would have sent me to a psych ward for a suicide attempt in the past in like 0.2 seconds are now motivators for success for me and give me reason to keep doing what I love. It’s unreal what positive conditioning can do if you just change your entire outlook by devote yourself to correcting all your negative thinking every single time until your brain starts doing it on its own.

I’m going to buy a clicker that they use on dogs and click it every time I feel motivated because that’s something I still sometimes struggle with more than happiness and I need motivation more than I need happiness, honestly. (I had to pick one or the other; Can’t pick both, you have to focus in on just one when doing this.) So I’m trying to sort of...bottle motivation, if you will. If I can just click it every time I feel a rush of motivation, which is at random throughout the day multiple times a day, in about a year or two time (I hope, maybe longer), I’ll be able to click it and get a rush of motivation from the sound. :)

ANYWAYS.

I know I post a lot about my journey with mental illness, so I just wanted to let you guys know that, uh... it hasn’t changed. My “it gets better” posts are still happening. It did get better. It stayed better. Just because I feel suicidal or depressed sometimes doesn’t mean it isn’t better anymore. It is still very much better and I am still very much as happy as can be. I am allowed to feel suicidal and depressed within my bubble of overall happiness. That’s what a lifetime of major depressive disorder and suicidal ideation can do to someone. I still feel like I beat depression even though it is a bit more prevalent in my life now than it has been in a long time. I feel I beat it because I can deal with it so much better than I ever have been able to do before. It’s so much more than sadness, but it’s not something that is going to ruin me and kill me like I was in danger of prior to this transformation, if that makes sense. I’ll kill it before it kills me.

So.

I’m going to write up that update post on what is going on in my life. Why I just disappeared off the face of the planet all last month and a little before that and a little after and so on and so forth. I’M DOING SOME REALLY COOL THINGS, YOU GUYS, AND I’M SO EXCITED FOR THE COMING FALL SEMESTER!!!!!! :D

Be sure to read that whenever I get it posted up! ...maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow. Idk. Probably tomorrow, honestly. [shruggy emoji] I’ve got a lot going on right now, but everything is so much slower paced than I’m accustomed to at this point so I feel like I have so much free time. Haha.

Anywayyyyys...

It gets so much better, you guys. Just hold on till it does. And if you ever need anyone to vent to, just hop on in my inbox. Anon is always on! I don’t wanna lie, but chances are, I probably won’t answer you for like... weeks to months at a time to be totally honest coz I’m hella busy, but know I’ll read them! I always do. :)

-KQR

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fishfingersandjellybabies · 6 years ago

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The Easiest Difficulty - fic

Characters: Damian Wayne, Jon Kent Pairing: jondami Summary: It was a simple choice, for both of them. The simplest choice. Or really, it should have been. A/N: In the same AU as Long Time, No See (where Damian left vigilantism completely). This takes place over a few years, though is not every instance they share on the topic/life stresses (ie Jon’s doubts on being a hero etc) and by the end, Damian is 27/28 and Jon is 24/25. Sorry if this is weird/has plotholes. I just wanted some jondami fluff and shit. They both date other people but obviously not seriously. This is one of those 5x1 fics, but I’m bad at that format so not really haha.

There were signs. Signs he chose to ignore but, in hindsight, probably should have used to escape instead. The girls at the front desk squealing with delight and chattering loudly. The office animals barking and meowing in greeting. Even Zooki, the cat he brought to the office with him every day, sat up, sniffed the air, and started purring.

Yeah, he shouldn’t have ignored those signs.

“Uh, D?” He glanced up towards the receptionist sticking her head in the door. Her smile was too bright, too excited. “You have a visitor.”

“Adopter?”

“Personal.”

“Let them in, I suppose.” He sighed, dropping his pen and leaning back in his chair. His family knows better than to bother him at work. And if they absolutely feel the need to, to call first. No surprise visits.

The receptionist nodded and disappeared, only to be replaced a moment later by a dark-haired man in dirty jeans and an ugly flannel shirt.

Damian’s frown deepened. And he couldn’t help but feel betrayed when his beloved Zooki rose from her perch to go greet their guest.

“…Jonathan.” He grumbled as he fixed his glasses, standing anyway.

“Hi.” Jon grinned, and suddenly produced a bouquet from behind his back. Roses of all different colors. “Happy Valentines Day.”

Ah. Now he understood why the front office was so giddy.

Still, Damian couldn’t help but smirk as he approached, and accepted the flowers. Zooki purred from between their feet.

“Cheater.” Damian mumbled, his nose dipped in the petals. “You can’t box me in with a romantic holiday.”

“I’m not trying to box you in.” Jon denied. “I’m just trying to ask you on a date.”

“And I gave you my stipulations.” Damian glanced up, keeping his face in the flowers. “Have you met them?”

Jon glanced down.

“…Jon?”

“Can’t you just like, put those off for now? For one date?” Jon mumbled, shuffling his foot. “Just so I can treat you for a few hours, for once?”

Damian sighed, and opened his mouth to respond, but Jon kept rambling.

“I mean, what if it goes horribly? What if it turns out our clearly mutual crushing was all for naught because we’re both terrible people and so we’ll never go out again? Then your stipulations won’t even be necessary!”

“Or, we could fall head over heels in love and be unable to live without each other. Then my stipulations would be very important.” Damian countered. “Trust me – I don’t like saying no to you like this. But it’s important to me, so I’d hope it’d mean something to you too.”

A pause.

“…So?”

“No.” Jon exhaled. “I haven��t met your stipulations.”

Damian clicked his tongue, and finally removed his face from the flowers. “Thank you for the gift, Jon. I truly do appreciate it.”

“…Can we at least get lunch while I’m here?”

Damian shook his head, turning away and returning to his chair. “I’m swamped with paperwork. Not to mention I need to start preparations for this weekend’s adoption event.”

“…Okay, no problem.” Jon gave him a smile, but Damian didn’t look at it, knowing it would be sad. “Call me when you’re free?”

“Only if you promise to call me if you are.” Damian returned. Jon gave a bitter laugh and turned away.

Damian pulled at his bowtie. He hated these things. Hated the monkey suits, hated the guests. Hated how fake it made his family, and even himself.

He also hated the inevitable kerfuffle when a bad guy tried to crash the party.

And this night was no different. The only thing that was maybe a little strange was that he’d had enough champagne not to care all that much when a gun was shoved in his face, or when he was shoved into a chair next to Tim and threatened.

Hell, he and Tim even toasted, clinking their glasses together and gulping their drinks down as the criminals screamed for Bruce to pay for their lives.

It’d been a crummy week at Wayne Enterprises. A crummy week at the animal shelter. They were allowed to have this.

The plus side of getting out of the hero life – he could sit back and relax, not waste much energy attempting to save himself. And his brother was probably too tired at this point to even try. Finishing the booze in his hand was much more important than his life at this point.

Besides – they knew they didn’t have to try tonight anyway. Their Super counterparts were watching for this exact moment, and it wasn’t long before the ballroom was being invaded by red capes, and various poorly designed uniforms.

Honestly, a leather jacket? A hoodie? A skirt? And Clark’s was just ugly, no matter how many times he tweaked it.

Regardless of their aesthetics, they were good at their jobs, and quick. There was still champagne in Damian’s own glass when he felt Jon’s arms wrap protectively around him, and whisk him away to safety on a nearby roof.

“You’re safe now, Mr. Wayne.” Jon drawled, watching as his family landed around the city with the rest of Damian’s family.

“Oh, gee.” Damian returned, just as sarcastically, downing the rest of his drink. He saw one of his would-be captors try to escape through a balcony door, and threw the empty glass at him with a well-aimed shot, shattering it along his temple. “How could I ever repay you?”

Jon laughed. “Well, you know, a kiss would be nice. That’s what a lot of the middle-aged women we rescue offer. Even to Kara.” He smirked, stepping closer. “And that’s a payment I’ll gladly accept from you.”

Damian stared incredulously up at him. “Sorry, I’m not a middle-aged woman.” He drawled, then gave a smirk of his own. “And I’m more into farmers’ sons anyway.”

“Oh, come on-”

“And only farmers’ sons.” He backed up a step, holding his arms wide while looking around. “And unfortunately, all I see around here are superheroes, so. Guess I’ll keep my kisses to myself.”

“You’re the worst.” Jon whined with an annoyed chuckle.

“From where I’m standing?” Damian said softly. He glanced over the building, watched the cop cars start to arrive. He turned back just to watch Jon take to the sky. “That title is yours.”

“I can’t believe it.” The old man said. One Mr. Sanchez, a twenty-four-year veteran of the Wayne Enterprises board of trustees. Damian was here with him because of the almost-kidnapping event at the gala a few months prior – his father was having a press conference today to talk about security, his family’s safety and how they’re coping, blah blah blah. The usual. Anyway, in Damian’s completely objective opinion - Sanchez’s mind was starting to go. “I can’t believe I know someone who has a superhero interested in him.”

Tim snorted into his water down the table.

“Trust me.” Damian sighed, keeping his voice even. He glanced fiercely at his brother. “It’s not all that uncommon.”

“I suppose.” Sanchez said. “But still! It must be exciting! Especially because it was a Super, no less!”

“There is nothing between the youngest Super-whatever and myself.” Damian droned boredly. “Regardless of what you and the idiot public think you see in that picture.”

“I don’t know, Mr. Wayne. This kind of chemistry is impossible to fake.” Sanchez said, holding up the newspaper in question. Above the fold, splashed across the page – Jon and Damian talking on the roof after Jon had rescued him from that party. Because, of course there weren’t any better or more relevant photographs of the event, right? “And in any case, it’s quite clear that Superboy is very smitten with you, regardless of what you claim. There are rumours about him, and even his heroics. The biggest one being he is only ever seen in Gotham on the rare occasion you are in town.”

“For one, he doesn’t go by Boy anymore, the whole world knows that. For two, I will tell you the same thing I told the reporter who emailed me about this drivel of an article.” Damian sighed, watching Dick come over to Tim, who was having a silent laughing fit behind his hand. He clearly asked Tim what was so funny, and Tim openly told him. Dick’s eyes shone in amusement as he looked up at Damian himself. Damian hated him. “I have no interest in my rescuer whatsoever, nor any superhero otherwise. Whom I’m romantically interested in is none of the public’s business, and I’d appreciate the courtesy of privacy.”

“Fair enough. You are a private citizen and wish to remain so. That’s why you left the limelight of Wayne Enterprises, I know, I know.” Sanchez waved off. “But, may I ask?”

Damian glanced at him.

“Why no superheroes?” Sanchez asked. “What turns you off to them? Even my mother said she’d leave her husband of fifty-seven years for the likes of Batman or Black Canary.”

“Because that’s not a world I want to be a part of. I had enough of all that Batman and Robin stuff growing up here. That’s part of why I left Gotham. Superheroes are nothing but trouble.” Damian explained. Then quieter, mumbled, “And what if they go out and don’t come home? What if they die in the field? Just because they’re heroes doesn’t mean they’re immortal. Doesn’t mean they can’t come back hurt and broken. And would you like to see that happen to someone you claim to love on a potentially daily basis?”

Sanchez didn’t answer that. He quickly dropped his gaze to the floor.

“And I, for one, have had enough loss and trauma in my life. So I’ll take a hard pass on a traumatic love life too, thank you.” Damian concluded. He let there be a pause of silence, then hummed, shaking his head as turned to the door to leave. “No, I’ll take the likes of…I don’t know, a poor farmer from Kansas over a superhero any day.”

The only warning he got was all of his animals twitching their ears and turning towards the front door at the same time.

He glanced up from his papers as he came out of his office. “Wha-”

And that was all he could say before the door flew open, practically knocked off its hinges, and he was thrown back against the stairs by the weight of a body stumbling forward and falling on top of him.

“What…” Damian blinked, watching the papers he’d been holding float around them like giant snowflakes. His focus was slow in his surprise, but eventually his vision evened out, and he recognized the body on top of him as none other than: “Jon?!”

Jon grinned, sloppy and giddy. His eyes were blurry and his cheeks were red. He was in his farm work clothes – an old t-shirt, holey jeans and muddy boots.

“…Hi.” Jon hummed, making no move to get off of him. In fact, he did the complete opposite. Seemed to settle his weight against Damian as he reached up and gently ran his fingers over Damian’s face, along the arm of his blue glasses, glossy eyes darting across his features. “…You know, you look way better in glasses than I ever did.”

“…Jon?” Damian whispered, feeling his own face heat up, just a little. “Are you okay?”

“Peachy.” Jon nodded awkwardly. “You know, Pop won’t let me grow peaches. I think it’s ‘cause we don’t live in Georgia.”

“What? What are you talking about?” And no sooner was the question out of his mouth, the stench hit his nose. The smell of smoke, of greasy food, of too much beer. “Jon, are you-”

Jon’s eyelids fluttered, and he sighed happily as he pulled Damian’s glasses away from his face, in what he probably thought was a seductive move.

…Oh god, he was drunk.

“Jonathan.” Damian scolded.

“You’re pretty.” Jon countered, closing his eyes as he swayed back and forth a little bit. “Did you know that?”

“Jon, how much did you have to drink tonight?” Damian demanded. He put his hands on Jon’s chest, not so much to push him off, just to steady them both against the sharp corners of the steps. He glanced out the destroyed front door, and frowned. “Oh my god, Jon, did you fly here?!”

“I’ll fly to the moon.” Jon slurred, leaning in to brush his nose against Damian’s skin. And as much as he didn’t want it to, Damian felt his heart hammer in his chest, as Jon fell into a ridiculous rendition of Frank Sinatra. “Come fly with me, come fly, oh, let’s fly away…”

“Jon.” Damian tried. “Come on, you need to sleep this off.”

Jon didn’t break his song, just pressed his lips to Damian’s jaw, fingers curling into his hair.

“Who were you out drinking with? Do they know you’re here?” Damian pushed, but even he knew in his soul it was half-hearted. “I’ll need to call your parents…”

Jon stopped singing then, and just turned the tune into a hum as he brought his other hand up to hold Damian’s cheek. He opened his eyes now, and stared at him in a hazy bliss.

Damian gulped, and hated himself when he felt his fingers twitch tighter into Jon’s shirt.

“Jon…”

And Jon kissed him.

And Damian should have pushed him off. Jon was drunk, his stairs were digging into his back, the animals were making a racket and probably escaping, and his stipulations –

But god, Jon tasted so good.

So he indulged. Felt guilt and shame running all through his system, but goddamn, he indulged. Just for a second. For a few seconds.

Because of course, this was all he wanted. All he’d ever wanted. All Jon ever wanted too. And it’d be so easy…

But no. Because he was out. He was out and he refused to be dragged back in, or involved in any way past what his family forced him to be.

Even for his potential – total, absolute – soul mate.

So, sadly, when Jon pulled back for air, Damian turned his face away before Jon could dive back in. Put his hand against Jon’s mouth, and pushed him back as gently as he could.

“You’re drunk.” He sighed. Jon gave a little whine behind his fingers, but moved back as Damian sat up. “Come on, Jon. Let’s get you into the guest room.”

Jon outright groaned as Damian stood and pulled him to his feet by his hands, grabbed his glasses from where Jon had tossed them, and dragged him carefully up the stairs, into – what he believed was – the wrong bedroom.

“Just like old times.” Jon smirked, throwing blankets towards the bed. Damian snatched them out of the air, rolling his eyes. “All those old sleepovers we had, like when our dads were working cases and stuff.”

He grabbed a few pillows from the shelf, then stepped over to Damian, very obviously standing purposefully in his personal space. Damian kept his scowl.

“I won’t make you sleep on the floor this time, though.”

“I’m not taking your bed, Jon. We’re adults, I can survive a few nights on the floor.” Damian mumbled. “Though frankly, the sooner this case of Grayson’s is over, the happier I’ll be.”

“Well, of course I agree. The sooner Dick and Dad find whoever’s threatening you and your dad, the happier I’ll be too.” Jon snorted. “And no, you’re not taking my bed. We’re sharing.”

Damian felt heat in his face. “Jon…”

“The bed’s big enough.” Jon grinned. “And like you just said – we’re adults, Damian. It’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know what you’re implying, but I won’t have a problem.” Damian spun away from him, unfolding the blankets and laying them out. “If there’s anything to worry about, it’s you and your…your crush.”

It was mean, borderline cruel. But it was the only way he could protect himself too.

Jon just laughed, though, and as soon as Damian had the blankets settled, flopped onto the bed.

“You wish it was just a crush.” He giggled. Damian let his frown deepen.

“No, I wish you would move on.” Damian scolded. He began to set up the pillows, began debating putting one between them as a barrier – just in case. “I wish you’d let yourself be happy instead of chasing lost causes.”

“I am happy. And I’m not chasing a lost cause.” Jon countered. “Even if we’re not together-together like we – I – may want to be, you’re still my best friend. You still make me happy.”

Damian pursed his lips, and kept his gaze on his task.

“Hey.” Jon suddenly took hold of his wrist, squeezing gently. “Don’t feel guilty about it, okay? I get it. I totally get it. You’re not being selfish, or greedy or anything. You got out, Damian. You got out of the mask, you have a life, you’re happy and safe and stable. You’re taking care of yourself. And you deserve that.”

“…I’m sorry I can’t be like your mother.” Damian murmured, still refusing to look. “I’m sorry I can’t…toe that line like she does. Or be able to have two completely separate lives like Grayson or Drake do.”

“Don’t apologize.” Jon repeated. “I’m glad you don’t. That means I don’t have to worry about you being out there getting hurt. Times like right now excluded, anyway.”

Damian closed his eyes. Jon gave his wrist another squeeze.

“And you’re not hurting me with your choice either.” He whispered. “I understand the ultimatum, I do. And I respect that.” He paused, and Damian felt him look out the window. “You don’t owe me anything, Damian. You don’t owe anyone anything. Not me, not your family, not the world. You always tell me to take care of myself; maybe you should listen to your own advice.”

“Love is about compromise.” Damian countered softly. “And I haven’t made any.”

“Neither have I.” Jon agreed. “In fact, if anything I should be apologizing to you. You gave me a simple choice, and I keep making the wrong one every day.”

“No you don’t.” Damian shook his head, opened his eyes, glanced at the other. “The world needs a Superman.”

“Yeah, and it has like four or five, even without me.” Jon laughed. “Honestly, I’m totally expendable. Which probably makes what I’m doing to you even worse.”

“You are not…!” Damian almost shouted. He stopped himself, though, and instead just pulled his hand from Jon’s. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m tired.”

“Same.” Jon allowed. He patted the bed next to him. Damian silently crawled in next to him, lying as close to the wall as he could. He waited a moment, knew Jon was watching him, then decided to put that pillow between them.

Jon snorted when he did so, and immediately tossed it to the floor. He scooted closer, hooking his chin over Damian’s head as he flopped his arm loosely around his waist.

“You’re here so I can protect you, remember.” He mumbled, like it was actually a valid explanation. Damian sighed, but didn’t shove him off. Didn’t make any move to return any affections, either. They laid in the silence for a moment, listening to the bugs chirp into the Kansas night. “…You’re always going to wait for me, aren’t you.”

“Always.” Damian promised quietly. “Unfortunately.” He added bitterly after. Another second, then: “And I guess I don’t have to ask you the same.”

Jon didn’t answer. Damian fell asleep.

He was just finishing watering the plants on his back porch when the sun began to rise over the tree line. He’d found he enjoyed gardening in his new life, specifically early morning or late night gardening. When the neighborhood children were asleep or inside, and cars weren’t coming and going. When there was utter silence and peacefulness. Just him and his thoughts, and sometimes, if they were awake themselves, his animals.

The water in the can ran out, and he placed it on the porch railing next to his pot of blooming zinnias. He gave a contented sigh as he reached for his mug of steaming coffee, holding it in both hands as he took a long sip, and paused to watch the sky light up in deep oranges and pinks.

Then – his house gave a slight shake, and he could hear things inside falling off shelves.

He turned back towards the house, setting his coffee back on the table as the animals inside began to stir and bark in alarm. When he got in, he watched his pets all rush to the front window, staring anxiously at something in the front yard. Damian frowned and followed the mob, but instead of looking out the window, he moved to the front door and opened it, facing whatever threat it might have been head on, like he always had.

But it was no threat.

Standing in the center of a small crater localized to his front yard, stood a man in a red and blue hooded sweatshirt, torn, dirty and open, exposing a bloody and disgusting white shirt underneath. His ripped jeans had even more holes in it, and he was missing his shoes.

Next to him was a duffle bag.

“…Jon?” Damian called carefully, stepping outside and closing the door before any of the dogs could follow. Jon glanced up at him with tired, sad, hollow eyes. “Jon, are you alright?”

“You were right.” Jon croaked as Damian approached him. “You were always right.”

“About what?” Damian reached up, and gently ran his thumb over the giant bruise on Jon’s face. “God, Jon – what happened?!”

“I should have listened to you years ago. I should have agreed to your stipulations. Then we could have been happy and safe and a family and…”

“Jonathan.” Damian tried again, dropping his hand to Jon’s chest. He could feel the blood still seeping, feeling injuries that Jon absolutely should not have. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want it.” Tears welled up in Jon’s eyes. Overflowed immediately. “Damian, I don’t want to be Superman.”

Damian’s eyes widened, and he felt his heart maybe stop.

“I lost. Again. People died today, and it was my fault, Damian. I wasn’t good enough. My powers shorted out. I was…I was only a fucking human.” Jon wailed. “I don’t want it to happen again. I…I can’t let it happen again. But it was…I…” His shoulders slumped. “I’m so tired, Damian. I don’t know how Dad does it. I…”

He swayed on his feet a little bit, and Damian immediately reached out for his arms. His tears twinkled in the rising sun.

“I can’t be Superman. I don’t want to be. You were right. You were always right. I should have gotten out when you did. I should have given up this stupid symbol and helped people on the ground, like you do.” Jon repeated. His lip trembled. “I don’t want to be Superman, Damian.”

“Then don’t be.” Damian whispered.

“I just…I want…” He let out a tiny sob. “I don’t even want to be the Son of Superman anymore. I just…” Another louder cry. “I just want to be Jon.”

And Damian couldn’t help but smile, as he gently began to push that sweatshirt from Jon’s shoulders. “You are.”

“I just…” Jon repeated. He suddenly glanced down at his bag. Damian did too, saw the zipper wasn’t completely closed. Inside, he could see clothes and books and pictures. Jon’s whole life, more or less. He looked back up at Jon, and Jon was staring desperately at him. He was serious about this. “I just want to be yours.”

Damian couldn’t help but grin even wider. There was no more Superboy. There was no more budding Superman. There were no more nights laying up in worry that he would die, that they’d be separated forever. No more days feeling guilty or selfish, because he was making him choose. No more ultimatum between him and the cape.

There was just his love. There was just his soul mate, Jonathan Samuel Kent.

“Beloved, you always have been.” Damian breathed, bringing his hands up to carefully hold Jon’s face, and kiss him as sweetly as he could. As sweetly as he’d always wanted to.

Jon all but collapsed into his arms, clinging as tightly as he could, and Damian relished in the feeling. Even when their lips broke apart, Damian didn’t let him go. Kept a protective arm around his waist as he leaned down and picked up his bag for him.

He kicked the ruined hoodie into the dirt of his front garden, making a mental note to gleefully burn the thing later. (With Jon’s permission, of course.)

“I’ll need to find a job.” Jon murmured. “And I…I don’t know how to cook. Or understand banking accounts. And I’ll pay rent, and I’ll…”

“Shhh.” Damian breathed. “Later, Jonathan. One thing at a time.”

When they attempted to step forward, Jon immediately stumbled, and half collapsed further into Damian’s side. Jon couldn’t walk, his leg was clearly too injured. And that was fine. Damian merely flipped Jon’s bag over his shoulder, and slip his arm under Jon’s knees. Jon immediately curled into his chest, arms around his neck.

“May I show you to our bedroom?” Damian asked gently, as Jon desperately dug his nails in Damian’s back. “You look like you could use a nice long nap.”

And finally, he caught a smile on Jon’s lips, and relief in his voice. “Yes, please.”

Damian carried him to the door, balancing on one leg to kick open the knob, then walked across the threshold with him. The animals all began sniffing at the new arrival, but Damian paid them no mind, immediately moving towards the stairs, towards the bedroom.

Their bedroom.

“Welcome home, Jon.” Damian whispered into his hair.

Jon, still crying, let out a tiny laugh. “I’m so happy to finally be here, Damian.”

#Damian Wayne #jon kent #jondami #freedom au #has a name now oops

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ibangtanthings · 7 years ago

Text

For You, A House of Cards (pt. 2)

“Why are you throwing your uniform out?!” She yelled out.

“Because I got fired, why do you care!?” You stormed out, annoyed and confused.

All this time she wanted you to quit and now she questioned you throwing out your own uniform? It made no sense. She was just there, high as fuck while watching cartoons as if she was watching them with the daughter she never had; the daughter she wished you were.

Sometimes she pretended to pat a little girl’s head right next to her, but there was no one here. When she looked at you all you saw was disappointment.

Your real home was the convenience store five blocks away, open 24 hours a day and the owner was a kind old lady who let you grab a bunch of extra stuff for free.

She obviously knew that you had some pocket change from working, but she also knew that you were basically holding down whatever food and bills you could in order to keep living with your mom and her current boyfriend in that run down apartment complex.

Too many times you came running into the store, angry, crying, or upset at the world, all while hoping you could get something to eat with the few measly dollars you had left in your pocket.

She was kind and yet you never knew her name.

Unfortunately she wasn’t always at the counter, other times it was Ian, a pretentious grad student that liked to play boss.

He was there when you stormed in one night.

“Shh.” He said, not looking up from his newspaper.

“You have a fucking bell on the door, how can I be any more quiet.” You replied, heading straight towards the back to get a cup of ice and water.

He watched you closely as you approached the drink machine and you held up your cup after filling it up, proving to him that it was indeed water.

Yoongi was already sitting at a table in the back, tiny spoon in hand as he ate some ice cream.

He got up and took the cup from your hands, poured the water out and refilled it with sprite. He took a couple bags of chips from the stand and a pack of gummy worms before heading over to Ian.

You sat down at the table and sighed as he came back and placed your snacks in front of you.

“Thanks.” You met his eyes and wondered if he pitied you.

I didn’t feel like it. It never did.

He just nodded and pushed him ice cream towards you.

“I’ll trade you my ice cream for a bag of chips.” He said.

You smiled. “It’s all yours anyways, you paid for it.”

You accepted his ice cream and he popped open the bag of chips and gummy worms so that you guys could share easily.

“You know, sometimes I think you pity me.” You told him, curious as to what he would say.

His eyes narrowed in thought for a moment and his lips pursed out a little as he tilted his head slightly.

“Maybe I just understand you.” He said.

“Me?”

“How you feel, I mean.” He corrected before taking a bite of his gummy worm.

“And how do I feel?” You asked.

“Angry, upset,...sad. It’s always a mix.” He said accurately.

“What’s going on with you?” You asked, knowing he was probably describing how he felt too and that he probably come here for the same reason you did; to feel at home.

“Nothing that won’t blow over soon enough. What about you? Why did you swing the door open and scare the shit out of Ian, like that? I never saw a hand reach for a phone so fast.”

“You think he’d call the cops on me?” You bit your lip. “Well he would actually, any chance he could get probably....”

Yoongi laughed, and every time he laughed your eyes snapped back to his face, to take in everything that made him look so amused.

“Did you get fired?” He finally asked.

“Yeah...you noticed as soon as I walked in didn’t you?”

“As soon as I saw that you weren’t wearing your uniform anymore.”

“Someone threw up in the bathroom and I was supposed to clean it up, so I hid in the theaters until someone else had to do it.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t just walk out. I’ll look around for signs, I’m sure we’ll find another place that hiring soon.”

“Yeah and I’ll have to prove I’m a better choice than all the other more qualified candidates. I’ll have to fake recommendations and all that stuff again. Why is it so hard just to get a job these days? I should start selling, drugs or ass, it pays so much more. Then I could finally leave that stupid house.”

“Stay with me. My roommate just left. He got arrested and left me with nothing for rent next month, or until our lease ends. Of course, you won’t have to pay rent but we won’t get kicked out for at least another month. The lease is under his name and the owner won’t find out he’s in jail until he comes looking for the rent. By then we’ll have thought of something right?”

You didn’t say anything and he seemed worried for a moment.

“You don’t want to?”

“No, I do. I just don’t understand a lot of things.”

“Like what?” He asked.

You wanted to tell him all your crazy thoughts like, why you? Why him? Why did these kinds of things happen to the two of you? Why was life so hard at times? Or all the time, it seemed.

From what he told you, his parents had abandoned him after he began high school. He flunked out and had to make ends meet any way he could. For a while that meant working dead end jobs or selling drugs around the city to high and low class citizens. A job that got him arrested twice and now he was on probation after a fight in a bar. A fight he didn’t start but a fight he knew how to end.

He was the only one left standing once the cops arrived on scene.

“Why are you so kind to me? Even if you understood how I feel, then it means you pity me for feeling just as bad as you do. You have your own shit to take care of, I’ll just get in the way.”

He chuckled. “In order for me to feel bad for you, there has to be some sort of affection don’t you think so?...You ask me why I’m so kind but you don’t ask yourself if I might have feelings for you? That just makes me think you haven’t even thought of me as anything but a guy you see at the convenience store all the time, who buys you food just because you’re pretty.”

“I mean....I guess I just wanted to believe that there was still some good in this world. That there are some good guys out there who are just nice and don’t just want to get into your pants.” You sighed. “But you proved me wrong...I can’t say I’m surprised.”

He chuckled. “I am a good guy, for you at least.” He straightened up. “And I don’t just see you as a pretty girl. You’re different and I don’t just like that, I respect that,” he said, his tone getting more and more serious. “You know the kind of person I am. I don’t feel bad for anyone, I don’t help anyone, I don’t care about anyone, but when I see you, I forget about everything. I forget how much I hate everything. So me liking you is selfish really. You make me feel different, but in a good way, so let me help you.”

“Okay....I’ll admit that I feel the same way,...but you have to help me escape my mom’s house. She won’t be happy that I’m leaving. How else is she going to afford to keep her drug habit going if no one’s taking care of the bills or food anymore? Plus, her boyfriend has been messing her up lately. He won’t be happy that I’m leaving either. What if he hurts her real bad while I’m gone and puts the blame on me? I have to disappear from that house practically overnight. My mom’s hyperaware right now since I came home and threw my uniform out before coming here. I’m so dumb.” You groaned in anger.

“Moving only takes a day. I’ll get us a car, you pack as much as you can without being too obvious.”

“Okay. Thanks Yoongi, I have no idea what I’d be doing without you.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I just want you by my side now.”

____________

For the next few days you tried to pack things up in bags, trying to be as sneaky as possible but it was so hard being home all the time. She was there and her stupid boyfriend Mike would always try to push her into making you do stuff like clean and cook. The last thing you were going to do was cook for him.

One afternoon you contemplated just leaving with nothing but a trash bag full of clothes. It was easier that way.

“I’ll pick you up tonight then.” He said through the phone after you told him you just wanted to go already.

“Okay.” You replied, quickly hanging up before she saw you on the phone.

Pretending to throw out the trash, you brought your bag full of clothes downstairs and left it behind the bins.

When you walked back upstairs, she was up and about, getting ready to go.

“Where are you going?” You asked.

“To meet Mike, why? You wanna come? Maybe you’ll catch someone’s eye, someone who likes pretty young girls.” She smiled, touching you hair.

“I don’t plan on becoming a whore, I’ll find another job soon.”

“Baby, I’m just saying. It’s easy money. You don’t want us to have to live on the streets right? You know I’m sick. I can’t work.”

“I can see that.” You shook your head, looking up and down at her skanky outfit.

“Loan me some underwear yeah?” She said making her way to your drawers.

You rushed in front of them, blocking her way. “No, they’re all in the laundry bin.”

“All of them? Who have you been fucking?” She laughed, nudging you but you didn’t move one bit.

She looked at you, confused, and then pushed you aside harshly. “Move. What are you hiding?”

You fell against the door, hitting your hip on the doorknob. You hissed at the pain but she was already looking around your room, noticing small things missing, things like your hair brush, your shoes, your jackets.

“You thought you could just leave!?” She grabbed you by the hair and dragged you downstairs.

Mike walked in a few moments later, yelling for the both of you to calm down.

“She’s running away. She wanted to leave without saying a word. After all I did for her? I raised you!!”

You laughed, “Yeah right. I raised myself, you didn’t do shit. All you’ve ever done was beat me every time you felt inferior.”

“Enough!” Mike yelled, pushing you away from her and into the kitchen counter.

You swung at him, only to hit the floor with too much force.

“Mike stop!” She yelled but he pushed her away.

“This is stupid. Go to your room if you don’t want me to beat the shit out of both of you right now!” He yelled in your face as he choked you.

You were drained of energy and just looked away, gasping for air. He quickly let go.

She was hysterical now, seeming to feel bad and she yelled at him to leave you alone.

You ran upstairs and quickly packed up anything else you could think of before opening the window. You didn’t know how but you would get down somehow. It was only two floors but it looked like it would hurt.

Again your door opened and you quickly shut the window, turning around to see Mike still furious.

“Fuck off. Just let me go. There’s money in the mattress to hold you off for another month. Pimp her out after that, I don’t care. She was cheating on you anyways.”

“I know she was.” He laughed. “But if you leave I can’t have revenge on her can I? You don’t think she loves you? Did you see the way she wanted to defend you? If I do something to you, she’ll get hurt. That’s all I’ve wanted to do since I found out she cheated.” He said getting closer.

“You cheated on each other, neither of you are innocent, but what do I care? I’m leaving. Don’t come any closer.” You growled as he didn’t listen. He just grabbed your arms and ripped your shirt open.

“What are you doing?!” You yelled, frightened and pushing him with all your force but it seemed to do nothing.

This time he grabbed your hair and you yelped in pain, turning around and trying to open the window.

Yoongi was outside, looking around.

You banged on the window and screamed his name as Mike somehow managed to pull your pants down.

You banged on the window so hard it hurt your arms to even fight back against Mike but you continued to do so anyways.

Yoongi noticed and quickly ran.

But it would be a minute before Yoongi made it upstairs. In that minute you fought against Mike with everything you had left.

Mike kissed you and bit you, leaving marks.

No matter how hard you kicked, you just kicked the air and slammed your fists against him until he suddenly gasped and arched his back.

He dropped to the ground and Yoongi just stepped over him, looking at your body and making sure you were okay, but you weren’t.

It had been the fight of your life and there were marks everywhere. You felt no pain just adrenaline.

You pulled up your pants and Yoongi gave you his jacket.

“We have to go.” You said, looking at Mike taking his last breaths.

“I said, are you okay?” Yoongi asked sternly, making you meet his eyes.

“We need to go.” You whimpered, refusing to put him in anymore danger.

Taking the knife out of Mike’s back, you touched it’s every possible surface.

“What are you doing?” He asked taking it from your hands.

“He’s in my room Yoongi, I killed him okay? Not you. Stop putting your fingerprints on it.”

He threw it on the ground and grabbed your arms. ”My fingerprints won’t go away just because you cover them with yours. Calm down, we need to be calm. Don’t cry, don’t panic. Where did you leave your clothes?”

“Downstairs by the trash bins.” You replied in a breathy voice.

This wasn’t fair to him at all. This went so wrong so fast and he wasn’t supposed to get involved. There’s no way in hell that you would let him go to jail, not even for you.

“Okay. Let’s go.” He said pulling you away.

“And my mom? Did she see you?” You asked as you looked around before walking out the door.

“I didn’t see her, I think I saw her leave before I came in. We need to get as far away from here as possible. Come on.”

——______

He was initiating more than you could handle. But it was your bright idea in the first place to straddle him in the middle of a conversation.

Now it was turning into more and you had to stop it.

"Yoongi..." you whispered against his lips, taking heavy breaths and holding onto the image of the two of you, on the couch in a dirty motel with nothing but bad lighting and cheap alcohol.

Alcohol you didn't have the guts to sip but you tasted it on his lips.

"What's wrong?" He asked, backing off immediately but he kept his hands on your waist.

His eyes pierced right through your soul, usually in the most hypnotizing way but right now they just reflected back your own shame.

What the hell were you going to say? That you weren't in the mood? That you weren't feeling well?

"What's wrong babe?" He asked again.

You could tell he wasn't going to patiently fish out whatever it was that was worrying you. He wanted you to tell him now, directly, whatever it was. He wasn’t going to interrogate you.

And this was Yoongi you were talking to. He was smart and strong. He was calm and he always knew what to do.

Most of all he was the love of your life.

The one you’d give up your life for at any moment.

He was the only one who could help you through this. He had a right to know regardless. You were tired of feeling horrible anyways. It was time to come clean.

"Yoongi......I think I'm pregnant." You said with a stupid tear rolling down your cheek.

Your gaze faltered and you couldn't bear to look at him.

"I'm sorry." You apologized, not for getting pregnant, but for getting pregnant now when you guys had nothing and it would become the greatest challenge.

"Are you sure?" He asked, and you didn't notice a change in tone. His voice was calm just like you expected, yet his expression showed some disbelief.

"I just need a test to confirm but yeah. I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant Yoongi...” You said, trying to get off of him but he didn’t let you go.

"Let’s just get a test first okay? Don’t cry because if you aren’t pregnant, you’ll be crying over nothing.” He said taking your hands.

Immediately you stopped crying. It was the most embarrassing thing for you, to cry in front of him. And he was right but so wrong.

You had a good feeling that you were pregnant. That’s why you felt horrible and he knew that your gut feelings were usually right.

Nevertheless, he held onto you tightly. Even in the car on the way to the nearest pharmacy, he had a firm grip on your fingers. It was his way of saying, “It’s okay, don’t be afraid.”

He didn't care that the cashier basically saw your crisis right there, in the little box that held a 99.9% accuracy rate at predicting your future.

You didn't care either but still, the world would know the result soon enough anyways.

If this was real then you would be labeled as the young and irresponsible couple.

Being honest, well, you were young and irresponsible especially if this was happening. You didn’t care though. You were just worried about taking on such a huge responsibility.

You had nothing. How could you possibly give your child everything?

When you got back to the motel, that’s when the silence between you seemed to be louder and unnatural.

Speaking would’ve been too much as well, especially at this point.

You let go of his hand and walked into the bathroom without hesitation....without him.

You sat on the floor, waiting. He was on the other side of the door thinking God knows what.

In your hand was the small strip of truth that would reveal your fate.

Those minutes went by so fast that you hesitated then.

The answer was right in your hands but you wouldn't look at it.

Finally, you turned it over and began crying.

He opened the door and rushed to your side, pulling you up into his arms and keeping you upright.

"Don't cry Y/N. Listen to me, I know you're scared but listen to me." He said frustrated.

You looked up at him through your glossy eyes. A look of apology from you and a look of worry on his.

"I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to find us a place, I'll get a job. We can settle down but you don't have to be scared. Y/N, don’t be scared.”

"I am scared. Settle down? How can we settle down? We never wanted this, we never wanted a kid. That life wasn't meant for us Yoongi. I just made this ten times harder on us, I’m sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? Did I say it was your fault? Did I say this was a stupid mistake? You're stronger than that Y/N.” He said slightly shaking you. “We need to take responsibility now. I'm going to do everything it takes to to give our child everything. How could I ever blame you for this? I’m telling you that everything’s going to be okay. Alright?”

“So we're just supposed to live like a normal couple now? You're telling me you're not upset? We're not ready Yoongi. You know that. Remember the laundromat? You thought that kid was a brat, well now we can have one of our own right? Stop pretending we aren't fucked."

"You don't trust me? Look at me Y/N, don’t you see how much you mean to me?”

You tried to pull away from him but he held onto you tightly. “...I can't be a mother. I'm not ready, and I know you don't want to be a father. We’re too young.”

“We are too young but we’re not stupid Y/N. I know you're afraid, I can see it, I can feel it, but stop freaking out for one second and look at me..."

He held your face in his hands and kissed you. He wasn't gentle. It was one of the those rare times in which he pour everything he had into a kiss.

Right now he was promising you a life with everything, just like that couple from the picture in that house you ‘borrowed’.

He was letting you know that you didn't have a choice. You would follow him like you promised to.

"Everything's going to be okay. I promise. We fucked up, so what?...There is no other option, we have to take responsibility. We’re going do things right for once and I’m going to make sure that you’ll have everything you ever needed."

“We were never meant for that life Yoongi. We’re lowlives, just running away from everything. We struggle everyday, against everything and everyone.” You said somberly.

“And our child will never find out what that feels like. I promise you that.” He said without any doubt.

“I’m scared Yoongi.” You repeated quietly.

“Have I ever let you down?”

You looked at him and felt bad for seemingly doubting him. “I’m scared of letting myself down.”

“You out of all people should know what not to do and what a bad mother looks like, and you are going to do the exact opposite of what your mother did. We’re going to do this the right way. We don’t have a choice.”

You nodded, still crying but believing in everything he said because you needed to.

But looking back now, you were so blind to it then, how scared he actually was.

How immensely unsure he was, and how far he’d go to make you believe everything was okay.

You were right for being scared, and he was wrong for lying.

__________

“What do you think?”

“About what?” You asked with a smile, feeling at peace in his arms as you sat together on the beach. The sun was setting and it was getting darker.

The waves were putting you to sleep.

“About this city.” He said.

“It’s nice. It’s a small city, but it’s nice.” You replied.

The smile on his face was that of someone who felt good. Someone who wanted to laugh just because they were happy.

“What?” You asked, facing him and wincing as your back cramped from hauling along your huge baby bump.

“Are you okay?” He asked, worry overtaking his expression as he placed a hand on your shoulder, steadying you.

You nodded and made yourself comfortable. “I’m fine. Why were you so smug just a second ago?”

“I found us a place to live around here.”

“Here!?” You gasped, wincing again.

“Lay down.” He said, patting his knee so that you would use it as pillow.

“We’re going to live here?” You asked.

“If you want.” He nodded.

“Of course I do, there’s not much time left. This seems like a nice place.” You said rubbing your belly.

“I found a job and they’ll give us a place to stay. It’s not huge but it’s something.”

“We can manage. It’s not like we need much space anyways and she won’t need that much space for a while.”

“I want her to grow up in a nice place though. We’ll only be in this apartment for about a year. By then I promise we’ll have a yard for her to play in.”

“Sounds too good to be true but if you promise then I believe you. What kind of job did you get?”

“Over there.” He pointed at the shipping yard that was a few miles down the beach front. “They just asked me for an address, nothing else and when I told them I don’t have a place yet they said they’d give me one. I told them about you guys and they said, even better.”

“Isn’t that weird?”

“They’re low on staff and they just need guys who are going to stay. Apparently it’s a tough job that many leave after a couple of years.”

“What exactly are going to do?” You asked tired of waiting for him to just say the name of the position he had.

“Crane handler.”

“You don’t know how to work a crane, and don’t you need a license?!”

He put on his innocent face and shrugged. “Apparently I do know how to work a crane. I did great for my first time, and like I said, they really need people because they didn’t care that I had no license.”

You giggled. “Sounds perfect then. Let me guess...you get paid all in cash right?”

“Isn’t this the perfect place?” He smiled.

You kissed his cheek and hugged him.

He must feel so proud of himself, just like you were proud of him.

This feeling was foreign but it was good. It was like things were finally going right. For once, you felt like you guys had control over your lives...

I’m just three short years, Yoongi had managed to do everything he said he would.

Your white picket fenced house was perfect. Somehow your life became perfect too.

Loona was now three years old and she was attending daycare for a few hours in the mornings.

Yoongi made sure to take you guys out at least twice a week for dinner and on other days he would arrange for your trips to museums and zoos, and anywhere else that seemed fun. He would join when he could but work had him busy most of the time. His schedule was crazy and it changed all the time.

Nonetheless he came home for dinner on most days.

Loona hardly missed him and when she did, he was always a phone call away. She was a huge daddy’s girl and no matter what, he always made time to FaceTime her whenever she felt like it.

Tonight was one of those nights.

It was raining and she was scared. Her eyes full of worry as she begged you to call him. You obliged right away and tried not to smile as he picked up the call.

“What’s with that face? What did I tell you about the thunder?” He asked.

“It’s just loud noise.” She mumbled.

“So make louder noises, fight back babe. Tell mommy to give you the pots and pans. Make some music for me okay?” He said.

She grew excited and yelled as she ran to the kitchen. You rolled your eyes at the screen and shook your head. “Thanks. Please hurry.”

“You seemed sleepy so maybe this will help.” He teased.

For twenty minutes straight you jumped all around the house as Loona slammed spoons against everything in the kitchen she could get her hands on. It didn’t take long for you guys to come up with a little song about making the thunder go away.

Hopefully with all this partying she would stay out cold all night long, snoring quietly.

Loona’s plans changed fast however, and soon enough you were making coffee for Yoongi.

“Taste it.” You held the spoon to her lips and she drank the tiny puddle of coffee without hesitation but then she smacked her lips together and stuck out her tongue.

“Yuck. Daddy drinks bad juice.”

“Coffee.” You giggled.

“Put more sugar.” She suggested.

“No baby, he likes it without too much sugar. Isn’t he crazy?”

She giggled when you called him crazy. “He’s crazy.” She repeated.

“Who’s crazy?” Yoongi asked as he walked through the front door.

“You!!!” She ran over to him, pointing at him and laughing as he picked her up.

“I’m crazy about you.” He said kissing her cheek. “Are you ready for bed?”

“I was waiting for you to come help me brush my teeth.” She informed him.

“Ahh ok. Go set up the stool. I’ll be there in a second.” He said placing her down again.

She ran to the bathroom and Yoongi finally kissed you hello.

“She wanted to make you coffee. Isn’t she sweet?”

“Did you tell her it makes you stay up?”

“Yeah but she thinks it only works for a few minutes.” You smiled.

“I need it anyways. I have to go back in at two.”

“Two in the morning? Again.”

Lately he’s been going in after midnight. He would sleep for a few hours or just stay up all night.

He didn’t want to admit it but it was tiring. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t like he was a doctor on call or anything. If he had to back after dinner, he was usually home before midnight. You had no trouble staying up and waiting for him but now, he would be leaving too early for you to even make him breakfast.

“Can’t you ask them for a fixed schedule?” You asked, turning away and preparing an expression shot as well.

He hugged you from behind, not saying anything.

“Why are they changing it up now? This is happening every week now. On days like this you’ll come home and you’ll have already eaten dinner, then you’ll fall right asleep. Loona will ask why you’re going to sleep before her and why you won’t be there in the mornings. You know how she is, she’ll worry that you’re sick or something.” You said somberly.

“It’s just for the summer. Twice the number of shipments arrive in the summers, that way in the winter we don’t have to come in as many days in the freezing cold, and that means I get to spend more time with you guys in the winter.”

You sighed and turned around to face him. “I could get a job...you don’t have to work so hard. We have more than enough. You never come with us on our adventures and she knows why but she keeps asking when you’re going to bring her instead of me.”

“Instead?”

“Yeah, she doesn’t think of it as a family thing anymore. It’s just mommy taking her somewhere fun. She expects you to take her somewhere fun, eventually. She just doesn’t expect the three of us to go anywhere together.”

“Really?” He lowered his head in thought and sat down.

“She’s waiting for you right now.” You pointed out.

“Right.” He said getting up quickly and rushing to meet her in the bathroom.

____

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